How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela

[0] Honesty really, really matters.

[1] And I think much of the reason why I started this podcast was to give the world the much -needed honesty it needs, but often doesn't get.

[2] You hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified, but that's rarely, rarely the case.

[3] This week's guest will give you exactly that.

[4] Raw, unfiltered, honesty, like you've never heard it before.

[5] And in some points, honesty, that might make you a little bit uncomfortable.

[6] It made her uncomfortable.

[7] It made me uncomfortable.

[8] This week I'm joined by Chrissy Chella.

[9] She's an unbelievable, and in my opinion, heavily underrated entrepreneur, running multiple multi -million pound businesses.

[10] She's one of the UK's number one fitness creators, athletes, whatever you want to call her.

[11] She's an author.

[12] Her book is coming out in January.

[13] She has a remarkable story, one that starts from very, very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was bullied on the playground in the UK.

[14] And what you'll find out about her is inspired.

[15] It's captivating.

[16] It's real.

[17] One of the most amazing conversations I've ever had on this podcast, and I'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way told with total honesty.

[18] Without further adieu, I'm Stephen Bartlett, and this is the Dyer of a CEO.

[19] I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself.

[20] As I did a little bit of research on you, and I got to sort of uncover your story, and I got to stalk you a little bit on social media.

[21] The more and more that I observed and sort of looked past your Instagram feed, the more I saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person.

[22] And one of the thoughts that came to my mind, and you know, this podcast is all about speaking your truth and being honest, was this question, which is, do you think that you get the credit you deserve?

[23] As an entrepreneur?

[24] That's the question.

[25] Um, it's not about me. I haven't built a community about me. I've built a community about helping other women.

[26] And I think that it's never fully been about me. And the credit that I get is seeing other women thrive and succeed and come together.

[27] And that for me is enough credit.

[28] I don't need an award.

[29] I don't need someone to say, oh my God, you're the best business woman in the world.

[30] For me, for me, when I see or when I read another woman's story, that for me is enough.

[31] I don't need anything else.

[32] So, yeah, I do.

[33] So, because I was, when I was watching some of your stories on Instagram, and you run an office, right, of people, you run multiple businesses, right?

[34] And I typically think that people are very, very quick to arrive at judgment when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on Instagram, who has a big following.

[35] and this is just being completely honest, they tend to come to judgments very quickly.

[36] A conclusion.

[37] A conclusion, yeah.

[38] And that conclusion and that narrative or that image that they form of that person, I've come to learn is usually severely wrong.

[39] 100%.

[40] It is.

[41] And, you know, it's funny you say that because I've also been on multiple dates with people and, you know, they see my Instagram following and they automatically assume that, oh, it's because you get your ass out.

[42] That's why you make money.

[43] or it's because you get your ass out, that's why you've built what you've built.

[44] And the truth is, if I did that and if that was the fundamental reason, then I wouldn't have a team of 30 people in one company and build in another company that sells out every time we restock.

[45] It goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture.

[46] It goes past being a nice body.

[47] It's about the message that you have.

[48] It's about what you want to truly, truly put out in the world.

[49] And I think if people make that conclusion, it says more about them than it does to me. How does it make you feel, though?

[50] And I want you to be really honest here.

[51] How does it make you feel?

[52] I think, okay, I'm going to be completely honest.

[53] I think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman.

[54] Okay, so why is it that when you see a handsome man, you don't come to a conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome?

[55] why is it as a woman I have to justify myself more I have to explain myself more all the time it's draining I shouldn't have to explain myself my face my body all of this stuff it's just external you know and I think that can I swear on this I'm like can I swear I swear on my YouTube all the time some people get offended and I'm like listen this is this is who I am something else yeah No, it pisses me off.

[56] It pisses me off.

[57] But at the same time, it's like it feeds me. Right.

[58] You know, it feeds me like piss me off even more because that's how I thrive.

[59] You, you saying to me, I can't do something, you saying to me that I only got there because of this and that, it pushes me more to achieve more.

[60] And, yeah, I mean, it's their problem, not mine, I guess.

[61] There's a lot of, you know, let's just for a second, imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever or you're you know you have a great physique or whatever it was um what would they be missing what is the truth what why why did you get here because there are lots of very pretty people out there right yeah um but for some reason you made it here and i've seen your businesses i've looked into them you have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices so like there's two kind of thoughts to this, but I think the central question that I'm trying to get an answer for myself is what is it about Chrissy that differentiated you, your approach, your message and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing?

[62] I think, in all honesty, if I'm, if I'm answering that question from a personal perspective, I've always been 100 % honest and transparent with who I am.

[63] You're not going to find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise.

[64] Like, this is a. who I am.

[65] You literally either take it or you leave it.

[66] And I'm not going to try and be anything else to fit in for anybody else, you know.

[67] And for me, when I started my fitness journey, when I moved countries to England, I never felt like I had a sense of home.

[68] I never felt like anybody understood me. So to be blessed with a platform where I can build a community and bring women together globally, you know, this is, this goes beyond me. This is about bringing women together that have been abused, that have had, you know, mental disorders, eating disorders, such bad things you couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me. To bring them all together and to create this tribe, you know, that for me is like, I think that's what people see.

[69] Yeah.

[70] And I think that's what people believe I want to do because I genuinely do want to do that.

[71] And, you know, one of the things that, sorry to interrupt there, but I really wanted to, one of the things you said was about you being yourself.

[72] And I asked you that question, actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be.

[73] And when I watch you on Instagram, the feel that I get from you versus pretty much everybody else, other than one of the person, I've got to be honest.

[74] And he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back is Joe Wix.

[75] Like when I met Joe Wix, he is the.

[76] guy you meet off off off off air or whatever is the same guy and he's so fucking genuine and all he cares about is like genuinely helping people but the reason i said to try said i think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself and you will share it all and when i was watching you on instagram and watching some of your videos you cater to the 99 % of people's lives which is the real shit yeah i saw your video this week you did on your story you waking up and you're saying listen i don't want to wake up today and most people don't admit that that because, you know, a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness.

[77] So I wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from Chrissy being her truest self.

[78] Yeah, you're, you can only be the best version of yourself, right?

[79] And I think if you start trying to be something else soon enough, it will come out, or you'll start to fall through the cracks or it will slip, something will slip.

[80] And you can only uphold that image and, you know that presence for so long before it really just fucks up so the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself and this is what i tell people all the time it's never been about other people's perceptions of you it's always been what you think about yourself and if you truly truly believe in yourself you won't want to be anybody else you want to you you won't want to be fake you wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone my job isn't to please everyone Were you always at that point?

[81] Tell me about that.

[82] Oh, my God, no. I mean, I remember when I was in a relationship, I was 16 years old.

[83] I was like, I'm going to marry this person.

[84] So I'm in love?

[85] Like, this is it.

[86] And then he cheated on me. And I was like, oh, shit, this is not it.

[87] What's his name?

[88] No. He does not deserve the airtime.

[89] I'll tell you that much.

[90] But I was heartbroken and I was trying so hard to please this person.

[91] You know, I was trying to.

[92] so hard.

[93] Even in school, I know it sounds petty, but I was trying so hard to fit in all the time, all the time.

[94] I remember, like, this is so, this is not cute on my end, I'm going to be honest of you.

[95] I remember being at school, and I'm foreign, okay?

[96] Like, I'm Mediterranean, we're hairy, okay?

[97] And I had a, no, I had a moustache, and the girls used to rip me for it.

[98] And I was so sad.

[99] I was like, oh my God, why am I not, like, these pretty English girls?

[100] like I don't understand.

[101] Like I used to feel so shitty about myself, constantly trying to like fit in.

[102] And then when I got cheated on, I was like, oh my God, it must be because I'm not pretty enough.

[103] It must be because I'm not sexy enough.

[104] Fuck that.

[105] That's draining.

[106] What do you mean I constantly have to be something else for someone else?

[107] I'm never going to be happy.

[108] And I wasn't happy for such a long time.

[109] So yeah, I just, I just fully like exposed my mustache story there.

[110] No, that's fine.

[111] So let's take us from mustache to self -confidence.

[112] What was that journey and what changed your self -esteem and your self -confidence?

[113] What helped you get that confidence in yourself?

[114] I think for me it was...

[115] Can we just...

[116] I think that should be the podcast title.

[117] No, no, seriously, even Sarah doesn't know that.

[118] I used to have a...

[119] No, guys, I'm going to be honest of you, okay?

[120] Like, I don't give a fuck.

[121] I had a mustache growing up, okay?

[122] and all the girls used to rip me the fuck up they used to be like you're man, your boy like honestly bitchy shit man and I ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet because I didn't have any friends Do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today?

[123] 100 % like honestly it's pretty impossible to break me and when you've broken me understand that you've really like broken me down because it takes a lot now.

[124] Was that, we talk about the mustache thing as if it was this sort of trivial thing, but I'm guessing what you're saying is you were bullied in school.

[125] Yeah, but at the same time, it's not like I was constantly bullied.

[126] Like, I think, I don't know, a lot of us go through awkward stages in school, trying to make friends, trying to be with a cool gang, trying to do this, trying to do that.

[127] Then you almost become, like, mean as well, because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only, yeah.

[128] So So I think, you know, like I remember walking into six form one time and a lot of personal things happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point.

[129] And I just hated everyone around me and I was full of anger, constant anger and hate, you know, and I didn't want to be that person anymore, especially after being cheated on.

[130] I didn't want to be that person anymore.

[131] And I remember being on the train one day, because I used to work in Potter's Bar at the time in this little men's boutique, like retail shop, and I was coming back home.

[132] And I remember like the penny dropped.

[133] And I was like, I can try so hard to be sexy and cool and all this stuff for other people, but I'm not doing anything for myself.

[134] And that's where the quote, do this for you, comes from because I signed up to the gym that day and then I walked straight back out and didn't go back for two months.

[135] I'm not going to be, I'm not going to lie to you.

[136] I was signed up and I'm going to do this.

[137] I'm going to do this.

[138] I know what to do.

[139] Signed up.

[140] Didn't come back for two months.

[141] I was like, fuck that shit.

[142] I hang going back.

[143] I don't know what to do.

[144] Why didn't you go?

[145] Because I was scared.

[146] I was like, who do you think you are, Chrissy, trying to be like a fitness girl.

[147] You don't know what you're doing.

[148] You know, this was like six years ago you don't know what you're doing go back home relax right relax chill go to work study relax at some point you must have changed your mind yeah I did I did and evidently I did and I did and I was like okay no I need to do this like what am I doing I'm so lethargic I'm tired all the time I'm not strong I was never like overweight or underweight I was just tired all the time and drained especially mentally so when I got into the gym I remember looking at the leg press machine and I was like, what is this transformer?

[149] I don't know what the fuck to do with this machine.

[150] And everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do.

[151] And then there was like men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights.

[152] I didn't care about the cardio machine.

[153] I was so intrigued by the weights.

[154] I was like, why do men go there?

[155] What is it about men that go there and women go there?

[156] I want to go there.

[157] and I didn't know how to use weights I didn't know what I was doing I was training I didn't have anything like no one was on Instagram at the time no one was teaching the way social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content and we didn't I didn't have that at the time I started you know I didn't know what I was doing so how did you I learn I just learn I just was like you know what I'm just going to do this and I kind of got addicted to the feeling of how complete in a workout made me feel.

[158] And I started going again and again and I started learning because...

[159] What was it doing for you going?

[160] It was given me my therapy.

[161] Therapy from what?

[162] From life.

[163] From my reality.

[164] From the fact that I was so depressed with who I was and so angry at the world.

[165] And everything the world had done to me. And the only time I felt like I could escape was at the gym, which is so crazy.

[166] Because the gym is like a chore for people.

[167] I've got a fucking train today.

[168] But I went there and I escaped.

[169] It was therapy.

[170] And no one could take that feeling away from me. Not an ex -boyfriend that cheated on me, not a mean girl at school, not a horrible boss.

[171] No one.

[172] Isn't it funny that so much of, you know, when you speak to people that have achieved great things, it all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure or inadequate in some way.

[173] I see the same in myself.

[174] The reason why I am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that I lived in and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and but living in all of these around all of these white people zero black people at my school other than my brother and my other brother that feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15, 16 years and so my obsession as I wrote in my diary 18 was I'm gonna have a million pounds before I'm 25 I'm gonna have a range of it's gonna be my first car right couldn't even drive do you know it's so funny I did the same right I swear and it's so funny you say it was the only black man in your school because I was the only foreign guy on mine.

[175] I was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair.

[176] I was like I started relaxing it when I was 12 so it'd be straight.

[177] And I look back and I think if I hadn't have gone through that in the way that I had, you wouldn't be where you are today.

[178] Not a fucking shadow a doubt.

[179] And it's like that pressure releases at some point in different ways.

[180] I could have ended up in prison.

[181] Yeah.

[182] My friend said my best friend said to me at 18, he said, Steve, and I remember where I stood when he said, you're either going to be a millionaire or you're going to be in prison.

[183] And it hit me like a ton of bricks because he was telling the truth.

[184] I cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was going to channel itself into something.

[185] So tell me about your diary.

[186] What did you write in your diary?

[187] Oh, God.

[188] I remember, it's so funny, right?

[189] I remember I wrote down and I will never, ever forget.

[190] I wrote down, I'm going to be someone one day.

[191] I wrote, I wrote that down.

[192] And then I remember you have blackberries.

[193] Yeah.

[194] All right.

[195] Back in the day.

[196] And I used to write in my blackberry and I just believed it.

[197] And anyway, when I went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way, I fell in love with someone at the gym.

[198] I was going, he's now my ex -fiancee, by the way, everyone.

[199] We're no longer together.

[200] But he is a very important person in this story because when I met him, I was at rock bottom, But I was also trying to find my feet and I was becoming more confident in myself.

[201] And that confidence did grow and attract the person that I was supposed to be with at the time, right?

[202] Because I do believe your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you, right?

[203] And I remember he was driving me to work one day because I was waitress him.

[204] And I looked at him and I said, I don't know why.

[205] I started Instagram at this point, had like 50 ,000 followers.

[206] I started Instagram In all honesty I started it just to see how I looked doing exercises and Hollywood record me and I was like I'm going to break my back I don't know what I'm doing I need to fix my form but somehow people started loving it and anyway he was driving me to work and I go Jack I don't know why but I feel like we're going to achieve something by helping women and you know he said to me he goes yeah whatever man you get to work I'll come pick you up.

[207] I was like, no, I feel it.

[208] And I started crying, crying, streams of tears.

[209] He's like, what's wrong with you?

[210] I was like, no, I believe it.

[211] I don't know what it is.

[212] It's this feeling, I can't explain.

[213] Never had that feeling before.

[214] And here we are today.

[215] What do you think that feeling was?

[216] Belief.

[217] Where did that belief come from?

[218] Me. I just believed in me so much that no one.

[219] I'm not even, you know, the person I was with could sway me another way.

[220] And I do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline.

[221] And growing evidence, right?

[222] Yeah.

[223] Because when you start doing something good for yourself, training was good for me, right?

[224] You start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies.

[225] And they transfer in other aspects of your life.

[226] it's like a domino effect so I started becoming more disciplined at university I didn't need 10 cans of red ball to stay awake I was focused I would excel all the time and it wasn't because I put in extra hours it was because I was so hyper -focused where I was with who I was I was present and if it wasn't for the gym I wouldn't be able to have done that so you're ex -fiance yeah Jack do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or started to build the confidence within yourself that the gym had given you?

[227] Do you think you would have been ready, quote and quote, to have that relationship with him at that time if you were the old Chrissy?

[228] No. And if I did, if I was with someone at the time I wasn't so confident, it would have been the wrong person because you attract the energy that you have.

[229] You attract what you believe in yourself if you're constantly negative about yourself if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're you're just not worthy you're always going to attract that and don't get me wrong there was like dates in between jack obviously when i wasn't with him by the way i mean no i mean like after the guy that cheed on me i had like i went for i went for a phase i went through dating and it's always the wrong guy was the wrong guy and then it was i realized it's because I'm trying to find happiness in other people.

[230] Constantly trying to find happiness in other people.

[231] And then when I started focusing on myself, he came along.

[232] You know, a lot of women, when they're in this situation where they're lacking confidence or self -worth or they're feeling like something is missing, well, and this isn't just women, this is people.

[233] Men as well.

[234] Yeah, right?

[235] They'll think that the answer is a romantic solution.

[236] Yeah.

[237] Is it?

[238] No, it's not.

[239] I've been there, I've done that, and obviously I'm speaking from personal experience, you could find someone that really helps you.

[240] You know, you could genuinely find someone who inspires you, motivates you, pushes you.

[241] And that's so remarkable.

[242] And if you do find that person, don't let them go, you know.

[243] But unfortunately, if you have so much self -hatred, you are never going to be satisfied in the relationship that you are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness who constantly waiting for that person to do something for you it's unstable right it's unstable it is a lot of dependency and um i think that the most really most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here right that's you and you that's you and you that's you and you so you got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a a person to share your life with, you know.

[244] And, you know, so you end up, you know, Jack ends up proposing.

[245] Yeah.

[246] You, you build a business together, which is a topic in and of itself, which you're, you're still working together with him now.

[247] Yeah.

[248] And then at some point, you did both decide in a very, you know, I've listened to your story.

[249] So you decide in a very amicable, mature way that this situation isn't making both of you right, happy.

[250] Yeah.

[251] And there was a sentence you said where you said, you and Jack grew apart which I found quite curious and I find it curious because on this podcast we've we've been talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason and this idea and in fact the last guest we had on Dr. Aria who was you know who people have been really really blown away about um he he was cheated on by his partner you know and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man's baby yeah I listen to that okay and so on that sentence about growing apart this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy if it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart, you know, especially, you know, because everybody's growing in some way.

[252] What are your thoughts on monogamy?

[253] Having been almost to the altar with someone, what are your thoughts on monogamy and?

[254] I, can I be honest?

[255] I mean, please.

[256] You never have to ask permission again, to be honest.

[257] I've never said this ever, and I'm a little bit nervous to say this but I when I was with Jack I thought that that was my person and I genuinely felt it in my heart in my soul I never questioned it once right and we grew apart and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes last year when I launched Tony Scott with Jack we had a lawsuit against us you know no one really knew about that you know 50 grand in law in lawsuits trying to get our app that we built just to be ours and then build it from the ground up.

[258] That's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs because everything is now built homegrown in our offices with our technology, right?

[259] And do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship?

[260] I can't imagine.

[261] And you're going home and you're like, what do you mean you didn't do this?

[262] What do you mean you didn't do that?

[263] Hating each other, resenting each other because you think they're to blame.

[264] He thinks you're to blame.

[265] I think he's to blame, right?

[266] And it's going to take a very, very special person to fit into the shoes that Jack left.

[267] You know?

[268] He is such an incredible man in every aspect works hard, is caring, is loving, is ambitious, is everything a woman would want in a man. Unfortunately, we grew apart.

[269] And it is unfortunate because I genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally.

[270] I'd give him my kidney if he needed it.

[271] And it would take someone very, very special and confident to fill that space up.

[272] And I'm not going to hold my breath.

[273] Does that make sense?

[274] I'm not going to hold my breath.

[275] I'm going to, you know, let's just see where it goes.

[276] Do you think it's possible?

[277] I think it's possible.

[278] I think anything's possible.

[279] I just think that it's going to take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone that understands that I don't need anything else but effort and time from them.

[280] I don't need your money.

[281] I don't need your gifts.

[282] I don't need.

[283] So you're saying you think that Jack's shoes will be difficult to fill.

[284] And it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard.

[285] of what you're looking for in the future.

[286] So it kind of begs the question, well, you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly.

[287] Jacks.

[288] So why isn't he filling those shoes?

[289] I think if anyone turns around and says to you that I work with my partner and we run a company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and, you know, an ever -growing company and we're so in love.

[290] I literally will look at them and be like, how did you make that happen?

[291] Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult.

[292] Because let me tell you something, when you come home from work, you're coming home from work with the same person.

[293] What do you think you're going to speak about when you get home?

[294] Work.

[295] What do you think you're going to speak about after you have sex?

[296] The work.

[297] The work.

[298] Yeah.

[299] I'm being honest.

[300] Like, you live and you breathe your company.

[301] Jack is an entrepreneur in himself.

[302] Jack is a co -founder.

[303] Jack built this with me. Right?

[304] Yeah.

[305] So if I'm going for all those things as an entrepreneur as a co -founder, he is as well.

[306] I don't know if you're answering the question, Chrissy.

[307] But I am answering the question.

[308] It doesn't work.

[309] It doesn't work because you work together.

[310] Yes.

[311] And if you didn't work together?

[312] It would have probably worked.

[313] isn't that a shame when I when I when I first met Jack I have never felt that way about someone before and I never once questioned our relationship or I never once questioned whether I didn't want to be with this person and it's funny because when we hire new people at tone and scope they obviously know mine and Jack's relationship and a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous they're like are the co -founder's going to be bitter are they going to be nasty to one other.

[314] And do you know what they always say?

[315] It's insane how much respect and love they have for one another.

[316] It's actually a bit worrying.

[317] How much respect and love we have for one another.

[318] And had we not had Tonin's sculpt, we would have 100 % been married by now, probably expecting a first child.

[319] Is Jack in a relationship?

[320] I don't know.

[321] We don't speak about stuff like that.

[322] I don't know if he's in a relationship.

[323] Okay, so here's another thing.

[324] Jack's made it pretty clear he's been like I don't know who I'm going to find that's like you And you've said the same to me today And I've said the same thing about him And another thing is I've been with him for five years Right I was with him for five years I still work with him In a normal situation you break up And you go separate ways Go separate ways You don't speak you don't see unless you're stalking each other Which I would because I'm a widow So I'd stalk you for a bit Until I got over you but what I'm saying is I see him every day so it's like how can I ever forget about you you're always there I speak to you every day I'm on the phone to you every day we make executive decisions together every day I still go to you for advice every day but why is I don't look at you and want to kiss you right do you no I don't I don't I don't not not right now anyway but I don't.

[325] To be in a relationship, you have to have that flair.

[326] Come on, you have to have that spark that you make you feel some type of way.

[327] And I know over time it will pass and whatever.

[328] But it sounds so weird, but I see him almost like a best friend.

[329] But then everyone always tells you to marry your best friend.

[330] So maybe have I got relationships all wrong?

[331] Right?

[332] So I don't know.

[333] I don't know, but all I'm saying is the person that I'm with and next with or whatever.

[334] They don't necessarily have, like, they're not competing because that's horrible.

[335] You don't want to compete.

[336] Kind of somewhat unavoidable, though, especially in Chrissy's brain.

[337] But at the same time, it's like, Jack was, is the most genuine person.

[338] Like, would always take care of me, always listen, always put me first, would always want me to to succeed to check check check check but why are we not together i don't i see myself i still don't have a a fundamental reason as to why you know i read the comments and people were like of course you would leave jack now she's got like millions of followers and has got money of course she was she going to marry a rich arab man i was like what you clearly don't know me you clearly don't know me but um i don't have a rich arab man as a boyfriend by the way just want to clear that up but i don't know if jack's dating i i don't know what he's doing all i all i do know is that i want him to be so happy could you imagine life without him oh no well that question just took my rep away a bit no i couldn't no turn around tomorrow he said he said i'm leaving the business i'm moving.

[339] No, I'd be absolutely heartbroken.

[340] I'd be, I'd be absolutely grieving.

[341] I couldn't imagine life about Jack.

[342] But then again, don't they say the most important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner?

[343] You almost speak, special bond.

[344] You almost speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with.

[345] But it's also, and the reason I asked that question is I remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago.

[346] And I remember asking, and I thought to myself, what if they died?

[347] And it was like, well, then there's no point me doing this business anymore, which is a really weird thought I had.

[348] I thought, well, then they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey.

[349] And it made me question, you know, why I'm actually doing this.

[350] And I think with Jack, I think it's probably true that, um, A huge part of the reason why you do this business is because of him, you've been through so much together.

[351] Yeah.

[352] I couldn't imagine doing it with someone else.

[353] Yeah.

[354] But I also can imagine doing it without him.

[355] And you've been through Helen back together with Jack, right?

[356] Yeah.

[357] And that strengthens a relationship.

[358] Like, you know.

[359] So much.

[360] Been through so much with Jack.

[361] Um, you do.

[362] Five years with someone.

[363] Shit's going to happen.

[364] Shit's going to hit the fan.

[365] Is it, is it a possibility?

[366] To be back with him.

[367] Mm -hmm.

[368] Um, Like I've always said, you can never say never And anything is possible However, if Jack was to find someone, right?

[369] And say, oh, like, Chrissy, you know, out of respect, he would have to sit me down Because we work together and be like, I'm with someone now.

[370] And if I see that that girl is treating him so well And looking after him, in all honesty, that's all I hope.

[371] Would you be a little bit jealous?

[372] Probably.

[373] I mean, I'm not going to lie, probably would.

[374] And would you then start to question the decision?

[375] Oh, no, I'm not the type of person that if I don't have you, no one else can or do you know what I mean?

[376] That's just weird.

[377] But I mean, you'd go home that day and start thinking.

[378] Oh, I would go home and be like, oh, like, damn, you'd set reminders off.

[379] Like, alarm bells would start going off.

[380] I absolutely don't regret ending it.

[381] I've learnt more about myself.

[382] in the year and a half of parting ways with Jack than I did in five years for being with him.

[383] Facts.

[384] I don't regret ending it.

[385] Would I feel some type of way if he was with someone else?

[386] You'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no. Come on, mate.

[387] Like, we buddy was about to get married.

[388] We own a company together.

[389] Of course you'd feel some type of way.

[390] But would I be jealous?

[391] No. Would I be happy if he was happy?

[392] Hell yeah.

[393] I would because his happiness makes me happy.

[394] Is in the future a possibility of me being with him again?

[395] I don't know.

[396] How can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me part in ways with him five years ago was not even a vision?

[397] I can't answer that question, but if he was to find someone and be truly happy and in love and she was a good egg, I'd be happy.

[398] And it's possible to be happy for someone, but also for it to suck at the same time.

[399] 100%.

[400] But that's only because you just feel some type of way, but deep down you just want them to be happy.

[401] I think he will find someone.

[402] I think he's going to find someone who's really genuine.

[403] Why are you smiling?

[404] I wasn't smiling.

[405] You're smiling.

[406] No, I wasn't smiling.

[407] I think you were smiling.

[408] I think you felt some type of way by saying that.

[409] No, I really do.

[410] I swear, I, bloody out, I've been honest enough now till now to, like, lie.

[411] But if, when he does, right, when he does, which he will, I just want one thing from that girl if you're listening out there to Jack's future wife I just don't want her to sway he's a mind on our business does that make sense yeah oh leave tone and sculpt you don't need it anymore that's horrible like don't interfere don't need to get involved love all right oh look at you but it's true like I'm sorry but when I'm with a guy if he starts telling me what to do with my company Or if he starts telling me, it's me or Jack, I'd be like, get a grip.

[412] It's Jack.

[413] If you give me an ultimatum, I don't want to be with you.

[414] You know, all this stuff.

[415] So I was thinking about this earlier, and I've got some friends.

[416] I wouldn't call them necessarily friends, but people that I know personally, and they would hate, because they're so insecure as men, they would hate the idea of dating someone as self -made and successful as you.

[417] and it's a certain type of insecure man I'm laughing because I already know already been there really yeah certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control that would not like a Chrissy because you can't be controlled you can't be controlled through gifts through X, Y and Z and you've been there yeah I've been there I've done that like you know I remember one time go for it Sarah was like, yeah, Sarah's my PA, she's like, yeah, open up.

[418] But I remember one time when I was speaking to this guy, you know, after Jack, and I was going to Aleph.

[419] This was one of the biggest photos shoots for Tonin's sculpt.

[420] This was, you know, to refurbish the entire app and everything, like brand new look, brand new everything.

[421] So much money went into this, I think nearly 90 grand in production.

[422] That's a lot of money.

[423] Shit ton of money.

[424] shit ton of money.

[425] Yeah, I mean, I can put down two mortgages for that.

[426] So as you can see, like, but when we do things, we do things right at Tonoscoped, and that's facts.

[427] So I remember he sat down, he was like, I don't know, I just feel a bit, you going.

[428] I was going to what do you mean?

[429] What do you think I'm going to do?

[430] Go and, you know, go crazy with other men in L .A. I'm going to work.

[431] Oh, I don't know, I don't know, really insecure.

[432] And I found myself thinking it was me. I was like, wait a minute.

[433] And then I sat back and I was like, no, that's you.

[434] You're insecure.

[435] That's a you problem.

[436] That's not my problem.

[437] I went L .A. had the best time ever with my team.

[438] We had the most incredible time, you know, met the most incredible people, came back, the most incredible campaign.

[439] And I felt good.

[440] But had I let that man sway me, maybe I may have been.

[441] been a bit vulnerable at the time and let's say he did sway me. What if I changed my mind and didn't go?

[442] That could have happened.

[443] Was he intimidated by you and your success?

[444] Do you think?

[445] At the beginning.

[446] Yeah.

[447] 100%.

[448] Let's be honest.

[449] I'm 20.

[450] Oh my God.

[451] I'm 26.

[452] I was still 24.

[453] I'm 26 years old.

[454] And you are killing the game.

[455] I'll say it because I know you're too humble.

[456] No, I, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. I said it's fine.

[457] You say whatever you want, but it's not even that.

[458] It's, you know, when you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things, people start to obviously feel a bit like, do you know what I think it was?

[459] People start to feel like they should have their things.

[460] Can I say something?

[461] When you talk about your success.

[462] I get awkward, don't I?

[463] You're super awkward.

[464] And can I just say an observation?

[465] And I think this is a society problem, not a you problem.

[466] Men aren't like that.

[467] No, they're not.

[468] Men love coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it, and how many X, Y, and Z they've achieved.

[469] You don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success.

[470] And I feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in.

[471] Honestly, it's not even that.

[472] It's me. I'm very awkward with stuff like that.

[473] Like, can I be honest, I don't even check my bank accounts.

[474] I let my account and deal with it.

[475] I, I don't.

[476] I think for me, I stay so tunnel vision and the vision.

[477] so I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check my mentions and DMs and go on my community pages in that forum that's literally the first thing I do and if I start thinking about how am I going to make a billion how am I going to do this, how I'm going to do that I don't know it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have and I was really number driven at the beginning not financially but on Instagram followers the more followers it means I'm amazing.

[478] The more likes, it means I'm fit enough to be here.

[479] You know, and I got so obsessed, I used to almost like not think I was good enough unless I got a certain amount of likes or followers.

[480] And I completely lost sight of why I'm doing what I'm doing.

[481] You know, now I don't even check the likes I get.

[482] I don't even check the, my statistics, my team do.

[483] I don't check it because I don't care.

[484] What I care about is that comment that a lady saying to me, oh my God, this has helped me so much this has made me so confident that feeds my energy if I start thinking how am I going to get a hundred million how am I going to just that will come I'm confident it will come but it's not my fundamental you know and it's going to come by you focusing on something else yeah I'm focusing on something else and it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success it's that I've you can speak to any of my team like I just don't care about it.

[485] Can I be honest with you?

[486] Like, I am not thriving to, I don't know, I'm not, I'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car.

[487] I mean, I even said to you, like, I don't have a fancy house, by the way.

[488] And you were like, I don't care.

[489] You know, like, I don't really care about stuff like that.

[490] I never, I never have been like that.

[491] And it's not that I'm trying to be humble.

[492] It's like, I literally don't give a shit.

[493] I don't care about a fancy car.

[494] Never have done.

[495] On the things that you do care about, you talked about these comments and these DMs you get.

[496] I imagine, you know, because I get a couple DMs as well.

[497] You get a lot.

[498] Not a couple.

[499] You get a lot.

[500] And how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something so deeply personal and they're seeking advice or guidance or they're just sharing a problem with you?

[501] How does that feel in terms of...

[502] Well, how does it make you feel?

[503] I'm confused sometimes.

[504] Because you don't what to say.

[505] Because I'm not qualified to deal with certain situations.

[506] But at the same time, the contradiction with me is like, I just want to say something.

[507] Yeah?

[508] And I just want to acknowledge the person.

[509] But I know I can't solve.

[510] And it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem.

[511] 100%.

[512] You're not there to fix someone's problems.

[513] Yeah.

[514] But I think the value that I can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging.

[515] But, you know, there's a spectrum, right?

[516] So you have the, on one end, I love what you do.

[517] do in the other end you have people that are suicidal or that are you know and um it's it sometimes it's a lot I had this one video go viral 30 million views and it was about depression and I got 8 ,000 DMs that week from people on that spectrum and I just didn't know what to do I was like because when you read them some people are really really suffering and they've come to me because clearly in some cases one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in Egypt and she was um on the verge of suicide like she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else and sometimes a stranger yeah is the the most safe place to you know how does it feel for you that that has kind of made me emotional no it did the fact that i remembered that instantly this girl barricaded in a room in egypt who'd watch this video and it reached out to me to for me to give her the answer she's looking for in her life which i'm not qualified to give right all i can do is be a friend in that situation.

[518] But I'm sure you get messages that are, you know.

[519] Yeah, I get messages every day, thousands.

[520] And so there's two things that I've started to do.

[521] One of the biggest teams we have at Tone and Sculpt is the customer support team, right?

[522] And by the way, this isn't because we get influxes of emails.

[523] It's because we have a person for each social, Facebook community manager, Instagram, all of this stuff.

[524] And the reason being is we don't need them is because I want every single person to be heard and what you just said that is exactly what I think as well you want to be a friend I call my community familia I always use that word I always say you're my sisters you're my family because at the end of the day I'm not here to fix your problems but I'm here to listen to your problems I'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in in your reality you can't fix someone's You can't offer, you know, mental health advice because if you say something wrong, God forbid anything happened, but you can listen.

[525] You can make someone feel like they're part of something.

[526] And that's the best thing I can do, you know?

[527] Before you came here today, there was a question I actually wanted to ask you about yourself.

[528] I only asked questions because I am curious myself.

[529] Sure.

[530] And I'm trying to find, I think the reason I ask these questions is I'm trying to find similarities in some way between a, you know, a person on your journey and a person on mine.

[531] The question is, are you hard to date um oh shit yeah i think so i think i am i'm not gonna lie like okay so here's the thing right i'm super loving when i'm with you i'll do anything for you like i'll look after you i'll make you feel special it's gonna be like but if you back and grow but no no like honestly like even I can honestly say, like even Sarah and my PA will tell you, like, I fall hard in love.

[532] Yeah, I head over heels for someone.

[533] I'll fall so hard for you.

[534] But I also fall so hard out of love for you.

[535] Oh, shit.

[536] That's the issue of me. And that's facts.

[537] And I hate that about myself so much.

[538] It's the one thing I hate the most about myself.

[539] I'm a switch.

[540] You do something to annoy me. or you do something to kind of like, it's bad, it's not healthy.

[541] Like, I, people think I'm superwoman.

[542] I've got my own problems, sis, like, I've got my own issues.

[543] I fall so in love with someone.

[544] And then if I don't see that same level of love back, I'm like, fuck this shit.

[545] Self -defense?

[546] Yeah, I do think in relationships, I'm really, I'm really defensive.

[547] And you know what?

[548] I can't believe I'm admitting all this, but yeah, I would say I am.

[549] And I think that, um...

[550] What are you defending yourself from?

[551] I don't know.

[552] Okay, why are you...

[553] Are you hard to date?

[554] Yeah.

[555] Okay, so, so are you defensive?

[556] Chrissy, this is all about your diary.

[557] Well, come to me. No. I want to know what you're defending yourself from.

[558] Because you literally said, if I didn't get the same type of love back...

[559] Okay, okay, okay, so you're obviously very motivated.

[560] You're very inspired.

[561] You're very, like, driven, right?

[562] Thanks.

[563] You're welcome.

[564] I'm the same.

[565] Like, I just want to keep going.

[566] I want to grind.

[567] I want to grind.

[568] So if I see someone kind of just not doing the same, infuriates me. Like, I'm almost like, how can you not have passion for something?

[569] How can you not have a try for something?

[570] And then it leads me to believe that, hold on a minute, if I did have the same person that had the same level of drive, would we be compatible?

[571] Maybe I do need someone a little bit more like low -key, because then it will make me feel a bit calmer when I'm home.

[572] it's all over the gaff.

[573] I don't know what I want.

[574] Women don't know what they want.

[575] Stop asking women what we want.

[576] We don't know what we want.

[577] We don't know what we want.

[578] But what I can say is, I think sometimes when we overthink things, especially me, I overthink relationships all the freaking time.

[579] I think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit.

[580] Because if someone is genuinely there for you, willing to listen, willing to take care of you, and willing to always, always put effort in.

[581] Stop being a bitch, pretty much, you know?

[582] I, me personally, I'm difficult to say.

[583] I'm not going to lie.

[584] I'm not going to lie.

[585] I don't even feel bad saying that.

[586] I feel quite free saying that.

[587] Like, I'm difficult today.

[588] No one said you should feel bad, Chrissy.

[589] No, I am, and I feel bad for the guy, but...

[590] So I really want to dig into that because I can really, really relate.

[591] And that's why I started laughing because I've gone over the same predicament in my head thinking maybe I need someone that's super ambitious and has loads of passions and there's a philanthropist and da -da -da.

[592] And then I thought, but then maybe they'll drive me crazy because we're all, you know, and then so I flip -flop and usually when I'm with one, I think I want the other.

[593] Same.

[594] And then when I'm with that, I'm like, nope.

[595] Same?

[596] Yeah.

[597] That's literally me. Yeah.

[598] I'll like.

[599] Maybe we can figure out this out today.

[600] I honestly can't.

[601] And I think, you know what it is?

[602] I think it's because we are people that.

[603] that are constantly switched on.

[604] Yeah, like neurotic, obsessive.

[605] Obsessive, like with work, with this, with that.

[606] I'm not obsessive in a relationship.

[607] Like, if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life, I'd be like, no way.

[608] And I couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life.

[609] Like, if you want to do whatever, you do whatever you want to do, that's your life.

[610] You live it the way you want to live it.

[611] So because I'm obsessive with my life and my career, I'm constantly switched on.

[612] so if someone around me isn't I almost feel like I don't know you think they're a bum God I think that's true it's true yes I know it's so true and then do you find yourself feel a bit lazy yeah but also I'm like Steve don't tell them because you're passing your own world view and your own values onto someone else who doesn't want it yeah and you shouldn't be trying to change people out here you accept them oh my god that is me i'm literally like what do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life what do you mean you don't have a passion what do you mean and i go crazy in my head and this is happening in my head whilst i'm looking at the meat do you know what i mean let's say i'm like let's say we're at dinner i'm having a full -on -blown conversation in my head like what do you mean you don't want this and he's just chilling you know you're not doing anything wrong And then I have to literally take a breather and be like, what am I doing?

[613] I can't, I can't push that on to someone.

[614] I can only push that onto myself.

[615] I need to chill out.

[616] Connected to this, maybe, maybe not.

[617] Your parents, hardworking?

[618] Oh my God, so hardworking.

[619] Came from another country.

[620] Came from another country.

[621] Immigrated at the back of a lorry.

[622] You know, I immigrated at the back of banana lorry.

[623] Wow.

[624] Yeah.

[625] And I remember we landed in.

[626] France and my family got arrested because we were immigrants and they separated us so they put me my mother and my brother in one room my dad in another room you could see him through the glass and I remember crying and crying and crying like dad dad dad I didn't know what was going on I was four years old but I still remember that I'll never forget the prison room was turquoise I'll never forget that and when we came to this country my mom and dad worked hard my mom worked three jobs my dad worked as a HV1 lorry driver every single night you know every penny they had they saved they saved they saved um my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem i'm gonna be honest my mom was constantly trying to like fix that problem and i've never actually mentioned that ever before ever and as much as I love my dad with my entire heart and I want nothing more but him to be happy it caused a lot of strain on my mum like trying to feed her family trying to work hard trying to save trying to take us on holiday you know so to save money and then to have the person you love gambling it way it's like what's the point like I don't understand why I'm with this person but in my culture you don't leave the man you're with you're stuck with them but my mum even though he was like that my mom loved and loves my dad so much it's pretty bizarre because that would be enough to take anyone off but she just believed in him he doesn't do anymore believed in him and nourished him and loved him so much and together they grew better um so for me if I have a man and he like places a bet on something it triggers me to think he's going to be gambling and I'm like oh my god no Sorry, out.

[627] He's put one bet down and I think he's a candlelight.

[628] Do you know what I mean?

[629] It's crazy.

[630] So I asked that question for a reason.

[631] Go on.

[632] Because we've established that we have very much similar traits and relationships that we tend to really value hard work and ambition.

[633] And it tends to be the case that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where hard work and ambition, were the thing that might have got us out of some bullshit.

[634] Let me tell you from my example, right?

[635] So very much the same as yours, but switch the parents.

[636] So I came from Africa.

[637] I was born in Africa, came to the UK.

[638] My dad had like a pretty good job, but my mom, you could all call it a gambling addiction.

[639] She had this, she has both gambling addiction on one hand because she played, there was probably a thousand lottery tickets.

[640] If I opened any drawing our house, lottery tickets, right?

[641] But on the other hand, she was, she was, she couldn't stop starting businesses to the point that the reason why we were so poor we never had birthdays or Christmases or went on holiday at all ever period was because my mum spent all the money trying to become a millionaire by starting these businesses they'd all fail within six months because you can't read or write and my dad was the unconditionally loving calm supportive won't leave you even though you're an absolute asshole parent right so it's one yeah so in my house I think when I think about why I am the way I am now I think money was such a big problem that In our house, it was the cause of so much pain.

[642] Same.

[643] That I grew up, valuing it so much.

[644] And the thing that would get you it, which to me would be like, you know, my, what I thought was happiness was like hard work, ambition.

[645] Like my parents worked so hard that they wouldn't even be in the house when I went to bed or when I woke up.

[646] And so I value hard work and ambition because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems, right?

[647] So, and especially as immigrants, right?

[648] There's a different, there's like an immigrant vibe.

[649] I get you.

[650] Yeah.

[651] I get you, we don't even have to talk about it, I just get you.

[652] So, like, this is part of the reason why I think in relationships, when someone doesn't have those values, when they don't value hard work and ambition, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[653] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[654] But it's probably something wrong with me. I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

[655] I think I'm not going to sit here and think there's something wrong with me. Not wrong.

[656] It's like, it's the result of my traumatic childhood experience, maybe.

[657] I wouldn't change it for the world.

[658] Do you know what it is?

[659] I swear to God, I think it's, it's the fact that, Okay.

[660] So a lot of people, when we moved to England, I was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends' houses.

[661] My dad was super strict.

[662] Like I couldn't even wear skirts around him.

[663] Absolutely not.

[664] Forbidden.

[665] And so when I did used to go to my other friend's houses, like English culture, it was a completely different vibe.

[666] Like their family was different.

[667] Like their moms and dads were different.

[668] And then when I'd come to my house, it was different.

[669] And I didn't understand it.

[670] So my dad has always wanted me to marry an Albania man. It's like he's dream.

[671] He's like, please, marry an Albanian man. Your tutor will be amazing together like this.

[672] And I'm like, Dad, I don't care what he is so long as I'm in love.

[673] And it happens to be that the guys I've been with have been English.

[674] And the cultures are completely different.

[675] And it, it, I don't understand.

[676] Like, sometimes when they do things, I don't understand.

[677] Give me examples.

[678] Like, okay, so in my household, Mediterranean, loud, proud, like, very, like, like, yeah, super loud, I am super loud, I love it.

[679] But, you know, you come to my house and my mom will have dinner ready for you, and my mom will buy you slippers to make you feel like home, you know, and she'll welcome you, hug you, kiss you on each cheek.

[680] But then when I'd go to Jack's families, for example, as much as they were so loving, so caring, it just wasn't the same.

[681] Like, you'd have dinner at different times.

[682] And I didn't understand it because I've been brought up in a family where everything's together, like togetherness, and everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid.

[683] So to have a different culture thrown into the mix, sometimes it does clash.

[684] And it does.

[685] Like cultures are different.

[686] but that doesn't mean one culture is better.

[687] It just means it's different.

[688] So it's up to you whether you want to learn both cultures and meet in the middle.

[689] It would be easier if I went for an Albanian guy because their culture is the same.

[690] And I've been brought up in that culture.

[691] But obviously, Jack's culture is completely different.

[692] So I've had to kind of like, you know, find the middle, find that middle ground, I guess.

[693] I don't know what you call it, but find that balance.

[694] Are you scared that you might not ever meet the right person?

[695] All the time.

[696] I'm all the time scared.

[697] I'm 26 years old and as women, we're told we have a time frame.

[698] If you're not 30, you have kids, you're too old.

[699] If you, if you have kids at 40, what kind of mum are you?

[700] All this bloody shit around us all the time.

[701] Do you how much pressure that adds as a woman?

[702] All the time.

[703] so much pressure that you've got to get married you've got to have kids you've got to be a mum you've got to be a mum before 30 oh I just want to like breathe out so much pressure and it petrifies me it honestly petrifies me because a lot of people around me in my industry are married or I'll have children or have like a fiancé and I had that and I almost think to myself I had that and I let that go And sometimes you think, do you know, and this is probably, I'm asking this question again for my own reasons.

[704] So do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being entrepreneur, Chrissy?

[705] No. You're never too busy for someone you love.

[706] I don't think that's the case.

[707] I don't think I'm too busy.

[708] You think what you're doing with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you being aware and forming a healthy relationship.

[709] when the prospect arises.

[710] Do you know what I think it is?

[711] When you have a nine to five, you clock out.

[712] You come home, you switch off.

[713] You don't clock out.

[714] You're working constantly.

[715] Even if you're in this room, you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business.

[716] You're thinking about something you need to do, something you to check off, something you to approve, something you to expand on.

[717] So it's so guilty for me to say this.

[718] I feel bad saying it, but I could be in a room with you and I'm thinking about my companies constantly.

[719] And someone who has a nine to five doesn't understand that because it's like you're switched off at five.

[720] And sometimes I feel bad saying, I do kind of wish I can switch off at 5pm, but I just can't.

[721] And I think it's not necessarily that I'm too busy.

[722] It's that I'm constantly thinking, even if I'm in the room with you, I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do.

[723] And you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by things, even if you're sat next to them.

[724] Yeah.

[725] You're often, you know.

[726] Yeah.

[727] I often say, I say, like, when I'm with somebody, my aim isn't for them to ever understand me. It's just to understand that they don't understand.

[728] Yeah.

[729] Because I think I'm, like, too difficult to understand.

[730] If I'm quiet for an hour, it doesn't mean I don't love you.

[731] It means that I've just got an email.

[732] So true.

[733] And it's just fucked me. And I actually don't want to always share things at home because it's a floating.

[734] Yeah, you're offloading.

[735] And I don't want to be back.

[736] Because I could offload 24 -7.

[737] Oh, trust me. So can I?

[738] Sarah's always like, oh, here we go again.

[739] but it's true like you know your phone is buzzing off constantly you could get a DM by someone you could you could get a message and email and it's like oh fuck really and then you're just sitting watching a movie with your partner tell me about that part of being an entrepreneur I think that's why I really started the podcast in the first place was I want to hear about the bullshit of running a business the unexpected unpredictable life shifting bullshit that happens Yeah, your life is you breathe and you live your businesses.

[740] I think this is something people don't understand.

[741] You live and you breathe your companies.

[742] They are your babies.

[743] No one and nothing can get in the way.

[744] And no one understands that.

[745] They see the money, the success, the followers, the this, the that, the blingy cars, whatever the hell you want to see.

[746] And let me tell you the reality, you don't have much time.

[747] you suck at relationships you don't have many friends and the friends that you have you don't really see them um when you do have time to yourself you never switch off ever you are the biggest self -critic ever you constantly think that you could be doing better and that pressure is insane mentally and physically it drains you and another thing is that I really you just want to say, if you think a life of an entrepreneur is so glamorous, this is the first time I've put on jeans in, I would say.

[748] I feel blessed.

[749] I feel privileged.

[750] I don't know how long, but I don't live in jeans.

[751] I live in sweats and sliders.

[752] If it sucks so much.

[753] It doesn't suck.

[754] And you know what I'm trying to say.

[755] Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.

[756] But I'm also here to try and help people understand multiple perspectives.

[757] Because people say, okay, so you've criticized, you know, you've talked, not criticized, but you've talked about the downsides, right?

[758] Why'd you still do it?

[759] Because you could just say, do you know what?

[760] I killed it.

[761] Hang up your gym, your active wear clothes, all your shoes.

[762] I don't know what people would say.

[763] And you could say, that's it.

[764] I'm done.

[765] Why don't you?

[766] Oh, no. Why not?

[767] Gosh, the feeling I get when I see someone's transformation, nah, that fills me up.

[768] that fuels me. When I see a transformation, when I see someone who had a mental health disorder or an eating disorder and is now thriving, do you know that is so unexplainable that nothing else matters?

[769] I'd rather not have a relationship, to be frank with you.

[770] I really am not that fast, so long as I can continue to help as many people, women as possible for me, that's enough.

[771] And that's why I don't stop.

[772] Is there an end point in all this?

[773] I hope not.

[774] Okay.

[775] There's no like mountaintop.

[776] There's no...

[777] No, I think that, you know, you're told in life that you need to go to school.

[778] You need to go to university.

[779] You need to achieve this, right?

[780] So then you achieve this and you are not satisfied.

[781] So you need to achieve this and then this and then this.

[782] I don't have goals for financial status, for awards, for anything like that.

[783] I had maybe two goals, and I've achieved one of them, which I won't share because it's actually very top secret, but you'll see it next year.

[784] But if you have these tangible goals...

[785] I'm thinking now what it is.

[786] I'm like, you finally married an Albanian man. I'm like, what's going on?

[787] Oh, yes.

[788] Daddy, I did.

[789] No, no, no. I didn't.

[790] No, I'm not married.

[791] Nope, that's actually very depressing.

[792] Thank you.

[793] Um, but no, it's like you, you know, when you wrote in your diary, I want a range rover.

[794] Right, you got a range rover.

[795] What then?

[796] Just total anti -climax.

[797] Yeah.

[798] Well, I want a million dollar house.

[799] Cool, what then?

[800] You're lonely in a house.

[801] Your house is so big, you don't even know what to do with it.

[802] By the way, my house is not.

[803] not so big.

[804] I don't know what to do with it.

[805] I need more space.

[806] But do you see what I'm saying?

[807] So I don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable.

[808] Is there a point when you're building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day?

[809] Because I can think about the worst days that I've had in business.

[810] What was the one that sprung to mine straight away?

[811] Oh God.

[812] Okay.

[813] So I'm a woman in tech, right?

[814] So with an app, there's complications that you are not even prepared for.

[815] There's maybe a bug, maybe this, maybe that.

[816] So obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back.

[817] From the developers?

[818] From the old developers.

[819] It was a third -party company.

[820] When we transferred it to brand new servers that are obviously, you know, pretty much ours.

[821] Because servers are just so huge.

[822] But I didn't know anything about tech when I started.

[823] Now you speak to me tech.

[824] I know tech language.

[825] So it's actually, I'm very proud because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell a server was.

[826] I was like, what's the first time you heard there's a bug, did you think?

[827] Oh, ladybird.

[828] Honestly, don't like, it's embarrassing.

[829] But when the transition happened, the whole app went br -roopsh, shut down.

[830] And imagine when you know when Instagram shuts down, people are like, oh my God, Instagram sucks.

[831] Like, F -U Instagram.

[832] Okay, but this is my company now.

[833] So when it shuts down It's like I can't I can't I can't pay for my employees I can't pay for my office I can't do this I can't do that When it shut down my whole face shut down with it I was like shit what do I do now This is it we lost 10 ,000 scribes in one day Fuck You times 10 ,000 by 1399 Yeah it's a lot of fucking money It's a lot of money in one day gone Gone That was probably one of the worst days And I just sat back And I looked at Jack And I just said to him What the fuck do we do now Jack being Jack He was like, don't worry We'll gain them back on Don't worry, why are you stressing This is what happens What'd you mean?

[834] Why I was stressing?

[835] Idiot What do you mean?

[836] He's like, chill out But yeah, that was probably the worst day And I just remember I lost so much weight right i lost i would say i was 56 kilograms i went down to 49 in like yeah i went down to 49 7 kilograms yeah but i went down to 49 so can you imagine in what space of time um three weeks to four weeks i couldn't keep anything on i wasn't eating i wasn't sleeping i lost everything then me and jack parted so and i was still producing videos, still producing content, still.

[837] How long was the app down for?

[838] It was down for three days.

[839] Three days.

[840] And I was still producing content going on Instagram.

[841] Don't worry, guys.

[842] We'll still get out there.

[843] I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, wasn't doing anything.

[844] I'd just broken up the person I was going to marry.

[845] I was in a house with my dog.

[846] The house that I built with the man I was supposed to be with.

[847] I didn't know what the hell I was doing anymore.

[848] At that point, I thought I thought I should give up.

[849] Not going to lie.

[850] But yeah, I was like, this is it now.

[851] No, no, I'm giving up.

[852] I've got my law degree.

[853] I'm going to go back to doing that.

[854] This is just too much stress.

[855] And then I didn't.

[856] I just kept going.

[857] Just kept going.

[858] Something inside me was like, you just have to keep going.

[859] Please don't give up.

[860] Please don't give up, Chrissy.

[861] You talked about, um, your own battles with mental health, um, over the years.

[862] I think, I think I read that you, you said you'd suffered with depression.

[863] at various stages?

[864] Can you tell me about that?

[865] Yeah, huge.

[866] Like, I mean, a lot of people see a very picture perfect image on Instagram, which I'm to blame.

[867] Just like everybody else, you want to showcase the best bits of you.

[868] Nothing wrong with that.

[869] You keep doing you.

[870] If that works, you keep doing you.

[871] But I have been in such dark places that I couldn't.

[872] I couldn't picture wanting anyone to feel what I felt are those places.

[873] Even someone I resent, not that I resent anyone, but I wouldn't even want that for them.

[874] These dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling, period.

[875] Like just be done with it.

[876] And I'll never forget I was laying in bed one day.

[877] and I was so depressed, so depressed, that I just thought to myself, it'd be so much easy if I wasn't here.

[878] That's so much easier, just quit, just leave.

[879] And I cried myself to sleep, and I work up the next morning, and it almost felt like in my dream, I'd made it happen, if you know what I'm trying to say, without saying it.

[880] And I just thought, I need to stop, because I cannot go on like this.

[881] And I think when I try and explain to people that I've, I know those dark places, I've been in those dark places, they don't believe me because they see me for the person I am today.

[882] They don't see the person that fought so hard to be where I am today, mentally.

[883] Not even about the success, the businesses, mentally.

[884] That's the most important thing up here.

[885] This is the most important thing.

[886] You can have all the money in the world, all the businesses in the world.

[887] You can have 300 employees, multiple companies.

[888] who gives a fuck about that if you up here are so not okay so yeah i've been through dark places but i've also picked myself up multiple times and i've had to brush my shoulders off and get shit done and that's why i keep saying to every single person out there you have to do this for you do this for you this is the the biggest and most important thing i can say to you and now that you have you know You've built this empire, this little fitness empire, which is rapidly growing.

[889] Do you ever find yourself in those dark places even today?

[890] Yeah.

[891] Not as bad.

[892] But I find myself, I find myself wondering if I'll ever have like a somewhat normal life.

[893] So like what we discussed, will I ever find someone again?

[894] will I be in love?

[895] Will I get married?

[896] Well, I have children.

[897] Like, I want children.

[898] I want to be married.

[899] I believe in those things.

[900] I want those things.

[901] But sometimes I wonder if those things are going to happen for me. And I do wonder, I just maybe need to stop overcomplicating things in my mind, but I can't switch off.

[902] And maybe the only way I know to switch off is just to quit.

[903] You see what I'm saying?

[904] It's a vicious circle.

[905] But then if I quit, I'll be so angry at myself for quitting.

[906] It's like ongoing.

[907] It's constant.

[908] It doesn't stop.

[909] So um and do you think part of that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now and how you live and work now and how obsessive you are now is probably not like conducive or um it's probably not going to allow that other all those other things you want to come true right so like you think well something is going to have to give at some point is that i do i'm not going to lie i i literally think like that i'm not going to lie like so when when tone of sculpts was built um we i didn't i honestly didn't realize it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure so everything's been hyper organic in the space of 12 months we now have a team of 22 people when it was just me and jack 12 months ago 22 people an office in in in london we know what the rent is like in london it's off the chain um 120 % growth you know month by month it's rapid growth we've just launched a brand new trainer um who is like insane and um i keep saying to myself okay when i get to this point i can i can relax and i say that to sarah all the time and i keep saying i keep mentioning sarah but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own blood because she's with me everywhere i go and she is the person i speak to about a lot of things So I always say to her, okay, when I get to this point with tone and scope, I can breathe.

[910] And bless her, she's like, yeah, yeah.

[911] But she knows in her head, I'll want more and I'll want more.

[912] But isn't that I want more is that I believe we can do more and I believe we can do more and strive for more.

[913] So when does it end?

[914] When does it end?

[915] It doesn't end.

[916] That's what I'm trying to say.

[917] So you have to make peace with it.

[918] You have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end.

[919] but you also have to make peace with the fact that you need to make maybe some self self adjustments and be a bit critical with yourself because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level that's that's my problem I need to deal with that's not their problem you know it's not fair on them how do you deal with that I think it I think it takes time I think you're not sure are you no i'm not sure i can tell by your body language oh god um it's okay to not have it figured out right i don't have it figured out and i'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out right yeah yeah i get that um but i do think i need to stop being so mean it's this balance right between trying to figure it out now because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have you know but then also realizing that you shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just you've literally made me feel in this podcast like I'm the most impossible person to be with I've not I'm just asking the questions oh no no I can't lie I'm not going to lie just to make myself sound good no it's it's a very important part of being a successful person that it has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain yeah I do and that's but also has these other things they want and life is a drop at you you can't have everything at the same time so what we're talking about now is like compromise and how you reach that compromise in your life if possible I'm in the same place I have no idea how that's going to happen but do you do you do you you want kids?

[920] I do want kids.

[921] Do you want to get married?

[922] I'm not so concerned about the concept of marriage, but I want to have a long -term partner because I want to have kids.

[923] And so I'm willing to commit long term.

[924] If it's a marriage, if it's signing some other piece of paper, if there's no paper, I don't really care too much about the whole marriage thing.

[925] If it matters so much to the partner, I'll do it, but I don't, I'm saying on the last podcast.

[926] No, I see what you mean.

[927] I don't have a great case for why the law or a religion should be involved in love.

[928] I don't think it has a great track record with love.

[929] So I'm like, I think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just reconsider.

[930] Yeah, I see what you mean.

[931] Like, I'm going to, my closing statement on this point is we are all so different.

[932] You are different from me. I need a little bit.

[933] But then, like, you're different from your assistant and I'm different from mine and my friends from school.

[934] Sure.

[935] So logically, you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections would also be unique and different.

[936] Like, and I think at any time in life where the script tells you, everyone has to go through this door.

[937] when you are a different shape it's like putting a triangle in a square I think that's when you have the question thing so I got kicked out of school because I just stopped going dropped out of university after one lecture and I've tried to navigate my way through life just rejecting the things that I'm meant to just accept blindly and marriage is one of them where I'm like can I achieve all the things I want to in a relationship without that piece of paper yeah and I put up my LinkedIn last week I said I basically said to the world I think marriage is a concept we need to reconsider for everyone someone proved me wrong and one guy commented he said i've been in a relationship for 45 years we love each other we've done this i said could you've done that without the marriage yes okay then yeah so what but you would do it if she or i don't know he whatever maybe but then i need to be honest here because you know if they really wanted to get married i'd ask them why they really wanted to get married i'm not like i am the same like for me a piece of paper doesn't defy my love for you Okay, let's talk about this then.

[938] So why do you want to get married?

[939] Do you know what it is?

[940] Like, this is me being a woman.

[941] I just really want to dress.

[942] We can do the wedding.

[943] Like, that's...

[944] Marriage is different from a wedding and a ceremony.

[945] Someone said that on my post.

[946] Yeah, I guess so when you put...

[947] Yeah, I mean, look, my dream wedding would genuinely be, like, on the beach, having, like, burgers and beers with the closest friends and families, running in the ocean.

[948] I don't want, like, a big fancy party.

[949] I feel like you just described your dream day.

[950] Yeah, literally.

[951] You know what I mean?

[952] If you could do that like this weekend.

[953] But if I said to you, because you're so busy, if I said to you, what do you want to do right now?

[954] I bet anyone you'd say, do you know what, I'd love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food with the people I love.

[955] Yeah, of course.

[956] Right?

[957] Of course, yeah.

[958] Overgoing out, getting smashed.

[959] Of course.

[960] That's what I'm saying.

[961] But a lot of people...

[962] The funny thing is my brain actually like, go on your laptop and check your emails.

[963] See, that's what I mean?

[964] Because you're obsessed.

[965] Yeah, I was like, because I love it.

[966] You know what I mean?

[967] Yeah, but what I'm saying is, to other people, they want a big wedding, a big, big fuss.

[968] I hate fuss.

[969] I absolutely hate fuss over me. And it's so funny because, like, even my team free me a surprise birthday party.

[970] I saw it.

[971] I was so awkward.

[972] I was like, don't ever do that again.

[973] I hate all eyes on me. Yes.

[974] Although my business is built on all eyes on me. To see how that's so contradicting.

[975] It's the same.

[976] I used to, my previous assistant, um, who ended up being my girlfriend, long fucking story, which we're not going to go into.

[977] Whoa, spilling the tea.

[978] I don't actually know Sophie, so my current assistant, Sophie, has been with me for four years.

[979] I don't know if she knows this, but.

[980] Sophie, do you know this?

[981] Do I, have I ever said to you when it's my birthday or when it's like social chains anniversary to not make a fuss about it?

[982] And the reason why I say this is because I get so much attention as it is and so much fuss for like being the founder, being the CEO, the eyes are always on me. You just don't want it.

[983] I'm like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, same, right?

[984] I'm the same and I always just feel like, oh, I don't know.

[985] So that's why my dream wedding day, if that day will come, is to just, oh my God, 20, 30 people max, closest friends and families, my dog there.

[986] And just to have the person I love.

[987] And I always say I want to be in a room full of people and look at the person I love and just me and him understand each other.

[988] You know what I mean?

[989] That feeling where you look at them and you're just like, I get you.

[990] I get you.

[991] And that's, that's what I crave.

[992] That's what I want.

[993] And you're right, a piece of paper doesn't define that feeling.

[994] Only you define that feeling in that person.

[995] So I don't need a piece of paper.

[996] You're right.

[997] I guess I just want the concept.

[998] Are you scared of death?

[999] Who me?

[1000] No, not all.

[1001] Who me?

[1002] Who me?

[1003] Who do you think I'm talking to me?

[1004] Who me?

[1005] No, I'm not.

[1006] I'm not.

[1007] Are you?

[1008] No, I'm not.

[1009] No. I'm not, like, um...

[1010] I'm scared of not living.

[1011] Yes, I'm scared of like, I really want to do things.

[1012] I want to explore.

[1013] I want to do things.

[1014] I want to, you know, my, my dream vacation would be to not have my phone there.

[1015] I don't care about a selfie.

[1016] I don't care about this.

[1017] I just want to be present in the moment.

[1018] And if I told you that you were going to die a week from now, what would you report, Oh, so much.

[1019] What would you regret?

[1020] So much.

[1021] Tell me. Not living.

[1022] Just working.

[1023] There you go.

[1024] Not living.

[1025] Like, as much as I love doing what I do, I'm not going to lie.

[1026] I've built what I've built telling people to look after themselves and I forget to look after myself.

[1027] And that's why when I do train and when I exercise, it's the only time I do feel like I'm doing something really special.

[1028] for myself and I've like I do a lot of skipping right amazing at skipping by the fucking way I watched you the other day I was like oh my god did you like I thought I was a good skipper no and I saw you like dancing while skipping and I was like oh she's like course she's doing like a double crossover and I just had to I started to feel really inadequate and insecure as a man it was fine so I just had to happen all the time I'm joking but you know why I skip why is that uh you have to be fucking present because if you're not present you get whipped right and when i'm skipping i literally feel like i can't think about anything else but the rhythm and for someone who's always on switched on someone who's always doing things you know people always tell me go go meditate do yoga can i fuck yeah can i fuck i'm like i literally go to meditate and i'm thinking about my my to -do list like but when i'm skipping i'm so engrossed in it that I'm literally so present in the moment and it makes me feel alive.

[1029] Same thing with training.

[1030] I'm so engrossed in training.

[1031] And that's why so many women, when I say to them, just train.

[1032] You're a mom.

[1033] You've got to think about your children.

[1034] You're a student.

[1035] You've got to think about your studies.

[1036] You're trying to make money because you don't know when you're going to pay your rent.

[1037] Just train.

[1038] It's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world and do something for yourself.

[1039] So.

[1040] I really want to loop back around to this point about if you were to die next week.

[1041] Oh, you were trying to avoid it, huh?

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] I was because you know the answer.

[1044] Yeah, but I want to hear the answer.

[1045] Because I'm asking this, I would feel the same way, right?

[1046] Maybe it's more awkward.

[1047] My palms are swayed.

[1048] It makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable, right?

[1049] It does because I love my job so much.

[1050] Like, I love what I do.

[1051] It, I thrive off it.

[1052] But on the flip side, I do wish I would stop being such an annoying little bitch and just take some time off for myself, you know?

[1053] I stop being so annoying to yourself, Chrissy.

[1054] Just take some time off.

[1055] It's okay.

[1056] It's okay to go do things you love doing.

[1057] Like traveling.

[1058] Obviously right now it's a pandemic, but you know what I'm trying to say.

[1059] Like travel.

[1060] Like maybe take a week off and just breathe.

[1061] But I can't.

[1062] I can't.

[1063] I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't.

[1064] you the same?

[1065] I'm the same.

[1066] Is there something, again, I'm just exploring this.

[1067] Is there something strange about that where you feel like, you know, you're saying, you're saying, I can't.

[1068] It's like you don't have a choice.

[1069] But at the same time, you're telling me that if you were to die next week, you would regret not living.

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] Oh my God.

[1072] This is such a heavy load of question.

[1073] I feel like, I feel like this is the therapy session I needed.

[1074] But it's, it's so true what you've just.

[1075] just said you've literally just you've shut me up you shut me up because I can't you're like thank fuck thank fuck I'll shut her up but it's true like I can't stop working because something keeps telling me I can't stop right now not yet but on the flip side if I was to die next week I'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do things that I love doing I love going to museums no one knows that.

[1076] I literally love looking at things.

[1077] But you think that's a waste of time?

[1078] I do.

[1079] Right now.

[1080] Right now, yeah.

[1081] And time is every entrepreneur's biggest asset.

[1082] Time is everything.

[1083] How could it possibly be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret?

[1084] The reason why I think this death question is so revealing is they do one of these, there's a lady called Bonnie Ware, who was, she worked with, I think it's called palliative patients.

[1085] which are people that are about to die.

[1086] They've got home to die.

[1087] And she asked them the question, what are your biggest regrets?

[1088] And she wrote it down.

[1089] And she was doing this for years and she wrote a blog about it.

[1090] And there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions.

[1091] In that moment, you can imagine only the things that matter.

[1092] People, what that girl said about your hair, none of this shit won't fucking matter.

[1093] The playground shit, none of it will matter.

[1094] you'll just be left with the things that truly mattered.

[1095] And so putting yourself in that mindset, I call it like deathbed thinking, allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in accordance with the things that will matter in that like final moment.

[1096] And so I ask this question because I think the same about me. I'm like, if you told me today that I had four days left to live, I'd be like, why didn't I have a better relationship with my family?

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] Why didn't I go see my niece?

[1099] I don't have a relationship with my brother.

[1100] well yeah you know I have a shit relationship with my mom in particular yeah I don't see my my two nieces enough but I've probably seen them I know three or four times she's maybe three years old she's only two hours away and so I think these things about myself and I think okay so but what are you sacrificing have you made a change because no one's ever asked me that so see the question is now you've asked yourself that I think it'll always be there but but it won't be but no one's ever asked me that so now you've got me thinking oh shit I need to get Sarah to put me a holiday because fuck me I need to live my life but it's like in all honesty I'll probably leave today and keep doing what I'm doing day and day out until at some point you'll learn this lesson the hard way facts and you know um recently one of the most important people of my life passed away the woman that gave me a home you know um you know um you know you know my best my best friend Holly, who is literally my sister, her mom gave me a home when I was homeless.

[1101] And, you know, she didn't once mention the months she let me live there, the food I ate, the hot water I use, not once, ever bought it up.

[1102] And I saw her on her dying bed, right?

[1103] And I held her hand, and I just kept thinking to myself, nothing matters at this point.

[1104] And do you know what Holly said to me?

[1105] She goes, I would have called you sooner, but I was scared you were doing something.

[1106] And at that point, it hit me. Like, I looked at and I went, never say that again.

[1107] You call me when you need me. I'm always there for you.

[1108] But it's the fact that we've, the people around us know how busy we are, that they sometimes feel like, oh, maybe I just shouldn't.

[1109] The most important people.

[1110] Even my mom doesn't now.

[1111] She goes, I didn't call you, babe, it's okay.

[1112] I know how busy you are.

[1113] And I say to her, no, you call me when you want me and you need me. And it's not like you've told people not to call you, right?

[1114] it's that they think that you're just so busy that it will be a disruption because you've made them feel that way yeah I'm to blame 100 % and you know you have to take a step back and you have to realize what matters in life and that for me that moment there I just realized to myself and I messaged every single person I love the most and I said I don't care how busy I am I'm always here for you always So that's a real personal moment for your best friend And I imagine you said earlier that you don't have many friends I have acquaintances but like close friends You know like friends No I don't think a lot of people do though If you really like ask them I don't have many friends Yeah like I have people that are there Like acquaintances and I have people that I would genuinely die for Those are my friends you know And I can count them on my hand Holly is one of them Other people have more friends Is that a first statement?

[1115] Typically Yeah, sure But I don't really care If you have more friends than me To be honest I'm happy with the people I have Because you have more friends with me It doesn't make you more superior Or makes you a better person Because you have more people around you It's just You know, I'm only 26 I don't know how many friends I'm going to have at 62 So I have friends Do you see what I'm saying?

[1116] Probably less Maybe Yeah, I couldn't into the day so you'd maybe but at the same time I couldn't have asked for better friends that I have now and the friends I have now would protect me and look after me and they know I would do anything for them that's what matters not having a hundred friends I want one good friend not a hundred random friends so I asked that question because I think I've definitely struggled to make and to hold onto friendships because of the way I've been over the last decade in the same way of relation like normal relationships I found that I don't invest enough in my friendships as much as I probably should.

[1117] Okay, I'm going to be completely honest.

[1118] People come and go, right?

[1119] People come and go.

[1120] And it's so bizarre because I know it sounds crazy, but I've pretty much built a virtual community, right?

[1121] And I feel like that's my team.

[1122] even though I may have not met these women physically I feel like they get me more than the people in my own life is that weird do you think that's weird you think it's a bit weird don't you be honest I don't know if it's like I speak to people it's an very curious thing you've just said yeah like you should I don't know if you've ever seen maybe not but when I go on a live workout and I work out with with hundreds and thousands of women I don't see them they see me but I feel the energy I can't explain it to you I sound crazy right now and people probably think I'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo but let them think what they want when I'm like reading a DM right or when I'm going live for a workout or when I add a new workout on and when I repost people because you see I repost a lot of people right And half the time I don't even tag to her in a sculpt.

[1123] I just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever.

[1124] And that to me, I almost feel like that's enough friends.

[1125] Like I have friends for life.

[1126] This is my family, my unit, my team, my tribe.

[1127] And as crazy as I may sound, I feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life.

[1128] So that's when I go on social media and you see me, understand that's me. because I feel like we're friends and you get me and it's crazy because they do get me and I get them they get my sense of humour they get me trying to dance on camera and be stupid I don't care I sometimes forget I have 2 .3 million followers and I come friends well I sometimes forget right have you seen that I come online and I don't have makeup on I forget I genuinely forget and I'm like oh shit my skin's a bit crusty right now And I just posted that to 2 .3 million people.

[1129] What's my crazy -ass thinking?

[1130] And I sit back and I'm like, oh, fuck it, I don't care.

[1131] But the nature of the internet is that you would, of course, you've got 2 .3 million people.

[1132] There's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that want to make you feel like shit too.

[1133] Can I be honest?

[1134] I'm very lucky.

[1135] Really?

[1136] Yeah, I'm very lucky, man. I don't get much negativity.

[1137] I don't.

[1138] And when I do, if like someone's been horrible on a post, because I have a big insecurity about my boobs, all right, like, they're saggy, I'll say it.

[1139] And cool, I've always had a big insecurity about it.

[1140] And I remember this one girl just ripped them to shred.

[1141] She was just like, ew, like they look disgusting and saggy.

[1142] I didn't even see the comment until I started seeing community members reply back to her.

[1143] now there's a difference between replying back to someone and being like you need to stop that was hurtful and then replying back meanly if you're replying back me that's not nice like you don't cure hate with hate right so if I see someone being really nasty someone I don't like that like I'd rather you not defend me I don't want that you don't know what that girl's going through just because she's being mean to me you don't know what she's going through the pain she must be in you don't know but when I see someone like hey sis like you need to chill because that's not nice you don't know what that comment could do to someone that's a team that's a community that's a family right there so i'm pretty blessed i don't get as much negativity as maybe other people i'm pretty pretty blessed touch word that doesn't change um but listen i i don't know how to explain it to you and i'm going to sound hella crazy right now but the the community i have man it's something like special it's something that it's unexplainable the feeling they give me and that to me is my friends as weird as I may sound and lonely as I may sound some of the things you're working on right yeah so you've got a book coming out yes which is exciting tell me about this so exciting so I'm officially an author oh my god so my book do this for you how to be as strong women on the inside and out is not your average fitness book.

[1144] So I'm pretty sick and tired of 20 -day challenges and kind of telling women that, oh my God, do this 20 -day challenge and you're going to lose 10 pounds.

[1145] Oh, shut up.

[1146] It's draining, jarring, stop.

[1147] I'm going to teach you how to create habits, discipline, consistency, longevity.

[1148] That's what it's about.

[1149] You know, all the programs on the Tonoscop app are some of them are a year long.

[1150] Fucking out.

[1151] That doesn't, kind of goes against the typical sales, cells a script of something with, you know, status quo.

[1152] Like, small effort from you, big results.

[1153] That's what sells, right?

[1154] Yeah.

[1155] Five days, you'll lose 100 pounds, you know?

[1156] But that's very honest of you and I think that's real, right?

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] No, you're not, you're going to lose weight.

[1159] Of course, you're going to lose weight.

[1160] If you're doing stupid amounts of cardio, cutting out specific food groups and you're literally depriving yourself, of course you're going to lose weight.

[1161] Not sustainable.

[1162] Is it sustainable?

[1163] No. So the way I always say it is, funny enough, in a relationship, if you're constantly just like horrible to someone all the time, is that sustainable, not really?

[1164] You have to nourish, you have to love, you have to care, you have to show effort, consistency.

[1165] That's what works.

[1166] The same thing with training.

[1167] It's a constant effort you put in day and day out that will make a difference.

[1168] And so it's all about discipline's habits, consistently.

[1169] Yeah.

[1170] And it's a book that, do you know what, in all honesty, it's a book that I know when someone reads, they're going to pass it down.

[1171] Right, William.

[1172] It's one of those books.

[1173] You read it and it gets you thinking.

[1174] It's a thinking book.

[1175] So I did the audio book for it as well last week.

[1176] And when I was reading it, I was like, damn, that was good.

[1177] I was like, I know someone's going to read that.

[1178] Yeah, yeah.

[1179] Listen to it.

[1180] And it's true.

[1181] It's a thinking book.

[1182] I ask you what your why is.

[1183] So if I say to you, what is your why?

[1184] Why is it that you want to train?

[1185] I've been over this a lot But I mean like The thing that I keep trying to get myself away from Is having a really extrinsic why That's like I want to look good for summer Because when summer ends and I look good That shit is done There we go But that's a lot of people's wise I want to lose weight for my wedding dress I want to lose weight for this For an occasion occasion occasion Yeah timeline timeline Yeah The occasion comes what then You fall off a cliff Yeah It's not a sustainable why So I teach you have to gain a sustainable but why, which is fundamentally the most important foundation you need for fitness, then I teach you habits.

[1186] You don't think twice about brushing your teeth.

[1187] Why think twice about your health?

[1188] Why think twice about your health?

[1189] Your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need to live.

[1190] You need to get one of them as well, right?

[1191] And why are you thinking twice about it?

[1192] Why are you viewing fitness as a chore?

[1193] Your view in your health as a chore?

[1194] That's a shame.

[1195] Your body deserves more.

[1196] When have you heard people speak about health like this, In a society where women are driven by fat loss pills and quick, quick fat diets and intense workout sessions, it's time to stop.

[1197] It's time to tell you that you need to calm the fuck down.

[1198] Remember your why.

[1199] Remember how important your health is and understand that if you have a bad day, it's okay.

[1200] It's okay to have a bad day.

[1201] So that's what, do this for you is all about sounds amazing I'm going to read it thank you we'll link the pre -order as well in all of the in the podcast and also on the YouTube video I wanted to ask you what other things you're working on I know you just launched an active wear line that looks pretty awesome they are god has so many issues with that to begin with but we got there in the end got there in the end honor active um honor active is fundamentally I was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week um and one of the things I said is that I don't want it to be a trend setter because I don't I don't want my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy because it's trendy and that's that I want unaactive to be something you go back to time and time again so all of our collections have certain names like the first collection is called classic because you're always going to come back to it's designed with specific material that you always come back to it the next collection is called timeless and then our winter collection is called effortless so it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend always and forever that it doesn't matter what year it is you're still going to love honoractive because trendsetters they come and they go you have your 15 minutes fame and then it goes yeah but i want something to be sustainable if you look at night lulu lemon the biggest brands in the world they don't have fancy stuff some of the best lulu lemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find, but they're trusted and they're loved.

[1202] And that's exactly what I want honour to be.

[1203] I'm not here to start trends.

[1204] Sorry, I'm not here to start trends.

[1205] I'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings and you trust this product.

[1206] That's my goal for Honoractive.

[1207] On to the next business?

[1208] No, Tonoscove is still like, obviously, my number one baby and an Honoractive, of course.

[1209] but what we've done with Tonan Sculpt we launched a brand new athlete Daniel Wilson I don't know if she saw I clicked on her profile she followed me I was quite she loves you oh my gosh she's going to be so excited yeah she's like oh my God she always reposted you and I was like yeah he's all right I'm joking she's like oh my God I love him I'm like yeah he's alright I'm joking but now she is very special because I approached her and the reason why I want to talk about her briefly in this in this podcast is because I think it's very important she's a 200 pound african -american woman 5 foot 11 not your average fitness guru right so why would tone and sculpt want her she's not your average fitness guru why would you want someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like let me tell you why because fitness for such a long time is not about the way it looks it's about the way it makes you feel she trains because it makes her feel alive she's an athlete yeah she trains athletes she is an athlete she's built like an athlete yeah that's what i wanted for my brand so when i approached her year and a half ago i slid into her dms and i was like i am every day inspired by you and i didn't really think i wanted trainers, other trainers on the Tonin Sculpt app, but I need you.

[1210] I need you on this app.

[1211] And she was like, what are you serious?

[1212] Like, you really think I should be on the app.

[1213] And I was like, hell yeah, you need to be on this app.

[1214] You inspire me. I know you're going to inspire thousands of other women.

[1215] And it's funny because when the whole Black Life Matter thing happened, five other companies approached her in that month, five other fitness brands.

[1216] And I had a face time with her.

[1217] said, listen, babe, if they're offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you, I understand.

[1218] Business is business.

[1219] She goes, hell no, I'm married to you.

[1220] I'm not going anywhere.

[1221] I'm married to you.

[1222] She goes, but how funny is it that it took something happening for them to approach me?

[1223] I don't say anything.

[1224] And I said to her, I'm going to let you answer that question yourself, for yourself.

[1225] Oh, that, that, that week, muff, my emails were blowing up.

[1226] Black Lives Matter Week, I had more speaking requests, more invitations to campaigns than I've ever had in my entire life.

[1227] You know what it is, but I'm going to be honest, I'm going to take the bag.

[1228] Do you know what I mean?

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] If you're, if you're approaching me because, um, you think you suddenly have had this revelation that you need a black person involved.

[1231] Fine.

[1232] Fine.

[1233] I can't find, uh, you know, what am I going to do?

[1234] Say no and then like, they're going to have to go, because in this country.

[1235] Go off to.

[1236] To, find someone else yeah and in this country when you think about young black successful entrepreneurs me and jamael edwards there's and he the guy who made sb tv who's been on this podcast is fucking no one else like are you going to have to start looking at footballers if you want young black and successful and so yeah fucking and also i can use that platform as as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions in the same way Obama inspired a lot of naive Americans to think that oh my god a black person can be smart and intelligent and clean don't please i could just so yeah i took the bags every single bag all mine and you know what i've and i'll keep taking them yeah no hell yeah like are you fucking joking me i said i i looked at dan i said stania on the on the face time it doesn't matter where you go it matters what you're going to represent yeah yeah do you understand that you're going to change a young girl's life by being somewhere, being present, being vocal, being ambitious, do it.

[1237] If the platform that's offering you more money is bigger, do it.

[1238] She was like, no, I want to be at Tony and Skull.

[1239] Of course, because you...

[1240] Yeah, but that's just loyalty.

[1241] That's just her being loyal.

[1242] But it goes beyond bringing another trainer onto the app.

[1243] It's about representation.

[1244] It's about I'm sick and tired of fitness having one status quo.

[1245] Fitness is not one status quo.

[1246] It's about to help people mentally and physically.

[1247] If it wasn't for fitness, I would not be your life today.

[1248] And that's facts.

[1249] So what's next for Chrissy?

[1250] What's next?

[1251] When you think about the future...

[1252] Personally, I don't know.

[1253] Business, amazing.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] Stuff that are coming up beyond.

[1256] But from a personal perspective, I don't know.

[1257] I really don't know.

[1258] I don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal life.

[1259] Are you happy?

[1260] In what sense?

[1261] That's the question.

[1262] For what in what sense?

[1263] In your life?

[1264] Are you happy?

[1265] I would say I'm really happy in my career and I'm really happy in my community.

[1266] From a personal perspective, I think I need to just take a breather.

[1267] And I would say I need to work on my happiness on a personal perspective a little bit more.

[1268] Yeah, for sure.

[1269] You're going to do that?

[1270] see you're funny because you ask me the questions and you ask if I'm going to do it and then I don't know the answer to that question because I don't know if I will do it so I don't know I think I just need to I think I just need to be a bit more patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself and less self defensive listen I've I've taken a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation I've learned a lot about myself as well really yeah it's like you know on many of these issues they are there are issues that anybody in the situation, you know, both me and you find ourselves in in life where we're running businesses and we're very busy, but then we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time when one of those, you know, facets of our life is so all -consuming, we feel the same things and we're confused by it.

[1271] We don't have the answers.

[1272] And as much as we want to have the answers and have control over everything, because we are used to that and we strive for that in our business, you know, sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy.

[1273] Maybe that's a lot of the answer.

[1274] But thank you so much for giving me your time today.

[1275] But more importantly, for giving me so much honesty.

[1276] And where can where can people find you?

[1277] I mean, you're everywhere.

[1278] So you're dumbass question.

[1279] You've got your book coming out.

[1280] You've got your app.

[1281] You've got your active wear line.

[1282] I'm sure people will find you.

[1283] And I just want to say thank you because there's very few people out there that are a willing to be honest.

[1284] It takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest, but it does so much for so many people.

[1285] And on behalf of your community, on behalf of entrepreneurs like me, on behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your footsteps, a huge thank you, because what you're doing, it's costing you a lot, but it's giving the world even more.

[1286] So thank you.

[1287] Thank you so much.