Bryan Cranston Returns

[0] Hi, my name is Brian Cranston.

[1] And I feel stimulated to being on, to be about being, I just can't say it.

[2] I think you just couldn't get beyond stimulated.

[3] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[4] I can tell never we are going to be friends.

[5] Hey, Conan O 'Brien here.

[6] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[7] Sitting here with Sonam of Sessian.

[8] Hi.

[9] You were staring very intently at your glass of water.

[10] I was trying not to be loud about it.

[11] I feel like I'm very loud when I do things, so I'm trying to be very gentle.

[12] No, but you were down and you were staring into the glass.

[13] I'm kind of a...

[14] I don't know.

[15] I zoned out.

[16] I think I zoned out for it.

[17] I think you completely zoned out.

[18] I don't even think you realized you were in studio.

[19] And how are you, Matt Gourley?

[20] I'm fine.

[21] He's just staring at a pen.

[22] Guys, we've got to be on the ball.

[23] People listen to this podcast because of our razor sharp repartee.

[24] They do?

[25] That way?

[26] No. Wait, I forgot what we did.

[27] Yeah.

[28] No, it's not for that reason.

[29] What about all the research we do before each podcast?

[30] You do all the prep, the meetings?

[31] We talk about what we're going to say.

[32] You know, it's really funny if we revealed that we met for a whole day beforehand and worked out in great detail the nonsense that we were going to discuss.

[33] It's all scripted.

[34] Oh, and it's all meticulously laid out, and it's storyboarded.

[35] It's storyboarded.

[36] And then there were little moments where you're supposed to say, yeah, I'd buy that with an onion, you know, and then, you know what I'm saying?

[37] Yeah.

[38] Well, you say that line?

[39] Yeah, I'd buy that with the onion.

[40] Yeah, then we get another take.

[41] That's pretty good.

[42] Was it?

[43] Yeah.

[44] We also hire actors so we can watch this thing ahead of time and make notes and changes.

[45] You know what this is becoming?

[46] It's a lot like Nathan Fielder.

[47] Yeah.

[48] His show.

[49] With the rehearsal, I'm a huge Nathan Fielder fan, and I would love it.

[50] I would love to see him hire actors to listen to a lot of our podcasts and then try and recreate us talking.

[51] And then, of course, Nathan's there with his.

[52] his pad of paper or his notebook, yeah, his computer studying, trying to crack the great mystery that is three idiots.

[53] Yeah.

[54] Basically killing some time.

[55] That's true.

[56] I mean, I don't, I would not work well if we had to plan anything, though.

[57] If we actually, like, sat down and thought about the things that we were going to say, I don't think I could.

[58] I'd walk out.

[59] You're pretty chill.

[60] Now, let me ask you a question.

[61] Are you a chill mom?

[62] because I've known you for a long time.

[63] Yeah.

[64] And then you have these beautiful boys now, these twin boys, Mikey and Charlie.

[65] And I'm wondering, give us a read on what kind of mom you are.

[66] Are you a mom who's like, it's all good?

[67] So we ate a gummy.

[68] What's the big deal?

[69] Oh, God.

[70] No, no. I am a very like, you know, let them live and explore.

[71] And, like, that's their journey.

[72] That's the highway.

[73] They should walk around it and take a look at stuff.

[74] You know, there are lines.

[75] Like, you know, I don't like.

[76] let them walk into oncoming traffic, if that's what you're saying.

[77] Okay.

[78] Yeah, no, the point is keep them alive.

[79] Yep.

[80] But I'm not like, ooh, they dropped this.

[81] I must wash it thoroughly with soap and water and...

[82] Well, who are you doing?

[83] I don't think...

[84] Gorley, I mean, you might be that kind of guy.

[85] Are you that guy?

[86] You're not that guy.

[87] No, I think Amanda's a little more chill than me for those things.

[88] But, yeah, I'm not a helicopter parent.

[89] We let our kid kind of ping off the walls like a Roomba.

[90] Yeah.

[91] Yeah.

[92] are you I'm not but my wife has hired private detectives lots of them for your kids just to follow our kids around really she's always getting reports you're worried that they're cheating on you with other parents yeah there's pictures of them meeting with these other parents who actually looked them in the eye when they talk to him and don't discuss their career and show business odd nauseam they look frankly they look very happy They look very happy.

[93] They go there.

[94] They all eat a nice, lovely meal together.

[95] And the father asked them about them.

[96] It doesn't seem to monologue incessantly about his podcast and his next move in the business.

[97] We're clearly your new children.

[98] Yeah.

[99] Yeah, I'm just sitting here thinking, I know what that's like.

[100] Have you really never been like, hey, guys, watch this sketch I did.

[101] That was really funny.

[102] No, that was not going to well.

[103] Because you just did that to us earlier today.

[104] No, you guys are different.

[105] Oh, okay.

[106] You work for me. You have to do.

[107] Okay.

[108] And you're going to watch more.

[109] Eduardo, queue up 75 sketches I worked on for S &L that are at best a B or a B plus.

[110] But what if they're like, oh, my God, I love Brad Pitt.

[111] You're like, well, I did a bit with him years ago during late night.

[112] Here it is.

[113] Look how cool I am.

[114] No, they would, they're not.

[115] And this is, I shout out.

[116] I mean, I really love my kids for this.

[117] They're, I think on some deep, deep, deep level that could only be found on an MRI, proud of me but or you know they think okay he's you know he's paying the rent good for him you guys are renting huh yeah yeah we are too bad I made some bad investments anyway I can make it I just can't hold on to it I love the ponies I'm always at the track being great if you saw me every week at the track and I'm always walking out at Santa Anita and I'm always tearing up tickets angrily and I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and a crappy pork pie hat.

[118] That's what I pictured.

[119] Exactly what I picture.

[120] Yeah.

[121] And I'm just mad.

[122] I was there.

[123] That $2 a race.

[124] Yeah, $2 a race.

[125] And then just chewing out someone who gave me the bum tip screaming at jockeys when they're trying to get to their car.

[126] Oh, man. That horse had gone faster.

[127] They put a bank safe in the saddle.

[128] Sure.

[129] We really don't need to take this abuse.

[130] Yeah.

[131] So that's me. That's me. No, but I, yeah, I give them a lot of credit because they are not, they are certainly not sick of fence about my work, which is really nice.

[132] That's nice.

[133] You know, but you've done like, I mean, I know Beckett's into The Simpsons.

[134] Like, you've probably shown him like the Monorail episode.

[135] Well, I didn't, that was nice because he found that on his own.

[136] Oh, okay.

[137] So he just was into The Simpsons and I didn't really say anything about it and then I think one day he saw my name.

[138] He didn't know?

[139] Oh, that's amazing.

[140] I think he might have known, but it's interesting.

[141] He found The Simpsons pretty young and it's not, I don't walk around saying, you know what I used to do?

[142] Because my wife won't allow it.

[143] Not because I don't want to.

[144] Yeah.

[145] She really clips down.

[146] I can't wait for my daughter to find my James Bond podcast and really be floored.

[147] Oh, my God, I hope.

[148] She will be, though.

[149] She will be.

[150] There's a certain age where they're proud of you because you're the only parent they had, you know?

[151] What?

[152] I'm sorry, but sooner or later, my kids are, my kids are just going to have to go, that's the dad we got.

[153] You go to war with the army you got.

[154] Exactly.

[155] Exactly.

[156] That's the dad we were handed by a cruel, arbitrary God.

[157] And then they'll find little things about me that were, you know, that were okay.

[158] Yeah, I'm sure they will.

[159] No, they will.

[160] Of course they will.

[161] What are we talking about here?

[162] I don't know.

[163] I think they will.

[164] I don't want my kids to see or do anything that I've ever done.

[165] Well, you wrote a book about pretty much where you laid bare your work ethic and some of your misadventures.

[166] What about when your kids find that book?

[167] I know.

[168] And then like, you know, world's worst assistant by Sonam Obsessian.

[169] Available in books.

[170] Bookstores everywhere, you know.

[171] It's a New York Times bestseller.

[172] You can get it for the holidays or this after the holiday.

[173] You could have gotten it for the holidays.

[174] Yeah.

[175] I'm sure you got it for the holiday.

[176] Yeah, yeah.

[177] So, but the point is, how do you feel about the day when Mikey and Charlie are walking through a bookstore and they see that book?

[178] Because it'll be in print as long as Catch 22 by Joseph Heller.

[179] Okay.

[180] No, it won't.

[181] But I think there's going to be like, you know, there's me talking about weed and dating boys, but by then they might not even care about that stuff.

[182] That's a whole different generation.

[183] There'll be no dating in the future, I think.

[184] It's going to be, everyone's going to just sort of, I think sexes are going away.

[185] I think we're all just going to be, and sex is going to go away.

[186] We're just going to replicate using various machines.

[187] You're talking about your own life?

[188] What is this?

[189] Are you projecting?

[190] This is Christ.

[191] Yeah, and we're going to get real depressed.

[192] I'm going to watch our old stuff from the 90s alone.

[193] Because your kids won't watch with you.

[194] Where you're sitting next to a year.

[195] Young Andy Richter.

[196] Wait, this isn't me. I'm talking in broad general terms about what's going to happen to civilization as we go forward.

[197] You know, you're going to start taking those pills you found in the park.

[198] Anyway, we've got to get going.

[199] We've got a lot of show today.

[200] Yeah.

[201] Can't be babbling on like this when we have a man of this stature here.

[202] I know.

[203] He's cool.

[204] Yeah.

[205] We'll just say, yeah, he, too, is cool.

[206] No, he is cool.

[207] Now he's cool.

[208] Now, that guy's cool.

[209] Now, that guy can happily show his kids what he's done.

[210] I bet they're just clamoring to see what he's done.

[211] He is also cool.

[212] No, that's not, you're not listening.

[213] You're not listening.

[214] You know, my guest today is an Emmy and Tony Award -winning actor.

[215] Oh, okay, so he's got an Emmy and a Tony.

[216] He's an it.

[217] A what?

[218] He's a knit.

[219] What happens when you, what is you want to agit when you have everything?

[220] He got.

[221] Does that include Latin Grammys?

[222] I don't think so.

[223] Well, maybe.

[224] I mean, it's a Grammy.

[225] Yeah.

[226] My guest today is an Emmy and Tony award -winning actor who played Walter White on the AMC series Breaking Bad.

[227] I think I just gave it away.

[228] Now you can see him in the second season of the critically acclaimed showtime series, Your Honor.

[229] Thrilled.

[230] He's with us today.

[231] Brian Cranston.

[232] Welcome.

[233] Once you said stimulated, the whole atmosphere in the room changed.

[234] Yeah.

[235] Yeah, steamy.

[236] It's a steamy stim.

[237] Steamy stimulation for Brian Cranston.

[238] It's a Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[239] I think that's, Conan O 'Brien's friend, that's where I stumbled.

[240] Oh.

[241] Cruel.

[242] Cruel.

[243] Yeah, cruel and unnecessary.

[244] A man of your stature.

[245] No, because I haven't entered into the pantheon of that.

[246] My great friends?

[247] Brethren, yes.

[248] Like Sona and Matt?

[249] Yes.

[250] What does that mean?

[251] Well, I'm sorry.

[252] Towering figures?

[253] And we're not your friends.

[254] Oh, well, you're paid to be my friends.

[255] Like a hooker.

[256] Oh, wait.

[257] It's a similar relationship.

[258] It's happening.

[259] Adam's like the pimp.

[260] Oh, it's true.

[261] I mean, it's, look, it's the world's oldest profession.

[262] Oh, so I'm told.

[263] Yes, we'd ever had any experience.

[264] You didn't?

[265] I did.

[266] You did?

[267] Yeah.

[268] Let's get into it.

[269] Brian Cranston, you were with a. Lady of the Evening once, huh?

[270] Yes, I was a virgin, and I was traveling a bunch of friends in Europe.

[271] I was 16 years old.

[272] Good God.

[273] And it was the thing to do.

[274] And I was actually looking forward to it.

[275] And nervous as hell.

[276] Of course.

[277] I'm 16.

[278] Yeah.

[279] And a bunch of friends who we were out together and it's like, we're going to do this.

[280] Let's go.

[281] Let's go.

[282] I go.

[283] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[284] Let's go.

[285] Oh, God.

[286] And we go to this, the red light district in Salzburg, Austria.

[287] Whoa.

[288] And my two older friends, they were about a year and a half older than me. And they're going in, and I started getting cold feet.

[289] And I said, I don't think I brought enough money.

[290] I don't think I, and I have enough Austrian francs to be able to make this transaction.

[291] Uh -huh.

[292] Sure.

[293] And they both made their job.

[294] deals and they went upstairs.

[295] And I said, no, I don't have the money or trying to indicate in the universal language.

[296] Right.

[297] Don't have it or whatever.

[298] And I sat down in the foyer and then this woman came up to me. And everyone's older than you when you're 16.

[299] Yes.

[300] I could not tell you how old she was.

[301] She came up and she was indicated my pockets.

[302] I go, oh no, no. See, and she said, I went, no, see, I'll show you that I don't have no. See, that's just not, like, this is nothing.

[303] This is not.

[304] And she grabbed the money and grabbed my hands and, eh.

[305] Like.

[306] Oh, my Lord.

[307] And I went, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[308] This is happening.

[309] This is happening.

[310] Oh, my God.

[311] Oh, my God.

[312] Oh, my God.

[313] And we go into this room.

[314] There's a single bed.

[315] There's a sink and a trash can.

[316] That's it.

[317] Oh, Jesus.

[318] So I had this.

[319] And she goes, you know, she points.

[320] in my clothes like, you know, like this, she's preparing herself.

[321] Man, she really sets the mood.

[322] Oh, my God.

[323] My penis would be up inside my body at this point.

[324] It would have retracted into my left lung.

[325] They'd have its little arms cry.

[326] Oh, you're a woman.

[327] You're a woman.

[328] No, I swear, I swear.

[329] Yeah.

[330] Yeah, so then I had to stand up while taking my clothes off and I put it on a hook.

[331] And she goes, oh, come on, come on.

[332] And I knew, it was like, my God, I was so nervous that I didn't really feel anything.

[333] I was just, my brain was on fire.

[334] And at one point, I thought, oh, I should touch your breast.

[335] Just one of them.

[336] it's like diffusing a bomb don't touch the wrong one Clip the red wire Not the blue one And it was like Which one should I touch I don't know And so I just touched one of her breasts And all of a sudden I just felt her hand Slap mine What?

[337] Oh!

[338] Sorry, sorry Sorry, sorry She slapped my hand To take my hand off her breast So yeah because that was out of bounds You didn't pay enough Yeah.

[339] Oh, that's true.

[340] Exactly right.

[341] That's probably it.

[342] No, no, no. You get this McDonald's meal.

[343] But you don't get the extra large fries and you don't get the shake.

[344] Yeah.

[345] And there's no prize.

[346] Yeah.

[347] None.

[348] So the deed was done.

[349] 16.

[350] Yeah.

[351] And then, of course, out I go.

[352] And my friends were coming down the stairs.

[353] And, of course, I was smoking my imaginary cigarette.

[354] I was yours.

[355] But I say that It was a traumatic and a great exhilarating memorable experience, man. It was a seminal moment in a person's life when they lose their virginity.

[356] Yeah, yeah.

[357] I've been going back to Austria every day.

[358] I know.

[359] Brian, I'm looking here.

[360] It says that you've shot your last seven movies in Austria in Salzburg.

[361] It's a beautiful place, though, Conan.

[362] And the exchange rate is, Really good, very talented crews.

[363] Yeah, you're often seen with a now 110 -year -old woman walking hand in hand in the marketplace.

[364] Please don't address Heidi that way.

[365] She is very sensitive.

[366] Heidi Redbreast?

[367] I've seen her.

[368] Wow, wow, wow.

[369] You know what I loved about that?

[370] We were just starting to chat.

[371] Yeah.

[372] And I didn't get us there.

[373] some joke and then we were called prostitia yeah yeah yeah which is a really funny joke and then uh brian just like well if you're gonna drag it out of me I was one of the Watergate co -conspirators what you know you are I mean my hat's off to you because you are you're adventurous I think if you were if you were in Europe in 16 yeah I wasn't traveling around Europe when I was 16 years old and taking chances like that.

[374] I mean, was this always you?

[375] This is who you were?

[376] Yeah, I was born and raised in a suburb of L .A., and we didn't have any money.

[377] As a matter of fact, when I was 12, they posted a sign on our door for eviction because we couldn't pay our mortgage.

[378] And my parents had a very nasty separation.

[379] And I think it propelled me into high gear.

[380] if you were lulled into a nice environment and loving parents and everything, you can kind of take your time growing up.

[381] Yep.

[382] And I think it was like, now, do it now.

[383] You need to pay attention because all hell is breaking loose all around you.

[384] And so you're kind of hyper aware of things.

[385] Yeah.

[386] And still making tremendous amount of mistakes.

[387] But you're making, you're making them.

[388] Right.

[389] Yeah.

[390] I was thinking about you today, obviously very excited that you were going to come in and talk, because every time I talk to you is, it's a joy.

[391] But there was this quote that I came across that really resonates with me, and I'm sure you've heard it, but it's Aaron Paul.

[392] And he said that you're one of the most professional people he's ever worked with, but you're also the most immature person who's ever worked with.

[393] And I thought, there is something about you that beautifully is able to contain both.

[394] And I believe that.

[395] I like to think that I'm professional.

[396] I'm also a complete fool.

[397] And somehow I think it's possible to contain the two at the same time.

[398] Is that making sense to you?

[399] I think so.

[400] I don't think they're mutually exclusive.

[401] I think you can be sincere and have the things you want to set up in your life and enjoy it.

[402] Don't take it too seriously.

[403] Don't feel you're entitled to anything.

[404] You're very lucky.

[405] And I think if you flow with that, you get a chance to have fun and goof around.

[406] But I think, you know, I think it depends on how you were raised and the principles that you stand by, you know.

[407] I really do.

[408] I think it's, you know, I tell actors all the time, get your personal life in order.

[409] If you really want to be an actor, you have to get your personal life in order so that you don't flake out.

[410] If you get your first job and you have a nice big paycheck, don't go blow it on something.

[411] put it away so that it will sustain you so the longer you can be an actor and make a living at it.

[412] That's so fascinating because I think there are probably a lot of young actors out there that think the other way.

[413] They think there are people that think in order to be a great artist I must act like a maniac because the tailwags the dog.

[414] Well, it doesn't.

[415] No. You know, you just need to be good at what you do at your craft.

[416] You need to keep it together, but I think there are a lot of people that think, that don't think that way, you know what I mean, that think, yeah, I'm in my 20s, I'm starting to make some money, gravity is starting to lift, everyone's treating me really nicely, it's time to fuck up.

[417] Well, it's like, especially with men, men are just boys that can shave.

[418] Because, wow.

[419] Wow, you really...

[420] I'm going to take that one on the road.

[421] Yeah, you really got to Sona on that one.

[422] Sona, how's the marriage?

[423] It's great.

[424] It's so funny.

[425] It was true because we're very...

[426] We're stimulated physically.

[427] We see a car.

[428] Oh, my God, look at that car.

[429] Yeah.

[430] We see a beautiful person, male or female.

[431] Oh, wow.

[432] Look at that.

[433] Look at these things.

[434] Look at the gadgets.

[435] Look at...

[436] And we sometimes act upon it.

[437] we look at as a boy oh I want that chocolate I want that thing I want and as men you have to look at it and go I want that chocolate but if I grab that chocolate I'm going to feel such and such after I want that woman but I am married and I need to not do that you know you have to think of consequences behind every decision that's basically the difference between a man and a boy yeah it's funny because I know that I've known Bob Odenkirk forever and he gives you a lot of credit for helping him when he was starting out in his role on Breaking Bad.

[438] And he said that you were very good at telling him, you got to know your lines, you got to hit your mark, you got to do the work beforehand.

[439] And that was your introduction to acting for him, was you got to get your shit together before you go out there.

[440] And it's, I've heard all kinds of stories over the years in this business, mostly behind the scenes.

[441] about very well -known actors that don't do that.

[442] They don't know their lines.

[443] You'd be surprised.

[444] And they're hanging out in their trailer for a while and they're not just doing the work.

[445] And I think one of the times that we spoke, you talked, it's so much pride in the fact that you've been a working actor, really your entire life, for the most part of your life.

[446] And it's such a nice way to break it down because we can all get existential about our career or where are we now, you're working, you're working, you're making things, you're paying your mortgage.

[447] It's a great way to, I think, kind of simplify it.

[448] Well, look, if you're lucky enough to be in a business that you love to do, a creative one, and you make a living, I don't want to hear a complaint out of you.

[449] Exactly.

[450] I don't want to hear that you have to be here at 6 o 'clock in the morning.

[451] We're acting.

[452] Look at us.

[453] So every job that I work on where I lead the cast, I try to set that example so that I don't want to hear any complaints from anyone.

[454] There's enough artistic frustration within.

[455] A joke's not landing.

[456] This is not working.

[457] Oh, we need to recast because this didn't work out or someone.

[458] You know, there's enough problems to deal with.

[459] You should not be dealing with any kind of problems of I don't want to be here that early or how late do we have to stay or some action.

[460] actors who don't want to be off camera for another actor.

[461] It's like, I started that when I was really young.

[462] Jennifer O 'Neill, do you remember Jennifer O 'Neill?

[463] Sure.

[464] Summer of 42.

[465] Beautiful, beautiful woman.

[466] And I did a, I was a guest star on a show that she did called Cover Up.

[467] Was it cover up?

[468] I think it was.

[469] And I had this big emotional scene.

[470] It was the De Nouveau Mon.

[471] It was the, here's what happened, and here's why it happened, and how it happened.

[472] And it's with her, and we came back from lunch, and the director said, Jennifer is still having lunch with someone in the commissary.

[473] So we'll just do your side of it now with the script supervisor reading it off camera.

[474] And I said, this is a big scene.

[475] I wouldn't mind if it was just a couple of lines and not a big deal, not an emotional thing.

[476] And, but this is a big deal.

[477] So I don't think so.

[478] I don't think we should do it.

[479] And they said, excuse me?

[480] I said, no, I think we should wait for her then, don't you think?

[481] And they said, well, you know, I don't know if we should.

[482] And I said, no, I think it's important enough to wait for her to get this right.

[483] And so they had to wait for her.

[484] That's great.

[485] Yeah.

[486] You had, again, this is a testament to you're very young at this.

[487] point.

[488] You haven't made it.

[489] No, I was 27.

[490] You're not Brian Cranston yet.

[491] You're an early form of Brian Cranston.

[492] You're the beta.

[493] And to say that, because I haven't done much work in that world, but what little I've done, it's immediately clear that, you know, they shoot you in your scene where you're yelling at me, and then they turn around and they shoot me getting yelled at by you and if you're out for that scene and they're just hanging a tennis ball there is saying pretend the tennis ball is Brian it's very hard to do your your thing not really because that tennis ball probably gives you as much emotion as I would give you and as much respect I practiced this whole interview with a tennis ball and it was good wasn't it yeah but we're not speaking anymore oh yeah the uh tennis ball ball is filing a complaint.

[494] Cancelled by a tennis ball.

[495] That would be the lowest.

[496] You know, it's so funny because you've done so much work, obviously breaking bad and the work you're doing on your honor.

[497] And you've done, I saw you on Broadway as Lennon Johnson.

[498] And you killed it.

[499] And it was just, so you've sort of conquered all these different worlds.

[500] And I always go back to, it's funny, every now and then I run into a Malcolm in the middle.

[501] And it's one of the funniest performances I've seen on television, you as how.

[502] And it's a very particular kind of almost cartoonish energy, I'm not even to say almost, that you're bringing to that role.

[503] and there were so many little ticks, but the physicality of it is absolutely hilarious.

[504] Thanks.

[505] And so I came to that show later.

[506] I think when Malcolm in the middle was really hitting on all cylinders, I'm working on the late night show, and I'm thinking, well, that's a family show for kids.

[507] I'm not really paying attention.

[508] And then I went back and I started seeing some of them later on in reruns, and then I started noticing that there are fans that do like mashups of all of your most amazing sequences.

[509] And I can watch those forever.

[510] I can watch those forever because I maintain that your shriek as Hal is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[511] And also, you run away funnier than anyone in comedy, I think.

[512] Your runaway is absolutely delightful.

[513] Does that make sense to you, your runaway?

[514] Want to see it?

[515] There are so many scenes where Hal is up against it and you decide to run away.

[516] and you do this thing where every part of your body is moving kind of incorrectly.

[517] It's like there's 35 cats inside a person suit trying to run away and it is so hilarious.

[518] That's the kind of stuff.

[519] I think physical comedy, when people can nail that, I think you're in a just a high stratosphere that most people don't get to experience.

[520] And I just, I can watch that stuff forever.

[521] I really do.

[522] That was an interesting job for me because everything else was cast.

[523] The entire family was already cast, and they couldn't find the dad.

[524] In the pilot episode, I think I have three or four lines, and that's it.

[525] And so I was trying to find the core of every character that I do.

[526] I look for what's at the emotional center of this person, and I'm looking for different ways, and I finally came across it, and I realized, oh, well, just keep this simple.

[527] I wrote down all the qualities that the Jane Casameric character, who played Lois, had fierce, tough, resilient.

[528] And I go, oh, fierce, a wimp, tough, soft, resilient, you know, cracks immediately.

[529] And I started, I just went just the complete opposite.

[530] And one of the that I came to is her was fearless.

[531] And I went, oh, he's frightened.

[532] That's it.

[533] He's frightened of everything.

[534] And so once I grabbed onto that, everything in his life, he's frightened about being fired, about being a bad parent, about, you know, his wife leaving him, about, you know, about spiders, about heights, about it.

[535] You know, he was frightened about everything.

[536] And from that point, everything kind of grew.

[537] And where did the shriek come from?

[538] Because it's.

[539] So much.

[540] fun.

[541] There was a sequence I saw once where you've gotten into, what is it called, racewalking?

[542] You've gone into racewalking and you think someone else is more jogging than racewalking, one of your teammates are competitors.

[543] And you accuse him and then he panics and he tries to racewalk away and you say, don't worry, I've got this.

[544] And you start racewalking after him when you could just run.

[545] And I look at it and I am not.

[546] I am not.

[547] Not, you know, some people say, well, to really see classic comedy, you need to look back at Chaplin.

[548] You need to look at Laurel and Herney.

[549] I think, yes, definitely true.

[550] But you see it all over the place.

[551] You just have to be looking for it.

[552] There are people that can do it.

[553] And obviously, that was a really great idea.

[554] So I give the writers credit, the director.

[555] But that character is one of the funniest characters in television, I think.

[556] I still endures, you know?

[557] It's so...

[558] God, I haven't seen it in ages, though.

[559] I hope it does.

[560] And I have new generations of people coming up to me because it plays on Disney Channel, I think.

[561] And they said, my kids are now watching it.

[562] I loved it when I was getting.

[563] Now my kids are watching this.

[564] And it's like, man, that's good when it can endure.

[565] Well, it's also fascinating that you could be Hal, and then you can be Walter White.

[566] And I know that I think one of the things that I always realized is there's great comedy.

[567] It's a different kind of comedy.

[568] It can be very dark, but there's really funny moments between you and Aaron Paul.

[569] There's really funny moments in your life trying to make this transformation, trying to go through this.

[570] But if you look at the work that you're doing on Malcolm in the middle and you're taking it, you're playing way up that end of the neck on the guitar, and then you look at the finale of Breaking Bad and you see where you've gone and you think it's impossible to imagine.

[571] It's crazy.

[572] It's a crazy range.

[573] And in this town, most people want to be able to place you as doing something.

[574] Oh, Conan.

[575] Well, he's a comedy guy.

[576] I never get that.

[577] You never get that.

[578] I get, he's trying really hard.

[579] And he's well -intentioned.

[580] That's what I was been pigeon -hold into.

[581] No, exactly, yeah.

[582] They want a pigeon -hold you in that.

[583] So I did seven years of Malcolm in the middle, and it was great.

[584] And out of that, I had a couple offers to do a sweet, goofy dad on a sitcom right after that.

[585] And I thought, how could I do something different at this moment?

[586] It's so ingrained.

[587] I need to completely step away from that world.

[588] So easily said no to that.

[589] And later that year, same year, I got a notice.

[590] I said, well, you did an episode of X -Files about nine years ago before Malcolm in the middle, and the writer of that episode, Vince Gilligan, would like to see you about this show called Breaking Bad.

[591] Do you remember him?

[592] I said, no. I don't know.

[593] Hard pass.

[594] I'm not going to go audition.

[595] And I said, sure.

[596] And I read it, and it was just incredible.

[597] And what Vince did and what he did and what he did.

[598] said he wanted to do at the outset is he wanted to change the main character throughout the course of the series, which has never been done in series television.

[599] If you look at Archie Bunker or Tony Soprano or whomever, they are the same people.

[600] They react to different stimulus, but they are the same person, whereas Walter White was going to change from a good, honest guy to be.

[601] becoming a killer.

[602] As Vince Gillingen often says, he's it, I just want to see if I can change a guy from Mr. Chips to Scarface.

[603] They're not going to let me. I know they're just not going to let me do it.

[604] But we'll see what we can do.

[605] He's such a sweet, unassuming God, Vince Gilligan.

[606] I've had the joy of hanging with him a little bit.

[607] And you would never sense that he was the creative center of, you know, best TV show ever.

[608] He doesn't act that way.

[609] If I had achieved what he had achieved, I'd be wearing an admiral's hat.

[610] With epaulets.

[611] I'd have epaulettes.

[612] I'd be carried around.

[613] And one of those chairs.

[614] I would let everyone know.

[615] But it's really, it's really amazing.

[616] And it's, you know, it's funny because you probably heard this from a lot of people.

[617] I went back because my son never saw Breaking Bad.

[618] He was too young, but we started watching it together and I went back to the beginning and it's mind -blowing because I know the transition that's going to happen because I've watched every episode of the show when it was on but now I'm starting again and I still can't believe it's going to happen.

[619] Oh, well.

[620] Do you know what I mean?

[621] You still think, no, no, no. On some level, it's you're, you know, I don't see how that could possibly happen yet there's not a false note along the way.

[622] And, and, you know, it's that old saying that a whatever a curve is an infinite number of straight lines that it's like no it is possible you just have to make sure that the changes are very subtle and each one has to be earned it has to be earned and i think that's what's magical about that is everything walter white does is earned yes and that's the writing it is the writing it's uh i will always say this because an actor gets inspired through great writing and an actor can only perform so much.

[623] If an actor got B -level material working at his or her best, I do believe I could get it up a grade level.

[624] But if I got C -level material, you're getting a B out of me. That's as far as you can go.

[625] It just, it really does take incredible writing.

[626] If you get A -level material, You treat it like the holy grail.

[627] It's like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[628] Just don't screw this up.

[629] You know, just, oh, my God.

[630] And Breaking Bad was like that.

[631] You're turning the pages and going, oh, my God, I cannot believe he's doing this.

[632] Oh, my God.

[633] And yet, it's not an aberration.

[634] It's something that was set up if you were attentive to it.

[635] It does track if you go back, and still it's surprising to you.

[636] What's it like then these number of years later?

[637] And it's hard to believe it's been, how many years has it been since Breaking Bad?

[638] And has it been eight years?

[639] You're looking off.

[640] You could look at me. Have Walter White right here, and you're looking at me?

[641] Does no one know how?

[642] Brian, wait here.

[643] I'm going to try and find out.

[644] I'll be back.

[645] But no, no. Conan, I can tell you.

[646] I'll head this way.

[647] How many years has it been?

[648] I don't know.

[649] God!

[650] Damn you!

[651] Damn you!

[652] Oh, God.

[653] Yeah, 2013.

[654] So that's been, it's someone do the math.

[655] Nine.

[656] Well, it depends on when this airs.

[657] That's true.

[658] We're holding on to this for a few years.

[659] I think people need to be ready for this interview.

[660] The way it started, they really need to be prepared.

[661] We need to clear.

[662] Yeah, nine years so far.

[663] So, but when you go back as you've done, I don't think I'm spoiling anything here, to pick up and have these moments in Better Call Saul, does it feel like you're putting on an old suit?

[664] It does.

[665] It feels like that.

[666] Yep, it's slipping, you know how, for an actor, when you sit in the chair and you start, putting on the makeup and you start looking at it.

[667] When I did the HBO movie all the way, where I played LBJ, it took three hours of prosthetic makeup, three hours every morning.

[668] And although I used it as my preparation into getting into that headspace to play that guy, that big boisterous domineering man, and I can see the transformation happening when I'm looking in the mirror and they're applying all the extra nose and the ears and the things.

[669] And pretty soon you start talking like this and God damn it, get out of here.

[670] I mean, where's my soda?

[671] You know, and start poking people and you become that guy.

[672] It really helped.

[673] Same thing with even putting on Walter White's desert boots and his khakis and his shirt, his long -sleeved shirt and that, you know, very, very iconic pork pie hat of his and there he is and you go I know what this feels like and then you kind of it just kind of helps you slip into that character that's incredible that I mean and because all this time has gone by and you've done all these other things and the fact that you can access it which you know I imagine is that's the craft well I imagine but think if for a comedy tour that you did and a routine you know And if someone said, remember this, and you go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[674] And remember this and remember this?

[675] And then you might pick up on it and go, and then I did this, and I remember that.

[676] Yes.

[677] And it starts ticking away at your brain, and your memory starts coming back.

[678] And you start to be able to recite certain lines from it.

[679] You're going to be rusty like you are in most of your shows.

[680] You know, first of all, you're not wrong.

[681] I'm not going after you for being wrong, but saying it.

[682] it out loud.

[683] Seems cruel and unusual.

[684] I wanted to ask you about that.

[685] You're talking about you, you had a live audience for many, many, many years.

[686] 28 years.

[687] Was it like when you stopped having that live audience, even though it was tiring to get that going all the time?

[688] Did it feel like you fell off a cliff?

[689] Did it feel like you stumbled a little bit?

[690] It's funny.

[691] My honest, most sincere memory is I knew this needs to stop.

[692] And I've done this a very long time.

[693] I've done every, I've done this every which way I can think of in this specific format.

[694] And I still think we're doing some good work.

[695] But this is a good time to stop it.

[696] This is a good time.

[697] I'd like to decide to move out of my home and move into a condo before they come and take me out.

[698] And so, you know, but it wasn't even that.

[699] It was just this feeling of, so yes, I very much, the only thing I missed, there's a lot I didn't miss, but I miss the daily interaction with writers, comedy writers.

[700] But there are other ways to get that that I can do now.

[701] There are other ways to work with creative people without having to do a show every day for an hour.

[702] And the other thing I missed was the audiences, but I found, yeah, my wife will.

[703] tell you, walk around with Conan and when people stop him and talk to him, I do a show for them.

[704] I do because I just, and I enjoy it.

[705] It's like what I like to do.

[706] I'm not, I really try and make people happy.

[707] So there's another way to do that.

[708] So there are all avenues that I'm exploring where I can still get that fix, for lack of a better term, without being part of a machine that's doing that kind of volume business.

[709] Yeah.

[710] But I didn't, it's funny.

[711] It's funny.

[712] I didn't feel the day after our last show, phone rang, and I picked it up, and it was Bob Newhart.

[713] I just said, I just wanted to congratulate you.

[714] That was a great run, and you did it a great job.

[715] I was tearing up and crying, and I got off the phone and thought, I'm the luckiest person in the world to get a call from Bob Newhart.

[716] It turned out later on it wasn't Bob Newhart.

[717] It was me impersonating.

[718] It was you, and it was a prank that you were doing on a radio show.

[719] It was really funny.

[720] Yeah, I listen to it now, and the Newhart isn't even that good.

[721] You're like, hey, hey, Bob Newhart here, she?

[722] He did a good job.

[723] But I'm so needy that I believe.

[724] No, but anyway, you have those moments where you think that was fantastic.

[725] And it's like you say, you really can't have any complaints in this business.

[726] When you brought that up, it reminded me of when I first was working in television and I was a writer on Saturday Night Live, there was a writer's strike was announced.

[727] And I'm so lean and hungry, literally very lean and literally very hungry.

[728] And I've got this great job and suddenly we're being told you all have to go on the picket line and stand up for the Writers Guild.

[729] I remember it fought my nature a little bit because I thought, well, I don't want to look like I'm complaining because this is the greatest thing that ever happened.

[730] But I also understood that this was imperative, and you've got to support the Writers Guild.

[731] And this is, so they gave us these signs to hold in the picket line, and the logo was a graphic of a manual, like an old 1920s typewriter with a big ghostbuster slash over it, like we're not going to write.

[732] And I was walking around with these signs, feeling really self -conscious because people on the picket line, they knew, well, what does a working writer get?

[733] You guys get a lot of money, right?

[734] Yeah.

[735] We do get a lot of money.

[736] So what is this all about?

[737] And there were legitimate things, but not that you would explain on a picket line.

[738] So I remember being like 24 and walking and holding this sign and then being horrified because someone stopped me and said, wait, so you guys are upset that you can't use electric typewriters?

[739] It's not fair.

[740] And I was like, it's not fair.

[741] Why should I use the 1920s Underwood?

[742] But I remembered feeling conflicted about complaining you know, but of course these things all have to balance out.

[743] They have to balance out and there are things that need to be corrected but my attitude early on very much was, I'll do this for free.

[744] I just love being a comedy writer and you're not supposed to say that out loud.

[745] So now doing the podcast, you still, you know you have an audience but you don't hear them.

[746] So you just have to imagine that you're connecting in with it.

[747] But you know it's nice and you've seen this, Matt, and I know you've seen, it sona because when we walk around and paula has seen it paula davis when we walk around whether it's in new york city or um so many people come up and they say i listen to it i listen to it in covid it helped me uh so i'm constantly getting feedback it's not it's not just because you're wearing the sandwich sign right it says please compliment me please talk to me uh yeah yeah i will pay for compliments it is i walk around i go to the atm every 10 minutes and I will give people $30 if they say something nice.

[748] Because we don't even put this podcast out.

[749] We tell you what you do.

[750] This is all for you.

[751] Wow.

[752] And so these are actors that you're hiring?

[753] Yeah.

[754] They're very good.

[755] Yeah, they're very good.

[756] Although I was pretty sure I recognized Johnny Depp.

[757] He needed work.

[758] Yeah.

[759] And then we do some live ones.

[760] When we do a live one, they sell out.

[761] There's a lot of people there.

[762] And they're very excited.

[763] and they know me, but they are, like, so excited to see Sona.

[764] They're so excited to see Matt.

[765] They know our rhythms.

[766] They know the bit players, anyone who is tangentially involved in any way with the podcast.

[767] And so we do get that affirmation, which is really nice.

[768] This is fun.

[769] Yeah.

[770] And you travel with the show around the country a little bit?

[771] We've done some.

[772] Yeah, we've done some shows here in, we just did two shows at the Beacon Theater in New York City.

[773] and Stephen Colbert did the first one and Tracy Morgan did the second one as surprise guests and it was just a party with no alcohol or any...

[774] But is that really a party then?

[775] And really no joy.

[776] And not one laugh.

[777] But you know, kind of a, yeah, yeah.

[778] It's like a Soviet party.

[779] You know, like...

[780] Here's something that you mentioned Steve.

[781] I was on Stephen's show when I was doing my last Broadway play network.

[782] I saw that.

[783] And you sat in my friend Mark's lap.

[784] Because he used to go out in the audience.

[785] Oh, yeah.

[786] It was amazing.

[787] That wasn't part of the show.

[788] Out of context, that sounds like, you sat in my friend's Mark Laugh.

[789] He was a part of the show.

[790] Prostitute in Europe.

[791] Yes, it's right.

[792] He looks great.

[793] Yeah, part of the show was that at a certain point, I would come down into the audience and I would sit down among them and just have, it was fun.

[794] I went on Stephen's show.

[795] And we're talking about the differences between doing live television and doing theater.

[796] And I said, it occurred to me at that moment.

[797] I said, well, it's interesting because what we do in theater is tell the same story to a new audience.

[798] You tell a new story to the same audience.

[799] So it still has its responsibilities and difficulties and challenges for us doing theater, doing hundreds of performances.

[800] How do you keep that fresh?

[801] How do you keep leaning in?

[802] You have to understand and accept and not only is it your job and responsibility, but these people who paid good money have not heard this story.

[803] So you get to break it to them.

[804] And that gives you some juice to go on and you just have to kind of lean in.

[805] And then you get into a rhythm and you flow with it.

[806] I've always thought for myself because when I look at you, anyone of your ilk, who's up on a stage, owning it, on a Broadway theater, I always think this would be the greatest show business feeling in the world because, you know, in the world I've worked in, and again, I've been extremely lucky, but when I go to a show and I saw Hamilton for the first time and John Groff comes out as King George, and he has a very small part, but it's fantastic, and he destroys.

[807] And I remember telling him, him, I went backstage and I'm, you know, talking to Lynn Manuel Miranda and I'm talking to the different people and just telling them how much I love the show.

[808] And I told John Groff, I was just saying, I'm so envious of you because I would love it if there was some time apart from me on Broadway where I get to come out, maybe 25 minutes into the show, kill, absolutely kill, and then go backstage and eat a giant sandwich.

[809] And people are, oh, Oh, Conan was great.

[810] Yeah, but it's surprising.

[811] He's only on stage for six minutes halfway through, but I would make such a, you know, and I'd be a total over -the -top ham, and I thought, what a joy that would be, and what an incredibly privileged, selfish thing to ask for.

[812] Could someone out there please write that?

[813] They're still doing Hamilton.

[814] Why don't you audition for that role?

[815] Audition.

[816] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sir.

[817] Did you say audition?

[818] I don't audition.

[819] I'm a talk show host.

[820] Of course we can just become theater actors overnight.

[821] Yeah, I think one of those crazy stunt castings.

[822] That would be fun.

[823] Yeah.

[824] You know, I wanted to talk to you about I was able through my connections in the biz.

[825] I don't know what biz actually.

[826] Yeah, what's biz?

[827] Oh, it's biz.

[828] Podcast biz?

[829] No, no, no. It's an accounting firm.

[830] I got to watch the opening.

[831] because I watched the first season of Your Honor and I do love it and then I got to watch the opening show of the second season which was made available to me. How is that possible?

[832] They got it for me. The biz.

[833] Yeah, the biz.

[834] Really?

[835] Yeah, and it's terribly edited.

[836] They really rushed it together.

[837] Just daily.

[838] He needs it now.

[839] But that opening scene where you're, and I don't want to give anything away because it hasn't come out yet, but which your character has gone through, that is a memorable scene that the second season opens with.

[840] So you're saying something that I can't even comment.

[841] You can't even comment on it.

[842] I'm just saying...

[843] But I understand what you're making.

[844] What I'm saying to people out there is you need to catch up on your honor if you haven't.

[845] And then this first episode, I thought, which is coming out soon.

[846] Very soon.

[847] Was riveting.

[848] And it's the same thing where, you know, it is a little bit evocative of stuff you've done before where you're starting out in one place and then we're seeing your character get pulled like a piece of metal to the point where it's a wire and you're it's quivering and you think is this going to break is this going to break at any moment this it's a very descriptive way of putting it that's not i like that you know i was a metallurgist for a while i guess i guess and so i'll tell you matt'll tell you all my all my uh you know whenever i make any kind of illusion at all it's usually too it's like when you take copper yes and you pound it and then you apply you know some some cold water he only knows metal analogies and it acts as a conduit too then you can access other it's a little like brass yeah it's inseparable yeah it's terrible yeah i apologize uh but kids study metallurgy and then you can get into comedy you are the vertigre of my yeah it's fun it um um the people at showtime are just enormously supportive and they gave us the tools in the time to be able to create this second season of your honor the way frankly i wanted to do it yeah it's great too because i my favorite shows are the ones where it's not always clear who i should be rooting for because there's uh it's it's a way that a tv has i think improved so much since the tv you know, when we were growing up, television was, good guy.

[849] Yeah.

[850] Oh, the bad guys are coming.

[851] It's getting tense.

[852] Good guy wins.

[853] Credits.

[854] And I think, obviously, we've evolved to this place where people that I understand their motivations.

[855] I like them, but I'm also horrified by what they're doing.

[856] I'm not sure I agree with all these choices, but I understand why they're making them.

[857] and I think we've come a long way since happy days.

[858] No knock against happy days, but the old formula was nothing can ever change.

[859] The Fons is always the Fons.

[860] Ritchie's always Ritchie, and this is how it is.

[861] Yeah.

[862] And that's the way people find comfort in that.

[863] And there are still procedurals that people do find very comfortable.

[864] They are presented with a problem that our hero is going to solve by the end of the episode, and they do.

[865] I don't particularly find that very comfortable.

[866] entertaining because it's so kind of black and white.

[867] Yeah.

[868] But it's the serialized shows that go deep into it.

[869] I think younger generation, the generation now that is coming up from college or whatever, they're far more sophisticated and they demand more in their entertainment.

[870] Yeah.

[871] And you cannot serve them the same old dish that they had before.

[872] They won't take it because there's so many operations.

[873] to them.

[874] You have to rise to their level of expectations.

[875] And we were fed Pablam in those in those days.

[876] You know, it's like that's this is what you have.

[877] It's Hawaii 50.

[878] Yeah.

[879] It's that driving music and it's like, oh, something exciting is going to happen.

[880] And then it doesn't.

[881] And it's like, oh, yeah.

[882] Well, the other thing is it was, I mean, I sound like a guy describing the Great Depression, but because by no stretch of the imagination that I had a difficult childhood, but there were three networks.

[883] And so there was very little competition.

[884] They were all pretty much making the same stuff.

[885] And the third place network was making a fortune.

[886] I mean, you know, there was no such thing as losing money because they were the only games.

[887] And it's ABC, there's CBS, there's NBC.

[888] And then it's quite a while later that like Fox shows up.

[889] But when these, that was it.

[890] And so you often watched things because the reception was pretty good.

[891] Yeah, that's exactly.

[892] Oh, I'm getting this channel in.

[893] It's pretty, what are you watching?

[894] It's a Catholic Mass. You sure you don't want to, no, it looks good, though.

[895] You know, they're doing the communion ceremony, so let's check it out.

[896] But the things that we would watch just because it came in, and I take shit for this sometimes because I go after the show Chips, but when I watch one of those now, and I'm looking at all the logical flaws.

[897] I did an episode of that.

[898] Did you really?

[899] Of course I did.

[900] Who were you?

[901] And what did you do that needed the intervention of some motorcycle cops?

[902] I was a newlywed, and they don't give me much time to create a character.

[903] What?

[904] What are you talking about?

[905] You were a guy on hang glider.

[906] They said, this newlywed southern couple.

[907] And so I was talking like this.

[908] Yeah.

[909] I mean, bag.

[910] Baby, come on, baby.

[911] Let's drive fast.

[912] I love, I've got to see this episode.

[913] I know, oh, yeah.

[914] So, here's the scandal, is that the woman who played my betrothed was a woman, Kathy Shower, I believe.

[915] And I believe she was like a playboy playmate or a penthouse pet or something like that.

[916] And boy, Eric Estrada was on her immediately.

[917] Of course.

[918] And it's like, I rarely saw her.

[919] It was like, they were off.

[920] It was like, Mr. Estrada, we're ready.

[921] In a minute, in a minute.

[922] Oh, God bless the late 70s and early 80s.

[923] What a wonderful time.

[924] Oh, my God.

[925] I just, I don't mean to imply that and impugn her integrity.

[926] No, no, they were going over lines.

[927] Yes, that's right.

[928] That's hilarious.

[929] No, but I often use that as an example of that's TV where there's not much competition.

[930] That's how it always felt to me, meaning what's happening this week?

[931] Well, there's some jewel thieves and they operate on the highway.

[932] Why would they?

[933] Don't ask.

[934] And then the guys, you know, rather than the FBI getting involved, because this is interstate commerce crime, we're going to ask these two motorcycle highway patrolmen to crack this ring.

[935] It's proximity.

[936] Yeah, exactly.

[937] They're there.

[938] And so then the next week, you know, they crack that.

[939] And then it always ends with the beginning of the show.

[940] because I've, I ranted about this with Bill Burr on the podcast once, so I know I'm repeating myself, but it always, but I have to do this because you're here.

[941] It always starts with, there's a disco dance competition in the, you know, policemen's union.

[942] Ponce, you're going to enter?

[943] Guys, I got you.

[944] No, you shouldn't do it, Ponce.

[945] Hey, wait a minute.

[946] It's time for the meeting.

[947] There's some jewel thieves on the highway.

[948] Ponce, John, get on it.

[949] They do that, and then at the end of the episode, they're slapping the cuffs.

[950] I can't believe you caught us.

[951] Hey, Punch, you better get going.

[952] You're right.

[953] Well, you can't tell by the way, I use my walk, I'm a woman.

[954] And Punch dancing, and everyone's like, yay.

[955] Freeze frame.

[956] Freeze frame, right.

[957] And then next week, there's going to be a hang gliding competition with a bunch of bikini -clad girls.

[958] But first, someone's stealing Renoir's on the highway.

[959] But Bill gets mad because he's like, I love that show.

[960] And I'm like, no, Bill.

[961] Hey, you think that's tough?

[962] I met my now -wife 35 years ago doing an episode of Airwolf.

[963] Oh, Airwolf.

[964] So Jan Michael Vincent.

[965] Ernest Borgon.

[966] And Ernest is very good.

[967] And the helicopter.

[968] Yeah.

[969] The air wolf.

[970] So you're too young to know.

[971] But there was this series on CBS that every week it had to involve a helicopter.

[972] every single climax had to deal with a helicopter.

[973] Can you imagine like third season 17th show?

[974] The helicopter goes under the bridge.

[975] No, did that first season, seventh show.

[976] Helicopter.

[977] Goes through a drive -thous.

[978] Goes through a car wash. Now, did that second season, third.

[979] It's like, how do you do that?

[980] Right.

[981] And then they always have to, there can be no undercover work or anything happening in a interior space.

[982] because that's not going to work.

[983] And I think by the later seasons it'd be a knock at the door and they'd open the door and the helicopter would be there with a mustache on trying to go incognito.

[984] And no one recognizes that.

[985] I am not helicopter.

[986] Well, who are you?

[987] I am boat.

[988] I am boat.

[989] Not airship but sea ship.

[990] He speaks funny.

[991] I don't know if I trust it.

[992] Ignore these blades.

[993] and powerful turbines.

[994] Yeah, that just killed me. But man, I have to say, I got to do a little work once with Ernest Borgnine in another life.

[995] And I was outside my body the whole time because it was Ernest Borgnine.

[996] I mean, this man has an Oscar, but he also, he's in everything.

[997] He's in Bad Day at Black Rock with Spencer Tracy.

[998] I mean, he's, he...

[999] And he was a lovely guy.

[1000] Lovely, lovely guy.

[1001] lovely guy.

[1002] And I always, when I see people that come from generations before me, which is less and less frequent as I get into my dotage, but I'm always amazed.

[1003] I'm just, I'm so happy to, to see, uh, these old troopers, you know, that are out there.

[1004] He was great.

[1005] He was great on the show.

[1006] Jan, Jan was a troubled guy.

[1007] He had a lot of issues.

[1008] He had a lot of demons.

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] He was, he was, Always late.

[1011] And we did what's called a poor man's process with the helicopter.

[1012] So we'd actually be on the ground and there would be grips who would be actually just shaking the helicopter.

[1013] And the cameras would be on the ground looking up and all you see is sky above us through the top.

[1014] And we were taught, you know, we had the headphones on and things and we're looking down, looking down at what the city would be.

[1015] And it's just shaking.

[1016] and Jan, who had insisted on these dark, dark, dark glasses.

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] And he would sit there, and he knew how to keep his hand on the throttle and the steering portion.

[1019] And then he would reach up and he'd flick a switch up on the ceiling.

[1020] All the while his eyes are close.

[1021] He is napping.

[1022] He's napping.

[1023] They painted eyeballs on his glasses.

[1024] And we got that, again, cut.

[1025] And then Jan would.

[1026] just go back to sleep.

[1027] And then part of the thing was it's roll camera and the first AD would do a shaking sign to me. And I'd go, Jan, Jan. Yeah, it was really sad.

[1028] He had it all and he just didn't know how to handle it.

[1029] And I think it goes back to what you were saying at the beginning is that you've got to get your life in order.

[1030] And don't think that what you're experiencing now, if you have good fortune, that you could do anything that you're entitled to do anything.

[1031] anything, you're still a human being.

[1032] You still have to function.

[1033] You still have to be kind.

[1034] Yeah.

[1035] And problems ensue if you don't follow that.

[1036] Well, that's as good a place.

[1037] I'm sorry to bring everybody down.

[1038] No, I thought that was really nice.

[1039] I think that's great.

[1040] I mean...

[1041] I think you should take note.

[1042] Oh, wow.

[1043] Well, I took a shot there.

[1044] I didn't quite hear what you said.

[1045] I saw your lips moving and it was something about being kind.

[1046] Doing the work.

[1047] But I didn't really, but I didn't really really get it.

[1048] No. It doesn't really make any sense to me. So, Gorley, would you edit this thing together so it makes some fucking sense?

[1049] I got to go buy a lot of cocaine.

[1050] In your helicopter.

[1051] In my helicopter.

[1052] That would love so much.

[1053] I would love so much if we had this great talk and then we all broke and you were like, see you Conan and I walk outside our little place in her launch morning and I got into the helicopter.

[1054] You're like, oh.

[1055] What a great grounded Conan.

[1056] Brian, such a delight to talk to you and I always come away invigorated, refreshed, inspired.

[1057] I'm proud to know you, seriously.

[1058] Thank you, my friend.

[1059] Yeah, yeah, really, I mean it.

[1060] Thanks, man. So thank you.

[1061] Thanks for the time.

[1062] Please.

[1063] I mean, like, tomorrow, if you can do it.

[1064] Oh, tomorrow.

[1065] I can't do it tomorrow.

[1066] No, I actually looked into your schedule.

[1067] Oh, I can do it tomorrow.

[1068] Oh, I can't do it tomorrow.

[1069] I canceled that pediatrist thing.

[1070] You're out of your feet are a mess.

[1071] Binafacia.

[1072] Last week we tried out the jupe clone for men Because Tracy Morgan had mentioned it in his live episode at the Beacon Theater Yes We had our thoughts and it ended with you Going home smelling like a bucket of jupe To see what kind of reaction you were going to get Yes we wanted to test to see what my wife's reaction would be Without me saying anything So this happened last week Drove home from the podcast studio to make sure, because I had some jupe on me that we applied during the podcast, to make sure I got out of my car in the garage, and I sprayed underneath the right part of my throat and the left part of my throat and then rubbed it in, because I wanted it to be powerful.

[1073] Juper, duper.

[1074] Exactly.

[1075] So I walk in, I go into the kitchen, my wife's there, and the first thing I wanted to do was give her a big, hug so that she would really smell it so at first I think she was concerned because I was coming in for this big hug and you know we haven't hugged since I think 2006 that was yes according to the lawyers it's 2006 but so I go in for this hug and I think she's a little bit like huh okay all right I'm getting a big hug from Conan this is nice and then I intentionally made sure that because I'm taller than her she's quite tall but I'm taller than her so that her nose is right up against and she went oh you're and she stepped back and she went you're wearing a cologne and she's being very diplomatic because what if i think her initial thought was my husband is now a guy that wears cologne and this is what he's chosen yeah and um how do i get out of this this is who you are now you're a cologne guy polone i'm cologne conan and uh so she said Oh, and so she didn't have like, oh, my God, what the, you know, she just said, oh, a Cologne.

[1076] I said, yes.

[1077] Do you like it?

[1078] And she was like, yeah, and she's being very diplomatic.

[1079] How nice.

[1080] And she's being sweet because this is, you know, Liza's very nice and she's very sweet.

[1081] And then I started to explain the backstory.

[1082] And she said, okay, because it's really strong.

[1083] And I said, yeah.

[1084] So then I start walking around and talking.

[1085] And then, like, my son comes home and he's like, whoa, what's happening in here?

[1086] And I realized, okay, I'm going to try and tone this down a little bit.

[1087] So I got some soap and water and was, like, washing my throat and my underneath my jaw.

[1088] And walking around, nope, that jupe was there to stay.

[1089] It was the equivalent of getting a tattoo.

[1090] And so then what I didn't realize is that night, sometimes when I fall asleep, I remember, roll over onto my stomach.

[1091] So I ground jupe into my pillow and my mattress.

[1092] And then three days later, I'm still smelling juke on our sheets.

[1093] And I think they've been washed.

[1094] So jupe is not something that you, it's not a decision you can take lightly.

[1095] My jupe was with me for maybe six to seven days.

[1096] Did you, did it feel like you were in bed with Tracy Morgan?

[1097] It did.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] And probably you enjoyed that.

[1100] I had a very erotic adventure with my pillow.

[1101] Let's just put it that way.

[1102] Speaking of Tracy Morgan.

[1103] And then later on, you see me at a restaurant opening a bottle of wine and it's me with my pillow.

[1104] The pillow is sitting opposite me. And I'm going, like, whar.

[1105] You leave Liza for your pillow.

[1106] Yeah, yeah.

[1107] Liza has me followed by a private detective.

[1108] And he goes, I got bad news for you.

[1109] he's seeing some slut on the side and then he's she sees pictures with me with my pillow she's like oh that's the foam memory pillow yeah that's who he's stupin I take it to dinner a guy comes by with a violin and he's playing while we're I'm ordering the best champagne move it into an apartment in the city yeah that's right I got you all set up in your own special place with an allowance Now, when I brought that jeep in last week, I left only to find that Tracy Morgan that day a package arrived from him.

[1110] Yes.

[1111] This was great.

[1112] I went home with the jupe, which sounds, it does sound like I came home with the clap.

[1113] I went to this house of ill repute, and I came home with the jupe.

[1114] That guy That guy's lousy with the jupe Doc, doc You gotta help me I got the juke So Yeah Tracy sent Us sent me a bottle of jupe And a handwritten note Really lovely So you have juke now at home And in the office Yeah I've got my home jupe And I got my work juke Jupeed up Yeah You're jupped up for day Yeah Oh I'm all set for jupe Although Tracy says To really do this You've got to use half a bottle with each application.

[1115] So I'm really good for four days when you think about it.

[1116] Oh, you're four years.

[1117] Whoa.

[1118] All right.

[1119] Well, anyway, again, our thanks to Tracy Morgan for showing me this side of life.

[1120] I didn't know.

[1121] I think maybe I am a cologne guy now.

[1122] And if anyone asks, my cologne is jupe.

[1123] Why?

[1124] Because you can put it on once and it's there for life.

[1125] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam O 'Sessian, and Matt Goorley.

[1126] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1127] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1128] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1129] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1130] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1131] Supervising producer Aaron Blair, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples.

[1132] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[1133] Additional production support by Mars Melnik, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Patista, and Britt Conn. This episode was mixed and edited by me, Brett Morris.

[1134] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1135] Got a question for Conan?

[1136] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1137] It could be featured on a future episode.

[1138] Please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.