The Parkland Students, Four Years Later

[0] From the New York Times, I'm Sabrina Tavernisi.

[1] This is the Daily.

[2] In Parkland, Florida, a trial is underway to determine the fate of the gunmen who killed 17 people at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in 2018.

[3] The trial is expected to last for months.

[4] And as it goes on, people in Parkland are reliving the pain of a day they've spent years trying to put behind them.

[5] Today, we go back to a conversation that my colleague Jack Healy had right after the shooting with some of the students who survived it.

[6] And we learn what's happened in the time since.

[7] It's Wednesday, August 31st.

[8] So I flew down to Parkland, Florida, and spent a week trying to get to know some of the kids who you didn't necessarily see at the vanguard of the movement.

[9] that sprung up in the wake of the shooting.

[10] One day outside of the school, I met Brooke Harrison and her parents, Denise and Robert.

[11] We talked for a little while, and a couple nights later, I met up with Brooke and several of her friends.

[12] Will you guys tell me about how you know each other?

[13] I know her from elementary school.

[14] I went to private school.

[15] The girls all sunk into a sofa together to talk as their parents sat out, sign on the patio and chatted with each other.

[16] I've known Annabelle since seventh grade.

[17] I've only recently met Maddie.

[18] We've heard each other since fifth grade.

[19] I've known you since middle school.

[20] So they were Victoria.

[21] Alvarez.

[22] Eden, everyone.

[23] I'm Madison.

[24] Delt langer.

[25] Two girls named Madison.

[26] Maddie and Madison.

[27] They called each other.

[28] Annabelle Worthington.

[29] Annabelle.

[30] Brooke Harrison.

[31] And Brooke.

[32] Okay.

[33] And then 14.

[34] Do I play soccer?

[35] Okay.

[36] We talked about the activities that they pursued.

[37] I hang out with my friends a lot and a lot too.

[38] And a little bit about, you know, what they love to do as kids.

[39] English, English.

[40] Okay.

[41] Was it like just English one arm?

[42] So they were telling me about school and English class and writing an essay.

[43] Education and writing.

[44] Education for like women.

[45] Practicing for our FSA.

[46] Just so many.

[47] We were argumentative, though.

[48] Yeah.

[49] Yeah.

[50] And our desks normally aren't in groups.

[51] They're normally in rows.

[52] Which honestly, I think, was a blessing because it was a lot easier to run.

[53] Can we just know where my desk is, but usually is right there?

[54] No, but my desk was right in front of the door.

[55] That's why I saw the gun.

[56] Because when I looked up, I saw him walking by.

[57] You did?

[58] I didn't see it.

[59] I saw him like a shadow looking at.

[60] I saw his in feet or like something.

[61] I was wearing a hoodie.

[62] That's why.

[63] And I heard he was really having that.

[64] And then they started telling me about the shooting.

[65] I was writing my essay, and then we heard the gunshots.

[66] It was like, it was one or another.

[67] It was like, yeah.

[68] And so in my head, I thought like, oh, like, firecrackers, you know.

[69] Nice.

[70] Had anyone ever set off firecrackers in the school before?

[71] No. But I just figured, I was like, okay, like firecrackers.

[72] And then I remember the glass door breaking.

[73] And for some reason, I ended up, like, I don't remember this part.

[74] It's kind of, like, blurry.

[75] I remember being on the floor.

[76] I want to say, I heard like a crack of like a shell, and I was like, oh.

[77] I remember, like, opening my eyes.

[78] I was on the other side of the door.

[79] I was holding the teddy bear I had gotten.

[80] And then I guess that's when it like came in and I realized what was happening.

[81] Their entire classroom explodes with gunfire.

[82] And I remember putting my hands over my head like a tornado droid just because I didn't want any like glass or anything hitting me because you can you can feel like the stuff like falling on to you.

[83] You could smell it in the air.

[84] The only, I cannot describe the smell.

[85] It wasn't like a fire.

[86] It wasn't like anything.

[87] It was a gun powder.

[88] But when you, when you smelt it, you knew that's a gun.

[89] That's a gun.

[90] And there was a lot of smoke.

[91] I can't even, I can't even explain it.

[92] It was hard to breathe.

[93] It was like a big cloud.

[94] And I, yeah, if you saw my back now that we got the bad, Yeah, my bag was a black toy birch purse.

[95] There's white all over it.

[96] I just got a new purse.

[97] It's like dushed.

[98] You can tell that it's gunpowder.

[99] Does anyone have a bullet hole in their backpack?

[100] Because I do.

[101] Really?

[102] I have a bullet hole in my backpack.

[103] Can I see it?

[104] Oh my gosh.

[105] But there's no like bullet in there, right?

[106] No. Like bullet casing or anything.

[107] It was really fast.

[108] If there was.

[109] That's terrible.

[110] One of the things that these girls have done to try to understand what happened to them on a grand scale is to try to understand moment by moment what happened to them on a micro scale.

[111] So this is the diagram.

[112] Okay.

[113] You can see this is the door.

[114] This is the wall that connects to the hallway.

[115] And so the night that we chatted, they all drew a diagram of their classroom where each cluster of desks was which student was sitting at which desk and where the students fled once the bullets started flying.

[116] This is the TA table.

[117] And there's windows right here.

[118] They drew images of where certain students were when they died, and they drew images of where they believed the bullets were coming in from.

[119] This was, it was just like a map of the day that their childhood ended.

[120] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[121] Okay, so basically, this is where I was sitting.

[122] I was facing the door Alyssa was facing me and then The shooter was firing through the window of the classroom door which the student said was locked Miss harsh I guess had like some kind of cardboard so I kind of like took that and like put it over my face to try to like I don't know if it did anything but I thought that like I just thought that if he saw my eyes he would shoot me because I was right across the door right so I'm like yeah I have to cover I feel like my whole world was spinning and everything was going in slow motion so that the shots were just like, boom, boom.

[123] You know, when you're watching a movie and you see it happening, but you're not there, that's exactly what it felt.

[124] It's like an out -of -body experience.

[125] I was like streaming.

[126] When I thought about this, about being in a school shooting, and the one thing that I've always said that I would do is text my mom, I love you.

[127] And like, I'm like, thank you for everything.

[128] And I was so, like, mad at everything that I wasn't going to be able to get to do that, and I was going to die and not let my mom know that I loved her.

[129] And then she shoots through our door, and there's glass, like, all over, like, in front of me. And then I just hear, like, a few shots happen over here, and then I see Alyssa, and she's just, like, standing like this.

[130] And then she, like, falls back.

[131] And then, um, and then it, like, go silent.

[132] Um.

[133] And I'm like screaming, and I'm like screaming her name.

[134] Yeah.

[135] Um, and then she like didn't answer.

[136] When the SW team went into the, I was like, cover me like the door.

[137] I thought that it was next door.

[138] They were yelling like, oh, like injured, like blood, like get out.

[139] They were yelling at the class in the store.

[140] And I remember holding my teddy bear screaming.

[141] Like, please come get us.

[142] Please come get us.

[143] Please come get us.

[144] Please come get us.

[145] I remember.

[146] And it took out.

[147] I felt like hours to go from that classroom to ours.

[148] The SWAT officers stormed into the school, they yelled into the classroom and asked whether there was any danger inside of the classroom, anyone with a gun.

[149] The student said no, there wasn't, and then they fled.

[150] I remember Xavier telling me, put your hands over your head.

[151] Yeah, I didn't do that.

[152] I just remember just from seeing all these mass shootings and people running out with their hands up, but didn't want to be the person who they thought was.

[153] I know that it's, but I just put my hands up.

[154] And I ran.

[155] That's when I ran.

[156] They fled through a hallway that they described as being lined with SWAT officers, and they burst out into the daylight and ran through a parking lot and to the edge of the school grounds.

[157] And so that's what I just remember, like, running for my life.

[158] Yes.

[159] I did you see the dogs?

[160] I remember seeing the dogs barking, and then that's when it kicked in it.

[161] And I was like, let me get out of here.

[162] and I ran.

[163] I ran from school to parkling golf.

[164] That's so far.

[165] It's so far.

[166] It's so far.

[167] It's really far.

[168] I was in jeans, vans.

[169] I was in a sweater.

[170] And I remember...

[171] I didn't look good for that day because it was valiant.

[172] I looked so good.

[173] And they took myself in the evidence.

[174] They literally took my favorite outfit for evidence because there was blood on it.

[175] I was wearing...

[176] I didn't give them my stuff.

[177] Oh, I went home.

[178] I washed my teddy bear.

[179] They asked me, you got blood on anything.

[180] I said, I said, no. I know.

[181] I didn't say no, but my parents was like, yeah, like, it's in the wash. Let me see if there's blood saw.

[182] I was like...

[183] The teddy boy was the only thing I got out of that class with.

[184] It was the only thing I was going to keep.

[185] In the two weeks since the shooting, they have been spending a lot of time with each other, going to sleepovers, going to memorials.

[186] We were going to another viewing after we had two funerals that morning, and then a viewing for Luke.

[187] And then we were going to Gina's viewing what we thought.

[188] thought was Gina's viewing, but instead we walked in, my best friend and I, we walked in with our moms and they, it was kind of weird because my, we were all wearing the pins with the, the ribbons.

[189] And, um, and they asked what, what the ribbons are for.

[190] And we were like, okay, this one's for Jamie and this one's for Gina and this one's for for Stone and Douglas in general.

[191] And so they were like, oh, that's cool.

[192] And then so we walked into the funeral home and And they handed us this card, and we were expecting to see, like, Gina's face on it.

[193] But it was this guy named Ron, Ronald.

[194] And this old guy here, you can see the picture.

[195] And we're like, okay, that's not.

[196] She, like, went to the wrong thing.

[197] Yeah, and so we figured out that it was, like, the wrong day.

[198] These girls are pretty resilient, and they've actually been able to find some light moments in all of this.

[199] So, so now you get to celebrate Ronald.

[200] So when we were like, thanks, Ron, for making you and laugh.

[201] So when we talked, these girls were incredibly composed and even laughed at times, but then they are still just, like, tumbled back into that day.

[202] That's all they're saying to me, too.

[203] They're like, it's fine.

[204] It's going to be fine.

[205] I feel like it's perfectly normal.

[206] I feel broken.

[207] Like, I feel defeated.

[208] Yeah, me too.

[209] Like, that's not, like, it's not right now in my mind, it's not going to be fine.

[210] I would never get over the feeling of being broken.

[211] They don't, like, all of us have lost, like, our friends and classmates.

[212] And they're just like, no, it's normal.

[213] It's fine.

[214] But it's not, like, fine.

[215] It's not, like, nothing is one thing.

[216] But, like, I'm, like, trauma time.

[217] This is trauma.

[218] This is trauma.

[219] Especially for what we went through.

[220] PTSD takes 30 days to say.

[221] I can't close my eyes without, without up and seeing the gun.

[222] Like seeing Alyssa's body.

[223] Mine is seeing Alex and the bullet holes through the wall.

[224] I see it happening.

[225] slow motion.

[226] We talked for about two hours, but it was getting late, and we had to wrap things up because, after all, it was a school night.

[227] How are you feeling about going back tomorrow?

[228] I'm so scared.

[229] I'm excited.

[230] I'm happy because I want to see my friends.

[231] I'm excited to my friends, but I'm so scared to go back.

[232] They're right.

[233] It's a part of the healing process.

[234] At the same time, I don't feel ready.

[235] I'm not ready.

[236] I go back.

[237] But there's, I don't know if I'm ever going to feel ready to go back.

[238] So you might as well just get it over.

[239] Get it over with, rip the Band -Aid off.

[240] I'm scared.

[241] Like, I'm, like, I'm desperate to see all my friends, but, like, I'm scared.

[242] We'll be right back.

[243] Hey, good morning.

[244] The next morning, I showed up at Brooke Harrison's house at about 6 .40 to be with her and her mother as they got ready and went off to school.

[245] Do you want to take this in the car?

[246] Okay, so normally.

[247] We would try to leave by 7 .20.

[248] Okay.

[249] We've been leaving at 7 .30 for a 7 .40 start.

[250] But, you know, we do live close.

[251] Yeah, yeah.

[252] But, yeah, Brooke skids in at the last minute, but we're not going to do that today.

[253] Yeah, yeah.

[254] My first, that's your norm.

[255] My first period, teachers, though, on each day, don't care, though.

[256] So it sounds really bad, but, like, if.

[257] And she and her mom chatted and...

[258] I'm honestly not hungry.

[259] I always have, like, a piece of toast.

[260] Her mom made bacon and toast and brook.

[261] I had some coffee with milk and three scoops of sugar in it.

[262] Probably really my pin with everything.

[263] Yeah, yeah.

[264] I tried to find like any burgundy shirts I have or anything.

[265] She wore her burgundy Stoneman Douglas T -shirt, and she put on a burgundy pin to commemorate the shooting.

[266] Oh, mom, could I have $5?

[267] Because you know how I told you Eden was making like the necklaces?

[268] So this girl, Eden, not the Eden who came here at a definite Eden.

[269] She's making these really cool necklaces that have like a burgundy stone in it and like two silver stones outside for Douglas.

[270] They're $5 and they're so pretty.

[271] So she's donating it all to the Victims Fund.

[272] Oh, nice.

[273] So at 723.

[274] Okay, we're ready to get in the car?

[275] Yeah.

[276] We hop into their SUV together.

[277] Can you want me sit in the back with you?

[278] No, no, no. No, no, no, sit in the front.

[279] Yeah, absolutely.

[280] And we drive through the community.

[281] Oh, no. Oh, very great.

[282] I have bacon.

[283] Five second rule.

[284] How do you feel?

[285] Are you excited?

[286] Are you nervous?

[287] I'm very excited just because I haven't seen just so many people since the incident.

[288] So I'm just happy, like, give, like, hugs to everyone.

[289] Yeah.

[290] And then I'm also kind of nervous because I feel like if I see something that, like, reminds me of, like, Elena, I'm going to cry.

[291] Yeah.

[292] Or, like, if, like, during lunch, where I see.

[293] see where she used to sit.

[294] She used to sit in the same spot.

[295] And after probably about 20 minutes or so of driving, we pull into a circular driveway that leads to one of the doors and leading into the school.

[296] Oh, it's making me sad.

[297] Mom, please don't cry.

[298] I think she's cried more than me. Okay, so you're going to go to the cafeteria.

[299] here to get your schedule.

[300] All right, text me or call me if you need to.

[301] Brooke and her mom hugged and kissed each other.

[302] Thank you.

[303] Love you.

[304] And she hops out of the car and heads back into school.

[305] I love me too.

[306] One year after the shooting, my colleague, producer Claire Tennis Sketter, spoke with Brooke and some of the other students.

[307] Was there ever a day when it felt normal ever, like in your whole last school year?

[308] It kind of never feels normal.

[309] But, like, we have like a new normal, I feel like my normal is like...

[310] About how they were navigating the rest of high school.

[311] Yeah.

[312] I just feel like so guilty.

[313] It's like getting up there.

[314] Like sometimes.

[315] Like, they're supposed to be here.

[316] Like, that whole thing wasn't supposed to happen.

[317] Brooke and her classmates graduated from Douglas High School last year.

[318] They were the final class of students to have attended the school at the time of the shooting.

[319] Recently, Claire called Brooke one final time to find out what's happened in her life since.

[320] Brooke, how's it going?

[321] It's going good.

[322] How about you?

[323] Good, good, good.

[324] Thank you for making time to chat.

[325] Oh, no problem.

[326] So, Brooke, tell me a little bit about your life now.

[327] What's it like?

[328] Well, I am now a sophomore at Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts.

[329] And I couldn't be happier, really.

[330] It's the happiest I've been, like, in a really long time.

[331] And it was my number one choice of school, and I love it.

[332] I love every second of it.

[333] And is any part of that love, like, related to getting away from the dark history that's attached to Parkland?

[334] Oh, it definitely is.

[335] I think everyone, like, imagines, like, graduating high school.

[336] Like, when you're a teenager, you're like, oh, I, like, can't wait to be independent.

[337] But, like, for me, it felt like, oh, my God, like, I'm finally, like, free from this place that has, like, caused me so much, like, pain and, like, torment and who has, like, drastically, like, affected, like, my mental health.

[338] I knew for fact that, like, for college, like, I needed to get away and have, like, my own space and be, like, in a place where that, like, couldn't really necessarily, like, follow me completely, if that makes sense.

[339] has it followed you um in ways like i had to celebrate my like first anniversary like without like my family or like without being in my hometown like in college but my roommate is also from douglas so we both got to be there for each other and like it's been nice to have someone like there for me who i know is like going to give me that comfort that like i need in that moment and what's it like at college i'm just curious is being from parkland Is that part of your identity?

[340] Is it something people know about you or is that more private?

[341] It's one of those things where if I decide that you're going to be someone that I get close to, that it's something I have to share.

[342] And that's like something that I've kind of struggled with, like ever since the shooting happens, like that realization that with every like close friendship I want to have or like relationship or like partnership I want to have in the future, that is something I have to share with them for them to truly, like, know me and, like, understand me. Why is that, Brooke?

[343] Why do you want people to know?

[344] Well, just from a mental health standpoint, like, I have just, like, sometimes really bad PTSD, and, like, I do have, like, anxiety attacks.

[345] And sometimes I do go into, like, miniature, like, depression episodes, like, when a school shooting comes up, like, that will last for, like, a couple days.

[346] And also, like, it is kind of, like, a trigger warning as well.

[347] Like, maybe if, like, a shooting just happened, maybe, like, if I tell you that you think twice before you're just like talking about it all the time and what's it been like of course there unfortunately have been more shootings in the past four and a half years what's it been like for you to live through these shootings like you've all day recently um it just feels like a slap in the face like to be honest like i'm always like sad every time because i remember like what it was like to live through that every day like i can remember it literally like it was yesterday And especially when you see, like, all, like, the people who's died, like, their families and, like, especially, like, when it's kids, like, young, young kids, like at elementary schools, like, it just breaks your heart.

[348] And it feels like, no matter, like, what we do, like, nothing ever really changes.

[349] And it is just, like, the biggest slap in the face.

[350] And it is constantly retriguing it, especially when I see the same failures that I see, like, in my, like, high school where, like, cops aren't going in to help in.

[351] and they're telling people to stay back and just like not doing their jobs.

[352] I just get like very angry and it's completely heartbreaking.

[353] Brooke, do you stay in touch with your classmates from Storm and Douglas?

[354] To be honest, no. The only time that we really talk to each other is we have this group chat on Snapchat and every like anniversary or even sometimes when there's like a shooting that's like all over the news will like reach out to each other and be like love you guys like hope we're all doing okay but um constantly in touch now the trial of the shooter is ongoing what what has that been like for you um it's been very hard i've watched um all of the trial videos from people that have been in my classroom and that was unbelievably hard to watch because it's supposed to like so many of them were saying like things that i have like vivid in my memory as well and so like it's very hard to like have someone else like basically tell like your memories back to you but through like their own lens like I had like a full like mental breakdown about it that like we still have to like deal with this and like especially like felt so bad like everyone in that room like had to like look at the shooter and like make eye contact with him but some of them even had to like point him out in a room and like fully like acknowledge that man and I thought I was going to have to do it and a wave of like relief went through me like when I realized I didn't have to but then what happens like when you're in this kind of connected thing with people is that you realize if you're not doing something that someone else is.

[355] Like if I'm not going to that rally, then they are.

[356] If I'm not giving this interview, they are.

[357] If I'm not going on this trial, they are.

[358] And what does that feel like?

[359] Honestly, it's still like survivor's guilt and like, or like, it's really just general guilt because you realize while you get like a second like to breathe and to kind of be piece about put yourself for something extremely like triggering and like traumatic they do so even though all the students who witnessed that day have moved on it's still it's still with all of them oh a thousand percent and i think i think like sadly it's going to be something that's with us for like the rest of our lives and i think as like we get older we'll just learn how to like process it and deal with it and like how to manage it better but i think it's something that's something that's with us for forever, because how could it not be?

[360] While, like, the shooting definitely did shape me. I'm, like, so much more than that, like, horrible that I am so much more than those, like, survivor and the statistic.

[361] I, like, am my own person, like, in general.

[362] And I think not being constantly surrounded by that has, like, really reflected that to me, that I am my own person and that what happened to me and, like, my community is not me. Thank you, Brooke.

[363] Oh, any time.

[364] Have a good one.

[365] You too.

[366] Bye.

[367] Bye.

[368] We'll be right back.

[369] Here's what else you should know today.

[370] Mikhail Gorbachev, the Soviet reformer who ended the Cold War, died on Tuesday in Moscow.

[371] He was 91.

[372] In his six years in power, Gorbachev tried to modernize the sputtering Soviet economy and open up Soviet society, efforts known as Perestroika and Glasnist.

[373] He sought to end the nuclear standoff with the West through a series of arms control treaties and outreach to Western leaders, including Ronald Reagan.

[374] Come here to this gate.

[375] Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate.

[376] Mr. Gorbachev, Mr. Gorbachev, Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall.

[377] Gorbachev believed he could reform the Soviet system.

[378] But the economic and social changes he unleashed ended up pulling the country apart.

[379] In 1991, Kremlin hardliner staged a coup against him.

[380] He resigned and the Soviet Union dissolved into 15 independent countries.

[381] We've opened, from mischatelso of other deals, from using the voids from the borders of the world.

[382] And we're in our and we're in solidarity and and the televised address, he said the country had earned the world's respect by opening up to it.

[383] Today's episode was produced by Claire Tennis Sketter and Sydney Harper.

[384] It was edited by Lisa Tobin and Anita Badajo and was engineered by Chris Wood.

[385] Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderly.

[386] That's it for the daily.

[387] I'm Sabrina Tavernisi.

[388] See you tomorrow.