Craig Robinson

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

[1] I'm Disney Shepherd.

[2] That's an Easter egg.

[3] Oh, for a different.

[4] No, for our week.

[5] For our weeks, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6] But not for anything anyone gets to hear about.

[7] For a while, for a while.

[8] Well, May, May. Easter egg, May. April showers, bring May eggs.

[9] May Disney's.

[10] And, of course, you are miniature mouse.

[11] The Maximist.

[12] Today we have Craig Robinson on.

[13] Craig Robinson is one of my all -time favorites.

[14] He's an actor.

[15] He's a comedian.

[16] and he's a singer.

[17] He's an incredible singer, an incredible musician.

[18] We almost lost him to music.

[19] We literally almost lost him to music.

[20] I, of course, fell in love with him and came to know him in Knocked Up.

[21] What an introduction.

[22] And you'll know him quite well from the office in Brooklyn Nine Nine, Hot Top Time Machine.

[23] This is The End.

[24] Zach and Miramickaporno.

[25] He has a new show streaming this April on Peacock called Killing It.

[26] Killing It is a comedy about class capitalism, a one man's quest to achieve the American dream.

[27] And also, about hunting real big snakes.

[28] Please enjoy Craig Robinson.

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[31] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[32] Craig.

[33] There he is.

[34] What's happening?

[35] I've been wanting to do this for a long, long time.

[36] Like, I think four years into this now we are?

[37] No, starting year four.

[38] Yeah, we're four.

[39] I've been asking for you for three years.

[40] We almost had a shot at it in Denver.

[41] Yes.

[42] Where are you at right now?

[43] I am in San Diego, California.

[44] I have eight shows at the wonderful American Comedy Company.

[45] Uh -huh.

[46] You wouldn't remember this conversation, I don't think.

[47] But one time I asked you about touring.

[48] And I said, I'm thinking about touring and doing stand -up.

[49] And you said, well, yeah, that money's just sitting there waiting for you to go grab it.

[50] That was your response to me. Go pick it up.

[51] It's all over the place.

[52] Do you do stand -up?

[53] I did do it for a couple years.

[54] And then I stopped.

[55] But we do this show live, which is a ton of fun.

[56] And we've been having a riot doing that.

[57] I'm sure we perform at similar places like these really cool theaters.

[58] And it's incredible.

[59] Right on.

[60] You play music throughout your whole set.

[61] I think we were talking at Largo, to be honest.

[62] Wow, it was a really long time ago.

[63] Yeah.

[64] People wouldn't know this about you, but I do.

[65] But you and Sean Hayes, you go to college together in Illinois?

[66] Yeah, we did.

[67] Illinois State University, right there in the back of the class, making each other laugh.

[68] Isn't that wild?

[69] That's crazy.

[70] Small world.

[71] And you were a music major as well, right?

[72] Correct, sir.

[73] Do you think everyone knows that about you?

[74] I found that interesting.

[75] I don't know what people.

[76] know about me but I don't know why that's interesting though I'll tell you why because we get to know you as a comedian a tremendous one and then you're like wait this dude has a degree in music I don't know what if you found out I was an architect wouldn't you go oh wow I didn't know he was an architect I mean that's pretty dope then you could like build something I just used to teach yeah but yeah it's exciting not very many people in comedy know what to do anything We've done that, yeah.

[77] We generally don't know how to do anything.

[78] People come from all walks of life to come to do comedy.

[79] That's the interesting part to me. Like, rap stars are now coming to do comedy.

[80] I say, more than merrier, come get you something.

[81] I just wonder why people want to do it.

[82] But then I'm touring right now.

[83] I got some young comics with me. And like, the look on their face is just to be here.

[84] One of the guys is his first time doing a full weekend and stuff like that.

[85] He's doing five minutes.

[86] I was like, yeah, yeah, that's what it's about.

[87] Getting your ideas out there and reaching up and stepping up and performing and doing good.

[88] So, yeah, it's really cool, man. It's like seeing Christmas through your child's eyes or something, you know?

[89] Oh, 1 ,000 %.

[90] It reminds you of how impossible it was when you found yourself on a stage for the first time where you're like, oh, my God, they're right there and I'm here.

[91] This really is happening.

[92] You get used to it, unfortunately.

[93] But, yeah, it's pretty incredible the first few years.

[94] You do get used to it, but the saving grace is that new joke.

[95] You write a new joke, and it hits.

[96] Oh, man, there's no feeling like that in the world, bro.

[97] Yeah.

[98] That's like at the end of the new Aziz special on Netflix, that like half hour one where he shows video of his first time.

[99] Oh, right, right, right.

[100] It's so sweet and endearing to see the difference, the growth.

[101] First of all, where did you grow up?

[102] Chicago.

[103] Okay.

[104] And did you want to go into music or acting in comedy as well or just music?

[105] How did you end up doing both?

[106] I was going into music.

[107] I was going to be a music major, and I was looking to be doing songs, and then comedy just kind of bogarted, just took over.

[108] This is what it is.

[109] You're funny.

[110] Let's make this happen.

[111] At what age?

[112] In college?

[113] Yeah, yeah.

[114] It was like maybe my third year.

[115] People would come up to me and be like, hey, I was trying to say what you were saying other day.

[116] Essentially, tell me my bits.

[117] You know, I was doing bits and didn't realize I was doing bits.

[118] Don't get in a joining contest, you know, when you talk about each other.

[119] Don't do it with Craig.

[120] I'm just being me. me, like, what we would?

[121] Yeah.

[122] But yeah, I got caught with the bug.

[123] I like to say comedy chose me because I didn't know.

[124] I was so silly all the time.

[125] My father was like, you know, people get paid to do that stuff.

[126] And I was like, what?

[127] What kind of musician were you going to be?

[128] Just wanted to be a singer, like an usher type.

[129] Okay.

[130] I mean, you got to imagine me in college.

[131] You were very usher -like in college?

[132] I wasn't usher -like, but that's just an example.

[133] Somebody who wanted to get into that R &B.

[134] and just like, you know, make songs and kick it.

[135] Well, you probably would have said another name if it was like nine years ago, right?

[136] Being from Chicago?

[137] Probably.

[138] Yeah.

[139] How could you have not of nine years ago?

[140] What was childhood like for you?

[141] Your mom and dad were married?

[142] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[143] They stayed married up until my mom passed.

[144] But yeah, older sister, younger brother in the household, mother, music teacher who taught at the high school that I went to.

[145] so I arrived at a high school with my mom, if you can imagine.

[146] Oh, no. And then my father, he was a corporate attorney.

[147] So I grew up in Detroit, you know, right across the way.

[148] And when someone's mom worked at school, it was unrecoverable.

[149] The person had no chance.

[150] In theory, it's supposed to be like that.

[151] However, everybody loved my mom.

[152] Okay.

[153] This is the choir teacher, and people loved her.

[154] Like, I mean, at the funeral, people came from years, years, years ago to sing in the choir and be there.

[155] But yeah, everybody loved us, so it made me cool, at least in the quiet eyes.

[156] So when you figured out that people were doing impressions of you, basically, in college, and then you go, oh, I'm going to try to do this.

[157] Where did you go?

[158] Did you go to Second City or something?

[159] So the first thing I did when I started taking a series in college, I read Judy Carter stand -up book, and then I would audition to, like, host these shows.

[160] And my thought was, if I host a talent show or whatever it was, if I did a joke that bombs, I could just be like, and your next act, you know what I mean?

[161] Sure.

[162] You had a parachute at all times.

[163] At all times.

[164] So I ended up hosting a few gigs.

[165] I did pretty good at that.

[166] I knew I was going to graduate and, you know, get a job teaching and all that.

[167] But underneath all of that, I was going to open mics and such.

[168] So, yeah, I did go to Second City.

[169] I did go to Act 1, and I did go to Audition Center.

[170] And I was hitting the open mics and all this while achieving my master's degree and teaching.

[171] Where were you teaching?

[172] I taught kindergarten through eighth grade in Chicago and Indiana.

[173] First year was in Indiana.

[174] the next couple of years was in Chicago.

[175] I know everyone knows this, but this is fascinating.

[176] Like someone, you were their kindergarten teacher.

[177] Like, there's an adult right now.

[178] It's like, oh, yeah, I love that guy.

[179] Yeah, it was my kindergarten teacher.

[180] That never happened where a teacher ended up super famous and on Super Bowl commercials.

[181] That's bizarre for those folks.

[182] I'm happy for them.

[183] Yeah, some of them still reach out.

[184] You know, hey, Mr. Robinson, we're so proud of you.

[185] You just aspire us, and I always say the same thing.

[186] Hey, I'm not your teacher anymore.

[187] Don't contact me. I tease.

[188] I tease.

[189] It's always nice to hear from them.

[190] Some of them you don't remember, but then some that's like, oh, my God, wow.

[191] But it's always cool to hear from that one.

[192] But you're in really two drastically different cultures.

[193] Unless school teaching was wilder than I knew about, you were kind of like had a dual life a little bit, now being Second City and teaching elementary?

[194] Oh, 1 ,000 percent.

[195] And I was burning a candle at both ends.

[196] I was doing a lot, man. I was teaching during the day.

[197] And then on a couple days a week, I would go teach in the inner city.

[198] So I'd drive from Indiana to go all the way to Chicago.

[199] And then at night, I would either be going on stage or I was a bouncer at a nightclub on the weekends.

[200] When I say bouncer, I was the guy that went to get the bigger guys.

[201] Hey, they fight me. Yeah, there's mixed messages happening.

[202] We love mixed messages so much, Craig.

[203] You're really giving them to us.

[204] Did you have to do, like, parent -teacher conference?

[205] Did you ever bump into, like, some students' parents, and you were fucking letting it rip after a show?

[206] Or did you date any of the students' parents?

[207] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[208] This is why I don't do podcasts.

[209] There might have been a fling or two that came across my desk.

[210] Opportunity presented itself.

[211] You want to hear something crazy?

[212] Okay, I've never told anybody.

[213] this.

[214] But one time I saw this kid's mom, and I was like, so the kids were in class and I was like, how many people here just live with their mother and no father?

[215] And I was like, oh, my God.

[216] Oh, man. How bad is that?

[217] Oh, my gosh.

[218] Human nature.

[219] Oh, there was one mom you were interested in.

[220] He had wanted to find out.

[221] I see.

[222] Oh, that's pretty smart.

[223] A little recon.

[224] So I'm like, are you listening, Jim?

[225] Hurry, I said how many people here only live with their mom and don't see their father very often.

[226] And when they do, their father is weak and does not like to fight suitors of their ex -wife.

[227] Oh, man. Okay, so what year do you come to L .A.?

[228] Got to L .A. in February 1999.

[229] So I left in the middle of the school year.

[230] But, I mean, I have some really cool people helping me. like the principal, this was an act of God, I'm sure.

[231] So in 98, I wanted to go to pilot season.

[232] And I had no idea how I was going to approach my principal and say, hey, I want to be an actor.

[233] By this time, my deaf comedy jam had air, so everybody in the school knew that was a comedian.

[234] One day, the principal out of nowhere, Dr. Turner.

[235] He said, hey, look, I know you're going to need some time off.

[236] So just let me know.

[237] and I was stunned.

[238] Like, I had no idea this was coming.

[239] So, 98, I was able to leave teaching and go do pilot season and be out in L .A. and stay with my friend Aaron Petty.

[240] My friends were to the stay.

[241] She's in Dallas, not.

[242] Hi, Aaron.

[243] She listens to Rogan.

[244] I hate to tell you that.

[245] Better you hear from me than her.

[246] So I won this contest in Oakland, the Bay Area Black Comedy Festival.

[247] So that took all of, like, you had to go three or four times to keep going back and moving to the next round.

[248] I was able to do that and be around for pilot season and see what that was about.

[249] So I stayed and teaching another year near that summer went to L .A. for a few weeks and the stress of going meeting after meeting after meeting, and I ended up getting a development deal from the first meeting.

[250] Green Alari, it was a beautiful meeting.

[251] Looking back on it, it was amazing.

[252] And it was so backwards because I had no idea how to meet.

[253] I was just coming from Chicago, like, whew!

[254] And so I think the meeting, got worse and worse.

[255] But that first one was on point.

[256] Then I ended up moving to LA the following February.

[257] With the holding deal.

[258] With the holding deal.

[259] Exactly.

[260] That's pretty wild.

[261] It would have been so hard for me if I was like gainfully employed in Indiana to make the leap because I'm someone who craves security.

[262] Are you similar?

[263] I definitely crave security.

[264] Even though I had a holding deal, I was asking people, hey, so how much money would you leave this job for?

[265] And I remember my father being like, when I told him I was going to L .A., he said, you're going to lose that good job.

[266] Right.

[267] Yeah.

[268] Looking back, thank God for my naivete, right?

[269] Yeah, like, do you know Will Forte at all?

[270] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[271] Okay, so the thing that absolutely fascinated me about Forte because he was a bit ahead of me at the groundline, so I kind of knew him before he was, you know, on Saturday Night or anything.

[272] And he was like a fucking very well -paid writer on the 70s show, right?

[273] Mm -hmm.

[274] And he left that to go be a writer on S &L with the Pope of performing, making probably a tenth of his much.

[275] I'm in all of that.

[276] I don't think I could have done that.

[277] If I'm not mistaken, I think Sean Hayes had like a semester left of college and left to go rock.

[278] Yeah.

[279] We all have our thing.

[280] I think whatever moves us, but I say something inside you.

[281] Yeah, but it does make you wonder, right, like how many folks are hyper -talented, and then the right set of circumstances doesn't give them that nudge to go for.

[282] Like, you've got a pretty good nudge as far as nudges go, like a holding deal right out of the gates.

[283] Yeah, I remember buddy saying to me, they give you money to move here.

[284] Like, people come here with nothing.

[285] Yeah.

[286] So that made me look at it a little bit different.

[287] Okay, so you wouldn't remember this, but I certainly do.

[288] The very first time I met you and even became aware of who you were was visiting the set of knocked up.

[289] And crazy enough, it was your scene as the bouncer in front of the nightclub.

[290] And I was sitting there with headphones on.

[291] And I, again, I just had met you maybe 10 minutes before shook your hand.

[292] And then you said you're scripted shit, which was great.

[293] All praise be to everyone who wrote that.

[294] But then they turned you lose.

[295] And I was so many things.

[296] I was like, oh, my God, this guy is so fucking funny, followed immediately by, how come he's good at improv?

[297] I don't know him from the groundlings or from.

[298] from UCB or, right, like there's some sense of justice got triggered in me. Like, who was, how did this happen?

[299] What?

[300] No one can be naturally talented.

[301] I had a similar experience.

[302] I met Danny McBride all knocked up.

[303] That was the coolest shoot.

[304] And I'll tell you a little bit about how I got there.

[305] When we did Pineapple Express and Danny was just improvising, talking about, you came over my place.

[306] We had fish tacos with those British nights.

[307] And I was just like, no, this is some bullshit.

[308] Who was this motherfucker?

[309] Yes.

[310] What in the world?

[311] I had the same thing with Danny McBride.

[312] When I watched that Footfist Way, I was like, what the fuck?

[313] This guy's in college.

[314] He doesn't even want to be an actor, and he's better than everyone.

[315] What the what is this?

[316] I think we went and watched Footfist Way in the trailer during Knocked Up.

[317] Doing that scene and knocked up was crazy because I was doing stand -up, right?

[318] I was playing Vegas that week, and I didn't have a lot of money.

[319] So I had to get a buddy pass to go back to L .A. to shoot the scene.

[320] And luckily I was able to get off the day or two I needed.

[321] I'm all worried that I won't be able to make a flight back and be in time and all this stuff.

[322] So that all worked out.

[323] Got there, shot the scene.

[324] How big of a moment was that in your career?

[325] Because, again, when I met you, I was like, oh, I'm just not hip to the whole Apatow world.

[326] I think I met Franco on that same visit who I didn't know.

[327] I was like, oh, he's in the universe.

[328] Again, I didn't know shit.

[329] I didn't know about freaks and geeks.

[330] I didn't know anything.

[331] So when I saw how good you were, my assumption was like, oh, he's in the stable.

[332] He's another Seth Rogan.

[333] But were you dialed in at all or were you brand new?

[334] No, I was brand new to it, too.

[335] Now I feel extra excited because I literally was sitting there watching this moment that was really, yeah, a seminal moment.

[336] It was similar.

[337] Remember the Sunday nights at the Dragonfly, Aetian's Band?

[338] They're dressed as nerds.

[339] They're like kind of a Devo rip -off band.

[340] Okay.

[341] Yeah.

[342] The spasmatics?

[343] Spasmatics.

[344] Well, telling you.

[345] You thought I didn't know when I was talking about.

[346] I did.

[347] Good job.

[348] I read it all.

[349] Congrats.

[350] I was at a spasmatics show, and right there in Hollywood, and somebody from part of editing, I don't know what they would do.

[351] But they were like, man, you're seen.

[352] And we just kept adding more.

[353] And it was like the first time I got feedback.

[354] Yeah.

[355] From somebody on the inside, I walked out of there on the cloud that night.

[356] I was like, who really?

[357] So I couldn't wait to see it.

[358] So for a long time, it was knocked up, knocked up.

[359] I remember a lady in my building, who was a fellow actor.

[360] And she was like, that's as good as any of us ever need to be.

[361] And Tommy Davidson was like, you don't know how lucky you are to get that role.

[362] I knew it was a special thing and respect and love to Judd for trusting me with that.

[363] But you know what's funny is, sure, you're lucky to get that role.

[364] But 99 .9 % of people, no one is talking about that role.

[365] So, like, again, I saw you do the scripted stuff, and it was a great script.

[366] None of the scripted stuff was in the movie as I remember it.

[367] Like, that was all Craig Robinson.

[368] It was half and half.

[369] Okay.

[370] So the top half was, like, all scripted.

[371] And then once you get to stuff like, you old, she, She's pregnant.

[372] The memorable part, we can say that.

[373] Because even now, you're trying to remember the scripted thing, and I'm kind of remember it.

[374] Was it like, look, man, I don't like this job either.

[375] This is mean.

[376] Something like that at the top.

[377] Right, right.

[378] I get the runs from all stress.

[379] Yeah, it's good.

[380] It's totally good.

[381] Yeah, that was a wild time.

[382] One of the most special parts about that.

[383] Because you know how Judge just let the camera go, go, go.

[384] He was saying my lines back to me to make sure we got it.

[385] I remember this.

[386] Keep saying she's old as shit.

[387] Like, I remember all that.

[388] And then it was a dance we were doing.

[389] He's like, We don't have placenta insurance.

[390] It was same iron.

[391] He was added on it.

[392] So it was nice.

[393] It was seminal and liked that work.

[394] So Shauna, we both love Shauna, right?

[395] That's why I was there.

[396] Sean is the best, man. Shana is the absolute best.

[397] That's my girl, y 'all.

[398] Watch out, Ed.

[399] Watch out, Ed.

[400] Watch out, Ed.

[401] Watch your six, Ed.

[402] So does that open the door to the office?

[403] You know, I open the door to the office was, there was this video I did.

[404] Jerry Miner was called somebody's fucking my lady.

[405] It wasn't even video.

[406] It was like we performed it on several occasions.

[407] We performed it on these shows, the song.

[408] And then I went to audition for Greg Daniels and like 13 people who were in there.

[409] I think that that's what got me in the door because Greg was like, I saw your video.

[410] He's like, it doesn't get any funnier than that.

[411] I was like, oh, thank you.

[412] That's high praise.

[413] Well, this is what I think you and I can both be so grateful for, which is we came about in an era where you could improv.

[414] I couldn't have made it as an actor.

[415] Like, the fact that my very first movie without a paddle, I got hired solely because the director Brill was like, I want a lot of improv in this movie.

[416] You can improv.

[417] My audition, the scripted ship, no way.

[418] Not even getting a callback.

[419] But thank God he let me just talk.

[420] I don't think I could have gotten anything.

[421] Pro, without a paddle, was your first movie?

[422] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[423] That's crazy.

[424] You didn't come in with a small part, man. That was like, that was all you?

[425] Well, I have been on punked, which got really big.

[426] So, right, I went from never acting.

[427] trying for 10 years, never getting anything, get punked.

[428] And then literally four months after punk airs, I'm auditioning for that movie, and I miraculously get it.

[429] But again, only because he encouraged improv.

[430] It's funny you brought to the, I felt the exact opposite way.

[431] Oh, oh, tell me. Because I was like, I had done Second City and all that.

[432] I guess I was just nervous that improv wouldn't be funny or whatever.

[433] So it took me a while to trust it.

[434] I didn't want to mess up somebody's movie with my boy.

[435] shit look at me well the art form to it right is like anyone can get up and throw non -sequiters out and punchlines but it's really learning to improv on story that's what makes you kind of good at it there's brilliant stage improvisers who aren't great at improvising in movies because they don't stay on story and you're so believable too when you do it it's not like we see the comedian come out it's like oh no it's the same dude and now he's got what did he just say i don't know i think it's a huge I feel grateful for it.

[436] I'm definitely grateful for it, especially for having a wherewithal to go train for it.

[437] How crazy is that?

[438] To go second city or whatever else, not knowing.

[439] I had a feeling, but I didn't know.

[440] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[441] What's up, guys?

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[450] We've all been there.

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[460] Did you know Craig was on Friends, an episode of Friends?

[461] No. Yeah.

[462] You were on Friends?

[463] Yeah, I had a threesome with Phoebe and Monica.

[464] It was a cut scene, yeah.

[465] I was a government worker.

[466] Phoebe found out she could change her name to anything.

[467] I got an improv line in that.

[468] Yeah, you did.

[469] Get out of my office.

[470] Get out of my line.

[471] Get out of my line.

[472] Look at this deep cut right here.

[473] Are you seeing what's happening?

[474] Yes, Monica.

[475] Because I'm a massive friends fan, massive.

[476] Friendsophile.

[477] Yes, exactly.

[478] That's a great episode and a great moment.

[479] I mean, there's a gazillion moments and funny things on that series.

[480] But I was like, oh, my God, that one stands out.

[481] It's so funny.

[482] It was so clearly an improv.

[483] It was the fourth to the last.

[484] episode of the entire series.

[485] You got in there.

[486] And I had kind of said the line, quiet, to Lisa.

[487] And she was like, oh, yeah, you will do that for the pitch.

[488] They were such a well -run machine.

[489] You do this rehearsal two times, and then the pitch.

[490] She was like, he's got a pitch.

[491] I was, okay.

[492] Get out of my line.

[493] Boom, it made it in.

[494] But look, when I went to that Friends audition, I walked in.

[495] And it was all white dudes just like chauffeurs.

[496] And I was like, immediately we all start laughing.

[497] it was like it was a wrong place or it was a wrong hour or something that's great all right you go on a pretty incredible ride run from knocked up on now i'm super jealous of you you're like with danny nonstop you're with set rogan nonstop you're in night at the museum as you're trying to adjust right like first is all i'm going to be a musician oh i'm funny fuck maybe i'll try this but i'm also a teacher i'm not sure if i want to go out there now i'm out here now i'm doing this where are you like ratcheting your focus to like what are you seeing is possible for you, and at what point?

[498] Whose career do you start thinking, oh, that's what I want?

[499] Between my team, Mark Schulman, and Jay Gassner, and them looking out and guiding my career, really, just giving me the insides of what I should and shouldn't do and watching me grow.

[500] I got to give big credit to them.

[501] Shauna Robertson is somebody who would, like, we were doing, I think, pineapple.

[502] And then Jerry Miner fell out of Walk Hard.

[503] She put me in that.

[504] And so it's been a blessing after blessing.

[505] I just want to be prepared.

[506] I just stay prepared.

[507] Stay ready.

[508] You ain't got to get ready.

[509] And then when these opportunities come, they were the air.

[510] And I just hopped on them.

[511] It wasn't like, okay, now I'm going to do this.

[512] Like, hats off to people who can say, okay, I'm about to do this with my career.

[513] I don't know how to do that.

[514] Okay, okay.

[515] That's a fair answer.

[516] My career has gone in lanes.

[517] Like, I'm hanging out in the audition lane for a while, all right?

[518] Then I get to the callback lane.

[519] Okay, now I'm back to the callback lane.

[520] Okay, then I get the point.

[521] part to five and unders.

[522] And so it really did move like that.

[523] Yeah, there were some things off of.

[524] I remember one time, dude, I didn't have two nickels to wrap together.

[525] And my manager was like, you got an offer for $350 ,000 for this movie.

[526] I'm sitting up here thinking, well, when do we start?

[527] And he's like, we're not going to do it because I'm not.

[528] And I just, what are you talking about?

[529] But looking back, it was a movie if I could remember him.

[530] I probably did it.

[531] It was a bunch of people stuck in an elevator.

[532] That was the whole movie.

[533] I remember that script somehow.

[534] You remember that?

[535] Yeah.

[536] And I had not seen that Locke movie.

[537] I don't think that had been made yet.

[538] Have you seen Locke, the Tom Hardy movie?

[539] No. He is in a car driving the whole movie.

[540] And believe it or not, it's riveting and it works.

[541] Well, Tom Hardy, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[542] I wouldn't want to be stuck in the elevator for two hours.

[543] I tell you what.

[544] Okay, I got to talk about Hot Tub Time Machine, because my God, I don't want to say it's underrated because it's not.

[545] It made a ton of money and everyone loved it.

[546] But I love that movie.

[547] There's something so right about that movie, so pure, so throwbacky, so unapologetic, so, like, knows what it is.

[548] I just loved that movie, like, probably it hadn't been since maybe I saw old school that I liked comedy that much.

[549] I don't know.

[550] I just want you to know I like it so much.

[551] Shout out to Steve Pink.

[552] Oh, what a sweetheart, too, right?

[553] He's so brilliant.

[554] I love Stephen.

[555] Whatever he wants to do, I'm down.

[556] But, yeah, Hot Tub was like, I laughed out loud reading the script.

[557] I think it was the part where my character yelled at his daughter.

[558] And it was also interesting because music is such my partner in everything I do, comedy, and people find out I played.

[559] And they was like, oh, that's what happened with Hot Tub.

[560] They came to see me perform all the producers.

[561] They were like, oh, Nick's a musician.

[562] We shot that in Vancouver.

[563] That was the first time I was away filming in another country.

[564] And then, you know, I forgot, I don't know why we got these breaks, but I came back.

[565] And do you remember the time when Prince had all those shows at the forum?

[566] Yep.

[567] I went to five of those shows.

[568] No. I would have gone to all 21 or however many.

[569] But I had to be back in Canada to film Hot Tub.

[570] I was there and people are like, what are you doing this weekend?

[571] When I was like, Prince is at the forum.

[572] What are you talking about?

[573] What else is there to do?

[574] Yeah.

[575] Was he the number one for you?

[576] Prince and Michael.

[577] How do you feel about Anderson?

[578] Anderson is a beast.

[579] He's the guy.

[580] that I'm like, okay, I think this is our next prince.

[581] I think this is drum playing Jimmy Hendricks.

[582] He has something, I'm obsessed.

[583] That's a special cat right there, man. He knows it, too.

[584] He's badass.

[585] Did you watch the halftime show?

[586] I did.

[587] Did you know the whole time he was playing drums?

[588] Because I didn't.

[589] I was already at, like, a fever pitch.

[590] I was crying and clapping.

[591] I was so happy for those dudes that they were fucking 20 blocks from home and they were owning the world.

[592] And then cut to Anderson back with that smile on his face.

[593] I'm like, oh, That motherfucker's been playing the drums the whole time.

[594] I exploded.

[595] No, no, no, they did the damn thing on that half.

[596] I was rocking the whole time.

[597] I was like you until they were all up there on the rooftop.

[598] It was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, yes.

[599] This is legit, legit.

[600] And then they went, of course, of course.

[601] I don't know why I'm surprised.

[602] Can we go back real quick to you being a teacher?

[603] Because I want to know what you enjoyed about that.

[604] Like, do you really like kids?

[605] I do.

[606] I like kids.

[607] I had some great times being a teacher, like I said, mother taught, so I stole some stuff from her.

[608] Like, she would do these concerts with her students, and we would imitate Michael Jackson or whoever.

[609] So I brought that over.

[610] Before I got out of there, we did like an old school versus new school concerts.

[611] So, like, one girl did Aretha Franklin.

[612] One group of boys did Drew Hill.

[613] It was back and forth like that.

[614] But it must have been so rewarding.

[615] I mean, there is a reason teachers do that because you don't get paid enough and you don't.

[616] Like, there's something very special.

[617] You know, I kind of fell into, like, the lady from my church, when I was graduating, she had me meet her principal in Indiana, and that's how I ended up teaching in the school system for Indiana for a year.

[618] And then I moved over to Chicago because there was teachers for Chicago, which was a program that you get your master's degree while you teach.

[619] Like I said, I was doing a lot.

[620] I was working on my master's degree, and I was doing comedy, and I was a bouncing.

[621] How much cocaine were you doing at that time?

[622] I hadn't met cocaine at that point.

[623] Okay, okay.

[624] yet what age were you i met cocaine when i was 20 years old in santa barbara what age i don't know i'm sure it was L .A., though quite sure i was a square for a long time i don't smoke weed till i was about 20 years old because your parents are so good right this is the downside of having a good family you don't do drugs you don't have a big hole you're filling up i don't think i'd ever do that stuff but then here we are here we go so if you Talk kids.

[625] Do you have any kids?

[626] I don't.

[627] No. This kind of surprises me and I don't know why I want it for you.

[628] I want you to have kids.

[629] I think I'm a shit you know.

[630] You could teach them everything.

[631] I think I'd be a great father someday.

[632] I think that'll be nice.

[633] I agree with you.

[634] You know what's fascinating about you is on your Wikipedia.

[635] Everyone's got a personal column.

[636] It's got all kinds of shit about your music career and your acting career and your early childhood.

[637] And then there's no personal.

[638] You know what I'm saying?

[639] Who does that?

[640] Do you do that?

[641] world.

[642] I don't know.

[643] I don't understand on Wikipedia.

[644] What I do know is someone said my real name was Daxamas and I tried to change that because you're supposed to be able to edit Wikipedia and I said I couldn't because I was Dax.

[645] He's too close.

[646] So I don't know how it works.

[647] But all I'm saying is normally would say Craig was engaged twice.

[648] He is currently dating so -and -so, all that stuff.

[649] I don't think I'm interested enough, Dax.

[650] Well, I'm trying to get to that.

[651] I'm trying to get this column on the Wikipedia page.

[652] Have you ever been engaged?

[653] No, I did have about a four -year relationship about three years ago, but, no, never got engaged.

[654] What do you think is the primary reason?

[655] You're on the road all the time?

[656] You have commitment issues?

[657] Definitely some commitment issues.

[658] But as I get older, it's like, okay, this is starting to get to what I want more.

[659] And there was a lot of just distractions and just play a player.

[660] I didn't take a lot seriously.

[661] It's just like it's all about the career and having fun.

[662] It's not a bad thing.

[663] It's offering me a chance to now.

[664] introspect and be like, okay, I see what I want.

[665] And I'm not wasting time anymore.

[666] Matter of fact, now it's like, okay, let me be smart about, you know, and not just bring somebody along for a ride and hurt their feelings.

[667] You know, now it's like, hey, let's take our time and not have to be with somebody right away the center of them.

[668] He hates this part.

[669] Yeah, yeah, you hates it.

[670] But I want so much more.

[671] This is my only podcast.

[672] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[673] I'm a Scorpio.

[674] I prefer not ask me anything.

[675] Oh.

[676] Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[677] So when you say you don't do podcasts, have you ever done a podcast?

[678] I've done them.

[679] Because you have friends with podcasts, right, that beg you to do it and you got to say yes.

[680] People have asked, I always say no. Wow, flattering.

[681] Well, that's flattering.

[682] But I want to know what your fear is.

[683] What do you think will happen?

[684] I just prefer to have some mystery.

[685] Okay.

[686] It's working.

[687] You don't have a life column.

[688] The reason I asked about where you were putting your sights on to is that I, as genuinely, I hope you believe me. Enormous fucking fan.

[689] You channeled to me my favorite ever is Bernie Mac.

[690] I just fucking love Bernie Mac so much.

[691] And you have a quality about Bernie Mac, which is like, is this guy going to kill me or make me laugh?

[692] Like him and Bad Santa is so quintessential Bernie Mac.

[693] Or my favorite part about him.

[694] Bro, dude, that's about as high compliment as you could give.

[695] Bernie was one of my favorites.

[696] And I have a personal Bernie story.

[697] you know, he's out of Chicago.

[698] So he had this amazing night, right?

[699] Like Tuesday night at the Holiday Inn downtown.

[700] A milk treneers was the club.

[701] It was a nightclub at the bottom of the holiday inn.

[702] And the show started at 8 o 'clock, but people were there at 5 p .m. It was packed at 5.

[703] The food and drinks and Bernie were host.

[704] And he had the MacBan.

[705] The MacBan had the macaroni's, you know, the dancers.

[706] And he actually did four episodes, I think, on HBO.

[707] But it wasn't the same.

[708] But there was a club atmosphere, and Bernie come in and just ripped to death.

[709] Ali LaRoy was helping out.

[710] They would do skits, and then Bernie would bring up a comedian, and Bernard would bring up a singer.

[711] One week, I went down there, and I had my tape recorder, and I let Ali LaRoy hear.

[712] We went in a men's bathroom, and he, like, listen to my jokes.

[713] He was laughing.

[714] He's like, okay, you're on next week.

[715] No. No, no, no. And then I went back, and Bernie was like, how long are you doing comedy?

[716] I was like, six months.

[717] So Bernie was like six months.

[718] So he's like, ripped on me. Sure, sure, sure.

[719] He set out not too far from me. When I said it, the keyboard started doing my thing, in essence, holding my hand, right?

[720] I wish I could find that set because I had it for a long time.

[721] But he was so happy with what I did.

[722] He was like, whatever you need.

[723] And then we ended up talking out.

[724] And he was giving us gems and all this.

[725] And then I ended up doing his show, the Bernie Mac show, later on, once I got to Hollywood.

[726] So he kept his word.

[727] And he was the best.

[728] Like, you want some soul food?

[729] Like, he would have catered food up in his office.

[730] So you had the food, but then you had the food.

[731] He was one of the best people ever, man. Rest in peace, man. Yeah, such a bummer.

[732] He was my favorite.

[733] I always wanted to make a black version of smoking the bandit.

[734] And I thought, oh, he would be the perfect Buford Tea Justice.

[735] Like, he would be the perfect Jackie Gleason.

[736] Oh, wow.

[737] Thousand percent.

[738] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[739] if you dare.

[740] Okay, so I guess I've been watching on the outside and going, one's Craig going to have his own show, one's Craig going to have his own movie.

[741] I hope this isn't disrespectful to say, but I've been like, okay, you've been in every great thing.

[742] You're the most consistent person to plug into anything.

[743] Do you not want a show?

[744] Do you like being on the road?

[745] Like, I'm so fucking delighted you have killing it sincerely.

[746] I'm so excited.

[747] Thank you.

[748] I've had some opportunities.

[749] I had this show, Mr. Robinson.

[750] I was on NBC.

[751] It was just short -lived.

[752] And before that, it was a pilot.

[753] I've had some things cracking as Hollywood.

[754] What you're going to do?

[755] So, yeah, killing it got with Dan Gore and Luke del Tridici of Brooklyn Nine -Nine fame.

[756] And here we are in this moment.

[757] I mean, you talk about a challenging show, man. We work with from snakes to a pig to dog to some alligators rolled around in there.

[758] Accidentally, we got pushed back to the Ida hurricane.

[759] because we filmed in New Orleans and set in Miami.

[760] They made real hurricanes.

[761] So you ever act in a hurricane, bro?

[762] No, no, no. Bro.

[763] Bro.

[764] You ever acted out of the lines in a hurricane.

[765] What's the fucking point?

[766] You're going to have to loop everything anyways, right?

[767] You just move your mouth like Mr. Ed.

[768] It's freezing and it was crazy.

[769] And then with COVID, losing people left the right.

[770] It was so much going on.

[771] But I'm really, really happy with what came out.

[772] And it was a bomb, man. I hope people like it.

[773] And if you don't like it, I hope you watch it anyway.

[774] Yeah, well, look, they didn't give me an episode, but I watched the trailer for.

[775] Have you seen it?

[776] Yeah, it looks great.

[777] It's so fucking funny.

[778] And it's about, or at least as they describe it, Dan and Luke is like...

[779] In Search an American Dream.

[780] Yeah, the quasi -religious obsession with entrepreneurship and wealth, which is, I'm shocked there hasn't been a show yet.

[781] Or maybe there is, and I've missed it.

[782] But yeah, tell me, what is the premise of the show?

[783] You're making this wonderful speech at the beginning to your housekeeper, and you're telling her, this is a great opportunity for her to listen to this speech.

[784] Yeah, it follows me from being a security guard.

[785] I come on some hard times and get some bad luck, and I'll do anything to fund my dream, is what it turns out.

[786] And one of those things turns out to be hunting snakes to help out the state of Florida.

[787] The trailer feels kind of righteous gemstones -y, speaking of Danny.

[788] It's like epic.

[789] It's cool.

[790] I'm really excited.

[791] Oh, thank you.

[792] Right on.

[793] Come off to God's ears.

[794] I can see why, like, you're a very specific performer.

[795] Like, the thing that someone were to put you in has to be for you.

[796] Like, they have to get you and write for you and put you in a world where you can be you and still be the lead and still be likable and then still be an asshole when you need to be and all these things.

[797] It's a pretty specific formula you need.

[798] So I can see why I would take an attempt or two.

[799] It's kind of like Danny.

[800] Like, you imagine Danny trying to be on any old show.

[801] McBride.

[802] I totally got it once you said it like that.

[803] He's to him.

[804] He's so authentic.

[805] He's to him.

[806] In the best way possible.

[807] In the best way, yeah.

[808] I hear you.

[809] Yeah, like, I don't want to see him as one of the friends at all.

[810] I want to see him in tight white jeans as a preacher who also rips lines and has orgies, you know?

[811] For sure.

[812] Are you sitting in front of your keyboard?

[813] I am not.

[814] It's over at the comedy club.

[815] Oh, damn.

[816] I thought I was going to try to pull it.

[817] sneak on you.

[818] I would have loved to, man. I would have said, just tickle those ivories for us, just a tiny bit is what I was going to ask.

[819] I would love to, bro.

[820] Well, another time.

[821] We'll set up a keyboard in here for you.

[822] In person.

[823] In person.

[824] I got to ask about one more thing.

[825] There's one other layer of why I love you.

[826] It was some years back, and you got pulled over, and you had some contraband in the car.

[827] And I immediately went, uh -huh.

[828] I've had that exact same toolbox with me many times.

[829] Oh, I didn't know I would have gotten down with Craig as well in that fashion.

[830] Long ago days, long ago.

[831] Long ago days.

[832] Does that scare you that I brought that up?

[833] It made me like you more for whatever that's worth.

[834] I mean, it's out there.

[835] No, if I was still in it, it would probably bother me. But that was a while back.

[836] I would die now if I did that stuff today.

[837] Oh, man, just one night.

[838] Yeah, that was a mighty surprise that night.

[839] Yeah, and were you thinking in that moment, like, well, that's that.

[840] The stakes are high.

[841] Like, the fact that I never got pulled over, it's insane.

[842] Like, it's insane, Craig, that I didn't ever have that headline.

[843] I should have had that headline.

[844] Bro.

[845] I'm always always waiting for it, right?

[846] I would get pulled over fucked up, and I literally, as they're walking up the car.

[847] I'm like, here we go.

[848] Finally over.

[849] It's all over.

[850] You're going to jail.

[851] I have a D .Y from way back.

[852] I remember when I actually went to jail that night, and there was a guy talking to me in the cell.

[853] They was like, oh, man, they got to finish New York, and they got to go through Chicago.

[854] They won't get to us to later.

[855] We'd probably be here for the weekend, and they can move us to county.

[856] I'm like, what?

[857] So I went in on Thursday.

[858] Thank God.

[859] Because they ended up getting out there Friday afternoon.

[860] I had been way worse many more times.

[861] Yeah, you're talking about blessed, man, and lucky.

[862] It's probably good that I got caught and slowed down.

[863] Was that a turning point that I had to?

[864] actual incident?

[865] Yes, sure, ish.

[866] Turning point ish.

[867] I have all these stories, Craig, where I'll tell people like, oh yeah, I was doing meth all night.

[868] My mom was in town.

[869] I was supposed to meet her at the beach.

[870] I went to meet her at the beach the next day on like 40 minutes of sleep.

[871] And I was trying to find her on the beach, but my vision had like shrunk down to the size of like a little manhole cover.

[872] And I'm literally looking people in the face, one foot from their face to see if it's my mom.

[873] And I'm doing that for about 30 minutes and finally, I can't find her.

[874] I'm incapable of doing this.

[875] I'm so fucked up.

[876] I come back out to the PCH on the sidewalk to get in the car that my friend is driving and I'm going to shit my pants right the second.

[877] If I don't, I either pull my pants down or have it in my pants.

[878] I elect to pull my pants down.

[879] I shit right on the fucking sidewalk of the PCH while there's tons of traffic pulling into the beach, hundreds of cars watching.

[880] It's the most demoralizing thing ever.

[881] I start crying during it because I'm so fucked up.

[882] Wait, you weren't famous then.

[883] I wasn't famous then.

[884] But my point is, I'll tell that story to people, and they'll go, and then you quit.

[885] And I'll go, no, no, I did it for four years.

[886] I have so many stories where the people go, and then you quit?

[887] No, no, I didn't.

[888] Quitish.

[889] Well, Craig Robinson, I'm so excited to watch Killing it.

[890] I'm really glad that you trusted us to be one of your very few podcast appearances.

[891] I hope it was not as painful for you as you were fearing.

[892] It was fine.

[893] Thank you very much for having me. I'm sure you'll make it wonderful.

[894] We'll have you back in studio and you'll play music for us.

[895] Yes, yes, yes.

[896] And you and Monica will act out that scene from Friends.

[897] Yeah.

[898] Hey, wait, do y 'all sing?

[899] Because I'm not coming to play.

[900] Dax will sing.

[901] Dax will sing for me. Well, yeah, what's your question?

[902] Let's get more specific.

[903] Do I sing or can I sing?

[904] Yeah.

[905] Because I sing like a motherfucker all the time And I cannot sing Compounding it I live with Kristen Who's a fucking amazing singer Amazing Yeah so maybe We'll pull her off the bench when you're here We'll make her sing with you How's the sloth by the way?

[906] The sloth passed I hate to report Oh really?

[907] Oh man sorry to go I'm teasing It was a rental Do you know it was a rental I did not know that Did you think I bought her a sloth for her birthday Yes Why wouldn't I think Tickets.

[908] No, no, no, no. No, I don't love her enough to live with a fucking sloth in the house.

[909] They seem like there would be low maintenance.

[910] They are low maintenance, but they smell horrendous.

[911] So I'd have to build like an atrium or something for it.

[912] But what happened was, you know, I was directing a movie and I had hired an animal Wrangler.

[913] And then all of a sudden occurred to me, oh boy, her birthday's coming up.

[914] She loves sloths.

[915] And I said, can you guys get a sloth?

[916] And they said, yeah, that's how it happened.

[917] I didn't buy her one.

[918] But I have to tell you, the funniest thing my friend of mine said to me, after that all became public.

[919] A friend of mine from Detroit called me and he goes, do you know how many sloths you probably will end up being responsible for dying because of that?

[920] And I said, what do you mean?

[921] He said, there's so many hillbillies right now whose girlfriends are saying, that guy got her a sloth.

[922] He goes, you know how many white trash dudes are going to be hammered, breaking into a zoo and stealing a sloths?

[923] Oh my gosh.

[924] You can have the blood of million sloths on your hand.

[925] Hey, we didn't even touch on ghosted, which we both did.

[926] Oh, yes, ghosted.

[927] That's right.

[928] That's where I got to see you in real life most recently.

[929] Right, right.

[930] That was a nice two -hander.

[931] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[932] He and Adam Scott.

[933] Oh, right.

[934] I haven't seen this new show.

[935] It looks bananas good, man. Oh.

[936] I love Ben Stiller.

[937] I'm about to go binge the shit out of it.

[938] You're going to love it.

[939] We started it four days ago, and we're on episode four, and it's fucking mind -blowing.

[940] And he is incredible.

[941] That was amazing.

[942] You know, it's funny about that ghost said.

[943] I'll tell you a really funny story.

[944] We had dinner with them a week and a half ago or something with Naomi and Adam.

[945] And I was saying Adam, because I was saying I pretty much don't think I want to act really.

[946] And then I said, oh, you know, you got a good friend and they call you.

[947] And you're like, absolutely, I'll do your show.

[948] And he's like, oh, I know.

[949] And we're kind of commiserating.

[950] And then Naomi goes, you mean like we did to you for ghosted?

[951] And I'm like, no, no, no, not your thing.

[952] Your thing's way different.

[953] I love being there.

[954] And I was Max Headroom, so I didn't have to do shit.

[955] That was a sweet gig you had, man. You were a computer.

[956] And I was just reading a teleprompter.

[957] I was like, I got to figure out how to be this permanently on this show.

[958] I know.

[959] I want to figure out how I can be just in bed for a whole movie.

[960] But nothing's wrong.

[961] I'm not hurt.

[962] There's no ailment.

[963] I'm just in bed.

[964] And then you have a teleprompter.

[965] I just saw the crimes.

[966] All the crime happens right outside my window.

[967] Trees.

[968] Come in here.

[969] Put these handcuffs on.

[970] Get in the back of my car Another guy's coming to drive you down to the station All right, brother Well, killing it is out this April April 14th, oh one day before tax day So everyone will just to finish up their homework They'll be ready to party And they're going to watch Killing It on Peacock I can't wait Monica can't wait We adore you Good luck tonight on your shows Right back at you.

[971] Thank you so much All right, love you man And now my favorite part of the show The Fact Check with my soulmate Monica Padman Craig Robinson Craig T. Robinson.

[972] Craig T. Robinson, one of the great polter guys.

[973] Wait, what do we think his middle name is?

[974] Guess.

[975] I'm going to look it up.

[976] Michael.

[977] Okay.

[978] It is Philip.

[979] Oh!

[980] Yeah, Craig Philip Robinson.

[981] So Craig P. Robinson.

[982] Close to Craig T. Craig P. Robinson.

[983] Craig P. and Craig T. He was fun.

[984] He's so funny.

[985] He is.

[986] Have you ever seen him play the piano and sing?

[987] I feel like I have maybe at a comedy show or something, but I don't remember.

[988] I think he has on a couple commercials as well.

[989] Maybe you caught one of those.

[990] Yeah.

[991] Yeah, but it's so impressive.

[992] I like what people can mix comedy singing and piano playing.

[993] Same.

[994] Like Reggie Watts.

[995] Reggie Watts.

[996] Craig P. Zach Galfanakis.

[997] Although he doesn't sing.

[998] What does he do?

[999] He plays the piano during his whole stand -up.

[1000] He does?

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] Have you never seen him new stand -up?

[1003] Mm -hmm.

[1004] Oh, that's cool.

[1005] Yeah.

[1006] He plays his.

[1007] kind of melancholy thing and throws out these non sequiters.

[1008] It's all weird thoughts coming out while he's playing the piano.

[1009] Wow.

[1010] He's one of those comedians.

[1011] He's a comedian that is so brilliant and so funny.

[1012] And then there's a thread of melancholy.

[1013] Sadness.

[1014] Yes.

[1015] Which I think makes those people infinitely more interesting and better.

[1016] But it's a small.

[1017] Bye Rob.

[1018] Bye Wobby Wob.

[1019] Rob is going to go tend to his little baby.

[1020] That's right.

[1021] Oh, wait.

[1022] In my book last night, Emperor of All Malities.

[1023] Oh, yeah.

[1024] They used to think that the body was made up of four humors, red, black, yellow, and white.

[1025] White was phleg, yellow bile, black bile, and blood.

[1026] And black bile, they thought, is what caused cancer.

[1027] and black bile means melancholia it does black and the Latin of black bile is the Greek is melancholy black is melus or melon and bile is collie oh wow yeah and they thought that they were connected and I mean they kind of are and then were they trying to drain that yeah they were trying to purge it do all this weird stuff man they were out to lunch on how to treat these people.

[1028] God bless them.

[1029] They kept trying.

[1030] I know.

[1031] Anyway, that was a ding, ding, ding from my sleep.

[1032] Uh -oh.

[1033] We have a fact to check.

[1034] Uh -oh.

[1035] That I would say I missed and I got anxious.

[1036] Oh, about Greys?

[1037] Yes.

[1038] I got anxious when I saw on Instagram.

[1039] You posted the correction.

[1040] But I realized that was on a armchared and dangerous episode.

[1041] Okay.

[1042] In which there is no fact check.

[1043] Oh, okay.

[1044] Yeah.

[1045] So you had said in an arm -chared and dangerous episodes.

[1046] A lot of the drawings in Gray's anatomy were based on horrific kind of experiments done during the Holocaust, but not the case.

[1047] Yeah, it's the pern -comph topographic anatomy of man. Edward Pern -Kalmph.

[1048] He joined the Nazi party.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] The Nazi book of anatomy is still used by surgeons.

[1051] Edward Pern -Kompf.

[1052] Yeah, it's still used.

[1053] That was the key thing from the thing I remember.

[1054] heard but it wasn't gray's and i apologize to grays to the tv show to mr gray or mrs gray whoever wrote the original gray's anatomy whatever when you went to pernkov's like wikipedia the first thing it says perncoph was a prick they started with it was a monster and a prick it says edward perncomf was an austrian professor of anatomy who later served as a rector of the university of vienna his alma mater that's the first sentence okay it takes a while to get to the prick part okay go back to melancholy piano player oh right so Zach okay so here's my whole honest experience with Zach oh there's so much one he was in the hangover that's right I very much wanted to be in the hangover I had met on it this guy got it and was like of course he got it he's a brilliant stand -up and then Cooper was thought he was the most brilliant stand -up of all time you were up for that part no he just was in the movie and I wanted to be in the movie so it starts with oh he's in this thing I want to be in.

[1055] Got it.

[1056] Why is he of all this street cred, right?

[1057] So I'm thinking like, then this is also a phase where I'm like, I think because I've done these cheesy movies, I'm never going to work again, I blew it.

[1058] And now the primary reason this no name guy at the time, just as far as movies goes, is getting is because he's so edgy.

[1059] So it's very, I think it was, you know, this is all in retrospect.

[1060] And then I saw him perform and Cooper was just so blown away with him.

[1061] So that I was a little jealous that he thought he was that brilliant.

[1062] So then I was kind of critical of him.

[1063] Is he that brilliant?

[1064] You know, I'm doing this whole thing.

[1065] I'm being a dick.

[1066] Prick, like Edward Perkopf.

[1067] I was being a Pernkoff prick, Pee, and then I went, well, I went to the first hangover in Vegas.

[1068] I saw Cooper there, I visit him, but I don't think I had any experience with Zach at that point.

[1069] Then I went to Thailand for the second one to visit.

[1070] And we went out to eat.

[1071] I was like, this guy is so nice and so normal.

[1072] Yeah, he's like a very nice, normal dude from North Carolina that lives on a farm that at that time chewed tobacco.

[1073] and I really kind of fell in love with him.

[1074] And then I saw him on comedians and cars getting coffee.

[1075] We both did and we talked about it.

[1076] And there was this great moment where I really related to him.

[1077] The loss of control of people filming you without your permission.

[1078] And then Seinfeld said, and then what?

[1079] Who cares?

[1080] And it's over.

[1081] And then it's over.

[1082] I needed to hear the advice Seinfeld gave him.

[1083] And I think in some part of taking that advice and I've gotten better about all of it.

[1084] And then I just felt, again, I related to him a lot.

[1085] and I really like them.

[1086] Good.

[1087] But it's been a rocky, my, it's been a rocky, my insecurities.

[1088] Yeah, you've come a long way.

[1089] Oh, that's what, that was the point of all.

[1090] No, but you have.

[1091] I don't get that anymore.

[1092] I just want to be clear.

[1093] But I know, that's what I'm saying.

[1094] Yeah, there's like not one person I'm, like, frustrated that they're so successful because of X, Y, and Z. Yeah.

[1095] It just doesn't exist anymore.

[1096] It's such a waste of energy.

[1097] Oh, it's a huge waste of energy.

[1098] It's not true.

[1099] Like, I'm telling myself, oh, if, you know, if Danny McGreg.

[1100] bride doesn't exist maybe I'm in tropic thunder right so in my mind at that time 15 years ago however long tropic thunder was like I'm not in that movie I'd love to be in that movie yeah and there's someone that does what I do better than me or what I think I do but that that's the skeptotonia apophenia that's an erroneous that's an erroneous pattern or something seeing a pattern where it doesn't exist right I used to tell myself those things when I didn't feel like I had enough.

[1101] Yeah.

[1102] And there was only a limited amount of the thing I wanted.

[1103] Yes.

[1104] And other people had it.

[1105] I mean, it's common and I get it.

[1106] I know I had that at some point.

[1107] I think it's evolutionary.

[1108] It's like all hunting and gathering societies shared.

[1109] Every one of them.

[1110] Everyone pulled resources.

[1111] So because of that, we have this great sense of justice.

[1112] So if someone takes more than they're supposed to, you're triggered.

[1113] So if there's like one deer carcass and some guy has the whole loin and you get a toe or a hoof, it's evolutionary.

[1114] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1115] that part but again you can shift your mind which i believe now yeah and that there isn't any scarcity of resources yeah and in fact you just can go make your own dear you just got to figure out what it is i won't speak for you but for me that's one of the beautiful parts of this show which is i've been so filled yeah the bucket's so fucking full it couldn't get more full i'm so grateful for it i'd be ridiculous to want anything else yeah i just don't want anything else exactly I would love to think I would have come to this peaceful place without this show, but I can't say I would have.

[1116] True.

[1117] At one point a while ago, me and you were having a conversation about resentments.

[1118] And I was like, this sounds crazy, especially for me to acknowledge, because I did grow up wanting so much and wanting this and wanting that.

[1119] I don't want to be anyone else.

[1120] And I'm so pleased.

[1121] Me too.

[1122] I'm so pleased that I'm there.

[1123] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1124] And at a very young age.

[1125] There is no life that I would rather have than the one I have.

[1126] So I feel really happy about that.

[1127] Yeah, I'm happy for you.

[1128] And that's very young to feel that way.

[1129] I didn't start feeling that way until a few years back.

[1130] And, in fact, I retroactively get embarrassed for myself about all the times I gossip how also transparent that was.

[1131] Sure.

[1132] I'm only talking about people I'm jealous of.

[1133] Yeah.

[1134] I think that's a common.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] I think it's, again, I think it's evolutionary.

[1137] It's the way we regulated power without a police force or a government.

[1138] It's like we always checking people's power.

[1139] That, to me, is different than jealous.

[1140] It can be, it can be connected to jealousy, but it also can be connected to exactly what you just said of regulating the environment.

[1141] But I think that's the hardware, right?

[1142] So the hardware is like the reason hunting and gathering societies were generally pretty fucking egalitarian, more than most societies that followed it, was that no man could become so powerful because all it would take is even if he was the toughest guy three other men could decide collectively to overthrow him and kill him yeah so there was always a great threat to getting carried away with power yeah yeah similarly we would now because there isn't a tribal leader of us we would recognize people who have more stuff than us and more power in society I think that triggers our hardware yeah yeah I could like let's all gossip about the most popular person in our group because we got to check their power but But I think that is not the exact same as checking power means I want that.

[1143] Well, I think it's safe to assume everyone wanted to be the top chief.

[1144] They got the most food, the most wives, the most everything.

[1145] Yeah, I don't, I don't know.

[1146] I don't think everyone wants the exact same thing.

[1147] I don't either.

[1148] But I do think that everyone wants themselves with ultimate abundance.

[1149] so they might not desire to have their photograph taken everywhere they go but i think anyone's sitting where they're at right now in time and space if you said to them would you also like a billion dollars they'd say yes i sure sure why wouldn't i yeah and if you also said you're going to have some standing in your community that when you speak people are going to listen and take your opinion seriously they would want that like they'd be the same person, but they would be heard, they'd be respected, they would have wealth.

[1150] I can't imagine how someone wouldn't want exactly what they have, but add those things.

[1151] Yes, I think that's true, but there's just different levels of contentment within people.

[1152] Like some people are constantly wanting those things and some people are not.

[1153] Well, I think to get really specific with it, some people tell themselves that that's where happiness lies, that they'll be happy if they have those things.

[1154] Yes.

[1155] But then there's other people that are.

[1156] happy and content and then if you offered them additionally this billion dollar safety net and when I get pulled over by the cop the cop's actually going to listen to what I say oh actually wasn't speeding it was I bet it was the guy in the red car you radared on an accident you want to be believed yeah yeah of course yeah and you want to have enough status like you can watch it a dude in a three piece suit gets pulled over in a Ferrari versus the homeless person says someone just stole my wallet they're going to get a different level of, you know.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] And we would all want to be treated with the most amount of inherent trust.

[1159] And respect.

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] That's true.

[1162] And then often people have that and we determine they don't deserve that.

[1163] They're not good stewards of that.

[1164] They're the wrong people to have that.

[1165] Epstein, you know.

[1166] Well, he was.

[1167] He was the wrong person.

[1168] It can be right and it can be wrong.

[1169] Yeah.

[1170] But then Bill Gates, I go like, thank God, that's the guy who got $100 billion in that brain because he actually wants to use it all to cure diseases and, you know, prevent the planet from exploding.

[1171] I agree.

[1172] So it's like we can go either way with it.

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] The family I grew up in, that was always idealized.

[1175] Like, that was never something to be upset by.

[1176] That's the thing you wanted.

[1177] My parents like fancy schools.

[1178] They're the original unifiles.

[1179] They like, they like that.

[1180] They love achievement.

[1181] And so for them, there's never like watching a thing with Bill Gates and is like, oh, no. For them, that's incredible.

[1182] But I bet if I asked your dad how he felt about the Kardashians, I think that's why they're sometimes hated, is that they have what Bill Gates has.

[1183] And they go, but they didn't go to that school.

[1184] They didn't have a product.

[1185] They didn't provide a service.

[1186] It's not just.

[1187] Right.

[1188] I don't feel that way because we both recognize what it takes.

[1189] Exactly.

[1190] And it's very weird because people don't seem to have it.

[1191] I've pointed this up before.

[1192] they don't seem to get mad about lottery winners.

[1193] Because that feels like that could happen to me. Yeah.

[1194] That's why.

[1195] That's true.

[1196] I don't think people think they could be Kim Kardashian because they can't.

[1197] Right.

[1198] Or they would.

[1199] Exactly.

[1200] She is successful because of effort, energy, a lot of things that not everyone can be.

[1201] Yeah.

[1202] She had just like Bill Gates being born next to a library with the mainframe, she happened to be friends with Paris Hilton, that helped.

[1203] Well, she maximized on opportunities in her life.

[1204] That's right.

[1205] There's some things that happen to her that can't happen to anyone else.

[1206] Yeah.

[1207] But the most important thing is what she did with it.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] Just to like protect my dad, I think he doesn't really know who they are.

[1210] Yeah.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] But you think if it was explained to him?

[1213] Not in the way we would do it.

[1214] My dad personally could care less.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Your dad's pretty above it all.

[1217] He's just not paying enough attention to care about that.

[1218] Okay.

[1219] You were like, who were you trying to be musically?

[1220] He said, you know, like an usher type.

[1221] And you said you probably would have said a different name nine years ago.

[1222] I'm talking about R. Kelly.

[1223] Of course.

[1224] You say, of course.

[1225] But when you first said it, you said Chicago, I thought you meant Kanye.

[1226] And I was like nine years ago, I was confused, R. Kelly.

[1227] Yeah, R. Kelly was prior to all this.

[1228] He was the high watermark of producing.

[1229] You know, like he couldn't not make a hit.

[1230] And he did it seemingly now.

[1231] I don't know this about him.

[1232] But in addition to the sexual stuff, which is horrendous, I always saw a guy that was fucking mad addict.

[1233] Like there are videos of him in the studio where it looks like he is fucking gacked out of his mind, like another level.

[1234] So I had a peculiar interest in him before the sexual stuff because I thought, how is this guy managing?

[1235] Because he's doing the closet, right?

[1236] That's insanity.

[1237] That's like, in my opinion, co -conduced psychosis.

[1238] The whole, you know, trapped in the closet where he made a whole movie.

[1239] It's a 25 -minute song.

[1240] South Park did a whole episode about it.

[1241] Oh, I don't know this.

[1242] The premise of the song is he's like fucking a married woman.

[1243] The husband comes home.

[1244] He's in the closet.

[1245] He's trapped in the closet.

[1246] Now he's got a gun.

[1247] And he's singing from the bottom of the start.

[1248] Oh, no, he's got a gun.

[1249] I mean, it's preposterous.

[1250] It's an acid trip of a song.

[1251] He then made videos of it.

[1252] It's bonkers.

[1253] So I saw that.

[1254] And I think the South Park guys were trying to make sense of it.

[1255] Just how could this guy do, I believe I can fly?

[1256] Yeah.

[1257] And then do this trap.

[1258] in the closet and he's a skanky motherfucker he's talking about like it's a nasty song right yeah i just thought this dude's high a lot and he is in a zone where just your most primitive brain is working that was my outside observation anyways anyone pursuing music in the 90s in chicago would have wanted to be rkelly yeah okay so shana is shana robertson who is married to Edward Norton.

[1259] So there's a little part about watch out, Ed, and that's Edward Norton.

[1260] Okay, his episode of Friends.

[1261] It's the one with Princess Consuela.

[1262] Phoebe learns she can change her name to anything when she gets married to Mike Paul Rudd.

[1263] And so she changes it to Princess Consuela Banana Hammack.

[1264] Mm, banana hammock.

[1265] That's one of the great, great funny words for a male underpants.

[1266] That's right.

[1267] They're skimpy.

[1268] Banana hammock.

[1269] Speedo.

[1270] Nut smuggler or something smuggler, too.

[1271] There's a good smuggler.

[1272] I don't know that.

[1273] Banana smuggler.

[1274] Let's see.

[1275] Nut smuggler.

[1276] It's not enough.

[1277] My searches.

[1278] Oh, yeah.

[1279] You're flagged in every.

[1280] Nut hugger.

[1281] Nut hugger.

[1282] Marble bag.

[1283] Man thong.

[1284] Yay.

[1285] Banana hammock.

[1286] Boing.

[1287] VPL.

[1288] VPL.

[1289] What's that?

[1290] I don't know.

[1291] Oh, my God.

[1292] Bean bags.

[1293] Trunks.

[1294] German marble bag.

[1295] Oh, German marble bag.

[1296] I like that.

[1297] Tidy Whitties, banana hammock.

[1298] I was on there twice.

[1299] Monica?

[1300] Yeah, Arnold?

[1301] Could you go into my suitcase and get my German marble bag?

[1302] I want to go to the beach today.

[1303] It's sunny out and I need to work on my tan.

[1304] It's right in my bag.

[1305] We grab it.

[1306] It's a German marble bag.

[1307] He would wear one for sure, yeah.

[1308] Well, he had it when he would pose.

[1309] Yeah, he looks great in it.

[1310] Okay, did Bernie Mac.

[1311] have some of his show on HBO, the, like, live show he did.

[1312] Yeah, it was called Midnight Mac.

[1313] It was one season.

[1314] He said, like, it didn't run very long because it didn't really hold up the way it was in real life.

[1315] Yeah.

[1316] Bernie Mac is a sad story, man. The saddest.

[1317] Fuck, I wanted him to live.

[1318] It's so sad.

[1319] Melancholy.

[1320] Well, that's it for Craig P. Craig P. Well, I love you.

[1321] I love you.

[1322] That was kind of a, that was a medical heavy one.

[1323] I felt like you when I got to explain the humors and stuff.

[1324] Like I had some knowledge that I could share.

[1325] I normally don't and that's normally your lane.

[1326] And it feels really fun to be smart.

[1327] It feels great, doesn't it?

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] Oh my God, I love it too.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] You're good at it.

[1332] Well, so are you.

[1333] You're a great MC.

[1334] You're a good person.

[1335] And you're a great person.

[1336] And you're a greater person.

[1337] Respectfully.

[1338] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1339] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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