Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hey, Marcus, meet Conan and Sona.
[5] Howdy?
[6] Hey, Marcus, how are you?
[7] I'm great.
[8] It's such a pleasure to meet everybody, honestly.
[9] I follow you guys like a lot with the podcast.
[10] It's like all I ever listen to.
[11] So I'm really, really grateful to be here.
[12] That's very nice.
[13] And you said it's nice to meet all of us, Marcus.
[14] Let's prioritize.
[15] Let's do some kind of order, if you will.
[16] Come on.
[17] Well, I'm sorry.
[18] Is it really like, oh, my God, is that really David Hoppin?
[19] I was going to say that.
[20] Conan's replaced.
[21] It might have been better than Conan himself.
[22] Oh, wow.
[23] Yes, Marcus.
[24] I'm just talking to Conan.
[25] Dagger through the heart, Marcus.
[26] No, I appreciate.
[27] No, that's exactly what I deserve when I become that crazy egotistical maniac.
[28] Marcus, it's nice to meet you.
[29] Tell us, you know, where are you coming?
[30] from.
[31] I know nothing about you.
[32] Tell us about yourself.
[33] I'm in Cameloup's British Columbia, which is in the south central part of BC.
[34] And we'll probably get to this, but I'm in Sukwemk territory, my indigenous territory.
[35] Okay.
[36] What is the name of the territory again?
[37] Seqqqqq.
[38] Is that the name of?
[39] So that's the name of the people and also the name of the nation.
[40] And then you add like little prefixes to that to like, to know, like, the land.
[41] So, Sequam Kulu would be the land.
[42] Okay, okay.
[43] So you are a member of the, I want to make sure I say it right.
[44] Sequemic?
[45] That's pretty good, knowing that you did really well there.
[46] That's the most condescending thing.
[47] Anyone has said to me in 15 minutes.
[48] I tried.
[49] Honestly, lots of people even are on like, you know, people from the nation have different ways of saying it.
[50] And you've said it pretty close to a lot of.
[51] Oh, so sometimes you'll be talking to like one of the elders.
[52] And they will say it wrong.
[53] And you'd be like, no, man, that's not it.
[54] That's the other.
[55] That's not us.
[56] And then I have to go through like the itinerary of which ones to like say per elder.
[57] So it can get pretty complex.
[58] So these are indigenous people in, you call it Camloops, British Columbia.
[59] Yeah.
[60] But then actually Camloops is within the nation.
[61] Like the nation is like, I think it's the second largest nation in BC in terms of indigenous peoples.
[62] Right.
[63] It's it's probably, I'm guessing I want to guess about a six.
[64] there are a seventh side, the area of BC overall.
[65] Okay, okay.
[66] That's, I mean, that's a huge territory.
[67] Yeah, it's huge.
[68] Do you know anything historically about your people?
[69] Are you well -versed in the history of your people?
[70] Yeah, I think I know, I know a bit.
[71] Like, I really want to learn more about it.
[72] I think it's really important to preserve.
[73] And I do know, I do know quite a bit, obviously, compared to people who aren't within the community itself.
[74] But, yeah, I do know quite a bit.
[75] quite a bit about my family.
[76] I'm learning about the laws, the traditions, a lot of the practices here.
[77] That's very cool.
[78] That's right.
[79] Because I'm going to tell you, I know nothing about my people.
[80] My people, I think all we know is that we, back in Ireland, I think my people stole horses.
[81] Oh my God.
[82] We took stones from other people's walls and tried to put them in our wall and we slept in.
[83] We slept in late.
[84] Yeah, I read about that.
[85] And we're not respected.
[86] So your people, are sounding much cooler than my people.
[87] So tell me, what is your profession?
[88] What do you do?
[89] How do you occupy yourself?
[90] Yeah, so I have two kind of streams of things I'm doing right now.
[91] The first one, yeah, for work, it takes up most of my time.
[92] Well, I enjoy it.
[93] I'm a, it's called a Tumuk Assessor.
[94] So Tumuk is actually an indigenous succumbic word, meaning land.
[95] So land assessor.
[96] I work with the environment.
[97] And pretty much with that, I work for the nation as someone who looks at, you know, certain proposed projects.
[98] And I will kind of filter it through both the Western science lens and indigenous science lens, meld them together, pass it on to a committee so that they're informed about the project in the most holistic way possible.
[99] Okay.
[100] Yeah, then they can make an informed decision as to whether or not they agree or consent to it.
[101] So someone comes along and they say, we want to put a water slide here and you say, okay, here's the impact on the environment, but also here's the impact on what this would mean for, you know, traditionally how our people would want this land to be used.
[102] So you're trying to meld it to.
[103] Yeah.
[104] I'm not proposing, I'm not proposing a water slide, by the way.
[105] Well, I mean, we did have a lot of water slides, you know, 1 ,200 years ago.
[106] According to our history, a lot of fossils.
[107] Did they find a fossilized water slide?
[108] Is that true?
[109] It was a pretty large find.
[110] It's still there.
[111] We use it still quite obviously.
[112] It'd be great if you found ancient cave drawings and it showed this long slide and little stick figures shooting out the end.
[113] And then one stick figure has diarrhea and they shut it down.
[114] Well, come on, you know that happens at water slides all the time.
[115] even thousands of years ago it happened.
[116] Yeah, chlorine was invented in 800 BC.
[117] But yeah, no, that's exactly what it is.
[118] We look at it from environmental, but we also look at it from like how it affects our health, how it affects our culture or spirituality.
[119] We don't just look at it from like, how is it going to impact five years from now?
[120] We look at it actually through a seven generations lens.
[121] So it's far more holistic.
[122] That's fantastic.
[123] I mean, I find that fascinating.
[124] So you had to study, it's like two branches of study you had to.
[125] have.
[126] You had to learn about your people and their history, but you also need to know about geological impact, various environmental stuff, right?
[127] Yeah.
[128] Yeah, no, I definitely was, I grew up in a very scientific lens, but I've been having to learn, you know, my indigenous side as well.
[129] So it's like, yeah, it's, it's, it's almost like taking on two entire ideologies and epistemologies and melding them together.
[130] It's quite, it's quite an endeavor, but it's something that's extremely rewarding because it does bridge a lot of gaps.
[131] It's so cool.
[132] So your name is Marcus.
[133] What is your last name?
[134] So I have some German ancestry.
[135] My grandpa on my father's side.
[136] Are you Marcus von Hindenberg?
[137] That's it.
[138] Yeah, I didn't want to tell you guys.
[139] My indigenous people, I must make sure that's a sequamic, you know, people are looked after.
[140] What is your name again?
[141] Marcus van Bismarck.
[142] Yeah, exactly.
[143] No, my name is actually Marcus Shear.
[144] So my last name is obviously a German name.
[145] Sheeter meaning to Shear or something like that.
[146] Right, right.
[147] Don't know much about that history.
[148] I should probably look into that a bit more.
[149] You know what?
[150] I feel like you've got enough on your plate.
[151] You do not need to go looking into that.
[152] You know, I think there's a lot going on right now for you.
[153] You've got your blending, you're melding, you're melding, you're intertwining these different worlds.
[154] And you're looking out for the good of your community.
[155] So I mean, Let's wait a year or two before you do the whole, the whole German thing.
[156] God knows what's going on back there.
[157] Sounds good.
[158] I could just picture you going on like your German accent rant right now.
[159] Oh, my God, it would never, never do that.
[160] No, no. I swear to God, when I speak in my fake German, we've had this a lot with Flula Borg.
[161] Flula, yeah.
[162] Flula says every seven things I say is a real word.
[163] He'll say it's nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.
[164] Nonsense, potato, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, VCR, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, jeans, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, television show MASH.
[165] I mean, it's just weird.
[166] I don't know why, but somehow I'm channeling something.
[167] Well, tell me about you.
[168] I wonder about Marcus the man. This is all very impressive.
[169] I'm very impressed with what you're doing, but I want to know what kind of guy, what do you like to do in your downtime?
[170] Definitely enjoy music.
[171] I love to listen to it.
[172] I love to play it.
[173] I'm not that great.
[174] So with that being said, I do karaoke instead.
[175] I love karaoke, my family.
[176] Doesn't that violate tribal law in some way, karaoke?
[177] I'm just saying because anyone will use any reason to shut down karaoke.
[178] People will be like, actually, this goes against ancient tribal law.
[179] Yeah, I think there is.
[180] I'm always being told I can't do karaoke because it violates tribal law.
[181] And I don't know what they're talking about.
[182] And then I realize people just hate it when I sing.
[183] Right.
[184] Maybe a different thing from a different nation in California somewhere, probably.
[185] Yeah.
[186] But, yeah, no, karaoke is definitely one of my main past times.
[187] It was.
[188] I was going religiously at one point every Friday I would go and sing karaoke and everybody knew my name kind of thing at that bar.
[189] It's addictive.
[190] It's really, once you get started down that road, it's heroin, man. Once you start doing karaoke, it's very difficult because you get up, you do a song, you do another one.
[191] Then you're like, hey, wait a minute, they've got journey.
[192] I've got to do the lights in the city.
[193] You just can't stop.
[194] What would be your go -to song for karaoke?
[195] I don't know.
[196] That's a really good question.
[197] I'm thinking.
[198] Marcus, what's your go -to song?
[199] Well, there was a go -to song.
[200] It was a country song called Your Man by Josh Turner.
[201] It's just because of a deeper register.
[202] I can kind of sing it.
[203] Oh, okay.
[204] So you're the deeper register, so you can sing that.
[205] Yeah.
[206] Oh, wow.
[207] That was fantastic.
[208] Oh, sorry.
[209] I always pick something in a high, like a silent night Holy night all is calm all is bright I like to try and get the very high register lip roll in there with the little roll of the R or something like that yeah I just choked on a lozenge oh okay yeah I uh what's that I said tribal law no wonder people stop you know tribal law wait are there any indigenous people around here no but it's tribal law Please never do that again.
[210] Every city.
[211] Everywhere I go, they invoke tribal law.
[212] When I'm in Germany, they're like, shut up, tribal law.
[213] Are you a dancer as well?
[214] You know, I try to dance.
[215] Nothing as good as, you know, your intro dance and your show.
[216] Right.
[217] That takes a lot of practice, but I dance around the house to the point where maybe annoys my wife.
[218] Right.
[219] That's about it.
[220] Wives complain a lot, and I say it's just their way of saying, I love you.
[221] you know is that what you think yeah when my wife says stop it that's annoying yeah be quiet that's not funny I just think that's her way of saying keep going you're the best I think it's a way of protecting me from embarrassments yeah my end just because I get to doing some really embarrassing things and I just get into the groove can't stop now do you have a question for me how can I help you Marcus I'd love to help you in any way I can yeah I have 12 so less you know You know, let's start at number seven, work our way down to one, and then go back to 12 and work our way down to seven.
[222] Yeah, no, yeah, for sure.
[223] No, I do have, I do have a question for you.
[224] And it was, it's kind of a slightly unstructured question.
[225] But with my friends, like, I realize, like, I'm always improvving with my friends.
[226] Like, someone will say something and that'll just be the start of something.
[227] And then I'll just, like, go off of it on a tangent with the most random stuff and I'll see as far as I can go with it.
[228] Yes.
[229] But with you, I've noticed that you do that too, too, like an extreme, which is.
[230] hilarious but i'm wondering like in your mind like what are you going for you do you paint a picture and then you kind of like place little things in there that make it funny or like you just is it just instinct interesting question i have to say i've been doing it my whole life and it is instantaneous i don't know what it is um but my brain is a what if machine so i just am always going off of someone will say something and then i go like well what if and then it just keeps going and going and going, and I do it on text all the time where I just...
[231] Your tangents?
[232] My tangents.
[233] And lately I've been doing it so much because I haven't been on the air with a television show that it's all coming out in text form and people will ask me a simple question and I'll go off on some long, crazy tangent and keep firing off.
[234] And people have started to say, you should get another show.
[235] You really should get another show.
[236] because I was just asking you, do you have any mayonnaise at the house?
[237] And you sent 40 texts that ended up with you being a wizard deep in a mountain looking for Lord mayonnaise.
[238] And it's just like, Jesus, shut up.
[239] I don't know if you have a big picture.
[240] I think you're, sometimes I just think that it's like you're just spitting out everything that comes into your brain.
[241] Right.
[242] And that's, it's troubling sometimes.
[243] The other day.
[244] That's brilliant.
[245] That's troubling.
[246] Just yesterday, I was texting back in four.
[247] with Adam Sacks, who is, as I was call him, the podcast whisper, but, and he was talking to me about some thing to do with the podcast.
[248] And I started, for some reason, I went right to, what if there was a squid game, but the contestants who woke up from sleep just didn't want to play and didn't give a shit.
[249] Oh, no. And I just kept texting back, the guy in the mask going, so this is what happens, you will all have to.
[250] And they're like, nah, we're good.
[251] And they just start leaving the mountain lair and getting into Ubers and leaving.
[252] and he's like, come on, get back.
[253] And they all know who he is and his mask falls off and he goes to put it back on.
[254] They're like, it's okay.
[255] We just don't want to do it.
[256] It sounds dangerous and stupid and no one, no one wants to do it.
[257] And I think I later looked at the thread and it was whole screen, flip, whole screen, flip, whole screen, flip.
[258] Oh, yeah.
[259] Whole screen, flip.
[260] And I showed it to my wife and she's like, yeah, you need to.
[261] You need an audience.
[262] You need to.
[263] an audience, this poor guy, poor Adam has to sit there and listen to you roll out this fantasy about a squid game that no one gives, no one cares about and a frustrated guy whose mask keeps falling off.
[264] There have been times when you've texted with me and then it'll stop and then I want to say like five hours later you text something else that you just thought of that goes along with the text.
[265] Like it just never ends.
[266] Yeah, I don't know.
[267] I need medication.
[268] I think that we can agree that a medication would calm this down.
[269] But until we find the right one, I'm going to keep annoying America and large swaths of British Columbia.
[270] Hey, I love it.
[271] Keep being you.
[272] I love that.
[273] Well, it's really nice talking to you, Marcus, and I think what you're doing sounds very cool.
[274] It's very impressive.
[275] Thank you.
[276] Now, if I'm looking at a giant map of Canada, where are you?
[277] Just imagine the giant swath of Canada.
[278] Right there.
[279] Nothing.
[280] I love discussing geography on a podcast.
[281] That's so great.
[282] Well, there you have it, folks.
[283] Marcus is right there.
[284] If you dropped a plum line directly below, you know, camloops, what part of the United States would it hit?
[285] You know, like, what's directly south of you?
[286] Like, we're in the same kind of sliver of the Pacific, like the West Pacific.
[287] So we're in the same time zone.
[288] Like, I'm not sure exactly, but if you were to go straight up, you'd probably be a couple hundred kilometers away from us either west or east.
[289] If I came to visit you and the sequoamic people, and just you and I knew it was a bit, but I came and pitched a giant water park in front of the whole tribe and all the people that assembled, would you play along and say like, I think this is a really good idea.
[290] Use, like, the most, like, disastrous chemicals and don't care at all about what happens to the chemicals.
[291] Like, just say, like, oh, yeah, how we get rid of chemicals?
[292] We just dump them in the river.
[293] Yeah, yeah.
[294] Well, they just go in the river, and then the river, it floats, it goes down, and it gets to those other indigenous people.
[295] That's not our problem.
[296] And then I would want to say things like have a model and say, like, well, first job number one is this really cool old mountain that's part of our lore and has been part of our lore for 2 ,000, years.
[297] First, we got to blast that thing out of here.
[298] Yeah.
[299] Because, you know, I just, just as people get anger and angrier, you would be there saying, guys, I really think this guy's on the right track.
[300] No, I will be an advocate for you 100%.
[301] I will say, this guy is an expert.
[302] He knows what he's talking about.
[303] Trust me. This is for the seven generations of happiness.
[304] Water slides are the future.
[305] And then when they attack me as a group, would you step into protect me or would you suddenly just run out the back.
[306] I would I would prepare the you know that Jordan Slansky um like dummy you gave him to I would give them that and then you and I could run away.
[307] I see you'd give them a cardboard cut out of me. Yeah.
[308] I don't think that would fool anybody for very long.
[309] No, the safety dummy.
[310] The safety dummy would work.
[311] Oh, that's right, right, right.
[312] With the hair and the mask that has a lot of life in his eyes.
[313] You've been watching too much very mediocre television, Marcus.
[314] Well, Marcus, very cool to meet you and continued success with everything and keep singing karaoke.
[315] And whenever, like I say, whenever your wife thinks that you're starting to irritate yourself or embarrass yourself, just double down.
[316] Just double down.
[317] That's the secret to a long and good marriage.
[318] I'm going to take that advice and run with it for the rest of my life.
[319] Good.
[320] And you'll be single in six months.
[321] All right, Marcus, take care.
[322] Thanks a lot.
[323] Thank you so much.
[324] Nice to meet you guys.
[325] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[326] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley.
[327] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[328] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[329] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[330] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[331] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[332] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[333] Engineered by Will Bechton.
[334] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcast.
[335] Podcasts are downloaded.
[336] This episode was produced and edited by me, Brett Morris.
[337] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.