#654 - Rich Vos

[0] Killer whale captivity in Ontario.

[1] That's beautiful.

[2] We live?

[3] Hey!

[4] I just got a tweet from Phil Demers that dude who's on the trainer, Walrus trainer.

[5] They banned killer whale captivity in Ontario.

[6] Rich Voss doesn't give a fuck about that, though.

[7] Do you, Rich Voss?

[8] Are you kidding me?

[9] It's all, one of my biggest missions in life is the killer wear.

[10] The killer whale.

[11] There's too much feedback.

[12] I'm trying to get this.

[13] Too much feedback.

[14] Like it's just like a hundred.

[15] You, Jimmy Hendrix?

[16] Is there a hum?

[17] Like, how do I turn it down?

[18] There's knobs, right?

[19] Is there a hum?

[20] Not a hum.

[21] I lied because I fucked up, so I wanted to make it look like there was a reason I fucked up.

[22] Where do you turn it down?

[23] What knob?

[24] This one right here?

[25] Yeah.

[26] Oh.

[27] Well, you guys are.

[28] Is that it?

[29] Is that better?

[30] Talk.

[31] Testing one, too.

[32] There.

[33] Oh, my God.

[34] That too loud?

[35] Yeah, it's a little weird.

[36] How about that?

[37] No. A little, in between that.

[38] Okay It's like a fucking I'm a Is that good right there?

[39] No, it sucks I'm like a prima don't know To tell you the truth I hate wearing headphones Don't do you You don't have to wear them I don't No take them off Fuck those things I like I have I like their little ones I put it in Yeah Look how perfect it is Sounds like I'm a whole new man Jesus Christ Yeah let just do this I know We'll let Jamie handle everything Jamie if shit gets weird Let us know No I'm Brian You gonna go crazy And stick with the headphones I like the headphones You do He's gangster Look at them.

[40] Look at them over there.

[41] Are you periscoping?

[42] Let's live your life.

[43] Okay.

[44] Did you go back to the little phone?

[45] Oh, that's the Samsung.

[46] No, I'm using the Samsung Edge.

[47] It's really nice.

[48] Oh, very nice.

[49] It actually works very well.

[50] I'm very happy with it.

[51] I like that phone.

[52] It's a very sweet phone.

[53] Yeah, I got it for the Ting.

[54] I got a GSM card.

[55] Yeah, that's what I did.

[56] An unlocked phone.

[57] And it's cool.

[58] The camera is so amazing compared to it.

[59] And if you compare the, like, the iPhone 6 with it, it's like night and day difference, how much better.

[60] The camera?

[61] Yeah, the cameras.

[62] I'm a big fan of that Samsung phone.

[63] They make a slick phone.

[64] That new one, the new Galaxy, the S6, and the S6 edge.

[65] The quality is so much better than the five.

[66] But I really wish they didn't have to go with the, now it's not waterproof anymore.

[67] And you don't have replaceable media storage.

[68] You can't take the battery out.

[69] You know what's really good, though, is this one I was completely dead.

[70] And it has such a fast charge on it in my car.

[71] In like 30 minutes, it charged up to 56 % of the, the battery in like 30 minutes it was almost completely it's great i like them though i like them are you anti -technology rich i got this uh the iphone 6 plus because i want to make my little hands even look smaller when i hold this thing i can't tell me how many times i lay in bed trying to play scrabble and it falls out of my fucking hands and it's just the most aggravating thing on the planet but i'm you know i what do i use it for i take some pictures and uh maybe i'll record something, internet, Twitter.

[72] What else do I need a fucking phone for?

[73] I hear you.

[74] You know, I mean, what, recording, that's it.

[75] You know, the videos I take of my kids, and that's it, you know.

[76] The cameras in these new phones are fucking incredible.

[77] The people that make cameras must be so bummed out.

[78] Because they used to think, those little point and click cameras that everybody used to have.

[79] Oh, that market's dead.

[80] You know, fuck buys those now.

[81] I started a lady the other day took a picture.

[82] Not only that, how about the people that buy the ones that are disposable?

[83] how white trash are you that you don't that you're buying a disposable fucking camera you gotta bring it somewhere and get it developed yeah you gotta stick these pictures are great because then I'll send this to my iPad to my to my MacBook and I'll send them you know it's fucking I don't even send them I put it right next to it and it downloads to to my iPad did you ever see that Robin Williams movie 24 hour photo?

[84] Oh yeah it's one of my favorite movies it's a great movie amazing but today you'd be like why would you go It doesn't make any sense.

[85] Why would you get developed?

[86] Don't you have a printer?

[87] I have film that...

[88] That wasn't that long ago.

[89] Do you have any film that you haven't developed?

[90] I just found a camera that when I was 20, I met a girl on AOL or A, and she lived in Chicago.

[91] My mom's like, I'm going to Chicago for work.

[92] Wait a minute, that was 20 years ago?

[93] It was like the first girl I ever met on AOL.

[94] So 95?

[95] AOL1 or two.

[96] And I met her on thing, and we used to go back and forth.

[97] And my mom's like, I'm going to Chicago for work.

[98] And I'm like, hey, that girl lives in Chicago.

[99] So I met her, and we, like, spent a day together in Chicago.

[100] don't remember what she looked like but that text you sent me someone's trolling you obviously oh yeah yeah I found out of course yeah he thought it was funny to say that he was my son well you'd have to be you would have to been like 16 17 17 but I was looking and there was one girl that I that I had sex with I don't remember who she was and it could have been her did you tell him send me the pictures of me well he said it was Asian I was like I had my first Asian a couple years ago the worst the worst is when you met like I met this girl once and And she was hot, and I flew to Florida a couple days to have sex, you know.

[101] And then, like, all of a sudden, I'm going out to lunch with her and her mother.

[102] Like, what the fuck?

[103] She's a, probably, she's a stripper.

[104] So she's pure dysfunction.

[105] And we go to a hotel all of a sudden I fucking, right when I bust a fucking nut, all I think is, how am I going to get out of this whole situation?

[106] I mean, I'm talking another day and a half of this.

[107] fucking horribleness and she was hot but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter but it matters enough to get you into the mess oh yeah yeah well it's like it's like anything like when you're coping fucking freebase or crack the whole excitement is going up there and getting through the guns and you know dealing you know and not fucking you know what I mean and then you get it's like you get to home and boom now I got it I made it through you know the mine fields I got the fucking crack I smoke it all right but the whole excitement leading up to it you know the best thing that ever happened to me with these fucking broads when I pick them up and take them back to my place uh in my city apartment they they can never stay I said listen you got to leave because my ex -wife drops my kids off in the morning and I can't have my kids seeing you know you you okay I expect I don't want my ex -wife seeing you knowing that I went from her to you you know what I'm saying so Hilarious.

[108] Getting them out is, you know, when you talk about traveling and getting late.

[109] It's just amazing the difference.

[110] And I don't know if women, I don't think they have this experience.

[111] The difference in perspective of before you have sex with them and then after you have sex with them, it's so radically different.

[112] Like, before you have sex with them, you can't wait.

[113] You're like looking at her ass and looking at her waist and her tits.

[114] You're like, oh, it's getting me a man. And then when you're done, you're like, oh, God, what am I doing?

[115] That's the difference between being with a girl you really do care about and being with a girl that your body just tricked you, you know?

[116] And that can happen to a guy.

[117] And that's why you know, like, if you have sex with a girl and then afterwards, you're hanging out and talking and cuddling and you love it.

[118] You're like, oh, she's really nice.

[119] I really like her.

[120] I didn't get tricked this time.

[121] It's like you don't even know until the fog clears.

[122] I go, oh, where are, where?

[123] Oh, hello.

[124] Hi.

[125] It's so weird how instant it is also.

[126] It's immediate.

[127] It's so disgusting.

[128] You could be with a girl and everything's great like you say.

[129] And then all of a sudden, the way she throws a piece of garbage in the waistbasket in your room, you go, I hate her.

[130] Okay.

[131] Just one little thing.

[132] I was with this girl.

[133] Just I'm telling you, it was right after my first divorce, I was working South Carolina and I met this girl.

[134] You couldn't have been any better looking, smart.

[135] a great career, newscaster, so in South Carolina, we're fooling around.

[136] It was great.

[137] I'm like, did I really find love again, right?

[138] You know what I mean?

[139] I was like, ah, she's beautiful, fun to be with.

[140] She came to Alabama where I was working, I guess, whatever, it wasn't far.

[141] Great weekend.

[142] Then I'm in Florida, and she flies down to see me, and we're laying in bed, and I'm really sick.

[143] fever and she goes to touch me goes what can i do and i go well the first thing is get your fucking arm off me not like that i said don't touch me and then i knew i i knew like i you have to get out of here and i can't i can't hand i can't i can't do this and it was she was perfect because i'm so fucking damaged in life that i'm going to destroy everything around you You know what I mean?

[144] When you have that damaged personality and that, you know, the whole, I'm not good enough or I'm not, somehow you're going to fuck it up.

[145] You know, that's what's great about Bonnie.

[146] She's as damaged as I am.

[147] It's like, you know.

[148] Is she really?

[149] Really?

[150] Really?

[151] Let me tell you a story.

[152] Okay?

[153] And we told on our radio, she grew up on a fucking farm, okay?

[154] When she, I guess, 11 or 10, she had to have a major operation, you know, something removed from down here.

[155] I don't know what it was.

[156] It was, no, God, I wish she still had one of those.

[157] So she had to have a removed.

[158] Right.

[159] 11 years old.

[160] And she lived in Cold Lake.

[161] And her parents put her on a bus to go have the operation.

[162] in like Toronto or whatever, 10 or 11 years old, maybe nine, by herself because her parents couldn't leave because it was harvest season and they were farmers.

[163] They put a nine or 10 -year -old girl on the bus to go have a, go have part of her body taken out.

[164] Oh, my God.

[165] In the hospital, you know, and then come home.

[166] You know what I mean?

[167] I think maybe they visited her at one point, but she grew up, you know, poor in the beginning, sleep.

[168] been on dirt floors, you know, and then they're, you know, farmers and killing chickens and this and that.

[169] And, you know, but she was always creative, brilliant fucking, I read one of her books she made as a kid called Chicken Island, you know, she wrote a book as a kid, just brilliant, brilliant, and that's how my kid is.

[170] And, and, and, and, and if you don't think she's damaged, she went out with Mark Cohen, who's a guitar act.

[171] How can you not, fucking nothing against the guy good songs uh she's a comic and a female whatever that guy huh i don't know he was married had kids and his wife uh did some cancer stuff or whatever and i always got along with him he was a good guy he was a nice guy he was a great guy everybody liked yeah he was a great guy he was funny is he out of business i don't think so he's probably just doing whatever you know just never hears name anymore sometimes that happens you know you like you're around a guy all the time and then for whatever reason you don't hear their name anymore they just stop like exchanging circles or you know circles stop interacting with each other yeah there was this guy anthony i know and you would always hear his name anthony kuma and kumia you don't hear opium and yeah that guy and you don't hear his name anymore no he's uh still preaching to the converted how many uh do you know how many podcast subscribers he has?

[172] Because he's subscription only, right?

[173] Yeah.

[174] Which I think 22.

[175] 22 people?

[176] No, he's doing...

[177] I think he's doing all right.

[178] I think he's doing all right.

[179] It charges like five bucks a month or something.

[180] I have no. I think he's doing it.

[181] I've done his podcast.

[182] It was a lot of fun when I went out there.

[183] If he was in New York and they are sending up in New York, then it'd be...

[184] He needs to move to ad base, though.

[185] If he moves to ad base, he'll be fucking huge.

[186] He's really good.

[187] He's funny.

[188] He's a funny fucking guy.

[189] Not only he's very smart, he's politically smart.

[190] Yes, very smart.

[191] He knows politics.

[192] He knows what's going on.

[193] But people are not going to pay.

[194] They're not paying to subscribe to things, especially when you can, for the same amount, you can get all the channels on Sirius, all of them.

[195] How many shows do you do a week?

[196] You do like three a week, four, do you do four a week?

[197] But what's $5 a month?

[198] I mean, really, if you think about it.

[199] To me, it's not that much, but if you broke and you have to make your decision, you know there's a lot of people that are broke like that's a lot of people don't like serious for that very reason because they have to like you they have to think okay that's another five bucks and this is another five bucks and that's it all adds up if you're if you're chipping away that all adds up especially when there's so much free content nowadays even with periscope i was just watching uh burr chrysher the other day for like an hour and you know that's all free and that was just like a podcast but it was live and well joey does the morning joint joey dyes every morning He gets up at 7 o 'clock.

[200] He lets everybody know.

[201] He gives you a 10 minute warning on Twitter.

[202] And at 7 o 'clock, he lights a joint and starts talking shit.

[203] And he talks shit for like five minutes.

[204] And then he says, all right, go wash your pussy.

[205] Have a good day, you motherfuckers.

[206] Go kill it.

[207] Go kill it out there.

[208] And he gives you like a little motivational speech.

[209] But I think that that kind of shit is the future.

[210] You know, and he's going to get ads for Periscope.

[211] That's what he's going to do.

[212] That's how he's going to handle it.

[213] Yeah.

[214] That's the future.

[215] Yeah, I mean, look, Anthony, they're all set financially.

[216] I don't know how long it's going to last.

[217] I don't know how, you know, they did pretty well.

[218] You know, his house.

[219] Have you been to his house?

[220] No, I've seen pictures of it.

[221] It's fucking unbelievable.

[222] It looks like Victoria Gotti used to live there.

[223] It's fucking beautiful.

[224] You know, it's real, you know, fucking statues, pouring, whatever.

[225] You know, it's got money.

[226] It's got fucking money.

[227] So that was from Syria?

[228] Sirius gave him a ton of money?

[229] Yeah, you know, he was with them forever, those guys.

[230] They were with N -EW and Sirius, you know.

[231] So did Sirius want to get rid of him because they were paying so much money?

[232] I doubt it.

[233] No, I doubt it.

[234] No, I think.

[235] No, no, because they're corporate.

[236] And once you say...

[237] Brian thinks yes.

[238] Huh?

[239] Brian thinks it was over money?

[240] Oh, I think that there's a lot of money problems over there at that place.

[241] They're trying to cut.

[242] There was an article about them cutting Howard Stern's money.

[243] I think they're cutting the fat is pretty much what they're probably thinking about right now.

[244] Yeah, but I...

[245] They just took a huge loan out.

[246] Serious did?

[247] Yeah, like it was a year ago.

[248] Millions and millions of dollars.

[249] And this was like the second huge loan, I think, that they did just to kind of bail them out and give them some time.

[250] But I thought their stock went up.

[251] I thought they were down to like...

[252] Yeah, to $1 .30.

[253] Yeah, but it was at $0 .10.

[254] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[255] So, I mean, you could have became rich.

[256] It was real high at one point in time.

[257] Was that $4, $4 or $8?

[258] You know, I don't understand stocks.

[259] It really don't.

[260] But I just know if...

[261] It makes no sense that a company could be worth four times as much with the products exactly the same.

[262] Like, what's happening?

[263] It can crash.

[264] The stock can crash.

[265] But what changed?

[266] I think the idea of stocks is fucking completely ridiculous.

[267] Do you buy stock at all, Joe?

[268] No. You should invest in Twitter right now, though, with this Periscope about the below the fuck up.

[269] Twitter doesn't make any money at all, man. I have people that do it.

[270] Yeah, I mean, I do have stocks.

[271] I have funds.

[272] I invest in a bunch of different things.

[273] But quite honestly, I think the days of people making fuck tons of money just on stocks, those days are numbered.

[274] So it's weird times now.

[275] I don't really know what I'm talking about.

[276] I should say that.

[277] I know almost nothing about finances.

[278] I invested, and this was years ago, I think, maybe $2 ,000 back when I, and my problem is I have a gambling problem like every other problem.

[279] So every day I'm looking at it to see if it went up or down, you know, and then it's, you know, it was going, I'm going, this is doing great.

[280] Then all of a sudden dropped, and I just said, fuck it, I got to stop just because all I'm doing is thinking about is this thing.

[281] And it's only like fucking $2 ,000 or $3 ,000, but.

[282] What's you invest in?

[283] It was a mutual fund.

[284] So it was a bunch of things together, right?

[285] And I ended up saying, I'm done with this.

[286] I made like $400.

[287] But I would have lost it all.

[288] I would have lost.

[289] And it wasn't much, but it consumes your head.

[290] You know, because if you're in Vegas gambling, you're thinking, oh, fuck, I lost this here.

[291] If I get it back here, if I do this, if I, you know, if I just get $300 today and $300.

[292] You know what I mean?

[293] Then if I get even, then maybe I can fucking win a little.

[294] here and that's all your heads going on when you're gambling in Vegas.

[295] You know, numbers and numbers are going through your fucking head non -stop in Vegas or at any casino and I can't even imagine with stocks It's the same thing.

[296] Yeah, it's the same exact thing.

[297] Yeah, you're sitting there all day you've got 10, say you've got 10, you're investing in 10 different, you know, companies.

[298] All day long you're back and forth.

[299] This fucking company's losing.

[300] I got to throw money over here from here, you know.

[301] Yeah, fuck, it's too much Just go shoot craps And either win or fucking lose Yeah It certainly is gambling And in that a lot of guys That are attracted to gambling They get involved in stocks And they get the same itch The same it's going up And fucking sell Look at the floor When you see the floor And they yell and screaming at each other Which I don't even think they do anymore I don't think they do it the same way I mean I think When we were talking about That with people that understand Who the fuck was it we were talking with when they were talking about how they've um that people have bought uh property closer to wall street so they could trade quicker because they're trading with algorithms and it's all about like nanoseconds like literally the distance in the pipe between the the office and the the floor the trading floor is makes the difference between selling and buying at the right time wow it's like a ping yeah exactly so they invested in all this real estate around that area.

[302] Real estate around Wall Street is fucking worth astronomical amounts of money.

[303] All you need is a small office.

[304] You take that small office, you put all your servers and all your stuff, and they do all your transactions from there, and it's amazing.

[305] Well, a lot of the stuff I learned about Wall Street and Stock was from trading places, so I'm pretty, I know a lot about it.

[306] That's a good reference point.

[307] Huh?

[308] They know.

[309] Yeah.

[310] That was a good movie.

[311] So, I see these guys, but, you know, during the whole market crash and the banking, and I'm not really the smartest when it comes to the subject, when people lost their homes, their fucking life earnings, not one of those cocksuckers went to jail, okay?

[312] But you fucking, you know, do whatever, you know, lock, oh, you know, Mark the store in jail for a couple.

[313] but no one from Wall Street was ever indicted for anything.

[314] Yeah, no one other than that Bernie Madoff guy, but that guy was just stealing.

[315] That was a totally different animal.

[316] That wasn't Wall Street.

[317] That was to divert your attention from Wall Street.

[318] That was just a Ponzi scheme.

[319] Well, no, he had nothing to do with Wall Street.

[320] That was a Ponzi scheme.

[321] Okay, he wasn't working down on Wall Street.

[322] He was just scamming people for money.

[323] That wasn't the banking, you know, giving mortgages to people that can't afford them.

[324] Right.

[325] You know, it started off with the real estate.

[326] state.

[327] It start off with the real estate salesman.

[328] Yes, we can get you into this house, then to the broker, then to the bank.

[329] And they're giving out these fucking houses to people that get.

[330] And Bernie, that kept people's minds awful really what was going on down in Wall Street, because it happened at the same time.

[331] What amazed me about that Bernie Madoff thing is that people that understood money got robbed.

[332] Like a lot of people, I guess it was just great.

[333] I guess Like, he was offering such a large percentage of return on your money that people just, they just said, look, I'm going to take a chance this fucking guy.

[334] Whatever he's doing is doing it right.

[335] People make it 25 % returns on his crazy returns.

[336] But it was just, he just banked on people not cashing in, which is just amazing.

[337] But when's enough enough too when, like how much money, like, there's people that lost millions.

[338] Mm -hmm.

[339] You know, so when's enough enough for a person or, you know what I mean?

[340] Like, look, take corporations.

[341] enough enough where you're going to start treating your fucking employees like human beings.

[342] Corporations are very tricky because with corporations it's all about they have to continue to make more money than they made the last year.

[343] It's all about infinite growth.

[344] So like if you made a million dollars this year, you have to show them, you know, in a first quarter of the next year, we're up 5%.

[345] And you have to keep doing that.

[346] If you don't keep doing that, then you're losing money because you have stockholders.

[347] And your main obligation is to earn these stockholders money.

[348] Yeah, that's what you have to do.

[349] And if you don't do that, that get rid of you as a CEO.

[350] Well, it's the same as any comedy club.

[351] If I go into a comedy club, if they make money and I make money, we're happy.

[352] As long as you don't lose, you know, I fight with comedy clubs.

[353] I go, well, you didn't lose last time I was there.

[354] Well, we didn't make, well, look, you didn't lose.

[355] It was a, there's a profit, okay?

[356] I talked to these employees from Costco after a show a couple weeks ago.

[357] They're fucking paid 30 -something an hour, health insurance, you know, kickbacks from whatever they spend there.

[358] I mean, this corporation is great to their employees.

[359] Costco is.

[360] Yeah, they're fucking great.

[361] I'm talking to these ladies that have been there 20 years, 18 years, that are making, you know, for $35 an hour and getting health benefits.

[362] And whenever they buy products there, a percentage of that goes into their whatever fund.

[363] So, I mean, it's a great corporation.

[364] But there's other ones, I don't want to say names, I don't want to get fucking sued, but you know, you know, when's enough enough?

[365] How much money does a certain family need before they start taking care of their fucking employees?

[366] For a lot of folks, I think what happens is that's the only way that they keep score at things.

[367] You know, the only way you keep score is money.

[368] And if you're not making more money than you were making before, you feel like you're losing.

[369] They never feel like they're accomplishing anything unless they're making money.

[370] They don't have a quantifiable score on anything else.

[371] It's not like, you know, like if you were doing something else that you really enjoy doing on top of making that money, you know, like something competitive maybe, I think there's a lot of, a lot of what goes on in business is competition, you know.

[372] I mean, it's a lot of it is sort of what made human beings, human beings in the first place.

[373] It's like this desire to constantly move ahead, constantly, you know, make everything better, progress, keep pushing forward.

[374] Like that whole desire that led to cities, agriculture, that's the same sort of instinct that leads people to continually pursue and get greedy and greedier.

[375] Yeah, it's drive.

[376] Yeah.

[377] And the best point is when they don't have anything else to fall back on.

[378] You know, when they, I don't know.

[379] I mean, look, you look at Trump.

[380] I don't know about his, I know he knows how to build fucking golf courses.

[381] This fucking guy knows how to build golf.

[382] Yeah.

[383] So you understand.

[384] And I've been to some of his course.

[385] Does he golf?

[386] Yeah.

[387] golfs, you know.

[388] I've heard stories, but he golfs.

[389] Heard stories about what?

[390] He sucks?

[391] No, I heard he's okay.

[392] I heard he's okay.

[393] What stories you heard?

[394] You say he are first stories?

[395] He plays a lot of golf.

[396] He plays a lot of golf.

[397] Does he gamble?

[398] Oh, I don't think so.

[399] I don't know.

[400] I never, I don't know.

[401] No, I'm just saying he'll fly it on his helicopter, you know, but he likes to win.

[402] He likes to win in life.

[403] Right.

[404] And maybe like, say, let's even say, we'll use a Malcolm X turn by any means necessary.

[405] He likes to to win.

[406] Okay.

[407] So, I don't know.

[408] I feel racial tension in the room.

[409] No, no, no. Do you feel it?

[410] Awkward boner.

[411] But, okay, so he's is well off in life.

[412] But at least on the side, he's doing something that gives him passion.

[413] Do you know, and he's building these golf courses and he's going to play?

[414] And I'm not pro - Donald Trump or anti.

[415] I'm just saying that this is a guy that besides building big fucking skyscrapers all over New York and everywhere, he's got, his thing is building and playing golf.

[416] Remember when he was trying to say that Obama wasn't born in America?

[417] He was like, he was chasing that down.

[418] Obama was born in Kenya and his birth certificate was fake.

[419] But you know it's going to be funny when that all comes out and Obama says, you know what, you guys?

[420] After it's over, after he did eight years.

[421] He's done, look.

[422] All right.

[423] That's what America.

[424] The interest of total disclosure, I am in fact a radical Muslim terrorist.

[425] They have been infiltrating and trying to weaken America from the inside.

[426] All of you white people in Iowa, you're You were all right.

[427] Yeah, the white people in Iowa.

[428] All those fucking crazy Christians that Take Back America, folks.

[429] Have you heard the Rick Santorum song, Take Back America?

[430] We played it yesterday.

[431] Who's ever in office?

[432] The other side's going to hate him and trash him and do whatever.

[433] I mean, look, it butt stunk.

[434] Obama's not the best president on the planet either.

[435] None of them, none of, you know, if you're a fucking Jew that votes for Obama, there's got to be, I mean, he's not really, really pro -Israel.

[436] You know, he's not anti -as, but he's not the pro -Israel.

[437] Well, no, because here's the thing.

[438] You don't have to be pro -Israel, but anti -Semitism that runs rapid throughout Europe.

[439] Rampant?

[440] That's the word?

[441] I guess it's rapid as well.

[442] No, I'm rampant.

[443] Look at fucking, this isn't fucking Bonnie or Norton correcting me. I say some wrong words.

[444] I mean, now, and you know what I'm saying?

[445] But you know what I'm talking about?

[446] What did I say?

[447] Rampid.

[448] I'm pretty sure you say rapid.

[449] Do you say rapid?

[450] No, rampant or rapid.

[451] I bet you can say ramp.

[452] It runs rampant or rapid or rapid.

[453] I said rampant.

[454] Rampet is not it.

[455] Rampant.

[456] I said rampant.

[457] It's rampant.

[458] Rampant.

[459] Okay, what did I say?

[460] You said rapid.

[461] I'm pretty sure.

[462] It runs rapid or anything.

[463] It could have been.

[464] But you know what I was talking about.

[465] Basically.

[466] Okay.

[467] Anti -surve.

[468] Just in case someone listening is.

[469] young and impressionable and they might go use that same word like when they're running going for a job interview or something like that well you know I think disinformation runs rapid throughout this world okay but I would like to we'll talk about a couple things I know that I can't fuck up okay so Jews Obama what okay so the anti -semitainment throughout Europe that's out of control have you seen that thing in France you know they had this guy dressed up as a Jew walking through these Muslim neighborhoods in Paris.

[470] Like, whoa, there's some fucking serious.

[471] That's obviously where Charlie Ebdo happened, where they killed those guys for drawing those cartoons of Muhammad.

[472] There's a lot of anti -Semitism in Europe.

[473] Yes.

[474] I was talking to Ari about it.

[475] And Ari and his brother, his brother actually lives in Europe.

[476] And he said that essentially they were just, like, really tolerant of all sorts of different religions.

[477] And a lot of, like, really radical people move.

[478] there because of that because it was a good place for them well it's going to overflow whatever happens and it overflows the anti -semitism in this country the people in this country really think jews run this country they really think they're not they're in here i'm getting these newsletters three i i was explained to a comic here you run this country there's three percent of us in this country three percent now they've done really well though yes yes yes we're doing yeah but how could you If we did, that would say the other 90%.

[479] You said a T -shirt.

[480] 97 % is pretty fucking...

[481] We need to get this number down.

[482] Okay.

[483] 3%.

[484] Now, wait a second.

[485] Now, wait a second.

[486] And I'm saying this is, you know, you know the wass run this country, fucking Walmart's Chase Manhattan banks, it's all fucking waspy old school money.

[487] Right.

[488] But this fucking world and country could not survive without Jews.

[489] Medicine, science, the arts, fucking we have given back more to this country you you're a part of that yes I am I kill on stage every time I listen to me if you're in Ventura this weekend at the Harbor Comedy Club I'm there Friday it's a great place Friday through Sunday I heard they have top -nosh comedians there I'm there this week I don't fail okay a word or two might get messed up but you'll know what I'm saying but I'm not gonna fucking fail so Jews have given back to society right we've won more More Nobel Prize's percentage for science and medicine than anybody else.

[490] That's true.

[491] European Jews.

[492] They're like number one when it comes to Nobel Prize.

[493] These phones right here?

[494] What do you think that technology came from?

[495] LSD.

[496] Koreans.

[497] Jews.

[498] No, no. The Chinese people and Steve Jobs, he did acid.

[499] Steve Wozniak?

[500] He was the genius behind it all.

[501] Is he Jewish?

[502] Was he?

[503] They're the ones who thought the technology in them.

[504] Oh.

[505] Jews?

[506] Are you sure?

[507] Yes.

[508] Do you know what you're talking about?

[509] This part of the phone right here.

[510] What's that?

[511] What's that?

[512] Of that part?

[513] Okay.

[514] Three -fits in this phone.

[515] That's the part with the notifications pop up.

[516] Right here, this area?

[517] We're Asian, okay?

[518] Asian.

[519] Yeah.

[520] This area right here down in the bottom corner?

[521] Mm -hmm.

[522] You know.

[523] We don't, my people don't contribute shit.

[524] Yes, you do.

[525] I'll never buy a Ferrari, ever.

[526] The fucking tires will fly off on the highway.

[527] You guys are great.

[528] Construction?

[529] What are you kidding?

[530] Yeah, a little bit.

[531] Maybe, barely.

[532] A little artistic stuff, but nothing engineering -wise, I don't trust them.

[533] No, you know, Italians, I got to admit, Dave, Dave had it a lot.

[534] I'm not impressed.

[535] How you not?

[536] Not impressed with my own people.

[537] I don't know, I just fucking kill.

[538] You didn't see Boardwalk Empire?

[539] I did.

[540] I saw a little bit of it.

[541] I think that, like, when it comes to technology, the people that are most impressed are the Japanese and the Germans.

[542] Japanese and the Germans seem to, especially when it comes to engineering, like, Like cars, automotive engineering, it's hard to fuck with those two people.

[543] The Japanese and the Germans, like, that's it.

[544] You know, Americans are like a third now.

[545] Americans, like, the new American cars are pretty fucking good.

[546] Like, have you seen those new Cadillacs that look like spaceships?

[547] Yes.

[548] CTSVs.

[549] Fucking beautiful, man. I mean, they finally nailed it.

[550] Like, I drove one of those escalades.

[551] I rented an escalade.

[552] It's amazing.

[553] The new one is fucking fantastic.

[554] It is a great car.

[555] It handles like a much smaller car.

[556] I mean, it's an enormous SUV, but they have this magnetic control, suspension, and it handles like an S -class Mercedes.

[557] It's incredible.

[558] The entire dashboard is a screen.

[559] Like, the dashboard is like a laptop.

[560] Really?

[561] Like, there's no real gauges.

[562] Like, it's a laptop screen.

[563] It's an L -T -D screen.

[564] Very nice.

[565] That seems like also a bad idea in some ways.

[566] No, it's great.

[567] You know what else is great?

[568] The navigation system is fucking huge.

[569] So you get this huge screen that's all your gauges, your gauge cluster.

[570] It's all LCDs.

[571] And then to the right, the navigation screen is fucking massive.

[572] How much does that start off at?

[573] They're expensive.

[574] And if it's really sunlight daylighted, is that, can you not see?

[575] Are you like, yeah, it goes dim.

[576] It goes dim.

[577] It has a light sensor in it.

[578] So it turns dark.

[579] It turns black when it's at nighttime and it turns white when it's a daytime.

[580] I just show.

[581] That's what it looks like.

[582] Look at that.

[583] See that LCD cluster there?

[584] That is all one big screen.

[585] Like all that shit you see where it's, There's two gauges.

[586] It's not really two gauges.

[587] That's all one flat screen.

[588] And so is the thing to the right, the navigation screen.

[589] I was very impressed.

[590] Why is there a face right there?

[591] That's someone's tits.

[592] I don't know.

[593] It's probably someone calling you or something.

[594] I would totally buy one of those.

[595] You know, I have the Lexus, that big Lexus SUV, which I love.

[596] But I would definitely buy one of these catalogs.

[597] You know, so funny, you check out.

[598] Like, I have two German cars, but I don't have navigation in them.

[599] What?

[600] But, well, I have a 2013 Mercedes.

[601] No navigation.

[602] But I have, you know what's funny?

[603] I have a Garmin or whatever, but you could tell us get, no, this, and this isn't a bit, this is true, but it will be a bit as of this weekend.

[604] When she talks to me, she's breaking up.

[605] It's like she's getting old and dying, the voice in my garment.

[606] Like she'll go, make a turn at exit, and then it'll stop, and she'll stop talking, and then it'll pick up again and I feel like the whole thing is she's dying whoever the lady is you know what I'm saying it's so outdated that the fucking you could feel I have to put it to rest and get a car with navigation you know what the problem is all of them can't fuck with this yeah this is the best when I Google something I want to know what it is and then it says directions and I press directions and it goes Bluetooth through my stereo oh ways man with the police like you know when the police are up ahead Do you know the police are using Ways and they're faking police stops?

[607] Yeah.

[608] They're calling in fake ones to Ways just to fuck with the whole system.

[609] Well, my, Bonnie, I haven't used this yet.

[610] Because it eats up a lot of data, doesn't it?

[611] I guess so.

[612] I don't know.

[613] It doesn't.

[614] Not really.

[615] Well, what are you worried about your data?

[616] Yeah, you're going to switch to T -Mobile.

[617] Cutting on your prices down to Ventura?

[618] Well, let me explain something to you, okay?

[619] I have three fucking kids that are, two of them else are on my phone.

[620] Okay, two older daughters, then I have to cut loose.

[621] How old are they?

[622] 24 and 22.

[623] They're still on your plan?

[624] Yes, I, yes.

[625] Yeah, I know, cut them loose.

[626] Get a fucking job, kid.

[627] No, my daughter, 22 years old, just moved to Houston, called me last week.

[628] 22, I just got hired starting at 50 ,000 a year.

[629] That's pretty fucking good for a 22 year.

[630] That's very good.

[631] In Houston, in New York.

[632] What's you do for a living?

[633] Huh?

[634] She's a buyer for, uh, she's a buyer.

[635] or like clothing.

[636] Oh, okay, cool.

[637] Yeah, and my other daughter graduated.

[638] No, I got a good kid.

[639] For 22, that's a great gig.

[640] That's fucking a real good gig.

[641] Very good.

[642] Very good.

[643] She must be talented.

[644] I'll put her on my family plan.

[645] Give me her number.

[646] Yeah.

[647] Yeah, I'd rather give, I'd rather give her number to Farrakhan and give it to you.

[648] Okay.

[649] But no, seriously, if you're concerned about data, as an example, I just switched over to T -Mobile, $100 a month, you could have up to five phones and unlimited everything, data, everything, and you could have up to five phones on it.

[650] That's pretty amazing.

[651] On what, T -Mobile?

[652] Team Mobile.

[653] And it's got the best network, at least in Los Angeles, it's the best network.

[654] I'm on...

[655] Way better in the Verizon.

[656] Better than Verizon as far as phone calls?

[657] I've had both Verizon, AT &T, and Sprint compared to T -Mobile in the last, like, six months.

[658] And Verizon actually was the worst where I lived in Los Angeles.

[659] It might just be where you live.

[660] And that's important.

[661] You've got to find out where you live.

[662] Like, I used to live in a spot where I could only use AT &T.

[663] Like, AT &T was the only thing that worked in my house.

[664] Comedy store, Verizon.

[665] It was almost zero bars, but on TeamMobile, it's like 30 upload.

[666] Well, that doesn't make any sense because I use the Verizon at the comedy store all the time, and it works perfect.

[667] Yeah, I'll do a speed test with you tonight or tomorrow.

[668] With a download test?

[669] Download and upload.

[670] It's amazing.

[671] Maybe that, but as far as, like, phone calls, which all I use it for, other than, like, occasionally I do Periscope from there, which I like doing now.

[672] That's fun.

[673] Yeah, but this phone, I bought this iPhone 6.

[674] I bought it through Verizon.

[675] You just take that phone in.

[676] They'll buy it from you.

[677] They'll pay your contract charge.

[678] They'll pay me off.

[679] They'll get me. Because once you're, you know, I mean, I'm fucking locked in with Verizon.

[680] Yeah.

[681] You know what I mean?

[682] It's just some gangster shit they're doing.

[683] They'll pay all the contracts and everything off.

[684] Just to get you out of it.

[685] They're losing money like crazy, but they're just, this new president that T -Mobile has, he's an amazing guy.

[686] And he, dude, I've made fun of T -Mobile my whole entire life.

[687] It was the best switch I've ever made.

[688] Now, you're saying, it's unlimited data.

[689] Unlimited everything.

[690] How long before they have it where it's like in China?

[691] In China you could be in the middle of the forest and you get five bars.

[692] They say that it's unbelievable.

[693] Like they have the best cell phone signals everywhere.

[694] Is that 5G?

[695] I don't know what they have.

[696] 5G is about to come out with this.

[697] Is it really?

[698] When does that come out?

[699] Next three years, I think, is what they're saying?

[700] What is that going to be like?

[701] Crazy fast.

[702] Yeah, super stupid movies.

[703] HD 4K.

[704] Like as you're taking off, you go, oh, I need this movie.

[705] And before it hits the air, Yep.

[706] You have the movie.

[707] That's awesome.

[708] This is, I love this phone when it comes to time.

[709] It's a great phone.

[710] The top end phones now, like the Samsung, the Galaxy S6, and the iPhone 60, you know, they're amazing.

[711] It's hard to complain.

[712] Fucking Skype and with my kids.

[713] It's just amazing this stuff.

[714] What is that?

[715] 10 gigabytes per second.

[716] So 10 gigs per second.

[717] Oh my God, that's insane.

[718] Oh my God.

[719] Fast enough deliver a full -length HD movie.

[720] you on your phone in a matter of seconds.

[721] 10 times faster than Google Fiber and 40 times faster than 4G.

[722] That is fucking incredible.

[723] 10 times faster than Google fiber is mind blowing.

[724] Yeah.

[725] Well, you know what?

[726] We're probably going to wind up doing the podcast through that.

[727] Once it's up, we'll probably wind up doing that.

[728] And when you start using that, thank the Jews.

[729] The Jews.

[730] I guarantee you it it's like a Korean dude who created that.

[731] Let's find out.

[732] Jamie, get on it.

[733] Nokia Korea No, that's like Sweden Isn't it?

[734] Nokia is European Might be Jews The ringtone sounds Jewish Might be the Jews Might be the Jews if it's Nokia I think Nokia is a European company Oh man What is Nokia?

[735] Find out I'm pretty sure What is Nokia?

[736] But Nokia sounds Japanese It's a Finnish Finnish It sounds Japanese though right Nokia Hi What Nokia Finnish From Finland No Jews in Finland They run from the Finland Do you fucking watch The Americans The Russians are kidnapped Everything Voss is like Didn't you see trading places Don't you watch the Americans Okay You learn You learn from the TV box That's how it works To fucking rapid ascension to grace or whatever it is.

[737] Rapid discrimination.

[738] Here's what Joe Rogan started, and he didn't even know he started this.

[739] We're doing our podcast, Bonnie and I, and I don't know if we got a tweet or a message that Rogan, and we look up, we respect you, we like you, we think you're great, and, you know, we're big fans.

[740] But, and we were No, no, no, no, that's the...

[741] No, the butt is what you did.

[742] And there's no reason for us to even worry about this, but when we heard Rogan in a tweet saying, Tom and Christine are the funniest comedy couple on the planet, and Bonnie and I were a little hurt, so we had to do some research, and we said, and that's okay because they could be.

[743] I don't know them from Adam.

[744] I don't I've never met him I hear his name and her name I never heard him I never heard their podcast But Bonnie and I we put it out there If you listen to our podcast It's a long thing you know Tom and Christine Cease and desist you know Stop We were the first but then we looked into it They did their podcast before ours But we challenge any comedy couple To tennis You know That's not comedy though I didn't say they were the best tennis comedy couple Well, I mean, I don't believe in competing.

[745] How about wrestle them?

[746] No, tennis.

[747] How about a little football match?

[748] Tennis, you know, and we said, you know, we will play them in tennis.

[749] Who's better at Monopoly?

[750] Roast battle, roast battle.

[751] You know, oh.

[752] Oh, yeah.

[753] There we go, double -tee roast battle.

[754] I don't even know them, but I'm going to tell you right now, they don't want to get involved in a roast battle with Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarland.

[755] That's what I'm saying, because we'll do it in their house.

[756] It would.

[757] Look, you.

[758] You are a very funny comic, and so is Bonnie, and so are they.

[759] I haven't seen Bonnie do stand up in a long time, but Bonnie is fucking hilarious.

[760] She's a very funny comic.

[761] And your movie that you did, we should plug that movie because it's fucking awesome.

[762] Oh, thank you.

[763] Women aren't funny.

[764] It's great.

[765] It's fucking great.

[766] It's really great.

[767] And you can get it on iTunes.

[768] It's out there right now, and you should get it to support it because Bonnie edited that whole fucking thing herself.

[769] She directed it in Eddie.

[770] She's a monster.

[771] She knocked it out of the park.

[772] But I'm just, I'm around Tom and Christina on a regular basis.

[773] If I was around you guys, I'd probably maybe say the same thing about you guys.

[774] But I'm around them all the time.

[775] I'm telling you, Christina Positsky murdered at the comedy store last week.

[776] So hard, it was like, it was painful to watch.

[777] It wasn't last week because last week goes in Vegas.

[778] So it had to be the weekend before.

[779] She fucking destroyed.

[780] I mean, leveled the place.

[781] And she said afterwards, like, she goes, I'm finally starting to, like, get this room.

[782] She had a late spot.

[783] Uh -huh.

[784] And, you know, it was a long show.

[785] She actually went on after me. I brought her up.

[786] She fucking murdered, dude.

[787] She's really good.

[788] I'm not, I'm not saying stand -up.

[789] I've heard nothing good about it.

[790] Well, that's all I've said.

[791] I'm not, what you're saying, but I'm talking podcast.

[792] Has he ever made her cry and walk off the podcast?

[793] No, they have a really good relationship.

[794] It's very different than yours.

[795] Yeah, yeah.

[796] Okay.

[797] All right.

[798] Has she ever blown him on her?

[799] podcast?

[800] Probably.

[801] I don't know, maybe.

[802] Has there, has Bonnie blown you while you guys were doing a podcast?

[803] Of course.

[804] Yes, we'll do anything for hits.

[805] Yes.

[806] That's what we're about.

[807] Did you get hard or only like three quarters?

[808] I never, you know what's the worst when you're fucking jerking off and you're not really hard?

[809] And you come and you're going, how the fuck did I come and I'm not even hard?

[810] I'm getting old.

[811] It's also just disinterested because I did it once when I was 23.

[812] Bonnie says Bonnie said That's funny When I was 20 That's fucking funny Bonnie says every year She gives me One extra second This is so funny To I could do anything With a girl So I'm up to nine seconds We've been married Nine years right Right So I have nine seconds So I can do Anything I want With a girl for nine seconds So you can fuck a girl for nine seconds Anything I want for nine Are you going on for 20 For the 20 year anniversary Yeah But The other day The other day she blew me and I came so quick and she started, she said, I'm starting to rethink that whole nine second thing.

[813] Isn't it funny that if a girl just puts your dick in her mouth, that's not as bad as if you come.

[814] You know, like if you come, then it's like you finalize the agreement.

[815] You know, you've signed the mortgage papers.

[816] It's great.

[817] It's like a human car wash for your dick.

[818] Not only is it feel good, you're getting your dick cleaned as she's blowing you with her fucking mouth.

[819] That's one way to look at it.

[820] But what I was saying is, it's weird that it's, she's concerned not just that a girl's blowing you.

[821] Because a girl is still blowing you for the nine seconds, but that you came.

[822] Like, that's the issue, that you come.

[823] Yeah.

[824] Like, if you didn't come, it wouldn't be as bad.

[825] Like, if a girl blows you for nine seconds, time's up.

[826] Oh, so close.

[827] Yeah.

[828] Like, that's better.

[829] But if a girl sucks your dick and you're like, Yahoo! Well, here's what I would do.

[830] If I ever use this nine second rule, obviously I would jerk off until the point.

[831] Now do it Now do it for nine seconds And then I'd fucking explode But you have a lot of pressure I mean you might not There's no pressure for me When it comes to coming There's none I'm gonna fucking bustle I am the most disappointing person When it comes to sex I am fucking the worst I bet there's a lot of dudes out there That are up in arms right now They'll tell you they're more disappointing than you No I just I'm Because when you get back You know you don't do it for so long When you're married You know two weeks three weeks Whatever you know We'd rather you know Do you want to do it Let's get a snack Whatever, you know what I mean Right And it's just not We don't love each other Just what the fuck So then it builds up You know the fucking build up You know And then you know I just go tell me one dumb story Of you fucking a professor Anything And then I boom What do you think You're gonna use your nine seconds on If you got to pick the girl Are you gonna go like old and black Are you gonna go young and red He's got to be uncut Uncut No I mean cut I mean cut Ethiopian A bushman Leaves over his dick Put the spear down And suck it Like the best way For fucking for me And I don't know how I got this It's from behind Hmm That's your best way Yeah well you don't come as quick You don't have to look at the person You know It's just It's kind of like It's a good Animalistic Yeah it's more fucking It's more control It's a guy Huh You can imagine it's a guy No let's not get crazy easy.

[832] I'm not Norton.

[833] whatever.

[834] So the whole time, we hear this thing that you say about Tom and Christian, we don't know them.

[835] I see their name.

[836] So you want to play tennis against them?

[837] Well, you know, now I'm starting to think about this roast battle.

[838] I'm kind of liking that other idea of the roast battle.

[839] It would be great, double team.

[840] You know, you know, I...

[841] It'd be great as long as you pick the judges.

[842] Yeah.

[843] Roast battle, it's very dependent upon judges.

[844] You've got to make sure you get actual comics as judges.

[845] Not some friend of someone that sneaks on or someone's grandfathered in.

[846] You've got to make sure you get good.

[847] That's a big part of roast battle.

[848] You got to make sure you get good judges.

[849] Yeah, no, I went the other night to the store, and Jeff goes, you want to help?

[850] Jeff's perfect at it.

[851] Yeah.

[852] It's a goddamn great show.

[853] When they do that roast battle, when those guys jump up, when someone nails somebody, those guys jump up and do their dances, and oh, my God.

[854] It was funny.

[855] They had a suicide bomb once where the guy run out, he had a vest on, pressed a button some things flew up they got confetti to flies through the air i mean they they do some wild shit it's a great goddamn show it's a good idea it's very funny but they're you know they've had people write articles about it like negative articles about it because they'll say anything like all bets are off it is the fucking nastiest show in hollywood but that's what you know going in it is fiction okay and part of comedy sometimes is saying really low up racist, homophobic, sexist, shit.

[856] And including whites to blacks, blacks to whites, women to men.

[857] It's the most hurtful, cutting shit you can say.

[858] And everybody knows what you're doing.

[859] Everybody knows that's the jokes.

[860] That's how Roaster set up.

[861] And they even had the racist guy in a corner.

[862] They have a white table.

[863] But he's, you know, that's what's his name?

[864] Earl.

[865] He's got a D .S. The Earl's name.

[866] Whitney Rice.

[867] Hilarious caromers.

[868] This guy is funny.

[869] And they're playing characters.

[870] They're playing racist characters.

[871] But people have, like, complained about it and wrote blogs about it.

[872] We should find who those fucking people are and ban them for every comedy club in the country.

[873] Just fuck you.

[874] How can you not get it?

[875] How can you not get it?

[876] Well, how can you pretend that what that is, is, you know, that, like, these are real statements or...

[877] Look, the Comedy Central Rose, some of the most vile things are said.

[878] But just because it's Comedy Central, they can get away.

[879] And I'm for it.

[880] comedy essential roast take that multiply by five and that's roast battle yeah like literally the next one's gonna be amazing it's Kimberly condom versus PDC Pete's going down Pete's in deep trouble Kim's 4 and 0 and I think Pete might be 1 in 5 or something like pizza is monster 1 in 5 means he won one time I lost 5 in 1 I mean yes that's a numbers game people don't understand sports I give it out quotes like wait what put it all on the team that's The two guys the other night They both were, I think, four and oh That's the first time I ever went to it One was Indian And one was some sloth But sloth?

[881] I mean, this big Big fat guy But he was funny They had some great line Were you there?

[882] I watched it on Periscope Yeah They had some good fucking lines Yeah, it's a joke writing thing I mean that's really what it is It's a great show though It's perfect length You go, it's like an hour long You know, it's amazing Yeah, it was a lot of fun hanging in.

[883] The comedy store is on fire right now.

[884] Last night, okay?

[885] Last night there was two shows, two sold -out shows in the fucking belly room.

[886] We do this, we just started doing this.

[887] Nick Yusuf and I started doing this new material show.

[888] When you go up there, you have to do all your new shit.

[889] Like, you can't do any established jokes.

[890] If you've done a bit more than like, I think we came up with a number, like, five to seven times.

[891] It's like, after that amount, like, it's over.

[892] Like, you can't do it anymore.

[893] It's not new.

[894] you know and we we had all these comics go up did that that was sold out then there was a dollar show one dollar to get in and it was like a dormant all the dormant put together that was sold out too delia did that show then i go over to the main room and bill burr magical uh burr crissure i went up there that was sold out too that was last night yeah that was packed at the same time at the oar's got a show at the same fucking time and that's packed it was madness that's how that's crazy should have been for the louis like the last 20 years.

[895] You walked in last night.

[896] It was just magical.

[897] Why is it...

[898] The guy rid of the shit manager.

[899] Why is it...

[900] They got rid of the shit manager and exploded.

[901] It had just flourished.

[902] But how does it manage her completely...

[903] Because he was death.

[904] He was death.

[905] He was just AIDS.

[906] He was Ebola.

[907] He was all the above.

[908] He was a shit sandwich.

[909] Serve to you on a fucking...

[910] And a dog dick platter.

[911] It was the worst.

[912] Everybody avoided the guy.

[913] I mean, that was one of...

[914] Christher was there last night for the first time in 10 years.

[915] Yeah.

[916] He goes, I'm never there because of that guy.

[917] Yeah.

[918] The guy who used to be the manager, you know, and now, you know, they got Eric and they've got Adam from the Tempe improv, and it's fucking fantastic.

[919] Next Wednesday, I got Dane Cook on a show, which is crazy, because Dane grew up with, like, the laugh factory and never went to that comedy store.

[920] It's even more crazy that you got him on.

[921] There's a lot of crazy things in this world.

[922] He last night, he was on, I went out at the improv.

[923] That place was packed.

[924] Hoping.

[925] Comedy right now, we were talking about this, that comedy is probably right now in the golden age.

[926] I think this is the golden age of stand -up comedy.

[927] You know, I mean, last night at the fucking store, that show they did in the main room between Magigal and Chrysher and Bill Burr was hosting it.

[928] It's a monster fucking show.

[929] And I'm thinking about this.

[930] I'm like, look at how many great comics there are today.

[931] It's amazing.

[932] It's such a great time to watch comedy, you know?

[933] It's an amazing time.

[934] There's so many good, great comics.

[935] And it's New York and L .A. are like the two hubs.

[936] That's like the big epicenters.

[937] Yeah, I mean, you go in New York.

[938] and there'll be a lineup and you're like, whoa, you know what I mean?

[939] Like you look at the stand.

[940] I looked at the stand lineup.

[941] It was DePaolo and Ari and a bunch of other fucking killers.

[942] It's like you're getting this, like in these two places especially.

[943] And other states can do it.

[944] You know, like Boston, of course, used to have it.

[945] It doesn't really have it anymore, but it could come back.

[946] Or Boston used to be fucking, when they had all those Rogerson and Tingle and fucking Gavin and Lenny and, uh, You know, what's his name?

[947] Kevin Knox.

[948] Oh, yeah.

[949] It was just...

[950] Barry Krimmins.

[951] Murder.

[952] Murder.

[953] Steve Sweeney, monsters.

[954] Don Gavin.

[955] Monsters.

[956] I've never seen somebody kill like I've seen Gavin and Sweeney kill back there.

[957] Or Rodgerson.

[958] People don't know.

[959] They weren't there back then.

[960] Those guys, man, they existed in a bubble.

[961] And they never left.

[962] They never left town.

[963] And because they never left town, they fucked themselves.

[964] They never developed a draw on the road.

[965] They never...

[966] You got to go to a place and you got to go to a place once and then you got to come the people go oh rich voss is back and then again and it takes fucking years to develop a crowd well also too those guys in boston made so much fucking money they didn't have to leave too also they got paid in coke there were i was doing coke back when i used to go up there that was part of the problem there there was a lot of coke up there there was a lot of fucking it's hard to get paid in coke in oregon like what am i doing here with this check i did a fucking uh i did a show a show at a one -nighter in scranton it was me and Sandler, he was middalen and it was a one -nighter and the owner took us in the back and, you know, I guess he was getting 70 and maybe I was getting 90 or 68, whatever.

[967] Right.

[968] So the owner pulls out this fucking, I mean, and says, you guys want any, you want Coke and share your money?

[969] And Adam said no. I said, fuck yeah, right?

[970] I probably got two and a half grand.

[971] I got double the money.

[972] The money?

[973] The money and Coke, you know, at least.

[974] Did you go sell the Coke or just do it?

[975] Did I sell it?

[976] I had intentions to sell it.

[977] I had intentions to sell it.

[978] Yes.

[979] Like all the other times, I had big, big bags of Coke.

[980] Did you ever cut Coke?

[981] Did you ever take Coke?

[982] Cut it with like...

[983] Yeah.

[984] Yeah.

[985] Yeah, I had...

[986] When I...

[987] It was time...

[988] Oh, man, this is...

[989] I'll tell you this story.

[990] This dude came up from Florida, a friend of ours, and he brought three ounces.

[991] I'm talking fucking some of the best Coke.

[992] ever how big is an ounce of coke it's 28 grams no so what is it like 16 16 16 16 ounces 16 16 ounces a pound how many ounces is 20 how many 8 grams is an ounce okay so I said 20 what's 20 21 grams is that movie where they say the soul weighs 21 grams okay I might make a mistake on words you don't know grams I don't know metric system a millimeter you can tell me I don't Okay, so centimeter.

[993] What is it?

[994] Okay.

[995] So, I mean, I meant, what does it look like?

[996] What is it?

[997] I guess it's like this much.

[998] So it's like two of those, right?

[999] An eight ball's that much, coke?

[1000] No, I don't know.

[1001] It's like a bag, you know.

[1002] What are you doing?

[1003] In between your fingers?

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] Oh, okay.

[1006] Oh, that much?

[1007] Yeah.

[1008] That's a lot.

[1009] That seems like a lot.

[1010] Yeah, it's like an eight ball, right?

[1011] Well, you're talking about 28?

[1012] An ounce or an apeal.

[1013] Okay, what's an eight ball?

[1014] What is it's a sand for?

[1015] It's three and a half grams.

[1016] Oh, wait.

[1017] Three and a half grams.

[1018] What are you showing us, Jamie?

[1019] Which one's an ounce?

[1020] I need a point of reference.

[1021] No, that's not.

[1022] That's a quarter -upon -old.

[1023] What is that thing on the scale?

[1024] What does it say on the scale?

[1025] The far right?

[1026] Far right?

[1027] What does that say?

[1028] Two ounces.

[1029] Oh, okay.

[1030] So anyhow.

[1031] Oh, there we go.

[1032] So do I, you ask if I cook -co.

[1033] Wow, that's a lot.

[1034] That's a lot.

[1035] That's amazing.

[1036] Oh, God.

[1037] So you had two ounces of Coke.

[1038] No, my friend came up with three ounces to sell.

[1039] Three ounces.

[1040] Three ounces of two or three ounces.

[1041] I mean, fucking is.

[1042] good as you can get.

[1043] Okay.

[1044] And my mother was gone for the weekend.

[1045] Somehow we were in my building and people are, we're selling Coke like it's crazy, right?

[1046] And I'm smoking it, you know, just fucking free basin and cooking and so.

[1047] He fell asleep.

[1048] He fell asleep.

[1049] And I can tell you a couple stores.

[1050] I'll tell you two other ones are funny.

[1051] He fell asleep and I took his fucking Coke.

[1052] I took it.

[1053] I took it in his hand.

[1054] No, I pulled it out from under where he had.

[1055] and I took, you know, three and a half, an eighth out, and I put an eighth of lactose in, which you can't even tell the difference, this Coke was so strong.

[1056] And, you know, I took like three and a half grams of his.

[1057] But here's the fun, two funny stories.

[1058] One time this, my friend said, get me an eighth of Coke, three and a half grams, and stick it under my door, and you could have a half a gram, whatever.

[1059] So I left three grams under his door.

[1060] Well, I did it.

[1061] I went back, smoked my half a gram.

[1062] I said, you know, I went back to his place, and I took a hangar, and I pulled it back out.

[1063] I made about five trips there.

[1064] Oh, my God.

[1065] So at the end, it was just lactose.

[1066] Okay, so now, so now here's another story.

[1067] This fucking guy, John, I was on the road doing comedy.

[1068] He hasn't seen me. He goes, look, man, I haven't seen a while.

[1069] I'm going to buy an eighth of Coke.

[1070] Okay, so that's three and a half grams.

[1071] it costs him $250, right?

[1072] He goes, we're going to do a gram, which leaves two and a half grams left that he'll sell for $100, $150.

[1073] But he actually cut it in five -half grams that'll sell $5 .5 .5 to get his $250 back, and we have a gram that we'll smoke together.

[1074] He goes, I haven't seen you.

[1075] I'll smoke.

[1076] So we smoke the gram.

[1077] There's two and a half grams left that he's going to sell to get his money back.

[1078] He falls asleep.

[1079] okay i i don't know how i found out where he hit it so i would okay i would go in his fuck where he hit it and take a half a gram out then i would drive to the store and buy uh uh pneumonia ammonia ammonia i don't know what is it ammonia or pneumonia i don't want to fuck this uh ammonia yeah yeah and it had to be clear and i would cook it just a way to cook it so I go there I buy a bottle come back cook a half a gram smoke it pour out all the ammonia right I'm no fucking I don't understand what do you do with the ammonia you can make crack you can make crack you can make free base with ammonia right so I fucking I took I took his first the first half of gram right soared business his first half gram I went to the store bought the ammonia cooked a half a gram poured the ammonia out so I wouldn't steal anymore right and fucking smoked it I go, oh, I can't stop.

[1080] Okay?

[1081] Fucking, I'm backups.

[1082] I made five trips to the convenience store buying a mona.

[1083] Right?

[1084] And I'm so fucking whacked out and fucked up.

[1085] And the guy's going, why does this guy keep coming in every hour?

[1086] I go, look, I got a cleaning business, right?

[1087] Oh, my God.

[1088] So all of a sudden, he wakes up and I hear, I hear, now I'm no coke left.

[1089] I'm drinking pure straight vodka.

[1090] tried and all I hear is a big fuck him yelling upstairs where's my he came down where's my coke I go look don't worry I sold it for you while you were sleeping on credit to this guy I stole I paid him back but I just stole it I was a scumbag I was a drug addict That's a lot of cocaine and you were doing the vodka to calm your body down because you're all whacked down I was so fine I had a and then and there was nothing worse than when son up Son up, I'm walking home, all fucking coming down, knowing I have no money, nothing.

[1091] It was the worst fucking, it was the worst life on the planet.

[1092] It was such a bad life, you know, and then the running would, you know, into New York.

[1093] What does it feel like that you have to drink vodka?

[1094] Like, what is like you're trying to calm your body down?

[1095] You're just going to explode.

[1096] It's like being really high on caffeine And then alcohol kind of takes you down a few notches Yeah It slows you down It counteracts it Yeah, it's just, I don't know You never snorted coke You never did cocaine No Get out of here, really?

[1097] No, never did it Oh wow Have you done coke?

[1098] Of course Yeah I saw way too many people When I was young Just lose their shit Did you snow You ever smoke it?

[1099] Uh -huh So you know how fucking the rush And you And the problem is And it's not, I'm not glorifying it.

[1100] Smoking, it gives you more of a rush.

[1101] I'm kidding me?

[1102] I did not like smoking it.

[1103] It's just, that's where you just like heart pounding.

[1104] It's just a complete, it's a rush that you'll never, ever.

[1105] The first one, you won't repeat it until maybe a day later.

[1106] So you keep trying to chase that fucking, that first hit.

[1107] My friend Johnny, this is back when I lived in New York, it was the real Times Square.

[1108] Like, Times Square was a real thing.

[1109] Like, you'd go to Times Square, there was peep booths, it was dirty, it was a, a dangerous spot he would go he would smoke crack and he'd go to time square and you go to those peep booths and he would uh he would beat off in these peep booths like forever and he goes you didn't even come you just just kept playing with yourself like you just kept watching porn and watching girls like fingered themselves in front and i go what they look like you saw they were fucking disgusting it didn't matter it was just that it was deviant you were just doing it's like for whatever reason the smoke and crack made them just want to do dirty shit just do just be a dirty, naughty person, you know.

[1110] I was smoked so much one night.

[1111] My dick shriveled up so much.

[1112] I couldn't...

[1113] And I looked at my pants.

[1114] I was so fucked.

[1115] I couldn't...

[1116] I thought it went into my body.

[1117] I thought I lost it completely.

[1118] Like, it just sucked into my body.

[1119] And I'm going...

[1120] You dick shrinks.

[1121] When you do coke?

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] When you do coke, yeah.

[1124] And in short, I go, like...

[1125] Like, I was so fucked up.

[1126] I go, is it...

[1127] Oh, I'll deal with it later.

[1128] I'm going to get high.

[1129] Right?

[1130] I thought my fucking dick was him.

[1131] Me, we used to go to this fucking people.

[1132] It was funny.

[1133] One night, God, I think we've told the story on ONA, but, like, in Philly, there was these fucking peepoos on the way home from Philly, and you'd go in and you would pay a girl to watch you jerk off.

[1134] Right.

[1135] And she would, like, move around for you or something?

[1136] No, couldn't touch you, but she watched.

[1137] Maybe go, ah, ooh, you know.

[1138] You know, but you got to do it in front of somebody.

[1139] so we it was fucking great what a deal so we want that don't look at it get out of it are you kidding me so excited so one time I mean Norton and all this used to go but one time it was me Levy and Florentine so Florentine Bob Levy Jim Florentine Bob who well Florentine's in the booth first in one of the booths and he's and all of a sudden I swear to God you hear over the loudspeaker Mop to Booth 4, right, to fucking clean up his jizz.

[1140] And then...

[1141] And then...

[1142] You find out your buddies in Booth 4 and they hear that?

[1143] You're like, oh, no. So then fucking Levy.

[1144] Now, there's curtains on the door.

[1145] You know, there's a shade.

[1146] But there's just much space.

[1147] So Levy's in the room where we can see the shadow of a fucking hand flying back and forth.

[1148] Right?

[1149] We can see the shadow of his hand jerking himself off.

[1150] on the fucking floor under the chain.

[1151] And this hand was moving fucking fast.

[1152] I've never seen somebody jerk off that fucking fast.

[1153] How many times you see guys jerk off?

[1154] Do you have a whole thing?

[1155] No, I mean, in my database of men jerking off.

[1156] It's mostly slow.

[1157] Over a lifetime of observing.

[1158] Well, you know, as a judge.

[1159] I must study it.

[1160] And then one time we went in there at me, Norton, and I got kicked out because I was trying to negotiate with a girl.

[1161] I go, look, what the fuck?

[1162] Just, I take $15.

[1163] What the fuck, you know?

[1164] You don't have to do nothing but sit and watch.

[1165] What were they supposed to take?

[1166] I had like 25, and that was a lot of money back then after these one -nighters.

[1167] I go, take 15, and I got kicked out of the people.

[1168] For negotiating.

[1169] Well, sometimes I got them down, but I got kicked out, and fucking Norton walks out the car and goes, how could you possibly get kicked out of a peep booth?

[1170] How could you get kicked out of a, how fucked up is your life that you got kicked out of a peep booth?

[1171] And this is, Norton was totally sober back then.

[1172] Like, we all were.

[1173] Well, Norton was, he only did drugs until he was like 18 or something like that.

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] He got sober, like, really young.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] It's kind of crazy.

[1178] Think about it.

[1179] Like, you realize at 18, like, I can't do this.

[1180] I can't do this anymore.

[1181] Yeah, he was fucked up.

[1182] Did you ever hear the Central Park story with me in Norton?

[1183] No. Oh, this is a classic.

[1184] Here we go.

[1185] We told this stories.

[1186] We crack my fingers.

[1187] Okay.

[1188] We are.

[1189] We're coming out of somewhere, maybe a 12 -step meeting or whatever.

[1190] You know, and there's a hot, hot black chick walks by and recognizes me from, and I wasn't even, maybe from a club.

[1191] I didn't, maybe I did one TV show or two in my life.

[1192] So I said to her, do you want to go out for bagels?

[1193] We're going for bagels.

[1194] She said, okay, so we went and had bagels.

[1195] Then we said, hey, we're going to go uptown to the peat booths, you know, on like 54th or whatever.

[1196] Classy Broad.

[1197] Okay, look at, look, I'm not trying to, I'm not fucking judging people, we're not here to judge.

[1198] But, I mean, did you know she was a prostitute?

[1199] No, she wasn't a prostitute, but you invite her to a peep booth?

[1200] Yeah, we are, she already likes us.

[1201] We're going, okay, she got a, she already got a, she already got a, she already got a fucking free bagel.

[1202] Okay, so you're not thinking this is going to be your girlfriend someday.

[1203] No, no, but you got it so, it's hilarious.

[1204] So we go, hey, we're going, we were planning on it, you know, we're going up there anyhow.

[1205] so we go up to you know the quarter moot the people and she comes into a booth with me but we get kicked out the fucking Indian fucking get out you know no couple no couples no couples in the booth in those quarter booths you can't bring somebody in so now this is no fucking lie I'm not lying we're standing right across from the Ed Sullivan Theater right and there's like a newspaper kiosk And we're leaning on a car, and I'm making out with her, and, and, and, and I'm fingering her on Broadway.

[1206] So she fucking, and Norton's just grabbing her ass like a little fucking, like he's, like it's a toy.

[1207] He's playing with her, right?

[1208] So I think, and she comes, right?

[1209] She has an orgasm standing on Broadway from everything.

[1210] So then we get in the car, we go, allegedly has an orgasm.

[1211] Who does?

[1212] Allegedly.

[1213] No, I, I, she had an orgasm.

[1214] You can tell.

[1215] You could feel it.

[1216] Huh?

[1217] Well, she didn't.

[1218] piss on my finger.

[1219] But you could tell when a girl is hazard, she wasn't faking it, she wasn't in a rush.

[1220] Okay.

[1221] So it was a, you know, she had an orgasm.

[1222] I'm not saying it was the best one.

[1223] She hasn't been tired of your finger in her.

[1224] No, I, no, my stubby little fingers know what they're doing.

[1225] Okay, but you're being nicky negative.

[1226] This is a good, you know, you're like.

[1227] I'm just trying to get a real clear picture of what actually happened.

[1228] Okay.

[1229] Could it be any clear?

[1230] No, what I said.

[1231] Your finger in her.

[1232] That must have looked like a sight also, by the way.

[1233] Just like you with your back and they heard.

[1234] the middle and then Norton grabbing the butt But, yeah, no, you know, he'll confirm all of it.

[1235] Okay.

[1236] So then we go, let's take a ride up to Central Park.

[1237] We're walking through Central Park, and then she's blowing me, right?

[1238] She's blowing me. And, you know, then I look down, and I see Norton eating her ass, right?

[1239] But it's like a little kid in candy, right?

[1240] And I'm trying not to crack up because I'm getting fucking blown.

[1241] You don't want to fucking laugh.

[1242] as you're getting blown.

[1243] You know, but this has got to feel good for her.

[1244] She's getting her ass eaten.

[1245] Right.

[1246] And now I'm getting blown.

[1247] So I shoot a load.

[1248] We get back in the car and we're driving and I go to Norton.

[1249] You have a good time.

[1250] He goes, well, I was a little uncomfortable.

[1251] I got my pants dirty.

[1252] I go, you'll fucking eat out a strange girl's ass, but you're worried about getting your fucking pants dirty.

[1253] What are you going to get home?

[1254] Your mom is going to say, look at these grass stains.

[1255] Were you eating out ass again, Norton?

[1256] Like, he was upset that he got grass stains on his pants as he was eating his fucking strange girl there.

[1257] That's so hilarious.

[1258] That still sounds like Norton, too.

[1259] That's so ridiculous.

[1260] I mean, I was obviously single and young.

[1261] We did some, you know, I was dating this girl that was so fucking hot.

[1262] And we were in the car and she was blowing me. And Norton was walking by.

[1263] I go, hey, you want to watch?

[1264] And he goes, yeah.

[1265] He comes in, and he's in the back of the car.

[1266] He's just fucking, you know, we picked up this fucking...

[1267] He starts jerking off while she's blowing you.

[1268] Yeah, but I come so quick, he goes, fuck, man, hold off.

[1269] She's crazy.

[1270] So, and one time we pick up this hot, I pick up, it's always me picking him.

[1271] I picked up, just go off under the commies, oh, fucking.

[1272] So we're going back to Norton's house, and she's blowing me and whatever.

[1273] And Norton's jerking off, and next thing you know, I see a load.

[1274] fly and hit Norton in the fucking head from like he fucking as he's blowing me he jerked and I'm fucking I don't know why I guess so dirt yeah he hit himself in the head and I was so fucking impressed that it flew that high and hit himself and I was like it was fucking very impressive okay he's a creep he's a creep I know what to put about you I'm just getting blown I didn't do anything deviant I didn't do anything wrong he's so honest about his perversions it's hilarious has there ever been a guy on the radio that's as honest about his perversions as Norton I don't even think there's a close second no one like a regular radio guy that's as honest about being a perver and trannies and all the crazy shit that Norton does I mean that's very unique that's you know yeah but I think Opie and Anthony went together brought But really we're good to get the truth out of all of us, from Colin to fucking Bobby.

[1275] I mean, we've spilled our guts in there.

[1276] Patrice.

[1277] I mean, really have told stories that, you know, I mean, that are, like, really fucking deep about our parents and the upbringing, you know.

[1278] And that's what, you know, people think they know.

[1279] That's why I hate fucking some of these guys on Twitter.

[1280] They think they're, just because we, you're not my friend, you know, so you can't say to things Norton.

[1281] and Bobby and, you know, Patrice and whatever, and Colin could say to me. That's why they think, but, because they got so, they know so much about our lives.

[1282] Right.

[1283] But Norton brings it to a whole other level, like you say.

[1284] Like, you know what I mean?

[1285] Like, you know, I don't, you know what I mean?

[1286] You're getting uncomfortable even thinking about it.

[1287] It's gay, because it's, you know, look at every, you know, every.

[1288] No, there's nobody like Norton.

[1289] Norton is a completely unique individual, and always has been, you know, always has been.

[1290] He's just, he's found his voice more as a comic, you know, now than ever before.

[1291] But he's always been this, like, really unique guy.

[1292] Well, I can tell you what he does.

[1293] I don't watch a lot of comics stand up.

[1294] I just don't watch a lot.

[1295] Once in a blue moon, I'll see a little this, a little that.

[1296] But on radio, there is no one quicker at comebacks than Norton.

[1297] No, no, hands down.

[1298] He is He's my favorite All -time radio personality He is No He's in He's in I know him as a Not I'm just saying He's quick as fuck Oh yeah He's in a class By himself He really is But that also too When you're going in there You know If Collins in and Bobby And me And when Patrice was there You're going Walking into the Lions den Yeah You gotta be You know Boom There's no fucking I mean We will Everybody Ready to go Just terrible fucking Patrice laid into me first he attacked my I had a Rolex somehow he attacked me having a Rolex okay because it wasn't a Breitling it was a Rolex where I bought a frog Brightling is better than Rolex?

[1299] To him it was he's you know black guys don't you know they like those big fucking you know then he attacked me he attacked me you know what I'm saying from asses to watches So then he attacked I was driving at the time A Porsche Boxster Right A dumb and he had I think a cattle An escalate or whatever And he was calling me selfish Because I'm driving this little car And he's killing me And I'm driving home from O &A And I can't let I'm going Wait you fucking fat Fuck you're driving an escalate That's fucking You know Using all this gas, all this, you know, you know, I'm not to, you're the selfish one because you could not stop eating fucking fruit cakes.

[1300] And now, so, and then he's saying how crappy my car two days later, I'm online looking at the price of a boxer new against his car new and all the stats and I fucking email it to him because he calls me cracking up.

[1301] He goes, you're still thinking about this?

[1302] He goes, you're still thinking about this?

[1303] I walked out of studio and forgot it was it was radio but it was he fucked with you rather he fucking ripped me down so hard and I couldn't he he was overpowered Patrice was an overpowering guy that we even if you were right you couldn't he just just so verbally overpowering you know how big he would be today if if he was still alive as a comic he'd be he's hands down would be he'd be right up there with anybody with any of the biggest comics in the world today as talent was he did sabotage a lot because well not no he didn't not I'm wrong he didn't say he knew what he wanted he turned down a lot he didn't sabotage it like what kind of stuff did he turn down well I mean you know Spike Lee liked him but I guess the money wasn't right what he was offered you know what for a movie or for I don't add to whatever to do whatever would Spike when Puffy had that show on HBO, whatever.

[1304] It wasn't DevCam.

[1305] It was another black comic thing.

[1306] They asked him to host it.

[1307] He didn't like the deal.

[1308] He turned it down.

[1309] When he had VH1, I think he wanted his own billboard in Times Square and some more, you know, whatever.

[1310] Well, he deserved it, though.

[1311] He deserved it.

[1312] And they said no. I was saying, eh, fuck you.

[1313] But whatever, he was offered, but he knew what he wanted.

[1314] He was offered many roasts before he did that.

[1315] Charlie Sheen one and he was right he's going Why am I going to do a fucking roast With these comics that aren't in my league And are not my friends Yeah well he was they to talk about he was up there He was the best at that roast Yeah he's like who are they gonna Was it Charlie Sheen was that the roast he was like And Jessel neck and Schumer were on it Damn he murdered it on that roast And he let me tell you he went last And a lot of that was just That was Adlib Because I went over a lot of his stuff before We taught you know what I mean So I go And stuff was And then he started getting mad Because they're talking about his diabetes And he's like What the fuck are they to talk about me like this Right You know And that was his whole mindset before Even going into the roast So they multiply it by saying shit about Right right Because he goes They're not my fucking friends You know what I mean Yeah And he He clearly stole that roast Yeah Clearly hands down Would a fuck From there There would have been no stuff Stopping Patrice.

[1316] Yeah.

[1317] So sad.

[1318] You know, it's so fucked up that some of the funniest guys have all these self -sabotaging traits, like bad diet and drugs.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] Not taking care of themselves.

[1321] It's so, so, so fucking sad.

[1322] But he was a big, I don't, he wasn't a drug addict.

[1323] He didn't drink.

[1324] He didn't do drugs.

[1325] He didn't take care of his body.

[1326] Didn't take care of his diet.

[1327] And he had fucking diabetes.

[1328] He didn't take care of it.

[1329] He died from something that other people haven't died from.

[1330] I mean, if he just lost weight and ate healthy and started eating vegetables, he could have lowered his blood sugar.

[1331] You could have dealt with it in a healthy way.

[1332] But what makes a guy that fucking funny is kind of the same shit that I don't give a fuck attitude.

[1333] You can't have that I don't give a fuck attitude and be, you know, drinking green tea instead of eating cheeseburgers.

[1334] You know, it's like it comes with the thing.

[1335] It's a lifestyle.

[1336] See, there's comics that do comics.

[1337] comedy from their head.

[1338] And there's funny guys.

[1339] He came from, to me, the best comics on the planet are comics that talk from their heart, that talk from within them.

[1340] You know what I mean?

[1341] They're not, they didn't figure it out.

[1342] They lived it or they experienced it.

[1343] You know what I'm saying?

[1344] You feel.

[1345] So Patrice wasn't, he was brilliant.

[1346] He had to think of it, but it really came from here.

[1347] This was how he was in real life.

[1348] That, you know, he didn't go on stage and, hey, let me do my my fucking act.

[1349] Right.

[1350] You know, and a good comic, you know, you take, like, Louis and Stanhope and Voss.

[1351] You take guys like that.

[1352] Rich Foss?

[1353] Yeah, but he's at Ventura Comedy Club Friday through Sunday.

[1354] Friday through Sunday.

[1355] Friday through Sunday.

[1356] California, Ventura, California.

[1357] Yeah, Ventura Harbor.

[1358] Holy shit.

[1359] But no, but you see what I'm saying?

[1360] You talk, you take these guys.

[1361] Like, Stanhope, I think is fucking a genius.

[1362] Yeah, me too.

[1363] I think he's just, at a whole other level, I read some of his blogs and just the guy.

[1364] He's awesome.

[1365] His fucking mind.

[1366] he's really living it you know what i mean like stanhope lives in bizby arizona in the middle of fucking nowhere in a multi -colored like bright orange house uh or bright yellow house he has super bowl parties he invites the world literally gives out his address on my podcast and says come to my super bowl party so he has hundreds of people he has no idea who they are fly in to tucson then drive to bisbee and and show up at his fucking house.

[1367] And he lets them inside where he sleeps and eats and they'll wander around his house, drinking and smoking.

[1368] And he doesn't give a fuck.

[1369] Like, there's a lot of guys pretending to not give a fuck.

[1370] Stanhope is that guy, you know, wearing those ironic suits.

[1371] And he's like, I kind of have to stop wearing these because other people, like, think I'm serious.

[1372] You know, like people like...

[1373] And now, like, wearing ironic clothes has become, like, ironic suits has become, like, a thing that people...

[1374] It's almost like a hipster thing.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] I watched him at a show I think he was doing with Norton and Artie Lang and Atal Atlantic City we went down to hang out I know it could have been a bright yellow fucking blazer You know I mean you would think he was gonna introduce acrobats Okay Yeah he's a burlesque MC We did the end of the world show The December 21st 2012 show At the Woltern It was Honey Honey Joe Diaz Stanhope and me And Stanhope wore this ridiculous suit It was just ridiculous It was half a week what made it awesome was him in his fucking stupid suit but his his his his mind his house you got a photo his house he's got look at his house i mean if anybody wants to visit doug stanhope you can't miss it just drive through bisby you'll find it in five seconds ago oh there he is but what i also what i love about him he calls his own shots in this business oh yeah oh you know what i mean and he i mean well he was one of the first guys to do these promotions where he's like you know i'm tired of working at these comedy clubs and they're giving me shit money and I know how much I'm bringing in yeah that's his house that's fucking that's his that's what you would see on the internet that somebody made from a from an ex -cargo you know he's got pebbles instead of a lawn but look at all these this is this is just a bunch of people probably that's like a part probably a party that he that's a fucking great house though yeah it's cool Super Bowl party yeah but I mean he has these Super Bowl parties and I don't off all of them of photos.

[1377] There's other photos where there's even more pictures.

[1378] That looks like a next store had been, like one of those things you would see.

[1379] Is that his podcast down there?

[1380] What is that?

[1381] Scroll down a little.

[1382] Because he has a podcast now.

[1383] Is that the studio?

[1384] Click on it.

[1385] Let me see that.

[1386] The one with the podcast.

[1387] Yeah.

[1388] Oh, look at that.

[1389] Bingo.

[1390] Who's that with him?

[1391] That's his girl.

[1392] No, the other guy.

[1393] Quinn from Impractical Jokers.

[1394] So that's his he's got his own podcast studio now.

[1395] Good for him.

[1396] And that's all in his wacky house.

[1397] He's a maniac.

[1398] I fucking love the fact that he just like goes into rock.

[1399] Does what he wants to do.

[1400] I love fucking comedy.

[1401] Well, he'll do comedy clubs now because he's undeniable.

[1402] Now they have to give him the door or whatever the fuck the deal is.

[1403] But he doesn't usually do weekends.

[1404] He'll do a Tuesday, Wednesday in a comedy club.

[1405] But if he wants to do a weekend, I'll do a weekend.

[1406] But it's one of those things where they were trying to tell him what he was worth.

[1407] And he was like, why am I giving you guys anything?

[1408] And I can just sell out a rock club.

[1409] The problem of those rock clubs is, we saw him.

[1410] once in L .A. When we went to see him in L .A., you have to stand up.

[1411] It was a concrete floor, you're standing, and after like a half hour, I was like, this is the last I'm never going to do a standing because I had done a few standing shows.

[1412] I'm like, I'm never doing one of these ever again.

[1413] Well, we saw him in Philly.

[1414] We went down to watch him in Philly do one of those things, and it's kind of uncomfortable standing.

[1415] Standing's bullshit.

[1416] Standing's bullshit.

[1417] I mean, his stuff...

[1418] You got to talk in the microphone.

[1419] That's why you should wear it had earphones.

[1420] Okay, I missed a microphone for one second.

[1421] You know, look at everybody's not perfect.

[1422] But I do know how many grams in a fucking ounce.

[1423] What I'm saying, okay?

[1424] Is it 20 or something?

[1425] What is it?

[1426] You know, the fucking smartest guy.

[1427] Ventura?

[1428] Where is it?

[1429] Ventura.

[1430] But his act, what I've seen of him, he doesn't have to, like some comics really have to connect with it.

[1431] He's so smart and brilliant.

[1432] He could do his act laying down on a couch with his head.

[1433] do you know what I get what I'm saying like he's so smart I think he's so smart as a person that you can listen to him and you don't have to see him to get what he's saying you know like a comedy album yeah no no but in a real I'm saying you're saying a comedy club where people are sitting down so focused you know when I just stand up a lot of times I'll sit and I'll need their attention right on the you know focused right but someone I may have I can't, I, he is just so smart that all, you could close your eyes and listen to what he's saying, going, this is some brilliant shit.

[1434] That doesn't make sense?

[1435] I mean, I think he's brilliant.

[1436] I don't know what you're saying, though.

[1437] You're not really doing a good job of talking.

[1438] Well, because you're saying you get, the standing, the standing up, he would do better sitting down.

[1439] No, that's not what I said at all.

[1440] I mean, when you're in the audience, it's uncomfortable to stand for a long period of time.

[1441] and I'll never do a standing show where the audience has to stand because they're not comfortable.

[1442] They don't enjoy it the way you enjoy it if you could sit down and relax.

[1443] But you're saying if it's not comfortable, then you're not taking in everything that's being said because you're not comfortable.

[1444] No, I mean, it's just not as good.

[1445] It's not as good as an experience because discomfort is a part of the experience instead of just being, if you're sitting down watching a show, you can just concentrate on the show.

[1446] But 45, an hour and a half into a show and you're standing for that whole time.

[1447] Your feet start to hurt.

[1448] Don't do that for a rock band.

[1449] Yeah, but you're dancing around and stuff.

[1450] Like, my legs were locking to the point where I felt like I was almost about to fall over.

[1451] Yeah, I don't know.

[1452] My point was, the fucking guy's brilliant.

[1453] Oh, he's definitely brilliant.

[1454] I don't even think he does standing shows anymore.

[1455] I don't think it is might, but most people have abandoned them.

[1456] All it takes is being an audience member once.

[1457] And he go, oh, well, fuck this.

[1458] You know, that's why I stopped doing the House of Blues in Vegas.

[1459] They used to have that fucking standing part on the side.

[1460] Oh, it's the worst.

[1461] They have the seated part, which is awesome.

[1462] And then they have the top seating, awesome.

[1463] Then they'd have the bar area was filled with people just standing.

[1464] And it was fucking terrible.

[1465] It was terrible.

[1466] It's like they would talk.

[1467] Like you would literally, you would have, like, I would like be trying to do stand -up in a nightclub.

[1468] Like when there's a full -on, like, bar scene happening.

[1469] And, you know, attention to everyone, just like you're, you know, like interrupting conversations.

[1470] Instead of, if you go to a comedy club, everybody seated the show starts and that they're there to see a comedy club just too much too much room for variables some comedy clubs are like i've done some rooms like in casinos whatever where the seats are too comfortable and now they're too fucking relaxed and you know those cushion seats and they're laying back and they're not real couches are not good for comedy no you can't be too comfortable the haha has couches in the front and it's like this is a little too goddamn casual what the fuck is that in l a la in l .a here?

[1471] It's a North Hollywood smaller club.

[1472] So you can't be too comfortable.

[1473] You can't be too uncomfortable.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] Like I went to Sturgle Simpson did Conan the other day, and I went to watch.

[1476] And it's fucking, holy shit in there.

[1477] They've got that thing going on like Letterman likes to do.

[1478] Like we used to crank down the temperature, like way down, like in the 60s.

[1479] Isn't that for the lighting?

[1480] A little bit of what I think the idea behind Letterman was that when you are cold, you have a little bit more energy.

[1481] You're more likely to laugh than if it's really hot.

[1482] If it's really hot in the room, people don't laugh as much.

[1483] It kind of makes sense.

[1484] Oh, fuck.

[1485] I'm going to pass out dry ice this weekend.

[1486] At the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club in Ventura, California?

[1487] Friday through Sunday.

[1488] Are you there on Sunday, too?

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] Wow.

[1491] Oh, you say that like you're not happy about that.

[1492] Well, I am happy, but here's the problem.

[1493] Sunday day, I was invited to play golf at Bel Air Comedy Club, A Bel Air Country Club.

[1494] Okay.

[1495] So I'm going to drive from Ventura to Bel Air.

[1496] That's like two hours.

[1497] No. How come some people tell me 40 minutes, some team, 45, some say now?

[1498] That's not 40 minutes.

[1499] They're lying to you.

[1500] An hour.

[1501] It can't be two hours from Ventura to what?

[1502] You sure can.

[1503] If you look it up on that quest.

[1504] No, no, no. With traffic.

[1505] There's no traffic on Sunday morning at 7.

[1506] At 7 a .m.?

[1507] You're adorable.

[1508] You're adorable.

[1509] You don't know Los Angeles, too?

[1510] 7 a .m. There's traffic on Sunday morning.

[1511] Easily.

[1512] If you go to Orange County, you might be stopped dead.

[1513] You might be stopped dead on the highway at 7 a .m. On the 5, take the 5 Sunday morning.

[1514] Might be stopped dead.

[1515] Okay.

[1516] I'm not lying.

[1517] This is an overpopulated place.

[1518] No, I get that.

[1519] Go outside.

[1520] Look how beautiful it is.

[1521] It's like that in February.

[1522] Yeah.

[1523] It's perfect.

[1524] Perfect weather.

[1525] But look at a distance.

[1526] A lot of people find out about it.

[1527] They move here.

[1528] They have cars.

[1529] They drive.

[1530] They go, you know what?

[1531] I'm just going to get up 7 o 'clock in the morning.

[1532] Who's going to be up on Sunday morning?

[1533] Oh, there's only 90 fucking million people live here.

[1534] Jesus Christ, you really know how to depress a person.

[1535] I was looking forward.

[1536] I was looking forward to my day at Bel Air.

[1537] Well, you could do it.

[1538] You just got to leave early.

[1539] Well, I got to be there by like nine, so I'll leave at seven.

[1540] Yeah, you'll be fine.

[1541] Yeah, right now it's an hour and 40 minutes.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] An hour and 40 minutes?

[1544] From Belair to Ventura, California.

[1545] It's an hour and two minutes without traffic, which is adorable.

[1546] Why don't they just say, if you fly.

[1547] Oh, fuck.

[1548] So how is that Ventura Harbor?

[1549] Have you done that before?

[1550] I've never done it.

[1551] I heard good things.

[1552] Yeah, uh, I heard it's a good coming.

[1553] Yeah, but I've never been there.

[1554] Have you ever been there?

[1555] No, but some guy contacted me there from there, I think.

[1556] But I mean, how come, like, guy, like, especially you, where you're doing, like, weekend rooms going to San Diego, this and that place?

[1557] No, I do the Sanhub Tuesday, Wednesday stuff.

[1558] You do what?

[1559] Well, you do weekends, too.

[1560] Yeah, but some weekends, but, yeah, mostly.

[1561] Wednesdays.

[1562] Oh, okay.

[1563] I love Santa Barbara.

[1564] Oh, I love it up there, just a little bit further north.

[1565] It's one of my favorite spots.

[1566] That's what I got my old man. When I become like Dennis Miller, becomes an old conservative man with a radio show.

[1567] Is that where he's had of Santa Barbara?

[1568] Yeah, he lives up there.

[1569] With all the white people.

[1570] It's all white people.

[1571] They just rally on against Mexicans.

[1572] Get angry about black people up there.

[1573] Why?

[1574] You could do that anywhere.

[1575] Yeah, but you can't do it.

[1576] I mean, you can't do it exclusively.

[1577] You're preaching to the choir, everyone around you.

[1578] This is like zero diversity.

[1579] Do you know San Jose is the number one's less amount of black people in the United States of America?

[1580] San Jose?

[1581] And number two is San Francisco.

[1582] San Francisco is the least amount of black people in the United States?

[1583] That doesn't make sense.

[1584] Well, what is Oakland, number one?

[1585] Oh, yeah.

[1586] It's all black people.

[1587] They all moved to Oakland and they can't afford San Francisco.

[1588] Actually, I heard Oakland is now, like they're, like, it's totally different now.

[1589] See, I've always thought San Francisco is really diversified.

[1590] Yeah, with Asians.

[1591] Well, their mindset is diversive.

[1592] You know, I mean...

[1593] Well, San Francisco's, the real estate is so fucking ridiculous now.

[1594] The tech boom has fucked that place up so bad.

[1595] The prices are just, they don't make any sense.

[1596] Like, you would be an asshole to buy a house in San Francisco now.

[1597] Unless you've got, like, Elon Musk money and you don't give a fuck, you'll spend three million.

[1598] I saw a house for $3 million.

[1599] My jaw dropped.

[1600] I was like, this doesn't make any sense.

[1601] This is a $400 ,000 house.

[1602] How is this $3 million?

[1603] It's a little shithole, right?

[1604] It was a house.

[1605] It was a nice house, but it wasn't $3 million.

[1606] I mean, it didn't make any sense.

[1607] Well, I look at these people in New York that fucking get these apartments.

[1608] Oh, they're crazy.

[1609] That are as big as this table.

[1610] They're fucking crazy.

[1611] I go, are you, all you have to do is move 20 minutes into Jersey and you could buy a fucking house.

[1612] Or, you know, I looked at house apartments in.

[1613] New York for a bit.

[1614] There was a time where I was thinking about moving to New York.

[1615] Just like to mix things up, you know?

[1616] Yeah.

[1617] But it just didn't make any sense.

[1618] And, you know, the one thing that gets me about New York is the sets that you do around town, they're real short.

[1619] You know, everyone's doing like 15 minutes, 10 minutes.

[1620] I'm like, that is not enough.

[1621] That's not enough time to really get busy.

[1622] Yeah, but when you're, you can, you can, you'd be able to do more time in places.

[1623] You know, when Rock walks in, he's not, he's doing what he wants to do.

[1624] when you know certain comics walk in you know louis or whatever i'm sure you could do a half an hour they wouldn't have a problem like to walk in do that i want to schedule that you know what i mean it's one of the reasons why i like doing the belly room we do those weekends of the belly room i can do 45 minutes in town on a friday saturday night you know like that like you if you're gonna really hone your act yeah i'm not working on one bit you know i'm working on six seven bits and trying to put together, like a real hour for my next special.

[1625] And if I'm doing a 10 or a 15 -minute set, there's not enough time for that.

[1626] And I don't want to do that whole trek around doing seven, eight sets a night.

[1627] I just think that's foolishness.

[1628] No, I wouldn't do that ever.

[1629] I do maybe two.

[1630] One or two.

[1631] I mean, I did it years ago in New York.

[1632] But I work out my material on the road, you know, because that's why I work it out.

[1633] In the comedy clubs, because I'm going to have enough good stuff around it.

[1634] If a bit doesn't work, then do it.

[1635] the next one's gonna.

[1636] Well, when I lived in New York, when we were doing stand -up together, I hardly ever did the city, because I could do Connecticut, or I could do Long Island, or I could do Jersey, and I'd make $150 ,000.

[1637] Yeah.

[1638] You know, I can make, like, real money and get paid, versus if I was in town.

[1639] You know, you get $25 a year, $10 there.

[1640] It's like, what?

[1641] I'm not doing 10 sets a night to make $100.

[1642] It just seems so stupid.

[1643] Comics that can get road work are in the city bouncing from club to club.

[1644] You know, there's guys that do seven sets a night.

[1645] I could, you know what, get a job on fucking Wall Street because there's no way this old cocksucker is running around town but luckily I can work on the road and like you said, you can work in D .C., Baltimore these are all driving distance where you could drive home Saturday night.

[1646] Right.

[1647] You know, I drive home, Philadelphia, even Boston, you know, it's three and a half, four hours, whatever.

[1648] So you could do, you can make a great living.

[1649] There's so much around there.

[1650] Yeah.

[1651] You know, that's when I asked him, Like if, you know, you talked about San Diego, well, how are you not working at this other place?

[1652] If it's only an hour and a half away on a weekend, there was one place I used to work, rooster tea, feathers or something.

[1653] Where's that?

[1654] I heard about that.

[1655] Where the fuck is it?

[1656] Do you know?

[1657] Is that still around?

[1658] Yeah, I think so.

[1659] I think so.

[1660] But Silicon Valley, where's Silicon Valley?

[1661] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1662] It's the San Francisco area, yeah.

[1663] Is it up?

[1664] Yeah, it's up there.

[1665] Yeah, yeah.

[1666] Oh, that's not driving distance from here or then.

[1667] I mean, you could drive, but it's going to be six plus hours.

[1668] Okay, that's too far.

[1669] But there's, unlike L .A., New York, or Jersey where I live, you could work fucking almost all year round and make a good living in weekend comedy, you know, doing, you know.

[1670] Are you doing weekday gigs anywhere?

[1671] No, we do.

[1672] No, once in a while I'll get a private or a fundraise, you know, like Tuesday night we'll do our radio show on Serious.

[1673] And then we'll do a spot in the city here and there.

[1674] Mm -hmm.

[1675] Because you do on Tuesday, Serious is in the city.

[1676] Yeah, in the city.

[1677] In Opie, we do Opie Studio.

[1678] Me and Bonnie do our radio show from 7 and 9.

[1679] My wife hates me at a radio show.

[1680] And so then I'll do a spot after it, maybe at the cellar to hang out or whatever.

[1681] You know, and then Wednesday I probably will stay home because I'm going to leave Thursday, Friday, whatever.

[1682] You know, so I try to be home Wednesday, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday.

[1683] as much as I can if I got you know what I mean to be with my kid and and then I'll leave Sunday you know once in a blue moon on Wednesday night we'll go over to the stress factory on open mic night and do some time because it's 20 minutes from our house so we go well we want to work out something why go into the city we just go to the open mic night to the stress factory how's the crowded the stress factory on those nights some nights it's crowded you know some nights it's tons of comics but you know it's okay it's 20 we go there we take our kid on a Wednesday not a lot of clubs in New Jersey huh other than a stress factory that's all you really hear about bananas bananas and uh whatever set for up there's that point pleasant or something no bananas is in a saddle there's a banana's in Pekipsy right isn't it yeah but that's closed that's closed yeah where was that sushi place we did was that Jersey.

[1684] Remember it was like an old Chinese restaurant in some reason and had a weird stage like the stage looked like a town or something and it was like a restaurant but they did comedy.

[1685] Well Uncle Vinnie's does comedy.

[1686] When was this?

[1687] Five years ago it was me, you, Joey Diaz I think.

[1688] What was it they had sushi there?

[1689] It was like a sushi restaurant and it was in New Jersey?

[1690] It was either New Jersey upstate New York.

[1691] No no you don't remember it and it was like a It was a restaurant and the stage looked like a fake town, like it was a fake house.

[1692] And he came out and it looked like you're on a front porch of a house or something.

[1693] Oh, no, no, no, you're wrong.

[1694] That was Western Massachusetts.

[1695] That's a Chinese restaurant.

[1696] That's the Hukilau.

[1697] That's for the comedy connection.

[1698] Oh, okay.

[1699] Yeah.

[1700] Yeah, you would do Friday night in the city and then you do Friday night in Boston.

[1701] You do Saturday night out, the Hukki Lau or Sunday, the Hukki Lowe.

[1702] Back to a new death.

[1703] Jersey has, there's a place, Uncle Vinnie's.

[1704] Chickapy, that's what it was.

[1705] Uncle Vinny's, but there's no liquor license.

[1706] It's bring your own beer, whatever.

[1707] You know, they can't afford a liquor license.

[1708] But he gets big acts there.

[1709] But you can bring your own booze?

[1710] I guess.

[1711] They show up with a bottle of wine.

[1712] Yeah, whatever, wine.

[1713] Jack.

[1714] And he does always, I mean, the Stress Factory, obviously, is the big club in Jersey.

[1715] Banana's brings in big acts.

[1716] You know, they'll open the door.

[1717] I'm doing one in Boston.

[1718] it's a great new club in Boston Laugh Boston Laugh Boston I've done that I fucking love it The fucking hotel is beautiful You stay right there Right there just come on down Come down boom The people that own it are great I did it recently It's a great gig yeah What a fucking great gig Yeah I usually do the Wilber But it was somebody already had it It was a last minute thing Because there was a UFC in Boston And I wasn't supposed to work here Because it was a Fox Sports One gig I usually do the, either paper views or the Fox gigs, the big Fox gigs.

[1719] But for whatever reason I wanted to do it or they wanted me to do it, I forget how it worked.

[1720] And I had to do the Laugh -Boss, and I had a great fucking time.

[1721] That's a great club, right?

[1722] Yeah, it's really good.

[1723] And they'll buy the restaurants surrounding the club, you know, whatever you want to eat.

[1724] So many good clubs.

[1725] It's so sad to go back and say, but there's a little bit of a scene there now.

[1726] A little bit of, you know, young comics coming up that are trying real hard, that are, you know, trying to put together a scene.

[1727] but it takes decades to put together a scene like they used to have there.

[1728] It's amazing that it deteriorated the way it did.

[1729] And a big part of the reason why it deteriorated is guys stopped writing.

[1730] They stopped writing.

[1731] Those guys are doing the same act for fucking decades.

[1732] Well, no, I bet it was the clubs that didn't last.

[1733] I mean, Nix.

[1734] Why do you think they didn't last?

[1735] I mean, there's a part of that was that guy stopped writing.

[1736] I guess, yeah, because they were using the same guys.

[1737] Same guy, same act.

[1738] Same act.

[1739] And it's still fun to watch, but.

[1740] But if you knew, if you would go back to see Steve Sweeney every year and you knew he's going to have a new act that's like the one that you saw before, like you say, if you went out and you could guarantee that you're going to see a half hour of new material from Sweeney and then a half hour of that old killer stuff that he had, you would love it.

[1741] That's a good point.

[1742] Yeah, I do blame a lot.

[1743] You're right.

[1744] There's the culture back then because they didn't know.

[1745] I mean, with the internet, you can't do that.

[1746] You can't do that anymore.

[1747] So now everybody's doing the George Carlin method.

[1748] We try to do a whole new special, you know, between a year and a year and a half, two years, depending on, you know, how you feel.

[1749] Like some guys think that a year is too soon.

[1750] The material's not good enough.

[1751] And some guys think, you know, that you waste time developing.

[1752] You should just move on to the next act.

[1753] In five minutes, Kathy Griffin will have another hour.

[1754] Five minutes.

[1755] It's okay.

[1756] She puts out an hour every two hours.

[1757] An hour every two hours?

[1758] She puts out a lot of hours She puts out a lot of hours But she's not doing Punchline jokes A lot of them are stories Stories about her hanging out with Cher Yeah and stuff like that She stopped returning her call She'd lose half her act That's funny I try to do Trams and thieves That's what the people Of the town they call us I try to do a new CD Every two years Every two years I try to do a new CD Yeah Two years is a good time Because that means You work on it for a solid year and a half and then the last six months you're just fucking sharpening that sword then by time it comes around you're filming you're sick of it you don't want to do it anymore but see i i i add and take out add and take out like i know like i think like chris i've seen chris i think maybe even louis does it like i'll see chris go on it and say it with a whole no you know he's trying to do a whole new half or 45 at once get it all together you know i Throw in a new bit, drop a bit, throwing a new bit, drop a bit.

[1759] But some of these fucking guys like Louis and Chris, they're fucking naked just write an hour like that.

[1760] You wrote for Chris, you helped him write when he was doing like some of his specials, right?

[1761] No, I wrote, I was when he did it on the Oscars I wrote.

[1762] His last movie, Top Five, I wrote on that.

[1763] You know, I helped you punch up.

[1764] Right.

[1765] You know, and Chris is smart.

[1766] He had a couple of, you know.

[1767] DePaolo, right?

[1768] Topolo wasn't on the movie.

[1769] He was on the Oscars.

[1770] The Oscars.

[1771] And he used to use Rich Jenny a lot as well.

[1772] When we did the Oscars, fucking Jenny.

[1773] You know, the problem with a lot of big comics, and you're going, is that, they could be, a lot of people aren't honest with them.

[1774] Everybody, when you get to a certain level, has a lot of, yeah, that's great, that's great, that's yes.

[1775] Yeah, no, you could do it.

[1776] And it's really not to their, you know, standard standard and when we wrote on the oscars jenny had no problem saying to chris that stinks don't do it it's not right you know and obviously jenny knew what he was talking about because he was one of the best fucking comics in history i talk about him all the time on this show that he was like the one guy when people talk about some of the all -time greats he's the one guy that they leave out i'm like you you didn't see him in the 80s you missed it if you saw jenny in the 80s the early 90s, he's one of the best of all time.

[1777] How could you not think this guy?

[1778] You had to see him, though, the way we saw.

[1779] He killed, he would take a premise and bring it to a whole other level.

[1780] He was the guy, you know, like when people say, like, your jokes, like, you take a premise and you just, you squeeze all the juice out of it.

[1781] Right when you think you can't get any more out of it, you take it to another place, I learned that watching Jenny.

[1782] I really did.

[1783] Because I remember thinking that I was just scratching the surface.

[1784] of these subjects, whereas he understood how to explore all of them.

[1785] He, uh, I'll tell you another one I watch and when I watch Dom I Rera, I'm going, this is one of the funniest guys alive.

[1786] Yeah, no doubt.

[1787] He's just a powerhouse.

[1788] He's a murderer.

[1789] A fucking powerhouse.

[1790] He's the best of talking shit.

[1791] Like, he's one of the best guys ever on Kill Tony.

[1792] Like, when, Kill Tony is this podcast that we do, um, and they'll have like new comics, like open micros will go up and do one minute.

[1793] And And then it'll be like Dom Herrera, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian, maybe me, and different comics.

[1794] You know, like Russell Peters and sit.

[1795] All these different comics will sit in on a, do a guest spot.

[1796] And Domarera murders these fucking guys.

[1797] I mean, murders him.

[1798] He breaks it down.

[1799] I mean, and it's effortless for him.

[1800] You're crying and laughing.

[1801] I mean, that's, if you guys ever want to do that as a television show, you really should have Dom on, like, permanently.

[1802] Like, he's the guy.

[1803] He should be the Patriot.

[1804] Yeah, they did that.

[1805] The Patriot is unnecessary, as is the singer guy.

[1806] I think we did that in New York.

[1807] Sherrod had a show at the comic strip where new comics would go on like five of them and then we'd sit there and judge but they did like five minutes and you don't want to destroy their dreams but you have to be honest with them.

[1808] Right.

[1809] You know because they're just going to have false hope.

[1810] Right.

[1811] And a lot of comics do have false hope because no one will tell them.

[1812] Exactly.

[1813] No one will tell them.

[1814] You know this is how You do it.

[1815] When I first started, I mean, I stunk last year, but I really stunk when I started.

[1816] You don't find your voice to who knows when.

[1817] Yeah, you got to, it's a lot of work, and there's a lot of being honest, and there's a lot of listening to yourself, and there's a lot of correction, and everybody doesn't start from the same spot.

[1818] Some guys start out funnier than you, and you just got to accept that, and you can't judge yourself by that, you just got to keep going.

[1819] Just keep going and keep trying to improve on what you do.

[1820] Yeah.

[1821] Like when you would, this is what I want to ask, when you would write for Chris.

[1822] Like, what did the process?

[1823] What was it like?

[1824] Do you guys meet in an office?

[1825] Like, how did it work?

[1826] For the Oscars?

[1827] For any of the things you did?

[1828] Well, the movie, the movie, we'd sit on the set.

[1829] Mm -hmm.

[1830] And you saw him do one thing.

[1831] And it didn't always have to be funny.

[1832] You can go, maybe say it that way, or walking from here.

[1833] Or do it, take your shirt off, or do that.

[1834] You know what I mean?

[1835] He just had different eyes on him.

[1836] Right.

[1837] Because he was directing besides starring and writing.

[1838] You know, story and writing.

[1839] So, you know, when he has different, you know, he had, you know, another comic, his name's of my mind, and another semi, another director, Nelson George, and, you know, and his acting coach was on the set, too.

[1840] This was all for top five.

[1841] And not every day was I, you know, and you'd see something, or you say a line, you know, and when Chris liked it you could tell he liked it and if he didn't like you go you know right so and for the Oscars he pretty much had his own stuff he kind of knew what he wanted to do for the but he would say to the comics and he had like 13 writers he had you know chef wrote Apollo uh Lance and his crew and uh stillson was the head you know I guess the head writer Jeff Stilson you know me and you know he'd go out to the comedy club And he goes, well, I'm going to Laugh Factory tonight.

[1842] Who wants to come?

[1843] Whoever wants to come, I'll be it.

[1844] And some of them didn't go.

[1845] But I went every night to sit and watch.

[1846] And, you know, this is the set he's going to do it, the Oscars.

[1847] And then you give notes.

[1848] But with the Oscars, we didn't give, I didn't give notes right there.

[1849] I sent mine in, and I think they went through Stilson then to him, you know.

[1850] so I mean I'm not going to say I got one or two things on which was great you know I just wrote for the Commi Central Roast for Beaver and I'm not a writer like that Bonnie's the right Bonnie can write you want something fucking written you ask Bonnie she'll fucking write a book I mean this bitch knows how to write I'm not fucking yeah she knows how to write right so but roast stuff I can come up with some stuff you know and punching up I can I'm good at because I could see from my you know just from being a stand -up for 30 years and watching you know that there were certain things that Chris goes yeah that's right you know and the other comics yeah he's smart Chris is smart he has he keeps funny people around him to tell him yeah you know what I mean well that's one of the reasons why his careers lasted so long is that he's open -minded like that yes you know because there's a there's a big drop -off in a lot of people's acts.

[1851] You know, you'll see, like, early sets are really, really good.

[1852] And then, you know, as it gets, they get older and older, they become almost like a caricature of themselves.

[1853] Kenison is always my best example of that.

[1854] Uh -huh.

[1855] Kenison, I think in 86 is, if it wasn't the greatest of all time, he's like, it's him and prior.

[1856] Yeah.

[1857] I feel like from 86 to, like, 88, he was the greatest of all time.

[1858] I mean, he was a monster.

[1859] And people, people who are alive today, you have to look at him in perspective.

[1860] You have to look at him in perspective of what was around back then.

[1861] There was nothing like that then.

[1862] He came out of nowhere and he just didn't last.

[1863] The stuff that he put out before his death was dog shit.

[1864] It was like an open micer doing an impression of Kinnison.

[1865] It was terrible.

[1866] You know what?

[1867] I did.

[1868] I heard one of those albums and I'm going to but he was way ahead of his time, you know, when it came to such edgy fucking material.

[1869] Well he just was doing coke and partying.

[1870] and hanging out and there just wasn't a lot of writing going on and they were also i'm sure there's a lot of yes men in his fucking corner oh yeah all those guys were like when jenny and jenny worked with him on his specials too right didn't he uh work with him on i don't know who worked with him on his specials i was always fascinating like how they did that if they sat in a room and went over material if they i've seen chris prepare i've seen him come down i was at bananas one night on a weekend the one in jersey and i saw him after he goes so you have bananas this weekend I go do you want if you want to stop stopping you know he stopped in you know he stopped in on Saturday this was two years ago three and did 45 minutes but he was working out stuff mm -hmm you know it was all new stuff so when is he stopping in is he doing it after your set or something no he went on before me he went on and you were the headliner yeah yeah so you wait like an extra 45 minutes where you go out yeah no big deal is Chris well the we we the middle we took off the show we paid oh we took the middle off and the host did like a you know maybe the middle did five minutes whatever right right right and then chris came in and did you know because he he doesn't want to hang out and wait for me to get done he wants to get in and get out so he went on and it was pretty much new stuff and some killed some you know you know when you're chris rock and your seinfeld or louis you have a i guess a three -minute pass to walk on stage and the audience And it's just like, whoa, but you have to be funny.

[1871] Right.

[1872] After you get that.

[1873] Well, don't periscope the fucking show.

[1874] Just stop.

[1875] Just pay attention.

[1876] Just talk.

[1877] Jesus Christ.

[1878] So, you know what I mean?

[1879] You get a free few minute pass.

[1880] Uh -huh.

[1881] But even with his new stuff, he was, it was almost honed.

[1882] So he had it, you know.

[1883] And you would see Chris walk up to the cellar, come in.

[1884] When he's working on a new, walk in with his notebook, put it down.

[1885] you know and just and he would throw old stuff in to you know to keep the crowd going you know and then and but but you watch him and and it's brilliant but the thing i love about love that he loves comedy he knows comedy like we'll sit and talk and like we'll say reader rudder he'll go one of the best joke writers ever and she is a great joke writer reader runner knows how to write a joke you know and and chris knows fucking comedy he could talk he said to my wife he goes look if you have a fucking hour good material and you're a female and you're not famous something's fucking wrong you know you know what i'm saying i mean a good hour you know for a female a good hour you know he knows comedy he fucking loves comedy and that's why i love being with bonnie she loves comedy she knows comedy she could break down and see you know Good and what's bad.

[1886] What's bad and what's hacked?

[1887] She'll tell me, you can't do that.

[1888] Do you write, like, in front of a computer on a piece of paper or just write on stage?

[1889] It just got to come to me on stage.

[1890] Like, I have this, the best bit I read recently came to me from being on stage, and it was, it's a kid, it just kills.

[1891] It just fucking kills.

[1892] So you don't ever try.

[1893] You don't ever try to, like, sit down in front of a computer.

[1894] Never in a million.

[1895] If I was writing for like tough crowd or on Red Eye or, you know, when I was on one of those roundtables, yeah, you got to write fucking dumb jokes.

[1896] And even for Red Eye, I barely, I write a line and hopefully I could add live my way through the show because, you know, it's fucking the day.

[1897] I'm not getting paid anyhow.

[1898] So what the fuck?

[1899] How much?

[1900] But with Tough Crowd you would, I wrote, I wrote stuff.

[1901] It's that Fox News show.

[1902] Yeah, Fox late at night.

[1903] It's a round table.

[1904] Do you film?

[1905] Late at night, too?

[1906] No, they film at 8.

[1907] 8.

[1908] 8 .m?

[1909] 8.

[1910] and it comes on that night.

[1911] It's a good show for what it is.

[1912] Bonnie's guest hosting it tonight.

[1913] She's host, guest hosting.

[1914] She'll be on tonight.

[1915] I've never watched it.

[1916] I've seen a couple clips of comics on it or people saying controversial things on it, but I've never understood what it is.

[1917] It's like any of the other roundtable shows.

[1918] It's on Fox News?

[1919] Yeah, I used to do Joey Behar when she was on CNN, and it was Roundtable, you know.

[1920] She's a bright woman.

[1921] She's fucking smart.

[1922] Very bright.

[1923] But she's so left.

[1924] Look, when you're so left and so right, to me, a lot of it, you become delusional.

[1925] Well, it gets ideological.

[1926] Like, you're locked into a certain rigid way of thinking.

[1927] You've got to have a bending point.

[1928] It can't be all white and black.

[1929] It just can't be.

[1930] What is, like, her big issues?

[1931] Well, I mean, she's just so left.

[1932] She hates the right.

[1933] Bush, everything he did was completely wrong.

[1934] everything Obama does is completely right.

[1935] So she's an Obama supporter even after all these years?

[1936] Well, I haven't seen.

[1937] I haven't done her show in so long, but she's very left wing.

[1938] Is she still on that show?

[1939] No, no, it's gone.

[1940] But she was so pro -comic and so, you know, I mean, her show, she had comics on all the time.

[1941] I did her show 23 times, you know, two emails.

[1942] She sent you two emails?

[1943] No, from fans.

[1944] That's all you got?

[1945] I was no my her fan base was a little older they don't get online no they don't go they don't fucking write your emails you get emails from this from old Democrats that live in the cities that what it is?

[1946] Yeah they're gonna email me you are funny that's the fuck but she she's pro comic she was great in our movie she did our movie you know so her Red Eye is basically that type of show to me you know you know people say Bill Maher show was the first but tough crowd was a whole was the first at what of comics pretty much saying what they wanted to say yeah saying what you couldn't say on other shows and not only disagreeing with somebody smacking them around a little for being stupid okay you know what I'm saying yeah it was a great show it was why don't they bring that back it just it tough crowd bring it back I mean Colin still alive yeah what the fuck is he doing a podcast because it would even be a good podcast tough crowd comic great colin puts out that way actually colin puts out one man shows he's working on his next one he did unconstitutional he did uh the one before it uh does he like doing that better than stand -up well i guess he's so fucking brilliant man he just i guess stand -up is too easy for him or he's not saying anything he wants to say right like he's doing it's doing it's so fucking brilliant man he just i guess stand -up is too easy for him or in these one -man shows you know and it's stand up confined by the desire to get you know you have to get laughs every X amount of seconds and also too he could go into theaters and do these shows you can't do these shows in comedy clubs really right you know that's a different kind of show it's a whole different thing and you know he he's I just talked to him when I was driving here he I go you done with your thing he goes yeah and he a book deal you know he's done with his book but the guy's always fucking creating he's always creating uh see a happy guy i i think i think he's really centered you know i think he's really centered because i called him about something one day that i was really fucking torn apart about or he goes did you go to a meeting or whatever he said he goes it's all bullshit go fucking get in touch with what's really bothering you you know what I mean so he's pretty centered as a person and I think he's uh I think he's comfortable in his own skin you know what I mean like so many people are not comfortable right you know and they're hiding and they're well that's why he's really good at like playing that silly part on Twitter like if you go to go to Colin Quinn's Twitter if you don't understand his sense of humor people like where's the funny you know I'm not seeing how you're funny like you don't you're missing what he's doing and he doesn't try to convert those people ever no you don't see him arguing with them he doesn't block him like i will he's fucking he's great it's so they don't get the fact that he's making fun of everything and he's playing a character on there it's so fucking they had a big article in new york times about him on twitter how how how good he is on twitter he's like the number one you know i heard norman I heard Norm McDonald's really funny.

[1947] He does golf, play -by -play.

[1948] Golf.

[1949] I heard it's fucking brilliant.

[1950] Norm's just funny.

[1951] Period.

[1952] So, yeah, Colin.

[1953] So probably the reason the show never came back, well, one, it leaned a little to the right.

[1954] You know, I mean, Nick leaned to the right, Colin leaned to the right.

[1955] I guess Geraldo was neutral.

[1956] He was a little more left.

[1957] Yeah, he was, who Dorado?

[1958] Yeah, he was left.

[1959] He was left.

[1960] Norton's a little right was at the time a little to right.

[1961] Norton's more neutral now.

[1962] Yeah.

[1963] I was more to the right then, but I'm neutral now.

[1964] Well, I think what Norton was, and still is, I think, he's anti the hypocrisy of the left.

[1965] That's what I, that's completely the hypocrite.

[1966] Yeah, because it's like all the idea, if you put it on paper and you had a checklist of what do you actually support, gay marriage, check, you know, racial equality, check.

[1967] Like all the things that the left put.

[1968] pushes for.

[1969] I'm in their corner on almost all of it.

[1970] But then it gets to certain things that you just go, well, you guys are just silly, you know, like, there's certain aspects of the, any all left or all right ideology.

[1971] It's like, you can't, like, the worst thing to me is when I'm talking to someone and they're talking about the Democrats, like, look, we got a win in 2016.

[1972] Like, what is this we?

[1973] Are you, are you running for president?

[1974] Yeah.

[1975] Like, we got to win.

[1976] I guess this is a team for you.

[1977] And then you realize, what kind of is a team?

[1978] for that yeah it becomes this you know patriots versus the fucking stealers or something it just gets it gets to one of those things people voted for obama see a lot of young if you're under 25 you're not supposed you you shouldn't have a point of view shut your fucking mouth you haven't lived long enough to know you probably shouldn't be able to vote unless unless you could write a paper explaining why you you you want Obama or this guy and then you could have it read by people who, you know, have a brain, have life experience.

[1979] But that doesn't make sense either because...

[1980] Well, people, when he won, which people wanted something different, but people voted the first election out of emotions, not out of intellect.

[1981] Well, I thought he was good out of intellect.

[1982] I thought he was good.

[1983] First of all, he was so much more articulate than Bush.

[1984] But he wasn't running against Bush.

[1985] But it doesn't matter.

[1986] It's like coming back from that.

[1987] Like, okay, now we have someone who actually can talk.

[1988] Yeah.

[1989] He's obviously brilliant.

[1990] He's a very smart person.

[1991] And his ideas, like the ideas about closing Guantanamo Bay, getting out of his fucking wars.

[1992] No, it didn't, you know.

[1993] But that's what you learn.

[1994] You learn from a guy like Obama that it doesn't matter.

[1995] That this, that the, what we, what politics are really all about is about stroking the back of the people that got you there.

[1996] You know?

[1997] It's a business.

[1998] What you got to do to keep your business running.

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] Okay.

[2001] Farrakhan is a fucking brilliant speaker.

[2002] Farrakhan is a great.

[2003] Have you ever heard him speak?

[2004] He's a great speaker.

[2005] He fucking captivates.

[2006] He keeps you, you know, so, but what are they saying?

[2007] What is any politicians saying that hasn't been fucking said before?

[2008] Not much.

[2009] Okay.

[2010] They're saying the same thing in a different change.

[2011] Yeah, well, of course everybody wants fucking change.

[2012] Nobody's fucking happy that the, you know, mortgages are sky high.

[2013] Interest rates are fucking less than half a percent.

[2014] Nobody wants to, you know, at times the gas prices worth $4 a gallon.

[2015] Yeah, of course you want change.

[2016] But all that other stuff is bullshit.

[2017] It's all bullshit.

[2018] It's just them trying to keep their business fucking running.

[2019] And the business involves having people donate money to them to get them into office.

[2020] And then keeping those people happy once they get in office.

[2021] I mean, that's what we found out about Obama.

[2022] Obama just, if you look at him on paper, first of all, the stuff that he's done against whistleblowers, that was a whole part of his campaign, that if we, if someone comes forward exposing illegal activity, we will protect them.

[2023] I mean, that was a part of the We Are Change website.

[2024] They redacted that from the website in light of the Edward Snowden and Chelsea Handler shit.

[2025] Chelsea Handler, Chelsea Manning.

[2026] Ready.

[2027] What, does she take up his shirt again?

[2028] No, that's how strong Chelsea handler is as a personality.

[2029] You say the word Chelsea, you have to say handler after it.

[2030] Not even Clinton.

[2031] That's funny.

[2032] You know, all that shit that happened with WikiLeaks, you know, the idea that they're protecting whistleblowers has been debunked.

[2033] I mean, there's none of that.

[2034] I mean, that was part of the promise that they were saying in an office.

[2035] Like, if people come forth and expose illegal activity, we're going to protect them.

[2036] Well, they did, and you didn't.

[2037] And that was a core component of what people were looking forward from him, that he was going to be different than these fucking criminals that were in charge before he was in there.

[2038] Well, fucking the FBI, even your local detective, is not going to fucking burn their informants.

[2039] Yeah.

[2040] Because their informants are what are giving them numbers.

[2041] But the problem is what these guys with Edward Snowden did, what Chelsea Manning did, was exposed.

[2042] them and you know that's the government that's the very people that he works for so the idea of whistleblowers wasn't nearly as attractive when they were blowing the whistle on the actual government themselves they weren't like whistle blowing on corporations or whistleblowing on you know the people that fucking spilled the oil out in the middle of the Gulf Coast it was yeah it was the actual government itself the NSA the CIA and they're like do you think since he's been I mean since he's been in office and this is right I mean racial divide has grown, I think, immensely since he's been in office.

[2043] In some ways.

[2044] In some ways, it's actually come around.

[2045] I think people are united in a sense in a lot of ways because they realize how much racism there really is.

[2046] How much racism black people have to deal with and it comes to the police.

[2047] When you watch all these videos of black people being harassed by the cops or beating up by the cops or that Eric Gardner guy getting choked to death in New York.

[2048] It's ridiculous.

[2049] It should never happen.

[2050] It probably wouldn't happen if there was a white guy in a suit.

[2051] and we all know that.

[2052] Yeah, but we know else, okay.

[2053] But you know as much as the media exploits, every now, every fucking time you see now, there's a cop doing something wrong or doing this wrong or doing, you're not seeing, you know, four fucking criminals walking down the street.

[2054] You don't know if they're fucking packing a weapon.

[2055] You don't see them harassed.

[2056] It's all right now what's selling, fucking papers, and we're saying papers loosely, is what are the cops doing to black people?

[2057] That's what's selling right now.

[2058] That's what's headlines are.

[2059] And look, as many bad cops, and you know it's maybe one out of 20.

[2060] One out of, you know, the percentage of, you know, like this.

[2061] This lady, I didn't see the documentary, made a documentary about AA, all the predators in AA, all the, you know, the criminals and this and that and people taking advantage.

[2062] Well, you guess what?

[2063] You got fucking people, people in, you know, you got people in rooms that were fucking ex -heroine addicts in and out of jail, some killers, some this.

[2064] Yeah, there's going to be some fucked up people.

[2065] What's the numbers that you're dealing with?

[2066] You're dealing with millions and millions of people.

[2067] Like here, look at it this way.

[2068] How many people do you think get arrested by the cops or have interaction with the cops every fucking day of the week, across the entire country.

[2069] It's got to be in the hundreds of thousands of interactions every day.

[2070] So these glaring instances like the guy in South Carolina that shot that guy, fucked up, unbelievably fucked up.

[2071] What happened in Baltimore?

[2072] Fucked up.

[2073] What happened in Ferguson?

[2074] Fucked up.

[2075] Those fucked up instances, those become like something that they can focus on because those are these blips.

[2076] and they're in the overall scheme of things in comparison to how many interactions people actually have with the cops the amount of times people get shot in those situations are fairly small but we're dealing with hundreds of millions of people and the interactions of hundreds of millions of people on a daily basis and you're going to find things to focus on does it mean there's no problem no it's definitely a fucking problem if those if one of those things happen that's a problem that one instance is a problem that thing in Staten Island was unwatchable.

[2077] Which ones is to...

[2078] Oh, the choke?

[2079] Eric Cardin.

[2080] It was unfucking watchable.

[2081] But do you think the cops went in there with the mindset I want to kill this guy?

[2082] Well, they fucked up because they were getting...

[2083] Well, first of all, they use cops to collect revenue.

[2084] That's a problem.

[2085] That's part of the problem.

[2086] It's like they use cops to write tickets.

[2087] They use cops to make arrests.

[2088] They have quotas.

[2089] That's fucked up.

[2090] They're doing that because they want to make money and they want these cops to be profitable for them.

[2091] if no one did any crime what the fuck would cops do if they have quotas if there was no crime if the whole country agreed to have a moratorium on crime for like three weeks what the fuck would everybody do they would have to start planning crime they'd have to start faking crime and arresting people for shit that didn't happen but that's the same as saying if there was no fires firemen wouldn't have to fuck because there's oftentimes no fires for years and no one ever talks about like hey we don't need the fire department anymore anymore Everybody knows that fires are always possible.

[2092] So you want to keep a fire department.

[2093] If anybody ever ran from mayor's head and saying, look, we don't need a fire department.

[2094] Everybody just stopped playing with matches.

[2095] All right, we're good.

[2096] We just cut money off the budget.

[2097] Then we go, well, what the fuck are you talking about?

[2098] But the idea of having no cops because there's no crime, people would welcome that.

[2099] They would welcome that.

[2100] Like, oh, we don't need cops.

[2101] There's no crime anymore.

[2102] Like, you can't, you can't, like, force these people to make arrests.

[2103] and the idea of putting quotas on cops, if you have lazy cops that don't go out and enforce the law, well, then you need to get better cops.

[2104] But what you can't do is you can't make people arrest people.

[2105] Because if you make people arrest people, you're assuming someone's going to do something bad.

[2106] If no one did anything bad, isn't that the whole point of having a police presence?

[2107] Like the whole point of having a police presence is people realize, oh, there's cops, I don't want to do anything bad.

[2108] But if that happened, those cops would be fucked because they have quotas.

[2109] You know, and people try to say there's no quotas.

[2110] Bull shit.

[2111] Bull, fucking shit.

[2112] I know cops.

[2113] They tell me. Even if there's unwritten quotas, there's quotas.

[2114] There's pressure on them to arrest people.

[2115] And it's been proven time and time again that there's quotas.

[2116] And it varies by department.

[2117] It varies by city and state.

[2118] But without a doubt, there's a lot of pressure on people to arrest people.

[2119] So they can get funding.

[2120] Yes, yes, of course.

[2121] I mean, that's how they make money.

[2122] And these fucking these forfeiture, asset forfeitures, situations where people are getting their money taken from them this fucking kid there's the one on Amtrak the DEA is catching people on Amtrak because some kid had money saved up he had $16 ,000 on him clean criminal record no fucking history of drug sales no history of drug use they took his fucking money what was this what you mean?

[2123] Amtrak civil forfeiture the DEA is involved these civil forfeiture cases it's fucking disgusting man Here's one of them.

[2124] Richland, $4 .1 million police station funded by civil forfeiture.

[2125] You fucking criminals.

[2126] Criminals!

[2127] You're stealing money from the people that you're supposed to be fucking protecting.

[2128] They steal.

[2129] And then you have to take them to court and you have to try to get that money back.

[2130] Even if someone made money from selling drugs, even if they made money from selling drugs, that's not the fucking police department's money.

[2131] They can't take that money.

[2132] and buy margarita machines and all this shit they've been accused of doing because that's what they happen they've been convicted of doing that it's awful Oh, it's a whole corrupt society.

[2133] You know, I mean Well, it's corrupt because they've been allowed to be corrupt because they got incompetent shitheads that are running these police departments and good cops are forced into bad situations If you have it on the books that they're allowed to take money from people then it's up to their discretion and then you have these fucking idiots that you know just decide to pull the trigger and you You're going to have a certain amount of idiots in any group of people.

[2134] If you have 500 people, you've got five idiots no matter what you do.

[2135] No matter what you do, you pull any 500 people.

[2136] Five of them you're going to want to kill with a fucking hammer.

[2137] They're assholes.

[2138] No matter what you do, there's a certain amount of people that are just dumb as shit.

[2139] There's four in this room.

[2140] I know one of these are an idiot right here, me. You're not an idiot rich.

[2141] You just occasionally sound like one.

[2142] Here's, you can't get to look.

[2143] Look, if they want to put, if they want to take your property and build a highway through your fucking property, they'll do it.

[2144] No, they're not.

[2145] They're not going to do it.

[2146] They're not going to do it anymore.

[2147] They're not doing it anymore because of stories like that because people find out about asset forfeiture.

[2148] They've just started to rescind those laws.

[2149] They've started to pull those laws back.

[2150] They shouldn't just pull those laws back.

[2151] They should put everyone who fucking was a part of that in jail.

[2152] Everyone will let people take some kids $16 ,000 and you make them go to court for it.

[2153] You know how much money costs to fight against?

[2154] and then you have to pull receipts for how you made that $16 ,000?

[2155] This is supposed to be America, okay?

[2156] You're supposed to be innocent until proven guilty.

[2157] You find, what's, $16 ,000 isn't that much fucking money.

[2158] It's not like the guy had $2 billion in gold bullion, like where'd you get it?

[2159] Fuck you!

[2160] Like, hey, settle down, buddy.

[2161] You might have done something illegal to get $2 billion.

[2162] You're only 12.

[2163] No, this is a kid who earned money and they stole it from them because they decided it was reasonably suspicious but you're going you're going for you're going from a whole different from the police officer on the street doing what they got to do to stop crime and keep stay alive to the bureaucrats that are passing these fucking laws and they're just pawns the cops are just pawns in the chess game well they may start out as pawns you know where along the line a lot of times they wind up being fucking legal criminals they wind up doing illegals what should be illegal shit but it is legal so does have to close you club owners we were for.

[2164] So does fucking, so, so does you have to corporations.

[2165] One just got caught dumping, you know, they're all fucking, you know, band the banks are the biggest, less than half a percent interest, but when you, a loan, you take out a loan, you're paying what, four, five percent interest, six percent on a loan, you know, so.

[2166] But you agree to do that.

[2167] I mean, that's something you say, well, okay, I'll agree to this.

[2168] I need that money.

[2169] You have no choice.

[2170] You have no choice.

[2171] Your choice is to not get that loan.

[2172] There's a big difference with that and someone's stealing your money when they pull you over because they decide you shouldn't have $10 ,000 on you.

[2173] You know, that's like they've been doing that for a long time.

[2174] They've been pulling people over for a long time and just taking their money.

[2175] Because if you have money on you, you have to prove that you got that money through legal means.

[2176] That is bullshit.

[2177] And, you know, it's situations like that that engender or create this lack of trust in law enforcement.

[2178] You created an enemy.

[2179] You created an enemy in that kid.

[2180] That kid is going to distrust the DEA and the FBI and the CIA.

[2181] And anybody pulls him over.

[2182] He's going to distrust them forever because you ruined his life for a long period of time.

[2183] The time he's got to go to court, the sleepless nights he spent thinking of this smirking cunt that stole his fucking money with a badge on, that criminal with a fucking badge on.

[2184] But you know what?

[2185] Look.

[2186] I'm not.

[2187] I'm not.

[2188] You didn't even take money from me, Rich.

[2189] Fucking black people.

[2190] You can't even imagine a struggle because you're not black.

[2191] Right.

[2192] White liberals go, oh, I know your struggle.

[2193] You don't know the struggles.

[2194] You don't know the struggles.

[2195] You don't leave the house every day in fear.

[2196] Okay.

[2197] And, and stop and frisk shit they were doing in New York.

[2198] That's, that's all being exploited because also, and I agree, I grew up in a black thing.

[2199] I seen it.

[2200] I don't, I never felt it or lived it, but I seen it, okay, because that's why I grew up.

[2201] So I don't, I had the feeling of anti -Semitism that I, that I can feel because that's what I see in.

[2202] And, and.

[2203] feel.

[2204] But you will never see the story of the cops that went in and stopped a gang war, or broke up, you know, a husband from killing his fucking wife on a domestic call that saved his wife and that family's life.

[2205] And risked their lives.

[2206] And risked their lives.

[2207] Right.

[2208] And saved two kids because the fucking father or even the mother fucking lost it.

[2209] Some dummy, some bureaucrats, some dummy, some administrator, whoever the fuck, passed those regulations.

[2210] that allowed cops to steal money from people.

[2211] They're the problem.

[2212] You gave them legal power.

[2213] You gave them a green light, and you made it where it's not even against the law.

[2214] And so they feel like they're justified in doing that.

[2215] You've got to be very careful of the power that you give people because it's very difficult to take that power back.

[2216] And it's also very difficult to take that righteous attitude.

[2217] They have this attitude, like what they're doing is just because it's legal.

[2218] Because they can't look at it objectively.

[2219] It's hard.

[2220] But don't you think in the morning five cops you take five cops roll call they listen don't you think I don't know what percentage but I would let's even say seven out of ten are not going five and then there's seven out of ten I'm just going to use five cops example but say whatever the percentages that most of those cops aren't going to work going I'm going to find somebody and take money I would I would bet that most of those cops you're going, I'm going to try to do something good today.

[2221] I'm going to try to stop.

[2222] I'm sure a lot of them do.

[2223] Okay.

[2224] I'm sure more are there to protect and serve than there are to fuck you over.

[2225] And I'm pretty, you know, you know what I mean?

[2226] So the ones that are there risking their lives, because they're going to a job where they might not come home.

[2227] Yeah, absolutely.

[2228] They might not fucking come home.

[2229] Like I said, it's not them.

[2230] It's the fucking people that give them laws, that pass laws that allow them to do these things.

[2231] Okay, but the laws Make it legal.

[2232] But the lawyer you're talking about it's where they could take that money.

[2233] That's just one of them.

[2234] How about stopping frisk?

[2235] Imagine if you're a black guy and you're walking down in New York and you've done nothing wrong.

[2236] You're going to school.

[2237] And some asshole with a fucking, you know, a chip on his shoulder thinks it's okay for him to touch your body.

[2238] Start rifling through your fucking pockets for no reason.

[2239] Maybe he calls you a racial slur in the process if you resist them.

[2240] And there's nothing a goddamn thing you can do about it.

[2241] But do you don't think that happens in white areas?

[2242] It doesn't matter if it happens.

[2243] In white areas, I'm just saying, like, it's not just happening at all because you gave them the possibility.

[2244] You let them on paper.

[2245] You made it legal for them to do that.

[2246] As soon as you make it legal for them to do things that are inappropriate that don't make any sense, like, if there's no real reasonable, like reason to search somewhere, they're not in the middle of something criminal.

[2247] They're not doing anything suspicious.

[2248] They're just walking on the street.

[2249] That's discrimination.

[2250] And you're giving them a legal precedent.

[2251] You're giving them illegal, on paper, reason to pull someone over and be a cunt.

[2252] Okay.

[2253] And you're right.

[2254] But how many, how many serial killers, how many rapists, how many kidnappers have been caught due to profiling?

[2255] The FBI, I mean, they're whole - That's not profiling.

[2256] Stop and frisk is not profiling.

[2257] Yes, it is profiling because they're looking at people.

[2258] Black people?

[2259] How many people were white?

[2260] They got pulled over for Stop and Frisk.

[2261] How do you know in Ohio that debt?

[2262] You're just looking at...

[2263] It was a New York City law.

[2264] That stop and frisk shit?

[2265] It's only in New York.

[2266] That was where it was widely criticized.

[2267] I'm sure cops do similar things in other places.

[2268] Well, yes, they stop you.

[2269] If you're going through a fucking Toledo, Ohio, and you see four white kids that look like trouble, that fit a profile, cops will fuck with them.

[2270] Well, they'll ask them questions, but they're not legally allowed to start searching through their pockets like they were in New York.

[2271] What they were doing in New York that stopped and frisk shit is bullshit.

[2272] That's fucked up.

[2273] I don't know enough about it.

[2274] I don't know the crime statistics.

[2275] I do believe in certain types of profiling.

[2276] But we wouldn't catch half the, you know, all the terrorism that has been stopped in this country, which we don't even know about.

[2277] And there's been a lot.

[2278] Okay, since 9 -11, they have caught a lot of fucking people.

[2279] They've also entrapped a lot of people and forced him into doing terror shit.

[2280] Like that guy in Dallas, they took some guy who was, like, mentally challenged.

[2281] They forced him into this situation where they gave him a fake bomb and gave him like a cellular phone to detonate it.

[2282] And then as soon as he tried to detonate it, they arrested him.

[2283] Seriously?

[2284] Yeah, yeah, that's a famous case.

[2285] They fucking, they tricked this dummy and they talked to him.

[2286] He probably would have never found the means or the resources to have this bomb in the first place.

[2287] Now he's in jail for the rest of his life.

[2288] But wait, was he...

[2289] He was willing to make that call and blow that bomb up.

[2290] Okay, well, guess what?

[2291] But you can convince people to join Scientology.

[2292] You can convince people...

[2293] Once they join Scientology, should you arrest them for being retarded?

[2294] Okay, here's the thing.

[2295] I don't think you I don't know the story, but if a cop can convince them, so can so true.

[2296] So true.

[2297] So true.

[2298] But there's a lot of idiots out there.

[2299] And guess what?

[2300] Profiling is help stopping those fucking idiots from committing these fucking atrocious attacks.

[2301] You can make that argument.

[2302] You could also make the argument that what they're doing is they're taking advantage of someone who's stupid.

[2303] And they're being like very persuasive and they're getting some dummy to do something he probably would have never done in the first place and may have never even made contact with those kind of people in the first place or people that have the resources to do those things.

[2304] Why would they pick somebody like that unless there was a reason?

[2305] Because they want to make arrests.

[2306] That's a scorekeeping thing.

[2307] I mean, they want to make arrests.

[2308] A lot of them, yes.

[2309] A lot of them are trying to prevent crime.

[2310] They're trying to do good.

[2311] The vast majority.

[2312] But the problem is there's enough wiggle room there for assholes.

[2313] And assholes get involved in police enforcement and they fuck it up for everybody else.

[2314] Because all the good cops, they have to think about that guy in South Carolina that shot that guy in the back who was running away.

[2315] Fucking ridiculous.

[2316] That becomes a part.

[2317] But how come you don't hear about...

[2318] The good cops.

[2319] No, not even that.

[2320] how come you don't hear that what is this in 2012 New Yorkers were stopped by the police 532 ,911 times in one year 4773 ,644 will totally innocent 89 % that's criminal okay guess what 55 % were black 32 % Latin yeah 10 % you know what makes me happy no teeth you know what happens yeah out of this you know what happened know it makes me happy about this.

[2321] What?

[2322] No Jews?

[2323] No Jews.

[2324] Jews are white.

[2325] They have Jews in the white category.

[2326] Now, it would be Jews.

[2327] Where do you fall into?

[2328] If I look to you, I'd say maybe, maybe Latin.

[2329] If you started talking Spanish, if I ran into you, see, puppy, you know, you started...

[2330] When someone people trashed white people, I don't give a fuck, if they're trashed Jews, I get upset.

[2331] But white people are Jews.

[2332] Jews are white people.

[2333] Yeah, but not, when a wasp are white people.

[2334] That was right after, you know, it's weird because look at 2012, how big it is, and then look in 2014, the big Jewish.

[2335] drop.

[2336] What was it?

[2337] They stopped it.

[2338] They got in trouble.

[2339] What was 2011?

[2340] They sued the fuck out.

[2341] Wait a second.

[2342] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[2343] A lot of lawful.

[2344] Does it say?

[2345] Look at 88 % in 2011.

[2346] But guess what?

[2347] Guess what they're not saying?

[2348] But almost all of it is 80 plus percent innocent.

[2349] But guess what?

[2350] In these statistics, in these statistics, they're not saying whether crime has risen or dropped.

[2351] Who gives the fuck?

[2352] It doesn't matter.

[2353] You can't just ruin people's lives.

[2354] You can't just arrest people, frisk them, fuck with them, give them all this crazy stress if they're totally innocent.

[2355] In 2006, it was 90 % innocent.

[2356] It's ridiculous.

[2357] It's a stupid policy.

[2358] Did this start right after 9 -11?

[2359] No. Well, it started after 9 -11, but they're deep into 2012 and they were doing it.

[2360] That's when it first started here.

[2361] Yeah, 2002, 86 % were totally innocent.

[2362] Who was mayor at the time when this started?

[2363] 82 % in 2002.

[2364] Who was mayor?

[2365] Was it Giuliani?

[2366] Yeah.

[2367] Well, he was a head district attorney.

[2368] this guy was yeah you know he was cocksucker nine out of ten stop and frisk new york has been completely innocent that's not good and it makes you wonder like like what is that one well they had some weed on them or you know they had like an expired driver's license it's all okay yeah injustice there's fucking injustice throughout this world just injustice amongst blacks whites jews brought women but obviously women more blacks than whites, and if you know the numbers, there's way more white people than black people in New York.

[2369] There's 13 % profile.

[2370] In this country.

[2371] That's an illegal policy.

[2372] I mean, it might be legal, but it's an immoral, unjust, unethical, racist policy.

[2373] Should there be racial profiling towards Middle Easterns?

[2374] No. You don't think so.

[2375] No. At all.

[2376] No. No, I think...

[2377] No, look, if you know something about someone's past, do you have many fucking people are in the Middle East?

[2378] You know, many people that are in the Middle East that aren't terrorists?

[2379] The vast majority.

[2380] So you're saying, like, because a small percentage are terrorists, you should racially profile the vast majority of innocent people and subject them to all sorts of scrutiny that you wouldn't white people.

[2381] Only at the airport.

[2382] Why is it the airport?

[2383] I know.

[2384] I know.

[2385] When are we going to pick fucking NASCAR races and shit, you know?

[2386] It seems like there's a lot more people to be killed at larger areas.

[2387] And there's something about airplanes.

[2388] They're terrifying already.

[2389] So terror and airplanes just rampant.

[2390] it up even further.

[2391] You know, we have the smartest people in the world that are supposedly running these countries, these airlines.

[2392] Do you know history, how different history would be with a fucking, if it was a $5 deadbolt on that fucking cockpit door, okay, just a deadbolt, okay, how, after all the hijackings to Cuba before that?

[2393] How about if there were sky marshals on planes?

[2394] Yeah.

[2395] If there were sky marshals on planes before 9 -11, 9 -11.

[2396] would have never happened.

[2397] I mean, if you, they would have just taken those fucking guys out.

[2398] Tuck, tak, tak.

[2399] That would have been that rap.

[2400] That would have been the end of it.

[2401] You have highly trained cops, you know, mercenaries, you get some black water guys, whatever the fuck you've got to do.

[2402] Guys have been to war, know how to kill people, and you put them on these planes to guard them from assholes with box cutters, and you're done.

[2403] I mean, you just, you cost a little money, and the idea that they were unprotected from something like that, and the idea that you could use a plane as a weapon, and that had been considered long before September 11.

[2404] I mean, they had talked about that many, many times of what would happen if terrorists took all.

[2405] I mean, that was not like an unthought -of scenario.

[2406] So how come none of these fucking CEOs or heads of these airlines said, we fucking locked the pilots in?

[2407] Save money.

[2408] They don't open the door under any circumstance.

[2409] How about that fucking guy in Germany?

[2410] The pilot went to take a shit.

[2411] The co -pilot, who's depressed, decides to fly the plane into a mountain.

[2412] a mountain and they can't even get inside I mean that's insane They're pounding on the door And this this asshole just Drops the plane right down into a mountain I mean how the fuck is that possible How is there no fail safe method To get inside that plane Or how do they not have a phone Where they're going to override Where they can call someone And who could override the controls It seems to me like this should be Another way into that car And I wonder how hard it is To break that fucking door down Yeah I mean I look Now it's probably like a vault I don't know It's probably one of those big heavy metal doors It seems pretty big But I wonder You know I wonder how hard it is I wonder how hard it is to break down I wonder was that proven That did co -pilot Yes He just flew it into the mountain Yeah it was totally Totally intentional He was depressed He was on antidepressants He was suicidal He was all He was all fucked up I mean suicide I mean I can't deal with it I don't know I don't know anybody But to take a whole fucking plane down You know A cut of epic proportions Mother fucking Yeah it's so amazing And again, you know, we focus on that.

[2413] Meanwhile, how many thousands of planes fly successfully every day?

[2414] Yeah.

[2415] And we don't even think about that.

[2416] Why is there not one parachute on the plane, though?

[2417] Well, you know what?

[2418] You would die anyway, man. You're going 30 ,000 feet.

[2419] You wouldn't have any air when you jumped out.

[2420] You probably would die of having no air.

[2421] And on top of that, it'd be freezing fucking cold.

[2422] The idea that you would be fine and that you would make it.

[2423] Like, when you parachute, you don't really parachute from that high.

[2424] It's very rare.

[2425] When they do, they have like all sorts of special equipment and oxygen tanks and shit.

[2426] Here's, it was on, I don't know, 60 minutes or something.

[2427] I didn't see it.

[2428] Bonnie told me, and it makes sense.

[2429] If you went on a plane wearing a helmet or brought a helmet on, your chances of survival are a lot better.

[2430] Because most people, when a plane crashes, hit their head on the fucking seat or whatever.

[2431] They get knocked out, unconscious, and they burn to death.

[2432] So if you got a fucking helmet, boom, you hit your head out to crash.

[2433] You're probably going out anyway.

[2434] I got news for you.

[2435] I mean a good helmet.

[2436] You get hit going 500 miles an hour, and your fucking head is jello.

[2437] You know, when they catch guys who die in motorcycle accidents, they call them squids.

[2438] Because they have helmets on, but their neck gets snapped anyway.

[2439] And so they're like a squid.

[2440] Everything below the hard stuff is just mush.

[2441] Yeah.

[2442] Or how come, I'm waiting for the airplane.

[2443] Oh, man, that really fucking defeated my fucking theory.

[2444] Because every time I go on a plane now, I try to get a blanket in case it's going to crash.

[2445] I run my head up like a turban.

[2446] We got to wrap this up.

[2447] I got to get out of here, unfortunately.

[2448] How can they don't make, God damn, when I'm on, it just flows.

[2449] How come, I don't know, I bring it to another level.

[2450] I don't know if Tom and Christine does what Bonnie and I do.

[2451] Well, there's only one way to find out.

[2452] The roast battle.

[2453] The roast battle.

[2454] Roast battle.

[2455] Rose battle, Rose battle.

[2456] Will you guys be willing to fly in for this?

[2457] Yeah, probably.

[2458] We could book something around.

[2459] We want to do a week of vacation in here anyhow.

[2460] Okay.

[2461] Well, tell me when you're doing it.

[2462] I'll have you guys both in studio together and we'll promote it.

[2463] Yeah, but we got to do in a club, you mean, right?

[2464] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2465] No, I'm saying you and Bonnie have you guys in studio to promote it.

[2466] And maybe I'll have Tom and Christina in studio as well.

[2467] That sounds fun.

[2468] On a different day or maybe in the same day.

[2469] Chaos.

[2470] Yeah, that sounds fucking fun.

[2471] Total chaos.

[2472] Yeah.

[2473] We'll do it.

[2474] All right, we've got to end this stuff.

[2475] I got to get out of here.

[2476] You're the best.

[2477] Friday through Sunday, Ventura Comedy Club.

[2478] Thank you for having me again.

[2479] I fucking love doing this.

[2480] And go see him this weekend.

[2481] I guarantee you you're going to have a good time.

[2482] If you don't have a good time, you're a shithead, and you have a terrible sense of humor.

[2483] Rich Voss would be at the Ventura Comedy Club, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, Ventura Harbor Comedy Club.

[2484] Google it.

[2485] You can find it.

[2486] Rich Voss on Twitter.

[2487] Love you, buddy.

[2488] Thanks for having.

[2489] All right.