#242 - Justin Halpern

[0] Oh, yeah, use the code name Rogan.

[1] Go Rogan podcast, check it out.

[2] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[3] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[4] That was probably the worst one ever.

[5] You didn't like that one.

[6] DJ Red Band.

[7] I like that one.

[8] No, it was interesting.

[9] It was definitely, you definitely threw a curveball.

[10] I needed to get more sound effects or something.

[11] Yeah, you're fucking awesome, though what you have, buddy.

[12] We have echo, and fade.

[13] That's what you need, man. That's what you need.

[14] It's perfect.

[15] It's so old school.

[16] Justin, what's up, man?

[17] How are you doing?

[18] Welcome.

[19] Thanks for having me. Oh, please.

[20] Thank you.

[21] Thanks for being on.

[22] So you're the dude who created the shit my dad says Twitter account, which became a cultural phenomenon.

[23] It's you, man. Yeah, no, it was crazy.

[24] How'd you do that?

[25] I was just, I was.

[26] You're bad motherfucker.

[27] I was.

[28] Maybe my dad is.

[29] I don't know.

[30] Is it all really stuff he says?

[31] Or do you kind of juice it up a little bit every now and then?

[32] I'll like edit it to get it into the 140 characters and Twitter.

[33] But it's all his sentiment.

[34] yeah yeah definitely i mean he he would fucking flip out if i if i he because he checks it like once every two months to make sure it's like stuff that he said so i would how does he feel about this man that's got to be a trip all of a sudden your your your your likeness is being portrayed on television by captain kirk yeah that he that he was like the show is shitty he's like the television show is And I don't totally disagree.

[35] But he honestly didn't give a shit about William Shatner or the TV show at all.

[36] He liked the book that I wrote.

[37] He was like into that.

[38] He's more into reading than he is watching TV.

[39] Have you ever thought about putting a camera on him?

[40] Does he want to do that?

[41] He would hurl it to the ground.

[42] Yeah.

[43] He's not into that at all.

[44] He's just really that guy.

[45] Yeah.

[46] That's a weird line though.

[47] You've kind of drawn, you know?

[48] You've like depicted him.

[49] Yeah, well, I was really worried.

[50] about telling, because I didn't even tell them at first.

[51] You know, the first couple months, I didn't think, I just was for my friends.

[52] So I was like, nobody's going to see this.

[53] So there's no, I shouldn't bother him with it.

[54] And then when it's like blew up and people were like, hey, you're interested in doing a book?

[55] I was like, well, I should tell my dad first.

[56] When did you start the Twitter account?

[57] It was crazy.

[58] I started in August 2009.

[59] And by, I think, like, August 21st.

[60] I started August 3rd.

[61] By August 21st, I had like 300 ,000 followers.

[62] It was nuts.

[63] Like, it just went viral.

[64] and then probably like two weeks later is at a million.

[65] Holy shit.

[66] Yeah, it was like right when Twitter was like, you remember that like Ashton Cudder race to a million?

[67] Yeah, like that kind of bullshit was going on.

[68] And so it was like it was in the news.

[69] Like if it happened now, I don't know.

[70] But back then it was like perfect timing.

[71] Wow, it's amazing.

[72] That's incredible.

[73] So just out of the word of mouth, basically, people just sharing it with themselves, it literally went viral to a million people.

[74] Yeah, yeah, it did.

[75] I think, like, it was at, like, 10 ,000 one day when I went to, I, like, went to bed.

[76] It was at 10 ,000.

[77] And then Rob Cordry tweeted it, and then he, like, tweeted a link, like, I like this.

[78] And who was Rob Cordry?

[79] Rob Cordy's, like, comedian.

[80] He was, like, in Hot Top Time Machine and the Daily Show and stuff.

[81] He was just like a...

[82] I'm sure I know him.

[83] Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you cross paths at some point.

[84] And he had, like, a million followers or something.

[85] And so when he tweeted it out, then all of a sudden, the next day, it was like $100 ,000.

[86] Wow.

[87] And it just kind of just kept going faster and faster.

[88] faster and people kept sharing it and then it was like all right well what am i going to do now how old were you when this was going 29 wow and what is what is this like i mean you're sitting there you're going okay what do i knew that what do i what do i do with this yeah well i was living at home so like i was i was writing for maxim and i was living at home i just split up with my uh girl or she had split up with me to be more frank um and uh and so i just like didn't know what the fuck i was going to do because I was just sitting there devastated yeah and I was like living in my childhood bedroom and it was like really depressing yeah and then when all this stuff started happening you know I'd been writing for a while and I'd been up here writing and waiting tables and doing all that stuff and then been writing for magazines the last couple years before that and then this guy reached out to me he was like maybe you could you know is there maybe there's a book in this and so then I started to sort of sit down and write some essays about just stories about me and my dad and then sort of submitted them how many stories do you have I got a lot of stories.

[89] He's crazy.

[90] But for the book, I wrote like 12 essays.

[91] So like if that book was single spaced and in like normal font, it'd be like nine pages.

[92] But, but yeah, I mean, I, that book was like, yeah, around 12 or 13 essays, maybe like 160, 170 pages.

[93] And I kind of just tried to keep ones that didn't feel redundant.

[94] So is your dad just like always on about everything?

[95] Does he always have something funny to say about everything?

[96] Is he just that guy all day?

[97] No, he's not, he's not, like, he'll be just, like, quiet for two hours, and then he'll just, like, explode on you or something.

[98] He just, like, a lot of shit pisses him off, you know?

[99] And so, and he doesn't have a lot of people to talk to because he doesn't have any friends except for my mom.

[100] I mean, that's the way he wants it, though.

[101] Like, he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't, he's, he's like, my best, he's like, my best friend lives in Tennessee.

[102] I see him once a year.

[103] I'm like, that's a, that's not a good best friend, I think.

[104] He, well, why is he chosen?

[105] And that's, I mean, that behavior is, uh, why would you not want to have friends?

[106] He just would rather be able to not say, like, say whatever he wanted, unfiltered.

[107] Like, he always just tells the truth.

[108] So you kind of, like, lose a lot of friends along the way.

[109] Really?

[110] You would think you would gain them.

[111] The ones, he has, like, two or three, and they're super close.

[112] Like, they're grizzled all guys that say shit, like, I'd die for you.

[113] You're like, when would that ever come up?

[114] But, okay.

[115] So, yeah, but I mean, like, he, he, he, he, He's not, so he's not always on, but, you know, he's got really, like, interesting.

[116] He grew up in the South, but he's a doctor.

[117] So, like, he grew up on a farm.

[118] He was in the military.

[119] He was, like, a tobacco farmer until he was, like, you know, 15, 16.

[120] So, you know, I think he's got a unique perspective.

[121] Wow.

[122] Yeah, that's a pretty intense life.

[123] But he doesn't want to do anything publicly.

[124] He doesn't want to, like, be, you know, I mean, have you ever interviewed him on anything?

[125] Yeah, you know, I did, for this, for my second book that came out, I did a, I was like, I was like you don't want like you have a lot of fans you want to do a like nobody gives a shit about me like they want to see you do you want to like I was like do you want to do like a video interview or something that's if you buy the ebook you get like you know whatever and he was like I'll do it if it's you me in the camera and I'm like well what about somebody to run the camera he's like fucking I'm out I'm like all right fine I'll run the camera and be really yeah so I was like me turning on the camera and then running over and sitting in the thing and being what is uh he just doesn't want another person in the room he just doesn't get along with people that well wow so he's just a grizzled old dude like I feel like maybe that's how they made him back then I don't know but uh I mean like the thing the weird thing is if you came up to him on the street he'd be like a perfect gentleman you know right like he'd be keeping it together he doesn't really want to talk to you not really he's not gonna be rude to he just doesn't really want to so he picks out a couple people like his family and he's like this is it this is these are the people I talk to yeah I'm not talking anybody else yeah That's how my grandfather was also.

[126] Really?

[127] My grandfather was really just like one of those like scream at your wife.

[128] Like doors get over here and just like not like a not happy.

[129] I grew up with a grandfather who was, he was a great guy.

[130] But him and his wife fought like cats and dogs.

[131] It was crazy.

[132] My grandparents used to fucking scream at each other.

[133] They would scream at each other.

[134] That was like four, five.

[135] You know, it's like this little monkey watching these crazy old Italians.

[136] Don't rush me, Joe!

[137] Don't you fucking rush me!

[138] My grandmother would be screaming at my grandfather.

[139] I'm like, whoa.

[140] That's what I remember.

[141] I remember at a very early age going, whoa, the relationships can go this far south?

[142] Fuck, man. Dude, I feel like people back then, they used to do, like, they keep it together.

[143] Yeah, it's a little harder life and nobody's getting divorced as much as they are now.

[144] So it's like...

[145] Yeah, it's a totally different world, man. It was a dangerous, scary world.

[146] back then that was a you know they lived they lived through the world wars the depression like that kind of shit my grandparents came over here during the depression you know that's like that's when they arrived they arrived like right in the middle of the shit so the fact that they were sane at all you know the fact that they made it through and had family and actually had those family like go off yeah and survive on their own in the wild it's incredible yeah I feel like it was I mean I know it sounds kind of like cliche to say but it was just a way harder existence You had to be way tougher.

[147] You had to be someone who dealt with a lot more tragedy, that's for sure, for the most part.

[148] You know, I think the world was just a harsher, more, you know, more animalistic place almost back then.

[149] People didn't want to hear any bullshit.

[150] Yeah, it's unfortunate, man. So many people from those really hard eras grew up without much joy, you know.

[151] They have like funny shit to say, but it's this angry, fucked up funny, you know?

[152] I know.

[153] Well, like, my dad was, he grew up on a tobacco farm.

[154] And when he was like 10, he worked the farm.

[155] He went like 10, he fell off a wagon and rolled over his arm and it crushed his elbow.

[156] And when they took him to the doctor, the doctor told his dad, he was like, I can amputate his arm and he'll live for sure.

[157] Or I can give him like this medication and maybe there's only 30 % chance that he lives.

[158] And he said his dad was like, let him die.

[159] There's no, there's no room in the world for a one -arm farmer.

[160] Holy shit.

[161] Holy shit.

[162] And that was just like how it was back then.

[163] The doctor was like, all right, cool.

[164] And then just it gives him the stuff.

[165] Wow.

[166] Yeah, but that was 10.

[167] His dad said, let him die.

[168] Yeah, he said, let him die.

[169] There's no room in the world for a one -arm farmer.

[170] Holy shit.

[171] Imagine thinking that when you're 10, that you're not even, no one cares about you.

[172] Your arm is broken.

[173] And they're like, let him die.

[174] Well, this is how crazy my dad is.

[175] When he told me that story, I was like, that's so fucked up.

[176] He's like, what are you talking about?

[177] He saved my arm.

[178] I'm like, are you insane?

[179] That's what you take from that?

[180] Oh, my God.

[181] Jesus Christ.

[182] I've been watching all these documentaries recently about Neanderthals, you know, and about, you know, there's like people that are talking about, like, they're pretty much sure that most white people have some percentage of Neanderthal in us.

[183] And imagine if you, for some reason, had to go back to that time and survive.

[184] imagine how hard that would suck to be making spears with fucking rocks and animals seeing you I mean would you just like take your clothes off and just walk into the ocean and drown and would you just give up I mean would you even want to get to today I've actually thought a lot about that because I was like I thought about like how far back in time I'd have to go to actually be able to invent anything that was cool and I don't know how to anything works I just used all I would if that was the case yeah I would just do what you see You would think, like, man, do I really, I think your survival instincts would kick in, but, you know, you wouldn't have this, you know, this esoteric search for happiness, this deep search for happiness.

[185] Like, everybody has, like, I just don't know where I'm at, at this point of my life, like, okay, you know why?

[186] Because there's no fucking struggle.

[187] You're getting through your day, hopping in your Rangerover with your little tiny dog, and there's just no real struggle.

[188] Okay, so you're confused, and you're saddened.

[189] You might be happy, if you were chasing animals with a fucking pointy stick.

[190] You might be happy if you were running a farm.

[191] You might be, man. I mean, you can even see it today in like really shitty countries.

[192] Nobody's like, hmm, should I pursue a law degree?

[193] You're like, no, I just want to stay alive.

[194] It's just fucking stay alive.

[195] Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of weirdness to this life.

[196] You know, this life is, we might not be set up to handle it, you know.

[197] We might not be set up to.

[198] to deal with all the pressures, the technology and society and all this, all this information that's coming at us all the time.

[199] We might not be set up for that shit.

[200] Well, it's like you were saying before we started, like, people get crazy when they get online.

[201] Yeah, some people do.

[202] Some people, it's like they could finally lash out.

[203] They could fuck the world back like the world's been fucking them, you know?

[204] They just feel like the world fucks them.

[205] Like, everywhere they turns, like, this is not working out, you know?

[206] you're looking at television you're like that's not my life you know you're looking at the reality is most people out there are not doing exactly what they want to do and they want to be angry at somebody and all day most of them work and if you're working most of the time you have to keep your fucking mouth shut you can't say what you want to say you're in an office so the bunch of people you'd actually get sued for trying to crack jokes you know you can't say anything sexual you know if you do you're going to go to court and you're going to get sued for sexual harassment.

[207] It's like this really restrictive environment.

[208] And then they get online and like, you fucking suck.

[209] You fucking kill yourself, drown in AIDS.

[210] And it's like this concentrated attack on like Britney Spears or, you know, or anybody.

[211] Yeah.

[212] That's what it is.

[213] It's like this just fucking, this little volcano of hate.

[214] It just pops out.

[215] It's because these poor fucks live a shit life.

[216] I had when shit my dad says first started getting popular and like I got a book deal out of it and I was checking at replies the day it did and this guy had filled up because you can only have 140 characters per tweet right he had filled up like 15 or 20 tweets just all caps faggot the whole way down at me it was just actually my dad says it was just nonstop he spent like probably like 10 or 15 minutes just doing nonstop fagin there's something funny about that though did you laugh I was dying laughing I was like I took a screenshot I would send it all my friends and stuff oh that's that's fucking great man that is great what a silly bitch is there a a tweet that you did that it's your favorite one that you still like look back at and like man that was great and that's like one in particular yeah I mean because like for me he he said him to me you know so I was like there's context to it and stuff And this one time, he, he, like, loves our dog more than, like, people.

[217] And he brought our, he took the dog at the dog party.

[218] He walked in one day and sat on the couch, and he's like, he's like, well, I guess we're banned from the dog park.

[219] And I was like, fuck, what happened?

[220] He's like, I guess it's okay to bark and it's okay to hump.

[221] But if you do both at the same time, it freaks people out.

[222] It's just like, the thought of my dog just, like, angrily raping other dogs, like, there.

[223] and then my dad, somebody having to come to my dad and say something about it.

[224] Like, it wasn't what he said that was so funny to me. It was just like, that scenario made me laugh.

[225] That's hilarious.

[226] You were one of the first Twitter followers that I remember that was, like, cool.

[227] Like, I found this hilarious Twitter.

[228] And then my girlfriend, I told her at the time.

[229] And she was like, oh, my God, this is the best thing ever.

[230] And she told her, like, and I just watched it, like, become.

[231] like something I thought I found myself and then growing to just being everywhere.

[232] You were pretty much being retweeted by every single person I know at one point.

[233] Have you, because have you, like, are you over it now?

[234] Or have you gotten to a point where you're like, I just want to write books now.

[235] Or is it, are you still in love with Twitter doing the Twitter thing?

[236] I mean, I gotta be honest, like it was such a lucky break for me that I sort of just feel, I mean, it sounds cheesy, but I feel just like really great for everything that's happened so to me it's never like it didn't wear off and like I do this I got this dumb thing here it's like well that fucking made my whole career so right I mean to me I still I don't do it as much but I definitely don't have like that same kind of feeling where it's like I'm over this it's like something that I really connect with I guess you must have been so psyched you totally hit the lottery it was it was exactly like hitting the lottery it's amazing and what did you want to do before you did that did you always want to be a writer yeah i had worked up here i'd waited tables in l .a and i like i had sold a screenplay and like quit stupidly quit my job and then had to go back to it after i ran out of money but like i've been you know struggling as a as a screenwriter for a while and then and uh so this was exactly what i wanted to do you know it's sort of like gifted to me wow and from there you do how do you get this tv deal how does that happen and how do they that William Shackner to play your dad and like where did it all go a foul because it's a it's it's fascinating that they found a way to make something that's really funny not that funny no it's true I mean it's really like that's exactly what happened it's like find the center and pour water um it uh you know like I wrote the book proposal and I had sent it out just as a book and the book was just like R rated like the Twitter feed you know but with stories and then as soon as it got out there, then networks started calling being like, we want to do this.

[237] And I remember saying to my, I have a screenwriting partner.

[238] I remember saying to him, I'm like, how could we do this on a network?

[239] He says, fuck, every other word.

[240] Like, we can't do it on a network.

[241] And then I was like, wait, I need to just shut up and just like do this, you know, and try.

[242] And I just, I remember early on, we sat with the standards and practices person at CBS.

[243] Because we ended up, I pitched it and we sold the CBS.

[244] And when we sold it, the standards and practices person was like, here's the list of words that you can't say or even like intimate, you know?

[245] And intimate and it was like everything he says.

[246] And I was like, all right, this is.

[247] That's ridiculous.

[248] This is going to suck.

[249] Having a conversation with the standards of practices person can be madding.

[250] Yeah.

[251] You're like, what?

[252] You can't, what?

[253] It's really weird.

[254] It's amazing what you can and can't say.

[255] What people don't understand is like cable, you can say anything.

[256] And the only reason why they don't say everything is just their own discretion.

[257] It's the idea that sponsors don't want to be on a show that, you know, says fucking cunt and whatever.

[258] So, but the FCC doesn't regulate cable.

[259] Yeah, it's crazy.

[260] I mean, it was, I guess, and I also, like, because after we did that, when we got Shatner to start in it, I was like, well, maybe, you know, like, it'll, when it's coming through his mouth, it'll sound different.

[261] but it was just like my dad's like unintentionally funny he's not like cracking jokes really and sitcoms you know it's like set up punchline set up punchline and it and it just didn't fit that format at all i think with HBO and showtime i think networks look ridiculous trying to just only use limited language it's like and with movies and like what kind of a fucking stupid anti -evolutionary concept is that are we going to pretend forever that these words are forbidden like really we're living in 2012 of the internet and we've got forbidden words you can't broadcast them and if you do they can come and take your numbers who will take your numbers away you know what the fuck kind of science fiction movie is this there's certain sounds you can't make with your mouth they're illegal even though they're indistinguishable from you know other words that you can get away with saying I mean everybody knows exactly what the fuck you're talking about but if you say it with a certain sound certain sound that comes out of your mouth I think it's getting better.

[262] But it's still the same.

[263] You can't say cunt on television.

[264] Yeah, but I bet it will happen.

[265] You can't see, she's a cunt because sometimes someone's a cunt.

[266] You know, you can't say that.

[267] You could never say that on television.

[268] No, absolutely never.

[269] There's no substitution for that word in the right context, the right form.

[270] You should be allowed to use it.

[271] Do you think it's the right word, God damn it?

[272] Do you think it would happen?

[273] No, I think it would happen, like, right before woman becomes president, that will probably go through the content.

[274] So never.

[275] So never.

[276] We had this cunt legislation we're going to pay.

[277] You should be able to use all the words.

[278] So, it's so stupid.

[279] It should always be about intent.

[280] What is your intent?

[281] What are you trying to say?

[282] It shouldn't be about words.

[283] It shouldn't be about magic words.

[284] That's craziness.

[285] You're artificially giving these words power and making them ridiculous and eliminating them from all discourse during the day, you know, while you're at the business, you can't be, you know, this fucking cunting coffee machine.

[286] You can't say that.

[287] That's why when, like, that old guy that was a cell.

[288] and Winnebago's.

[289] You remember that, dude?

[290] Another viral sensation.

[291] You ever seen that, Brian?

[292] Yeah.

[293] The guy's awesome, right?

[294] Why is it awesome?

[295] Because he's a fucking nice guy trying to sell a Winnego.

[296] He said, that's fucking shit.

[297] I'm fucking, can't remember this fucking piece of shit.

[298] And of course I fuck my lines up.

[299] You know, he gets going crazy.

[300] It's really fun to watch because you're looking at this guy who's like this buttoned down.

[301] Poor fuck who can't swear during the day.

[302] And you get to see, like, I think it's like real moments.

[303] Yeah.

[304] So that's what's in joy.

[305] So when I see like a bullshitty sanitized thing on network TV, you're like, well, that's not how real people talk or act or how weird must have been for you because you, this is coming from your dad who's fucking hilarious to you.

[306] And, you know, so inspiring to you that you write all his shit down and put it out to people.

[307] People respond to his exact words.

[308] The millions of them would get onto your Twitter and follow you.

[309] So it's very obvious that that combination in the exact.

[310] In the exact.

[311] exact form works, but they're like, no, no, no, you've got to scrub it with bleach.

[312] You just coulda keep scrubbing it with bleach until you have like this dead version of what it could have been.

[313] It's so stupid.

[314] I mean, that's exactly kind of how it felt.

[315] It's so dumb.

[316] They're the same people, you dummies.

[317] The same people that subscribe on Twitter are the same people that would watch the TV show.

[318] Are the same people that would buy the products that they're pitching in their commercials?

[319] It's the same fucking people To pretend it's not And you're gonna do something different By not saying fuck It's just it's so dumb Yeah it was especially frustrating Because like the Twitter feed had done really well And then the book came out And the book did like really really well And I was like all right So the two things that stay Exactly true to what it are have done well And then they're like all right But we're gonna change it And I'm just largely at fault Just like anyone else I was like maybe it can work Yeah of course You wanted to believe it works You hit the lottery All of the same, you have a TV show, of course.

[320] You wanted to believe it would work.

[321] I mean, I'm talking total utopian society, obviously, but I just kind of feel like that has to be one of the things that fucks us up.

[322] It has to be.

[323] When language is restricted, and there's certain words that actually have magical powers, like if you say them, someone, without doing anything physically, if you say them, people can actually lock you up and find you and do all sorts of things to you, if you say them under the, you know, the jurisdiction, of the airwaves that's that's that's insanity that's a crazy notion and the fact that we accept that it's almost like accept that you accept censorship in any form you're going to accept all the other craziness that goes along with being governed as well it's like it's important to make it all ridiculous yeah like this magic word thing might actually be a key component to keeping people closed minded if you can really convince people that there are magic words it's such a dumb idea it might be like a mind prison.

[324] It just locks you up in logic to the point where you're unable to analyze the rest of the world.

[325] It's like this complex thing of don't say cunt and, you know, it's like this lock idea, this segment in your brain.

[326] You're a box which you choose to only operate in.

[327] Yeah, it's so crazy.

[328] It's funny too because like on regular basic cable TV, like sometimes there'll be like the, you know, Hispanic station or whatever.

[329] and they're saying their version of fuck and shit and pussy and cunt.

[330] Are they really?

[331] Yeah, they are, but it's in Spanish.

[332] And so, just because we, you know, most people don't understand that language, then it's cool.

[333] I got to learn Spanish.

[334] That's what it is.

[335] I got to learn Spanish.

[336] Fucking, it's just so stupid, man. It's like, that's why people are so turning to the internet.

[337] You know, that's a terrible sentence.

[338] But that's why I think the internet has so much appeal to, especially to younger people, it's like, if you grow up with it, it's really hard to go sitcom after you go you know like the style project .com do you ever been a style project?

[339] He was like the original right style he was one of the original like if it was something fucked up out there on the internet he would have it on his website if some new shit went down you'd go to his website and he would have it whatever it was like crazy videos execution shit yeah it's like you know naked girls all the most fucked up things that dude would have it but it's you know it's out there if you want to look it's out there yeah I mean that's the thing is like I think pretending like it's not out there does no one any favors it's not helping anybody these fucking stupid shows where you're not allowed to use all the words like wow enough already yeah and the funny thing is it feels like you said especially dated it's insulting it's insulting it's insulting how many wars are going on simultaneously and we want to pretend that like words are bad that's so, it's so anti -evolutionary, it's so stupid that there's forbidden words.

[340] I mean, it's such a dumb premise that like, if you just accept that and that becomes a major part of your society when you're talking about your ability to communicate, that becomes a major point.

[341] And then it's like, well, wait a minute, these words are totally forbidden, you can get arrested for them, only if you use them in one certain way, if you broadcast them.

[342] But you can use them and reach the same amount of people if you do it on cable or the internet that's cool that's okay but so it's only censored in one way but this one way it's like really bad for you like if you get caught like going on the news go unless you cunty cunts like don't take a lot of money from you they could find you you like you're forcing people to hear that like the so there's something to that the fact that you planned it it's probably like some first degree type activity you know they could probably like to find you for a really substantial amount of money for purposely using magic words on the radio or on television.

[343] That's maddening.

[344] Yeah, it's funny when I was promoting this book, I wanted to, you can send out a tweet that's, like, promoted so that all of your followers will definitely see it.

[345] Because, you know, people log in at different times and you miss tweets and all that kind of stuff.

[346] And so I sent out this tweet.

[347] It was just a quote for my dad, and then it had, like, buy the book, blah, blah, blah after.

[348] And it had, like, shit or fuck in the quote, I can't remember.

[349] And Twitter was like, oh, well, we can't promote that.

[350] can't show that and I'm like but you're showing it to people who already subscribe to my feed like shit my dad says in the title and they're like yeah but we can't have we can't uh put something on somebody's feed that has any profanity I'm like but it's my fucking they're already they're already following me I'm just making sure they see it's like it's bananas like it's it makes no sense and that's and they're like worried they're going to get sued you know I hope that that's something that the internet's going to dissolve well it's going to because like that's what NBC is not going to be a television channel in five years.

[351] It's going to be NBC .com.

[352] It's killing.

[353] It's killing the live television broadcast, which I know it seems crazy, but it's, NBC is not going to have money broadcasting and spending all that money when it's going to be, everyone's going to be on the internet, you know?

[354] Well, you know, some shows I think will be successful because it costs a lot of money to make them.

[355] Things like Game of Thrones like that, you know, that's a really, you need a studio.

[356] You need a bunch of bad motherfuckers.

[357] Yeah, but that's not broadcasting together.

[358] Right.

[359] And that's what's keeping the language.

[360] That's what I'm saying.

[361] It's that it's the language is only because of live free broadcasts, like NBC, ABC, CBS.

[362] But it's still, I think you're right.

[363] I mean, even for a network show, if you really want to, like, it costs a lot of money to do that.

[364] Yeah, I was going to say lost.

[365] I was going to say lost.

[366] You would need like a real studio to make lost.

[367] So, I mean, they're going to have to figure out a way to make money doing it that way, I guess.

[368] I mean, what do you think is going to happen?

[369] No, that's what I'm saying, that the only thing that's keeping censorship and shit like that off of television is the, those channels.

[370] Right.

[371] And once that's gone.

[372] And you think that they're going to go, though.

[373] You think they're going to become an HBO.

[374] They're going to become an HBO, a cable, a, well, you're deep in the television industry.

[375] You actually, like, produce, what did you executive produce that show or something like that?

[376] Writer and executive produced.

[377] How does it work?

[378] Are we on to that?

[379] I think, I think what's going to end up, I mean, what the fuck do I know?

[380] But I think it's going to end up being where you can just subscribe to each channel.

[381] Right.

[382] So if you don't have the good shows people want, then fuck you, you die.

[383] Well, I think, you know, for some folks, it would be advantageous to stick with the way they do it now and, like, not swear.

[384] You know, there's probably a lot of people out there that probably like Dr. Quinn, Medicine Women type TV shows.

[385] And, like, there's a lot of money and selling those people.

[386] things but how do they do that how do they balance that and have like good comedy at the same time because if you really want to have good comedy unless you're some larry david type genius that can create something like seinfeld you know most of them you're so straddled down as to what you could have really said and talked about there's some good i mean the fucking news radio is one of i mean there's that was a lucky crazy experience man they they snuck in and we all snuck in and barely got by every year.

[387] Like, this show, like, never took on, took off at all until it was canceled.

[388] And then it did, like, really good and, like, repeats.

[389] Right.

[390] But it was a perfect combination of a really funny show, like a super lucky position to be in, you know, where it just, but in realizing that that's, that's not even really enough.

[391] Like, you have to have someone who, like, they have to, like, promote you.

[392] You have to get out there.

[393] It's a weird, the world of creating a sitcom, and navigating the waters of where you are at in the lineup.

[394] It's a very, very, very tricky situation for success.

[395] Yeah, and they also pumped, like, I was on a show, I wrote on a show last year that got canceled on CBS after two episodes, and it was a fucking terrible show.

[396] It was a disaster.

[397] Some of them were so bad.

[398] It's scary.

[399] Yeah, this one, this one was like that.

[400] It wasn't really, it just was one of those things where it was just a huge cluster fuck, and they spent, I mean, they supposed to spend $50, 100 million dollars, like in early promotion for this stuff.

[401] And then two episodes, just boom, gone.

[402] It's crazy how they do that.

[403] And it happens all the time.

[404] That's why they're so like hands on about shit.

[405] Yeah.

[406] You know, that's why they're, you know, it's expensive to make a pilot, man. Yeah.

[407] I was a part of a super expensive pilot once where they made a fake jungle set.

[408] Wow.

[409] It was, yeah.

[410] It was by the same guy who produced news radio, Paul Sims.

[411] it was called overseas or something like that I think it was called overseas and it was crazy expensive to make man they had a whole like big fucking studio space that was trees and they had a pond they had a fucking pond it was so crazy like that we were gonna do this and pretend I mean I don't know if it would have worked at all Is it a comedy?

[412] Yes it was a comedy Like lost but no no no it was like I don't remember the premise The premise was something like I went over there for one reason but I got stuck because I have a good heart or something like that and next thing you know I'm overseas whatever you know it's just it's a vehicle to develop comedy I don't even remember what it was I don't remember it was like they were working with orphans I don't know what the fuck it was that we were over there doing but this this idea that would spend so much money on this pilot I mean to to make this fucking set alone it was ridiculous it was so big it was a fucking fake jungle you know and like how much is this going to cost How much it's going to cost all the time?

[413] You've got to maintain this fake jungle you have out there.

[414] You've got to drain all that water.

[415] the mosquitoes are going to grow in it.

[416] The fuck are you doing.

[417] But that must mean, you know, when it works, it must be just bucket loads of money.

[418] Well, when you find out, like, what Seinfeld earned, you know, I don't want to blow up his spot.

[419] But that dude made some money.

[420] And you go, whoa, like a real hit, like a Seinfeld.

[421] That's like, they're printing money.

[422] It's just, whoo!

[423] It's like, it's crazy.

[424] It's like, what do you?

[425] They're like, came up to a little boy.

[426] How much money do you want?

[427] I want a hundred billion.

[428] All right, here's a hundred billion.

[429] Whoa.

[430] It's so crazy that you can make that kind of money from a sitcom.

[431] Yeah, it's funny.

[432] I was on, I was working at Warner Brothers at the time when Charlie Sheen was going bad shit, right?

[433] Oh, that must have been awesome.

[434] It was crazy because you'd sometimes see him and it was like bizarre.

[435] Oh!

[436] You saw him like come in and it and it's whacked out?

[437] I saw one time banging on the studio door.

[438] There was no one there, though.

[439] and I just fucking kept driving on my golf cart because I was like I don't want to I don't even want to be witness to this like whatever but it was making of so much money and I remember people were like is it going to come back is it not going to come back I'm like dude it's coming back they'll figure they'll make a fucking CGI Charlie Sheen and they'll come back because it's making so much money for people well it's interesting that they just moved on to Ashton Coucher and everybody's like that's cool we'll take it and it's still really funny we like it we don't need you Charlie Is it doing good now?

[440] I don't even know.

[441] I was doing really good.

[442] Yeah, I think it's doing great.

[443] Yeah, I think it's doing great.

[444] It's weird.

[445] But Ashton Coucher's funny, you know, he can act.

[446] He's a handsome fella.

[447] Great bone structure.

[448] Very good bone structure.

[449] I think that would be, like, very pleasing to the ladies, you know.

[450] I think they like it.

[451] I think it worked out well.

[452] They got, you know, Charlie, Charlie's a little crazy.

[453] He's probably turned a lot of those gals off.

[454] You know?

[455] Like, I want to support the show, but that Charlie Sheen and his behavior.

[456] It's a conundrum.

[457] You know, I don't want to support that.

[458] Oh, Joe.

[459] I'm sorry.

[460] I was going to change the subject to completely, so I want to do it now.

[461] Well, you did, you fuck.

[462] You derailed it.

[463] We're in the middle of a good, goddamn Charlie Sheen.

[464] I'm trying to break down Charlie Sheen, figure out what's really going on.

[465] I was thinking because you have Sheen fever.

[466] Something popped in my head right now, and I was like, oh, I remember we had that conversation of all these people that have been telling me they would fuck George Clooney, like guys that we know and I couldn't remember who and I think one was Brendan Walsh I just remember Sam Tripley said he would fuck Obama if he could oh Jesus I don't think you're even supposed to say that yeah you can't say that dude don't say that well I was told I didn't say it I really don't think you can even say that yeah like have sex with the president yeah that's one of those things you're kind of like you're not allowed saying that you can it is illegal to state that you would want to, like, assassinate or do harm to.

[467] But I think it's probably rape in the butt is probably in there, too.

[468] No, no, I think what Sam means, like, if...

[469] I think it's set in the same umbrella.

[470] Yeah, I don't think that's, like, a terrorist threat, dude.

[471] I think what Sam was saying is that Obama would want to have sex with him.

[472] Oh, make love.

[473] If he was, like, Obama came to him and, like, I don't think you're allowed to imply that, especially considering the fact that he's married and he has children, it's probably illegal to imply that.

[474] There's no...

[475] Assault on character.

[476] You can't fuck Obama in any way.

[477] Yeah, you got to leave him alone, man. Well, I didn't, I want to say, stay for the record that I did not, I'm not the one that said it.

[478] Sam Tripoli did.

[479] Yeah, he shouldn't talk like that.

[480] That's that smart.

[481] That's not.

[482] People, they go, there's no need for that guy.

[483] Why is that guy around?

[484] What kind of idea of planting out there in society?

[485] You don't want to be the list under the heading of people who said they'd fuck Obama.

[486] Yeah, dude.

[487] it's a small list too you'd be surprised I bet it's not look by the time to get to me oh there's only five people that said it oh shit I bet one out of every girl every two girls would want to have sex with Obama 50 is that 50 % well if you put it that way smoothie oh I was thinking in my head what would it be like one out of three and I was like no it's funny when you have to figure out a fake number on the fly I bet about 80 % the people would you say half no 90 % you think 50 % of the population if women would want to fuck Obama?

[488] Yeah, if they, if no one could find out?

[489] Yeah, this would be a lot, it would be a big number.

[490] First of all, if you know, if they both were like on a deserted island or something like that, if you got him into some crazy fantasy situation, Obama might be able to fuck 99 % of the women on Earth.

[491] Yeah, that's like a king of the hill.

[492] Yeah, he wins.

[493] Yeah, it's like there's probably some gay women who would fuck him.

[494] Oh, for sure.

[495] For sure, just for the story.

[496] You know, especially the gay women that are gay because like every guy they ever met's an asshole there's those gays too you know they would just I call them give up gays the surrender girls just meet too many douchebags and like I give up I'm going gay because girls will do that they can do that man see I think what what Sam's thinking is that like Obama would get one room at the W and then he would get the one that's connected to it you know and they would just both unlock it in the more in the middle and then Sam would come in there with like wearing no clothes and just start you know like going down on obama something like that that's what i think that's illegal too yeah i think you know you're gonna have a drone flying above your head stupid want you to stop man you really need to stop i think well i didn't say it sam chriperman whatever this guy is are you trying to send up the river by talking through his mouth maybe what he said then you should have told him listen my friend how about you keep this fucking shit to yourself we're all going to wind up in the guantanamo bay maybe that's journal material they're going to dress you up in a burqa dude and stick you in a box and you're just going to disappear and this is all allegedly i don't remember what exactly i can't talk like that i don't know i know that sam said he wants to have he would have sex with obama but i think i had to be mutual i think i think he's trying to be funny and i don't think he was successful that's what i say i say it's just ridiculous having sex with the president how dare you but it's okay to say having sex with Bill Clinton right now right yes yeah you could say you could say like if you're a girl like you'd like to you do whatever you want it yeah suck Clinton's dick there's a list for that too but you don't get in trouble you don't think so no I think everybody just keeps it on the hush hush now they know what happens when it gets out you don't want that you don't want to be Lewinsky'ske no yeah that's so crazy like even today like you say her name it's like oh come on the dress yeah that's it boom shalok lock boom yeah you're done what a Nutty time, man. What a strange time in our world where everything got so desensitized that everyone in the world was able to get the information that there was come on the dress and then she sucked on its cock.

[497] There was no question.

[498] So everybody talked about the whole country.

[499] The whole country said she sucked his cock and come on the dress.

[500] She sucked his cock.

[501] I mean, it was a national dialogue.

[502] The first time ever that any distinct sense, sexual act between someone of royalty, a president of the United States of America, was even engaging with some sort of sex, but outside of his marriage, and with a 20 -year -old chick that just works there, oh my God, he's a lokster.

[503] Like, this isn't a guy in a band.

[504] This is the fucking president of the United States, and he's going like straight Mick Jagger on this chick.

[505] That's incredible, right?

[506] If you really stop and think about it.

[507] Yeah, you know what's funny?

[508] I never thought of it like that, but it really is.

[509] It's like, that's a story.

[510] The basis from Boston has that story, but like, not the...

[511] Yeah, exactly.

[512] The basis from Boston is perfect.

[513] That's perfect.

[514] More than I feel it.

[515] Yeah, man. Our whole world changed.

[516] It was like, okay, okay, what is really going on?

[517] And people didn't give a fuck, really.

[518] Well, they didn't because he was doing a good job as a president.

[519] And they're like, well, listen, everybody heard the stories about John F. Kennedy.

[520] And how about that most of these guys, in order to get to that position, you've got to to be some kind of a freak.

[521] You got to be some kind of a crazy guy that wants to be at the head and the lead of, even if it's for the right reasons, even if it's like with complete good justice and grace and you're doing it all the right way.

[522] To get to the very top to tippity, too many, tippity, tippity top.

[523] You've got to be a little crazy.

[524] You just got to.

[525] Yeah.

[526] You've got to be to even want to be there.

[527] To even want to be the guy who runs shit.

[528] You've got to be the guy that says, I know there's 300 million people, but everybody sit the fuck down.

[529] Because I'm going to talk now, only me, to 300 million.

[530] And I'm your leader.

[531] I'm the leader.

[532] I'm the leader of 300 million people.

[533] What are you talking about?

[534] How was that possible?

[535] This is a crazy position to be in.

[536] You have to be a crazy person to acquire that position.

[537] You have to be crazy to chase it.

[538] Yeah, I mean, if you heard any of your friends be like, I want to lead 300 million people, you'd be like, you're a fucking psychotic narcissist.

[539] Yeah, you'd be out of your fucking mind.

[540] Get out of here, stupid.

[541] it just it's almost like the job only exists for people who are like real live superheroes who are really going to try to change the world and people are completely full of shit like that's it it's still it's still the room it's no room for anything else there is not a lot of middle there it's like it's like people who aren't even a real person they just go into that you know that game that you play where you try to almost touch hands you know you try to like see like back up and try to see how much you can keep it together, like how close you can get and anticipate each other's movements.

[542] That's what they do.

[543] But they're line -steppers.

[544] That's what's going on.

[545] Yeah, that's like it just takes a huge ego.

[546] Yeah, you've got to be crazy.

[547] Yeah.

[548] The idea that you're going to run that whole giant mass of humans, that's nuts.

[549] You've got to be fucking crazy to even attempt that.

[550] Because even the dumbest, smallest, decision you make every day affects tons of people.

[551] It's insane.

[552] Well, they all go gray, like almost instantly.

[553] The first couple of weeks, they're like, ugh, ugh, like the fucking pressure of, you know, saluting people, and you're in a fucking Air Force One, and you're flying around the world, and you realize the reality of what's really happening, you know, and you hear the body counts, and you hear the numbers counts of how much money and the defense contractor budgets and this fucking craziness and that craziness, and they're using drones, and now you've got to go on TV and pretend Osama bin Laden just got killed.

[554] You know they didn't kill Osama bin Laden.

[555] Shut the fuck up.

[556] That guy had been dead forever.

[557] That was one of the dumbest things ever.

[558] Yeah, we killed him and then we drowned him.

[559] Do you really think that?

[560] We've got no pictures because we don't want them to know.

[561] Do you really think that?

[562] Yeah.

[563] Yeah, I don't believe it.

[564] I say horses.

[565] I love how you always believe the opposite.

[566] I say horse shit.

[567] Many things.

[568] Yeah, but that one, that one I say horseshit.

[569] The reason why I say horseshit is because there was so many people that were saying that guy was dead already.

[570] They were saying that he was undergoing dialysis.

[571] They were saying, like a big fucking kidney machine.

[572] And then there's other people that have said there's photos they're using that they say there's one video of the guy watching television in his apartment.

[573] And it looks like it's Osama bin Laden.

[574] They're saying, no, no, no, that's my friend.

[575] I know this guy.

[576] This guy does not, he looks like him.

[577] Everybody looks like him when they get to be a certain age.

[578] You know, I mean, they all look like Osama bin Laden at a certain age.

[579] They get crazy beards.

[580] Like, you know, that's just a certain look.

[581] And there's not a lot of distinct features in a fucking giant beard.

[582] That's racist, Joe.

[583] You're being racist.

[584] When I have my own beard, when I grow my beard out, it covers your whole face.

[585] It's like this big, crazy mass of hair.

[586] Yeah.

[587] And everybody with a big, crazy mass of hair looks pretty fucking similar, you know?

[588] Just, most of it's just crazy hair.

[589] So it's like, this is not Osama bin Laden.

[590] This is my friend.

[591] I know him.

[592] What was on his house the other day?

[593] I don't know if they really did but I think that would be a story that if I wanted to release the fact that Osama bin Laden was dead I would hold on to it for a while and then I pretend maybe they needed to shoot some other people there that were not supposed to be shooting maybe that's what was going on and then they were like oh we got them maybe maybe they were just testing out some new fucking ways to jack people and they went awry you know they crashed a helicopter they're like look we got some good news and bad news the bad news is we crashed a helicopter as good as is we just killed Osama bin Laden meanwhile they had that dude on ice they were waiting like we need a time when we're going to break out this and just use it this is our get out of jail free pass he's got like a special button he pushes yeah they fucking they open up the freezer bring out this frozen popsicle Osama bin Laden and it takes some pictures with him come on man and then they threw them in the water oh okay cool yeah all right i believe you you don't have to show me anything that was the weirdest thing that was the weirdest thing to me was just like they went through this crazy thing of like like searching for years and years years to get him they're like but then they're like you know what we got to get them in the water like now yeah well what was really frightening to me was uh when all the people were cheering like on the streets in like dc near the capital and they were going USA USA and i was why and i was like wow how many of those people are getting pay to do that first of all is it they're like professional cheerleaders that they brought in from like the most communist schools possible like sent them in got everybody like fired up about USA USA it's ridiculous it was packed and the funny thing is like they it would they would they wanted to show it like on CNN and stuff but then every once in a while would be like the most drunk frat dude ever would like come up and like yeah just like double bird oh yeah just in your Well, it becomes a, sorry, it becomes a, you know, a cultural event, you know.

[594] Yeah.

[595] It's like, it's one of those.

[596] It's like, where are you?

[597] Yeah, it's like the, you know, the death of our enemy.

[598] That's a huge, it's a huge ticket to pull out.

[599] Yeah.

[600] What are you going to say?

[601] Nothing.

[602] Nothing at all?

[603] I was just wondering, who do you think killed Biggie?

[604] Oh.

[605] I, you know what?

[606] I think he's alive and Tupac's alive and they live in Sweden.

[607] I like the way you think, dude.

[608] Logic, reason.

[609] You're putting it all together.

[610] are you are you like politically active at all like do you look at this Obama and yeah I mean Mitt Romney election and yeah I mean like you know I have like my own like views on it I always think like I'm never like informed enough to like engage with like if somebody gets like crazy then I'm like I'm out if they know what they're talking about you know the defense contractor started the situation back in 84 oh you motherfucker yeah I mean like it's a sport The biggest thing I find, like, creepy is, like, uh, uh, Romney just kind of reminds me to one of those guys who's, like, just like, selling you a mattress that I'm just like, yeah, you'll love it.

[611] And I'm like, anything you want to hear, he'll tell you.

[612] Yeah.

[613] So I'm always like, uh, he almost has no shot.

[614] He almost has no shot because of the fact that it's going to come out when they start the debates and, you know, the real rhetoric and hate starts flying when it gets, you know, closer and close to November.

[615] His dad was born on a fucking farm like a cult in Mexico.

[616] Yeah.

[617] Yeah.

[618] I know that's so crazy because I had read that and then I was like, well, why isn't that out?

[619] Who's the first one that told us about this, Brian?

[620] Was it Balelli?

[621] Daniel Balelli?

[622] Yeah.

[623] I can't remember.

[624] Danieli Bolelli was telling us about that.

[625] It's, they have these places where they decided they wanted to keep polygamy going.

[626] So they moved to Mexico, set up shop.

[627] They had whole communities in Mexico.

[628] Yeah.

[629] And that's where Mitt Romney's dad was born.

[630] it's crazy and just the other day he was just like he was like listen my he was talking to this crowd he's like my dad's from mexico like i understand where you you guys are coming from sort of just from mexico i bet your experience is a little different yeah yeah you're out there with fucking with pedro pounding corn into flour tortillas get the fuck out of here bitch you're living on a crazy farm where everybody gets to fuck hundred women yeah he wasn't working at fucking McKinidora.

[631] I mean, we're not hating, man, you know.

[632] I think it's a ballsy -ass move to move to another country and set up shop.

[633] You know, that's what the Mormons decided to do.

[634] That's a ballsy fucking move.

[635] Imagine how much you must like having three wives to be like, fuck it, I'm moving to Mexico.

[636] That's fucking, that's the old way.

[637] The old way.

[638] They can't take away the God's way.

[639] Here it is written just really it's that's the one that's so obviously showing it's pimped whenever you get like the i want five wives or unlimited about a wife come on man what's really going on he shows his pimpan you ever ever like i i've thought about it ever like i've thought about it many times like having man would love to have like a harem you know like the way the the sultan of benai allegedly rocks it i always found that to be the most fascinating because he's not married any of those no he has apparently this you know when you talk about like Forbes 500 or who's like got the most money I don't even think they include royal families I think like these guys have like unreported income I think they're they're like they're beyond our calculations of what's possible when it comes to wealth and what I've heard some people do that have like this kind of money let's not say any names at all I heard that they will go and pay like the hottest women on the planet like girls are like professional models they just pay them insane amounts of money like any girl really beautiful girls that may be opposed nude somewhere and he'll find them and just say offer it to them they offer them crazy money so they have to do it or they feel like they have to do it and the next thing they know they go there and they're part of like a disco the guy has his own private disco and so it's fucking badass too because you're talking about someone with insane amounts of money like insane wealth everything is gold gilded perfect craftsmanship the finest food Yeah, it's not the fucking saddle ranch.

[640] And he goes down there and it's just him.

[641] You know, and he's got, you know, his gold underwear on and he's moving through the crowd.

[642] And he's paid all of these women essentially to have sex with him at his choosing.

[643] Whenever he likes, whenever he likes, he just chooses.

[644] So you might fly there and never fuck him.

[645] Yeah.

[646] Yeah.

[647] He might not like you.

[648] He might not be into that.

[649] He just wants a bunch of them there that are unbelievably hot.

[650] And, you know, it depends.

[651] Depending on who you listen to or which different dude who is rocking it this way, you know, they would have like 30 women just waiting.

[652] And they're like penthouse pets.

[653] They're like fucking like legit hot models.

[654] You cannot hate.

[655] They're like the top of the food.

[656] I wish that man would write a book, you know?

[657] Just like you want to talk about being a baller.

[658] I mean, if that guy wrote a book, let me tell you how I rock it.

[659] That's the name of his book.

[660] Let me tell you how I rock it.

[661] Chapter one, the disco.

[662] chapter one this is what you would do if you had you know a fucking trillion dollars or whatever this guy has he's like to pay them a half a million dollars a year is nothing it's nothing i was reading this thing that said like vladimir putin had like he just collected a bunch of hot chicks and had him play like horse polo naked he's just like i want you all to play horse polo but just naked he's an animal but you don't get to be a guy like putt unless you've been a partisan some shit yeah you've been a part of some shit that's a manly man he's a scary dude no he doesn't give a fuck imagine if Putin was mad at you for some shit how how fucking trippy that would be how terrifying that would be you have to go to like the other side of the world yeah you got to you got to move to the philippines become a kickboxer or something he got a fucking you better run bitch you don't want to be hanging around why that guy's mad at you no he he probably I mean, he got to where he was just like straight bully power.

[663] I don't know what he did, but he scares the shit out of me. Yeah.

[664] I remember, you know, Matt Damon had a really interesting interview where he was talking about Sarah Palin.

[665] And Matt Damon is a very astute politically, very, very well -read guy, too, like surprisingly intelligent, you know.

[666] You see him in movies, you think he's a really good actor.

[667] But then you hear him talking, like, this guy's very bright and very well -read.

[668] and he had this great analogy about Sarah Palin being like a Disney movie and that all of a sudden this woman with her her moxie is going to stand up to the evil Russians you know and it was like you know I need to and he was saying like I need to know does she really think the earth is less than 10 ,000 years old I really I need to know this you know and I was like fuck yeah yeah man yeah you do need to know we all need to know that that changes some decisions like yeah it does 10 ,000 years ago was nothing there's a lot of people that think that that's the new earth idea i mean we're talking about millions of people i know that's a there's a lot of people that it might be tens of millions that believe that when you start believing that i wonder like just changes your decision making on everything yeah yeah they're so godded up it's just such a it's a such an extreme like belief to to be that got it up it's one thing to have an idea that you know there's some sort of feels like there's a force that controls the universe, maybe there's a goal that we're all attending to, maybe there's a next wave of understanding after this is over and just like a psychedelic experience, it'll all make sense.

[669] Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.

[670] But your idea is crazy.

[671] Your idea about a fucking dude in the cloud and he died and he came back from the dead.

[672] What the fuck are you saying, man?

[673] Have you seen the, the creation museum out here in in Pomona no I did not know it was there was one in Pomona I was gonna go to the one that's on the other side of the country yeah like Kentucky yes it's supposed to be amazing dude there's one out here it's not as good as the one over there but it's like it's pretty decent size I gotta write this down it's different decent sized and it's like it's like Jesus riding dinosaurs oh no it does not have Jesus riding dinosaurs it has Jesus riding a dinosaur like a like a full sculpture it's like Jesus riding of you know a raptor and it's in pomona yeah it's like it's like out east here i think it's in pomona how many people are going to see that like as a goof is it most you know when i was there it did not seem like i was like me and a couple people were there as a goof and then it seemed like everybody else was like kind of into it and it was like they were like you know it was like a non -profit organization just about like jesus riding dinosaurs and shit it was weird Wow, that is so crazy, man Yeah, it was People were into it, man They were like, fuck yeah, Jesus rode that Jesus rode dinosaurs How dare you?

[674] I like that they were like Because at first, before there was dinosaur bones They were just like, you know, no problem They were like Jesus lived blah blah Then the dinosaur bones came And they needed to come up with an answer So I like that they went with like Yeah, Jesus just like wrote them It's like I would have gone on with something else like maybe Jesus was scared of him, kept him over in a pen or something.

[675] The whole young Earth theory is so spooky.

[676] It's so weird that you can get people to believe something like that.

[677] It's so weird that no matter how many scientists will have these elaborate descriptions of how the Earth cooled over billions of years in matter changed, and the atmosphere changed in different forms of life, and there were mass extinctions, and here's the fossil record.

[678] Nope, not buying it.

[679] No, horseshit, bad science.

[680] I have a book written by people who swear that the world is flat and the sun is 17 miles away.

[681] I want to let that one influence me. I think it's all stems from just people being freaked out about dying.

[682] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[683] That's a big part of it, man. It's you need something, you know.

[684] Like, I have a four -year -old daughter who's just started to ask questions, like, what happens when you die.

[685] You know, they start thinking.

[686] And it's a scary idea for a little kid.

[687] And it's, you know.

[688] The idea of heaven and God is a very comforting one for people.

[689] It's almost like even if it doesn't exist, it's a very useful tool because it actually does provide people with a feeling of relief.

[690] You know, if you can, it's almost like if you can suspend disbelief for a movie, you can suspend a little pre -Jesus and just kind of go along with it and it'll provide you with like a framework where you can, you know, you can make sense of life.

[691] It'll carry you to whatever the fuck it is when it ends.

[692] So what do you tell her?

[693] It's a very interesting conversation.

[694] I tell her that no one knows what happens when we die and that some people believe that you go to heaven.

[695] And then we discuss what would heaven be.

[696] And then I said, you know, no one really knows what happens.

[697] But people hope that you go somewhere and everything is beautiful and perfect.

[698] So my wife is explaining this to her and as she becomes more and more frantic about who's going to die, it becomes more and more ridiculous.

[699] Like, no, in heaven you get whatever you want.

[700] You want a TV.

[701] You can watch it.

[702] It starts off as like a rational sort of conversation.

[703] Then I realized, what am I doing?

[704] She's four.

[705] Like, this is like a fucking serious concept to try to digest for a four -year -old.

[706] And I'm like, let's go over the potentials for what heaven would be.

[707] seems like a better way to direct this conversation.

[708] You should have just said you become a star and then like, you know, when you're 13, just go, hey, you know that star shit?

[709] You're not, you got to wait until they're 13, by then she'll be pregnant, Brian.

[710] Okay, you got to talk to them before they're 13.

[711] Brian's late.

[712] They're like, it's like having a plant.

[713] You just water it when it's young and then leave it in the sun for a while.

[714] 13.

[715] You can't tell a 13 year old.

[716] That's fucking crazy shit that I told you wasn't real.

[717] There's no answer.

[718] There's no answer.

[719] So it's just say it's a star and let her believe that.

[720] she'll become a hippie.

[721] That's funny.

[722] My dad, I remember my dad, when I asked him that, my dad said, I was just a little kid, and he was like, it's just darkness forever.

[723] Whoa.

[724] Yeah, and I was like, holy shit.

[725] I think that's what my mom told me, actually.

[726] I was, like, traumatized by it, and I remember going to my mom's room being like, dude, dad just said it was darkness forever, and she's like, he doesn't know.

[727] And she's like, Sam, come in here and tell me he doesn't, you don't know.

[728] Nobody knows.

[729] He's like, I know.

[730] That's what it is.

[731] It's darkness forever.

[732] And then you left the room.

[733] Jesus Christ.

[734] Your dad doesn't fucking play.

[735] That's hilarious.

[736] Yeah, I think my mom said you just go to sleep and you just don't wake up.

[737] My stepfather told me probably nothing.

[738] He said you probably, you know, he was the one when I was seven years old when I started asking these questions.

[739] I was really religious until my parents got divorced.

[740] And I went to Catholic school for a year.

[741] Catholic school just rung the religion out of me. I had no. I was like, this is crazy.

[742] total 100 % horseshit and then a year later we had the conversation like what if that's not real if this Jesus Moses shit is something somebody made up then what happens when you die and he's like it's probably nothing probably just ends dude I can't remember crying that hard when I was like a little kid you know just lying in my bed whimpering ooh hoo hoo hoo just a terrifying notion that somehow I know that this was going to end and it would just stop yeah that's so weird same with me I was like I would get like panic attacks thinking about it I'd just be like what do you mean forever yeah what the fuck is forever yeah in darkness I know what the fuck does that mean you know it's weird that everybody loves going to sleep you know people love going to sleep because you know you're gonna wake up you know so you're willing to like stop for a while because you know you'll come back.

[743] But nobody wants to die.

[744] No. Not that.

[745] My buddy's a paramedic and he told me, he had this call the other day and this like 95 -year -old dude who was like riddled with cancer.

[746] Instead of having a do not resuscitate, he was, it was like full, it was like, bring me back, full code.

[747] Like anything that happens, bring me. And I'm like, dude, that bummed me out so much because I'm like if a 95 -year -old dude who's like riddled with cancer isn't ready to die, like I'm going to be so fucking freaked down of that old that guy's like nah I don't want to go some people are afraid of everything you know but death is something that everybody's afraid of yeah and if you're not probably life is miserable for you to the point where death is favorable yeah you must be sick something's wrong there's an imbalance whether it's a behavioral imbalance or a societal imbalance whether you know somebody did you wrong to the point where it broke your brain I don't know what the fuck it is but if you really want to end it for yourself and that's a terrible sick place to be that and then like I'm not really afraid to die like I really because I have Jesus in my heart and all that stuff no but I mean no I'm not I'm not I think it's because of mushrooms I've had so many where I thought it was dying and I was like you know what this is this has been good and blah blah blah and I'm like oh wait I didn't die oh wow it would be awesome if there was uh something that you could believe so wholeheartedly that it calmed you down you're like well I'm not worried about it if it ends we're fine We just go to this.

[748] Just like you're not worried about going to sleep.

[749] You're not worried we're going to sleep because you know you're going to wake up.

[750] I'm never worried about going to sleep.

[751] I'm like, oh, let me go to sleep.

[752] Boom.

[753] It's great.

[754] I wake up.

[755] If we had the information that we have about coming back, like we have about sleep, you know, maybe it's just.

[756] Then people start doing fucked up things.

[757] You think so?

[758] I think if people knew, like, once you died, it was like fucking shaking an edge sketch.

[759] People would do really fucked up.

[760] up things I would hope not I would hope the opposite I would hope if they if that first of all would freak people out just to know that you definitely would come back that would just be such a trip it'd be so scared to try again yeah that's true and also like what if you came back in a fucking terrible situation what if you were like a spoiled twat you know living on long island it's just balling out of control in a mansion and then you come back and you're in New Uganda, you're in the jungle and you have AIDS, you have a big bloated belly.

[761] Like, that could be you too.

[762] You got just some crazy lucky roll of the DNA, dice that you're here in America in 2012.

[763] Just that alone.

[764] You want to try this again?

[765] You're going to play fair?

[766] You're going to take any spot all over the globe?

[767] Like, what do you come back as?

[768] You come back as you?

[769] Are you doing the same trip every time trying to get it right?

[770] Is that it?

[771] Yeah, like, if we're going odds, you're like in some fucking tiny town in China just like drinking drinking water from like those puddles.

[772] Warm puddles.

[773] Yeah warm brown puddles of water that people step in.

[774] That's where you get in your water.

[775] Fuck man. There's a lot of spots on the earth that are just the shit roll of dice to be there, man. Yeah.

[776] Big time.

[777] We're lucky.

[778] Southern California's so lucky it's delusional.

[779] It's like the weather here is so incredible all the time that no one ever has to deal with nature.

[780] There's no storm to stay indoors from you know there's no shoveling of the streets you know getting the snow out or just a giant asteroid asteroid of an earthquake that's coming towards that we all know is going to happen we all right of us are going to die well i mean like we know that there's a i don't know man a taking time bomb i think could make a big deal because i grew up in san diego and you don't give a fuck about anything when you grow up like the weather's perfect and like yeah you get an earthquake every now and then but like a little bit of shaking like every two years Look at Japan.

[781] Just look at the recent tragedies lately that just destroyed.

[782] I mean, Tokyo is pretty much gone.

[783] Like, I don't know if they would ever recover.

[784] That country as a whole is pretty much fucked, and they don't want to talk about it, but it's pretty much gone, right?

[785] I don't know.

[786] You mean economically?

[787] No, I mean, like, the Fukushima area is fucked.

[788] The area where the meltdown happened, they're already seeing mutated animals and shit.

[789] Bunny's born with no arms or ears or weird shit.

[790] going on already and going just going to san diego you go by that naked gun huge tit nuclear reactor and you just like look around there i'm like oh shit you know it it just takes one earthquake and that shit's fucked yeah didn't you think about that when you went by it oh absolutely totally thought about that as we went by it as we went by it i looked at that thing i'm like what a nutty place to put this right next to the ocean you fucking crazy insolent assholes and you know why they put it right next to the ocean shit goes wrong they can flood it with ocean water to cool it off and and also and that water goes right back in the ocean that's what they did in Japan.

[791] They fucking poured millions of gallons of ocean water on the actual inferno of hell.

[792] And then they pour that water right back in the ocean.

[793] Oh my God.

[794] It's unbelievably toxic.

[795] I mean, it's fucking going to jack everything.

[796] And they're like, it's what we got to do.

[797] We got to do it.

[798] We got to do it.

[799] We got to do it.

[800] Tough shit.

[801] So everything gets jacked.

[802] What the fuck is going on in there that you need millions of gallons of ocean?

[803] Sun.

[804] They made a son.

[805] Yeah.

[806] It's a little baby son.

[807] I mean, and do you know what nuclear power is?

[808] Did you know that it's just steam?

[809] They just, the nuclear heat, you know, that melts water, makes steam, and that powers all these reactors.

[810] That's what, that's like, that's, that's, that's the, the mechanism behind it producing electricity.

[811] I had no idea about any of that.

[812] I had no idea either.

[813] I just figured it was somehow another, they'd take that nuclear energy and they put it in a wire and it goes to plug in your hair dryer.

[814] No, it's like, it's the same sort of idea, you know, the force behind it, I think, and the steam behind it is what, what powers the generators.

[815] but it's essentially it's a nuclear reaction that they can't ever cool off you can't like you can't shut it off it's the stupidest idea every if the fucking thing melts down you're done you just have to get away from it you can't cool it off it doesn't that's been like that's so nuts they had like all right we can have wind power where we have the windmill spinning or we can have this fucking thing that's impossible to cool down this sun that if it'd be apparently they had a backup plan up to like a certain amount of you know earthquake and this far exceeded that this was like a really ridiculously powerful earthquake and they lost their backup generator and so they knew they had like eight hours we got eight hours get the fuck out of here you can't fix it like what are you talking about how arrogant are human beings that they would make something where that could even possibly ever happen and not have any way you would say okay before we build it do you guys really know how to shut this off?

[816] Is there, okay, and what happens if that happens?

[817] And what happens if the power doesn't go back on?

[818] Then what happens?

[819] Oh, then, oh, then it just eats through the earth.

[820] We don't know when it stops.

[821] It goes through the core, and it just keeps going and probably comes out the other side or something.

[822] They don't know.

[823] It's never happened before.

[824] And they went, okay, well, build it.

[825] We'll see.

[826] Sounds good.

[827] That's fucking crazy.

[828] Sounds good.

[829] Go build that.

[830] How many guys want to build?

[831] You want to build, like, a hundred of them just leave them around yeah let's put them near fault lines and shit so let's add some earthquakes to LA let's add some earthquakes to all this fucking people that we have here let's add it to the nuclear shit let's add it to the fact that we don't have any water and so let's have it or we don't have any elect our electricity's fucking gone dude we live in the dumbest place in the whole entire road no Vegas is the dumbest this is the second dumbest second dumbest well at least Vegas they would have been to Fresno fresno fuck it sucks yeah man I've seen some spots that suck a lot worse than Pasadena.

[832] Yeah.

[833] Yeah, well, it's tricky, that's for sure.

[834] We're certainly susceptible.

[835] The more they find out, like, you know, the archaeologists are constantly uncovering these lost cities now.

[836] Like, they found a few of them off the coast of Spain, and one of them they think might be Atlantis.

[837] And they found one recently that was like, it was underwater as recently as 8 ,500 years ago.

[838] So this is like crazy old stuff.

[839] You know, And it's old pottery and it's old different fucking, we're finding out that like shit happens and goes wrong all the time on this planet.

[840] You know, it's always getting hit by rocks from outer space and there's fucking volcanoes that blow up every now and again.

[841] And the earth moves and giant thousand foot high tsunamis wipe out miles in and then pull back.

[842] And that shit happens all the time in history.

[843] You know, we just for whatever reason are willing to gamble that it's not going to happen.

[844] on my watch.

[845] Yeah.

[846] No, I mean, basically that's what it is because it's eventually going to happen.

[847] Yeah, I mean, it's unavoidable.

[848] We, you know, we've harped on it too many times probably by now, but just the asteroid number alone, when you find out how many hundreds of thousands of asteroids are hovering around inside of our solar system.

[849] You're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[850] It's not like, oh, I heard there's like a hundred asteroids.

[851] No, there's like thousands of thousands and thousands of these fucking things, just flying around and one of them could just come hurling towards us.

[852] We've been hit before.

[853] Yeah, many times.

[854] And most likely that's responsible for a bunch of different weird shit where they find these ancient civilizations and they don't understand how they were sophisticated back then.

[855] It's probably we've stacked up some progress and been knocked down a few times.

[856] The very date of, I think it's like they're like 12 ,500 years ago or something right now, scientists are a group.

[857] There's a bunch of people over the country or over the world rather that are agreeing that there was some sort of an impact that happened then because they're doing all their core samples.

[858] They find some sort of glass that's only created in like nuclear blasts or extreme impacts or you know things along those lines like Tunguska like that kind of shit has to happen like some crazy impact and they're finding a lot of this shit at 12 ,500 years so they think it's really possible that we have like a massive meteor shower 12 ,500 years ago and it might have fucked up, you know, 50 % of the cities of the world, you know.

[859] But back then, think about 12 ,500 years ago, man. How does that information get to us?

[860] If you, if every, half the cities did get jacked by these giant rocks from space, who, how many people would remember that story?

[861] What would that story be by the time they figured out how to make paper again, you know?

[862] I got to feel like if you were alive for that, you got to remember that's like yeah you remember the one time we got hit with yeah i remember i remember i remember that do you think they the people that survived even knew what the fuck happened because maybe it was just like dumb luck you know like they probably a bunch of asteroids came down a meteor shower just fucked up this boom boom boom like maybe maybe some places like it just didn't hit them and so those are the ones that survived and then they had to go and look at the rest of the world that would be equally freaky to know that it could happen to you any day do you get if you lived in a place where you didn't get hit but you heard all these crazy noises in the background but you and your tribe you guys are fucking cool no problems whatsoever and then you venture forth and it's like lord of the rings everywhere you look is burnt out and smoking you're like what the fuck everyone's dead everywhere you go is just bodies just pieces of hands and feet and fucking heads because everybody got hit with giant rocks from the sky and pulverized and just huge groups of people smart on the highway with big rocks.

[863] Boom!

[864] That would be almost freakier than dying.

[865] To know that this just happened a few hundred miles from you, and you know, you get on your horse and find it, and you see how nutty it is?

[866] You see how nutty the damage is and know that that could happen?

[867] The sky can just all of a swarm of fiery rocks.

[868] Yeah, especially like before science or anything to explain anything.

[869] Oh, my God.

[870] I feel like everything people saw back then, they're like, what the fuck is this?

[871] Do you imagine?

[872] I mean, how weird is it that when did we become so conscious?

[873] Like, when did we become so aware of all the possibilities in our environment?

[874] I mean, it was a slow, gradual process where the human brain evolved, right?

[875] It's not like we were always this smart right from the get -go.

[876] Somewhere along the line, it must have been...

[877] I mean, that's probably what religion is really all about.

[878] It's probably like some sort of psychic training wheels.

[879] You know, it's like you're not quite ready to grasp the whole...

[880] None of us are.

[881] So it's like, let's give you an ideology to believe in that puts you on the right track.

[882] Because, you know, this feeling of God and love and everything to you.

[883] That is totally the right way to do it.

[884] It's totally the right way to live.

[885] So how do you need to get there?

[886] Do you need to get there through yoga?

[887] Well, then you go yoga.

[888] You go yoga and find that spot.

[889] Is the baby Jesus more you're liking?

[890] Yeah, I like singing.

[891] I'm really good with groups.

[892] Okay, go that way.

[893] You know, it's like the psychic training wheels as we can.

[894] get through this weird spot get through this weird spot we start to like awaken and see how fucking crazy this world is and realize sometimes the sky becomes of a light with flying rocks that are on fire fuck nobody's gonna stop that man if all of a sudden we got caught in a meteor shower that's well that's just what it is well yeah imagine you're there and you see the flying rocks flying out you Jesus.

[895] First thing, after you run for your life, then you're like, well, obviously somebody threw that at me that's gigantic.

[896] Especially back then.

[897] Yeah, that's what even back then.

[898] Oh, we're being attacked by gods.

[899] Hades.

[900] Because some bra guy, you know, like you throw, you're a caveman or whatever, you throw shit.

[901] You throw rocks.

[902] I wonder if that was like where the origins of Hades and then hellfire and all that shit came from.

[903] I wonder if that was that.

[904] You know, you got to wonder like, when.

[905] When did they first figure out the idea of hell?

[906] Was it when they first saw a volcano?

[907] I mean, because then it makes sense.

[908] If you were a fucking K person, you saw a volcano, hell totally makes sense.

[909] You're like, you do not want to go there.

[910] You will fucking burn forever.

[911] I mean, it looks like you would burn forever.

[912] If you could exist and somehow another not disappear instantly into the lava and just have that feeling of being burned by lava forever, probably the most terrifying thing a person could ever experience.

[913] Well, definitely.

[914] Imagine you don't know, it's 10 ,000 years ago, you don't know anything about science.

[915] You see a volcano erupt and then some shit comes out of it that just disintegrates everything in its path.

[916] You're like, yeah, that's probably the bad place where you go.

[917] What most people don't realize is the Yellowstone volcano.

[918] This is one of the biggest volcanoes in the earth.

[919] It's a super volcano.

[920] Yellowstone is something called a Caldera volcano.

[921] And they didn't even discover this until I think like a decade ago.

[922] I think when they started using satellites to map things out, they realized that it's a a crater and that Yellowstone, I think it's like 300 kilometers wide or something crazy like that.

[923] Is it active?

[924] It might be 600 kilometers.

[925] It might be 300 miles.

[926] Yes.

[927] Not only is it active.

[928] It's a super volcano, which means it gets up to a peak and then the peak explodes.

[929] The whole thing explodes and just leaves behind a hole.

[930] Yeah, and it kills like a giant percentage of everything on the continent because it's such a huge volcano.

[931] I mean, it like, it becomes like almost like a nuclear winter type situation.

[932] I think it fills the sky with ash.

[933] I mean, I think it's such a massive volcano that you really could call it a continent killer.

[934] And it happens every six to 800 ,000 years.

[935] And the last time it happened was 600 ,000 years ago.

[936] Yeah.

[937] So if that did happen, and there's not a goddamn thing we could do to stop it, if Yellowstone decided to blow and it went Caldera on us and fucking erupted on us, that's a wrap for like most of the West Coast, a huge chunk of the country.

[938] I mean, it's done, dude.

[939] It's a fucking horror movie.

[940] It's the road.

[941] It's that movie with Vigo Mortensen.

[942] It's that shit.

[943] It's that shit.

[944] That's the only time it's okay to say you would fuck Obama.

[945] Yes.

[946] Then you can get away with anything.

[947] Then you can get away with anything.

[948] That might have happened to a lesser extent to our ancestors.

[949] It's very possible.

[950] That might have happened.

[951] That might be when they find all these crazy structures and shit under the ocean.

[952] That might be what have happened.

[953] These people might have got jacked.

[954] Yeah, you got to imagine, because also, like, you know, if that shit happens, like, seems like crazy shit happens every, like, 50 ,000 years, like that.

[955] Like, it's got to happen.

[956] Like you said, we've probably gone farther in technology than, you know, two steps forward, one step back.

[957] Yeah, I agree, yeah.

[958] You know, except for when you look at buildings, you know, some of the crazy Egyptian buildings and shit, like, how the fuck do they do that?

[959] You know, if there really was an ancient civilization that figured out how to do that, like, well, they might have been ahead of us.

[960] I don't know I mean that seems like in a lot of ways it seems ahead of us the construction methods the giant stones they moved but it's pretty clear that everybody gets nailed you know it's just no way you can avoid it the little things like you know the tsunami that killed everyone in Thailand you know that was to us it was a huge deal you know to us humans think about the numbers and the body counts but to the world population it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing weird how many different things like that could happen in mass scale like frightening scale thousand mile you know fucking uh i think it's 45 000 mile an hour asteroids that's that's like what the speed that most of them travel at you know they could be a mile wide five miles wide it's like it's crazy thing too like even if you look at like the plague i was reading this i was reading something it's like it killed three fists of the people in europe like what How would that happen now?

[961] Like people would go, like Thailand, you know, we go bananas at the Thailand thing, but such a small percentage.

[962] Like three out of five people in Europe, every three out of five people die.

[963] Well, what happened?

[964] Was it, was the plague something that was transmitted by rodents?

[965] Yeah, because the fleas carried all the plague.

[966] And then the rodents would get the...

[967] On the boats.

[968] Oh, God.

[969] And then they'd run across the ropes that get to the shore.

[970] And then the fleas would come out and bite people.

[971] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[972] And then give everybody the plague.

[973] End up at Applebee's.

[974] Oh, how fucking scary is the plague?

[975] Did you know the guy in, where the fuck was it, that he got tested?

[976] A guy got bitten by an animal and he got tested for the plague.

[977] I think it was a cat.

[978] And he tested positive for the plague.

[979] It was like, it was in the Pacific Northwest.

[980] Yeah, I want to say, because there's been a couple cases of the plague like in California.

[981] Dude.

[982] What the fuck, man. You know, that's like some old school.

[983] pirate shit you hear the plague scurvy yeah yeah it's connected to boats right like what the fuck man the plague really it must have sucked fat dick living back that dude three -fifths of the people die from the plague everybody's like stinky all the time all the time yeah a lot of rape going on probably tons and tons yeah probably people are assholes they're just dying and when people died easier and quicker they were probably like way more cunty right they didn't that long they just fucking got all their cunt out and they probably were much more likely to commit violence on each other they're probably much closer to animals oh yeah how far back do you think you can go and still rock it 70s they're you'd be happy in the 70s trying to yeah I could be happy in the 70s I would miss my phone though man a lot I'd miss being able to call people we would have never made this interview man I never spoke a word to you until we walked in the door and said hey what's up you know it was all done through you know text and emails and all that jazz.

[984] It's kind of fascinating.

[985] It couldn't have happened in the 70s.

[986] Even just like, have you ever tried to go pick somebody up at the airport and forgot your phone?

[987] Yeah.

[988] It's like you might as well just turn around and go.

[989] Yeah.

[990] Oh, it's so weird what we accept.

[991] It's so weird.

[992] I think I could probably do the 60s, but no, earlier.

[993] 60s are interesting.

[994] You get some cool cars.

[995] You could be driving around a brand new 1964 Mustang.

[996] Holy shit.

[997] it would be real, you know?

[998] Like, this is a fucking real, brand new 64 Mustang.

[999] You feel what it was like to have one of those things back then?

[1000] That might be fun.

[1001] That might be fun.

[1002] You would know so much more than them.

[1003] It would be stealing.

[1004] You could be able to fuck every chick you meet.

[1005] All you have to do is keep talking to him.

[1006] Keep talking to him long enough.

[1007] They'd be like, he's a prophet.

[1008] I have to go with him.

[1009] He has the answers that I seek.

[1010] You could totally start a cult.

[1011] He'd be like, fuck Charlie Manson.

[1012] sit the fuck down.

[1013] I'm going to tell you some shit about the future.

[1014] This is what's going to happen.

[1015] It's going to be pills that you take and you'll be happy even if your life is shit.

[1016] Dude, that would be, I like that that's the first knowledge you drop on them.

[1017] That's the first thing you tell them.

[1018] You tell them you will one day be ruled by pills that control your emotions.

[1019] And then they can lock you in a cage if you say the wrong words.

[1020] Oh, no. Dude, I would buy into that cold if I was in the 60s.

[1021] Yeah, the 60s would be an interesting thing.

[1022] time to go back to with all the knowledge of today.

[1023] Well, if the knowledge, like, imagine if you knew, like, political shit, today's the day they kill Kennedy.

[1024] Can you imagine how much you want to bet?

[1025] How much you want to bet they kill Kennedy today?

[1026] You know?

[1027] You're just betting.

[1028] You don't try to stop it.

[1029] No, you know, you're trying to stop it.

[1030] You just go, can I bet that they fucking kill the president?

[1031] You want to bet, bitch?

[1032] And they'll take your money.

[1033] Vegas will take your money.

[1034] But then now's back 60s Vegas, where it's all gangsters and shit money.

[1035] Yeah, they'll kill you.

[1036] Yeah, they kill you for being right.

[1037] They're like, listen, we know when Kennedy's going to die.

[1038] We're going to be a part of how he dies, stupid fuck.

[1039] We're going to make the driver go really slow in Dallas.

[1040] Yeah, that's different.

[1041] You don't want to be a part of that part of the 60s.

[1042] That would suck.

[1043] No, definitely.

[1044] They killed people back then.

[1045] They had problems with them, like JFK, RFK, RFK, they just assassinate them.

[1046] Sneak up behind them in front of a bunch of people.

[1047] That's the security.

[1048] crazy as shit like like RFK he was he was running for president somebody just like walked up to him with a gun and shot of yeah dude I was at the place where they did it we uh we filmed some fear factors there oh really is that some hotel in downtown I think they're they might be tearing it down I think Bill Burr was really upset about it wait that's here in L .A.?

[1049] Yeah Bill Burr was really upset about it and he's so right he's so dead on as always but he was like uh he goes no one he has any any idea history you know know if that was back east you couldn't fucking tear that down and put a put a fucking parking lot there he goes no it'd be like there would be a plaque there so you could know that this is where the shit went down it's so true but in l .a they're like yeah robert kennedy was killed here whatever it's this is it's a strip club now but now it's like yeah the downtown is it's just a weird here's a weird place have you been a skid row yet i have whoa uh huh it's like first like one of my first week's up here i was trying to go to a laker game and i and i made a wrong turn and i all suddenly was like fucking 28 days later like it was just like it was like so packed with it was i've never seen just the concentration of insane you can't believe unless you see it it that's it really is true can't believe unless you see it's it's it's staggering you you think we're exaggerating you think there's no way anybody will it they've become a tribe yeah it's a tribe of homeless people and there's maybe thousands of them yeah so i saw something that said that no i said no i saw something and said there was a hundred thousand homeless people living in downtown jesus christ jesus christ you know how crazy that it sounds dude that's like an army 100 that's what i'm talking about man skid row is weird we've we filmed uh some fear factor stuff a lot of it in downtown la on buildings we do like things with people out of cross buildings and shit like that and um we were always uh like right around the corner and sometimes we had to like do shit that was like right there in the thick of things and so you would go around the corner and like when you leave work if you went around the corner and took a left and then took another left you're in a zombie movie I mean you really are like you fucked up you're on the wrong street and people are asking you for money and they're touching your car and you're like what is going on?

[1050] I didn't see any of that in San Diego by the way No military presence is good but also the marijuana shit It was so much stricter.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] It was like, like even the bodyguards or the bouncers of every club were all ex -military day or something like that.

[1053] So they were like, are you smoking pot?

[1054] You better not be smoking weed.

[1055] Yeah, they got to relax.

[1056] They got to relax on that.

[1057] Every.

[1058] But other than that, it's good.

[1059] It's good and bad in military presence.

[1060] It would be more good than bad if they let them smoke weed.

[1061] Soldiersly smoked weed would be like the best soldiers to have them be like, listen, everything's going to work out.

[1062] We're going to We obviously fucked up We're going to slowly back up By the way, we have a show tonight If you're listening to this live right now There's still tickets available So you can still get down here at the Ice House Yeah, it's a super show Like we always do these Whoever's in town And we got Ari Sheff Doug Bensin Dom I Rera Dove Dove Davidoff Jesus fucking Christ If you've never seen Dove He's very, very funny He's fucking hilarious Very unique too He's like one of my favorite guys to watch And Domarera is one of my all -time favorites.

[1063] Jason Tebow.

[1064] Brian Redband's going to go up and do my favorite joke.

[1065] Tony Hinsklee.

[1066] We do my favorite joke.

[1067] Which joke?

[1068] You know the joke.

[1069] Can't even talk about it because I don't want anybody to know the joke.

[1070] Oh.

[1071] That joke.

[1072] Yeah.

[1073] Yeah, that one.

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] I have a new one that I'm in love with now.

[1076] We'll do that too, but I got to hear that other joke.

[1077] I love that joke.

[1078] And that'll be tonight.

[1079] It's 15 bucks at the Ice House, 10 o 'clock show.

[1080] And I have, I'm doing like half hour, 40 minutes.

[1081] something like that at the end.

[1082] Unless I get drunk and I might go long.

[1083] Who are the comedians that you like would pay to see now, like the ones, your favorites?

[1084] I'd pay to see anybody good, man. I love comedy.

[1085] I mean, I don't have to pay really, really, because most guys are going to, ask them and they'll let me come into their show.

[1086] But I'd still love to go see comedy.

[1087] Like, we just saw Dice Clay at the Riviera in Vegas.

[1088] I fucking loved it, man. Me and Brian, we were like little kids.

[1089] How fun was that show?

[1090] Oh, it was great.

[1091] So much fun.

[1092] Exactly what I wanted.

[1093] Yeah, it was we all were hanging out And we're in Vegas for the UFC And it was Friday night And I was free We didn't have anything to do And Opie and Anthony You know those guys You ever do that show?

[1094] No Jimmy Norton and Anthony Coomia Were in town And they're one of the guys That works in the show Sam Roberts He was in town too And so we all went out to dinner together So while we're out at dinner We go let's go see Dice's show So we text Dice, Dice text back We go there And it was like We're like little kids We're like we get to go see a show.

[1095] Like I got to go see Dice at the Riviera.

[1096] I was so happy.

[1097] Like I fucking love to go see like a good show.

[1098] I didn't have to pay for it because Dice hooked me up, but I would be happy to pay to see that.

[1099] That was really fun.

[1100] You know, I mean, when I was first starting out before I was successful, it was really hard for me to go see too many comedians because I would like, I'd feel like, God, I suck in comparison to that guy.

[1101] I don't even want to, you know, I don't even want to go on stage now.

[1102] And then I would be like weirded out by other.

[1103] the people's acts like I didn't want to watch people do better than me I don't want but then once you get to a certain level of comfort you realize why you became a comedian in the first place it's because you love watching stuff and laughing at it and so then you get to figure it out again and then be a fan again so me it was like a the first 10 years of my comedy life was like a cycle of like slowly figuring out you just have to like enjoy it like and just laugh at everything and And don't, just because you're a struggling comedian, don't not enjoy comedy, because comedy is like the best form of entertainment.

[1104] That's why you like it in the first place.

[1105] Right.

[1106] You know, don't not like it because you suck at it.

[1107] By the way, Joe, I don't know if you know about this yet or not, but Steve Carlisi.

[1108] Yeah, from Opie and Anthony.

[1109] What happened?

[1110] You know, I don't know.

[1111] I got an email today from EROC, but there's a memorial fund for his family.

[1112] I mean, he has a, I remember the last time I talked to him.

[1113] He's got a small daughter, I think, yeah.

[1114] What is the address?

[1115] I tweeted if you want to, if you want to Twitter it.

[1116] But tell people that are listening to this on their phone where they could find it.

[1117] Yeah, it is, let's see.

[1118] Well, the address is go fund me .com slash VH -0E -W, which makes no sense.

[1119] But if you go to my Twitter, it's R -E -D -B -A -N or go to Joe Rogan's Twitter, I'm sure he's going to tweet it right now.

[1120] Okay, yeah, I'm going to retweet it right here.

[1121] What it says on Brian's is, I'm very sad about this.

[1122] Steve was a great guy.

[1123] And today's date is what, is it, the 18th?

[1124] So if you go to Brian's Twitter feed on the 18th.

[1125] Any fans of O 'Ban Anthony know him?

[1126] He was a really nice guy.

[1127] I remember you had really cool tattoos.

[1128] He's a really cool guy.

[1129] This sucks.

[1130] I don't know what happened.

[1131] It's terrible news.

[1132] Yeah.

[1133] Yeah, I saw Sam's email.

[1134] He sent me an email as well.

[1135] And he gave us a U .R. i believe didn't he uh yeah that's the the one i just twittered okay tweeted but do you can you give it out to people i just did i just did it makes no sense it's like backslashing on a bunch of numbers and words oh it's one of those okay well it's on my twitter i retweeted it it's on uh brian's and we're very sorry to hear that he was a great guy and uh hopefully he's in heaven yeah or darkness like your dad would say that's that's fucking disturbing heaven's better heaven's who's it better.

[1136] That sucks, man. I hate hearing shit like that.

[1137] How old is he?

[1138] I don't know.

[1139] I don't think he was 40.

[1140] I don't think he was 40.

[1141] Was he?

[1142] No, he was in the thing was in 30s.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] He lost a ton of weight, right?

[1145] Yeah, I think so.

[1146] Yeah.

[1147] But that was a while ago, but yeah.

[1148] But it looks like they've almost reached their goal, so that's great.

[1149] They're trying to raise, it's like 30 ,000, so many opening up any fans, I guess, have come through.

[1150] That's awesome.

[1151] That's awesome.

[1152] thanks everybody and thank you Brian for bringing this bringing the show down screeching screeching that is a bummer though man so I have I have some an update of a past episode when I smoked moth poop and a little bit of orange fluorescent orange stuff came out of it I found out that it was actually shit so like I didn't know for sure I didn't know if it was eggs or stuff something but you smoked it this is the problem the kid did actually see two days ago and he hasn't been the same since.

[1153] And I don't know whether I should call his mom.

[1154] I'm thinking I need to call his mom and say, yeah, Mrs. Redband, we got a situation here.

[1155] Yeah, it's Joe.

[1156] Yeah, Brian's friend.

[1157] Yeah, he's just, I don't, I think he fucked up.

[1158] I think he smoked too much motho.

[1159] I think he went over the other side.

[1160] I don't know.

[1161] I didn't tie his ankle, and I don't know if we're ever going to get him back.

[1162] Dude, I did ecstasy once, and I couldn't read the next day.

[1163] I can't believe you do it so often.

[1164] I don't do it off.

[1165] I don't do it every three months, maybe.

[1166] That's a lot.

[1167] Four months?

[1168] For me, that's terrifying.

[1169] Wow.

[1170] And I don't do X2, do Molly, which is better.

[1171] Better, way better.

[1172] Okay.

[1173] I have a bad, I had a great experience and a bad experience.

[1174] A great experience that had felt really good.

[1175] Bad experiences the next day, I was useless.

[1176] I was dried out.

[1177] It's like I felt like I would literally have been dried out.

[1178] Like my brain was a sponge that was out in the sun.

[1179] That seems like that's the worst part.

[1180] For me, it was.

[1181] I mean, I think everybody's different And I have bad sleep apnea too So I think I'm always a little bit depleted You know when it comes to shit like that If I back then I wasn't on top of it I didn't know Now I wear like this mouthpiece that keeps me I have a big tongue And you don't need to know all the shit about me dude Okay My point was Maybe that hindered me from coming back as good Because I wasn't getting very good sleep But it was hard for me to bounce back mentally I don't think I was the same for several days.

[1182] The next day I remember feeling really, really stupid.

[1183] And I went on stage and tried to remember my act, but it was not good.

[1184] It was just a really mediocre show.

[1185] It wasn't a good show.

[1186] I remember for like three or four days thinking this is a fucking terrible idea.

[1187] I learned so much about myself, but I was like, I'm never doing this again.

[1188] Fuck this.

[1189] Yeah, one time I went in college, my neighbors, they used to sell weed and coke and everything like that.

[1190] And I played baseball in college.

[1191] And so I couldn't do any drugs because you got drug tested all the time.

[1192] And then I had this fucked up injury.

[1193] Again, I'm telling you too much information.

[1194] But anyway, they gave me this shit to smoke because I wasn't getting drug tests anymore.

[1195] And I didn't know.

[1196] But I guess they had sprinkled Coke and something else on it.

[1197] Whoa.

[1198] Yeah, and I didn't know.

[1199] I just thought I was smoking weed.

[1200] And so I smoked it and I was just like going out of my fucking mind.

[1201] Like I knew it wasn't weed like 10 minutes into it.

[1202] I was like my heart was beating super fast.

[1203] And I was get, I was sweaty.

[1204] on just one half of my face.

[1205] The other half was like perfectly dry.

[1206] The other half was just like dripping sweat.

[1207] And for the next two days, I thought I was retarded.

[1208] Like I couldn't, I couldn't think through thoughts.

[1209] Like it was freaking me out.

[1210] I've never done coke, but the whole Coke culture of getting really high and then crashing through the fucking bottom is so unappealing to me. I don't understand.

[1211] It scares a shit out of me. Yeah.

[1212] No, that's why I like, because I like being kind of up.

[1213] So that's why, same thing, I've never done coke, because I know I'll do it and then I'll really like it.

[1214] And every time I'm with somebody who does Coke, they're always just like looking for more coke.

[1215] Oh, yeah.

[1216] It's never like you get to sit and enjoy it.

[1217] I didn't like it that much.

[1218] I mean, I liked it for a month, but after a while, that feeling of always looking for it, at least for me, I was like, yeah, this sucks.

[1219] Why do I want to keep on doing something that I want to keep on looking for?

[1220] And I keep on spending like $100 every couple hours.

[1221] Well, you're an interesting dude, Brian.

[1222] and that a lot of people don't realize, like, you go, oh, you know, Brian doesn't have, he doesn't have a lot of willpower.

[1223] You actually do.

[1224] You have a lot of willpower.

[1225] You lost an insane amount of weight really quickly.

[1226] You lost like 70 or 80 pounds, right?

[1227] How many pounds did you lose?

[1228] I don't even remember.

[1229] I think it was 75 pounds.

[1230] 70 pounds.

[1231] And he did it over a really sharp period of time.

[1232] Yeah, four months.

[1233] And it was really shocking to watch him just shrink.

[1234] And I was like, well, when you put your mind to shit, you can, you can get things done.

[1235] But most of the time, you just decide not to put your mind to think.

[1236] I put my mind too much now.

[1237] What did you do to lose all that weight so quick?

[1238] I just did weight watchers, but I did half the points at like a hacked weight watchers.

[1239] I did half the points.

[1240] And then I just did a lot of zero point things, like all vegetables.

[1241] I just ate vegetables nonstop until I couldn't eat any more vegetables.

[1242] Did you feel good?

[1243] I worked out.

[1244] When you were really light like that?

[1245] Did you feel good?

[1246] Yeah.

[1247] I don't remember.

[1248] I felt the same as I do now.

[1249] Really?

[1250] Yeah.

[1251] Didn't feel any better?

[1252] Yeah, I don't remember going like, oh, I feel great.

[1253] You were exercising a lot too, though, right?

[1254] Weren't you?

[1255] I was exercising four days a week, five days a week.

[1256] That's a lot.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] For you?

[1259] Like, how often do you do it now?

[1260] Once, let's see.

[1261] I've done it twice in the last six months.

[1262] That was great delivery, man. I walked a lot of.

[1263] at Comic -Con.

[1264] It would really be funny.

[1265] You should say that on stage.

[1266] That was funny.

[1267] That was really good delivery.

[1268] Yeah, but like somebody just asked me that exact same question today.

[1269] And I was like, you know what?

[1270] I walked probably a good five miles this last week at Comic -Con.

[1271] But I do a lot of that shit where I'm like, oh, no, I mean, I do exercise.

[1272] I mean, I walk - You move your body from one place to another without equipment.

[1273] Right.

[1274] I walk to Starbucks every day.

[1275] That's what he gets in his working out.

[1276] He's moving his body unassisted.

[1277] You will be the first of my mind.

[1278] amongst us to give in to having one of those fucking those uh those freeway things what are those things segways oh yeah that's how you're gonna get around i i want to go on a i want to go on a segue that's like one of those guilty pleasures that i haven't done yet you know like i just want to treat myself to a segue you've never you've really never done one oh dude they're amazing they're really cool they're super cool it's a gyroscope the only issue with those things is um they when they were shut off they would just shut off and people would just fall on their ass and it's You know, you really get jacked.

[1279] Like, old people, like, you know, fell and got fucked up.

[1280] I hear the new ones are just fucking badass.

[1281] Yeah, the new ones let you know.

[1282] They, like, beep and shit.

[1283] They let you know it's dying.

[1284] Get off me, bitch.

[1285] I'm going to die.

[1286] I wonder what they...

[1287] Didn't the guy who created him?

[1288] He drove off a cliff on one.

[1289] Did he really?

[1290] Yes, he fell off a cliff on one.

[1291] Yeah.

[1292] Um, whoops.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] What fuck that, man?

[1295] Imagine watching that happen in the beginning of a Cohen Brothers movie?

[1296] Yeah.

[1297] The guy...

[1298] He's fucking zipping her along on the Pacific Highway, waving the people.

[1299] And he looks down at his phone and check his text messages.

[1300] And right as he types, L -O -L to something that's not even remotely fucking funny.

[1301] Wow, the new ones are fucking amazing.

[1302] I'm hungry, L -O -L.

[1303] Boom!

[1304] Off the clip.

[1305] And you watch him flip.

[1306] Tung.

[1307] Tunk -tong.

[1308] Tung -tong.

[1309] Tunk -tong.

[1310] and the coyotes move in three minutes of that yeah dude check these new models i would start chewing them apart at night look these things yeah they're dope as fuck dude kevin james um used one for that paul blart mallcrop movie and then once he used it for that he decided to bring them with him when he does any movie because it's like the best way to get around on a big set especially so he uh he had a couple of those on a show and me and him we used to go around the boss in common with though it was so fun how fast of those go um probably like as fast as you can run max speed 20 miles an hour yeah or 12 miles an hour they have um ones i think that cops use that go faster i think i'm thinking of those yeah i've seen those ones because what is a person a fast person run like what do they run like 30 miles an hour yeah like close to like usane bold what does he do he does like close to 30 miles an hour isn't that funny a person was a car they wouldn't be shit weak ass fucking bitch 30 miles an hour car that's annoying it's annoying when you have to go 30 miles an hour yeah you're like this fucking see how you know if you're on the highway and you can only go 30 miles an hour you're like oh this is going to take forever well that's you running full clip the fastest human in the world hurling his body against gravity that's a anytime people are like oh this guy's such an amazing athlete I'm like I can I just saw a fucking bear run like 3540.

[1311] It's like a fat, slow bear.

[1312] Big giant -ass fucking animal.

[1313] You see what those things look like when they lose their hair?

[1314] No. Oh, they look amazing.

[1315] Bears lose their hair?

[1316] Yeah, there's a bear that has some form of mange probably, and there's pictures of it, like with no hair.

[1317] It looks like some creature in like, you know, never -ending story or something.

[1318] It doesn't look real.

[1319] It's like a Hobbit -type creature.

[1320] It looks like dark crystal, actually.

[1321] Yeah, look at that thing.

[1322] Oh, my God.

[1323] Yeah, come on, man. Oh, my God.

[1324] How strange is that?

[1325] That's horrible.

[1326] I had a dog that had mange like that.

[1327] Not that bad, but giant patches of her body.

[1328] When I found her, I rescued her, giant patches of her body would like that.

[1329] That's apparently where the chupacabra, they think the myth comes from, too.

[1330] It's coyotes.

[1331] They get that.

[1332] Coyotes that have mange.

[1333] They lose all their hair, and they look freaky.

[1334] They look really fucking creepy.

[1335] See if you can find one of those.

[1336] Coyotes with no hair.

[1337] Ew.

[1338] What is that?

[1339] You got a pink shirt on.

[1340] It's a mess paint brush.

[1341] I love it.

[1342] Pes paint brush.

[1343] How was that still in use?

[1344] I don't know.

[1345] Wait, what was it called again?

[1346] What were you talking about?

[1347] Coyote with Mange.

[1348] And, you know, the images, one of them was on, I think one of those, like, Monster Quist type shows, they were trying to say, like, someone thought they had a Chupacra.

[1349] And that's what it turned out to be.

[1350] It turned out to be a coyote that it had the Mange, where they lose all the hair on their body and they just look really freaky.

[1351] Is it chimp that has no hair too?

[1352] Have you seen that?

[1353] Yeah, that's one of them, man. What are you doing?

[1354] You're going the other way?

[1355] There's a chimp that has no hair too.

[1356] That one is really frightening.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] Pull that up.

[1359] The chimp with no hair is crazy because you really start to think like how terrifying it would be if this thing was trying to bite your dick off.

[1360] Like it probably would do if it got alone with you.

[1361] God.

[1362] Would you probably bite your dick off?

[1363] This actually looks like a girl like a, like a, like a, at gross grow at bar.

[1364] Yeah, look at that.

[1365] That's horrible.

[1366] Well, wait to you see the full image.

[1367] His body is enormous, too.

[1368] His muscles are fucking huge.

[1369] Pull that one up right there.

[1370] Look at that.

[1371] Click on that.

[1372] Jesus.

[1373] Look at the size of his fucking muscles.

[1374] Dude, that's like, yeah.

[1375] And that's a chimpanzee.

[1376] These muscles are way stronger than yours.

[1377] So that, that creepy -looking beast has probably, you know, strength of a 500, 600 -pound man, maybe even more.

[1378] If he was like a ripped 500, 600 pound man. Yeah, like a superhuman.

[1379] I mean, they're so much stronger than us.

[1380] They, he can hurl his body through the air, grab a whole of things with one arm and sling his body to their side.

[1381] Have you ever seen one of those guys get angry in a cage and hurl themselves around?

[1382] Dude, I, uh, I live right by the zoo in San Diego.

[1383] I'm going to go all the time.

[1384] I've got to pass.

[1385] Oh, that, uh, wild animal park.

[1386] That's an awesome zoo.

[1387] Yeah, it's huge.

[1388] And, uh, one time I was at the monkey cage and this guy was just like bang, on the glass trying to get the monkeys to pay attention to them.

[1389] Oh, God.

[1390] It was just so stupid.

[1391] And the monkey came up.

[1392] Like, it was, I don't know what it was.

[1393] It was like a bonobo or something like that.

[1394] And it just, it just fucking rocked the glass once and put a crack in it.

[1395] And then, like, all of a sudden, like, all the fucking, you know, zookeeper people came in and shit.

[1396] But, like, it was just, it looked like a monkey that looked like a hundred pound monkey.

[1397] And it was so fucking strong that it put a crack in, like, 12 -inch glass.

[1398] Yeah, it was a chimp.

[1399] Oh, wow.

[1400] Because we shouldn't really say monkey when chimp the people get angry with me it's racist they get angry with me this is incorrect they're apes okay I get it monkeys have tails is that the deal monkeys have tails?

[1401] I call monkeys too but I call it off a chimps this is a chimp then this is a chimp.

[1402] Chimps are super fucking strong a hundred pound chimp could fuck you up oh yeah fuck you up man and imagine like those gorillas that's just like that's one of the greatest scenes in any movie ever was when the gorilla comes out and starts running shit on that planet of the apes movie when all the chimps were thinking they were badass and we don't have little battles to see who's the most fucking badass and the smart chim's like I'm just going to make friends with this gorilla that was not that I was surprised how much I like that movie I fucking love gorillas man when gorillas go crazy I love it it's primal you know as long as I'm not there it's not actually terrifying I'm totally rooting for that gorilla when the gorilla comes out and just just goes crazy and all the chimps are like oh shit it's kind of funny when you think about it man these fearless animals he's fucking super animals that are going to take over downtown Manhattan they're still terrified of that gorilla i would love to see if i know it's impossible i would love to see how much a huge gorilla could bench press i bet they could throw around some insane numbers if you look at their body structure it's so ridiculous like a big one like a big mountain gorilla what do they weigh like 600 pounds or something like 800 pounds you imagine how fucking strong that thing must be they're so strong that they don't even have to climb in the trees to hide from the cats and shit like that.

[1403] Cats aren't going to fuck with gorillas.

[1404] That is too much work, man. You know, if you're getting a tussle with a gorilla, you might not win.

[1405] Those, they have fangs, too.

[1406] Yeah.

[1407] They have fangs, too, and really thick skin, and they are so much bigger than you, man. They're so big and so strong and so crazy.

[1408] It's weird.

[1409] They have little dicks.

[1410] Super weird.

[1411] Humans are the primates with the largest penises.

[1412] And it's all related to how many sexual partners are females are likely to encounter.

[1413] Really?

[1414] Yeah.

[1415] The guerrilla kingdom is a patriarchal set up where he's got a harem, and those girls are all monogamous.

[1416] There's no sexual competition between him and other males.

[1417] He has his harem.

[1418] So he has a little dick.

[1419] He doesn't have to have big dick, whereas chimp's have big dicks.

[1420] Those chimp bitches are freaks and they're out there getting a freak on, you know.

[1421] And with human beings, they found that the more promiscuous, and this actually, in the animal kingdom as well, the more promiscuous the females are, the larger the testicles are of the males.

[1422] It was even theorized that there's specific sperm that go after and kill other sperm.

[1423] That's their only duty is to go after and attack the sperm of them.

[1424] But it turns out that that was just kind of crazy speculation.

[1425] Or at least it's mostly agreed by smart folks in the know about the subject that that's probably bullshit, or most likely bullshit.

[1426] But fascinating, nonetheless, to think that your balls grow, which is fact, that you develop more sperm when you're on whores.

[1427] That's real, man. That means since I went to San Diego State, I should have gigantic fucking balls.

[1428] Oh, really?

[1429] Was San Diego State filled with slutty girls?

[1430] San Diego State is like, yeah, it's like if you were too dumb to get into, like, a good school.

[1431] Oh, really?

[1432] But you still wanted to party and fuck a bunch of people.

[1433] Wow.

[1434] And you were a girl, you went to San Diego State.

[1435] Dude, this sounds like a movie.

[1436] How about we pitch it?

[1437] You write it.

[1438] I know a dude who knows What's that dude's name?

[1439] Justin Timberlake?

[1440] We could do it, man. We can make this happen.

[1441] Dude, one time I was at the zoo speaking about the sperm thing and this monkey was in the corner just jacking off in the corner of the zoo and all the other monkeys were in a circle talking and so he jerks off and he finishes into his hand.

[1442] No way.

[1443] Yeah, he finishes into his hand but he's just standing there.

[1444] He's not doing anything yet.

[1445] And then he walks over to the group monkeys that's talking and he smears it on this one monkey's face and then he runs away right and so i'm like oh my god so so she doesn't freak out or like go crazy or get upset she just like calmly wipes her face smells it and then licks it and then she walks over to him and puts her ass up and they start fucking whoa yeah so the way he got her to fuck him was to come on her face real quick look at that oh my god that that is to me black cats those big black cats are the scariest fucking thing i can say even for whatever reason more scary than tigers because tigers you like almost feel like you could never fight back right yeah if you got attacked by a jaguar it's like man maybe it might be able to live because they're not that big well they're they're 200 pounds yeah but look out look at the muscles on that thing i mean come on man if that thing wanted to fuck you is that a jaguar fucking a cheetah no no No, they're both leopards, and the leopards are black, too.

[1446] Like the black ones, what they are is like, he actually has spots on them.

[1447] They're just, most of his body is a spot.

[1448] They vary a little bit.

[1449] Oh, Jesus, he's very much.

[1450] I wonder if it sounds like a car alarm right there.

[1451] They look so badass.

[1452] It's such a freaky creation by nature.

[1453] I mean, look at just the physical form of this thing, just designed only to kill.

[1454] yeah she's really strong really fast and wants to attack things that move in front of it like a ball of yarn it's got such a kill drive yeah you roll a ball in front of it it jumps on the ball like this she's reaching back getting the dick into the she helped him yeah she's she gave him a reach run yeah she's reaching down right now trying to get it in oh really yeah she is yeah and uh he'll get him he's trying to get his little right here wrong hole and man you need a grown very dick bitch let me try to get this I got a hair him I got a hair him Let me help you.

[1455] All right, got to get back there.

[1456] Look at the size of his fucking arms.

[1457] Jesus Christ, man. Oh, here we go.

[1458] He figured out the lounge position.

[1459] He's got a lounge style.

[1460] He's like sitting back and he's got his hand on her shoulder.

[1461] He's like, bitch, you ain't going nowhere.

[1462] Just let me hold on you right here.

[1463] Look at the size of his fucking body.

[1464] He shot off.

[1465] And she's just checking.

[1466] She knows how to properly do it.

[1467] You hold it in there and make sure all that come gets in your vagina.

[1468] Yeah, that is what she gets pregnant.

[1469] That is what she's doing.

[1470] doing, isn't she?

[1471] She's keeping the coming the vagina.

[1472] That's what they do on some sides of this in Los Angeles.

[1473] Look at the size of her bones.

[1474] Like when she puts her hands up, look at the size of the bones in the hand.

[1475] That thing would fuck you up.

[1476] Oh my God, it would fuck you up.

[1477] Look at the size of that fucking thing.

[1478] It's crazy that they only eat like vegetables too.

[1479] Yeah.

[1480] Gorillas are insanely aggressive, insanely strong.

[1481] And they eat, like, broccoli.

[1482] How do they get, where are they getting their protein from, get those big ass muscles?

[1483] Well, believe it or not, most vegetables have very high levels of protein, especially leafy green vegetables.

[1484] We just think of protein as only being associated with animals, you know, like eating steak or so.

[1485] But there's a lot of protein in kale.

[1486] Cale is a massive amount of protein.

[1487] So does broccoli.

[1488] If you eat, like, mad quantities of that stuff, you can get almost everything that you can get from meat, except like the weird shit, like aggression.

[1489] You don't get the, there's something aggressive you get out of eating meat.

[1490] I think there's something, I really do firmly believe that there's something that happens when your body processes the fact that it's eating animal protein that makes you more aggressive.

[1491] I really do believe it does.

[1492] Is there any part of you, Joe, that in the following photo that gets you kind of turned on?

[1493] All right, ready?

[1494] Ready?

[1495] Go.

[1496] Mm, wow.

[1497] You got to think that's tight.

[1498] It's all swollen and shit.

[1499] Like, if it's completely, if it's good.

[1500] There's no way that could be.

[1501] Look how painful it looks If you get it cleaned out really well done Like they take it It might be worth it It might feel so good It might be worth it If you don't If you could look off at the horizon While you fuck that thing Yeah I mean look It's basically like a flashlight How big is that?

[1502] I don't know That's about That's like a humongous Pumpkin Yeah It's hard to I don't know I think there's a small monkey Justin would you take it Would you take that If it was detailed and cleaned out if that baboon ass was detailed is that what that is that a baboon yeah it is right what a weird animal baboon is it looks like a dog sort of yeah you know you get to pull up another picture of a baboon's head man baboons uh they've also figured out how to raise dogs have you seen that no yeah baboons are so smart they um they actually steal puppies um from uh from the mothers and uh they raise them and they raise them as guards and they uh they feed them and they keep them around so that they can sleep and the dogs stick around.

[1503] The dogs will bark when something's going on.

[1504] Yeah.

[1505] That's fucking amazing.

[1506] It's a fucking incredible, man. They're smart enough to realize that if you keep dogs, you take them when they're puppies, you keep them around, they lock onto you, and you're the daddy, just keep feeding them, and then they bark when some shit comes around.

[1507] Dude, I was watching this nature show the other day, and it was all these wolves were hunting.

[1508] They were following them, and so it was all these wolves, and they were in between these two mountains that sort of funneled into this one little place.

[1509] so all the wolves are together all of them leave but one one stays in this little like funnel and then they scare up some animals and the animals run down to the funnel and then that wolf that's waiting there for them jumps on them right so it means they like made a plan and somehow nonverbally told one of the wolves like you stay here and we'll scare up prey that'll run to you and then you fuck it up Jesus Christ it's like it's crazy like how are they communicating like that how's it happening?

[1510] It's amazing Here's baboons.

[1511] Yeah, what a weird -looking animal.

[1512] Look at their faces.

[1513] Every morning, they leave the safety of the cliffs to forage for food.

[1514] That's like a lion monkey.

[1515] Check at those asses.

[1516] Look at it.

[1517] That is a really weird ass.

[1518] Why is the ass like that?

[1519] I don't know.

[1520] Is that Oprah?

[1521] Look at that girl.

[1522] That's a huge dick.

[1523] Look at how they climb.

[1524] Holy shit, that's incredible.

[1525] Why is Oprah doing it?

[1526] It's confusing me. But it's amazing They fight on these walls Oh, he just bit the shit out of some bitch Oh, fuck She got crazy She did, he just bit her Oh, she's mad She's really mad She's definitely like letting him know But She got out She fucked up He looks mean What a creepy fucking animal Hamadryas baboons Travel overland In large groups For a reason There are predators here Leopards Hyenas and cheetahs look that face so freaky looking man they do they have those like dog snouts wow it's like avatar shit right there it's totally avatar shit look at that it seems conscious but it looks like an animal look at that another army of baboons has also made camp on these cliffs baboon war oh Jesus Christ which could spell trouble Baboon trouble.

[1527] Hamadryas baboons will fight over food.

[1528] Why is Oprah doing this?

[1529] She loves baboons, like all of us.

[1530] She likes the baboon ass as much as I do.

[1531] They really are like avatar creatures, man. Is Oprah playing the piano also?

[1532] I'm so happy that Africa exists.

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] But it can suck my dick.

[1535] I'm not going there.

[1536] I'm not going there.

[1537] That is a crazy spot, man. Look at all this.

[1538] There's like a thousand baboons Look at what we're looking at You imagine if this was in like North Dakota You imagine if like you're driving in North Dakota You have to deal with fucking packs of angry bandit Hyenas Would it be completely hilarious though Like if a game show came in there and just built like a toys or us Or like a restaurant and just see how long it lasts In baboon country Like all of garden Africa Look at the baboons man This is insanity On Fear Factor you had to have done some a weird animal shit at some point.

[1539] Well, we avoided most dangerous animals except bulls.

[1540] That was the dumbest episode that we ever did.

[1541] There was only two episodes where I ever protested what we were doing.

[1542] Oh, he's just jacking people.

[1543] Oh, it's baboon.

[1544] It's ruthless.

[1545] Did he kill her?

[1546] Yeah.

[1547] I think he did.

[1548] Oh, whoa.

[1549] That's fucked up.

[1550] Life.

[1551] That was the life series.

[1552] And death, too.

[1553] Sun is out.

[1554] There's only two episodes of Fear Factor that I ever protested.

[1555] I said we shouldn't do.

[1556] Not shouldn't do, but I was like, I was like, wow.

[1557] you guys serious one of them was riding a bull i was like this is you guys are crazy that we had an old stunt team then when in the early days of fear factor they took they were you know stunt guys are rough dudes you know they're like someone's gonna get hurt you know why we're gonna be all right but someone might get hurt they were willing to take like way more chances so they put people on these bulls and i go hey man i go is are these safe i go these are fucking bulls man how you know that's gonna be safe he goes well these are these training bowls then they're not even that aggressive.

[1558] I'm like, do they know their training bulls?

[1559] Do they know?

[1560] I think they just think they're bulls.

[1561] That thing is huge.

[1562] Like a bull is another avatar creature.

[1563] Yeah.

[1564] A bulls are ridiculous.

[1565] This giant stupid fucking cunt of an animal with huge horns and you're going to ride it and it's locked in a cage.

[1566] They're going to open up the cage.

[1567] You're going to hold on to this bull the fuck out of here.

[1568] That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life.

[1569] I was like, you guys are just totally rolling the dice is whether or not these people are going to be okay.

[1570] And that's exactly what happened over and over.

[1571] People were flying through the air, man. Everybody got launched off.

[1572] You're going to get launched off, period.

[1573] And you might get stomped.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] You might get kicked in the face.

[1576] You might have to get your whole head reconstructed.

[1577] Yeah.

[1578] That's not a joke.

[1579] You could stomp on you.

[1580] Poor cow.

[1581] We got the size of his dick.

[1582] It's got straw on it and shit, dirty bastard.

[1583] Look at the size of that fucking bull, man. He's going to milk that shit.

[1584] Look at the size of the muscles on that bull.

[1585] Again, eats grass.

[1586] That's all he's eating.

[1587] And he's aggressive as fuck.

[1588] aggressive as fuck from eating hay yeah fuck you up he's huge he's got a giant dick and he eats hay wait what was the other one you protested and look at this bull sex what was the other fear factor episode you protested that was the donkey seaman they had a drink donkey seaman they uh I thought that was a dumbest thing ever I was like you can't get people to drink cum man I don't care if it comes from a donkey not like these volumes it was like 24 ounces it was such a stupid amount of cum it was like there's no way you can do this this is not right you can't do this and they were like well it passed standards and practices and you know we could do it and like okay hey what's bull sex as a term in sex world bull sex yeah i don't know what is it because when i googled image it there's a lot of crazy shit that came off it's probably some gay shit yeah maybe don't be looking at that if you do don't throw up in the keyboard is there a bathroom don't panic yeah yeah straight out into the back this door is locked for your safety because we were worried about you But if you unlock that, go straight.

[1589] Take the Dead Star Babies out of the way.

[1590] The other way.

[1591] Powerful.

[1592] Powerful Justin Halper.

[1593] Yeah.

[1594] Cool dude, right?

[1595] Southern California kid.

[1596] grew up in San Diego.

[1597] Were you going to be this weekend?

[1598] This weekend.

[1599] I'm in Calgary, bitch.

[1600] Is your show sold out?

[1601] The first show sold out.

[1602] The second show, there's some tickets left for the 10 o 'clock show.

[1603] It's at the Jack Singer Concert Hall.

[1604] I tweeted it today.

[1605] I can't tell you the link because it's so stupid.

[1606] It's one of those a million, you know, character long links.

[1607] But it's, if you go to my Twitter today, it's, today is the 18th of July.

[1608] And it's this Friday night, so it's two nights for now.

[1609] It's me, Ari Shafir, and Duncan Trussell.

[1610] First show sold out, and then we got a 10 o 'clock show that still has some tickets available.

[1611] And then there's a UFC the next night.

[1612] Powerful Calgary making shit happen up there in Canada.

[1613] yeah i love canada dude that's where you gotta go when the shit hits the fan Vancouver yeah it's good spot perfect for you mm -hmm a lot of exercise a lot of Asian chicks mountains skiing I know how much you love to ski if there was a red -headed Asian I think that would be the best combination damn whole entire art do you ever see because I saw a blonde Asian in San Diego and it was such a weird combo that are That's rare.

[1614] If I was an Asian.

[1615] Was it a blonde bleached blonde or was it a freak of nature?

[1616] It was, it looked like white hair.

[1617] Like it looked like Matrix.

[1618] There's good guys from the Matrix.

[1619] She bleached it white.

[1620] She bleached it white.

[1621] And it was really cool because it was like a blonde girl that looked like an alien.

[1622] Until you get down those pubs, those buttoll hairs that she hasn't kept up with.

[1623] Yeah.

[1624] Asians don't have hair.

[1625] They don't?

[1626] No, they were designed to get rid of the armpit hair.

[1627] There's different kinds of Asians, but like, Stanhope does a whole bit about Asian porn hair, about it being like, like rat hairs or like, what's he, I forget what he says, rat whiskers or something.

[1628] Well, I mean, they have pubs, but they don't have like armpit hairs usually or leg hairs or face hair.

[1629] Like you never really see.

[1630] I think we're talking about pubes, though, son.

[1631] Oh, no, I was talking about, oh, wait, I don't remember.

[1632] San Diego is one of my new favorite places to go.

[1633] hanging out at that American Comedy Company.

[1634] Made me realize, like, what a great spot that is.

[1635] Like, that whole area, the whole hangout area, you know?

[1636] What was that area called again?

[1637] Remember where all the bars were it was called?

[1638] What's that area?

[1639] Brewery, not the Brewery District.

[1640] That's Columbus.

[1641] You're San Diego.

[1642] Gas lamp.

[1643] Gas lamp.

[1644] It's such a great spot, man. We were just there for, we did some shows at the American Comedy Company.

[1645] We were like, what a nice area this is.

[1646] Like, everybody's walking around.

[1647] It's like really cool.

[1648] I like the Nandas Hotel, by the way.

[1649] place is fat.

[1650] Very nice.

[1651] It's that 10, 15 years ago, that was like Skid Row.

[1652] Really?

[1653] Yeah, they did the whole thing.

[1654] See, that's where, that's where I like more Republican government, you know, that's where I like, like, conservative government.

[1655] That's where, that's one of the things I like about a place like San Diego and its military presence.

[1656] They, like, have way less bullshit going on.

[1657] Oh, yeah.

[1658] You know?

[1659] San Diego is, like, even when, like, there'll be some at the bar Saturday night, there'll be some guys that let loose and there'll be some fights and stuff but it's pretty well policed i mean like it's not like never let it get to be where skid row is in no they would never let it get that far l a l a skid row is ridiculous it's crazy i think that wouldn't happen in san diega they would never let it happen and there's some bad things about that like where they keep trying to close the pot shops down and they you know rest people for they're really aggressive about that you can't buy alcohol after midnight unless it's at a bar yeah they're aggressive about that but you know what that's how you keep a nice community.

[1660] It sucks, but it's true.

[1661] That's the only way they could make downtown work.

[1662] Downtown was crazy before then.

[1663] Wow.

[1664] So what started the change?

[1665] There was just some developers came in and were like, listen, we're going to pump a ton of money into downtown.

[1666] If you give us the permits, we'll pump the money in.

[1667] Wow.

[1668] And so our government, I mean, now our government's all fucked in San Diego, but.

[1669] What's wrong with it now?

[1670] Oh, all the councilmen stuff got busted for like doing some of a stripper.

[1671] and stuff, yeah.

[1672] So we're broke now.

[1673] The city's actually kind of went bankers.

[1674] Someone, did he get sued?

[1675] Did that?

[1676] And he handed out some contracts to dudes who own strip clubs and stuff.

[1677] Oh, no, he didn't.

[1678] Yeah.

[1679] There was a bunch of shit.

[1680] Oh, that's beautiful.

[1681] Yeah.

[1682] So he was rocking at old school.

[1683] Oh, yeah.

[1684] Old school corruption style.

[1685] They were, he was trading contracts basically for hookers.

[1686] Whoa.

[1687] Like, the strippers would, you know, like he'd go and they'd fuck him and, and strip for him and all kinds of shit, and then he would hand out contracts to the owners.

[1688] Sounds like he's living like a king.

[1689] Someone who came along that was hating.

[1690] The guy obviously had a good racket, and they were hating on a dude.

[1691] Everything was going fine and some buzzkill.

[1692] Good place to live.

[1693] A guy like that running shit is going to be happy all the time.

[1694] So, but yeah, downtown, they totally revitalized it.

[1695] And so it was just these one group, this one group of developers that just started with the money and then it all, it's amazing.

[1696] Then everybody followed on.

[1697] It's amazing.

[1698] It's something to learn from because I'll tell you that place where the American comedy company is is really awesome really fun.

[1699] Yeah, it's really cool.

[1700] Is that Brian's?

[1701] That's Chicken and Waffle Plains?

[1702] Brian's 24.

[1703] Oh, Jesus.

[1704] Right next door to it?

[1705] Yep.

[1706] It's a fucking sweet area, man. And there's a lot of big police presence there too, a lot of cops.

[1707] We saw.

[1708] Tons, tons.

[1709] Which is, by the way, which is good.

[1710] Keeps people from Dushin.

[1711] Yeah, but no place to smoke weed was annoying.

[1712] That's annoying.

[1713] That's annoying.

[1714] You've got caught smoking weed anywhere in San Diego.

[1715] Is it that bad?

[1716] Dude, yeah.

[1717] They don't fuck around.

[1718] They don't fuck around.

[1719] They treat it like it's like cocaine or something?

[1720] Yeah, same.

[1721] It's like Coke.

[1722] So they go federal on you in San Diego?

[1723] They don't have to and they do.

[1724] Really?

[1725] Yeah.

[1726] How bad do they do it?

[1727] Like what do they do?

[1728] You know anybody's been arrested?

[1729] My buddy was just smoking a joint on the street, stupidly.

[1730] He was drunk.

[1731] So smoking a joint on the street and he was in jail for five days.

[1732] He had like all kinds of charges brought up on him.

[1733] like they like bullshit stuff like intent to sell and stuff like like stuff like he's just a guy smoking a joint on the street you know wow i i was smoking a lot of joints this weekend they just try to oh when big conventions come in then they're chill oh they play nice nice yeah comic con you're not gonna you're not gonna get busted for any wow that's weird that's even creepier so this guy was in jail for five days he's jail for five days he couldn't figure out why they like they kept saying he kept saying he's like when do i he was broke so he's like when do i get out they're like i'm not sure they like held him for five days why did they do that because they just wanted to make a point i mean they so they don't even charge you with anything they just hold you he ended up getting charged i can't remember what he got charged for but he had a he had it was a big fine and it was like a shitload of community service it was like worse than getting a d ui wow that's crazy we're just smoking one joint how long ago was this maybe like a year and a half ago wow wow fuck san diego i just ruled san diego right off the list yeah like how can they do that in the state of California?

[1734] Because the state of California is really when it comes to drugs especially when it comes to Schedule I stuff which means schedule one means that it doesn't mean it's the most dangerous but it means that it has no medical purpose.

[1735] So like the thing about marijuana is it's lumped in there with like crystal meth and things that are useless.

[1736] It's a lot like lumped in there with like the worst drugs.

[1737] The idea is that it's there's no value but then Schedule 2 is cocaine.

[1738] Schedule 2 is heroin because there's medical uses for them.

[1739] wow yeah so it's fuck that it's ridiculous so federally they're allowed to go after it as a federal crime even if under the state you know it's legal it's a very tricky situation like the DEA can always come in and bust these medical marijuana places federally because it's federally it's a schedule one drug still the classification's insane I mean it's at this point in time look first of all Tommy Chong the guy on our show is perfect example that.

[1740] He's been using this hemp oil to treat his cancer.

[1741] He has cancer of the prostate.

[1742] Yeah, I read about that.

[1743] And he's 99 % cancer -free now.

[1744] Holy shit.

[1745] Yeah.

[1746] And he's been using this hemp oil shit.

[1747] And he's like, I just use it religiously.

[1748] I changed my diet.

[1749] I started eating healthy and boom.

[1750] Sons of bitches.

[1751] And the federal government would come in and make that illegal.

[1752] My cousin is a farmer, quote unquote.

[1753] Quote unquote.

[1754] In Brooklyn.

[1755] Yeah, exactly.

[1756] No, he's a farmer up by Humble.

[1757] Oh, they, oh, Jesus, he's, for real.

[1758] He's for real.

[1759] But he sells to, like, dispensaries and stuff.

[1760] So it's, like, kind of on the up and up.

[1761] I mean, he didn't always.

[1762] But he's, he told me, he's like, yeah, at any time, the feds can come in here and throw me in jail, like, big time jail.

[1763] And they take all your money.

[1764] Yeah.

[1765] And they just choose when to do it.

[1766] And anybody that's making any noise, like, they had that show, weed wars.

[1767] Remember that show?

[1768] Yeah.

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] Well, I saw that.

[1771] I'm like, they're going to get busted.

[1772] Boom, they got busted.

[1773] Like, right after the show got busted.

[1774] Yeah, but the guy who made, it was one of the guys they were, featuring on the show.

[1775] He runs this big medical marijuana dispensary.

[1776] And when you run, I mean, I think there's something somewhere in the provisions where it's like you're not supposed to make like a lot of profit.

[1777] And so like when you are a part of a big thing, a medical marijuana collective, you're responsible for, even though a lot of money is coming in, you have to like make sure that it goes to places like goes to like you have to give some of the way to charity, pay your employee.

[1778] You can't be making a lot of money off of it.

[1779] And when there's millions of dollars made, they just assume you're making a lot of money.

[1780] It doesn't matter what you're doing with the numbers, whether it's legit or not.

[1781] In their opinion, they're like, this guy's too big.

[1782] We've taken them down.

[1783] And so they just go after you.

[1784] And if you have a safe, like take your money and fucking good luck getting that back.

[1785] They take all your pot and they're probably going to sell it.

[1786] You know, I don't know what they do with it.

[1787] If it's legal in the state, I mean, who knows?

[1788] Who knows what they're going to do with it?

[1789] I mean, why would they burn it when it's probably worth millions of dollars?

[1790] What do you want to do here?

[1791] Yeah, I mean, what does happen all that pot?

[1792] It's a good question.

[1793] If you ask Tommy Chong, he says they steal it.

[1794] what happens like they get a huge drug bust crossing the border they burn it they burn it they burn it yeah they do it in mexico i know they burn it in mexico they burn the coke they burn um they burn uh i don't know if they do that anymore was it one was one of the shows with anthony bourdain i forget where he was in some south american company country rather where they had this giant bust of cocaine and he was there while they lit the cocaine on fire wow yeah and he was like you know like they were all all the cops had thrown this stuff into like this ditch and they're going to like pour gasoline on it and light on fire.

[1795] I'm like, I would not want to be anywhere in any shape connected to that fucking event.

[1796] That looks like it's costing some drug dealer, some serious fucking money.

[1797] And you're going to put that on a TV show?

[1798] I'd be like, oh, fuck that, man. Not my show, bitch.

[1799] Did you read that thing?

[1800] There was a thing in New York Times magazine a couple weeks ago about this, the biggest drug dealer in Mexico, like drug cartel guy.

[1801] And in one part of the essay, they said that he was having trouble figuring ways to get it to the U .S., so he just kidnapped some scientists and had them build him a submarine to ship fucking Coke to the U .S. Oh, my God.

[1802] Where did he kidnap the scientist from?

[1803] I can't remember where they said, but he basically described his scientists.

[1804] He was like, hey, build me a Coke submarine.

[1805] Oh, my God.

[1806] Could you imagine that fucking job?

[1807] Are you going to get out?

[1808] Is they ever going to let you free?

[1809] Why would he ever let you free?

[1810] He built him a Coke submarine.

[1811] He's going to let you free?

[1812] You're in.

[1813] Once you build the Coke submarine, you're in.

[1814] As long as you keep producing shit for him, maybe he'll keep you alive.

[1815] Eventually, you're going to run out of shit to do, and you know too much.

[1816] Yeah.

[1817] You know where the Coke machine's parked.

[1818] They've got a fucking Coke machine that goes underwater.

[1819] I mean, that's what it is.

[1820] It's a real live Coke machine.

[1821] The crazy thing is, like, how much money is he making that he's just like, I don't know if it's going to work or not, but just here's a couple mill.

[1822] Couple mill.

[1823] Probably even more than that.

[1824] It's probably many, many millions to create a submarine.

[1825] I mean, you'd have to bring in some serious engineers.

[1826] You'd have to bring in some fabricators.

[1827] I mean, you want to start from scratch?

[1828] Like, how are you going to do this?

[1829] Where are you going to get this submarine?

[1830] You're really going to build one?

[1831] Man, that is no joke.

[1832] What's going to propel this thing?

[1833] What are you using for fuel?

[1834] How are you igniting it underwater?

[1835] You know what you're doing?

[1836] You need of some really specialized education to build a fucking submarine, all right?

[1837] That's no small achievement.

[1838] No. You're going to have to call some other people, dude.

[1839] I wonder how many scientists he kidnapped.

[1840] Yeah, it was crazy because it said that he had built these giant tunnels underground that had like bathrooms in them and all kinds of shit.

[1841] And then one of the tunnels got found out.

[1842] That's when he was like, I'm so sick and tired of like building these gray tunnels.

[1843] I'm going to build a submarine.

[1844] Wow.

[1845] Wow.

[1846] And imagine how terrifying it is to be in a submarine.

[1847] Filled with coke.

[1848] Oh, my God.

[1849] You're in the ocean filled with coke.

[1850] And you're totally, by the way, illegally there.

[1851] You're not supposed to be there.

[1852] So at any point in time, they could just light you up with missiles from a distance, you know?

[1853] Also, two dudes made it, like, under duress.

[1854] So there might be some, like, problems with it.

[1855] It might be a bomb.

[1856] It might wait to get under water.

[1857] water, blow you up, you can't, you may be able to fucking sub, but then they'd probably kill the guy for sure.

[1858] Imagine?

[1859] If the sub blew up, they would kill the guy who made it.

[1860] Yeah, they'd probably kill you anyway, but they really kill you if it blows up.

[1861] That's the thing, it's like if you do too well working for a drug cartel, you're going to die.

[1862] If you don't do well enough, you're going to die.

[1863] It's a terrible job.

[1864] I really don't recommend it to anybody.

[1865] It's the most chaotic idea ever.

[1866] You're going to get involved in the world of international drug selling.

[1867] You know, it's like The movie Scarface, how many future, like crazy tycoon drug dealer dudes, did that movie inspire?

[1868] Seriously, and really bad rappers.

[1869] Do you remember the episode of the, what was it, Larry, Kirby, Enthusiasm?

[1870] We had Crazy Eye Killer.

[1871] Yes.

[1872] It's the rapper guy.

[1873] It's one of the funniest episodes ever.

[1874] It's really hilariously ridiculous, over -the -top rapper dude who loves Scarface.

[1875] He had Scarface on 24 -7.

[1876] his house.

[1877] It was so perfect.

[1878] What a shit way to make a living, man. Try to sell coke.

[1879] Fuck.

[1880] Like, you know it's going to end.

[1881] It's like, you're on a train and you don't know when it's going to hit the wall, but you know it's going to hit the wall.

[1882] But until it hits the wall, you can party.

[1883] Yeah.

[1884] Well, that's what they said.

[1885] They said that, so he lives this guy, as name's El Chapo, and he lives on the top of, like, a mountain somewhere in Mexico that has just, like, guards all around it.

[1886] And he just has, like, horrors flown in.

[1887] And he has, like, whole soccer teams flown in to play for him.

[1888] Oh, my God.

[1889] Jesus Christ.

[1890] But you're basically a prisoner.

[1891] You can't, like, go out to dinner.

[1892] Yeah, well, he serves sort of royal family is it.

[1893] He's like a royal family.

[1894] I mean, basically, right, we were talking about earlier.

[1895] Very similar.

[1896] Yeah.

[1897] And why does he exist?

[1898] That's where it gets really cute.

[1899] It's all because of the...

[1900] The reason why organized crime exploded in America in the...

[1901] the early days of the 20th century was because alcohol was illegal for a few years and during that prohibition that's when the organized crime families that were selling the alcohol got strong because they were making a fuckload of money and then they once you have money you have momentum you have momentum you're creating crime people getting rich and there was a lot of money in selling booze people wanted booze the government was fucking stupid and they tried to keep it from the people and it became chaos and that's exactly what's going on in Mexico A big part of what's going on in Mexico is because of the drug war and because Mexico is a poor country that's right next to a rich country and the best way to make money when you're connected to the rich country is sell them illegal shit.

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] That's the best way.

[1904] Is there some shit that I have that you can't get?

[1905] You need heroin.

[1906] That's funny.

[1907] I have heroin.

[1908] And then next thing you know it, they're just selling you what you need.

[1909] It's just supply and demand.

[1910] You know, they're like hustling.

[1911] They're right next door to the machine.

[1912] What does the machine need?

[1913] The machine needs Coke.

[1914] You got to get a customer.

[1915] Coke.

[1916] And you don't even need to be, like, their product is so good that you can have a fucking retard sell it and he can sell out of it.

[1917] Like, you don't even need talented, like, salesman, yeah.

[1918] Once Coke gets the Coke roll starts happening, people want more and more and more and you're chasing the dragon with it, that's a dark thing when you watch someone chasing that Coke dragon.

[1919] It's a different thing than chasing the heroin dragon.

[1920] The heroin dragon, it seems like the people are actually having fun.

[1921] Like, heroin's freaky to me because it seems like, like, when you talk to people that have had it and had the experience, like, it sounds so beautiful.

[1922] It doesn't seem like it, you know, it remains at one point in time almost worth some aspect of the loss that you're going to get from these.

[1923] Right, right.

[1924] Because it's such a mind -blowingly beautiful thing when you do get to trip, but it eventually erodes.

[1925] Yeah, I have a buddy who did a lot of heroin in college, and he, like, made it out.

[1926] And most people are just like that fucking evil drug.

[1927] I hate it.

[1928] Like when they talk about their drug addictions, he was like, man, heroin was so great.

[1929] Yeah.

[1930] He's like, I can't do it because it just fucked me up.

[1931] But like, it was so great.

[1932] It's supposed to be like the most beautiful, loving feeling ever.

[1933] But just, it's such a trick because it's horrendous for your fucking body.

[1934] It's horrendous.

[1935] It's really dangerous.

[1936] Why does it make your teeth fall out if you're in heroin?

[1937] No, that's meth.

[1938] You probably just not take care of yourself.

[1939] It's not like the drug makes you.

[1940] teeth fall out, you just become a fucking cockleoch.

[1941] Methods and a lot of coquets from grinding their teeth and stuff like that.

[1942] Oh, God.

[1943] Yeah.

[1944] It's fucked up how many drugs there are that can jack you, legal or illegal.

[1945] It's just, it's amazing how many things that we become physically connected to.

[1946] And, you know, and it's, I don't understand the physical part of it.

[1947] I can completely understand, like, people that are obsessed with things and get gambling addictions and things along those lines.

[1948] I can understand that kind of addiction.

[1949] But the, physical addiction doesn't, it doesn't, I don't have that, that gene, whether it's for alcohol or a cigarette or I don't have that, but I know people who do.

[1950] They can't do anything.

[1951] They can't have one simple sip of wine and then next thing you know, they'll be on this nutty downward spiral where they're doing shots and they're out of control and they're saying things they'll never remember.

[1952] I mean, that's a, that's a weird fucking aspect of being a human.

[1953] It's got to be genetic, partly genetic.

[1954] What's the benefit of it?

[1955] It's weird.

[1956] Yeah, I don't know.

[1957] What's the drug that people are taking and then they're, like, eating people's faces off?

[1958] Bath salts.

[1959] That's right.

[1960] What the fuck is bath salts?

[1961] Yeah, well, it's funny that the cops are trying to pretend that it was weed.

[1962] Like, if that guy was on weed and he did that, he's just an asshole.

[1963] It doesn't matter what drug he's taken.

[1964] It's not weed.

[1965] It's making it eat someone's face.

[1966] I think it was just, he was a crazy person.

[1967] It could be that, too.

[1968] Yeah, it could not, it doesn't have to just be a drug.

[1969] I heard that bass salts aren't detectable because it's not.

[1970] Exactly.

[1971] They don't even know what they're detected.

[1972] Exactly.

[1973] They don't have a test for it.

[1974] Yeah.

[1975] Because it's all a bunch of different shit.

[1976] They apparently change molecules.

[1977] And Kevin Pereira was explaining it to us scientifically.

[1978] They can take any sort of a molecule and they change it by adding an oxygen molecule.

[1979] It doesn't necessarily change the effect of the drug.

[1980] It's still effective, but it becomes a different trip.

[1981] And in this trip, you know, is when some people are doing some wacky shit.

[1982] And you can buy it over the counter at places.

[1983] You can buy it, you know, they call it bath salts because it says not for human consumption.

[1984] So you can just buy it.

[1985] That's how they get around.

[1986] selling it.

[1987] Right, right, right.

[1988] And then people smoke it.

[1989] Sort of, sort of.

[1990] But, you know, salvia is just a plant.

[1991] Have you ever smoked salvia?

[1992] Yes.

[1993] What's that like?

[1994] I don't know because I don't think I had a really good experience.

[1995] I've talked to some people like Ari who like thinks he might have lived like a whole month in another dimension.

[1996] And then I'll say that again without coughing.

[1997] He felt like he lived a whole month in another dimension.

[1998] And then when he came back, his instantaneous it was like he went in and out here for five minutes and he remembers most of the most of the time in that five minutes as a month -long journey that he had with these families and he created friendships and there's a great sense of loss when the trip was over because he would never see his friends again Salvia?

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] When did he say that?

[2001] Me and him had a long talk about it.

[2002] Really?

[2003] Because every time I've seen him do Salvia was not that.

[2004] Well, you don't know, maybe he didn't tell you exactly what happened in this fucking freaky little five -minute trip.

[2005] I didn't get there at all.

[2006] When I talked to him, he was drowning and he couldn't, people were looking at him and all this other stuff.

[2007] So you're not conscious at all.

[2008] It depends how deep you go into it.

[2009] Like when I, when I've done it, I've done like the 40 times or the 60 times Salvia.

[2010] And what it felt like to me is if you've ever done like a whip it, like a balloon where it's like one, one, like in the last like whatever, three minutes, five minutes.

[2011] It was like that, but of mushrooms.

[2012] It's like you're just getting thrown into the most intense mushroom trip or acid trip ever, and then it goes away in like five minutes.

[2013] And then you just feel like shit for like an hour or two hours afterwards.

[2014] You just kind of feel like crappy, like worn out.

[2015] But you've got to take a lot of it and you've got to be strong and you've got to do it the right way.

[2016] It's got to be heated the certain way.

[2017] I didn't crack lighter.

[2018] Yeah, I didn't get it right.

[2019] I got it to where I was like how to add a body experience.

[2020] Just a really simple out of body experience.

[2021] Like I was over my right shoulder like hovering looking down at myself and it would come like in waves.

[2022] I look at myself and waves from above.

[2023] That was it.

[2024] It only lasted for like five minutes.

[2025] Did you feel like it was longer than five minutes?

[2026] No, no, no. It felt pretty quick.

[2027] I didn't even feel time.

[2028] I don't think, that's why I'm surprised that Ari felt said that because you don't really, I don't think you ever even think of time.

[2029] You just feel like you're dead.

[2030] Yeah.

[2031] I'm pretty sure it's Ari.

[2032] I mean, I don't, I can't believe I would fuck up and not think that maybe it was somebody else, but I'm pretty sure it was Ari.

[2033] He said he had like a whole, like, month -long friendships.

[2034] That doesn't seem like salvia Well maybe it is man Maybe you just need to take it at the right time You know Maybe you're not trying hard enough To make fucking friends on your trip Yeah man Maybe you're not really reaching out While you're tripping I think I think it's possible that you know You get different salvia That's different potency And you take it at you know See this is more like salvia This is when I did it This is you Yeah Wait this is actually you He's actually tripping here And he's the other one help me oh my stop it you look like you're taking a shit look like you're shitting out sand and seashells I thought I was on a water slide or something and I thought my face melted off you're good man me how you feeling oh my god dude stop this it's embarrassing we played it before a million times we and I you and I don't think so I was an ice house con one of your other friends Maybe it was Ice House Chronicles I wasn't there How dare you No I mean I've seen this before I've showed it to you before I really don't think I've seen it Really?

[2035] That's craziness Yeah it is craziness I've seen Ari's I saw Ari's when you got mad at you Yeah I'm just chipping It's not good Legal there you go Bam That shit's legal How's that legal Well they didn't know It's not 100 % legal anymore Well they're slowly starting to sneak it out But it's not scheduled It's not like Schedule 1 It's like marijuana Yeah they've started to make it legal Illegal rather But they didn't know There's some other shit That's legal, too.

[2036] Some stuff that they don't know about.

[2037] That's like, you know, five methoxy dimethylethyptamine.

[2038] That's legal.

[2039] You could buy that.

[2040] You used to be able to buy it online.

[2041] He used to be able to buy it from research chemical companies.

[2042] Not for human consumption.

[2043] You'd be able to buy it online.

[2044] And it would just blow your fucking mind.

[2045] You'd go to another dimension.

[2046] Totally legal.

[2047] That's fucking amazing.

[2048] Not for human consumption, though.

[2049] I think if you use it, you're actually in violation of the law.

[2050] By virtue of the fact that it's chemically related to something that's illegal, It's like really close, like her cousin to something that's illegal.

[2051] Yeah, like what scientist is sitting there, like figuring out what's going to fuck you up and not?

[2052] Asshole scientists.

[2053] Asshole scientists created bath salts.

[2054] What a douchebag.

[2055] You know, there's dudes out there working on the cure for AIDS.

[2056] The guy's like, nope, I want some scarier meth.

[2057] Some meth that even meth people would tell you to quit.

[2058] Bath salts.

[2059] We're just getting weird.

[2060] And weirder and weirder as a society.

[2061] Have you heard of Jankham?

[2062] Yes, that's not real, though.

[2063] It's not?

[2064] No, apparently.

[2065] It's like a wives tale?

[2066] Yeah, it's apparently horseshit.

[2067] What is it?

[2068] A drug that they make with poop.

[2069] Oh, yeah, that's fake.

[2070] It's fake.

[2071] Fuck, I wanted that to be real.

[2072] I thought it was real, too.

[2073] I thought it was real, too.

[2074] I think maybe people have tried it, but I don't think it works.

[2075] I'm sure.

[2076] I'm sure it will trip you out.

[2077] Yeah.

[2078] I just imagine.

[2079] Smelling shit.

[2080] shit that's your drug of choice boy when you want to talk about like how bad africa must suck that someone is willing to believe that because you know if you were saying in detroit they're smoking their own shit you're like no they're not stop making that up then they're not sniffing shit water to get high in detroit stop it but in africa you're like well they probably are yeah i mean they're figuring out some way to get fucked up there you immediately assume they were right it seems like okay it's what um what else am I supposed to believe.

[2081] They smoke their shit.

[2082] Africa, they smoke their shit.

[2083] You've ever seen the one video on African fish farming where they have like a pond filled with fish and they run in with baskets?

[2084] Everyone runs in.

[2085] Everyone in the town runs in into the water and catches the fish with nets and with their hands.

[2086] It's just like thousands of people.

[2087] And they run in and they catch every fish in this pond.

[2088] It's a shallow pond.

[2089] They catch them all with their hands and baskets and shit, and they do it all at once.

[2090] Huh?

[2091] Who is it?

[2092] That's Domerara?

[2093] Powerful Damarera.

[2094] Let them come on in.

[2095] They just run into the...

[2096] Yeah, it's crazy.

[2097] They run in.

[2098] Have you seen that, Brian?

[2099] The video where the dudes in Africa, they run into a pond to fish for it.

[2100] Pull it up because it's crazy.

[2101] See if you could find it.

[2102] What should I say African?

[2103] African pond fishing with their hands.

[2104] Village Yeah Jankum See if you can find Jankum butthole See if you can find that Yeah I don't know if you're going to find it Lucita No that's not it You know that's not it That's a little girl How dare you?

[2105] I don't know Africans Catch fish with their hands Yeah Are you banging it Or is this a Google search If there's a fucking Astroid attack And we're all just like back to like basic civilization like Africa is going to be like fucking New York because they're the only ones who don't know to do anything I know they could still like the people in the Congo that like catch fish by hanging from trees have you seen those guys yeah yeah Domirera lad how are you sir domerrera Justin Halpern Justin Halper and Domera nice to meet you Domerera shows up nice and early for the super show which will be taking place in less than one hour have a seat dumb relax you've got a cocktail you look comfortable you're got your notebook the motherfucker never stopped writing letters ladies gentlemen never stops he's a pro yeah anyway you want to sit man so justin let me let me we're going to end this podcast and we'll we'll start the ice house chronicles in a while after we come back from a break but just you have a new book out um uh it's called i suck at girls yeah and uh tell me uh why do you suck of girls you seem like handsome intelligent guy i looked at the cover and i said this doesn't even make sense i can understand that you have a crazy dad and he's very entertaining Is it just a misprint?

[2106] Was it supposed to be, you suck girls?

[2107] Yeah, that was the original title.

[2108] No, I mean, it mostly takes place in the past.

[2109] I mean, it's all chronicled.

[2110] It's like nonfiction story.

[2111] My dad's in a lot of them.

[2112] I'm not stupid.

[2113] He's in it.

[2114] Yeah, I mean, it's just basically like a bunch of stories everybody has about, you know, your fucking shitty proms and this, then, you know, losing your virginity.

[2115] Do you ever worry about running out of dad stories?

[2116] It's a resource.

[2117] It's been very good to you.

[2118] What if you tap that vein and dry it out?

[2119] I know.

[2120] I might have dried it out with this book.

[2121] That's hilarious.

[2122] I maybe have a few left.

[2123] I mean, yeah, I don't know.

[2124] I figure I'll let them all out there and hopefully I won't need any more.

[2125] That's my heroin.

[2126] That's my junkum.

[2127] Well, you know, as a guy trying to make it as a screenwriter, what a fucking awesome break that was for you.

[2128] The whole thing was just so, It's so fortunate and so interesting.

[2129] I love when stories like that happen.

[2130] I love when it shows that there's a lot of really talented, funny people out there.

[2131] They just never do anything with it.

[2132] There's a lot of people out there that are really funny and really talented, but for whatever reason, nothing clicks for them.

[2133] They can't figure out how to make that connection to it manifesting itself in the real world.

[2134] It's just they become these really funny people that have jobs working for, you know, whatever company, insurance company, or whatever it is.

[2135] And for whatever reason, they just never fucking figured their way into the river.

[2136] They never, never crawled to the bank.

[2137] They just didn't have the balls to jump in.

[2138] It's too bad.

[2139] I mean, for me, it was just like, it was such a crazy break, right?

[2140] It was like lightning in a bottle.

[2141] And then luckily I had sort of been doing that I'd been riding for a few years.

[2142] So it was like, all right, well, you know, let me get my shot.

[2143] Like, let me take my bat, you know.

[2144] Surf, baby.

[2145] Ride that board.

[2146] It's beautiful.

[2147] It's an awesome.

[2148] some story.

[2149] I love hearing stories like that where someone just is doing something good and just by virtue of the fact that other people are telling other people and it spreads and then everybody hears about it.

[2150] That's how I heard about it.

[2151] I didn't read it in any publication or anything.

[2152] Everybody was like, dude, check this guy's hilarious and I would go check it.

[2153] I read a few of them laughed out loud.

[2154] Oh, I'll follow this guy.

[2155] It's funny.

[2156] It's funny how it happens, man. It's beautiful.

[2157] It's a real organic occurrence.

[2158] Oh, thanks, yeah.

[2159] It's been, it's definitely like I, it's funny too because like after the TV show got canceled people like oh you must have been so fucking pissed I'm like dude I got a TV show on the air for writing down fucking shit are you stupid I'm happy about everything like nothing you know there's something that's gonna bum me out about that's a great attitude and that's so important for success in life to have that kind of attitude and just enjoy it and appreciate it work hard enjoy it and appreciate it so many people and then something happens and then it goes away from them they can never appreciate that they ever even did it.

[2160] It's just neurosis trying to get to the next level or stay on that level or, you know, get the next thing so you don't feel like you're drowning, you know?

[2161] So the show business is a very weird world, man. It's very weird.

[2162] Yeah, it's so funny too because, like, and since then I've worked on a couple other shows, been on writing staffs, other shows and stuff.

[2163] And I've seen, like, that's how it is.

[2164] Like, every writer I work on the show with, he's like, fuck, this is going to get canceled.

[2165] What the fuck am I going to do next year?

[2166] This is fucking bullshit.

[2167] I hate this job.

[2168] I'm like, dude, like two years ago I was waiting tables, like that's kind of a shitty job.

[2169] Like, we're sitting around making dick jokes for fucking 12 hours a day.

[2170] For a TV show, you're a writer on a television show.

[2171] Like, is there, there's not that many more prestigious positions in Hollywood besides actor and producer.

[2172] A writer, a creator, the person who's the creative force behind a TV show, that's fucking huge.

[2173] There's not a lot of people that get to do that.

[2174] Yeah.

[2175] That's a massive, huge thing.

[2176] I'm like, fuck, you can't believe you shit.

[2177] shit.

[2178] It's going to get canceled.

[2179] This fucking piece of shit.

[2180] It's hard for people to appreciate shit.

[2181] It really is.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] A lot of negative cunts out here.

[2184] And plus, in Hollywood, it's also seems like, unlike you, where you just rode this, you know, this opportunity and you capitalize on and made the most of it, some people just get failure after failure after failure after minimum success.

[2185] And by the time they have a little bit of success, they're so like conditioned the failure and they're so worn down by it their spirit is broken yeah yeah oh they brought in cheeseburgers who ordered food he fucking savage look at you you don't play games fuck a cow cow can suck it and he got wings too brian's like your your diet can suck my dick that's what he just said all right let's let's wrap this thing up so brian can have his food um so if people want to follow you the actual you it's just an underscore yeah Halpern at Twitter.

[2186] Yep.

[2187] So the other one, shit my dad says, is just shit.

[2188] It's still shit my dad says, right?

[2189] And is there anything else?

[2190] So is there a website that they should go to?

[2191] No, if they want to check out an excerpt of the book, it's just I suck at girlsbook .com.

[2192] Just go by the book.

[2193] And it's on Audible, awesome.

[2194] Well, I play games.

[2195] Yeah, we already fucked that up.

[2196] If I was going to do the Audible ad, I would have done at the beginning.

[2197] Next week, we have four podcasts.

[2198] So we'll get that Audible ad in there.

[2199] so your site is your website is do you don't have a website I don't okay so Twitter we got that covered you got a Facebook page I don't you don't Brian says you don't need it Is it over?

[2200] Is it over Brian?

[2201] I think you're better off nowadays with a Tumblr A Tumblr For glitter tags That's why just for that alone For animated gifts of dragons Tumblr's is better than Facebook The wings of dragons The carrier I don't use it any of them anymore.

[2202] All right.

[2203] Listen, you dirty bitches.

[2204] This fucking shows over.

[2205] We're going to take a little break.

[2206] We'll be back with the Ice House Chronicles.

[2207] If you want to listen to it, you want to listen live and watch live, it'll be on Ustream on this channel, Ustream .com, Ustream .com, Ustream.

[2208] dot TV, forward slash Joe Rogan.

[2209] And if you want to get it in audio form, it is only available under Desquad on iTunes.

[2210] And Desquad is a whole podcast network that Brian runs.

[2211] That's his shit on the side.

[2212] And it's also our gay little nickname for us.

[2213] And Don Marrera's in the Desquod, too, right, Dom?

[2214] You've been writing that down on text.

[2215] He writes down on text, Death Squad at the end.

[2216] So when you got Don Marrera representing Death Squad, you're doing all right, bitches.

[2217] If you're around tonight, we got a show in about an hour.

[2218] And it'll be Don Marrera, Dov Davidov, Ari Shafir, Doug Benson, Jason Teebo, Jason Tebow, Brian Redband, and Mois.

[2219] So we see fucking dirty freaks very soon.

[2220] Thanks for everything.

[2221] Thanks for all the positive tweets and all the, you know, Whatever it is that you guys do, tuning into this show and saying that you enjoy it is the best motivation we could ever possibly have to do it.

[2222] It's a very unusual circumstance we sort of stumbled into, and we sort of just wound up in this situation when we're doing this podcast.

[2223] It's not planned out at all, but now that it's become a part of so many people's lives, I definitely feel obligated, and we're not going anywhere.

[2224] So we want to thank you guys.

[2225] Thanks to Onit .com for sponsoring us.

[2226] go to O -N -N -I -T, use the code name Rogan and save yourself 10 % off any of the supplements.

[2227] It doesn't work with all the other shit.

[2228] Look at you over there.

[2229] While I'm talking about supplements, you're eating fries.

[2230] Shoving them dirty.

[2231] Fries is so delicious.

[2232] Wouldn't it be awesome if fries were good for you?

[2233] That's what we need to get our honest scientists on.

[2234] No, it wouldn't be the same because if fries were good for you, they wouldn't feel as good.

[2235] Don't put them away.

[2236] I don't want it.

[2237] Look at this burger fries.

[2238] Put it away.

[2239] Put it away.

[2240] I got a show her an hour.

[2241] Listen, ladies.

[2242] and gentlemen, this show's over.

[2243] Go get yourself some kettlebells and get your freak on.

[2244] Justin Halpert, you're the fucking man. Thank you, sir.

[2245] Thank you for coming.

[2246] If you ever need anything, you need us to promote anything.

[2247] Oh, go buy his book.

[2248] His book, I suck at, girls.

[2249] Available now.

[2250] Go get it on Amazon.

[2251] You can get it on a Kindle.

[2252] Put it on your Kindle.

[2253] Or go, should buy a hard form?

[2254] Don't matter.

[2255] You get more money with a hard form?

[2256] I get paid the same.

[2257] That gets paid the same.

[2258] So go digital, you dirty bitches.

[2259] Save a tree.

[2260] All right.

[2261] We'll see you guys soon.

[2262] Thank you.

[2263] Bye.