Dave Franco

[0] Welcome, welcome.

[1] Welcome to Armchair Expert.

[2] I'm Dax Shepard.

[3] I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

[4] Hello.

[5] Hello.

[6] David Franco, guys, Dave Franco's here.

[7] Dave Franco is an actor, writer, producer, and director.

[8] And I would argue, has the cutest smile I've ever looked at in real life.

[9] It's disarming.

[10] It is.

[11] He could be murdering you, and you would just be absolutely charmed by the whole experience, I think.

[12] It's true.

[13] I hope it to get murdered by him.

[14] Dave, if you listen to this episode, please murder me. You have an invitation to murder.

[15] You know him from the disaster artist.

[16] Now You see me. Neighbors, the Little Hours, if Beale Street could talk.

[17] And he has written and directed a movie starring his beautiful bride, Alison Brie, called The Rental, which is out now.

[18] So please find the rental.

[19] It is a very tasty premise.

[20] So please enjoy Dave Franco.

[21] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free.

[22] right now.

[23] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[24] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[25] My God.

[26] So cute.

[27] Can you hear us well?

[28] I can hear you.

[29] Oh my God.

[30] The smile isn't it?

[31] It's electrifying.

[32] I'm going to objectify that shit out of you, Frank.

[33] Please, please.

[34] This is a good start.

[35] Oh, my God.

[36] I'd pay top dollar just to watch you and your wife snuggle.

[37] I really would.

[38] Oh, my God.

[39] Keep going.

[40] Her whole interview was basically how cute you were.

[41] I don't need to say a word.

[42] I'm happy to listen to you guys.

[43] Yeah, we'll just tell you about your career.

[44] It's going to be like a retrospective.

[45] You'll love it.

[46] How are you doing?

[47] How are you guys doing in quarantine?

[48] We're doing okay, ups and downs, but mainly just feeling lucky that we like our home and we like each other.

[49] Yeah, that's a big benefit.

[50] It's not nothing.

[51] We've hit the skids a couple times, Bell and I. There's something really disheartening about being in this for four months now and it feeling worse than ever, where at one point it was like it felt like we were actually going in the right direction and now it just feels all for nothing.

[52] So I guess we're just trying to focus on the things we can control and keep our heads down and try to be productive.

[53] Now, is your movie, The Rental Coming Out in Theatres?

[54] Yes, weirdly enough.

[55] We're coming out in a bunch of drive -ins and then select theaters throughout the country, like standard theaters.

[56] Someone who has spent two years in my life a couple times making movies.

[57] Yeah.

[58] I can't imagine, dude, two years and then the finish line, no one can go see a movie.

[59] So, yeah, I have a lot to say about this.

[60] Please, please.

[61] I mean, it feels like unique.

[62] legally penalizing to you.

[63] Well, okay, so the end of the story is, I think it's all good.

[64] So I'm just going to start off with that.

[65] But, you know, we're obviously living in a different world.

[66] People are finding new ways to release their films.

[67] And I do feel really lucky that I paired up with IFC, who really has been thinking outside the box, and they've been really agile.

[68] And for example, we did our premiere at a drive -in, which they told me no one had ever done that before.

[69] So no matter what happens with the film, we always got that.

[70] under our belt.

[71] You've made history.

[72] Exactly.

[73] So just a quick side story.

[74] And so as you can imagine, I was a little anxious already leading up to like the first public screening of the film.

[75] And the night before the drive -in, I went out to the location to do like a sounded picture check.

[76] And so it was just me in my car.

[77] And the movie, a lot of it takes place at night and the way we colored it, it's all inherently a little bit dark.

[78] And so on an outdoor screen with all the ambient light, it was damn near pitch black in certain scenes and I started to have a fucking heart attack.

[79] And so I'm sitting in my car just freaking out and the movie ends.

[80] And so we finished the movie at like 12 .30 a .m. And I go up to the people working there and I'm like, I can't show that tomorrow.

[81] Like I refuse to show that version of the film.

[82] You don't even know what's happening.

[83] Sure.

[84] And so I just start emailing everyone, the distributors, the financiers and just telling them what's going on and telling them We got to cancel.

[85] I don't know what else to do.

[86] So everyone's already asleep.

[87] Everyone who's in New York, they wake up early.

[88] We all get on the phone.

[89] And I'm begging them, you've got to cancel this event.

[90] And so they're like, we can't.

[91] It's too late.

[92] We've sold too many tickets.

[93] And so we're like, okay, we got to do this.

[94] The only solution is to try to make a completely new, slightly brighter version of the film in like half a day, which usually takes like at least 48 hours.

[95] And that's if everyone's hustling.

[96] Yes.

[97] Because you have to render the entire movie at this point.

[98] Exactly.

[99] And so, you know, just jump ahead.

[100] I'm freaking out all day.

[101] I'm just waiting for updates.

[102] Basically, we get it done and to the drive in an hour before the screening.

[103] We don't even have time to check it.

[104] There might be technical issues, but I figure it can't be worse than what I saw the night before.

[105] And what I will say is it was definitely better to the degree that I at least didn't want to light myself.

[106] on fire, but, you know, as you're saying, it's like, you kill yourself for these projects for so long, and I'm such a perfectionist.

[107] Dude, just hearing this story, like, reconfirms that I never want to direct anything again.

[108] All of that being said, thanks to Allison, who knows my neuroses and knows how to calm me down, but when you're at a drive -in, no one really cares about that stuff.

[109] It's more about the experience.

[110] And, like, it ended up being, like, a really unique special.

[111] events.

[112] You know, standard premieres make me a little anxious with the red carpet and all the cameras in your face.

[113] And this felt like, genuinely, it felt really relaxed and fun.

[114] And it didn't feel like there was a spotlight on me or the cast.

[115] It was more like this communal experience where it was just a bunch of people who had been cooped up in their homes and everyone's just coming together to have a joint experience, which is a rare thing these days.

[116] Yeah, you're right.

[117] You're right.

[118] I'm sure the experience transcended all the other things that you would have freaked out about.

[119] Now, Now, before quarantine started, did you do test screenings?

[120] Yes, we did a few of these test screenings.

[121] And our movie, it's kind of a high concept, but it's still like not your traditional thriller or horror film.

[122] And so I knew that this wasn't the type of film that would get those like scores that are through the roof.

[123] Yeah.

[124] But, you know, it's just part of the process.

[125] And we definitely did learn things from these screenings.

[126] But I remember one in particular where, you know, you do the kind of scorecards afterwards.

[127] And there's all these questions about what you thought.

[128] And one of the questions was, do you enjoy thrillers or horrors and do you typically seek them out?

[129] And 75 % of the audience said, no, I hate them.

[130] I was like, what are we doing here?

[131] We're taking advice now from this audience who despises this type of film.

[132] Oh, my God, that's beautiful.

[133] I once was in this movie's The Thorough, and I got to go to some of those test screens, right?

[134] And I saw this unique thing happened where they had the focus group at the end.

[135] They're kind of going through what they loved and hated about it.

[136] But several of the parents thought it was too scary for their kids, right?

[137] And then their kids were there.

[138] So the guy would say, like, okay, what part was too scary?

[139] And the parent would go, Johnny, what was the thing that every time, I'm not kidding, it happened like 10 times.

[140] The kid would go, oh, yeah, I like that part when the monster came out.

[141] So the kid would recite the memory as I liked it every time.

[142] But the parent, they thought the kid had been too scared, but the kids like being scared.

[143] The biggest takeaway is you look at the cards and you see what is like overwhelmingly on multiple cards.

[144] Consensus.

[145] Yes, yes.

[146] But I do think about, you know, you hear stories about projects like Danny McBride's Footfist Way, which tested like shit.

[147] And you almost understand it because it is.

[148] this outside the box project that people, they don't even know what they're thinking when they're watching it because it feels so unique.

[149] Yes.

[150] Or idiocrycy, I don't think ever broke a 30.

[151] Wow.

[152] They tested it like three times and it wasn't, couldn't even get to a 50.

[153] And that's your perspective as being an actor in it who was there for probably a couple months, right?

[154] And like you think about Mike Judge and now like, now that I've been on the other side of the camera where it's like, oh my God, making a movie is so insane.

[155] And like you really.

[156] put everything into it and you you hope it works my movie's coming out this week and I feel so vulnerable and exposed and like obviously I wanted to work for personal reasons but I also just really thinking about everyone else involved all these people who like trusted me and believed in me and I wanted to work for them yes I mean dude I made a movie for a million bucks hit and run and I literally taken money from a human being in Palm Springs or I'm like a real human paid for this yeah I guess the thing I hope you're thinking about a lot that has helped me, I was so depressed after Chips, and I had a meeting with Kevin Smith about something completely unrelated, but we just started talking about that experience, and he said, listen, man, the thing I recommend is imagine going to yourself on the playground in fifth grade, like Dave Franco, fifth grade, and you go, hey, Dave, it's me, Dave.

[157] So when you grow up, you're going to be in movies, and you're going to fucking make one.

[158] In fifth grade, Dave Franco would be like, get the fuck.

[159] I'm going to make a movie?

[160] Fifth grade, Dave Franco was debilitatingly shy.

[161] Exactly, right?

[162] So do you think in any world, fifth grade Dave Franco goes, how much did it make, Dave?

[163] Do you think that would ever be on your radar?

[164] No, I know.

[165] I know.

[166] And here's what I will say is, again, obviously, I hope people like it.

[167] Obviously, I hope people see it.

[168] But what I take comfort in is that.

[169] the final product is pretty damn close to what I initially conceived and what I initially was pitching.

[170] And so I got to just be happy with the fact that I made the movie I wanted to make.

[171] And I had people around me who let me make that movie and who let me take big swings and try to do something within this genre that felt a little different.

[172] Yeah.

[173] You know, as fucked up as this whole pandemic has been, like one silver lining is that these smaller films actually are getting a little bit more of a spotlight.

[174] for a couple reasons, we're not having to compete with these giant blockbusters that are all having to push till later in the year.

[175] And also people just need new content.

[176] And so I feel like there's also this tendency right now.

[177] And maybe I'm just speaking for myself is that like my standards have also been lowered during this time.

[178] Sure, sure, sure.

[179] We've run.

[180] Yeah, we went through all the A material shows and fuck, that shows good.

[181] And just anything new feels exciting.

[182] So we'll take any extra little boost we can get at this point.

[183] Now, back to the fifth grade day Franco.

[184] So you're from Palo Alto.

[185] You have a very interesting childhood in that mom is a poet and an editor.

[186] Dad is a business.

[187] I don't know if he owned a business or he ran a business, but both met at Stanford.

[188] Yeah.

[189] Your dad's mom is a published writer of young adult fiction, right?

[190] No, that's my mom.

[191] Oh, that's your mom.

[192] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[193] My mom is a writer.

[194] Okay.

[195] And then grandma owned a gallery.

[196] in Cleveland?

[197] Yeah, art gallery?

[198] So this is like smart people, culture, interesting.

[199] And it seems immediately like, oh, man, that's advantageous.

[200] But was that at all daunting?

[201] Like, if both your parents go to Stanford, are you not expected to go to Stanford?

[202] No. I think it was actually the opposite where I felt lucky that I had parents and just an extended family who were working in the arts.

[203] And they encouraged me to go down this path.

[204] And I know a lot of parents don't do that.

[205] Yeah.

[206] And so, like, we've always been that kind of strange artsy family where, you know, at Thanksgiving, you look around the table and people are doing sculptures with their mashed potatoes.

[207] And, you know, at Christmas time, we're going up and down the street and singing made up Christmas carols.

[208] And it's actually a really kind of encouraging environment.

[209] subconsciously, we all do kind of push each other and try to make each other better.

[210] Yeah.

[211] To me, it a little bit answered, even though I'm friends with your brother, I was always curious, like, what is the root of him being a professor in the midst of all of his acting success?

[212] The fact that he's prioritizing and finding time to both be in college a lot and then teaching college and all this stuff.

[213] And then I think, oh, well, also now that I know this background, like, it kind of makes a little more sense.

[214] I mean, I think I shouldn't speak for him.

[215] But, like, you know, I think he first went back to school because he was working on these projects where he was doing what we were talking about.

[216] He was really killing himself and he was putting everything he could into these roles.

[217] And then they would come out and they just weren't what he hoped they would be.

[218] So he just felt a little helpless.

[219] And I think maybe going back to school, he just felt like he had a little bit more control.

[220] But on top of that, I only say this because, you know, I think he would say it too, is that he was a workaholic.

[221] He absolutely was.

[222] And he would rather just keep himself busy than have to sit idly and just kind of figure out what to do with.

[223] himself.

[224] Yeah, boy, I can relate to that big time.

[225] Yeah.

[226] And I got to say that's kind of what happened in COVID for me is like, as much as I think I'm over this notion of defining myself by my, you know, work output or productivity, I really thought I was kind of over that.

[227] And yet, until I returned to work like three weeks ago, now of a sudden I'm noticeably happier.

[228] So I can only conclude, oh, I'm still getting quite a bit of my self -esteem in my mood altering from work.

[229] I'm just so much happier if I can go be productive for even if it's like 25 hours a week.

[230] Absolutely.

[231] And I was I was just talking to my friend the other day about this.

[232] And I hope it doesn't sound too pretentious.

[233] But like he was kind of talking about how right now you still like need some sort of mission.

[234] You need something to work towards or else you're just kind of floundering and you just feel kind of worthless.

[235] And so I totally understand that mindset.

[236] And like I used to be so good with.

[237] downtime like I was the best at doing nothing where like I would do a job and I would be like oh I earn this time off and I'm going to do nothing yeah and now I don't have that anymore and I hate myself for it because I just like feel like there's always something to do and I think it's good in certain ways but I do think it's unhealthy in other ways okay now back to so you were shy now in my town in Michigan I've talked about this a lot on here anytime there were three brothers the third was fucking nuts I mean he was the one that would jump the creek on the bicycle.

[238] He was the one that jump off the roof.

[239] The bar was so high for that third kid.

[240] Did you fall at all into that paradigm?

[241] I feel like you have all these theories about me and I want to give you one, but it's not true.

[242] Oh, I'm so, I've never been happier than when his theories are not.

[243] You're making Monica's date.

[244] You're breaking my heart, but Monica's more in love with you now.

[245] So my brothers are five and seven years older than me. And so when we were young, that's a pretty significant gap.

[246] And I feel like they actually did me a favor where they kind of like took the brunt of the parenting.

[247] And by the time I came along, my parents were just tired.

[248] They just didn't want to deal with me. And I think because of that, I almost didn't feel the need to rebel.

[249] And so like, I was a pretty good kid compared to them.

[250] And, you know, in high school, I would drink and I would go out and party, but I wasn't doing any hard drugs or I wasn't getting arrested or anything like that.

[251] Yeah.

[252] And what kind of kid were you in school?

[253] Besides, um, unbelievably adorable.

[254] Not that.

[255] Earth -shatteringly adorable.

[256] In middle school, I probably said like cumulative, like nine words throughout all of middle school.

[257] Wow.

[258] Isn't that hard to believe, Monica?

[259] Yeah, it is.

[260] And like in high school, it wasn't until maybe even junior year that I really came out of my shell.

[261] And I mean, the fact that I'm doing anything that I'm doing right now, I had zero intention of performing in any way.

[262] When I came down to L .A. originally to go to school, I went to USC, and once I was in L .A., my brother's manager basically forced me into this acting class, and I had never performed before in any way.

[263] And I remember sitting in that class the first day, and the first people on stage, they start screaming and crying and hitting each other.

[264] And I'm like, fuck this.

[265] Looking back on it, I think part of the reason I stuck it out was partially because it did bring me out of my shell and force me to open up and do things that made me uncomfortable.

[266] But it took a long time before I really enjoyed acting because I was just so nervous and anxious.

[267] And I remember at a certain point, I was just like, you know what, I got to change my mindset if I'm going to keep doing this because it's not fun.

[268] And so I was able to just kind of let go and start to have a good time with it.

[269] Well, how did you do that?

[270] Like, did you have a mantra?

[271] Did you have a therapist?

[272] How did you like put that thought into action like i got to flip the page here i mean if i'm remembering correctly i did first time you got laid exactly if i'm remembering correctly i do remember talking to my brother about it and this is a super fucking snobby answer because i know i'm lucky to have even this kind of access but i remember my brother had just worked with katherine keener so i'm complaining about this mindset about acting.

[273] And he's like, you should email Catherine.

[274] And I was like, no, I'm not going to fucking unload my issues on Catherine Keener.

[275] And he's like, no, no, no. She's the greatest.

[276] Just do it.

[277] And so I remember writing this email and just kind of sending it out into the void, not expecting anything back.

[278] And not only did she write back, but she wrote this like very sweet, heartfelt message.

[279] And I swear to God that like gave me new life.

[280] I've met her one time since then.

[281] And I remember seeing her from across the room and going up to her.

[282] And like before we even spoke any words, I just hugged her.

[283] And she just like instinctually just held on knowing that I needed it.

[284] It nurtured you.

[285] Exactly.

[286] Oh my God.

[287] Can I have her email address?

[288] Yeah, seriously.

[289] Absolutely.

[290] I feel like this is a, a resource I need in my life.

[291] Now, okay, so I have a brother who's five years older than me as well.

[292] And I just wanted his approval until about 14.

[293] I'm like, I think I'm going to look elsewhere for all this approval.

[294] Your brother is so fucking charismatic.

[295] My goodness.

[296] It looks effortless for him to be an extrovert.

[297] So was any of your apprehension about it like a little bit compounded by the fact that you do have this brother people know?

[298] Is that in the stew at all?

[299] I don't know.

[300] I mean, I guess.

[301] First of all, you hate talking about your brother.

[302] Let's start there.

[303] I wouldn't say hate.

[304] I interviewed Beanie, right?

[305] And of course we got to talk about Jonah.

[306] Of course.

[307] Her relationship with that astounds me. I'm like, wow, she's a bigger person.

[308] What's her take on it?

[309] She's just always just loved Jonah, felt flattered to be associated with him.

[310] And then the only time it ever got Dicey was with her own movie.

[311] Super Bad versus Book Smart.

[312] Everyone would call it the super, which I did.

[313] I made the mistake of saying like, oh, it's kind of the girl version of Super Bad.

[314] And understandably, she's like, no, no, no, this is my thing.

[315] And it was her thing.

[316] And it's so original.

[317] But that's the only place for her, it got tricky and I totally understood it.

[318] Yeah.

[319] So when I first started acting, I made a conscious choice to distance myself from him work -wise because I didn't want to be referenced as James Franco's little brother for the rest of my life.

[320] And I really was just trying to do my own thing, go down my own path.

[321] But people can't help themselves.

[322] And so for 10 years, no matter how hard I tried to get away from him in the work world every interview just everything he was the number one thing anyone wanted to talk about and all that being said i get it i understand that yeah but there was this like weird kind of extra pressure where you know most actors when they're first starting you're learning in the room so you're going into auditions you're falling on your face it doesn't matter you know you leave no one remembers but for me because i was his little brother everyone was like all right let's see what this kid can do Oh, sure, more.

[323] And so they, like, expected me to succeed in this business where it's very hard to succeed.

[324] Oh, yeah, impossible.

[325] And so I don't want to complain.

[326] I don't want to complain because, like, also, there were benefits, you know.

[327] Like, he introduced me to his manager, which I don't take for granted.

[328] That's a huge thing.

[329] I think the first time I saw you act, you guys did some kind of viral video together for funny or die.

[330] So naturally, I'm doing that, by the way.

[331] You're not imagining that.

[332] Let's just say I'm the casting director in that moment.

[333] I'm like, let's see what this kid.

[334] kid's got.

[335] Sure.

[336] But my God, I was like, oh my God, what are the odds that they're both hyper talented?

[337] Like immediately the verdict was in, oh, this motherfucker is everything that James is.

[338] And even at times, more for me in different things.

[339] So I appreciate you saying that.

[340] Truly, truly.

[341] And then I saw neighbors and I was like, oh, man, there's a level of believability in this heightened character that is truly unique to you and that you're superb at.

[342] So I just think your gangbusters talented.

[343] Thank you.

[344] That means a lot.

[345] It's been an interesting path.

[346] And so basically after like 10 years, my brother came to me with disaster artist.

[347] And it finally felt like the right timing.

[348] It felt like the right project and the kind of right dynamic for us to act opposite each other.

[349] Yeah.

[350] And I knew we would have fun and that we would work well together because we do have similar sensibilities.

[351] And it ended up being one of the most rewarding experiences I've had, you know, as an actor.

[352] Because can I just be narcissistic for a second?

[353] I have the same thing with my wife.

[354] When I have put her in things I've directed, I've done it with this great fear that people are going to go, ugh, she had to do her husband this favor of being in this movie, and she's bigger than this movie.

[355] And that was a huge voice in my head.

[356] And then I just had to keep measuring it against the joy of the experience of working with her.

[357] Sure.

[358] And then ultimately just going like, oh, fucking shut up about the other thing.

[359] You love working with this person.

[360] Do it.

[361] Yeah, I mean, not to get too heady about it, but it's like the people who know you guys best, they know what's going on.

[362] They know that you guys are equals.

[363] Sure.

[364] Oh, Christ.

[365] We good?

[366] We good?

[367] Yeah, you're rolling.

[368] Are the numbers still rolling on it?

[369] That's the only thing we have to roll.

[370] shit, hold on.

[371] Yes, they are.

[372] Oh, that was stressful.

[373] A really nice beat.

[374] If I was directing the scene, I'd be like, that's the perfect.

[375] That's the perfect beat, Dave.

[376] So what I will say, and just, I guess, to transition back to this movie I just directed is...

[377] Yeah, because you did the same thing with Allison.

[378] Yes, exactly.

[379] From the beginning, I actually didn't intend on directing this film.

[380] Oh, really?

[381] I wrote it with a friend, but at that time, I was going to act in it.

[382] And as much as I wanted Allison to be a part of it, it felt a little awkward because if we were both in it together, she would have been playing my sister -in -law.

[383] So that felt weird.

[384] Oh, uh -huh.

[385] But when I decided to direct it, I thought it would be smart just to focus on everything behind the camera.

[386] Good time for a voice crack.

[387] Just knowing how much.

[388] No, I felt really good about it.

[389] I thought, um, if I just, yeah.

[390] Nothing Freudian about that, I swear.

[391] And so obviously when I wasn't acting in it anymore, Allison was the first person I went to.

[392] And I'm so happy it played out the way it did because, like, I've always known how good of an actress she is.

[393] But, like, when I was in that position where I was able to just kind of, like, watch her intently for five straight weeks, I just realized how special she is, where she has this ability to balance, like, heavy drama with moments of levity, sometimes within a single scene and just, like, watching her seamlessly navigate back and forth between these conflicting emotions.

[394] It's, like, only a handful of people can do it as smoothly as she can.

[395] I honestly could not have done this without her.

[396] And, like, people during this press junkie, like, a lot of people have been a little test.

[397] asking like, you know, how was it working with your wife?

[398] And I think that's more of a reflection of them thinking about working with their significant other.

[399] A thousand percent.

[400] Yeah, yeah.

[401] But we, you know, we had acted together before and we knew that we got along well on a set.

[402] And so I felt optimistic going into this experience, even though we were working in a slightly different capacity.

[403] But the best thing was the comfort of having her there at the end of the day where you can imagine as a first time director, there was moments where I would get my head and I would start to doubt myself.

[404] And she would always be there just to build me up and give me confidence and remind me we were doing good work.

[405] And so it really was invaluable.

[406] That's so sweet.

[407] Yeah, the pride you can have, right?

[408] Because I had the same experience with Bell and hit run where it was like, she had to cry and then pivot and make a joke.

[409] And then I was like, oh, and I could ask her to sing now at the end of this.

[410] And this bitch could do it.

[411] Like, Exactly.

[412] Holy freight train.

[413] We are both married to these unicorns.

[414] Yes.

[415] Do you guys help each other with auditions?

[416] We do.

[417] We do.

[418] It's not our favorite thing to do.

[419] Well, you're at your most insecure, right?

[420] Yeah, and I guess auditioning is just not exciting for me in general.

[421] And like, putting myself on tape is one of my least favorite things because I'm such a perfectionist.

[422] And I will keep going and going and going and just be like, no, no, no, no. That little breath, that little moment, that wasn't quite right.

[423] can do it better.

[424] And thank God she's patient with me. And again, she knows how my crazy brain works at this point.

[425] And so she just rolls with the punch.

[426] Now, are you that way on set, like on other people's movies?

[427] I am in the way that I'm preparing.

[428] Like, once I'm on set, like, I'm not that annoying neurotic person.

[429] But I will say, like, I did feel more at ease on this set when I was a director than I've ever felt as an actor.

[430] And I've been trying to kind of out why that is.

[431] And I think part of it is that, you know, I was able to surround myself with all the people that I wanted to be there.

[432] And just to go on a little tangent, one of the smartest things I did was I really vetted the crew in an extensive way where I wanted three glowing reviews about each person before they came on board.

[433] So smart.

[434] I wanted people who were really talented, but it was just as important to me that they were very nice and that they were going to work their asses off.

[435] Yeah.

[436] Because again, as a first timer, like, I just needed people whose number one priority was the quality of this film as opposed to some people who have been in the business for a while and maybe would just look at it as a job and they're looking at their watch and they're just waiting to go home and watch the basketball game or something.

[437] Well, that's kind of your job as director, right, is to kind of re -romanticize the experience for them.

[438] Right.

[439] Yes.

[440] After you've done 20 movies, like, it's hard to get it up for the enthusiasm.

[441] That's weirdly kind of your job, right, in that situation.

[442] It's like, no, no, this one's going to count again.

[443] This is special.

[444] Definitely.

[445] And like, again, like, even though it took a long time to put the crew together, in the end, I just looked around and I was just surrounded by all these really happy people who were excited to be there.

[446] And they were so good that I didn't feel like I had to micromanage anyone.

[447] I felt like my main job was just to be a cheerleader and just encourage them to do what I know they're great at.

[448] And going back to what we are saying at the beginning of this interview, it's like I want to succeed for.

[449] them.

[450] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[451] We've all been there.

[452] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[453] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[454] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery, like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[455] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[456] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[457] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[458] Follow Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[459] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[460] What's up guys?

[461] It's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[462] Okay, every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation and I don't mean just friends.

[463] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox the list goes on.

[464] So follow watch and listen to Baby.

[465] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[466] Okay, so the disaster artist.

[467] Really quick for people who haven't seen the disaster artist.

[468] There's this very famous room by Tommy Wise.

[469] We were obsessed with it as well.

[470] It's known as the best, worst movie ever made.

[471] And it is truly that.

[472] It is like the most thrilling thing to watch.

[473] It's more rewarding and weird ways than even your favorite movie.

[474] Yes.

[475] It's like you're laughing at it yet there's something so triumphant about it.

[476] I also like, I'm totally respecting this person's engagement.

[477] in their dream.

[478] Well, what's so special about it is that Tommy, the writer, director, star, producer, financier.

[479] So he had this money, $6 million that to this day, no one knows where the money came from.

[480] But what that did for him is it allowed him to be a dictator on set where he didn't have to collaborate or hear anyone else's opinions.

[481] And so that movie is this singular vision from this guy who refers to himself as a vampire.

[482] And so it's like no one was like reining him in.

[483] He got to do whatever he wants.

[484] It might be the purest product in artists has ever made other than a painting.

[485] Exactly.

[486] And so it was this like uncompromising vision from this guy who is very out there.

[487] Yeah.

[488] It feels very earnest.

[489] And like his original intention was he was making a serious.

[490] drama that was going to contend for awards.

[491] Yeah, it was a podium picture.

[492] Exactly.

[493] And then when the whole perception of it changed, where it became more of this like Rocky Horror Picture thing, where everyone would go to these screenings and laugh at it, after all of that, he changed his tune.

[494] He said that it was always intended to be a comedy.

[495] Disaster artist is about the making of the room.

[496] It's a comedy.

[497] Yes.

[498] That's right.

[499] And your brother plays Tommy and you play Greg.

[500] Sistero, so I would argue you have the hardest role.

[501] in the movie in that Greg was clearly aware of what an insane experience it was, yet he was also a producer on the movie.

[502] So he's got one foot in both worlds, right?

[503] Like insanity and then insanity.

[504] Well, first off, I appreciate you continuing to put me on a higher pedal stool than my brother.

[505] Yeah, yeah.

[506] I didn't think a cuter smile existed until I saw yours.

[507] But I do appreciate everything you're saying.

[508] And yet, his role is clearly the more showy kind of crazy role.

[509] And he's unbelievable in the movie.

[510] You know, my role was difficult in the way that I basically am like the Tommy apologist throughout the movie where I need to kind of justify all of his crazy actions to everyone else and almost like believe it myself.

[511] So like you said, I kind of have a toe in both sides of it where I am on Tommy's side because he's my partner and we're making this thing together.

[512] But also I'm the one kind of really keeping the whole production together.

[513] And so did you become chummy with Greg in real life?

[514] Yeah, we definitely met and talked several times.

[515] I just wanted to pick his brain about everything and just hear everything from his perspective.

[516] And over the years now, we do stay in touch mainly just texting about Warriors basketball.

[517] But Greg is a sweetheart.

[518] And the main thing I was really picking his brain about was what we're talking about of like, why did you stick around when things got so.

[519] so crazy.

[520] Yeah, it's admirable.

[521] And so for him, the whole journey has become this unique thing where when they first made the movie, he was a struggling actor and he was really excited about this opportunity to be the lead in a movie that was actually getting made.

[522] And then the movie came out and it became what it did where people all over the world were shitting on it and saying this is the worst movie ever.

[523] And so it became this thing that just started following him around for the rest of his life and he was trying to get rid of it but he couldn't and then he wrote this book and what that did for him is it just allowed him to kind of take ownership over the whole thing and to kind of like show everything from his perspective and it was really sweet because after we made the movie which was again another like stepping stone for him of like understanding what this all is after we made the movie he kind of started to see Tommy again through a different light and started to almost sympathize with him and they started making movies together after we made disaster artists and it's like this very sweet story, yeah.

[524] Oh my God, well, I got my hands on the apartment or the complex.

[525] What was their sitcom they made?

[526] Or was that just Tommy?

[527] Oh, I think it was actually called Neighbors.

[528] Neighbors.

[529] Oh, yeah.

[530] And Tommy's catchphrase was, oh, other day.

[531] That sounds about right.

[532] Right.

[533] He says it like seven or eight times.

[534] That's kind of his like, what you talking about, Willis.

[535] Totally.

[536] But like the magic, the magic isn't there because he, when he was making that one, he was now aware that he was trying to do something comedic.

[537] Oh.

[538] It's awesome, man. It's kind of like, remember when Johnny Depp made that movie, Ed Wood?

[539] Yeah, I love that movie.

[540] Me too.

[541] I like those people because there's a ton of people who probably have the capacity to make something amazing and they don't.

[542] They don't ever do it.

[543] So I can't say I respect the person who's maybe innately talented and never does anything over the person who maybe shouldn't be doing it yet does it i i don't know there's something really beautiful about it so we're actually doing an anthology tv show where we were thinking about how many insane productions have been made over the years and we were like let's do a show where each season we're looking we're doing another kind of behind the scenes look at one of these crazy productions and what's really fun about it is that you can have one season where it's an insane production that leads to a really shitty movie like the room yeah and then the next season you have a really crazy production that leads to a masterpiece, like Apocalypse.

[544] I was just going to say, yeah.

[545] And what you get to see is that, like, there's more similarities between someone like Tommy Wiseau and Coppola, where they're these uncompromising artists who are going to get their way no matter what, it's just one happens to be a genius and the other is kind of a vampire.

[546] Yeah, it's from some country that we've not discovered yet.

[547] Right, right.

[548] In Eastern Europe.

[549] But how I would delineate those two, because I just showed.

[550] Monica Hearts of Darkness.

[551] She had never seen it.

[552] It's one of the best.

[553] What a documentary.

[554] But I would say the main difference is, and I was shocked to hear it, is to hear Francis the whole time going, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

[555] I don't know what I've made.

[556] I can't imagine this is going to add up to it.

[557] Like, I think the saving grace is humility.

[558] I think that's maybe the defining thing that you can get a great project while still being insane as long as you have the humility.

[559] You know what I'm saying?

[560] Yeah, absolutely.

[561] And I think that's why disaster artist is so relatable because even for people who have never even heard of the movie, The Room, you can latch on to that idea where Tommy was like, when you're making anything, you got to give 100%.

[562] And like for me, and this is for every project I've ever worked on and will ever work on, there are those moments where you're like, is what I'm doing any good or is this a total fucking mess?

[563] But regardless, I got to give myself over to it 100%.

[564] Of course, man. It's a harrowing ride.

[565] This is one other topic I wanted to go over with you is that we live now in a business that is niche driven.

[566] And that's great because that wasn't really an option for a lot of years.

[567] So what's really sad, and you in particular, I have to say this is affected, which is you have a fucking stellar run.

[568] Like neighbors, now you see me, these like modest budget movies that are working on a tremendous level.

[569] And then just the floor kind of goes out of those movies in five seconds.

[570] Right.

[571] Right.

[572] Right.

[573] I think you paid the ultimate price in that transition.

[574] Or maybe I don't know anything about what's happening going forward.

[575] But I just, in general, right, movies have really disappeared, especially the mid -budget ones if they've really dried up.

[576] In that aspect, it's really sad.

[577] Yet, you've just made a movie that will find a home because there's a million platforms now.

[578] And that's kind of, I guess, the silver lining.

[579] What are your thoughts on how things have evolved in the last eight years?

[580] I mean, what is sad is that for whatever reason, people aren't going to the movies to see these studio comedies anymore.

[581] I'm curious what your take is on comedies because I don't quite understand it.

[582] And it feels like people need that kind of relief.

[583] But I don't know why some of them haven't worked the way that people have wanted them to recently.

[584] Here's my theory.

[585] It's very easy to see where the $40 million drama went.

[586] It's on TV.

[587] And it's phenomenal.

[588] There's 10 shows I fucking love that are filling up my need for drama completely.

[589] I don't have to leave the house to get that itch scratched.

[590] Now, comedy, I can scroll through Instagram and I can see a guy crash a tractor through his garage door.

[591] And then I can see a guy accidentally jump a pickup truck over a fountain.

[592] And I can laugh like 20, 30 times a day in this really tiny concise.

[593] So I would argue people are getting their comedy thing scratched a bit by social media.

[594] That makes sense.

[595] Yeah.

[596] I don't know.

[597] For me specifically, I do think most people know me from the comedies that I've acted in, but I guess in my own mind, that's not really how I've defined myself.

[598] And the projects that I am most attracted to are the ones that are at least attempting to do something new and original.

[599] And regardless of what the genre is, and it doesn't have to be reinventing the wheel every time, but like even in small ways where I did this very small movie for Netflix where I played a heroin addict.

[600] It's like, yes, we've seen movies about that before, but why this felt different is it was based on the director and her brother.

[601] And so I was, I was playing her brother.

[602] And he was just a normal guy.

[603] Like, he got hurt playing basketball, started taking pills for the pain.

[604] And it's just like, you know, went down that path.

[605] But he was the kind of guy who had a job.

[606] He was working in a law office.

[607] And then at lunch, he would go to Skid Row and he would shoot up.

[608] And then he'd go back to work.

[609] He was a functioning heroin addict.

[610] And it just felt like we haven't really seen that of like, you know, when we picture heroin addicts, we picture someone who's really strung out and laying on the side of the road.

[611] But it's like, no, no, no, this can happen to anyone.

[612] And so that's like a long way of saying, like, that was the way into that movie that felt different.

[613] I totally agree with you.

[614] I'm, you know, I'm in AA for 16 years and I see dudes who ran enormous businesses while shooting dope in their bathroom.

[615] Yeah.

[616] The notion we have, the Hollywood junkie is a lot broader than that.

[617] Yeah.

[618] We had Allison on and Monica and I were floating on a cloud of love butterfly.

[619] Oh, my God, your story.

[620] Oh, New Orleans.

[621] I mean, Dave, I would have fallen in love with you.

[622] Yeah.

[623] It was a crazy one.

[624] I mean, what can I say that she hasn't said?

[625] I could give you my perspective.

[626] I would love your perspective.

[627] I would love your perspective.

[628] I'm sure there's going to be a lot of crossover, but maybe there'll be some new tidbits.

[629] So I had been working in New Orleans for a while, and Mardi Gras was coming up.

[630] And so I had the week off.

[631] And I was like, you know what?

[632] I've had my fix of New Orleans.

[633] I just need to go home and rest during Mardi Gras.

[634] So I actually came back to L .A. And like a day later, my buddy texts me and he's like, hey, man, is it still okay if I stay with you for Mardi Gras?

[635] And I was like, oh, fuck.

[636] I had told him months ago that we would have this.

[637] like big Mardi Gras adventure and so I was like you know what okay I'll go back I'll meet you back out there oh what a good friend what a good friend so hey when day Franco makes you a promise by God he's going to deliver so I go to LAX and I see my friend Jules and she comes over and she's like hey what are you doing I was like oh you know going back for Mardi Gras I've been working out there for a while and she's like yeah me and my friends are going out too and Allison was one of her friends And so she was like, you know, you should come to dinner with us tonight.

[638] And I was like, you know, I'd love to, but I already told my friend, he got us parade tickets.

[639] So I feel bad canceling on him.

[640] But, you know, maybe later in the week.

[641] So that's not a lie.

[642] That was the truth.

[643] No, I believe you.

[644] I just, it's an interesting thing to buy.

[645] Totally.

[646] That's like buying tickets to be in a line.

[647] Exactly.

[648] That's a good point.

[649] We land back in New Orleans and it's pouring rain.

[650] So all the parades are canceled.

[651] So I'm like, okay.

[652] okay, yeah, let's go to dinner then.

[653] But there wasn't Uber or Lyft at the time.

[654] And so all of the taxis were being used.

[655] I couldn't get a taxi.

[656] So I'm in the lobby of this apartment building I'm staying in where there's only one other unit.

[657] And I'm in the lobby trying to get a taxi.

[658] And the guys in the other unit who I've never even met, they come out and they're like, hey, do you need a ride somewhere?

[659] Oh, wow.

[660] And I was like, Monica's face.

[661] Well, I don't know if you've ever heard Justin Long story, but he told it on here.

[662] I actually have heard that story.

[663] Yeah, they can go real south in a hurry.

[664] So I was like, no, no, no. I don't want to put you guys out.

[665] It's pouring rain.

[666] It's across town.

[667] And they were like, no, no, we don't mind.

[668] And so I was like, all right, let's do it.

[669] And I don't think I would do that today, but I don't know.

[670] There was something driving me at the time.

[671] So I get to dinner and I'm like an hour late and they've all been drinking.

[672] And so they've set aside a plate for me and they have me catch up.

[673] and I'm taking, you know, just pounding shots and doing everything.

[674] And at one point, I was sitting next to Jules, our mutual friend, and Allison was across the table.

[675] And Jules shows me this text under the table.

[676] She had been texting with Allison, and she had basically told Allison, you should make out with Davey tonight.

[677] And Allison was like, I was like, sure.

[678] And so Jules tells me she's like, do not tell her I showed you that text.

[679] And I was like, cool, cool.

[680] So little do I know, they end up in the bathroom 10 minutes later.

[681] She's like, all right, I showed him the text.

[682] He's in.

[683] Let's go.

[684] So Jules manipulated the whole situation.

[685] And about 30 minutes later, both of us know it's on now in a really kind of comforting way where it was like, all right.

[686] Consent abound.

[687] He has written consent.

[688] Yes, yes.

[689] And so about 30 minutes later, she reveals that she has Somali.

[690] and when I look back, it might have actually been my first time doing it.

[691] Oh, good for you.

[692] And so there was just something about her, and I was just comforted by the whole thing, and I just didn't even hesitate, and it was like, let's go.

[693] Well, also, there's serendipities in the air.

[694] The neighbors you've never met drive you there.

[695] I wasn't even supposed to be in New Orleans.

[696] Yeah, you're not even there.

[697] So, yeah, so we basically had this crazy two days in Mardi Gras that were not real life.

[698] You know, we were, we were inebriated the entire time.

[699] But when she left, we both recognized.

[700] We were like, okay, I know that that wasn't real life, but there was clearly some kind of connection here.

[701] And so we slowly started texting and then we started calling.

[702] So I was stuck in New Orleans for like another month before the movie was going to take me to New York.

[703] And so during that month, it was just like kind of an old school courtship where we were just really getting to know each other over the phone.

[704] Yeah.

[705] And I told her, I was like, you know, you should come meet me in New York.

[706] And so I was really, really excited because everything had been going so great over the phone, but I was really nervous because I'm like, you know, we've never been sober in front of each other.

[707] So now you're coming out all this way and who knows what's going to happen.

[708] Yeah.

[709] And so I remember, though, opening the door of my hotel room and immediately being like, oh, this is good.

[710] This is going to be great.

[711] Oh.

[712] And so in New York, though, I had all this per diem from the movie.

[713] And so I was able to kind of like wine and diner and do things that I probably typically couldn't do.

[714] And it was going so well.

[715] She was there for about a week.

[716] And it was going so well that by the end of the week, I started thinking ahead.

[717] And I'm like, okay, the movie's taking me to Paris next.

[718] And so what would that look like?

[719] And so I remember the morning that she was going to leave.

[720] I had to get up to go to work.

[721] And I had just written a little note basically said, like, meet me in Paris.

[722] And I had put it in her boot.

[723] And I had, she was still in bed.

[724] She was still sleeping.

[725] Monica has goosebumps.

[726] Sorry.

[727] Well, it's also cold in here, but yes.

[728] Yeah, I just looked over and I actually physically see goosebumps.

[729] We've got a physiological response.

[730] Okay.

[731] Continue.

[732] I was supposed to go to set and I wanted her to get the note before I left.

[733] So I started kind of shaking her and waking her up and being like, you know, I feel like you should probably get going in like a really nice way.

[734] Sure.

[735] So she put her shoe on.

[736] She found the note.

[737] And I basically said, you know, I know there's a lot of implications with a pair of.

[738] invite, but it just happens to be where I'm going next.

[739] And, you know, I would love for you to come out.

[740] And so, you know, a week later, we were, we were in Paris together.

[741] And, uh, you don't, you don't really come back from Paris.

[742] Yeah.

[743] We, we, we.

[744] Now, what is funny is there's like incremental steps, if I'm being honest, back to reality.

[745] So it starts on Molly.

[746] That's really hard to replicate.

[747] But then it's a baby step into lots of per diem and getting wine and dine.

[748] And then it's kind of another step up to Mali territory to go to Paris together.

[749] Definitely.

[750] So we're still, you know, no one's back in L .A. unemployed yet.

[751] That's a really good point.

[752] Yes.

[753] We still haven't really touched down to reality quite yet.

[754] Yeah, with Paris, we were really flying high too where like I just finished the movie.

[755] I was staying in a friend's place and like he, this is embarrassing, but like we were really in it.

[756] And like there's this bridge in Paris that maybe you know about where everyone puts like locks on it.

[757] And like...

[758] That's not a thing anymore.

[759] You guys got in before it's...

[760] I know, because I think...

[761] Was it the bridge was getting too heavy or something?

[762] Yeah, yeah.

[763] So, like, I asked the guy who I was staying with, he had, like, a lock to his locker at the gym, and he let me use that lock, and we put our lock on the bridge.

[764] And so...

[765] But then when we got back, yeah, it's a whole different thing.

[766] Yeah.

[767] And it was definitely an adjustment.

[768] I mean, like you said, it's like, all right, we're back in reality now.

[769] Yeah.

[770] where we're both unemployed.

[771] Hey, I want to introduce this side of myself where I think I'll never work again.

[772] Exactly.

[773] And there was a transition period.

[774] And in that period, there was my infamous surprise party where we had been together about three months at that point.

[775] And she decided to do a surprise party for me, knowing that that had never happened.

[776] But there was a reason that has never happened because I'm a very private person.

[777] And my ideal birthday is like just me and her in the middle of nowhere, not seeing anyone.

[778] Yeah.

[779] So this surprise party was really strange because she hadn't met a lot of the people in my life.

[780] And so she was basically leaning on like two friends of mine who she had met to create this invite list.

[781] That might not have been the best gatekeepers.

[782] Oh, it was something else.

[783] And so, I mean, long story as short as possible.

[784] the people who ended up there were like my manager's assistant sister's best friend.

[785] Oh, God.

[786] Oh, no. And like, so I had my first panic attack ever.

[787] This is a codependence nightmare.

[788] Yes.

[789] So it got so out of hand to the point where my mom was actually there.

[790] So she drove down from Palo Alto and she was at the 101 cafe the next morning and the way.

[791] waiter came up to her and was like, hey, I know this is weird, but are you, are you Betsy Franco?

[792] And she's like, uh, yeah.

[793] And he's like, oh, uh, yeah, sorry, I just, I, I almost went to your son's surprise party last night.

[794] I just wanted to say hi.

[795] The waiter at the 101 cafe was almost there.

[796] So we, we always say we, we got through my surprise party.

[797] We can get through anything.

[798] Oh, that's wonderful.

[799] Okay, now the rental.

[800] The rental.

[801] It is a thriller slash horror.

[802] So I was inspired by my own paranoia about the concept of home sharing.

[803] Ah.

[804] And just thinking about how, you know, the country is as divided as it's ever been and no one trust each other.

[805] Yet we trust staying in the home of a stranger simply because of a few positive reviews online.

[806] Oh, that's a tasty idea.

[807] And like the reality is like while we were filming the movie, there were articles coming out every week about homeowners with hidden cameras in their places.

[808] Oh, dude, we rent houses so much.

[809] Yes, exactly.

[810] And like on the flip side, you don't know who you're renting too.

[811] So what's keeping someone from renting a place, making copies of the key, and coming back at a later date.

[812] And so it's all these things that we're aware of.

[813] But like, that being said, I still use all of the home sharing apps.

[814] And in fact, I was staying in an Airbnb while filming this movie.

[815] Sure.

[816] And I guess it was like just trying to understand that disconnect where it's like, why, why do we subject ourselves to these situations knowing that we're potentially putting ourselves in harm's way?

[817] And I think it's because we, even though we know the risks, we don't actually think anything bad is going to happen to us.

[818] It's all cost -benefit.

[819] All of us know that your odds of dying in a car crash are certainly higher than certain viruses we would get, right?

[820] But A, we like driving in a car.

[821] I don't want to walk across town.

[822] It's like, well, if I like it and I've deemed that I need to do this, then I really just file all the risk in another compartment of my hat.

[823] Definitely, definitely.

[824] And what I will say is, since filming the movie, my paranoia has reached new peaks where when I stay in a rental home now, I'm not thinking, are there cameras here?

[825] I'm thinking, I know there are cameras here.

[826] And it's just about whether or not I'm going to find them.

[827] Oh, wow.

[828] Have you ever found one?

[829] I have not.

[830] Okay.

[831] But we, but we have stayed in places where, you know, it was the middle of nowhere and there was an abandoned car on the property with lube and tissues inside.

[832] Oh, oh.

[833] And like, also at that same, at that same house.

[834] Loob.

[835] As the raunchiest thing you could find.

[836] I'd rather find a used condom than Loub.

[837] At that same house, there was like this private Wi -Fi network.

[838] And again, we were in the middle of nowhere.

[839] And we asked the homeowner, we're like, what's the password to this account?

[840] And she was like, I don't know what that account is.

[841] And so it's just all these things.

[842] I know it's probably irrational fears, but I just kind of expect the worst in those situations.

[843] We rented a house two years ago.

[844] This house was insanely huge.

[845] And then the downstairs was forbidden.

[846] And it was a dungeon.

[847] It was like brick and wine cellars and shit.

[848] And then Monica and Ryan Hansen got drunk and they're like, well, yeah, we did.

[849] What part are you objecting to?

[850] It was you two or you were drunk?

[851] So they're like, fuck this.

[852] We're going to find out what's happening and in the dungeon.

[853] It was so scary.

[854] I mean, we didn't find anything, but there was a lot of locked doors.

[855] Yes, yes.

[856] It could have been a parasite situation.

[857] I don't know.

[858] Someone could have literally been living in the house the whole time we were there and seemed likely on someone.

[859] Oh, and then another amazing thing was the neighbors had these enormous wolves.

[860] I mean, I don't know what kind of dog they were.

[861] They looked just like dire wolves.

[862] And I guess they were used to coming in and out of the house.

[863] And again, Monica was drunk with our friend Jess, three in the morning in the living room.

[864] And they look up and there's fucking.

[865] wolves in the living room.

[866] This is not a joke.

[867] There's two hundred pound wolves in the living room and they're like, what the fuck?

[868] And they were just the neighbor's dogs that are used to prowling through the house at three.

[869] Probably wearing a camera on their collar.

[870] I didn't know, but have you guys had any like full on nightmare experiences at Airbnbs or hotels?

[871] No. In fact, I love renting houses.

[872] I'm not obsessing the entire time I'm there about what needs to be fixed.

[873] I love it.

[874] But yes, you're right.

[875] I'd see, especially for Kristen and I who walk around naked and there's cameras, it's pretty high risk.

[876] Oh, yeah.

[877] Yeah.

[878] Yeah.

[879] We even fuck in these places, Dave.

[880] Sometimes we'll fuck in these places.

[881] Of course.

[882] I've been asked about like if I have any nightmare stories during this press store and I don't have any Airbnb ones, but I one time was staying in a hotel while I was shooting a movie and it was pretty dingy, but I didn't want to be the pretentious actor who forced them to move me to a new place but one day the house cleaning came in they changed everything over and that night i went to sleep and then i woke up and there was a splotch of dried blood next to my face and i i checked my whole body and i was not bleeding and so that that was the final straw uh so i told production you know i i draw the line at just raiders blood next to my face that night.

[883] That was like the quote unquote, like clean sheet that they had put on my bed that day.

[884] Okay.

[885] Now I, okay, so wow, you just reminded me of something.

[886] Kristen and I one time went to Hawaii.

[887] We had been at the beach all day.

[888] We come back to our room and I go into the closet to like get something other than my swim shorts and I notice, oh, there's, there's all these clothes in my closet.

[889] And then I look at the bed and there's like eight baby dolls all arranged on the thing.

[890] Literally the last thing you want to find in your closet.

[891] Yes.

[892] So I thought, okay, someone's moved into our room.

[893] And they had.

[894] Someone had moved into our room.

[895] And then I guess they went to the beach.

[896] But I don't know why they weren't troubled by the fact that like all of our toiletries were on the sink and shit.

[897] So basically it was just we were with another family in the same room.

[898] And we called and like we got it to sort it out obviously.

[899] But there was hours where this other family just moved in and put stuff in drawers and just disregarded all of our stuff.

[900] Incredible.

[901] I'm picturing horror baby dolls that they're.

[902] heads cut off.

[903] Yeah, yeah.

[904] Okay, so I definitely want to see the rental.

[905] That's a very juicy concept.

[906] And now, given the drive -in release, will there also be a shortened window before it gets on demand?

[907] So what IFC does is they do video on demand and drive -ins and whatever standard theaters are open all at the same time.

[908] Oh, wonderful.

[909] So on July 24th, people can start renting it.

[910] Exactly.

[911] I'm going to make you a real -life promise and I'm going to keep it, not unlike your promise.

[912] party on Mottie Gras with your friend.

[913] We will be watching this movie.

[914] Yeah, I'm excited.

[915] Amazing.

[916] I appreciate that.

[917] And you're so cute.

[918] And we really love Allison.

[919] Allison is standing two feet away from me because she's about to jump on an interview as well.

[920] Hi, guys.

[921] Remember us?

[922] Hi, my best friend.

[923] Hi.

[924] Oh, she does.

[925] You guys are just my best buds and we hang out in addicts together.

[926] And I think about all the time very fondly.

[927] And I think it's almost criminal that the four of us were really the five of us should all go on a date.

[928] I would like.

[929] Absolutely.

[930] Okay.

[931] It might be a long time, but let's, let's, let's, let's, six months.

[932] I'm going to pick a Tuesday, Tuesday night.

[933] Put it on the calendar.

[934] 20, 22.

[935] Absolutely.

[936] We're going to get together and break.

[937] What if Dave, the only thing he asks us to cut out of this interview is him agreeing to go on a double day?

[938] Because he doesn't want to be legally bound.

[939] I don't want to be stuck in that.

[940] Yeah, you know, I think I'm actually busy in 2022.

[941] too.

[942] Yeah, I think so.

[943] Well, we adore you guys and tons of luck on the rental.

[944] We're going to see it.

[945] We can't wait.

[946] And we love you.

[947] Thank you guys so much.

[948] As you know, we're huge fans of the podcast.

[949] It feels really special to be on with you guys.

[950] Fucking charm, charm, charm.

[951] Look those smiles together.

[952] Together.

[953] Oh, my God.

[954] The smiles are together.

[955] People hate when I pressure people to procreate, but I'm just giving some thought.

[956] I'll babysit that baby.

[957] We got to go.

[958] We got to go.

[959] All right, guys.

[960] Bye.

[961] Bye.

[962] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[963] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[964] Hello, hello.

[965] I'm going to tell people about a product.

[966] I've talked about it once before.

[967] This is not a sponsor.

[968] And I am not an investor in this, but I use these intake breathing devices.

[969] Oh, my God.

[970] We've already talked about it.

[971] And they're so good.

[972] I ran out of the little sticky.

[973] taps for about three workouts and I got them back today and I had the best workout.

[974] I just got to say it.

[975] I love them.

[976] Okay.

[977] Well, if we're talking about brands, I like Pangaya.

[978] Yes, you do.

[979] You own, I think, every single color they make.

[980] It's a sweatsuit.

[981] Very sustainable sweatsuit company.

[982] You would have remodeled your house by now, but instead you have 26 sweatsuits in every color under the rainbow.

[983] Worth it.

[984] Worth that.

[985] You look really good in them.

[986] Thank you.

[987] They're very cute.

[988] And it's especially pair nice with your Jordy's.

[989] Ooh, my new George.

[990] So I have some bad news.

[991] Okay.

[992] Well, I like bad news.

[993] Should we say bad news?

[994] Yeah, we will.

[995] I was doing real -time fact check.

[996] Uh -huh.

[997] And there was no facts.

[998] I think it's just because there were no facts.

[999] Okay.

[1000] But it could be because I got lost in conversation and I forgot to pay attention to hear for facts.

[1001] So you were pretty mesmerized by a smile.

[1002] Every time he flashed me that smile, I'd look over at you and I'd see how you were taking that smile.

[1003] and you were taking it.

[1004] Well, what's not to take?

[1005] It's an incredible smile.

[1006] Yeah, he's a beautiful, beautiful smile.

[1007] He and his brother, their eyes smile as well.

[1008] It's a whole thing.

[1009] The whole face changes.

[1010] It's true.

[1011] They have that Give Weekly has, which is he's got this cute fucking smile no matter how naughty he was being.

[1012] Everyone just loved him because he would smile.

[1013] What a superpower.

[1014] It's a good one.

[1015] You have a very nice smile.

[1016] I always compliment you on how white and straight your teeth are.

[1017] Thank you.

[1018] But it would never get you out of trouble.

[1019] I don't look at that smile and go like, oh, that's an innocent little bird.

[1020] I go, that's a mischievous vandal.

[1021] My smile gives me away.

[1022] Yeah, Teddy Trouble from Sheriff Callie.

[1023] That's not true at all.

[1024] I'm very innocent.

[1025] Well, now my smile doesn't get me on anything, right?

[1026] Here, I'll smile at you.

[1027] You ready?

[1028] Well, that one looks scary.

[1029] Oh, my gosh.

[1030] of tobacco.

[1031] Lots of tobacco.

[1032] Your eyes got huge.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] So I found a new emoji yesterday.

[1035] Oh, right.

[1036] It's a moon and it has a face in it.

[1037] Yeah, it's pretty cool.

[1038] I sent it to you and I said, this is a moonica.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] I said it looks like me. And then I also sent it to Jess and he didn't like it.

[1041] Oh, on what ground?

[1042] He said it looked.

[1043] Racist.

[1044] No, I said he was racist.

[1045] Oh, that makes sense.

[1046] He was.

[1047] Whatever.

[1048] I don't even know what he said yet, but it was definitely racist.

[1049] He said it looks sinister.

[1050] Oh, okay.

[1051] And I said, well, I'm sinister.

[1052] Which, fair.

[1053] Yes.

[1054] Fair, fair.

[1055] And then he said, you are not gray.

[1056] Okay.

[1057] Because the moon is grayish black.

[1058] Then I called him racist because of that.

[1059] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1060] Anywho, I guess I'll have to say the moonika has this kind of sly smile.

[1061] Uh -huh.

[1062] Not unlike the Mona Lisa's.

[1063] Right.

[1064] So are you saying my smile is like, Monika Lisa or a munica.

[1065] Oh, smile at me. Let's see.

[1066] Really good.

[1067] The smile Monica just gave me. It looks like she just ate six cotton candies at an amusement park and is about to explode.

[1068] This is my smile.

[1069] Oh, you look nice.

[1070] You look earnest.

[1071] Thank you.

[1072] That's, I think, nice.

[1073] That means a sincere smile.

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] Were there other jobs?

[1076] I take umbrage.

[1077] Okay.

[1078] That's a dangerous word to use.

[1079] It is?

[1080] I don't know, whenever, no, just whenever I use it, I'm just like, boy, I hope that was the right use of that word.

[1081] Oh, let me look at it.

[1082] You never hear Umbridge.

[1083] Well, you hear Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter.

[1084] You used it correctly, most certainly.

[1085] I'm just saying, you never hear it.

[1086] So when you hear, you're like, oh, man, I hope that was right.

[1087] Take umbrage.

[1088] It's actually take umbrage.

[1089] Feel resentment.

[1090] Take offense.

[1091] Yeah.

[1092] That explains how you feel about it.

[1093] Yeah.

[1094] You're resentful.

[1095] There was no facts.

[1096] No. Oh.

[1097] What are you taking unbrisement, bridge with or umbrage as you say this expression features one of the rare surviving uses of umbrage which now means resentment but comes from the latin umbra for shade presumably alludes to the shadow of displeasure huh so shade is an old ass sane no shade like an umbrella oh okay i got well i heard resentful and i heard shade and i think of modern colloquial for shade is to disrespect or cast some kind of aspersion?

[1098] Sure.

[1099] Oh, my God.

[1100] Let's stop while we're ahead.

[1101] But for, because, you know, shade casts a shadow.

[1102] I want to give someone a shout out.

[1103] Oh, my gosh.

[1104] Okay.

[1105] But first I want to tell you why I take Ombridge.

[1106] Okay.

[1107] Because I think my smile could get man to some bad stuff.

[1108] Oh, I see.

[1109] We're on your smile still.

[1110] I thought you were talking about the facts.

[1111] Okay, so you're mad that I don't think your smile will get you out of things.

[1112] But my smile's not good enough.

[1113] Okay.

[1114] Well, I don't know what to tell you.

[1115] I guess you still think it.

[1116] Okay, yes.

[1117] I just, I want to give one shout out.

[1118] Can I?

[1119] Yeah.

[1120] I don't regularly do it.

[1121] But it's an arm cherry and I love her.

[1122] And I communicate with her all the time.

[1123] And her name is Tanya.

[1124] And she's so sweet.

[1125] That's all I want to say.

[1126] Tanya, we love you.

[1127] And we love all the arm cherries.

[1128] We love all the arm cherries.

[1129] But I just, I really like Tanya a lot.

[1130] And she and I communicate on DM quite often.

[1131] And she's got a really handsome, full grown son.

[1132] And she came to see us in New York with her husband.

[1133] She drug her husband.

[1134] And I just think that was really nice.

[1135] And she's a nice woman.

[1136] That's nice.

[1137] Hi.

[1138] Hi.

[1139] I think people are now going to be upset that you're not DMing with them.

[1140] But that's another issue for another day, I guess.

[1141] Okay.

[1142] Well, what they should take from that is that I might end up DMing them.

[1143] But they'll take Umbrage if you don't.

[1144] Okay.

[1145] Well, everyone just stow your umbrage for one second.

[1146] And let's see how this thing plays out.

[1147] I wonder if Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter.

[1148] is based on the word umbrage because she's a bitch oh she is oh a huge bitch a huge bee yeah oh yeah i really wish you knew more about harry potter it's one of the things about you that i wish yeah i could pick up my interest in it i certainly like the first few movies i just there was what seven of them or eight of them or something well eight movies seven books okay yeah so it just was it got cumbersome for me the books are so good yeah it was like we went on three great dates you know Bad analogy.

[1149] Okay.

[1150] I don't know what it was.

[1151] You didn't really go on three great dates if you just watched the movies.

[1152] You kind of just like skip straight to the sex, I guess.

[1153] No, like you didn't date her.

[1154] I think I may know why.

[1155] Okay.

[1156] I saw the first one.

[1157] I loved it.

[1158] Saw the second one.

[1159] I loved it.

[1160] And then I started getting nervous that all the characters were going to become teenagers and get awkward.

[1161] And I didn't want to.

[1162] Ooh, I'm sorry.

[1163] You farted?

[1164] Big time.

[1165] Oh, my God.

[1166] Oh, geez.

[1167] Oh, geez.

[1168] I don't smell it.

[1169] You must.

[1170] We're one foot away from each other, and it's terrible.

[1171] I truly do not smell it.

[1172] A lot of solvers smell.

[1173] Very sulfury.

[1174] Oh, God, it's bad.

[1175] Oh, my goodness.

[1176] It's eggy.

[1177] It's so eggy.

[1178] You don't smell that?

[1179] What if I have COVID?

[1180] Oh, my God.

[1181] I just saved your life by farting in front of you.

[1182] I don't know if you saved my life, but now we know.

[1183] I literally do not smell anything.

[1184] Well, listen, I had popped a couple earlier in the day and there was no smell.

[1185] So I was feeling a little cocky, I guess.

[1186] Confident.

[1187] And now I realize it's time to shut this whole thing down.

[1188] Okay, well, I appreciate that you can't smell it.

[1189] I'm scared.

[1190] What were we talking about?

[1191] Oh, I was nervous that the characters were going to have an awkward phase, as a lot of teen actors do.

[1192] And I didn't want to embarrass them by watching them.

[1193] Okay.

[1194] Well.

[1195] So I think it was an act of generosity on my part.

[1196] Wow.

[1197] If you read the books, you're not going to get that awkward feeling.

[1198] I'm asking about book reading.

[1199] Well, certainly not from the book because I would just keep imagining they were babes.

[1200] Yeah, I just want you to read the books.

[1201] Okay.

[1202] I, man, they're big books, right?

[1203] They're so good.

[1204] Well, I've heard one of them out loud because we were on a car trip and we were playing it out loud for the girls.

[1205] And it's good.

[1206] Oh, but I kind of want you to read it with your eyes.

[1207] Okay.

[1208] That's a big request.

[1209] I know.

[1210] I'm going to use one of my golden tickets for that.

[1211] Okay.

[1212] Maybe that would be a birthday present.

[1213] Your birthday's right around the corner.

[1214] Knock knock, motherfucker.

[1215] Yeah, but I want like more Jordan.

[1216] Tertie tree coming at you.

[1217] I know.

[1218] What a boring birthday.

[1219] No, I like it because there's two of the one things.

[1220] You know, I love, I love pairs.

[1221] I love even stuff.

[1222] So six is a great number.

[1223] It adds up to six.

[1224] That's very even.

[1225] You know, it's good.

[1226] You always find a way to make the number.

[1227] I do.

[1228] Something you like, which I appreciate.

[1229] Have we told people about my weird?

[1230] Yes, but we can tell them again.

[1231] Okay.

[1232] So I have a superstition against odd numbers.

[1233] And so you could say this is either convenient or inconvenient.

[1234] So I was born on an odd year.

[1235] But the way it works out is I'm always turning an even years old when the new year comes because my birthday's a second.

[1236] So for instance, right now we're in 2020.

[1237] Love it.

[1238] I mean, it's a disaster, but I love the number.

[1239] It's an unequivocal disaster.

[1240] Yes, unmitigated disaster.

[1241] Now, but I'm 45, which is a bad number.

[1242] although divisible by nine and five, which I like.

[1243] The point is, is it's a bad number.

[1244] So I just ignore that I'm 45 this year and I focus on the fact that it's 20, 20.

[1245] It's an even year.

[1246] And then next year, it'll go to 2021, which I fucking hate.

[1247] I don't even think you can divide that by anything.

[1248] And then, but I'll be 46, which is great.

[1249] I don't know what that's divisible by.

[1250] Yeah, you find a way to make it something good.

[1251] And I like that.

[1252] I just focus on whatever the even number is.

[1253] In this case, 33, that's two odds make an even.

[1254] Yeah, which is great.

[1255] Right.

[1256] And then more than that, you have a pair, which is delightful.

[1257] It's rare.

[1258] It's so settling.

[1259] It only happens a couple times in your life.

[1260] Well, 10, if you're lucky.

[1261] If you're lucky, if you're lucky.

[1262] Oh, I hosted a party in high school.

[1263] I never threw a party in high school.

[1264] I threw a party in junior high, as you would expect.

[1265] Sure.

[1266] And I threw it because it was on 888.

[1267] And that was so exciting for me. Four eights in one date.

[1268] I had to have a party about it.

[1269] Wow.

[1270] In fact, the story's deeper than that.

[1271] I had what's called in -school detention, right?

[1272] Oh, sure.

[1273] ISS.

[1274] Oh, wait, no, that's in -school suspension.

[1275] Okay, then you could call it that, too.

[1276] Whatever.

[1277] I guess that's more accurate because it wasn't detention.

[1278] I didn't have to stay after school.

[1279] I had to spend the entire day in a cinderblock box behind my assistant principal, Bart Montani's office.

[1280] And I was not allowed to leave except for to get lunch and to go pee -pee, right?

[1281] But I had finally made the flyers for my big party.

[1282] 888, and I had to hand them out, and I left the box to hand out the invites to my party to all the people I wanted to come, and I got fucking busted, and then I got a real suspension where I couldn't come to school.

[1283] Oh, my God.

[1284] Poor Bart Montani.

[1285] I could tell he liked me, but I was such a troublemaker.

[1286] I know.

[1287] I feel sorry for him.

[1288] I do, too, because I could tell he didn't want to punish me. He was the type of person that he enjoyed a free spirit.

[1289] you know what I'm saying or he respected a free spirit and he had a good sense of humor but at the end of the day the buck stopped with him and he had to discipline me yeah and he put me this is a testament to how lenient he was with me oh no I'm thinking of high school never mind in high school I ended up on something called double double final notice Jesus because they put me on final notice and then they put me on double final notice in 11th grade and then I was still a good student So I don't, they just didn't have the appetite to fire me. What are you doing?

[1290] So they put me on double, double final notice, which just seemed absurd.

[1291] But, what was I doing?

[1292] Well, first of all, you're mixed messages because you do tell me a lot that you were nice.

[1293] I was nice.

[1294] Then how are you on double, double final notice, OSS, I assess?

[1295] Okay.

[1296] I got busted more than once leaving school at lunch to go out to eat.

[1297] You were not allowed to do that.

[1298] Okay.

[1299] Most of these things were vehicular related, as you might guess.

[1300] another one was I always put on a spectacular show leaving the high school parking lot.

[1301] And my 84 Mustang GT, I would get fucking dead sideways.

[1302] I'd grab second.

[1303] I'd run that out.

[1304] Another couple tank sloppers back and forth.

[1305] And then I'd straighten it out right before the streetlight.

[1306] And I did this every day, put on a show.

[1307] One time I came out of the parking lot hot and I was sideways and I went in front of a bus.

[1308] Now, by my estimation, well, no, the facts are in my favor.

[1309] The bus didn't hit me. So apparently the bus driver thought it was way too.

[1310] close and then reported me and I was ording on final notice.

[1311] I think that's what put me on double final notice.

[1312] And then I had a lot of, you know, it's tardy a lot.

[1313] I could do my dad's voice perfectly.

[1314] So most mornings I'd call and go, hey, this is Dave Shepard.

[1315] Dex is running a little bit behind this morning.

[1316] He should be there around 9 .15.

[1317] And they go, okay, thanks, Mr. Shepherd.

[1318] And then I would just walk in and then sign in and I didn't get tardies.

[1319] I had a lot of rackets going.

[1320] Sounds like it.

[1321] But I wasn't mean.

[1322] Oh, I also got caught smoke.

[1323] And so these things piled up in a couple fights.

[1324] Always defending myself.

[1325] Oh, those ones aren't nice.

[1326] Okay.

[1327] Can I tell you something about 888?

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] It was not even one year old.

[1330] I know.

[1331] Almost, though.

[1332] Almost.

[1333] Birthday coming up, the big one.

[1334] You were 16 days away from being one years old.

[1335] Wow.

[1336] Fast math.

[1337] 17, 18, 19, 21, 2, 3, 4.

[1338] Correct.

[1339] Oh, checked my math.

[1340] My co -pilot.

[1341] I checked your math on my fingers.

[1342] Yeah.

[1343] Okay, so I do have one fact, which is surprising since I just said I had no facts.

[1344] Yeah, you're negating yourself.

[1345] Please proceed.

[1346] But it's not actually a fact about, why are you mad?

[1347] You're in a glass house throwing rocks.

[1348] No. You're like painting yourself into a corner.

[1349] You're saying there's no facts, but then you're saying there's a fact, but then you're saying it's not in fact to fact.

[1350] Just listen for once.

[1351] Okay.

[1352] It's a fact to check, but it's not.

[1353] a fact to check that Dave said.

[1354] Listen to this email.

[1355] Hey, Monica.

[1356] After eavesdropping on most of your conversation today with Dave, I noticed a discrepancy in the quote, Meet Me in Paris note finding portion of our love story.

[1357] I told you guys I found the note in the hood of my sweatshirt on the cab ride home and he said he hid it in my boot and I found it while still with him in the hotel room.

[1358] After a lengthy discussion, we came to the conclusion that, and I hate to admit this, Dave is in fact correct.

[1359] He hid the note in my boot and I found out.

[1360] He found out of the note in my boot and I I found it while I was with him, but the reason for my conclusion was that he had hidden something else in the hood of my sweatshirt.

[1361] Over the course of our week together in New York City, I had become very fond of one of his t -shirts, and he'd been wearing it to sleep every night.

[1362] That is what he hid in my sweatshirt, so that I would have a little piece of him until we met again in Paris.

[1363] Just needed you to have all the facts.

[1364] Holy smokes.

[1365] Allison Brie Larson.

[1366] These two.

[1367] What a couple of lovebirds.

[1368] Yeah.

[1369] And do you see what I was saying?

[1370] I don't know why you said it's not a fact.

[1371] It is a fact.

[1372] But it's not a fact.

[1373] The message was either in the shoe or in the hoodie.

[1374] And in fact, it was in the shoe.

[1375] No, no, no. I said it wasn't a fact check for Dave.

[1376] Oh, okay.

[1377] Because he was correct.

[1378] It's actually an old fact check from Allison Bree that never got checked.

[1379] Okay.

[1380] Coming back like a ghost.

[1381] Oh, Ghost of Facts Past.

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] Well, I would argue, though, that he stated a fact.

[1384] You checked it.

[1385] Fact check.

[1386] Turns out he was right.

[1387] So it doesn't have to always be that you check a fact and it's wrong.

[1388] You could check a fact and say it's right.

[1389] Sometimes you'll do that.

[1390] To me, which is kind of you, you'll go, you were right about that.

[1391] I'm not going to do that anymore.

[1392] Okay.

[1393] So.

[1394] I'm sending you to Bart Montani's office.

[1395] I hope somehow someone who knows Bart Montani is listening so they can relate.

[1396] to him how much I adored him, even though he was someone who had to drop the law on me quite often.

[1397] Yeah.

[1398] Do you think he's still with us?

[1399] Well, let's do some math.

[1400] Well, here's the thing is I think you and I are both, as all people, so wrong about the age of their teachers at that age, right?

[1401] Like when I think back in my head, I'd say, oh, Bart was probably 45, but, you know, he could have been 30.

[1402] I don't know.

[1403] Yeah.

[1404] Okay.

[1405] So he was 30.

[1406] I was.

[1407] I was.

[1408] I was.

[1409] I was 12, 45, that's, that's 33 years, plus his 30.

[1410] So 63.

[1411] Okay.

[1412] Uh, worst case he realized he was 45, he might be 75.

[1413] All right.

[1414] He's, he's hopefully still with us.

[1415] Yeah, yeah.

[1416] Well, he took incredible care of his physique.

[1417] I can't imagine he didn't go the long haul.

[1418] Good for him.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] Aaron and I regularly got sent together to his office and he would chew us out.

[1421] And I would just smile at him and Aaron would cry.

[1422] And then I'd get mad at Bart for making Aaron cry and then I'd cop an attitude with Bart and I'd be real hard on Bart. Oh, Jesus.

[1423] Yeah.

[1424] I again feel bad for Bart. You don't feel bad for Aaron?

[1425] You're not proud of me for sticking up for Aaron?

[1426] Two times in this conversation, Aaron has done something with his face to get out of trouble and you think I can't do anything with my face to get out of trouble.

[1427] So no. Okay.

[1428] Okay.

[1429] All right.

[1430] That's all.

[1431] That's everything.

[1432] Okay.

[1433] Love you to pieces.

[1434] Love you.

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