Jimmy Kimmel Returns

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Rather, and I'm joined by Diane Sawyer.

[2] One day.

[3] One day.

[4] What a powerhouse.

[5] I know.

[6] Learning a lot about Diane Sawyer by proxy from reading the Mike Nichols book.

[7] I know.

[8] Does she have a biography or an autobiography?

[9] Because then you could cross -reference.

[10] I would love that.

[11] I'm now very interested in her.

[12] Yeah.

[13] What a beast.

[14] What a beast.

[15] She's not our guest.

[16] sorry but close same world yeah jimmy camel old friend jimmy kemel nice nice boy the person i want fatherly validation from sure i love him so much it's been five and a half years since he was here just crazy i feel like i've probably done his show like 13 times in that five years but somehow he's only had to do this one twice but it was so fun to have him here and we got to talk a lot about new podcast which is called strike force five great fucking name who are the five on the strike force well we got stephen cobert we got jimmyr we got jimmy campbell seth meyers and john oliver it's a party that's a group right there what a group good luck in that group you better fucking have a sharp sword if you want to enter that oh god right no thanks well i think he has the sharpest of all swords Jimmy Kimmel, my idol, my hero.

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[21] We've certainly been out there and it's gone into like the four and five minute range or like, okay, either that his prostate is a mess.

[22] It is always a heat.

[23] He's definitely shitting upstairs right now.

[24] Yeah, because that's going to be a nightmare for a female to come in and they're like, oh, this is it?

[25] I know, I know.

[26] It's going to get fixed.

[27] We have to get better about offering the other bathroom as a just -in -case.

[28] Okay, in the pool house?

[29] Because remember when Jenna Ortega came on, she said she thought she had to poop on her way here.

[30] The whole ride here, she's like, I thought I was going to shit my pants.

[31] And I was like, well, do you want to go in and do shit?

[32] And she's like, no, I can't do that here.

[33] She's like, it's gone.

[34] It went away.

[35] It's gone.

[36] It sucked back there.

[37] I absorbed it.

[38] It made me like her immediately.

[39] I agree.

[40] It tells you you're going to be dealing with somebody who's not pulling any punches.

[41] Yeah, they're going to be honest and tell you what they're really struggling with.

[42] To a point, of course.

[43] There is a point at which it becomes a little bit.

[44] You think it's too much?

[45] Sometimes, yeah.

[46] We don't have that line.

[47] Well, I wonder, though, if in a group of girls, like certainly when a group of guys, it's getting fowler and fowler.

[48] And at some point, you're like, I'm out on that.

[49] I got too gross, you know, even among dudes.

[50] I wonder if her women pushing it like that or someone finally steps over the line?

[51] Verbaly?

[52] Yeah, like you're talking, like, all my own is, shit my pants.

[53] Yeah, yeah, I played with mine.

[54] What?

[55] You know, like, someone throws.

[56] It might be me. If I think there's no one, it's probably me. That's a good point.

[57] Because I hang out with you too much.

[58] If you haven't recognized the fish at the table, you know, yeah.

[59] That's right.

[60] My wife does not, like, any real discussion of any of that.

[61] Oh, she doesn't.

[62] She doesn't.

[63] No, at least from her.

[64] Have you drilled down into it?

[65] Like if you said, do you think I'm going to not be attracted to you?

[66] I've gone even farther.

[67] I'd say, do you think that I believe this story that you never move your power?

[68] You are the only human on the planet.

[69] In fact, the last two women I've dated in a row are the only two women in the world who do not move there.

[70] Wow, lucky you.

[71] Wow.

[72] Yeah, isn't that great?

[73] It's just self -cleaning.

[74] Maybe something about being with you really tightens things up.

[75] Like you're a perpetually on vacation.

[76] For someone like that, I'd be the last person you want to meet, right?

[77] But opposites attract.

[78] That's right.

[79] How long have you guys been together?

[80] Molly and I have been together.

[81] Well, we just had our 10 -year anniversary this summer.

[82] Of marriage.

[83] Of marriage.

[84] But you were dating for a couple years before that.

[85] Okay, so 12 -plus years.

[86] She hasn't gone once.

[87] It's incredible.

[88] Is that the longest relationship you've had?

[89] No. How long were you married?

[90] Oh, my mother.

[91] I thought you met.

[92] No. Well, I was technically.

[93] married for 15 years the first time, but we were married, but trying to get unmarried for the last two years of that.

[94] I guess you're coming up on a tying your record.

[95] Yeah, I'm going to passing it.

[96] She'll be thrilled to hear that.

[97] What an honor for her.

[98] You're almost tied.

[99] Man, host the party.

[100] Yeah, we should have it here.

[101] I do want to point something out because I have to say I'm a little bit surprised.

[102] I've been to your house from time to time.

[103] Usually it's nighttime when we come over here.

[104] I got an email from you the first time I was on the show, which was like five and a half years ago.

[105] You were the third episode, so yeah, yeah, over five and a half years ago.

[106] And the email said, this is a construction zone, and I got the identical email five and a half years later.

[107] I mean, it wasn't word for word identical, but you're working on the same project.

[108] Well, you know, they say the journey's more fun than the destination.

[109] Process.

[110] Why finish?

[111] Like, this is so fun.

[112] There's strange dudes at my house all the time.

[113] Often I go to take my kids at school and there's three work trucks behind me and then I blow my gasket.

[114] Oh, you would love this story.

[115] I have all my timers plugged into something for the Christmas lights last year.

[116] And I got some chargers for my vehicles and everything.

[117] And I go out and I notice it's all unplugged.

[118] Construction guys have unplugged all my stuff and then they're running a line over to the thing.

[119] And I really lose my cool.

[120] It's early in the morning.

[121] I'm screaming.

[122] Three hours later, I'm like, I owe those guys an apology.

[123] So I go out there and I'm like, guys, I'm so, so sorry.

[124] I was just feeling very rushed.

[125] It's not your fault.

[126] I make this long apology.

[127] And the funniest thing was I noticed on their face.

[128] They're so much more uncomfortable with this than they were the yelling.

[129] They were all like, just start yelling again.

[130] Dude, this is so uncomfortable.

[131] You being vulnerable and apologizing and owning your shit.

[132] That barn you built, that's beautiful.

[133] How long did that take?

[134] Not this long.

[135] Okay.

[136] We're in five and a half years.

[137] Also, this attic, it was in a state of disrepair, and it seemed to be, you were finishing the attic.

[138] It seems to be less finished now than it was five plus years ago.

[139] That's exactly right.

[140] There are things hanging out.

[141] I mean, this place is a mess.

[142] It's a junkyard, yeah.

[143] It's awful.

[144] As you can see, we've added so many knick -knacks around that we hope all those distract you.

[145] You've added chairs that look like somebody put them out on the curb.

[146] I think you have good aesthetics, and I want you to be very honest about what this chair looks like to you.

[147] It looks comfortable is what it looks.

[148] It's also the single biggest chair that Lily Tomlin was not sitting in that I've ever seen.

[149] I'm so glad you noticed that because when it arrived, I bought it off the website.

[150] Lazyboy .com.

[151] And I'm like, oh, I love that print.

[152] And I couldn't sit in there anymore.

[153] My back was sweating too much against the leather.

[154] I'm like, I need fabric.

[155] And then it arrived.

[156] I'm like, this is a big and tall.

[157] My feet don't touch the ground.

[158] This is like a 6 ,8, 400 -pound guy chair.

[159] Yeah, this is a TLC reality show chair.

[160] Yes, maybe even a shark tank chair as well.

[161] Like, 16 % of Americans can't fit in a lazy boy.

[162] This is a huge underserved market.

[163] I'll give you $2 million.

[164] And I want $89.

[165] percent of the company.

[166] I get so stressed when they want that percentage of the company.

[167] Yeah, yeah, I know.

[168] It's like, uh, these people have been working.

[169] You're just going to write a check and take almost the whole thing.

[170] You pig.

[171] It should be called pig tank.

[172] It should be.

[173] Oh, my Lord.

[174] So I listened to Strike Force Five this morning.

[175] Our new podcast.

[176] Your new podcast.

[177] You're in the podcast game now.

[178] Yeah, temporarily.

[179] Well, that's going to be a bigger conversation I want to have with you.

[180] Regardless, first and foremost about Strike Force Five, I feel like it says something really nice about our current culture that the five of you get along and have like come together.

[181] We wouldn't be able to imagine this scenario between Leno and Letterman.

[182] Even going back to when I was on the radio and you'd go into a market and you would instantly hate everyone you competed against.

[183] You didn't even know these people.

[184] You hated them.

[185] You thought they were terrible.

[186] If something bad happened, you would cheer.

[187] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[188] You pray one of them get arrested.

[189] You know what happened is the first one was kind of a mess.

[190] When I see the first one, I mean the strike.

[191] And there were a few of us who were around back then who remembered that.

[192] There were like two factions of hosts.

[193] There was like a West Coast and an East Coast, and only John Stewart was communicating with both of us.

[194] So anyway, Steve and Colbert thought it would be smart if we had a weekly Zoom to talk about how we're handling things, et cetera.

[195] And it became like the highlight of my week.

[196] and it would sometimes go on for hours.

[197] As this strike went on longer and longer, and we thought, hmm, maybe we should do something with this and make some money on it and give it to our staff.

[198] Yes.

[199] And that's been successful.

[200] It has.

[201] People seem excited about it.

[202] Yeah, it's wonderful.

[203] And I had heard about it before it was a podcast because I had been, as was talked about on the first episode, I had been on Seth's Family Trips podcast.

[204] Right.

[205] And when I was hanging with him, because we were in Martha's Vineyard, he was telling me that he does a weekly Zoom with you guys.

[206] And I thought, this is really lovely and so different from anything in the past.

[207] It's fun.

[208] At first, it was like, how are you going to handle this?

[209] And then there became no reason for it at all.

[210] There was no business disgust.

[211] I first was thinking, I wonder if we could put this on TV.

[212] Yeah, without writers.

[213] Then that didn't seem.

[214] Yeah, we didn't want to break the strike, obviously.

[215] It's a little confusing, though, what it's breaking the strike is.

[216] Would you agree?

[217] I have a pretty good sense of it.

[218] You can't promote stuff that's on TV or can't promote a movie.

[219] Okay, so the coming out makes total.

[220] So I should say, just, you know, because people are hysterical lunatics who love to stab you as much as they possibly can.

[221] We're not promoting anything.

[222] We're just friends chatting here.

[223] That's right.

[224] In fact, don't watch any of my shows.

[225] That's what we urge people.

[226] But you can listen to your podcast.

[227] Yes, that's in a different category.

[228] I guess the confusing part for me is, well, there's many confusing parts.

[229] But one is I totally get not promoting a new movie.

[230] That makes sense.

[231] You've got to punish these.

[232] But, like, I'll be talking to someone's like, we're going to pretend, I don't know.

[233] We're going to pretend Friends didn't happen?

[234] Are we promoting Frozen to acknowledge that Adina was in Frozen?

[235] Is that a violation?

[236] What's your stance on that?

[237] I think if it's not in the release window, I think you're probably okay.

[238] That's kind of what I feel like the spirit of it should be.

[239] And then I was also saying, like, are we pretending that we're not streaming every night?

[240] Like, am I supposed to go in here and pretend I haven't seen every doc on Netflix in the last eight weeks?

[241] If you didn't make them, I think you're okay.

[242] I know, but ironically, I am kind of promoting the streamer, which is, you know what I'm saying?

[243] It gets a little confusing.

[244] Yeah, maybe by the time this is released, it will all be settled.

[245] Oh, wouldn't that be lovely?

[246] That would be nice.

[247] Had you heard the rumor I had two weeks ago, like from high up, it's done.

[248] They're going to announce it right after Labor Day.

[249] I did, but I didn't believe it.

[250] You didn't.

[251] And I never do because I don't think anyone actually knows what's going on.

[252] And when I say that, I don't think even the people negotiating know because they only know their half.

[253] of it.

[254] So how would anybody know?

[255] But it's funny, because Guillermo, my sidekick on that show, you shouldn't watch it.

[256] Yes.

[257] And there are any circumstance?

[258] Well, you can't watch it right now, right?

[259] Or are there reruns?

[260] There are reruns, yeah.

[261] Yeah, check those out.

[262] One time when those are?

[263] Same time that they always are.

[264] Giermo got an inside tip from a friend that the strike was going to end on Tuesday of this week.

[265] And then it didn't end on Tuesday of this week.

[266] And of course, we all went to Guillermo's.

[267] Guillermo, what's your buddy saying, he's like, I guess he was wrong.

[268] God.

[269] But wouldn't that be great if Guillermo was the only one who knew, that would be great.

[270] And almost plausible, because you can imagine the person going like, I can tell this guy, who's he know?

[271] Right?

[272] You could underestimate Guillermo.

[273] Almost plausible, but not in any way.

[274] Still wouldn't happen.

[275] It was someone who worked for Disney, he said.

[276] I said, was it goofy?

[277] Was it goofy?

[278] Was it Cinderella, maybe?

[279] Wasn't Mickey.

[280] You wouldn't have said it.

[281] You wouldn't have broke the rings, would you have?

[282] Wait, I have a question because we talked about your faux pa outside.

[283] How's your temper?

[284] I don't have much of a temper.

[285] Every once in a while, if I feel I've really been wronged, I will get upset.

[286] I shouldn't say I don't have a temper.

[287] I do, but I don't do anything.

[288] I just get mad and that I internalize it.

[289] I just stash it away.

[290] Take it out on your body in some weird way.

[291] Eat something.

[292] Right to the refrigerator.

[293] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[294] Consume some things.

[295] The maddest I've been this month, though, I went to the doctor and I'm in the parking lot.

[296] You know, these doctor's parking lots are $2 .50 every 15 minutes.

[297] Yeah.

[298] It's insane.

[299] You talk about health care.

[300] That's where they're really killing.

[301] It's the parking.

[302] So there's the gate and the machine, and the machine's not working.

[303] You know, I try to swipe my credit card and do the thing where you press it up against the thing, which I can never do.

[304] The tap, yeah.

[305] It's not working, and I call them, and they go, oh, let me take your card, and I'll go to the booth and swipe in.

[306] So the guy takes my card.

[307] He doesn't come back for like nine minutes.

[308] Now there's a line behind me. And now there are two women behind me who take pity on me. Think I don't have money.

[309] And I said, I appreciate it.

[310] It's the machine that's not working.

[311] And then they had to go back to their car, and I'm sitting there waiting for the guy.

[312] And as I'm waiting, two more revolutions of 15 minutes go through.

[313] So now my charge is $5 more than it was when I got to the gate.

[314] And now I'm mad because now it's the principal thing.

[315] And finally, the guy comes out and lets me through.

[316] And I say, hey, you know, this is not the amount.

[317] This is $12 now.

[318] I was supposed to pay $7 or whatever it was.

[319] And he goes, oh, let me go get the manager.

[320] He starts running off my credit card again.

[321] I'm like, no, no, no, come back.

[322] I got to be honest, you got exactly what you deserve.

[323] in that moment.

[324] Yeah, probably.

[325] On a car level, yes.

[326] And it had been $5 more.

[327] Turns out my manager said no. And of course, no, you can't get out.

[328] Then I would have assumed my cousin, Sal, was in the building somewhere.

[329] Yeah, yeah.

[330] And somebody you would drive through the gate.

[331] I also would imagine.

[332] I have done that.

[333] I did that at the hospital once.

[334] I was so sick.

[335] I went to the emergency room, and I realized I was not going to be seen for hours.

[336] I got out and you couldn't pay.

[337] You needed a token.

[338] This was at St. John's.

[339] in Burbank, and I was like, you know what?

[340] I'm driving through this gate, and I just snapped the damn thing off.

[341] Wow.

[342] No ramifications.

[343] Good.

[344] None whatsoever.

[345] I have done it once, but I didn't have the pleasure of making the decision to do it, and then probably what you felt afterwards.

[346] It was an accident?

[347] Yeah, it was at Warner Brothers.

[348] I was in a truck that was too big.

[349] The little lever was below the hood.

[350] I couldn't really see it.

[351] And so I'm talking with the guy at the guard shack, and we're getting along great.

[352] And then he hands me my best, and I'm like, have a good one, boss.

[353] And I just punch it.

[354] I just drove right through the fucking day.

[355] You know, they have a collection of those because it happens all the time.

[356] I was relieved to find out that this was like a daily occurrence there.

[357] They also, at the gas station, people drive off every single day.

[358] Which is why they now have the breakaway ones.

[359] They have the breakaway ones.

[360] But they will charge you like $150 or something.

[361] Oh, they do.

[362] I think so, yeah.

[363] Okay, back to not believing Guillermo's source.

[364] Or even bigger than that, that no one actually knows.

[365] I think this is where you and I share a very similar disposition.

[366] which is why I kind of was shocked when you believed a lot of this JFK conspiracy stuff.

[367] Oh, because I thought you and I processed things the same way, which is like, no one keeps any secrets.

[368] Everyone's a blabbermouth.

[369] There's no real secrets.

[370] Right.

[371] You're talking about that thing we talked about that that guy told me that I was supposed to never tell anybody.

[372] But it confirmed all of your JFK theories.

[373] Somebody killed them, right?

[374] So is it even a conspiracy at that point or is just a poorly unsolved murder?

[375] Well, you don't think it was Lee Harvey Oswald.

[376] Honestly, I just think it's a great story.

[377] It is.

[378] And it seems just as believable to me as Lee Harvey Oswald.

[379] I'm not a great student of the JFK assassination.

[380] In the same way, like, I know every bit of minutiae about the OJ trial because I lived through it and I was watching it.

[381] But it sounded pretty good, right?

[382] Yeah, yeah.

[383] But can we say what it is?

[384] No, I can't.

[385] I can't say what it is.

[386] I promise.

[387] I mean, I broke to promise.

[388] Someone had access to classified information, read the classified information, said everything you thought was true is true, virtually, right?

[389] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it wasn't anything new.

[390] Yeah, and it wasn't Guillermo's informant.

[391] It may have been one of Guillermo's guys.

[392] It's got a lot of people on the inside.

[393] We don't know.

[394] Okay, now, back to the podcast, Strike Force Five.

[395] I'm listening to it, and I'm like, this is great.

[396] I'm enjoying this so much.

[397] I have to say, there is a salacious curiosity I have when I listen to it.

[398] I would compare it to watching.

[399] The Departed.

[400] Do you remember that movie?

[401] Yeah, I didn't see it because Matt Damon's in it, but yeah.

[402] But you're aware of who's in it.

[403] It's every single biggest movie star on the planner.

[404] You got fucking Jack Nicholson in there and Linaardo Cabrio and your sworn enemy, Matt Damon, and Mark Wahlberg.

[405] And this is like, bring them all here.

[406] And let's point a camera at these guys and let's see who your eye goes to.

[407] That was my kind of perverse interest in that movie.

[408] Like, okay, if these two are in a scene together and it's a two shot, like, who am I drawing?

[409] It was almost like a battle royale of these.

[410] Or like Oceans 11.

[411] Ocean's 11.

[412] Also with Matt Damon, so you also probably haven't seen it.

[413] We are the world.

[414] We are the world.

[415] Exactly.

[416] Who's going to hit that right note and kind of blow everyone else away?

[417] Who's Lionel?

[418] Who's Michael?

[419] Yes.

[420] Who's Bruce?

[421] Who's Ray Charles?

[422] My conclusion on Departed was Nicholson is unbeatable.

[423] If you put Nicholson in a two shot with a fucking chimpanzee on fire, you'll probably be watching Jack's face to see how he reacts to it.

[424] Right.

[425] And he's just so charismatic.

[426] So in some weird.

[427] perverse way.

[428] I'm kind of excited to hear all of you guys who, in theory, are competitors, I guess, and you have a similar job.

[429] But listening to who's going to land where, who takes the lead, that's all very fun for an audience member.

[430] It is.

[431] And I think you might have a different conclusion at the end of each episode of the show.

[432] Fun.

[433] I like that.

[434] What we decided, because we are broadcasters, we know how this works, is that it was going to be a big mess if there wasn't a host, right?

[435] It has to be a host.

[436] And so we decided each one of us will take each episode and kind of follow it all the way through.

[437] So we'll prepare the episode.

[438] We'll host the episode.

[439] That person will edit the episode.

[440] And then you hand it off.

[441] And then you hand it off.

[442] Right.

[443] Okay.

[444] So you were obviously the first host.

[445] Seth was the second host.

[446] Stephen was the third host.

[447] I could have it wrong.

[448] We've taped five of them so far.

[449] And now it's back to me for the next one.

[450] And I'm breaking the spirit of it because what I already said was really cool about is that everyone's getting along and I think it's very encouraging.

[451] But anyways, the point is I was having like a really fun time.

[452] I'm listening to all this.

[453] Until I got to this part where you go like, oh, yeah, you know what I fucking hate is when people come to my fishing lodge and they don't fish, it irks me. That's right.

[454] And I, of course, immediately was like, well, fuck, I've been there four times now.

[455] But we've talked about this.

[456] I told you about it.

[457] That you're mad.

[458] That I'm mad.

[459] I shouldn't have said mad.

[460] Well, irked is a dark word.

[461] No, but your explanation to me, which I remember very well, was good enough that you're off the list.

[462] And here's what it was.

[463] Listen, there are some people who don't fish because they're six -year -old daughter is a vegetarian and doesn't want them to go fish.

[464] Okay, okay.

[465] So that's irksome.

[466] Yes.

[467] You explained it to me in the best possible way.

[468] I don't know if you remember, but you said, I've seen what has happened to you and I've seen what has happened to our mutual friend, Tom.

[469] And I've seen what has happened to, et cetera.

[470] And I know that this is going to happen to me all.

[471] also where I become obsessed with fly fishing, and I want to wait a few years until I do that.

[472] I don't think the bandwidth currently.

[473] To me, that's like, okay, that makes sense.

[474] And I'll go further.

[475] Maybe I didn't say it outlawed you, but I have said it on here.

[476] I think maybe when Jake was on or something, why I don't fish.

[477] It's even deeper in that, which is also two dudes I idolize.

[478] Tom Hanson and you, I idolize both of you.

[479] And I think, well, fuck, if these two heroes are minors, I'm course going to get obsessed.

[480] There's also some weird, I admire both of you, and the fact that you do.

[481] do it makes me believe even more I would get obsessed with it.

[482] It's like you're saving your virginity.

[483] You're waiting for marriage.

[484] I could commit to you publicly that the first time I go fish and I would like to go with you.

[485] Well, that I would actually be furious if you do fly fishing with someone.

[486] Tom, you could go fly fishing.

[487] That's okay.

[488] You guys have known each other longer.

[489] But I really love taking people fly fishing for the first time.

[490] You do.

[491] But I don't want to also put like a ton of pressure on you because there are people that I love who I have a huge amount in common with.

[492] my cousin Sal, for instance, if you look in the back of the boat, he'll be watching the game on his phone.

[493] Okay.

[494] So he's not disrespect.

[495] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[496] He just doesn't like it.

[497] It's just not his thing.

[498] We talked about this on one of the fact checks, and Dax gave an explanation, but we were waiting for you to come to give the actual explanation of what is the psychology behind why you like it.

[499] I would love to explain that.

[500] Good, because Monica, I think rightly was like, oh, I don't get it.

[501] Right.

[502] Like, oh, this seems boring.

[503] Well, first of all, you haven't done it, right?

[504] So that's probably the main reason why you don't get it.

[505] But in the particular way that we are fly fishing on the snake river, you're on a slow moving boat with two other people.

[506] You are mostly quiet, but also having conversations.

[507] You're getting direction from your guide.

[508] And you're watching a fly on the water.

[509] This fly is the size of the head of a Q -tip.

[510] You're so focused on that fly on the water under this canopy of nature that is quite beautiful.

[511] The only thing I can really compare it to that everyone understands is when you become hypnotized on the freeway, when you're driving and your brain just goes on its own.

[512] I have more ideas when I'm fly fishing than anything.

[513] Oh, interesting.

[514] Yeah, it's like the proverbial shower for musicians or driving.

[515] Yeah.

[516] It's just like that.

[517] The day goes by like that.

[518] And sometimes you haven't looked around for hours.

[519] Like you will look up and go, Oh, wow, it's beautiful here.

[520] Oh, there's moose.

[521] Which is pretty crazy because most of the time that's what you'd be focused on, you know?

[522] It's just that particular point of focus.

[523] When you do that, it frees the rest of your brain.

[524] And for me, it's euphoric.

[525] Yeah, it is.

[526] It's euphoric.

[527] That's the perfect word to describe it.

[528] Okay, then that's a little different than what my guess was.

[529] Here was my guess.

[530] Because my very favorite thing is going to the track on the motorcycle, simply because it is the only moment in my whole life where I actually can't focus up.

[531] on another thing, or I will crash.

[532] It's like that cut and dry.

[533] Right.

[534] I can't like wander to, do I have enough money for the rest of my life?

[535] You know, going into a turn at 1 .30.

[536] It's almost like this.

[537] Right?

[538] That makes me laugh because I know that's a real fall.

[539] Of course, every 12 minutes.

[540] So for me, it's forced presence, which is kind of hard for me because my mind's always all over the place.

[541] My guess was like, you're trying to hit this certain spot, but everything's moving.

[542] It's not bobber fishing.

[543] I was trying to explain.

[544] It's not like you just throw it out.

[545] out there and then you wait for a little signal.

[546] It's like you're actively constantly trying to get it somewhere.

[547] Yeah, and you're casting, you're hitting targets.

[548] And then there's that moment of drama when that fly that you've been looking at sometimes for 40 minutes straight, a big trout comes up from under the water and attacks it.

[549] And then if you're not paying attention, you're not going to die, but you're going to wish you because you're going to be the same if you lost it.

[550] You know, you just take your eye off or you're watching the other guy.

[551] And if you don't focus, you'll miss that fish because you have to set the hook.

[552] It also sounds like nature's video game.

[553] Yeah, that is what it is.

[554] Sure.

[555] Yeah, there's that just like element of surprise and achievement.

[556] And also it rings some, I think, caveman bells.

[557] I could catch fish if I needed to in a pinch.

[558] Yeah, yeah.

[559] I could feed my tribe.

[560] You can survive.

[561] I'm safe somehow.

[562] And then we release the fish right into the...

[563] Although there is a fish up there that you're encouraged to keep.

[564] The rainbow trout.

[565] is considered to be an invasive trout.

[566] It's very controversial and gets people very fired up, but they're trying to protect the cutthroat trout from being displaced because rainbow trout and cutthroat will breed together.

[567] They become cutbows, whereas brown trout will not breed with the other trout.

[568] And so the browns, even though they're not supposed to be there, they're okay.

[569] That's going to be the clip we pull out.

[570] The browns, even though they're not going to be there.

[571] It's interesting.

[572] It'd be better.

[573] if the Browns weren't here, but they're here, but luckily, you can ignore them.

[574] In this world, everybody's thumbs up on the Browns.

[575] Nobody, it's the rainbows.

[576] Everyone loves the Browns.

[577] Oh, the rainbows.

[578] It's the LGBTQ plus fish.

[579] Okay, that makes sense.

[580] They're taking it on the chin even down there.

[581] Yeah.

[582] Yeah, it's tough.

[583] It's Idaho, you know.

[584] That's true.

[585] They need to get those fish over to the L .A. River.

[586] Yeah, but it's fun.

[587] I love it.

[588] And I love knowing just little quirks and the things that get people going.

[589] And do you see a time limit?

[590] Probably not, right, because we have people like Tom Hansen.

[591] Well, there are very old men fishing, so that's another great thing about it.

[592] Yeah, and do you, are you ever doing it and have that slight fear in the back of your head, like, God, I hope I don't ever stop liking this.

[593] No, I don't think I will ever stop liking it.

[594] You feel very confident.

[595] Yeah, I feel pretty confident.

[596] It's funny because, like, I got my dad into it.

[597] I said, you know, usually the father will take the son fishing for his first time.

[598] But, you know, we're from Brooklyn.

[599] Well, that would be this.

[600] The father will take the son.

[601] Yes, yes.

[602] Yes, I can't wait.

[603] I did that with Bateman.

[604] I took him out.

[605] Well, everyone that returns loves it.

[606] Not everyone.

[607] Throw someone under the bus.

[608] Adam Carolla doesn't like it.

[609] He doesn't hate it, but either you love it or you secretly don't really like it.

[610] It's kind of one of those things.

[611] Right.

[612] You're not half in on it.

[613] A couple of my friends were just not into it.

[614] I guess my other concern is, it's not like you guys go fishing for an hour.

[615] No, no. It's the whole day.

[616] It's the whole day, yeah.

[617] That's part of what's great about it.

[618] Because you get to have a conversation with, first of all, one of your friends or family members for a whole day.

[619] Yeah.

[620] And then there's a guide.

[621] You get to know a complete stranger in detail.

[622] Well, it would be like driving in an Uber up to Portland.

[623] Yeah, right.

[624] You'd really know that person.

[625] And be real chatty with the driver.

[626] Yeah, yeah.

[627] I know fishing is interesting, certainly to me, but you keep going.

[628] I got to find something.

[629] I got to tell you something about my wife and you.

[630] Oh, okay, great, great.

[631] I really look forward to that.

[632] I have one last question about the fishing, though, but now I've completely lost it.

[633] Oh, you took Billy for the first time this year, right?

[634] Yeah, I took him out on the boat for the first time.

[635] Oh, he didn't fish.

[636] Yeah, he fished.

[637] We'd fished in the pond, but it was his first time fishing in the boat.

[638] And he liked it, right?

[639] You sent a picture of him holding the fish.

[640] You know, it's funny.

[641] It's a long time, I'd imagine, at that age.

[642] My son, Billy, is a real character.

[643] He sits on my lap, and I hold the rod, and then we catch fish, right?

[644] and we caught a bunch of big fish and then he kind of had enough.

[645] And we get back to the lodge and everyone was like, oh, Billy, they're looking at the pictures.

[646] Great job, great job, good job.

[647] And Billy sits there nodding.

[648] And afterwards, he says to my wife, I didn't catch any of those fish.

[649] Dad caught them off.

[650] Oh, good.

[651] I just put my hand on the rock.

[652] Well, good, he's got integrity.

[653] He's six years old.

[654] I was like, you've got to play along with the game like your sister does.

[655] Come on now.

[656] So my wife, I mean, you are probably her number one favorite.

[657] I don't know if you're aware of this in life and also the podcast as well.

[658] Oh, wow.

[659] And I think the podcast has really fueled it because obviously you don't spend a tremendous amount of time together or if you do just keep that quiet.

[660] Right, right.

[661] One night, Molly is going on and on and on about how evolved and vulnerable you are.

[662] Oh, gosh.

[663] Of course, these are also veiled insults.

[664] Of course.

[665] Of course.

[666] Negging.

[667] She's going on about how funny and all this stuff and to the point where, and I rarely do this, I start to get a little jealous.

[668] Yes, okay.

[669] This is the best day of Dax's life.

[670] I said, well, did you hear the nice things Dax said about me?

[671] Like now looking to basically get her approval based on the approval.

[672] The guy you're in love with is in love with me. That's where all roads leads to me. You're already with the guy.

[673] I'm embarrassed to say.

[674] I actually said this and I wrote it down because I didn't want to forget it.

[675] And I said, honestly, I was getting jealous, you know, listening.

[676] And she said, don't be jealous.

[677] Just be more like Dax.

[678] Oh, no. Yeah.

[679] Oh, Molly.

[680] Let's do it.

[681] Let's get the fuck out of here.

[682] Let's just take all this and get out.

[683] She has no idea what she's just done.

[684] Kristen and Jimmy will be happy together.

[685] That's a great fallback.

[686] I think we would be very compatible.

[687] I think we could switch her room.

[688] It's a bad deal for Kristen.

[689] Let's be honest.

[690] But, you know, we can figure out.

[691] You know what she says?

[692] She says, hey, Jimmy's so even keeled.

[693] And have you ever noticed he's so kind and generous and nice?

[694] No, she says that.

[695] Well, you know, that's what you say about like a grandparent.

[696] No, no. As you're leaving the convalescent.

[697] home so even keeled all the other seniors are throwing their food all around not jimmy not jimmy i will tell you another thing i was starting to defend myself by attacking you when she was talking about how evolved you were and i said dax has evolved dachs is sitting in his house wearing military fatigues waiting to kill his robbers that's not evolved she goes you'd be right in there with him i was like yeah no yeah i was in underwear and running shoes.

[698] I went to sleep in and I also have my gloves on our right motorcycles with the Kevlar knuckles.

[699] Well, you have to have those.

[700] I don't want to hurt my hands as I'm pummeling these guys of death in the doggy door.

[701] But you remember the punchline of the story is that for people don't remember you.

[702] The house was robbed three times.

[703] We came back from vacation.

[704] I'm like, everything's got to look the same.

[705] Park the car in the back.

[706] I'm going to think we're gone again.

[707] Hopefully they're coming back.

[708] You guys sleep in the front room with the door like.

[709] I'm sleeping in our bedroom where the dog door is.

[710] Sleep in the underwear, the running shoes and the gloves.

[711] hear a noise at 3 .30 in the morning, leap out of bed, run through the bathroom to get to the doggie door, hit my shoulder on the side of the door the hardest I've ever hurt myself.

[712] It spun me around.

[713] I continued going and I got to the doggy door and I was like, about to pass out my shoulder hurt so bad.

[714] And there was nobody there.

[715] And I thought, oh, in my mind, the way I was going to be out of attention was so wrong.

[716] Oh, yeah.

[717] It's like a Liam Mason movie.

[718] My fantasy versus what happened.

[719] It's like I ran like a cartoon straight into the wall trying to defend the house.

[720] You kind of just confirmed one of my fears, which is, I got to imagine there's a ton of husbands that just fucking hate my guts.

[721] I would hate it.

[722] You're like Oprah, you know, in a lot of ways.

[723] I remember when Oprah was at her zenith in the 90s, and I'd come home for work, and my now ex -wife would be yelling at me about something she saw about men on Oprah.

[724] And I was like, I don't know who this woman is, but she is causing me a lot of problems.

[725] Yes.

[726] This brilliant dude in Michigan made a video that made its way to me. And it's just him in his front yard.

[727] And he goes, I want to know who this Dax guy is.

[728] My wife's always talking about this Dax guy drives a fucking Pacifica.

[729] My wife thinks this guy's so cool.

[730] He's just going crazy because I drive a Pacifica.

[731] I'm kind of delighted it's happening to you.

[732] Yeah, yeah, it is happening to me. It really has.

[733] It's interesting.

[734] It's never really happened to me before.

[735] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[736] if you dare We've all been there Turning to the internet To self -diagnose our inexplicable pains Debilitating body aches Sudden fevers and strange rashes Though our minds tend to spiral To worst -case scenarios It's usually nothing But for an unlucky few These unsuspecting symptoms Can start the clock ticking On a terrifying medical mystery Like the unexplainable death Of a retired firefighter Whose body was found at home by his son except it looked like he had been cremated or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[737] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[738] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[739] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[740] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[741] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[742] What's up guys?

[743] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[744] Every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation and I don't mean just friends I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on so follow, watch, and listen to Baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[745] Okay, so one thing I think I want to explore with you and you said it on the first episode of Strike Force Five You had really been wanting to retire.

[746] Yeah, I did want to retire.

[747] You were, like, certain, right?

[748] When I talked to you, it was going to take a miracle to get you.

[749] I was very certain.

[750] When was this?

[751] This was about two years ago, a year and a half ago.

[752] The first time, yeah, you told me was in Idaho two summers ago.

[753] I thought that was it.

[754] All right, I've had enough.

[755] And I know this sounds ridiculously trivial, but you start looking around your office and you go, do I really want to clean all this out?

[756] Oh.

[757] Am I really going to now go through these closets and box off?

[758] And that's step one on the I Might Stay journey.

[759] And then you start looking around at the people and go, boy, these people are really not going to be happy if I retire, and especially when I don't have to.

[760] And then ABC was particularly aggressive and enthusiastic, which I'd not really experienced before.

[761] I like the new people that came in there and I thought, well, I haven't really even had a chance to work with these people.

[762] And when it was all said and done, there I was signed up.

[763] And there were a lot of people in my life were like, I knew you weren't going to go.

[764] And you're like, really?

[765] I didn't.

[766] I thought I was going to go.

[767] I believed you, but I had.

[768] I believed me, too.

[769] Well, exactly.

[770] So I believed you in the same way I believe myself, which is I make declarations like this all the time.

[771] I was very relieved.

[772] We had Jake Johnson on the other day.

[773] You must have had him on.

[774] Oh, I know you had him on.

[775] Yeah.

[776] He had shaved his head the last episode.

[777] Oh, yeah, right.

[778] Yeah, you looked insane with a shaved head.

[779] We were just bonding over the fact, like, these declarations are like, I'm done acting.

[780] You know, why do I have to say that out loud?

[781] Why don't I don't have to declare that?

[782] I can't just go like, well, just leave it at today.

[783] Today you don't want to.

[784] Usually what happens is you get forced to answer the question, like somebody will ask you in an interview.

[785] Every interview, people are like, it's going to be 20 years.

[786] I started to feel like people wanted me to leave.

[787] Right.

[788] It's like time.

[789] You got to dance around the question because you don't want everybody at work.

[790] Especially they're pumped out.

[791] Like, how much longer are you going to.

[792] do this.

[793] Yeah.

[794] I was like, you think you're going to stick around.

[795] Well, don't you think yours is a little, and we all do this, but a little ego, where you are worried people are thinking, why has he done any acting?

[796] I haven't seen him do any acting in a long time.

[797] So you have to be ahead of it.

[798] And I've decided I'm not doing that anymore.

[799] I'm in charge of this.

[800] I'm in control.

[801] That's always a part of your life, right?

[802] Do you remember when Larry King had Jerry Seinfeld on at the end of the Seinfeld show?

[803] And he's like, Seinfeld's being canceled after, you know, he was like, how do you, and Jerry lost his mind.

[804] Oh, he did.

[805] You know, in a funny way, but he was like, you can't call it canceled.

[806] That one person thought that the show had been canceled was so inflammatory.

[807] And what a beautiful example, because this is the person with the most successful show of all time.

[808] And even that person isn't inoculated from that.

[809] No one is questioning what his status was at NBC, except for one very old man who's still hosting a talk to you used the wrong word unintentionally.

[810] Maybe not, but I don't know.

[811] That is comforting, though.

[812] It is.

[813] I think that's what I always like when Stern has legends on and you get to hear, say, Dave, the whole time was fearful.

[814] That's so comforting.

[815] I know it is.

[816] Billy Crystal once told me, oh, I get so nervous before doing something.

[817] And I was like, oh, it was comforting.

[818] Also, I went, oh, no, it's going to be like this always.

[819] Right.

[820] Right.

[821] But I actually think it helps you go, okay, this is how everyone feels, and now I can get over it because there's no merit to it.

[822] It's like human nature.

[823] It was one of just those little things someone said to me that really helped me in a weird way.

[824] Oh, also, this has had to have happened to you.

[825] I won't say the person's name, but someone I absolutely worshipped growing up and was a comedian that I thought, well, if I had what they had, I would be so happy.

[826] And then when I came to meet them and they were very, very unhappy, I wanted to say, like, you've just given me the biggest gift imaginable.

[827] I can see that that's not going to make me happy.

[828] I'm sure that made them even happier.

[829] I didn't say that to them, but I remember thinking, I'm actually grateful I now can see it.

[830] It's funny because it's a lesson that is needle pointed on the wall of, like, many houses, you know, whatever, and you don't really buy it until you see it.

[831] Yeah, well, you can know things intellectually, and you can know them emotionally, and you can maybe know them both ways.

[832] I've heard a lot of sayings, and I could explain a lot of sayings, especially from AA, but until the one moment you were like, oh, right.

[833] one day of time is very profound.

[834] It's like as an American, you think we have it better and we are in a better spot and happier than everyone, every place else.

[835] And then you go to a second or third world country and you go, why did these people seem so much happier than we are?

[836] Yeah, yeah.

[837] They seem to be having a lot more fun.

[838] Who's winning?

[839] Well, for me, that was moving to L .A. living in a one -bedroom apartment above another one -bedroom apartment where six, seven people lived.

[840] And initially I was like, oh my god where are they sleeping so concerned about them but i lived above them for 10 years the amount of laughing that was happening all day long i'm sitting up there by myself in my apartment lonely i'm like oh i guess they're fucking winning they're having the best day of their life every day there's the little lessons that we're taught and we don't learn or you just learn the same lesson over and over again every six months that also happens to me same epiphanies yeah it's almost like i need a special file where i write the important things down yeah that i review on a regular basis, but it's all fleeting always.

[841] Wait, what are yours?

[842] Molly will love to hear it.

[843] Well, I'm so evolved now.

[844] There's this song by James Taylor called The Secret of Life or Secret O Life, for whatever reason he gave it like a funny title.

[845] That's not a funny song.

[846] It actually is the secret of life.

[847] And it's very simple.

[848] It's the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.

[849] And it's a great song, but the lyrics are very powerful.

[850] And it's a great song.

[851] But the lyrics are very powerful.

[852] And it's something that you can't just flip a switch and enjoy the passage of time, but it makes you remember that at certain times in your life.

[853] Well, on the podcast, you kind of alluded to another reason why you wanted to work again, which is you had an abundance of time off, which also happens, right?

[854] When you're working at time, you want time off.

[855] And when you have time off, you're like, I'm built to work.

[856] Yeah, I got the summers off, which none of the other hosts have.

[857] You said it makes it that much more enjoyable knowing everyone else doesn't have the summer.

[858] Of course.

[859] Of course.

[860] I get something for being the one doing this the longest.

[861] That's right.

[862] You earned it.

[863] That was a big thing for me. If ABC hadn't said, what if we give you the summer off, I wouldn't still be doing this?

[864] Right.

[865] Because it takes everything.

[866] There are many jobs that are harder.

[867] I would never compare it to like a manual labor job or even some of the jobs I've had in the past.

[868] But it requires all of you.

[869] Yeah, for sure.

[870] Kristen did it once.

[871] She guest hosted when I was working for her.

[872] And it was so full on.

[873] We did both leave.

[874] And she was like, I don't know how he can do this every day.

[875] Like, this is insane.

[876] And then the next day and the next day.

[877] And you see something or you notice something.

[878] You're like, oh, good.

[879] I have a nugget that I can fill four minutes with those little things.

[880] Great.

[881] I'm going to ask you some advice, which is I did the math.

[882] And so we'll just say you've been on for 20 years.

[883] At the time, this was printed, 2619.

[884] episodes.

[885] If you average two interviews an episode, you've done 5 ,388 interviews.

[886] Now, we've done about 700 and it feels preposterously too much.

[887] And then I look at this number.

[888] I'm like, oh my God, it's like fucking 10x.

[889] So you've obviously been through every cycle that I could be experiencing.

[890] You've also done it in a much shorter period of time and your interviews are much lengthier.

[891] So they're pretty close, I think.

[892] Well, probably the thing I'm guessing, or I pray you've had the experience of is it just happened to me beautiful guests on beautiful interview and I come out and I go these are so boring now I'm so boring I'm out of everything I cannot get anything exciting out of everyone what is this what am I doing to make this good or better do you have these cycles not based on any data nothing happened that would make me start thinking this but I just have these waves I do I try to be aware of patterns that I fall into and then try to make an effort to vary from them The best thing you could do, which is also the worst thing you could do, is listen to yourself because you learn so much if you go back and listen.

[893] But it's so painful.

[894] You do get to a point where you good enough at it that you don't have to do that.

[895] You can still be pretty good.

[896] But if you listen to yourself, you will learn.

[897] And that's the best tip, I think, anyone could ever give as far as interviewing or broadcasting goes.

[898] Yeah, I was reading this Rolling Stone interview with you from maybe March or something.

[899] and you were saying how grateful you were that the first three years of the show were total chaos, no one knew what they were doing.

[900] And you say even in the interview, you guys didn't truly figure out how to make this show until year 12 or 13.

[901] I believe that.

[902] It's not a joke.

[903] It's so encouraging.

[904] Yeah, it is.

[905] What do you think were the last bits?

[906] I think for me, what I realized over the course of the show is it's almost like golf in some ways.

[907] And I'm not a golfer, but I recognize the elements that with golf, when you're a not, And you play a round and you hit two good shots that round.

[908] You're like, oh, those two good shots I hit were great.

[909] You focus on those things.

[910] And then as you get better, you start to focus more on the things that you've done wrong.

[911] I think it's almost like a coping mechanism in some ways.

[912] And then as you get even better, consistency becomes what's most important and not the highlights.

[913] And that's what you value and that's what you admire in others is the consistency.

[914] So at the beginning we had no good shows But we'd have one show that I consider to be pretty good And usually because one wildly funny thing happened And then we got to the point a few years later We're like, okay, I feel like we're having two good shows a week And then you want to just get to the point Where your average number is an eight, you know?

[915] Yes, yeah Instead of a 10 and a 3 A 10 and a 3 Yeah, yeah So that's the way I look at it It's like, can you be consistently good?

[916] Because I did radio for a long time What I noticed that the listeners appreciated more than anything, because I did sports casts at 6 a .m. 6 .30, 7, 7 .30, 8 and 8 .30 every morning on K. Rock radio here in L .A. And what the listeners appreciated was not that I was funny once, that thing you said, whatever, it's like that I was funny.

[917] Nine out of 10 mornings they heard me during their commute.

[918] That's what I think registers with people when they realize I've been listening to this person for three years and this person is good.

[919] at this.

[920] Yeah, because I think any kind of performance whatsoever elicits some anxiety in the listener or the viewer.

[921] You're aware of the stake somehow in the back of your minds.

[922] Especially if you like the person.

[923] Yes.

[924] But it's like you go see stand up and there's four people.

[925] For me, the anxiety is almost too much.

[926] Same here.

[927] But then someone steps on stage.

[928] They exude just confidence and you go, oh, I'm safe.

[929] And their pace is calm and whatever the whole thing is.

[930] It's almost like McDonald's.

[931] You know what you're going to get, and that's why you keep going.

[932] And you go like, oh, this person never makes me feel very nervous that they're collapsing in front of me. I never thought of it that way.

[933] But it's all about how it makes you feel, I guess.

[934] And an open mic night, that sort of thing is an absolute nightmare for me because you're rooting for each person and it doesn't go well for almost any of them.

[935] But then you go see Dave Chappelle or Bill Burr or a guy like Chris DeStefano or whatever.

[936] You're like, they're good at this.

[937] Have you watched this stand -up special that just?

[938] came out with Shane Gillis's?

[939] Yes.

[940] I haven't seen it yet, but I heard it's great.

[941] Okay, I can't wait for you to watch it so we can talk about it.

[942] Oh, you saw it.

[943] Yeah, yeah, Chris and I watched it two nights ago.

[944] I've heard it's on a very high level.

[945] It's on a very high level and it is the most dangerous set.

[946] You can imagine someone doing in 2023 and just for that alone.

[947] It's like watching Nightroo Circus.

[948] But of course, we're not promoting Netflix.

[949] No, no, no. You should definitely cut that.

[950] Well, I guess that's cable.

[951] You cut the cord, but definitely cancel your Netflix and every other thing.

[952] Download, cancel.

[953] You'll be fine.

[954] One of my points was like, I grew up in Detroit, a lot of UAW strikes.

[955] I've witnessed a ton of them.

[956] They still drove their Chevys to the plant to pick it.

[957] They'll stop like driving their Chevy when it broke.

[958] They still took it to the dealer.

[959] Well, that's a matter of transportation.

[960] If I don't watch my entertainment, my one and a half hours without kids each night, I'll die.

[961] No, but the truth is if everyone stopped watching the streamers for a month, which is obviously never going to happen.

[962] But if that happened, immediately they would figure it out.

[963] I had this thought.

[964] This is crazy.

[965] I'm sure it's low percentage.

[966] But it did cross my mind just yesterday.

[967] I was driving around.

[968] I was like, humans just by nature, they fatigue of things.

[969] I think even like the polarization, I don't think they'll ever be a leader that unites us all.

[970] I just think slowly people have become fucking fatigued with the fighting left and right.

[971] Yes.

[972] That's my only hope for it.

[973] It's just too exhausting.

[974] You get bored of it.

[975] All these movements we have.

[976] They have a beginning.

[977] They haven't.

[978] It's conceivable that we stop making all this entertainment.

[979] It's a long enough break for people to stay.

[980] Stop watching TV and they go like, oh, fuck.

[981] We've been watching TV for eight years all day, every day.

[982] They might go outside and remember like, oh, it's really nice.

[983] Like, this is very precarious, I think.

[984] We've all watched more TV than any generation by a factor of five.

[985] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[986] It used to be when you're a kid, TV was like, oh, you can't put your kids in front of the TV.

[987] You know, it's bad.

[988] Now it's like TV is books.

[989] It's life.

[990] Yeah.

[991] And YouTube is now the thing we don't want.

[992] the kids watching and the video games.

[993] Yeah, I really do have that distinction, and I'll catch Delta watching YouTube.

[994] You know, YouTube.

[995] I do too.

[996] I mean, mostly because I'm afraid it's going to bring them down a rabbit hole.

[997] I don't like the pacing of the videos.

[998] I notice that when my kids watch YouTube, their behavior is worse.

[999] Yes.

[1000] What's the last time you have your kids watch movies that you watch when you're a kid?

[1001] The credits are insane.

[1002] The opening credits go on forever.

[1003] And you're like, oh, I don't know if I'm going to make it through this.

[1004] I know.

[1005] Never mind them.

[1006] They're gone.

[1007] Even classics like chitty, chitty, bang, bang.

[1008] You're watching 17 minutes of fucking titles.

[1009] It was like they were trying to fill space.

[1010] Yes.

[1011] They're trying to make them.

[1012] We're not making our two hour and 18 minute runtime.

[1013] We've got to add more people to the crew.

[1014] Give them each their own title card.

[1015] It's so different.

[1016] Started with cutting out the TV theme songs.

[1017] And now it's like, you see that little Pixar lamp.

[1018] They drop you in the middle of the second act.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] And then the cuts are coming hot and fast.

[1021] Well, we had someone on, he's big on.

[1022] TikTok, and he was talking about how quickly you have to get people's attention on that and how you do it.

[1023] You can have like a really close up of someone's face so that they will stop and watch.

[1024] That's how fast people want to get through.

[1025] You have to have something major and quick.

[1026] These TikTokers know too much about our brains.

[1027] They do.

[1028] Okay, I got some rapid fire questions for you.

[1029] In the 5 ,38 interviews, and again, that's my own estimation.

[1030] I think I've done well over 3 ,000 shows.

[1031] Oh, you have.

[1032] Okay.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] I'm not surprised that the numbers run nearly everything I read on the internet once the guest is here is not true have you had the experience where it's like the person that's been booked you're certain you dislike and then they're on your show and you kind of fall in love with them or at least 180 on them or you understand them better for sure i have had that i've had that with comedians that i feel are hacky comedians and then you sit down with them and you go oh this is a person who's a pro who knows how to make the audience laugh.

[1035] And it might not be my particular taste.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] But I can't say this is not funny because people are laughing.

[1038] And they were laughing at me earlier in the monologue.

[1039] I'm going to say these people are idiots.

[1040] Yeah, exactly.

[1041] So first of all, I have that pretty often.

[1042] There's like, guess I don't think I want.

[1043] And thus far, 100 % of the time, I end up loving them.

[1044] Right.

[1045] Like, it took it to anyone long enough.

[1046] I'm like, yeah, yeah, everyone's fucking doing the best they can.

[1047] people who, especially like men, and then think much of them physically, and then you see them in person, it's like, oh my God, this is a handsome God.

[1048] Sure, sure, sure.

[1049] Now I understand.

[1050] Yeah.

[1051] Or how about Mamoa dancing in front of you and the loincloth?

[1052] You're like, how can you not get sucked up into that?

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] We haven't had that much commotion on our show in many years than when he did that.

[1055] It's cool when someone has that kind of power.

[1056] It's good to just witness.

[1057] Just that raw, manitistic, magnetism.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] A lot of people you feel it.

[1060] It's really interesting when you go, oh, I get it.

[1061] You know who I got it from?

[1062] George Bush.

[1063] Oh, tell me. I never had much nice to say about George Bush.

[1064] Sure.

[1065] But boy, is that a charismatic guy?

[1066] And you just go like, oh, now I understand this.

[1067] It's like, it's really remarkable.

[1068] Well, you probably go like, he didn't fall into that.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] Because you go, oh, his dad was president.

[1071] His name, basically got him the gig, and then you go, oh, no, it didn't.

[1072] It's his way.

[1073] But that's also weird, because that didn't translate when he would do speeches and stuff.

[1074] It didn't at all.

[1075] That's part of why I was surprised by it.

[1076] But you sit and have a chat with him, and it is different.

[1077] My story, and it's very unpopular to say anything positive about George Bush, but here, I'm going to go as well.

[1078] When Chris and I went to Africa and we stayed at this incredible hotel, Singita, George Bush had just been there within six months and totally unsolicited.

[1079] Mind you, Bill Gates.

[1080] had been there.

[1081] A bunch of people have been to this place.

[1082] I've been there.

[1083] I've proposed to Mali there.

[1084] At Singita?

[1085] Yes.

[1086] Which one?

[1087] In South Africa?

[1088] Yeah, in South Africa.

[1089] We were at one in Tanzania.

[1090] There's like three of them on the Grimatti Reserve.

[1091] But yeah, beautiful, incredible hotel.

[1092] Every single person that worked there over the course of the 10 days we were there just couldn't help but tell me how much they loved George Bush.

[1093] He had been there.

[1094] He stayed up with all them at the campfire every night.

[1095] He was friendly, resoundingly loved.

[1096] And to me, I go, oh, that says something.

[1097] I'm not going to ignore that.

[1098] Well, he also did a lot for Africa.

[1099] I mean, one of the.

[1100] the good things that he did, and, of course, did a lot of things that I don't agree with at all.

[1101] You didn't want to go into Iraq again?

[1102] He did a lot to fight HIV in Africa, more than probably any single human being.

[1103] Oh, of course, I say that like, I know, but any other human being.

[1104] I know what Bono said.

[1105] Bano said that.

[1106] I'm taking this from Bono.

[1107] So he disagreed.

[1108] Take it up with him.

[1109] Have you ever pulled the plug in the middle of an interview?

[1110] I've not pulled the plug I once was interviewing Bruce Willis who seemed very unhappy to be there and I just said to him in the middle of the interview something like is everything okay and he snapped right out of it and was great after that these actors you know they get pulled in by their publicists they don't necessarily want to do this he probably know who the fuck I was he's just like what am I doing here I should be on Letterman right now you know and it was interesting though just being honest and bringing up in the middle of the interview changed the tone of the interview significantly.

[1111] And then afterwards, he was very friendly and we talked and I think we exchanged phone numbers.

[1112] Wow, that's interesting.

[1113] That was interesting.

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] It's very weird.

[1116] I had almost the identical experience with him.

[1117] Really?

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] Working in Austin doing idiocracy 19 years ago, he's there doing a movie, staying at the same hotel.

[1120] I'm hanging out with an actor who's in the with him.

[1121] We joined him for, I don't know, tea in the lobby.

[1122] And he won't look at me. I can't get anything going with him.

[1123] I'm trying to, of course, win him over.

[1124] He's Bruce Willis.

[1125] Right.

[1126] And then he said something about somebody, like a famous person.

[1127] It was pretty disparaging.

[1128] And I looked at him when he finished and I go, you know, in the future, you might want to ask if anyone at the table's best friends with that person.

[1129] And he had this little mini panic look on his face.

[1130] And he goes, I had no idea.

[1131] And I go, it's okay, I don't know that person at all.

[1132] And then he started laughing in a way that was so wonderful.

[1133] Yeah, some people just want a minute of honesty.

[1134] I guess when you're a person like Bruce Willis, everybody approaches him in a similar way.

[1135] Like, I have to be quiet and listen to everything he says and he probably gets tired of it.

[1136] Well, just bored.

[1137] Yes, there's no jousting, really.

[1138] Yeah, who wants that?

[1139] No, you want to mix it up a little bit.

[1140] You must experience that.

[1141] No, I don't think so.

[1142] There's a big difference between being a movie star, especially a movie star on the level of Bruce Willis and being a talk show host that everybody feels like they know.

[1143] Yeah, but I think you're wrong.

[1144] I don't know.

[1145] I don't know about that.

[1146] I guess I'd be the last person to know the answer to that question.

[1147] I think it's best that you don't.

[1148] And you're very humble.

[1149] Well, I think it's best you don't recognize what it is.

[1150] But I think you underestimate the elegance associated with late night.

[1151] I mean, just think how you thought of Johnny Carson.

[1152] Are you trying to tell me Bruce Willis somehow has more status than Johnny Carson?

[1153] No, but I would say, and I'm not.

[1154] just being humble that you can't compare me to Johnny Carson and to David Letterman.

[1155] These people have just a tremendous amount of mystique and their popularity and their viewership and what they pioneered.

[1156] What they did are things we're just repeating.

[1157] You've just walked me perfectly into a trap I've set for you.

[1158] Oh, okay.

[1159] Go ahead.

[1160] My assumption was yes, when we think of David Letterman.

[1161] I mean, he's not even here.

[1162] Your interview with him was maybe the best interview I've ever heard with him.

[1163] I told you, maybe I fucking cried when I read that.

[1164] I mean, if you're going to hit a home run, that's the game seven.

[1165] Might have been the best moment of my life.

[1166] Getting the text is the best moment, not the interview.

[1167] Getting the text from you.

[1168] I was very confused after the interview.

[1169] We both know that Dave can't hear it.

[1170] I'm sure you've had the opportunity to tell him.

[1171] Yes.

[1172] I mean, the man literally changed your direction of your life.

[1173] Yes.

[1174] You're a kid watching it obsessively and drawing pictures of him in school.

[1175] your life was singularly focused at becoming him.

[1176] Not becoming him, but just wanting to absorb every bit of idolizing.

[1177] Just bask in the rays of his genius.

[1178] That's how I feel with your enemy.

[1179] Yeah, but there's a sexual component there.

[1180] Well, sure, but is that, yeah, of course.

[1181] You took up with Letterman if he wanted to.

[1182] He wanted to.

[1183] Dine wish.

[1184] When I see people try to tell Dave how important he is to them, I can also see that he can't internalize that.

[1185] And maybe no human can.

[1186] And my hunch is, and I regret not asking him this, is I bet he doesn't think he ever became Carson.

[1187] I think he's been very clear about that.

[1188] But I disagree.

[1189] Nothing against Shirecardi's great.

[1190] But David Letterman was playing a different sport that happened to be my favorite sport that he was playing.

[1191] So Dave, I think, built on what Johnny was doing and put a pin in a lot of what Johnny was doing in a way that I think changed American humor more than any comedian of my lifetime.

[1192] I say it's in concert with Bill Murray.

[1193] Dave's approach was adopted by all of us.

[1194] None of us can act like Bill Murray.

[1195] I mean, Bill Murray is genuinely a living art installation.

[1196] Yeah, yeah.

[1197] He's a Picasso human.

[1198] I mean, like, if you decided, like, I'm going to be more like Bill Murray, you'd be in jail.

[1199] Yeah, for sure.

[1200] Yeah, you'd be arrested of me. The only person I know who's like Bill Murray is my cousin, Sal.

[1201] Oh, really?

[1202] They have very similar inclinations to do seemingly un -an -a -social things in situations where you do not expect them at all.

[1203] Yeah.

[1204] But Dave, I think, permeated the culture as far as what his humor was, and a lot of people just kind of adopt it.

[1205] He's a paradigm, yeah.

[1206] I think the fact that they were the only ones on made a big difference.

[1207] I never thought of hosting a late -night talk show largely because there were no other late -night talk show.

[1208] When there was someone who came after them, it was a humiliating defeat.

[1209] And they had been getting groomed for probably eight years in the 1230 time slot.

[1210] Well, no, I'm talking about guys like Chevy Chase.

[1211] The only late -night talk shows were on NBC.

[1212] That was it.

[1213] There were only two shows of note on.

[1214] Occasionally you'd have Alan Thick or Rick Dees or somebody try to make a run.

[1215] or Pat Sejack or whatever, but it never ended.

[1216] Well, and until Letterman, there was only one 1130 show, right?

[1217] Letterman going to CBS, created a second show.

[1218] There was Tom Snyder, but it was a very different type of show.

[1219] I used to watch it sometimes.

[1220] I didn't know what I was watching.

[1221] Yeah, yeah.

[1222] It's very confusing, but I found his face mesmerizing.

[1223] Oh, he was great.

[1224] Yeah, yeah.

[1225] It's like the mouth clacked in a very unique way.

[1226] He's like the kind of guy that can't be on television anymore.

[1227] Right, of course.

[1228] Even though he was fantastic.

[1229] Like, we don't have room for that man anymore.

[1230] No, no, no. Okay, Robby, when did you start watching Kimmel?

[1231] I started watching every night in high school.

[1232] You were my letterman.

[1233] Like, it shaped a lot of my comedy.

[1234] So sorry you didn't have a better life from.

[1235] No, see, you'll never be able to take it, but it's real.

[1236] No, when I talk to Rob about you, no, look, I love you and we're best friends.

[1237] I still hold Letterman in the same place you hold Letterman.

[1238] But we're contemporaries and age.

[1239] So what is interesting and real and legitimate is like, Rob's love for you is this.

[1240] the same as ours for Dave.

[1241] Rob, did you draw pictures of me in high school?

[1242] Show him the tattoo, Rob.

[1243] Come on.

[1244] I don't know if his old back was your face.

[1245] When this show came together, Rosenbaum called me and told me Dex wants to do a show.

[1246] He's going to have all these big guest sign.

[1247] He's going to have Kristen and Coucher and Kimmel.

[1248] And that's why I wanted to do the show.

[1249] Not because it was a KKK thing.

[1250] Well, he was a member of the Klu Klux Klam, but.

[1251] But was that you were going to be a guest.

[1252] That's very kind.

[1253] I appreciate that.

[1254] I don't take it lightly.

[1255] But you can't take it, right?

[1256] This is what I want to explore.

[1257] I can take that and I appreciate it and I validate it.

[1258] If you're putting me in a situation or you're comparing me to David Letterman or Johnny Carson, I'm just going to reject it.

[1259] And I'm not rejecting it for the same reason Dave's rejecting the Johnny Carson comparison.

[1260] I'm rejecting it because it's just invalid.

[1261] Well, no, no, hold on, hold on.

[1262] I'm proposing something.

[1263] This is what I'm proposing is that it's just generational.

[1264] It is.

[1265] But it's not like in this case.

[1266] You feel very valid in the point.

[1267] you're making, right?

[1268] I mean, you feel like you're on terra firma.

[1269] But come on.

[1270] I mean, I mean, but listen.

[1271] I'm never giving in on this.

[1272] I know.

[1273] I get it.

[1274] I think when you're in high school, that's when things mean the most of you.

[1275] You are a dry sponge waiting to be filled up, whether it's music or whatever it is.

[1276] You're trying to define yourself and you're looking around and then if you see that someone you think has the same spirit as you, but you haven't figured how to express it.

[1277] It's just like a roadmap.

[1278] It's so important.

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] For me, Dave, represented a lot of things.

[1281] He felt punk rock to me. He felt like an outcast but was still handsome and people liked him.

[1282] It felt like, oh yeah, I can be different yet be in the mainstream.

[1283] There was something so encouraging about it.

[1284] It was like he snuck in somehow.

[1285] Yes, there was a big mix up.

[1286] He looks like them, but he's really like us.

[1287] That's right.

[1288] He's a little alien or something.

[1289] It's hard to explain.

[1290] I think it's okay that you can't feel it.

[1291] I actually think it's a testament to you being humble and kind, which you are.

[1292] But this is very hard for a lot of.

[1293] of people to believe but a lot of younger generation they don't know letterman no i understand and they know you they watch the clips all the time everything you're thinking that letterman did and i remember too and the pencils in the ceiling and bringing people from the stable onto the show and all these revolutionary things he did the fucking mad damon videos those hadn't been done that's just as important and relevant to anyone the monica for sure yeah yeah yeah i mean i'm fucking mad damon became your my theme song she committed her whole life to that of that moment, I know this is behind the curtain and you probably don't want to accept this.

[1294] Well, no, he doesn't want to say he was supporting his enemy.

[1295] We talked about this on the show.

[1296] I saw this in real life.

[1297] I was at the air premiere.

[1298] You were at the air premiere.

[1299] You wingmaned me, which was so kind and lovely and nice.

[1300] And I left and I was like, what did I just do?

[1301] Because I was kind of looking at him.

[1302] And I was with my friend Molly.

[1303] And she was like, you got to go say something to him.

[1304] And I was like, absolutely.

[1305] I won't.

[1306] And then I was like, oh my God, Jimmy's here.

[1307] And I just ran straight over to you as if we were best friends, which we aren't.

[1308] Well, but you are.

[1309] Yes, yet.

[1310] Now we are.

[1311] When Molly and I run off together, maybe.

[1312] Yeah, exactly.

[1313] That'll be a spot open.

[1314] But halfway through me talking to you and you were being so nice and kind, I was like, I'm so rude.

[1315] Everyone here wants to talk to Jimmy.

[1316] And I just ran up as if I'm entitled to this conversation.

[1317] Well, no, it's not rude because first of all, I got to talk to somebody.

[1318] And secondly, you were one of the few people I knew there.

[1319] So you always like to grab on to somebody that you know.

[1320] And then about halfway through the conversation, I went, oh, right.

[1321] I was like, oh, wait a minute.

[1322] I just realized something.

[1323] Something very important.

[1324] And then Matt was in like a roped off circle or whatever.

[1325] And I was like, Matt.

[1326] I got to scream at him like 11 times.

[1327] And then he's like, what to what?

[1328] And I was like, but, and then of course he recognized you and remembered you, so there you go.

[1329] But it was very nice to you and you're extremely generous and I wanted to say thank you for that.

[1330] Well, my pleasure.

[1331] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1332] Do you know what I'm saying, though, that you want it for Dave, that you want Dave to be able to internalize it?

[1333] Do you feel that same frustration I do?

[1334] I want him to know he's a God.

[1335] Yeah, I do.

[1336] But I think If you tell him enough times, it'll get it.

[1337] And I feel like I've beaten him into submission.

[1338] Well, that's what our job is here for you.

[1339] It's an intervention, really.

[1340] I really do.

[1341] I feel like I finally beat him into submission where he goes, okay, this person is fragile.

[1342] And obviously, I mean a lot to him.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] It could get dangerous if I don't take this.

[1345] And he's kind enough.

[1346] He knows how devastating it would be.

[1347] I mean, I went into that show the first time I did it.

[1348] I went into that show so scared, first of all, because I wanted Dave to think I was funny, but also because that's how I judge celebrities by whether Dave seemed to like them or not.

[1349] Yes.

[1350] And I had this thought that if Dave thinks I'm a dick, then I am a dick.

[1351] It's over.

[1352] Your whole identity.

[1353] You trust his judgment.

[1354] I was waiting to be branded.

[1355] How about that moment?

[1356] Because I know you had it.

[1357] When you know Dave so well and you see a certain look on his face mid -interview and you you go, oh my God, he likes me?

[1358] Did you have that moment?

[1359] My soul left my body.

[1360] They actually yesterday posted an old video on the Letterman YouTube channel.

[1361] For me, that's where I will disappear.

[1362] I think it was maybe my second or third appearance on the show.

[1363] And, you know, I'm just a kid talking about my family.

[1364] I come out, Dave had just been bitten on the face by a dog during stupid petrics.

[1365] It was bleeding.

[1366] Oh, boy.

[1367] It continues with the show.

[1368] He really, like, didn't slow down for a second.

[1369] I come out and this had just happened And now he's got to host the rest of the show And I came out and I said I'm gonna tell you right now I won't rest until that animal is destroyed Which is a weird way to start a segment That's great Oh my God Oh we have to give Jimmy another thank you Because we just haven't seen you in so long You had me on your show Oh yeah that's right that was fun It's like when people went on Letterman And it was a huge No it's nothing like that It is like that.

[1370] You must hear it.

[1371] Monica, on my show, your feet touched the ground when you sat in the chair on this show.

[1372] They sure don't.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] But you were so nice.

[1375] You're just the best.

[1376] Wow.

[1377] It was fun having on, yeah.

[1378] Okay.

[1379] I don't know if I've ever brought this up, but I was so excited when I was reading about you today.

[1380] The notion that you were at ASU, I guess, in what year, like, 89.

[1381] I was there from 86 through 89.

[1382] Bingo.

[1383] So you must have eaten that flaky Jake.

[1384] across the street.

[1385] Of course, yeah.

[1386] Boy, I haven't heard those words in a long time.

[1387] Jimmy, is there ever?

[1388] Greasy Tonys.

[1389] Flaky Jakes.

[1390] The Chuck Box.

[1391] These are my spots.

[1392] Harry Marys.

[1393] Flaky Jakes, what a spot, huh?

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] How do you know Flaky Jakes?

[1396] So I had a stepdad.

[1397] One of my stepdad was an engineer at General Motors, and in the wintertime, they would go to the GM Proving Grounds in Mesa.

[1398] And so he'd be there for like the whole winter.

[1399] My mom would be with his kids at home and all of us, but we would go out there for a week or two every year.

[1400] All we cared about was we want to go to Flaky Jakes every single day that we're there because I had never seen a condiment bar like that.

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] That was before Fuddruckers.

[1403] Yeah, I think it was early Fud Ruckers.

[1404] I think Fud Ruggers ripped off Flaky Jakes.

[1405] I think so.

[1406] It may even be the same company because they were so similar.

[1407] Also, good names, too.

[1408] Fud Ruckers.

[1409] But Fud Ruckers stood the test of time and Flaky Jakes is no more.

[1410] Should we try to find out if that brand exists in a bankruptcy court somewhere?

[1411] Flaky Jakes.

[1412] It's a great nickname for one of our friends, too.

[1413] We've got to figure out which Jake to tap or...

[1414] Of course.

[1415] He'll have to get rid of some of his other great nicknames.

[1416] If he ever ran against Trump, he'd be called Flaky Jake.

[1417] Yeah, oh, yeah, right.

[1418] That brings me another question.

[1419] Because you must think about this.

[1420] Would you interview Trump on the show?

[1421] Now, yes, I would.

[1422] I've thought about it a lot.

[1423] I bet.

[1424] I just have so many things I'd like to say to him and ask him.

[1425] I want to interview him, too, and I think people would be really mad if I did.

[1426] But I want to hear what you think.

[1427] you could get...

[1428] But you said you didn't want him to be interviewed anymore.

[1429] You didn't want people to like get that wrapped up in me. I don't want CNN to be showing a bunch of stuff of him and get him elected again.

[1430] Yeah.

[1431] But then why do we get to do it?

[1432] I don't know.

[1433] I have a problem with the just not talking as a solution.

[1434] And I also think that tradition is important.

[1435] And I think when somebody is a real possibility that they're going to be the president in the United States that they get interviewed, you know, whether it be CNN or whatever.

[1436] I mean, for the same reason, I think Fox News, if they were a real news organization, would be devoting more time to the other side.

[1437] But I just feel like the only way to communicate is to communicate, you know?

[1438] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1439] It doesn't mean I would be nice to him.

[1440] I certainly wouldn't, and we wouldn't joke around like we did before we knew what was to come.

[1441] But in your mind, when you think of that I think maybe the first thing I'd start with was one of the things you talked about was bringing in only the best people.

[1442] Let's go through a list of all the best people you brought in who now say you are a criminal and are unfit to be president.

[1443] We do a speed round.

[1444] I'll go through the names.

[1445] Let's start with Bill Barr, you're a former attorney general.

[1446] Now let's go to Mike Pence.

[1447] Just go through because to me, that alone is a disqualifier.

[1448] If you had a boss who hired 30 people at a Flaky Jakes and then, fire the mall or they quit and they all were in his opinion crazy okay then what kind of a decision maker are you he doesn't seem to have any relationships that have lasted more than six or seven years it's crazy my arrogant fantasy so yours is going to be a blast session it's going to be combative i would love to see that i would too it would be very entertaining i hope it happens i have a more of an arrogant lofty thought which is i don't think i want to spend any time debating him about anything i don't want him in the defensive or in that attack mode that he's so great at being a bully?

[1449] I need to answer the question, is he in on the joke or not?

[1450] On which joke?

[1451] The one he's playing on a country?

[1452] Just the whole thing.

[1453] Like, is he, there's so many moments where I was like, is he in on it?

[1454] Does he just know that his fuel is angering the left?

[1455] And does he mean any of it?

[1456] Trying to figure out what he means and what he doesn't is a great curiosity of mine.

[1457] I think he's like a gorilla pushing buttons.

[1458] And sometimes he learns that if he pushes a certain button, he gets.

[1459] a reaction that he likes and he goes right back to that button.

[1460] I agree, but how much of his opinions do you think are sincere opinions?

[1461] Are you curious about that?

[1462] None of them.

[1463] You've already decided.

[1464] I don't know.

[1465] I think that he's a spinner.

[1466] That's his mindset.

[1467] That's his mindset.

[1468] He would do it well before he's present.

[1469] Like his hotel is the most popular hotel in the world.

[1470] His this is water.

[1471] Is it purest drinking water?

[1472] Meanwhile, they're just putting a sticker with his name on it.

[1473] Some whatever right -aid water.

[1474] And I don't think he means anything that.

[1475] he says.

[1476] I think everything is spin.

[1477] Yeah, I agree.

[1478] I have some delusional fantasy.

[1479] I could somehow or at least attempt to meet the real person.

[1480] That probably would never happen.

[1481] But that is why I would want to do it.

[1482] I wonder if I can have a single real moment with this dude.

[1483] I think the real person would be very disappointing.

[1484] I think you just meet a horny, lonely, lonely egomaniac who was not treated very well by his parents.

[1485] Well, interestingly enough, we just had this great guest, Gabor Mate.

[1486] He's like an addiction specialist and a physician.

[1487] He's much older and he's written a beautiful books.

[1488] And he has a chapter in his new book paralleling Trump and Hillary.

[1489] He's like a lot of people would say those two people are the opposite.

[1490] But if you look really closely, both had the exact same home circumstances where vulnerability was not an option.

[1491] You had to hide any fear, hide any pain, all these great examples.

[1492] And he said, the result of which is you have Hillary that's so afraid to be vulnerable, that she has pneumonia, can't tell anyone, and collapses, almost dies from this inability to be vulnerable.

[1493] And when you position it that way, it's kind of a compelling observation.

[1494] It's hard to say, though, because we really don't know what Trump's.

[1495] We don't like Trump.

[1496] That's why it's hard.

[1497] Yeah, but one of them seems to be trying to improve the world.

[1498] And the other one tries to improve his standing in the world.

[1499] And he doesn't even care about the people who've been most loyal to him, he has no concern for any of those people.

[1500] So I'm of that same opinion as you are, but I also can recognize and believe they're sincere in that the other side thinks the same thing about Hillary, right?

[1501] Well, the other side thinks Hillary Clinton is sucking the blood of babies.

[1502] Adrenalcrum in a pizza parlor in Washington, D .C., which is like, if you wrote it in a book, you'd go, well, this is ridiculous.

[1503] And it seems to be their go -to now.

[1504] If they can't figure out something to pin on somebody, like, pedify.

[1505] Always.

[1506] My God, do you know what I just learned?

[1507] You maybe already know this.

[1508] Whatever this movie was that just came out that's got the Christian right, it's a child trafficking story.

[1509] Yeah, I saw a preview for it.

[1510] Cavizels in it.

[1511] Just for starters, Caviesel was a guest speaker at a Q &on rally.

[1512] Like, that's the lead of it.

[1513] It's produced by a guy, and it's led to all this mobilization about cracking down on child trafficking.

[1514] The producer of the film was arrested.

[1515] No. Yep.

[1516] Well, of course, he's going to say the government is out to get him.

[1517] I got to add the word alleged.

[1518] But I'm like, yes, of course.

[1519] How is that?

[1520] I've not heard that.

[1521] Some asshole made what they call the Epstein flight list.

[1522] And they put on a bunch of names, including mine and Stephen Colbert's and like.

[1523] Oh, you guys.

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] Somebody just wrote a thing.

[1526] And now all these fucking imbecils and maniacs think I was on Epstein's Island.

[1527] Oh, my God.

[1528] Brave Island.

[1529] How was it?

[1530] Yeah.

[1531] What was it?

[1532] How are the amenities?

[1533] Well, I mean, it's a beautiful...

[1534] You can't say anything bad about the property.

[1535] You know, I'm actually even fearful to joke about it because they're so crazy and threatening.

[1536] I don't think I was even famous.

[1537] There were no anything about Jeffrey Epstein until he was in the news.

[1538] Right.

[1539] I mean, it's bananas.

[1540] Also, people didn't know.

[1541] You could have been on his plane.

[1542] I wasn't.

[1543] Let's be very clear that Jimmy Kimmel is not on the plane.

[1544] But I think Bill Gates was on his plane before.

[1545] Right.

[1546] But that to me, like, I've hung out.

[1547] Someone was just sentenced yesterday who I've hung out with.

[1548] I don't know what everyone's up to.

[1549] You really don't know people.

[1550] No. Have to me you don't know the people you're married.

[1551] Well, what I will say is that, regardless of what some asshole.

[1552] And I'd love to know where it came from.

[1553] Like, who was the person that said, oh, I have an idea.

[1554] I'll put a bunch of people who Trump doesn't like.

[1555] And by the way, Trump's dancing with them.

[1556] Literally, I know.

[1557] They're pictures of them hanging out.

[1558] The video of them grooving with playmates.

[1559] And yet somehow I get put on this list.

[1560] these dangerous nut jobs react to it.

[1561] It's frightening.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] Okay.

[1564] Last thing, Yacht Rock.

[1565] Yeah.

[1566] So you made me a beautiful playlist.

[1567] I did.

[1568] It's such a good playlist.

[1569] You've pulled in some things that don't have necessarily the DNA of it, but it does.

[1570] I don't think of that as a Yacht Rock mix.

[1571] That's my Dax mix is what it's called.

[1572] Okay, right.

[1573] Yacht Rock is a very limited genre.

[1574] Sadly, yes.

[1575] Too limited.

[1576] They put weird songs like Key Largo by Bertie Higgins in there.

[1577] It's like, It's got to be a little jazzy.

[1578] Well, and they'll also put in.

[1579] It'll be a little embarrassing.

[1580] 80s TV's theme songs.

[1581] That is not Yacht Rock, except for maybe the greatest American hero theme.

[1582] That's a very good one.

[1583] Yeah, believe it or not.

[1584] Oh, yeah.

[1585] I guess MASH isn't in there, but that's a nice song.

[1586] And so is taxi.

[1587] Taxi's great.

[1588] Those are instrumental.

[1589] Who's the taxi theme song?

[1590] The taxi theme song?

[1591] I did know this.

[1592] Me too.

[1593] Rob can look it up.

[1594] Bob James.

[1595] I didn't know that.

[1596] Angela or Angela.

[1597] Wait, Angela?

[1598] Bob James or Angela.

[1599] Either Angela by Bob James.

[1600] Oh, that's the name of the song.

[1601] I was just mulling over.

[1602] Do you have a theory on why we like that music so much?

[1603] Because I have one.

[1604] I won't bore you with me making one up, but let me hear yours.

[1605] That music was put on when my mom or dad was in a good mood.

[1606] Oh.

[1607] My dad never flew off the handle in a drunken rage and then put Kenny Loggins on.

[1608] That would have been psychopathic.

[1609] It's like my mom was vacuuming with Fleetwood Mac.

[1610] And then he was listening to Kenny Loggins in the after.

[1611] noon with the first beers we're starting.

[1612] It's just interwoven perfectly with when my parents were in a very happy mood.

[1613] I think there's something to that for sure, yeah.

[1614] My parents only had like seven albums.

[1615] And in a weird way, once I hit high school, I started to dictate what they listened to.

[1616] Okay.

[1617] But I love Michael McDonald.

[1618] You know, I love Al Jaro and George Benson.

[1619] We love El Jero.

[1620] To me, that was the one where I was like, okay, we're in the same team.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] A lot of people like McDonald's and Doobie Brother.

[1623] but if you're into El Jaro.

[1624] Al Jaro is the dividing line between me and my wife.

[1625] She is just like, what is this that you are listening to?

[1626] I made Kristen go with me to Disney Music Hall to see Al Jaro about 10 years ago.

[1627] Have you ever seen him live?

[1628] Yes, I have.

[1629] And I had him on the show, too.

[1630] Oh, you did.

[1631] He was like a little Muppet, like a little Kermit the Frog out there.

[1632] He's got a little Joe Cocker going too physically.

[1633] But then he starts scatting.

[1634] It's everything you want it to be here.

[1635] It is.

[1636] Yeah.

[1637] Wait, just because you brought up parents, I was thinking back to our last interview.

[1638] You're close with your parents?

[1639] I am, yes.

[1640] My parents are great parents.

[1641] My mother was a great mother.

[1642] My father and I really didn't talk until I was 20 -something, I think, but he was very busy with work, but we're very close now, and he keeps me updated with like 7 ,000 -word texts about his knee, you know, that kind of thing.

[1643] How's his knee?

[1644] It is pretty bad.

[1645] You know what?

[1646] That's too long a question.

[1647] I would love for you to read that right now.

[1648] You know what?

[1649] Yeah, let's see what that sounds like.

[1650] Because I will also just show you the length.

[1651] There's no shortage on detail.

[1652] Okay, so.

[1653] He's like writing an instructional manual for something.

[1654] No, you guys had a great time.

[1655] Probably happy to be home with the kids.

[1656] We had a great time with them.

[1657] Next year, we like to take them to SeaWorld.

[1658] Then hit Legoland on the way back.

[1659] Billy reminded me we have to stay over since rides first day and big water park there second day.

[1660] Smiley face.

[1661] I heard you guys are going to San Jose Monday.

[1662] So am I, helping Carson move in, his grandson, into apartment.

[1663] Carson and Julian came last night from Arizona with the Acadia full of stuff.

[1664] Mom and I loaded the Buick with Carson's stuff from room and other things he can use for apartment we had in storage.

[1665] They are driving today.

[1666] This is my nephew and his girlfriend to San Luis Obispo and renting U -Haul and loading stuff from his rental house.

[1667] I leave 6 a .m. tomorrow, meet them in San Luis Obispo, and finish loading up if they haven't.

[1668] then driving up to San Jose and start unload.

[1669] We'll finish Tuesday a .m. And then I drive back home.

[1670] Love dad.

[1671] Oh, love dad.

[1672] Took three sips of water and 16 steps to the bathroom.

[1673] Oh, my God.

[1674] The make of every car.

[1675] I love that.

[1676] Everything's like, that sounds like a letter from the 80s because he wants to go to the Sea World, which I don't think people went to anymore.

[1677] He's driving a Buick.

[1678] I mean, if he stopped at Chucky Cheese, that would be like the trifecta.

[1679] Oh, dad.

[1680] I'd love that.

[1681] Give him my number.

[1682] I think I would love to receive these.

[1683] You would, to a point.

[1684] Yeah.

[1685] It'd be funny for a while, and then I'd regret it.

[1686] But then I'd come back.

[1687] I wonder if I searched MRI how many times my dad comes up.

[1688] Let's have a look at you.

[1689] M .R .I. I had hairline fracture of bone above right big toe, right before friends' family lodge trip.

[1690] Got cortisone shot in it.

[1691] That helped pain that weekend.

[1692] But it did put a lot of pressure on it.

[1693] Six days standing up fishing and banged it a few times.

[1694] in rough water, went to orthodoxy today, and fracture widened, have MRI Tuesday and another shop before leaving Wednesday, New York.

[1695] How do I respond to this?

[1696] He needs to write a book.

[1697] He has the work ethic.

[1698] That takes a while to write a text that long.

[1699] He's got the time.

[1700] Well, the last thing I want to do is just thank you in person.

[1701] I think I have in the past, but the fact that you and Kristen and Ashton did our show and launched this and really were such a huge part of making all this happen.

[1702] Thanks for asking me back.

[1703] I hope it's not another five years.

[1704] I told Molly, I was doing the show.

[1705] She goes, you are?

[1706] Like, she was mad that she wasn't on the show.

[1707] By the way, I do want to have her on the show.

[1708] I was like, yeah, I am.

[1709] And she goes, but he already had you on.

[1710] Well, if she's a fan of the show.

[1711] She knows we've had Sedaris like five times.

[1712] That's fair.

[1713] She's owed a spot on that couch and she will get one.

[1714] Well, Molly, this might be the only episode she skips, but if she's listening, I love you.

[1715] I'll meet you at 2 a .m. behind where you put the the trash cans.

[1716] I'm wearing gloves, socks, and underwear.

[1717] I'm ready for anyone who comes at us, maybe, as long as it's before I fall asleep.

[1718] That was fun.

[1719] Congratulations on the show.

[1720] It's excellent, and I'm glad you guys started doing it.

[1721] It's hard to do a podcast.

[1722] I didn't realize how much stuff goes into it until we decide to do this limited run.

[1723] I've said this to you in the past.

[1724] Afterwards, I'm like, that sounds so silly coming from me like he would want a podcast.

[1725] But the fact that you did radio for so long.

[1726] It's so fun, isn't it?

[1727] Just the microphone and the headphones.

[1728] Don't you miss it?

[1729] You know, I obsess and I just don't have enough hours in the day to think about both shows.

[1730] Yeah, it's just too much.

[1731] But it's easy when you have four guys that are funny.

[1732] I was thinking of it way more when you were saying you were going to retire.

[1733] Right.

[1734] Because then I was like, well, that's the perfect amount of work.

[1735] You could go and do it twice a week.

[1736] Yeah.

[1737] I did radio forever.

[1738] I have a lot of respect for it.

[1739] And I would not do it.

[1740] it if I didn't feel I had an idea that was different because I don't think I could do this better than you do it.

[1741] You do such a great job.

[1742] I go, okay, well, that's covered.

[1743] But if I thought of some angle, something different that suited me, I would consider it.

[1744] And then this happened, and it seemed like the perfect deal.

[1745] I guess so you've gotten to live out your Letterman fantasy to some degree, for sure.

[1746] Now I should live out my Dax fantasy.

[1747] No, you're Howard fantasy, which I know you were already on radio.

[1748] So my Howard fantasy is rooted in reality.

[1749] And I know that Howard, when he's working, he is just obsessed with it.

[1750] And that's just how I am.

[1751] You don't think you could do it casually.

[1752] Yeah.

[1753] Everything you watch on TV, you're making notes.

[1754] I can see you having a stable of people that you're fucking with in instigating endless drama, which is the thing that I like most about this show.

[1755] I think I've learned not to make any long -term decisions anymore.

[1756] Take a day by day.

[1757] In the meantime, this one's fun to do.

[1758] I got a few friends who have some very funny podcast, yours, and the smartless guys.

[1759] I feel like I get enough.

[1760] Okay.

[1761] Well, everyone should listen to Strike Force Five.

[1762] It's for a great cause.

[1763] You're helping keep the people that work on all these shows you love from having to move out of their houses or beg for food.

[1764] So it's a very cool endeavor.

[1765] Matt and Ben.

[1766] This was one of the most transparent attempts to get on the show yet from Matt.

[1767] And Ben tried to.

[1768] They tried.

[1769] They wanted.

[1770] pay our staff and it actually got kind of like aggressive they weren't taking no for an answer have you not allowed that to happen for them no i did not allow it to happen you didn't allow it wait really i felt it was my responsibility not theirs on that topic last thing sorry just crossed my mind how much would it kill you for me to pay for dinner if we were out it wouldn't bother me because i know you have money but one of my terrible nightmares is somebody sitting at a dinner like I have a friend who's a math teacher who's sitting there going oh shit am I going to have to pay for this because I've been that guy.

[1771] Yeah, you were going to go on vacation but instead you fucking picked up this dinner.

[1772] Yeah, exactly.

[1773] It changes your life.

[1774] Yeah.

[1775] My fucking mom, she was visiting last week and she's like, I want to take everyone to Houston's.

[1776] And I'm like, yeah, well, let's go to Houston's.

[1777] And we get there and then I like slide the cracker and she's like, did you pay?

[1778] I'm like, yes, I paid.

[1779] Sometimes you just have to let people do it, though.

[1780] I'm on that side too.

[1781] Yeah, you don't want to masculate like your father or something.

[1782] I'm okay with letting people do it if they're insistent, but I don't want anyone to think when I make them go to a restaurant and I sit there in order the whole left side of the menu that they're going to get stuck with the check.

[1783] I want to try this wagoo.

[1784] Bring the platter.

[1785] I'm going to get a couple bites.

[1786] Can we have the steak as an appetizer?

[1787] Right, right.

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] Yeah, it gets complicated, though, because you also don't want them to have an expectation.

[1790] Or maybe you do, maybe you don't care.

[1791] If somebody really wants to pay, they can easily figure it out by hitting the guy the week before.

[1792] If they're going on with you, they need to be the week before, I think.

[1793] That's true.

[1794] That's the most generous person I know.

[1795] All right, Jimmy, I adore you.

[1796] I love you.

[1797] Thanks for coming.

[1798] And I'm going to be on your show as soon as you're back.

[1799] They just asked me, and I said absolutely.

[1800] Good.

[1801] Hopefully we're coming back.

[1802] Yeah, yeah.

[1803] We will.

[1804] And I'll be there.

[1805] This is all over soon.

[1806] Yeah.

[1807] All right.

[1808] Be well.

[1809] See you soon.

[1810] Thanks.

[1811] Stay tuned for the facts check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

[1812] How did you do?

[1813] I did good.

[1814] You did?

[1815] Yeah.

[1816] You didn't drink yesterday.

[1817] No. Good job.

[1818] Thanks.

[1819] Good job, not that you shouldn't drink.

[1820] You had the goal of not drinking, and you achieved it, so that's the good job.

[1821] I did have that goal.

[1822] Yeah.

[1823] And I did.

[1824] It was good.

[1825] It was hard.

[1826] It was hard at first.

[1827] When other people were pouring glasses.

[1828] wine.

[1829] I don't even know if it was because of that.

[1830] I wanted it while I was cooking.

[1831] That was hard.

[1832] Yeah.

[1833] It's just the environment.

[1834] Uh -huh.

[1835] Like a girl's night environment, social.

[1836] We always do that.

[1837] We always drink wine.

[1838] It's always nice.

[1839] But it was fine.

[1840] I heard it was very fun.

[1841] And I heard the meal was delicious through the grapevine.

[1842] I was happy with it.

[1843] It was a salmon.

[1844] Uh -huh.

[1845] How's the place smell?

[1846] I think I think fine.

[1847] The test will be when I go in today.

[1848] I'm going to go smell it.

[1849] I'm going to see, yeah, yeah, I'm going to see what's happening there.

[1850] And I'm going to, I'm going to check every corner too.

[1851] Oh, God.

[1852] Well.

[1853] Not fish, but there is something over here.

[1854] That's what's going to be.

[1855] It's going, nope, we have something.

[1856] No, it's not fish.

[1857] Oh, oh.

[1858] It's, um, did you drop a caramel here, like caramel?

[1859] I'd love that.

[1860] I'd love to know all the nucks and crannies.

[1861] The hidden sniffs.

[1862] Yeah.

[1863] And then I made a cucumber salad.

[1864] How was that?

[1865] Cucumber smashed salad.

[1866] great.

[1867] These are both Alice and Romans.

[1868] Did you get cucumbers from our garden?

[1869] Because we have far too many cucumbers.

[1870] I did not, but that would have been smart.

[1871] We're drowning in cucumbers.

[1872] Yeah, you have a good garden going right now.

[1873] I almost said swimming in cucumbers, but truly we're drowning in them.

[1874] We're not swimming.

[1875] They have the upper hand, the cukes.

[1876] Well, maybe you can make the salad and you sum up.

[1877] They're very good.

[1878] And I also made some potatoes.

[1879] It was yummy.

[1880] It was fine.

[1881] Yeah, I like Girls nights.

[1882] Tell me about Girls' Summer.

[1883] Girls summer.

[1884] What is girl?

[1885] No, girl dinner.

[1886] Oh, girl dinner.

[1887] Yeah.

[1888] We do a whole thing on sync about girl dinner.

[1889] Oh, you do?

[1890] Just give me the Reader's Digest of what it is.

[1891] There's a couple terms I've heard recently and that's one of them.

[1892] Yeah.

[1893] I think it started on TikTok.

[1894] They show an egg and then like some pieces of bell pepper and it's just like a weird mix of food that they're calling girl dinner.

[1895] Okay.

[1896] Which is like when girls just like kind of grab things out of the fridge and just stand and eat their dinner.

[1897] Okay.

[1898] That could also be called stoner dinner, maybe.

[1899] True.

[1900] Although I think this would be more, it's not like chips.

[1901] Okay.

[1902] It's not macaroni and cheese and a hot dog.

[1903] It could be, it could be like a small bite of mac and cheese, like the leftover off somebody's plate.

[1904] And I also, I poked holes in this because I didn't understand.

[1905] I was like, girls don't eat as much.

[1906] I guess it's more girls just.

[1907] Want to have fun.

[1908] Scraves.

[1909] Well, they do want to have fun.

[1910] Yeah, yeah.

[1911] They kind of eat scraps or if they don't have anyone to make anything for.

[1912] I think that was a piece.

[1913] That was a piece I pushed back pretty hard on, as you can imagine.

[1914] Sure, because you're making yourself like Michelin -Star dinners every night.

[1915] Yeah, not every night, but enough nights.

[1916] And then I said, you do that and you do it for yourself.

[1917] And then you will throw stuff away.

[1918] Yeah.

[1919] And just that's okay.

[1920] That's what happens.

[1921] It's what happens.

[1922] But it's the cost benefit of you feeling like you'd, deserve a full meal versus like a half of an egg and then a quarter of an avocado now we're better than that this is a duck duck goose okay because I took the girls to their first baseball game a couple nights ago since we last spoke right dodgers and my sales pitch because they've never been to a baseball game and we've never watched one on television so the notion of like hey let's put some effort into this thing yeah also I think it was like parent night at school which I didn't even find out until after I got the tickets.

[1923] So Delta was kind of like she wanted to go to that.

[1924] And so there's no real appeal about the game.

[1925] Now, my agency has the best seats at the baseball stadium.

[1926] They have tickets in the dugout club.

[1927] Holy smokes, is this the greatest place on earth?

[1928] It reminds me so much of going to Duffs with my Papa Bob.

[1929] You walk down these stairs and there are multiple buffet bars.

[1930] Yeah.

[1931] I feel like, did you go with someone recently?

[1932] I feel like we talked about it.

[1933] Okay, Nate, okay.

[1934] Nate and I went.

[1935] Okay.

[1936] So I was telling the girls, like, A, you're going to love baseball, but you don't know you're going to love it yet, but the food is going to knock your socks off.

[1937] We're getting very little traction with the food because they're like, is there a macaroni and cheese and pizza?

[1938] I'm like, I don't know that there'll be that.

[1939] I'm like, but there is a soft serve ice cream machine in there.

[1940] And they were like, okay.

[1941] Big self.

[1942] Yes, that got them interested enough.

[1943] We got there immediately they like it, right?

[1944] Going to Dodger Stadium, it's an institution.

[1945] It's timeless.

[1946] You walk in, everyone's happy.

[1947] There's lights everywhere.

[1948] It's gorgeous.

[1949] get downstairs, they took a look at those bars.

[1950] They were so excited and they made their plates and they chowed down and then they made multiple desserts.

[1951] Then we go out and sit and watch baseball and there's multiple home runs.

[1952] There's incredible double plays where they're like, whoa, because when someone, I don't want, I'm not crazy into baseball, right?

[1953] Yeah.

[1954] But I look on your face, I don't, it doesn't seem like you are either.

[1955] I love baseball games, but yes, agreed.

[1956] I don't follow it.

[1957] Right.

[1958] You'd think of conventionally the home run being the exciting thing.

[1959] I would argue the double play.

[1960] Okay.

[1961] When someone, the shortstop dove, no way he's going to get this.

[1962] He's sliding.

[1963] Boom, he catches it from his side.

[1964] He turns, nails second.

[1965] And then that guy nails first.

[1966] The girls, we were all going bananas.

[1967] And then also when there's home runs, they're doing light show.

[1968] Lincoln was screaming, clapping.

[1969] It was so fun.

[1970] That's awesome.

[1971] What else I want to tell you?

[1972] Oh, Neil came up.

[1973] My brother?

[1974] Of course, Neil Padman.

[1975] Why?

[1976] Because of Mookie Beats, your brother's co -name, which is based on Mooky Betts, who now plays for the Dodgers.

[1977] His is jukey.

[1978] Betts.

[1979] Isn't it a nod, though?

[1980] It is, I think, which I found out much later via another friend of mine.

[1981] I never knew.

[1982] But I think it has to be connected to Mooky.

[1983] Mookie Betts, yes.

[1984] Okay, so, and he's jukey beats?

[1985] I think.

[1986] Fuck, I hope there's a connection, because I made a big meal out of it.

[1987] And if I'm wrong, okay.

[1988] There is, but yeah.

[1989] Well, he's on our team now, and he's sensational.

[1990] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1991] Well, that's exciting.

[1992] What I also love about these baseball games is they have the nicest asses and legs in those baseball pants.

[1993] Not everyone, but some of the guys that step up with that plate, they are filling them out.

[1994] They're like taught.

[1995] They do have good butts.

[1996] Even there's a few white guys with really.

[1997] nice haunches.

[1998] We just don't see that very often.

[1999] Wow.

[2000] You know, it's not one of our selling points for the most part.

[2001] Depends, depends.

[2002] There are some exceptions.

[2003] Weekly has tons of ass and knows how to use it as well.

[2004] Well, it poops a lot.

[2005] Well, that's fun.

[2006] I love a baseball game.

[2007] It was a kind of a big treat because it was a school night.

[2008] And the game doesn't start until 7.

[2009] We go up to bed at 7 .30.

[2010] Clearly, we're not going to make that.

[2011] So fun.

[2012] Did you stay for the whole game?

[2013] No, can't do that.

[2014] They would have gone to bed at 11 o 'clock.

[2015] We want to be honest, I'm too frugal in that I probably, if my agency didn't have these, WME didn't have these tickets.

[2016] I've been there for 21 years.

[2017] I had a break where I was at CAA for seven years and then came back.

[2018] They've always had those seats and I got invited one time by an agent.

[2019] And I would have never gone and just bought tickets in the dugout club on my own because I don't know how fun it is.

[2020] and I wouldn't spend the money.

[2021] So the fact that I've gotten to do it so many, I'm just so grateful for.

[2022] But now would you spend the money?

[2023] Because now you know it's fun.

[2024] I would now.

[2025] Now I would.

[2026] Yes.

[2027] It's one of the only venues here that is close to us.

[2028] We live close by.

[2029] Yes.

[2030] Which is nice.

[2031] Yes.

[2032] Most of the things we have to go downtown or have to go to Santa Monica or Englewood.

[2033] Is that where Sofi is?

[2034] Yeah.

[2035] Yeah.

[2036] I like the go to Englewood, though.

[2037] So annoying at the, I mean, like getting in and out of that concert is awful.

[2038] I'm wondering if you took one of the lines there, the metro lines, if it would be easy.

[2039] Because, yeah, it's not very easy to get there.

[2040] But I do wonder if you took the lines, I think go directly there.

[2041] I don't know.

[2042] We can take it to the Chargers Bears game.

[2043] Yeah, Wobby and I, we're going to go if they can get us tickets.

[2044] Um, okay, so this is for Kimmel.

[2045] Jim's Kimmel's.

[2046] And he talked for a second about the JFK conspiracy.

[2047] Uh -huh.

[2048] Which we've done on that whole episode on Armatured and Dangerous.

[2049] We did, but he knew some stuff that we couldn't say what he knew or what he had heard.

[2050] But then since we recorded that episode, something came out of the New York Times.

[2051] Um, I don't know if you saw this, but Paul Landis.

[2052] one of the Secret Service agents, he was only a few feet away from Kennedy when he was shot.

[2053] He's telling his story in full for the first time.

[2054] And it says his account differs from the official version.

[2055] But if he was right next to Kennedy and all of it's filmed, what could he know that we don't know?

[2056] We were seeing the same thing he saw.

[2057] We have to read the thing.

[2058] Oh, are you going to read it?

[2059] Like Taylor's.

[2060] I can read it telling a story in full for the first time in at least one key respect.

[2061] His account differs from the official version In a way that may change the understanding Of what happened in Dealey Plaza All these words are just popping into my head right now Like book exchange, grassy knoll All these like little words that are cemented into that event Oh right You know?

[2062] He says he has never subscribed to the conspiracy theories And stresses that he is not promoting one now He's 88 He said all he wants is to tell what he's saw and what he did, he'll leave it to everyone else to draw conclusions.

[2063] When it comes down to its copper -jacketed 6 .5 millimeter projectile, the Warren Commission decided that one of the bullets fired that day struck the president from behind, exited from the front of his throat and continued on to hit Mr. Conley, somehow managing to injure his back, chest, wrist, and thigh.

[2064] It seemed incredible that one single bullet could do all that, so skeptics called it the magic bullet theory.

[2065] Investigators came to that conclusion partly because, because the bullet was found on the stretcher believed to have held Mr. Connolly at Parkland Memorial Hospital, so they assumed it had exited his body during efforts to save his life.

[2066] But Mr. Landis, who was never interviewed by the Warren Commission, said that is not what happened.

[2067] In fact, he said he was the one who found the bullet, and he found it not in the hospital near Mr. Connolly, but in the presidential limousine lodged in the back of the seat where Kennedy was sitting.

[2068] Oh, wow.

[2069] When he spotted the bullet after the motorcade arrived at the hospital, he said, he grabbed to thwart souvenir hunters.

[2070] Then for reasons that still seemed fuzzy even to him, he said he entered the hospital and placed it next to Kennedy on the president's stretcher, assuming it could somehow help doctors figure out what happened.

[2071] That makes sense.

[2072] Also, you imagine all the remains of him and the clothing, all that's going to be cataloged.

[2073] Yeah.

[2074] Yeah, that's where I would put it.

[2075] I might even put it in the dead president's hand.

[2076] Cozy?

[2077] At some point, he now guesses the stretchers must have been pushed together and the bullet was shaken from one to another.

[2078] There was nobody there to secure the scene, and that was a big, big bother to me, Mr. Landis said.

[2079] All the agents that were there were focused on the president.

[2080] A crowd was gathering.

[2081] This was all going on so quickly, and I was just afraid that it was a piece of evidence that I realized right away very important.

[2082] I didn't want it to disappear or get lost.

[2083] So it was, Paul, you've got a decision, and I grabbed it.

[2084] Mr. Landis theorizes the bullet struck Kennedy in the back, but for some reason was undercharged and did not penetrate deeply, therefore popping back out before the president's body was removed from the limousine.

[2085] That last part sounds very hard to imagine.

[2086] He said it would come back out.

[2087] With my understanding of physics, yeah, it basically bounced off of his back and then embedded itself in the seat.

[2088] And then also Landis having a theory on it as a security.

[2089] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2090] It's not a doctor or like that.

[2091] Mr. Landis has been reluctant to speculate on the larger implications.

[2092] He always believed that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gun.

[2093] But now, at this point, I'm beginning to doubt myself.

[2094] He said, now I begin to wonder that is as far as he's willing to go.

[2095] Interesting.

[2096] I think what's, well, I'm going to flush this out before I propose it.

[2097] Well, just right from the gut.

[2098] It just always reminds me of our kind of asymmetric.

[2099] Retelling?

[2100] No, like he died.

[2101] Right.

[2102] What a tragedy.

[2103] What a fucking tragedy.

[2104] Seems like it was Lee Harvey Oswald.

[2105] if it wasn't him what does that do to the situation that's really heartbreaking I mean I know people will go like well you gotta find out if it's a foreign entity and blah blah blah you gotta really know who it was so you can hold them accountable but I just think it's so unacceptable that a president we all loved or I wasn't alive but people loved could be taken out it's so scary it makes us think that well and that's the premise of Dan Carlin's whole thing about conspiracy theories It scares us too much that one lone wolf can change history.

[2106] Yeah.

[2107] So what's more comforting is that there's a syndicate and a bunch of smart people and a big complex thing.

[2108] And it takes that to fuck up history.

[2109] But really, some dipshit can fuck up history.

[2110] Yeah, for sure.

[2111] Two dipshits fucked up the last hundred years of history by killing Archduke Ferdinand.

[2112] Change the whole world, gave rise to Hitler.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] And that's very unsettling.

[2115] Yeah.

[2116] You could go rogue and ripple.

[2117] I wouldn't rule it out.

[2118] If someone said one of your friends went rogue, you'd be on my list.

[2119] Really?

[2120] Sure.

[2121] You're powerful, you're intelligent, you're capable.

[2122] I think I'd go rogue?

[2123] I don't think you'd go rogue.

[2124] But if one of my friends went rogue...

[2125] What does it mean to go rogue?

[2126] We have to define it.

[2127] Like, went on a killing spree?

[2128] Well, just decided I fundamentally disagree with us to a level that I'm willing to give my life for it.

[2129] Oh, my God.

[2130] Conviction, caring deeply about something.

[2131] Sure.

[2132] Could definitely be me. I have to imagine I'd be high in your list.

[2133] Yeah, for sure.

[2134] Definitely.

[2135] That feels more noble.

[2136] For me, the idea of going rogue is like going crazy a little bit.

[2137] I mean rogue in the sense that there is a system in place to challenge power.

[2138] And if you had determined that system was never going to challenge the power that was ultimately going to destroy X amount of people.

[2139] Yeah.

[2140] If you decided to work outside of that established system, that'd be going rogue.

[2141] Right.

[2142] That's true.

[2143] That is true.

[2144] That's kind of the definition, I think, of going rogue.

[2145] I could see that about me, but I have a weird duality that I'm also like, I'm pretty compliant with authority and I don't really have issues when people tell me to do something.

[2146] I just kind of do it.

[2147] Yeah.

[2148] Well, if you went rogue, it'd probably be on some really sturdy foundation.

[2149] Now, I could go rogue over something that would just triggered me probably, you know.

[2150] Right.

[2151] Or I could go rogue over the rogue.

[2152] The rogue.

[2153] The rogue.

[2154] That should be your label.

[2155] The rogue.

[2156] Yeah.

[2157] That'd be cool.

[2158] Let's spell it R -O -W.

[2159] Yeah, and then G -G -G -E -E -E -E -E -E -G -E -E -Rogue.

[2160] Keep it in my back pocket.

[2161] Great song, recommended to everyone.

[2162] Michigan band Wolfpack.

[2163] Oh.

[2164] Put it in my pocket in my pocket in my back pocket.

[2165] Oh, yeah.

[2166] I feel like you sing that sometimes.

[2167] You love it.

[2168] Oh, yeah.

[2169] Yeah, that's nice.

[2170] Okay.

[2171] He talked about that there's a fish when he goes fishing.

[2172] that some people are encouraged to kill.

[2173] To kill.

[2174] And that is the rainbow trout.

[2175] And it reminded me again, New York Times.

[2176] This is New York Times heavy.

[2177] Just two days ago, there was a thing about the dwind.

[2178] Oh, I saw one about the dwindling brown trout.

[2179] Oh.

[2180] In the L .A. Times since we talked to James.

[2181] Oh, my God.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] No, there's a bug in New York that they are telling everyone to kill if they see it.

[2184] Oh.

[2185] Which is so weird to see it in the New York.

[2186] time.

[2187] It's called the spotted lantern fly.

[2188] Oh, flies are hard to kill.

[2189] Yeah, apparently it's really invasive.

[2190] My second step dad taught me how to kill a fly.

[2191] Okay, teach us.

[2192] And it works, but it's still hard.

[2193] What is it?

[2194] Like, you'll never swat with your hand at a fly and get it.

[2195] Right.

[2196] What you have to do is cup your hands, spread them apart, cup them.

[2197] Okay.

[2198] And then get down where the flies on a surface and then slowly move at it with both hands because it has well no because it has eyes on all around its head and since the threats coming in all direction they don't know which way to fly and they get kind of paralyzed and then you can go bam at the last minute oh my god yeah my second sabbat that was really really smart right yeah but also among other things yeah yeah oh that's weird it sounds psychopathic yeah even though i mean it's if you're if you're in to keep You got to know how to do it.

[2199] Wow.

[2200] Either don't be in the killing business or know how to do it.

[2201] I'm not really in the killing business with flies, but not because I am against killing them.

[2202] Right.

[2203] I just don't really know how.

[2204] This isn't, I'm not doing this to be patronizing.

[2205] I'm sincerely.

[2206] Do you think people in PETA don't want you to kill flies?

[2207] Probably.

[2208] Probably.

[2209] Yeah, I do.

[2210] Mosquitoes?

[2211] Do they draw the line in anything?

[2212] I don't think so.

[2213] What about like invasive species that kill other species?

[2214] Well, what about this in the New York Times saying the lantern flyer?

[2215] Are they going to say that's bad?

[2216] Well, if they protest.

[2217] They might.

[2218] They might.

[2219] They invaded Pennsylvania first, and now they're taking up residency in New York.

[2220] Oh, wow.

[2221] Yeah.

[2222] Remember we were supposed to have killer bees?

[2223] Yeah.

[2224] I kind of never really.

[2225] No, it didn't.

[2226] I was like, whatever happened to that.

[2227] But it says this critter can be very devastating to our ecosystem and agriculture here in the U .S. there was a great you know i'm not going to try to say what it was but it was a very this american life or radio lab one of these really well done audio shows that was talking about they have the technology with crisper to take mosquitoes alter their DNA and then send them back into the hive and it'll basically make all of the mosquitoes neutered so they can never reproduce and there's all these really big ethical debates and there's a lot of and by mineral to say that the mosquito doesn't really serve any purpose in the food chain.

[2228] That it wouldn't, it wouldn't cause any kind of collapse and it causes so much destruction to other animals and humans and blah, blah, blah.

[2229] And there was kind of a raging debate about whether ethically they could annihilate the mosquito if they had the technology, which it seems they do.

[2230] Wow.

[2231] So they don't provide anything in the food chain?

[2232] Look, they probably made a point in a counterpoint.

[2233] The point I, of course, clung to was that they serve no poor.

[2234] I grew up in Michigan fucking swarmed by mosquitoes.

[2235] They ruin your summer.

[2236] You've got dots all over your body.

[2237] Okay, I'm going to read this.

[2238] It's from the Smithsonian.

[2239] Oh.

[2240] By the way, and this is obviously ding, ding, ding.

[2241] I have, again, my body's covered in mosquito bites.

[2242] Oh.

[2243] I have so many right now.

[2244] So many.

[2245] You've been in the woods a lot?

[2246] No, they're in my yard.

[2247] I hate it.

[2248] Yeah.

[2249] I bought some zappers.

[2250] Do they work?

[2251] I don't know.

[2252] I haven't plugged most of them in, so that's hard to know.

[2253] Okay.

[2254] And I'm really bad at, I can't not scratch.

[2255] And now I have all these scabs.

[2256] Ooh.

[2257] Okay.

[2258] This is from Smithsonian.

[2259] Okay.

[2260] Trusted, Brian.

[2261] While they can seem pointless and purely irritating to assume as mosquitoes do play a substantial role in the ecosystem.

[2262] Mosquitoes form an important source of biomass in the food chain, serving as food for fish as larvae and for birds, bats, and frogs as adult flies.

[2263] And some species are important pollinators.

[2264] out of more than 3 ,500 mosquito species, only around 400 can transmit diseases like malaria and West Nile virus.

[2265] And most don't feed on humans at all.

[2266] This was in Brazil, I think it was proposed.

[2267] Somewhere in South America is where they were proposing this, where there's still a significant amount of malaria deaths.

[2268] Yeah, I also don't even, none of those things felt that real.

[2269] Well, I just, if, you know, a little baby.

[2270] eat worms and stuff.

[2271] They don't need to eat mosquitoes.

[2272] There's a lot of insects.

[2273] I'm sure they're competing.

[2274] Yeah.

[2275] I don't know.

[2276] We'll get some hate mail.

[2277] Someone loves mosquitoes.

[2278] I mean, I'm sure, yeah, someone who's like devoted their life to it.

[2279] But a regular person on Earth, I wonder if anyone is like fine with mosquitoes.

[2280] Right.

[2281] Ambivalent.

[2282] I guess though there is such a range in bites.

[2283] Some people don't ever get bit.

[2284] That's true.

[2285] That is very true.

[2286] It has to do with your breathing.

[2287] If you're like breathing tempo is slow that you don't get bit.

[2288] That's what you've heard?

[2289] No, I've heard it's the blood.

[2290] I've heard it's how hot you are.

[2291] Well, take that as a feather in your cap because you've been chewed to bits.

[2292] They want to suck your beauty out and make you all scabby.

[2293] Adrenaline.

[2294] Oh my God.

[2295] They're the original Q &O.

[2296] Yeah.

[2297] They're the original liberals.

[2298] No, they're the original liberals.

[2299] Oh, yeah, you're right.

[2300] Only liberals are.

[2301] Oh, I made a statement.

[2302] And I actually have the article to prove it now.

[2303] Well, I was saying that movie Sound to Freedom that was driven exclusively by the right and Christians.

[2304] Yeah, we didn't say the name of it.

[2305] And so the name of the movie.

[2306] And it's Jim Caviesel, who was, again, a keynote speaker at a Q &on rally.

[2307] That's really relevant.

[2308] And then now the Christ guy.

[2309] Passion of the Christ guy.

[2310] and now all these people are mobilized and of course the funder of the fucking thing is fabian marto one oh this is less i'm glad i guess this is ethical to read this one of thousands of patrons of the crowdfunding anti -child trafficking film sound of freedom was arrested in charge with accessory to kidnapping according to a missouri court filing the class a felony carries a penalty of 10 to 30 years in prison since removed facebook posts appear to show the same person revealing their pride in funding the film, Marta's name appears in the movie credits among the investors who help bring Sound of Freedom to theaters.

[2311] Sound of Freedom dramatizes the story of anti -child sex trafficking organization Operation Underground Railroad and its founder Tim Ballard, who was played in the movie by Jim Caviesel.

[2312] There's also a conspiracy that like theaters weren't playing it.

[2313] They'd like say that the air conditioning was broken and you tried to go see it.

[2314] Well, that's funny.

[2315] I read an opposite thing, which is many churches were encouraging people to buy multiple tickets, so it would stay in theaters.

[2316] The box office on that movie was, yeah.

[2317] Yeah, yeah, absolutely for an independent movie, four months ago, beginning of summer.

[2318] And I know when it was, it was when we were talking, this all kind of started.

[2319] I know why I'm on this tip.

[2320] When we interviewed Wendy Mogul, we said this whole child trafficking thing is insanely overblown and not something people should be terrified about.

[2321] yeah they're be worried about lightning if you're going to be worried right and a lot of people in the comments of wendy's episode were like no child abduction is and is all fueled by this movie sound of freedom 210 million dollar box office yeah it's incredible yeah i'm not watching that um i don't want to watch that okay flaky jakes and fudruckers oh this is this is great We have some good sources today.

[2322] Let's see.

[2323] With hamburger chains, such as McDonald's and Burger King, engaged in practically thermonuclear warfare, lesser fast food conflagrations are easily overlooked.

[2324] But the upscale burger battle between fudruckers and Flaky Jakes is war nonetheless, and Northridge is the bloody battleground.

[2325] Northridge?

[2326] Yeah.

[2327] There was a Flaky Jakes in Northridge?

[2328] I guess.

[2329] All like the drive.

[2330] Uh -oh.

[2331] This was written in 1985.

[2332] Wow, that's kind of amazing.

[2333] Yeah.

[2334] Well, that's when I, look, Jimmy was saying he was in college there in 86 or something.

[2335] And that's when I was, I was going in 84 or 5 as a kid.

[2336] But we, we wondered if they were the same and they're not.

[2337] No, we wondered if they ripped off Lake Jakes.

[2338] Well, we did, but then also it was like, I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually the same company.

[2339] If it just converted.

[2340] It's not.

[2341] Wow.

[2342] This looks so new.

[2343] the article to be from 1985 yeah 38 years old that article it's really weird to see 1985 as an article I know I well you were two years out from being born but they wrote this must have been in the actual paper that they've now converted it's so weird because it's like both our company owned Flaky Jakes opened last August last August before I was born right oh my God you were born in August This is nuts.

[2344] Also, even to think about L .A. in 1985.

[2345] That's fun.

[2346] The Valley.

[2347] The Olympics were, what, 88 or something like, the 84, 88?

[2348] 80s.

[2349] Ooh, Fuddruckers and Flaky Jakes are no longer suing each other.

[2350] Neither will discuss the 1983 out -of -court settlement, but their competition remains undiminished.

[2351] As far as I'm concerned, they're copycats.

[2352] Fud Ruckers' founder, Philip Romano said, oh, Fudrackers is accusing.

[2353] Oh, he's accusing Flaky Jace.

[2354] By the way.

[2355] It's a hamburger place with a big bar of toppings.

[2356] I mean...

[2357] Even you two said that they're so...

[2358] Because I'm loyal to Flaky Jakes.

[2359] But I love both.

[2360] I hope that I made that clear.

[2361] I love Fuddruckers and Budfuckers, which was from idiocrycy.

[2362] That was the funniest way to show a passage of time.

[2363] The chain...

[2364] Do you remember this?

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] Yeah.

[2367] It starts as Fudrackers and becomes butt fuckers by the time we're in the future.

[2368] Okay.

[2369] Fudrackers has contended all along that.

[2370] Flakey Jakes copied its formula and even made a federal case of its allegation in U .S. District Court in Seattle, where it charged Flaky Jakes with infringement of trade dress, a kind of commercial plagiarism.

[2371] And Flaky Jakes promptly countersued, alleging San Antonio -based Fudd Ruckers was acting in restraint of trade.

[2372] Huh.

[2373] Wow.

[2374] The Burger Wars of 85.

[2375] There's nothing going on, so there was Burger Wars.

[2376] I know.

[2377] What a simpler time.

[2378] And if you didn't read it in the newspaper on the day it came out, you could.

[2379] could never find it again.

[2380] You would never know about it.

[2381] And now the future.

[2382] We talked about Trump water for a second.

[2383] Sure.

[2384] Yeah, Jimmy said something about Trump water, yeah?

[2385] Yeah, Trump Ice was distributed by Mountain Spring Waters of America.

[2386] Some Mountain Springs.

[2387] You've seen Mountain Springs.

[2388] Yeah, they're in a green glass bottle.

[2389] They're in something.

[2390] Brand was discontinued in 2010, but Trump natural spring water is still listed as exclusively available at Trump -branded hotels, restaurants, and golf clubs.

[2391] A water the likes of which you've never drank.

[2392] I wish I could do it Trump.

[2393] It's crossed my mind to spend a minute to try to figure it out.

[2394] To get it.

[2395] Because this comedian does the best Trump impersonation I've ever seen in my life.

[2396] I can't believe how fucking good it is.

[2397] Oh my God, is it good.

[2398] And now I'm so, I cannot remember that comedian's name.

[2399] Shane Gillis.

[2400] Shane Gillis.

[2401] He also comes up on this episode.

[2402] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2403] Okay, one fact.

[2404] You said that Kimmel was the third guest.

[2405] He was our fourth guest.

[2406] Okay.

[2407] Coutcher.

[2408] Kristen Ashton and Joy were our first three guests.

[2409] Okay, okay.

[2410] And then Kimmel.

[2411] But we released those at once, those three.

[2412] So yes.

[2413] So he's like our first new one, second.

[2414] Right.

[2415] But fourth.

[2416] But second, but fourth.

[2417] Okay.

[2418] I think that's.

[2419] You think that wraps it up?

[2420] I have a weird connection from, so when I came out to L .A. in 2012 before I lived here, went to see Jimmy Kimmel.

[2421] You went and saw him live?

[2422] We went and saw him live.

[2423] We went and saw him live.

[2424] We got like front row for it.

[2425] The guest was Carrie Washington.

[2426] Wow, that's an Easter egg.

[2427] Hold on a second.

[2428] I'm so egotomaniacal.

[2429] I got so excited.

[2430] You had a grin on your face or I thought you were going to say I was the guest.

[2431] Oh, wow.

[2432] Well, Carrie was, and we recorded with her the next interview.

[2433] Right.

[2434] Yeah.

[2435] Oh, Sim.

[2436] Simmy moment.

[2437] The next day.

[2438] The next interview we did.

[2439] Wow.

[2440] That's Easter Eve and a spoiler.

[2441] But we'll keep it because it's worth the Simm moment.

[2442] Absolutely.

[2443] And who wouldn't be excited that Carrie Washington was coming?

[2444] It's a great episode, too.

[2445] Simmy Sims.

[2446] Simmy Sim.

[2447] Well, I love you.

[2448] Love you.

[2449] Take care.

[2450] Boy.

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