#86 - Tom Segura

[0] The Joe Rogan Experience is sponsored by Fleshlight.

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[2] Use the coupon code ROGAN and save yourself 15 % off the number one sex toy for men, Fleshlight.

[3] And now, here's Joe Rogan Experience, special edition, podcast on the plane with Tom Segura.

[4] It's called Charlie Sheen.

[5] Podcast on a Plane Productions presents Joe Rogan and the great Tom Segura on the way to Dallas en route to Louisville.

[6] Yeah, we're sitting here, obviously first class, winning, winning 5A and B. On our way to Mars.

[7] On our way to be rock stars from frickin' Mars.

[8] And we are on our way to...

[9] Do a show at the Louisville Improv on Wednesday.

[10] By the time you get this, it'll probably be already over.

[11] Whatever, bitches.

[12] Sold out anyway.

[13] Holla!

[14] It's called winning.

[15] We're just starting to feel the edible.

[16] Right about kicking in now, eh, Tommy?

[17] Creep, creep.

[18] It's creeping on up from behind.

[19] Yeah.

[20] It's, um...

[21] It's a nervous feeling, the first time you ever do the breast trip on the plane, or a cookie, or whatever.

[22] The first time that I dosed you up, where were we headed to?

[23] Dude, we were headed to Tampa.

[24] We were going to Tampa, and you were like, yeah, you'll like it.

[25] Here, take a little bit.

[26] And I was gripping on to the fucking armrest, thinking about...

[27] all the fucked up things I've done in my life.

[28] And I was just like, you know what, I'm just a bad, bad person.

[29] And I was ready to cry.

[30] It's a real psychic cleaning.

[31] You know, it really does open up your psychic closet and just start pulling shit out and dusting it off.

[32] You know, a real good pot brownie.

[33] You know, I was listening to Terrence McKenna talk about eating pot that, you know, a lot of the early Hindu texts.

[34] you know, dealt with eating marijuana and that, you know, that like for a lot of them, like that was like a really psychedelic experience.

[35] Like just as psychedelic as mushrooms.

[36] You just got to eat it.

[37] You got to eat a lot of it.

[38] Yeah.

[39] People don't realize, man, if you don't, if you're not used to it, eating marijuana, we've talked about this on the podcast a hundred times, but for people who haven't heard this.

[40] It creates a totally different chemical when you eat it called 11 -hydroxy metabolite when it's processed by your liver.

[41] And it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC.

[42] It's a way stronger drug.

[43] But it's perfect for a plane.

[44] That's what it is.

[45] You're vulnerable.

[46] You're in the seat.

[47] You're not going anywhere.

[48] You're in the space.

[49] You're 30 ,000 feet above the earth.

[50] If something goes wrong, you're fucked.

[51] So you feel that vulnerability too.

[52] And then when you get hit with that...

[53] that pot edible oh goodness especially if you're not expecting it like if you're just not when it's a surprise it's a new ride man like when you're just like oh this will just be like any other time it's not but when you're like you don't know what's gonna happen that shit straight up grabs you by the chest and it's like i'm fucking here it scares you a little bit man i was terrified i mean I really was freaking out, but when it was over, I actually did think that was a good thing.

[54] It just happened.

[55] Yes.

[56] I always feel like that.

[57] After the hardest, craziest, strangest trips where I get the most scared and I feel the most shitty about my life or about things I've done.

[58] Sometimes it's things I've done when I was like 13.

[59] Sure.

[60] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[61] Really old stuff.

[62] Yeah, why am I still dwelling on this?

[63] I'm not doing that anymore.

[64] It's in a drawer.

[65] It's somewhere in there.

[66] Yeah, you got to clean it out.

[67] But these experiences, these plain, you know, anytime you eat pot, really, you don't have to do it on a plane.

[68] I mean, pot doesn't give a shit where you are.

[69] If you eat a really strong brownie, it'll really, like, expose you to your vulnerabilities.

[70] You'll feel all fleshy and you feel, like, real soft and easy to break.

[71] Yes, extremely fragile.

[72] Yeah.

[73] Yeah, like shaken fragile.

[74] Like you just saw a fire or something, and there was animals inside, and you're traumatized.

[75] It's like that.

[76] Because it's so fucked up, in Amsterdam they stopped selling brownies and cookies and shit at the coffee shops.

[77] Did they really?

[78] Yeah.

[79] I didn't know that.

[80] Too many people get fucked up, man. They can't handle it.

[81] They stopped making mushrooms legal there, too, unfortunately.

[82] But pot and brownies are just as bad, man. You know what it's like?

[83] It's kind of like somebody calling you out on your shit.

[84] for something that you did do.

[85] And you didn't expect them to call you out on it.

[86] When that's happened to me, you feel that in your core.

[87] Yeah.

[88] It's kind of an awful feeling.

[89] Yeah.

[90] But then it's also, after the awful feeling comes relief.

[91] Yes.

[92] Where you're like, well, now it's out there.

[93] Yeah.

[94] The thing that I was worried about.

[95] Right.

[96] At least it's out there.

[97] Right.

[98] Yeah, it's cleansing.

[99] It is like a cleansing, yeah.

[100] Yeah.

[101] Well, you know, I mean, people have this ability to block out certain parts of their behavior and personality.

[102] Yeah.

[103] That's why.

[104] idiots.

[105] You know, that's why we love calling people.

[106] We were just making fun of Steve Harvey on the way up here.

[107] So full of shit.

[108] He's so full of shit.

[109] And not just full of shit, but hilariously stupid.

[110] Like, some of the shit that he says is just so dumb that I save his tweets.

[111] And we were just reading them.

[112] And then we watched Cat Williams dissect him.

[113] Cat Williams did a show with him and just destroyed him.

[114] And, you know, well, what's funny about that is because you know Steve Harvey doesn't check himself.

[115] Steve Harvey really thinks he's a bad motherfucker.

[116] He really thinks he's amazing.

[117] He thinks he's a messiah.

[118] Yeah.

[119] I see him.

[120] He goes on religious channels, and I watch those videos of him on, like, the...

[121] Televangelist or the Trinity Broadcast Network, that's what it is, TVN.

[122] He actually did a comedy special for TVN.

[123] That's got to be great.

[124] That's got to be the best ever.

[125] You need God in your life.

[126] You ain't got God in your life.

[127] You a silly person.

[128] Really going to be moving in so many ways.

[129] How much would you love to give Steve Harvey a big fat pot brownie and just watch him cry?

[130] That would be the most amazing thing ever.

[131] It would be incredible.

[132] Yeah.

[133] I would love to.

[134] He was on the Trinity Broadcast Network talking about people who don't believe in God.

[135] You don't believe in God.

[136] You're silly.

[137] I ain't got nothing to say to you.

[138] You're silly.

[139] Great bit.

[140] Yeah.

[141] Wow.

[142] That's how I feel about everything that Steve Harvey says on stage.

[143] None of it's actually even a joke.

[144] His special that I saw, I saw it on TV, I think it was about a year ago, where he would just...

[145] He would just recap news stories, and that was the bit.

[146] He was just reading headlines, like the lady driving across Texas wearing her diaper.

[147] He just said, can you believe this woman drove across Texas in a diaper?

[148] And then shook his head like, hell no. That's the whole bit.

[149] And then the audience would fall out of their seat, and he was like, on to the next door.

[150] Then I read a story about a man, and you're like, what the fuck happened with the audience?

[151] When I first saw him, I first saw him in 1994 when I was doing the Montreal Comedy Festival, and he was as well, and he went on stage, and I was like, this guy should be paying Richard Pryor 50 % of everything he makes, because he was doing a Pryor impression on stage.

[152] He was...

[153] doing Richard Prye on stage.

[154] They didn't, you know, look, first of all, he's black, they're Canadian, they're going to be nice, you know, but I was watching and I was like, wow, I was like, this guy is like a fucking, he's like a, like, sort of like, not a cover band, but like a guy doing an ACDC impression that's singing his own songs, you know?

[155] We see that a lot.

[156] Still, I think in every...

[157] generation, right?

[158] You see somebody doing...

[159] You see a few hotels.

[160] You know, it's always the early guys.

[161] I did that a bunch of times where I had to catch myself when I was starting out.

[162] When I was an open micer, I caught myself on stage.

[163] I'll never forget.

[164] I was sounding exactly like Richard Jenny.

[165] I was doing his rhythm, his cadence, and I was a Richard Jenny fan.

[166] So it kind of made sense, but I was like, wow, this is gross.

[167] I'm hearing myself sounding just like him.

[168] Would people say it to you, too?

[169] No, nobody said it to me. I've heard people said to me Sam Kinison when I was starting out, too, which I definitely was influenced by him, too.

[170] But when I first saw Bill Hicks...

[171] He was, like, doing Sam Kinison to the point where I was, like, uncomfortable with it.

[172] He was, like, doing the noises that Sam makes and talking like Sam.

[173] Really?

[174] Yeah.

[175] Well, he was really influenced by Kinison as well.

[176] And Kinison was fucking huge at the time.

[177] And Hicks was really just starting to be known in the comedy world.

[178] I mean, he never really got huge.

[179] mainstream in America, even to this day, you say Bill Hicks, and only the cool insiders know really who he is.

[180] It's not like saying Bill Cosby or something.

[181] But back then, he was really, really unknown.

[182] And I went to see him at the Comedy Connection, and it was a really small crowd.

[183] Yeah, he was doing Kinnison, man. I mean, for real.

[184] Parts of his act were like, you know, he was doing that, like, he's a demon, he's a demon.

[185] Yeah, it was like Sam.

[186] He was like doing Sam.

[187] You know, but that's normal, you know.

[188] Comics are influenced by other comics.

[189] I've taken guys on the road with me, too, and saw them starting to talk like me and sound like me, which is real weird.

[190] Yeah, it's normal, man. It's normal, you know.

[191] I see somebody crushing.

[192] And then they'll sort of imitate the crushing, you know?

[193] Like, Mencia did that with me. That was one of the first things.

[194] Like, Mencia never really stole any of my jokes because he knew I would fucking slap him.

[195] But he used to steal them on the road.

[196] I used to hear stories on the road about him stealing them.

[197] But he never stole anything in front of me in town.

[198] But what he did start doing is delivering jokes like me. Like, he was sounding like me. Like, his cadence.

[199] And I was like, this motherfucker is like...

[200] That was the only time it ever bothered me. Other times I've seen people do it and I was like, wow, it's kind of a compliment.

[201] Someone sounds like me. But I think it's normal because comedy is...

[202] It's such a weird thing to learn anyway.

[203] And it's like your speech and your cadence on stage is kind of affected.

[204] It's kind of like you're putting on a different sort of a pattern of talking so that you could get your comedy across better.

[205] And then when you see someone who does it and it's really effective, you automatically sort of like internalize that.

[206] You know, I used to totally, like when I first started, who you'd say that I sounded like.

[207] And you're going to think I'm joking.

[208] Ralphie May. No. Chris Rock.

[209] Really?

[210] Yeah, but not to the point, when you say Chris Rock, you start imagining the voice and everything.

[211] I mean, I wouldn't do that, but I essentially, because I was so obsessed with him, when I was like, before I started doing stand -up.

[212] This dumb motherfucker talking over my podcast.

[213] We don't care about your fucking service, where you're flying.

[214] Oh, we're lovely.

[215] Excuse me, sir.

[216] You fucking...

[217] Mumble mouth motherfucker.

[218] Can't even barely understand this guy.

[219] Imagine if this guy's telling you something important.

[220] Like that this isn't going well?

[221] Yeah.

[222] Shut up.

[223] Shut your stupid hole.

[224] This whole system sucks.

[225] The sound system sucks.

[226] He's a mumbling prick.

[227] Anyway.

[228] Yeah, it's terrible.

[229] I don't want to ruin this Chris Rock story, so I'm just yapping over this until this...

[230] Motor mouth motherfucker shuts his pie hole.

[231] Here we go.

[232] All right, we're gone.

[233] So, but anyways, you know, like I didn't sound like him, but.

[234] I didn't sound the voice, but I started to like, I would pace how he paced.

[235] Really?

[236] And I would, I would crowd.

[237] I don't think, because I mean, this is, I'm talking like first two years in.

[238] You're not like going.

[239] What year was this?

[240] This would have been 2002 and 2003.

[241] And so he's massive, right?

[242] I mean, he still is.

[243] But, you know, at that point, I started watching him.

[244] Basically, I knew he was when I was a kid because he was on SNL.

[245] But when that Bring the Pain came out in, like, 95 or 96, I was in, I think that's when it came out.

[246] I was in high school, and I was like, that for me was amazing.

[247] That was amazing, that special.

[248] Like, that guy was just, he blew my mind.

[249] So then Bigger and Blacker came out when I was in college.

[250] He was it.

[251] You shut the fuck up.

[252] Oh, God.

[253] Sorry, folks.

[254] When you get podcasts on a plane, this is what you get.

[255] So you know that it's authentic.

[256] Because we could be pretending.

[257] We could be in my office right now.

[258] But you hear the sound in the background.

[259] That could just be a fan.

[260] We should do a fake podcast.

[261] Yes, we could do the airplane sound app where it just makes a noise like that.

[262] And we'll do announcements like this all the time.

[263] Is there an airplane sound app?

[264] Yeah, there is.

[265] Yeah, yeah.

[266] I have a noise app.

[267] So you can play it while you're on a phone call to pretend that you're on a plane call.

[268] Yes.

[269] Wow.

[270] Why would you have it?

[271] What is it for?

[272] It's a noise app.

[273] So, like, if you hate to sleep in silence, you want white noise or radio.

[274] So you can just have an airplane?

[275] There's airplane noise, yeah.

[276] Wow, so you can sleep on airplanes?

[277] I guess some people just like the noise of it, yeah.

[278] All right, so 2002, 2003.

[279] So you paced like him.

[280] He was your favorite comedian?

[281] Yes, he was definitely my favorite comedian.

[282] Because I loved, like, I mean, I loved that he was...

[283] Breaking shit down.

[284] I love that element of comedy.

[285] And I love the way he's basically like, this is basically this and this.

[286] He does that so well.

[287] Takes a semi -complicated thing and he just simplifies it.

[288] He's really good at that.

[289] And he was also just fucking hilarious.

[290] I would just piss my pants on those specials.

[291] But I'm saying, I wouldn't consciously then go on stage and go, I'm going to do Chris Rock.

[292] But I was so influenced by him because he was like...

[293] a comic that I was watching all the time, that I, like, I get that, what you mean, like, if somebody were to hang out all the time, how they could start, because then I would, then I would start to, like, I would crouch on punchlines, you know, he's like, that, that, like, he always, he crouches when he hits punchlines, I would start to do that, and people would point out to me, they're like, do you know that, like, when you, when you hit punchlines, you're crouching, like, your shoulders are raising, you're crouching down.

[294] And that's when I first went, that's Chris Rock.

[295] That's totally Chris Rock.

[296] And then people would be like, your fucking cadence is kind of urban.

[297] Did you know that?

[298] And I would be like, what?

[299] And they're like, you have an urban cadence when you're on stage.

[300] I like how they say urban.

[301] Yeah.

[302] How did a city become synonymous with black people?

[303] Yeah.

[304] I know, right?

[305] Weird.

[306] Like it's only...

[307] It's a weird euphemism to not appear racist.

[308] That's what it is.

[309] Oh, he's urban.

[310] And you know what it makes you sound like?

[311] It doesn't necessarily make you sound racist.

[312] It makes you sound like you've never fucking even seen a black person in your life.

[313] Can you say urban?

[314] Because you say urban.

[315] Like, when someone says that, I go, this person doesn't talk even to black people, ever.

[316] Or they're just super politically correct.

[317] You know, we don't realize that most people who have, like, regular jobs, like, you have to, like, really.

[318] Like the guy next to me?

[319] Yeah, all these fucks next to us.

[320] Poor pricks.

[321] These poor pricks.

[322] I fly with these poor pricks all the time.

[323] The whole urban thing.

[324] That is a weird sentiment.

[325] When I was in Georgia, we were doing a show in Georgia.

[326] Thank you.

[327] Hot towel, bitches.

[328] That's how we roll.

[329] This is a podcast we're doing.

[330] Sorry.

[331] She was like, hot towel, bitches?

[332] What the hell is he talking about?

[333] Apologize.

[334] It's a racy podcast.

[335] Joe Rogan Experience.

[336] We've been number one on iTunes before.

[337] Like you were saying?

[338] Yeah, I'm not supposed to be up here.

[339] I always feel like I'm not supposed to be up here.

[340] As much money as I've made and much success as I have on TV, I always feel completely illegitimate.

[341] Every time I'm in first class, I'm always expecting someone's going to come out here and yank me out and stick me in the back.

[342] Every time I get in a limo...

[343] Right now, it looks like everybody's under like, what prize did they win?

[344] Neither one of us have shaved in weeks.

[345] I know, it's funny.

[346] It's funny.

[347] All these poor fucks and ties and those slippery bottom shoes.

[348] That guy can't run faster than anybody.

[349] My two -year -old daughter can run faster than him in those stupid shoes.

[350] Slippery -ass fucking stupid shoes.

[351] Back to Urban, we were in Atlanta, and this racist white lady was telling us where to go and where not to go.

[352] You know, like, hey, we're going to go get something to eat.

[353] Where should we go?

[354] She was like, well, you don't want to go to this place because it's got a lot of the elements.

[355] Wow.

[356] That's like, they're a combination of different things.

[357] Earth, wind, and fire, bitches.

[358] She said, the elements.

[359] And we were like, whoa.

[360] We made a repeat it.

[361] We made other people come over.

[362] yeah because it was so ridiculous you know the elements yeah it's actually so it sounds so much worse than just dropping the fucking yeah yeah meant to be like you know the elements it's like ouch dude the elements those elements like i never heard that one before that's a that's a unique one elements literally sounds like disease to me Like, you know what I mean?

[363] Like, you're essentially calling them a fucking disease.

[364] You know, it's really funny because all human beings are capable of speaking English and all human beings are capable of, you know, pretty much doing, on an individual basis, doing pretty much any job in the world.

[365] I mean, there's, you know, black surgeons and Chinese comedians and, you know, Chinese basketball players and Irish boxers.

[366] I mean, anybody can pretty much do anything, right?

[367] So because of that, whenever you categorize people or generalize, you become racist instead of scientific.

[368] Shut up up there.

[369] Come on.

[370] God damn it.

[371] Now they're selling shit.

[372] Nobody wants to buy your stupid SkyMall bullshit.

[373] What is the percentage of people that buy things off SkyMall?

[374] Is it even one?

[375] It can't be.

[376] It can't be.

[377] No, it can't be.

[378] But anyway, what I was saying is any...

[379] observations that you make about people, all of a sudden it's racist.

[380] But if you say, like, hey, black people seem to like to go to jail.

[381] You're a racist.

[382] But then if you look at it and say, well, will you the numbers of black people that are in jail?

[383] Well, what is that?

[384] Well, it's economic.

[385] Oh, okay.

[386] Alright, well, let's look at poor white people.

[387] Well, it doesn't look like it's economic because it seems like a big disparity.

[388] Or, you know, it could be anything.

[389] It could be saying that Chinese people have little dicks.

[390] Well, let's whip out all the Chinese dicks and whip them out right next to the African dicks.

[391] And let's see what's up.

[392] It's not racist.

[393] It's not racist.

[394] But anything that you say that might hurt someone's feelings becomes racist.

[395] You know, where people don't want to...

[396] don't want to accept it or deal with it or think about it, it becomes racist.

[397] Yeah, and I hate also that I always have a thing about the word racist and how people use it to mean racial.

[398] Right.

[399] Just because you can make an observation about a race that isn't racist.

[400] Right.

[401] It's prejudice.

[402] You're prejudging.

[403] You have to make at some point at least the suggestion, the idea behind that somebody is inferior.

[404] That's what it is to be racist, is to believe that one race, your race, or whichever race you're talking about, is superior.

[405] So even if you say, like, man, I think Chinese people smell like cotton candy, or whatever fucking shit you...

[406] Like, that's not racist.

[407] Right.

[408] Totally.

[409] You're saying a race.

[410] Well, I said this on Twitter once.

[411] I said, what's up with black dudes that like to talk on speakerphone when no one's around?

[412] Because I see it all the time.

[413] And I saw it, ironically, at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in L .A. Yeah.

[414] A very black establishment.

[415] But if you've never been to L .A., quite goddamn delicious.

[416] It's phenomenal.

[417] Yeah.

[418] I don't know who invented the combination of chicken and waffles, but goddamn it's a winner.

[419] Yeah.

[420] So I put that up.

[421] You know, what is it about some black, I even wrote some black guys that like to talk on speakerphone while no one's around.

[422] And all these people immediately jumped on me and like, that's a bit racist, don't you think?

[423] Racist much?

[424] Oh, look, Joe Rogan's a dick.

[425] Oh, showing your true colors.

[426] I was like, whoa, whoa, I can't.

[427] First of all, what's wrong with talking on speakerphone?

[428] Nothing.

[429] There's nothing wrong with talking to someone on a speakerphone.

[430] I'm simply asking, why do a lot of black guys like to do it when no one's on the phone with them?

[431] I mean, no one's next to them.

[432] Like right now, if you and I were talking to a third party, we would have it on speakerphone, and that would make sense because that way we could both hear.

[433] But this is just a guy by himself talking on speakerphone loud.

[434] I don't know what that's about.

[435] Like those commercials, where you at?

[436] Remember those commercials for Boost Mobile?

[437] Dudes were on speakerphone.

[438] And they're always like, where you at?

[439] Where you at?

[440] They're holding the phone away from their face, and they're talking.

[441] I don't know why that appealed to black people.

[442] I think it's because it's like a performance.

[443] And I feel like a lot of black culture, like black men, it's a performance a lot of times for who's around.

[444] So it's a way to get attention.

[445] You sound like a big fat racist.

[446] What do you think about that?

[447] Well, you know, I've just been around black people.

[448] I think I know what I'm talking about.

[449] I think I'm being totally honest right now.

[450] I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that certain cultures like to do things.

[451] Most people in whatever race will admit to the thing you're talking about.

[452] Unless it's a stupid thing that you're trying to...

[453] Well, there was plenty of people that agreed with me, and even black guys that agreed with me, but there was a lot that got upset.

[454] But those are people that...

[455] that are either, like, they're being dishonest, or they hate something else in their life, so they're just attacking you.

[456] Like, some people are just oversensitive when they make shit up.

[457] It's also that they feel like they have the right to get angry at you.

[458] It's like there's an opportunity to point out that you're being a dick.

[459] It's a chance to have some power in a conversation in their life, because they're usually not in power.

[460] Yeah, to call you on your bullshit, and to be self -righteous.

[461] And to be, you know, indignant, to be upset.

[462] It's a weird thing that people, you know, have that.

[463] Where it's like, it's not even a rational thing.

[464] Like, you can make fun of Italians all day long.

[465] And guess what?

[466] I'll fucking be there right with you.

[467] I think they're goofy.

[468] You know, my relatives are goofy fucks.

[469] There's a lot of people that I grew up with that are goofy fucks.

[470] You know, Italians are some of the showiest, silliest, most ego -driven people I've ever met in my life.

[471] I don't feel upset when you talk about them.

[472] Doesn't hurt my feelings.

[473] I don't get it.

[474] Yeah, I know.

[475] This isn't racist, but Mexican people do taste like tacos.

[476] Like if you take a bite out of a Mexican person, they taste like tacos.

[477] Okay, that is the pot cookie kicking in.

[478] That's the edible fella.

[479] They're delicious.

[480] Mexican people.

[481] I don't give a fuck about really any shit talking.

[482] White person's stereotype.

[483] Dude, I don't care about any of them.

[484] And my mom's Peruvian.

[485] My dad took, like, Spanish and French.

[486] I don't give a fuck what you say about those.

[487] You speak fluent Spanish.

[488] I do, yeah.

[489] It's pretty weird coming out of your mouth.

[490] It is, right?

[491] It sounds weird, because you're so good at it.

[492] Like, I've seen you have conversations with people.

[493] I was like, Tommy might be a fucking CIA agent or something here, man. This is crazy.

[494] You should see anybody that's brown that I'm talking to when I speak Spanish.

[495] Their eyes always light up like...

[496] Like they were ready to talk some shit around you.

[497] Absolutely.

[498] People that are Latin are more blown away by a white person speaking Spanish than you would ever imagine.

[499] Really?

[500] Oh, fuck, yeah, man. That's funny, isn't it?

[501] Yeah, I mean...

[502] They'll just...

[503] I'll start speaking Spanish and they'll just be like, what in the fuck, man?

[504] Like, where did you come from?

[505] You're from Mars.

[506] Yeah.

[507] Well, eventually everyone's going to be speaking Spanish, right?

[508] Yeah, dude.

[509] It helps a lot, actually.

[510] More than I thought it would.

[511] I think it's going to take over English eventually as the main language of the world.

[512] It just seems like they're breeding so much.

[513] It's, like, inevitable.

[514] Yeah.

[515] It's almost, you know?

[516] It's like, how do you stop it?

[517] Have you been paying attention to all the shit that's going down in Mexico?

[518] The drug violence stuff?

[519] Oh yeah, it's insane.

[520] It's so bad now.

[521] It's getting worse and worse and worse.

[522] It's just constantly accelerating.

[523] It's actually one of the few times where I usually pretty much read news without a lot of emotional response.

[524] I kind of have a pretty high tolerance for just bad news.

[525] I'm kind of a news junkie.

[526] I don't really ever feel that emotional, I feel like.

[527] I just kind of just take it all in.

[528] And the violence in the stories from Mexico actually took it from, like, wow, fascinating, fascinating, to kind of terrifying, in a way.

[529] You know what I mean?

[530] Not where I feel like someone's going to break into my house, but where the stories became terrifying.

[531] Like in a movie where you're like, whoa.

[532] That's fucking scary that that just happened.

[533] Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, you're lucky, you know, that you were born here.

[534] It was really just a roll of the dice.

[535] You had no say in that.

[536] Yeah, and it's other level where, like, you know, a kid...

[537] Patty's here to see us.

[538] Hi, Patty.

[539] Hello.

[540] Would you like to say hi to everybody on the podcast?

[541] Hello.

[542] Patty's very nice, and unfortunately we swore in front of her and shocked her.

[543] Can I get a Diet Coke, please?

[544] It's a podcast.

[545] It's for the internet.

[546] It gets on the internet.

[547] It's like a radio show that's on the internet.

[548] And we do versions where we do them on a plane.

[549] Because we usually do it in a studio, but then we also do them on a plane.

[550] So this is actually the recording?

[551] This is like a radio show.

[552] Hundreds of thousands of people will listen to this, believe it or not.

[553] You've got to write it down for me. For sure.

[554] I'll write it down for you, for sure.

[555] Patty, you're going to freak out.

[556] I have a Diet Coke, please.

[557] A little water, please.

[558] Thank you.

[559] Powerful Tom Cigar being healthy.

[560] I'm going for the brain cancer.

[561] Donald Rumsfeld wrote.

[562] I have the latte.

[563] Ah, there you go.

[564] So what were we just talking about?

[565] What were we talking about?

[566] Mexican violence.

[567] Oh, a lot of stories are scary.

[568] Like a guy will get elected, you know, and he'll just make one.

[569] He won't even make a challenging comment.

[570] He was like, you know, we hope things get safer around here.

[571] Dead.

[572] Dead.

[573] That night, family dead.

[574] Did you hear about that couple that were in Texas?

[575] They were on a lake, the lake that borders Mexico.

[576] They were on the Mexican side of the lake, and these...

[577] Gang members, criminals, whatever they were.

[578] Shot their husband.

[579] Shot her husband.

[580] She escaped.

[581] They're trying to investigate and find out who did it.

[582] So there's an investigator from Mexico.

[583] Immediately they kill him.

[584] Immediately.

[585] He's dead.

[586] Because it's a high profile case.

[587] And they thought she was a suspect at some point.

[588] Which has got to be horrible for her.

[589] It was their honeymoon, I believe.

[590] Was it?

[591] I think so.

[592] Yeah.

[593] Don't fuck around in Mexico, Jack.

[594] They killed a whole school bus full of kids.

[595] You know, they went on a school bus and killed a bunch of kids and out of school.

[596] When was this?

[597] It's in the past year.

[598] They've decapitated people, left notes, like, stabbed into people.

[599] Oh, yeah.

[600] Did you see the one?

[601] There was one recently where they chopped this guy up.

[602] And the really funny part about it was they showed all of his body parts, except in his hand he had his penis, and they blurred out the penis.

[603] They showed everything else.

[604] Really?

[605] Oh, yeah.

[606] It was the most ridiculous blurring ever.

[607] I was like, what are you saving people?

[608] Thank you.

[609] Oh, my God.

[610] Thank you.

[611] Yeah, it's a lot of, you know, fighting over control of the illegal drug turf.

[612] And what people don't know is that, or they may not know.

[613] Pull it.

[614] Yeah.

[615] What people may not know is that this didn't exist just a little while ago, man. I went on a vacation to Cancun.

[616] In like 2005.

[617] And you never heard about drug violence back then.

[618] You never heard a peep about it.

[619] You didn't hear nothing about it.

[620] It didn't exist.

[621] I mean, it existed, I'm sure.

[622] But it wasn't a part of mainstream media and the news talking about it.

[623] It used to be like people were only scared of Colombia.

[624] But it makes sense because the cartel was in its heyday in the 80s and 90s.

[625] And now...

[626] The power shift has moved.

[627] The money has moved to Mexico.

[628] So there's always going to be more violence where there's more money.

[629] Yeah.

[630] So when that shift kind of occurred, the violence went with it.

[631] I watched an episode of the Anthony Bourdain show, No Reservations.

[632] You ever see that show?

[633] Oh, yeah.

[634] I love that show.

[635] Great.

[636] If you haven't seen it, he's a chef, and he travels all around the world eating their food and talking to their chefs.

[637] Really good show, and he's an interesting guy.

[638] Yeah.

[639] He's a real dude.

[640] I hate watching a travel show where they're like, here's everything that's great.

[641] Like, he'll be like, this kind of fucking sucks.

[642] Yeah.

[643] And you're like, oh, cool.

[644] Like, it's not bullshit.

[645] Yeah.

[646] No, he's straight up about it.

[647] But anyway, he was in Colombia.

[648] I think he was in Medellin.

[649] And, you know, it was talking about how, maybe it was Bogota, I forget.

[650] But it was talking about how great it was.

[651] Yeah.

[652] Like, the crime has gone down.

[653] The cartels have all been squashed.

[654] It's like, you can hang out there.

[655] It's like, it's not dangerous anymore.

[656] Yeah.

[657] I mean, you would hope that that could happen in Mexico, but...

[658] Part of the problem with Mexico is that it's connected to the United States.

[659] Yeah, that's why everybody here gets a fuck about this, I guess.

[660] Well, there's an infinite supply of customers.

[661] You know, if you're selling drugs, infinite supply of customers.

[662] And the problem is that the United States wants Mexico to keep drugs legal.

[663] Illegal, rather.

[664] They wouldn't let them legalize it.

[665] It was a big issue.

[666] And so they recently have decriminalized pretty much everything.

[667] So this is really done under the radar.

[668] Mushrooms, acid, marijuana, everything is decriminalized in Mexico.

[669] Doesn't mean you can sell it.

[670] Doesn't mean you can have large portions of it where it looks like you're selling it.

[671] But if you're just a guy who gets caught with some coke, it's not even against the law.

[672] That just speaks to the hypocrisy of the people in charge there.

[673] Because if they're saying that...

[674] that it's such a problem and they want to fight it, and it's basically the reason why there's violence, then why would it be okay to decriminalize?

[675] Well, they do that to tie up resources because they're not going to go after the individual users.

[676] They only go after the cartels.

[677] And they did it because the resources were completely...

[678] They had no people to allocate towards the cartels.

[679] They had to focus on the important part.

[680] The important part is the people that are selling money and committing violence.

[681] or selling rather drugs, making a lot of money, and committing violence.

[682] That's the important part.

[683] Free up.

[684] Yes.

[685] Free up resources.

[686] And because they wanted to do it in the first place.

[687] They wanted it to be legal, but the United States wouldn't let them.

[688] The United States would not let Mexico make drugs legal.

[689] You know, they wanted to make it legal so that, you know, I mean, look, we all, that's a tough, touchy subject with people.

[690] You know, it's like, yeah, what about the children?

[691] Well, guess what?

[692] I don't want babies drinking whiskey either.

[693] You know what I mean?

[694] And whiskey's fucking legal, and it didn't used to be at one point in time.

[695] whiskey was illegal, just like heroin is today.

[696] And it was a big thing.

[697] And that's how organized crime came into power in this country.

[698] That's where the mob came from.

[699] That's where Al Capone came from.

[700] That's where the fucking Kennedys came from.

[701] That's where they got their money.

[702] Moonshine, baby.

[703] Whiskey mills.

[704] People were doing that and making illegal drinking, illegal booze, and making a fuckload of money.

[705] And the rise of organized crime came about because of that.

[706] But somehow in this fucking stupid country, we never learned.

[707] We don't learn the really obvious lesson.

[708] You know, Hillary Clinton gave an interview recently where she was talking about, they were talking about Mexico and they were talking about legalized drugs, legalizing them, if that would solve the issue.

[709] She goes, you can't do that.

[710] There's just too much money involved.

[711] Yeah.

[712] Like, what does that even mean?

[713] That's a stupid, ignorant, short -sighted way of looking at it.

[714] Oh, there's too much money involved, so you can't make it legal.

[715] First of all...

[716] Who the fuck is one person, when we really get down to it, to tell another person what they can and can't buy or sell?

[717] Especially when you're dealing with, like, heroin, or when you're dealing with pot, or you're dealing with anything that just grows here.

[718] You think it should all be decriminalized?

[719] Fuck yeah.

[720] Absolutely.

[721] Absolutely.

[722] Yeah.

[723] You know, if meth...

[724] If all drugs were legal, meth included, I don't think more people would be doing meth.

[725] The people that are doing meth are idiots in the first place.

[726] Well, yeah.

[727] There would be more people dying of it, but that would also educate the intelligent people.

[728] Well, I don't want to be like that guy that died of it.

[729] You know, will some people be sacrificed because of it?

[730] That's a question.

[731] I mean, that's possible.

[732] You know, I wouldn't want it to be my children or my friends or my friends' children, but neither would you.

[733] But that just means you have to be more diligent in how you raise your kids and how aware you are.

[734] You know, and people say, I don't have the time for that.

[735] Well, what you're really saying is you don't have the time for kids.

[736] Yeah.

[737] You know, because that's part of being a fucking parent, man. I mean, I don't want anybody that I know to be doing heroin or coke or meth or anything like that, but as long as you can go to a CVS drugstore and buy enough whiskey to drink yourself to death easily, anybody could do that.

[738] Yeah, you could.

[739] What is the difference between that and meth?

[740] I'm confused.

[741] I don't know.

[742] I guess I never thought of making the more hardcore stuff legal.

[743] I always assumed that keeping that stuff illegal was a good thing.

[744] But maybe the same people that are doing it when it's illegal, they'd be the same people doing it legal.

[745] I would not argue.

[746] Don't get me wrong.

[747] I would not argue about meth being illegal or heroin being illegal.

[748] I have no problem with that.

[749] If you want to keep it illegal, absolutely.

[750] Really, what it boils down to is that what I'm saying is that the stuff that I like, like mushrooms and marijuana and all those things, those are just as illegal, if not more illegal, and that's completely ridiculous.

[751] That is ridiculous.

[752] Because actually in some, maybe in California, they have like a higher, like, no, they have, no, it can't be California.

[753] One of the states has it where marijuana is criminally the same level felony.

[754] That, like, heroin is?

[755] Well, it's not.

[756] It's more illegal than heroin.

[757] It's more illegal than cocaine, too, because it's medical uses.

[758] But that's federally?

[759] Yeah, it's federally.

[760] See, that's insane.

[761] Yeah, more illegal.

[762] That's insane.

[763] That directly has to be tied to the money behind it.

[764] Of course it is.

[765] Because it can't be tied to...

[766] Yeah.

[767] It's power.

[768] And because there's pharmaceutical uses for opiates where you could sell opiates, you know, which is essentially synthetic heroin, like Oxycontins and shit like that, that's synthetic heroin.

[769] Yeah.

[770] You know, so because there's medical uses for it, it's a Schedule 2, whereas marijuana is Schedule 1.

[771] That's so insane.

[772] Yeah, it's completely ridiculous.

[773] And it flies in the face of logic, and it makes you feel like you're being insulted.

[774] Your intelligence is being insulted.

[775] You know, I just don't think that anybody should be able to tell anybody else what to do.

[776] You know, if you're talking about keeping, like, heroin out of your community and then you should make it, you know, make it, like, illegal in a town or illegal in a state, absolutely, I'm down for that.

[777] I'm totally down for the community stepping in and protecting people from things that can be demonstrated as being dangerous or deadly.

[778] But when you get to, like, pot and mushrooms, it's like, who the fuck are you to tell people what to and to not, you know, what they can and can't do?

[779] No, that really is, more than anything, like a huge waste of resources.

[780] to be better spent as far as time and crazy amounts of money to be freed up for, you know, for making, for decriminalizing marijuana and mushrooms.

[781] Like, that's just such a place.

[782] Even worse than that, it creates a whole industry behind keeping it illegal.

[783] Yeah.

[784] From private prisons to cops.

[785] More money.

[786] To DEA agents.

[787] I mean, that's one of the reasons why it's been argued that you can't make marijuana illegal is because you would lose all these jobs.

[788] Or you can't make it legal, rather, because you would lose all these jobs.

[789] And that's just completely fucking silly.

[790] Like, just because your job is cutting off puppies' heads.

[791] You know, like, well, we can't make puppies' head cutting off illegal because then we'll lose all these jobs.

[792] These guys are out there chopping off puppies' heads.

[793] It's a dumb way of looking at it, man. It is.

[794] But we have big government in this country, man. And people, like, whenever they talk about creating new jobs and there's programs to create new jobs, I hear that, but I also hear, all right, you're just, all the fuck you're doing is you're making the government bigger.

[795] By creating new jobs, you're just making the government larger and more intertwined in our life.

[796] It's not necessarily like...

[797] governing or helping or, you know, using my tax dollars to the best advantage.

[798] We're just creating more jobs by making things, you know, where you have to fill out paperwork for certain things or, you know, it's just the more government you have, the more fucking problems you have and the more you can't, you can't downsize it.

[799] The more, you know, you have a bunch of people lobbying to keep things illegal.

[800] that have been demonstrated as being not dangerous or bad at all, and they just do it because they want to keep the jobs.

[801] Yeah, it's always about money, man. Money drives everything.

[802] Money has an effect on every single law.

[803] There's nothing that is completely easy and legal that's worth a lot of money that doesn't have some type of...

[804] Either law attached to it or back end being kicked.

[805] But it's also in a good way, too.

[806] Bad or good.

[807] I mean, money drives movies.

[808] You can't spend $500 million on a movie like Avatar unless you know that it's going to sell.

[809] And they knew that that movie was going to be a goddamn blockbuster.

[810] So money drives it, and guess what?

[811] You and I get to see it and go, holy shit, this is fucking awesome.

[812] This is fucking amazing.

[813] Yeah, I mean, money drives cars.

[814] Like, you want to buy a Porsche?

[815] Listen.

[816] Porsches take away all the stereotypes of midlife crisis cars and all that good stuff.

[817] It's a fucking amazingly engineered piece of machinery.

[818] And there's only one way to make that.

[819] It costs a fuckload of money and you have to spend a lot of money and time developing and creating these things.

[820] And then you have to make sure that there's going to be someone who's got a shitload of money that's willing to step in and buy these things.

[821] So money drives things in a good way and in a bad way.

[822] My problem is not with money moving things.

[823] My problem is with government.

[824] I just think we have an enormous amount of government in this country that's completely and totally unnecessary.

[825] And we just have it there because it creates jobs and because, you know, a lot of, especially Democrats, love that shit.

[826] They love to create and make the government bigger.

[827] Although the government grew in, you know, the Bush administration from the Clinton administration just because of all this, you know, keep America safe shit that was going on.

[828] Oh, that had to create so many thousands of jobs.

[829] Fuck yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

[830] Absolutely.

[831] 9 -11 made everybody a lot of money.

[832] That's insane.

[833] It is insane.

[834] You remember when they were doing the Code Orange?

[835] Remember that shit?

[836] Code Red, Code Orange, Code Yellow.

[837] They recently gave that up.

[838] Yeah, they just did, right?

[839] Yeah.

[840] It was too bad.

[841] I used to love the early days of it.

[842] Going to USA Today.

[843] And Orange was heightened alert.

[844] Yes.

[845] So we were always at heightened alert.

[846] Yes.

[847] And, you know, there's people out there who say, you don't even know how hard this government works because all our military and all our Secret Service and all our CIA, they are stopping terrorist attacks every day of the week.

[848] You just sit in your little comfortable house and feel real good while warriors out there protect you from evil.

[849] And may or may not be true.

[850] I mean, I know that they do a great job and people are busting their ass every day.

[851] Yes, but you know what else they do?

[852] They also set young dummies up and give them fake bombs and then arrest them like they did to that guy in Dallas.

[853] Remember that?

[854] I think he was from Dallas and he was going to do it in Colorado.

[855] I think it was in Denver.

[856] I forget.

[857] I forget what the state was, but this kid was a fucking idiot.

[858] spouting off about how he wanted to get back in America, and he was a part of some radical Muslim group, and they fucking contacted this guy.

[859] The FBI got in with him, hooked him up, gave him a bomb.

[860] The bomb was fake, and then they arrested his ass.

[861] Holy shit.

[862] Yeah, man. They do shit like that.

[863] They get you to do things, and then once you do it, then they jack you.

[864] That's weird.

[865] Well, part of me likes it, though, because I'm like, yeah, I like that they're out there exposing those retards.

[866] Yeah, go get that dummy, give him a fake bomb, and then put him in a fucking jail, because if he was willing to pull the trigger on that fake bomb, I don't care if he's coerced, okay?

[867] I don't care if you, you know, you made it sound a lot better than it really is to him.

[868] You made it sound wonderful.

[869] But that fucking dummy was willing to do that.

[870] Kill him.

[871] Lock him in jail.

[872] Toss him away.

[873] Oh, yeah.

[874] That's the, that easily influenced of a mind.

[875] Yeah.

[876] It doesn't deserve to be free either way.

[877] Yeah, there was another guy recently.

[878] I believe it was in Seattle.

[879] Seattle or Portland, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest.

[880] Another guy, same thing.

[881] They totally set his ass up.

[882] They did?

[883] Set his ass up and locked him up.

[884] Yeah, locked him up.

[885] It's amazing.

[886] You know what?

[887] The world is missing nothing by those guys being locked up, man. Nothing.

[888] Nothing at all.

[889] Nothing.

[890] Nobody misses their best friend because that guy doesn't have one.

[891] Yeah.

[892] A gut's a shithead.

[893] Probably owes child support.

[894] Remember the guy in New York?

[895] The guy that, uh, he just fucked up.

[896] He just, he came really close.

[897] He just did a shitty job constructing his truck bomb.

[898] But if that thing went off, you know, that fucking thing was going to kill, you know, who knows how many hundreds of people.

[899] Or a thousand, you know?

[900] I mean, it could have been, I mean, I don't know how much power is detonated by one of those truck bombs.

[901] But this dummy just didn't, didn't have the right system set up to detonate it.

[902] But he was willing to do it, man. There are people out there that are...

[903] Fucking dumb as shit and willing to do it.

[904] How about, like, those Somali pirates, dude?

[905] Amazing.

[906] Those guys put it all on the line, man. Like, it's horrible what they do.

[907] They're willing, like, the type of mind that is willing to try it.

[908] Yeah, kidnapping and die.

[909] Yeah, they shoot at U .S. warships, man. They shoot at everything.

[910] They shoot fucking rocket -propelled hand grenades.

[911] They shoot them at warships.

[912] That shows you how bad shit has to be in Somalia.

[913] It's got to be the fucking worst place to live, where doing that shit, fucking let's go kidnap people on a boat, is a better option than staying.

[914] Well, do you know how it all happened?

[915] The Somali pirates used to be called, they initially started calling themselves the volunteer coast guard of Somalia.

[916] and they started kidnapping european ships because european ships were dumping things in their water and it was killing all their fish and and they you know they hadn't that was their their income they were their fishermen so they got upset at these these companies dumping all this toxic waste into their waters so they kidnapped one and they held them up for ransom they got like a million bucks and then they were like And then they went crazy and just started making it their number one thing now.

[917] Now they're going hundreds and hundreds of miles away from Somalia and jacking people.

[918] The people don't have to be anywhere near Somalia or even the Gulf of Aden.

[919] They just caught, they got 23 people yesterday.

[920] They kidnapped them and then they killed those people just a couple days ago.

[921] The two couples, yeah, it was four of them.

[922] Yeah, man. It's sad shit, man. That's really fucked up.

[923] Sad shit.

[924] It would make me never even go to that coastline.

[925] Yeah, fuck.

[926] Dude, Africa.

[927] I'd never be around there.

[928] Africa, in a nutshell, is absolutely insane.

[929] I've watched so many documentaries on Africa, and I've watched a bunch on the Congo, and it's just, it's so weird how crazy it is there.

[930] I mean, it really is like, I mean, Somalia basically has no government.

[931] It's a completely lawless place.

[932] Yeah, totally.

[933] Yeah, they have warlords who just drive around a Mercedes with guns hanging out the windows.

[934] You know, and those guys become the stars of the neighborhood.

[935] Those guys are making all the money.

[936] Yeah.

[937] You know?

[938] Could you imagine, man?

[939] I mean, forget about being born in Mexico.

[940] Imagine being born there.

[941] Oh, my God.

[942] You just have such...

[943] And that just shows you, like, how lucky you are to not be born there.

[944] That there's that many people that, like...

[945] Through nothing, no choice or decision, that's just where you live your life.

[946] In fucking Somalia.

[947] Yeah, no kidding, man. Where, like, shit, like, you live in a war zone from the day you're born.

[948] Yeah, pretty ridiculous.

[949] It's totally ridiculous.

[950] And then, like, that somebody else just happens to be born in Bel Air, and that's their existence.

[951] That's just what they do as they're born there.

[952] Yeah, just lucky.

[953] Come on, seven.

[954] Or you did something super awesome in another life.

[955] Yeah.

[956] You know?

[957] Or super shitty.

[958] Yeah.

[959] Yeah.

[960] You ever wonder about that, man?

[961] Yeah.

[962] You know, like, what made you born in...

[963] Were you born in Ohio?

[964] Is that where you were born?

[965] Yeah, Cincinnati, yeah.

[966] You know?

[967] What did you do in the past life?

[968] Do you believe in reincarnation?

[969] I don't know.

[970] I thought about it, but I don't know if I actually...

[971] really buy into that concept.

[972] But I do think that, like, I do think sometimes, like, when I'm feeling really shitty about myself, I'll be like, what the fuck did I do to be so lucky, you know?

[973] Right.

[974] Like, to have a good life?

[975] Right.

[976] Like, what, why am I lucky in someone's life is so fucking terrible?

[977] Yeah.

[978] And I have no answer for that.

[979] I don't, you know, I don't know if there is one.

[980] Yeah, I don't know if there is one either.

[981] I always thought about, reincarnation that it's silly to believe or disbelieve it.

[982] It's completely silly to believe it, but...

[983] I can see that.

[984] But why not?

[985] I mean, look, just the fact that you're alive and that you, you know, whatever it is that carries your personality in it, whether it's, you know, whether it's a soul or a consciousness or, you know, whatever you are, just that it exists alone in this state, in this body, is fucking weird enough, man. Why wouldn't it...

[986] travel from this life to the next one?

[987] Why wouldn't a soul leave this dimension and enter into a new physical body, maybe even a totally new dimension?

[988] I mean, maybe...

[989] Maybe our thing about reincarnation is off because it's not reincarnation like you live one life on this earth and then you come back and you're born as a baby and live another life.

[990] No, you might die and enter into some unrecognizable new sort of a fucking frequency of life.

[991] Something completely different in the next stage.

[992] I mean, that could be what evolution or what rather reincarnation really is, is that your soul evolves as your physical being and your universe evolves and it moves and changes from one thing into the next.

[993] or you're just dead.

[994] It could be all bullshit.

[995] It could be all just tricks your brain's trying to play on you.

[996] Yeah, I think believing or disbelieving, any of those things, it's interesting to consider all the possibilities, but believing or disbelieving, there's very little difference between that and religion.

[997] Oh yeah, absolutely very little.

[998] I mean, that's what I always think, hearing the different theories from each religion is interesting.

[999] I really don't have a problem with people's different.

[1000] beliefs of what might happen, I don't feel one way that, like, no, dude, this is definitely what happens.

[1001] I don't understand how anybody actually goes, well, then here's what happens after that.

[1002] You talk to a guy, and then you get a glass of milk, and then you go, like, really?

[1003] Do you know all the fucking details of what happens?

[1004] Seriously?

[1005] Well, all you have to do is pretend that you know that and talk confidently, and you'll have a cult.

[1006] It's that simple.

[1007] I mean, that's the amazing thing about people is that we're so fucking insecure and confused that all someone has to do is come along and speak confidently and we listen.

[1008] Absolutely.

[1009] They can say the most ridiculous shit ever and there'll be at least a few people that'll be into what they're saying.

[1010] Yeah, believing in anything.

[1011] Believing in anything that you can't prove.

[1012] Anything that's not...

[1013] I mean, it's just...

[1014] You're choosing a box that you're going to put your thoughts in.

[1015] And once you do that, man, anything that's outside that box, you've discredited.

[1016] You've left it out of the realm of possibility.

[1017] And that becomes a real problem with thinking.

[1018] Especially when you're basing something on a thought process and a pattern of behavior that is...

[1019] from a long time ago when people knew almost nothing about science, almost nothing about the nature of reality.

[1020] I mean, even though we don't know that much about it now, I mean, we know way more about it than they knew 3 ,000 years ago when they were writing the Bible.

[1021] When you read the shit that does exist in the Bible, all the shit about women being second -class citizens and condoning slavery, I mean, it's like...

[1022] Why would you believe anything from it?

[1023] How come you can cherry pick from the nonsense?

[1024] You have to pick and choose.

[1025] You either pick and choose or you blanket embrace it.

[1026] You know what I mean?

[1027] Or you blanket reject it.

[1028] But the people that blanket accept it always sound insane.

[1029] There's no such thing as somebody who across the board loves it and goes, you know what, I'm a rational person.

[1030] You have to pick and choose.

[1031] Otherwise, it's too crazy.

[1032] Were you ever religious at any point in your life?

[1033] Yeah, totally.

[1034] When?

[1035] Growing up, I was just raised in a Catholic household.

[1036] It wasn't super strict, but it was just kind of intensified.

[1037] You're just raised like this is the way it is.

[1038] Pray a lot.

[1039] When did you start to think it was horseshit?

[1040] Actually, I was really affected by...

[1041] A lot by the scandal, man. Like, when the...

[1042] That kind of put me off.

[1043] Which one?

[1044] Like, when the initial huge rush of all the pedophilia charges against the Catholic Church came, like, there's always been select, but, like, when that big rush of them where it was like, no, this is a massive problem, that really fucked me up, man. Like, it's really hard to not start having doubts about, like, people that I was raised.

[1045] How old were you when this happened, you think?

[1046] When you were aware of it?

[1047] I know there's always stories, but it wasn't until I was a teenager I was like...

[1048] Like, I know there's great people in the Catholic Church.

[1049] Like, I know great, great, amazing people.

[1050] Sure, there's great moonies, there's great Scientologists.

[1051] Yeah, but we're like, like, the people are truly what it is to be good.

[1052] Like, I know priests are just, like, amazing human beings.

[1053] Sure.

[1054] But when you think about the magnitude of one organization that was essentially, like, running an operation that was designed to give people opportunities to have a chance to fuck kids is what it is.

[1055] It really is what it is, yeah.

[1056] That is really traumatizing.

[1057] to what I thought of the church before that happened.

[1058] You know?

[1059] It's like a hard thing to even say because it feels like such a betrayal, like what you were raised to believe was just something that is so good.

[1060] Yeah.

[1061] That the thing that is so good and beautiful, it's supposed to be so wonderful, is harboring essentially the worst type of criminal.

[1062] You know what I mean?

[1063] It seems like there's so much harboring, too, that it really must be on purpose, and it must be that there's so many pedophiles that it's literally how they run things, and they don't want people to get caught because they don't want to get caught.

[1064] I mean, and then, you know, they probably pulled the guy who got caught aside and go, silly bitch, you know, why are you trying to convince kids to suck your dick?

[1065] There's plenty of kids who'll suck your dick.

[1066] You don't have to force them down.

[1067] You don't have to rape them.

[1068] And I still struggle today with the fact of, like, wanting to believe that the church is what is perfect and good in the world, because that was such a big part of how I was raised, to facing the reality of what it has become.

[1069] Wow, that still bugs you.

[1070] It still bothers me, yeah.

[1071] Wow.

[1072] Well, because it essentially is like being like...

[1073] essentially being betrayed by a best friend or a family member.

[1074] But it's like a horrible betrayal.

[1075] Something you can't even fathom.

[1076] That's what it feels like to me. Even though I wasn't ever super religious, it was that they ruined the place that I thought was the safe haven in the world.

[1077] The amazing thing is that no one prosecutes them and internationally these guys can travel back and forth and no one treats them as sex criminals.

[1078] Ratzinger, the current Pope, That guy has actively sought to shield child molesters from prosecution.

[1079] It is 100 % provable.

[1080] When he was the, whatever the fuck he was, the Grand Poobah in Arizona, I think he was, or New Mexico.

[1081] I don't remember where the fuck he was.

[1082] But he was, there's all these papers and documents showing that he's moving guys around and trying not to get them prosecuted.

[1083] And they would just pluck a pedophile preacher out and put him in a new place where they can fuck kids.

[1084] It's the absolute, for me, and the way I feel, it's the worst crime that a human being could do.

[1085] It's one of them.

[1086] It's something to children.

[1087] Like, to hurt children is.

[1088] Yes.

[1089] It's so fucking, it's such the most horrifying thing.

[1090] You ruin someone's life forever.

[1091] And like, they were an organization that basically was like...

[1092] It was like a hiring service for them.

[1093] It was like, do you want to do that?

[1094] That's what they became.

[1095] Yeah, it's like, you know, sort of like how Scientology, they say with celebrities that they protect the celebrity and they do their PR and they create like a public persona for them and actively cultivate it and work for it.

[1096] It's like one of the reasons why they've been accused of having a bunch of gay celebrities and, you know, setting them up and making them look like they're straight and then aggressively going after anybody who questions it.

[1097] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1098] I mean, basically, this is what the Catholic Church did.

[1099] They're pedophiles.

[1100] And the thing is that it's not just the crime, the act of the physical crime that was being committed, but the level of corruption makes it that much worse.

[1101] Yeah, what's really scary is that no one's done anything about it.

[1102] I mean, besides individual preachers and priests getting caught and arrested.

[1103] No one's done anything about it on a big level.

[1104] Like, no one's ever, like, audited the Catholic Church's records and said, listen, we need to find out what you have and haven't done, and we're going to start arresting some of you fucking freaks.

[1105] Like, when Ratzinger has, I mean, it's been proven that the current pope shielded child molesters.

[1106] Why is he allowed to travel to America?

[1107] Why isn't he arrested?

[1108] Why don't they pull him aside?

[1109] I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

[1110] He's a fucking criminal.

[1111] That's criminal behavior.

[1112] If that guy was working for Donut World, and all of his managers were boning kids in the bathrooms at Donut World, and then it was shown that he was shielding his managers from...

[1113] from being prosecuted, he would go to jail.

[1114] He wouldn't be making donuts anymore.

[1115] He definitely wouldn't be able to travel from country to country.

[1116] You know, Richard Dawkins.

[1117] Dawkins or Hitchens?

[1118] I forget.

[1119] It might have been Christopher Hitchens.

[1120] They were, you know...

[1121] campaigning to have him arrested for fucking crimes against humanity, campaigning to have him arrested for pedophilia, you know, for what the fuck he's doing.

[1122] It's horrible.

[1123] It's the worst thing you can do.

[1124] Meanwhile, they just fucking fly around.

[1125] And, you know, I mean, he travels all over the world.

[1126] There's a video of him being entertained by these shirtless male acrobats.

[1127] It is one of the creepiest, gayest things.

[1128] I saw it.

[1129] That shit was incredible.

[1130] You see it?

[1131] It was incredible.

[1132] The Pope and the gayest looking, manscaped, waxed eyebrows, dyed hair, weird gay looking guys.

[1133] And they're doing their acrobatic bullshit in front of him.

[1134] And he's clapping with his withered old finger fucking kid hands.

[1135] They're all like gymnasts.

[1136] And they have on weird gymnast pants and they're shirtless.

[1137] Tights.

[1138] Yeah.

[1139] And they're shirtless.

[1140] like just like wrist tape and uh after like every moment they would kind of pose looked like they were kind of flexed like they would stand up real and they would kind of like look at them weird and smile at them and it's the fucking you feel violated because like it's like they're looking at you and it's it's it's it's like a team of of weird uh gay aggravation is coming at you.

[1141] Like they're about to do something to you.

[1142] It's creepy as shit.

[1143] It's so creepy.

[1144] It's creepy.

[1145] It's amazing how much he looks like that bad guy from Star Wars.

[1146] The old guy.

[1147] Have you ever seen the comparisons online, the photos?

[1148] No. It's hilarious, dude.

[1149] There's like him with his goofy ass robe on.

[1150] That is one of the weirdest things that nobody mocks the outfit.

[1151] I know.

[1152] with his stupid fucking fish head hat, like whatever that thing is.

[1153] It looks like a fish with its mouth open.

[1154] Yeah, why don't you, why don't, there's a point where tradition just becomes, you know what, that's too old of a tradition.

[1155] Let's switch it up.

[1156] Yeah, all of their bishop outfits, their cardinal outfits.

[1157] They should just change it to, like, starter jackets.

[1158] They just go to, like, a later era, but all have the same thing.

[1159] Like, we're all going to rock starter jackets.

[1160] Starter jackets from, like, the 1920s Red Sox.

[1161] Yeah, dude.

[1162] Fucking Vatican style.

[1163] That's hilarious.

[1164] With a big V on the back.

[1165] V for Vatican.

[1166] Just do that for the next.

[1167] 800 years, and then they adopt a new thing.

[1168] Right, if you're really connected to God, does it matter what you're wearing?

[1169] You know?

[1170] I mean, that seems to be completely silly.

[1171] Like, why would you have to wear a stupid outfit?

[1172] That's why I've always goofed on monks.

[1173] Like, no, they don't have it together.

[1174] If you had it together, why would you be wearing that goddamn bathrobe everywhere?

[1175] That's the most ridiculous shit ever.

[1176] Yeah, and here's the thing.

[1177] If you're not wearing that, are your beliefs gone or something?

[1178] No. You can wear whatever you want.

[1179] Like, it's silly to think that, like, just because you have the add -on.

[1180] Well, I also think people have a big difficulty in being trapped by certain things in life, whether it's material possessions or relationships or whatever.

[1181] It doesn't mean that you should be a monk and avoid everything because you can't handle it.

[1182] Because that's what they're doing.

[1183] It's like they're missing out on some of the most amazing parts of life.

[1184] Relationships?

[1185] You don't have a sexual relationship with someone.

[1186] You don't have children.

[1187] You're committed to a life of abstinence.

[1188] And you think you got your shit together.

[1189] That's ridiculously stupid.

[1190] You're just doing a workaround for the shit about being a human that you can't manage and handle.

[1191] You can't handle material possessions.

[1192] You can't handle competition.

[1193] You can't handle sexual behavior.

[1194] You can't handle relationships.

[1195] So what are you going to do?

[1196] You're going to dress like a fucking Pop -Tart and live in a house with a bunch of other weirdos.

[1197] You know?

[1198] Yeah, I mean, but some of them are like, I feel like there are a few people that are made to just have almost like lives of just ultimate, like eternal goodness.

[1199] Yeah.

[1200] They're just super good people.

[1201] I think some of them go to that.

[1202] Yes.

[1203] But I do feel like a lot of people use any lifestyle choice that is extreme when you're going to that.

[1204] It's because you're trying to escape something.

[1205] Yes, I think for a lot of people.

[1206] I think some are just on a search.

[1207] Some are searching for, you know, the answers and they're trying to, you know, separate themselves from some of the worldly vices that have controlled them and made their life a mess.

[1208] You know, I kind of see that.

[1209] But I just see for so many of them, it just seems like it's such a silly way to fucking live.

[1210] You know, it's like you're missing out on all the fun, man. Yeah, you really got to enjoy it.

[1211] Do you have to?

[1212] Do you have to miss out on the fun?

[1213] Does it have to be that way?

[1214] I have a friend that became a monk.

[1215] Really?

[1216] Yeah, a real live monk, man. Moved to a monastery and everything.

[1217] My friend Joe Diggs.

[1218] Joe Diggs was a Taekwondo guy that I used to train with.

[1219] And this was back when I was a young kid, and he used to get real nervous about fighting, about fighting in tournaments and real nervous about sparring days.

[1220] You know, sparring is fucking dangerous, man. You know, you're throwing kicks at each other, and guys get knocked out all the time.

[1221] Guys would always get knocked out in class.

[1222] It would happen all the time.

[1223] It's scary.

[1224] Your friends would get kicked in the head right in front of you and dropped.

[1225] So he had a lot of anxiety about sparring.

[1226] And what he decided to do was start meditating.

[1227] So he really got into transcendental meditation and different types of meditation and started studying Buddhism.

[1228] And then he started going to a monastery to learn meditation.

[1229] And he decided to give up his life and join the monastery.

[1230] Dude, he gave up everything.

[1231] Gave up his material possessions.

[1232] He had certain tasks that he was supposed to do at the monastery, like cleaning and different things that he had to do.

[1233] And he was given a Zen cone to try to meditate on.

[1234] You know, it's like the sound of one hand clapping, you know, one of those type of things.

[1235] You know what those are?

[1236] It's like a riddle that you really can't answer.

[1237] It was something like a cow says moo or something like that.

[1238] It was something completely bizarre.

[1239] I remember him telling me what this question was that he was supposed to contemplate until he achieved enlightenment.

[1240] I was like, wow, that's the weirdest thing ever.

[1241] But this was a guy that genuinely embraced the idea of giving up his material life and really...

[1242] really studying the mind and disciplining himself and exploring his, his internal consciousness.

[1243] You know, he really, he was a guy that was probably like in his late thirties when this, this happened to him and he was a little disillusioned by life out there in the workplace and what he was doing.

[1244] And so this was like, a real opportunity for him to not live like everybody else.

[1245] So he went into it, man. He went right into it.

[1246] Is he happy?

[1247] I don't know, because I never stayed close with him.

[1248] You know, he's just a guy that I knew from back then.

[1249] And, you know, we went out to lunch a couple times after he became a monk and he was only eating vegetables.

[1250] You know, he had, you know, become completely vegetarian.

[1251] And he was saying that he liked it.

[1252] He didn't like the no sex part.

[1253] Didn't like that.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] That was kind of freaky to him.

[1256] But he kind of understood that relationships can get in the way of your meditation and your work.

[1257] You can meditate eight hours a day, man. That's incredible.

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] That's really incredible.

[1260] Yeah.

[1261] How weird, huh?

[1262] Yeah.

[1263] It's such an extreme thing to do.

[1264] It's really like going...

[1265] It's as extreme as going...

[1266] the opposite direction.

[1267] Do you know what I mean?

[1268] Like, when you let everything just go to shit and you live like a fucking lunatic and you're just partying all the time.

[1269] Right.

[1270] That's an extreme.

[1271] Yeah.

[1272] So is meditating eight hours.

[1273] That's the extreme thing to do.

[1274] Yeah.

[1275] I don't know, man. It seems like it's...

[1276] I mean, I know people do it and they claim to be happy, but it just seems like it's so out of balance.

[1277] I always feel like they don't have good friends.

[1278] It's like you're missing out on all the fun stuff.

[1279] It's like, why would you want to, I mean, I guess do whatever the fuck that makes you happy.

[1280] And everyone's got their own makeup and everyone's different.

[1281] Everyone's got their own structure.

[1282] They appreciate different things.

[1283] I get all that.

[1284] But I just feel like you should be having fun, man. This life is fun.

[1285] If you have a bunch of cool friends and you go do fun shit, you can have a great goddamn time.

[1286] And the laughter and the heightened experience is like something to be enjoyed.

[1287] There's a lot of things that are enjoyable.

[1288] about this life and I think so many people get alienated from those things by work and by obligation by debt by you know all these things that they're forced to do that they don't like to do and they forget that if you didn't have this if you just like you know I'm not trying to rub this in but they'll be living the life of a comedian All you're doing is you're traveling from one place to the next where you meet a bunch of people who are excited to see you and you're going to make them laugh.

[1289] And everyone's going to have fun.

[1290] You're going to laugh about shit.

[1291] And there really is no inappropriate in your vernacular or vocabulary because nothing's inappropriate to you.

[1292] It's all just thinking about life.

[1293] So it's like you live this fucking great existence, man. But every now and then I'll fucking sit down and I'll talk to some dude who's an accountant or has some other fucking job.

[1294] And you realize how rough it is.

[1295] If you have to be a part of the normal system, if you have to be stuck in the normal grind, man, it fucking sucks.

[1296] It does suck.

[1297] It's soul -stealing shit, man. That's what depressed me, man. Yeah?

[1298] What'd you do?

[1299] I mean, I had a bunch of jobs, and everything that was, you know, having an office job was depressing to me. I mean, I worked from college.

[1300] I worked as a marketing, like, you know, employee.

[1301] I had a company that made grocery carts.

[1302] That was a job.

[1303] Selling knives.

[1304] I sold Cutco knives one time.

[1305] God damn.

[1306] That was in college.

[1307] I worked in post -production for a long time on shows.

[1308] Scheduling stuff.

[1309] Being in that 9 -to -5 mode was depressing.

[1310] It is depressing.

[1311] It was a horrible thing.

[1312] I just hated the hierarchy, all of it.

[1313] It's most people's reality.

[1314] Horrible.

[1315] I avoided so much of it.

[1316] I had some 9 to 5 gigs, but most of it was construction.

[1317] So it wasn't really 9 to 5.

[1318] It was 7 to 3 or something like that.

[1319] And most of it was part -time stuff.

[1320] Not part -time, but temporary, where I'd do it for a couple months and I'd quit and go do something else.

[1321] Because I just couldn't take it.

[1322] I did my best.

[1323] to try to you know figure out a way to make a living outside of that so i was doing like i was delivering newspapers in the morning because that was only a few hours every morning it was seven days a week but it was only a few hours except on sunday was a big day but i was like okay well i can make some money this way and then let me add some little thing in the the daytime and i started driving cars in the daytime doing limo driving that was only like a few days a week so i was like well this is good so now i'm sort of working full time i'm really working for 40 hours but it's not all in the same place so it's not driving me nuts yeah And it's not doing anything where I constantly have to be around a boss or constantly have to be in an office.

[1324] You know, when I was delivering newspapers, I was in my car.

[1325] And when I was driving limos, you know, you're picking people up at the airport.

[1326] There's all kinds of different folks you're interacting with.

[1327] It was way better than, you know, being stuck in an office.

[1328] I think if I couldn't do this and I had to get a real job again, I would actually do construction.

[1329] I did construction when I was in high school.

[1330] Would you really?

[1331] I hate the office that much where I actually feel like construction shit is really more rewarding work.

[1332] Really?

[1333] It was the hardest stuff.

[1334] It was in the summers in Florida when I was in high school.

[1335] But at the end of the day, I felt better about myself and was happier than any office job that I had.

[1336] Wow.

[1337] I would rather be sweating and sore than being in the office.

[1338] Wow.

[1339] Yeah, I did a lot of gigs when I was a kid, when I was in high school.

[1340] My dad was an architect growing up, and so he got me jobs on construction sites doing a lot of laboring.

[1341] I did some, you know, like some summers I would do laboring, and then I did like some carpentry apprenticeship stuff.

[1342] Your dad was an architect?

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] Wow.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] So I was always around construction sites, so I did a lot of them.

[1347] But the hardest one I ever had, I was working with my friend Jimmy.

[1348] He got me this job on the crew that he worked on, and they were, it was a small crew.

[1349] a family -owned crew, and they made you work hard.

[1350] If you're working in a big group of 20, 30 guys, and people slack off a little, but when it's like you and two other guys and the boss, like, man, you gotta fucking work, man. And all summer long, we built a wheelchair ramp at a Knights of Columbus Hall somewhere in Massachusetts, and I had to carry bags of cement and pressure -treated lumber all day.

[1351] That was the day.

[1352] It was fucking brutal.

[1353] You know, cement's like 50 pounds.

[1354] Every time you're carrying a 50 -pound bag of cement and these big, giant, pressure -treated lumbers, and you would get those pressure -treated lumber splinters where it's this toxic fucking shit that they use to make this wood so it doesn't ever rot.

[1355] Like pressure -treated lumber, you can make decks out of it.

[1356] You can have anything that's exposed.

[1357] You could rain on it all day.

[1358] It's not going to go away because it's literally saturated with toxic.

[1359] fucking oil or whatever the hell they use to make it pressure treated.

[1360] And it's heavy as shit.

[1361] And we're just carrying that stuff around all day for a whole summer.

[1362] That's fucking...

[1363] It was great though.

[1364] It was great for me. It was a very important summer.

[1365] I think I did it for a few weeks.

[1366] It was only like maybe two or three weeks.

[1367] I don't really remember.

[1368] But I remember that it was so brutally hard, and it was so ridiculously taxing.

[1369] At the end of the day, I would go work out.

[1370] I would go to the gym and try to hit the bag.

[1371] I had nothing.

[1372] And I was still fighting at the time, too.

[1373] So I knew I couldn't compete while I had this job.

[1374] There was no way.

[1375] I couldn't train.

[1376] I was so tired.

[1377] And I was stupid back then, so I didn't hydrate myself correctly.

[1378] I didn't drink enough water.

[1379] I didn't take care of my nutrition.

[1380] I would eat ham sandwiches and shit and no vitamins.

[1381] You do that for long enough and your body just gets taxed.

[1382] It's not good for you.

[1383] But it taught me a huge lesson.

[1384] I don't think anybody who's never been through a job like that where you're spent at the end of every day, can't wait for Friday, Saturday flies by, Sunday you're clinging on to it like a kitten hanging on a curtain, and next thing you know, Monday morning, 6 .30, that alarm clock goes off, and it really should go off at 6, because you've got to be there at 7, so you're always going to be like five minutes late, and it's death.

[1385] But if you haven't been through that and then gotten that measly fucking check at the end of the week for that, you're like, whoa, this is what all my time and effort is worth?

[1386] Like the system, the way it's set up today for people who work.

[1387] Like, what you have to do to work to get a living out of, it doesn't make any sense.

[1388] Your life is worth way more than that.

[1389] And that's what I was thinking.

[1390] Even though I was broke, I was thinking, my life is worth more than $500 for the whole week.

[1391] Because I can't even spend this.

[1392] Because I'm goddamn exhausted.

[1393] I mean, I'm going to spend it on bills and, you know, lights and electricity and fucking gas and all that shit.

[1394] But it's like, you can't even enjoy it is what I should say.

[1395] It's like, it's all just...

[1396] It's such a giant weight on you.

[1397] And some people, man, that weight stays on them until they die.

[1398] That's why people who haven't done that are not as good as human beings, too.

[1399] It makes you a better human being to have had that experience.

[1400] Like to one time had to do hard, physical shit to make a living makes you a better person.

[1401] I think it makes you humble.

[1402] I think it's easy to get cocky if you've had a bunch of success.

[1403] But, you know, no matter what success I've ever had in my life, I remember delivering newspapers.

[1404] I remember getting up at 3 o 'clock in the morning on Sunday morning.

[1405] Sometimes I just stayed up Saturday night because it was so ridiculous.

[1406] I just drank a bunch of coffee and then just went down there and waited for the papers to come in because I had to, you know.

[1407] carry these big bundles of newspapers all day and stack them and toss them out.

[1408] I would regularly go till 9, 10 in the morning, sometimes noon if the paper was extra big.

[1409] Sometimes they have a bunch of inserts and you couldn't carry them all in one load.

[1410] So I would go out, I would do 50 houses and then I would come back and do another 50.

[1411] And I'd keep doing it over and over and over again.

[1412] It was fucking ridiculous.

[1413] I bought a van for it and filled up this shitty van, the whole back of it, filled it up with newspapers.

[1414] I'll never forget that, man. The worst shit, the hardest shit we had to do that summer were dig ditches and put tile down on like 21 bedroom units in the summer in Florida with no AC.

[1415] So you'd be on the ground laying tile and the grout and then, you know, it would take an hour and you would just cook in these one bedroom, no air condition units and just bake in them.

[1416] And then the dig in the ditch.

[1417] We would dig ditches for this guy.

[1418] And everybody would come by and be like, you can't have ditches in Florida.

[1419] They're going to flood, man. Like, there's no such thing as a ditch.

[1420] And he would just be like, you just keep digging them ditches, man. Like, he would just make us dig ditches that, like, they weren't ever going to be used.

[1421] Like, they would have to be flooded.

[1422] What?

[1423] Yeah, it was just, like, the craziest thing.

[1424] Man, it would take everything out of you to take these stitches.

[1425] It was almost like we were just digging them for his amusement.

[1426] That's crazy.

[1427] It would kill you, man. It would kill you to dig these things.

[1428] And lay the tile.

[1429] Man, I have so much.

[1430] That job made me appreciate it.

[1431] Every time for the rest of my life, when I walk in a room and I see tile, I think of that.

[1432] Every single time I see tile.

[1433] I just think of being on knees, laying tile.

[1434] Scraping grout.

[1435] Scraping grout in a room that's 130 degrees.

[1436] Just dripping sweat.

[1437] Wow, that's crazy because I never think of that.

[1438] Yeah.

[1439] Every time I've gone to a bathroom, I've just said, well, there's some tile.

[1440] That's funny.

[1441] I didn't have that connection.

[1442] One of the few things I didn't do, but I did do, I installed insulation in attics in the summertime in Boston.

[1443] It was...

[1444] goddamn brutal work because you yeah you're up in the attic and you're installing this installation and the insulation is that foam or that rather fiberglass pink stuff and it gets in your pores, man. It gets in your mouth.

[1445] It gets in your skin.

[1446] It gets in your eyes.

[1447] Yeah, you're laying it down, and you have, like, a mask on, a mask on your face, but it still gets in your eyes, and it gets in your skin, and you can't wash it out.

[1448] Like, you're washing it, but you're still itchy, and you'd be sitting around, like, on the couch after you've done work, and you're out of the shower, and you're still, like, tingling and itchy and scratchy.

[1449] And, by the way, you know, that shit, sure, some particles get past your mask and get in your fucking mouth.

[1450] A hundred percent.

[1451] They get in your stomach.

[1452] Do you have, like, a physical reaction when you see insulation?

[1453] No, but I remember.

[1454] You remember?

[1455] You know, I look at it and I go, oh, there's, I know what that stuff's like.

[1456] I know somebody who had to go through some shit.

[1457] I did that a bunch of times at a bunch of the gigs, you know, because there was, you know, those gigs were laborer jobs.

[1458] That's what you do.

[1459] You roll that insulation.

[1460] You'd be a mindless moron and roll that insulation out.

[1461] So you have to carry these bundles up the stairs into the attic.

[1462] So you're like, you know, it's leaning against your neck and your face.

[1463] And then you're bringing it up there and then popping open the top of it and unrolling it.

[1464] And it's hot as fuck and you're sweating.

[1465] There was a guy that I worked with.

[1466] It was one gig that I got.

[1467] My friend Leroy got me this gig.

[1468] Him and his friend Henry had this, they had their own construction company, and they were renovating these terrible buildings in Dorchester.

[1469] Dorchester's a real shit neighborhood in Boston.

[1470] And there was this one guy that I worked with that had a Mountain Dew bottle, a big two -liter Mountain Dew bottle filled with beer.

[1471] And he would just drink it all day.

[1472] He was just hammered all the time and shaking.

[1473] His hands were always shaking.

[1474] And the guy was just drunk all day.

[1475] And they would laugh about it, like this guy's always drunk.

[1476] Like they knew what he did.

[1477] And he lived in this house while we were renovating it.

[1478] He had like, I mean, the place was like all exposed walls and wires hanging everywhere and staircases and no electricity except one jury -rigged room that he had on the third floor where he was living.

[1479] And he had a bed set up there, and the guy would just be up there just getting fucked up, trying to hide from life, drinking this big fucking piss -warm bottle of Old English.

[1480] That's just giving up all the way.

[1481] It's crazy.

[1482] You want it just to be over at that point.

[1483] To me, it was fascinating, though.

[1484] I always wanted to be around him as much as I could.

[1485] I tried to be around him all the time, just as a character, just to try to pay attention to him.

[1486] Because it was so odd.

[1487] You know, when I was...

[1488] This is at the time I was 18 or 19, and I remember I was just thinking, how does one become this guy?

[1489] This was someone's child.

[1490] This was a boy at one point in time, and this is how he developed.

[1491] Here he is, a 30 -plus -year -old man. I don't know how old he was, but just hammered every single day.

[1492] Don't you, when you meet somebody, you go, and they're fucked up like that, you go, well, everything definitely wasn't A -OK in that house.

[1493] You don't end up like that if...

[1494] things were totally normal at home.

[1495] I kind of believe that when I meet people that are fucked up, that there was some pretty serious trauma, or at least perceived trauma.

[1496] There has to be.

[1497] And then there's also the genetic stuff as far as addiction.

[1498] Because some people are much more prone physically to being addicted to things.

[1499] I don't know what that's all about.

[1500] I don't have that, so I don't understand it.

[1501] But I do have a mental addiction issue.

[1502] I have a severe mental addiction issue with everything.

[1503] I can get addicted to anything.

[1504] I can get addicted to anything that's fun, whether it's a game or a sport or, you know, a martial art. When I start getting into things, I become obsessed.

[1505] Really?

[1506] Yeah, completely obsessed.

[1507] Like, when I first started playing pool, 8, 10 hours a day.

[1508] First started doing martial arts, I would train in Taekwondo, 3, 4 hours a day.

[1509] But that's all I could get in.

[1510] I literally couldn't train anymore because my body wouldn't allow me to.

[1511] I'd be exhausted.

[1512] When I started playing video games, same thing.

[1513] Eight, ten hours a day.

[1514] I just get obsessed.

[1515] Of all the ones you mentioned, I do remember the one that involves sitting.

[1516] Video games?

[1517] Yeah.

[1518] Well, they're some of the most addictive things.

[1519] No, thank you.

[1520] Powerful.

[1521] They offer cookies.

[1522] She comes over with an apron like your mom.

[1523] It's amazing.

[1524] First class, man. But it could be pussy, too.

[1525] Pussy is just as easy to get addicted to.

[1526] There's been many times in my life where I'm trying to...

[1527] juggle as many chicks as possible thinking what the fuck am i doing like this isn't even i don't even want to do this this is like an obsession it's just i'm being compelled to do this because i'm on a you know i'm on this weird path you know and this weird path is you know trying to get laid And I have friends that still do that.

[1528] I have friends that just become obsessed with pussy to the point where they can't even have a good time because all they're thinking about is trying to get laid.

[1529] It's always...

[1530] I mean, I'm like, you can't be this horny.

[1531] It's a powerful thing, man. We've all done stupid shit to get laid.

[1532] It's a powerful thing.

[1533] And once they become successful at it, then it's all of a sudden like, oh, okay, I've got this thing wired.

[1534] I'm fucking everybody.

[1535] It's almost like they're making up for all the lost time where they were trying, where it was...

[1536] The guys that I know that became successful later in life and girls found them attractive later in life, those are the guys that are the most sick with it.

[1537] Yeah, for sure.

[1538] Guys who got laid when they were younger, they seem to be over it.

[1539] They can relax, or some of them can.

[1540] But it's a super common addiction to men.

[1541] Yeah, especially if it took a really long, like a really long time.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] Because, you know, some guys really are.

[1544] Like a lot of people out there are probably going to even start getting laid into their 30s and stuff.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] We think it's more rare than it is.

[1547] And for that guy, he realizes this is what I was missing out on.

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] He wants to make up for that forever.

[1550] So it's easy to become the addiction for that guy.

[1551] See, the only difference, though, the addictions that we just talked about, all of them are fun as fuck.

[1552] That's the difference.

[1553] I get addicted to things that are fun.

[1554] Like martial arts, it's fun, man. Being able to perform martial arts, being able to...

[1555] kick somebody in the head or choke somebody unconscious, that's some wild fucking Bruce Lee movie shit, man. To actually be able to do that, that's fun, man. Jiu -jitsu is not fun when you first start because you get mauled a lot.

[1556] Yeah, that's what keeps me from even fucking trying.

[1557] Yeah, but that's why it keeps people out.

[1558] It's hard to do.

[1559] Yeah, but I don't want to get mauled.

[1560] That's why it's so fun when you first learn how to do it.

[1561] Well, now, what they have a lot of now that they didn't have then was beginner classes.

[1562] When I was a beginner, there was this one kid that I used to spar with.

[1563] And it's very good that this happened to me because it made me really appreciate jiu -jitsu.

[1564] This is one Brazilian kid who used to choke the fucking shit out of me. This guy used to manhandle me. Every time we trained, he was ruthless, too.

[1565] He wasn't nice to me at all because we were basically the same age.

[1566] We were both young men, and he was just getting off on the fact that even though we were the same size, he could just beat my ass.

[1567] and he would manhandle me, dude.

[1568] And it made me really appreciate how little I knew about jiu -jitsu because I was coming from a place in kickboxing and doing Muay Thai and doing Taekwondo that I was really confident with my stand -up.

[1569] I would stand up.

[1570] I would spar with anybody.

[1571] I was real confident with what I was able to do.

[1572] So I felt like I could handle myself against someone my size.

[1573] But then here there's this guy who's my size who's just raping me, just ragdolling me and just choking me. and the shit out of me, and I was like, wow, this is some stuff that I need to learn.

[1574] Like, it really made me obsessed with Jiu -Jitsu.

[1575] Well, that and, yeah, it definitely helped.

[1576] That one guy giving me beatings helped, because I'm one of those dudes that I get obsessed with something because, you know, something has to, like, go off inside my head to make me obsessed about it.

[1577] And my obsession was, I want to be able to do to somebody what this guy can do to me, because that's incredible.

[1578] I can't do that now.

[1579] And then it made me feel helpless, too, because I was like, wow, if this guy, if this is like a street fight, and this guy wanted to beat my ass.

[1580] Like, man, I would be really helpless against him, which is a terrible feeling.

[1581] And especially when it's an alien feeling, when your whole life you've been a martial arts expert, and now you realize, like, oh, no, you're not.

[1582] There's a whole new thing that you don't even know.

[1583] So I became obsessed with jiu -jitsu that way.

[1584] But I kept that under control, mostly because of injuries.

[1585] When I first started doing it, I had a bad meniscus tear.

[1586] It's called a bucket handle tear, where it would lock out on me. And when it would lock in place, it was like super painful, man. It was really bad.

[1587] And it happened like every couple of weeks.

[1588] And so that kept me from getting like too obsessed with Jiu -Jitsu when I first got into it.

[1589] But man, like pool, the opposite happened.

[1590] I was injured, so I couldn't do Taekwondo when I got obsessed with pool.

[1591] And I started playing, and I watched these guys play that were really good.

[1592] And I just remember thinking, how the fuck is it possible to not miss for a whole game?

[1593] You know what I mean?

[1594] Like, you guy ran out the whole table, and then I became obsessed with it.

[1595] You just had to be able to do that.

[1596] You had to be able to.

[1597] I had to be able to run out.

[1598] Well, I wouldn't be happy until I figured out how to break and run out.

[1599] But that's just, you know, that's a fun thing.

[1600] How long did it take, by the way?

[1601] To get good at pool.

[1602] To be able to break and run out.

[1603] It took a couple of years, I think.

[1604] A couple of years?

[1605] Yeah.

[1606] I think it took probably two years of me, like, really playing all the time before I could consistently break it and run out.

[1607] That takes real discipline.

[1608] Or obsession.

[1609] Obsession, yeah, but at least that discipline, though.

[1610] The discipline is really...

[1611] I've always had weird discipline.

[1612] I have much more discipline for things now as a grown man than I did when I was young.

[1613] When I was young, I had very little discipline, but I had a lot of obsession.

[1614] Does being a father contribute to that?

[1615] Yeah, you feel like you have more responsibilities.

[1616] Also, I understand that with discipline comes reward.

[1617] You appreciate things that you do and manifest and create because you had to work hard to do them because you forced yourself to work when you didn't want to.

[1618] You're like, well, look, I didn't want to work.

[1619] Bam!

[1620] Look what happened because of that.

[1621] I got this now.

[1622] I accomplished that.

[1623] I wrote that.

[1624] There it is.

[1625] It's the proof that you have to discipline yourself.

[1626] Because when I was young, like with Taekwondo and those things, it was only about obsession.

[1627] My discipline was not good.

[1628] I was not a disciplined person.

[1629] I didn't want to do a bunch of stuff that wasn't fun.

[1630] But I was so obsessed with getting better at martial arts that it was easy to look disciplined.

[1631] I got you.

[1632] You know what I'm saying?

[1633] Yeah, absolutely.

[1634] It makes a lot of sense.

[1635] But it was all fun to me, so it wasn't really discipline.

[1636] I was obsessed.

[1637] You know, there's a difference.

[1638] As you get older, you understand the rewards of discipline, that it's a good thing.

[1639] And it's good to also have a certain amount of control at all times over your impulses.

[1640] And I didn't have any of that when I was young.

[1641] I was very impulsive.

[1642] I was just a wild motherfucker, you know.

[1643] I was barely raised...

[1644] My parents were barely around when I was a kid.

[1645] So, yeah, I grew up doing wild shit, and they never had a fucking clue.

[1646] They didn't know anything.

[1647] So I was completely impulsive, you know.

[1648] By the time I had graduated high school and then was out on my own...

[1649] What made you more disciplined though?

[1650] Like you needed to get even better results?

[1651] That's part of it, yeah.

[1652] of writing, I really realized the discipline really came into play with my writing.

[1653] Like, sometimes I didn't feel like writing.

[1654] But you have to write, even if you're not, if you're a professional comic, man, you have to write.

[1655] Like, I have friends that are professional comics that don't actually sit down and write.

[1656] And I'm like, you're selling yourself short.

[1657] Like, oh, I write on stage.

[1658] I'm like, yeah, I do too.

[1659] But you've got to write.

[1660] You've got to sit down and you've got to write.

[1661] Because if you don't, you're going to have less ideas.

[1662] You're going to have less things that you've considered.

[1663] You're going to have less topics to explore.

[1664] And I talked to a buddy who just writes in the car.

[1665] He never writes, but he just drives around his car and comes up with ideas.

[1666] I'm like, all right, that's a method too, but you really should write.

[1667] Because when you actually sit down and write something, whether it's a pen to a piece of paper or whether it's writing in front of a computer, you've...

[1668] It takes, like, you write the word strategy.

[1669] Well, it takes much longer to write the word strategy than it does to consider the concept of strategy.

[1670] Right.

[1671] So while you're writing it, you're putting more thought and more consideration into things.

[1672] You open more doors when you write it down.

[1673] Yeah.

[1674] For sure.

[1675] Sure.

[1676] For sure.

[1677] And you're, you know, you...

[1678] you consider things more deeply and more carefully, and you can go back and edit them and read them and say, hmm, do I like how this came out?

[1679] Do I like how I'm saying this?

[1680] Maybe I should say it like this, or maybe I should be clear about that.

[1681] It's like, you have to write, man. You have to.

[1682] It's part of your job.

[1683] And for a long time, I didn't.

[1684] When I was on news radio, I didn't write at all.

[1685] There was like two years where I never wrote a fucking joke.

[1686] Really?

[1687] Yeah, I didn't write shit.

[1688] I was on a sitcom, and I was working all day on the sitcom.

[1689] Especially in the beginning, it was long -ass hours.

[1690] You were still doing stand -up.

[1691] Yeah, but I was half -assing it.

[1692] I was going up, and I was doing the material that I did for years, that I had already written for years, and I had very, very little new things.

[1693] Every now and then I have a new tagline or something that I came up with in the moment, but it was probably the most uninspired period of my comedy ever.

[1694] was between 94 and like 96, 97.

[1695] Really?

[1696] Yeah.

[1697] That's when I first got on sitcom, on news radio.

[1698] What made you start writing?

[1699] I bombed once in front of some writers.

[1700] Did not have a good set.

[1701] A couple of the writers from news radio came.

[1702] And I had always felt like when I was doing like a sitcom, especially when I was doing news radio, I always felt like a little bit of a fraud.

[1703] I always felt like, you know, I mean, even though I was funny and I would deliver the lines and get big laughs and everything like that, I still felt like, like, how the hell did I get on television?

[1704] Like, this is ridiculous.

[1705] I'm on some NBC sitcom.

[1706] Like, I'm just some loser, you know, like that.

[1707] I didn't feel like I deserved it.

[1708] You know, I felt very, very much like I was faking.

[1709] Being an actor, I had never done any acting classes.

[1710] I took a few private acting classes when I first got my development deal with Disney.

[1711] But that was because they wanted me to do it.

[1712] They forced me to do it.

[1713] But I already had the development deal.

[1714] It was like they wanted me to get some coaching.

[1715] And when I did it, I did it with this lady who was this failed actress.

[1716] It was really gross.

[1717] She was just like, she was gross.

[1718] I didn't like her.

[1719] And she was trying to get a job on the show that I was on.

[1720] She was trying to get me to hire her to play my mom.

[1721] And I was like, it was real creepy.

[1722] So I felt, I always felt like kind of a little bit of a fraud.

[1723] And then I had these guys come to see me. And, you know, they were good writers, man. These guys are from fucking Harvard.

[1724] And I was up real late at the comedy store.

[1725] It was a late night spot.

[1726] And it was...

[1727] A lot of people had been up, and there was almost no one in the audience left when I got on stage.

[1728] It was a very small crowd.

[1729] I had very little energy, and I was nervous that they were watching me, and I ate dick.

[1730] And I remember thinking about it after I had this really shitty set, really mediocre set.

[1731] I remember thinking I was really embarrassed, very disappointed with myself, and like, the fuck, man, I got to get back to work.

[1732] And I started writing again.

[1733] And then a couple years later, I put out my album, my first album, I'm Going to Be Dead Someday, and it was really good.

[1734] It was still to this.

[1735] day we'll listen to that and you know it's not I would deliver it differently now I got more skillful with my delivery and my setups and I might have reworded things and I probably would have done some editing and make some of the jokes tighter but I'm still real real pleased with it it was a real good cd and it probably wouldn't if I didn't have that one set that really embarrassed me that made me go to work you know made you humble yeah yeah well maybe aware that I was slacking off it wasn't that I was like oh I'm the best I don't have to work at it it was really I was just living off of this sitcom thing.

[1736] I was having this success being on television, and I took for granted what got me to the dance.

[1737] Stand -up is a very rare thing, man, and it's a trance that you put that audience in, and you have to practice that trance on a regular basis.

[1738] You have to get into that groove.

[1739] We were talking about recording this on an iPhone.

[1740] And it's the coolest fucking thing that you can just do this because it sounds pretty good.

[1741] And when I showed it to Tom, there's a thing called voice memos.

[1742] And voice memos is what I use to record all my sets.

[1743] This bitch cock blocking my fucking podcast.

[1744] This voice memo thing, I record all my sets on, so I can always listen, like right before I'm about to go on stage, and then it puts me sort of like deeper in the trance.

[1745] It makes me more smooth when I go on stage.

[1746] It's like the more you do comedy, the better you are at comedy, the more you get into that groove.

[1747] And the more you listen to yourself do comedy also, the better you get into that groove.

[1748] And by the way, how high are you right now, Tommy?

[1749] Because you look like you're about to pull one of these emergency exit doors open and you fucking leave.

[1750] Straight blazed.

[1751] We started this podcast about an hour and, I'll tell you right now, an hour and 30 -something minutes ago.

[1752] Is that how long it fucking is?

[1753] Yeah, we've been doing this for over an hour.

[1754] Wow.

[1755] Yeah.

[1756] And in that time, I've watched Tommy go from sober and just a little happy...

[1757] I'm ripped.