Matthew Rhys

[0] Hello, my name's Matthew Reese.

[1] And I feel blank about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[2] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, are going to be friends.

[3] Hello and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[4] Conan O 'Brien here, but I guess that goes without saying.

[5] I do have a distinctive voice.

[6] I'm not saying it's my best feature, but you know it when you hear it.

[7] I've actually had many people in situations just hear my voice somewhere and say Conan's here in this room somewhere.

[8] Yeah.

[9] You do have a very distinctive voice.

[10] Yeah, it's kind of pinched and reading.

[11] You're so mean to yourself sometimes.

[12] I am.

[13] No, I think you have a great podcast voice.

[14] Well, thank you.

[15] That's nice.

[16] It's always been the aspect that I, I was always envious of other people's broadcasting voices, and I always didn't love mine.

[17] But over time, you know, I think people have gotten used to it, the way if you work in a factory with a horrible, loud machine, eventually you don't hear that machine anymore.

[18] I'm joined, as always, by Sonam of Sessian, Sona, nice to see you.

[19] Nice to see you.

[20] and my good friend and, well, producer, extraordinaire, Matthew Gourley.

[21] I'm going to call you Matthew today.

[22] God, that's so, like, formal.

[23] Do you prefer Matthew or Matt?

[24] I think I prefer Matt.

[25] I feel like Matt's a boring name, but Matthew feels too fancy or something.

[26] Yeah, it does.

[27] Yeah.

[28] No one calls someone Matthew unless that person insisted they be called Matthew.

[29] Or they're in trouble, like my dad.

[30] Yes, Matthew James Gorley.

[31] I don't care who started it.

[32] I'm going to finish it.

[33] Right, like you were ever in a fight No, I don't mean a fight You know, just with my sister Did you and your sister used to squabble a lot?

[34] We have a really close relationship now But man, we used to tangle Yeah, we used to, I mean, I was one of six And especially there was, my brothers and I used to fight quite a bit Who would win?

[35] Well, that would be Neil.

[36] Okay.

[37] He was the oldest, and he actually had, what do they call it, strength?

[38] He had strength.

[39] Neil was really strong and big.

[40] He would just laugh and Luke and I would be wailing away at him.

[41] Our punch is just bouncing off of him like if you were throwing paper planes at a battleship.

[42] He would just be laughing and we would be pummeling him with our tiny fists that looked like cornish hens.

[43] And they would just bounce off, Neil, and he would laugh.

[44] And then you'd take both our heads and slam us together.

[45] Like the three stooges.

[46] Yeah, exactly.

[47] He'd knock us together.

[48] And then toss us aside.

[49] And he had a great dismissive, derisive laugh.

[50] But I had a fun day yesterday, which is, and you know this, Sona, but we were trying to raise money for this charity.

[51] And so I got together with some of my old bandmates, Jimmy Vivino and Mike Merritt on bass and James Wormworth on drums.

[52] And we just were banging out these songs.

[53] And I was on guitar.

[54] And I was having a really good time.

[55] And this is the kind of people I have in my life.

[56] I've had people say, well, do you ever think your ego is going to get the best of you?

[57] And I think I'm surrounded by so.

[58] Such talented, cruel people that can always deflate me in the perfect way.

[59] So I was really, we recorded, a few weeks ago, we recorded a song.

[60] And I was really happy about it.

[61] And I thought, hey, this actually sounds pretty good.

[62] It's a Chuck Berry song.

[63] And I was really kind of happy with it.

[64] And I was like, hey, I really like this.

[65] And I sent it to Matt O 'Brien, no relation, but the head writer on the show.

[66] along with some other people to say, just check this out and tell me know what you think.

[67] He wrote me back.

[68] And all he did was send me a link to a commercial.

[69] And I pressed on it.

[70] And it was a bunch of guys my age rocking out with guitars.

[71] And it was a, it was a Viagra commercial.

[72] And they were like, Vivo Viagra.

[73] And the thing is, you don't know what it is at first.

[74] So it's these guys.

[75] No, I'm going to roughly mind.

[76] age, I ran a guitar, and a guy's got a guitar, and he's like, I'm feeling good, and I want to be gonna do my best, and then someone else, and it's, you know the way in commercials, everyone's, it's always perfectly ethnically mixed.

[77] Yeah.

[78] So it's a guy who's got a friend the same age as me, and they're all the same at different races and nationalities.

[79] And they're jamming and having a really good time, and then they get to the chorus, Viva, Viagra.

[80] And man, that was so hilarious and so mean and all my excitement about jamming with my band completely turned to shame.

[81] That's brutal.

[82] It was brutal.

[83] That is brutal.

[84] And masterful.

[85] But those are the people in my life, you know.

[86] That's nice.

[87] No matter how big you get, you go home and it's like, okay.

[88] But also, I want to point out, even if I hadn't succeeded and had failed, I think they'd have gone out of their way to mock me then.

[89] They would come by to the alley that I live in and be like, nice alley.

[90] Oh, Jesus.

[91] You sleeping in your urine or is that someone else's urine?

[92] Come on, guys.

[93] Cut it out.

[94] Yeah.

[95] That explains a lot.

[96] It does.

[97] Well, anyway.

[98] Matt O 'Brien, who is not related to you, acting like he is related.

[99] But also, that's what any other writer on the show would have done that.

[100] What if he really thinks you need Viagro?

[101] What if that was the message?

[102] What?

[103] What?

[104] World's, what?

[105] First of all, I've made it very clear to everyone around me. I need Viagra.

[106] Well, anyway, I thank God that I'm surrounded by a staff that is very willing and very talented at humiliating me. Yep, we keep you grounded.

[107] Well, you only keep me grounded, you then grind me down into the ground.

[108] You're welcome.

[109] You don't just keep me at ground level.

[110] You actually grind me down hundreds of feet beneath the soil.

[111] We make it worse.

[112] And pulverize me. I am thrilled.

[113] I am thrilled about our guest today.

[114] He is scary, talented, and charming.

[115] He won an Emmy for his portrayal of Russian spy Philip Jennings in the FX series, The Americans.

[116] He's also appeared in such films as A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood and The Post and stars in the HBO series Perry Mason.

[117] I am just all kinds of thrilled.

[118] that he's with us today.

[119] I'm going to say, he's one of my 15 man crushes.

[120] Yeah, I have 15.

[121] Yeah, me too.

[122] Actually, I think I have like 25 man crushes.

[123] I think you have a crush on most good -looking man. Yes, yes.

[124] This might mean something.

[125] Anyway, Matthew Reese, welcome.

[126] This is a, I think a first, which is I went out of my way to book you on the podcast myself.

[127] We've had the pleasure of talking to many great guests, and I think we've just been trading on whatever I've achieved in the last 27, 28 years in this cruddy business of ours.

[128] But you were someone that I was at a dinner with Mr. Rowland Jones, who is one of the giant brains behind Perry Mason, which I absolutely, my wife and I adore that show, adore that show and absolutely love it.

[129] And I started singing your praises at the table and saying, there's a man I've always wanted to meet.

[130] And Rowan said, oh, he's so funny, you'd love talking to him.

[131] And I was sitting there thinking, if only there was a way.

[132] And he said, you idiot, ask him to do your podcast.

[133] And I go down a shame spiral of, well, he won't do it.

[134] When it comes time to say how he feels about being my friend, he'll say, I feel blank.

[135] You know, something like that.

[136] Yeah, spot on.

[137] And I'll be filled with shame.

[138] And so, and then I reached out to you.

[139] He gave me your email, and I personally reached out.

[140] I took the chance.

[141] and said, would you do the podcast?

[142] This was, by the way, six years ago.

[143] Pre -pre -Perry Mason.

[144] I knew you would eventually play Perry Mason.

[145] I love the long game you play.

[146] Yeah.

[147] I see that I play always 65 chess moves ahead.

[148] Yes.

[149] No, I knew, was very excited to talk to you, and then I sent you an email, and you wrote me a hilarious email back, and I thought, oh, I've got to contrive a way to make Matthew Reese my friend.

[150] against his will, and I think I've done that now.

[151] It's worked.

[152] Thank you so much, but it's in real pleasure, and I hope we meet again.

[153] Take care.

[154] It's been nice having you.

[155] Goodbye.

[156] No, thank you so much.

[157] Anyway, that was Matthew Reese, and trust me, that's about as much as you'd want to hear from this man, notoriously dull, really, and a cruelty underneath that no one ever, you know, I had to sit here and listen while they were, you were only on the line for about five minutes with my staff before I entered the room.

[158] I'm shaved and powdered before each podcast.

[159] And thank you.

[160] But I heard you just being cascaded with how much everyone loves the Americans and they love Perry Mason and just how thrilled everyone is to talk to you.

[161] And I was filled with envy, envy and rage that no one's, no one in this group is ever that happy to talk to me. No. So much excitement about you.

[162] Yeah, that's the Irish in you.

[163] They've always always been envious of the Welsh, I think.

[164] Well, you know, I'll tell you something.

[165] There's something more exotic to me about ways.

[166] than Ireland.

[167] I know I risk pissing off all the Irish.

[168] Yes.

[169] But we're a dime a dozen in this country, but whales and that incredible timber that you all have in your voices, and I'm assuming it's all of you, I'm assuming it's the men and the women walking around with Richard Burton heads.

[170] Yes.

[171] That's exactly how it is.

[172] Singing.

[173] When a baby's born, it has a full Richard Burton at 50 head.

[174] Yes.

[175] It's incredible.

[176] And if it doesn't, they force it to start smoking.

[177] Goo, I say.

[178] Yes, thank you, ta.

[179] But you know, the Irish, like I say, we're just, oh my God, enough with the Irish.

[180] I'm not out there on St. Patrick's Day cheering on the Irish.

[181] I'm hiding in a corner saying I'm sorry.

[182] But I do think, my God, the Welsh and Wales, such a romantic place.

[183] And so many terrific actors and so many talents have come from there.

[184] and I just think of how that's where I need to be.

[185] That's the climate I need to be living in.

[186] My assistant will tell you I cannot, I'm living in Los Angeles, and I don't belong here.

[187] It's killing me. The sun, people walking around with V -shaped torsos, and people with teeth, and I don't belong here.

[188] I'm supposed to be back in Ireland.

[189] Yes.

[190] With rickets.

[191] Yes, with rickets.

[192] Teeth are to be shed.

[193] we were always told but don't you I mean at least you're living in you're living in Brooklyn, is that correct?

[194] Yes, so I get my fill of kind of gray drizzle which is like crack cocaine to a Celt so I am lucky when you know when that kicks in I sort of come alive but the summer months are certainly challenging for me now I'm told that you had to evict a teenager from his room so that you could come into the room and join me on this Zoom call and be part of this podcast.

[195] Did you ask beforehand if you could use this sacred space?

[196] No, it was, there was a small breakdown in communication.

[197] I'd spoken to his mother about it.

[198] I hadn't necessarily spoken to him.

[199] He famously and notoriously has the strongest signal in the house, which is why I evicted him.

[200] But sadly, I assumed, as I've done on a daily basis, that some kind of communication would be relayed to the children it hadn't.

[201] So I burst in and threw him out.

[202] And so it sounds like you weren't maybe the most gentle about evicting your son from the room.

[203] No. Now, what about his reaction to you?

[204] I'm sure he said, father or potter, or I don't know what the Welsh equivalent is.

[205] I understand your needs and I vacate this space in your honor.

[206] Is that what he said?

[207] You're very close.

[208] You're very close to his exact wording.

[209] It was an Olympic level dismissal from him.

[210] Very little said there was, you know, the classic eye roll, a tut, and a bit of a shuffle.

[211] And then he called me Dick under his breath.

[212] But he said it in that lyrical way.

[213] Yes.

[214] Poetic way.

[215] Yes.

[216] It was as if he was channeling Dylan Thomas.

[217] It was remarkable.

[218] You know, the word dick in the original draft of a child's Christmas in Wales, I think Dick is used 19.

[219] times.

[220] Yes, you're right.

[221] You're right.

[222] You're spot on with the numbers there.

[223] However, three times are referencing Uncle Richard.

[224] And one time, Uncle Richard's dick.

[225] That's right.

[226] He goes out of his way.

[227] Yes, yes.

[228] He had a pass.

[229] He had a pass.

[230] Everyone thought, oh, we see what he's doing.

[231] And then he went out of his way to stuff it up our asses.

[232] I see what he did.

[233] Uncle Richard.

[234] Tell me about you.

[235] I'm, I very much want to know.

[236] you grow up in Wales and something in an early age, you must realize you have ability, you have talent.

[237] I've talked to many people in the UK or Celts and they say that they watched a lot of American television.

[238] That was the same with you as well.

[239] True.

[240] Very true.

[241] However, the Welsh, as opposed to the Scots, the Irish, the Cornish and the Manx, if you want to get into it, they have this one element.

[242] The arts in Wales are incredibly revered and encouraged, especially in youth.

[243] So twice a year there's this national festival where all school children have to compete being in poetry, in dance, in poetic recital, and this thing dates back to pre -Christian age.

[244] So there's always this very big onus, especially the Welsh -speaking Welsh, of this thing called the Estevod, which is this enormous festival twice a year where you're kind of pushed, kicked onto stages and forced to perform.

[245] It's like being a hockey player in Canada.

[246] When you're in the fetal stage, they give you a stick.

[247] And you have to do it.

[248] This is the same for Wales.

[249] It's you have to get on the stage.

[250] We have to see what you've got in you.

[251] Can you do it?

[252] But what are you watching at home?

[253] When you go home and you watch television, was our awful crap from America seeping through this brilliant, wonderful culture that you had?

[254] Yes.

[255] So that's what I think...

[256] Good.

[257] I'm glad.

[258] Yeah, see?

[259] You win.

[260] Yay, American crap.

[261] Yes.

[262] Done it again.

[263] End of podcast.

[264] See, that's...

[265] At 4 o 'clock, we go home and we watch Air Wolf, Bay Watch, the A -Team, Staski and Hutch.

[266] Jesus.

[267] Straski and Hutch.

[268] You were watching really old stuff.

[269] I mean, by the, you're a young man, so you were watching Starski and Hutch maybe 30 years after we had made it.

[270] Yes.

[271] And, you know, we would obviously have to get...

[272] We would have to absolutely jump on some form of livestock right down to the village hall where it was hand -cranked on a projector screen and two Welsh people kind of shouted what they thought might be the audio.

[273] Those are, you should write your own child's memories of Wales that are all about you riding a large hog down the road to the local, you know, cinema, what do they call it, a cinematrome where someone pulls a crank and you all watch.

[274] Stursky and Hutch.

[275] Yes, with no sound.

[276] With no sound.

[277] Which I'm told is the way to watch Stursky and Hutch.

[278] I would agree.

[279] Did you think when you were watching that, obviously everyone's trained for the stage and you're so well aware of all the great Welshmen that have conquered the screen?

[280] Were you thinking, I've got to get to America?

[281] America's where I want to go, or were you quite happy to stay where you were?

[282] Well, there's this kind of strange dichotomy because, yes, we have this huge kind of stage history and, you know, everyone, everyone's aware of it, everyone does it, and then to a point when I finally decided, you know, to kind of try and give it a go professionally, my parents were like, no, no, no, this is what you do for fun.

[283] This is your part -time.

[284] You don't do this professionally.

[285] So, but what America held was this, it was incredibly exotic.

[286] You, you owned the cinema and you owned television.

[287] You own those two mediums.

[288] And with that became this incredible kind of exoticism, if that's a word.

[289] And it was something very other, something so strange.

[290] So the lure of America, and especially Hollywood, was enormous to me because the stage is what I knew, but those elements of what was very other to me. I've loved your work in the Americans, and I love Perry Mason.

[291] It is somewhat ironic to me that you have this fantastic accent.

[292] You've had to do an American accent for most of this very visible work that you have.

[293] And I was thinking you're getting to the point soon where I really feel like you can say, look, whatever role I play, I use my accent from now on.

[294] I don't care what if I'm Ronald McDonald selling hamburgers is going to be with this beautiful Welsh accent.

[295] And no one can say anything at this point, Matthew.

[296] You could do that.

[297] You could demand that.

[298] I've been demanding it for years.

[299] No one has listened.

[300] This just might be the turning point.

[301] Yes, yes.

[302] Now that you've secured me, long believed, the most powerful person in show business.

[303] I don't know why anyone would laugh at that.

[304] I have been around a long time, and I have the power to get an email.

[305] I had the power to get Matthew's email.

[306] It seems like a robotic response that may well have been a bot.

[307] Yes.

[308] Were you slightly disappointed that it was an AOL account?

[309] I was.

[310] Yes.

[311] I was.

[312] Is that why you set the telegram?

[313] Yes.

[314] That's why I said the telegram.

[315] And then I didn't understand why you needed my American Express number, but I was, I happily handed it over.

[316] Yes.

[317] I thought this is a true friend.

[318] It was very, very kind of you.

[319] But, you know, I had an experience years ago.

[320] I was taping a comedy piece on the set of House with Hugh Lorry.

[321] And it was, I think, for the Emmys.

[322] And he needed to be Dr. House.

[323] And so Hugh Lorry, on the set, he had a, one of his, I think I was lighting, one of his lighting people or a cameraman spoke up who was also from England, but he was using his accent.

[324] And Hugh Lurie said, you've got to stop doing that, Nigel, it throws me off.

[325] Don't do that.

[326] And he said that he had, he told me quite candidly that he had banned, I'm making up the name, Nigel, I can't remember, but I think it'll do.

[327] He was wearing an R -A -F costume.

[328] And I said, the long scarf.

[329] Smoking a pipe.

[330] But, you know, he said, Nigel, no, cut it out.

[331] Stop, because I've got to stay in this American accent.

[332] You must have that same situation where, I mean, does it ever get just bloody tired that you have to say, come on, let's get out of here.

[333] We've got to tell that dame what she's up to, you know?

[334] Not really, because, and it was never more so than in Perry Mason.

[335] what I always did as a kid was growing up in the backyard or on the school yard with your friends is you're impersonating Americans you're always impersonating an American no one I don't know I've said this before but no one you know goes under the school yard to play Downton Abbey it's not it's not it's not like no no I'll be the servant no I'll be the servant so so my my vivid memories of friends of mine doing these terrible American accent so I remember going that's a fucking terrible American accent you can't be B .A. Barracus with an accent like that.

[336] I do pity the fool, I tell you.

[337] I pity the chap.

[338] Nigel, get out!

[339] Why is Nigel always showing up?

[340] He's on the playground.

[341] Yes, he's everywhere.

[342] You can smell the tobacco smoke from his pipe.

[343] Damn, damn him.

[344] So who are you pretending to be?

[345] Do you pretend to be American movie stars, you know, from the past?

[346] Who did you like to channel?

[347] So, well, so this is a danger for me sometimes because I attributed to my parents are very musical, and I think a musical year will always help you with accents.

[348] But sometimes in the early days in L .A., when I was going in for an audition and the accent wasn't quite working, I would just try and impersonate people.

[349] And the person I always went to was George Clooney, which is kind of dangerous because he has a very distinct speech pattern.

[350] Right.

[351] So sometimes the danger was you'd fall into impersonation and mimicry as opposed to kind of trying to generate something organic.

[352] But then when it came to Perry Mason, actually the Americans was the greatest, what the greatest job any, any act, non -American actor can ask for in that he was, I was playing an alien pretending to be American.

[353] Yes.

[354] If my accent ever failed, I would just go, well, he's not American, he's Russian.

[355] So shut up, Nigel.

[356] Then, in Mason, in, he's, he's, he's from Russia by way of Wales.

[357] Yes, yes, don't tell me. And then in Perry Mason, it was like, there was such an enormous amount of boyhood fantasies coming alive where I had a trilion, I had a cigarette, I'm flicking the cigarette, and I'm trying not to impersonate Humphrey Bogart.

[358] because some of those lines, which I blame Mr. Jones for, was that he would kind of, you know, they would pepper it with this 30s speak, this talk.

[359] Yes.

[360] And it'd hard to go, now listen here, sweetheart, you know?

[361] So it was hard not to do that.

[362] You have to kind of remind yourself as an actor to try and make him a real person.

[363] You know, I have to say, I have, no one's ever been interested in seeing me act.

[364] But I have to say, like you, you know, when I watch Perry Mason, I think, this is the kind of role that would bring out the child in me so much because you're wearing the fedora, you've got the beat -up leather jacket with the tie, and you're smoking, and you're drinking scotch, it looks like it would be just such a blast.

[365] I mean, the sad truth is, there are moments where you do think that's every dream you've ever wanted, which is to play those kind of, you know, those bog up parts.

[366] And then when it comes to the moment where you're smoking a herbal cigarette, and drinking cold tea, you sort of go, this is disgusting, this is cold tea, it's not whiskey.

[367] And then you realize you just wanted to be those characters.

[368] You actually want to be an actor playing the part.

[369] You actually wanted to be those people.

[370] And that's when I, I did have that moment, Mason was like, ah, it's not quite what I wanted, because I'm still, I'm still just pretending.

[371] It's, you know, it's as close as you can ever be, but there's still that element.

[372] It's like when you go shark fishing for the first time and you kind of, or, you know, You're always pretending to be Robert Shaw in Jaws.

[373] And then you realize, no, I just wanted to be a shark fisherman.

[374] I don't want to be Robert Shaw pretending.

[375] Right.

[376] I don't even want to be that.

[377] I want to be someone who's at the aquarium seeing a shark behind seven feet of glass.

[378] Yes.

[379] But still acting like I've got the balls of a Robert Shaw.

[380] Yes.

[381] Still acting like, you and me, shark.

[382] Well, you know, look at his cold, dead eyes.

[383] But it's behind eight feet of glass.

[384] Yes.

[385] And I'm eating cotton candy.

[386] and completely protected.

[387] I think that could be the beginning of something, actually.

[388] The kind of the prequel as to how Quint became Quint.

[389] He went to an aquarium.

[390] Yes, yes.

[391] With some cotton candy.

[392] You're lucky for this eight feet of Plexiclars.

[393] Oh, if it weren't for this Plexiglac.

[394] Yes.

[395] Oh, you'd be dead, Shark.

[396] And he comes from very wet.

[397] His nannies, like, come along.

[398] Yes.

[399] He's just a big rich kid.

[400] You know, it's funny.

[401] One of the things that I think plays to a strength of yours is you're very, I can tell you're a very funny person or you have a great sense of comedic timing because there's so much about Perry Mason.

[402] You are the iconic American heavy, but you're always getting the piss taken out of you.

[403] You're always put in humiliating situations.

[404] You're always down on your luck.

[405] There's a great scene where you've taken dirty photos of a film comedian and then he surprises you when you're in a phone booth and he just kicks the shit out of you.

[406] it's so great because you're always back on your heels in a way that I think allows you to be you're admirable but you're incredibly vulnerable and you're also, there are times when you really are not that admirable and I think it's fun, it's great to see you do all that.

[407] That was just a gift that kind of, you know, Roland Jones and Ron Fitzgerald wrote.

[408] And they said right off the bat in the first meeting they said, look, we're going to load his bases, he's going to be incredibly fallible, he's going to do a lot of wrong he's going to do a lot of right we're going to give him a lot of depth and you know he's got he's got a hell of a hell of a journey to go on so i was i was hooked from the the pitch because it was everything it's everything that's fun to do it's everything that's interesting to do and they just they wrote it beautifully and it couldn't just all be luck because you're obviously uh you choose well but in the americans you're as you said you're playing someone who's constantly shape shifting so to me the only reason i'd ever get into acting is if I could pretend to smoke a cigarette and if I could wear a wig.

[409] And you are constantly, you and Carrie are constantly wearing wigs.

[410] Yeah.

[411] Sometimes they look like high school production wigs, but you still manage to pull it off because it's realistic that you'd have a 1980s wig.

[412] You wouldn't have the Mission Impossible wig.

[413] No. And that was kind of the beauty and the fun and the kind of maddening elements of it is like, you know, there wasn't much of a wig budget.

[414] So we had this incredible, you know, hair designer who had basically a box of wigs that she would pull out and then she would try and put it on Kerry's head and then she would try and put it on my head.

[415] And if it fitted us both, if she could work it onto both our heads, it would be a keeper and it would like kind of throw into a box.

[416] I swear to God, there were wigs we, that'd be the title of my book, like wigs we've shared.

[417] There was one wig we called John Denver because it looked like John Denver's hair.

[418] And it was, that was the wig we more times in the Americans than any other wig.

[419] And we had the woman from the CIA come in to kind of who did the disguise of the CIA and she was like, you kind of got both elements because some of them should, like all the wigs that the CIA ever used were terrible wigs because they were only to be used from afar.

[420] Like you would never use a wig if you were getting close with, you know, right.

[421] So you kind of got that element.

[422] But then you do have a number of wigs that are far too good that we would never use.

[423] We'd never use the lace and all of that.

[424] So we, you know, we were, we were touching all the bases.

[425] But we did have a lot of fun.

[426] All the fun came in the wig fittings where you would try and give yourself as many characters in the makeup room given that one wig before you had to step out on the set and be all serious again.

[427] Right.

[428] It would explain why occasionally because you were sharing a wig, your character, though male, was wearing a beehive hairdo.

[429] Yes.

[430] And then I'd go to work.

[431] You come from, would you say, outdoorsy people?

[432] Would you say that your parents were, I'm trying to get a picture of are these people that like to get outside and take a trek through the hills?

[433] Or is that something that's just in my imagination that people are doing in Wales?

[434] Is anyone doing that?

[435] Is anyone taking a trek through the hills?

[436] No. Oh, no. Hill farmers, that's about it.

[437] It rains a lot, so most people are indoors on electronics.

[438] Oh, no. That ruins everything.

[439] No, no. Really, you wouldn't?

[440] Come on, tell me you didn't use.

[441] just stripped to the waist and you and the other lads would hike up the side of a hill and go to the bog.

[442] Yes, well, of course.

[443] You know, we'd wrestle and then, you know, at haying time, you know, we'd be sithing, we'd be sithing, fast swathes of grassland into hayricks.

[444] And then they'd be cider and more wrestling.

[445] Well, this is the title of your book, cider and then more wrestling.

[446] Yes.

[447] That's the title.

[448] We're going to, you know, sharing, There's another way to go, too.

[449] Yes.

[450] No, we did.

[451] We had a, you know, childhood wise, we were, we were very lucky.

[452] My mother kind of hails.

[453] This sounds ridiculous or Melvillian.

[454] My mother hails from a long line of sailors on her side.

[455] So in summertime, in the summertime, we would go, you know, we would go and play around on boats, you know.

[456] And then my father's from a big farming family.

[457] So then, you know, I joke, but there was a lot of times we were packed off to the farms to kind of, you know, we say we helped.

[458] more of a hindrance.

[459] But yes, I always loved, I mean, listen, in my mid -40s, are they a bit rose -tinted and halcyon at this point?

[460] Yes, they are.

[461] But we did kind of, you know, spend a long summer holidays on the farms in Wales.

[462] Now, do you feel at all that you have a responsibility?

[463] Do you have a four -year -old, is that right?

[464] I do.

[465] A four -year -old.

[466] Do you ever feel responsible to, oh, I've got to get him to Wales, so he experiences what I experienced.

[467] Do you ever feel like you've got to do that?

[468] I do.

[469] Enormously.

[470] It's, you know, it's like, it's a Celtic weight, you know, you know, everything is, everything is problematic for the Celt, I think.

[471] But I do, I feel, I feel, especially because Welsh was my first language growing up, and the language itself, as I watched my parents, who fought and campaigned incredibly for the language to survive, it was in, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was just been kind of taken off the I -NESCO, you know, endangered language list.

[472] So I felt, I feel this incredible responsibility, especially about the language.

[473] I only speak to him in Welsh, the poor, poor thing.

[474] You're kidding, really?

[475] That's such, it's said, yeah, okay, you are kidding.

[476] Because that's such a, I mean, I'm serious.

[477] You're not kidding.

[478] No, I speak to him every word of Welsh, which is why he thinks he's still in some kind of Tolkien novel, bless him.

[479] Yeah, you could just tell him it's Dothraki.

[480] his friends can think it's elvish.

[481] It is a very, I mean, when I've heard that language, and it's the same thing, I'll say the same thing with Celtic.

[482] When I hear it, with Gaelic, I think, that's not, someone just took a bunch of consonants and put them in a paper shredder and mix them up, and they're having a laugh at us.

[483] Yeah, well, that's, we joke that the English snuck in one night and took all our vowels.

[484] Those bastards They've done it again They've got the A and the E Bastards They're going over the hill They've got an A in a sack And an E in a sack And they're going over the hill No I grew up in As I said a completely Irish house And our grandmother lived with us And she used to just talk about The English And I'd be like, you know Mottie that was 200 years ago Ah, those bad That never goes away.

[485] It was 800 years ago for us.

[486] We still talk about it.

[487] I remember passing my grandmother's room in my house, very crowded house, a lot of kids, and I passed her room, and she was watching the movie Cromwell, which was made in the 60s.

[488] And I want to say, was it Richard Harris?

[489] Richard Harris, in Cromwell.

[490] And so it's Cromwell, who famously was no friend of the Irish.

[491] And I just heard her watch, she was just watching it going, Oh, damn him.

[492] Damn him.

[493] And I'm like, he's an actor playing someone who existed hundreds of years ago.

[494] Damn him.

[495] She may well have been talking about Richard Harris and some slight she had back in the old country.

[496] She had had a torrid affair with Richard Harris.

[497] 70 years earlier.

[498] Yes.

[499] It hadn't gone well.

[500] No. But then to be fair, we would turn it to Starsky and Hutch.

[501] And she'd say, damn them.

[502] Damn them.

[503] Where was this?

[504] I'm trying to get an image.

[505] I was living in right outside Boston, Massachusetts.

[506] And this is back in the 70s.

[507] Your grandmother was from Ireland?

[508] No, no, she was not from Ireland.

[509] That was just it.

[510] My people came over.

[511] Oh, that's right.

[512] They came over, you know, they waited for this, I think for the Civil War to be over so that they would, because back in the Civil War, when an Irish person would show up, they would basically just put them in a cannon and fire them at the South.

[513] That was the main weapon we had.

[514] Yes.

[515] Oh, they're shooting more Irish.

[516] And so I think they waited it out.

[517] And then the minute that got sorted out, they said, let's come here and let's spend a few generations growing someone who can be on television, whenever that's invented.

[518] Yes.

[519] He'll act like an ass.

[520] And the long game again.

[521] But my grandmother still, I mean, I think she was born in 1890.

[522] So she had a long memory of Protestants bullying her at school and things like that, which, and she would tell me, look out, look out the Protestants are going to get you when you go to school.

[523] and I think, oh, what are you talking about?

[524] My teacher is, you know, wearing a dashiki, you know, is from Africa.

[525] Like, I go to a very liberal public school.

[526] What are you talking about?

[527] No one cares about that shit anymore.

[528] And then I was beaten with a stick.

[529] Well, of course.

[530] By a nun, probably.

[531] Yes.

[532] Well, she would dress as a nun and hit me just so it all adult.

[533] Above board.

[534] But, no, I feel the same way where my children are growing up in, at least you're growing up in Brooklyn.

[535] and my kids are coming of age in Los Angeles.

[536] And I think I, this is not, I feel like I'm betraying my genetic commands.

[537] You know, I feel like it should be raining out.

[538] We should be inside.

[539] Your mother and I should be bickering.

[540] Instead, we're getting along.

[541] It's sunny out.

[542] People are getting, are being adequately, you know, their emotional needs are being met.

[543] This has no bearing on how I grew up.

[544] No. Where's your wife from?

[545] What are you drinking, by the way?

[546] What is that?

[547] Well, it's an exotic drink we have here.

[548] It looks it.

[549] It's called Diet Coke.

[550] You know what I wish I had done?

[551] I wish I had lied right now.

[552] I wish I had said it was bourbon.

[553] Oh, Guinness, yes.

[554] Oh, I love Guinness.

[555] So do I. I love Guinness because if you don't have time to eat a whole loaf of pumper -nickel bread, someone has taken the time to grind one up in a blender and turn it into alcohol.

[556] Yes.

[557] And then you can have it.

[558] Yeah.

[559] And people think you've got hair on your chest.

[560] The Soup of Kings.

[561] You could probably get a free, you know what you could get?

[562] You could get a Guinness tap in your home.

[563] All you have to do, Matthew would say, I sure like Guinness and they were going to set up a Guinness tap in your house.

[564] There's one thing I could wish for, apart from World Peace, it would be a Guinness tap in my house.

[565] You heard it here first, Guinness.

[566] Get on it.

[567] Matthew Reese wants a Guinness tap in his home, and it will remain there for three hours until someone else in the house makes him take it.

[568] it down.

[569] Slancher, yes.

[570] But what, three hours?

[571] They will write books on those three hours.

[572] That's quite a beard you have right now.

[573] Thank you.

[574] It's really fantastic.

[575] Yes.

[576] You look like an orthodox Jewish man. It's a very impressive beard.

[577] Thank you.

[578] Thank you.

[579] I just wondered if I could do it.

[580] It's not actually real.

[581] This came with me from the Americans.

[582] It's going to say, there's a string in the back.

[583] Yes, yes.

[584] It comes off very quickly.

[585] It's just my lockdown locks I just, you know, during these turbulent times If there's one thing we'd ever be allowed to do Is grow a beard So I'm gonna have a go I think it looks fantastic I decided to let the hair grow I can see I get a beard once before And I'm becoming a very attractive I think female pop star From about 1973 Ooh give me another clue Give me another clue Let's see I'm currently I'm about to date In a few years, I'll date, I'll date Scott Beow.

[586] That's all I'll tell you.

[587] Scott Beow from...

[588] Johnny loves Chachi, happy days.

[589] Oh, right.

[590] He then became conservative.

[591] I think now he's a big Trump supporter.

[592] That was you saying, yay, Trump, right?

[593] That's it.

[594] That's it, exactly.

[595] I knew it.

[596] Yes.

[597] Wait, who are you?

[598] Who are you?

[599] What 70s pop star are you?

[600] No, I was making, I don't know.

[601] Oh, damn, I was enjoying that as well.

[602] Are you really got me then?

[603] I was in over my head.

[604] I was here.

[605] I was intimidated.

[606] Oh, stop.

[607] I was writing checks with my mouth that my ass couldn't cash, which is not a saying anywhere.

[608] It is now.

[609] You heard it here.

[610] Thank you.

[611] You heard it here first, Guinness.

[612] Guinness, by the way, get on it.

[613] Yes.

[614] I will get you all the information.

[615] We've got to get a tap installed in Matthew Reese's home.

[616] Slanchet.

[617] And, you know, yes.

[618] And if Conan gets one too, well, that's your business.

[619] Yes.

[620] But Matthew Reese first, then Conan.

[621] No, I would very much love to someday have a Guinness with you.

[622] You know what I wish?

[623] I wish I was from Wales.

[624] I really do.

[625] I think it adds so much.

[626] I think there are actors out there that pretend to be from Wales because they think it adds credibility.

[627] Well, I'm one of them.

[628] No, no, you are really from Wales.

[629] No, I'm not.

[630] I'm from Surrey just outside England.

[631] Just outside London.

[632] I looked it up.

[633] I looked it up on his website.

[634] Ice Cube says he's from Wales.

[635] I know.

[636] I know.

[637] I've had to go at him about that because I keep tweeting him saying, which part?

[638] Which part?

[639] Ice.

[640] Spell ice in Welsh.

[641] I just think it's wrong what he's doing.

[642] Yes.

[643] I don't know.

[644] I don't respect it.

[645] Masquerading.

[646] I don't respect it.

[647] Yeah.

[648] Are you guys, are you trapped in your home or are you able to get out at all?

[649] You are able to travel to some other safe place during COVID?

[650] Help me. I'm trapped.

[651] Okay.

[652] I'll get you out.

[653] Yes.

[654] I'm very.

[655] Here's what I'm going to do.

[656] I'm going to dress up as a Guinness tap delivery man. Brilliant, brilliant.

[657] And I'm going to show up at the door and I go, now my accents are not as good as yours, Matthew, so let's not judge.

[658] Come, come to them.

[659] Please, please, just be patient.

[660] Oh, so is Matthew Reese I'm talking to.

[661] Oh, Jesus, Mary, I'm Joseph.

[662] I, don't you help me?

[663] Because you help me, the tap is rather heavy.

[664] Could you, and the cake, too?

[665] Could you come in the back of the truck and help me get it out?

[666] Yes, yes, you only have one arm for some reason.

[667] and let me, I'll back in first, like the woman in Silence of the Lambs.

[668] Yes, yes.

[669] Shut the door.

[670] I drive you out of state.

[671] Yes.

[672] And we're...

[673] Harry won't care.

[674] No, and we're wasted by the time we get to New Jersey.

[675] By the time we get to New Jersey, we're in the back, I'll have a driver.

[676] He'll drive us, she and I will sit in the back drinking Guinness.

[677] Singing Pogue songs.

[678] Yes, Pokes us.

[679] The sunny side of the street.

[680] The sunny side of the street.

[681] What's the other one?

[682] A curse of one, Oliver at Cromwell, who raped our motherland.

[683] I hope you're rotten down in hell for the horrors that you sent to Ireland as far as for fathers.

[684] I can't remember there actually.

[685] I love...

[686] Oh my God.

[687] There's also...

[688] It's a...

[689] What are you?

[690] Wait, stop.

[691] That's any Irish dog.

[692] No, I'm going to keep it going right now.

[693] Darn it.

[694] What's the one?

[695] Are your daughters from the white house?

[696] Are they from the five and on?

[697] I think I lost my accent towards the end because I had a small, I had a mini stroke.

[698] Well, no. Thousands are sailing.

[699] It was the dime, I think, took you back to America.

[700] Oh, my God.

[701] Yes.

[702] What laughs.

[703] Yes.

[704] Well, anyway, I think we're going to be really good friends.

[705] I do agree.

[706] If you would do me a favor, I'll get you hooked up with Guinness.

[707] If you tell people I'm from Wales, I grew up there.

[708] Yeah.

[709] And that I was a fierce fighter.

[710] Yes.

[711] In fact, that's why you had to flee to Massachusetts.

[712] I was such a good fighter I had to flee.

[713] Well, you know, they will make up something like you killed a man in a baynuckle fight and his father, the Gypsy King owed you your father money, something like that.

[714] And then you took off to Massachusetts.

[715] Okay, good.

[716] I got it.

[717] I got it.

[718] I like it a lot.

[719] I'll tweet this later.

[720] If you could get that word out there, this would help me a lot with what we call street cred.

[721] Yes.

[722] On this side of the pond.

[723] I've heard of that.

[724] Well, you've got plenty, trust me. We have a mutual acquaintance of Mr. Tom Hanks, who you worked with beautifully in a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

[725] Isn't he a lovely man?

[726] Just, I mean, ethereal.

[727] I've never met.

[728] You know, everyone's always going, find out what he's really like.

[729] See what the real Tom Hanks persona is.

[730] And I came back and I said, it's more than you think it is.

[731] I mean, I listen, sorry to turn into the sycophantic actor, But he was above and beyond anything I could have imagined.

[732] Yes, he is one of those people who I've sung his praises before, but when I was a writer at Serenet Live, a wee lad, he would come on the show.

[733] And so I've known him for many, many, many years and never seen him be anything less than angelic, except I think I have his Achilles heel.

[734] I think he's competitive in a game.

[735] I think in a game he's quite competitive.

[736] And if you can lure him into maybe slightly lose, using a parlor game, a vicious prick may come out.

[737] At least Tom Hanks.

[738] Did something it's possible.

[739] I don't know, I've heard tell.

[740] Right.

[741] He's a horrible man, as you know.

[742] He's a terrible man. Let's start the rumor here.

[743] Yeah, that'll take up, only, they'll pick up 40 years for people to believe it.

[744] Yes.

[745] There's a saying, I read this, I don't know if it's true, but when you won the best actor Emmy in 2018, narrowly beating me out for the role of Kippie in a girl's Christmas, You wanted to say something in Welsh at the end of your acceptance speech, but you forgot and you didn't do it.

[746] What was that you wanted to say?

[747] Are you allowed to tell me?

[748] Oh, yes.

[749] It was just a simple, you know, it was a simple thank you to my parents.

[750] And there were other little, no, there were all these things I wanted to say to the people of Wales or, you know, just to the kids of Wales, everything, you're kind of, what I touched about, on earlier.

[751] Everything you're kicked on to the stage to do, sometimes it pays off.

[752] That's all I wanted to say.

[753] But then when you're there, there's a jumbotron.

[754] You get up, they give you the Emmy and there's a jumbotron and it has 45 seconds on it and it counts down.

[755] So you become, you know, as well you know, slightly mesmerized with the counting.

[756] And then when it gets to one, they start flashing in these giant letters, stop talking.

[757] Stop talking.

[758] And it's kind of crippling in a way.

[759] Well, it crippled me, which is why I got off.

[760] Yeah.

[761] I have that same sign.

[762] Yes.

[763] It's in my home.

[764] Does your wife...

[765] For anyone who's being...

[766] Yes.

[767] My wife hates it.

[768] She'll say, well, I'd like to say something that happened to me, and then I borrowed one from the Emmys.

[769] Yes.

[770] And it's just this giant...

[771] No, and it's terrible because I do wish they would differentiate between people who can and should speak and people who we all know probably should keep it short.

[772] Yes.

[773] You're someone who should be...

[774] I will say this.

[775] I started my show, the television show in America, the late -night show, in 1993.

[776] Good God.

[777] And I have, I know, I am, as you can tell, in my late 70s, but very well preserved.

[778] And I, but what I have said over and over and over again is that my favorite guests tend to be from somewhere around the UK or you, because there is a culture there of speaking, something that, and telling stories and being entertaining.

[779] And it's almost mandatory.

[780] It's in the culture.

[781] and I've had an experience where I've been in parts of the UK and I've been around some very funny comedians, professionally trained funny people, and then the funniest person will be the guy who's operating the elevator at the hotel.

[782] He's funnier than any of us.

[783] And I think there's something, I don't know what it is, but there really is something magical about that culture.

[784] And I think sometimes American actors, and tell me if you think I'm wrong, they feel that they need to be difficult to speak to.

[785] maybe it's something James Dean and Marlon Brando started where it's kind of cool to be looking down monosyllabic, chain smoking, and they don't understand that no one was cooler than Richard Burton or Richard Harris or Peter O'Toole or any of these people that would come on a show and just blow you away with their wit and their storytelling.

[786] Well, those to me were the heroes, you know, O'Toole, Harris, Burton, those are the men I grew up watching and kind of taking a greater fascination in their talk shows because how many times did you have O'Toole on the show?

[787] Well, I don't think we ever had Peter O'Don on the show.

[788] He was banned.

[789] Why?

[790] I just didn't like him.

[791] I know, I'm kidding.

[792] Yes.

[793] You know what I thought?

[794] I thought he could have done better in Lawrence of Arabia.

[795] I thought so.

[796] But then he just had the nose job.

[797] Yeah, exactly.

[798] I thought he had phoned it in with Lawrence.

[799] Yes.

[800] And I was going to give him a chance.

[801] after the last emperor.

[802] And then I thought, eh, let's see what else he's got.

[803] And then he passed away.

[804] No, I just never had the good fortune to have him on the show.

[805] We had Richard Harris.

[806] How is he?

[807] He was just absolutely delightful.

[808] I remember it at one point.

[809] He was telling a story, and it was so funny, we all exploded and laughter, and he pushed his talk show chair back, and it almost went all the way over, and I had to grab it to stop him from going all the way over.

[810] Like his feet were up in the air.

[811] Just magical.

[812] Yeah.

[813] And it really is something that I believe is in the culture where there's no such thing as, well, I'm an actor and I'm really cool.

[814] And so I don't entertain people.

[815] I become a character and I take it very seriously.

[816] There's this notion that you can be both.

[817] I agree.

[818] You can be a great actor and you can be the funniest person at the table.

[819] Like I said, referencing those men I grew up with.

[820] I was always aware that every element of this incredible business has to be kind of attacked with the same level of professionalism, same level of energy.

[821] Like if you're accepting an award, fortunate enough to accept an award, giving a speech, talking in public, they're all the same element to a degree.

[822] So, yes, I think there's certainly a long line of that in the damp.

[823] I feel that way when I'm at a restaurant, I feel like I need to be entertaining for the way You've seen that, Sona.

[824] And they often say, you're not at trial, Sona.

[825] Yes, that is correct, sir.

[826] Do you find that, are you very aware of that?

[827] Do you find that very exhausting?

[828] No, sadly, I don't.

[829] I find it very natural.

[830] I like to try and, if left completely alone in a parking lot at 3 o 'clock in the morning, if one person wandered in and we started chatting, I would really try to give them a good time.

[831] I just said I'd like to give a stranger a good time in a parking lot.

[832] Yes, you did.

[833] It's how we all got started.

[834] That's how some of us are finishing up.

[835] You know, Matthew, this has been as delightful as I was hoping it could be and imagined it would be.

[836] I really enjoyed this so much.

[837] And like I say, you were the first and only person that I have reached out to myself.

[838] Honest.

[839] and said, please talk to me and please talk to me and please pretend to be my friend for an hour and no pay.

[840] Yes, this has been lovely enough to say yes.

[841] One of my greatest performances, I think.

[842] You, God, what an asshole.

[843] Yes, yes.

[844] Why?

[845] Why at the end of the 60th minute, why?

[846] Why would you put the knife in then?

[847] Damn his eyes.

[848] Matthew Reese, I bow to you, and I'm so grateful that you agreed to do this.

[849] And thank you.

[850] And please be well, and I do look forward to a day when we meet in person and you can see what an impressive physical specimen I am.

[851] Yes.

[852] Yes, I had no idea you were so tall.

[853] We were on Zoom right now.

[854] Yes, I can tell.

[855] I can tell merely by perspective of that tiny, that tiny, desk and that tiny chair that you dwarf so easily.

[856] You know, I had them made extra small.

[857] Oh.

[858] And yes, and I'm wearing Pee -Wee -Herman suits.

[859] Oh, that's what it is.

[860] Anything to make me appear larger.

[861] Thank you very much, sir.

[862] This was a real joy.

[863] It really was, and a great honor.

[864] So thank you for the invitation.

[865] Okay, it's time to meet the second of our golden ticket winners.

[866] Feeling self -conscious that we're not giving away cash.

[867] or a four by four.

[868] Do you know what I mean?

[869] We're giving away nothing.

[870] A four by four?

[871] It puts a lot of pressure on the conversation.

[872] Yes, that's what a four by four is.

[873] What a four by four room you thought we were going to give them?

[874] We would give people a truck.

[875] Sure.

[876] You get a four by four.

[877] We'd get Will Arnett to come here and go, this beautiful four, four, you know, whatever.

[878] You'd do his thing.

[879] What a waste of Willarnett's time.

[880] I think it's the best use of his time.

[881] I don't know.

[882] All right, who are we going to meet?

[883] Okay, well, the way this contest worked is you could find a secret message on the podcast on the television show or on social media and register to meet you, Conan, along with Sona and myself and today's guest is Ben from Denver, Colorado.

[884] Cool.

[885] Let's bring them in.

[886] Hey, Ben.

[887] Hi.

[888] Hey, guys.

[889] How's it going?

[890] Oh, it's fantastic, Conan.

[891] How are you guys doing?

[892] We're okay.

[893] It sounds like you're kind of a little bit crying.

[894] Yeah, are you okay, Ben?

[895] Yeah, I brought my boys with me here.

[896] I'm doing great.

[897] I'm just, I just can't believe this is real.

[898] This is really happening, just so to clarify for people who are listening to the podcast, when he said, I got my boys here.

[899] He did not take out his testicles.

[900] He held two small dogs.

[901] These are my chill chums.

[902] Oh, yes.

[903] What are your dogs?

[904] Those are two cute little scruffy dogs.

[905] What are their names?

[906] Yeah, so this is Teddy.

[907] But I was thinking of renaming him actually a catacobes.

[908] Oh, Katakai.

[909] Very nice.

[910] You're in the know.

[911] Katakai as God made her.

[912] As dog made him, actually.

[913] As dog, yes.

[914] There you go.

[915] And then this guy is Oliver Danger.

[916] Oh, very cool.

[917] They're very cute dogs.

[918] And I was thinking of renaming him, Magooch.

[919] Oh, my God.

[920] Very nice.

[921] Very nice.

[922] You know, it is an act of cruelty to rename a dog well into its life.

[923] So what's going on in your life?

[924] First of all, you're in Denver?

[925] Is that right?

[926] Yeah, I'm just outside of Denver and Aurora, but I was born and raised in a tiny little two -stoplight town called Clayton, which is up in the Thousand Islands on the Canadian border of New York.

[927] Oh, very cool.

[928] Wow.

[929] We're known for our Thousand Islands dressing.

[930] Hey.

[931] And the two lights in the center of town.

[932] Yes, exactly.

[933] You know what?

[934] I love Thousand Island dressing on pretty much anything.

[935] I really love it on corn beef.

[936] I like it on anything but a salad.

[937] I just, I love it on a sandwich.

[938] You come from this small town, and then you made your way to the big city, Denver.

[939] I did.

[940] I don't know if you can see my shirt.

[941] It says O 'Brien's staff on it.

[942] Yeah.

[943] O 'Brien's was the first bar I ever worked at in my hometown.

[944] I feel like I was just destined to meet you, Conan.

[945] I really do.

[946] Yeah, because it's a very uncommon name.

[947] Well, let me finish.

[948] Okay.

[949] I worked in an Irish pub in downtown Denver for the past four years.

[950] I met my wife who has O 'Brien's and her family.

[951] Oh, my.

[952] And my favorite author growing up was Tim O 'Brien, who wrote the things they carried.

[953] So, so there's a connection here.

[954] There's a lot of Irishness going on.

[955] There's a lot of Irishness going on.

[956] And my apologies for that, it's a dark strain.

[957] But no. You guys could be related, too, because the last guest we figured out was related to Conan.

[958] We don't know that we're related.

[959] We're all related.

[960] We're all related, sort of.

[961] Yeah.

[962] You would fit in very easily in my household, although you seem a little more sane than my real brothers and sisters.

[963] Ben, I understand big changes are coming in your life.

[964] What's happening?

[965] Big changes, Conan.

[966] Have I got a story for you?

[967] When people say that, they usually disappoint.

[968] When ever, no, I'm just telling you in my life, when people go, Conan, have I got a story for you?

[969] They go, so I had a problem with my muffler and I went to Mineke.

[970] And I'm like, okay, that's great.

[971] So anyway, I'm sure this will be a good story.

[972] You go ahead.

[973] All right.

[974] So the wife and I, you know, we wanted to start a family for some time and we weren't having the best of luck.

[975] My wife is also a bartender and bar manager, but things weren't really going that well in that department.

[976] So one day this old Irish man walks into her bar and he gave her a Celtic Irish necklace to wear.

[977] The very next day she called me crying and I thought something was wrong, but she told me that she thought she was pregnant.

[978] Oh, that's a beautiful story.

[979] So it gets a little bit better because after about 30 pregnancy tests later at home, we went to the doctor and we found out that our baby is due on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day.

[980] Oh, my God.

[981] So, yeah, and unfortunately, this old man that gave her the necklace, he recently passed.

[982] So it kind of has a weird Lion King circle of life vibe to it.

[983] So I was wondering, you know, do you believe in the luck of the Irish at all?

[984] I do, actually.

[985] I do believe in mystical, magical things happening.

[986] I know people think that I'm a cynical, hard -edged guy, but I do.

[987] That's a lovely story.

[988] I wanted to say that I was the old man. Oh, come on.

[989] If I don't moisturize for two days, I look like a very old Irish man and that I was the one that came in and gave that charm.

[990] But no, this man has passed on.

[991] I don't want to steal his glory.

[992] I think there was some magic to it.

[993] I really do.

[994] I think there's magic out there.

[995] I'm a sentimental old.

[996] Softie.

[997] Do you have any ideas for the name of this?

[998] Did you say it was a, do you know if it's the sex of the baby yet?

[999] Yeah, it's a little baby girl.

[1000] We actually just went and got a 3D ultrasound yesterday.

[1001] I don't know if you can see this, but that's her.

[1002] Oh, look at that.

[1003] Oh, my God.

[1004] That is a perfectly formed, that face is more formed than my face.

[1005] It is.

[1006] That is a more, that's a beautifully, what a beautiful baby girl.

[1007] I know.

[1008] You can see her.

[1009] You didn't finish incubating.

[1010] I know.

[1011] I know.

[1012] I came out at two months and I just got a job right away.

[1013] I got to work.

[1014] I had an umbilical cord for the first three years of my life.

[1015] Um, she is gorgeous.

[1016] What do you, what are you thinking of naming this girl?

[1017] Do you have any ideas?

[1018] This is a good story, right?

[1019] Yeah, so the story continues.

[1020] Yeah, my, uh, my wife a couple years ago before we were married, she said, I, I have a name for a baby.

[1021] I had a dream that we had a baby girl and we named her Florence.

[1022] And, uh, my wife, uh, I looked at her really weird and she said what?

[1023] And I said, do you realize that was my grandmother's name?

[1024] And she had no idea.

[1025] Oh, my God.

[1026] Ben, are you living in a rom -com?

[1027] I know.

[1028] I know.

[1029] This is, I feel.

[1030] I love this.

[1031] You're going to be played by Ryan Reynolds in two years.

[1032] Oh, that's a good one.

[1033] I wouldn't hate that.

[1034] He's a gorgeous man. And I can say that as a straight man. Oh, trust me, I made out with him on the show once.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] I did.

[1037] I remember that?

[1038] And I, that guy can kiss.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] I saw that.

[1041] I'd do him in a minute.

[1042] Wait a minute.

[1043] What is happening?

[1044] Well, I'm sorry.

[1045] That was for a comedy bit, but you would, okay.

[1046] Well, I keep thinking about it.

[1047] It's all I thought about since.

[1048] This is a very nice story.

[1049] I'm very happy that your life has taken this wonderful turn.

[1050] Thank you.

[1051] At this time of year, you know.

[1052] We're very excited.

[1053] Besides, you know, this, this, go in the golden ticket, you know, this baby has been the best thing to come out of.

[1054] Yeah.

[1055] This is the second best thing.

[1056] When you think about it, the baby is the Florence is the second best thing to getting to talk to us, which is the first best thing.

[1057] Just so that our priorities are straight.

[1058] That's a love, no, it's a really lovely story and I really am, now we're getting them a baby present.

[1059] Oh, is that what we're doing?

[1060] Yes, there's not supposed to be any gifts, but I'm going to send you some kind of baby present.

[1061] Yeah, screwball whiskey.

[1062] Oh, yeah.

[1063] Yeah.

[1064] We are not sending you any peanut butter -flavored whiskey just because they sometimes buy an ad on our podcast.

[1065] We're going to get them something a sponsor sends us.

[1066] No, no, no. You're going to get a gift from me. This is really sweet.

[1067] No, you're not getting erectile dysfunction cream.

[1068] That doesn't seem to be an issue either.

[1069] No, we'll take care of this, Sona.

[1070] I'm really happy for you, Ben.

[1071] You know, you seem like a nice guy.

[1072] and it's nice to know that you're out there and that what's your wife's name?

[1073] Her name's Leah.

[1074] Leah, that you and Leah are out there and that nice things are happening for you.

[1075] Thank you.

[1076] And I know that if it had been a boy, the child would have been called Conan, it just didn't work out that way.

[1077] I know, I know.

[1078] Maybe on the next run.

[1079] Or if Florence, if you grow tired of that name, Conina, since you're into switching names well into someone's life.

[1080] Yeah, yeah.

[1081] I'll table it for discussion with the missus.

[1082] Oh, Ben, this is.

[1083] very cool talking to you, my best to you, and tell your wife that I'm thinking of her and we're really happy for.

[1084] And yeah, I'm going to send him along.

[1085] This is a gift basket I do for my friends when I have a kid.

[1086] And we're going to send one of those to Ben.

[1087] And then I'm going to charge it to Sona.

[1088] What?

[1089] You won't even notice.

[1090] Sona, just put it on your Costco card.

[1091] You'll be honest.

[1092] He knows more about us than we do.

[1093] I listen to you guys when I'm walking my dogs.

[1094] So every day right after work I walk down the street And people think I'm crazy Because I'm laughing to myself as I'm picking up dog shit That's the most common complaint we get about the podcast As people say they were at the gym or something And that they were laughing And people thought that they were having a nervous breakdown So well Ben it was really nice meeting you Congratulations and build up your sleep now Thank you and Sona and Gorley I love you guys too on the podcast You guys are a BLT sandwich.

[1095] Oh, my God.

[1096] Oh, very nice.

[1097] Can I be the bacon?

[1098] No, you cannot.

[1099] You're the soggy toast.

[1100] Because the tomato got it all soggy.

[1101] What?

[1102] So nice talking to you.

[1103] Good luck.

[1104] Always nice to see you and take your shirt off going on.

[1105] This is for you, Ben.

[1106] Check out these guns right there.

[1107] Oh, my God.

[1108] All right.

[1109] Oh, wait, there's no guns in here.

[1110] Do you think there was any chance that I was that old Irish man?

[1111] There's always a chance you're an old Irish man. Whenever you meet an old Irish man in a bar, remember, it's probably me making your wishes come true than faking my death than returning to my podcast.

[1112] Anyway, he was a lovely guy.

[1113] He was.

[1114] Oh, he was a sweetheart.

[1115] And for his new family.

[1116] Yes, our heartfelt congratulations.

[1117] And, of course, our thanks to State Farm for making this whole golden ticket.

[1118] I like this.

[1119] I like talking to fans.

[1120] I really enjoy it.

[1121] It's very meaningful.

[1122] And so thanks to State Farm, when you want the real deal.

[1123] Like a good neighbor, State Farm, is there.

[1124] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, with Sonam O 'Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[1125] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1126] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salataroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[1127] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1128] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1129] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1130] The show is engineered by Will Beckton.

[1131] You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[1132] Got a question for Conan?

[1133] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1134] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1135] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1136] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.