273 - Live at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland (2018)

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Holy shit, the schnitz is rockin' now.

[2] We are having so much fun just now with our pre -show prayer that we do.

[3] We were about to walk on stage with a fucking shitload of people.

[4] And I walked up and I'm like, oh, yeah.

[5] Oh, we have such a good time, guys.

[6] We really do backstage.

[7] True friends.

[8] So amazing.

[9] Our pre -show prayer this time.

[10] Lately it's been lotion that we share.

[11] Yeah.

[12] this time that got weird that got very couples massage where we were like what are we doing before the show yeah but our hands looked great yeah very moist this time I was like let's do the hand slap game but she said it and I immediately went like this okay and got her backwards she immediately cheated tricky a tricky asshole that I am with the best fucking shoes on I've ever told the story are you guys ready for this fucking like true Hollywood story this is banana's next level this is what happens I was born on a farm and I had this dream to show off professionally so I was on a television show on true TV called a talk show the game show hosted by America's favorite lawyer Guy Brownham, thank you that's right favorite lawyer and America's sweetheart lawyer and of course as you all know when you're on a television show they buy you a bunch of wardrobe um just for you and you alone and so we did two seasons of it and then i just got an email the other day and they were like hey do you want all your wardrobe from that show now i was played a judge on that show where it's kind of like a fancy lady who was very mean and judgmental very different from myself and it was a stretch was it was it you know i did a lot of workshopping of that character the funniest thing to me is i was they were buying I mean, she was like this, and in the entire time, you can only see, like, from here.

[13] But I was dressed just truly head to toe for just the...

[14] Well, because you've got to feel it, you know?

[15] It's true.

[16] These are the judgiest fucking boots that you could have.

[17] So anyway, they said, do you want your wardrobe?

[18] And I was like, okay, thinking they were going to send over, like, the three Vince shirts that I wore 15 times.

[19] And instead, they sent me every single thing they'd ever bought me for two seasons of a TV show.

[20] so I now have literally 25 pairs of shoes like this that I will never wear.

[21] Never.

[22] Can you fucking believe that?

[23] I'm just like, I'm so happy for you.

[24] Just like, just like silky blouses that women, who are they?

[25] Heads of banks or telecom companies?

[26] I could, I mean, I could go, I could wear a magenta silk blouse in the morning and switch over to a teal.

[27] afternoon.

[28] It's crazy.

[29] So then I knew when I got my old, my good old sturdy Lanzan dress, I was like, why don't we, why don't we create a fascination piece down at your feet?

[30] Is that what it's called?

[31] No, I don't know.

[32] Oh, I love it.

[33] I don't know.

[34] A fashion asian.

[35] I was kind of stealing that from those, uh, those royal cousins that wear those hats called fascinators.

[36] No, really?

[37] Yeah, you know, like royal weddings when they have a hat that looks like something straight fucking out of Dr. Seuss and you're like, why are you so rich that you lost all your taste?

[38] What's happening?

[39] Fascinators.

[40] Love it.

[41] Come on.

[42] But on top of everything else, pockets.

[43] Who gives a shit?

[44] Who gives a shit about those?

[45] When you got a bunch of these up here.

[46] Nice deep ones.

[47] Good ones.

[48] No cough drops this time around.

[49] No. Karen is on fire.

[50] I've healed.

[51] How about your dress, Georgia?

[52] It's a dress.

[53] It really is gorgeous.

[54] Thank you.

[55] And let me point out my bandaged toe and my Zit.

[56] There's no chin hair because I got one of those mirrors in the hotel room that it's just like, guess what you've been walking around with without anyone fucking telling you.

[57] A full beard.

[58] When?

[59] But I'm really excited because we decide, I think last night I was like, can I not wear black anymore?

[60] to the live shows, because I thought it was like a rule that we would wear black, so we could always, like, match.

[61] But I'm like the vintage, I like an ugly grandma couch that's been made into a dress.

[62] Yeah.

[63] That's my fucking thing.

[64] And I have a closet full of them.

[65] So when we started touring, I had to just go buy black dresses.

[66] And I have this, like, sad section in my closet that's just like, here's the color you don't wear because it's got no personality and you need to show everyone how fun you are based on your clothes.

[67] Because you only had hand -me -downs as a child because you were the youngest.

[68] you know issues issues issues issues issues issues I can pick him out and I can put him anywhere so next tour I'm gonna start wearing fucking now that you've asked me permission this was the best part she turns to me after we record the other night she's like if it's okay with you I'm gonna start wearing printed dresses and patterned dashes I think I'm going to and I was like in my mind I'm like say no create a humongous problem say no and start a fight that you don't care about just to pass the time.

[69] Well, the only reason I even asked you is because the last weekend we were in New York and Brooklyn and Boston, awesome shows, you were a patterned dress.

[70] I wore one, but the answer to her is no. It's just how it is with me. You can't really tell if you're coming or going.

[71] That's why I thought it was so funny that you ask permission.

[72] I'm just like, so I get to do it, but then you have to ask permission.

[73] Right.

[74] I don't know.

[75] Great.

[76] This is my ideal setup.

[77] We'll talk about it in therapy.

[78] Control Now you've got a lot We sing Anyhow Hey how are you How does that elbow look Elbow looks fine Something's going on here Dandruff?

[79] Yeah I was flipping my hair around a lot I don't think you have dandruff I look let me be honest I missed my flight this morning I wasn't sure if you wanted to bring it up Of course I always My God Vince and I are sitting there near our thing, and I'm like, maybe she just text her, because Vince is like, we get to the airport the day before, and he's stressed out about it.

[80] It's truly a do's and don't, goofish and gallant situation where it's like, Georgia and Vince are on their plane five minutes early saying thank you for the coffee they're being given.

[81] Karen is pulling up in an Uber three minutes before the doors close.

[82] Let's see if she can get there.

[83] Also, it's everybody else's problem.

[84] I mean, that's happen to all of us and it wasn't and Vince bless his heart purposely made the flight super fucking early in case the two of us one of us because listen I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning miss the flight and it happened and it's fine but it was hilarious but I've been on that kind of like you woke up thinking it was an hour before work and you're an hour late for work feeling only this is my job so I've had this kind of weird like what's going on all day long when the lady told me she was like oh I tried to check in at the Alaska counter and the lady's like the doors are closed the flight is closed she was saying it like I had ruined her birthday party I was just like this is impacting me and in no way you right or am I super confused about what's happening and then so Vince because he is the best to her of all time.

[85] I text him, I'm like, yes, we should give it up.

[86] Yay!

[87] No joke.

[88] He fucking steamed this dress tonight.

[89] No fucking joke.

[90] He is the man. He's all of our husbands.

[91] That's right.

[92] And I thank you for that.

[93] I text Vince, and I'm like, they were going to put me on the 2 o 'clock, and he immediately texts back, no, that will be too late.

[94] I'm booking you on a Southwest flight.

[95] So now, yeah that's exactly right someone in the hey balcony someone in the front row just went oh I go from my friends cushy seats on Alaska Christianity drinks to fucking southwest where it's like fucking elbow your way to a middle seat and hold on fuck it's a bus it is I don't want to go back I don't want to go back it was a lesson for you Vince was like, I could put her in first class, but she needs to learn her lesson.

[96] No, he didn't.

[97] I don't think they have first class.

[98] That's the only way I can learn.

[99] It's the only way I can learn.

[100] It's true.

[101] Take something away that she loves, and it's the only way she knows.

[102] And as I'm sitting in my fucking Southwest seat going like, you just won't get up.

[103] It's only a two hour of fly.

[104] Just dig in.

[105] You can do this.

[106] I looked down, and there's just a series of moth holes in my cashmere sweater that It was going to be my key piece for the weekend.

[107] It was just going to be the thing I threw on at night during the day.

[108] Who knows what fucking temperature it is up here?

[109] Didn't bring a coat.

[110] And then I'm just like, I look like fucking Oliver Twist on Southwest Air.

[111] I'm still mad about it.

[112] But you made it.

[113] I'm here to complain.

[114] Yeah, we made it.

[115] That's what matters most.

[116] Oh, this is my favorite murder of the podcast.

[117] Hi.

[118] And this is Georgia Hardstrom.

[119] Thank you.

[120] Stephen is at my home right now.

[121] He's not here.

[122] Would you guys ever get used to the fact that we don't bring him on tour?

[123] We don't fucking bring that guy.

[124] He's not.

[125] One day, oh, he'll be under here.

[126] One day we'll do it.

[127] He's under there, this little mustache.

[128] Elvis is holding Elvis.

[129] Vince let us know that he just posts so many stories and Instagram of my cats, which is great.

[130] it.

[131] But apparently, he found a Stephen doll that someone made a while back that I swear to God I put like, it was at the bottom of a bag somewhere in the pod loft.

[132] Like, it was not out.

[133] And he is now, he found it.

[134] He must have like smelled the mustache on the doll.

[135] That's right.

[136] He's like a drug dog, but for his own mustache.

[137] He's shaking it at Elvis in videos now.

[138] I'm sure Elvis is like, fuck you fuck you buddy yeah and then Elvis is like look at all those fucking paintings of me your fucking doll that's one pillow yeah one yeah that's it oh Stephen angel baby so thoroughly thoroughly abused and never taken on tour or paid no we pay him that'd be amazing if Stephen was an intern this whole time oh my god that poor guy we are the men Man. Should we sit down?

[139] Yeah, you want to?

[140] Sure.

[141] Oh, but before we do.

[142] Big news about these seats.

[143] Guys.

[144] Look how nice and plush and lelk.

[145] Sometimes we'll go to a place and the seats are just like, they're begging for us to be uncomfortable, all the way around.

[146] I mean, look at the, first of all, look at the action on these, but then secondly, look at the intensely precise placement that the stage crew, so that it is close.

[147] close to the table does not touch the table.

[148] Mine is.

[149] It's called being a fucking professional.

[150] I'm out of here.

[151] Fuck this shit.

[152] Thanks, boys.

[153] Thanks, boys.

[154] Okay.

[155] Stay right.

[156] Stayed right clears it.

[157] These are, we know the history of these chairs.

[158] They're high -end chairs.

[159] I don't know if they're bespoke.

[160] They might be.

[161] They're handmade, by an old man in Italy.

[162] That's right.

[163] Someday, Karen and I are going to get to this level of having such specific chairs as Anderson Cooper and, what's his name?

[164] Andy Cohen.

[165] They send these to every show that they do and then leave them behind and we get to use them.

[166] It's happened now at like four different live shows where they're like, oh, we have the chairs you like, they're left over and we're like from Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper.

[167] Yeah.

[168] How insane is that?

[169] Fucking high class bitches.

[170] I guess if you're going to talk shit, you got to have a nice, comfy chair to talk shit on.

[171] You have to have a solid base.

[172] You have to have movement.

[173] Yeah.

[174] We're not going anywhere.

[175] No. Not in these chairs.

[176] Except around.

[177] Almost there.

[178] Yes.

[179] So close.

[180] You did it.

[181] You did it.

[182] You did it.

[183] Um.

[184] Oh, guys.

[185] This is a true crime comment.

[186] podcast.

[187] That's a it's an important clarification.

[188] I feel like most of you know exactly what's going to happen right now, but there are also often people, we like to call them drag -alongs.

[189] And there are people who are maybe dates or spouses or people who don't understand you.

[190] And yet you brought them anyway.

[191] They were promised dinner, they had a nice dinner.

[192] And they were like, then they'll be like, two solid hours of talking.

[193] Don't worry about that part.

[194] And then right back home.

[195] Yeah.

[196] So for those people who might not know, we talk about terrible, terrible true crime cases, but we also simultaneously, and parallel to that, we make jokes to each other.

[197] It's parallel, though.

[198] It's not a, you know, there's no intersection.

[199] Uh -huh.

[200] Huh.

[201] We try not to.

[202] We get a little carried away sometimes.

[203] But we would, would want you to trust us that we're good people and that we we understand murder is bad yeah for sure um i mean you don't know you don't know what's from bob people say that i don't think so but anyway if you find that you don't like it just get the fuck out that's the point of what we're that's the build -up that's what we're saying you're gonna be like this unless you have boots like mine then day.

[204] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[205] Absolutely.

[206] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[207] Exactly.

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[223] Goodbye.

[224] Okay.

[225] I'm first, right?

[226] Okay.

[227] All right.

[228] All right.

[229] All right.

[230] Here we go.

[231] Portland's hard, right?

[232] Say it again.

[233] I just want to say that Portland is a hard place to come up with stories because you guys have the best ones ever, which means we've already done them on the podcast for the most part.

[234] Yes, for sure.

[235] There's so many.

[236] Also, I feel like Portland, we've played Portland the most of any city live.

[237] And that's for a reason.

[238] And that's for the reason that the first show that we ever did in Portland, they had a drink special.

[239] It was a tall boy beer.

[240] Over at the McMinnemans High School.

[241] Remember?

[242] And everybody got so drunk that literally a girl threw up into the walker.

[243] away and then crawled to the bathroom at our first show in Portland.

[244] That's you, Portland.

[245] That's why we keep coming back for more.

[246] Yeah.

[247] You're fucking our kind of people, 100%.

[248] Okay.

[249] I'm about to tell you the terrible fucking story of family murderer, Christian Longo.

[250] Oh, shit.

[251] See, they're applauding, Dragalong, not for the murderer.

[252] Because they want to hear Karen rip this fucking asshole apart.

[253] Right.

[254] That's all it.

[255] It's not really a...

[256] It's not really a choice.

[257] It's not like, you know, asshole makes you think of, like, the guy that, like, cuts in front of you on the freeway.

[258] Sure.

[259] This man is from the devil's loins.

[260] It's awful.

[261] And crazy.

[262] Ready?

[263] Begin.

[264] Christian Longo was born in Michigan on January 23rd, 1974.

[265] He claims he was.

[266] abused as a small child.

[267] Three years later in 1977, his mother divorces his father, and she gets remarried to a man named Joseph Longo, who is very active in the Jehovah's Witness faith.

[268] Right?

[269] Are you allowed to be here?

[270] I don't think you're allowed to be here.

[271] On a Thursday?

[272] You're literally the only one here.

[273] Someone's going to come drag you out.

[274] Someone's going to pull you into our cult.

[275] I actually This whole story made me remember when I worked at the Gap in San Francisco with my friend Jason Lopez Hi Jason Are you Jason Lopez?

[276] Where are you?

[277] Jason Lopez and I worked Every story you heard.

[278] He's been cheering so sweetly I've been noticing him because he's been like yeah!

[279] I was like, whoa, that's so nice.

[280] You know why?

[281] Because he's literally seen me passed out in a gutter.

[282] So if anybody is excited about tonight, it's going to be Jason Lopez.

[283] She got, she made it out of the gutter.

[284] I made it.

[285] Jason, I made it off of the fucking gap floor when I did the sweater fold down and passed out the day after Halloween because I was still drunk.

[286] Jason, remember?

[287] Look how far she's come, Jason.

[288] It's all because of you.

[289] Jason, remember?

[290] It's all because of you.

[291] Jason was the one and I told the story on the podcast because I have 1 ,000 gap stories.

[292] But one day at the gap.

[293] And we worked at the gap on upper market, beautiful.

[294] Before the Castro, after that weird area in between, I don't even buy the mint, where nothing happened and no one was around.

[295] So we would just stand around in this huge, empty gap most of the day.

[296] And sometimes people will come in and very rudely make us get them pants, or at least that's how it felt to me. No, I get that.

[297] I think you liked it.

[298] I didn't like it.

[299] But one day we're sitting there and it's like probably hour seven and an eight -hour shift.

[300] so I've got a nice gloss of sweat going and I'm just like what am I doing with my life this is the fucking worst and I look over Jason's at the cash wrap I'm at the dressing rooms and we look over and fucking Matt Dillon walks into the gap for real for fucking real and I was like I was like this is my every the outsider's dream come to how is this happening right now and then why is it happening right now What the fuck is he doing here?

[301] I don't have a lick of eyeliner on.

[302] Like, this is worst case scenario.

[303] He stumbles up to the cash wrap, which is where the cash register is kind of in the middle of the store.

[304] That's how you still call it that.

[305] Right?

[306] That's what it's called.

[307] Wait, you weren't at the cash wrap, Jason, because you were in the back of the store folding shit down because I remember watching you dash to the cash wrap as fast as your little feet could carry you.

[308] because of course he spotted Matt Dillon the second I spotted Matt Dillon and we were both just like and then he just went and stood like on the cash rep like this just like nothing this is where I work here this is I can show you socks Matt Dillon says to our manager Corby a wonderful man who was totally like a little bit light and airy is how I would describe him Matt Dillon says dude can you call me a cab this guy has been a following me for like five blocks.

[309] He trusted the gap.

[310] He trusted the gap.

[311] He had no choice.

[312] There was nothing else around.

[313] And no cell phones.

[314] Yes, and fucking before cell phones.

[315] Before internet.

[316] Before life.

[317] It was 1956.

[318] Corby.

[319] There hasn't been a gap around here.

[320] There hasn't been a sweater full down around here.

[321] Our manager, Corby, does not recognize.

[322] Matt Dillon and says to him oh totally that happens to me all the time yes oh and we're just like but our chance to party with Matt Dillon that's kind of the most baller thing that he could say without even fucking knowing it yeah me too me too to me all the time you're super hot so am I let's get you a cab oh but But back to the story, but the reason I brought up the gap and Jason Lopez is because remember that guy that used to work there?

[323] He was kind of like on the newer side before I quit was fired.

[324] It's a mutual agreement.

[325] They hired this guy and he was super nice and whatever.

[326] But I remember him saying one day he doesn't work weekends.

[327] I was like, I don't want to work weekends either.

[328] And he's like, well, I'm a Jehovah's Witness.

[329] And then, in my mind, I was like, use this for future jobs.

[330] Absolutely.

[331] File as a Jehovah's Witness early.

[332] Yeah.

[333] Establish that timeline and storyline.

[334] Absolutely.

[335] Oh, so I would love to come in on Saturday, but, you know.

[336] Can't do it.

[337] See you.

[338] See you soon.

[339] Okay.

[340] Where were we?

[341] I don't know.

[342] In 1989, Christian is 17 years old.

[343] He meets 24 -year -old Mary Jane Baker.

[344] She's, I'll do the math for you, seven years as senior.

[345] I had to do it.

[346] Now, I'm going to pretend you needed me to do it.

[347] Yeah, I didn't need it.

[348] I didn't need you to do it.

[349] I can do it in my head.

[350] You had it?

[351] You had that 17 minus 24 on lock?

[352] Wait, he was 24?

[353] No, he was 17.

[354] Got it.

[355] Great.

[356] Here I am.

[357] Now, just really quick, I don't really know anything about this marriage at all, the details of it.

[358] But think about the chasm of difference between being a 17 -year -old boy and a 24 -year -old woman.

[359] No. A high school senior and someone two fucking years out of college.

[360] No, no. That's something else.

[361] That's problematic.

[362] Also, like, think of being a 17 -year -old and wanting to get married.

[363] Think of being a 24 -year -old and wanting to get married.

[364] That's a whole nother.

[365] I can't even start to comprehend that part.

[366] Aren't you married?

[367] I'm fucking 38.

[368] Yeah.

[369] You know what I mean?

[370] It wasn't until I was like a hard 35 that I was like, all right, this does look okay.

[371] I've been ground down.

[372] Yeah.

[373] I met that one.

[374] I was like, maybe I, okay.

[375] Yeah.

[376] Was it one day he was steaming your dress and you're like, I got to lock this up?

[377] Fucking basically.

[378] Yeah.

[379] Do not blame you.

[380] fuck you, I'm married The sweatpants are out Have you seen them?

[381] They made sweatpants If you're new to this They made sweatpants for us that say Fuck you, I'm married on them We're living the dream, that's all Yeah, we don't need fucking fancy chairs flown in everywhere We have fucking sweatpants that say Fuck you, I'm married And people want them We even start What?

[382] In January 2016 Okay, don't know, not sure but somewhere in my youth for child we must have done something good thank you thank you that was amazing no it was not okay I can prove it by trying it too and then I'll know I don't know and then I'll let you know how amazing it was based on my pure comparisons Yes.

[383] Okay, so, oh, I wrote, what did they talk about?

[384] Jehovah.

[385] So he gets a job at a camera store and does what any teen does at their first job begins stealing money.

[386] And he manages to keep it a secret, but he is buying himself very nice items.

[387] And so eventually someone in the church finds out, and he gets in trouble at the church his punishment is they take his duties away that's the sentence I found great I'm like that is simply not a punishment whatsoever oh you're stealing you can no longer sweep the front walk I hope you learn your lesson okay so but the thing is that Mary Jane finds out and she's worried because she's kind of seeing this behavior he's very materialistic he's very into getting things and buying, buying, buying, but she stays with them and two years later they get married in 1991.

[388] Then Christian seems to turn it around.

[389] He starts a construction business, which becomes successful, and he proves to the world that he's made a change for the better.

[390] But of course, he did not, because we wouldn't be talking about him if he did.

[391] That's a fucking boring story who gives a shit about people that turn it around.

[392] when don't we hear about those fucking people you're supposed to turn it around it's like you want a cookie for yeah exactly you're kind of obligated to you know get your shit turn your shit around matt dillon so uh as a as a successful contractor uh he starts um just spending the fuck out of every dime that he makes Sounds great.

[393] So, yeah, exactly.

[394] Which is great for the family that they're starting up.

[395] So Mary Jane has their first son, Zachary, 1997, and then she stops working.

[396] So then they have one less income in the house.

[397] A year later, she gives birth to their daughter, Sadie, and a year after that.

[398] Jesus.

[399] They have, yes.

[400] So it's three babies right in a row.

[401] Oh, fuck.

[402] Yes.

[403] A year apart.

[404] No. So expensive.

[405] So fucking loud.

[406] Oh, so loud.

[407] just the house is filled with joy fluids so many fluids you have to deal with spit up every oh the smell yeah babies they're precious i love them babies not three at once is all i'm saying you do it that's all i'm saying do it let me know how it goes do it report back on instagram i'll be the aunt it'll be great uh so while well probably the most expensive thing that could exist is starting up in triplicit, he is just fucking like throwing money away as quickly as he can.

[408] He's buying cars.

[409] He takes his family on expensive holiday trips.

[410] He's buying everybody really nice clothes.

[411] But of course, again, this secret becomes he is spending money he doesn't have.

[412] He's not paying any of these credit card bills.

[413] He's charging he's amassing massive credit card debt.

[414] Can't make the car payments.

[415] He actually ends up getting these cars repossessed.

[416] But he's still able to hide it from his wife.

[417] And he actually, at one point, the cars got repossessed.

[418] So then he said he was going car shopping, and he went to a car dealership.

[419] And he told Mary Jane that he was taking the car out for a test drive, and he just kept it.

[420] I don't think he can do that.

[421] That's how he got his next car.

[422] That's how you avoid repossession is you never truly possess it in the first place.

[423] So she gets suspicious, of course, all this crazy shit's happening.

[424] They have a ton of stuff, but, um, so she starts reading his emails.

[425] And that's, uh, of course.

[426] They have emails?

[427] What year is this?

[428] Ninety -eight?

[429] Oh.

[430] Yeah.

[431] I don't think you needed a password then even.

[432] It's just like, that's when it was just everyone had hot mail.

[433] You've got hot mail.

[434] Hot mail.

[435] Hot mail.

[436] Enjoy it.

[437] Do you know that my, they recently, I had to change a password.

[438] and I found out that it was linked to my AOL account.

[439] So I tried to log on to my AOL account, and it had been canceled due to inactivity.

[440] Oh, they do that?

[441] They fucking canceled my shit on AOL.

[442] Yeah, I have a couple accounts of old, like, photo bucket, and, like, my live journal is still attached.

[443] Is it still up?

[444] And my MySpace is still attached to, like, my hotmail account.

[445] So I'm just never going to see it again.

[446] Guys, please take a look at Georgia's Live Journal from the 90s.

[447] She writes about great stuff, foods, feelings.

[448] I took that shit down a long time ago.

[449] All right.

[450] Oh, I have a Tumblr.

[451] I just put posters from movies on there.

[452] So go ahead and check it out.

[453] It's fucking fascinating.

[454] All of Tumblr is insane porn that I didn't sign up for.

[455] And then like some 20 -year -old taking a picture of a pizza with buds of pot on the top of it.

[456] And I still visit it every day.

[457] I just love young people.

[458] I love the young.

[459] Okay.

[460] Don't tell Karen she's not with it, the young people, the young crowd.

[461] Look at my boots.

[462] I'm 85.

[463] Okay.

[464] I just realized I'm kind of dressed like, remember those old triplets?

[465] What?

[466] With the cowboy hat?

[467] This is only for the 50s and ups.

[468] I'm dressed like one of the old triplets.

[469] God damn.

[470] I think you look like Pat Bennett's art. You do?

[471] I do!

[472] We saw her in a plane once, don't we?

[473] What's that?

[474] Never mind.

[475] Go on.

[476] I didn't.

[477] I honestly didn't hear you.

[478] Well, it was, we saw her on a plane once, didn't we?

[479] Did we?

[480] Didn't we?

[481] I didn't.

[482] Then I did.

[483] Without you.

[484] Well, how could you see her without me?

[485] I'm sorry!

[486] Okay.

[487] So this is, we're into the wife reading the emails.

[488] Okay, great.

[489] Here we are.

[490] And in those emails, she finds out not only that her husband, and is up to his fucking eyeballs in horrendous debt, but that he's also been emailing other women.

[491] So romantic.

[492] How does he sign off on those emails?

[493] Best.

[494] So she confronts him, and when she does, here's what he says to her, he says, you're not fun anymore since you had the kids.

[495] I no longer love you.

[496] Yeah.

[497] That's not.

[498] It is a good kind of like a shock and awe response when someone's like, are you cheating on me?

[499] You're not fun.

[500] I don't love you.

[501] It's a great way to respond.

[502] Oh, Jesus.

[503] Jesus?

[504] Jehovah.

[505] Jesus?

[506] Jehovah.

[507] They had, they also had Jesus.

[508] Do they dig Jesus?

[509] I think, are they the ones that did Jesus in the, in Arizona?

[510] Or is that a different religion?

[511] It's Mormon.

[512] Shoot.

[513] Totally different.

[514] I opened my eyes I'm still on that Southwest flight What?

[515] Oh, it was such a fun show too Okay, let's move this fucking poor show along, please I just remembered from our flight The flight that we made it, the good flight That we were on Vincent, Vince, I was sleeping And I sleep real ugly I full head tilt back Now's a gay I also had my sunglasses on because of fucking...

[516] Listen, look around you on a flight.

[517] If you're the only person with your fucking window open, you're an asshole.

[518] Shut it.

[519] Like, everyone hates you.

[520] Guess what's out there?

[521] Something green and something blue.

[522] You've seen it already.

[523] Truly, truly, I hate it.

[524] So I'm sleeping with my sunglasses on and I have my hood on because I'm freezing.

[525] I'm just like out cold.

[526] And I wake up and Vincent taking a photo of me, which is cute.

[527] And then he, that he had his earbuds in when he showed it to me and he was listening to something.

[528] So he just yells, you look like the Unabomber.

[529] He might have just yelled Unabomber.

[530] He yelled it.

[531] He yelled Unabomber on a plane.

[532] Were you immediately escorted off that plane?

[533] No, we weren't first, so they're like, they can do whatever they want.

[534] They let you do whatever you want.

[535] Shooting guns in the air and shit.

[536] Yell Unabomber.

[537] Arrow in.

[538] Also, I just love that because, Vince is so rules, rules, rules.

[539] He is like, by the book.

[540] Yeah.

[541] And then he goes and breaks the number one.

[542] You could have actually met the hidden, what do they call that?

[543] The air sheriff.

[544] Sheriff.

[545] The Air Sheriff.

[546] The Air Sheriff.

[547] Air Marshal.

[548] Air Marshal.

[549] Marshal.

[550] The Air Trope.

[551] The Alaskan Marshall.

[552] The Air Mormon.

[553] The Air.

[554] We flew him in from Arizona to keep you all safe tonight.

[555] It's the Air Mormon.

[556] everybody salamanders for everyone okay are you guys ready to get back into the worst fucking story of all time i feel like we're all just stalling i know everyone knows what's about to happen it's not good oh stop interrupting me too me too okay um no you don't just shish anybody it's okay it's our fault entirely okay where did i go he doesn't love her she's not fun Who, I would love to meet the psycho that has three toddlers under the age of three that is fun.

[557] How many motherfucking lines of meth do you have to do in the morning to be a fun mother of three?

[558] Oh, fuck off.

[559] Okay.

[560] Okay, so the problem is obviously, and we tell these stories oftentimes, because we're looking for patterns of like, what does early psychopathy look like?

[561] what is that kind of like insane spending without any regard for a family, insane having affairs, without any regard for who you hurt?

[562] And so I think that's, we've said that a bunch of times as part of why we like to tell these stories, because then you're like, I can spot it, and then it'll never happen to me. Mm -hmm.

[563] The problem here is that Mary Jane was raised as a Jehovah's Witness herself, and so in her belief system, the wife is completely in the power of the husband until death do they part as Jehovah commands.

[564] So even though he's cheating on her and is a dick, she stays.

[565] She also has...

[566] But she has three kids.

[567] She doesn't have a job.

[568] She had to do what she had to do.

[569] I mean, that was the situation she was in.

[570] And at this point...

[571] Guys, become Jews.

[572] It's the best.

[573] I'm telling you.

[574] Because you whatever the fuck you want.

[575] Yeah, seriously.

[576] Do you guys have any fucking restrictions whatsoever except for like no milk near the bacon?

[577] What?

[578] Other than that, it's just like summer camp and fucking blow jobs.

[579] Am I right?

[580] You're right.

[581] Am I right?

[582] Like, that's really all there is to it.

[583] To life.

[584] It's pretty fucking sweet.

[585] Did we just change the podcast?

[586] No, the podcast changed us.

[587] So beautiful.

[588] Okay.

[589] So at this point, instead of being.

[590] sad about any of his behavior.

[591] Christian is now on an all -out crime bender.

[592] He is writing bad checks.

[593] He gets caught and put on probation for that.

[594] Then he takes a credit card out in his father's name and charges over $100 ,000 on it.

[595] Oh, shit.

[596] Yeah.

[597] Daddy.

[598] That's too much money.

[599] Sorry, Daddy.

[600] That harkens me back to the time.

[601] Also in San Francisco when I worked with Jason Lopez at the gap.

[602] But I lived in the upper hate.

[603] where you cannot find a parking spot ever.

[604] So I would just park my Volkswagen bug in the crosswalk.

[605] And then did you ever do it?

[606] I used to park like this too.

[607] When I'd park like an asshole when I couldn't find parking.

[608] Well, fuck you.

[609] I'd get angry at everyone around me. I'd be like, I'm doing this.

[610] Fuck you.

[611] It's your fault.

[612] It's your fault.

[613] Now I have to park in the crosswalk.

[614] Look what you've done to me. And then when you get a ticket, what I would do is just take it and throw it over my shoulder.

[615] No. Like I was a star of my own movie.

[616] And then...

[617] That's littering.

[618] It's not a good idea, though, because of course, then those tickets add up.

[619] And then my father, six months later, called me. It's the loudest phone call anyone has ever had in the history of phones.

[620] Screaming that he just got a bill for $800 from the San Francisco city parking fines.

[621] And then I was just like, yeah, I don't have it.

[622] Of course you don't You work at a gap I worked at the fucking gap For 625 an hour 625 Jason Ugh How did we do I think you made more than me Because you were good at your job He was a pace setter Okay You can't ask for a raise When you're sleeping on the floor In the middle of your shit I'd be like I don't know if anybody noticed How I really I folded the top sweater is really good And then as I started to fall asleep, pulled them down with me, and used them as a blanket?

[623] There's a charm to early alcoholism, but later it's not cute.

[624] Later, it's not cute.

[625] The stories get worse as the ear goes and ears go back.

[626] Why can't I read anymore?

[627] Okay, then he suddenly ups and moves the family to Ohio.

[628] Then he starts forging checks there.

[629] This is, you can go into this, obviously, and I highly recommend you do, and read it for yourself.

[630] But the crime he was doing, and the cops were just like, sorry, he comes here as a construction contractor, and then he starts stealing construction equipment and selling it in the town he's in.

[631] He's like, you're the new guy.

[632] You're the one we don't know.

[633] The stuff goes missing, and now you're selling it somewhere and making money off of it.

[634] Like, we're on to you.

[635] He was, but what he was doing was collecting the money so he could save up, and then buy a condo in the town of Newport, Oregon.

[636] Yes.

[637] So he had this plan, right?

[638] He has this plan.

[639] He's going to rip everybody off, make money in the Midwest, and then take it to the Oregon coast, and I'm not sure.

[640] And then profit.

[641] Right.

[642] Profit.

[643] And just profits.

[644] Okay.

[645] So in the summer of 2001, he then up and moves his.

[646] family back to Oregon in a stolen minivan, a stolen minivan.

[647] And I think, I'm not kidding, it had a personalized license plate, and I think it was van mom.

[648] Wow.

[649] Look it up.

[650] Van mom or mini mom or some shit like that where it's like you could spot it immediately if you knew it was stolen.

[651] And they leave so quickly that Mary Jane's family, who was also in the Midwest, they were in Michigan, they didn't even know that she had left Ohio until three weeks later.

[652] Wow.

[653] So they were kind of living, you know, like in hiding a little bit.

[654] So then sometime that October, Christian Longo uses the last of his frequent flyer miles to fly from Portland to South Dakota.

[655] And then he sends postcard that are supposedly written by his wife to her family and making sure they have the Sioux Fall Postmark and making it look like she's on a fun vacation.

[656] Yeah.

[657] You know.

[658] Not a good sign.

[659] By mid -December, Longo began to confide in people back in Newport that he and Mary Jane were getting a divorce and that she and the kids had gone back to Michigan.

[660] And then one week later, after that started, on December 19th, 2001, a man who was walking in Newport calls the police to report a disturbing sight.

[661] He sees the body of a small boy floating in Lintz law.

[662] The police arrive on the scene and they retrieve the body of four -year -old Zachary Longo out of the water.

[663] And then the police divers go under to search for more clues and that's where they find the remains of three -year -old Sadie Longo.

[664] And this is the worst detail probably of any true crime story I've read.

[665] She had a pillowcase tied to her leg with a big rock in it.

[666] And then when they were searching for more clues, they found a second one.

[667] So they assumed that the pill case slipped off of Zachary's leg.

[668] Oh, really?

[669] Yeah.

[670] When police divers I'm sorry, a week later on December 26, divers spot a pair of suitcases in one of the shallow inlets nearby, and inside those two suitcases are the bodies of Mary Jane Longo and their youngest child, two -year -old Madison.

[671] And those suitcases were also weighted down so that they wouldn't be found.

[672] And the autopsy show that will show that they've both been strangled.

[673] So the entire Longo family is found dead, and no one knows where Christian Longo is.

[674] So what he had did was using, of course, a stolen credit card.

[675] He took a one -way flight to Cancun.

[676] Uh -huh.

[677] Why does that piss me off even more?

[678] It's the ultimate douchebag move.

[679] Yeah.

[680] in it really in any scenario sure um we can take a moment to breathe and judge it's okay he books himself into a seaside resort and for the next two weeks he hits the beach he gets drunk he goes to the nightclub and he has an affair with a german photojournalist he also takes out loans runs up debt he writes back checks from bogus businesses and uses a fake ID to keep the creditors at bay.

[681] And all of this he was doing while claiming to be a man named Michael Finkel, who was a writer for the New York Times.

[682] Oh, right.

[683] Do you have photos?

[684] Oh, yeah.

[685] I forgot there were photos.

[686] I remember.

[687] Oh, look how close we are to this.

[688] I know.

[689] Nice.

[690] It's right in front of us.

[691] Oh.

[692] That's the happy, supposedly happy family.

[693] Okay.

[694] Let me see his stupid face.

[695] Ugh.

[696] So awful.

[697] Fucking shit -eating grin.

[698] Dushbag.

[699] Look at that stupid fucking face.

[700] Oh, I bet you these were the pictures that they...

[701] I was like, why would Stephen pick these three pictures?

[702] But now I'm realizing it's one side of his face, the other, and then the front.

[703] In the leg, we're looking for this guy.

[704] It's probably what the police put together.

[705] Yeah, yeah.

[706] It's not Stephen doing a fucking collage of photos.

[707] Look at how quickly I want to jump down Stevens throughout about like, what do you...

[708] Look, I don't need every picture.

[709] picture of Christian Longo.

[710] Okay.

[711] Well, let's not go any further.

[712] Okay.

[713] Before we go any further.

[714] This is the, now this is where it's just bizarre.

[715] While Christian Longo is on the run and impersonating Michael Finkel of the New York Times, the New York Times finds out that Michael Finkel, the real Michael Finkel, who works for them, who has just, they've just published a major expose on modern slave trading.

[716] that Michael Finkel wrote, and they find out that he has fabricated facts in that article.

[717] Guys, you can't do that when you're a journalist.

[718] Yeah, it turns out.

[719] Please.

[720] I know you're all like, so fucking what, but you can't do that.

[721] No. And actually, when you, I watched the movie True Story, which is the Jonah Hill, James Franco movie about this insanely bizarre combination of people.

[722] and he basically didn't know the name of one guy and said that one guy was the name of the other guy so it was just not it was he's not the worst person in the world let's just say that okay but he gets fired from the New York Times because you're not allowed to do that and he gets shamed out of journalism circles everywhere and he basically moves back home so so then we'll go back to Cancun on December 27th a female tourist from Montreal.

[723] That's Montreal.

[724] Thank you.

[725] She spots Christian Longo in a hotel, the hotel in Canton, where he's staying, and she'd seen his picture on TV.

[726] Those ones?

[727] That's Stevens?

[728] Stevens collage.

[729] She saw that on TV.

[730] She calls the FBI.

[731] So the next day, a federal arrest warrant is issued for Christian Longo, and a week later, in January of 2002, the FBI places Christian Longo on its 10 most wanted list, And then on January 7th, he leaves that hotel in Cancun.

[732] He travels 80 miles south to the city of Tulum.

[733] And six days later, he's captured there and extradited back to Oregon and held at the Lincoln County Jail.

[734] Good job, you guys.

[735] Good job.

[736] Good job, Oregon, FBI and all your suits.

[737] Once he's in custody, though, he tells authorities that, in fact, it was his wife, Mary Jane, who killed their two old.

[738] oldest children.

[739] I hate when they fucking do this.

[740] Yes.

[741] So much.

[742] It's like once you're caught, once you've got the cuffs on, just fucking man up.

[743] It's just such a fucking insult to her family, you know what?

[744] But who are already fucking going insane.

[745] But this is the kind of person that like is charging up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and being like, I don't care.

[746] I'm going to buy a sweater.

[747] It's just like the ultimate in psychotic denial.

[748] Okay.

[749] So, he then says because she did that in his shock and grief he strangled her and then when the police are like okay but then what about your two year old child he fucking tells them that he strangled her because he felt so hopeless for her which I'm sure everyone had to leave the room and go punch a wall in the hallway so after a month long trial in 2003 the jury deliberates for five hours and then convicts Christian Longo on every charge and they sentence him to death Yeah.

[750] So, because Christian Longo is convicted and the story comes out in the press, Mike Finkel starts to hear that he's associated with this family killer.

[751] Somebody calls him and goes, you need to look your name up right now.

[752] On the internet.

[753] Google yourself on the fresh new internet.

[754] And, of course, because he's an investigative reporter, he immediately delves into it, is obsessed, flies to Orr, Oregon and arranges to meet with Christian Longo face -to -face.

[755] Banana, like, what are the, what a coincidence that he uses his name, something fucking happens.

[756] It's crazy.

[757] Well, and also, what, uh, there's, yeah, there's lots of, uh, over a series of jailhouse interviews and conversations, Christian Longo finally confesses to Michael Finkel that he killed his entire family.

[758] Holy shit.

[759] So he doesn't tell the cops, he's lying, he's denying, he's doing all the shit.

[760] And then with this series of conversations.

[761] that they have.

[762] And that's what that movie True Stories is all about.

[763] I'm not sure if you're a fan of Jonah Hill.

[764] I'm really enjoying him lately.

[765] And he's very good in this movie.

[766] I could see him playing shit face over here.

[767] No, no, no. That shit face is James Franco, of course.

[768] Really?

[769] Yes.

[770] No. Honey.

[771] Jonah has lost a lot of weight.

[772] No, this was from before.

[773] Okay.

[774] This was more of super bad Jonah that's getting serious.

[775] about acting and wears glasses.

[776] Oh, the glasses, times.

[777] But there's it, you guys may have seen it already or know about it or worked on it or written it, but there's a new Gus Van Zant movie about the illustrator John Callahan.

[778] And I think they, I thought they filmed it here.

[779] It's so good.

[780] If you get a chance to watch it, it's called he won't get far on foot.

[781] And it's, John Callahan is a New Yorker cartoonist who was a quadriplegic.

[782] And he, and he basically becomes a quadriplegic and then is a terrible alcoholic, of course.

[783] And then he joins AA and Jonah Hill plays this unbelievable character as the AA leader who seems to be either gay or maybe the Archangel Michael.

[784] You can't figure out, like, his stance is very ethereal and, like, I'm going to say the thing that makes you understand.

[785] Is you like that I laughed and smiled as if I fucking know anything about an Archangel?

[786] I'm Jewish.

[787] You know that.

[788] I've got to tell you.

[789] That's a fucking Old Testament, baby.

[790] Okay.

[791] That's the oldest of Testaments.

[792] Yeah, but being Jewish means you don't actually have to study the Torah.

[793] You have to study the Torah.

[794] Remember yesterday when I was like, what says angel who gives the peace sign?

[795] George goes, oh, it's one of these saint guys that's given the peace sign.

[796] I go, is he going like this?

[797] That's just what they make Jesus's hand do automatically.

[798] It's not, he's not like piecing anybody out.

[799] I mean, I knew.

[800] But I was just like, it looks like he's...

[801] They're gonna crucify me, baby.

[802] Peace out.

[803] I'm out.

[804] I'm out.

[805] I'll be back for your benefit.

[806] Later days for now.

[807] You can thank me later when I come back.

[808] So, it turns out, in 2005, Michael Finkel publishes a book about those conversations with Longo.

[809] It's called True Story.

[810] Murder memoir, Mea, Copa.

[811] so this is that's him that's Michael Finkel that guy looks like fucking Franco I'm telling you this is miscast I demand a reshoot and a little Ira Glassy too he's a this isn't this is a really up close photo I feel like this is more of a Fred Armisen character really isn't it like it's the guy that never blinks that Fred Armisen character he doesn't totally open and close his mouth out of the leg, just kind of talks like a...

[812] The guy that has a false upper and lower jaw.

[813] Oh.

[814] Hey, and I like to open my mouth.

[815] Sir, are you all right?

[816] I'm conserving energy.

[817] I don't know.

[818] This guy's telling me the worst things I've ever heard.

[819] I have to write them down.

[820] This is awful.

[821] Why did I sign up for this?

[822] Being a journalist sucks.

[823] So here's his book.

[824] Oh.

[825] It looks like ours, kind of.

[826] Doesn't it look like a book cover, kind of?

[827] Guys, this looks like our book.

[828] It does.

[829] Oops.

[830] Oh, shit.

[831] All right.

[832] Stop it.

[833] Oh, wait, hold on.

[834] I made him pull that one, too, just in case.

[835] Switch them.

[836] That's the, you're trying to tell me. Switcheroo.

[837] No. Yes, switch.

[838] Promise.

[839] No. You can tell they're official because they have legal paper work in front of it.

[840] That's right.

[841] Great.

[842] Switch them.

[843] And Jonah Hill's gesturing.

[844] Yes.

[845] Here's my thought about this.

[846] I'm asking a question.

[847] This is how you know.

[848] What is this?

[849] I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

[850] All right.

[851] It just, it turns into a grocery list.

[852] Butter, eggs, milk.

[853] What?

[854] What did I do on here?

[855] This is the longest one we've ever done.

[856] I'm done right now.

[857] No, I'm fine with it.

[858] It's been a blast.

[859] Look.

[860] It's been a blast.

[861] Fucking have a great summer.

[862] The worst story I've ever had.

[863] Send your buns.

[864] Do not change this summer.

[865] Okay, so when he's in prison, Christian Longo starts a campaign to allow death row prisoners to donate their organs after being executed.

[866] Sounds nice.

[867] A little late, bud.

[868] Mary Jane's family, of course, is disgusted by all of this attention that he's getting through this, which is, even though it's this is kind of you know Michael Finkel's book really was this way to tell the story of like because it just this crime left everybody going what the fuck happened and how could this guy who on the very very outside they were a religious family they were you know the all American nuclear family and then how does it go from I owe money to I murder my whole family it's insane but at the same time when you do that then you also are bringing him into the news feed, into the news cycle.

[869] Giving him this attention that he craves and making him seem important and shit.

[870] Right.

[871] And there was an Esquire whole thing done about him.

[872] Like he was in the news constantly.

[873] And then when that kind of died off, then he started this program.

[874] So Mary Jane's family, they were disgusted by all of it.

[875] They kept saying, you're just feeding the monster.

[876] You're feeding this monster.

[877] And this is what you're giving him what he wants, even though he's still in jail.

[878] and they also believe that his involvement in this organ donor cause is quote one last attempt at a ruse from a homicidaly nightmarish con man in 2011 organ put a moratorium on executions so christian longo remains in prison for life and that is the story of family murderer christian long go holy shit yeah well this isn't as horrible i mean it sucks but it's not as horrible it's horrible listen they're all horrible Listen, look.

[879] Look and listen to horrible this.

[880] To horrible things.

[881] Slogans.

[882] Fuck you, I'm married.

[883] Okay, I'm going to tell all y 'all about the coin tower siege of 1996, the hostage situation.

[884] Whoa.

[885] Okay.

[886] So, on the afternoon of January 4th of 1996, here you are.

[887] Boom.

[888] You know.

[889] A man dressed in military camouflage.

[890] And, well, I guess it's...

[891] So not pink and gray in the military gray?

[892] Yeah, yeah.

[893] Camouflage and a black beret walks into Portland's third tallest skyscraper, the 30 -story coin, it's K -O -I -N, tower in downtown Portland.

[894] Soon after, he walks in there, shots ring out, and the man, 24 -year -old James Rinker starts taking hostages, forcing employees and hundreds of people to evacuate Portland's, like I said, third tallest guy's third tallest.

[895] Number three, baby.

[896] Turns out I was like, this is important, I should put it in here, twice.

[897] And let me tell you about this tower that you guys know so well that I've never heard of.

[898] I'd like to also hear about the two other taller towers if you have the time.

[899] We could do that.

[900] I mean, why not?

[901] Right?

[902] We have it for the night.

[903] Let's invite those towers on stage and they can describe themselves.

[904] Special guest, the coin tower is here, ladies and gentlemen.

[905] Get out here, you old son of a bitch.

[906] Okay.

[907] The building was originally named Fountain Plaza, but it quickly became known as the coin center or the coin towers because of the building's highest profile occupant, coin television.

[908] A CBS affiliate in Portland.

[909] K -O -A -N.

[910] I -N.

[911] K -O -I.

[912] That's what I said.

[913] Great.

[914] Good.

[915] It opened in 1984.

[916] It costs $48 million to build.

[917] It was a controversial.

[918] Probably y 'all still hate it, I'm guessing, because I don't think Portland likes fucking skyscrapers.

[919] Because it was built, its location blocked the view of Mount Hood that had been seen by drivers.

[920] They're like, I'm on Vistur Ridge Tunnel, and I'm coming up Portland's West Hills.

[921] And there's Mount Hood.

[922] And then it's like, coin tower, fuck you.

[923] Yeah.

[924] That's not cool.

[925] Portland doesn't like that.

[926] Because I have friends that live up here, and one of the things they say is, whether, based on the way the weather is, they'll talk about whether or not the mountain is out that day.

[927] Oh.

[928] Yeah.

[929] I'm almost a local.

[930] I swear to fucking God.

[931] I know all about you.

[932] Want to see the tower?

[933] I'd love to.

[934] Great.

[935] I just even make up a montau.

[936] Oh, no. Is it yellow?

[937] Is it corn, yellow?

[938] No, I think it's just a sun.

[939] It's just like, it looks like a, what is that, a khaki, a baby shit brown.

[940] What?

[941] Who?

[942] No. wonder everyone's mad up here.

[943] It's 35 floors now.

[944] It used to be, it was 30 back when this happened.

[945] So they added five fucking floors of bullshit to your tower, you all.

[946] Sorry, lame.

[947] We get it, Los Angeles.

[948] They were like, oh, some people over there can still see the mountain.

[949] Jack up those floors.

[950] That's right.

[951] All right.

[952] So here we are in 1996.

[953] And this dude, Rinker, James, he had been fired in the weeks before he stormed the building from a, he had been fired from a courier service that was operating in the building because of customer complaints about him.

[954] And of course, mainly from women, so I'm sure he was a fucking creep.

[955] Maybe it was just that beanie.

[956] Two of these complaints had been from women who worked in the tower and accepted deliveries from him.

[957] Oh, I get it.

[958] So he was like the dude and they would sign packages.

[959] Yeah, you know.

[960] As a young dude, he was arrested for fighting with police officers, later committed to psychiatric care.

[961] He was diagnosed as having delusional, homicidal, and suicidal tendencies.

[962] He was described by friends and coworkers as short -tempered and fond of guns.

[963] Not a good mix.

[964] That's quite a combination.

[965] Pick neither.

[966] I was going to be like, pick one, but I don't like either of them.

[967] No, no. The option is neither.

[968] Neither.

[969] I don't say neither.

[970] Oh.

[971] But let's not call the whole thing off.

[972] His roommate said he dreamed of starting a cult, I mean, who amongst us?

[973] That's the dream.

[974] And love the idea of living in a commune.

[975] Wait, what?

[976] I bet you anything living in a commune sucks more than you fucking think it does.

[977] The smell alone.

[978] Yeah.

[979] I feel like the very hippie -based vibe of living in a commune it goes against fighting cops and loving guns.

[980] Well, I guess if you're doing like a military end of days kind of one, it works, right?

[981] Yeah, maybe.

[982] Listen.

[983] Let's see.

[984] Look.

[985] Do your own thing.

[986] Okay.

[987] Except this.

[988] But not this.

[989] His mother said that he had recently, the night before the shootings had called his sister and said that he had been considering suicide.

[990] So he Rinker enters the coin tower through the basement loading dock for the coin center cinemas and fucking fires off a dozen rounds immediately when he goes in He's wearing fatigues like I said But he had no prior military experience It seemed like he just was like fucking Cosplaying Yeah Thank you He first shoots That's what it is It's sad It sucks.

[991] He shoots theater, an employee of the theater, who's fucking already in the basement loading dock, so you know he's like a low rung, probably taking the trash out.

[992] He has to work at a theater.

[993] I'm sure he makes $6 .25.

[994] Like, what a bummer, and then he gets fucking shot.

[995] He survives, it's fine.

[996] I mean, what a bummer for him.

[997] Did he get shot in a little red polyester vest?

[998] I bet he fucking did with his name tag.

[999] That's, when I worked at the movie theater I worked at, I had to wear a vest, and I went to the manager and said, please don't make me wear a fucking vest.

[1000] You should have said, I'm a Jehovah's Witness.

[1001] We don't wear vests.

[1002] This is against everyone's religion.

[1003] All around the world.

[1004] That's right.

[1005] We don't vest this up.

[1006] No. Leave it alone.

[1007] Do you want to sell the extra large popcorn?

[1008] Let me. Put that.

[1009] Let me live.

[1010] My life.

[1011] Okay.

[1012] So this guy, Alan Culkimo, he's 24.

[1013] From the song?

[1014] Colch.

[1015] Colchimo.

[1016] I bet it's Colchimo.

[1017] Okay.

[1018] Colchimo.

[1019] If he spells it like he says it, it's Colchimo.

[1020] Okay.

[1021] Well, we'll just assume that's what he's doing.

[1022] He's 24.

[1023] He's of Beaverton.

[1024] And that's right.

[1025] No one likes Beaverton.

[1026] You couldn't even, they couldn't even fake it.

[1027] They tried to fake it.

[1028] That was nice.

[1029] But that was incisier.

[1030] We were going to go visit there.

[1031] tomorrow, but I guess we won't now.

[1032] We're calling off the day trip to, no, it's too late.

[1033] Now we're going sturt.

[1034] Okay.

[1035] So he's fucking shot twice in the back, this fucking poor dude in the best.

[1036] From the movie theater?

[1037] Yeah.

[1038] And then this other guy, Howard Barley, he's 45, he's from Milwaukee.

[1039] He's a delivery man. Oh, but Milwaukee's okay?

[1040] No. It's actually a lovely, lovely city.

[1041] So much.

[1042] better than Beaverton.

[1043] So much better.

[1044] So this dude is a delivery man. He's just dropping some shit off at the theater, and he's like, fuck this shit, gets shot too.

[1045] He runs face to face with the rinker at the elevators down there.

[1046] And he runs, and then he says, quote, all I heard was bam, bam, bam.

[1047] And like I said, I don't know how many times, I, this is, he's got to sound like this.

[1048] I went to plant my leg down, and that's when I went straight to the ground.

[1049] I don't know what a Milwaukee accent sounds like That was dead on Thank you So he had been shot in the leg twice And then the fucking gun jammed Or otherwise these mother These guys Dead as fuck It's crazy For sure That bless That's Jehovah in action I'm just saying Let me just take a moment to say Thank you to the Mormon Jehovah Okay this guy Barley drags himself to safety and Rinker leaves the basement garage makes his way to the fucking lobby and his goal destination the main elevators his plan was to get to the upper floors and to the two women at the law firm who he blamed for getting him fired as a courier.

[1050] It's absolutely not their fault that you're a fucking creep.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] Maybe it's the guns.

[1053] Maybe it's the beret.

[1054] Maybe it's the camouflage.

[1055] Maybe it's, I mean, we just keep on and on.

[1056] So fortunately, here's what fucking happens.

[1057] The gun shots and loading dock trigger a safety feature that, it was an AK -47, BT -dubs, forgot to mention that.

[1058] The smoke and the gunshot, listen, the smoke from the gunshots, activate the building safety feature, which locks down the elevators.

[1059] because it fucking triggered the smoke detectors that sounded the fire alarms.

[1060] So everything shuts fucking down.

[1061] Otherwise, I mean, truly this could have been and I mean, it sucks.

[1062] It's a nightmare.

[1063] I'm not saying it's not.

[1064] Nobody dies.

[1065] I'm just, I tell you, I shouldn't have told you that.

[1066] Somebody maybe dies.

[1067] I just ruined my own story.

[1068] You just had like a mental gun jam of your own right there.

[1069] You really went through some shit.

[1070] It was like, keep shooting.

[1071] I can't keep shooting.

[1072] I can't shoot it.

[1073] Fuck.

[1074] All right.

[1075] In the lobby, witnesses say that Rinker begins firing at the officers who are responding to the building's alarms because they were just like, oh, great, another false alarm.

[1076] And then they're fucking getting shot at.

[1077] So he seizes a hostage and goes into the Charles Schwab brokerage firm, which is next to the lobby.

[1078] And he takes three more hostages.

[1079] I don't know what photo is next, but let's take...

[1080] This is him.

[1081] Sorry, I wish I could have warned you guys.

[1082] I need to stand back a little bit.

[1083] He didn't put some in whatever order.

[1084] Can you just turn that off, please?

[1085] It does, that's...

[1086] Yeah.

[1087] So...

[1088] You're in your office one day, and it's like, knock, knock.

[1089] Here's a package.

[1090] He's blocking the only exit.

[1091] Fuck.

[1092] So here's...

[1093] This is bananas.

[1094] The head of security at a San Francisco brokerage firm calls the company's Portland office.

[1095] So this dude at the Charles Schwab brokerage firm in San Francisco, he's head of security.

[1096] Here's, like, a rumor about, or he's on the phone with someone else, and here's gunshots.

[1097] So he calls, like, the front desk of the Portland one around 2 p .m., guess who fucking answers?

[1098] This dude rinker.

[1099] He answers the phone, and the security guy's like, is someone shooting there?

[1100] And he's like, yeah, it's me. I'm not, that's probably what happened.

[1101] It's not word for word, but it's the overall feel.

[1102] Essentially, that's what happened.

[1103] And this dude says he was very upset and nervous, but he was really articulate.

[1104] articulate.

[1105] He, the guy's name is, uh, Mr. Headman.

[1106] I don't, the head of security and down in San Francisco.

[1107] His name head man. That can't be right.

[1108] The head man of security?

[1109] Is the head man. Is his name, uh, Mr. Headman security?

[1110] It's very, I'm, it's a very confusing name tag.

[1111] It's really long.

[1112] It's not a rectangle.

[1113] It's just like a big long.

[1114] How annoying was it before he was the head of security?

[1115] He was just like, The middleman, headman.

[1116] The worst.

[1117] They had to promote him.

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] Because of all the confusion in the mail room.

[1120] So Rinker tells Headman that he had shot several people already, and he might shoot more.

[1121] And so this dude has to become the fucking hostage negotiator.

[1122] In San Francisco.

[1123] In San Francisco, on the phone being like, what's up?

[1124] And he's like, hey, what's up?

[1125] And he's like, oh, shit.

[1126] Trying to reach the other phone with the other hand.

[1127] Yes, it's zero.

[1128] No. Headman is a security expert, but he's not trained in hostage negotiation.

[1129] But following a deadly rampage by a gunman at the 101 California Street office tower in San Francisco, which I fucking think I worked there.

[1130] Not at this time.

[1131] It was 93.

[1132] I was a child.

[1133] 101 California Street?

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] That is that near the Embarcadero.

[1136] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1137] That's that really famous street.

[1138] They always take the picture of going down and the Bay Bridge is in the background.

[1139] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1140] There's a really great chili spot over there.

[1141] Or there was.

[1142] It's called Chili.

[1143] You should go.

[1144] It's so good.

[1145] It's weird.

[1146] They don't have chili.

[1147] It's farmed a table.

[1148] But because of that incident, he and other Schwab security personnel had engaged in crisis management exercises with the police department, so he was like, kind of, okay, I guess this is it.

[1149] This is me. It's my big chance.

[1150] At the 101, California Street rampage, eight people had been killed when a gunman named Gianluigi Furi, fairy ask guy i swear to god it's the same name um guy fieri guy fieri's uncle gion oh no like it kind of could be because he's from over there you should call him i should edit this out stephen it's true um we need to lose the whole guy fierry area i know for some reason he's he's part of this so um we're gonna take him down he's very nice i must say okay wait will you please please please please please please do the pronunciation of the correct pronunciation of his name?

[1151] The correct pronunciation is Ferry, but he says it's Fetti, Guy Fieri.

[1152] That's it, Guy Fieri, because it sounds like a chef's name.

[1153] So when I first met Georgia and somehow the name Guy Fieri came up, that's how she pronounced it.

[1154] Guy Fieri, that's how I thought you pronounced it, is it?

[1155] It was like you just came back from a semester abroad in Italy.

[1156] I was just like, bitch, you better not be pronouncing Guy Fieri like that.

[1157] And then I kiss you on both cheeks.

[1158] Kiss me on neither.

[1159] What was I saying?

[1160] Okay.

[1161] So Headman says that Rinker was able to clearly state his demands, but mostly wanted to be allowed to surrender peacefully.

[1162] I feel like at this point he's like, this is not going the way I plan.

[1163] Let me just surrender and end this fucking thing.

[1164] He did not think the gun jam was going to happen.

[1165] He didn't know there was a movie theater in the building.

[1166] You didn't know the elevators were going to close down.

[1167] He's like, so he was kind of trapped in the lobby because the elevators closed down?

[1168] Yeah, and so he goes into the offices next door with four hostages.

[1169] And he, and this guy, Hedman, is like, he said whatever came to mind while trying to calm down the hostage, the rinker.

[1170] At one point, Hedman talked Rinker into letting the hostages call their families, which is like pretty amazing.

[1171] This woman who's a hostage, Wendy Brown, she's 23, she cuss her mother in Moppin, Oregon.

[1172] Really?

[1173] Thank you.

[1174] It's a weird name.

[1175] Pretty good.

[1176] Wendy's mom says, quote, they allowed her to call me and tell me she loved me and goodbye.

[1177] You could hear a man yelling behind her.

[1178] I told her I loved her and I couldn't believe I was hearing this.

[1179] That's all she could tell me. He said she had five minutes.

[1180] I could hear him yelling to get off the phone.

[1181] I know.

[1182] Do I have five fucking minutes or not?

[1183] That's what I would have said.

[1184] Uncontrollably.

[1185] I can't.

[1186] In a situation like that, I would have bitched out the hardest I ever have in my life.

[1187] It would have clicked on in a thing where, like, fighting with my sister where I just can't control it.

[1188] You said I have five minutes.

[1189] It's only been three.

[1190] Can't you tell time?

[1191] Stop point of that gun at me. And your sister, who I had the phone, was like, stop yelling at him.

[1192] Oh, my God, shut up.

[1193] You're being so rude to him.

[1194] Anyway, I love you.

[1195] It's Ben.

[1196] Great.

[1197] Yeah.

[1198] One of the hostages is a stockbroker name, Ken Aiken.

[1199] Huh.

[1200] Isn't that a famous person?

[1201] He was a Christian.

[1202] He said that the Lord.

[1203] Claude Aiken?

[1204] Is that who you're thinking of?

[1205] I don't know.

[1206] Another, in addition to Brown and Aiken, those held hostage were Miriel Tamura of Portland.

[1207] And Kathy set her home.

[1208] She's a Schwab district manager who's just fucking visiting for the day from San Francisco.

[1209] down from Beaverton She's from San Francisco So she's like, don't I just go through Like she must have I don't know We got to ask her Kathy At the height of the incident Rinker starts fucking spraying Gunshots at officers in the lobby And the SWAT team surrounds the building Nearby streets are cordoned off Hostage negotiators are brought in Real ones Here's people running Holy shit I just love how vintage this is This is so like This is so 93 It was like it was 50 years ago.

[1210] Look at those billowy, blousey clothes.

[1211] The hairs everywhere.

[1212] You used to just be able to wear like a wide leg pant and no one cared.

[1213] There were no other options.

[1214] Nothing was fucking matchstick fucking skinny jeans, leggings.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Oh my God.

[1217] That's a lobby.

[1218] I just think it's another cool vintage photo.

[1219] And then let's see here.

[1220] So Rinker finally is persuaded by Hedman.

[1221] negotiate directly with the police.

[1222] Police tried to keep him talking, asking about his motives.

[1223] He told Hedman that he wanted, that his motives already wanted changes in the baking and insurance industries.

[1224] Duh, we all do.

[1225] I mean.

[1226] We fucking bottle it up like normal people.

[1227] Bottle up and pay your fucking checking fees.

[1228] Right.

[1229] Like everybody.

[1230] Right.

[1231] But then, but I guess he didn't realize, and this is mentioned all the time as like a fuck you to this guy, that Charles Schwab brokerage was involved in.

[1232] Neither the banking or insurance industry.

[1233] And it's like, what do you do then, Charles?

[1234] What do you fucking do?

[1235] Am I supposed to swab the floors, or I don't know?

[1236] What does Schwab mean?

[1237] What does Schwab even mean?

[1238] Is Schwab like when you put the chicken on the rotissary and there's like certain herbs?

[1239] Or you swab out your ears after a shower?

[1240] Go in for a light swab down at the coin building.

[1241] What are you people doing here?

[1242] My car needs a Schwab so bad.

[1243] You know that Charles Schwab office was just straight -up pot dealing.

[1244] But they were, like, wearing suits, so nobody looked in there.

[1245] It's like, ugh, so boring.

[1246] Don't look in there.

[1247] All weed.

[1248] They discovered that he has some anger issues, they call it, with the government, the media, banks, large financial institutions, and law enforcement.

[1249] Again, who among us?

[1250] I mean...

[1251] Just bury it, vote, and, you know, that's it.

[1252] That's all you can do.

[1253] Yes.

[1254] What did you think I said?

[1255] it's very important Georgia said vote which is true but I thought she said Vogue which is also important come on come on Vogue anti -establishmentarianism that's also a list of people that that guy hates Greta Garbo Ammonroe Dietrich and DiMaggio the cops the banks the man the devil he hates the devil sure I hate people who hate a bunch of people.

[1256] Meanwhile, so there's three other workers fucking hiding in the office at the time that he doesn't even know about, which I'm like, they had to piss on the floor under their desks.

[1257] That's the first thing I thought of, right?

[1258] Yes, always.

[1259] He releases the first hostage, Ken, around 4 p .m., negotiations continue, and a female hostage is about 520.

[1260] All I can think about is when I worked in offices very much like this.

[1261] and it was just like the worst it's just monotonous and your clothes are too tight and that they require you to wear a really tight clothes what kind of office was that because I would just oh it was complicated at like 458 I was like I can finally go home and then at five and then having to like stay after because you're in hostage crisis like I don't even like it here I am meeting people for drinks yeah James Rinker I fucking hate the whole insurance industry, too.

[1262] I hate them more than you.

[1263] I just don't have an AK -47, you fuck.

[1264] I'm in debt.

[1265] I make $30 grand a year, dude.

[1266] I'm on, I hate you.

[1267] Not on your side.

[1268] Okay.

[1269] Two other women were released at 615.

[1270] So finally, all the hostages are let go, and Ringer surrenders about 15 minutes later.

[1271] He's led from the building, shirtless and handcuffed.

[1272] The entire incident, you can look at a photo, too.

[1273] can you see that Stephen there he is it's hard to see also that yeah you kind of see him like there's a skylight I can't the guy who looks like he's going starting at the YMCA it's not YMCA that's actually him he's not roller skating no he's actually he's coming out with his hands up yeah okay all right the incident lasted four and a half hours so those dude under those fucking desks are just pissing in the corner.

[1274] Amazingly, and you're going to be really surprised by this, everyone survived.

[1275] Yay!

[1276] It's a good feeling.

[1277] That's good.

[1278] Both men who had been shot in the basement loading dock, Alan and Howard, they survived.

[1279] And Rinker is charged with two counts of aggravated attempted murder, two counts of attempted murder, two counts of first degree assault, and four counts of first degree kidnapping.

[1280] After this surrender, the police recover a 9 -millimeter semi -automatic pistol and an AK -47 rifle inside the office.

[1281] Officers also found an S -KS -7 rifle in Rinker's car, which was parked in the garage.

[1282] And Charles Schwab brokerage office, I mean, this could be a testament to, you know, being, we don't take shit, or also they're just like the man and don't give a shit.

[1283] They open the next day for business.

[1284] Whoa.

[1285] Again, no one knows what that business is, but they were.

[1286] We're still there to do it.

[1287] They're like, you want your pot even more.

[1288] You need your pot even more now.

[1289] Yes.

[1290] We all need pot now.

[1291] Despite shattered glass and bullet holes in the walls, they opened.

[1292] Got it.

[1293] Because Charles got a Schwab, no matter what.

[1294] Fucking, no matter what.

[1295] That's right.

[1296] Schwab's got a Schwab.

[1297] You got a Schwab.

[1298] Peace.

[1299] Peace out.

[1300] Hey, I'm Jesus.

[1301] Peace out.

[1302] I mean, the only reason is, I can do that like that and I was so excited when you brought it up is because when you're raised Catholic you sit in church staring at like the same two statues constantly and I was obsessed there was a statue of the Virgin Mary and I was like how does she get her hand like that?

[1303] I just stared at it.

[1304] I practiced it in my room I don't know what it didn't really mean anything.

[1305] George is like what does that mean?

[1306] And I'm like it's just the way they make the statue it's just it's some kind of look I'm not holding a weapon You can trust me. You can trust me. I'm the Virgin Mary.

[1307] Look, listen.

[1308] I trust you more right now.

[1309] Yeah, right?

[1310] Weird.

[1311] Kind of open.

[1312] I'm open.

[1313] This is weird.

[1314] Yeah, I dig it.

[1315] Now I'm closed.

[1316] Peace out.

[1317] This dude, his leg is shattered.

[1318] He remains in the hospital.

[1319] All these surgeries on his fucked up leg.

[1320] Rinker's mother told the press that her son was troubled.

[1321] And the press is like, no shit.

[1322] She says, we believed he had a death wish.

[1323] I really believed he was hoping the police would shoot him.

[1324] He was sentenced, too.

[1325] Are you ready for this?

[1326] 300 years in prison.

[1327] Whoa.

[1328] I totally thought it was going to go the other way.

[1329] Shit.

[1330] He tried to escape from the Oregon State Penitentiary in 2000, but was quickly recaptured after was caught up in the razor wire.

[1331] Oh.

[1332] You think they were gentle when they got him out of that?

[1333] You think they just grabbed him by his scruff and fucking, so he didn't try to escape he just kind of ran for it like a dip shit do you want to see his photo now yes you mean the same one no uh -huh that's why i asked you could have said no no i know i know i know yeah he probably should be in a mental institution for 300 years uh the gun dealer who sold the two assault rifles used in the tower instance said he was getting out of business after his since expired after this fucking thing happened.

[1334] He didn't know that Ringcove is mentally ill when he purchased the rifles and regrets what happened as a result of his sale.

[1335] You know, that's the thing about selling guns.

[1336] Yeah, you can't take a temperature and be like, you shouldn't have a gun.

[1337] It's tough.

[1338] It seems like there's a way you could, though.

[1339] Seems like...

[1340] Seems like...

[1341] If we would just make the lightest fucking effort.

[1342] Just the simplest.

[1343] I mean, how many more stories...

[1344] This is like the lightest version of this story that you could possibly find.

[1345] And this is why in November, you need to Vogue.

[1346] Come on Vogue in November.

[1347] It's important.

[1348] So Howard Barley.

[1349] Oh, what's that?

[1350] I just remembered the best Vogue from Paris is burning where you pretend like you're putting powder on yourself.

[1351] And then he said, and then you turn the mirror around and you show it to them.

[1352] Which is like the ultimate slam.

[1353] Like, I'm pretty.

[1354] Now look at you.

[1355] How mean is that?

[1356] I also like, I'm hardcore vogueing, but I'm also don't care so much that I'm putting makeup on.

[1357] Yeah, amazing.

[1358] But also I need to stop for a light back down.

[1359] Please watch the documentary Paris is burning if you have, and it's the best thing.

[1360] Amazing.

[1361] It's the best thing ever.

[1362] I want to, okay.

[1363] Boop, boop, boom, boom.

[1364] Okay, so Howard Barley, the delivery man from, where did I say he was from?

[1365] Remind me. Chili's, the movie theater, Charles Schwab.

[1366] San Francisco.

[1367] All right.

[1368] Anyway.

[1369] Thank you.

[1370] So he almost lost his life in 1996.

[1371] He says he doesn't think much about the man responsible for it today, even though the issues with mental health and access to assault weapons persist.

[1372] He said, quote, it's a situation, this fucking guy, I love this dude.

[1373] He's like got this best fucking brain.

[1374] He says, it's a situation that society hasn't really dealt with.

[1375] And I think at this time, it's not capable of dealing with.

[1376] He said, James Rinker isn't eligible for release until 2266.

[1377] Oh.

[1378] And that's the coin tower siege hostage crisis of 1996.

[1379] 22.

[1380] Well, the best news about that is that in 2266, he'll be swimming in his cell because it'll all be underwater.

[1381] Oh, shit.

[1382] End of days.

[1383] Oh, water shouldn't cost money.

[1384] And infanality.

[1385] Soon it won't.

[1386] Okay.

[1387] Ready for a hometown?

[1388] We have time for a quick hometown.

[1389] Let's do it.

[1390] They come in.

[1391] Word of wisdom for us.

[1392] Anything we need to know?

[1393] Did you notice the changing leaves on the way in from the airport?

[1394] Oh, my God, you guys.

[1395] Also, I want to thank Vince for getting a box of chicken and a biscuit, our new fucking writer.

[1396] What a cracker.

[1397] What a cracker.

[1398] Thank you.

[1399] All right.

[1400] Chicken and a biscuit.

[1401] Oh, my God.

[1402] Look how far away goes.

[1403] Hey, what's up?

[1404] That's a lot of people.

[1405] Okay, so this is hometown time.

[1406] No pointing yet.

[1407] Karen's going to tell you things.

[1408] First of all, what a gorgeous theater.

[1409] This is crazy.

[1410] Did they know where they were before they agreed to this?

[1411] No, we heard nine inch nails was here last night.

[1412] Is that true?

[1413] So here's, let me just run down super.

[1414] It's important to listen to this because I'm only telling you the rules because they're crucial pieces of information that you need to know.

[1415] If you get picked to tell your hometown, we would like, and we wouldn't just like.

[1416] It is fucking required.

[1417] that you tell a story that's from Oregon, please.

[1418] Now, you can't slip by that rule and say, I'm from Oregon.

[1419] This story's from Florida.

[1420] It's close.

[1421] Will I'll hate you.

[1422] So please have it be a local story.

[1423] Please know the story.

[1424] Please don't be so drunk that you forget the story in the middle and start giggling and then say hi to your friend and do some shoutouts.

[1425] Please make sure the story has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

[1426] Usually, if you have to muck around in the middle, at least know what happened to the person who did the thing so that we all have a little relief.

[1427] We could put a button on it before the night ends.

[1428] And what's the best one of all?

[1429] Everyone hates you.

[1430] If you get picked, everyone hates you.

[1431] So keep it quick.

[1432] And now, does anyone have a hometown story that they would like feel it?

[1433] Your friend is raising his hand.

[1434] Okay.

[1435] Who should...

[1436] Who?

[1437] Karen, you pick, you pick.

[1438] I'm scared.

[1439] Okay, white shirt that's screaming.

[1440] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, way back there.

[1441] White shirt.

[1442] Don't encourage screamers.

[1443] Come around the front.

[1444] Yeah, but she's so far away.

[1445] Come this way around the front.

[1446] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1447] And then through here, everyone.

[1448] Pick up your drink up in the front row here and hand it to me. This way, this way.

[1449] And then there is over to that way.

[1450] So close.

[1451] Yeah, Ashley made it.

[1452] She did it.

[1453] Ashley did it.

[1454] The balcony sent Ashley down as their representative, and she fucking made it.

[1455] Ashley, I don't know.

[1456] Is that your name?

[1457] It says Ashley Bitterman.

[1458] Your name, Ashley?

[1459] It really is Ashley.

[1460] Say hi to Ashley, everybody.

[1461] Is it Ashley Bitterman?

[1462] That's what Georgia asked.

[1463] No, you're not a Bitterman.

[1464] Close.

[1465] Okay.

[1466] Turn the lights down so she doesn't freak the fuck out.

[1467] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1468] Don't look up there.

[1469] Don't look up there.

[1470] Don't look.

[1471] Don't look.

[1472] There's nobody.

[1473] Here, it's so many people.

[1474] I know.

[1475] It's a ton of people.

[1476] It's all your friends and family.

[1477] You know, it's all your friends from the internet.

[1478] Yeah, pretty much.

[1479] Ashley, where are you from?

[1480] Milwaukee, Oregon.

[1481] Oh, thank God.

[1482] Wait, is there a Milwaukee Oregon?

[1483] There is.

[1484] It's me. So this is a Milwaukee accent.

[1485] Oh, shit.

[1486] I got tricked hard.

[1487] This reminds me. That's right.

[1488] Oh, my God.

[1489] That's right.

[1490] That reminds me when we were in Boston and I was doing a story and it was like, she was from Avon and I was like I need to look up if Avon is a place or if she was an Avon lady she was from Avon.

[1491] Okay I'm sorry.

[1492] Go.

[1493] So this story is from Milwaukee actually.

[1494] When I I'm like, so nervous.

[1495] I know right?

[1496] This is crazy.

[1497] I was like I'm not going to get picked.

[1498] A touch drunk or any drunk?

[1499] I did not drink during the show.

[1500] Right.

[1501] So I drank beforehand.

[1502] Wow.

[1503] There's a long ellipsis at the end of that sentence.

[1504] I'm just like, I started at 8 a .m. this morning.

[1505] Something like that?

[1506] If only.

[1507] Now it's like a four.

[1508] Four o 'clock.

[1509] Okay, all right.

[1510] Okay.

[1511] I only had like one bottle of champagne.

[1512] You don't have to tell us.

[1513] You've had an hour and a half to sober.

[1514] Yeah, you're fine.

[1515] The lines were way too long here.

[1516] We'll fix it.

[1517] We'll fix it for tomorrow.

[1518] So Milwaukee, Oregon, it's where I'm born and raised.

[1519] My mom also grew up there.

[1520] I feel like my voice is shaking.

[1521] Don't think about it.

[1522] Don't get in your head.

[1523] Okay.

[1524] It's okay.

[1525] That makes someone like you.

[1526] So, Milwaukee, Oregon.

[1527] I graduated from Rex Putnam High School, which is also falling rocks.

[1528] Yes, the mighty falling rocks, okay.

[1529] Kingsmen, but close.

[1530] Oh, okay.

[1531] I was going to say that.

[1532] They fought mini, many falling rocks.

[1533] So, yeah.

[1534] That's how they got.

[1535] Exactly.

[1536] So it's also where my mom graduated.

[1537] So this story I got from her.

[1538] She had told me about it when I was a kid, and I, maybe caused a bit of lore at my school from it because I thought something different happened but I called her today and got the real details I was like oh okay but this happened in January 14th of 1982 and my mom's had a yearbook dedicated to this wonderful woman her name was Ann Jeanette Perry I made sure and tell myself the names over and over again you practice that's good But she was the P .E. and health teacher there.

[1539] She was also one of the best in Oregon.

[1540] She was involved in so many different things.

[1541] But sadly, she was murdered.

[1542] On January 14th, did I say 14th?

[1543] Yeah, you got that.

[1544] You nailed that.

[1545] 14th, 1982.

[1546] Okay.

[1547] On this day, her roommate actually found her.

[1548] She didn't show up for school.

[1549] Everyone was a little worried.

[1550] Her dad went over to our apartment.

[1551] didn't see anything, was like, okay, like things are a little, maybe something might have happened, but he called the police.

[1552] Her roommate showed up home later and found in her bed, Jeanette's body.

[1553] The article that I read said that Anne and Jeanette, she liked to go by Jeanette.

[1554] She was found there, her roommate found her under some pillows and blankets that were kind of in a disarray.

[1555] She was looking around like, whoa, why is my bed like this?

[1556] Saw her feet immediately called the police.

[1557] Police showed up, found Jeanette.

[1558] She was strangled, beaten, and she was stabbed through the heart with a pair of scissors.

[1559] Oh, my God.

[1560] Yeah, this is horrible.

[1561] She was found pretty much naked, and the kind of a weird thing was she had a pair of underwear, like pushed up, like partway on her thighs, which the police were like, that's weird.

[1562] So, from there, They didn't have very many leads, so they found out that she had been dating a few people.

[1563] One guy, which she had just broken it off with, was a night janitor at Rex Putnam High School named Leroy, Wayne Earp.

[1564] Spelled E -A -R -P.

[1565] I had to keep saying that to myself, Earp.

[1566] So they had little clues to go off of.

[1567] The only thing was they had a witness.

[1568] one of the neighbors said that they saw a mercury cougar speeding away that night driven by a man with short hair and they also had a gold watch that was left tangled in the bedsheets so the police then looked into Earp and found that he had quite the past he should definitely not have been hired by high school but it was the 80s so things like that didn't matter They found that They didn't, I was there It was bad It was bad It sucked Just two years beforehand He was paroled after spending 14 years in prison For murdering a woman Oh Oh my goodness Yeah And this I just found insane He His story for Murdering her was He blacked out Because he had taken Too many pills And strangled her Somehow But then he kept that woman's body in his trunk for two days until police found it.

[1569] 14 fucking years, and that's it.

[1570] Yep, just 14 years.

[1571] And then the high school was like, great.

[1572] Yeah.

[1573] Yeah, we'll take you.

[1574] Yeah, just work nights.

[1575] Yeah, just work nights.

[1576] And, clearly he was on quite the path.

[1577] So then, a couple days before Jeanette was murdered, she had actually confronted him and was like, hey, I kind of heard that you might have been in prison for maybe murdering somebody.

[1578] And he was like, well, yeah?

[1579] And she was just like, well, I don't think you should be working here.

[1580] So with that in mind, it's believed that was part of the motive.

[1581] He saw that his job was in jeopardy.

[1582] So then a couple days after the murder, police find his mercury kind of off of I -84 towards the DALs, so kind of in a very deserted area.

[1583] And inside of it, it was filled with just like an assortment of things.

[1584] of which was like a little, like lunch baggy, like a brown lunch bag, full of stuff from Jeanette's house.

[1585] So then police were on the lookout for him.

[1586] They couldn't quite find him, so they were staking out in northeast Portland where his parents lived.

[1587] And from there, he, I lost my train of all.

[1588] They couldn't find him, and then they ended up picking him up a couple of days.

[1589] later, it was like the 16th, right, like a Fred Meyer parking lot, actually.

[1590] Police went up to him and was like, hey, are you this guy?

[1591] And he was like, no, no, I'm somebody else.

[1592] So once they took him into custody, they found out he had been hiding for like two days in a state park in a women's restroom.

[1593] Oh.

[1594] Of which a woman's bowling league had stopped by to use the restroom.

[1595] Two women walked in, and he was in there and scared the shit out of him.

[1596] Yeah.

[1597] And they were like, what the fuck?

[1598] and they ended up actually giving him a ride back into Portland for like...

[1599] Yeah, insane.

[1600] Fuck.

[1601] If only they had known.

[1602] Oh, they got...

[1603] Oh, you, very.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] Luckily, they were all fine.

[1606] But they, police picked him up, and his story was that he had gone to Jeanette's house, seen her body, freaked out, and ran away.

[1607] Uh -huh.

[1608] Police were like, okay, well, why was your watch in bed?

[1609] Of which a witness came forward and proved that it was his watch during the trial.

[1610] He went to trial.

[1611] He was convicted.

[1612] He was found guilty by a jury of his peers, even though he pled non -guilty, or not guilty.

[1613] And he was sentenced to life in prison.

[1614] He spent the rest of his life in prison, still claiming his innocence.

[1615] He went through appeals, but he was found guilty.

[1616] And he actually died in prison last year.

[1617] Oh.

[1618] Yep.

[1619] Yep.

[1620] That's the best possible ending you could have given.

[1621] And say her name again, Jeanette, Ann Jeanette?

[1622] Anne Jeanette Perry.

[1623] Beautifully done.

[1624] That was masterful.

[1625] Thank you.

[1626] Ashley nailed that shit.

[1627] Ashley, you guys.

[1628] I can't believe it.

[1629] Great job.

[1630] Thank you so much.

[1631] You get to keep that microphone.

[1632] That's yours.

[1633] No, no, no. They're real expensive.

[1634] Since we'll take it.

[1635] Jesus Christ, you know every fucking facts.

[1636] I know more facts than we did.

[1637] That's right.

[1638] Wow.

[1639] Portland, we fucking love it here.

[1640] So much.

[1641] Truly, like, if I am, when I'm forced to leave Los Angeles, I feel like this is the number one on my list today.

[1642] Hell yes.

[1643] You guys are so rad.

[1644] We love you.

[1645] We love you so much.

[1646] You've always been incredibly supportive, very vocal and virulent from day one, Portland.

[1647] I'm not kidding.

[1648] And the very first tour that we went on, our agent that books all these tours.

[1649] He does it all by numbers.

[1650] And, you know, they have a whole system or whatever.

[1651] And he's like, you guys got to go to Portland.

[1652] That's like one of the first things he said.

[1653] And then we had to do three fucking nights of shows because you guys were so angry about the cell house.

[1654] And then you gave us a fucking vomit in the aisles.

[1655] It was amazing.

[1656] And we were like, hell yes, we're never not coming here.

[1657] So thank you so much for your support.

[1658] Thank you for being here and for creating this community.

[1659] We say this all the time, but we really, really mean at this.

[1660] There's this community that's grown up out of people listening to this podcast.

[1661] You've all done it for each other and with each other, and you're doing amazing things.

[1662] And I know that there's a lot of fucked up shit happening in the world right now, but there's some really amazing shit happening in this community.

[1663] And that's a great thing to hold on to right now.

[1664] We're vogueing together.

[1665] Let's all vogue on November, whatever this day is, you're supposed to vogue.

[1666] 10th, 7th, 8th?

[1667] You could probably do it now.

[1668] Seventh.

[1669] I don't know my glasses on.

[1670] Seven.

[1671] I can't count.

[1672] People going like this.

[1673] Then why did you do...

[1674] Okay.

[1675] Don't start fights.

[1676] Yeah.

[1677] We show up on November 11th.

[1678] I've got all my votes tallied.

[1679] Who'd like to record them?

[1680] Is that it?

[1681] Yeah.

[1682] Thanks to you guys.

[1683] We'll see you tomorrow night, too.

[1684] Yeah, thank you.

[1685] Thanks so much, Portland.

[1686] So much fun.

[1687] Stay sexy.

[1688] And Josh!