#187 - Daniele Bolelli

[0] Train by day, Joe Rogan, podcast by night, all day.

[1] Brian, you're like a 12 -year -old DJ.

[2] That's like the kind of like sound effects I would be really into if I was a DJ and I was 12.

[3] Yeah.

[4] Or it sounds like a sports broadcast, you know, like this week on NBC Sports.

[5] Yeah.

[6] A lot of those sports guys are hard to handle.

[7] Yeah, they're intense.

[8] Yeah, well, there's a special breed of guys that like shit on athletes.

[9] You know, there's like some of them that are just sports broadcasters But some of those dudes like they do them And they're like, he's a bum He's always been a bomb He'll never get off the bench And you're like, whoa Like you're talking about like a professional athlete there son You better settle the fuck down man You're getting a little crazy with your insults there Yeah You fat guy in front of a microphone How dare you, you know I like that insult shit Right Daniela Bollelli My friend Step in the ring or shut up Exactly So Oh, brother, you are a scholar of religious history, right?

[10] I mean, you are essentially.

[11] Why not?

[12] Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to describe you.

[13] You're actually a professor on it.

[14] How do you think that it is that we live in 2012 and we have this incredible depth of religion that's still controlling our lives?

[15] How is it possible that something that seems so, like, it seems so if you're rationally looking at it, you would go, okay, maybe there's some truth behind any of this.

[16] Maybe, maybe this truth behind the origins of the creation of the universe, but clearly this shit has been written by people.

[17] And we're going to base our lives on this?

[18] This is fucking bananas.

[19] People, when they say base our lives, most people say they do, but then, of course, when it's convenient.

[20] When it's not, it's like, let's conveniently forget a couple of passages.

[21] Like, there's, but I mean, bottom line.

[22] But aren't those the safest ones?

[23] The ones that stick to the code, those are the most danger.

[24] The ones that want to throw rocks at you when you're dancing.

[25] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[26] You know, a Christian girl that sluts around every now and then.

[27] You know what I mean?

[28] That's like way better than someone who completely sticks to the code.

[29] Yeah.

[30] No, but I mean, some of the things are because they boil down to eternal type of questions that no one has an answer to, you know?

[31] And so the fact is unless.

[32] It's, you know, people always say, oh, screw religion.

[33] In that case, we go for science and reason, and we need to be rational.

[34] And not got me wrong, I mean, reason is a great tool.

[35] But if it doesn't give you answers to the things that scare the hell out of people, people are going to want some answers.

[36] Whether they're bullshit answers or not, it doesn't matter.

[37] It's like, give me some answers because otherwise it's too damn scary.

[38] Is religion then a tool to allow people to psychologically adapt to the next stage of evolution?

[39] Like something, like a placeholder?

[40] Yeah, I mean, I think it's what people need to deal with the fact that they can't deal with uncertainty.

[41] Is it possible at all that any of it is based on reality?

[42] I mean, no, it sounds ridiculous, but so does the universe itself.

[43] Like the universe itself is pretty ridiculous.

[44] The Big Bang is pretty ridiculous.

[45] I don't claim to no shit, so who knows what's up there.

[46] I don't believe or disbelieve anything.

[47] You know, my attitude is there's what I have experience and there's everything else.

[48] Yeah.

[49] What I've experienced, I kind of know.

[50] And everything else, who the hell knows?

[51] You know, I mean, it piss me off when people assume that stuff that they themselves haven't experienced.

[52] They read it somewhere.

[53] That's the ultimate truth.

[54] And everybody needs to believe that.

[55] And it's like, what the hell?

[56] Why?

[57] How nuts would it be if you died and you really were at a gate in the clouds?

[58] How psychedelic would that be?

[59] If you really did have a dude, St. Peter, who's like the FBI, he's just been following your life since you're a baby.

[60] and he's like going over day why'd you do this and why'd you do that like fucking really that would be that would be wearing a yellow dress oh shit's mom but you can you imagine me what does that really stand for something though i mean i wonder if that ideal that this ideal of of you know having to live like a karma -free life and having to like you've done only good things only be pure and then you get to a moment i mean is that what they're are they envisioning a moment of ultimate enlightenment when you're free I mean what is the idea of you know of the heaven like where is it coming from is it coming from the need for the next level like where the possibility what would be the best possible scenario the best possible scenario is all loved ones would be in the clouds forever and ever but really how fucking long would that last before you are bored as fuck could you imagine if that's heaven you're just hanging out in the clouds you can't drive anywhere you can't go the movies you're just everybody's up together in heaven what the fuck is that that's ridiculous no flashlight yeah we all have wings now so we just fly around up here you know what do we do after a while you get bored where you're getting your food you're in the clouds you know you eating fucking cloud fish what are you doing where you're getting your food this is ridiculous we don't need food anymore oh my god what is there to live for that would be my question our door flashlights in heaven can you fucking heaven how about that how about that question you You know, can you fuck in heaven?

[61] If there was heaven, would you be allowed to have sex?

[62] What if it was just like a smokier place?

[63] The whole thing was just smokier.

[64] You know, like you're like, you're just in a lot of smoke, you know, all the time.

[65] So, like, you can have full relationships and you get girls pregnant.

[66] You can still get a driver's license, but everything's just like really smoky.

[67] Yeah, that sounds, that makes sense, Brian.

[68] What the fuck are you talking?

[69] Because you're in heaven.

[70] It's all cloudy.

[71] It's like super clouds.

[72] So it's like real life, but Seattle like.

[73] Right.

[74] Maybe it's Seattle.

[75] Maybe heaven is Seattle.

[76] Exactly.

[77] I would suck Can you fucking imagine hell's Vegas Vegas versus Seattle I'm definitely going to Vegas Oh wow I don't think Vegas is in hell Vegas is some sort of purgatory No that's definitely hell That's like in their local state motto That's hell It's Vegas Hi We're hell I think it is Well you know what There's something about Human behavior man When you get them in that frying pan That frying pan that is Las Vegas, you know?

[78] I hate it now.

[79] I just don't even want to go there.

[80] I just went two days ago, and Jesus, just the drive there, I was like, fuck, I forgot how bad it is.

[81] Yeah, but it's fun too, man. It is.

[82] It is.

[83] It's the best place to go see fights.

[84] Yeah.

[85] It's like no other place.

[86] You know what it's like?

[87] It's going to the best club, like a bar, one night, and then you're hanging out there for a couple days.

[88] Yeah.

[89] It's a weird town.

[90] I like Vegas.

[91] There's a lot of things I like about.

[92] There's plenty of cool people in Vegas.

[93] you know it's just the reality is when you get people and you just let them go free like that you give them 24 hour you know free rain go drink and you just wind up doing ridiculous shit that's what you know because you see these people that are going all while doing all this crazy shit and you know that they are the ones who are at 9 a .m. at work and suit and tired they're like yeah this is the carnival for the slave you know is the i know it must be a fucking grind they try to go back to work after a weekend of that But people who live there, man They must get an extraordinary view of humanity Yeah They have like They would be like great psychologists People live in Vegas They probably understand a lot about people You know If you like work at a casino Say if you're like some dude You could be like a guy who's like a real crafty dude Who lives in Vegas Can really describe humanity And at a very unusual level Probably No any be shown just see them at their own estate Yeah well just the idea that you would get people and allow them to drink through all hours of the night they could drink whenever they want like nobody ever tells you to stop drinking it's so ridiculous they just drinks it there you need to drink you're like why you can still drink this is crazy it's just that alone is nuts you know we're just no no one's used to that shit so that's a that's a weird thing alcohol removes inhibition and then you have so it's like just that alone is what makes Vegas fucking completely insane I mean you wanted freedom here you go you got it Let's see how goes.

[94] This time was the first time that actually was anywhere other than on the street.

[95] I was like, whoa, there are actually people living here.

[96] This is weird.

[97] I thought he was just an adult Disneyland or something.

[98] I love it, though.

[99] I love the fact that there's a place like that.

[100] I love the fact that there's a place where people can gamble.

[101] I don't even gamble.

[102] But I love that you could just go gamble at 3 o 'clock in the morning.

[103] I don't do it.

[104] But if I was into it, I would love the fact that I could just do that.

[105] You know, I hate the fact that you can't, you know, you have to go somewhere for something like that.

[106] You know, that we restrict that sort of behavior everywhere else.

[107] That speaking of religion is one of the things that piss me off the most.

[108] Because, I mean, people being religious, I have nothing against it.

[109] If it helps you being nicer to your neighbors or whatever, good for you.

[110] The stuff that piss me off to no end is when they want to impose their own morality on you.

[111] And so the victimless crimes law, you know, no gambling, no prostitution, no drugs, no. But is there a positive message in trying to control some vices?

[112] I mean, is there anything you could say as far as like social engineering?

[113] Like, man, if you wanted to have a really safe environment, maybe would you make prostitution illegal?

[114] Would you make drugs illegal?

[115] Would you try to suppress it?

[116] Or would you, do you think that the safer thing would be to just decriminalize it and let people figure it out for themselves?

[117] Yeah, I mean, I have a minimum of regulation, Kind of like the way they have the...

[118] Amsterdam or something.

[119] Yeah, exactly.

[120] Where you have some safety standards so it's good for everybody involved.

[121] You limit the damage that people can do to themselves and to others.

[122] And other than that, it's your choice.

[123] You do what you want with your life.

[124] Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, isn't it?

[125] It's a weird thing.

[126] Just the idea that you can control what other people do.

[127] But only to a certain extent.

[128] Like, we don't say that we can control porn yet.

[129] Although there was a thing about Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney and, or I guess, Santorum, all of them are going to go after porn.

[130] Was that who it was?

[131] Yep.

[132] It was at least two of those characters were going to go after porn.

[133] I think was Gingrich and Santorum.

[134] I don't think Romney, well, not that it makes much difference because those guys are, you know, different shades of gray, but...

[135] They're so bizarre, man. It's so weird.

[136] The fact that anyone on Earth could vote for Santorum scared the shit out of me. A lot of people are voting for him.

[137] They love this guy.

[138] What do you think they're connecting to?

[139] I mean, as a person who, like, I mean, he's obviously the message quite a bit of it is that is religious.

[140] Yeah, big time.

[141] I mean, that kind of stuff, it boils down to somebody who give you the image of what you would want to have.

[142] We are we promote all the good guys will be rewarded.

[143] All the bad guys will be punished.

[144] We stand for morality.

[145] We squash anything else.

[146] And the thing that makes some of these people feel good is we'll squash everyone else who doesn't agree.

[147] We'll live in life the way we do.

[148] so we can impose our happy dogma on everyone else.

[149] Because that ultimately is the kind of shit that he stands for.

[150] And it's people like it.

[151] I mean, it's not just religion.

[152] If you look even outside of religion, people voted for Hitler.

[153] You know, it wasn't just purely taking power.

[154] People like Nazism.

[155] People like the hardcore form of communism.

[156] People like, they like certain keys.

[157] They like somebody who at least puts up a strong face and it's like, I'll stand for all these values.

[158] I'll clean up, you know, all that shit and simplify life.

[159] that's scary to me it's really scary yeah big time because I mean it's not real it's based on it's based on numbers yeah and well I mean he must have a belief he must have a belief I mean there's no way he could be talking this much if he doesn't have a belief but anybody who believes something that they can't really prove and believes it to a point where you know they're willing to base their lives on it like that and and you want to just run the biggest nuclear arsenal in the world really look what you're banking on yeah look what look what corner you're in you're in the corner of fire and brimstone for real yeah you're in the corner of gays shouldn't be allowed to get married and what are you doing in 2012 why do you what do you give a fuck about what gay guys are doing you weirdo what kind of weirdo gives a fuck about what some gay guys are doing like oh we have to stop that birth control is bad yeah birth control is bad It's such fucking crazy.

[160] It's like he's like pulling us back in the 1960.

[161] Yeah, but I mean he's...

[162] Birth control's awesome.

[163] You can shoot loads into chicks and they don't get pregnant, you stupid fuck.

[164] You fucking dummy.

[165] You fucking dummy.

[166] Have you ever tried the female condom on a girl?

[167] Ew, is that like a dental dam?

[168] Yeah, it's like a dental dam.

[169] But like you could just come as much as you want into her.

[170] Like, it's amazing, but you have to change it because it's like a vagina diaper because it gets really full.

[171] That image you just gave us is the best birth control ever.

[172] Vagina diaper?

[173] That just killed my wood, son.

[174] Seriously.

[175] Yeah, who's going to be all excited?

[176] You like my vagina diaper?

[177] It is.

[178] Guys will still fuck you if you have a vagina diaper.

[179] We don't care.

[180] We can get over that real quick.

[181] You know, for a woman, that would be a, that would be a deal breaker.

[182] You know, he'd pull off a diaper.

[183] A bunch of goobers in a bag.

[184] If a girl had a diaper, She had shit all over it and she was really hot and you had a bunch of napkins and you know some hot towels and what you'd clean her ass and then fuck her Yeah, it wouldn't even bother you really hardly like a little bit you know like whatever.

[185] I just got to deal with it Wipe her ass clean baby with big tips.

[186] Yeah, I mean but for a girl for a guy had like shit smear off of his balls and dick and his pubic hair She's like that's it.

[187] It's over women don't want it nearly as much as we do I agree we'll clean shit.

[188] We will clean your shitty ass for real right that's an also conversation I'm glad we started it's true I don't know why we're freaker we're freakyer right is that in the Bible yeah do you think that the Bible was initially created just to try to keep people in line you think it was created like look and these are some stories this is some lessons that we've learned and then it just kind of like got out of control I think it goes both ways there's some sometimes you use it as a tool to control people's behavior if you feel that they are too fucked up, but also it's an internal thing.

[189] I think it's not just I know this is bullshit, but I'm going to feed it to them just so I keep the crazies in line.

[190] I also think that some of the people themselves who start some of these things feel it, need it, they desperately need it to the point where they will, they are going to be the first one to stick their own lives on it.

[191] And that's, I guess, the Santorum thing.

[192] You know, you want to live that way.

[193] I mean, I think you're nuts, but whatever.

[194] It's your life.

[195] You should be free to do whatever you want when you want to impose it on everyone else that's when you piss me off that's when it gets scary yeah what's just bizarre to me anybody who really absolutely believe something that much it's bizarre to me yeah like why do you believe it what are you seeing this you really believe that book is that what's going on man this that's how that seems crazy right that you're banking it all in one book there's a lot of books man don't a lot of shit has been written you know and the really the shit that's the weirdest is the oldest you can't that's nonsense we need like a new behavior standard guide for humans that's what we need instead of a bible just a behavior standard guide so we can all get through this world like these are the rules that we agree to instead of bestowed upon us by a higher power yeah you definitely shouldn't do most of the shit the bible says tells you not to do don't be killing anybody don't fuck your neighbor's wife all that stuff that's all good yeah you really should that's these are good But we need some more of those.

[196] And we need like a comprehensive guide just based on what we all know to be right.

[197] We all know.

[198] I think this is the best time ever to do something like that because even though people are complaining at times are tough and unemployment is bad and it certainly is that the economy is in a terrible position.

[199] But it's still better than any time in human history.

[200] Right.

[201] There's really been no better time as far as like safety, as far as like the access to get food and medicine.

[202] if there's ever a time for us to get our shit together like on paper now is it like together as like a group of humans instead of instead of bound by some crazy words that were written first in ancient hebrew first of all they were they were told as an oral tradition for that thousand years first right there's yeah it's not for seven or land that or the earth years that god can you imagine what the fuck happens to a story when you tell it for hundreds of years before where somebody figures out how to write things.

[203] Whoa.

[204] That's disturbing to say the list.

[205] That's nuts.

[206] What do you think about those Dead Sea Scrolls?

[207] Do you know much about that?

[208] Yeah, I mean, it's all the things.

[209] There's what are the official scriptures of every religion are one tiny part of what used to be out there.

[210] And then people, I mean, you get to the cases of Christianity where literally they get to vote on which books are sacred and come from God and which ones are not.

[211] Can you believe that?

[212] It's like somebody sit around the table.

[213] it's like today right now we pull out some book and go okay what do you think brian is these gods or not okay next let's try the other one how about this one it's like it's really that arbitrary really that's amazing how many books were like left out are those available who knows because a lot of the indies are the indie books this is the indie bible a lot of these was because he wasn't like oh we decide this is got stuff and sold the other stuff well read it if you to know it's like we have to burn it because it must be the devils and so it must be terrible and horrible and we need to squash any possible other alternative and so let's burn them all wow so when something else pops up that shows a different side to it that wasn't made a part of the official canon then it makes everybody feel like what the hell is going on like is so we can't base our life on this or can we or i mean most people are going ignore it anyway because otherwise it messes with their categories but that's that's basically the attitude what a weird time yeah i mean think about like the concept of fate the stuff that's at the basics of judaism christianity islam think about like the story that they all revere they all think is a great idea you know god shows up tells abram i really think you should kill your son and abram's like well i mean i don't want to kill my son but you know if it's god speaking well in that case sorry boy come on you know let's go he's about to kill him and then god sends an angel saying no no wait just kidding just testing your fate you know just checking you pass the test you did very well and now you'll be rewarded for it you know last time i check when you hear these embodied voices telling you you should kill people listening to that is not what should make you the guy who everybody looks up to and think what a great example of fate you know it's like what a crazy story god want you to kill your baby yeah what the fucking you're gonna kill your baby for god and that was the right thing to do and god said he was just testing you holy shit that's a sign that's good job you pass the test yeah is that old testament yeah old testament is about as wonky as it gets right pretty much but they said that the dead sea scrolls were even wonkier like you know there's there's a lot of dead sea scroll stuff that hasn't even been i mean that is the oldest written version right right i mean just because it's not part of the official canon doesn't mean that it's all good stuff.

[214] It's not like it's easy to fall into the pattern of all these evil bastards manipulated the things, put on these horrible things in the books and so everything that got squash must be good.

[215] No, not really.

[216] Some of the stuff that got squash is probably even worse.

[217] Who knows?

[218] I love the fact that the Dead Sea Scrolls is always linked to crazy shit.

[219] It's people always like, it's always UFOs and mushrooms.

[220] It's like every wacky, crazy story is linked to the Dead Sea.

[221] sea scrolls you know yeah even the fact they found them you know one of the coolest things is uh the science of putting together the pieces because a lot of them are in leather right one of the ways they put together the pieces was they did genetic testing on them to find out which ones came from the same animal so they knew that it was a piece of one skin incredible stuff man that's amazing amazing stuff it's really incredible and they're still putting that fucking thing together you know People are still trying to decipher it.

[222] Which probably over the last 2 ,000 years, they found a bunch of those things.

[223] But, you know, 500 years ago, somebody would have looked at it.

[224] It is like, hmm, you know, maybe I can start a fire with it or something.

[225] Yeah, when you're starving and you have to cook the book, that's it.

[226] You cook the book, you know?

[227] If you need something to light a fire, you're going to fuck that book, light it on fire.

[228] We're going to die tonight, you know?

[229] Basically.

[230] Yeah.

[231] How much stuff was lost in the burning of the Library of Alexandria?

[232] South of this word, I mean, you're talking about thousands and thousands of volumes.

[233] It's pretty damn scary.

[234] Yeah, it's amazing to think that human beings can be so fucking creative and then so destructive.

[235] What people understand is there was some sort of incredibly advanced society that was, that it created ancient Egypt.

[236] I mean, to this day, there's a bunch of puzzles when it comes to the immense construction, the fact that how much just actual mass was moved, just the size of some of these obelisks.

[237] I mean, it really was incredible society, and they knew a lot of things.

[238] And all of it was wiped out in a fire.

[239] And I think it was like two fires.

[240] I think there was two different times they were attacked.

[241] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[242] Like, man, how much further would we be if we knew all that shit?

[243] Yeah.

[244] But it's the same kind of stuff that happened even in other places.

[245] because like when the Spaniards came over out here, when they conquered the Aztecs, and the Aztecs were one of the indigenous people that had big libraries and had books and that written language and the whole thing.

[246] And the Spanish approach was like, well, does these look like the Bible?

[247] No. Well, in that case, screw it.

[248] We can burn it.

[249] No. They just burn it all.

[250] Jesus Christ.

[251] Okay, that's nice.

[252] So if it wasn't the Bible, they just burned it?

[253] Basically.

[254] I mean, it's like, you guys are not Christians.

[255] You must be devil worshipers.

[256] And such, we should burn everything you've ever done.

[257] Because it's all crap.

[258] Did they burn any Mayan stuff?

[259] Yeah, I mean, basically anything that was...

[260] Mayans, Inkins, anybody?

[261] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[262] You know, they're still fine in Mayan temples.

[263] That fascinates me, man. They said that there might be as many as a thousand unfound temples in South America.

[264] That's crazy.

[265] But then again, when you hike through the jungle out there sometimes, or you can see how that could be because you could be there and you wouldn't see it.

[266] You know, it could be 10 feet away and it's so them thick that you have no idea where...

[267] What a fucking incredible culture it existed here.

[268] What a bizarre, strange culture that made these, you know, these cities that were, like, aligned to, like, astronomical, you know, points.

[269] Like, really amazing.

[270] Like, he could, like, the way the sun would come up through some doorways.

[271] It was, like, perfectly built.

[272] It's incredible.

[273] It's like, the stuff that they had figured out how to do, it's like, how did you do this?

[274] This is amazing.

[275] It's one of the pyramids that at the bottom of the pyramid.

[276] this gigantic stone head of a snake and it's like where the hell is the body it's like because that one day of the year when the sun rises it eats the shade of the steps in such a way that it looks like the body's coming down yeah i mean it's like can you imagine like building the whole thing and then you have like shitty weather that it's like really suck yeah just the calculations involved i mean it is it is it possible that some of them could be coincidental i guess the snake thing could be it's possible but there's so many of them there's one in the temple of Luxor I think it is where the light comes down this corridor and like illuminates his whole room on one day of the year now I mean these guys were also my fuck what the fuck man it's incredible what they had figured out they'd figured out some amazing shit them and the Mayans it's like so much stuff was lost in the past would have been so fascinating to really know what it would what what like how much knowledge really was around during the constructions of the pyramids.

[277] I mean, what did they really know?

[278] How much, how much is lost in just the sand and erosion and how much is gone and fire?

[279] What the fuck did they really know?

[280] I mean, if you get 99 % of the human population today with modern technology and tell them, build a pyramid.

[281] Yeah, of course.

[282] Yeah, everybody like makes it like it's no big deal.

[283] Get out of here, it's crazy.

[284] If you were off by just a little bit anywhere, as I think it's the top, it's fucked.

[285] It's amazing, and they used to be covered in smooth limestone, too.

[286] It used to be actually shiny.

[287] And then there was a gold cap on the top of them.

[288] God damn, that must have been magnificent.

[289] Yeah, seriously.

[290] And what happened if people don't know, you ever look at the pyramids why they're so fucked up?

[291] That's because people stole the limestone.

[292] They chipped it off of those buildings.

[293] Those gross, disgusting rat people chewed away at that beautiful construction.

[294] one of the most amazing things a human being has ever created and they chewed away just pulling chunks of beautiful stone off and building their shitty houses with it fucking crooks rat people see you're in a good mood today what kind of a human being would deface the pyramid there were rat people that did that terrible human beings I mean could you imagine man what kind of a person would fucking chew up the pyramids and steal the stone Jesus Christ go get your own limestone bitch you know can you make a house out of wood right even the three pigs had options they knew some shit though huh that's a fact that's what kind of religions were around in ancient egypt like what did they worship it was all like I mean around there you see the transition from tribal religions that tend to be more mellow flexible because they are not written down it's relatively small society so there's a lot more flexibility about the beliefs.

[295] So they are general animistic, shamanistic kind of beliefs.

[296] But then when you turn them into a big society with like millions of people living in it, they become, you still have a lot of the stresses of that stuff.

[297] It's all about spirits and this and that.

[298] But then they become much more rigid, official.

[299] There's a clergy.

[300] There's, it becomes a business.

[301] There's the temple.

[302] And, you know, so it's kind of a more structured type of animism that in my mind kind of pretty much eliminates whatever is good about animism to begin with you uh tweeted a robertie howard quote the other day yeah yeah i loved that guy oh me too man i was when i was a kid i was a huge what was the exact tweet it was a conan quote yeah it was a conan quote i forgot what the hell it is but it's basically conan going off uh yeah i find it because i'll buy it otherwise yeah um it was um conan in uh it was one of uh i forget which book but it's a famous quote where the fuck is it i live i burn with life I love, I slay, and am content.

[303] As good as it gets.

[304] Women are like, that's so gay.

[305] For a man, you know, the Sumerian culture, like, what a fucking crumb.

[306] What a hard -ass God he was.

[307] People don't know Robert E. Howard was this bad motherfucker.

[308] It was an incredible author who created, he created, was it Call the Conqueror and Conan the Barbarian.

[309] It was all these crazy fantasy books.

[310] They were amazing.

[311] They're fucking really fun to read.

[312] When I was a kid, man, I became hooked on the Conan novels.

[313] And he was a really nutty dude and wound up taking his own life, right?

[314] Yeah, I don't know if he's thrown up, but the legend tells it that he would say that at night, he would see this, he would get there to write, and suddenly he would see the shadow behind him.

[315] And he wouldn't turn, but he could tell that he was Conan carrying a giant axe, ready to chop his head off unless he wrote all night and he would stay there and like sweat and write and write and right and right and my morning he was gone and so he could finally pass out and sleep but he would get ready for the next night because Conan would be back ready to chop his set off wow Conan was the coolest fucking character in any book ever written you know the people like Conan the Barbaran with Arnold Schwarzenegger that was pretty cool and everything like that but really the real if someone got ever figure out how to do the book justice and make it really put it together right like the last one was kind of corny the dude was pretty badass yeah he was that dude was a good conan he he seemed to me like what conan should look like now look great but the screenwriting was the screenwriting was bad but he was good his fight scenes were great he looked like conan you know i think he people were hating because he's too fucking good looking that's what it is the dude is just way too good looking he makes dudes super uncomfortable but if you if you're not a hater i met the dude He was super cool.

[316] And if you're not a hater, you go, look, man, he got lucky.

[317] He was born six foot five with fucking perfect chiseled face.

[318] You just got to deal with that, bitch.

[319] You get to deal with that.

[320] But guess what?

[321] That's what Conan's supposed to look like.

[322] That fucking guy's Conan.

[323] They just need to do it right, man. The fucking writing was all corny.

[324] Like, the ending was all corny.

[325] What if Michael, what if, like, Michael Bay did it?

[326] Dude, yeah.

[327] Something like that.

[328] Or swords blowing up horses spinning around.

[329] You know who would do it right?

[330] You know who would do it right?

[331] Quentin Tarantino.

[332] Oh, yeah.

[333] He's the only guy that would do it.

[334] Quentin Tarantino would fucking do it, right.

[335] He would dig into that bitch.

[336] And if you can get Quentin Tarantino to direct a Conan movie, God damn, son.

[337] That would be badass.

[338] Holy shit, that would be good.

[339] Did you imagine?

[340] Get him to write it to, get him to write the screenplay, put together like one of the better books.

[341] There was so many good books, too.

[342] I got to give you.

[343] Having Tarantino would be a fucking dream.

[344] But I like, I have to say, I like Milius, the original Conan, the one that Milius did.

[345] And I find it interesting that he's the same.

[346] guy who comes up with some of the concepts for ufc you know how the graces had brought over because he was one of their students you know really was one of the students of the graces and he was the graces they had the art davy and they were milius as kind of a creative director into the first ufc who started coming up with some of the ideas that then somebody else designed for the octagon and all of that and i'm like i love that guy he created conan the barbarian and was at the beginning of USC.

[347] That's incredible.

[348] I didn't even know that.

[349] That's interesting.

[350] You have some UFC trivia that I didn't even know that.

[351] I can go home satisfied now.

[352] My work is done.

[353] Rampage Jackson's mad at me. Why?

[354] I don't know.

[355] It was an interview.

[356] Oh yeah.

[357] I just read it.

[358] Yeah.

[359] I was watching.

[360] I was just called me fake ass and he was saying that.

[361] Oh shit.

[362] Really?

[363] Yeah.

[364] He was saying that all I want him to do is throw low kicks and reason he doesn't throw low kicks is because he's fighting a wrestle, you dumb ass.

[365] Look, man, you know, I don't, I'd love Rampage.

[366] I don't mean to be rude when I assess things.

[367] I'm just trying to objectively try to figure out how this guy could be doing better than he's doing.

[368] When I look at a guy like Rampage, I'd look at a dude with, he's fucking, first of all, one of the most exciting fighters of all time.

[369] You go back to his fights in pride, like the Ricardo -O -Rona fight or the Kevin Randleman knockout.

[370] Remember that Randleman knockout?

[371] God damn.

[372] The slam on a ron I mean so many He had a lot of great Great, great fucking fights and pride You know, Rampage I like him a lot I like him as a person I enjoyed hanging out with him I did a thing with him For the UFC once It was, there was a show That we did like I think it was called The Ultimate Was it UFC Ultimate Insider or something Like that the one we're doing now I don't even remember the name of it It was on Spike Oh you Fuck what was the name of it UFC?

[373] No UFC Unleashed is Michael Goldberg's what the hell is it called any idea of Ryan no all right tea time at UFC whatever it was I don't remember what I was um we uh we drove around in his he has this giant monster truck with his face on the side of it and shit it's fucking awesome it's hilarious it's all lifted and shit and we drove around and uh I even trained with them we went to the gym and trained and we filmed everything we went and got chicken together and I yeah we went to Popeyes he's cool as fuck I like him I don't mean anything when I'm trying to like when I'm judging a fight or what I'm not judging a fight but when I'm doing commentary on a fight all I'm trying to do is sort of objectively assess what I think someone could be doing differently to try to get themselves out of a spot if they're not winning or if you know I'm just trying to commentate it's not I'm not like critiquing the guy's soul I'm not like breaking down who he is as a person I like the guy a lot you know but even rampage himself admits that he was more exciting back in the day when he was in pride i mean it doesn't have to be anymore he's a great fighter you can do it over the fucking wants when when i'm doing what i'm doing commentary is just my objective opinion that's all it is it's not that i don't like the guy why do you think he stopped because in pride pretty much every fight he would pick somebody up lift them up in the air slam them it was like his thing it's not that easy to do but you know he did it every fight and all of a sudden never again i'm like what the hell happened I don't know.

[374] I mean, he has a lot more tools now.

[375] He's, you know, it's hard to tell.

[376] Also, he was finding people in a ring more.

[377] I wonder if that's different.

[378] Well, they can actually be easier to pick people up in the cage.

[379] Exactly, because they are upright against the cage.

[380] Well, he, you know, it also, you could get fucking, after doing that for a long time, you could get, it's possible you could, you could hurt your back.

[381] You could have, like, issues, like a lot of wrestlers, a lot of really powerful guys.

[382] I don't know if he does.

[383] I'm just guessing.

[384] Right.

[385] But a lot of guys eventually have, like, kinks in their neck and shit.

[386] Tito's had two disc replacements.

[387] Yeah, and Tito wasn't even lifting people up.

[388] He was just shooting straight.

[389] Yeah, or he lifted some people up too.

[390] He knocked out Evan Tanna.

[391] Yeah, that was a big body slam.

[392] And when he was younger, he would hoist guys up a lot.

[393] You know, I think as you get older, you get smarter, you fight more conservatively.

[394] Right.

[395] You know, but I just wish the guy wasn't mad at me. You know, when I tell him to throw leg kicks, it's just because he has awesome leg kicks.

[396] Oh, yeah.

[397] You know, he's like, you know, I'm fighting to wrestle with dumb ass.

[398] Like, I know, I know.

[399] I'm just saying, man. He landed a few, and his leg kicks are fucking badass.

[400] I would like to see that if I was in his corner, you know?

[401] When Rampage is mad at you, is that something that you should be worried about?

[402] Like, if you're out and you see him somewhere and you're like, oh, hi.

[403] I would talk to him, and I think we'd be cool instantly.

[404] I'm not a bad person.

[405] He's not a bad person either.

[406] He's just upset and he's sensitive.

[407] And he's also got the toughest fucking job on the planet.

[408] There's a lot of pressure and a lot of stress involved in being a fighter, you know.

[409] And the last thing I want to do is add more pressure and add more stress.

[410] stress all I'm doing is trying to just I'm analyzing the fight that's all it is right just I have to be objective I can't I you know I can't protect someone's feelings you know at the expense of doing what I'm supposed to be doing which is sort of analyzing what's going on you know and some people say I'm biased and he was saying that I'm biased towards jiu -jitsu guys who's like yeah yeah I read that like a second dick that was cute that was funny it was funny it was good he was animated and shit you know he's he's a funny guy man I like Rampage but if anything, I'm more biased.

[411] I always say towards, like, really aggressive strikers.

[412] Like, Vanderlea Silva's my favorite all -time fighter.

[413] Really?

[414] Yeah, I think so.

[415] If I had to pick, like, one guy, like the Vandirley and Pride, because he was so wild, man. Just every Vandlea Silva fight, you know exactly what the fuck you were getting into.

[416] It was like a Tyson fight in that same sort of feeling.

[417] Right.

[418] You know, when he was on top, you know, when Vandle was just smashing dudes, when he was at his very peak, he was so wild.

[419] Yeah.

[420] It was a wild guy.

[421] Like, there was an excitement, you know, as a fan.

[422] Like, holy shit, Van der Leigh's about to fight.

[423] You know what I mean?

[424] When Van der Leigh was going to fight, man, everybody would get hyped up.

[425] And still to this day, like that Kong Lee fight proved it.

[426] Still to this day, he's got that, you know?

[427] Yeah, yeah.

[428] So my all -time, like, favorite kind of style of fighting is really not jujitsu.

[429] Right.

[430] I, you know, I like strikers.

[431] To watch, I like, I still like watching beautiful jujitsu technique.

[432] I absolutely do.

[433] But for the oh shit moments, for the, oh, Oh, shit!

[434] It's like almost always chaos.

[435] It's almost head, it's head kicks.

[436] It's like Merco Krocop was like the king of the oh shit moments.

[437] You know, his left high kicks, Vandelet, you know, those are the guys that I always like really enjoy watching maybe the most.

[438] If anything, I'm biased towards those guys.

[439] But I just, you know, I appreciate all of it, man. I appreciate wrestling.

[440] I think wrestling is one of the most important aspects.

[441] I always say that that's the biggest base of the pyramid, you know?

[442] And I was never really a wrestling.

[443] I wrestled for one year in high school.

[444] I don't have a bias.

[445] When I'm looking at it, I'm really trying to look at it as objectively as possible.

[446] And it changes all the time what's important.

[447] It changes all the time because different levels of guys will enter the game.

[448] And that's when things get weird like when you get like a really high level striker that all of a sudden learns how to sprawl and is really good at wrestling.

[449] Maybe we wrestled a little bit in high school.

[450] And then all of a sudden, boom, he's in the UFC.

[451] And you've got to deal with this like, you know, But you get to, like, a really high level professional Muay type fighters who have really crisp striking.

[452] One of those guys, one of those really top -end guys, one of those Ernesto Hoos, like, in his prime, one of those guys steps into the UFC.

[453] Everything changes in that division.

[454] And then everybody has to figure that guy out now.

[455] You have to, you know, everyone has to either evolve around his skills, find a way to be able to stand with him.

[456] Right.

[457] I hope he gets beat up in the gym.

[458] You know, you know, shooting before the fight.

[459] Yeah, man. It's constantly changing what's important.

[460] What's important is constantly changing.

[461] We're always seeing like a new version.

[462] Like, oh, and then what if one of these guys shows up?

[463] And now what's something you've got this John Jones version, this new thing.

[464] How do you fucking deal with this?

[465] You got some young kid who's really confident, very smart, and has unbelievable strength, comes from a wrestling background, and has the longest reach of any fucking human being on the face of the planet.

[466] And it's blasting you, and you can't even get close to him.

[467] And he's getting better every day.

[468] Every time he blinks, he's getting a little bit better.

[469] You know, he's ridiculous.

[470] And also he's creative.

[471] Because, I mean, there are a lot of guys today that are awesome athletes.

[472] They're great fighters.

[473] But they are kind of boring to watch because they do what everybody else does.

[474] And so, I mean, don't get me wrong, it's like all the respect in the world because you're doing something amazing.

[475] But it's not that you'd watch somebody like John Jones or you'd watch Anderson, Silver.

[476] You watch some of these guys, there's like, it's a master at work.

[477] He's like, Jesus, what's going to do now?

[478] He's an artist.

[479] There's a reason why it's called martial art. martial artist that is exactly what he's doing that's artwork right when you watch like his showgun fight watch the john jones showgun fight if that's not like a symphony that's like a beautiful work of art you know what he did is he destroyed one of the best fighters on the planet and he made it look easy yeah it puts art in perspective because you know fucking leonardo didn't have some six four dude trying to punch him in the face while he was painting his masterpiece i absolutely believe if you watch the john jones owns Liotto Machita fight, that that is a work of art. I absolutely believe that.

[480] That's artwork.

[481] That's fascinating.

[482] The finish was so beautiful.

[483] Everything about it.

[484] Everything about the fight is incredible.

[485] The fact that Liotto tagged him a few times.

[486] Liotto looked great.

[487] But he just caught Liotto, got him on the ground, dazed him on the ground, and then caught him in that standing guillotine.

[488] God damn.

[489] But you put it all together, like as far as like entertainment impact.

[490] You cannot.

[491] That's a work of art, man. That absolutely is a different type of art. I like watching somebody's entire career kind of rather than watching a bunch of fights from different people.

[492] Like watch one guy and watch back -to -back fights of their stuff.

[493] And you see the evolution of their style and you really see a style there at work and it's awesome.

[494] Yeah, that is a fascinating thing to watch guys evolve.

[495] You know, I remember Anderson Silva's first couple of fights.

[496] When he first started fighting in pride, he was primarily a stand -up guy and he got submitted when he went to the ground.

[497] Like Takahashi, I think it was.

[498] He got him in a mounted triangle, and then with wrestling shoes on, I think he did.

[499] Was it Takahashi?

[500] No, somebody else.

[501] No. Some dude had a losing record of all things.

[502] The same guy who beat Carlos Newton by the decision.

[503] You're thinking about Rio Chonia, and you're thinking of Rio Chon.

[504] No, before.

[505] Really?

[506] There was a good.

[507] He's the same guy who beat Carlos Newton by the season in one of the Bushido events.

[508] Takase.

[509] Takase.

[510] Now that's, that's what it did.

[511] Yeah.

[512] And so he mounted him and got him in a triangle and then Roshitochido.

[513] Chonan got him in that crazy flying heel hook.

[514] If you never see, Anderson Silva lost in one of the most spectacular finishes of all time.

[515] Doesn't get any better than that.

[516] This dude, Rio Chonan flew at him sideways, tied his legs up together, and his scissors like a movie.

[517] That's like some shit from a movie.

[518] That's like some shit from a pro wrestling show.

[519] And then he caught him in this flying heel hook, and Anderson, like, immediately tapped.

[520] And screaming in pain, you know?

[521] That's really the best submission.

[522] ever seen craziness there's anything that can see him and craziness and on top of it apparently Anderson's foot was fucked up when he was going into that fight it looked like yeah the second he touches him and there's already tapping and so leaving and going crazy apparently yeah he went into that fight with a fucked up foot that's why he wasn't uh wasn't moving so well yeah that's what it looked like so that guy goes from that and then all of a sudden he fights in the UFC against Chris Lieben and now you see this master yeah you know you see like wow like the way he took Lieben apart like this is a master You know, the way he moved, the way he, like, everything Lieben through, he's, like, shucked out of the way and countered, bam, bam, bam, these just precise counters and Leibons charging forward.

[523] And he's blasting him with kicks and knees and punches.

[524] And you're like, God damn, is he good?

[525] Holy shit.

[526] His fight for his goodie fin, I mean, I mean, dude.

[527] What the hell can you say?

[528] Well, you know, you know, one of the interesting thing is that Forrest, I had an interview with him about that.

[529] And he told me that he had gotten knocked out twice in training camp.

[530] before that fight.

[531] So right away, he probably shouldn't have even been in there.

[532] You know, right?

[533] I mean, if you get knocked down in a training camp like two times, how many concussions are you allowed to have, like, really close back -to -back like that?

[534] Yeah, it's probably our disclosed that somebody touching you the right way.

[535] Yeah.

[536] Well, there's been a few fighters that have had that happen to them, and they both got knocked out exactly the same way.

[537] One of them was, there was a dude who was fighting in the UFC for a while.

[538] Marvin Eastman Marvin Eastman got knocked out he was he got caught by Travis what the fuck's his name Luther Travis Luter of course Jesus Christ how can I forget that guy's Who's a sick Jiu -Jitsu guy But not really known for like Being like a super powerful striker A real strong guy I can't believe I forgot his name Travis I'm so sorry I love that guy actually I just had too much weed dude I blame it on the weed That's way too much weed and really strong.

[539] I've been sitting here stone like a crazy person over here.

[540] Yeah, it's not good for your brain.

[541] Stuff's terrible for you.

[542] Anyway, Travis Luter caught Marvin Eastman with a right hand.

[543] And just like at the end of the punch and Eastman went down like he got shot.

[544] Like he got sniped from a fucking tower.

[545] He had got knocked out twice in training camp as well.

[546] He was knocked out once, I think, by Tito Ortiz accidentally, like ran into a knee and knocked down another time when a takedown attempt.

[547] So, you know, when that's happening, You know, you can get knocked out super easy.

[548] Speaking of MMA and religion, that was one of my favorite moments ever when Eastman lost a fight to Vitor Belfort.

[549] Belford did that crazy knee and spruiting open and everything.

[550] And then they have the cameras in the post -fight interview on Belford saying, thank you Jesus for giving me the strength to do what I do.

[551] And then they pan on Marvin Eastman, and his face is like, his whole head is split open.

[552] It looks like, I think you said, if I remember correctly, you said it looked like a goat's vagina, which I thought was one of the best lines ever.

[553] It's really, pretty unfortunate that I actually said that.

[554] I should have thought that and just kept it to myself.

[555] And you see Belford going out about Jesus giving him the strength, and then you see somebody's hope and been split with blood everywhere.

[556] They're like, really?

[557] That's what was going on, but I thought it was pretty funny.

[558] But then again, all respect to Vitor, good guy.

[559] Yeah, he's a great guy.

[560] I think a lot of fighters really like to believe in the Lord and like to, you know, to be on a good path because first of all I think it helps their fighting I think a lot of guys who are Christians you know they have a little bit of extra faith they have a little bit of extra calmness right extra belief in themselves if you truly are a believer there's a benefit to that psychological as a tool right that's why still exists yeah by the fact that sometimes doesn't look like it makes sense but that's why it exists because it delivers huge benefit it helps people be disciplined stay on certain paths you know helps people you know stay on a If you really truly believe in a higher power, you know, it's much more likely that you're going to have at least some sort of a code that you're living by.

[561] Right?

[562] Does that make sense?

[563] Yeah, totally.

[564] What is, is it possible to live life, like, and be really nice without that?

[565] I mean, is it possible to convince people to live like, like, you know, live like a free person, but also live within principles of decency and just abandon everything else?

[566] I very much think so, but it takes special people because not everybody can handle it.

[567] Because a lot of people, unless you keep them in a little cage, they'll go crazy and do all sort of messed up stuff.

[568] It's kind of like the Taoist.

[569] I love Taoism because you see the, they are the first to tell you.

[570] It's like, our stuff is you need to be smart, you need to be sensible, you need to have all these tools that you don't have.

[571] So go to take Confucianism instead.

[572] It's better for you because, you know, you won't fuck things up too bad.

[573] they'll give you simple rules to stick to limit how much damage you can make.

[574] Confucianism is better for you.

[575] Seriously, just go there.

[576] Our stuff, it's too, you know, they are elitist, obviously.

[577] They are a little bit with this, but so is life.

[578] You know, not everybody's going to get it.

[579] That's how it is.

[580] You know, it takes a hell of a human being to live with no rules and still behave in an amazing way.

[581] But that doesn't mean it can be done.

[582] And so in that sense, I find, you know, all the rules giving religion.

[583] useful for a segment of humanity.

[584] But then if you want to talk about full potential of human beings, I feel like, no, you can do better than that.

[585] People have a real hard time with that, though, when you start segmenting human beings and saying that some people are more worthy or some people are more capable or some people are more even evolved, you know?

[586] I'm an evil asshole, so I don't care.

[587] But, I mean, to me, let me explain it, so I don't sound too much like an asshole, but it's I believe in being nice to anybody okay I don't care smart stupid whatever you should treat everybody giving them opportunity you know it's like prove to me that you're not a moron great I'll give you all the opportunities in the world but at the same time I can be delusional and expect that everybody's going to be amazingly smart and you walk into any room and you can throw it's like I kind of expect people to suck but I'll give them all the opportunities in the world to prove otherwise right and I feel like that way is a healthy between being realistic about it and being without turning into a jerk you know um so you think that if if the government came out and said hey listen we uh we did some studies it turns out religion's totally bullshit and uh we got to start from scratch because we don't know what the fuck is out there what what percentage of people do you think we just go completely bat shit crazy and riot in the streets would be any would anything change it on it's not based on evidence anyway so it doesn't matter what anybody tells you but a lot of people would That would be marching to the streets.

[588] That would be one way where people would like really show how much they believe.

[589] They would start marching to the streets, right?

[590] They would have to.

[591] They would organize.

[592] They would really put out a message.

[593] But that's one of the cool things about living in U .S. today.

[594] In general, in the Western world, you find a few, not even that long, 100, 200 years ago, they were, you know, you burn people on the public square kind of thing, if they disagreed.

[595] Today, even the hardcore fundamentalists, they get all read up, they get peace, but they are not the Taliban.

[596] They may think like them, but they don't tack like them.

[597] Yeah, but we were trying to stop it from getting any further than this.

[598] Anybody that has that much faith in what they can't see, that's a disturbing thing.

[599] You're willing to die for this?

[600] That's an issue.

[601] They're willing to die.

[602] Hey, part of the worries me is you're willing to kill.

[603] Yeah, willing to die, whatever.

[604] It's your life.

[605] Willing to enforce your ideas.

[606] Yeah.

[607] It's like the one that piece me off, the most.

[608] of these things is the euthanasia debate the fact that today in 2012 with the technology that we have you could let people die in a good way you could let you know somebody say look when I get to that point I want to be able to you know shoot me an injection you put me to sleep you give me the other one that puts me out without pain yeah that's their damn life right nobody's saying that you need to die that way right you want to go in whatever way you want to go good for you but you really want to tell everybody else how they die.

[609] I think it's a tricky thing, man, because I think there's a lot of people that have cranky old grandparents and they're going to push that motherfucker into that bed and go, look, he's been delusional right now but he's been telling us to kill him for a couple days.

[610] So we're just going to go ahead and do this.

[611] But there's the double thing.

[612] You have either people should do when they are young.

[613] What do you want to do in X amount of situations and sign it and deal with it?

[614] And unless they change their mind, that's what sticks.

[615] Or they pick somebody.

[616] the same way as they pick somebody to manage their bank account, they pick somebody who can make those kind of decisions.

[617] Wow.

[618] Because otherwise, really, you are in the position where today if you have a sick dog, you can take them to the vet and they are gone in no time with no pain.

[619] But for human being, you have to suffer every step of the way, seeing your body, go to crap.

[620] We're very uncomfortable with giving somebody the power to shut off a life.

[621] Yeah.

[622] We're very uncomfortable with it, right?

[623] It's tricky.

[624] And in my mind, is that's...

[625] you know when you love somebody you care for somebody and you see them go down that path and that's what they want that's the biggest thing you can do for them is let them die the way they want yeah no i see what you're saying i mean i agree with you but i think people like i said are very uncomfortable right with the idea especially religious folks yeah it's very uncomfortable god decide when you get to go so let you waste away for six more months in order but essentially they do kill you anyway with painkillers you know a lot of people when it's towards the yeah it's fucking up though keep flooding you with pain killers it's it's not pleasant even because it's not that they don't feel anything or they don't realize anything they do realize enough to feel like shit and realize it so it's like it's not a pretty way to go fuck i'm off the school of thought just you know what happens when they cure that what happens when people don't get old how many goddamn people are going to be here if they figure out Stop people from getting old and dying.

[626] We might have a real problem.

[627] We might not even, we might have to build spaceships.

[628] Well, there are too many people.

[629] Yeah.

[630] But I mean, at that point, there will be more and more and more.

[631] But if we stop dying and keep people kept fucking.

[632] Right.

[633] That would be nuts.

[634] Jesus Christ.

[635] At that point is where you can have the UFC of, you know, give a sword to some dudes, put them in a cage and have them go at each other for any issue.

[636] You know, you have a disagreement with anybody or.

[637] anything please settle it with swords in the cage well it sounds really stupid to say you know that people would devolve to that level but when you get like a lot of people together they sort devalue each other when you have too many of them yeah and you add that to poverty right in the future and radiation sickness and who knows what the fuck's going to be going on yeah life becomes cheap people it's kind of like even in the ancient world where people die left and right all around and people were a lot less sensitive about human life.

[638] It's like where you could have the gladiators and people clap and think it's cool because it's like they see people dying left and right all the time.

[639] Hey, at least you got to die after you train a bunch of months.

[640] You look like a hero.

[641] You got your head chopped off.

[642] But hey, you know, you're going to die anyway in six months in some other way, so might as well.

[643] Isn't it amazing when you really stop and think about it?

[644] Isn't incredible that people ever got past ancient Rome that we ever got to today?

[645] Think how nutty those apps.

[646] assholes were.

[647] The people were fighting lions with swords and shit.

[648] They would throw lions at people.

[649] God damn.

[650] What a bunch of crazy assholes.

[651] Two weeks ago, some guy emails me from the History Channel and say, are you by any chance an expert on Caligola, you know, the Roman Emperor?

[652] Yeah.

[653] Not really.

[654] I mean, I read my Roman history and stuff, but he's like, perfect.

[655] Just come on.

[656] No way, did you reach my email?

[657] It's like, yeah, yeah, you sound great.

[658] As long as you've known, you get a book that you looked at once.

[659] So I was an expert on Caligola Yeah, the history channel is awesome for that It was, but it was cool Actually, they did their homework I read all their stuff It was all on the spot, you know Nothing funnier than the history channel When they got a dude that comes on to Sasquatch expert Right Like what Yeah, that's brilliant Yeah So how much did you have to know For them to use you You know, I was actually surprised That I knew more than I thought I did But you know, it's not like I'm the experts Like what the hell I read something.

[660] But then I was like, hey, man, I remember all this stuff.

[661] Did you have to re -research it before you went on?

[662] The day before I was like, oh, shit, I better do my homework, you know.

[663] So I did reread the whole thing and everything and to make the connection faster so you don't think about it for five minutes going, you know, but.

[664] Caligula, man. What a crazy motherfucker that guy was, huh?

[665] Romans were wild.

[666] I mean, Caligula was sort of, you know, to the tent power.

[667] But Roman culture in general, Jesus Christ, these guys were violent to a point that, I mean, You know how today there's the, you shouldn't kill people in ways that are cruel and unusual.

[668] They are all about, you know, the more violent, painful and public we can make it, the better.

[669] You will make a statement to the Fed that you don't fuck with the states.

[670] Oh, that's right.

[671] Sure.

[672] That's bizarre.

[673] Is that Brian?

[674] Where the hell did Brian go?

[675] That was funny.

[676] That's what you get for a shit and outside that bathroom right there.

[677] I should have just went right there.

[678] Ladies and gentlemen, that.

[679] that break in the podcast was Brian got locked outside and he was banging on the door sorry Brian you silly goose the comedy club has like these automated locks when they're closed and so I went out to go because we're not supposed to shit in this bathroom so because it shits and makes everybody smell the shit right but no one's working today there's so there were some people here oh they were okay so I didn't all right so where were we where we were we talking about could as the Romans oh yeah how amazing that culture was no bunch of savages people got through that that's We are ancestors of people, you know, some of us are, at least, of people that lived there.

[680] It's not like people went extinct back then.

[681] No, far from it.

[682] What a weird time that must have been, huh?

[683] What a shit roll of the dice that is.

[684] Getting born and you're living in ancient Rome.

[685] It was funny when UFC started, both the people who hated it and the people who loved it compared to Gladiator.

[686] Well, they used to have a gladiator opening.

[687] Yeah, yeah.

[688] We just abandoned it.

[689] We just abandoned it.

[690] The new one is fucking crazy.

[691] I haven't seen the new one.

[692] The new one's amazing.

[693] But the gladiator opening.

[694] was for a long time everybody's like who's this gladiator dude what is all this about rubbing dirt in his hands and shit and it was just like what you know with the italian music you know and then it's the opening on to the police home going in yeah yeah the new the new opening is wicked though yeah uh the gladiator so what was caligula's deal and quickly it was completely out of his fucking mind yeah basically was he uh do you think he was like clinically insane or you think it was just mad with power.

[695] I think he was nuts to begin with.

[696] And then, of course, you grow up in an environment where, you know, your uncle kills all of your family, your brothers and sisters, and have your mom beat up to the point that she loses an eye and then gets her to starve to that, you know, that's the environment you grow up around.

[697] Jesus Christ.

[698] Even if you are totally sane, you start going a little over the edge.

[699] Why do they do that to everybody?

[700] Because they are mean bastards.

[701] And they protected their own power and anybody that they felt could be a threat to their power, they would get rid of them in fairly nasty ways.

[702] Jesus Christ.

[703] No, it's no different than any gang or any, you know, it's human nature that way we're at its wars.

[704] Yeah, because there was no rules.

[705] Essentially, they were calling a shot.

[706] Right.

[707] It's amazing that people ever get to a point of royalty.

[708] Yeah.

[709] That people allow that hustle.

[710] You know, it's a very strange hustle that even though there's no fucking food, everybody's starving, no one, you know, there's no prosperity, there's no books.

[711] People are so silly, they'll believe that this one guy is worth more than everybody else.

[712] He controls their armies and he's their noble leader.

[713] But that would be a cool job.

[714] I signed up for that.

[715] Very few guys pulled that job off, man. And now and then somebody would kill you with a sword.

[716] I think today I started well.

[717] I started saying, you know, most people suck and I have this elitist thing.

[718] Now that I want to be the king of the universe and that would be great at it.

[719] Yeah.

[720] I think today is going well.

[721] Every smart person thinks that they would be an awesome king.

[722] I would be different.

[723] Listen, there's a lot of kings.

[724] It would be assholes.

[725] If I was the king, that's how every cart gets called get started.

[726] Some guy comes along and goes, listen, these other cults, they don't know what the fuck they're doing.

[727] The way I would do cults, just be really nice.

[728] And as long as I'm in control, trust me, I'm really, really honest and objective about this.

[729] Yeah.

[730] When is, when are we going to fucking figure this out?

[731] So I got my results back from my physical, Joe.

[732] And you had a physical?

[733] I got a full physical.

[734] They tested blood, everything.

[735] And they said that I'm like 100 % everything's fine.

[736] My cholesterol is exactly perfect.

[737] The only thing that was bad, he's like, just take a little bit of D. You don't get out much, do you?

[738] And I'm like, no, I don't go out.

[739] So he's like, just gets him like over -the -counter D. You'll be fine.

[740] But you're just a slight thing.

[741] Oh, that's good.

[742] That's good.

[743] And no, STDs.

[744] My first AIDS test.

[745] I've been mooching this, you know, off of an age test.

[746] But you got a real one now.

[747] Yeah, that's congratulations.

[748] I'm glad you're not dying.

[749] That's awesome.

[750] Yeah.

[751] That is good.

[752] That's a monkey off your back, right?

[753] Totally.

[754] You know, I kind of feel like I, eat somewhat healthy.

[755] Like what I'll do is I'll eat healthy and then I'll have a shitty day where I'll eat fucking pizza, you know, so it, I think I have a good up and down.

[756] Isn't it crazy that your body actually produces a vitamin by looking at the sun?

[757] Yeah.

[758] You're out in the sun, your body produces vitamin D. That's why when you see like George St. Pierre when he's fighting and he gets tan, that getting tan like that actually makes you perform better.

[759] Isn't that nuts?

[760] That's fucking crazy.

[761] Getting a tan actually makes you perform better as a fighter.

[762] Like, what?

[763] What is the bad part about having not much D though?

[764] Like, if you were an extreme case, would you just be like, oh, I can't?

[765] Yeah, you'd be fucked.

[766] It's really bad for you.

[767] Yeah, I think that's an issue with the people that live in really cloudy climates as well.

[768] Like Seattle.

[769] Yeah, I bet they have a problem.

[770] We keep going after Seattle today.

[771] Seattle, man. We called them heaven.

[772] Seahawk, Seacock.

[773] Seattle's a cool place, man. How dare you?

[774] I like Seattle.

[775] It's beautiful up there.

[776] Oh, by the way.

[777] Somebody told me they just got back again from Tempe or Phoenix, Arizona and went to that new club in Arizona.

[778] It said it is the most amazing place ever, and you would love it.

[779] It's, you know, 600 seats, but they have, they have, like, a person that follows you around that's, like, your own, like, hey, can I get you something?

[780] Like, you each have your own individual person.

[781] Sam Tripoli went there and just had, like, a crazy party.

[782] He said it was the, he saw somebody doing shit in the elevator, like this elevator walk up and people were having sex in it and stuff.

[783] Whoa.

[784] He says it's awesome.

[785] It's a party.

[786] So check that.

[787] Really?

[788] It's the, you know the one I'm talking about, right?

[789] They're having sex there?

[790] Yeah.

[791] What's going on?

[792] Brian, the fuck are you talking about?

[793] Well, I don't want to give away Sam's story because he hasn't said it yet because he has a naughty show tonight.

[794] Oh, so he's going to say it tonight.

[795] I think so.

[796] Jesus, how many podcasts are you doing in this day?

[797] Three?

[798] Three today.

[799] How are you going to listen to other people talk?

[800] It's impossible.

[801] How are you going to do this?

[802] You're going to shut your ears off after a while, do you go numb?

[803] I'm just.

[804] No, It's I just like kind of meditate while listen to it.

[805] It's a lot of podcasts.

[806] It is a lot of podcast.

[807] Danieli Bolelele, we need to have a religious question and answer podcast with you.

[808] How about that?

[809] That would be the shit.

[810] Wouldn't that be fucking badass?

[811] I have people that have questions to religion.

[812] They contact you.

[813] And then they could buy your books too.

[814] What is the one that you published recently on Disinfo?

[815] What is that called?

[816] It's called the 50 Things You Are Not Supposed to Know Religion.

[817] And the genesis of this.

[818] was kind of interesting because originally I pitched them a different book about religion and it was you know this big thick heavy book and they were like yeah you know that's sweet but we're in the business of selling books so give us something you know what is the big thick work what was that going to be about it was um as kind of looking at all basically what the approach that Bruce Lee had to martial arts I was trying to play adapted to religions sort of like taking from a bunch of different religions to look at what all the big questions are look at what some of the answers that are out there to make up your own thing as you go.

[819] And because ultimately to me that's the only thing that anybody does, you know, makes up the own sort of standards.

[820] Call it religion, call it philosophy, call it whatever makes you feel good.

[821] But bottom line is a way of life.

[822] And so I was like, do your homework, see what's out there and come up with your own answers that way.

[823] And actually now that we did this one, they decided to go for it.

[824] So I think I'll publish the other one toward the end of the year, you know, in end of 2012.

[825] So this would be a really big book?

[826] They asked me to cut it a bit.

[827] And it's probably a good idea because it's probably too much stuff.

[828] And people will be like halfway through like, ah, fuck it's no more.

[829] But so yeah, I'll do that one, cutting it a bit.

[830] And so that one I was super excited about.

[831] But back then, they're actually smart because they know that this kind of stuff sells because it's quicker, funny, weird, random informative stories in and out.

[832] You know, you read one next.

[833] You know, you don't feel like you like that one.

[834] Boom, you jump to the next one.

[835] So there's 50 of them.

[836] And, but yeah, it was weird because when I originally signed up to do it, I wasn't as now I'm really happy I did it.

[837] When I started, I was like, I need money, I guess.

[838] So sure, what the hell?

[839] Why not?

[840] But in my initial mom.

[841] And then it was in a shitty period of my life because I signed on it.

[842] It was like January, 2011 or something.

[843] And I said, sure, I'll get it done.

[844] And they're like, do it by April.

[845] Like, okay, that's a little tight.

[846] but sure i can do it then that's when everything went to shit with my wife six weeks in the hospital horrible things and then the second all that was over i'm now responsible for a 90 -month -old baby to deal with her all the time and i have a month and a half left to write this stuff and i'm like shit now that's intense and um but the thing is generally i mean i break more loads than i can keep track of but i one thing i don't do is i don't do is i don't break my word ever and i told them you know i'll get it done they were even been nice about it they were like you know what we can push the deadline but like no man you know you wanted it done by then it even it's good for me it gives me something to focus on right so rather than being there you know contemplating my navel thinking the word sucks i have something to do and not only that but it has to be funny light -hearted at a time when my life is really not neither funny or light -hearted and so it's it was actually good was awesome therapy for me because i could And, you know, while I'm giving my daughter milk, I'm thinking about what the hell is the next line, and I had to make it snappy, fast, you know, in quick fashion, but funny.

[847] And the best thing I could do for myself, because, you know, I did you write while you were holding the baby?

[848] Basically.

[849] I literally got to the point where I would dream about what I was going to write at night.

[850] I would fall asleep.

[851] Like, I finish writing.

[852] I pass out.

[853] I dream about what I'm going to write.

[854] When my baby wakes up, I'm like holding there, feeding her.

[855] and like okay look at that thing over there next line you know and then the second she would sleep that's when I would write the most of course and so I would be like go go go go go go go go okay pass out next day wow what a crazy fucking schedule how long did you do that for as a couple of months maybe two and a half months that's how long it took you to make the book so it's 50 things that you're not supposed to know about religion that's what's what's a good one give us one let's see what's fun let's take a peek coming up with the titles was half the fun I'm cracking myself up reading them I have one chapter I think it's kind of the stuff I was telling you earlier it's called if you are too stupid for Taoism you can always try Confucianism that's always would make me popular in China I have oh this is great there's this guy the title of this one is God is wearing dragon robes and wants you to kick Confucius ass This is an awesome story.

[856] In the 1800s, this one Chinese guy became converted to Christianity and he started saying that he was Jesus younger brother, that he had this vision of God that was wearing dragon clothes and told him that Buddhism and Confucianism were all crap and it was his duty to stamp them out.

[857] So he gathered up all this followers, started preaching in the countryside, gain all these people.

[858] They became so powerful that they carved out their own state within China and they said that this was going to be I forget how it's called this something I have to find it because this is too good but it was called something along the lines like the heavenly kingdom of everlasting peace or something well the heavenly kingdom of everlasting peace ended up with the death of 20 million people in the course of civil wars between the Chinese government that was pissed over these guys trying to break away and this kind of weird version of a Chinese fundamentalist Christianity fighting against these guys and eventually when they laid siege to his city he was telling his followers don't worry god is on our side and of course he died shortly thereafter by eating some poison or by mistake and and that was that what year was this all going down i want to say mid -18 i think 1820s 1830s and how many people died in this conflict 20 million 20 million yeah so one dude came along saying that he was jesus his brother yep and two and 20 million people died as a result of this one guy?

[859] Is that essentially what you're saying?

[860] Yeah, typing rebellion, 1850, 1864.

[861] And, yeah, but that's basically what started.

[862] And that's why it's 50 things you're not supposed to know.

[863] It's like weird.

[864] How come we've never heard about that?

[865] That's such an immense number of people that died.

[866] I mean, take the numbers with the benefit of the doubt is maybe 50 million.

[867] Who the hell knows?

[868] But, you know, that's what some people speculate that the number was.

[869] Yeah, how would they know, right?

[870] 20 million people's a guess back then, right?

[871] Of course.

[872] But it's brutal civil war wrecking China for a bunch, which is one of the reason why a bunch of Chinese people migrated to California at that time when there was the gold rush is because southern China was getting a wreck left and right.

[873] What was this dude's name again?

[874] The guy's name was hung something.

[875] Let me see.

[876] That's going to be a lot of people going to want to play that guy on like video games.

[877] It's going to be their name.

[878] Go on as this bad motherfuckerucker.

[879] They're convinced a bunch of people who use Jesus' brother.

[880] Oh, shit.

[881] I have no idea how to pronounce it.

[882] That's a high -level pimp game right there, son.

[883] Hong Shuchuan.

[884] I have no idea.

[885] In any case.

[886] It's hard to pronounce.

[887] I make it up.

[888] How do you spell it?

[889] It's H. Well, Chinese is spelled two different ways depending on how you...

[890] But the one that I've used was H -O -N -G.

[891] That's one word.

[892] And then the next word is X -I -U -U -A -N.

[893] Wow.

[894] So good luck.

[895] Nixen Korn, Shoyan.

[896] Shoyan.

[897] It's really fascinating the way the Chinese have their language.

[898] You know, it's phonetic, obviously, because they have totally different characters than we have.

[899] But the way they've expressed it in, like, the letters that we use, so it's bizarre.

[900] Some of the words are really strange, especially, like, with X's in them and shit.

[901] Yeah, I mean, my wife, my wife was Chinese and she was trying to teach me some Chinese, and I was like, I mean, I couldn't say it because she kind of hated Japanese people, but I was thinking, Jesus, couldn't you just be Japanese?

[902] It's so much easier.

[903] Japanese is easier to learn?

[904] It's the way you read it is kind of the way you pronounce it.

[905] There's only one tone.

[906] It's easier.

[907] Chinese is the same exact word with a tiny different accent.

[908] It means completely different things.

[909] There are like four different accents for each word.

[910] Oh, no. So it's just like, how can anybody say anything?

[911] Oh, wow.

[912] So you think it's more complicated than English?

[913] They say English is a hard one to learn, though, for some reason.

[914] I mean, I'm sure if you, that's where you come from, if you speak Chinese or something, yeah, English must be a pen in the ass, but for anybody coming from a vaguely Latin -based background or any of the Western languages trying to pick up any tonal language, like Chinese, Vietnamese, some of those, it's just like, yeah, with that.

[915] It is pretty fucked up that we all speak different languages.

[916] How many, you know, I mean, how many problems would be solved if everybody spoke one language?

[917] That would be nice.

[918] Would that solve anything?

[919] Sort of at this point in time, would it?

[920] People hate each other from here to Irvine, so you know, you don't have to...

[921] But it would help.

[922] You would be better than nothing, that's for sure.

[923] It is pretty crazy how different languages are, too.

[924] I mean, the difference between Chinese and Norway, you know, Norwegian and Chinese, is there a bigger difference?

[925] Is it even possible to get something more...

[926] Or Chinese and, you know, how about Chinese and African?

[927] Yeah, there are all those tribal languages where they don't have...

[928] the latter levels and leaks yeah yeah yeah awesome fascinating man it's just so incredible how it evolves differently in different areas but it all evolves you know how many different languages are there are there hundreds thousands i'm gonna go on some bullshit guys and say while surviving today yeah because of course they're i guess we have we have language Well, wait, wait, but let me bullshit first.

[929] Let's try surviving today.

[930] I want to say 250.

[931] I'll say 176.

[932] I'll say 1 ,000.

[933] I think you're actually closer the more I'm thinking about it because there are a bunch of tribal languages that are still spoken.

[934] How many languages in the world?

[935] Oh my God.

[936] They're between 6 ,800 and 6 ,900 distinct languages in the modern world.

[937] Holy shit, were we off?

[938] Yeah.

[939] Holy shit were we off You are the closest Dude yeah but I thought I thought I overshot it to be honest with you I thought it was probably around 900 Right Holy shit that's incredible Well I mean 90 % of that are languages That are dying that are like 30 people in a tribe Still speak and yeah And it's like two clicking noises There's one that has four clicking noises Well how bizarre is it when they have places Like there's some spots in the Amazon That they're you know Just recently recently have discovered people in these tribes.

[940] And this is the first contact they're having with the modern world, and they're in there with their own wacky language.

[941] They said that one of the few guys who had some contact with them, they promptly killed him, so good luck making contact again.

[942] Someone made contact with him?

[943] Yeah, there was one guy who was like an India from a different tribe, so he kind of understood their language, but he also was more immersed in the modern world and all of that.

[944] So he was kind of like in transition between those two.

[945] words and they they killed nobody knows why but yeah they walked him well I think they probably heard that some shit goes down when the loggers move in and you know that that is what happens to these people probably yeah there's what folks don't know is there's a bunch of people living I mean they are people they're living like people used to live thousands of years ago they're they're essentially essentially you know living an ancient tribal lifestyle that we didn't really even think existed anymore.

[946] They have their own handmade tools and weapons, and they're wearing like fucking crazy leaves on their dicks and shit and animal skins and they're still in there.

[947] And then these people who are logging are going deeper and deeper into the forest and they're just cutting it down at an astounding rate.

[948] And there's all these incredible medicines to be found there and all these different plants and animals that haven't even been discovered yet and insects that haven't been discovered.

[949] yet and who knows what the fuck's in there and they're just chopping that shit down left and right and these people oftentimes are getting caught up in this where you know they had they lived there in that forest deep in there for thousands of years and then all sudden one day they wake up and they're fucking they're watching trees fall in the distance you're like what the fuck is going on and they're just coming towards you it's an inevitable swarm of tree eating machines and all these people these greedy people behind them and they don't want to move around you And they're going to chop your fucking trees down.

[950] Get out of here.

[951] Basically.

[952] You're living like a savage.

[953] Yeah.

[954] They're looking at them like, you're looking like a fucking, you're living like a savage out here.

[955] What the fuck you're doing?

[956] They're chopping your shit down.

[957] Meanwhile, those people had a wild life for a long time.

[958] Who's to say their life isn't more interesting?

[959] They're just doing ayahuasca and fishing and shit, you know?

[960] It's not a bad life.

[961] It seems like if you're pretty dope.

[962] Yeah.

[963] You know, I mean, if you get used to living in the jungle, it's a hard, hard life.

[964] But there's a lot of food there.

[965] Right.

[966] You know?

[967] You could become it.

[968] you could become food right if you fuck up that too yep you zig when you should have zagged there's a thing called a Brazilian wandering spider that kills you by giving you an erection until you die yeah it's fucking it has something to do with nitric oxide which is like the same stuff that's in that works in like Viagra and stuff that makes your dick hard and apparently this this spider hits you with it and it causes some crazy fucking reaction.

[969] It's neurotoxin.

[970] It's the most powerful neurotoxin another man. And your whole body just completely stiffens up in horrifying agony.

[971] And your dick gets hard as fuck.

[972] So hard it's like breaking.

[973] Like your dick is engorged and breaking.

[974] And even if you survive it, which most people don't survive.

[975] But even if you do survive, your dick will be destroyed.

[976] The dick would be useless.

[977] It would just be a bag of bruises.

[978] That sounds like fun.

[979] That's just from one bite?

[980] From one bite.

[981] What if it just?

[982] licked you and then you just had a really hot boner all the time.

[983] No, it doesn't work that way, Brian.

[984] Like, if you just got a little bit.

[985] It doesn't work that way.

[986] But I do believe that pharmaceutical companies are, like, investigating the, the effect that this thing has on your body to develop new hard -on medications.

[987] Yeah.

[988] You know, you develop something that gives you a hard -on for a year.

[989] That's just they're going to do.

[990] That's the next thing, you know, like Viagra's, like, it's not effective enough.

[991] What if I want to fuck 12 hours from now?

[992] I need something a little more kick to it.

[993] And they came up with Cialis.

[994] They'll have, like, genes.

[995] we'll have these new pockets that are these tubes that just kind of go up to the side where you just put your dick in during the day because you have a rock part you don't want you know you're going to have a boner every day tubes you know like you'll have like a little pocket to put your dick in you know like they'll start sewing new pockets in their jeans like a little strap right so it can move around with you yeah it's like a cargo pant pocket for your dick no you're going to have to just point it up towards your belly button and have it peek over the top as you walk it everywhere all our dicks are going to have belt buckle marks on My dick's going to be like periscopes They're going to start forming different That might be actually the most comfortable way to rock it If you just rock it straight up Yeah Yeah just have some sort of a tent Put a dick tent over it Yeah You know I know exactly what you mean That's in the jungle though Maybe these nice loggers are saving these people For the life of perpetual hardons Yeah Death by Hardon in the jungle.

[996] You ever see that movie Big River Man?

[997] No. Documentary about some crazy guy who swam the length of the Amazon River.

[998] It's disgusting.

[999] Why did he do that?

[1000] He got all kinds of fucking parasites and his skin and his body and his, you know, he was breathing and drinking that water, taking it in and, oh my God.

[1001] It's because he's crazy.

[1002] He was just this really really funny, crazy guy who liked to swim and like do these swim endurance things.

[1003] And, you know, he would do it day after day after day and he's getting delirious and shit it's a really strange like documentation on this guy he like he had done a bunch of different endurance swims before and you know like I get all these people behind him and uh it's a documentary that's taken by his son it's really interesting because his son you know is like watching this guy do all this nutty shit and sort of falling apart and all the different parasites he's getting from this water and oh fucking crazy man and can imagine that you're you know that's your father and you keep the camera you keep going for the next 20 days as the guy's just well not only that he would like jump off the boat into the night in the middle of the night and start swimming and they'd have to follow after him with spotlights and shit this crazy asshole is there there's crocodiles out there and this guy is swimming in the Nile River and he survived them yeah he survived yeah fascinating you know and he actually kind of looked like once he cleaned up and dried out and everything like that he actually looked like he made it through okay which is even more crazy yeah that is nuts yeah there's just some dudes out there man But I mean, that's the randomness of you told.

[1004] You know, you can fucking die in the safest place in the water because a brick fall on you or something or you can swim the Amazon for thousands of miles and come out fine.

[1005] What the fuck, man. Really?

[1006] It's a weird thing that people have for wanting to do difficult things.

[1007] You know, I've always felt that way about like Mount Everest.

[1008] Right.

[1009] It's just, I had a joke about it.

[1010] Like, it's just because something's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do.

[1011] See, you know, it's people get a little confused.

[1012] It is.

[1013] Because the difficult things.

[1014] to do in this life usually come with reward you know you risk yourself you know you leave your job you start your own business and that reward is oh it worked and now you're making it financially congratulations your success there's a risk and there's a reward no in that case that's not that doesn't look like the reward is it's not worth it no no if you could stop put letting is there a way that you could ever say that anyone running for president cannot talk about religion.

[1015] It's almost like even if you believe, it's almost like you shouldn't be allowed to talk about it in the political process.

[1016] It's almost like you're cheating.

[1017] You know, it's almost like you're not, you know, you're going after your people, man. You're just trying to get your people to vote.

[1018] Because they will do it.

[1019] Of course.

[1020] That's how good chunk of Europe is.

[1021] There's, you know, it was supposed to be that way, that wasn't it?

[1022] Yeah, for the longest time, yeah.

[1023] But I mean, I think honestly what happened is that Europe got soaked in blood of religious wars for so long that the people got really annoyed by it.

[1024] Yeah, it was like, I'm done.

[1025] You know, enough of this shit.

[1026] They were chopping each other's balls over the fact that you would read this book and I read this one.

[1027] How about you do you know, do whatever the hell do you want?

[1028] Let's keep religion separate for politics.

[1029] Right.

[1030] And be down with it, you know.

[1031] And so today in a lot of Europe, you go to churches and they are tourist attractions, you know, in the countryside, no, people are still into it.

[1032] But in most of the cities, it's, you know, they really are not.

[1033] Most people don't go.

[1034] US whole different game I think it's the only modern industrialized country where there's this level of insane important on religion I mean today there's no way that a atheist guy could ever even bother running for president Is there ever been a time when an atheist could have ran for president Not in US No never I mean some guys were weird Like you take a Thomas Jefferson or something He basically edited the Bible by cutting up all the stuff that he thought was crap which was most of it and saving you know like he took out out of the gospels he took out the virgin bird the miracles the all of the stuff that in his mind was a bunch of crap really he saved up the parts of jesus that he like saying he's he's a sweet guy he tells you to be nice to each other i like that part we keep that part and that became the jefferson bible he said it had a version how long was his bible like 50 pages yeah pretty much but no for real how long it was but That's, you know, and what a, what a cocky dude.

[1035] Yeah, things that you edit the Bible?

[1036] Holy shit.

[1037] But at the same time, you was a dick.

[1038] I mean, it's, he's probably a dick.

[1039] At the same time, you know, come on, man, you can't edit that thing.

[1040] But you know what?

[1041] You don't get to edit it by yourself.

[1042] The fact is everybody does, they just don't tell you.

[1043] Right.

[1044] Because, you know, everybody highlights the part they like and they completely skip on the part they don't like.

[1045] And so they come up with their own thing anyway.

[1046] At least the guy had the guts to say, hey, this is exactly what I'm doing.

[1047] you know everybody else does it they just you know well there's always there's so much contradiction and how about religious tattoos yeah yeah that's one of the crazy yeah that's like strictly prohibited you know that's supposed to tattoo your body right no that's crazy is that in the bible yeah you get uh you get that's in fact uh for example a lot of jewish people no tattoos none of the you get um you get all those things like that's why jewish girls with tattoos are hot bitch is a gambling just rolling that dice there's well that i threw in there that's um what did i call that one it's oh it's entitled christian fundamentalist i would love to introduce you to my pet king cobra and there's actually reason for that because the in the gospels there's this story of jesus telling you that if you really have faith in him if you are a true christian and you have faith and all of that you could take poison snakes could assault you and bite you and you'll be totally fine and i was like wow you know if that's what Jesus is saying and if this is what you guys believe, hey, let me bring out the snakes.

[1048] Let's have it a try.

[1049] And it's like one of two things are going on.

[1050] Either you know that the stuff you believe in is crap and you don't really believe it.

[1051] Or you know that you are, that there are no good Christians because sorry, that's not the way it works.

[1052] Today I don't care how much faith you have.

[1053] It's like nobody can survive taking the most poisonous stuff on earth.

[1054] Right.

[1055] Or you're telling me that that line in the Bible is crap and he was in terms you know was put in there by somebody else but it's not real in which case it doesn't exactly say you know great things about the reliability of the whole thing but it's like there's no getting out of it's like how do you get out of that you know i had a conversation with a guy recently that was telling me that there are people that believe so much that they can drink poison and not die and i was like oh man what a crazy conversation we're having here i doubt that yeah you know and have you seen this is not scientific This is not something that's been proven by studies.

[1056] Like, does someone say that they absolutely believe that someone could take poison and not die because they're believing themselves?

[1057] There's only one way to tell, homie.

[1058] Yeah, that's like, hey, I'm not saying it's not true.

[1059] Let's try.

[1060] You know, convince me. Hey, if you are right, you have zillions of people following and you'll be the greatest asset to Christianity ever because you made millions converts.

[1061] And they're actually to tell the fact that some of these guys really are serious about it.

[1062] There have been a bunch of people where particularly in a lot of, like, Carolina, Tennessee, a few places where there was this tradition of snake handlers that they would, you know, have let poisonous snakes buy them.

[1063] And, you know, quite a few of these guys died miserable deaths.

[1064] And then some of them, the poison wasn't that much.

[1065] So they managed to survive.

[1066] And all of that.

[1067] I'm like, damn, really?

[1068] Jesus Christ.

[1069] Yeah, literally.

[1070] What a way to go.

[1071] Yeah, yeah.

[1072] But I love it.

[1073] When you have things like that, I'm like, hey, I'm not telling you it's crap.

[1074] I'm not saying it's not true.

[1075] It's there.

[1076] Let's test it.

[1077] Let's just have it that way.

[1078] People need something, man. They're always going to need something, whether they're going to need, you know, liberalism, you know, conservativeism.

[1079] They need a path.

[1080] They need someone that just chop out the brush for them and point them in the right direction, whether it's, you know, Christianity, whether it's atheism.

[1081] I've met atheists that might as well have been.

[1082] being religious.

[1083] They're just, they're so anti -religion that there, it's a religion in and of itself.

[1084] I had a chapter that was supposed to go in the book that was basically saying that atheists and the hardcore fundamentalists are twins separated a bird because they are both based on certainty on how the universe works and all of that.

[1085] But then my publisher decided that you already are offending people of seven million different religions.

[1086] You want to, we want to sell some books.

[1087] How about we skip the atheist chapter?

[1088] When they both have, having comments, they would all shit their pants if they saw an alien.

[1089] That I think everybody has that incomplice.

[1090] That's the Trump card, is the aliens.

[1091] If a real fucking alien battleship, like all these stupid movies that keep coming out.

[1092] There's another stupid movie coming out where it comes out of the ocean and they fucking go to war.

[1093] The American military to shoot cannons at this fucking crazy robot monstrosity thing that pops out of the ocean.

[1094] Damn, I miss that jewel of cinematography.

[1095] It's not out yet.

[1096] It's coming.

[1097] You can get a brace yourself.

[1098] I think it's in a March.

[1099] But whatever it is, it's like, that is a never -ending theme.

[1100] Right.

[1101] A never -ending theme is someone way smarter than us coming down and just fucking our world up.

[1102] Yep.

[1103] You know, hurling missiles through buildings, buildings explode.

[1104] It's like a standard vision.

[1105] I have this Chinese doctor who, when nobody could, there were all these weird stuff going on with my body.

[1106] Nobody could figure it out.

[1107] This guy was amazing.

[1108] He just fixed me like that.

[1109] But the last time I saw him, he spent half hour telling me about there's our motherships coming.

[1110] at the end of the of 2012 and who knows whether they are nice or not he was really going into it I was like what if he's right seriously he was right when all the motherfuckers with their degrees and in suit and tie all the top doctors from Kaiser and all of that couldn't figure out from him this crazy -ass dude in the did he use acupuncture he gave me herbs he was I mean I was desperate so I'm like I'm going to try anything but the dude is literally in this hole in the wall he's wearing in five watches, I don't be able to ask why or anything.

[1111] That's where all those baby mommas are staying all over the world.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] So I'm like, oh, damn, this is.

[1114] But what do I have to lose at this point?

[1115] Wow.

[1116] The guy fixed it.

[1117] That's amazing, man. He told me, it's your back.

[1118] Acupuncher will fix your back.

[1119] And then you have an infection.

[1120] I'll give you the herbs and you'll be fine.

[1121] Wow.

[1122] An infection.

[1123] What kind of infection?

[1124] Yeah, no idea.

[1125] But it was like, this stuff will, basically, whatever it is, we'll get rid of it.

[1126] Really?

[1127] And sure enough, because, I mean, they did a kind of, I had like seven gazillion tests done from MRIs to blood work to everything you name it they couldn't figure out anything was this stress related for you because of your situation sure I mean but stress can cause real stuff you know it can be not just some psychosomatic stuff can really fuck you up in specific ways so I mean yeah it was stress related but it like who knows specifically what it is nobody could figure it out and then the crazy Chinese guy saved me the one was telling me about UFOs the whole time and that's what I mean about so while he was while he was fixing you he was telling you about UFOs and it still worked absolutely totally so that's almost like eliminating the placebo effects you're like this guy's fucking crazy yeah yeah big talking to me about UFOs yeah people love the idea of UFOs it's a fucking amazing idea for them it's fun you know it's so exciting you know that they're out there and that they're watching and they're coming in they're gonna you didn't know where they're near your friends And Sordecaelio.

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] I just, I just, I don't, I'm not, I'm not saying that they're not real.

[1130] It's just like I'm not saying that there's not really a guy in the clouds.

[1131] It's just, it's, I'm not seeing anything.

[1132] I don't see anything compelling.

[1133] It's possible.

[1134] Sure.

[1135] I mean, I leave it open that it would come, but I'm not seeing anything compelling, you know.

[1136] Not even the birth of a child, Joe.

[1137] That's not what we're talking about.

[1138] We're talking about UFOs, you fuck head.

[1139] You just tuned out and tuned back in.

[1140] It's still really good.

[1141] You took my words completely out of context.

[1142] How dare you?

[1143] But if aliens did land, that would be the end of everything.

[1144] If there was something way smarter than us, we would just have to give up.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] We would have to.

[1147] We would be so stunned.

[1148] That's when cults would just rise up.

[1149] That would be a dark moment.

[1150] Right.

[1151] If a real alien culture did come here for another planet, you know, people would really get frantic.

[1152] That's when people would really like stock.

[1153] stock up on food and 50 caliber guns and yeah but what that's gonna do if you know if you're dealing with something that's so much more powerful so much smarter someone's like you think it's possible for a society to get smart enough to be able to travel through space and and go and fuck with other people on another planet I mean look at the stuff we do today if somebody asked you if it was possible 50 years ago it looks like magic off of the stuff right but we're always like one fuck up away from blowing each other sky high that one doesn't rule the other yeah doesn't allow the other, you know, the fact that you can be incredibly smart and come up with all these awesome stuff doesn't mean you are wise enough to know how to deal with it and not fuck everything up, which is humanity right there.

[1154] Yeah, that is humanity in a nutshell.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] It would be such a fucking shame if we library of Alexandria this whole thing.

[1157] Yep.

[1158] That would boom, just torch this whole civilization and had to really start from scratch.

[1159] Yeah, that would seriously ruin my day, I think.

[1160] Well, that is the one sort of, I'm not.

[1161] I don't want to say justification, but the one sort of argument for having one powerful military that dominates the rest of the world.

[1162] Is that by doing that, at least they keep everybody else from blowing everything up.

[1163] Keep your military from growing to the point where you are able to make the same decisions that we can make.

[1164] We don't want that.

[1165] Yeah.

[1166] There's an argument that I guess.

[1167] If you look at the statistics, like what people are like, you know, what the potential for people to behave is like?

[1168] Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the U .S. government, but what?

[1169] when I compare it to a lot of, there are a bunch of places and governments that I would like better and there are many others and I'm like, Jesus Christ, give me George Bush again.

[1170] You know what I was like?

[1171] Yeah.

[1172] Just give me the worst crap in the US ever and still I like it better than the Taliban, you know?

[1173] Yeah, no kidding, right?

[1174] Isn't it funny?

[1175] Yeah.

[1176] But it's amazing the spectrum of different sort of regimes that exist at the same time.

[1177] Like what's going on right now in Syria and while, you know, the Americas are complaining about the, National Defense Authorization Act, which takes away a lot of civil liberties.

[1178] Right.

[1179] So nothing compared to what the fuck is going on in the Middle East.

[1180] You know, the riots of Arab Spring and what's going on right now in Egypt and the power void in Iraq.

[1181] There's parts of the world right now that are fucked up.

[1182] A lot.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] A lot.

[1185] I think we as Americans can barely even wrap our heads around that.

[1186] It doesn't even seem real.

[1187] Of course.

[1188] Because unless you leave it, what the hell is like something you see on TV for 30 seconds.

[1189] That doesn't mean shit.

[1190] That's like the one.

[1191] argument for a powerful military right there the fucking rest of the world you know and I'm you know people always say that I've been accused of being a liberal I've been accused of being anti -military which I'm absolutely not I'm always anti the people that are pointing military in certain directions yeah that's what I'm anti I'm anti a lot of a lot of the people's decisions at the very top of the heap but as far as like having a military yeah you better you fucking better it is because the rest of the world does yeah yeah it's good to have a military it's very good to keep an eye on all these crazy assholes all over the world too yeah because yeah there's people that's i think people in u .s they grow up with the everything about the country is amazing and wonderful and then when they find out that it's not all amazing and wonderful that some bad shit happen they go to the extreme opposite and it's like everything that's american is horrible terrible and the u .s is responsible for everything that's evil in the world and it's like no that's not it either you know it's more complicated than that it's very complicated it's very The economy in and of itself is very complicated.

[1192] A lot of laws that are in place are very complicated.

[1193] And one of the reasons why they're in place is because getting rid of laws, gets rid of jobs or police officers.

[1194] Absolutely.

[1195] But I don't like that.

[1196] That's one of the big problems with drug enforcement.

[1197] You know, drug enforcement as a business, you know, the drug enforcement agency, it's a business.

[1198] Drug enforcing is a business.

[1199] You're spending money, jobs are created.

[1200] This is how ridiculous it gets.

[1201] In Florida, they had people that were pretending to be high school students.

[1202] You know the story?

[1203] Oh, yeah.

[1204] I read it.

[1205] I think you do it.

[1206] Yeah, I tweeted it recently.

[1207] I mean, there's been more than one case of these.

[1208] One of them, they arrested 28 kids.

[1209] And another one, this woman was hot, and she was 25, and she was flirting with 15 -year -old boys.

[1210] They became Facebook friends.

[1211] They were texting each other, and she was flirting with him, asking him to get her weed.

[1212] So he got her weed, this poor kid, this poor lovesmitten kid, got her weed, and he said he didn't even want to take money for it.

[1213] He said it was a gift.

[1214] She couldn't give him money.

[1215] And then they arrest him.

[1216] And now they're going to charge him with fucking, you know, but.

[1217] a potential nine years in jail or something crazy.

[1218] You know, what an asshole thing to do?

[1219] What a crazy, ridiculous asshole thing to do.

[1220] And that goes back to that point.

[1221] It's like, why the fuck do people feel the need to tell other people how to live?

[1222] You don't like weed.

[1223] Don't smoke it.

[1224] That's what we're talking about.

[1225] It's a business.

[1226] There's jobs that were created in that sting.

[1227] You know, they created a sting.

[1228] They went into high school and they got kids to sell them weed.

[1229] And they did it in such a sneaky, fucked up way.

[1230] The fact that a 25 -year -old woman could ever, have a position where she talks a boy into anything and have that boy responsible for it.

[1231] Dude, a boy, a 15 -year -old boy has no idea what the fuck is going on.

[1232] He just sees tits and skin and lips and she's touching his hand and his dick is hard and he can't even believe she's talking to him.

[1233] He can't even believe she's talking to him.

[1234] I'll get you weed.

[1235] I'll get you whatever the fuck you want.

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] He can't believe she's so hot.

[1238] She looks like a woman.

[1239] She has a woman.

[1240] That fucking bitch is totally cheating.

[1241] she's not 15 she's not a fellow high school student she's a 25 year old cop right assholes how ridiculous but that's the thing is like I get it there are jobs in that yeah I get it but unfortunately isn't it possible to figure out the way to like there aren't they don't want to get shot busting out a meth lab yeah isn't there enough labs are hard to break into yeah isn't there enough shit real shit going on where people could work to solve real problems going on yeah you would hope you would hope, but, you know, I don't think it's that logical.

[1242] I think it's a money grab, but I think people go where the money is, and there is money right now in enforcing their current drug laws.

[1243] There's a lot of jobs that would be lost.

[1244] We just said, all right, pot's legal.

[1245] Sorry.

[1246] You know how many fucking people are going to be out of jobs?

[1247] That's a real issue.

[1248] You know, and it's something that should be corrected, too.

[1249] There should be a bill that addresses that as well.

[1250] It says, listen, you know, we were going to replace these drug enforcement jobs with the jobs where they're doing, you know, something more you know more more helpful you know whatever the fuck it is border security whatever whatever the fuck it is right something something that makes more sense border security is a terrible example sure you know um put them in torpedoes or submarines rather get a patrol the ocean these are just these aren't really well -thought -out ideas but if you were trying to come up with a good bill a good bill would be make marijuana legal make it readily available and sell and then take the jobs that will be lost in drug enforcement and put them into something positive.

[1251] Whatever it could be, forestry, whatever.

[1252] Whatever jobs, then the issue would be those people wouldn't be qualified for those jobs.

[1253] So how do those people benefit from it?

[1254] Those people are just going to be shit out of luck.

[1255] They have to come over the whole new career.

[1256] Not all jobs require you to, you know, study for 20 years.

[1257] You know, I'm sure there could be a period of training where they still get their money as they are getting trained for the job.

[1258] But what if you were in drug enforcer for like 25 years, you know, which a lot of guys are.

[1259] Right.

[1260] And then, you know, All of a sudden, it's banished.

[1261] It kind of sucks for them.

[1262] Yeah, it's not their fault.

[1263] You know, it's not your fault when you're a young cop and you think that this is, well, it's the law.

[1264] It's what it is, what it is.

[1265] You know, it's almost not your fault.

[1266] You're suckered into doing something that's actually immoral.

[1267] Right.

[1268] It just seems like it's okay because it's behind the wall of something written down on paper somewhere.

[1269] But the reality of it is it's pretty fucking immoral.

[1270] You know, when you're locking a kid up in a cage because you caught them with some plants or some fungus, you know, that's absolutely it's reprehensible and everyone knows it inherently.

[1271] They know it inside.

[1272] And if you don't, you're fooling yourself.

[1273] It's really that simple.

[1274] It's just, it's amazing that we still have to have these conversations.

[1275] And not only that we can't, because if you look at the political scene, nobody, not Republicans, not Democrats, I mean, nobody who has a shot at winning, let's put it that way, would even bring up this topic because it's political suicide.

[1276] You know, he's like, you're soft on drag.

[1277] You really want.

[1278] five -year -olds to be shooting air right now.

[1279] It's like, the problem is those dangerous drugs, man. Those problem is those drugs that fucking suck.

[1280] And we need to, like, really get it out there to kids.

[1281] Like, don't fuck with heroin.

[1282] Don't fuck with meth.

[1283] Yep.

[1284] Don't fuck with all these dangerous ones.

[1285] You know, there's a lot of, and if things were legal, like if cocaine was legal, you would actually buy real cocaine.

[1286] You would go to a pharmacy or whatever the fuck you would buy it if it was legal.

[1287] And you could buy real cocaine.

[1288] You know, you're not getting real cocaine now.

[1289] You're getting real cocaine.

[1290] Joey Diaz bought and chopped up and you know what I mean?

[1291] No, most of the stuff that's on the black market.

[1292] Yeah, I once met Albert Hoffman, the guy who created LSD, and one of the thing you was telling me was, you know, most of the stuff that goes for LSD around the world is not LSD because the stuff that the way I make it uses certain compounds that are so rare that there's no way that it could support such much production.

[1293] They're just teasing enough of that stuff.

[1294] Wow.

[1295] So you say whatever they sell out there, it's, I have no idea what the hell it is, but it's certain it's not my stuff and he argued again who knows maybe it's true maybe it's not but he argued that his staff would give you kind of all the benefits of LSD without all the crap from street LSD so street LSD though is still giving you the same benefits as the stuff that he produces he just wasn't as taxing in the body is that what it is yeah yeah yeah they made that shit illegal too too much she was actually you see these guys like a Swiss chemist so very serious you was all dude very now he's been that for a while but he's and he was originally looking for a cure for headache like he was working on a headache peel and he came up with LSD that was pretty funny yeah didn't he come up with it and not even realize it it took it accidentally got it in his skin and it was riding home on his bike and just tripping his fucking balls off yeah not knowing what he did yeah they had no idea what the dosage was back then because LSD like the the dosage to body ratio has been compared to an ant demolishing the Empire State Building in 30 seconds.

[1296] Like literally, like, that's how powerful, like a little tiny drop of this shit is.

[1297] He didn't know that, man. He probably just was drinking glasses of it.

[1298] He was doing acid shots.

[1299] He was probably doing shots of acid.

[1300] Oh, my God.

[1301] But I have to tell you met the guy in his 80s, and he seemed perfectly coherent and totally logical still and all of that.

[1302] So who knows?

[1303] Maybe he was right.

[1304] There's a different look that those old guys that have done.

[1305] acid having their eyes right it is a different look right you know they there's a there's a weird thing that you get sometimes we're talking to one of those old acid dudes we like you you might have seen some shit that's not available anymore right you know they might have seen some limited production yeah view of life through acid you know acid in the 60s I would have loved to have seen what it was like like the flower child children of the San Francisco early 1960s you know I watched that a Hunter S Thompson documentary Gonzo, the Life and Times of Doctor.

[1306] And it's a fucking fun documentary, but one of the things it talks about was the utopia of the acid culture of the early 1960s in San Francisco.

[1307] And they show all these people running around holding hands together, tripping their fucking balls off.

[1308] And it's really interesting, man. Like that was a, that whole fucking part of the world, it wasn't illegal yet.

[1309] And that whole part of the world was just blossoming with all these new ideas and new music.

[1310] in this new like sort of wild psychedelic culture was all like emanating out of this one place and they fucking threw the water on it and squashed that shit yeah it's amazing even if you just listen to the music alone and you listen to what was in the 1950s and then you switch to the 60s it's like what the hell just happened it's like it's a whole other universe right there is yeah they they came up with some fucking incredible shit andricks yeah and it all happened i mean a lot of it all happened in that that area of san francisco yep you know it's what a what there's there moments in time, man, where if time travel isn't possible but time recreation is, if they ever figure out a way to recreate, like we could just go in and peek.

[1311] That would be fun.

[1312] Like, remember those things that you had when you were a kid, the view sliders, and it was like dinosaur and you would click, click, and it would like be the next dinosaur.

[1313] If there was something you could put on some goggles and just take a view as to what life was like in a certain area, you know, five million years ago.

[1314] Be like a fucking security camera on the wall.

[1315] 100 million years ago in the jungle and watch dinosaurs run down jacking things.

[1316] That would be pretty dumb fun.

[1317] I wonder if that would be eventually possible.

[1318] Maybe you can't have travel back in time, but you can't have a view.

[1319] Or even if they just had some amazing computer simulation of what had happened.

[1320] Yeah, I sat there for that.

[1321] I think I'm good with.

[1322] Yeah, what the fuck.

[1323] We're lucky.

[1324] We're living in 2012.

[1325] We would have been dead.

[1326] any other time in history.

[1327] We're too weak.

[1328] We wouldn't be able to deal with the caveman era or the Babylonian Empire or the Sumerian days.

[1329] When was Conan supposed to take place?

[1330] Conan is, I mean, it's funny because he actually uses a lot of history, but then he argues that, you know, he makes up a lot of crap, of course.

[1331] But he argues that.

[1332] Yeah.

[1333] Robert Howard did?

[1334] Like, what did he use?

[1335] A lot.

[1336] If you look at his maps, they are based on, you know, many of the cultures in his sort of fantasy world are based then on cultures that eventually evolving real historical times that we know of but it's supposed to predate all the stuff we know so he argues that there was atlantis and this super powerful civilization and that collapse and the world went into this hardcore barbarism and then civilizations were rising up again and that's when conan sets in and then the history we know of that comes down the road so why is that so appealing for men i mean the guy goes around chopping people set off grabbing all the most beautiful women in the land.

[1337] I mean, do I need to go on?

[1338] He drinks all the time.

[1339] Yeah, but that era, like that, I mean, that, not that era rather, but that genre, the, the, the, the, the sorcery and the snakes and the monsters, he's always fighting.

[1340] And, you know, Conan had the coolest fucking stories.

[1341] Like, what is it?

[1342] I mean, it literally essentially taps into the young male fantasy, especially that as you become older, you're supposed to, I mean, my 40s, I'm supposed to have dropped that.

[1343] You know, I'm not supposed to be, Like, into, like, the next Conan movie.

[1344] Like, someone get it right.

[1345] Like, that's ridiculous.

[1346] It's preposterous.

[1347] I'm a father and a grown man, and I'm in the Conan and the barbarian.

[1348] Oh, who cares?

[1349] I know, but it becomes, I mean, there was, it's a, it is, it taps into, like, a real adolescent childhood sort of fantasy genre thing in our heads.

[1350] I mean, who doesn't want it, right?

[1351] It's like, what was in the movie?

[1352] What's best in life, Conan?

[1353] To crush your enemies, have them driven before you.

[1354] You hear the lamentations.

[1355] The women.

[1356] Is that what is, lamentations?

[1357] I used to say lamination.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] You know, it's funny.

[1360] I actually grew up.

[1361] I watched Conan a million times in Italian.

[1362] Yeah.

[1363] And so I never really heard it in English.

[1364] And when I heard Arnold speaking it, I was like, oh, Jesus, this is a whole completely different movie watching it.

[1365] What was the original voice like?

[1366] Like, hey, come here.

[1367] No, he was just this manly, tough guy, but nothing particular striking about it.

[1368] Yeah, very normal.

[1369] whoever gets it right when they do like a voiceover they hardly ever get it right but that time maybe because i listened to that one first i was like oh god the english person sucks it's painful really yeah so the english version when arnold wasn't as good how dare you because it makes you laugh his voice yeah especially when you don't expect because i was used to seeing conan speaking like a regular human being and then and i'm saying it by the way with a thick accent i am yeah exactly you're ranger on his accent listen to you man my accent is great i don't Well, your accent has a certain amount of classical flair to it.

[1370] The Italian accent is going to a roll to a tongue.

[1371] Say that.

[1372] Welcome to the Olive Garden.

[1373] Welcome to the Olive Garden.

[1374] Yeah, see, that's awesome.

[1375] He's going to use that for a video now.

[1376] That's my new ringtone.

[1377] Fucking weirdo.

[1378] He's got a love affair with the Olive Garden.

[1379] It's his religion.

[1380] He didn't go with Judaism.

[1381] Somebody tweeted me yesterday that I was supposed to tell him that I saw him at the Olive Garden, I guess.

[1382] What the fuck?

[1383] What a weird, stupid, running joke.

[1384] It will go on forever, too.

[1385] He will not let it go.

[1386] It's the strangest thing you've ever seen.

[1387] You know, speaking of people tweeting and stuff, I wanted to mention, your fans are fucking awesome.

[1388] I've never been around people who are, like, after the first podcast, I got a million different people on Facebook.

[1389] Now I started Twitter and stuff.

[1390] And, you know, every single person I've run into has been really smart, really nice, super polite, but you check out their pages, and they all have like really interesting people, weird but funny and smart.

[1391] Oh, that's great, man. So I was like, man, I'm happy that there are people like that out there, you know.

[1392] I think if you put out that sort of, that sort of a show, you know, you put out that kind of a vibe and have people like you come on the show and, you know, other people that have had that people have really reacted to like Graham Hancock and I got this Sam Harris cat that's coming on soon.

[1393] And, you know, having like really intelligent, interesting people on the show, and putting out your own your personal philosophy on things so people just fucking be nice to people stop being cunty to each other everybody can be cool everybody should be generous like surround yourself with a bunch of people that you really like and don't tolerate any bullshit and negativity from people remove that shit from your life remove that shit from what you're doing for a little push yourself in the direction that you actually want to go in and you know when you put that out there people respond to it and they start it starts to become a part of their vibration, it starts to become a part of who they are as a person.

[1394] You know, and I think that's what's happened.

[1395] We have, like, this crazy group of people that are super cool, you know?

[1396] I mean, it's, I'm not delusional about this.

[1397] It sounds completely ridiculous that I would even, you know, like, say, well, there's a reason why my crowd's cool.

[1398] It's like, but if you, if you go to my shows, the waitresses are always saying that.

[1399] That people are so nice and that they're so, they're so generous.

[1400] I think it's just you put that out there, man. I think it's good for all of us, man. Like, I didn't figure this out all on my own.

[1401] I had to meet a bunch of people that started behaving like this.

[1402] I had to meet people that had their shit together that impressed me, that were nice and were positive and that impacted me. And I learned from the way they behaved, you know.

[1403] I think we're all doing that for each other.

[1404] And these conversations and, you know, these subjects that we're having, you know, these subjects are, you know, it's unusual that you would have, you know, someone who knows as much religion in your life as you do to sit down with and go over this kind of stuff.

[1405] Right.

[1406] There's not a lot of opportunities that people have to talk to a lot.

[1407] big group of cool people it's one of the best things about this podcast yeah it makes me happy because you know I'm a judgment a little bastard so I see a lot of people where I'm like I don't like you so much and all of that so for me to say Jesus I'm blown away by the quality of people that I've run into after that oh that's awesome it's just I'm not one who's always like all you know everything goody goody everything is great and one and far from it and so I was really man it's hard to keep track of so many good conversations with some people who with me after that I was really really impressed with it that's awesome man yeah like I said I think if you put that out there man put that out there it's what's you gonna get back you know what you what you put out there in the universe it sounds completely corny and hippie and ridiculous but I think that you we all we all can do with like sort of absorbing a good community we all could do that the internet and I think that's one of the big powers that the internet give us is it gives us the ability to form communities it gives us the ability to choose who you you associate with and you know and connect to people in a way that it's never really been possible before yeah because that's the funny thing you probably get the message from the guy in Iceland somewhere where he's like the weird guy in the village and everybody else is looking at him like what's your problem and now he has a chance to realize shit there are other people out there oh yeah can see the word the way I do and they on my message boarded on Twitter There's always people from Norway and Sweden and Iceland and all throughout Europe and all throughout I have people that post from China, from islands, you know, it's amazing, you know.

[1408] It's the idea of Twitter, you know, the idea of, you know, anybody from anywhere in the world that's like sinking up through this thing.

[1409] And then there's going to be something after that.

[1410] It's going to be, they're going to figure out some next step after Twitter where things are going to get really strange.

[1411] I hope for one they pick a better name because it really just took me forever to get on twitter because he was in like really do i want to get on something called twitter now right now on i'll say i tweet it's like jesus christ they have some self -respect here come on you know it sounds ridiculous but they should have called it conan then i would have respected it that would have be cool today's episode is called conan yeah exactly we got a little silly today with conan i think i think we might have over conan people but when conan enthusiasts get together sparks fly that's what it is you never read any robert d howard and you were a boy uh i read the comic i I didn't read the books.

[1412] Oh, man. You got to get the books.

[1413] To this day, you'll enjoy it.

[1414] You're not going to read a book.

[1415] Why am I even saying that to you?

[1416] When was the last time you read a book?

[1417] Actually, recently, it started reading the Steve Jobs books, but I never finished it.

[1418] It's so long.

[1419] You like to read biographies.

[1420] You read like Steve Martens, right?

[1421] Oh, yeah.

[1422] What did it say about Steve Jobs?

[1423] Was there any douchy shit about?

[1424] I didn't finish it.

[1425] I didn't finish it.

[1426] It's stuff I already knew stuff for the most part But there's a guy He sort of formed a little cult A cult of technology Yeah pretty fucking slick I got I was a little fuck fanboy I used to I was a fucking fan boy Did you hear about the Steve Jobs doll?

[1427] I would get excited and watch this little Speeches and shit We didn't bring out new laptops It's so dumb Did you hear the controversy about the Steve Jobs doll No I haven't There's this Steve Jobs doll That was made in I think China And it looks so real And it comes with like all these like little things like hey this is for presentation So you can kind of play doll with them but Apple was like you know cease and desist and so now it's like on Are they calling it a Steve Jobs doll?

[1428] Oh yeah yeah I'll show you a picture it's scary.

[1429] It's a really scary Because it looks just like them.

[1430] Yeah.

[1431] Yeah.

[1432] What if Steve Jobs dolls became the new crucifix?

[1433] People who are how did the fucking crucifix come about?

[1434] How did they how they start carrying around the one thing that killed Jesus?

[1435] That's what an unlikely choice and speaking of which can you have imagine because up until not that long before one of the choice form of that penalty was people being impaled yeah but if that was the case people would have hang it around their day because somebody with a spike sticking to a guy's ass and that would that's how the originator or the original story that draco is based on right Vlad the impaler he used to eat his lunch and there's photos of him or not photos of him obviously right drawings rather of him sitting at a banquet table while these people are on spikes writhing around him and that's how you eat his dinner speaking of human beings but seriously like maybe somebody thinking hmm let me figure out i can shop this giant pole i've had somebody's ass but missing all the internal organs so i don't kill them and then they get slowly it's like oh my god think of that you're horrible man just what a terrible way to die yeah jesus christ it's hard to even wrap your head and it took a long time for those people to die.

[1436] It took a long time.

[1437] Yeah, that was the goal.

[1438] Jesus, fucking Christ.

[1439] Yeah, and apparently Vlad the Impaler story was a guy, he was particularly ruthless.

[1440] And one of the things, because he was outnumbered, so he set up a lot of these bodies outside the perimeter of his town just to scare the fuck out of anybody would come near.

[1441] And it was more like, he was like back up against the wall and had to take some crazy chances.

[1442] Right.

[1443] And yeah, I mean, he became Dracula, so effective right into it yeah you imagine that man they make a fucking monster movie about you hundreds of years after you're dead yeah that's what an impact you had yeah that's when you know you're badass what a crazy asshole yeah seriously but yeah can you imagine if that was instead the punishment in jesus times now christians today rather than just you know crossing themselves and stuff you just mimic mimic the pole up the ass yeah that would be the thing you would do instead of the cross oh my god people enter church oh can you imagine oh that would be so ridiculous I mean it's just as ridiculous as nailing yourself to the fucking I mean what are you doing you're making the points of the cross the cross I mean it's such a bizarre symbol Lenny Bruce said it best he's like he's like in a hundred years now it's like people walking around with the electric chairs around their neck right and the fucked up the joke I forget how he said it I forget his exact wording and then Bill Hicks had another one it's like it's really variation on the joke he said it was like Jackie and Asis walking up to her with a rifle pendant on.

[1444] Thinking about John, you know, really kind of the same joke, but it really is true.

[1445] Yeah, they killed him on that thing and people carried around.

[1446] How did that tradition get started?

[1447] Fuck, too much weed earlier.

[1448] I don't remember.

[1449] You don't remember how that tradition got started?

[1450] How they started nailing people to the cross?

[1451] Oh, no, nailing people to the cross.

[1452] Yeah, how did you get?

[1453] You got it pretty high before the show, didn't you?

[1454] Oh, yeah.

[1455] You got a little too high.

[1456] Go in and out.

[1457] The weeds, that's rocket fuel, son.

[1458] That's high grade.

[1459] It's problematic.

[1460] It's a wave.

[1461] Sometimes, you know, it crushes you under it.

[1462] And then you've got to get back up on your shirtboard.

[1463] But I'm totally happy anyway, so it doesn't really matter, you know.

[1464] Some moments I'm on and not make sense.

[1465] Some moments I'm like trailing somewhere in happy fair talk.

[1466] As long as you're happy.

[1467] Yeah, I'm happy.

[1468] That's what counts.

[1469] So how did they, why do people start carrying a run across?

[1470] Yeah, I mean, it was one of those punishments like impaling people.

[1471] Like, the idea was, how can we make you suffer the worst possible in a very public way where people go by and they will see you slowly dying there for three days and it goes back to this desire of rulers in certain states and the Romans were a perfect example of these guys but they weren't the only ones doing that who got into it because he was a way to make a statement which is don't fuck with us because if you ever even think of rebellion against us this is what's going to happen to you and every time you go down the street you see somebody there and think about you being there you may want to think about that plan of a rebellion that you had.

[1472] How often were they crucifying people?

[1473] And, I mean, you don't have to do it that often to have any impact on people.

[1474] I don't think you need to see that many people crucified for it to stick in your head.

[1475] But you had cases like when the Spartacus rebellion, where after the rebellion, they grabbed like thousands of slaves and nailed them one every so many hundred feet between Naples and Rome.

[1476] That's a long fucking way to.

[1477] And the entire way, people on crosses.

[1478] Oh, my God.

[1479] Holy shit That's hardcore That is terrifying And now how the fuck did people go from that To wearing one around your chain and diamonds How did you go from one of the P Diddy You know big ass bling bling crosses What's up Jesus?

[1480] What's up?

[1481] And that's too what I love about editing the scriptures You know Like Jesus, don't like him But the guy was very hardcore about economics You know one of the thing he says is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.

[1482] Wow.

[1483] I mean, fuck, Karl Marx doesn't go that far.

[1484] You know what I mean?

[1485] Jesus said that?

[1486] Yeah, it's like, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of an needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.

[1487] God damn, Jesus was dropping some poor man's science.

[1488] Yes, I mean, there's probably a bit in that.

[1489] It's probably totally a bit in the crosses.

[1490] So explain to me again, where are this?

[1491] I'm going to write this down.

[1492] Where did the crosses?

[1493] How far did they last from?

[1494] Oh, the people pinned up on the crosses?

[1495] Ah, shit, he wasn't Jewish time.

[1496] He was definitely Roman.

[1497] He was in Persia as well.

[1498] I want to say he started in Persia, but...

[1499] But the people that were pinned off in the cross...

[1500] Oh, how long they started on?

[1501] No, you know, the road that you were talking about.

[1502] There was like a thousand...

[1503] How many feet was it where people were on the cross?

[1504] It was between Naples and Rome.

[1505] And basically, Rome is that.

[1506] How far is that?

[1507] So, Rome is central Italy, Naples is south.

[1508] So it's a good chunk of.

[1509] off.

[1510] It's happening over a hundred miles.

[1511] I can remember.

[1512] So for a hundred miles, people were on stakes?

[1513] Yeah.

[1514] Whoa.

[1515] Whoa.

[1516] Whoa.

[1517] I forgot how many feet they separated.

[1518] For a hundred miles, people were strung up on crosses?

[1519] Well, they had some thousands of prisoners following, uh, Kemp, defeating Spartacus.

[1520] They had literally thousands of them.

[1521] And so they decided to execute them all by, you know, sticking them all on crosses between Rome and Naples where, where the whole thing went down and make a very public state.

[1522] meant about for other slave thinking of rebel.

[1523] That is crazy.

[1524] Yeah, Naples is actually, it's more than that.

[1525] It's because it's not an hour drive or something.

[1526] And that they went from that to do that at the Emmys wearing, you know, big ass fucking platinum cross with some nice diamonds on and maybe white gold.

[1527] Yeah, and that's awesome, exactly.

[1528] You get all the super rich thing honoring the dude who tells you that rich people will nom.

[1529] It's like, yeah.

[1530] the hell is or the big cross tattoo that's another one right I mean I get it I get what you're trying to do but if you've really thought about what the cross was used for Jesus Christ I don't think anybody knows that I think very few people knew that there was a time in history where people were strung up on crosses for over 100 miles yeah I mean how many actual total humans was that I think it's about 5 ,000 if I remember correctly he wasn't the thousands that's for sure I want say five oh god but yeah but i mean that's the roman you know that's one of the things in roman roman times they had gazillion slaves and yet hardly ever any rebellion well you know why because the one time when they do it they get strung up on crosses for hundreds of miles and now they're power lines they were replaced with power lines the same visual of like these creepy you know things in the streets power lines are not as creepy as crosses brown well no i mean like like those old ones like those old ones where there's like a million wires all attached to this like little giant ones like i have one in the back of my house i just look at it every day i'm like oh that's not good yeah what about those you ever drive like in certain towns and they have these giant fucking enormous ones that they hum when you pass by them and they feed you know like towns they're like miles and miles away those are they can't it can't be good living next to that right that's got to be fucking with your system somehow or some form yeah Is it?

[1531] Have they ever proven that?

[1532] I don't know, but there's a lot of houses even in Burbank, because Burbank still uses those power lines.

[1533] And there's like humongous ones and their houses below it and you just kind of feel eerie.

[1534] It feels eerie being around that area because there's just humming above you, like this humongous power.

[1535] Well, there's different ones like, you know, there's certain areas like really rural areas where you're passed by big fucking giant ones.

[1536] I don't understand much about the science behind providing electricity to cities.

[1537] but you know there's obviously a lot of there's a lot of energy going through those goddamn things yeah if your house is just like sitting there oh the thing is just right above you is that fucking with some things that you can't see i think so you think so i should we did you google this i'm just talking about it has what would i google power lines cancer it probably yeah okay cancer is always what you look for right yeah but yeah that's a thing today that nobody knows it's like Hmm, we have gazillions cases of cancer, but we don't know why.

[1538] And, you know, there are all these, many, many, many things in our environment that are fucked up.

[1539] From the stuff we eat to the stuff, yeah, power lines, to all sorts of things that we don't really know what, to what degree they do or do not contribute, but...

[1540] The fact that MSG is even allowed to be used today, just drives me crazy.

[1541] Isn't it delicious, though?

[1542] It is, but it's so unnecessary.

[1543] Is it bad for you something?

[1544] It's proven to give you cancer.

[1545] And restaurants use it all the fucking time, though, that they don't tell you.

[1546] Really?

[1547] Yeah, that's kind of like, hey, thanks.

[1548] You might want to say, hey, there's something in here that might cause cancer.

[1549] This guy's telling me that's why he smokes a cigarette.

[1550] Because the Chinese food ain't going to kill you, bro.

[1551] Unless you're eating Chinese food all day, every day, that monosidium glutamate.

[1552] Who do you know that we had a funeral for your friend?

[1553] Because Montesolodooly made out of.

[1554] Well, no, no, but my man was living large.

[1555] But who knows?

[1556] But he had this Chinese food addiction.

[1557] He just could not kick.

[1558] Yeah, but who knows, though?

[1559] You've definitely known people that have died of cancer That just not been linked to MSG But how do they know that Does it cause cancer in rats or something like that I don't know it's just proven Yeah we're not rats I think we can Rats can eat some shit that we can't eat You know we shouldn't You know we shouldn't really go by that Yeah I don't know But yeah I'm sure MSG is terrible for you I think it's like a It's just a flavor enhancer right Isn't it like accent or something like that There's a couple different like brand names of it I don't know Because I worked in a restaurant when I was a kid.

[1560] Worked in like a Newport Creamery.

[1561] It was like a hamburger place.

[1562] I think we had MSG.

[1563] This power line cancer thing, I can't get a fucking straight answer.

[1564] Everybody wants to make you read things.

[1565] Just answer me, bitch.

[1566] In India, because of a study of 134 people with stomach cancer who are avid consumers of which food can contain MSG, the Federation of Hotel and Restaurant Owners in Eastern India, has asked its members to refrain from using MSG.

[1567] There's like a website called MSTruth .org backslashcancer .htm.

[1568] And it's just all these reports of like where MSG is like, no, it's seriously not, why are we serving this?

[1569] Why are we allowed to do this?

[1570] But are you concerned with it for real?

[1571] Well, I don't think it's necessary.

[1572] Here's the reason why there's a really good Thai place that's in Hollywood.

[1573] I don't want to say the place, but palms.

[1574] All right.

[1575] But they use MSG.

[1576] and then I had it once with M a G and then the next time I return there I'm just like looking at the menu going Jesus Christ, they put MSG in their food and they have it right here on the menu that they're just like hey by the way we use MSG so I go can I have no MSG and they're like oh yeah sure no problem and so I got the same shit I got last time it tasted exactly the same it was delicious it was amazing it wasn't like oh wow there's definitely a night and day difference maybe it's the government man maybe they're trying to kill people but give it MSG or allowing it that's just weird that that's not a big...

[1577] I'm going to Google, is MSG good for you?

[1578] What if it turns out it's good for you?

[1579] Maybe they told you that, sure, no problem.

[1580] No MSG on this one.

[1581] Yeah, get the white guy in the regular.

[1582] Get them the same shit.

[1583] You didn't die.

[1584] They're not going to take a chance by giving you a superior product by cutting it out.

[1585] It's good.

[1586] Shut up.

[1587] Eat it.

[1588] I don't know, man. Is it really that bad for you?

[1589] Yeah.

[1590] MSG is good for you.

[1591] Okay, I'm reading something that says MSG is good for you.

[1592] An article on Forbes magazine argues that MSG, monosodium glutamate, may actually be good for the world.

[1593] What?

[1594] Okay, hold on.

[1595] Since the onion daily.

[1596] The U .S. health nuts avoid it like the plague, but in many parts of Asia, it sits on the table along with salt and pepper to enhance the flavor of meals, leading expert in MSG, senior scientist, the company name, blah, blah, insists that the definitive link between MSG and headaches has yet to be proved And furthermore, his own research has shown that the hospital patients, hospital patients who have lost their appetite, more likely eat their meals when sprinkled with MSG.

[1597] This, he postulates, could help elderly and sick people improve their appetites, get nutrition they need, and live longer.

[1598] Or smoke weed.

[1599] Yeah, smoking weed would do better than MSG.

[1600] Or maybe smoking weed, MSG together is the motherfucker.

[1601] Smoking some, put some, uh, moth poop on that shit.

[1602] Well, I remember it being a big deal.

[1603] I remember people were, you know, always saying avoid MSG.

[1604] like it became a big deal like out of nowhere right it was something that people it was like radon kind of i think like even one day they were like oh shit you know there was this like news report saying that msg's bad for you and then it kind of blew up like radon did how did people get like wacky rules as to like what you can and can't eat in like biblical days like you know like the clove and hoof thing right pork what is that yeah i mean a lot of these stuff it makes sense it's probably there are certain you know animals that are freaking dirty that are more likely to carry diseases people will still eat them and well these freaking diseases still get spread around so let's just say that god said that you shouldn't eat it and we're done with it like like chickenosis and shit like that yeah yeah so i mean i'm sure it boiled down to real factual things that people said you know what we need to make a hardcore rule because otherwise people don't respect it so let's make it that god said so and you know let's have everybody stick to it and then of course then they stop making sense when hundreds of years later or thousands of years later, the conditions are different, so they no longer are, you know, the animals could be in cleaner conditions or whatever, but then the rule sticks around.

[1605] Some of them are really nuts, you know, like, at a certain point in time, it's not, it isn't based on health anymore, it's just based on this strange tradition.

[1606] Yeah, there's that too.

[1607] And that you're guilty if you eat, like, the pig and the swine, like, that's the big thing about Muslims.

[1608] I don't eat swine, you know, they'll tell you that, like, I remember that was, like, a cool thing for rappers to say, like, back in the 90s, they don't eat swine, you know, What?

[1609] You don't eat wine.

[1610] Why not?

[1611] It's delicious, you asshole.

[1612] What are you crazy?

[1613] You don't eat bacon.

[1614] Or you're hard because you don't eat bacon.

[1615] What?

[1616] You know, it's just the idea that your religion will keep you from bacon.

[1617] That's all you need to know.

[1618] They're not looking out for you.

[1619] Do they keep you from barbecue pork as well?

[1620] We'll get the fuck out of here.

[1621] Your religion keeps you from spare ribs.

[1622] They're assholes.

[1623] They must be assholes.

[1624] If you go to Dr. Hogley -Waggley's in Van Nuys and have the spare ribs and tell me that that's not heavenly, that's not a gift of God.

[1625] There's a reason God made those.

[1626] ribs taste so goddamn good right I'm down with your religion how did you put it is like if a religion doesn't let you how did you say about bacon it was awesome yeah if you religion doesn't let you eat bacon they're not they're not they're assholes I like that I think that we need to make a new religion are you willing to put this together when you do your new book that's what you're going to do you're going to construct a new religion the working title is create your own religion so so you're going to pick out all the best stuff yep that's the idea does it have to have any basis in any previous stories or I mean how can it be substantiated is there any you know like you could you use Scientology is what I mean I mean it's not based on fate so it's based on you know what makes sense to you what seems to work and then you know try it and if it doesn't work change it but when you're including religions are you allowed to include ones that we know somebody made up yeah I mean you can use it whatever I actually don't use some I don't use Scientology because I feel like it's no why is it I mean why is it any different than what it happened with that one guy with the dragon suit that 20 billion people died and he said he was Jesus' brother.

[1627] I mean, if Scientology was something that greater number of people took extremely seriously, then I would say, sure, let's play with it.

[1628] I would agree with you if I hadn't met so many actors.

[1629] And I think that's why.

[1630] I haven't, and so it seemed like, you know.

[1631] The world of acting, it's a hugely popular.

[1632] It's hugely popular amongst successful people as well.

[1633] I think it gives them some sort of a framework in which to think and behave.

[1634] You know, and a framework.

[1635] of positivity like you know everyone's seen that uh the tom cruise right in our indoctrination video i was talking about a car accident i'm scary if you haven't seen it folks you have to look it up if they haven't pulled it from the web i hope god i hope they haven't pulled it do you think they pulled that and you know they are the only one okay yeah it's like because you're a scientologist yeah he's so fake charismatic and it's like god he's so good at it he would be an awesome cult leader oh he might have to do it too he might have to do it too he might have to step in, you know.

[1636] They have to also step him up because he's too, you know.

[1637] He's not high enough in the organization.

[1638] No, no, I mean literally high.

[1639] Oh, tall, he's a little dude and they have to pump him up a little to make him You think so, man. I think he's so charismatic and get away with it.

[1640] Just make sure you keep him on a podium.

[1641] No one's even going to know.

[1642] But then again, everybody has always seen him on camera.

[1643] You can always make him look taller when you, if you see this dude, it's like, I don't remember.

[1644] Maybe he's not that short, but I thought from what I heard that is like, he's probably, like hobbit size or something.

[1645] Not nearly as short as everybody says.

[1646] Because they probably want to make him seem like more of a loser because he upsets them.

[1647] I mean, come on, when there's a guy like Tom Cruise, it's been in how many goddamn blockbuster movies over and over and over again, massive success over and over again, you're going to look for flaws.

[1648] He's gay.

[1649] He's fucking short.

[1650] He's gay.

[1651] That's all you ever hear.

[1652] He's gay, short.

[1653] Yeah, I'm sure there's an envy level of like, ah.

[1654] Fuck you.

[1655] I want your life.

[1656] So you must suck for some other reason.

[1657] Yeah.

[1658] I wonder how much of an effect.

[1659] Scientology has on his success I wonder how much of What he pulled off He wouldn't have pulled off if he wasn't deep In the throes of some I think you're on your way to convert me It's sounding cooler and cooler by the second now Maybe man maybe it's the way to do it Maybe we need to all join like a reasonable cult Right a cult that really Has its shit together I bring up this over and over again If people think I'm fucking serious I want to be clear right now No I'm not starting a cult for real Just fucking around all right We're just bouncing ideas no I'm not really going to set up a compound where people can show up because if you did man this is the time of the of the world where if you did do that you said listen we have 6 ,000 acres it's in Wyoming anybody can sign up we do a background check on you if you're in build a house come on in and we start a town did you imagine yeah yeah they would shut that down though wouldn't you think my guess is if we did that would you be willing to go and be our religious advisor I've always want to be the...

[1660] Keep everybody on the same page.

[1661] Do I get to crucify them if they don't?

[1662] No, you can't do that.

[1663] You can't do that.

[1664] We're going to try to avoid that.

[1665] What we're trying to do is just get a bunch of people together that we don't really know that much and just soothe them out of their current dogma.

[1666] Okay, I like that.

[1667] That's all we just, you know, so you'd be the guy that under, like, they can't argue with you.

[1668] Yeah, let's have, you're having Samaris come up.

[1669] Let's have a final match in the cage between myself and Samaris and see who gets to get the top spot and then Samaris no the guy didn't you say Sam Harris oh Sam Harris sorry however the fuck his name is pronounced Samaris right here okay James from Sam Harris is he'll start his own cult he'll break off in its own direction his call to be smarter than our cult I just read that he started training jujitsu yeah yeah yeah he did yeah yeah I better get him oh for a while that's well not not that long okay good in that case taking private lessons he's got to come on um I think it's March 8th he's going to be on We're going to talk about it.

[1670] I should take him on while he's still learning.

[1671] Yeah, before he gets too good.

[1672] What level is your game?

[1673] Are you a purple belt level?

[1674] What levels are you game?

[1675] You know, my game is weird because I rolled for the longest time, not in formal classes.

[1676] So my way is weird because I'm lacking some pieces of the game that you should learn when you're a fucking white belt.

[1677] But then I have other.

[1678] Yeah.

[1679] I don't put my weights.

[1680] I don't put enough pressure on top.

[1681] I don't do some of the stuff that you are supposed to do that you learn as basics.

[1682] But then at the same time, I have like weird ass movements that.

[1683] I can tap people who are insanely better than me. Really?

[1684] So it's kind of weird.

[1685] I can lose to really shitty people and I can beat really good people.

[1686] So it's hard to gauge it the same way.

[1687] Yeah, roughly give or take somewhere around there, somewhere around the Purple Belt range.

[1688] But it's not regular.

[1689] You know, I'm better than a Purple Belt in some way and I'm way worse in others.

[1690] And so my game is a little weird that way.

[1691] That's interesting.

[1692] Like what do you feel?

[1693] What style was it that you learned?

[1694] what was like the first style um i mean as far as grappling goes yeah no i did play it was some it was basically you know grappling with no geese so it was and who did you learn from i started out with this guy team cartmel was one of the black belts from um what's his name the guy who started coppa pacifica clever luciano okay um cartmell was awesome i really like his game he was amazing grappler and he showed me some stuff and then a lot of the time i would just roll with people.

[1695] Somebody at their garage, their jiu -jitsu guys come over and we would just throw.

[1696] So a lot of it was not drills and formal learning.

[1697] A lot of it was learned by doing.

[1698] And which has its advantages and disadvantages, you know, so I'm missing a lot of stuff that I should know, but then I have other things that, like one thing I use to death are leg locks.

[1699] Leg locks are my game.

[1700] It's like, I catch people.

[1701] Very dangerous, man. But you know what?

[1702] If you're not an ass and the people you're rolling with know what they are doing, you don't have to crank them like crazy you know you catch somebody and then you some cases when the guy is not tapping like i would just tell him like dude yeah you know the scariest guys who's samar pa harras for that reason i know he's terrified he's seriously scary he's terrifying even because he catch it there's no i mean he's so strong hardcore competition so if he doesn't do it the guy's gonna step up and pummel him but he just doesn't give you a chance to tap you just barely have a chance you're screaming and agony yeah he tears guys knees of heart he's terrifying he's so strong too when he jumps on it yeah he's a really unusual terrifying guy.

[1703] There's a first terrifying guy that rips legs apart.

[1704] I can't remember a guy who's so consistent at doing that in high level MMA.

[1705] It's really kind of a rare characteristic.

[1706] That guy, Imanari, the Japanese guy.

[1707] He's another one.

[1708] He's one of those two guys are like neck and neck for the best leg locks and even Nari's terrifying.

[1709] He's so good at wrapping guys up.

[1710] My God, he's horrifying.

[1711] He's got it also an amazing Omaplata submission called the Iminari where you go like you have the shoulder lock and then you grab an S grip underneath the guy's face and you lean back and it just snaps his neck it's terrible it's a terrible thing because his arm is twisted and you're pulling his neck back it's nasty he's submitted a couple guys with that he gets it all the time now imanad is one of those guys i like his style but it does seem a bit of a dick because he grants a mission like he really is just he just rip your leg apart and he just he's dancing around all that well you have i mean to finish guys off i mean you kind of have I mean, one of the reasons why he's so good and so feared is because he does that.

[1712] Yeah, that's true.

[1713] And then people will tap early the next time because they're in panic.

[1714] No, I mean, I get it.

[1715] It's an advantage.

[1716] Well, they're going to try to take his conscience away, you know?

[1717] That's true.

[1718] His idea is they're going to punt his head.

[1719] That's true.

[1720] You know?

[1721] Yeah.

[1722] I don't know.

[1723] It's a fucking hard game, man. Yeah, it is.

[1724] You know, that's why, like, when this Rampage thing happened, a rampage is upset him, like, look, he's doing a way harder gig than me. Yeah.

[1725] No, of course.

[1726] What he's doing, he's a sensitive guy, and he's got literally one of the most, difficult jobs to manage on earth you know he's gonna be irritable about shit I'm sorry if I pissed him off all I'm trying to do is assess things it's martial arts and mixed martial arts fighting is gotta be one of the hardest ways to make a living humanly possible other than being a soldier you know it's it's right up there yeah right I mean even psychologically going into the game knowing that somebody has spent a last year training just in order to reap your part in a more effective fashion especially when guys start to start getting super emotional, talking shit to each other and they get in each other's faces at the way ends, you know, things get really, you know, that's crazy.

[1727] I met, when I went to Vegas, I met, I went because I was meeting Randy Couture and so I got to Enga with him a little bit and I never met him before.

[1728] And I was really blown away by the way you see him on TV is the same way you see him in reality and he's so calm.

[1729] It's like the opposite of what you expect.

[1730] Like, I kept asking him about fear, you know, going into it and being a fear.

[1731] And he was like a foreign concept to him.

[1732] He was like, I think he wrestled so much as a kid and got over the fear of performance, the anxiety, all of that as a kid, that as an adult, he just look at it as a problem to be solved and it's no big deal and it's another day in the office.

[1733] And I'm just like, how the fuck do that?

[1734] This fucking superhero.

[1735] It's like, how do you manage that?

[1736] I know, and you know, he fought some of the toughest fighters in the world with that out of it.

[1737] I remember one time, I don't remember who it was that he fought, whether it was Tim Sylvia, or maybe it was maybe it was Brennan Verre I forget who had fought but he was on the side of the octagon and I was looking over at him before the fight started he looked over at me and he winked and I'm like this guy's so relaxed he can just look at you and wink right before he goes to war and he was just so calm about it that's one of the reasons why he was able to keep fighting into a later age is he was so calm in there preserved his energy so efficient and experienced you know and that Greco -Roman man that the ability to control guys apparently everybody says that Randy Gautour was one of the nastiest guys like when he would grab a hold of back your neck like the control was so nasty you like there's dudes that have like different levels of control and you really haven't felt it yet and so you sort of have like a lot of times you if you train with people that only have a certain level of skill and then all of a sudden you train with someone who has a very high level of skill it's baffling to you you literally aren't even aware that someone could be so good it's it's staggering to you and that was apparently a lot of people's assessments of Randy's clinch that he would get a hold of you.

[1738] That's why he was so good at like dirty boxing guys.

[1739] Like when he fought Vitor Belfort.

[1740] That's amazing.

[1741] Yeah, the first Vitor Belfort fight especially.

[1742] They fought three times, but the first one, especially when he beat Vitor, when Vitor was not just undefeated, he was this fucking phenom.

[1743] He was tearing guys apart in the first round and Randy stopped him.

[1744] And Randy, a lot of it was like that dirty boxing man. He was so good at it, just controlling the back of your head and pommeling you with shots.

[1745] and enforcing you in the cage and taking the right angles and that was the birth of Randy Contour.

[1746] That was his third fight in UFC.

[1747] It's like, how the hell do you go from zero to fighting Victor Belfort and kill a fucking animal?

[1748] He's an animal and a great guy.

[1749] Nice guy to be around, you know?

[1750] Really nice guy to be around.

[1751] Seriously, I was really very impressed chatting with him.

[1752] I was like, man, this guy's as good as they say, I'm better.

[1753] He's really a cool guy.

[1754] I'm excited because they asked me to write a book on his career.

[1755] Like, cool.

[1756] Who asked you to do this?

[1757] One of the guys that is Joy Werner, he's one of the guys that one of the trainers at Extreme Couture.

[1758] And so he said, let's work on it together.

[1759] You know, he wanted to do it.

[1760] And then he liked my writing.

[1761] So he said, hop in and we'll write it and do this thing about Randy.

[1762] Because he was saying, you know, most of the MMA books that are out there are autobiographies, which are cool.

[1763] But then in an autobiography, you can only go, you know, you can only hype it up so much because he sound like an ass.

[1764] If you're like, I'm this legendary fighter, you know, all of that.

[1765] Whereas doing it as a third person with a lot of the voices from his opponents, kind of like a facie -type of thing where you've got multiple perspective that builds the, it's a different way of that.

[1766] That'll be a great documentary too, man. And that's the plan, in fact, to do it as a book and then to shoot the interviews.

[1767] I was there for his very first fight against Tony Howma.

[1768] I think it was 1997 or 98.

[1769] It might have been 98.

[1770] It was 97?

[1771] Thank you.

[1772] And Tony Hama was this giant fucking pro wrestler dude.

[1773] And Randy Couture ducked under that dude's big punch, got him, took him down, and strangled his ass.

[1774] And I remember thinking, holy shit, look at that.

[1775] Like, that was the difference in, like, one guy was like this big, strong sort of pro wrestler type character.

[1776] But the other one had that stupid grappling strength that remembered from some freaks in high school.

[1777] When I wrestled in high school, you know, when we were in, you know, a certain district.

[1778] and I went to the, I think it was like the regionals, and I forget what it was called.

[1779] But, you know, the guys who had won, like, certain tournaments would advance to other tournaments.

[1780] And so I got to see, like, the state champion wrestlers, and I got to see, like, some of the really high, high -level wrestlers.

[1781] And I'll never forget, there's the way that really good wrestlers could manipulate guys, like, just toss them and throw them around.

[1782] I remember thinking, Jesus Christ.

[1783] Like, there's, like, just like anything else, there's guys out there that are taking it to a very extreme level, unless you go and see it.

[1784] You don't know that that's possible.

[1785] Absolutely.

[1786] So when I first saw Randy in the UFC and he took down that Tony Houma guy, that's immediately what it reminded me of.

[1787] Immediately what it reminded me of is the first time that I'd ever seen real good amateur wrestlers and went, whoa, like this is some shit to deal with right here.

[1788] Did you think he had a chance when he fought Vitor?

[1789] Because he mean, he did beat him, but those guys were, you know, the first two guys he beat weren't that good caliber guys.

[1790] And then when he stepped up to five Vitor, did you?

[1791] It was a big leap.

[1792] It was a big leap.

[1793] It was his third fight or his fourth fight?

[1794] Third fight.

[1795] So he did that one night where he made two guys and then the next time was...

[1796] That's incredible.

[1797] That really is incredible if you stop and think about that.

[1798] I don't think we knew what he was capable of, but it was really clear early on that he was just his force of will was just too much.

[1799] Randy Couture had the most amazing will ever.

[1800] You know, you look back to the first Pedro Hizzo fight.

[1801] Dude, Pedro Hizzo hit him with some of the most horrifying leg kicks that have ever been landed in an MMA fight.

[1802] It took him six months to recoup his legs, to re -habilitate his legs.

[1803] after that fight.

[1804] He showed me he still has a hole in his leg because the muscle died in that spot.

[1805] The muscle died.

[1806] Think about that.

[1807] Pedro Hizzo kicks you so hard.

[1808] The muscles die forever in certain spots on your fucking leg.

[1809] So Randy Gauter got through that and then rehab for six months.

[1810] Then they talked him into a rematch.

[1811] He didn't want to do the rematch.

[1812] I don't want to fight this fucking guy again.

[1813] So they give him a rematch and he beats him down again.

[1814] Jesus.

[1815] Well, I think he just knew there's no way I'm getting leg kicked this time.

[1816] It just became, it didn't become a, you know, I think when you fight certain guys, you start thinking, oh, I can take a leg kick or two.

[1817] And then you fight Pedro Hizzo.

[1818] You were like, oh, no, you can't.

[1819] No, you can't.

[1820] That guy, man, people don't even know.

[1821] One of the reasons why I have such a fetish for leg kicks, like people are always saying, Rogan, you're so fucking hung up on leg kicks are queer for leg kicks.

[1822] They aren't.

[1823] It's because I've seen Pedro Hizzo fight live.

[1824] And I've seen what's possible.

[1825] I know what's possible when guys are good, man. Yeah, I definitely call for them too many.

[1826] but it's because they're awesome when they land yeah they are no they are scary yeah so if people want to buy your book what's the best way to get a hold of it through disinfo .com either there or Amazon Amazon and it is the 50 things what is it say 50 things you are not supposed to know religion and Danieli Bolelli and if someone who wants to get a hold you on Twitter what is the Twitter address I want to say it's at Di Bolelli if you see a picture of a dude if you knew off holding a baby Yeah, it's D -B -L -L -E -L -I.

[1827] Thanks for coming on again, man. Always cool talking to you.

[1828] We'll have to do it again.

[1829] Yeah, I love it.

[1830] I think of some other fuck up part of the history of religion or something to harp on them.

[1831] Let me give a shout to one of your fans who are there's this lady.

[1832] She's going through a lot of hard shit and so I feel maybe make her date, we are a name on the one and only Jorogam podcast, this lady Angela Morado.

[1833] so our cool you man being you'll get through it look at you man spreading positive positive love and light through the podcast so what is her name again angela morado angela marado all right angela i hope you feel better thanks for tuning in i hope you enjoyed this podcast hope everybody enjoyed it uh thanks to our sponsors go to girogan dot net and click on the link for the fleshlight enter in the code name rogan get 15 % off number one sex toy for men yay i'll get you one man i'm gonna get you one i know what i'm gonna do it tonight yeah okay um and uh thank you to on it dot com o n i t and go to joe rogan dot net click on the alpha brain link and entering the code name rogan and you will get 10 % off not just the first order now for any any future orders all right we love you guys thanks for tuning in and we will see you tomorrow um uh who's on tomorrow bry i don't know hold a second it's homegirl amy Schumer.

[1834] Amy Schumer.

[1835] We've been trying to get her on for a while.

[1836] She's the hilarious chick from the Charlie Sheen Rost who fucking killed it, dude.

[1837] Some of her lines, and she was going back and forth with Mike Tyson.

[1838] I hope we can play some of it.

[1839] I don't know if we can.

[1840] But either way, she's hilarious.

[1841] So she's on tomorrow.

[1842] That's it.

[1843] Thanks, everybody.

[1844] Thanks for tuning in.

[1845] Thanks to all you fine folks out there in cyberspace.

[1846] And we'll see you in about 24 hours.

[1847] Bye -bye.

[1848] Daniel Bellelli.