Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Tara.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hello.
[7] Hi, Conan.
[8] Hi, Cona.
[9] Hi, Matt.
[10] Hi, Tara.
[11] Is it Tara or Tara?
[12] Yes.
[13] Well, you can do it either way, but I say Tara.
[14] Tara.
[15] Well, I want to get this right.
[16] Hello, Tara.
[17] It's very nice to see you.
[18] And where are you in the world right now?
[19] I am calling from just outside of Bangkok right now, Thailand.
[20] Oh, you're in Bangkok, Thailand.
[21] Wow, this is incredible.
[22] Well, first of all, tell us a little bit about yourself.
[23] Describe who is this Tara from just outside Bangkok, Thailand?
[24] I am a part -time university lecturer.
[25] So I'm teaching at the school I went to for my BA.
[26] and I'm also a freelance translator, so I take on jobs whenever I can get them as well.
[27] Very good.
[28] And what's the subject that you teach?
[29] I teach two subjects, so English and translation.
[30] Okay, very good.
[31] And do you lecture?
[32] I do.
[33] I'm in charge of like one group of, say, 25 students for the whole term.
[34] So, yeah, they're with me for the whole term, and I lecture.
[35] them, give them exercises, mark their papers, so on and so forth.
[36] Here's what I've always thought in the years that I was being instructed.
[37] I always thought someone either is good at that or they're not, being able to stand up in front of people and give a lecture.
[38] Have you found that you have that ability and that you like it?
[39] You enjoy it?
[40] I do enjoy it.
[41] Do I have the ability?
[42] That's up for debate, maybe.
[43] Well, I think you do.
[44] I'm going to say I think you do.
[45] I think you're, I have great confidence in you already, and I'm sure that you do.
[46] And what's it like?
[47] Do you have to, what's the earliest you have to start with your students?
[48] Because I used to notice the hardest thing was going to a lecture early in the morning.
[49] That's the hardest thing.
[50] Oh, gosh.
[51] My earliest class starts at 8 a .m. on a Monday.
[52] Oh, no one goes to that class.
[53] I bet no one shows up.
[54] Everybody shows up, but nobody wants to be there, including me. that's the way to win him over tara yes um so what do you do how do you get them going at eight o 'clock in the morning um well this term because i'm teaching translation there's not really much that you can do you you just sort of have to power through it but you know last term when i was teaching english i would try to like maybe get them a bit hyped up with small games or exercises at the beginning but But everybody knows that it's just, it's just something you have to accept, sort of.
[55] Have you ever tried magic, magic tricks?
[56] I just think if you could learn a few magic tricks and if they were the kind that used some, you know, those little explosive powdery things that go kapoom, kapum, you know, that might get people going.
[57] Maybe, maybe, and I'll go in and be like, the prestige or something.
[58] Yes, exactly.
[59] Exactly.
[60] I'm telling you, if you go in with a little showmanship, now you've stepped into my area of expertise.
[61] You need to put on a show for a crowd.
[62] You need to amp up the energy.
[63] You need to bring in props if necessary.
[64] You need to use.
[65] Yes.
[66] Oh, yes.
[67] Oh, yes.
[68] Like what kind of props?
[69] Well, first of all, to have a live tiger there on a leash is not a bad idea.
[70] And second of all, you've got to wear dramatic clothing.
[71] Elvis Presley, when he went from doing movies to Vegas in the late 60s, went for a rhinestone -studded jumpsuit.
[72] That can help too.
[73] Things that grab the attention.
[74] What do you think, Tara?
[75] I think I'd better check with the university regarding, you know, live animals on campus.
[76] But, you know, I am definitely noting all of this down.
[77] All right.
[78] I'm going to give you what there's a famous expression here in the United States, better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission.
[79] so just go ahead and do it and then if something goes wrong and somebody gets mauled while they're trying to learn about English literature or translation you say oh I'm so sorry I won't do it again I won't do it again and then make sure the tiger's there too with you nodding going sorry I mean what's the words they can do fire me no actually you could probably go to jail I didn't think about that I just well I just did it just occurred to me right now that if you do any of what I'm saying, you could be jailed.
[80] So how did you become acquainted with our world in our podcast?
[81] Is it, are you a listener of the podcast or do you, have you checked us out?
[82] Okay.
[83] Tell us about that.
[84] I, well, I guess I started by watching your videos on YouTube back when I was maybe in high school.
[85] I don't remember how I came across the first Conan video I ever saw.
[86] But, yeah.
[87] They're so ubiquitous and so a part of everyone's life It's kind of like saying what's the first No, it's like saying when was the first time you caught a ball Or caught the common cold Thank you Well, okay Son of a bitch Yeah, it's like best life Pre -Conan and Post -Conan But I don't remember the shift Yes, who remembers their first bout of diarrhea?
[88] No one, but you move on in life So You nailed it you got there with your helpful friend well uh so so so Tara so tell us you started listening to you started watching the videos and then you started listening to the podcast yeah so I think your podcast started coming out just when I was um maybe about to do my master's degree so um yeah they came at a great time because um I was in another country alone um struggling with sort of loneliness a little bit, and they really kept me company, got me through my MA, and, you know, you've been like my Spotify top listen for the past every single year since you've put the podcast out.
[89] That's nice.
[90] Thank you very much.
[91] That's really sweet.
[92] We're all very honored that you would listen to our foolishness.
[93] And I understand that we've been some help to you in your romantic life.
[94] Is that true?
[95] Oh yeah, yes, that's right I somehow bonded with my boyfriend over your show as well and yeah, we'd like watch clips or send clips to each other and then just sort of discuss how Conan is like Pee -P comedy Oh, that's incredible Hey, I like this guy a lot Who is, what's this guy's name?
[96] His name is Graff, so So in Thailand, people have nicknames that don't really have anything to do with their personality.
[97] You might know that.
[98] But yeah, so his nickname is just graph, and that's the nickname he was given at birth.
[99] So, you know, it's not like he's a mathematical wizard or anything.
[100] But he could have been named anything.
[101] People's nicknames are often just inanimate objects.
[102] Yeah.
[103] Or just random words.
[104] Yeah.
[105] What's your nickname?
[106] I'm one of the weird type people who don't have a nickname.
[107] Oh, we should give her one.
[108] Yeah, yeah.
[109] Podcasts.
[110] Yeah.
[111] Podcasts or VCR remote.
[112] Huh.
[113] No, I think podcast.
[114] Yeah.
[115] Well, just because it seems like it's got some meaning behind it.
[116] Yeah.
[117] Okay.
[118] I was just going for totally random.
[119] Oh.
[120] But, you know, who knows?
[121] We'll find you a good nickname, but for now your podcast.
[122] Okay.
[123] I'll accept that.
[124] Yeah.
[125] Well, you really have no choice.
[126] We mean, this is what we do.
[127] That's right.
[128] He's telling the truth podcast.
[129] Yeah.
[130] You just have to understand podcast that when you and Graf met, it was foreordained.
[131] That's right.
[132] I'm curious you, so what happened?
[133] Did you, were you in a cafe?
[134] And you heard this handsome gentleman across the cafe chuckling.
[135] And you said, excuse me, sir, what is you chuckling at?
[136] And he said, oh, that, that rascally Conan.
[137] And then you said, why I, I enjoy Conan as well.
[138] And then hearts came out of your heads.
[139] Is that, is that what?
[140] Is this, is this, yeah.
[141] Is this what happened?
[142] His own erotic fiction.
[143] Oh, my God.
[144] And it's like, fan fan fiction.
[145] Yeah.
[146] So what, is that what happened?
[147] Yes, that's exactly what happened.
[148] No, tell us what exactly.
[149] No, no, we were, we, we, we knew each other since, I'm going to say, like, 11, 12, we were, we were school friends.
[150] And we'd always sort of been close -ish, but then, yeah, we started, you know, sort of talking towards the end of, like, high school.
[151] And I don't, I don't know how you came up.
[152] I think maybe he even sent me the first video and sort of got me on to you or something.
[153] And yeah, the rest is just sort of history, really.
[154] That's nice.
[155] How long have you two been together now?
[156] It's going to be 10 years next month.
[157] Wow.
[158] It's been a while.
[159] Yeah, it's been a while.
[160] Are you getting pressure from your family?
[161] Are they saying what's happening here?
[162] Yeah, my mom just keeps saying, you know, I want a grandchild.
[163] I want a grandchild all the time.
[164] So that's fun, but every time anybody we know says, you know, when are you going to get married, when are you going to have kids, blah, blah, and we'll be like, if you just give us the money to like have a wedding and the money to like raise a child for until they go, off to college, then, yeah, just do that and we'll...
[165] Well, Conan, you have a lot of money.
[166] Yeah, you should just pay for it.
[167] She's your fan.
[168] First of all, I'd love to, and I did have a lot of money.
[169] Some bad investments were made, and I apologize.
[170] I thought NECO wafers were coming back.
[171] Oh, man. Yeah, and I went all in.
[172] I thought there'd be a huge resurgence during COVID of a very untasty wafer.
[173] Good chalk, though.
[174] Good sidewalk chalk.
[175] from the 1902.
[176] And so I went all in, built a factory.
[177] I would like, of course, I would love if you two wanted to be together, you know, and become married someday.
[178] I feel like I should be there because I was, let's be fair, I was one of the reasons that you two came together.
[179] Honestly, yeah, would you officiate for us?
[180] Yes, I would.
[181] Yeah, I've done it before.
[182] I've married people before.
[183] I am registered online as a minister with the Church of the Holy Get Groovy.
[184] And I think it expired.
[185] I think I'll have to do is press Control Alt 3 and I'm re -entered again.
[186] That easy.
[187] I don't know.
[188] Can you do it in Thailand?
[189] I think I haven't looked into the laws in Thailand but I'm 100 % certain I can.
[190] I mean, this is binding, right?
[191] We have audio and video proof, so.
[192] Yeah, yeah.
[193] Oh, I guess you're a legal scholar as well.
[194] No, but listen, I think there are many ways I could help you.
[195] I think I could help you with your 8 a .m. lecture.
[196] I think those kids would pay attention if maybe I instructed the class and you could just watch me do it.
[197] I think that you would see how it should be done.
[198] No offense, but I think you'd see a whole new way to approach your students.
[199] What do you think of that?
[200] Oh, I believe it.
[201] Yeah.
[202] Then I think I could take you and graph out to a nice restaurant maybe or a club.
[203] And we could relive the time that you first bonded.
[204] I could read ad copy from a podcast live while you two rekindled what brought you together in the first place.
[205] And then I could talk to your mother and say, you know, I know you want a grandchild.
[206] I have two children.
[207] I don't see them a lot.
[208] We don't get along so she could have, you know, one of them coming out.
[209] I'm thinking of my son.
[210] He's very tall.
[211] He's about 17.
[212] But I'd loan him out for a year.
[213] I was at a very reasonable rate.
[214] If you did the class instruction, let's say it's an hour class, would you do like 55 minutes of performance and then it would be five minutes of actual instruction?
[215] Do you want these kids paying attention or not?
[216] You want to pay attention?
[217] What they learn no one really goes to university to learn.
[218] They learn how to learn.
[219] And that's what I could provide.
[220] I could provide an incredible experience at 8 a .m. that would blow their minds.
[221] And I think change the way they think about English literature and the English language and translation.
[222] So I think this would be a game changer.
[223] for these young people and they would never forget it.
[224] And then you could use some of my methods.
[225] What do you think?
[226] There was so much silence there.
[227] There was so much nothing for a while.
[228] I think I would love to say it.
[229] You don't sound, you're thrilled yourself podcast.
[230] Maybe you graph and your friends bottle and an electric toothbrush should get together and talk this over, but I'm convinced that I could be a great, great force in your life.
[231] Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you'll help me sort my life out.
[232] And I, I mean, whenever I don't need to do that myself, that's always a plus, isn't it?
[233] You know, it's funny, you bonded with possibly potentially your future husband over my work.
[234] My wife and I, true story, my wife, Liza, who I've been married to for 21 years, we bonded over our distaste for my world.
[235] Oh, no. Yeah.
[236] And to this day, it's kept us together.
[237] She just doesn't get it.
[238] And to be honest with you, neither do I. Gives things fresh, doesn't it?
[239] Yeah, it really does.
[240] It really spices up the marriage when you're totally not respected.
[241] Tara, you seem like a very nice person And I'm very impressed with you I think she's a very impressive person She is I mean I can't believe you teach people I know I can't believe it either It's just a lot That's a lot of pressure I could never do that I think I'd be like Conan I just want them to like me so much Like I would be Just doing whatever I could do To make people like me I don't see you showing up At an 8 o 'clock AM class To teach it Let alone...
[242] That's actually true.
[243] I wouldn't do that one.
[244] You would...
[245] She'd send David.
[246] Yeah.
[247] You'd send my other assistant, David, to go do it.
[248] And in between shots of the kids, barely struggling through the 8 a .m. class would be shots of you passed out hard for.
[249] Yeah.
[250] Yeah.
[251] I'd go to the parties with the students, but I don't think you're allowed to do that anyway.
[252] Sorry.
[253] Do you ever party with your students?
[254] No, because they're still technically underaged.
[255] I don't think I should.
[256] Because I need alcohol in my potty.
[257] Oh, the alcohol aspect.
[258] Oh, no, no, no. What are you thinking?
[259] I mean, what sounded creepy when you first said it?
[260] But trust me, some of those kids are drinking.
[261] Speaking of alcohol, I have in my notes that you really like to drink wine and scotch.
[262] Is that right?
[263] Yes.
[264] Yes, I do.
[265] Together?
[266] Well, let me just rephrase that.
[267] What is it, what is your drink of choice, Tara?
[268] most of the most of the times it's wine mine and what about spirits if you're going to have spirits what kind do you have I do like scotch a lot but the the bad thing is that I quite like expensive scotch but as you can probably imagine teachers don't get paid very well I mean all over the world but also especially in Thailand so whenever I'm having like a really nice glass of scotch and I think about how many hours I have to teach to be able to afford that scotch.
[269] It sort of takes the enjoyment out of it.
[270] I'm sending you some good scotch.
[271] Yeah, what do you like?
[272] What do you like?
[273] What do you like?
[274] What's a good scotch that you would like to drink?
[275] I am sending you some good scotch.
[276] I mean, think big here.
[277] He's going to send you something free.
[278] Again, this is all binding.
[279] No, no. I didn't say it was free.
[280] She has to, I'm billing her.
[281] No. Plus for shipping.
[282] No. Plus for shipping and handling.
[283] And handling and my labor.
[284] I'm going to keep an eye on.
[285] my gas tank when I, no, no, no, of course, Sarah.
[286] I want to send you some good scotch.
[287] What do you like?
[288] I really like scotch from the Isle of Isler.
[289] So those really...
[290] Like a Lafroig?
[291] Yeah, Lefroig or Ardbeg, those really peaty, smoky ones.
[292] Okay, all right.
[293] You're going to help me with this because Gourley knows his scotches.
[294] Well, I've had more come out of me than in me, but...
[295] What the fuck?
[296] What that helps?
[297] What was that hell was that?
[298] Throwing up a lot of scotch.
[299] Well, that's pleasant.
[300] I'm sorry.
[301] I should have told you that Gorley is a terrible alcoholic.
[302] I'm sorry.
[303] Those peaty scotches have really floored me like no other alcohol before.
[304] I'm getting you some scotch.
[305] And I'm going to, our people are going to tell me they're going to find out where I can send it.
[306] And I'll get it to you.
[307] Oh, wow.
[308] So you're getting me scotch.
[309] You're officiating, officiating my wedding.
[310] Possibly.
[311] You're talking to my mom about loaning your son out.
[312] And that's all at the price of him teaching your class.
[313] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[314] If you, you have to give me that 8 o 'clock a .m. class.
[315] Oh, gladly.
[316] I'm going to need a little bit of time to talk to your local zoo and to get some pyrotechnics.
[317] So this is a tall order, but I'm going to turn it all around, Tara.
[318] Sounds good.
[319] Well, it was lovely talking to you.
[320] You're really an accomplished, intelligent person, and I wish nothing but good things for you.
[321] Oh, thank you.
[322] Thank you so much.
[323] Yeah, I can tell that didn't mean much to you.
[324] Oh, no, no, no. No, no, I'm sorry.
[325] It means the love.
[326] Yes, yes.
[327] I'm so needy.
[328] None of this means anything until she gets her scotch.
[329] And I'll post on Instagram.
[330] and be like, thank you so much, my savior.
[331] Yes, that's what I like.
[332] I have a savior complex.
[333] My best to graph.
[334] And I hope our paths cross soon.
[335] That would be fun.
[336] I hope so.
[337] I mean, if you ever come to Thailand and need like an interpreter, or maybe not, but, you know, if you ever come to Thailand, just hit me up.
[338] We'll hang out.
[339] I'll sneak you into class and you can do your bits.
[340] You know.
[341] My bits.
[342] That sounded so terrible.
[343] You know what's so sad?
[344] I'll let you do your bits.
[345] You realize Tara, that's what they're going to be telling me in the nursing home.
[346] Oh, Conan, yeah.
[347] Oh, Conan, finish your porridge.
[348] And then you can, we'll let you come out for the rich.
[349] Don't you know that this podcast came about because of a secret meeting where you need to find a place where Conan can do his bits?
[350] We need to let him do his bits in a room.
[351] Oh, Tara, you've exposed the whole sad sham.
[352] All right, well, thank you.
[353] that's very nice of you.
[354] That's very nice of you.
[355] And I wish you all the best.
[356] All right, you take care.
[357] Have a great day, Tara.
[358] Thank you.
[359] Thank you.
[360] Thank you for this opportunity.
[361] Oh, yeah.
[362] My podcast.
[363] Um, buy microphone.
[364] By, by headphones.
[365] Bye, sweater.
[366] Bye.
[367] Bye.
[368] Bye -bye.
[369] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley.
[370] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[371] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanne, Sola Taroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[372] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[373] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[374] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[375] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[376] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[377] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[378] This has been a Team Coco production.
[379] in association with Stitcher.