Bike Pervert

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit teamco .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Renee, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[5] How are you, Renee?

[6] Hello.

[7] Hi, I'm good.

[8] Good to meet you, Conan.

[9] I love the way you say my name.

[10] Can I hear it one more time?

[11] Conan.

[12] I like to say Conan.

[13] Whatever you want, I think he put an umlaught on my name.

[14] Two little dots.

[15] I love that.

[16] Conan.

[17] It's very cool.

[18] Conan, Conan.

[19] You can't.

[20] God.

[21] And I should not forget Son I met, of course.

[22] Hi, guys.

[23] Hi.

[24] You're welcome to forget them, if you wish.

[25] Renee, first of all, tell us where you are right now in the world.

[26] I'm in the Netherlands, in a place called Breda, which is in the south, close to Belgium.

[27] But maybe you're already lost with the Netherlands.

[28] Oh, okay.

[29] Thanks a lot.

[30] You show a lot of faith.

[31] No, I'm very aware.

[32] I think the Netherlands is one of my favorite islands.

[33] And just southwest of Spain, just floating off the coast.

[34] So, Breda, I have never been to Breda or the Netherlands, and I would love to go someday.

[35] But tell me a little bit about yourself.

[36] You appear to be.

[37] Well, he reminds me a little of you.

[38] I was just thinking that, you know, but I think I flatter myself.

[39] You're a very good -looking guy.

[40] Well, so were you, Matt.

[41] But no, doesn't he look?

[42] I think if something, God forbid, something were to happen to Matt.

[43] Wait a minute.

[44] Very soon.

[45] Wait a minute.

[46] I mean, like literally within three days.

[47] Come on.

[48] I think, Renee, you could drop right in and be the Braida Netherlands version of Matt.

[49] I love Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

[50] See, he knows all about you.

[51] That's all you need to do.

[52] Yeah.

[53] Oh, he doesn't really know.

[54] Not so much.

[55] Sorry.

[56] I used to like it, but.

[57] Yeah.

[58] Don't you get Star Wars and Star Trek?

[59] confused?

[60] Doesn't that happen to you all the time?

[61] No, we're not, though, like you, Conan.

[62] No. It's simple.

[63] Okay.

[64] Anyway.

[65] I like this.

[66] Sorry.

[67] I like this.

[68] I approve him as my replacement.

[69] I like the movie where Spock and Yoda finally make up and mend fences.

[70] Renee, am I saying your name correctly?

[71] Renee.

[72] Yeah, exactly.

[73] You know, some people prefer Renée.

[74] Renee, I see it looks like a bicycle crashed in the background behind you.

[75] I see a bunch of tires.

[76] Oh, my God, you've got several bikes.

[77] You have several bicycles.

[78] Oh, they're hanging.

[79] Okay, tell me, are you a bike fanatic?

[80] I am, yeah.

[81] I cycle quite a lot, and I'm also a bicycle designer, so it sort of fits.

[82] That's cool.

[83] So wait, so you design bicycles?

[84] I'm a little, I have to admit, I don't have a lot of hobbies, but I love bicycles.

[85] I really do.

[86] I'm obsessed with bicycles.

[87] You really do, okay.

[88] And I love to.

[89] ride a bicycle and I like to I also just love looking at them.

[90] I think they're beautiful beautiful examples of engineering and sculpture.

[91] I really like You just look at them like you sit stand in your garage and just stare at your butt.

[92] That's what we do so now.

[93] I'm not kidding.

[94] There are times when I've been riding my bike I have this all steel bike that I had made by this gentleman in Portland who's quite good at it and I I will ride my bike and then I'll chain it up outside a coffee shop down in Santa Monica and I'll be sipping coffee and looking out the window staring at my bike like a creep.

[95] This is all the worst because you recently revealed that you shaved your chest for biking too and to think of you there just all smooth chest.

[96] It wasn't just for biking.

[97] There was another reason too and I don't want to get into it.

[98] Let's just say it's for a movie role and a movie that I'm not allowed to publicize.

[99] Bike pervert?

[100] It has nothing to do with biking Okay Are you shaved Renee?

[101] Sorry My legs are Yeah There you go There you go And I gotta admit It's Oh by the way Aesthetics Renee Don't don't be put off That's Sona's question For everyone On the podcast Are you shaved As long as we don't get any further Than the legs Yeah Every time Every time I'm in a restaurant With Sona That's the first thing she asks The waiter or waitress Are you shaved?

[102] Any drinks for this table?

[103] Shaved?

[104] How do you like your Parmesan?

[105] Shaved?

[106] Oh, God.

[107] So you design bikes.

[108] I'm going to tell you something, Renee.

[109] And I don't know if you are aware of my physical attributes, but or deformities, however you want to call it.

[110] I have extremely.

[111] No, but.

[112] Okay, take it easy.

[113] No, not just no but.

[114] Renee.

[115] Take it easy.

[116] So, wow, tensions between the U .S. and the Netherlands are boiling.

[117] I have very long legs.

[118] And so when I get a bike off the rack, it just doesn't work.

[119] And so I was tortured for years.

[120] And then someone said, no, you have to get a bike fitted.

[121] So I did that.

[122] Customsate.

[123] And it was night and day.

[124] But when people see my bike, they start laughing.

[125] Because of my dimensions, the seat is maybe five and a half.

[126] feet from the ground, but then the seat and the handlebars are very close together.

[127] It's like some circus bike that a grizzly bear would ride.

[128] Can you imagine, Renee, what my bike would look like?

[129] Yeah, you got a long head tube and you sit quite upright on your bike, probably.

[130] Yeah.

[131] And people see me for miles around and circus music plays and it's a lot of fun.

[132] Yeah.

[133] I know it looks weird, but it's it's healthy in your, in, in, it's, in, in, it's, You're a six foot four?

[134] Yeah.

[135] Something like that?

[136] Yeah, you need a custom bike.

[137] Otherwise, you just hurt yourself.

[138] No, it's true.

[139] So what kind of bike would you design for me?

[140] Would you, let's say that you got the proportions correct.

[141] What about styling?

[142] If you were to make me a bike, how would you do any kind of special styling for me?

[143] Tasks.

[144] No, not tassels.

[145] All tassels and fringe.

[146] Tassels and a big banana seat.

[147] Yeah, with a horn that doesn't work.

[148] If we go full custom, we can make a nice carbon bike for you, just a one -off.

[149] I mean, you probably got the money for it.

[150] No, I don't, actually.

[151] I invested very badly.

[152] The steel bike is nice, but it's like the 17th is calling their bikes back.

[153] Oh, snap.

[154] Wow.

[155] Bird, bike bird.

[156] It's a bike rash.

[157] Now, wait a minute.

[158] Some people, I don't want to talk about a very specific fight.

[159] Some people think that the steel bike has its advantages over the carbon bike.

[160] What are those advantages?

[161] Well, carbon bike, you get one little nick on the carbon.

[162] The whole thing can explode.

[163] What?

[164] And it's happened.

[165] Every day I ride down the road and I see bikes exploding to the left and the right of me because the carbon can't handle it.

[166] True or not true, Renee?

[167] Oh, absolutely true, not.

[168] Wow.

[169] You read that on Facebook, probably.

[170] Yeah.

[171] Or on the Tucker Carlson show.

[172] Oh, well, Tucker, I only go to Tucker for bike advice, and he's always, he's always spot on.

[173] Okay, so you design, but you design bikes, what else, what else do you do?

[174] Is that your, is that your profession?

[175] That is, that's my main profession for the last 20 years or so.

[176] Okay.

[177] And it's not just the frames or the bikes.

[178] I'd also do graphics or smaller parts like wheels or handlebars.

[179] What are wheels?

[180] Wheels are not a smaller part.

[181] Renee.

[182] Oh, and those little fringe parts, like wheels.

[183] You know, some people, some people get crazy and want wheels.

[184] Yeah, but when I get an assignment, it's either the frame that I have to design or the graphics or the wheels or the handlebars.

[185] It's all just a matter of putting all those components together.

[186] But the client is usually somebody who makes either the frame or the handlebar or the wheels.

[187] Okay.

[188] Got it.

[189] Now, what, do you have?

[190] have another profession as well, or is it exclusively bikes?

[191] Well, on the side, I also have a small company that designs horse riding underwear, which is quite straight from cycling.

[192] That was going to be my guess.

[193] From cycling?

[194] My guest was going to be either you sell heroin or you make horse riding underwear.

[195] Wait a minute.

[196] Is there special underwear for people that ride horses?

[197] Yeah.

[198] Well, there's now.

[199] There wasn't until I started.

[200] It is, well, you can imagine there's quite a lot of vibration.

[201] in the saddle when they're moving around in certain writing styles.

[202] Yes, yeah.

[203] And so the underwear.

[204] Hey, could you keep rocking up and down like that?

[205] Renee, just do that again.

[206] All right, let's play a little music.

[207] I'm a macha -chum -ca -chuk.

[208] From the side.

[209] It's not the music I was thinking about.

[210] You two are on completely different pages.

[211] You're riding a horse and I'm in late 70s, full -on steel porn.

[212] I gotta say, I don't write horse, so excuse me for not portraying it correctly.

[213] Did you make these so that you could also use them for the bicycle?

[214] Is that part of it?

[215] Or did I just give you a brilliant idea?

[216] Well, if you sit more upright, then our padding would be correct, then it would be very nice.

[217] But the position of the body is different for horse riding and for cycling.

[218] So the cycling wear would not be suitable for horse riding, which is why I came up with the specifically for the horse riding.

[219] Renee, let's get into specifics here.

[220] You're riding a horse.

[221] What are we, and you talk about abrasion.

[222] Are we protecting, let me just be very clear and clinical, the genitalio or the ass region or the area in between which I think science calls the taint.

[223] What are we protecting?

[224] We're protecting everything.

[225] So it's sort of like a diamond shape.

[226] Yeah, I would imagine that.

[227] It's the perineum.

[228] You've got the pubic arches where you're sitting on.

[229] Over five billion served.

[230] By the way, my pubic area.

[231] Arch collapsed a while ago, and now I'm wearing pubic orthotics.

[232] Oh, God.

[233] He has a pubic gulch.

[234] Oh, no. So, Renee.

[235] That, no. You know, you need to apologize to everybody in this.

[236] I just rolled up a piece of paper and fired it at you with my fingers.

[237] Renee, if you don't mind me, really, because I'm interested in designing my own binding, netherware.

[238] This equestrian gear, why did you get into what made you think of getting into designing underwear for horse riders?

[239] Well, I was, at the time, my girlfriend was a horse rider.

[240] And I was designing cycling wear for my clients.

[241] And she saw me working with this foam, this pad that you wear on this, in the cycling shorts.

[242] Yes.

[243] And she said, oh, my God, I want this for horse riding, some kind of padding, some kind of comforts.

[244] And I asked, well, don't you have this kind of stuff here in the equestrian world?

[245] So I dug into that whole market and there was barely anything.

[246] So I started designing new underwear specifically.

[247] Wow.

[248] So you create this company with your girlfriend.

[249] Yeah, which is now actually my ex -girlfriend, but the company still exists to make things a little bit less complicated.

[250] Okay, I don't want this to be awkward, but the business survive the breakup of the relationship?

[251] Exactly.

[252] Oh, okay.

[253] That's very nice.

[254] Do you still work together?

[255] Yeah, yeah.

[256] So it sounds like you invented underwear.

[257] We don't have an office where we meet each other every day, but yeah, we see each other.

[258] It's ironic that you designed a garment that could cut down on friction, but not the friction in your relationship.

[259] Wow.

[260] What do you think of that?

[261] That's profound.

[262] Deep.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Hey, Renee.

[265] I need to think about this.

[266] got a question why not cut out the middleman and isn't it time to reinvent the saddle it's just an old leather thing what if you put the foam on the saddle you know what i like the way you're thinking and i want a piece of this business no yeah i just thought of it i know and i'm here to say me too good idea there was a guy next to edison who said i like it and he got 50 % of the light bulb.

[267] Renee, what do you think about what Matt just said that you're, you know, let's let's fix the saddle.

[268] Well, there are foam pads that you can lay over the saddle.

[269] I don't want something extra.

[270] But a lot of the riding that needs to have more contact with the lettuce saddle.

[271] There's a reason why it's so hard because you need to be able to steer the horse with very subtle movements with the legs.

[272] I didn't know that but my ex -girlfriend told me about it I think there's a better way to I would like to suggest a better way to steer the horse because traditionally I think people use their legs and they use the reins but I think this is something that could be done with one of those Wii controllers there's a way to do this what about just a steering wheel and planted into the horse I tried that once okay yeah it didn't go well it's great listening to the two of you talk about horse riding well yeah I bet it is I feel like we're making never ridden a horse We're making vast improvements.

[273] Already between the two of us, we've reinvented the saddle, which will now be made of a very different material, probably some sort of soft meat.

[274] And also...

[275] Do we need the horse?

[276] Let me ask that.

[277] If we were just to get a motorcycle.

[278] Or...

[279] What about four wheels?

[280] And then you have a really nice seat and...

[281] A steering wheel.

[282] A steering wheel.

[283] I'm in on this.

[284] I went in on this.

[285] Yeah.

[286] And you call it a...

[287] Whatever.

[288] A Mustang.

[289] A Mustang.

[290] There you go.

[291] I think we've now transformed your business radically.

[292] You need to move to Detroit and start making these on an assembly line.

[293] I agree with this reasoning.

[294] I'm not a big horse fan either, so I prefer four wheels or two wheels.

[295] Do you think the fact that you don't like horses and, in fact, just admitted to hating them led to the break of a relationship?

[296] Yeah.

[297] No, it wasn't that.

[298] Oh, okay.

[299] But maybe a small part.

[300] Okay.

[301] All right.

[302] Well, I want to tell you something.

[303] I'm going to tell you something.

[304] I like to ride a bike, but I made a decision a number of years ago, this is all completely true.

[305] I don't like wearing cycling wear.

[306] And I really, and I, the guys that I bike with, they don't like it either.

[307] So we all started just wearing like short, like regular cargo shorts.

[308] I like that.

[309] I don't want to be dressed as a spaceman.

[310] And I'll still do a, you know, a good, long, serious ride.

[311] but if I wear there's cycling like underwear you can buy that you put on underneath and then you just put on regular I'm going camping clothes and you take off and I far prefer that I don't I hated walking in to get coffee someplace and looking like my my UFO had just landed out in this street so you're the same way for some things yeah I adjust my style according to the writing I do let me ask you another question and this fascinates me some countries, and I'm hoping that this is true of the Netherlands, but my dream would be to drive my bike to work.

[312] I live quite far from here, and L .A. isn't built for it.

[313] But I see that in Europe, they've done, I mean, they've made so much progress in building all these incredible thoroughfares and places that are just completely for bikes so that people can ride their bike to work get off but be wearing like a cool suit i just think that's an amazing way to live it's a very bike friendly region the netherlands yes correct i mean we're very used to having bikers on the road so the the car drivers are i mean they're not very scared of having cyclists on the road as well okay separate lanes as well so yeah it's pretty safe over here and this is the other thing i want less safe but Renee I've just given you I've put you on I mean I hate to brag but this podcast is international sensation and I have now put a spotlight on you I think the least you could do is to design me a bike oh I would of course pay you a nominal fee upwards of 100 to 200 US dollars but what do you think would you design if you post it if you post my design I will design a bike for you of course I'll post your design.

[314] And I got a factory that makes the bike for you.

[315] But you need to, I have to have a bike fitting.

[316] You need to be there when I have a bike fitting.

[317] Unless I send you one of my existing bikes, but I want you to pay for the postage.

[318] You mean email.

[319] Oh, okay.

[320] But if you made me a bike, I would want it to be to all of my specifications.

[321] I want a milkshake holder.

[322] I want a place to keep magazines.

[323] I want all these things that most bikes don't have.

[324] You want a bespoke, bespoke bike.

[325] Yeah, exactly.

[326] I'm doing podcasting.

[327] That's how you do podcasting.

[328] That's that's done.

[329] Renee, it's been very nice talking to you.

[330] You seem like a gentleman and a scholar.

[331] Do you have a question for me?

[332] Maybe something you've always wanted to ask me since you've been a fan, even as a little boy.

[333] These are assumptions I'm making, but I think they're safe to make.

[334] I don't have a question which was with me all time, but since I know now that you're a writer, Where would you take me riding around your location?

[335] What is the nicest routes around L .A. for a cyclist?

[336] I'll tell you exactly.

[337] We go to ride together.

[338] Are we talking mountain bike?

[339] Are we talking road bike?

[340] Whatever your pick is.

[341] I can do both.

[342] Mountain biking here is fantastic because the mountains here are incredible.

[343] You can ride up.

[344] You can actually see some wildlife.

[345] Every now and then, if you're lucky, you'll encounter a bobcat.

[346] You get off your bike.

[347] You fight it.

[348] Then you get back on your bike.

[349] you get to a hospital as quickly as possible because the bobcat won.

[350] And the other one I would take you on if it was a road bike was I love to go over to the ocean and then down to the marina and then go south of the airport and you just ride along the ocean and you can't believe you're alive.

[351] It's just a great feeling.

[352] Wow.

[353] Okay, well, I'll give you a call when I'm in LA.

[354] No, seriously.

[355] Do that.

[356] They all have my number.

[357] I'll take you on a ride.

[358] They all have my number.

[359] Yeah.

[360] Does that please?

[361] All those espresso bars.

[362] Trust me. You drink your coffee.

[363] This works when I'm out in public.

[364] People say, I'll give you a call and I go, yep, they all have my number.

[365] So Sona, shut the fuck up.

[366] Anyway, no, of course everyone here knows how to contact me. Everyone you dealt with for this call knows how to get in touch with me because that's something I insist upon is everyone in the chain has to have my personal phone number.

[367] You and I think it would be great if we went riding.

[368] And here's the thing.

[369] When we do go riding, I'm going to look very different in person.

[370] person.

[371] Okay?

[372] You're going to swear it's not me. I'm going to be short.

[373] My hair is going to be kind of dark.

[374] And I'm not going to answer to the name Conan.

[375] But that's me, okay?

[376] The real incognito.

[377] Yeah, sure.

[378] Yeah.

[379] Okay.

[380] René, you seem like a good man. Yeah.

[381] And we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

[382] And I bet you make an amazing bike.

[383] And maybe, maybe I'll, maybe I'll contact you.

[384] Maybe we'll get a bike made.

[385] Cool.

[386] All right.

[387] Peace out.

[388] Tupac.

[389] Thanks all, guys.

[390] Bye, Renee.

[391] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[392] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.

[393] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[394] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[395] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[396] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.

[397] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[398] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[399] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[400] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[401] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.