MFM Minisode 153

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisote.

[3] That's Karen.

[4] That's Georgia.

[5] And we're going to read your stuff to you.

[6] It's 7 a .m. on Sunday morning.

[7] Okay.

[8] I'm going first.

[9] I wish you would.

[10] The subject line is correction corner, corrections corner, kind of.

[11] Okay.

[12] I can't read.

[13] Hey, ladies and gents.

[14] I was listening to your recent London live show and Karen was discussing murderer Thomas Cream.

[15] I like to call him Tom Cream.

[16] and his midwifery license and seemed confused.

[17] While I agree that the use of the term midwifery is weird for a man, I will say him going into obstetrics is not entirely out of left field with his thesis topic on chloroform.

[18] Chloriform was actually a very common pain reliever for surgeries in the birthing process during the Victorian era.

[19] Ooh, just chloroform her.

[20] Can you imagine how horrible.

[21] Get that baby out.

[22] If you were ill in any way in the Victorian era for a hundred years you were fucked.

[23] Yeah.

[24] It was even used on Queen Victoria during the birth of her last two children.

[25] It naturally stopped being so popular when people realized it was kind of deadly.

[26] I was debating about sending this to you guys because I thought surely someone must have sent this to you.

[27] But then I remembered this is fucking weird knowledge to have offhand.

[28] I learned this when I was in college as a dramaturg for a play about the use of the vibrator to cure hysteria, which was a catch -all for everything.

[29] a catch -all for everything from depression to not behaving the way we as a patriarchal society expect you to in women during the 1880s.

[30] I learned a lot about Victorian obstetric practices for it.

[31] It was a weird time.

[32] That's cool.

[33] Thanks for all you do, Mallory.

[34] What a cool thing to know a lot about, you know?

[35] For real.

[36] I won't talk to her at parties.

[37] Oh, all day.

[38] I mean, I have so many questions.

[39] I think that makes us weird that we want to talk to someone about hysteria.

[40] Oh, yeah.

[41] Well, but it is the, it is so.

[42] crazy.

[43] There's some movie about it, but basically that society pretended like women didn't enjoy sex up until like it seems like from whatever this one movie I'm thinking of.

[44] That taught me a full historian's knowledge of why we're talking about this?

[45] Just go.

[46] Okay.

[47] This is called Siamese cats and an attempted break in.

[48] Hey gang, my mom and dad were living in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in their late 20s.

[49] My dad had finished med school and was doing his residency at the local hospital, which meant that he often worked late into the night.

[50] On this particular day, my mom came home after work to the house they rented, made dinner, and then went upstairs to watch TV.

[51] Later in the evening, she heard something down stairs at the door and idly thought that it must be my dad coming home from the hospital earlier than expected.

[52] When the sound of the door handle, shaking continued on just a little too long, my mom looked out of her room at the top of the stairs where her two Siamese cats, Alex and Cleo, were sitting together and staring down the stairs.

[53] at the door.

[54] Their ears were pressed way back against their heads in the most scornful feline frown.

[55] My mom likes to say that this was the point where she knew something was wrong.

[56] If cats saw my dad, they would greet him happily at the door, meowing for cuddles, but they were very protective of my mom when it came to strangers.

[57] That's my thing too.

[58] If you're scared alone, look at the cats.

[59] Are they freaking out?

[60] No, then everything's fine.

[61] Yeah, they have the sense of things going on that it's just like my dogs can hear things happening down the street.

[62] Yeah.

[63] And so you just get alerted to things and, right, you know, scared.

[64] Well, suddenly, my mom heard a thud.

[65] A picture frame she had leaning on the inside of the window frame clattered into the front porch.

[66] She knew someone must have just opened the window and she jumped to her phone to call 911.

[67] When the police arrived, she met them at the door and even though they searched the whole house, they didn't find anything or anyone amiss other than the open window.

[68] As the police were walking away from the house, my mom went to the porch to pick up the fallen frame while she bent down to pick up the frame what did she see but a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the barbecue cover not what can you imagine someone's in balled up in the barbecue and she bends over and sees their feet now i've known my mom to issue a good scream at the side of a spider but i can't even imagine the ungodly sound that she let loose when she saw those feet the police came running back to the house and they, ashamed, took away the hiding man who almost went undetected.

[69] Unfortunately for my mom, when she called my dad after the whole ordeal, he couldn't leave his shift at the hospital to be with her.

[70] Oh, no. But at least she had her loyal cats to keep her safe.

[71] Those cats lived until they were both 20, but I've attached a photo of my family's current Siamese named Palm, Apple and French, who would handle herself horribly during a break -in and would probably be sleeping somewhere instead.

[72] Stay sexy and trust your cats, see.

[73] Oh, my God.

[74] The feet!

[75] the image of just, I'm going to clean up now.

[76] I guess I was over.

[77] Yeah.

[78] But also, what size was that barbecue?

[79] Because I'm thinking the one my dad had, which was like the one that was kind of orange and it just has a circular lid.

[80] There's no way it was that.

[81] I think this must have been like a big one.

[82] And it had like probably underneath it.

[83] It was easy to hide under.

[84] Okay.

[85] The subject line is the Silver Bridge collapse.

[86] Uh -oh.

[87] Hey, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and all pets.

[88] I've always wanted to write in, but all my stories are about paranormal experiences I've had.

[89] And I wasn't sure if you guys would want to hear them.

[90] Why not?

[91] Let's hear those alien stories, please.

[92] No, I don't want to hear it.

[93] No. I fucking hate alien stories.

[94] Like, you're scared or this is so stupid?

[95] No, no, I don't think it's stupid.

[96] I think it's definitely some of them are real and they're very distressing to me. Ooh.

[97] I don't like it.

[98] Okay.

[99] It's like I can't listen to those like if it's on last podcast on the left when they go into that whole area.

[100] I can't.

[101] I didn't know that.

[102] Or I can't.

[103] It's this dimension is hard enough.

[104] I can't fucking entertain aliens and their shit.

[105] Okay.

[106] And what their agenda is.

[107] Okay.

[108] Sorry to totally negate your idea.

[109] You were so excited.

[110] So sorry.

[111] No, it's good.

[112] I mean, even on ancient aliens, I'll only watch the ones that are about, like, how the pyramids are connected to something.

[113] Oh, I had no idea.

[114] Yeah, I don't want little green men shit.

[115] Okay.

[116] Because I think it's real.

[117] Okay.

[118] Anyhow.

[119] After five months of listening, I've finally gotten past episode.

[120] 180 and was happy to hear Karen do the Mothman story on episode 183 because I actually knew the full story.

[121] My hometown comes from this episode about the Silver Bridge collapse in Point Pleasant West Virginia.

[122] My grandpa was a mail carrier in the 60s and his mail route had him going over the silver bridge every day.

[123] On the day of the collapse, my grandma woke up and said that she had a weird feeling and didn't want my grandpa to go to work.

[124] I love those stories.

[125] I love those stories.

[126] Grandma, she asked him to call off, I think like Colin Six, so they could go to Christmas.

[127] shopping since it was only about a week before Christmas.

[128] He took his time to think about it, and after some more persuading from my grandma, he called off, and they went shopping for about an hour away from Point Pleasant.

[129] They got home later that evening and went about their nightly routine.

[130] The first time they heard about the collapse was later that night while watching the news.

[131] My grandparents never talked about this day, and I've only heard the story from my mom, so I'm not sure what my grandpa was thinking after he heard the devastating news.

[132] I can only imagine how grateful they both were that they went shopping instead of going on about their normal day.

[133] See, guys, when your wife wants to go shopping, instead of complaining, just go.

[134] You never know what might happen.

[135] I was so grateful that my grandma convinced him not to go to work.

[136] My dad was only five months old at the time, and my uncle hadn't been born yet.

[137] I could not imagine how different my life would be if my grandpa had been in that disaster.

[138] He passed away three years ago this month, but I'm so thankful I was able to spend 22 great years with him.

[139] Thanks so much, guys, for the podcast.

[140] My brother suggested it to me back in July, and I listened.

[141] to it all day at work.

[142] It helps me get through the eight hours on my ride back to my home state of West Virginia once a month.

[143] I've got to do something for a six -hour drive from Nashville, SSDGM, Jessica.

[144] Oh my God.

[145] Isn't that amazing for your mom?

[146] I heard those stories all the time.

[147] You know when you're little on like unsolved mysteries, like they tell you those stories and make it really dramatic.

[148] Yes.

[149] Well, I as a kid, one time my dad was supposed to be on a flight and I fucking lost my shit.

[150] It was like the night before you can't go crying, screaming about it.

[151] Like something bad's going to happen.

[152] They should have taken me to therapy.

[153] I had a lot of anxiety.

[154] That's all it was.

[155] My dad was fine.

[156] You were just saying, I'm worried, I'm worried to lose you.

[157] Right.

[158] But when the time life series of weird things were, the mother's, her hand is cut.

[159] Remember that?

[160] The mother feels the daughter's cut hand over 5 ,000 miles away or whatever.

[161] I thought I, we all had ESP because of time life series.

[162] Okay.

[163] Okay, this is called the one that got away.

[164] Hey, all, a few years ago, while I was in college, I dated a guy, let's call him Carter.

[165] He was very energetic, and to give you an idea of his personality, on one of our first dates, he took me to a scenic waterfall.

[166] I thought we were just going to have a picnic there, but we ended up spontaneously hiking off the trail to the very top of the waterfall.

[167] Typing that out, I now realized that I totally could have been murdered, but that was before I knew to stay out of the forest.

[168] Anyway, during our hike, when we were learning about each other's family, he told me his dad was a detective.

[169] detective in a small town in Utah.

[170] I asked, in a natural baby murderino fashion, if he had ever been put on a murder case.

[171] Carter told me that in 2010, his dad was part of a hundred -person man hunt to find a man named Lance Leroy, Aralano, who had just disappeared into the desert after shooting an officer named Brody Young nine times in the back.

[172] Oh my God.

[173] Arliano had been parked at a trailhead when Young had come to inspect his car as it was in no camping zone.

[174] Arlano opened fire on Young as he was walking back to his patrol car to run his license.

[175] Young, thankfully, survived the shooting.

[176] Wow.

[177] I know.

[178] He didn't shot nine times back.

[179] Jesus Christ.

[180] But early on, I was never caught.

[181] Carter and I ended up not working out, probably mostly due to the fact that I am terrible at dating.

[182] But I always...

[183] But that's very responsible to take it on yourself that way.

[184] It is.

[185] Good for you.

[186] But I always thought fondly of him.

[187] A few months later, during Christmas break, I was...

[188] Straight to marriage.

[189] Love it.

[190] I was reading a news article about a college student who had found remains of a dead body in the desert.

[191] I chuggled to myself because it sounded like something Carter would do.

[192] Then I realized that the article was about Carter.

[193] He and his younger brother over the break decided they wanted to try to find Arleano's remains.

[194] They literally went out into the desert and just started looking for him.

[195] Oh my God.

[196] In their search near the Colorado River, they found some bones in a bag with a handgun and a magazine and dental records were able to positively identify him as Arleano.

[197] This was six years after the original shooting.

[198] Oh my God.

[199] The biggest kicker, as I read this article, Carter got to take home the $30 ,000 reward.

[200] Carter, stay sexy and don't break up with a guy is about to become $30 ,000 richer from finding a dead body in the desert, Chelsea.

[201] Chelsea, imagine how much you would like dating if you could date a guy with $30 ,000 to spend on your dates.

[202] Right.

[203] He doesn't take you to a fucking waterfall.

[204] He buys you a waterfall.

[205] He's like, this is now named after you.

[206] Don't slip.

[207] Georgia, what if I told you we could be transported to the 1920s to solve a murder?

[208] I'd say my entire life and wardrobe have led me to this point.

[209] If you want to escape to a bygone age of mystery, danger, and romance, then check out June's Journey, The Hidden Object Mystery Game, that tests your detective skills.

[210] June's Journey is a mobile mystery game that follows June Parker and New York Socialite living in London.

[211] As June Parker, you'll investigate beautifully detailed scenes of the 1920s while uncovering the mystery of her sister's murder.

[212] There are twists, turns, and catchy tunes, all leading you deeper into the thrilling story.

[213] line.

[214] And if you play well enough, you could make it to the detective club where you can chat with other players and either team up with them or compete against them.

[215] June needs your help, but watch out, you never know which character might be a villain.

[216] Find out as you escape this world and dive into June's world of mystery, murder, and romance.

[217] Can you crack the case?

[218] Download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[219] Discover your inner detective when you download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[220] That's June's Journey.

[221] Download the game for free on iOS and Android.

[222] Goodbye.

[223] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[224] Absolutely.

[225] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[226] Exactly.

[227] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[228] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[229] That's right.

[230] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere.

[231] Online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[232] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade, Shopify.

[233] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

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[235] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

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[237] Connect with customers in line and online.

[238] Do retail right with Shopify.

[239] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify .com slash murder important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify .com slash murder goodbye okay this is this is uh this goes in the column of like perverts perverts around the country okay that we like to give air time to oh great hometown news reporter war stories hello to my favorite murderinos and their pets thank you for for a podcast that makes me not feel bad about how I coped with the horrible stories I covered as a news reporter through laughter.

[240] Oh, yes.

[241] Let's get right into it.

[242] I was a reporter in Youngstown, Ohio, in the early 2000s.

[243] Youngstown was at one time known as Murdertown USA.

[244] Whoa.

[245] So you know there's some crazy, so you know there was some crazy shit that happened there.

[246] But there are two stories that stand out in my memory.

[247] I'm sorry, I'm going to be laughing during it.

[248] Police started investigating claims by women that something freaky was going on at one of the local stores in the mall.

[249] All had a similar experience.

[250] A man approached them in the greeting card aisle.

[251] Oh, no. Karen loves this one.

[252] Because we've talked about the Hallmark store.

[253] That certain vibe in the Hallmark Star, which is borderline Bible store.

[254] Yeah.

[255] There's an airless, dry grandma, you know, dry violets, weird.

[256] muted sound muted lighting feel yeah so just put yourself there we are not we're not in you know um sorry what's the cvS no what's the opposite the store you worked at and then left funky diva hot topic yes the hallmark store is the living opposite of hot topic got it every possible way okay for the for the kids that maybe never were in a home i think they still exist though yeah but like malls are so rare these days.

[257] I feel like you wouldn't have been in one.

[258] Okay, so like the old school, multi -store mall.

[259] Okay, so they are such a rare bird these days.

[260] I don't know what I'm fucking talking about.

[261] I just look at a lot of photos of abandoned malls online.

[262] Aren't it the best?

[263] The best.

[264] And they're just, they're not the way they used to be, which was, it was just as likely for you a 15 -year -old to be in a hallmark store as anywhere else.

[265] Whereas it feels like these days, unless your great grandma drives you to one to pick out a new Hummel, you will not be in a Hallmark store.

[266] It seems like.

[267] Right.

[268] So be there with us now.

[269] All had the same experience.

[270] A man approached them in the greeting card aisle and asked if they were willing to help him out.

[271] He would tell them that he could not read.

[272] Oh no. And he wanted to pick out the perfect card for his mother.

[273] Then he would ask them to read the greeting card aloud.

[274] He asked them to read the card slowly and he would follow along by reading over the shoulder.

[275] even if this was the real situation it doesn't work right there's no reason you need to be over my shoulder no while he stood behind them unbeknownst to the women he masturbated to the card dear mother after they were done reading the card the man would thank them and walk away and then when the women got home they found a strange wet spot on the back of their and put two and two together No. Fortunately, the store had security camera footage of the man and he was caught.

[276] Oh, my God.

[277] I'm so grossed out right now.

[278] Yeah.

[279] In our precious hallmark store.

[280] This person didn't actually specify it was a homework store.

[281] But I mean, it's a store in the greeting card aisle.

[282] Yeah, yeah.

[283] Yeah.

[284] So let's make it the worst possible version.

[285] It's got to be.

[286] Okay, the second story was similar but different.

[287] Once again, this story involves a man who was going to a store in the local mall, same one as before.

[288] However, he would not approach women and ask them to read greeting card.

[289] he would jack off before leaving home, put the fluid in an old camera film container, put it in his coat pocket.

[290] No, I don't like this like you don't like aliens.

[291] Okay.

[292] Well, should we just skip to the part where the cops begin to refer to him as the Siemenslinger?

[293] Oh, God.

[294] Okay, fine.

[295] We're done with that paragraph.

[296] Before I want to sign off, I just want to thank you.

[297] How did you pick this one?

[298] Because it's so gross It makes me happy to know That people might be more aware You don't just read cards to random guys That want to stand behind you Don't Don't get involved in things like that But we're just trying to be nice And we're get a card to an old man Grow up, be nice to someone you know Before I sign off I just want to thank you for the way you talk about mental health It's truly important I suffered from postpartum depression twice And it brought me to my knees I always check on others after they have a baby now Because I feel like people don't want to talk about that kind of thing At what is supposed to be a happy time in your life That's a really great point totally very cool But you have to get help Stay sexy and watch out for men leaving their semen on you at the mall Sherry Jesus Christ I think it beats Swiss cheese pervert It beats Swiss jeets Underline exclamation point Asterik.

[299] Remember the butt slasher?

[300] Oh, yeah.

[301] These guys are all, yeah, it's not a race.

[302] Okay, this one's just, I'm not going to tell you the name of it.

[303] Hey, MFF crew, about three years ago when I was still a criminology student, I started dating Gene, a lovely gal who was born in the Philippines before moving to the middle of Canada.

[304] Wanting to understand where she came from more, I was Googling facts about the Philippines.

[305] Now, being a criminology student, this quickly developed into researching crime rates and death tolls.

[306] I know you guys won't judge me for this.

[307] One day, I made a joke to her along the lines of, wow, I'm sure glad you never got swept away by a landslide or stolen by sex traffickers, to which she replied something like, well, I was kidnapped once.

[308] My murderer, you know, ass was so excited to hear the crazy story she was about to tell.

[309] Turns out when Jean was about seven, she was playing in a family friend's yard, when suddenly she was dragged away by her hair and pulled into the surrounding jungle.

[310] Her kidnapper eventually ended up dragging her up a tree where they tried to force feed her mangoes.

[311] Oh, yeah.

[312] One more important fact.

[313] Her kidnapper was a monkey.

[314] Oh, that's hilariously fucked up.

[315] She was kidnapped by a monkey.

[316] She was up in the tree for about 30 minutes.

[317] I'm sure it felt like hours before her brothers and father could get her down.

[318] Nothing can beat the pure joint snorting laughter that I experienced the first time I heard this story.

[319] To this day, anytime Jean sees a monkey, she cringes and says, ew.

[320] She still likes mangoes, though.

[321] Anyway, I love to make her tell this story whenever we meet new people.

[322] And I'm really glad she made it to 20 so we could meet.

[323] And then there's a little heart emoji.

[324] Also, I'm grateful that you guys have worked so hard for so many years to bring us this amazing podcast and the whole network, of course.

[325] Stay sexy and never trust a monkey with a mango.

[326] And there's no name.

[327] The idea of that is so fucking hilarious.

[328] Then try to force feed her mangos.

[329] I was like, what?

[330] It wasn't just kind of a random thing of like, get up here.

[331] It's like, get up here and eat this.

[332] Like, what a pushy, I'm assuming, mother monkey.

[333] I know who wanted to adopt her.

[334] If I was that person, I would have this special spark of confidence because it'd be like the monkey picked me. Right.

[335] Which is the source of all my problems.

[336] That's like you would brag about it.

[337] I've just explained to you what's wrong with me. You need validation from anything.

[338] From any fucking grabby tree dwelling.

[339] I'd be like, yeah, so.

[340] Oh, my God.

[341] time i don't know if you've ever been kidnapped by monkey but uh send us i have that scent smell about me send us your stories bananas my favorite mangoes at gmail salad and stay sexy don't get murdered goodbye elvis you want a cookie