Paul Feig (filmmaker)

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert, Experts on Expert.

[1] I'm Dak Shepard, and I'm joined by the Duchess of Duluth.

[2] Hello there.

[3] Oh.

[4] I know, something happened to my voice.

[5] You get a little, you have a little, uh -huh, um -huh.

[6] Hello there.

[7] Well, it got worse.

[8] I know, something's wrong.

[9] You can't find the gear.

[10] You're like putting it into different gears, and then letting the clutch out, still nothing.

[11] Hello there.

[12] Oh, my God, perfect.

[13] Very strong.

[14] Very, very in command.

[15] Today we're going to talk to Paul Feig.

[16] He is one of our favorite directors.

[17] He's also a writer and a producer.

[18] And probably just most importantly for us selfishly, he was at the fable dinner party.

[19] That's right.

[20] Maybe I went too far.

[21] Maybe I didn't.

[22] Well, let's see.

[23] Paul weighs in.

[24] He is an objective outsider.

[25] He's not embroiled in all the interpersonal workings of this show.

[26] So you probably, well, I know.

[27] I'm going to say I know you saw bridesmaids.

[28] If you're listening to this, you saw bridesmaids.

[29] You loved it.

[30] He directed it.

[31] He also directed the he.

[32] Heat, spy, a simple favor, the office, tons of the office, created freaks and geeks.

[33] He's an incredible man. He really is.

[34] People might not know that Paul is always, literally always, dressed in a suit.

[35] Oh, yeah.

[36] He was dressed in a suit for this interview via Zoom?

[37] I think he sleeps in a suit, if I'm being honest.

[38] Yeah, it's such a cute and fun.

[39] Playful.

[40] Very playful way to be.

[41] It is.

[42] I like it.

[43] He's in pretend.

[44] Yeah.

[45] I love it.

[46] It's nice.

[47] Okay, so he has a show that he produces that's on Fox at 930 and Thursdays called Welcome to Flatch.

[48] He also has a different new show out now on HBO Max called Minks.

[49] And it's really chalked full of penises.

[50] You love that.

[51] Yeah.

[52] It's great.

[53] What could be better?

[54] Please enjoy Paul Feig.

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[58] All suited up.

[59] Can you hear us?

[60] Can you see us?

[61] I can, Dax.

[62] Wait, I got to move this stack so I'm not looking at my face over yours.

[63] There we go.

[64] I'll put you right in the middle.

[65] There it is.

[66] You can hear me?

[67] Not only can I hear you.

[68] I feel like you're on WKBR or Cincinnati.

[69] Hey, everybody.

[70] Hey, it's really good to talk to today.

[71] I was actually, I had an event for my gin last night.

[72] We did a launch of it here in London.

[73] I was just yelling all night over a DJ.

[74] So I'm a little Brenda Vaccaro right now.

[75] And for any of you young people in the audience, you'll have no idea who that is.

[76] Dax, you might not even know who that is.

[77] I don't.

[78] And I'm really bummed because I like to think I'm an older soul.

[79] But tell us who that is.

[80] She was an actress who used to do these ads all the time.

[81] And I was like, hi, I'm Brenda Piccaro.

[82] But it sounds like she smoked a thousand packs of cigarettes every day.

[83] occasionally I'll get a little too revved up at an event as well in fact last night I was at a basketball game and I was starting to lose my voice by the end of the night you know what I have a little bit right this is all too simulationy but the point is I often love how it sounds like I think oh I would have had such a dynamic career if I had a little bit more gravel we need to start smoking that's what it is then well I'll be returning to smoking were you ever a smoker no I actually tried very hard to be a smoker when I was in my 20s But I think I have a nicotine allergy because what would happen, I would smoke a couple of cigarettes.

[84] I'd be so cool and like, this is great.

[85] But an hour later, all of a sudden be like, oh, my God, nauseous, like I was going to die.

[86] That's everyone's experience.

[87] You just push through it.

[88] Everyone's first few cigarettes, and then you have them in a driveway, this and that, and you're younger.

[89] And then once you get to about 10 a day, that passes.

[90] That's in the rearview mirror.

[91] And there's virtually no downside until your 70s.

[92] I'd love you give it 10.

[93] That's good.

[94] It's like the blowfish.

[95] What's that thing?

[96] Like, they cut it once and you die.

[97] You cut it twice you die, but if you cut it three times, you live.

[98] Who are the people who went like, okay, let's stick with it, you know?

[99] These two guys died.

[100] That reminds me of some famous cat study where they were seeing how far a cat could survive, like how many floors it could fall.

[101] I promise you this is real.

[102] And I learned it in some college class, and they're fine at a first story window, second story, they're good.

[103] Third, I think it gets dicey, four, five, and six.

[104] They die.

[105] Then they incredibly found out like seven and above, they have time to relax.

[106] And then they can actually survive it.

[107] And again, to the point, who went through floors four, five, and six and thought, fuck it, let's keep pushing.

[108] There might be a discovery year.

[109] And I hope the cats got to test that on the researchers and see how far they could fall.

[110] I think it would be fun for the listeners to get updated on how we have come to know you personally.

[111] Monica and I were at an extraordinary dinner party.

[112] And of course, in the name of anonymity, we've not outed anyone for being at that party other than ourselves.

[113] We talked about the party, but we have not talked about the humans there.

[114] Just say it was very cool.

[115] It was very cool.

[116] There were cool people there.

[117] I felt flattered to be a part of it.

[118] My ego was on fire.

[119] My status felt elevated.

[120] We've had a lot of debriefing about that.

[121] As you'll probably attest, I came out swinging.

[122] You did.

[123] And I loved every second of it.

[124] So yeah, Monica and I left, and we've talked about it a lot, and it was like, it was so fun for all of us.

[125] And then I left kind of self -conscious, like, I swang for the fences.

[126] I bet I was obnoxious.

[127] She's like, yeah, you were rough, and I think it worked.

[128] So it's kind of nice to have an outside party vote.

[129] And by the way, you wouldn't hurt my feelings.

[130] I've dealt with the shame already.

[131] No, you're super fun.

[132] I mean, that's what that party was.

[133] Sorry listeners to make it such a mystery party, but it was a fun group.

[134] But I got to sit by you, Paul, and it was such a delight.

[135] Back at you, my friend.

[136] I like it.

[137] It works as a mystery because slowly we'll interview everyone that was there.

[138] But I can tell you the exact moment that was replaying.

[139] in my hat on the cab ride home was when I took the host's book.

[140] I think that person is known because he invited us to this party on air.

[141] Oh, okay, great.

[142] So, Stanley Tucci.

[143] Yeah.

[144] There we go.

[145] I picked up the host, Stanley Tucci's book, and I began reading in a very thick offensive Italian accent.

[146] Sure.

[147] It's just reading his own words.

[148] So you're in England.

[149] You're still there, right?

[150] Yeah, I'm in London.

[151] I think it suits you so well.

[152] Can you just tell us what it's been like for you to move there from California by way of Michigan.

[153] What's it been like there?

[154] I mean, it's nice.

[155] My wife and I, we met 32 years ago now, and the first thing we bonded over was our love of London.

[156] My mom's side of the family is all British, so I feel it's in my jeans anyway.

[157] But I don't know, I just love kind of the way they do things here.

[158] I love the style for older men.

[159] I'm a big Saville Roe, like bespoke tailoring guy.

[160] And you can walk around here in suits, and you're not the weirdo like you are in L .A., which all I ever hear in L .A. is like, hey, why y' all dressed up?

[161] It's like, well, because I'm in a duff.

[162] I'm almost 60 years old.

[163] I'm sorry, I'm not wearing shorts and a t -shirt.

[164] Yeah, exactly.

[165] I guess that's one of the ways I think it suits you quite well.

[166] What did I?

[167] Suits.

[168] Oh, my God.

[169] There's a pun in there.

[170] Really good.

[171] Well, done.

[172] Thank you.

[173] All right, that's it.

[174] I'm not going to top that.

[175] When I look at you, the vibe you embody is David Byrne.

[176] Do you like that compliment?

[177] Oh, my God.

[178] That's the biggest compliment I could ever have.

[179] I mean, the ultimate Renaissance, man. Right.

[180] And we never got to talk about him.

[181] We did have a good.

[182] great sidebar about drumming, which I hope to revisit, but you must have loved the talking heads.

[183] Huge, yeah.

[184] I always loved their music, but when Stop Making Sense came out, that just blew my mind.

[185] To this day, if I'm depressed or anything, I put that on full blast, you know, watch it, and it's so amazing.

[186] It's incredible.

[187] And we talked about this because at this dinner, we both realized that we were from Michigan, and you're from Mount Clemens.

[188] And for people who like the Michigan map, because it's a mitten, Paul is from the lower part of the thumb.

[189] There you go.

[190] It I wonder, did you guys ever go up to Caseville when you were younger for some camping?

[191] Not Caseville, but I always had friends.

[192] We'd always go up north.

[193] I didn't know where up north was.

[194] I just knew it was somewhere.

[195] It was always like so remote.

[196] We weren't even in towns I can tell you the name of.

[197] It'd just be out in the middle of the woods trying to get killed.

[198] Literally like, hey, I got a dirt bike.

[199] Okay, through trees and bam.

[200] And next night I wake up, like, oh, my God, I ran into a tree.

[201] You know, or so he's like, hey, let's blow a bunch of stuff up.

[202] And you're like, okay, cool.

[203] You never know if you're going to run into a militia or something like that.

[204] That is so mixed messages.

[205] I would never guess that about you.

[206] Not saying I enjoyed it.

[207] Yeah, I think the really fun aspect is like, those are all the things I love.

[208] I love to blow things up and I ride motorcycle.

[209] So it's so funny that we came from the same place.

[210] And then for me, that was a real natural fit.

[211] And for me, I was like, I got to get out of here.

[212] I love everybody there, but I just, it's not my scene.

[213] I mean, concrete and buildings, that's my jam.

[214] Yeah, because I think the first thing I asked you was like, do you just long for the lakes like I do in the summer?

[215] Like, no. Not at all.

[216] This means mosquitoes.

[217] and outhouses, which to me is like sitting over the gaping mouth of hell.

[218] So I always try to stay away from those.

[219] You must have loved the slumdog millionaire scene.

[220] Oh, wow.

[221] Oh, geez, that is such a trigger for me. All my worst recurring nightmares are about the worst bathroom in the world.

[222] It's usually a public bathroom.

[223] I don't have shoes on, and I've got to walk over to a stall, and I'm walking through shit.

[224] And it's just like, oh, God.

[225] It happens constantly.

[226] Like, in train spotting, they had that.

[227] But if you read the book, Train Spotting, The scene that they kind of made fun where he shits out the pill and then dives into the toilet, that scene is written so horrendously gross in the book.

[228] They had the perfect film stock to make that scene sing, right?

[229] It was like so saturated and colorful that you're kind of like, oh, it's a little cartoony, I hope.

[230] Exactly.

[231] It didn't feel too real.

[232] Yeah, because nobody wants to watch the way it was written because it's a horror show.

[233] Oh, my God.

[234] It's so funny you'd say that because Tuesday night, Kristen had terrible gas.

[235] Oh.

[236] And I had terrible gas.

[237] And she was saying, like, we're ruining this bedroom permanently.

[238] We had doors wide open.

[239] It was freezing the whole nine.

[240] What did you guys eat?

[241] She was dancing with a new protein shake.

[242] Oh.

[243] And then I'm me. But anyways, the results of which is I had this horrific dream, like you're saying, where for two and a half hours, I had to go to the bathroom.

[244] And I was on a vacation, and I just couldn't get to a clean.

[245] And it went out for two hours.

[246] And you're right.

[247] I've had dreams where I'm getting stabbed.

[248] that were more pleasurable than that.

[249] Yes, yes, exactly.

[250] You give me anything other than fecal matter.

[251] That's all I was.

[252] Yes.

[253] When you left Wayne State and then you went to USC, what did you major in at USC?

[254] Film TV production.

[255] So I got in the film school.

[256] But you were kind of harboring more acting fantasies, or were you just doing that because it was available?

[257] My goal in life was to be an actor.

[258] I wanted to be a stand -up too, but stand -up to me was always going to be the road to being an actor.

[259] And when I was at Wayne State for the first two years, I tried to get into the theater department, but then that seemed too.

[260] too heady, you know, and so I got into mass media.

[261] You know, in Detroit, that's what you kind of get.

[262] You can't go to film school.

[263] And just took any creative classes I could, film studies class, one for film writing, which was kind of hilarious.

[264] What was hilarious about it?

[265] Just because none of us knew what we were doing.

[266] And the teacher, bless her, she kind of the one that motivated me. So I wrote this thing, and she's like, you're so talented.

[267] You should be in Hollywood.

[268] You're such a great screenwriter.

[269] Oh, my God, you know.

[270] But then there's some girl in the class who was like, I have an idea for a screenplay.

[271] Once when I was driving in the car, my boyfriend put a stick of gum in his mom.

[272] and pulled the gum out of the wrapper and accidentally threw the gum out of the window and not the rapper.

[273] And she goes, I just want to write a movie about that.

[274] So those are the kind of ideas that we're going around.

[275] So I came up with some ridiculous thing and she's like, you're so talented.

[276] So flash forward, I go to USC and get my first class where we had to write a script that was going to be the short film we were going to shoot in the next semester.

[277] So I write this thing, I think I'm like a genius.

[278] It's like two neighbors in their yards and one like throw something over the fence and they start a war and basically they end up blowing each other whatever.

[279] I was like, this is such a commentary on life.

[280] Why can't we get along?

[281] I turned this thing in.

[282] The teacher thinks it's so terrible that people say, like, she's actually thinking of recommending that you'd be thrown out of the school.

[283] Oh, wow.

[284] Wow.

[285] That's how bad it was.

[286] But then here's the saved.

[287] Here's how I did it.

[288] Everybody had to write, like, a critique of your thing, and everything was scaling.

[289] Yeah, everyone's competing against each other.

[290] Yeah, and they're all cool, and they all love guitar.

[291] I'm trying to make, you know, Groucho Marx movies.

[292] So what I did is I took all those bad reviews and you know how on movie posters they used to do like this movie dot dot dot dot is dot dot dot great and you know they just pieced it together from something that wasn't great so i did that i took all these several reviews and wrote rave reviews with all the dot dot dots and gave them back to the teacher and she thought that was so clever then i ended up writing my actual short film that i shot and she liked it so much that she used it in future years to show an example of a good script so what a course correction like a phoenix from the ashes my friend but what do you attribute the growth to Was it that you actually heard the criticism or that you just were so ashamed and humiliated that you had to then dive deep and figure out what you actually knew how to write about?

[293] Yeah, I realized how I had coasted in Detroit at Wayne State.

[294] So it's kind of like, oh, wait, no, I'm in the big leagues here at USC film school, which people fight to get into.

[295] I just lucked into it because especially back then, like the film schools had gotten much bigger now.

[296] That was like tiny and nobody could get in.

[297] I was a tour guy in Universal Studios for the summer before and found out about USC.

[298] I wanted to apply and they're like, it was really hard.

[299] But then that year, apparently, USC said, we've got too many showbiz kids in here.

[300] We've got to get people from the outside.

[301] Do nepotism -y.

[302] Yeah, exactly.

[303] So through Detroit, I came in and I kind of got right in.

[304] So I was like, that was easy.

[305] And it turned out I had the one window that never existed.

[306] I don't want to slow the progression of this.

[307] But I do feel obligated to defend the gal from Detroit because what you don't know is that her title was Wrigley's Folly.

[308] Which is such a good title.

[309] Like, she got the title.

[310] and then she tried to go backwards from there, and we can excuse that.

[311] Well, can we excuse it?

[312] I think that's a bad idea.

[313] I'd see Wrigley's folly.

[314] That sounds really...

[315] We're making that movie.

[316] That's all I'm going to say, we're making that movie.

[317] So the whole time you were going to USC, you're writing, and then you're also a tour guide at Universal.

[318] When you were doing that, did they already have...

[319] Because when I shot at Universal for six years, the mystery van would drive around from Scooby -Doo.

[320] Right.

[321] Was that on the scene when you were doing it?

[322] No, it was 81, because I'm old.

[323] It was the early days.

[324] The tour had been going, but they were just trying to step it up.

[325] So you'd just put in the special effects house.

[326] So the tour would go halfway, then they would drop people off, and you'd go into this thing, and they would show you how special effects were done.

[327] So it was like the early version of some of the things they do now.

[328] But all we had roaming around were these two poor guys.

[329] It was the hottest summer on record.

[330] There was a Phantom of the Opera and a Frankenstein who had to walk around.

[331] But their makeup was just a rubber, full -head thing.

[332] They would work 15 -minute shifts, and then get 45 minutes off because they would come back like they were going to die.

[333] Oh, my God.

[334] It was the worst gig in the world.

[335] It's uniquely humiliating that whole genre of acting.

[336] Do you know Craig T. Nelson at all?

[337] I know who he is.

[338] I've never met him.

[339] He has this incredible story before he was a working actor where he was the Planner's Peanuts guy and he had to wear this huge thing where he saw out of the mouth of the peanut and kids, for whatever reason, love to attack this thing.

[340] Like, every time they deploy him to a store or something to promote, he'd get attacked.

[341] People are mean.

[342] You know, I was a Ronald McDonald in Toledo, Ohio for a second.

[343] What?

[344] Yes.

[345] That's incredible.

[346] Yeah, we need more info.

[347] I was in a theater company.

[348] It was right out of high school.

[349] And the guy who ran it was this guy named Tom Shaker, who was the Ronald McDonald for Detroit.

[350] And he was very famous because he was once coming in in a helicopter for the opening of a new McDonald's.

[351] The helicopter hit power lines and crashed.

[352] Oh, my God.

[353] Out of the wreckage, Tom Fry.

[354] the door open, straightens his wig, and goes, hey, kids, I'm fine, because he knew he might have traumatized a whole generation of children.

[355] Hey, kids, I'm all fueled up on hamburgers.

[356] I made it out of there without a scratch.

[357] Wow.

[358] So because of that, he became this rock star, and he wanted to franchise his Ronald McDonald's.

[359] His unique brand of Ronald McDonald's.

[360] So they offered him his own franchise in Toledo, Ohio, over the border.

[361] So he said to me, because I was performing, he thought it was funny, and I did, you know, clowning and all that stuff.

[362] He said, will you be Ronald McDonald for there?

[363] And I was like, oh, okay, sure, that sounds cool.

[364] He said, first you got to go to Toledo and audition, show them what you can do.

[365] So I get there, they put me in this thing in the giant shoes.

[366] Right before I go in, he goes, oh, by the way, I told them you've been doing this for a year.

[367] And go, and he puts them in here.

[368] Have you ever tried to walk in giant clown shoes?

[369] Oh, my God.

[370] I have not.

[371] Is it like walking in snow skis, I would imagine?

[372] You can't judge the front of your foot, and they had like rubber soles.

[373] So literally, I'm coming on a carpet, every step, it's catching the front.

[374] So I'm like, do, do, do.

[375] But that's great.

[376] Well, that's the thing.

[377] I come piling in the room.

[378] They're like, what?

[379] And I'm like, ha, hey, Ronald doesn't know how to walk or whatever.

[380] Get to the table.

[381] I got gloves on.

[382] I know how to juggle.

[383] So he's like, and you'll juggle.

[384] He gives me the lightest balls, like wiffle balls.

[385] I go to juggle him.

[386] Immediately I can't do it.

[387] So they go hit the table, rolling down the table.

[388] And then in a panic, I'm like, I'm just going to heckle.

[389] the guy.

[390] So I go around the table, like, hey, there's one kind of heavy said guy, and I'll, like, pinch his cheek, like, he's a big baby.

[391] Like, aren't you cute?

[392] Ha, ha, ha.

[393] And like a whirlwind, I'm like, all right, well, thanks everybody.

[394] And I get out of it.

[395] Oh, my God.

[396] And I was just like, there's no way they're going to hire me. But Tom comes out and he goes, congrats, you got the gig.

[397] Holy shit.

[398] Oh, that's hilarious.

[399] My God, you know, us actors.

[400] Oh.

[401] I mean, the situations we find ourselves in they're acid dreams.

[402] You wake up in that outfit, you've got no training, you're falling, you're juggling, you suck, you're insulting a guy.

[403] All of it's happening so quick, you're scrambling to stay above water, and then you get in your car, and then you just really go, like, what the fuck just happened back there?

[404] Oh, God, totally.

[405] What Craig T. Nelson was saying is true.

[406] Like, I would go to these events, and kids just wanted to beat the shit out of Ronald.

[407] You had to have a bodyguard with you who was kind of ineffective.

[408] Isn't that what the hamburger was?

[409] No, just like a person who was with you.

[410] Okay, okay.

[411] You would start a line to shake Ronald's hand, so they bring them down the line.

[412] You were supposed to reach out, and as your shes, you were supposed to reach out, shaking their hand.

[413] You're supposed to pull them past you.

[414] And then the bodyguard's supposed to then pull them away.

[415] But I did this one event.

[416] They gave me candy to put in my pocket to hand out to kids.

[417] And some kid like hit my pocket and goes like, he's got candy.

[418] And they all jumped and like tore the pocket off.

[419] They tore the pants.

[420] And we were just like fleeing back to the car.

[421] Like the zombies they were running after us.

[422] The travails of Ronald McDonald.

[423] They don't even have that anymore, do they?

[424] We got the internet now.

[425] I can't believe they got rid of that, but who knows?

[426] Well, if they didn't, and I see one, I'm going to fucking hug.

[427] the dude, and I'm going to put like a thousand bucks in his candy sack.

[428] Do it.

[429] So, I was shocked to see how many TV shows you had been on throughout your early time in L .A. Facts of Life, Roseanne, Sabrina, Alan.

[430] Okay.

[431] When all that's happening, are you still setting some sites on writing, directing, filmmaking?

[432] Yeah, well, my goal was to write, direct, and star in my own movies.

[433] That was the excuse I used to go to film school.

[434] It's like, oh, I want to know more as an actor.

[435] but I also want to be able to do it for myself.

[436] Because I was a regular on five TV series.

[437] Four of them, total bombs.

[438] Finally, the fifth one, Sabrina and Teenage Witch.

[439] I finally have a regular gig.

[440] They write me out after the first season.

[441] Oh, no. But what I would do is I would always cozy up with the writers and the directors, and I would always write an episode of whatever show I was on just as a sample, and they would like it, and then the show would get canceled so they wouldn't do it.

[442] But I always sided with the behind -the -camera team, I have to say.

[443] Heavyweight is a pivoting moment, or did you already know Judd prior to that?

[444] Oh, I knew Judd forever.

[445] We were stand -ups together.

[446] We used to hang out with, you know, Steve Higgins, who runs Saturday Night Live now under Lorne, he and then Dave Higgins, who used to be on The Ellen Show, and Dave Gruber Allen, who was Mr. Raso on Freaks and Geeks, they had a comedy troupe called Don't Quit Your Day Job, and they used to perform at a place called the Variety Art Center, which is downtown L .A., which is where I was a regular, too.

[447] And one night they were like, hey, you should come to our house.

[448] We have this house called The Ranch.

[449] It's in the back of the valley, and we hang out every night after our gigs, and they basically play poker all night and drink coffee, and they smoke cigarettes and we just tell jokes all night.

[450] That is a dream.

[451] I mean, that was like four years of my life just doing that every single night.

[452] You always had to see the sun come up before you could leave.

[453] But Jud was one of the people who would come in and out of there.

[454] We became friends over something very mean because pre -internet, we used to pass around these videotapes, you know, like the farting minister and all that kind of stuff.

[455] There were these famous videotapes that go around.

[456] But somebody had gotten their hands on this videotape that this woman had made who was a quote -unquote stand -up comedian, and she self -taped herself around L .A. doing comedy bits on the beach and stuff, and they put a laugh track in that would just go, ah, ha, ha, oh, that's great.

[457] There's the same laugh track, every joke.

[458] And then she would have interludes in between of, like, dancing, and this guy beatboxing, like, oh, oh, oh, wow.

[459] Everybody was really sad watching it, except for Judd and I. We thought it was hilarious.

[460] And they're like, that's so mean.

[461] Clearly, something's wrong with her.

[462] But she sent the tape out, so can't we laugh at it?

[463] She sent it out.

[464] That was when Judd and I realized, oh, we have the same sense of humor.

[465] But also, you're juggling two principles, to be honest.

[466] Sure, you don't want to laugh at anyone and hurt their feelings.

[467] And also, you don't want to be dishonest.

[468] Like, I'm not going to lie and act like I have a different reaction to this than I have.

[469] It's very complicated.

[470] Oh, totally.

[471] And it was just so absurd that you have to really force yourself to not laugh.

[472] It was clearly somebody who was nuts, then yeah.

[473] But she just seemed like somebody thought she was hilarious.

[474] Right, right, right.

[475] Go ahead.

[476] But because of that, Judd and I became friends, and we just stayed in contact forever.

[477] Okay, great.

[478] So I don't know why I feel like heavyweights was something.

[479] But immediately after, you create freaks and geeks.

[480] And then you have two years, well, 99 to 2000.

[481] You make 18 episodes.

[482] They only air 12.

[483] Yeah.

[484] Everyone knows the fate of that show.

[485] It's become this huge cult classic.

[486] I want to talk about the kind of cognitive dissonance you must have been experiencing where you got nominated for Emmys for it and they're not even going to show the remaining six episodes.

[487] You've had so many incredible ups and downs and you've had so many pivots.

[488] The flexibility is very ever -present in your career and the fortitude in the stick -wittedness that just keep fucking moving forward.

[489] So I feel like this is one of the first really primary examples of that.

[490] It's weird, I mean, because honestly, we got nominated after we got canceled.

[491] My mom died, like, right before we aired the episode that got us canceled.

[492] So I was kind of all over the place.

[493] But then we got nominated, that was obviously really cool.

[494] But then we lost to Malcolm in the middle, which is a very funny show.

[495] But to me, it was kind of the antithesis of everything I was trying to do with our show.

[496] Then I went into like a really bad year, but I couldn't get anything sold.

[497] But then those six that they didn't air, they burned off on like a couple of Saturday nights.

[498] But I realized, oh, that actually makes us eligible for an Emmy.

[499] So I just submitted us for another Emmy and I got nominated a year and a half after we've been canceled.

[500] So it was kind of crazy.

[501] And yet I still lost again to Malcolm in the middle.

[502] Yeah.

[503] It's a little more complicated than I just want to make something different.

[504] That's one aspect.

[505] but also your cancellation is also a result of its lack of broad appeal, which this show also represents.

[506] Yeah.

[507] It's compounded a bit.

[508] Well, it's that weird thing because we got the most amazing reviews ever.

[509] So you had that, and I feel like today we would have gotten another season.

[510] It's a niche market now.

[511] Yeah, exactly.

[512] And, you know, we got canceled by having 7 million viewers every week, which today would make you a hit.

[513] Then it made you the lowest rated show on NBC.

[514] Yeah.

[515] Today, that would be the highest rated show.

[516] I don't think anyone's getting more than seven live.

[517] Okay, so after that, you have a rough year.

[518] I'm sure it takes you a while to get back engaged and on fire or whatever happens, but you go, okay, so my TV show didn't work.

[519] I'm going to write and direct this movie.

[520] Yeah.

[521] And you do.

[522] I am David, 2003.

[523] Yes.

[524] And how did that fare?

[525] Well, it was interesting because I had gotten contacted by this company would become Walden Media.

[526] They had this whole thing.

[527] They wanted to take classic books and make them into modern movies, sort of like what they did with Clueless, you know.

[528] So they submitted a bunch of books to me. I was like, I don't know, I don't know.

[529] And then weirdly this book, I Am David, got sent to me. It used to be something that kids in Europe would study in school.

[530] You know, it's about a kid who grows up in a communist labor camp and he's got to get across Europe to find his mother, not a comedy, clearly.

[531] Right, right, right, right.

[532] But I was in this place.

[533] My mom had died, and I was still dealing with that, and there was kind of this whole theme of finding your mother in it.

[534] but also I kind of related to it because a communist labor camp sort of like, you know, high school, really.

[535] You just get stuck in a place with a bunch of other people you don't want to be there.

[536] So I kind of felt I had like a take on it.

[537] And also I got caught in the trap that I tell every filmmaker not to get caught in, which is the award zone, which is like, ooh, and if I do this, I bet I'll win awards, which is the worst way to go into anything because you're not pleasing anybody at all.

[538] Yeah, but I earnestly wrote it and wanted to direct it and we went off.

[539] I shot it in Bulgaria.

[540] Here's how you know this movie was going to bomb.

[541] We do this test screening out in Irvine, an audience in there.

[542] It goes through the roof.

[543] People love it.

[544] It gets really high scores.

[545] So we're just like on the lobby, like celebrating that.

[546] We did it.

[547] We did it.

[548] And I look over and I see the audience leaving and there's these ushers at the door.

[549] They're handing everybody an envelope.

[550] And I go, what's that?

[551] And they said, well, when we told people what it was about, nobody wanted to come.

[552] So he said we would pay them $5 of their show up.

[553] Oh, my God.

[554] So you're like, oh.

[555] So if I pay the audience, I'll have a hit.

[556] Otherwise, no one's coming to this movie.

[557] Oh, my God.

[558] This is such a humbling business.

[559] So now you bounce back to TV.

[560] I don't know if you're like me, but it's like, it's really tempting at all times to try to anchor your identity in these different lanes you're pursuing.

[561] Right?

[562] So it's like, I'm an actor -comedian.

[563] Now I'm a movie maker.

[564] I'm a filmmaker.

[565] And then I would imagine there's some hesitation to then go into TV.

[566] I was just happy to work.

[567] But at the same time, I only want to do with movies.

[568] And I'm David Bond.

[569] And then I did another movie called Unaccompanied Miners, which was this movie for Warner Brothers, a Christmas movie.

[570] That bombed.

[571] Well, but between there, you did seven episodes of Arrested Development, 14 of the office?

[572] Definitely, the rest of development was between those times.

[573] The office kind of stretched over a lot of stuff because I was on there for six seasons.

[574] Okay, that makes sense.

[575] But I guess in that gap where you're just back in TV, I don't know, are you surrendering the notion?

[576] Or are you thinking like, okay, well, shit, now I'm here.

[577] No one's going to give me a movie.

[578] Were you having those thoughts?

[579] Yeah, very much.

[580] So I was very honored to be working on one of the greatest shows, you know, a lot of these great shows.

[581] But I just wanted to do movies and I wanted to do my own movies.

[582] And I remember just kind of going, well, I guess I'm just going to run down the clock.

[583] I'll make a nice living and I'll do this and I'm going to be a director, but I'm just kind of working my way towards old age.

[584] It's not like you're highbrow ongoing TVs below me. What you're doing as a director on TV shows, you're servicing the showrunner.

[585] The showrunner's the boss.

[586] It's their vision.

[587] So is that really your vision?

[588] You're more of a laborer in that world, whereas in the film world, you're much more of the Oz.

[589] Yeah, you're the one.

[590] on calling the shots, and I was lucky since I had created Freaks and Geeks and, you know, co -ran that with Judd, I at least had some cachet with these showrunners, so they would give me more latitude, but it's not mine.

[591] Was it weird for you?

[592] Because there's this juxtaposition where you're a name, you're a get, but in your own head, you're not able to do the things that you want to do.

[593] If you want something so badly, you just keep pivoting to try to find the way to get to what you want or to get to a version of what you want.

[594] Yeah.

[595] Now, obviously, everything changes dynamically at bridesmaids, but brighter to that, you were doing Nurse Jackie, which I had no idea, which I fucking loved that show.

[596] That was one of my favorite things I've ever worked on.

[597] I mean, everybody was so nice and Edie's unbelievable, but it was just fun, and I had a crazy thing because I did two episodes in the first season, and then I wasn't around for the second season, but the third season I came back, and through some reason, all these other directors fell out or something, I directed like eight of the ten episodes, which was really exciting, I didn't have time to prep.

[598] They're bringing me photos.

[599] I'm prepping that way.

[600] And it just opened me up as a filmmaker to be like not so anal about everything.

[601] I would love that because I fucking hate prep.

[602] I'm not Dennis Villeneuve.

[603] Trust me. I'm not like storyboarding everything.

[604] I used to storyboard everything.

[605] And then I get to the set and I'd be completely inflexible when things would happen.

[606] And so I couldn't change things up, especially in TV.

[607] And you're like, well, I'm fucked if I don't adapt.

[608] Or you're working with really funny people and somebody's got a great idea.

[609] And you're like, oh, no, we can't because I'll have to add a shot.

[610] It's like, no, let it go.

[611] Like, have a vision and then be ready to.

[612] them to get rid of it.

[613] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[614] We've all been there.

[615] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[616] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[617] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[618] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[619] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[620] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[621] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[622] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[623] What's up, guys?

[624] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[625] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[626] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[627] And I don't mean just friends.

[628] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[629] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[630] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[631] So then Bridesmaids happens.

[632] Was it a fight to get that?

[633] No, it was crazy.

[634] Well, what happened was when I was doing unaccompanied Miners at Warner Brothers, Judd called me up and said, hey, we're going to do a table read of Kristen's script because I'd just put Kristen in on the company minors on a tiny role.

[635] Judd always did these table reads.

[636] And so I really loved it, but I had another movie that I was probably going to do at Warner Brothers, and he wanted me to kind of shepherd at it.

[637] I was like, I don't have time, but I gave a lot of notes and said, when they kind of generate new script and it's coming around, let me know.

[638] But then it just disappeared for like three years.

[639] That long.

[640] Yeah.

[641] Now that I think about the timeline, they weren't greenlighting $30 million female -driven comedies.

[642] No. Judd became the thing they were betting on.

[643] That's exactly it.

[644] So Judd's name made it able to happen.

[645] Also, because Kristen had been so good and knocked up, so that kind of made everybody want something of her too.

[646] But I was in New York doing a bunch of internet ads for Macy's.

[647] One of them starring Donald Trump.

[648] So yes, I directed Donald Trump.

[649] Oh, wow.

[650] Wait, we're not moving past that.

[651] And I want to keep this apolitical.

[652] I just more honestly, as someone who's directed other humans, I can kind of imagine what that experience might be like.

[653] Because I feel like I'm seeing someone who's masking great insecurity with like hyper decisiveness and masculinity.

[654] And that's a tricky place to be as an actor.

[655] This was 2010.

[656] You know, so he was just kind of like a funny talk show guest if you didn't look back into some of the stuff he did politically.

[657] So he showed up and he was like a fan of the office.

[658] I'd been told also get him.

[659] out fast.

[660] Like, that's the best way to keep him happy.

[661] So this is like a documentary style thing.

[662] So I said, all right, everybody, when he gets here, meet him at the door with the cameras.

[663] Donald, we're ready to go.

[664] He's like, whoa, hold on.

[665] I've got to get my makeup on all that.

[666] Okay, but we're ready.

[667] Comes out, we do the take.

[668] He was actually pretty good with ad lipping and all that stuff.

[669] It's kind of funny.

[670] And so we do a couple takes and go, that's great.

[671] We got it.

[672] He's like, oh my God.

[673] Paul, you're the greatest.

[674] See you later, everybody.

[675] I was like, wait, no, no. Donald, actually, so we got to reset because now we have to do the after part.

[676] So we got to reset up the whole booth.

[677] He's like, what?

[678] I was supposed to be out of here an hour ago.

[679] Oh, boy.

[680] You've only been here for 45 minutes.

[681] Oh, my God.

[682] I don't quite know how to be the master's face in time and get you out to here before you showed up.

[683] I got him out pretty quick.

[684] But I was kind of a wreck when he left because I was in such a panic.

[685] So he left and I was just kind of like, oh, okay, we're done.

[686] And the ad guy was like, no, you got to shoot all the other stuff that he's not in.

[687] I was like, wait, what am I shooting?

[688] What?

[689] But, you know, it was fine.

[690] It was actually a really funny spot.

[691] at all triggered like high school memories like oh god here's the captain of the football team a little bit honestly again back then he was on letterman and he was on howard stern he was a goof yeah a goofy blowhard a billionaire that's for some reason doing online macy's commercials yeah okay so bridesmaids comes along and you and i talked a bit about this at the dinner party but as someone that had just been friends with melissa at that point for 12 13 years saw her working but never seen her do her unbelievable once in a lifetime comedic tornado it was just this like oh my god finally here she is i have to imagine that you being the first person to really put that on film you must have been aware of it a bit well yeah she came in very late in the game for the auditioning we'd audition a lot of people all really great people but we were like we haven't quite found it yet right at the end christin and annie mummo go oh we should see melissa mccarthy she's our friend in the groundlings i was like okay Okay, cool.

[692] I'm not sure why we didn't see her earlier, but yes, please bring her in.

[693] And she came in, and she did it so different from the way everybody else did it.

[694] That took me like 15 seconds to kind of go, what's she doing?

[695] And then it's like, this is hilarious.

[696] And then we just started playing around because I always do a lot of improv in these auditions.

[697] And she was coming up with all this stuff, is really funny, but it was crazy stuff with a dolphin.

[698] And so we were just like, oh, my God.

[699] So she left, and the way she tells it, in the ride home, she was just like, oh, my God, I blew that.

[700] Why did I do all that stupid stuff?

[701] And we were just like, we got her.

[702] So we're all high -fiving around there.

[703] We started doing these improv session rehearsals with the cast.

[704] And it was really then when she started being so inventive with everybody else.

[705] She was coming up with these crazy things that we started putting in.

[706] I mean, all that stuff in the dinner scene about female fight club.

[707] That came out of these improvs and we're like, holy shit.

[708] So we're just like writing it down.

[709] And the big thing we did is there was supposed to be a call center woman, a build collector who keeps calling Annie in the movie.

[710] And Annie keeps like hanging up on her.

[711] And then after everything falls apart of the wedding, she gets a call from the woman when she's watching Castaway.

[712] And the woman's like, don't you hang up on me?

[713] And she kind of reads her the riot act on how to change your life.

[714] But we were kind of like, that's cool, but we've got this really great character.

[715] Why don't we make her be the one that does it?

[716] And so that's where that scene came from.

[717] Now here's an interesting chapter that pretty much continues on to this day.

[718] Now you go from somebody who's, again, trying to get things to now having some options, having some agency, getting to direct a bit the course you're on.

[719] I want to come to understand more than just on a surface level of like almost without a exception, the next one, two, three, four, five, six movies you make are female -driven, almost no need for any men.

[720] Which I love.

[721] Yeah, it's a great thing you've been applauded for it.

[722] But I'm mostly interested in, like, what is it about the dynamic of working with women that you find preferable?

[723] It was a number of things.

[724] I was an only child.

[725] I grew up next to a family of eight kids.

[726] Six of them were girls.

[727] They were all my best friends.

[728] I was close with my mom.

[729] A lot of bullies in school, so all my friends were either girls or really nerdy dudes like myself.

[730] And then that combined with watching old movies with my mom where the male and female characters were really equals.

[731] And then seeing the movies of the 70s and the 80s, in the 90s where the comedies got so male -centric.

[732] And the roles for the women were so terrible.

[733] And then getting to know so many funny women when I was a stand -up and then going into acting, like knowing how funny they were.

[734] And they go, I'm in this movie and go see the movie.

[735] And you're like, you're not funny.

[736] Like, they didn't let you be funny.

[737] They made you be mean to the guy, and so you're the shitty girlfriend.

[738] And then the final thing is just like, I just feel more in tune with those stories.

[739] As far as I'm concerned, I never need to do a movie that stars a dude, you know, because there's so many stories about women that I want to tell.

[740] And there's so many women I want to work with.

[741] And I just love it.

[742] You know, when we did the test screening for bridesmaids, that dress shop scene, when Maya Rudolph sinks down in the street, I've never heard an audience of women laugh that loud.

[743] It was like a religious experience where you're like, wow, you want to tap into these things that they don't get to see all the time and find things that are relatable in that way.

[744] So what's interesting is like, I can't imagine you consciously did this, or maybe you did, but first was this kind of stereotype that like there wasn't going to be a female -driven comedy that was going to compete with the male -driven ones.

[745] And then it surpassed most of them.

[746] And the next movie's The Heat.

[747] Now it's a buddy cop movie with women.

[748] It's its own genre that's not supposed to work with females.

[749] Were you conscious of it, or were you just making what's interesting to you at that point?

[750] Because then the spy comes, again, there shouldn't be a female spy.

[751] She shouldn't look like this.

[752] Another genre challenging thing with women, were you conscious of it or is it just happening?

[753] It's kind of just happening, really.

[754] I mean, the heat was not the heat.

[755] It was called the Untitled Female Buddy Cop Comedy.

[756] And that was actually on our swag.

[757] Like, literally, we couldn't give the name until we almost came out.

[758] And I got sent this script that Katie Dippold wrote.

[759] I met Katie because I directed an episode of Parks and Rec.

[760] the first season, and she was one of the writers.

[761] And I just thought it was the funniest script.

[762] And I had a meeting with her, and she was saying what her motivation was.

[763] She loved Buddy Cop movies.

[764] She's like, how come the women always have to be on the back of the moped in a bikini, and they get to have all the fun?

[765] And she was like, I want to do one where we flip it.

[766] And I was like, I love that because I was so excited that I was finally getting to make female fronted things, which I've been pitching throughout my career and could never get made because they say, well, they don't make money and all that bullshit.

[767] Then when I was in post -production on the heat, Skyfall came out.

[768] But I'm a Bond fanatic.

[769] I always want to make a James Bond movie, but I know nobody's going to let me make a Bond movie.

[770] So I was kind of like, oh, I want to make one, but I'll make a female one because I know Melissa, and we can flip the genre, and that was it.

[771] And I have so many, you know, so many haters now because of Ghostbusters who are like, oh, your social justice warriors, like, no, a guy, I'm just telling you, I know all these funny women.

[772] I want to write projects for them.

[773] I do think that audience is underrepresented, so if that makes me a social justice warrior, so be it.

[774] But I'm just trying to entertain a section of the audience that doesn't normally get entertained.

[775] And that to me is, I hate to say, called good business, because I don't do it for that reason.

[776] But if it makes people money, I got to keep making movies.

[777] I would love to hear what your walkaway feelings are of the Ghostbusters experience.

[778] But you're trying every fucking genre, and it's working.

[779] Like, Brides makes 288, the heat makes 2 .29.

[780] The spy makes 2 .35.

[781] So you're winning, winning, winning.

[782] So then it's like, okay, well, let's fucking try Ghostbusters.

[783] If there was like a beloved male genre -ish thing, first of all, I doubt you could explain it to me. I remember watching the hubbub, and I kept thinking, is there hubbub or is there 10 people that the media is covering and making it seem like there's some kind of consensus?

[784] Like, this has happened to movies.

[785] Do you remember at Costner's height?

[786] All of a sudden people wanted him to fail, I think.

[787] And so he makes Waterworld, right?

[788] Yep.

[789] And it's already rumored to be so over budget.

[790] Before you've ever heard anything about what the movie's about, you've heard it's a bomb.

[791] The knives come out, totally.

[792] Yes, it can't recoup.

[793] So then it taints the well.

[794] And I remember I reluctantly saw it, because I too thought, well, and they shipped the bed on this one.

[795] I was even young, and I knew that.

[796] And I saw it.

[797] I was like, this movie is fucking awesome.

[798] It's Rogue Warrior on the water.

[799] What is the problem here?

[800] They kind of ruined that movie before it ever came out.

[801] It didn't have a shot.

[802] And I feel like similarly, Ghostbusters is that way.

[803] After some time away from it and some clarity, what do you think happened?

[804] Was it just like a flashpoint in our society?

[805] Yeah, I think it was a weird, I walked into it just like kind of Lamb to the Slaughter because, you know, I'd been contacted first by Ivan.

[806] They had a script for the sequel.

[807] Friends of my wrote it and stuff, I was just kind of like, I don't know if I'm going to step into that.

[808] Then Amy Pascal really sat me down.

[809] She was like, this great franchise is sitting there.

[810] Why won't anybody touch it?

[811] And so I wanted this whole thing.

[812] Here's why we won't touch it.

[813] It's comedy gold.

[814] It's too good, right?

[815] Yeah, it's canon.

[816] Exactly.

[817] But I walked away from there going like, yeah, but it's a great idea.

[818] And so I thought, I don't want to compete with the other one with Bill and all those guys.

[819] I know Bill didn't want to do one.

[820] Harold had just died.

[821] So I was like, what's the safest way to do this?

[822] Let's just reboot it.

[823] Start it again.

[824] We're just taking the idea and doing it in a new way.

[825] Then it was like, well, how would I do it?

[826] How do I not compete with those guys?

[827] I know I work with all these funny women.

[828] Let's do a female Ghostbusters.

[829] It was as innocent as that.

[830] Yeah, yeah.

[831] And I put out this tweet when we close the deal and everything, which I still regret.

[832] I'll sell it as an NTF or something one of these days.

[833] Or FTA or whatever the fuck.

[834] It was like, I'm rebooting Ghostbusters.

[835] I'm going to do it with an all -female cast.

[836] That's who I'm going to.

[837] call.

[838] Oh, I love that.

[839] Yeah, there you go.

[840] Up to this point, I had this amazing relationship with the internet because of freaks and geeks and prizements and everything.

[841] I knew people got flamed and trolled, but I never got it.

[842] So I was kind of like, oh, this will be fun.

[843] And the first day, just joy is coming in.

[844] I was like, oh, my God, we're so happy.

[845] Everybody's like celebrating.

[846] So I go to bed, like, oh, my God, this is great.

[847] Wake up the next morning and you pick up Twitter and you're like, oh, my God.

[848] Then it just got vicious.

[849] And it just never let up.

[850] I saw the original Ghostbusters.

[851] I was just graduating from film school.

[852] So, you know, I was in my 20s.

[853] First showing, we were there, we loved it, thought it was so hilarious.

[854] It just blew my mind that you could do a comedy that also had sci -fi and all that stuff in it.

[855] But I wasn't a kid running around my neighborhood playing Ghostbusters.

[856] It's not the seminal moment of your childhood.

[857] No, I was like, this is a great comedy that we should take that idea and do it again.

[858] And I had no idea that it meant so much to so many of these young guys.

[859] I don't blame anybody for getting mad about somebody remaking something that they liked?

[860] Because, you know, it's dangerous.

[861] I just thought it would be fun.

[862] No, I can see myself doing the exact same thing because the thing I got offered that I turned down that I couldn't believe I was turning down, but yet I knew better was Fletch.

[863] I got offered to play Fletch.

[864] And I was like, I can't win.

[865] No one can win.

[866] How is it going to be done?

[867] There has to be something completely upside down about it so that there's no comparison.

[868] So I could see going on this path.

[869] Now, here's one question I have.

[870] When you saw the fervor, the reaction, was there a debate either internally or even with others saying like, you know what, we should bail out of this?

[871] And then the counter being, well, then we're backing down to this kind of misogynistic thing.

[872] You know what?

[873] We had written the script by that point and we were really happy with the script and we knew who we wanted to cast and all that.

[874] So you're like, we'll just win them over with a great movie.

[875] Yeah, because I felt the media was definitely amplifying them more than they needed to be amplified, even though there was a lot of them out there, but a lot, you know, 5 ,000 people compared to millions and millions of people.

[876] So it's kind of like, no, it was just going to be too much fun.

[877] You know, we were designing cool stuff.

[878] We were really having a great time.

[879] So, yeah, you know, you just kind of go like, it'll be great.

[880] I'm very proud of the movie.

[881] I'm glad I made the movie.

[882] I stand by it.

[883] People come up to me all the time with young boys go, like, it's his favorite movie.

[884] It's a very specific generation that was upset.

[885] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[886] Above and below was so excited.

[887] I can't imagine you have regrets about it, was I implying you should.

[888] Just more like met at the gate with roses three in a row and then all of a sudden out of nowhere.

[889] You're virtually doing the same thing you just did the three previous times.

[890] What the fuck just happened?

[891] I thought we were all in on this now.

[892] Yeah, that was the biggest thing for me is like, you guys know I made these other three movies.

[893] Like, look at who's in those other movies.

[894] This is not like a new idea I had.

[895] He's like, oh, that's the Achilles of this whole thing?

[896] I know.

[897] It's interesting.

[898] It was just very silly, though.

[899] I mean, at the end of the day.

[900] It was me waking up as a man then in his 50s.

[901] I guess, yeah.

[902] Oh, my God.

[903] it's all my bullies from high school.

[904] And that was the biggest thing of just like, I regressed to being like a teenager again.

[905] You're like all those insecurities.

[906] Like, why is everybody being so mean to me?

[907] You're getting death threats.

[908] It's like, what's happening?

[909] I'm just a nice boy who wants to make a fun movie.

[910] I want to make a movie about ghosts and funny people that try to chase them.

[911] And, you know.

[912] All right.

[913] Then you do Simple Favor, which is a great hit.

[914] And last Christmas was just a hit.

[915] And then I want to talk about what's coming up next.

[916] And when we all had dinner, you were in the middle of making this.

[917] I also want to comment that obviously your style increases every time.

[918] Thank you.

[919] Cinematically, they're getting better and better.

[920] You start with some great relationship with comedians and knowing how to get performances, but then I've seen the filmmaking itself just keep growing and growing and growing, and you deserving the budgets you're given.

[921] Have you yourself felt this growing wisdom of the visual aspect of the medium?

[922] Well, yeah, because, you know, when you start out, you want to be visual, but especially with comedy, it's all about the process.

[923] performances.

[924] Like, you know, I can make the greatest looking comedy, but if the performances aren't great, my DP, who I love, John Schwartzman, a lot of times he's like, you got it, because to him, the camera move was perfect.

[925] I'm like, yeah, John, camera was great.

[926] I don't have it yet.

[927] I got to get 10 more of these.

[928] I'd rather have 10 % less great, you know, angle or lighting.

[929] The performance is going to be great.

[930] Well, and then even, like, we're geeking out way too much about this monocle period.

[931] But I will say, like, the people that I admire the most, like Scorsese -e - famously right.

[932] There's a fucked up shot in casino where Sharon Stone's having a breakdown.

[933] There's a huge bobble in the camera, which you would never see in a Scorsese movie.

[934] And he had plenty of takes where there was no bobble.

[935] But it's great to see, like, at the end of the day, his priority was that as well.

[936] Oh, yeah, totally.

[937] Like, he doesn't care about continuity.

[938] I'm kind of that way, too.

[939] It's like, it's so funny, you'll shoot and the people go like, oh, you can't use that take, can't do that tech.

[940] He's like, uh -huh, okay, okay, trust me. Whatever take you hated is going to end up in the movie because it was really funny or that performance was great.

[941] The audience doesn't care.

[942] My defense is the actor is always like, if someone noticed my collar was up on the left and down on the right, I've failed miserably at this scene.

[943] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[944] Okay, so your new movie is The School for Good and Evil, which is like an epic tent pole movie, Charlize Theron, Kerry Washington.

[945] Yeah.

[946] Is it the longest schedule you've ever had?

[947] It's turned into the longest schedule.

[948] Well, also COVID.

[949] Yeah, yeah, totally.

[950] But even because of that, I mean, we ended up doing some additional photography.

[951] I don't want to say reshoots because it sounds bad.

[952] It sounds like I didn't do it perfect the first time.

[953] Exactly.

[954] We just found we had our test screenings.

[955] People love the movie.

[956] There's just been a couple things.

[957] They're like, I don't understand this.

[958] I was like, oh, we need to explain that.

[959] But no, I'm really having so much fun on this movie.

[960] And after doing Ghostbusters, I so enjoy doing big special effects.

[961] But then, you know, Simple Favor and last Christmas were very paired down, obviously.

[962] And I kind of was Jonzing again to have an art department and do all that stuff.

[963] And so we're going for it.

[964] But I'm really happy with how it's going.

[965] Yeah, it would make sense that you would have an aesthetic.

[966] Like, you're someone who actually is clearly visually stimulated the way you dress, you care about those things.

[967] You know, there's levels.

[968] When you're on a $20 million movie, you get some really talented people that know how to work with nothing.

[969] And then when you give people the keys of the kingdom that are like, would have been Picasso's in their day.

[970] That's an exciting thing to witness and be a part of, right?

[971] Oh, when you let them fly.

[972] I spend all this time in Budapest when doing spy and I fell in love with Art Nouveau with Andy Nicholson, my production designer.

[973] I was like, let's make this school Art Nouveau.

[974] And then he takes it and runs with it, and you're like, bringing stuff.

[975] And it's like, oh, my God, it's so much fun.

[976] And you start feeling even guiltier, right?

[977] Because you're like, oh, my God, now that I have access to all these great people, like, they're making me look so good.

[978] Oh, totally.

[979] Okay, and now you also have, it's so on brand.

[980] If ever you were going to do a spirit, of course it would be gin.

[981] Yeah.

[982] Yes, sir.

[983] Very fancy.

[984] And people may not know this about you, but you're a full -blown alcoholic.

[985] I think a lot of people do know that about it.

[986] How does one go from enjoying gin to deciding, I think I need my own gin?

[987] I've always loved adult grown -up life when I was a kid.

[988] I didn't want to be a kid.

[989] I wanted to be an adult.

[990] I would watch Bewitched and they would mix martinis when they come home.

[991] So I was like, I want to drink martinis.

[992] But I had a bad experience with gin as a kid because you went down to somebody's parents bar and you open it up and like, oh, it smells like pine salt.

[993] Not a great thing to take a shot of.

[994] Totally.

[995] So I'm like, oh, well, I hate gin.

[996] So when I started drinking martinis, I was like, okay, I'll do vodka martinis.

[997] I was drinking those, but then as I got into studying cocktails, and this is 25, 30 years ago, I read a thing and said, like, a real martini is a gin martini.

[998] Oh.

[999] Do you know that, Monica?

[1000] Is that common knowledge?

[1001] Yeah, it's common.

[1002] If you go to a bar and you say, I want a martini, they should automatically give you a gin martini.

[1003] They don't do that, but they should.

[1004] It's either, oh, I'll have a martini or I'll have a vodka martini, yes.

[1005] But I was like, oh, I don't like gin.

[1006] I better teach myself how to like gin.

[1007] So it was all like beef feeders and those things, really super junipery, piney kind of thing.

[1008] But I kind of grew to like them.

[1009] But at the same time, I was just doing all this research and, like, finding different types of gins and realizing, oh, they don't all have to be like that.

[1010] And so over the years, everywhere we go, internationally, try gins and would find all these ones I really like, but I never found the one that I loved.

[1011] And so finally, five years ago, was able to link up with Minhaas distillery.

[1012] How do you make gin?

[1013] What is the base grain?

[1014] In a nutshell, gin is basically vodka that you put a tea bag in.

[1015] Ah, interesting.

[1016] It's ethanol, you know, which is the base of it.

[1017] And then you have this thing called the basket.

[1018] And the basket is where you put all the botanicals.

[1019] And it depends how you stack them, what order you put them in.

[1020] And then the ethanol goes into the still.

[1021] The basket goes into the still, too.

[1022] It percolates like a big teapot.

[1023] Steeps.

[1024] Steeps, and it runs through, and that's how you get the flavors.

[1025] So that's why there can be an infinite number of gins in the world because it's just the flavor profile.

[1026] You know, we have 11 botanicals in mine.

[1027] There's ones out there that have like 45 botanicals in them.

[1028] But I don't like those kinds because I don't think you can taste kind of anything.

[1029] Yeah, exactly.

[1030] It's like the dashboard on the 90s Pontiacs.

[1031] There was like 600 buttons.

[1032] Like, what?

[1033] What am I flying a plane?

[1034] Come on.

[1035] This car do this much stuff?

[1036] So I got my own gin called Ardingstall's Brilliant London Dry Gin.

[1037] Which is your mom's maiden name?

[1038] It was my mom's maiden name because I wanted it to sound like a gin that had been around for 150 years out of England.

[1039] Yeah, pronounce it again?

[1040] Ardingstall.

[1041] Does sound very British.

[1042] Now, I had a brief affair with gin.

[1043] It was in my phase where everyone was in a swing dancing.

[1044] and I would have a Tom Collins, which has gin, yeah, Tom Collins?

[1045] Oh, yeah, yeah, delicious.

[1046] And then the gin and tonic I enjoyed a bit.

[1047] I want to say, and this is such horseshit, I'm sure there's no science or molecular or anything to back this up, but I found it to be less of a hangover gin.

[1048] Is that kind of a rumor about gin?

[1049] The clear spirits are your best bet for not getting a hangover.

[1050] I've heard lately that tequila doesn't give you a hangover, which I beg to differ.

[1051] Just the amount.

[1052] It's not the spirit.

[1053] But the clear spirits are a little friendlier too, because they don't have the sugar that whiskey and that kind of thing has.

[1054] Well, and also, if you have, like, gout, you're not supposed to, I mean, I hate to say this, but you're supposed to stay away from the brown liquors.

[1055] Well, you should probably not be drinking.

[1056] Well, I'm not drinking at all.

[1057] Not you, no, no, I just mean if you have gout, maybe you'd just, like, take a break from drinking.

[1058] How do you think you got gout, though?

[1059] Exactly, exactly.

[1060] Means you can't stop.

[1061] Can you tell us what the botanicals are?

[1062] I can tell you some of them.

[1063] Some are secret.

[1064] Some are our secret.

[1065] We got citrus peel in there.

[1066] We got some black pepper.

[1067] in there, which is nice.

[1068] It gives it a little spice on the back end, Cassia root.

[1069] Spoken like a director loves his back end.

[1070] Oh, yeah, exactly.

[1071] I meant to that.

[1072] It doesn't exist anymore.

[1073] I was just going to say goodbye back in your gin.

[1074] Hello buyout.

[1075] Exactly.

[1076] It's lightly citrusy, a little floral, but with this kind of peppery back bite.

[1077] And we've won a lot of awards.

[1078] Our very first competition, we won Best Gin and Best in Show.

[1079] The WSWA, but I wanted to ask, is that real?

[1080] What is the WSWA?

[1081] It's big.

[1082] It's the worldwide spirits, Wholesalers Association.

[1083] Of course.

[1084] I want to try it.

[1085] Were people drinking it at the party?

[1086] We handed it there, yeah.

[1087] But now Stanley is going over to a rival.

[1088] Oh, he has his own.

[1089] Yes, exactly.

[1090] What a hilarious evolution.

[1091] It used to be you'd be at one of these dinner parties with people that you lost film roles to or people whose movie open bigger than yours.

[1092] And the notion now that many actors are sitting around and like their spirits are tracking.

[1093] I'm being spirit companies.

[1094] It's a wild.

[1095] I have a spirit throw down, exactly, a bottle fight.

[1096] All right, get away from me. It's the gin wars.

[1097] I love it.

[1098] It's very fun.

[1099] Just one peculiar thing you did, but not really because, as we discuss, you're a famous alcoholic.

[1100] You would do this quarantine cocktail time.

[1101] Yeah.

[1102] Another thing that you and our host shared in common because he famously made a cocktail on Instagram and it became like all the rage.

[1103] It was.

[1104] Who started this?

[1105] You or Stanley?

[1106] I started because we were in the middle of shooting this TV show that's on now.

[1107] that I produced called Welcome the Flatch.

[1108] And we were going to do it to pilot.

[1109] We got a day in and then I shut it down because COVID was, you know, going crazy.

[1110] And came back to L .A. and knew I was going to be sitting around for probably a couple of months and thought, I want to help out with the pandemic, but I don't know what to do.

[1111] I'm not a medical professional.

[1112] So maybe I'll just try to entertain people during it.

[1113] So it's like every day without taking a break, I'll do a cocktail show where we'll raise money for charity for COVID charities and we'll kind of have fun.

[1114] And so it just started from that.

[1115] And then I just started doing it every single day, never took a day off.

[1116] And, you know, we'd get a lot of viewers.

[1117] but then Stanley made his one thing.

[1118] He had more viewers for his musly arms making that Negroni than I had for like a hundred days straight of doing it, so don't take on Stanley.

[1119] If he had dropped dead at that dinner party, now knowing what I know, you would be my primary suspect.

[1120] Why, whatever do you mean, sir?

[1121] Here, Stanley, drink this.

[1122] I'm so happy for Stanley.

[1123] First of all, who cooks a better meal than Stanley?

[1124] That food that night was like...

[1125] He didn't have to try to wow everyone with his volume like I did.

[1126] He walked the walk.

[1127] I was talking the talk.

[1128] It was a combo with the two of you together.

[1129] What a pairing.

[1130] Perfect yin and yang, exactly.

[1131] Okay, and then the last thing I have to tell you about before we go is I haven't seen it yet, but I don't think I've received more messages on Instagram about any show ever than I have the minks because I'm very out loud and public about how much I enjoy seeing penises and movies in the TV shows.

[1132] It's like my favorite thing.

[1133] Did you watch Wretches Gemstones?

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] Excessive amount of penis.

[1136] And then not only that, but the staging of the penis behind Danny playing on a thing, and it's right over his face.

[1137] I love it.

[1138] It's fine.

[1139] They're so stupid penises.

[1140] Oh, no, totally.

[1141] Well, then Minks is a show for you.

[1142] I'll tell you that one.

[1143] Well, yes.

[1144] So I just keep getting like every day people are like, are you watching Minks penis across the board?

[1145] Wow.

[1146] Everywhere.

[1147] And I watched the trailer today.

[1148] And of course, it's about the first four women erotica magazine.

[1149] I guess it must be loosely based on PlayGers.

[1150] Yeah, it's like a fictional retelling of the origins of Playgirl magazine.

[1151] But, you know, Ellen Rappaport, who runs the show and created it.

[1152] When she came in and pitched to us, first of all, we brought a huge stack of Playgirl magazines that we then took around to all these pitch meetings.

[1153] Everybody's so happy to see those magazines we'd leave me on.

[1154] I'm so proud of this show.

[1155] I'm really happy that people are digging it, too.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] We're huge fans of Jake Johnson.

[1158] He's the best.

[1159] He is.

[1160] He's got, like, another gear as well, which is like, he could have been in all the 70s Scorsese movies.

[1161] Well, he's like Downey Jr. They're so effortless.

[1162] You just fall into their web that they're spinning because you're just like, oh, you're so cool.

[1163] Like, you never see them working, you know?

[1164] No, effortless, authentic.

[1165] Yeah, it's awesome.

[1166] Well, Paul, what a delight.

[1167] Everyone should get hammered tonight on Arding Stolls.

[1168] That's right.

[1169] Can you buy it anywhere?

[1170] Here's the best way to do it.

[1171] Go to Ardingstall's gin .com and you can find out where to buy.

[1172] We're getting into a lot of stores all over the place.

[1173] You know, we're going into Bev Moes and all that.

[1174] And if you're in the UK, go to the Whiskey Exchange or go to Amazon, UK, and you can get us through that.

[1175] Oh, awesome.

[1176] So I'm going to spell it from my fellow dyslexics.

[1177] A -R -T -I -N -G -A -L -S -G -I -N -G -G -N -G -D -N .com.

[1178] Thank you, sir.

[1179] Yeah, what a pleasure.

[1180] Oh, my God.

[1181] Thank you.

[1182] It's so good to see you guys.

[1183] Yeah, may we be so lucky is to find ourselves at another dinner party.

[1184] This time I'll try to come in at like 100 % instead of 120.

[1185] Don't you dare.

[1186] Exactly.

[1187] To keep your foot on the throttle, shepherd.

[1188] I want 200, man. I want 200.

[1189] That'll involve shirtless and in some really tight shorts.

[1190] That's all I ask.

[1191] Thanks, Paul.

[1192] Be well.

[1193] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate, Monica Padman.

[1194] I'm having my very favorite thing.

[1195] My new very favorite thing.

[1196] I'm late to it.

[1197] Pimento cheese.

[1198] It's a southern delicacy.

[1199] Why is that?

[1200] Why wouldn't we in the north be all about pimento cheese?

[1201] Spicy cheese.

[1202] Spicy, but you didn't have it in Chicago, did you?

[1203] No, but my grandparents were in Tennessee, and we had it whenever we'd go down to Tennessee.

[1204] I just think that's an interesting, why is this dip regional to the South?

[1205] I mean, I think the South puts a lot of mayonnaise and cream cheese and stuff in their dishes.

[1206] So it's like a cream cheese with meento.

[1207] And chunks of seemingly cheddar cheese.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] It's a dynamite dip.

[1210] The Internet has an answer.

[1211] Oh.

[1212] It's because it doesn't spoil easily at room temperature.

[1213] Oh.

[1214] That's interesting.

[1215] The South don't have refrigerators.

[1216] I guess so.

[1217] But it's easy to pack in lunchboxes, particularly for textile workers.

[1218] But it was also fashionable as a sandwich in tea rooms.

[1219] Oh my gosh, I would love a little sandwich pimento.

[1220] Yes, very yummy.

[1221] Aaron and I, when we were in northern Michigan visiting our friend Sweet Jack, we went to Meyer and we got about 600 pounds of salami and about three gallons of pimento did.

[1222] and we would make these little burritos.

[1223] Like, so your piece of salami, smeared with pimento, rolled up.

[1224] Unreal.

[1225] Could make this doctor's menu.

[1226] Oh, my gosh, you're being abducted.

[1227] Silver alert.

[1228] Okay, what's that?

[1229] There's a silver medal winner?

[1230] No. Missing endangered elderly.

[1231] Oh, and they did it silver?

[1232] Like silver hair?

[1233] Probably.

[1234] Oh, wow.

[1235] Everyone's going to get it.

[1236] No, not me. You don't have them on?

[1237] God, no. You know what?

[1238] I said to myself, I live 40.

[1239] five years without being alerted.

[1240] I did just fine.

[1241] That's how I told myself, I don't need any of those alerts.

[1242] Well, it's not for you.

[1243] It's for the family of the elderly person missing so that everyone can keep their eye out.

[1244] All right, well, you had to spin it.

[1245] I'm thinking more of like, there's a hurricane coming.

[1246] There's a COVID numbers are this.

[1247] You know, just that's what I associate with those alarms.

[1248] Got it.

[1249] I get that tornado and stuff like that.

[1250] Also, it would be great if it were refined enough because they do these like missing child alerts, right?

[1251] Amber, yes.

[1252] Amber, okay, and they'll tell you the car that the person was driving.

[1253] And it's great info if you're on the highway.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] If I'm sitting at home, my phone knows I'm at home, then I don't need that info because I'm not going to see that person.

[1256] Well, you don't know.

[1257] They could be stopping by for dinner.

[1258] Oh.

[1259] You could look out your window and be like, oh, my God, that's...

[1260] Randy is Randy.

[1261] There must be a kid in there.

[1262] Is he in a carola 7 -8J -3 -2?

[1263] Oh, my gosh, it's Randy and Sandy, his son.

[1264] Yeah.

[1265] You're upset?

[1266] I don't have those alerts.

[1267] I can feel it.

[1268] No, I don't care.

[1269] Okay.

[1270] I just wonder why, because I don't think you did anything to make that happen.

[1271] No, I did.

[1272] I go inside all my settings and I turn all the alarms off.

[1273] Oh, there you go.

[1274] Public service alarms.

[1275] I think it's a fun pop out.

[1276] Yeah, you like it.

[1277] Yeah.

[1278] It's also nice to know how many people are missing all the time, too.

[1279] It makes me feel better.

[1280] Makes me feel grateful that I'm not.

[1281] It's not missing, yeah.

[1282] That's another way to look at it.

[1283] Mm -hmm.

[1284] It's a little gratitude alarm is what it really is.

[1285] I had my phone off last night, and I thought, I wonder if people think I'm missing.

[1286] Oh.

[1287] No one did.

[1288] Paul Feig.

[1289] What a fucking story about Ronald McDonald.

[1290] I know.

[1291] And I guess it's a ding, ding, ding because he directed bridesmaids and we were just at a wedding.

[1292] Oh, sure.

[1293] Sure, sure, sure.

[1294] That's a connection.

[1295] I'll buy that.

[1296] We were at a wedding, bridesmaids, I'm from Michigan.

[1297] he's from Michigan That's right You're like him You're a woman He wants to work with you Because you're a woman Oh that would be great Never work with me Because I'm a man Ding ding ding ding He's so lovely But you know what's great about him Is once I found out He had been a performer That made it so fun I was like oh this guy was a comedian Yeah And an actor This will be funner than your average Director conversation Simply because he's got some performer in him Yeah And boy did he put on a show I was laughing in stitches Me too The Ronald McDonald's part was hilarious.

[1298] And that does lead to a fact, are there currently Ronald McDonald's?

[1299] No. Uh -oh.

[1300] In 2016, McDonald's officially retired Ronald.

[1301] Because he didn't change with the times?

[1302] No. Sexual impropriety?

[1303] Well, after a series of, quote, creepy clown sightings popped up across the United States.

[1304] Oh, this is real now.

[1305] We transitioned into real.

[1306] It's real.

[1307] No, I know.

[1308] No, but I was making a joke about him being a me -tour or something.

[1309] Well, okay.

[1310] As they escalated from random harmless sightings to seeing clowns carrying weapons, it seemed like a really bad time to be a clown.

[1311] Oh, this goes back to Arquette.

[1312] I know, and he hates that.

[1313] He hates that.

[1314] Some people are giving clowns a bad name.

[1315] Yeah, it, the Joker.

[1316] A lot of anti -clown heroes right now.

[1317] Poor Ronald, he couldn't make it.

[1318] I know.

[1319] 2016, he had a long run, though.

[1320] You know, let's not count him out because if there's a resurgence or a renaissance, a clown renaissance, I can imagine them putting them back in the game.

[1321] I would do it.

[1322] No, you wouldn't.

[1323] Yes, I would, because I did a clown class and I was really good at it.

[1324] I know, but I did a home -mack class, and that doesn't mean that I would sew for a living.

[1325] Were you really good at it?

[1326] No. Okay, that's the difference.

[1327] Okay, but you would not be Ronald McDonald.

[1328] Now it's a challenge.

[1329] Oh, gosh, this is great.

[1330] This is my reverse peer pressure for you.

[1331] You just heard that they, They get physically assaulted nonstop.

[1332] Like, imagine you getting attacked by six kids.

[1333] You think you could...

[1334] Maybe they wouldn't do it because I'd be in a smaller suit, obviously, to fit my small body.

[1335] And maybe they would go easy on me. You'd still have the enormous feat, as did Paul.

[1336] Yeah, I could do that.

[1337] What's interesting is I should do it because I'm looking for some action at all times.

[1338] That's true.

[1339] I kind of want to get attacked by six.

[1340] Well, he said he had a body...

[1341] You could be my bodyguard.

[1342] Oh, perfect.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] All right, now I'm in.

[1345] You could be Ronald McDonald.

[1346] You're going to have to get on born with my clown persona.

[1347] It's different than miniature mouths.

[1348] I love it because I'm always encouraging you to show us your characters.

[1349] So, okay, he says something early on about Blowfish.

[1350] And that was a ding, ding, ding, ding.

[1351] For me, because I had just heard this.

[1352] I had never heard this.

[1353] Did you know about Blowfish as a delicacy?

[1354] Yeah, and it's potentially deadly.

[1355] I didn't know.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] Now, what makes it, he was hinting at it.

[1358] I don't know if he was joking or if it's the, the way you cut it, you cut this part, you don't cut that part?

[1359] Well, yeah.

[1360] Blowfish known in Japan as Fugu is a highly prized delicacy both as sashimi or as an ingredient in soup.

[1361] But the fish's liver, ovaries, and skin contain the poison tetrodotoxin.

[1362] And the parts must be removed by specifically trained and licensed preparers.

[1363] So I guess of just like a little piece.

[1364] Bit of that skin.

[1365] You get dead.

[1366] Oh, my God.

[1367] You have to sign like a disclaimer.

[1368] Have you had it?

[1369] No. I'm not, I'm not risking that.

[1370] Yeah, it seems like all the things to risk life and death for, that is way low.

[1371] To mean, that's like, that's tied with Everest.

[1372] I guess that's true, but at least it's like you're eating something yummy.

[1373] Maybe.

[1374] Maybe.

[1375] You hope.

[1376] You know, people also eat like yak balls and monkey eyeballs.

[1377] You get numbness and paralysis, 20 minutes to three hours after ingestion.

[1378] These spread to the whole body in serious cases leading to death by respiratory failure.

[1379] Oh, my God.

[1380] Paralyzes you.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] Ooh, boy.

[1383] It's intense.

[1384] I mean, it better be the best thing you've ever put in your mouth.

[1385] It might be.

[1386] We'll never know.

[1387] I wonder what the percentage of people that eat it die from it is.

[1388] How about this?

[1389] If the Emily Burger, one in one thousand people who ate it died of it.

[1390] And it is the best hamburger in the world.

[1391] We already know that.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] Would you eat it?

[1394] I want to say, yeah, but no. I would not.

[1395] And I love that.

[1396] I mean, I would, I almost would say.

[1397] say if you told me I could cut my pinky toe off and that would give me a magic power that any time I wanted an Emily Burger, I'd snap my fingers and I'd be holding it.

[1398] I would probably do that.

[1399] I would cut my pinky toe off for that superpower, would you?

[1400] No. What are you doing with your pinky toe?

[1401] My feet are also a delicacy, do you think, dang.

[1402] Okay.

[1403] Some people really enjoy my feet.

[1404] Oh, right, Eric.

[1405] Yeah.

[1406] Well, that's kind of you to keep.

[1407] He made me show him my feet and my shoes at the wedding.

[1408] Oh, wow.

[1409] And they weren't lotioned up, so I was a little embarrassed, but he said they still looked really nice.

[1410] Okay.

[1411] Do you ever look in his groin area to see if there's any activity?

[1412] No. I don't need to do that.

[1413] Okay.

[1414] You trust that he's fully aroused?

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] Yeah.

[1417] I believe in myself.

[1418] Well, for people who either don't know or don't remember, I one time came over to Eric's house, and I walked in the backyard, and there I found miniature mouse and Eric, Eric had a cheese grater and he was grinding your feet taking skin off your heels Yeah, making them perfect.

[1419] Right.

[1420] It was quite a scene to walk into.

[1421] Did you feel inappropriate?

[1422] Like, I shouldn't be in here.

[1423] Yes.

[1424] Yes, absolutely.

[1425] I was like, this is a sensual activity.

[1426] Yep.

[1427] I don't know how central she knows it is.

[1428] But alas, there you guys were.

[1429] Yeah, he loves feet.

[1430] That's known.

[1431] And he likes mine.

[1432] And again, I find it incredibly flattering Because if somebody Fetercise his feet And then they like yours That's a very high compliment They're an expert Exactly Right It's like if I tell you you got a cool car Exactly Right Or you told me that I had a great handstand You Yeah You've never told me that I'm just saying if That's like sometimes I'll tell Lincoln Like oh that cartwheel's really good And I mean it And I think she knows It's coming from a high source Exactly, an expert.

[1433] Yeah.

[1434] You know, expert approval.

[1435] Okay, how many floors can cats jump off a window?

[1436] Oh, God, I hope you found the thing I was talking about.

[1437] I think I did.

[1438] Okay, great.

[1439] It's a bad one, but it needs to be known.

[1440] Okay.

[1441] How this cat survived a 32 -story fall.

[1442] Whoa.

[1443] Okay.

[1444] 32, I wasn't even though.

[1445] I have to read about this.

[1446] Okay.

[1447] 32 stories above the streets of New York City, a cat fell from a window and lived.

[1448] After vets treated the cat's chipped tooth and collapsed lungs, the feline was sent home two days later.

[1449] Cats fall a lot, and they've gotten really good at it.

[1450] Drop a cat upside down, for example, and it will almost always land on its feet.

[1451] That's because cats are extremely flexible.

[1452] They can twist their bodies mid -air as they fall.

[1453] But landing feet first isn't always the best strategy.

[1454] Like if you're falling from 32 stories up.

[1455] To figure out how cats manage that perfect landing every time, a series of studies looked at over 100 cats falls from 2 to 32 stories up.

[1456] Okay.

[1457] Comes as no surprise that cats who fell from the second floor had fewer injuries and cats who fell from the sixth floor.

[1458] But here's the fascinating part.

[1459] Above the seventh story, the extent of the injuries largely stayed the same, no matter how high the cats fell.

[1460] Oh my God, could you drop them out of an airplane?

[1461] I don't know.

[1462] Well, it comes down to acrobatics or lack thereof.

[1463] Cats that fell from two to seven stories that mostly landed feet first.

[1464] Above that, however, cats used a different technique.

[1465] Instead of positioning their legs straight down as they fell, they spayed out like a parachute and landed belly first in it.

[1466] Oh, a flying squirrel technique.

[1467] But this method isn't 100 % foolproof.

[1468] Chest trauma, like a collapsed lung or broken rib, is more common with this landing method.

[1469] But the risk of breaking a leg is much less.

[1470] So how do cat somehow subconsciously know how to land?

[1471] It has to do with the physics phenomenon called terminal velocity.

[1472] At first, the cat plummets faster and faster under gravity until she, this is a she cat, until she's fallen the equivalent of five stories.

[1473] At that point, she hits constant terminal velocity at 100, kilometers per hour.

[1474] She's now in free fall where air friction counteracts her acceleration under gravity.

[1475] At this point, she's no longer accelerating and more importantly doesn't feel the pull from gravity.

[1476] So here's what researchers think is happening.

[1477] From two to seven stories up, cats don't have enough time to reach terminal velocity and prep for landing feet first.

[1478] But once they hit terminal velocity, their instinct changes and they parachute their limbs.

[1479] Oh, wow.

[1480] Okay, so in this particular study, in quotes, they really just looked at existing falls.

[1481] Yeah, they didn't throw them out.

[1482] The thing I heard was like they were conducting an experiment.

[1483] Maybe that's apocryphal.

[1484] Yeah, I hope that this is correct.

[1485] And it's not at all the thing I said, which is that they relax.

[1486] I can't believe they can fall out of a 32 -story.

[1487] And parachute their bodies?

[1488] What's weird about terminal velocity, I guess it's not weird, but, you know, I want to say humans' terminal velocity is like 87 miles an hour, something like that.

[1489] Okay.

[1490] But, of course, these parachuters, they can dive and they can hit hundreds of miles.

[1491] Or not hundreds, but 150 or something.

[1492] But it seems bizarre that all you would hit is 87 miles an hour, doesn't it?

[1493] I mean, I accept it as the law of physics, but it does seem like you keep picking up speed.

[1494] It does seem weird because, like, we drive faster than that.

[1495] Mm -hmm.

[1496] You do.

[1497] 118 miles per hour.

[1498] Is human terminal velocity?

[1499] For a human skydiver, yeah.

[1500] Mm -hmm.

[1501] Okay.

[1502] Okay, what happens at the end of fireworks?

[1503] You said crescendo, finale.

[1504] Finale.

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] The grand finale.

[1507] Sure.

[1508] That's how I always hear it.

[1509] Oh, here comes the grand finale.

[1510] Okay, yeah.

[1511] Is that what you heard growing up?

[1512] I mean both.

[1513] Okay.

[1514] That's just like a fancy word to put in front of it.

[1515] Yeah, but it's a grand word to put in front of it.

[1516] Yeah, you're right.

[1517] There can't be more than one finale, so it doesn't really need adjustment, I suppose.

[1518] But grand finale is always what we said, oh my God, this must be the, the grand finale, you know, because all of a time more are going off than should be.

[1519] Sounds so childish.

[1520] It is.

[1521] Well, everyone's a kid when they watch fireworks.

[1522] That's what's so great about it.

[1523] Yeah, I do love fireworks.

[1524] Remember, I would say in my top two ever watching fireworks is in Michigan.

[1525] I know.

[1526] July 4th, it was so lovely.

[1527] Grand Haven, laying on the beach.

[1528] Grand Haven finale?

[1529] The Grand Haven finale.

[1530] We were laying on the beach.

[1531] There was a pier in sight, a very cinematic pier.

[1532] That's where they were launching the firecrackers from.

[1533] and boy we got a grand Haven Vanali.

[1534] It was really, really fun.

[1535] That was mystical and enchanted.

[1536] It was incredibly enchanted.

[1537] There was a little bit of mist in the air that night.

[1538] So it was when the rockets red flared and the bombs bursted in air, it lit up a lot of the water molecules in the air.

[1539] Do you remember?

[1540] It was like getting refracted by a lot of moisture in the air over Lake Michigan.

[1541] Oh.

[1542] I think that's what made it so enchanting.

[1543] I don't remember that part.

[1544] I just remember the enchantment.

[1545] enchantness.

[1546] Okay.

[1547] You know what's interesting?

[1548] We talked about train spotting having like a really intense part about poop, like toilet.

[1549] Well, interestingly, train spotting does have that, but we were talking about slumdog millionaire.

[1550] We were.

[1551] We started also talking about slumdog millionaire.

[1552] So those were both in the same conversation, but they're both Danny Boyle.

[1553] Yeah, he likes pooty.

[1554] Oh, my God.

[1555] We'd get along so well.

[1556] We sure would.

[1557] Wow.

[1558] Hotest summer on record in Los Angeles because he said when he was working at the theme park that it was the hottest summer on record.

[1559] So the hottest summer, the highest temperature recorded among all Los Angeles County weather stations was 120 degrees Fahrenheit in Woodland Hills on September 6th, 2020.

[1560] Uh -oh.

[1561] Spaghetti -oh.

[1562] So also this was after he worked in.

[1563] So maybe up until then it was the hottest summer.

[1564] Yeah, he didn't work there in 2020.

[1565] He's a very successful director.

[1566] I don't know.

[1567] Maybe he wanted to get back to his roots.

[1568] Maybe he's trying to get the pension.

[1569] Like maybe that's a union job.

[1570] And if he does X amount of days a year, he keeps his good standing with the union.

[1571] Kind of like us, actually, actors, you got to act enough to keep your insurance.

[1572] Okay, I was actually going to say, although is it residuals that doesn't?

[1573] What about people who take like four years off?

[1574] What are they doing with their insurance?

[1575] I know.

[1576] And by the way, you know, I don't really want to act again.

[1577] And it's occurred to me. I'm going to have to act some just to keep my insurance.

[1578] But you'll have residuals.

[1579] And I bet yours will be enough to cover.

[1580] It's like 15 ,000.

[1581] I don't think the residuals count.

[1582] Yeah, they do.

[1583] They do?

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] I think you can afford insurance too.

[1586] Well, that's the other.

[1587] That's the thing.

[1588] I wonder like, oh, do they just move to a different insurance?

[1589] Obviously, they can afford it.

[1590] But it is a hassle and a pain to go back and forth.

[1591] So then I wonder.

[1592] Not only is it a hassle and a pain back and forth, but because I'm on the same policy I've always been on, I think it's a manageable thing.

[1593] If I went to another insurer brand new and they looked at my injury pass thing, it would be pretty astronomical, I have to imagine.

[1594] Oh, yeah.

[1595] I mean, also SAG insurance is, I mean, it's so much cheaper than others.

[1596] It's crazy.

[1597] Right.

[1598] I've been on and off.

[1599] Oh, because you get to pay and keep your policy when they're not paying?

[1600] Is that how you know that?

[1601] I haven't done it in a, I haven't, luckily, had to do it in a long time, except I lost my insurance.

[1602] I remember.

[1603] Yeah, I just didn't get it until the new year.

[1604] You hadn't filed something?

[1605] I didn't pay.

[1606] You didn't pay your dues, that's what it was.

[1607] Okay.

[1608] No, I didn't pay my insurance.

[1609] Oh, okay, that's what it was.

[1610] Because you pay quarterly, and I had paid for two quarters, and then I forgot.

[1611] Whoopsies.

[1612] I know.

[1613] That was bad.

[1614] The best insurance, just for the record, is DGA.

[1615] Oh.

[1616] Like all these unions, right, there's a hierarchy.

[1617] Because there's fewer writers and there are actors.

[1618] Yeah.

[1619] And then there's even fewer DGA members.

[1620] And what the DGA you buy in for is a lot more expensive.

[1621] And then what the studio has to pay for your health and pension thing is higher.

[1622] Oh.

[1623] All that to say, when I was directing enough to have DGA insurance, that was like, what, you want cosmetic teeth surgery?

[1624] go crazy like when I saw the list of everything it covered everything I could have gone to treatment for six months I could have got my teeth redone I think if it's hard enough to get sad like it's hard enough to keep your sag insurance by acting how what's the requirement like you have to direct so many days out of the year I always wonder that we should have an expert on in union insurance I don't like the DGA you know Tarantino famously quit it Oh, really?

[1625] Yeah, he wanted to co -direct with Rodriguez.

[1626] They wouldn't give him a co -director credit, so he quit.

[1627] It's also a great union.

[1628] I don't want to say that.

[1629] It's a great union, and it really takes care of, especially episodic TV directors.

[1630] They get treated really well because of that great, great union.

[1631] It's a great union.

[1632] But they're entitled.

[1633] Oh.

[1634] Like, I had to beg, I had to go in there and make a case so that I could get a co -directing credit with my friend Dave.

[1635] And that was, I didn't like the vibe of that.

[1636] Anyways, they granted it, so I shouldn't be butt hurt over it.

[1637] Here is a big thing.

[1638] When I joined, they're like, you know, I have an address, right, that all my mail and my bills go see.

[1639] And we don't want that address.

[1640] We want your home address.

[1641] Oh.

[1642] Like, you don't need my home address.

[1643] Yes, we do.

[1644] Like, it was a battle.

[1645] It could have just been one guy.

[1646] It could have been.

[1647] But I've had many interactions with them.

[1648] They just really, it's in my opinion, they're not.

[1649] H &R.

[1650] Block.

[1651] Well, let's keep them out of it.

[1652] But, you know.

[1653] It's almost tax time.

[1654] Yeah.

[1655] You know what it is?

[1656] It's like, it's the way I used to feel and I'd go to a fancy restaurant and I thought the waiter thought I was a piece of shit and didn't belong there.

[1657] It has that vibe.

[1658] I don't know if I'll get it this year.

[1659] I don't know.

[1660] We just don't know.

[1661] We'll see.

[1662] TBD.

[1663] How many episodes of Nurse Jackie did Paul direct 10?

[1664] Nice even number.

[1665] That season.

[1666] That's incredible.

[1667] That's all for Paul.

[1668] That's all for Paul.

[1669] Okay.

[1670] Well, look.

[1671] Get off the bus.

[1672] Gus, don't need a plan stand.

[1673] Oh, what's that?

[1674] Art Garfunkel and Paul Simon.

[1675] Garfield?

[1676] Yes, it's Garfield.

[1677] It's one of his songs.

[1678] You don't know Garfield songs?

[1679] They're mainly about lasagna, but.

[1680] Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

[1681] Art, what the fuck was it?

[1682] Garfunkel and Simon?

[1683] What's going on here?

[1684] Simon and Garfunkel.

[1685] Simon and Garfunkel, there we go.

[1686] Do you want to hear my favorite song of theirs?

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] Okay.

[1689] Come to look for America Laughing on the bus Playing games with the faces She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera Did you make that up?

[1690] Oh, that's how playful and silly the song is It took us four days to hitchhike from Sagina how come to look for America Wow You like it?

[1691] Yeah, I've never heard it It's a really good song Is it a deep cut?

[1692] No, I think it was popular I probably just don't Garfunkel and Simon is very old Oh I know My favorite is Bridge Over Troubled Water Oh yeah Very classic I love that song You hit me with that one How's it one?

[1693] Okay That one's too soft for me Bridge Over Trouet It's too crying Yeah, it's sad.

[1694] I love it.

[1695] Hey.

[1696] Hey, how about this one, though, that they sang?

[1697] That's more upbeat.

[1698] Hello, lamp posts, what you knowin.

[1699] I come to watch your flowers growing just kicking around the cobblestones.

[1700] Looking around and feeling groovy.

[1701] Is that the same one as the one you were singing?

[1702] Oh, you know a lot of them.

[1703] Feeling groovy.

[1704] Feeling groovy's a good art garfunkel in Pete Simon Tune.

[1705] Remember when I said, wow, I cannot believe that you know Dweasel and Moon?

[1706] I was so flattered by that.

[1707] But I'm just, like, this is why.

[1708] Because it's so old.

[1709] No. But you can't remember Simon and Garfunkel, but you can remember Moon and Dweasel.

[1710] It's not a burn.

[1711] No, no, it's good.

[1712] It's good.

[1713] It's right.

[1714] That was the point you were making.

[1715] This is right.

[1716] You're confirming your point with data.

[1717] Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm saying the reason I was so affluent.

[1718] A flutter when you knew all that was because this is what I'm used to.

[1719] Of course.

[1720] This is your status quo.

[1721] My excuse or explanation is Garfunkel.

[1722] You throw Garfunkel in the middle of anything and it's going to get garbled.

[1723] No. You said the reason that you do know those is because they're off the wall.

[1724] Right.

[1725] Shitstick Smith.

[1726] Exactly.

[1727] Right.

[1728] If Adam Smith had named his son shitstick, I'd know it.

[1729] So you'd think Garfunkel might be in there because it's off the wall.

[1730] Well, that's true.

[1731] It's the Paul and the Simon and the art. I don't know where they go.

[1732] And it turns out the art and the Paul don't even go there.

[1733] They don't.

[1734] No. No, they don't.

[1735] All right.

[1736] Just one more thing about those guys.

[1737] Okay.

[1738] Great Mike Nichols movie that Art Garfunkel starred in at the height of Garfunkel and Simon.

[1739] Art Garfunkel was in a Mike Nichols movie and it was incredible.

[1740] And he was incredible.

[1741] What is his real name?

[1742] Art Garfunkel.

[1743] It's not art, is it?

[1744] Art Garfunkel.

[1745] It is?

[1746] What's the movie, the Mike Nichols, Art Garfunkel movie?

[1747] Carnal knowledge.

[1748] Carnal knowledge.

[1749] It's great.

[1750] Oh.

[1751] You know Mike Nichols?

[1752] Do you know what he's?

[1753] What a say.

[1754] Lost him to.

[1755] Is he?

[1756] Not really too.

[1757] Mike Nichols, yeah.

[1758] Oh, he lost him?

[1759] Yeah, 2014.

[1760] Oh, I'm late on that.

[1761] I'm late on that.

[1762] I'm late on that.

[1763] Well, so he must have been older when he directed.

[1764] Closer.

[1765] Yeah.

[1766] And remember you played Natalie Portman?

[1767] I just remember that.

[1768] In my college.

[1769] Oh, my God.

[1770] Yeah, you took the harlotton roll.

[1771] I did.

[1772] And I wore a skimpy lingerie.

[1773] Oh, my God, lingerie?

[1774] Yeah, because I had to strip.

[1775] Oh, my God.

[1776] And the classmates watched this?

[1777] Yeah, and one of my classmates saw my vagina.

[1778] Oh, my God.

[1779] No, he didn't.

[1780] Well, I was wearing a underwear, but I mean, his face was up close.

[1781] I was wearing underwear.

[1782] Why don't you come out with a celebrity thong underwear called Thunderwear?

[1783] So powerful.

[1784] Oh, my God.

[1785] All right.

[1786] I love you.

[1787] Bye.

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