S10 E10: [Mia] Violated

[0] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to something was wrong early and ad -free right now.

[1] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[2] I'm Dan Tversky.

[3] In 2011, something strange began to happen at a high school in upstate New York.

[4] A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast.

[5] What's the answer?

[6] And what do you do if they tell you it's all in your head?

[7] Hysterical.

[8] A new podcast from Wondry and Pineapple Street Studios.

[9] Binge all episodes of hysterical early and ad -free on Wondery Plus.

[10] Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences.

[11] Episodes can discuss topics that can be triggering, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence, suicide, and murder.

[12] I am not a therapist or a doctor.

[13] If you're in need of support, please visit something was wrong .com slash resources for a list of nonprofit organizations that can help.

[14] Some names have been changed for anonymity purposes.

[15] Opinions expressed by the guests on the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself or audio chuck.

[16] Resources and source material are linked in the episode notes.

[17] Thank you so much for listening.

[18] Catfishing is when a person creates a fake identity or falsely impersonates the real identity of someone else without their permission, usually targeting a specific victim.

[19] Catfishing may be used for financial gain, sexual exploitation, or violence as a way to intentionally harm a victim or to have other desires fulfilled.

[20] The impersonation of another person online is not illegal by itself.

[21] However, almost anything the perpetrator does could have legal consequences if they catfish another person.

[22] If interested in pursuing legal action, the catfishing victim may need to contact their local authorities and gather evidence against the catfisher.

[23] The more evidence gathered, the greater the chance the victim has in seeking justice for the damage caused.

[24] The reason someone may choose to catfish include poor self -esteem, mental health challenges, to hide their identity, to explore their sexuality, targeted revenge, harassment, abuse, or exploitation.

[25] A 2020 study suggests that both men and women perpetrate catfishing, although men are more likely to do so.

[26] One out of four women, or 23%, admitted that they had perpetrated catfishing compared to 38 % of men.

[27] Women were found to be more likely to be victims of catfishing.

[28] Some signs of catfishing include avoiding showing their face, their online profiles don't have many friends or interactions, their profile has been recently created, they seem too good to be true or love bomb you, or ask for money or other items.

[29] Catfishing has become so prevalent in the last decade that there are growing calls for legislation and policy advancement.

[30] Online deception such as catfishing also poses significant mental health risks and is considered a negative and traumatic experience to the victim.

[31] I'm Tiffany Reese and this is, something was wrong.

[32] You think you know me, you don't know me well.

[33] I think you know me, you don't know me. Hello.

[34] My name is Mia.

[35] I am a happily married gay woman living in the rural South.

[36] I am a social worker.

[37] I live in the country with my border collie and our cats, just pretty much a nice little place in the forest.

[38] So I was raised in the Southern Baptist tradition.

[39] I was extremely involved.

[40] I went to every church service.

[41] I was involved in missions and ministry and all the different, pretty much everything you could possibly involved in for church.

[42] And then I even went to a Christian college to further that.

[43] And part of that belief system is very traditional in that they believe that being LGBTQ is a sin and that the only appropriate relationship is between one man and one woman who are married.

[44] And so I did get married to a man while I was in college out of obedience to the church teachings, even though I knew I was gay.

[45] My college had a lot of ex -gay.

[46] which is not a real thing, come and speak and teach us if we would just save ourselves for marriage and basically be excellent, pray away the gay, that God would reward us with magical straighthood.

[47] So I did that and surprise, surprise, it did not work.

[48] So through all of this teaching that I had, I was hook, line, and sinker, I truly believe that if I married a man, if I saved myself for marriage, and if I prayed hard enough that I would be magically straight, That did not work.

[49] And as I got out of, I guess, the bubble of Southern Baptist everything, where my job, all my time and everything was spent within the Southern Baptist world, I did start to expand my mind, it expand my culture, just learn more about the world.

[50] And in that time, I also came to the belief that there was nothing wrong with me for being gay and that that was okay.

[51] Mia's husband Jake knew that she was gay.

[52] They were good friends and supportive of one another.

[53] The couple had tried counseling to improve their marriage, but she says it just wasn't working.

[54] And so whenever I told him that I felt like I couldn't keep it in any longer, I decided that I wanted to take some steps towards coming out.

[55] But I knew that would cost me everything.

[56] It would cost me my family.

[57] It would cost me my church.

[58] It would basically cost me like everything I had built my life around.

[59] Coming out of the closet, often shortened to coming out, is a metaphor used to describe LGBTQIA people's self -disclosure of their sexual orientation and or their gender identity.

[60] Though everyone's experience is unique, coming out often means sharing feelings of gay pride instead of shame and social stigma.

[61] LGBTIQIA persons who have already revealed or no longer conceal their sexual orientation or gender identity are sometimes referred to as out.

[62] Conversely, LGBTIQIA people who have yet to come out or have opted not to do so are sometimes labeled as closeted or being in the closet.

[63] When a person decides to come out should be their decision.

[64] outing is the deliberate or accidental disclosure of a person's sexual orientation or gender identity without their consent.

[65] Because LGBTQIA persons have historically been marginalized as sexual minorities, coming out of the closet remains a challenge for most of the world's LGBTIQIA population and can lead to a response of discrimination and homophobic violence.

[66] I took a baby step.

[67] I found this app that was basically, like an online version of the old post -secret books where people could get secrets off their chest in an anonymous way.

[68] And I just, for the first time in my whole life, wrote out the words, I'm married to a man, but I know I'm gay.

[69] At that time, I felt a lot of weight come off of me, and I was really excited to just write it down.

[70] So at the time, I was about 24 years old whenever I posted this secret.

[71] This is when I got a response from a girl named Gabby.

[72] She messaged me and said, oh my goodness, I can't believe this.

[73] I'm going through the same thing.

[74] I'm also married to a man, but I'm gay as well.

[75] The app actually only lets you communicate and see other people who are like within your community, so who are nearby you.

[76] So I felt suddenly less alone.

[77] There was this other person who was going through exactly what I was going through.

[78] So from that, time on that messaging app.

[79] We just started talking and I felt really comfortable, just happy to have someone who I could relate to.

[80] Mia and her new whisper friend Gabby were able to begin a friendship quickly and effortlessly because they had so much in common.

[81] They were around the same age and both living in similar marital situations, sometimes referred to as a lavender marriage.

[82] A lavender marriage is a mixed orientation marriage undertaken as a marriage of convenience.

[83] to conceal the socially stigmatized sexual orientation of one or both partners.

[84] I got a selfie from a beautiful, kind woman.

[85] She was about the same age as me, I believe, a year younger.

[86] We talked, and I started just confiding a lot in her about my job.

[87] I worked for a religious organization, and being out could cost me my job.

[88] And both of us had conservative families who may disown us, or at the very least, treat us differently.

[89] if they knew that about us.

[90] We both grew up very involved in church.

[91] And so we just talked and talked about church and theology and similar interests we had.

[92] Like we both had an interest in plants and gardens and I guess like environmentalism.

[93] We were both growing gardens in our backyards and stuff like that.

[94] So much that she gave my husband the phone number for her husband so that way they could talk and they could support each other.

[95] Probably about two weeks after getting the app, We exchanged phone numbers.

[96] It was exclusively through texting.

[97] We were sending pictures of our coffee or like our pets or whatever, just like, hey, how's your day?

[98] And things like that.

[99] And then just like regular selfies at that time.

[100] I guess I felt really alive for the first time.

[101] I felt like myself.

[102] It felt really empowering.

[103] It felt like, I guess like a warm, fuzzy blanket.

[104] It felt like just happiness.

[105] Because in my whole life, I had never been able to talk about it with anybody except for my husband at the time.

[106] The women hit it off so well that they even wanted their husbands to become friends.

[107] They thought it would be good since they both were in mixed orientation marriages.

[108] Her husband's name was Brett.

[109] My husband at the time, Jake and Brett, also started talking.

[110] They talked about everything from their jobs to their interests.

[111] Gabby and I started experiencing feelings for each other, like more romantic feelings.

[112] I would talk to my husband about it.

[113] He would be really excited for me. He could tell that I was kind of glowing and happy and just, I guess, feeling like myself.

[114] And so kind of at this point, we talked about potentially our marriage being in the category of a lavender marriage.

[115] It evolved pretty fast.

[116] So imagine, like, for the gay community, a lot of times we don't come out until later.

[117] And so it's kind of like having adolescence and puberty all over again.

[118] The hormones are high.

[119] Everything is super intense.

[120] It's like your first real crush.

[121] escalated pretty quickly.

[122] We were saying, I love you, we were hiding letters for each other around town, like a little scavenger hunt, and we were sending flirty text messages, even some sexy pictures as well.

[123] It was escalating as fast as you would imagine, like a first teenage relationship would escalate.

[124] I guess after several weeks, after we had discussed this, we even talked about marrying each other one day, I mean, this was super fast.

[125] But at the the time, I was just so blinded by my excited euphoria to really notice any red flags or even stop and think about how fast things were going.

[126] I was just all caught up.

[127] Though Mia was consumed by her love for Gabby, the women had not yet met one another in person.

[128] They exchanged texts, photos, and videos constantly.

[129] And though Mia was infatuated, she did start to notice some red flags.

[130] There were so many times when I tried to.

[131] to call her, and she would always text back like, hey, sorry, at dinner with family or, hey, at work, call you back later.

[132] And it just never happened.

[133] I sent little videos.

[134] I would occasionally get little video blurbs.

[135] A couple of times she called me and just put the phone on speakerphone so I could hear her husband playing love songs to her and singing.

[136] And then every time we were planning to meet up, inevitably at the last minute, something would, come up and we weren't able to meet in person.

[137] So everything was still text despite my attempts and her veiled attempts to her pretending to also make an effort to see me. But it was pretty convincing.

[138] I was pretty convinced that she really was trying to see me and it just hadn't worked out.

[139] So my thought for the hesitation was that this was pretty new and pretty scary to actually be able to fall in love with somebody of the same sex because we had never done that openly before.

[140] So that was my thought for why, that there were real excuses.

[141] But if it wasn't that, it was just because she was nervous or, like, scared to take that step.

[142] Even though every other time meeting up had fallen through, Mia's 25th birthday was approaching and she thought this time things would be different.

[143] Her husband had planned a special dinner party for her and made sure to invite Gabby and her husband.

[144] My husband had sent out invites to some of my friends that I wouldn't have thought would come and convince them to come.

[145] Dinner was planned, and she said that she was finally going to come to my birthday party and meet me, and that would be my birthday gift from her.

[146] So I was, like, counting down.

[147] I was excited.

[148] I was just really looking forward to this.

[149] She and her husband were going to come.

[150] And then I had also told just a couple of friends a little bit about what was going on and that she would be here.

[151] And so they were also excited for me, nervous for me. And so the day of the birthday party, they were planning to come.

[152] And then surprisingly, only her husband shows up to the birthday party, gives me a hug from her.

[153] And he's like, I'm so sorry.

[154] Gabby was not able to make it.

[155] She had a family emergency with her sister, and she's gone her way to Dallas right now.

[156] But she'll get together with you after she gets back.

[157] Of course, I was super disappointed, but all my friends were starting to arrive.

[158] and I was at least getting to meet her husband and my husband was getting to meet her husband who we'd been talking to for a while and it made it feel more real like I'm seeing this is the car that she's been telling me about that she's driving.

[159] Her husband is the guy in the pictures.

[160] So he got along really well with all my friends.

[161] He was able to connect with all of them on a level that they felt comfortable.

[162] He kind of was, I felt a little bit weird, but mostly he was pretty charming and seemed to fit right in with my friends.

[163] And so that was a bit odd.

[164] So I had been texting Gabby during my party.

[165] Like I sent her a picture of her husband.

[166] Like, oh, so sad that you weren't here.

[167] I hope everything's going okay with your sister.

[168] My husband did point out after the party, sort of jokingly, but sort of serious.

[169] Did you notice that the whole time he was here, you didn't get any messages from her?

[170] I was like, yeah, that's true.

[171] That is kind of weird.

[172] But then, you know, I made the excuse for her.

[173] Like, well, she was driving, and her sister had an emergency.

[174] Again, it just chocked it up to, I guess I was wanting it to be true so bad that any little red flags, I just kind of ignored.

[175] So, I did jokingly say like, hey, this is what my husband thinks.

[176] He thinks that your husband is actually posing as you because you weren't texting me the whole time he was at my party.

[177] She kind of explained it away about being out of town, not having good service.

[178] So it was either late that night or the next day I get a man. message from her, and then my husband gets a message from her husband.

[179] Like, hey, well, I was in Dallas.

[180] I was out drinking with some friends.

[181] I cheated on my husband, and I'm just so devastated and ashamed.

[182] And he was talking to my husband about how he was upset, but they were going to try to work through it.

[183] I'm Dan Taberski.

[184] In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York.

[185] I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad.

[186] I'm like, stop around.

[187] She's like, I can't.

[188] A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast.

[189] It's like doubling and tripling, and it's all these girls.

[190] With a diagnosis, the state tried to keep on the down low.

[191] Everybody thought I was holding something back.

[192] Well, you were holding something back.

[193] Intentionally.

[194] Yeah, well, yeah.

[195] No, it's hysteria.

[196] It's all in your head.

[197] It's not physical.

[198] Oh, my gosh, you're exaggerating.

[199] Is this the largest mass hysteria since the Witches of Salem?

[200] Or is it something else entirely?

[201] Something's wrong here.

[202] Something's not right.

[203] Leroy was the new date line and everyone was trying to solve the murder.

[204] A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios, Hysterical.

[205] Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[206] You can binge all episodes of Histerical early and ad -free right now by joining Wondry Plus.

[207] Scammers are best known for living the high life until they're forced to trade it all in for handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit once they're finally caught.

[208] I'm Sachi Cole.

[209] And I'm Sarah Hagey.

[210] And we're the host of Scam Fluencers, a weekly podcast from Wondon.

[211] that takes you along the twists and turns of some of the most infamous scams of all time, the impact on victims, and what's left once the facade falls away.

[212] We've covered stories like a Shark Tank certified entrepreneur who left the show with an investment, but soon faced mounting bills, an active lawsuit followed by Larry King, and no real product to push.

[213] He then began to prey on vulnerable women instead, selling the idea of a future together while stealing from them behind their backs.

[214] To the infamous scams of Real Housewives stars like Teresa Judici, what should have proven to be a major downfall only seemed to solidify her place in the Real Housewives Hall of Fame.

[215] Follow scam influencers on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[216] You can listen to Scamfluencers early and ad -free right now on Wondry Plus.

[217] After the party and the text about Gabby cheating on her husband while she was out of town, Mia re -evaluated their relationship.

[218] So at this time, I kind of like step back and I'm like, hey, maybe we should just be friends for now.

[219] I would send her, like, prayers and encouragements about her marriage.

[220] Hey, this is not the time for you to be starting a new relationship.

[221] You need to work things out with your husband.

[222] She just said it was with a friend at the bar, and she had been drinking.

[223] I assumed it was a woman, but I tried not to be too nosy or too jealous or anything.

[224] I'm like, you're kind of cheating on me, too, FYI.

[225] I was trying to be really cool about it.

[226] I was kind of upset as well.

[227] So I was forgiving, like, oh, her sister just had some emergency.

[228] see she was drinking.

[229] She's going through all this with me. It's a lot.

[230] So I was just kind of like, okay, we'll just step back a little bit and pray and all this stuff.

[231] Because we still both identified as Christian at that time, just not like evangelical or like super conservative Christians.

[232] So the talking started dwindling.

[233] I was getting more impatient like about meeting up.

[234] Like, hey, can we at least meet or like we can meet as couples?

[235] Like, y 'all can come over or whatever.

[236] It was just like more and more reasons.

[237] And so at this point I was like, Okay, this is frustrating.

[238] It's not really going anywhere.

[239] Like, if we're supposed to be in this relationship and I haven't seen you in, I think it's, I think, gosh, like four months or so.

[240] At that point, I backed off on the flirting quite a bit and was more like trying to be supportive friend.

[241] And I get a message from her husband like, hey, I think this is really hurting her feelings.

[242] I think she sees you as more than a friend.

[243] And then I get a sexy picture from her.

[244] And so I sent one back just trying to, I wanted the relationship to be romantic, but I was trying to be respectful.

[245] Frustrated, Mia decided to write another post on Whisper.

[246] I made another post, saying that basically I am so in love with this girl, but I just really want to meet her and that I missed her.

[247] A few minutes later, Mia got a message from another local woman.

[248] I wish I remembered exactly what it said.

[249] It's frustrating.

[250] It's been like seven years, so.

[251] but I get this message from another woman and she was like hey and she sent a picture of Gabby the one that I had been talking to and she said is this who you've been talking to and I was like yeah that is who I've been talking to and immediately my heart sank I got sick to my stomach she was like well she's also been texting me as this other name and I'm also a gay woman married to a man and I've also been sending her pictures and flirting and I was ready to leave my husband for her like oh my gosh and I was like yeah this is the exact same person.

[252] We talked a lot.

[253] Basically, she melded her personality to be super compatible with this girl also, which was completely different interests.

[254] They were both really interested in health care and politics and completely different stuff than me and her had interests common together.

[255] I was devastated because I was like, I felt love for this person and they didn't even exist.

[256] I felt embarrassed because I had been so vulnerable with this person and shared things that I'd never shared with anyone before.

[257] I shared family photos.

[258] I shared.

[259] I shared family photos.

[260] I shared all kinds of stuff.

[261] I was scared?

[262] Like, who have I been texting this whole time?

[263] I had a lot of feelings.

[264] While we were literally messaging, I got in my car and headed to the police station, I was like, okay, we got to go to the police about this.

[265] Like, immediately, after this happens, when I get to the police station in the parking lot, I get a phone call from her husband, Brett.

[266] And he admits to me that it's been him the whole time and that he's been using pictures of his wife basically to flirt with and get sexy pictures from gay closeted women.

[267] I was just like, explain.

[268] I'm at the police station.

[269] This is illegal.

[270] I was like, you were in my house.

[271] You have been talking with my husband as a friend.

[272] I've been praying for you and your marriage.

[273] What in the world?

[274] I've sent explicit photos.

[275] I've told you about my nieces and nephews and cousins.

[276] Just shared my life with you.

[277] you and you've been a fake person this whole time.

[278] What the hell could possibly be your motivation?

[279] So I just kind of went off.

[280] He was like, please don't go to the police.

[281] Please don't tell anyone.

[282] This could ruin my job and my marriage and all this stuff.

[283] And I was just like, I'm already at the police station.

[284] I'm going to the police station.

[285] This is terrifying.

[286] Concerned for her safety and completely in shock, Mia reached out to her husband to share what she had just learned.

[287] So he was at work at the time.

[288] I was messaging him all the time when I was at the police station.

[289] He was like, I freaking knew it after your birthday party.

[290] He was like, I really wanted this to be true.

[291] I was really happy for you.

[292] And I really was getting along with her husband.

[293] It was great.

[294] So he was really upset for me, too.

[295] I did make a police report of someone impersonating another person and sending all these messages without their permission.

[296] And for basically, basically I felt violated completely.

[297] He was very angry.

[298] He's a super gentle person, but he just felt really sad for me, and he felt really mad for me. He felt upset that the police didn't do anything.

[299] And then he also felt he was sad.

[300] He was like, I felt like I lost a friend because we had been talking all the time, too, as friends.

[301] And how embarrassing that he was all this time deceiving my wife.

[302] And so he was like, I thought we could be good friends.

[303] The police did not take it seriously.

[304] And they were like, you were dumb for doing that.

[305] I don't even know if they took an actual report or not.

[306] they pretended to.

[307] So that was frustrating.

[308] Brett, the person that Mia had actually been communicating with for the last three months, switched tactics from begging her not to tell the cops to trying to convince her it wasn't a big deal.

[309] And then he had the gall to tell me that I shouldn't be complaining.

[310] I got all these free nudes from him and that I was just as wrong in this and that I was cheating on my husband, which was completely crazy because the whole thing was.

[311] was a mutual understanding, and he tried to basically guilt me and say, I was just as bad.

[312] Just feeling so creeped out that he had been in my freaking house.

[313] After their heated exchange, Mia started looking for more answers regarding who Brett was and how many women he had done this to.

[314] The way that I actually figured out who his real name was, was I did a reverse phone number lookup.

[315] I paid the 1999 to one of those websites.

[316] Got his actual name, his actual employer, his wife.

[317] life's actual name, and it also came up with several relatives, one of whom was a girl that I had been going to a small group Bible study with, who was his sister.

[318] That was completely wild.

[319] It was a mid -sized town, but the small group is probably about five to ten women, so it was not a big group.

[320] I'm just surprised I hadn't shared photos of her and stuff in my Bible study before.

[321] I had told them that I was going through something that was exciting, but also scary, but I hadn't shared details.

[322] it very well could have come out that I would have showed her her sister -in -law's picture and been like, uh, what?

[323] So I called her and I had to obviously come out to her to do this.

[324] Hey, I've been having a relationship with your brother, posing as his wife.

[325] What do you know about his brother?

[326] Do I need to be concerned for my safety?

[327] She was basically like, well, I know that he's not quite right.

[328] I don't think you need to be worried for your safety, but I don't know enough.

[329] That was pretty scary.

[330] I immediately got a big security system.

[331] Once I found out where he worked, I realized that his work van had actually been parked on my street several times before and after the birthday party.

[332] I just felt like I was being stalked by this person and I had no idea why.

[333] It was terrifying.

[334] I felt like I wanted to freaking move.

[335] I was just like, burn the house down, got to move, change my identity, everything.

[336] I didn't go back to the police because I felt like they didn't take me seriously and they made me feel really humiliated.

[337] What I did, though, was I contacted his wife.

[338] She struck him with her motor vehicle.

[339] She had been under the influence and she left him there.

[340] In January 2022, local woman Karen Reed was implicated in the mysterious death of her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O 'Keefe.

[341] It was alleged that after an innocent night out for drinks with friends, Karen and John got into a lover's quarrel en route to the next location.

[342] What happens next?

[343] Depends on who you ask.

[344] Was it a crime of passion?

[345] If you believe the prosecution, it's because the, Evidence was so compelling.

[346] This was clearly an intentional act.

[347] And his cause of death was blunt force trauma with hypothermia.

[348] Or a corrupt police cover -up.

[349] If you believe the defense theory, however, this was all a cover -up to prevent one of their own from going down.

[350] Everyone had an opinion.

[351] And after the 10 -week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision.

[352] To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is.

[353] Law and Crime presents the most in -depth analysis to date of the sensational case in Karen.

[354] You can listen to Karen exclusively with Wondry Plus.

[355] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

[356] I got his wife's phone number from her sister -in -law that I had in Bible study.

[357] I was like, hey, FYI, I am so sorry, but your husband has been impersonating you for months and sending me pictures of you, pretending to be you, to basically.

[358] basically deceive me and being in a very serious relationship with me. And I did tell her, like, he's been parking his van outside by where I live, a couple of times even whenever I was still considering myself in a relationship with her.

[359] He even took pictures of me. He was like, hey, I saw you.

[360] I passed by.

[361] I wave.

[362] You didn't say anything, like, when I was hanging out with my friends downtown.

[363] I was like, I don't want to see his vehicle here again.

[364] I don't want him to contact me. She did message me back one time.

[365] It was super nice.

[366] She was like, I'm so sorry that my husband, deceived you and took advantage of you in this way that must feel really violating i'll make sure he doesn't contact you or come near you again and i'm going to request that you don't contact either of us again i do wish you healing in your relationships and in yourself after this horrible violation so i did hear from the actual gabby i just felt really horrible for her because her pictures had been sent out i did tell her naked photos of you have been sent out and all of this stuff just so she knew i felt so guilty like i had been viewing these without her consent.

[367] The sharing of explicit or sexual images or videos without the consent of the person in them is an illegal act often referred to as revenge porn.

[368] As the use of technology and smartphones has increased, so has the rise of the reported cases of revenge porn.

[369] This kind of abuse often leaves the victim with feelings of shame, a lack of control, embarrassment, anxiety, and depression.

[370] As of 2020, 42 states and the District of Columbia outlying distribution of revenge porn.

[371] However, these laws are still relatively new and are continuing to develop.

[372] A person who is charged under a revenge porn statute may also be charged with other related offenses, including cyber or computer crimes, distribution of child pornography, and more.

[373] I told her, like, I deleted everything.

[374] It's nowhere to be found.

[375] I'm so sorry.

[376] She said that she would try to make sure that everything was deleted off her husband's phone, but that he was kind of shady.

[377] It sounded like she was planning to try to stick it out with him, and I did respect her wishes not to contact her or him again.

[378] Something Brett said when posing as Gabby early in their relationship sticks out in hindsight.

[379] Whenever she was, I guess, fake Gabby, like when we were first friends, she did tell me, just in passing that her husband is technically a sociopath, that he's gotten lots of help for it.

[380] I didn't know that would be such foreshadowing down the road.

[381] She's like, yeah, married to a sociopath.

[382] To this day, Mia struggles to understand what Brett's motivation was for creating these fake relationships posing as his wife.

[383] I still don't really know what the motivation was.

[384] Because of how good he was at tailoring his personality, like he seemed like a woman when he talked.

[385] I don't even know if that makes sense, but it was just intuitive.

[386] It felt like I was talking to a woman to be able to tailor a personality and interest so well and be so convincing.

[387] I mean, that does take a level of like, how much time do you spend having two phone numbers and like it just blows my mind.

[388] I did go on her social media before I contacted her and all the pictures that had been sent to me were from her Facebook.

[389] He just basically jacked them from her social media accounts.

[390] So.

[391] I think the really best thing that came out of it, I actually contacted a lot of the friends I had grown up with.

[392] We all went to church together.

[393] We grew up together and I was like, hey, there's something I really need to talk with you guys about.

[394] So we planned a camping trip.

[395] We went camping and I told them everything that had happened and I was like, so in conclusion, I'm gay.

[396] During that camping trip, actually, several of them came out to me that they were in the LGBTQ umbrella as well.

[397] Even though we all grew up in this really conservative church, we somehow found each other even without knowing.

[398] I knew that I needed to come out.

[399] I've been to a lot of therapy, and the friends that I thought I would lose because of coming out, like actually, I felt like I got my friendship back with them.

[400] We kind of grew close again.

[401] After Mia came out, she and her husband decided to get an amicable divorce.

[402] She felt the relationship wasn't sustainable and she wanted to live her truth.

[403] I'm actually now happily married.

[404] My wife and I will celebrate five years of marriage this October.

[405] I feel like it was horrible, but a miracle came of it.

[406] I felt like I was able to free myself, just seeing how it felt to be out and to be able to be myself, even if it was through a false narrative.

[407] That's given me the life that I have now.

[408] And I also, in social work, I have been able to talk to lots of kids and teenagers about internet safety, telling them that even as like an educated social work a woman that has knowledge of these kinds of things.

[409] It was able to happen to me, just teaching them internet safety through my own experience.

[410] And also just recognizing, like, this is the kind of dangerous situations that closets create.

[411] When people don't feel like they can be themselves, they resort to, like, scraps and, like, ignoring red flags just so they can have a scrap of themselves.

[412] Closets are not healthy.

[413] This can happen to anyone, and I think that victims and survivors should never be ashamed for being victims and not victim blame themselves.

[414] It's easy to say, like, don't victim blame for other people, but it's a lot more difficult to do that for yourself.

[415] The perpetrator, the one that did this, they are 100 % the one at fault and not the person that falls for their scheme.

[416] Then if you are someone who supports the queer community, make it very well known, because having someone that's very vocal, you just know, kind of like you're a lighthouse.

[417] You know that you're a safe person.

[418] you might be the one that they can come out of the closet to instead of on some sketchy app and that might save their life.

[419] This very well could have ended up so much more dangerously having a sociopath in my house and therapy, guys, therapy is amazing.

[420] I feel like everyone needs to maintain their mental health and process things.

[421] It's made a lot of difference in my life and I feel like I'm able to have a stable life, be able to actually trust people, which is difficult to do.

[422] after you've been misled.

[423] And I've learned to trust myself again, too, which was also really hard after this.

[424] Thank you so much to Mia for sharing her story with all of us.

[425] If you've experienced non -consensual pornography abuse and you need help or advice and you live in the United States, please call the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative Crisis Hotline at 1 -844 -878 -274.

[426] If you're in need of support in your LGBTQIA journey, please check out the Trevor Project.

[427] The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning LGBTQIA young people.

[428] Call or text with a counselor 24 -7 at 1 -866 -486 -48 -7.

[429] 1386.

[430] For more resources, visit something was wrong .com slash resources for help.

[431] Thank you so much for listening.

[432] Until next week, stay safe, friends.

[433] Something Was Wrong is an audio Chuck production, created and hosted by Tiffany Reese.

[434] Our theme song was originally composed by Gladrags, covered this season by Basic Comfort.

[435] So what do you think, Chuck?

[436] Do you approve?

[437] If you like something was wrong, you can listen early and ad -free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[438] Prime members can listen ad -free on Amazon music.

[439] Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery .com slash survey.