MFM Minisode 320

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] This is the minisode.

[3] That's right.

[4] Here it is.

[5] It's email time.

[6] Why don't you go first?

[7] Some people call it mail bag.

[8] Some people call it viewer mail, listener mail.

[9] Not us.

[10] I feel like calling it hometowns at this point is not true.

[11] We've gone so far off the hometown track.

[12] For example, here, this email.

[13] And it just starts like this.

[14] I'm not going to read the subject line.

[15] It just starts.

[16] I realize my.

[17] last submission of this story had an error in it around 4 a .m., which is when I typically relive all the mistakes I've made in my life.

[18] This version that you're about to read is accurate and updated.

[19] So, like my therapist suggests, I've corrected myself and I'm moving on.

[20] This is me moving on.

[21] And then it's a paragraph break and that it says, so how are all the pets?

[22] When I was a teenager, my entire family met in Vegas to celebrate my grandparents' anniversary, aunts, uncles, cousins, et cetera.

[23] Why would a family of 13 to 70 -year -olds meet in Sin City?

[24] Gambling and free booze for everyone except two of us, me and my cousin.

[25] We were both 13, and it was 1990.

[26] Cell phones didn't exist, and clearly neither did parental supervision.

[27] Our first night there, we went to a fancy Vegas dinner to celebrate my grandparents.

[28] The adults couldn't wait to get to the casino floor, and us kids couldn't wait to get away from the adults.

[29] The great thing about all the booze and the gambling was that my parents really didn't pay us much attention.

[30] They just kept handing us $20 bills without taking their eyes off the slot machines, cigarettes dangling from their lips.

[31] At first, we didn't leave the hotel.

[32] It was the mirage and it was brand new.

[33] We just messed around in the gift shops, going up and down the elevators, eating candy, etc. It's a dream.

[34] Then we decided we needed to find a place that was more our speed.

[35] So we hailed a cab and headed to circus.

[36] What?

[37] I wouldn't even have known how to do that.

[38] For real.

[39] I would have been like, they won't let me hail a cat.

[40] I'm too young.

[41] Holy shit.

[42] Not these two.

[43] The cabby didn't hesitate to take a fistful of sweaty 20s from two 13 -year -olds and then raced through the back streets of Vegas to get us to our destination.

[44] Once at Circus Circus, we ate junk flu.

[45] This is so fucking crazy.

[46] Also, it's, I can't, I don't know Vegas well enough, but Circus Circus is far away from the main.

[47] It is.

[48] The main hotel's on the strip, right?

[49] It's on the edge, like, in so many ways, not just its location.

[50] It's on the edge emotionally, physically.

[51] Once at Circus, circus, we ate junk food and played games until it was dark, and we ran out of money.

[52] We walked back to our hotel.

[53] I looked it up.

[54] The hotels are 1 .7 Vegas miles away from each other.

[55] In Vegas, that's a lot.

[56] That's eight miles.

[57] Yeah.

[58] My cousin couldn't find his parents, so he crashed in my mom.

[59] my room.

[60] It was a room with an adjoining door to my parents' room.

[61] They, of course, were still boozing and gambling, so they hadn't gotten back yet.

[62] I didn't hear anything from either of them until my mom flung the adjoining door open the next morning and exclaimed, there you are.

[63] All my life, I've had the confidence that I could do anything.

[64] Maybe, like so many of the greats, the roots of my tenacity began in Vegas.

[65] Or maybe my parents should have given a shit.

[66] Either way, I'm pretty much fine.

[67] Thank you all for being such badasses.

[68] Over the years, you have been a thread of comfort, tethering me to humor, kindness, and hope through times of anxiety and self -doubt.

[69] Wow.

[70] That's a lovely compliment.

[71] SSDGM, Layla.

[72] And then in parentheses it says, like the song, she, her.

[73] Fucking Layla, that was an epic, beautiful email.

[74] Layla, great job.

[75] Oh, my God.

[76] I mean, I was doing some crazy shit at 13, too.

[77] But now that I'm like in my 40s, I'm like, that's a baby, you're a baby.

[78] You're a baby.

[79] I mean, that's eighth grade, maybe, seventh grade?

[80] Seventh grade.

[81] Oh, good one.

[82] I don't think I even saw a cab until I was in my 20s.

[83] It's so intense.

[84] Yep.

[85] Okay, this one's called, well, that was awkward.

[86] Hey, all, thanks for everything you do and continuing to make episodes that are a joy to listen to.

[87] So this isn't the typical true crime story, more of a story about what?

[88] I shouldn't go in public.

[89] I was at my godson's first birthday party, and I was the only non -family member there.

[90] I was also the only non -parent there.

[91] There was a lot of mom -centric talking happening, so I tuned it out.

[92] But I kept hearing them talking about nexium, which is that crazy cult from the vow.

[93] This piqued my interest, so I started to eavesdrop.

[94] I must have had a confused look on my face because my friend asked me what was wrong.

[95] I said, nexium, the cult?

[96] They said, no. No, nexium, the heartburn meds.

[97] Two totally different conversations and a stark difference between a true crime person and a non -true crime person.

[98] Stay sexy and don't bring up a sex cult at a one -year -old's birthday party, Sarah.

[99] Sarah's like, could we please talk about bikini line branding and not your acid reflux?

[100] That's so funny.

[101] I forgot when that story broke and they first started reading about Xiam, that's the first thing I thought of it were.

[102] this has to be a misprint.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Because next CM already exists and it's a medicine.

[105] But no. Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[106] Absolutely.

[107] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[108] Exactly.

[109] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[110] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[111] That's right.

[112] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere.

[113] Online, in store, on social media.

[114] and beyond.

[115] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[116] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[117] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[118] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[119] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[120] Connect with customers inline and online.

[121] Do retail right with Shopify.

[122] Sign up for a $1 ,000.

[123] dollar per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[124] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[125] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[126] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[127] Goodbye.

[128] Okay.

[129] I'm not going to read you this subject line of this.

[130] It says, hey, all, let me preface this email by explaining that I am an English -speaking American who half -assed her way through five years of public school German.

[131] Five years.

[132] What happens?

[133] I have not taken a German class since 2015, but apparently my unconscious brain is fluent.

[134] I've always been a sleep talker.

[135] I have a lot of strange sleeping habits that my parents talk about all the time.

[136] And then in parentheses, it says unrelated, but one time I sleptwalk to my neighbor's house and broke in.

[137] But that's a story for another time.

[138] Anyway, I've had three roommates and one boyfriend report back to me that I started speaking German in my sleep.

[139] What?

[140] I won't get into all of them, although they're all just as creepy and unusual.

[141] But this story takes place during my sophomore year in college.

[142] While I was fast asleep in our shared bedroom, my college roommate was finishing up her homework.

[143] I started stirring and whispering something that made her turn around.

[144] My eyes were wide open, and I suddenly sat up and started to aggressively whisper in German.

[145] Oh, my God, that's the creepiest.

[146] That is not okay at all.

[147] Even if it was fucking Italian or, you know, a romance language, doesn't matter.

[148] She asked me what I was saying, and if I was awake, while I continued to ramble on in my foreign language.

[149] Suddenly the Germans stopped, and to her horror, I said, don't worry, the dream man won't get you if we stick together.

[150] Oh, my God.

[151] Then I tucked myself back under my blanket and was silent for the rest of her sleepless night.

[152] She and I are not friends anymore.

[153] And then in parentheses, it says, it's for the best.

[154] But sometimes I worry about the dream man and whether or not he got her.

[155] Unfortunately, I don't know who possesses me in the night and why they are so menacing, but I have kind of come to love this useless skill of mine.

[156] Well, that's it.

[157] If anybody wants to have a sleepover and talk to my German demon, let me know.

[158] Stay sexy, Carly.

[159] That's wild that your brain would still retain all of that.

[160] I mean, I guess it makes sense.

[161] your unconscious brain.

[162] I wonder if there's some sort of past life or ancestral Germanic like that's the reason she took it in the first place maybe.

[163] There's something in there that wanted to speak German.

[164] Love it.

[165] This is called My Dog Ficked Him Up.

[166] Hey everyone, but mostly are furry comrades because this is a My Pet Saved Me Story.

[167] I have to say the usual thank you for being so open about your therapy and mental health.

[168] You inspired me to get back into therapy even if only to have someone to talk to about shit.

[169] Now we'll sally forth into the story.

[170] When I was a teenager, we rescued a 16 -year -old mutt named Sandy, who was riddled with cancer.

[171] She mostly slept with the occasional when she got out of bed to had to a new spot to sleep.

[172] Well, one night, my parents were out partying and says, I want to make an excuse for them, but my therapist told me to stop doing that, so fuck them.

[173] And the only phone in the house was a landline in the mud room, which conveniently happened to be what was broken into that night.

[174] Sandy and I were asleep in my room right next to the mudroom.

[175] Some guy kicked the door open, and Sandy was gone.

[176] She booked her old ass straight at him and launched full force at him, clamping onto his arm.

[177] I was able to get to the phone, and by the time the cops got there, she had mangled his wrist to the point where he would probably not have full use of his hand.

[178] And it says I totally eavesdropped on the paramedics.

[179] At bar close, my parents came home to the crime scene, several disapproving police officers, and me crying while I laid on a bloody, uninterested dog.

[180] Their stupefication was the second best part of the night.

[181] Stay sexy and don't underestimate the quiet ones.

[182] Cici, she, her.

[183] Wow.

[184] I always wonder what, like, cookie would be like with an actual intruder.

[185] Cookie would be really cute.

[186] She would be cute and easy to calm down.

[187] Hopefully, she would just, like, warm the heart of the intruder, They'd be like, you know what?

[188] I see the air of my ways.

[189] I have to go.

[190] Did someone leave a little doll on the floor?

[191] Oh, I'm up it.

[192] Frank is like a street dog.

[193] He's very like, he would go crazy, I think.

[194] He's ready for a fight.

[195] I love that.

[196] Blossom is like, I've got to get out of here.

[197] She's nervous.

[198] She's not interested in conversation in any way.

[199] She would run for sure.

[200] The subject line of this email is Hidden Treasure Letdown.

[201] And it just starts, yo.

[202] I sent a super depressing hometown about four years ago, but now that the floodgates for hometowns have been opened, I have something a little more lighthearted.

[203] About 15 years ago, my parents bought a home in small town, Nebraska, that was built by a family that owned banks and toll bridges in our county.

[204] And then it says, didn't know that people were allowed to own bridges, but I digress.

[205] Anyways, after they bought the house, complete with velvet wallpaper, shag carpeting, mirrors everywhere, etc., they went into full demo.

[206] mode.

[207] They were demoing an area in the basement, which at one point was my bedroom, and they found a hidden compartment.

[208] My immediate thought was, oh shit, these bankers have a safe full of money.

[209] Nope.

[210] It was just a lockbox with the blueprints from when they built the house.

[211] But here's where things get interesting.

[212] The blueprints revealed a hidden room behind what my mom calls her hoarder room, recycled bows and ribbons from Christmas, random empty boxes that she thinks she needs, et cetera, even though she's thrown out every single middle school arts and crafts project I've ever made.

[213] Ouch.

[214] But this secret room, this is where the money is, right?

[215] Nope.

[216] All that was there was literally the world's oldest set of golf clubs and a doll.

[217] My mom gave the doll to my niece, so I'm keeping an eye out for her because that doll has some secrets to share.

[218] Stay sexy and don't create secret rooms if you're not going to hide money.

[219] Best wishes and warmest regards.

[220] And then in brackets, it says, keeping my name private in case I find that family's fucking money.

[221] It's in there.

[222] It's in there somewhere.

[223] I mean, that idea that you on blueprints, it's like, oh my God, a hidden room.

[224] And then it's like, that's where I stash my golf clubs.

[225] And the one haunted doll.

[226] Demon doll.

[227] Okay, here's my last one.

[228] It says drunk kid's story is still a thing, question mark?

[229] Sure.

[230] Sure.

[231] I've been trying to submit this forever since I first heard a drunk kid's story and I knew it was my time.

[232] Figured y 'all would appreciate it more than my ex's super conservative Christian family, but he's an ex for a reason.

[233] So anyway, the year was 1995, and I was a two -year -old who apparently already talked too much for her age.

[234] It was a Friday late in the afternoon and my dad had just gotten home from work, and as all the normal dads did back of the 90s, he had already started drinking on the way home from work.

[235] Sure.

[236] He said he got home And my mom was rushing him to get in the shower And get ready to go have dinner So he put his beer down and got in the shower About 15 minutes goes by And my dad hears my mom yell Something is wrong with the baby From the bedroom My dad rushes to see me Stumbling and smiling All over the place My mom is frantic and screaming And then in parentheses it says She's still like this Because who would my mom be If she wasn't screaming My dad is trying to figure out of out what's wrong with me. He calmly walks over to the living room and sees the now empty beer bottle on the coffee table that was full before he got in the shower.

[237] The bottle now empty explains everything.

[238] I was drunk a .F. Apparently, while my dad was showering and my mom was clearly not supervising me, I was in the living room, partying it up, drinking my dad's beer.

[239] You'd think this would make my parents stay home and take care of me?

[240] Well, no, they were only 22 years old when they had me, so they weren't letting a drunk two -year -old ruin their evening.

[241] My parents still went to dinner with me and the stroller.

[242] Apparently, I passed out in my stroller as they enjoyed their evening.

[243] Hell, yeah.

[244] My mom says the next morning I woke up crying, saying I had a headache.

[245] I was clearly hungover at two years old.

[246] Little did I know, that would be one of many hangovers later in my 20s.

[247] I hope you all enjoyed this, and thank you for advocating for women's abortion rights.

[248] I live in Texas where sadly that right has been taken from us like many other states.

[249] It's infuriating and sad that women before us fought long and hard for that right, for it just to be taken away in the blink of an eye.

[250] SSDGM.

[251] S. You're so right, S. It's so infuriating and so ridiculous.

[252] And it needs to change.

[253] And in the meantime, let's feed beer to children.

[254] We advocate on behalf of drunk children everywhere.

[255] That's our platform.

[256] Until women have their bodily autonomy back.

[257] No two -year -old is going to be safe from a Sam Adams long neck.

[258] Just kidding.

[259] Y 'all, we're kidding.

[260] We're kidding.

[261] Shut up.

[262] We're kidding.

[263] Send us your stories, okay?

[264] My favorite murder at Gmail.

[265] Yeah, anything you want to tell us about, pretty much anything at all.

[266] Grandparents usually get moved to the front of the line.

[267] We love them.

[268] Right.

[269] Or a real true crime story.

[270] That would be great, too, hometown.

[271] Always on the search.

[272] for them.

[273] Yeah.

[274] But until that time, stay sexy.

[275] And don't get murdered.

[276] Goodbye.

[277] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[278] This has been an exactly right production.

[279] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Kreiton.

[280] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[281] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[282] Our researchers are Marin McClashen and Sarah Blair Jenkins.

[283] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[284] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at MyFave Murder.

[285] Goodbye.

[286] Follow my favorite murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[287] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[288] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.