MFM Minisode 275

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] I'm welcome.

[2] It's my favorite murder.

[3] The minisode.

[4] That's right.

[5] Where you do your stuff.

[6] That's right.

[7] That's right.

[8] This time it's being filmed, filmed, you know, for the fan cult.

[9] So if you want to see what Karen just did with her hair.

[10] Primp.

[11] You know, what shade of pink is surrounding me today?

[12] Answer these burning questions that have been in your heart since before you were born.

[13] Do you want to be?

[14] Want to go first?

[15] Sure.

[16] Okay.

[17] This is called cult leader in my backyard.

[18] Aloha.

[19] I have the privilege of living in a caretaker's house located on a tropical farm on the island of Oahu.

[20] Ooh.

[21] Uh -huh.

[22] It's a hidden 80 -acre farm tucked back in the Coalua range ridges.

[23] Sounded good?

[24] The mile long, yeah, I'm like, sorry if I got that wrong.

[25] No, you got it.

[26] Thank you.

[27] The mile -long access road leading up to the farm property is private road, canopied by the vast foliage, making it an ideal place for neighbors to walk.

[28] The trailhead to a popular waterfall hike is also located at the beginning of the road.

[29] Both factors caused this private and gate -accessed road to be quite a busy place with walkers and hikers.

[30] One afternoon, I was in the carport removing clothes from the dryer when I see three walkers briskly walking towards the farm fields.

[31] Now, please understand that while it is acceptable for neighborhood folks to walk the road up to the farm, it is not acceptable for them to come all the way up and onto the property.

[32] Signs are posted, and we are accustomed to telling curious or lost walkers to turn around.

[33] I head over to strike up my typical speech of politely asking them if they are looking for the waterfalls and then offering directions back down the trail when I notice that these power walkers are ignoring me and walking with the might of Richard Simmons.

[34] I continued to call out to them as they marched up the road, now with a little less politeness, saying, you have to turn around now.

[35] You are to turn around now.

[36] You are trespassing on private property.

[37] Finally, I was able to get in front of their path and cause them to stop.

[38] Irritated that these people were defying my request, I continued to instruct them to turn around.

[39] The party consisted of an older man and two women.

[40] The man was first to acknowledge me and barked, look how upset you are.

[41] Why are you so upset?

[42] This caused my blood to boil.

[43] After arguing for a few minutes about the basic concept of private property and trespassing, I recognized the face of the old man as that of the Buddha field, a cult leader known simply as Michael.

[44] And it's M -I -C -H -E -L, so I think that's still Michael, right?

[45] I think so.

[46] I would guess so.

[47] I knew that he and some followers lived in the area, but never did I think I would be yelling at him in my own backyard.

[48] It was exciting.

[49] What's up, Murderina?

[50] Still refused to leave and harping on that the property couldn't be privately owned because it was the Hawaiian Queensland.

[51] I looked at that plastic surgery -addicted man right in his crazy cult leader eyes and said, you know, I saw your documentary and I loved it.

[52] Yes.

[53] For those unfamiliar, holy hell is a tell -all documentary exposing the group as a cult and how Michael exploits members sexually and financially.

[54] Using former members for interviews, it does not paint Michael in a positive light to say the least.

[55] This got his attention and really ruffled the feathers of the women, but it did get them to turn around and start slowly walking away.

[56] continuing to tell me that the land is Hawaiian and how they have a right to be there, I pointed out that the fact that they are white and certainly not Kanaka native Hawaiian, to which one turned to me and said, I am in my heart.

[57] Laughing, I mentioned that this is not how ancestral lineage works.

[58] I couldn't help fueling the fire with a bit of these loony birds.

[59] The final comment was her telling me to get a life, to which I replied, bitch, you are literally in a cult, and you are telling me to get a life, get out of here this is fucking Julie is saucy just Julie is also having the most satisfying experience with crazy sociopathic personalities she's been in a little bit of a like private area of her life and right out in the woods and finally she gets to fucking tell some people off yeah they marched down the road and I have not seen them since thank you ladies for being yourselves much aloha stay sexy and be sassy to cult leaders Julie Julie thank you what great advice also I think this is the kind of gaslighting that stops sane people in their tracks yeah is when you go to tell people excuse me you're trespassing hey you have to get out of here ignored ignored now you're worked up yeah and then you say it again and they say why are you so worked up so they basically to your face are saying I will not acknowledge your reality and there is no reason why you should be upset even though I've you've been trying to me something.

[60] That is high -level gaslighting that, of course, makes you emotionally reactive.

[61] Right.

[62] And then they have the upper hand because now you're reacting.

[63] Cult leader.

[64] Perfect.

[65] Perfectly done.

[66] Julie was not having it.

[67] Handled.

[68] Let's all be like Julie this week.

[69] Handled it.

[70] Okay.

[71] I'm not going to read you the subject line of my first one, but it's the reason I kept reading.

[72] Hey, everybody.

[73] I've been a fan for years.

[74] I actually think y 'all were the first podcast I ever listened to.

[75] or at least enjoyed.

[76] Thank you.

[77] The ultimate compliment.

[78] Sorry.

[79] Sorry, this American line.

[80] I mean, Jesus.

[81] But never had a reason to write in.

[82] That is until I heard the topic of this week's podcast was Amy Fisher.

[83] That was like at this point a month ago, probably.

[84] A couple weeks, yeah.

[85] Go back and listen if you haven't heard it.

[86] Just do a plug of our own show during our own show.

[87] I was listening at the gym and at the moment I heard her name, I literally dropped the weights.

[88] I was holding because I was so excited to finally have something to say.

[89] So let's get into it.

[90] I grew up on Long Island, and when I was 12 or 13, one Saturday night, my family went to go hang out with one of my mom's childhood friends and her family.

[91] This was nothing out of the ordinary.

[92] We hung out with them all the time and always in the same format.

[93] The adults would congregate in the kitchen around a bottle of wine while the kids went off to the playroom slash basement.

[94] You know a classic, you kids occupy ourselves so we can have a moment of people.

[95] peace arrangement.

[96] Very familiar, actually.

[97] They had a son between mine and my brother's age, so it worked out perfectly.

[98] Being the youngest, I never got dibs on the PlayStation, so while the older two boys played Mortal Kombat or whatever, I would just fool around at the pool table.

[99] And that's what I was doing when this woman came down into the basement and asked if I wanted to play pool with her.

[100] I'd noticed her earlier when we first got there.

[101] I figured she was just some other friend of our parents, thinking nothing of her and wanting to show off to an adult about how good at pool I was, of course.

[102] I said, sure, and we shot a few rounds.

[103] She seemed pretty nice and really comfortable chatting with me as we played, and I remember having a good time.

[104] I also remember my parents telling us we were leaving earlier than usual that night and a thick tension as we got into the car.

[105] My parents were silent as we started to drive away until my mom abruptly screamed whispered to my dad, we are never going back there.

[106] Oh, no. My dad tried to calm her down.

[107] But let me tell you, it wasn't working.

[108] Do you know who that was?

[109] That was Amy fucking Fisher.

[110] Stephen was playing with the Long Island Lolita.

[111] Oh, my God.

[112] Aw.

[113] Yep.

[114] I had spent the better part of the night running the pool table with Amy Fisher about a year after she'd been released from jail.

[115] In hindsight, she'd probably felt uncomfortable with the adults, who knew all about her, and instead came to hang out with us kids who were none the wiser.

[116] Anyway, I'd completely forgotten about all this until I heard her name on the podcast.

[117] So thanks for the mams.

[118] Stay sexing.

[119] The mems.

[120] Thanks for the mems.

[121] Stay sexy and Playpool with whoever you damn well, please.

[122] Fucking right.

[123] Stephen.

[124] That kind of hits me because it reminds you that she was a kid when she when she was victimized by a grown man and shot his wife.

[125] Like she was 16 and so when she goes even a year after prison is like, I want to hang out with the kids.

[126] I'm not a grownup because she fucking wasn't.

[127] No, and like if her story is to be believed, she was also a traumatized teen who had really horrible things happened to her before that terrible relationship.

[128] So she probably did have a rest of development and was like, yeah, I just want to be a 12 year old playing at the pool table and having a good time.

[129] And all these adults are being really fucking weird to me because.

[130] Well, because she attempted to murder someone.

[131] That's right.

[132] Well, sure.

[133] This is the price we pay.

[134] You know.

[135] Consequences.

[136] Keep that in mind when you feel like a. powerful revenge motivation, it's going to fuck up your good times and your dinner parties in the future.

[137] That's right.

[138] There's no wine coolers around the table, adult table for you.

[139] No, no, not for you.

[140] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[141] Absolutely.

[142] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[143] Exactly.

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[145] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[146] That's right.

[147] Shopify is the sound.

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[149] Online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[150] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[151] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

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[155] Connect with customers in line and online.

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[157] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[158] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[159] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[160] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[161] Goodbye.

[162] This is called Tamales and Mexican Black Magic.

[163] Oh.

[164] Hello, all.

[165] When I heard the request for legendary stories of someone raised, by a Filipino mom, I was like, well, I'm not Filipino, but I'm a Mexican, so this will just have to do.

[166] I was born.

[167] Love it.

[168] I get in here.

[169] What I want to do.

[170] Here's a kind of an in and like, let's do it.

[171] It's all about writing your own rules.

[172] That's right.

[173] That's what this podcast is about.

[174] I was born in a small town in Mexico and lived there until I was six years old, and I have so many stories about mythical creatures, black magic, Mexican gang violence, etc. However, today's story is about my ex -mother -in -law's ability to cure El Maldiajo, the evil eye.

[175] Quickly, I need to say that I do apologize in advance for any grammar errors.

[176] I'm bilingual and super insecure about my grammar skills.

[177] And then goes on to write the perfect email, so you're good.

[178] Meanwhile, we're like, tamales, tamale.

[179] The widest pronunciation of all terms.

[180] Exactly.

[181] We apologize in return.

[182] We know we apologize.

[183] No, no, no, we do.

[184] So let's get to the story it was they wrote that not me it was a bright and sunny weekday in the mexican hood of phoenix and my mom thought this weather was the perfect excuse to make tamales in the middle of an arizona summer latino mons are notorious for making traditional winter meals in the summer s mh shaking my head anyways tamales usually take about an hour or so to fully cook but after an hour of cook time the tamales we were making were still very raw so we let it cook for another hour and to everyone's surprise still raw at this point we're really starting to think that we may have to order a pizza or eat raw tamales.

[185] My sister -in -law came to visit, so my mom and I told her what was happening.

[186] My sister -in -law did not say one single word and quickly got her phone out and called her mom to tell her what was going on.

[187] Before you know it, my sister -in -law takes the pot with the tamales off the stove and takes the tamales out.

[188] At this point, I figured she was just going to rearrange things and try to cook them, but no. Instead, she runs to the fridge, grabs two jalapenos, and starts to glide them up and down on the pot, all well on the phone with her mom.

[189] My mom and I had no idea what was going on and just stared at her completely confused and speechless.

[190] She then takes the jalapinos and makes a cross with them on the bottom of the pot and places the tamales back in to cook.

[191] I kid you not, about 10 minutes later, you can start to smell them cooking.

[192] The tamales finished cooking in no time, and everyone was a happy Mexican eating tamales in the middle of the 115 degree Phoenix weather.

[193] My sister -in -law explained to my mom and I that someone had made oh -ho to the tamales, the evil eye, and that's why they wouldn't cook.

[194] Why?

[195] I know.

[196] And my ex -mother -in -law was apparently very experienced with curing people and things from El Mal Diojo.

[197] She later ended up curing my newborn of El Mald Diojo, too.

[198] Now, I'm not a very superstitious person.

[199] Tamales and kids.

[200] What does one mean?

[201] No, I'm not a very superstitious person.

[202] but I do always wear my Maldiojo.

[203] God, I can't get this right.

[204] Sorry, bracelet because Uno Nuka Sabe.

[205] English translation, you never know.

[206] Stay sexy and always keep halopinias around to cure the evil eye, Yolanda.

[207] It's bad enough.

[208] These people are giving the evil eye to tamales, fend you a baby?

[209] Babes.

[210] What's happening?

[211] I don't know.

[212] I don't know.

[213] He maybe just got here.

[214] How could he have offended you?

[215] The babies just got here.

[216] They did shit.

[217] Both the tamales and the babies.

[218] are newborn just got here they just got here wow that's awesome send us those stories of like in jewish culture we go we do the like a peace sign and go pooh -poo between like you're spitting to get the bad luck away the evil eye yeah you spit in the evil eye between your piece finger poop poop pooh like we would say poo poo poo that's spit oh i don't know okay good good this all goes in the book okay my second email the subject line is date medical students students with an exclamation point.

[219] All right.

[220] Hello, guys, gals, pals and pets.

[221] Love the podcast and all the usual platitudes.

[222] For some background, I'm a trauma surgeon.

[223] I was listening to the most recent minisode and heard the story of how someone's organs were allegedly stolen by a hot, suspicious medical student on the beach.

[224] It would be nearly impossible to take someone's...

[225] They're about to school us, aren't they?

[226] Yeah.

[227] That we read a spooky pasta or whatever.

[228] Yep.

[229] It would be nearly impossible to take someone's bowels out bloodlessly with a broken bottle.

[230] Like, people have to tell us that.

[231] I know.

[232] I know.

[233] Also, small bowel transplants are notoriously difficult, and only a few hospitals in the entire U .S. even perform them.

[234] The bowel is very fragile.

[235] And by the time you removed it with your broken liquor bottle and tested the person's blood to make sure it was a match for the recipient, it would no longer be viable.

[236] When did we ask for fucking logic?

[237] this podcast.

[238] When did we ever ask for facts in Lottie Dick?

[239] I actually think because it says definitely an urban legend next.

[240] So I think we actually said let us know if this is an urban legend.

[241] Well, let us know if we have urban legends.

[242] We're being let know.

[243] Okay.

[244] So as a follow up to the allegation against dating medical students, let me tell you a bad date story from when I was a medical student.

[245] Right.

[246] Yes, the medical students will have their revenge.

[247] I'd been messaging a guy on an online dating site and decided to meet up for an afternoon beer.

[248] Afternoon beers.

[249] I know.

[250] When he arrived, he was pretty cute.

[251] Score.

[252] Our first topic of conversation was on the kid he had but had not told me about.

[253] It's fine to date when you have kids, but tell the other person.

[254] Next, we talked about the business he was starting, but not really because he hadn't filled out any of the paperwork because, quote, it didn't matter.

[255] Oh, red flag number two.

[256] What's up?

[257] As he was telling me about it, I asked a few questions and ended up troubleshooting his terrible business plan for the next 20 minutes.

[258] So far, not great, but not the worst.

[259] Then he starts telling me how he wants to one day get a suit of armor.

[260] Oh, my God, leave the bar.

[261] Suit of armor is sword, iguana that you carry around on your shoulders in public.

[262] Goodbye.

[263] Okay, modern vampire.

[264] he explained that chain mail is more susceptible to getting stabbed rather than slashed i'm all four hobbies but it's creepy to hear how it's easier to murder someone wearing armor via stabbing than slashing right then he tells me about this warehouse he found outside the city it contains old plaster molds the molds were of busts random objects bowls and animals as he's telling me he's showing me pictures taken with a flash in a completely dark and unlit warehouse imagine costco in the dark but full of plaster molds.

[265] No, no, no. He proceeds to invite me to go to the warehouse with him that very afternoon.

[266] Okay.

[267] To look around, exclamation point.

[268] In pitch blackness, exclamation point, what?

[269] Three question marks.

[270] So many red flags, and I wasn't even a murderito at this point.

[271] I had enough, and I claimed that I needed to go grocery shopping right away.

[272] The perfect out.

[273] No one can argue with that.

[274] Mind you, glorious Wegmans is open 24 hours a day, and I definitely didn't need to get groceries.

[275] Possibly the worst excuse I could have thought of.

[276] I paid for my own drink and left.

[277] Then he messaged me multiple times over the next couple weeks, saying I rejected him for his looks and then I was a dumb, shallow bitch.

[278] Dodged a sword on that one, I'd say.

[279] Amazing.

[280] Way to just, like, confirm anybody's even slightest doubts that they should have absolutely gotten away from you.

[281] SSDGM.

[282] and consider not inviting your first date to an unlit warehouse, Lauren.

[283] Lauren, thank God.

[284] You fucking paid attention to your gut.

[285] Also, thank God you wrote in and saved the nobility of medical students everywhere because we really did go on the attack.

[286] Yeah.

[287] And that was a perfect defense of like, hey, guess what?

[288] Not only are we not the creeps, but we have to interact with creeps.

[289] I bet that story was written in by big liquor companies.

[290] saying like look what else liquor bottles can do for you it's like not just the alcohol but it's the bottle look how great we are but bowel surgery on the beach that's right bonus you can have it all yes we have this is called bone marrow donation story all right good morning all you beautiful people on the inside and out i just listened to you tell about nicholas green and asked for stories about organ donations and just had to tell you about my badass husband stephen Stephen, all caps.

[291] Back in 1990, when we were young, fresh -faced college students, Jesus, there was a bone marrow drive to find a donor for a fellow student.

[292] Nobody knew her, but we stood in line with all our friends and had our mouth swabbed.

[293] No matches were found at that drive, and we forgot all about it over the years.

[294] Fast forward 16 years to 2006, Steve and I are now married with two daughters, Kat, age nine, Lynn's age six.

[295] We had moved from Massachusetts to New Hampshire, to Rhode Island, and we're living our best life.

[296] Steve gets a random letter in the mail asking him to call Be the Match Bone marrow Donation Services as soon as possible as it was an urgent situation.

[297] He calls and was told that there was a possibility that he had randomly matched up with a young lady in need of a bone marrow donation and they would like to do further tests.

[298] He agrees to do more testing.

[299] They take a lot of blood, et cetera, and discover he was a perfect bone marrow match to this young woman and asked if he would donate.

[300] The only thing we knew about her that she was 22 years old and has leukemia.

[301] We sat our daughters down and explained to them that there was a young woman who was very sick and needed bone marrow and the doctors found he was a perfect match to her.

[302] So he was going to the hospital to give her some of his.

[303] So my lens is notorious for being very literal and very gullible.

[304] She apparently was watching too much TV at the time and saw too many commercials.

[305] She started bawling her eyes out.

[306] We tried to explain that it was a good thing he was doing, et cetera, when she stopped crying enough to talk and yelled out, but I don't want you to get a divorce.

[307] In 2006, the commercial that was on TV all the time was for perfect match dating service.

[308] She thought that he would have to divorce me to marry her for the donation check.

[309] Once we assured her, our marriage was solid.

[310] We are celebrating our 26th anniversary this spring.

[311] Yeah, we'll see.

[312] We'll see if it's solid or not.

[313] Steve went on with the procedure and they were able to get a whole leader of bone marrow for her to make it easier on the girls we named this young woman and gave her a backstory.

[314] In our story, her name was Nicole, and she was in college in Providence, Rhode Island to become a kindergarten teacher.

[315] Steve recovered easily, and we continued living our best lives.

[316] A little over a year later, we received a call from the hospital asking we would like to meet the young woman.

[317] We talked to the girls and decided not to.

[318] We had an image in our heads, and they had continued the story about her.

[319] I think at that point, she was engaged to a doctor.

[320] She's like a Barbie that they're like a...

[321] That she met while she was like in a coma in the hospital.

[322] Yeah, I've imagined that one myself many times.

[323] We did ask how she was doing and I told us very well.

[324] My beautiful gullible lins is now a beautiful badass in college studying to be a marine engineer and merchant marine.

[325] Whoa.

[326] Girl power.

[327] She is kicking butts and taking names, although she is still pretty gullible.

[328] My beautiful cat at the time began really...

[329] researching cancer and treatments because of her dad's donation.

[330] She then in middle school read the book My Sister's Keeper, if you haven't read it, do now, and decided she wanted to become a pediatric oncology nurse.

[331] So she was a kid when she decided that.

[332] Today is her 23rd birthday.

[333] She is graduating from nursing school this May and has a student nurse job on the pediatric oncology floor of one of the world's top cancer hospitals in Boston.

[334] I think her father donating so selflessly helped influence her life choices.

[335] Bone marrow donation is an easy one -day process, which can give somebody like a 22 -year -old education student named Nicole, the gift of life.

[336] Stay sexy and be the change you want to see in the world, Stacey.

[337] Oh, that was awesome.

[338] Yeah.

[339] Be the match.

[340] Go to it.

[341] That's really awesome.

[342] Also, I believe isn't bone marrow, like, it's a little painful.

[343] I think they're trying to cover over how easy it was for the dad, but I think that was a real, that's a hard thing to do.

[344] Yeah.

[345] I think there are different.

[346] I was on it before my friend in fourth grade, David, died of leukemia, like really quickly.

[347] And that was in the 80s.

[348] So it was so different than.

[349] But I think there are different levels of it.

[350] You know how like you can give blood or you can give plasma?

[351] I think it depends on what's needed.

[352] Yeah.

[353] But I could be bullshit.

[354] Someone message us who has had it done, maybe.

[355] Well, I just think all I'm saying is people should still do it.

[356] But like, I really think that was a generous, very generous, like, gives there.

[357] Yeah, she's playing it down when actually it was a really intense.

[358] It is an intense thing, right?

[359] I think so, but we'll find out when people write in and let us know.

[360] Okay, this last one is real short, but I really loved it.

[361] It says, hello, all.

[362] I'm a short -time listener, but a big -time fan.

[363] Oh, what fun.

[364] New but passionate.

[365] The story I present to you is about how I developed my morbid curiosity and many nightmares.

[366] It was one day when I was 11 at summer camp.

[367] During our craft hour, we were supposed to make paper -machet masterpiece, a .k .a. place some what -ass newspaper over an inflated balloon and let it dry.

[368] I was not the least bit interested in this bullshit.

[369] I figured a better use of my time would be to read the newspaper, mistake, or maybe not.

[370] The article I so happened to choose was about a series of women that were found dismembered and stuffed into suitcases.

[371] their bodies were found along various highways.

[372] I was scarred but enthralled.

[373] To my horror, I read the whole thing and left the craft room with no masterpiece but many ensuing nightmares.

[374] Oh my God.

[375] And here I am today, a full -blown murderer, you know.

[376] Sorry for the grammar, Karen.

[377] Stay sexy.

[378] No need to apologize.

[379] You killed it.

[380] Stay sexy and filter the newspaper you hand to children.

[381] No name.

[382] That is a very good point.

[383] There's always going to be one little curious shit who's just like, you know what?

[384] I don't want to make paper machine.

[385] You're trying to just glue strips of newspaper onto a balloon, and this kid's holding up the strips like, what?

[386] I mean, oh, my God.

[387] Camp age.

[388] Camp age.

[389] That's a horrifying article to read.

[390] Especially at camp, which is truly the most terrifying place in the world.

[391] Once it gets dark, at night at camp, it's scary.

[392] Goodbye.

[393] And you have a fucking teenager who's there to, like, protect you?

[394] Mm -mm.

[395] Uh -uh.

[396] Good ones, guys.

[397] Thank you.

[398] Great bad.

[399] Keep writing them in whatever you feel like, really, to My Favorite Murder at Gmail.

[400] And stay sexy.

[401] And don't get murdered.

[402] Goodbye.

[403] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[404] This has been an exactly right production.

[405] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[406] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[407] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[408] Our researchers are Jay Elias and Haley Gray.

[409] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[410] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at MyFever.

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