Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi there, Risa, meet Sona and Conan.
[5] Hi.
[6] Top billing, Sona.
[7] I didn't mean it that way.
[8] It's happening?
[9] Hello, Visa, how are you, sir?
[10] I'm so amazed and baffled.
[11] I can't believe I'm talking to the one and only New York Times best selling author.
[12] Oh, my God.
[13] Not really.
[14] Oh, God.
[15] Parence, Sona, Parrentz.
[16] Hey, you learned Armenian.
[17] I love you.
[18] Oh, this is the best.
[19] Visa, I'm gonna cut your segment down to 30 seconds.
[20] Oh, no. You have to dig yourself out of a hole now.
[21] That's an hour, an hour.
[22] No, no, I accept that you have acknowledged Sona's achievements and her fame, and I will do my best to not annoy you or get in the way of this interview.
[23] How about that?
[24] Okay, okay.
[25] Okay, let's continue sooner.
[26] Before we move on, you know.
[27] You know what I'm loving about the, what I love about Kona fan, is that there's that old saying, everyone's a comedian.
[28] Kona fan is proving it worldwide, everyone is a comedian.
[29] And they're quite good.
[30] You know, they are very good.
[31] We've learned it from you, man. We learned it from you.
[32] Where are you coming from, Visa?
[33] I'm coming from Finland.
[34] Oh, my God.
[35] You know the place.
[36] Yes, yes, yes.
[37] I have Finland.
[38] From Super East.
[39] Finland, very close to my heart.
[40] I visited Finland years ago during a tense political election.
[41] I played a pivotal role.
[42] Yes.
[43] And it was one of the joys of my life was going to Finland.
[44] The people were amazing.
[45] And we shot the first real travel episode that we ever did.
[46] And I had so much fun that it made me determined to go and do more of them.
[47] So I have a great fondness for Finland.
[48] Do you live in Helsinki?
[49] No, no, no. I live in basically in the very eastern border of Finland in a small town called Lapeen Ranta.
[50] Lapperlanta?
[51] Very good, very good.
[52] Lapeen Ranta.
[53] And do you like to drink?
[54] Say it again one more time.
[55] Laper landa.
[56] Lappen Ranta.
[57] Lappen Randa.
[58] I see, I can't say it if you keep saying it.
[59] Oh, sorry.
[60] I'm trying to learn from him, but you keep saying it to, and now I'm, I'm sorry, I can't go on.
[61] I can't, I mean, I mean, I'll never do another podcast again.
[62] Oh, you broke it, Visa.
[63] I'm so glad to be part of your last podcast.
[64] This is an honor.
[65] I thought it was an honor before this, but now it's the last one.
[66] Oh, this is the very last one because I, I can't learn how to say La Belonda.
[67] But do you know what's the other reason this might be your last podcast?
[68] Yes.
[69] Because I didn't get a command to boost the record button on the audio.
[70] So I have no idea.
[71] Oh.
[72] So I have no idea.
[73] No worries.
[74] You can hit record for us now in the meantime.
[75] Oh, so nothing's been recording?
[76] No, no, we're recording.
[77] We're recording his side.
[78] It's just for his side of the conversation.
[79] I see.
[80] I see.
[81] I see.
[82] So you should hit record right now because that's what you need to do to record things.
[83] Oh, oh, really?
[84] Yes.
[85] Well, I'm learning from the best again.
[86] Yes, I'm heard you're so good with this tech stuff.
[87] I am what we call a tech wizard.
[88] Yes, yes.
[89] So Visa, here's what I remember fondly about your country.
[90] Yes, Finland.
[91] People like to drink Korskenkova.
[92] Yeah, this is the thing I basically am calling you about now because you say it's almost perfectly, but just a little bit wrong.
[93] It's Koskenkova.
[94] Korskenkova.
[95] No, you're saying the R in the beginning, but it's only at the end.
[96] Koskenkirva.
[97] Koskin Korva.
[98] Okay.
[99] How about this?
[100] I fucking came close enough when discussing an unusual drink from Finland.
[101] Yes.
[102] What the f?
[103] That was time in my life.
[104] I'll never get back again.
[105] Yeah, but I was so happy when you said it, you know, it's so nice, you're so fond of Finland.
[106] I am.
[107] You know, you won the election.
[108] Guess one.
[109] I will tell you something that you should know.
[110] I have two stickers on the back of my car, only two.
[111] One is for the Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
[112] And the other sticker is the sticker for Finland.
[113] Those are the only two.
[114] Really?
[115] Yes, it's the one that's just F -I -N.
[116] And you guys have seen it.
[117] It's on the back of my pickup.
[118] The round?
[119] Yes.
[120] Yeah, the oval.
[121] I have that.
[122] Those are the only two stickers.
[123] And I have many people say to me, I don't understand.
[124] Really the only sticker I have on my car.
[125] I do.
[126] Korskin, Kourva.
[127] Yeah, now it's very good.
[128] Now you can.
[129] No, but if you see me in Los Angeles and you look at the back of my car, you will see that I am representing my fondness for Finland wherever I. go and I have no other country represented on the back of my car.
[130] That's a true story.
[131] With the pickup, with the pickup.
[132] Not with, not with, not with the Tesla.
[133] You, you have it in the pickup.
[134] Oh, the pickup.
[135] Yes, yes, in the back of my pickup truck.
[136] It sounded like he said P -cup.
[137] Like, you have a cup that you pee in.
[138] Yeah.
[139] I mean, Visa, to be fair, I do keep a urine cup in all of my cars.
[140] Because who wants to pull over and ask to use a restroom, those things are filthy.
[141] I constantly, you know what I have to urinate?
[142] I go down at night.
[143] I go down into my garage and get in my car and I go in the urine cup.
[144] Or as you like to say, pee cup.
[145] Or as you say in Finland, bro -cra pra cap.
[146] But that's what we do in Finland, see, we pee in a cup.
[147] We don't have toilets.
[148] Tell us Visa.
[149] Tell us a little bit about yourself.
[150] What do you do?
[151] Who are you?
[152] What makes Visa tick?
[153] Well, well, first of all, I would have to say, I'm a father.
[154] We have kids to say, mate, you and me, Cohn, and my daughter is 15 years old.
[155] Wow.
[156] For a job, for a job, I roast coffee.
[157] Oh, you roast coffee?
[158] I see behind you, let me describe for our listeners, there's a, oh, that's what that machine is.
[159] Oh, wow.
[160] I thought a choo -choo train was about to run you down.
[161] It looks like a choo -choo train behind you, but that is a, that's a coffee roaster.
[162] That's true.
[163] You've seen one before in intelligentsia, intelligenceia, yes.
[164] Oh, you really pay attention to these videos we shoot.
[165] That's very nice.
[166] I've followed you for 20 years, man. I'm a true fan.
[167] Thank you so much.
[168] Not one of these, Johnny Come Lately's.
[169] You've been a true fan.
[170] Yeah, yeah, I know you from the podcast.
[171] You know, this is just a new thing.
[172] Exactly.
[173] No, it's true.
[174] Yeah, fuck those people.
[175] Screw them.
[176] Screw them from only knowing me for the podcast.
[177] So you roast coffee, okay?
[178] Yeah, yeah, I do, yeah.
[179] Are you a good, first of all, what role does coffee play in Finland?
[180] Is it a big deal in Finland?
[181] Super big, yeah.
[182] Finland is a country that, you know, drinks most coffee per capita.
[183] So we drink shitloads of coffee, but not maybe very high quality.
[184] We do filter coffee all the way.
[185] Espresso is not like a huge thing here.
[186] Of course, nowadays, but traditionally it's a new thing.
[187] So you're trying to improve, improve the kind of coffee that people are drinking in Finland.
[188] Give them a better experience.
[189] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because coffee is all about flavors, different flavors, you know, more flavors than any food.
[190] That's what coffee has.
[191] So, yeah, it's all about, you know, coffee has to bring a party to your mouth.
[192] So that's the thing.
[193] Whoa.
[194] Yeah, I'd like to have a party in my mouth.
[195] Excuse me?
[196] Why did you say that?
[197] What did you say?
[198] Sorry, I think I went the wrong way with that one.
[199] What kind of party do you want in your mouth?
[200] I say that a lot at bus terminals.
[201] and it's confusing public restrooms.
[202] Anyway, Visa, my question is that you say that coffee has more flavors than any other kind of food?
[203] Is that right?
[204] Yeah, if you think about wine, you may be going to like a wine tasting thing.
[205] But I know, you went to a coffee tasting also.
[206] You might know better than many people that, you know, coffee has so many, like, different places to grow, different varietals.
[207] you can grow in many different, you know, altitudes and all this kind of stuff.
[208] So there's so many different outcomes for one, you know, coffee bean so that you get so many flavors.
[209] Like any human being, there's so many possible outcomes.
[210] We are all like coffee beans, you know, you think about it.
[211] That's pretty lame.
[212] He said, well, we were all thinking, though.
[213] He's right, though.
[214] Visa, I don't think that was lame.
[215] He's just paired coffee to human being.
[216] I do think that, and I think about this a lot.
[217] Every time I go to make coffee and grind the bean, I look at the bean and say, you and I, Bean, are really no different.
[218] Oh, no. For you, Bean and I have many possible outcomes.
[219] Now, let me explain to you that when I do this, anyone standing nearby me is repulsed.
[220] But it is something that I believe.
[221] Is this before or after you've told them you want a party in your mouth?
[222] I want a party in my mouth.
[223] Hello?
[224] everybody in this bus terminal I'm going to the bathroom but I'd like a party in my mouth party in my mouth I'll just close my eyes do with me what you will this is worth missing my bus I put it up against this hole in the bathroom see what happens call the wife I'm going to be a little late so Visa for the turn this is taken.
[225] I'm sorry I led you this way.
[226] I led you that way.
[227] So what else, Visa you make?
[228] First of all, I have some awareness of coffee snobbery because I just thought coffee was coffee until I met my wife, Liza, and she took me to visit her family in Seattle and my wife was very particular about where we would go and get our coffee and bullied me. bullied me, bullied and harassed me about what kind of coffee I should drink.
[229] I remember wanting to put like a little hazelnut flavoring in there and she was like, you can't put flavors in coffee.
[230] Oh, yeah, she was, no, apparently you can't.
[231] Oh, that's bad.
[232] I used to put M &Ms in there too, stir it around.
[233] Basically, I wasn't drinking coffee.
[234] It was an ice cream Sunday I was having.
[235] The stuff you used in Indelegantia, that was like, that was blasphemy.
[236] Yeah, I know.
[237] You put some, ah, that was.
[238] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Vise.
[239] I'm sorry that I have shit.
[240] I'm sorry.
[241] Well, it's better than a party in your mouth or something.
[242] And what else do you do?
[243] What are your hobbies, old friend?
[244] Well, my buddy, my buddy old pal.
[245] I like to go to the sauna.
[246] Oh, I love it.
[247] And thank you for saying it correctly, because here in the United States, people say, do you want to, I went to a sauna.
[248] But I learned in Finland, it's sauna.
[249] Did you guys invent the sauna?
[250] That's why you get to call it what you want?
[251] Yeah, it's a very Finnish thing.
[252] The Russian neighbors, they have a bania, and Swedish people have Bastu.
[253] But yeah, sauna is the Finnish version.
[254] And of course, that's the only true one.
[255] You really want to have the true experience, and that's a sauna.
[256] Now, have you done this?
[257] Because Visa, when I was in Finland, I witnessed this.
[258] I didn't do it myself.
[259] but a bunch of people went into the sauna they were completely naked and they're in there and they're in there for a while until their body temperature gets very high and then they run out of the sauna and jump into water in winter in Finland which the water I mean I've no idea what the water would be is it 40 something degrees I've got to be less than that you mean Fahrenheit or Celsius?
[260] I don't know I'm just making up it's four Celsius 4 Celsius.
[261] I don't know what that means.
[262] Was that like 30 degrees or something?
[263] Oh, it can't really be below freezing.
[264] No, you can't.
[265] Yeah, yeah.
[266] So.
[267] Because you know that Celsius is smart.
[268] Zero is the freezing point.
[269] Fahrenheit is stupid.
[270] So, yeah.
[271] Zero is freezing.
[272] Hold on.
[273] Hold on.
[274] Visa, did you just said that our American way of doing things is stupid?
[275] Yeah, you have the foot and the inch, you know, on six foot four and stuff like that.
[276] It doesn't make any sense.
[277] Okay.
[278] You listen to me, Visa.
[279] You listen to me. You are on an American podcast right now.
[280] And as an American podcast, this is like an embassy.
[281] You are now on American soil.
[282] Yes, you will respect it.
[283] We are using American minutes to measure the length of this podcast.
[284] You understand?
[285] And listen, I'll say something else.
[286] Our former president, Jimmy Carter, he tried very hard in the 1970s to convert us to the metric system.
[287] He tried very hard for about a month, and it didn't work.
[288] And we've never, we've never tried again.
[289] I was in school when that happened.
[290] I had to learn all that.
[291] It was a dark time.
[292] It was a very dark time.
[293] Kilometers?
[294] Yeah.
[295] What is that?
[296] But then Reagan came along and went, well, don't worry about that.
[297] That man was an idiot.
[298] So, okay, I got it.
[299] I got it.
[300] Yeah, I've gone there.
[301] You know, we drill a hole in the ice.
[302] So because it's so cold, you know, the lake free.
[303] this is over.
[304] We have to drill a hole in the ice so we can go swim there.
[305] So that's like, that's the real thing.
[306] You go to a sauna, have a nice, nice hot loyul, and then you dip in the hole in the ice.
[307] Okay.
[308] Now, here's my question.
[309] Why doesn't that kill you?
[310] Because, because, listen, hear me out, Visa, hear me out.
[311] You get your body temperature up to some crazy height, and then you instantly, not gradually, but instantly bring it down to freezing.
[312] Why doesn't that make every, you know, artery in your body explode?
[313] Yeah, well, it does if you're weakhearted.
[314] You know, if you have some problems, if you have some problems with health, you shouldn't do it.
[315] How often do you lose people to that?
[316] I'm curious.
[317] Like, if you jump in with 10 people, did 9 come out?
[318] Yeah, yes, that's exactly true.
[319] I was going to say one out of 10 doesn't survive.
[320] Right, but that's why we're so, that's why we're so tough.
[321] Yeah, it's a way they've weed out the week.
[322] Finish roulette.
[323] Yeah.
[324] Yeah, that's good.
[325] A new invention, yeah.
[326] It gives new meaning to the term, you're finished, you know?
[327] Oh, man, come on.
[328] I'm here all week, Visa.
[329] I got to go.
[330] I don't want to be in this room anymore.
[331] Be nice to your, be nice to your waitress.
[332] Oh, that is terrible.
[333] Now, is it correct?
[334] I understand you're a musician as well, is that right?
[335] will I play music?
[336] Being a musician is a different thing.
[337] But yeah, yeah, I do play a guitar in a metal band.
[338] A metal band?
[339] A metal band called what?
[340] What's it called again?
[341] Harms.
[342] Harms.
[343] Harms.
[344] H -A -R -M -S -H -R -M -S -H -R -M -S.
[345] Yes.
[346] Yes.
[347] It's deep and dark, deep and dark stuff.
[348] So this is very deep, dark music.
[349] Have you put out an album?
[350] Yeah, yeah, we did.
[351] It's called A Lifetime Spent on D. Hey, that was my wedding song.
[352] I danced with my wife at that to that.
[353] I love that.
[354] I love that.
[355] I would love to hear this music.
[356] Is there any way we can hear this music?
[357] Like at the moment?
[358] Edward can do anything.
[359] He's a wizard.
[360] Could we put a little clip in right now?
[361] Can we put a clip in right now?
[362] Yeah, let's do it.
[363] Is there a particular song that you recommend?
[364] You want a feature here?
[365] Wait, wait, let's play.
[366] There's no happiness worth living for, or?
[367] Let's play towards the sixth end.
[368] Towards the sixth end?
[369] Yeah, that's it what it's called.
[370] What does that mean towards the sixth end?
[371] Well, that's basically an apocalypse thing.
[372] God, you're a fun guy.
[373] Yes, we have some fun stuff here.
[374] Here we go.
[375] Here's a clip.
[376] I like it.
[377] It's funny because I can't hear it.
[378] Oh, oh, hold it!
[379] You know what?
[380] You know what?
[381] This is strong.
[382] No one goes to Connor O 'Brien for a review of dark metal.
[383] But I did.
[384] European dark metal.
[385] I could all change today if you nailed this.
[386] But I like that.
[387] Who's the vocalist?
[388] It's my buddy, Yossi.
[389] Yulsi?
[390] Yulsi.
[391] Yeah, yeah.
[392] Yuzzi is the man behind the mic.
[393] Okay.
[394] And is you?
[395] he's singing, it's a little hard to hear what he's saying, is he singing in English, or is he...
[396] English, yeah.
[397] It's English.
[398] Okay.
[399] Yeah.
[400] Okay.
[401] And what is he saying?
[402] Do you want to read the lyrics?
[403] Yes, please.
[404] Yes, yes.
[405] Okay, this became a poetry session.
[406] So, okay.
[407] That's all right.
[408] Let's go here.
[409] To what's the sixth end?
[410] No, we played the sixth end.
[411] no actually which one which one did we play did we play towards the sixth the sixth then so there's a song called towards the six end and then there's one called the sixth end is that what you're saying yeah we played the sixth end okay so here's the lyrics yes yes the final sunrise grim lights upon us colored in suffering the warm in comfort fed by the black curse detached from the guilt and so forth Oh, that's it.
[412] Yes, Visa, here's my diagnosis.
[413] Or let's go, let's go, let's do it.
[414] Give it to me. You live in a country where there's, I think, an hour of daylight.
[415] Pretty much, yeah.
[416] Per year.
[417] Per year, all you have to drink is this one drink and none of you can agree on how it's pronounced.
[418] Your way of having fun is to sit in a very hot, sweaty room and then jump through a hole in the ice.
[419] And then if you live, you get to do it.
[420] it again the next day.
[421] But we've got our measurement system wrong.
[422] Yeah.
[423] But where are the fuck up?
[424] And this is why this music is dark.
[425] And I think this reflects what it's like to live in Finland.
[426] Am I correct?
[427] Yeah, you got it exactly right.
[428] That's pretty much it.
[429] We struggle here and you can see it from our activities.
[430] But you know what would be cool?
[431] What would be really cool?
[432] You do the high -pitched thing because you sing great.
[433] Your sound is awesome.
[434] Thank you.
[435] Yeah, yeah, I'm sucking up here at the moment.
[436] That's very good.
[437] That's okay.
[438] You're talking about this thing.
[439] Shabba, shabba.
[440] That thing.
[441] That thing, yeah.
[442] I note that no other human can hit.
[443] Yeah, yeah.
[444] That's the signature cone and pitch.
[445] So if I would clip that and use it in one of our songs, that would sound.
[446] Of course you can.
[447] I'll give you one right now and you can cut it.
[448] it right in.
[449] Yeah, let's do it.
[450] All right.
[451] And what will be the title of that song?
[452] Kill me. I coded my cancer with misery, then ate it with my wound.
[453] Yes, yes, let's do it.
[454] It's a constant hits.
[455] It's going to be a hit song.
[456] Visa, it has been a pleasure talking to you.
[457] Yeah, with you too.
[458] No, no, you're really fine.
[459] And I do hope to get back to Finland one day soon.
[460] In the meantime, please tell people there that I hold them close to my heart, seriously.
[461] Yes, I had an amazing experience there, and you're a wonderful people, and I can't wait to get back.
[462] Yeah, straight back at you, you know, it's been truly a pleasure to be a part of this very small bits in the ocean of coal and gold.
[463] So, yeah, I'm really great.
[464] All right, now you're my friend again.
[465] All right.
[466] Yeah, I'm really grateful.
[467] Thank you so much.
[468] Visa.
[469] Really nice to meet you.
[470] And that was very funny.
[471] Thank you.
[472] That was awesome.
[473] Thank you.
[474] Bye.
[475] Bye, bye, bye.
[476] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[477] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[478] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[479] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[480] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[481] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[482] Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[483] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.