MFM Minisode 185

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The Minisode episode.

[3] How you doing, minisode episode?

[4] How are you, girl?

[5] That looks great on you, whatever it is.

[6] Oh, my God, I'm so glad you changed into that.

[7] What a fun color, at leisure wear.

[8] Wow.

[9] Our favorite.

[10] What a great Terry cloth sweatsuit that is.

[11] I didn't know they made that color jade.

[12] Now, why did they just rape butt on the butt?

[13] Is that the anything?

[14] Yeah, we know it's the butt.

[15] Yeah.

[16] It's not like this is our first experience with butts just because you're wearing those sweatpants.

[17] I do like that style of calligraphy, though.

[18] What do we feel like the fuck?

[19] Kind of like a old gothic font that says butt.

[20] But with three T's, that's my new athlete's wear line.

[21] Make it happen.

[22] But this is a minisot.

[23] We read you your stories.

[24] Karen, you want to go first?

[25] I do.

[26] I want to go first all the time in every situation.

[27] Good, because I don't.

[28] I always want to go second.

[29] Here, let me step forward and talk in a loud voice.

[30] This is entitled Hometown Story.

[31] Greetings.

[32] I remember hearing this story from my hometown between Buffalo and Rochester, New York.

[33] From the time I was in elementary school, my parents' best friend was a sheriff who apparently didn't filter his stories around children.

[34] I was finally inspired to look it up after listening to dozens of hometowns in your podcast.

[35] That has been getting me through this pandemic.

[36] Anyway, here's the story.

[37] In 1987, the police were called to a domestic where a man named Joe.

[38] Shlum was threatening to kill his girlfriend and her two kids.

[39] He had a pillow over the face of a newborn and the knife to the baby's chest and wasn't following orders from the responding officer to drop both items.

[40] The officer said after the fact he was right about to shoot him because the baby was dying when Joe finally did drop both and was arrested.

[41] When they began questioning him, he admitted that he'd murdered a woman.

[42] They initially didn't believe him.

[43] There weren't any missing person's cases open at the.

[44] the time, but when they searched the name of the woman, Pam Smith, they found that she'd missed a court date a few years before and began to believe him.

[45] He explained that he'd hit her in the head with a rock and strangled her with a cord and then buried her under the floorboards of the friendly motel.

[46] When they went to the motel, he showed them the room.

[47] He stepped on the floorboards to prove they made a squeaking sound, and sure enough, she was under the motel floorboards.

[48] Fuck, this sounds like a book.

[49] That's crazy.

[50] He was sentenced to 17 years to life at Auburn State Prison and has since died in prison, I believe.

[51] Her family never reported her missing because they thought she'd gone to Texas.

[52] I'm sure you're wondering, how did no one notice the smell?

[53] Well, the motel owner explained that he'd assumed the resident boa constrictor, the resident's boa constrictor had gotten loose and somehow produced the exact smell of a body decaying.

[54] Totally normal.

[55] I'd always heard that this story had happened on prom night, but since he was 25 and he killed her when she was 19, then I think that was an embellishment.

[56] It's crazy to think that if the officer had shot Joe, they may never have found Pam.

[57] Anyway, thanks for all you do.

[58] It's nice to hear other voices besides your husbands during quarantine every now and again, even if you love him very much.

[59] Stay sexy and stay away from those empty side of the road motels because there is a body under the floorboards, Rebecca.

[60] Yeah.

[61] That has everything.

[62] That has everything.

[63] That's crazy.

[64] I think we should, can we, can we get behind stopping the, um, the, the, what's not the process of not believing someone when they said that they killed someone and being like, well, we don't have anyone missing around in this fucking neck of the woods.

[65] Well, there's no, there's no hungry boa constrictors anywhere near here.

[66] So what?

[67] There hasn't been a missing woman around here.

[68] And that rationale is like, you're definitely.

[69] That's like I don't want to do any more paperwork.

[70] The old boa constrictor excuse.

[71] Yeah.

[72] So, this one's just called small town.

[73] Hello, ladies.

[74] I've been meaning to get this story down for a while and you've given me the perfect reason to get it done.

[75] I work at a nursery and spend many hours of my day alone, so I usually bring you with me. And thank you, by the way.

[76] You're fucking hilarious.

[77] So here's my story.

[78] When I was five, I was in daycare with my siblings at my, quote, Aunt Judy's house.

[79] She was no real relation, just a close friend.

[80] Everyone's an aunt.

[81] Anyway, she watched quite a few kids and one of them was her husband's nephew.

[82] He always brought a yellow duffel bag full of toy guns.

[83] One day, we were playing by the pool while Judy was in the house on one of her incredibly long phone calls.

[84] The nephew told me to kiss him and I refused.

[85] He kept bugging me and I eventually gave him the five -year -old version of Go Fuck Yourself, pal.

[86] At which point, he got upset and pulled his dad's Pearl handled 22 caliber pistol out of the yellow duffel bag.

[87] and put it up to my forehead.

[88] These kids are five, by the way.

[89] My older sister saw this all go down and ran into the house screaming for help, and my, quote, aunt proceeded to chew her ass out for interrupting her.

[90] This sounds like something that could have happened in either of her childhoods, right?

[91] It absolutely did happen in mine.

[92] Meanwhile, this is standard fair.

[93] Mom's on phone behavior.

[94] Mom's on phone.

[95] You might not survive this.

[96] Meanwhile, outside, I am still refusing.

[97] to kiss the little creep and my sister comes back out just in time to watch him pull the trigger.

[98] The gun was loaded and it and it did fire.

[99] The only reason I'm alive is because the bullet jammed in the chamber.

[100] Needless to say, the sound of the gun got that bitch off her phone.

[101] Aunt Judy.

[102] My mother somehow managed not to beat her up and the kid moved to California that week with his family.

[103] Oh, Jesus.

[104] Yeah.

[105] they're out of there.

[106] I believe I heard a rumor a couple years later that he ended up killing his younger brother.

[107] No. I won't include the details.

[108] Fortunately for me, I block the entire incident out and have no recollection of it at all.

[109] However, my poor sister was never the same afterwards.

[110] Of course not.

[111] Stay sexy and keep your guns.

[112] Lock the fuck up, Crystal.

[113] I mean, that is cautionary tale after cautionary fucking tale.

[114] I really wanted that to be that that was just like a little kid messing around and he didn't know the difference and the idea that he went on to hurt another kid is so horrible.

[115] Well, he might not have.

[116] And it's clear that if he, if that's what was going on with him, there was something going on at home.

[117] You know what I mean?

[118] In my mind, in my estimation, if you are a little kid carrying a bag of guns around with you and, and putting it to someone's head and pulling the trigger is like retaliation for not kissing you on the lips is like, ooh.

[119] Yeah.

[120] He's, he's mimicking that from somewhere.

[121] He's mimicking something.

[122] That's been taught.

[123] Yeah.

[124] Yeah.

[125] Yeah.

[126] No, it's heavy.

[127] It's horrible.

[128] That's what this podcast is.

[129] Heavy, horrible.

[130] Let's get heavier and horribleer.

[131] And the subject line of this email is, since you mentioned John List, hello, all, I was listening to your most recent episode, Small Bigfoot, and my ears perked up when you mentioned John List for two particular reasons.

[132] Reason number one, since I have no self -control and listen to podcasts in completely random order, I was so pleased and excited to hear that you actually did cover John List.

[133] Turns out, I've just been too lazy.

[134] to scroll all the way down to anything under episode 50.

[135] Reason number two, a lovely receptionist at my job has a crazy connection to that hometown murder.

[136] Listen to the Conan O 'Brien episode too.

[137] There's some Johnless tidbits in that that we did.

[138] I work in an orthodontic office and Thursdays we don't have patience.

[139] We just clean and catch up on all administrative things.

[140] So typically I put my headphones in and listen to my true crime podcasts all day.

[141] One day I look over at our receptionist.

[142] We'll call her Marie, and asked if she had any interesting true crime stories, and man, did she ever?

[143] She grew up in New Jersey right across the river from the John List home.

[144] I believe she told me that she was eight years old when the talk of the neighborhood was the slaughter of the List family.

[145] She proceeded to give great detail about the murder and how he got away with his senseless crime.

[146] She even told me that at the time it scared her so much, she would even ask her dad from time to time to please not kill her family.

[147] and sorry am I not supposed to laugh at that I mean it's like it's terrible but it sounds like something I would have entirely or like if this would sway you at all I just want you to know I don't want you to do this right right I could hear myself as a kid saying that to my sweet dad please don't murder us sure I used to ask my parents like once a week are they getting divorced in that weird wildfire of early 80s divorces where just like all the sudden, 75 % of your friends' parents were getting divorced.

[148] And I just would go like every night at dinner just be like, seriously, are you guys getting divorced?

[149] I don't want to be surprised by this.

[150] That's the worst thing is when they sit you down and surprise.

[151] I've definitely said to Vince, please don't kill me. Just break up with me. I swear it's fine if like you are over it, break up with me, but just don't kill me. And I'm sure he's horrified by me. He's just like, okay.

[152] Just covering all my bases.

[153] It's a deal, Georgia.

[154] He shakes your hand very formally.

[155] Sounds good.

[156] A promise is a promise.

[157] Then she put in parentheses poor thing, which is true.

[158] Of course he didn't and she grew up to be very kind and spunky so luckily it didn't traumatize her.

[159] Here's the wild part.

[160] Marie went on with her life.

[161] Marie went on with her life.

[162] She moved to Virginia and started a family with her husband.

[163] One day nearly 18 years later, she sat down to watch the news.

[164] Lo and behold, John List, who slaughtered his whole family just down the street for Maria 18 years ago had been apprehended just two miles down the street from her new home in Virginia.

[165] What are the odds?

[166] Holy shit.

[167] Marie, of course, was shocked.

[168] She had never thought that he'd be caught after such a long time, let alone right down the street from her new home, a few states over.

[169] I could not believe my ears at this wild story and had to research it myself.

[170] And everything was exactly how she described it to me. The simple fact that he was caught based off a composite sculpture aged 18 years blows my mind.

[171] But the fact that Marie experienced both a hometown murder and a hometown apprehension of the same annihilator in completely different places surprises me even more.

[172] Anyway, thank you all for everything you do.

[173] Stay sexy and try not to move the same town as your hometown murderer, Hannah.

[174] What are the fucking chances?

[175] That's crazy, right?

[176] Just nuts.

[177] Wow, I love that.

[178] That's why you've got to ask every single person in your life if they have a hometown.

[179] Most are going to think.

[180] That's a gold star hometown, I would say.

[181] for sure.

[182] That's really upper echelon.

[183] I think that's up there with chain sawing down telephone poles.

[184] I mean, nothing could be better than that, but it's close.

[185] Look, we have to try.

[186] Just called hometown story.

[187] Dear Georgia, Karen and Stephen, in the spirit of badass grandmother stories, I want to do a corrections corner for a 102 -year -old bit of family folklore.

[188] It's a tragic story about my grandmother, Mary McGarvey, the oldest of 12 children, born in 19, 16 in Stark County, Illinois.

[189] She raised five kids on a dairy farm.

[190] A detail I remember about her was very rough hands that would snag on the polyester dresses she wore in the 70s.

[191] Oh, yeah.

[192] And also her writing ring was worn down to a mere thread from years of manual labor.

[193] She wasn't retired long when early onset Alzheimer set in and we lost her about 10 years before she actually died.

[194] There's always been an air of sadness about her.

[195] speculation as to the cause.

[196] Some said it was that she'd been engaged to a man who died before she married my grandpa.

[197] My mom thought it was sleep deprivation from milking cows at 4 a .m. for 50 years.

[198] My dad, though, told a story that I thought was very likely at the heart of it.

[199] When she was little, she was babysitting her one -year -old brother, Joseph.

[200] He got into some iron tablets and died.

[201] The way the story was told implied that she had been responsible and that he had died on her watch.

[202] and it made sense that the guilt of that could be just the thing that might haunt her for the rest of her life.

[203] Recently, I was putting together a scrapbook about her family tree, and in visiting a graveyard where my McGarvey family is buried, I came upon the gravestone of Little Joseph.

[204] His birth and death dates were 1917 through 1918.

[205] I was shocked.

[206] My grandmother was born in 1916, which meant she was only two years old when he died.

[207] Later, I came across the account of his death in the newspaper.

[208] It said that Mary had been playing doctor, with the iron tablets that belonged to her grandmother, who was a guest in the home.

[209] The fact that this account was written in the small town newspaper, forever connecting my grandmother to this tragedy is so wrong.

[210] For my dad to believe that she was, quote, babysitting suggests that in 1918, somebody was looking for somewhere to place the blame.

[211] The version in the newspaper stuck, and my poor grandmother had to carry that.

[212] The stories of women are missing from history.

[213] Thanks for creating a platform that helps to remedy that, Molly.

[214] that's so sad so they didn't want to blame the grandmother for having iron tablets out and so they blamed a two -year -old who probably was supposed to be babysitting a fucking one -year -old yeah no I think rule of thumb is if you need a babysitter the babysitter the babysitter should have already been through at least first grade just for the basics you know standing up and sitting down right go into the bathroom where you're supposed to it should be a person that's twice as tall as the baby's right and then don't print that it was their fault for the baby dying in a fucking local newspaper no you fucking assholes it's a baby it's a baby it's a baby it's two babies why do i have to say two year olds are baby why are you making me call two year old names why am i the fucking expert now well everyone knows you're the expert of children okay so here's thing when they're laying down that's like a super baby and then it then that is i'd say zero super baby then zero to two is baby okay okay and then two to four that's like a big baby big baby yeah and then once you get in those little white shoes with the laces then then we can start talking about practicing babysitting okay but not until like five or six the thought of like my sister letting my four and a half year nephew baby quote babysit my one year old nephew can you imagine there'd be Cheerios everywhere Just mayhem.

[215] Cheerios.

[216] I mean, that is the weird thing, too, is also why back then when there was cocaine in Coca -Cola, are they, it's like, maybe that means there shouldn't be iron pills available to people that freely, if a baby could get into them and then.

[217] I think that the two words that are the, thank God, part of this are childproof.

[218] Is that one word or two words?

[219] I'd say it's one, if I'd guess.

[220] Or hyphen it.

[221] Then I'm going to put an amen at the end of it.

[222] So it's two words.

[223] Childproof.

[224] Amen, baby.

[225] Literally.

[226] Super baby.

[227] Amen, super baby.

[228] You did it, super baby.

[229] Okay.

[230] How uncomfortable, like those two babies on a couch staring at each other.

[231] Like, sorry, who's the babysitter?

[232] Is it you?

[233] Are you in charge?

[234] Are you, do I have to ask you for my bottle or is I supposed to get yours?

[235] I can't remember.

[236] Do you want juice too?

[237] I have this craving for juice.

[238] Pirates booty?

[239] Oh, no, that's right.

[240] you can't, you have no teeth in your mouth.

[241] You can't have any of these things.

[242] You're a super baby.

[243] You're a super baby.

[244] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[245] Absolutely.

[246] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[247] Exactly.

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[264] Goodbye.

[265] Okay, ready for the last one?

[266] Yeah.

[267] This is a perf story, light -hearted.

[268] Hi, I'm one of the 14 -year -olds you sometimes shout out.

[269] What's up?

[270] 14 -year -old super -duper baby.

[271] what's up?

[272] Super baby.

[273] Yep.

[274] That's the we call 14 year olds giant babies.

[275] Hi.

[276] Okay, this is a really good story.

[277] So, I live in a very small town in North Dakota.

[278] Yes, North Dakota.

[279] Where the most notable thing about my town is we have more funeral homes than grocery stores.

[280] You would not believe how many middle -aged people come here to die.

[281] Sweetheart, stop calling 30 -year -olds middle -aged people.

[282] I am an advanced.

[283] age um fun oh wait in parentheses it says not fun middle -aged people like you conservatives okay anywho you're not here for the life story of a young murderino you came for a pervert story i'm a cashier at one of the two grocery stores in my wonderful town 14 year old grocery store cashier yes girl get out there in the workforce that's right we used to have a man who came in about three times a week ready to give weird compliments to all of our underaged world workers.

[284] Now, I work in customer service where stuff like this is commonplace.

[285] The reason these compliments were notable is that every single one was mouth oriented.

[286] Yeah.

[287] Mouth oriented or maybe the two creepiest words I've ever heard together.

[288] We're not, we're not going in a good direction with this.

[289] Yep, you read that correctly.

[290] This man will call him Dave would come in and compliment our teeth, lips, and fucking tongues.

[291] I can't make.

[292] make this shit up.

[293] Of course, this guy was reported to our boss, but here's the thing about small town North Dakota.

[294] No one thinks anything is weird unless something physical happens.

[295] And unluckily for me, the 14 -year -old being weirded out by compliments didn't make the cut.

[296] Which is incorrect.

[297] After months of reporting this guy, he was finally kicked out of the store.

[298] Not because of all the complaints, but because this happened.

[299] I was a normal, it was a normal workday.

[300] I was restocking graham crackers in one of the aisles when old Dave kemp comes up behind me breathing like he was about to jizz his pants 14 years old 14 but listen this is her story and she gets to tell it she is she does and she's doing it and she's doing an amazing job now i forgot to mention but i'm 5 -1 and 97 pounds so this guy could easily overpower me so i'm shitting myself and this guy goes your teeth are so white what products do you use i gave a short laugh in my customer service voice and said something about crest toothpaste he shooting back a nice wow and he all caps sticks his fucking hand in my mouth this grubby old man stuck his hand in my mouth and felt my teeth what the fuck the fuck i cannot describe the wave of terror and shock that went through my body keep in mind this was during the first stages of corona when we when we were all scared but it wasn't in america yet so naturally my sixth grade self -defense class kicked in and i shoved my knuckle into that motherfucker's eye and ran.

[301] Anyway, this is why I don't fuck with straight dudes.

[302] Aiden.

[303] Aiden.

[304] Shit.

[305] I'm so sorry.

[306] If it's she, her, they then, do we know?

[307] She heard in parentheses underneath.

[308] Oh, thank you.

[309] Do not stick your hand in someone's mouth hole.

[310] Like, how is that not just a known fucking rule of life?

[311] Well, here's all I have to say.

[312] Yeah.

[313] Going through that.

[314] You know, Aiden has upped her mouthwash game probably three times a day.

[315] And because of that, she'll have perfect teeth and gums for the rest of her life.

[316] The funny thing, too, to me, is asking a 14 -year -old how their teeth are so white.

[317] And it's like, because they're 14 and they haven't gotten into coffee addiction and a wine addiction yet.

[318] Yes.

[319] It's because they're exactly a child.

[320] They haven't chipped both their front teeth on beer bottles at Lake Tahoe, like old Karen did.

[321] Nope, they're just living their clean -cut lives.

[322] Living their clean teeth lifestyle.

[323] South Dakota.

[324] It's South Dakota, right?

[325] Oh, Aiden.

[326] That story is disturbing, but I love that you told us.

[327] That means that you're not that still that upset about it.

[328] I mean, you can be as upset as you.

[329] And you're smart and you know you can handle yourself.

[330] You shared it.

[331] Karen, I've always noticed about you.

[332] You have a beautiful tongue.

[333] What if someone said that to you?

[334] Hey, you never noticed about you.

[335] If anyone's talking to you about your tongue and you haven't been dating for three months, minns, you got to walk.

[336] And then ask if you are dating and they're talking.

[337] about your tongue, it's still kind of fishy.

[338] Then you, you alert a phone tree of your friends to say, this was actually a point of discussion.

[339] Keep your eye on me. You know, I got my tongue pierced when I was 13 in 1995.

[340] I got my tongue pierced.

[341] Did it hurt so bad?

[342] No, it doesn't hurt at all.

[343] Oh, nipples hurt.

[344] Okay.

[345] But what happened?

[346] Did you unplug?

[347] Did you take it out?

[348] Oh, God, yeah.

[349] I mean, those the 90s.

[350] Remember, tongue piercings were cool?

[351] Yes, I do.

[352] And eyebrow piercing.

[353] Eyebrow, yeah, all the rage.

[354] Just have a guy with a ring sitting on his eyebrow.

[355] Awesome.

[356] So hot.

[357] And a bowling shirt.

[358] Sweet.

[359] So hot.

[360] And like hates you so much.

[361] Creepers.

[362] And he's wearing creepers.

[363] Remember creepers?

[364] Yeah.

[365] And he's mad about pavement.

[366] He's mad about you not knowing enough about pavement.

[367] Yeah.

[368] Asshole Rodney.

[369] That guy Rodney.

[370] Okay.

[371] This one's called A Little Spooky.

[372] Very Lighthearted.

[373] Hi, I'll.

[374] Love Your Work.

[375] I'm just an average.

[376] 21 -year -old forensic science student from Sydney, Australia, coming at you with a fun little spooky.

[377] And it's a bunch of O's and some are uppercase and some are lowercase, you know?

[378] So it says, spooky.

[379] Amazing.

[380] Coming at you with a fun story that I borrowed from my brother.

[381] For a little context, my older brothers, 22, and his friends have a somewhat odd obsession with torches, better known as flashlights for you Americans.

[382] And many of them own their own crazy powerful torch.

[383] Among some other features, many of their torches have a strobe function.

[384] Think rave.

[385] I always do.

[386] One night after getting together amongst friends, my brother and his friends piled into a car to drive home around 2 a .m. While on their way home, my brother noticed what appeared to be a ghost in a white nightgown.

[387] They continued on driving for a short while.

[388] However, my brother insisted that they had just witnessed a paranormal being, and so they decided it would be funny to turn around to find this ghost and strobe it with their torches.

[389] Fortunately, by the time they reached this poor old lady in her nightgown, who was attempting to wave down the few cars that had passed her by, they had already had changed a change of heart and decided against strobing her.

[390] Good idea.

[391] It turned out that this lovely lady, Barbara, has dementia and accidentally wandered out of her house in the middle of the night, unbeknownst to her sleeping husband.

[392] Oh, nightmare.

[393] The boys who now dubbed themselves Barbara's boys found her place of residence from her identification.

[394] thank God she had brought her handbag with her and delivered her safely home.

[395] Her husband, who she unfortunately did not recognize when she was returned home, had not yet realized that she was gone.

[396] It is comforting to know that there are still lovely young men out there looking out for our society's most vulnerable.

[397] I've used her name with the assumption that she does not listen to this podcast.

[398] However, if she does, hi Barbara.

[399] We can only hope that the good days outweigh the bad and that she and her family are doing as well as possible during this time.

[400] stay sexy and don't stroke poor old women with flashlights m yeah that was lighthearted as i expected it to me when i put it last well i do like the you know the sentiment of it which is there's good people out there i mean that's it's such a common thing too and so horrible but that thing of people with dementia wandering they get very restless and they want to go walk so and it's very common and yeah it's uh it's scarier than if it were something paranormal because it's horrible it's real Yeah.

[401] Send us your paranormal or non -paranormal or flashlight related or whatever 14 -year -old tongue stories.

[402] Yes.

[403] Or tell us how you get your teeth so white.

[404] They look great.

[405] And also I love this idea of people like discovering something their coworker did or they're making their coworker tell them stuff.

[406] Yeah.

[407] You know, we're all on Zoom calls these days and they can be very dull.

[408] Don't be afraid to just throw anything out there asking people about themselves.

[409] We all love to talk about ourselves.

[410] We do.

[411] And we love to hear about yourselves.

[412] You can send them to my favorite murder at Gmail or on our website, wherever.

[413] And stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[414] Goodbye.

[415] Elvis, you want a cookie?