[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
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[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Gwalter.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hi, Gwaltor.
[7] Oh my God, this is happening.
[8] Yes, it is happening.
[9] I hope that's a good thing.
[10] How are you, Gwaltor?
[11] Good God, that is an impressive beard you have there, sir.
[12] Thank you, good sir.
[13] Thank you.
[14] I'm very proud of it.
[15] It's a little bit short than it used to be, but a married guy has to look a little bit better.
[16] Yeah, let me say something, too.
[17] It's, that's an evil beard.
[18] You have an evil beard.
[19] Doesn't it look a little evil?
[20] Yeah.
[21] Don't say that.
[22] No, it's a thinker beard.
[23] It's like, when I'm working, I'm like, hmm, bad problem.
[24] Maybe it's kind of a solution.
[25] Yes.
[26] How do I defeat God?
[27] How do I destroy mankind?
[28] Flash Gordon, you'll get it.
[29] Yeah.
[30] It's flashed.
[31] Yeah, exactly.
[32] Being the merciless.
[33] Anyway, you look fantastic.
[34] And tell us where are you calling us from?
[35] I am from the country is Portugal.
[36] So the village that I'm living is Villa du Kond.
[37] It's near Porto.
[38] Porto.
[39] Okay.
[40] Is that a big city?
[41] Okay.
[42] Are you near the water then?
[43] Yes.
[44] Okay.
[45] Like I'm going to say in kilometers because I can't, I don't say, I don't know how to say it.
[46] Don't do it.
[47] Don't do it.
[48] Don't do it.
[49] I refuse to go metric.
[50] Walter, if you even say kilometers, I mean...
[51] How many miles, feet, or inches are you from the ocean?
[52] Let's talk about time.
[53] Time is common for everyone, right?
[54] So, 10 minutes.
[55] See?
[56] Very good.
[57] Quilter, you should work for the UN.
[58] You should be an ambassador.
[59] You just diffused a very tense situation, and I congratulate you.
[60] Okay.
[61] I usually the diplomat.
[62] Yeah, you have to be.
[63] Guelter, I have a quick question about Portugal, which is that during times of recent unrest and unhappiness here in the United States, there were many Americans who were saying, I might like to have citizenship someplace else.
[64] And the thing I kept hearing was Portugal, because I kept hearing that Portugal, aside from being a really beautiful, fantastic country with lovely people, had this policy that you could, if you bought property there, you automatically got citizenship, and it became kind of this thing that everybody was talking about.
[65] And then I heard that it's not true.
[66] Do you know the story?
[67] I don't know, like, the details, the political details, but, oh, my God.
[68] the next Portuguese to hear this, maybe it's going to search for me and kill me. But if you have money, you are welcome in Portugal.
[69] So it's more or less like that.
[70] We are not the riches of the countries in sense of having power to buy stuff.
[71] Right.
[72] So most of the things are very cheap for the outsider.
[73] So yeah, but yeah.
[74] That's what I heard.
[75] But I thought, but then I heard that Portugal was getting flooded with all these Americans saying, I want in, I want in, and that they started to say, And they actually started to spend some time with these Americans.
[76] Yeah, that's the key.
[77] And they said, we might dial this back a little bit.
[78] So I might have missed my window.
[79] No, I have a lot of good stories.
[80] My mother -in -law has a winery in Doral.
[81] No, it's like one of the main regions for wine, red wine.
[82] She also has wine.
[83] And she gets a lot of tourists that stay there for nights.
[84] or weeks.
[85] And I had the opportunity to meet a lot of Americans.
[86] It was amazing for me because I may have like a misconception of the Americans in general, but I met wonderful people.
[87] And they, the thing was like, oh, your country is small, but has so much things like in a sense of weather, like mountains, flat.
[88] Yes, I've never been to Portugal, but I hear it's stunning.
[89] I hear it's absolutely gorgeous you should but you have to come don't please don't don't be the normal guy and go to lisbon come to porto that's the most beautiful part of the country the north do i look like a guy who would go to lisbon no do i look just this face say i'm on my way to lisbon no i don't think so gwalter yeah you know you go to where the wine is you know what i go where the wine is and then i immediately marry a woman whose mother has a winery And by the way, Gwalter, good move.
[90] Is Porto where they make port wine?
[91] Yes.
[92] I've recently grown to love port wine.
[93] Yeah, you're one of the few port drunks I know.
[94] You're not kidding.
[95] You're not kidding.
[96] Going through a port base?
[97] I have Tawny port.
[98] Oh, my God.
[99] It's so good.
[100] Yeah.
[101] It's such a specific hangover.
[102] Yeah, it sure is.
[103] It's like you had too much licorice.
[104] It's a dessert wine, and I typically drink loads of it before dinner.
[105] Oh, before.
[106] I like to get started early.
[107] Yeah, and he also has a very tense home life.
[108] But we'll talk about that later, Guelter.
[109] That's not for now.
[110] Tell us what you do.
[111] Well, I have the two sides of a job.
[112] I work as a tailor on Saturdays, as an old school tailor, doing most of it by hand and doing all the measurements just for one suit, for that specific person, and my Monday to Friday.
[113] I work also in textile and fashion, but I do digital products.
[114] Now I'm developing it, but it's like in one.
[115] I work in an athlete, like a small workshop.
[116] And in the other one, I'm like a fabric in one person, just using a computer.
[117] So it's interesting, you have one foot in the old traditional craft world, but your other foot is in the future.
[118] I think that's very wise.
[119] Tell me what kind of suit you would make for me. What would you do?
[120] Well, I had like the first time I got the wonderful news that I would have this opportunity.
[121] I had like a meeting with my master.
[122] My master is the man that has been teaching me the old ways.
[123] And he would recommend because I know the colors and the type of it.
[124] But he would say like the type of fabric should be a sea sucker because that's how I think there is like an American tradition.
[125] Yes, searsucker suit.
[126] Yes.
[127] One seersucker suit.
[128] Yes.
[129] And you wear it in summer.
[130] My master told me those things.
[131] I didn't know it's for the summer.
[132] But I don't know.
[133] I think it's something that you should pick.
[134] But my only guess, I will give you some color.
[135] Yes.
[136] And you know what color works for me?
[137] I'm just going to tell you right now, blue.
[138] I like a rich blue because you know what?
[139] I have gorgeous, beautiful blue eyes.
[140] Women look into my eyes and they get lost.
[141] I know that.
[142] Yeah.
[143] I know that.
[144] Usually not related to me. They're just having some sort of a medical event.
[145] But you have a lot of blue.
[146] Why don't you do like purple?
[147] Like a Joker.
[148] I would say green.
[149] Oh, green.
[150] Green would work on you too.
[151] Okay, maybe green.
[152] All right.
[153] Listen, I will do, you know about my measurements?
[154] A leprechaun.
[155] Yeah, sort of a, not a leprechaun suit.
[156] We're not going to go down that route because we need to fight those stereotypes.
[157] Okay, I'm sick of that.
[158] No, lepricon.
[159] Well, you'd be a tall leprechaun, so you're fighting this stuff.
[160] No, I've already, it's bad enough that I walk around with the Shaleli.
[161] I probably should and say things like, you won't get my gold.
[162] No one gets me gold.
[163] Those are things that I do that don't help.
[164] But I think adding a green suit to that would be a mistake.
[165] Would you like my measurements, Qualter?
[166] Are you all set?
[167] I'm not fucking around.
[168] We're doing this.
[169] Let's go.
[170] Let's do it.
[171] Let's do this.
[172] Okay, here we go.
[173] Are you ready?
[174] Are you ready for, uh, height is 6 .7.
[175] Oh my God.
[176] They just sent me, I'm six feet, four inches tall.
[177] This is too many measurements.
[178] I just want like three measurements.
[179] It's impossible.
[180] Look what my guy just sent me. Neck, full chest, right sleeve, left sleeve, bicep.
[181] Bicep, I don't have biceps.
[182] Wrist, waist, hips, front jacket length, across, shoulder, back, side neck to shoulder, insim, crotch.
[183] Negative two, thigh, knee.
[184] Me, I mean, where is like the simple measurements?
[185] No, they need that for a bespoke suit, don't you?
[186] Don't you need all that stuff?
[187] All right, I'm going to go fast, and then you can, you don't have to write this down.
[188] I'm just going to go really fast.
[189] Next 17, full chest, 43 .5, right sleeve, 35, left sleeve 35, bicep.
[190] No, no, I lost it.
[191] No, no, don't worry.
[192] You're going to watch the recording later on.
[193] That was my point.
[194] Okay, okay, okay.
[195] Remember, this is all being, and then you're going to get your whole family around, and you're going to listen to this with the rest of Portugal?
[196] Jesus.
[197] This is going to be a national event.
[198] You're just reading numbers?
[199] Bicep 14, wrist, seven, Waste, 39 .5.
[200] That's around the largest part of the hips 41, front jacket length 33.
[201] Hips 41, C -Bisket, C -Bisket, Cipset, Hips 41.
[202] Across shoulders, back 18, side -neck to shoulder 7 with In -Seam coming up fast.
[203] Here comes crotch.
[204] It's crotch.
[205] In -Seam, Crotch in the lead.
[206] It's crotch, putting up in 22.
[207] Knee around the bend at 16.
[208] 16 .5.
[209] Thay is down.
[210] They just shot Thigh.
[211] Thigh has been put out of its misery and crutch across the finish line.
[212] That's the money, boys.
[213] Oh my God.
[214] Did you get it, Walter?
[215] Yeah.
[216] You don't have to make me a suit and I...
[217] Yeah, it would be a pleasure.
[218] It would be funny to take your measurements.
[219] Portuguese way.
[220] Yeah, we'll do it the Portuguese way.
[221] What's the Portuguese way?
[222] Centimetres first.
[223] I know, not inches.
[224] I thought it was like different way of grope.
[225] or something.
[226] No. What they do is they dip you into a tank of port and then they see how much port you displace and then they build the suit.
[227] It's a really nice.
[228] It's a really nice.
[229] It's like the first time you have like usually when we do the suits, the first time is the talk like talking about fabrics.
[230] What is the ceremony?
[231] What is the situation?
[232] If we are single or it's going to be with somebody else and it's a really nice in your case it's like you are very familiar for everyone in the world so wouldn't be that like intimate in the say but usually it's like one of the most intimate things that the man being with another man do usually usually are you saying that you measuring me would be one of the most intimate things that two men do together is that what you're saying?
[233] Usually when you go to a tail in an old school one, it's like, like, all traditional ways.
[234] Yes.
[235] Being together in the same place.
[236] I'm not very traditional though, but no, no, but what you're saying is I would be, uh, what I'd be wearing, you know, boxer briefs, but that's about it.
[237] And you would be taking very, in a shirt, in a shirt.
[238] No, I'm, no shirt.
[239] No, please.
[240] He's saying you need to wear a shirt.
[241] No, he's saying.
[242] It won't be a shirt.
[243] But anyway, I'm going to be wearing, um, pretty much a thong and uh and and it's just going to be the two of us well what what's a problem is that an image you don't like are you going to be oiled up and stuff too i think oil doesn't hurt it does it does it does not help cloth no it's not putting the cloth on me he's just taking simple measurements and that helps the uh measuring tape slide across the skin kind of like a whip hey what's happening i i just blacked out What happened?
[244] We somehow...
[245] Is there a way that you could just be...
[246] Could you be...
[247] Could you be whipping me with...
[248] Oh, my God.
[249] With a measuring tape?
[250] And I should be restrained...
[251] I think I should be restrained in some way.
[252] Oh, let's move on.
[253] So that the measurements are precise.
[254] And in the end, do you even want a suit?
[255] Oh, I didn't even think this is part of us.
[256] Who's making a suit?
[257] I'm just curious.
[258] Is someone making a suit?
[259] No. Now, why is there a ball in my mouth?
[260] Oh, my God.
[261] to get the jaw, the distance from top jaw to bottom jaw, right?
[262] Yeah, that's right.
[263] I'm starting to be traumatic.
[264] And why are we doing this in the basement?
[265] Later on, I never got that suit.
[266] But God, that Gwalter and I had a good time.
[267] Walter, I understand that you have a bone to pick with us.
[268] You and your friends in Portugal feel that we made a mistake on the show.
[269] I think it was during my, I'm told that we made a mistake during an interview.
[270] With Tracy Morgan.
[271] Okay.
[272] What was our mistake during my interview with Tracy Morgan other than it probably made no sense?
[273] No, it was amazing.
[274] Yeah, I love him.
[275] One of my favorites.
[276] Not my favorite, but it was one of my favorites.
[277] Well, do you remember the perfume?
[278] Yes.
[279] The brand of the perfume?
[280] He wears a very strong cologne.
[281] And I asked him what it was, and he said it's called jupe.
[282] And he then sent me a bottle of jupe.
[283] I put it on.
[284] I wore it home.
[285] My wife jumped through the window and ran away.
[286] Hasn't been seen since.
[287] But it is strong stuff.
[288] What's the problem with Jupe?
[289] So now I'm working in a development center, but before I was working on a Swiss German company.
[290] Yeah, that one.
[291] I remember seeing it on Instagram.
[292] Yeah, we have it here at all times because apparently it's also very good at dissolving concrete.
[293] Conversations.
[294] Yeah.
[295] So it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, what, how you say it, yop.
[296] What, what, well, how would you know that?
[297] Because I worked in the company and the company has three brands, one of which is yop.
[298] You work for this company?
[299] Oh, you wait, wait a minute.
[300] You are, you work, have worked for the company that manufactures jupe and you're saying that Tracy Morgan and I are mispronouncing this.
[301] And it's yope?
[302] Yes.
[303] How do we get it?
[304] We got to get in touch with Tracy Morgan and tell him he's mispronouncing it.
[305] Yeah.
[306] Because I'm sure this will be, this could ruin his career.
[307] Big news.
[308] I'm sure he'll change.
[309] No, but it made the day of the brand manager.
[310] I used to work with the brand manager closely.
[311] And he was like super excited that Hugh Conan and everyone there was in Tracy also.
[312] I was talking about Jup, even though it was Yop.
[313] But, yeah.
[314] Was he upset that we mispronounced it?
[315] No, I'm not upset at all.
[316] It made the week of our, it made our week.
[317] That's for sure.
[318] Everyone was talking about it.
[319] I want to apologize.
[320] And I apologize, not just for myself.
[321] But in fairness, I did not know of this brand until Tracy Morgan introduced it to me. And he said, jupe, juke with a very strong J and a very strong P. Jop.
[322] And his whole expression changes when he says it.
[323] jupe and now we know that it's yope and uh my apologies to everyone and um have you considered just reversing it and calling it pooch what poohge why just he's got a ring to it no yeah well it's poohge poohs no poohs sounds not good poohs doesn't sound good like i say it good.
[324] Pooge.
[325] No, it's Pooge.
[326] No, it's Yop.
[327] What does Yop mean?
[328] What does that even mean?
[329] Yeah, what's it mean?
[330] Yeah, it's used to be a name of a big designer in Germany.
[331] Oh.
[332] So Wolfgang Yop.
[333] Oh, Wolfgang Yop.
[334] Oh, Jesus.
[335] Yes, we know Wolfgang Yelp.
[336] Yeah.
[337] I call him Wolfie Jube.
[338] I call him Wolfie Pooge.
[339] Yeah.
[340] So there you go.
[341] That's that's what I wish you would lead with this.
[342] we'd all been on the same page.
[343] He works just down the street.
[344] I think the jupe one would be more nice for the Germans.
[345] So they would say like juke before yope.
[346] Those Germans will say whatever they want.
[347] There's no stopping them.
[348] I've just put some on my wrist and I can't stop smelling it.
[349] I'm very much now attracted to myself.
[350] Gwalter, you, I wish you all good things and all happiness.
[351] Someone told me that you have a child on the way.
[352] Is that right?
[353] Yes.
[354] And hearing a lot of sonas things about the boys have been really helping because it's a boy.
[355] And me and my wife, we are super excited because it's going to be like a winter baby.
[356] Oh, that's exciting.
[357] That's cool.
[358] And tell me, what is when little yope shows up?
[359] Oh, no, no yop.
[360] No yop.
[361] Oh, what, have you picked a name, Pugge?
[362] Yes.
[363] Yes.
[364] Fausto.
[365] What's it?
[366] Fausto.
[367] Fausto.
[368] Fausto.
[369] I love that.
[370] Fausto.
[371] How do you spell it?
[372] In metric.
[373] F -A -F -A -U -S -T -O.
[374] Faust.
[375] You say Fausto.
[376] We would say Fausto.
[377] It's a mysterious guy.
[378] I love that.
[379] Is he named after Faust?
[380] Dr. Faust?
[381] And you do have an evil beard.
[382] Yeah.
[383] No, it will probably have.
[384] Do you know that I'm half a ginger?
[385] I'm not like, you're not, you're not half a ginger.
[386] You're not half a ginger.
[387] You, you, you, you look like B. Elzebub.
[388] And you're saying, oh, I'm half a ginger.
[389] That's the darkest beard I've ever seen in my life.
[390] Yeah.
[391] You look like you just, you just dipped your beard in black shoe polish.
[392] And you're saying you're half a ginger?
[393] It's so funny, because when you first came on, I thought, oh, it's Ron Howard.
[394] Hi, Ron.
[395] What?
[396] So which half is ginger?
[397] It's clearly the half I can't see.
[398] No, but it's brown, and I have a lot of ginger ones.
[399] I see.
[400] When the sunlight strikes, it's way more ginger.
[401] Cool.
[402] But I tell it with very, I'm very proud of it.
[403] Good.
[404] You should be.
[405] You should be.
[406] Well, don't hope the kid is gingers.
[407] A lot of beatings and torment in the early days.
[408] And then it all turns around.
[409] Wait, no, it doesn't.
[410] I'm excited for you.
[411] I think this is very exciting.
[412] Fausto.
[413] What a great name.
[414] Fausto.
[415] Well, listen, I think we've decided one day you'll make me a suit.
[416] We'll figure it out.
[417] And we have now cleared up the whole jupe controversy.
[418] It's Yope.
[419] Yope.
[420] And you've just, I thought my name was cool.
[421] I've always thought, oh, Conan.
[422] kind of a cool name.
[423] Nope, Fausto.
[424] If I had been Fausto, I really could have gone places.
[425] So Guelter, thank you so much and all of our love and good cheer to the good people of Portugal.
[426] Tell them I'm going to buy a tiny, tiny, tiny apartment there just so I can have citizenship and then walk around.
[427] North of Portugal.
[428] Oh, it's going to be in Porto, Portugal is where I'm going to get a very, very, very small apartment and I'm going to walk around and everyone's going to wish that I would go back to America.
[429] That's what's going to happen after.
[430] And you are more than welcome to come in dinner with us and probably at the time maybe Fausta will be here and you can tell all of the great stories.
[431] Yes.
[432] He'll see what a real ginger looks like and he'll be very happy that he's not a ginger.
[433] But it's open to the three of you guys.
[434] Hey, I love you too.
[435] Hey, Guelter, thank you.
[436] This was really nice getting to know you.
[437] Amazing for me. Also.
[438] Thank you so much.
[439] I love the opportunity.
[440] Thank you.
[441] Thank you, guys.
[442] Thank you for everything.
[443] Bye -bye.
[444] Thank you, Gwelter.
[445] Take care.
[446] Bye -bye.
[447] Thank you.
[448] Bye.
[449] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[450] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[451] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[452] Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[453] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.
[454] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm.
[455] Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[456] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.