Armchair Anonymous: Airplanes

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair and Ananamis.

[4] Ananamies.

[5] I'm Dick Shepid.

[6] I'm joined by Lily Padman.

[7] Hi.

[8] Hi there.

[9] We talk some fun stuff today.

[10] Yep.

[11] One in particular.

[12] again last time was dolphins hashtag dolphin asparagus if you miss that go back what an experience and then there's one this week right we both have the same one yeah of course I thought about it when I was on the airplane today oh yeah yeah because I was right by the turlet I was right next to the turlet last row of Southwest oh next to the turlet and I thought fuck well I don't want to ruin it but what if so the question was what's the craziest thing that's happened while you were on an airplane please enjoy crazy airplane stories this is fun and go take them slow i had a more remember one thing you got to know i'm gonna keep shining this is fine i wish you were together but yeah me too oh hi michelle oh my gosh you said my name Hi, Dax.

[13] Hi, Monica.

[14] This is so exciting.

[15] Oh, my God.

[16] You have an awesome head gear on.

[17] You've got like a whole apparatus.

[18] I've been working from home for like two years.

[19] You're not a sex worker, are you?

[20] Like, where you call the person and act out of fantasy.

[21] I wish.

[22] Yeah.

[23] I'm so much more fun.

[24] I have anxiety when I think of those workers because I'm like, you got a really improv for a long time.

[25] Yeah.

[26] And how do you know what they're into?

[27] You got to give like a little brief up front of like their preferences.

[28] You're kinks.

[29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[30] What have you just, you were a master at running through like three big, big, big, broad options and kept funneling them into a direction.

[31] Like, oh, my God, you're so hot.

[32] I love big chess.

[33] I'd love to tie you up.

[34] And then you're just reading their face to see which one.

[35] Okay, anyway, that's not about an airplane.

[36] That's not what I do.

[37] Not at all what I do.

[38] I don't even work in customer service.

[39] Like, there's really no need for me to have this except for Zoom calls all the time.

[40] I love it.

[41] What do you do?

[42] I work in corporate finance.

[43] Not very exciting, but...

[44] Could you loan us money?

[45] No, no, no, no. Like, I just track expenses and budgets for the company that I work for.

[46] I don't give people tips or anything like that.

[47] I just try to make sure the company makes its own profitability.

[48] Probably because I was really good at fast math when I was younger.

[49] Oh, wow.

[50] And I was like, what am I going to study?

[51] I have a degree in accounting.

[52] Nice.

[53] Would you want to have Monica throw out two bizarre numbers into a fast mass challenge?

[54] I think I might feel.

[55] like too much nervousness to do it.

[56] But if it happens organically over the call, I'll find my best.

[57] Okay, great.

[58] Okay.

[59] I appreciate your honesty.

[60] That was wonderful.

[61] Some people would have been peer pressured into that.

[62] Like you and Monica share this.

[63] Yeah, I appreciate that.

[64] No peer pressure.

[65] So you had a wild airplane experience?

[66] Yes.

[67] So about three years ago, I needed to travel to a business meeting in Sonoma.

[68] So to get to Sonoma from Boston, you fly to San Francisco.

[69] go, that's about a six -hour flight.

[70] I was traveling by myself.

[71] My company was paying for it, and they were so kind to upgrade me to the extra legroom seat, but not first class or business class, nothing like that.

[72] Economy Plus.

[73] Yeah, right, exactly.

[74] So I'm boarding the plane and I walk past first class, and then there's the bathrooms.

[75] And then that very first row with the extra legroom is where I'm going to be sitting.

[76] So I take my seat, and I'm very close to the bathroom.

[77] I have a diagonal view of it.

[78] If I had to use it, I probably would have taken two steps.

[79] Everything is normal.

[80] The plane takes off.

[81] They do the beverage service and the snacks.

[82] And after all, that's sort of situated maybe an hour or two into the flight.

[83] A man goes into the bathroom.

[84] Don't think anything of it.

[85] This is going to happen all day.

[86] But another passenger observed that maybe that man had been in the bathroom longer than normal and brought it to the attention of a flight attendant.

[87] Now the flight attendant knocks on the door.

[88] Sir, are you okay?

[89] No answer.

[90] Does it again?

[91] No answer.

[92] So they're able to unlock the door from the outside and open it.

[93] A little safety measure you might not have known about airplanes.

[94] And she peeks in and then she shuts the door.

[95] And then she picks up the phone PA right in front of me and makes an announcement asking if there's any medical professionals on the flight that could come forward to a. oh boy my mind is bracing i can't even imagine what she just saw in there so hold on she had a great game face though like did you read anything on her face no okay cool as a cucumber definitely would want to commend the flight attendants on this flight that they had very serious training and were able to act quickly and swiftly and very calmly they're the best of the best yes dax answer honestly if the flight attendant did that on the radio would you you step forward?

[96] No. Okay, good.

[97] I would, of course, want real medical professionals to step forward.

[98] Now, if there was a second announcement, anyone want to help?

[99] Like, of course, my mind goes straight to drugs.

[100] I'm like, there's something going out of drugs in that toilet.

[101] I might have some awareness.

[102] Anyways, okay, back to your story.

[103] Okay, so you kind of bring up a great point because the flight attendants triaged all the volunteers that came forward to make sure that they had the appropriate skill set to deal with what they needed to deal with.

[104] So they were sending people back to their seats.

[105] I think one of them was a pediatric nurse in the flight attendant.

[106] It was like, no, that's not going to help us here.

[107] Take your baby shitting back.

[108] Get out of here.

[109] We're not weighing anyone here.

[110] So they go back to their seats.

[111] The flight attendants have a little chat with the volunteers.

[112] I have no idea what she said.

[113] They slowly open the door and they pull the man out of the bathroom and lay him across perpendicular to the aisles.

[114] In the little galley where the flight attendants gather?

[115] No, in my extra legroom space.

[116] No, no. My feet are touching this man's legs.

[117] Oh, my gosh.

[118] 100%.

[119] You're in the operating theater now.

[120] Yes.

[121] Now, in my life, I have fainted in public more than once, and it's mortifying.

[122] So I feel like this guy probably would respect some privacy here.

[123] I'm not going to look.

[124] I'm going to put my face in this magazine.

[125] I do not want to be involved in this situation, this poor guy.

[126] Are his pants down?

[127] No. Oh, he's all set.

[128] Okay, I thought maybe you had a nude.

[129] That is a good question.

[130] Yeah, he did go in the bathroom.

[131] But by the time he was laid in front of me, he was totally decent.

[132] Oh, great.

[133] The helpers, the volunteers, start CPR.

[134] Oh, my God.

[135] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[136] Just don't understand what's happening.

[137] And I'm like, we're going to have to do an emergency landing.

[138] but time's going by and we're not doing an emergency landing and CPR continues and I don't know much about first aid or CPR but I'm feeling like this is not good and then I realize we're not doing an emergency landing because we are not dealing with a time sensitive emergency the man is dead no oh are you serious he's deceased right at your feet he died in the bathroom I think he died in the bathroom.

[139] And can you imagine that's the last thing you see in your life is the inside of an airplane bathroom?

[140] Oh my gosh.

[141] Okay.

[142] A couple real meaning questions.

[143] What was the age -ish of this man?

[144] So if I had to guess, I would say over 50, definitely not 70, so somewhere in that range.

[145] Like my age.

[146] Older than you, for sure.

[147] They're doing chest compressions and then they're checking his pulse and then how long before they throw in the towel?

[148] And I also wonder from their point of view, are they like, should we just fake this for a while so people aren't freaked out?

[149] Honestly, I don't know because time was really obscured.

[150] Yes.

[151] It felt like a half an hour, but I'm probably exaggerating.

[152] But I do feel like they kept going, I can't fact check this, but that there was some type of airline protocol that you have to give it this much effort, this much time before you stop.

[153] And so I do think maybe some of that came in.

[154] to play because it was a very long time.

[155] Oh, my gosh.

[156] Now, what happens when they stop when it becomes obvious to you, like, that's a wrap on him?

[157] What happens now?

[158] Well, you know, I'm freaking out.

[159] But the people around me, like the two people seated next to me are not freaking out, which makes me question what kind of lives they live.

[160] But the flight attendants then had to decide what to do.

[161] So they came up with a plan that two people in first class would vacate their seats and come back in economy, they put the deceased man and one of the nurses that were helping in first class.

[162] Oh, like this is like weekend and birth.

[163] No. Oh my God.

[164] Do they strap him in?

[165] Yes.

[166] I think they put a blanket over him for modesty or privacy, but they didn't put sunglasses on him or anything.

[167] Put a movie on for him and put up to the Bloody Mary next door.

[168] They just proceeded on with the flight.

[169] Yes, for three more hours.

[170] Oh.

[171] Oh.

[172] And there was a dead guy in first class.

[173] There was a corpse.

[174] Okay, so now I'm more clear.

[175] So this was a pretty big plane.

[176] So there was a toilet between you and first class.

[177] And then there was a toilet at the top of first class by where the galley is.

[178] And behind me for sure.

[179] Okay, great.

[180] Obviously, the passengers in first class, when they went to their bathroom, which was forward, they are walking by the dead guy every time.

[181] Yeah.

[182] Wait, did they make an announcement?

[183] When the CPR was going on, the pilot said, you know, stay in your seats.

[184] like do not move about the cabin but I don't think they made an announcement like don't walk through first class like there was not that and they didn't say somebody has died on this flight no they did not oh my gosh well okay there's a few things I don't know if you're going to like these questions but this is where my mind goes to okay you know it's either guy probably had a heart attack yeah I think so he didn't look like he was in the best shape And actually, I do think he came on that plane with an oxygen tank.

[185] So he probably had some preexisting conditions.

[186] That's a great conclusion.

[187] Now, the other thing is I've always heard that, of course, you evacuate when you die, that you release your fluids and your...

[188] Yes.

[189] Well, maybe that's why I went to the bathroom.

[190] I didn't see anything.

[191] Did you smell anything?

[192] No. But I do think that's why they felt like they had to move him.

[193] And then he did have a blanket over him the rest of the flight and that they kept someone with him.

[194] Oh, this poor nurse had to sit, like if I were her, I would have said, look, I was happy to do chest compressions, check his pulse.

[195] But he's now dead.

[196] I think she volunteered.

[197] Oh, she wanted to.

[198] These medical professionals are real heroes.

[199] They are.

[200] I would just be like, look, guys, let's call this what it is, a very awkward situation.

[201] We got a corpse on board.

[202] No one should have to sit next to the corpse, and no one's going to sit next to the corpse.

[203] And it's going to be stinking and leaking out fluids.

[204] That's right.

[205] And becoming rigamortis in front of you.

[206] Stiff.

[207] Wow.

[208] Michelle, this is a real bonkers story.

[209] Yeah, it was wild.

[210] So when we landed, we could not see plane.

[211] So I had a front row viewing, so I knew what happened.

[212] But by the time we got off the plane, everyone did know because they wouldn't let us deplane.

[213] So they brought the medical crew on, brought them out in a stretcher.

[214] And then we all had to deplane through the back.

[215] No one could walk through that area to leave.

[216] and the police came on board and we had to give statements.

[217] Oh, wow.

[218] Make sure there's no foul play.

[219] Yeah, and there wasn't.

[220] I think that was just more protocol, but I could not wait to get off that plane.

[221] Also, thank God for the person who like, well, I guess not thank God because he did die, but the person who realized he'd been in the bathroom for a long time.

[222] Yeah.

[223] Like, it could have been another two hours before.

[224] Sure.

[225] I hate to say this.

[226] You think that might have been preferred.

[227] Yeah, like no one even.

[228] even notices every time they go it's locked fuck it i'll go to the back everyone does their business everyone gets off the plane in a timely fashion and then the staff realizes oh shit this thing's locked they unlock it a corpse falls out then we call in the squad that's preferred than a poor woman sitting next to a cadaver for another three hours okay but also i'm kind of like okay no uh No. When she opens the door, she sees a lump probably.

[229] Like she sees just like a pile of flesh.

[230] And then the triaging of all the people is interesting.

[231] Because like you don't really have time to be doing that.

[232] If you think CPR could potentially help.

[233] Yeah.

[234] I mean, it did all sort of happen swiftly.

[235] But I think she had to do it because so many people came forward to volunteer that she really had to like, if I'm going to send some people away, I got to make sure I keep the good ones.

[236] Wow.

[237] This really does beg the question, how often do people die on airplanes?

[238] And an average career as a flight attendant, how many corpses will you deal with?

[239] My grandparents owned a motel.

[240] It was a very affordable motel on the Michigan, Indiana border.

[241] And I hate to tell you this, it's dark.

[242] But people that want to commit suicide, they don't want to do it in their house because they don't want to leave a mess for people they love.

[243] So they regularly go to hotel.

[244] So I can't tell you how many corpses my sweet grandmother discovered in the course of running this motel.

[245] A lot of people do, like, a ton of drugs and dying hotels that would be very sad i that's like a aspect of a job i would not want to have to deal with which is why i don't work in a motel but yet you had to deal with it anyway yeah yeah sometimes you can't really outsmart it well michel that was an incredible story i really really appreciate it i'm glad okay 42 plus 67 okay that's 809 good job Wait, say it again?

[246] I think I got it right.

[247] She said 42 plus 67 equals 89.

[248] No, it doesn't.

[249] It's 109.

[250] Okay, great.

[251] I was afraid she was said 70.

[252] So anyways, I'm going to forward my application to you for your place of employment.

[253] I want them to just consider me based on this little test.

[254] This fast math test.

[255] Can I just tell you one story as an aside?

[256] Yeah.

[257] So on one of the episodes where you had your mom call in on a fact check, you were talking about like your dad's experience with naysayson.

[258] Yes, yes, yes.

[259] So that really resonated with me. I don't know that you captured a very wide audience, but my dad is also a Mason.

[260] Oh, did you ask him about it?

[261] He has never experienced anything like you said.

[262] I think your dad just did or participated or was hazed.

[263] And my dad was not.

[264] But my mother is an Eastern Star.

[265] And when I was a kid, I was a rainbow girl.

[266] So your mother was talking to me. Oh, my God.

[267] A real rainbow girl.

[268] Yeah.

[269] Wow.

[270] And now you're a mathematician.

[271] This may all make sense.

[272] That was a foundation.

[273] Yes.

[274] A learned family.

[275] Well, Michelle, thank you so much.

[276] Thank you.

[277] Hello.

[278] Hi.

[279] Is that what you're expecting Monica's voices sound like?

[280] It's a little different today, but that's fun for people, right?

[281] Yeah.

[282] A little raspy.

[283] Where are you in space and time?

[284] I'm in Seattle.

[285] Wonderful.

[286] We love Seattle.

[287] And I have my armchair.

[288] In Seattle shirt.

[289] Oh, my gosh.

[290] I liked that one.

[291] Were you at the Bill Gates or were you at?

[292] Both.

[293] Both.

[294] Wonderful.

[295] Okay, so you had a crazy airplane experience.

[296] Yes.

[297] So about six years ago, my family and I were visiting our family from Georgia.

[298] That's where I grew up.

[299] Really close to Duluth.

[300] Oh, my gosh.

[301] Where?

[302] Lawrenceville.

[303] So close.

[304] So we were visiting our family.

[305] and we were coming back.

[306] So it was already an exhausting trip.

[307] I have two kids and just corraling the kiddos.

[308] And my husband and I were getting on this airplane.

[309] Everything's completely normal.

[310] I happened to notice like this crazy amount of unaccompanied minors.

[311] And all of a sudden, this woman who was sitting in the row in front of us kind of diagonal from our little like trio seats, she started like talking to herself.

[312] And my husband and I just kind of looked at each other like, that's weird but we live in Seattle like you just avoid those people let them have their time you know yeah so she just kept increasingly getting louder and louder and then all of a sudden she just stands up have you taken off yet or you're still just at the gate we're still at the gate doors closed though okay okay she stands up and she's like we are in the belly of the beast oh my god we're towards the front of the plane and so we just all kind of started looking at each other She starts going about how we are all going to hell and how everyone on the plane is a sinner and just starts walking towards the captain's area.

[313] Cockpit.

[314] Yep.

[315] So she's pacing back and forth.

[316] And you could see that the flight attendants were kind of trying to calm her down a bit.

[317] And then there was this one that she was like, can you please just have your seat now?

[318] And she's like, no, we are all going to die.

[319] Oh, my God.

[320] Okay.

[321] Hold on.

[322] Hold on.

[323] So I got a quick question.

[324] I guess if I'm you and I see the flight attendant say, like, just take your seat.

[325] I'm thinking, absolutely not.

[326] Get this person off this flight.

[327] This isn't the kind of thing someone needs to take their seat for.

[328] So I'm legit talking to my husband.

[329] Do we need to tell the flight attendant we want to get off the plane?

[330] Uh -huh.

[331] It's you guys or her.

[332] Right.

[333] Yeah.

[334] My husband had made eye contact with like this gentleman that was kind of sitting across from our aisle.

[335] And then there was this other gentleman that was a few roads ahead of us.

[336] And he was looking back and he had kind of stood up.

[337] then all of a sudden they can't calm her down she's just getting like increasingly louder and more aggressive repeats the same stuff over and over we're in the belly of the beast we're all going to we're all sinners by this point like my mom instincts kind of kicked in and i'm looking around for the unaccompanied minors because these kiddos have like no parents like my son who was like eight or nine at that time he's looking at us like what the hell is going on like he's got these big eyes and we're like just calm down yeah he's scared and he's with his parents.

[338] And then she literally says, and I'm not kidding, there's a bomb on the plane.

[339] No. No, no. Here we go.

[340] Oh, boy.

[341] And she's not talking in a normal voice.

[342] Like, she's yelling.

[343] Like, everyone can hear this.

[344] How old do you think she was?

[345] She looked.

[346] No, maybe 30s.

[347] Okay, so youngish.

[348] Yeah.

[349] She was definitely not older.

[350] Like, I wouldn't have thought it was like dementia.

[351] or anything like that.

[352] So she says like there's a bomb on the plane and it's in her luggage.

[353] She's very specific as to where it's up.

[354] Oh, my God.

[355] We have not moved obviously at this point.

[356] The gentleman that I had noticed that was in front of us that stood up whenever all this started happening, he actually starts walking forward at this point.

[357] And he was actually an air marshal.

[358] Yeah, girl.

[359] That's exciting.

[360] Oh my God.

[361] You got to see one.

[362] We got to see one.

[363] My son noticed that there were fire trucks outside.

[364] There were police cars.

[365] outside, like the entire chabang.

[366] I love that your husband looked at another dude like, we're in, right?

[367] It's us.

[368] When the shit hits the fan, we're closest to this scenario, we're going to get wild.

[369] That's what it felt like.

[370] I mean, I feel like there's kind of this camaraderie because it felt very much like us against her, like in this very panicked moment of time.

[371] And she was on the ground at this point kneeling and kind of going back and forth praying.

[372] Oh, wow.

[373] It was so bizarre.

[374] Her back was to him, though.

[375] And he handcuffed her.

[376] Then she put up a struggle.

[377] My husband at that point standing up because he was on the aisle.

[378] He can't wait.

[379] Dax, are you so jealous right now?

[380] Yeah, I'm green with envy.

[381] I mean, I wish there was a dude that was in this date, not a woman, but yes, regardless.

[382] Oh, I have a quick question.

[383] Would you say out of 10, like 10 is you're certain of it, zero is you don't believe a thing she's saying, where were you at when she said she had a bomb in her luggage?

[384] How much did you believe that?

[385] I did not believe it, but I still thought it was incredible.

[386] incredibly scary to just, like, even put that out there.

[387] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[388] Okay, great.

[389] But they took her off a plane.

[390] It was a struggle.

[391] Some of the first responders came on work to help escort her off the airplane.

[392] And then they had to go through the luggage from the plane so they could get her luggage off.

[393] So it took quite some time.

[394] We were quite a late.

[395] They didn't deba bored us, which I thought was weird.

[396] They let us all stay on the plane.

[397] Then we flew.

[398] Oh, she went.

[399] Wow.

[400] To the real belly of the beast.

[401] Right.

[402] I told my husband, I'm like, do we want to stay on this plane?

[403] I have a really weird telling.

[404] We did stay on it.

[405] But it was the most uneasy flight, I think, that I've ever been on.

[406] Yeah, you felt like maybe this is a bad omen.

[407] Like, well, how big of a sign do we need to get off this plane?

[408] Right.

[409] I called my son Luke whenever I got the email back from y 'all.

[410] And I was like, you'll never guess what I did.

[411] I filled off this thing.

[412] And it's about this topic.

[413] And he was like, Philly of the Beast Lady.

[414] Oh, my God.

[415] That's so great.

[416] Well, there's always a moment for me, like, when something crazy starts happening, and I transition from experiencing it to more like logging it.

[417] I'm like, oh, right, I'm going to definitely be telling this a lot.

[418] I got to remember everything this person's saying.

[419] It's really important.

[420] Absolutely.

[421] Can I ask one follow -up question about the Marshall that was on board?

[422] Sure.

[423] Was he handsome?

[424] Did he look the part?

[425] Was he big?

[426] He looked muscular, but not, like, too muscular.

[427] He had on, like, a member -only jacket, like that style.

[428] Yeah.

[429] He looked like a business traveler, but not wearing a suit.

[430] So a friendly appearance until it was time to get while.

[431] Okay.

[432] So that's the Ben Falcone character and bridesmaidsmaid.

[433] You got to see the real deal.

[434] You're right.

[435] You're right.

[436] Well, Chesity, thanks so much for telling us that story.

[437] That is bonkers, and I'm very jealous I wasn't there on many levels.

[438] And I'm glad it was okay, and there wasn't a real bomb on there.

[439] Absolutely.

[440] Thanks for coming to the live shows.

[441] Hope you had fun.

[442] It was so cool.

[443] Can I sing something on a very tiny series of?

[444] Of course.

[445] So I just wanted to thank you, Dax, because your journey with your abuse has been so instrumental with me to just become more comfortable with talking about my own experience.

[446] Oh, baby.

[447] Thank you for saying that.

[448] You're just so open about it and casual about it.

[449] I strive to get there, but it's made me like a little bit more open about it.

[450] And it's just made me realize that it's not unique and it's horrible, but it's a part of our lives.

[451] And I have to say that the past few years of listening to your stories and you talk to us.

[452] other people about it.

[453] And it's just, it's made it easier in a weird sort of way.

[454] Oh, that makes me so happy.

[455] And you know, it's funny.

[456] Sometimes I'm like, oh, God, stop bringing it up.

[457] But the truth is, and you would know, it's a daily thing.

[458] And not like, oh, I'm thinking about that, but just my worldview was permanently changed.

[459] And I have to check it because of that.

[460] For me, it'll always probably be talked about, you know?

[461] Oh, for sure.

[462] And you never get the opportunity to say thank you to people like y 'all.

[463] So I just wanted to say thank you because I got this really cool opportunity.

[464] Oh, thank you.

[465] You made my week.

[466] I'm really glad we got to chat with you.

[467] Bye, guys.

[468] What's up, guys?

[469] This your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[470] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[471] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[472] Okay, every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[473] And I don't mean just friends.

[474] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[475] The list goes on.

[476] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[477] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[478] We've all been there, turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[479] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[480] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[481] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[482] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[483] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[484] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[485] Prime members can listen early and ad free on Amazon Music.

[486] Hello, Aaron.

[487] Hello, hi, Dax, hi, Monica.

[488] Where are you at in the world?

[489] I am in Redwood City, California.

[490] Oh, of course.

[491] Manny, have you ever driven through there?

[492] I don't think I have.

[493] We have a few times.

[494] It's incredibly beautiful.

[495] The law enforcement up there is very strict.

[496] Are they?

[497] I've had no run -ins.

[498] Oh, you haven't.

[499] I've had a couple tickets up there.

[500] Okay, good to know.

[501] We're like just north of Palo Alto, very close to Stanford.

[502] Oh, uni -file.

[503] I did not go to Stanford.

[504] That's okay.

[505] Nor did we.

[506] Yeah, exactly.

[507] What do you do up in Redwood City?

[508] I work at a tech company that was acquired by a large bank a couple years ago, so it's a little mixed.

[509] You're smart is, I guess, my conclusion from that, because I couldn't work in banking or tech.

[510] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[511] Let's go with that.

[512] I'm smart.

[513] Did you have a wild airplane experience?

[514] I did, yes.

[515] And you might hear my dog woofing over here.

[516] He's a main character in the story.

[517] I'm so great.

[518] Oh, wonderful.

[519] Could you lift him up so I could see what this thing looks like, unless he's 200 pounds or she?

[520] No, no. It's important.

[521] His appearance is important to the story.

[522] Let me just have.

[523] Okay, great.

[524] This is him.

[525] Oh.

[526] He is a cartoon pug.

[527] He looks like the Disney show about pugs.

[528] Puppy dog pals.

[529] So everyone's got a mental image of him.

[530] Yeah, he's a pretty classic pug.

[531] He's very, very cute.

[532] Very.

[533] He's puggly.

[534] Okay, so in 2017, I was on a flight coming back from visiting my sister in Atlanta, flying back to San Francisco.

[535] It was very early in the morning.

[536] I do not like to talk to people on planes, period.

[537] Same.

[538] Yes.

[539] It was very early.

[540] I also.

[541] had a really bad cold.

[542] Maybe early COVID.

[543] We don't know.

[544] Maybe like she's ahead of the curve.

[545] 2017, I would prefer to think not, but yeah.

[546] Thinking about me hacking up phlegm on that flight now makes me a little uncomfortable.

[547] Sure, sure.

[548] So I travel with the dog.

[549] And so he's very cute.

[550] He gets a lot of attention in the airport, on the plane.

[551] So I'm pretty used to people.

[552] I kind of feel them looking at us.

[553] Is he in a cute little dog bag to start with?

[554] Or he's in the raw.

[555] He's in the raw.

[556] Okay.

[557] On the flight, he's on my lap.

[558] So he's there for everyone to see.

[559] So I'm used to people looking.

[560] I just, you know, don't engage or just kind of give a little like, you know, because they just want to look at him.

[561] Of course.

[562] So I take my seat on this flight in the very early morning.

[563] I'm in first class.

[564] I was sick and I was like, I'm upgrading.

[565] I burned to this.

[566] The dog is standing up on my lap because, as you know, when you're in first class, everybody has to board after you.

[567] So there's like a line of passengers in the aisle way.

[568] So I can kind of see people going by kind of looking at us.

[569] I'm, you know, heads down.

[570] I'm not engaged.

[571] And I noticed there's a man across the aisle for me getting situated.

[572] And he's kind of an interesting guy.

[573] He's probably in like his late 50s, early 60s.

[574] He's wearing lightwashed denim.

[575] Ooh, nice.

[576] A ratty t -shirt and then a long -sleeved denim shirt tried around his waist.

[577] Oh, wow.

[578] With a look.

[579] Is it Jay Leno?

[580] No, but same color of denim, actually, yeah.

[581] Oh, okay, great.

[582] Textbook Leno.

[583] And then he has long hair in like a low pony.

[584] Wow.

[585] This is great.

[586] So I kind of notice him.

[587] And, you know, as the passengers are going through, the dog is on.

[588] my lap he's standing up he's kind of looking to the left he's got his butt facing the aisle few minutes later he has settled down he's laying down on my lap and in the break in the line of passengers i see the guy next to me you know i can feel his his eyes on us sure and he kind of leans forward and it gets to a point where i can't really keep ignoring it yeah i just do like a very midwestern like hi and he leans forward and he says my wife and i were just talking about how your dog has the symbol of the onk underneath his tail.

[589] Meaning his anus?

[590] His butt hole?

[591] Wait.

[592] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[593] Wait, hold on.

[594] So back to Canadian tucks.

[595] He is with his wife.

[596] He's with a gal.

[597] He's with a gal.

[598] I didn't notice her at first, but when she did make an appearance in this thing, she was kind of spacey, had almost like a Carol Baskin vibe.

[599] Like, oh, yeah.

[600] A lot of hair and just kind of wide -eyed.

[601] So he says this, and I was sick.

[602] My brain was moving slowly anyway.

[603] But I just was like, underneath his tail and he's a pug so his tail curls up.

[604] So I'm like, is he talking about his butt hole?

[605] Right, right, right, right.

[606] Or I guess I am now imagining there's also its perineum, which it's got a tough to fur between the anus and the testicles.

[607] There could be some swirl there of hair that has a shape.

[608] Yeah, I mean, he is neutered.

[609] So there's not really anything hanging down there.

[610] Wow, this got graphic fast to have like a pattern.

[611] But I honestly was just the dog was sitting down, so I couldn't check.

[612] I expected, hi, is this your dog or what's your dog's name?

[613] But to hear, he has the symbol of the onk underneath his tail.

[614] Had me very confused.

[615] I also don't know what an onk is.

[616] Yeah, I don't know.

[617] Or I know.

[618] Yeah, what is that?

[619] So a few minutes later, as I'm kind of processing this, at that point, the woman also leans forward and she says, is he a service dog?

[620] And they said, yeah.

[621] And she said, oh, and just kind of swooned, which is more of what I'm used to.

[622] And I'm like, okay.

[623] So, you know, passengers fill in.

[624] So I have a second to kind of collect, like, what is going on here?

[625] And then at the next break in the passengers, he leans forward again.

[626] And he hands me, what looks like maybe pages of printouts of a book.

[627] And he's like, we've just been reading about some thing.

[628] And he hands me the pages.

[629] And he's like, look, it's the symbol of the Inc. It's the Egyptian symbol for immortality or eternal life.

[630] Okay.

[631] He is delighted to be telling me this.

[632] And I'm just like, yeah.

[633] Okay.

[634] So really quick.

[635] Now, here's what I would be doing.

[636] God, this guy fucking wants to tell me about the onks so bad that he pretended that he saw the onk in my dog's anus.

[637] But I would have been hearing about this onk, period.

[638] He would have found a way to start telling me about an onk.

[639] Yeah, that's sort of the vibe I was getting.

[640] And I also was just trying to like rapidly in my brain be like, why me?

[641] Like, I'm not an approachable person.

[642] Talk to your wife.

[643] Yes, I don't want to be talking to you.

[644] He's also apparently with a woman in front of them as well.

[645] Oh, maybe polyamorous, maybe something.

[646] It sounds very Rajneishi, this whole thing.

[647] It will get explained.

[648] Okay, okay, great, great.

[649] Oh, he hands me these pages and I see the symbol of the onk on the page, but I am not absorbing the information at this point, and I don't have the dog's butt in front of me to compare it to because he's Langa.

[650] So I just sort of like, cool, and, you know, I hand them back, and I'm just like, how much longer can I do this?

[651] When do I get to put my headphones in and not deal with this person?

[652] Again, more passengers come through a few minutes later.

[653] there's another break and he does the kind of standard like are you returning home or are you on a trip and said I'm going home and he starts to tell me that they are returning from Brazil where they've been spending time with their healer okay here we go and that they like to get down there whenever they can they bring people down the woman in front of them with somebody who they were bringing to visit this healer because that healer had healed him a few years prior apparently and again I'm not encouraging any of this he just sure he's just He's just continuing to go.

[654] He's like, something had happened with his vision.

[655] Doctors told him he was going to be blind within a year.

[656] He started seeing this healer.

[657] Bing, bang, boom.

[658] He's got perfect vision.

[659] They call him eagle eyes at the club.

[660] Exactly.

[661] So I am at that point, like, great, we're about to take off.

[662] I can put my earbuds in and be done with this.

[663] So probably an hour, maybe two, into the flight.

[664] I am blissfully unaware of what's going on.

[665] I've got music going.

[666] I do see him get up in my peripheral vision.

[667] He's getting something.

[668] out of the overhead bin.

[669] Messing with his bag.

[670] And then I hear him speaking, and I have to be like...

[671] Even though you have headphones on.

[672] I have headphones on.

[673] And I'm like, do I have to pretend I don't hear?

[674] I go as long as I can pretending I don't hear it, right?

[675] Yeah.

[676] He keeps going.

[677] And so then I have to do like a...

[678] Sorry, what?

[679] Yeah, and you make a meal of it, right?

[680] Because I do this a lot too.

[681] You make a big production out of like removing the ear button.

[682] So they know like, oh, wow, that was inconvenient.

[683] This is a big hassle.

[684] So after this one, I won't do this again.

[685] because now I see what a production it is to get it out.

[686] Okay.

[687] He already clearly at this point was not understanding my like, not only do I not want to talk to you, but like I'm sick.

[688] Why are you even wanting to be near me?

[689] It was so.

[690] Oh my God.

[691] You know, maybe his eye thing was social cue blindness.

[692] God, I hope so.

[693] No, maybe he loved that you were sick because then he could lure you in to the healer.

[694] Monica, do you already know this story?

[695] Oh, oh, wow.

[696] Okay.

[697] He starts talking to me. I pull up my ear, but I'm like, oh, sorry.

[698] Like, I couldn't hear you.

[699] And he's like, I wanted to.

[700] to give you something he crouches down in the aisle so he's like right up next to me and i can see he has something in his hands like a little leather pouch oh boy oh no he's like i wanted to give you something these are very very special they're very important they've been blessed by our healer they will bring you protection and good health oh my god he opens a pouch he pulls out two little tissue wrapper items i don't know what's in them but it's like two little pieces of tissue paper and he he hands me one and then he opens the other to show me it's a little crystal that has been carved into the shape of an angel oh my goodness and i needed him to tell me it was an angel because it just looked like a whale tail i couldn't figure i was like what am i looking at yeah he wraps it up and he says one for you and one for franklin which is the dog's name oh my god oh my god so i was just like wow thank you like trying to be as grateful as he wanted me to be.

[701] I'm having so much anxiety.

[702] I know.

[703] It's bordering on an assault at this point.

[704] Yeah.

[705] Yes.

[706] Like I want to be there so he can go, I got something for you.

[707] And I go, oh, no, thank you.

[708] I don't really want anything from strangers.

[709] Yeah.

[710] That would have been great.

[711] That would have been great if I had popped in my head.

[712] All I could think about was like, man, I have so many friends who are way too chatty who would be like in this guy's pocket the whole flight.

[713] They would never get him to stop talking.

[714] But I did my best.

[715] So I just took them and I put them in my bag.

[716] I did miss one part when the woman leaned forward to ask about his name.

[717] And I told her, she goes, what a beautiful soul.

[718] It is very clear that you two are bonded.

[719] Oh, okay.

[720] We are blessed to be in his presence.

[721] Oh, my.

[722] This was right after the butthole thing.

[723] So I was just...

[724] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[725] Franklin's already given them Stockholm syndrome.

[726] It's a problem because he's so cute.

[727] And he will look at people if they look at him.

[728] Like, he's like, hi.

[729] And I'm like, yeah, he doesn't have social anxiety.

[730] He's a pug.

[731] He loves everybody.

[732] So I managed to get through the rest of the flight without them speaking to me other than, you know, when we were leaving.

[733] They said, goodbye and whatever.

[734] And I was like, thank you again.

[735] So I get home and I tell everyone I know.

[736] And at Thanksgiving that year, I was at my friend's house with her family.

[737] And she was like, oh, my God, you got to tell them the story about the crystals.

[738] So I tell them the story.

[739] And at the end, my friend's mom, who's sitting next to me, who's very, very Catholic.

[740] She just kind of goes, what did you do with the crystals?

[741] And I said they're in a drawer in my apartment somewhere.

[742] And she goes, I would get rid of those if I were you.

[743] She thinks they're demonized.

[744] I was like, I need you to explain.

[745] And I probably miscoding, but she was like in the Catholic church, healers are seen as sometimes being in league with the devil.

[746] And anything that they have blessed.

[747] And I was like, I'm sorry, you're saying that there's a demon, curse in my, these little crystals that I just think are funny.

[748] An evil presence.

[749] Yeah, I was like, am I going to get possessed?

[750] And she goes, I wouldn't keep them in your house if I were you.

[751] Oh, my God.

[752] At New Year's Eve, we smashed them with a sledgehammer and threw them into a fire.

[753] Oh, wow.

[754] Yeah, very ceremonial.

[755] Did you find that you were moving objects or anything with your thoughts, like telekinesis, anything, any fun pop up?

[756] No. At first, when she told me they might be demons, I was like, do I need to dunk them in Holy Water?

[757] Do I bless them?

[758] If I throw them away, what if that trash ends up in someone else's possession?

[759] That's irresponsible.

[760] Butterfly effect.

[761] Yes.

[762] We took extreme measures to dispose of them.

[763] I will show you the craziest part about the whole thing is that he genuinely does have the onk underneath his tail.

[764] No. Wait.

[765] Oh, so the guy was on firm footing when he made that observation.

[766] So this is the onk.

[767] It's like a little, basically a cross with a little.

[768] loop on top.

[769] Yeah, I recognize it now.

[770] I think everyone would.

[771] It almost looks like an alien with outstretched arms for a hug.

[772] Yes, which apparently means immortality, eternal life, presence of the devil.

[773] And this is his butt.

[774] Zoom in on it a little bit for me. Let's get in, let's see that anus.

[775] Let's get front and center with it.

[776] Rob, get a screen grab.

[777] Oh my God, he really does.

[778] Okay, Rob, you got to take a screen grab of that.

[779] He truly does.

[780] He absolutely has an onk on his ass.

[781] Oh, wow.

[782] Oh, my God.

[783] So it turns out this guy was sane.

[784] Well, I mean, I think that that's a stretch.

[785] Now that I have seen it on my own dog, I can't unsee it ever.

[786] Yes.

[787] And I don't know if it's other dogs.

[788] I haven't done a lot of research in that area, but yeah, he definitely has it.

[789] I like to think he's an immortal being, and we are all blessed to be in his presence at all times.

[790] I love it.

[791] Well, so I hope what you learned from this experience is that you should, interact with folks on the airplane because they have a lot to teach you.

[792] Well, Aaron, what a bizarre, weird story.

[793] And the only thing I want to say at the end is when you sit there with that dog on your lap, you're experiencing what it's like to be famous, just so you know, that's the exact feeling.

[794] Yes, I have thought this because walking through the airport, normally I alone and just like blend in.

[795] Yeah.

[796] The first couple times I did it with him, the number of people who will just go, or like I'll hear a gas or I'll just hear oh and then people will walk up I've had people say can I pick him up and take a selfie and I'm like oh wow it is the oddest experience my wife would attack you there's no question about it my kids and my wife would attack you if they saw that cute puggle he's really cute yeah well Aaron this has been so fun thank you for telling us the story thank you guys this is such a treat we wish you love and happiness in Redwood City and eternal life yeah enjoy eternal life I'm I'm going to do my best.

[797] Yeah.

[798] Have fun with it.

[799] All right, take care, Aaron.

[800] Bye, you guys.

[801] Hello.

[802] Are you Joe?

[803] Yes, yes, I am.

[804] Hi, Joe.

[805] Wonderful, Dax.

[806] Nice to meet you.

[807] Nice to meet you guys.

[808] Where in the country are you?

[809] I'm in New Jersey right now.

[810] Wonderful.

[811] How close to New York?

[812] I'm about 15, 20 minutes outside of Philly, so South Jersey.

[813] Okay, South Jersey.

[814] Originally from North Jersey.

[815] And overall, when the Jersey Shore was really huge, were you, were you bummed about that?

[816] or were you excited about that?

[817] It didn't really impact me either way.

[818] Okay, that's fair.

[819] Didn't have an opinion.

[820] It was comical to watch, but not really my style, you know.

[821] Yeah, but I try to put myself in this, like, as a thought experiment, like, what if it was Detroit?

[822] What if it was Detroit?

[823] And those were the dudes represent Detroit.

[824] And, you know, I don't know.

[825] I'm just trying to imagine how I'd feel about it.

[826] Everybody kind of knocks Jersey anyway, so it just goes along with it, you know.

[827] So you have an interesting airplane experience?

[828] Yeah.

[829] So I guess this is about.

[830] seven years ago, I described it as I've made the worst deal of my entire life.

[831] We were on our way back from Hawaii, me and my wife, and we decided to take a trip with our two very young children that we love very much, but it was a two and a half year old and a six -month -old.

[832] Oh, my God.

[833] We had a good trip out there, but it was a lot of juggling, passing the baby back and forth and everything.

[834] What ended up happening was on the way back.

[835] I had the right idea to like make a deal with my wife and I said I'll take care of my two and a half year old in the bathroom do the bathroom stuff if she kept a baby for the flight back so this is a 10 hour flight and she agreed to it I'm like man she's a she's a sucker this this is great you know I'm gonna be able to sleep the nap and everything oh yeah yeah so my daughter had to use the bathroom in her diaper so I had to change her so grabbed all her stuff her bag and everything we sat in the bulkhead so We're up, not in first class, you know, but like right up towards the front.

[836] So we had to do it to walk all the way to the back of the plane.

[837] So I scooped her up in my arm, walked back there.

[838] And there was like three people online.

[839] And I noticed like people were like giving us like a look.

[840] And I'm like, oh, she must smell.

[841] And this is kind of funny because I know you guys just on the episode that aired, we're talking about, you know, farting on the place and stuff.

[842] Although can I just add when I smell baby shit, it's not as offensive as adult fumes.

[843] I don't know why.

[844] You can tell.

[845] Yeah.

[846] Generally, you're like, oh, that's baby shit.

[847] can deal with that.

[848] It's cute.

[849] It came out of a cute thing.

[850] Yeah.

[851] So maybe until you hear where this goes.

[852] Okay.

[853] So, you know, I grabbed her like that and I walked her to the back of her waiting a line and there was another woman there and she's rocking her baby waiting to go in.

[854] And she's like, oh, you can go in front of us.

[855] I'm like, no, that's okay.

[856] We can wait.

[857] And she goes, no, no. And she took a baby white.

[858] And she wiped like my forearm like right here.

[859] And showed me that like when I had grabbed my daughter like that, It kind of blew out the back.

[860] So everybody that was giving me, you know, the eye on the way to the back of the plane.

[861] You were covered in shit.

[862] I was covered, yeah.

[863] And so we get in there.

[864] And now I'm not as big as you, Dex, but I'm six foot tall.

[865] And it's made for a three foot tall human.

[866] I'm in there, and I have my poor daughter who's just, she's covered and exploded everywhere.

[867] So I'm cleaning up as fast as I can, but I mean, it's everywhere.

[868] Also, you can't even, like, you're using paper towel.

[869] at this point in the trash can it's they make it impossible to put the stuff in there and i have like little poop bags like almost like the dog poop bags you know yeah and i'm throwing stuff in there not exaggerating it's like 10 15 minutes i'm cleaning up her and i get her all good and i'm like mortified and sweating and stuff because i'm gonna have to carry her back out there with no clothes on she has a diaper obviously because i brought that in she's two and a half but still and you had to ditch all of her clothes because they're just completely soiled the shit boy so then i get her all done and then I turn to the sink to wash my hands and then that's when I see me and it's no you know it's on my shirt it's just it's a nightmare so I you know take off my shirt I clean in the like I've I destroyed this bathroom this bathroom was like you know contaminated now for the for the rest of the plate and now I do this walk of shame really quick how do you handle your shirt I washed it in this thing it was kind of over on the one side where I was holding her so like I washed it put it back on and then I kind of used her as like a shield yes to get back up yeah desperate times call for desperate measures yeah and so I get all the way back up there and my wife's like what the heck you know like what the heck took so long and I was like you know just mortified and sweaty and everything like that so I sit down I'm like I need a change of clothes and like you know I just I can't deal with this right now so she's like okay so what does she have to do here you hold the baby so now I have to hold the baby So she's getting all my clothes out and everything and clothes for our two and a half year old.

[870] So now I'm dealing with the baby who's fussy and cranky and stuff like that.

[871] And then I get my change of clothes and I go take care of myself again.

[872] And then when I come back up and I sit down, she just starts laughing again at me. I'm like, what?

[873] And she's like, look at your shoe.

[874] And it's like on my shoe still.

[875] It's just like all over.

[876] And I just like one of those paint bombs in a bank robbery went off.

[877] It's on your shoe.

[878] Like I said, it was the worst deal I ever made.

[879] I thought I was getting off easily and obviously not.

[880] There's a dude in one of my AA meetings that always says shortcuts the fastest way at the back of the line.

[881] That's pretty much what you found out.

[882] Like, whatever you picked was going to be the worst one.

[883] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[884] Oh, how many hours into the flight was this?

[885] I want to say almost like halfway through, maybe a little bit longer than that, because like, I remember it was towards the end when I saw it on my shoe, I'm like, let's just get off this plane and I'll, you know, I'll take care of it at the airport at this point.

[886] Yeah, yeah.

[887] You know, so we had heard if they're fussing and stuff, you can kind of give them Benadryl to kind of the mid -ease.

[888] Well, I think that made her go when she had the Benadryl.

[889] Loosin things up.

[890] Released.

[891] Yep.

[892] Yeah, relax, a full evac.

[893] Had you taken her like a sizzler before the flight or something?

[894] Sounds like she was really loaded up.

[895] No, no, no, that goodness, right?

[896] Oh, my God.

[897] God bless you.

[898] We traveled one time.

[899] My wife was shooting in Cuba.

[900] I went down to Cuba, same age.

[901] Our kids were like six months and maybe 26 months.

[902] months.

[903] And similarly, we go to the airport in Cuba.

[904] We get there two hours early.

[905] They delay the flight by an hour, then by two hours, then by three hours.

[906] It was never where we could decide, like, well, let's get out of here.

[907] We also gave all of our money away to the people she had worked with.

[908] We didn't want to go home with any of that money.

[909] And the kids are now starving.

[910] The only thing at the airport is Pringles.

[911] That's it.

[912] So we feed them Pringles.

[913] Three meals were there till 11 o 'clock at night.

[914] We were in this airport with those two little kids for at least 14, 15 hours, and then fly into Bahamas and then have to rush to hope to get to the States, nothing there's open.

[915] Oh, so, boy, I know that pain and no one even shit on me. If that's the penalty for getting to go to Hawaii for a couple weeks, I'll take that every couple of years, you know.

[916] That's true.

[917] You can shit on me for 10 days and why.

[918] And also, you must be gleeful with the notion that at some point she'll have a boyfriend over and you guys will be at dinner and you'll roll this whole thing out.

[919] Yeah, when I saw this, I was like, oh should I tell this because it's with her but I'm like you know what I tell everybody this story all the time we're kidding whenever anybody I know is flying with kids I'm like I got a story for you oh that's great Joe that was excellent in an absolute nightmare we talked to someone who there's a dead body on the plane and I think this is worse I'd rather have the dead body in front of me I just love the notion that you were walking and you had no idea and you're kind of like get over it's a baby with poop in the diaper like in my head I can still picture this one guy just gave me like the most like disgusted face and I'm like come on an airplane for 10 hours you know yeah like get over it but then my elbow with shit on it was probably like two feet away from his face so he had a good reason I guess oh that's great well thank you so much joe your pain has given us so much delight and pleasure so we appreciate your contribution this is awesome that you guys are doing it great meeting you joe thanks for telling us that story take care brother take care bye do you want to sing a tune or something we know a theme song oh We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[920] So here I go, go, go.

[921] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armcherry's book and some suggestions.

[922] On the flyer rhyme dish, on the flyer rhyme dish, enjoy.

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