The Parkland Students, One Year Later

[0] From the New York Times, I'm Michael Barbarrow.

[1] This is the day.

[2] Today.

[3] It's been one year since the shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland.

[4] Daily producer Claire Tennis Ketter went to Florida this week to check in on some of the students we met last year.

[5] It's Thursday, February 14th.

[6] Last year, a few weeks after the Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School shooting, my colleague, Jack Healy, went down to Parkland.

[7] and interviewed a group of freshman girls who were in the first classroom that the shooter went into, classroom 12 -16.

[8] When I thought about this, about being in a school shooting, and the one thing that I've always said that I would do is text my mom, I love you.

[9] And I'm like, thank you for everything.

[10] And I was so, like, mad at everything that I wasn't going to be able to get to do that, and I was going to die and not let my mom know that I loved her.

[11] And in that classroom these girls saw eight of their classmates get shot.

[12] And then I just hear like a few shots happen over here And then I see Alyssa And she's just like standing like this And then she like falls back And three of them were killed So Jack interviewed the girls But I was the producer working on the daily episode And over the past year I just haven't stopped thinking about them I've thought about them each time There's been another mass shooting I've thought about them on election night And I thought about them Just pretty much every time I've seen a group of teenagers So as we approached the one year anniversary After the shooting, I wanted to check back in with them.

[13] Please take a moment to locate the zone on your boarding pass.

[14] So I flew down to Florida, got the group back together at one of their houses.

[15] That's okay.

[16] They grabbed a few snacks.

[17] Chocolate.

[18] Yeah.

[19] And they all settled in on a couch.

[20] Tell me who you each hour.

[21] I'm Jay.

[22] Jade.

[23] And Jay, how old are you?

[24] 15.

[25] I'm Maddie and I'm 15.

[26] Maddie.

[27] I'm Brooke and I'm 15.

[28] Brooke.

[29] Eden and I'm 15.

[30] And Eden.

[31] And you're about to turn 16.

[32] Yep.

[33] And they immediately just started talking about the last time they were all here together in the same room.

[34] I feel like it's like after like you see somebody in a movie and it's like during something.

[35] And then like, you know, when they have like the 10 years later and they like cut their hair and like all.

[36] I feel like that.

[37] I mean, I did change my hair.

[38] Like I feel like a different person.

[39] Yeah.

[40] Than who I was like when I was last sitting here.

[41] Yeah.

[42] What do you think you felt like?

[43] then what do you feel like now?

[44] I felt like I feel like now I don't know in a way I feel like like burnt out a little just like I feel like I've been through hell yeah like hell and then I feel like and and at that moment I feel like I was so innocent what were those first weeks back like so it was about halfway through the school year and what was a typical day like what did it feel like normal school at all?

[45] No being together was like the only good part about like that it was weird yeah it was like the setting was different and then it's just like that like such like that feeling that that empty that someone's not there it's like oh my god like the kid who sat there like died yeah was there ever a day when it felt normal ever like in your whole last school year it kind of never feels normal yeah but like we have like a new normal I feel my normal is like seeing the 1200 building every day yeah and like having like flash And then moving.

[46] Or like, oh, like, that happened.

[47] Yeah.

[48] After, like, three months, I would say is when, like, it wasn't, it wasn't all we thought about all the time.

[49] It was, like, that wasn't the feeling.

[50] Like, summer was a good.

[51] Yeah.

[52] Summer was a great.

[53] Good time.

[54] Yeah?

[55] Yeah, I'm not going to watch.

[56] Summer was, like, I was like, I'm a happiest.

[57] And you were finally away from the building every day.

[58] Yeah.

[59] I wasn't sure if summer would feel good or bad being, like, because then you don't have that built -in support group, but were you, did?

[60] Do you stay with other Douglas students enough during your summers?

[61] All of, like, our friends and stuff like that completely understand.

[62] Like, at least for me, like, I talk about with them all the time.

[63] And I for sure feel like I can trust them more than they can, like, a therapist.

[64] Because they, like, understand me and they know me. So it's a lot more personal.

[65] So your friends who are also in school?

[66] Yeah, exactly.

[67] Like, I don't talk about it with anyone.

[68] Like, no one.

[69] I just can't.

[70] Not even friends.

[71] Like, not even my closest friend.

[72] It's really hard for me to talk about it.

[73] because my closest friends like most of them like weren't in the building like weren't and like it's just like yeah like what is it going to help me to talk about it they're going to feel bad for me and then what like how's it feel right now yeah i think it's different when like there's someone in the building because all of my friends that weren't they feel like they can't like even talk to me about their day because like they don't want to make me feel bad that they're talking about it which like that's sucks because i want my friends to be able to talk to me about it Like, I have no problem with, like, people who weren't in the building talking.

[74] Just don't act, like, where I was and where you were is the same thing.

[75] Yeah.

[76] That's my only thing.

[77] Don't even try to compare it.

[78] Yeah, it's just, like, it's different.

[79] It's different.

[80] It's very, very different.

[81] Shifting in to the new school year.

[82] How did it feel coming back?

[83] I hated it.

[84] It was awful.

[85] Yeah.

[86] It's just like, oh, like, oh, we're back here.

[87] So one of the things from my understanding about going back to school last year is everyone who was at the school.

[88] was there on the day of the shooting but then when you came back to school this year for this new school year there's now a new class there are freshmen who weren't there yes what is that like not good it's like the thing is like some of them are actually very nice and very understanding and accept the fact that like they don't know anything about it and they're not going to ask because they know it's disrespectful and then the other half are just wish that they were there and are trying so hard to get attention from it in any way they post pictures of the building they post like you don't have photos shoots and they think it never even been in the building how are you to post a picture of it like a sibling was like at open housework I don't know but like they think it's funny and they're like dropping textbooks pop things like someone that has serious PTSD could be like right next so they're walking through the halls and like making loud noises I was doing classes all the time.

[89] I was thinking about this.

[90] One of that is so cruel.

[91] After the pep rally, I was walking back to class to portables, and we were right in front of the freshman building, and one of them popped a water bottle right in back with me, right in front of the freshman building.

[92] So it's more than just like one, one nasty kid.

[93] It's like a lot of them.

[94] They don't have considered, like, they're not considerate.

[95] They don't know what they're doing.

[96] They don't give, like, empathy to the situation.

[97] I don't think about it.

[98] Exactly.

[99] And it may be because they don't really understand.

[100] If you don't understand, then just don't do anything.

[101] Don't, like, try to be funny because it's not funny.

[102] It's so, it's so hearing you as sophomores talk about the freshmen, like, there's this dynamic in any high school experience of, like, feeling like, now I'm older, and I hate those freshmen, but of course it's completely different for you.

[103] Yeah.

[104] There's a whole separation, like this whole divide.

[105] Like, yeah.

[106] I have no issue with them on any other problem except for the shooting.

[107] Yeah.

[108] What do you think is the ideal, like, what, if you were a freshman, this year, what do you think would be the best way?

[109] Just don't talk about it.

[110] Just be respectful.

[111] Don't talk about it.

[112] Don't talk about it.

[113] Just don't don't bring it off.

[114] Don't.

[115] Don't talk about it like you know what we went through.

[116] They don't know anything.

[117] Because I know that you were scared and you didn't know what was going on, but.

[118] Because a lot of them were next door in the middle school and got evacuated, but they weren't.

[119] It was different.

[120] It's really scary for them, but you didn't hear.

[121] Yeah.

[122] It's different.

[123] Yeah.

[124] I heard it right in my ear.

[125] in the hallways.

[126] So don't act like it's the same.

[127] Does all of this, does it make you feel older?

[128] I feel like I'm like a 90 -year -old woman.

[129] I feel like we did really...

[130] Yeah, and I feel really bad for, um...

[131] I feel like bad celebrating my birthday sometimes.

[132] I feel bad getting my license.

[133] I feel bad like...

[134] When they can.

[135] Milestones, every milestone feels.

[136] It's really hard.

[137] Yeah.

[138] I just feel like so...

[139] It's like getting up every day.

[140] Like, sometimes.

[141] Like, they were supposed to be here.

[142] Like, that whole thing wasn't supposed to happen.

[143] Yeah.

[144] We got to talk about it.

[145] I kind of feel like our childhood got ruined.

[146] Yeah.

[147] Like, I feel like it's, like, not there anymore.

[148] Like, our high school, like, everybody says high school is, like, the best time of your life along with college.

[149] But, like, we don't get that.

[150] It's consuming our lives.

[151] Yeah.

[152] It's never going to be like that anymore.

[153] It's never going to be, like, all the time.

[154] Like, no prayers in the world.

[155] Like, you know, when your parents are like, oh, when I was in high school, this.

[156] It's like when I was in high school, all I can think about would be the shooting.

[157] Yeah, exactly.

[158] It's hard to differentiate what's from the shooting and what's from, like, regular teenage.

[159] Yeah, exactly.

[160] Because everybody has anxiety.

[161] Uh -huh.

[162] So for me, it's like I'll get those times where, like, I feel like there's literally, like, I'm just like, I can't.

[163] Like, I can't.

[164] And I don't know if it's from the shooting.

[165] don't know what it's from it's like a combination of things not like just like that like sets the basis for it yeah sometimes the stress of the shooting has a big impact on like regular teenage stresses yeah so like it'll make your normal teenage stresses more even more dramatic like height yeah exactly because you guys are all 15 about to turn 16 so what's going on your life outside of this year we are about to get driver's licenses.

[166] Yeah.

[167] Dating.

[168] I mean, right now in life, we're worried about next year.

[169] Next year's are going to be our junior year, which is the most important year.

[170] Definitely.

[171] Starting to think about colleges, which is scary.

[172] So scary.

[173] So scary.

[174] And I'm really scared to, like, apply to colleges because, like, I don't want to be accepted just because I'm a Douglas kid.

[175] Like, I don't want that to be, like, the reason why I get above someone else.

[176] The definition of who I is.

[177] Yeah.

[178] Exactly.

[179] I don't want to look good to your college just because I was in the shooting.

[180] I just feel like time's going by so fast.

[181] It really is.

[182] I can't believe it's like almost been a year.

[183] It's crazy.

[184] I feel like it was like yesterday.

[185] That to me is crazy.

[186] Like I really live every day.

[187] Yeah.

[188] I think because I think because like we've just been living in it this whole year, like it just hasn't gone away.

[189] Like it's the around.

[190] Yeah.

[191] When I look like back on the person I was like exactly like a year ago of today, she would.

[192] have not acted like this at all.

[193] Like she would like have been like a different like completely or completely different person.

[194] You think you're fundamentally changed?

[195] I think everyone is.

[196] I don't think anyone can mentally be the same after like what we went through.

[197] It's like part of you like exactly.

[198] Yeah.

[199] Or like sometimes I'll think about when I'm 20.

[200] I'll think about like oh that happened like what would that be like?

[201] Seven years ago like that's scary.

[202] I think about when.

[203] Spend that long.

[204] We have kids.

[205] How are we going to send our kids to school?

[206] It's so hard for me to want to have kids in a place like this.

[207] How are we going to have kids and send them to school like that?

[208] If I don't know if I want to.

[209] Like, my kid will have to go through what I went through.

[210] Like, I just feel so bad.

[211] It makes me not want to have kids.

[212] Yeah.

[213] And I've wanted kids.

[214] Obviously, in the very, very, very, very far.

[215] Yeah.

[216] No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[217] We're talking to our kids in that.

[218] Way, but, you know.

[219] I'm not.

[220] Six more ones.

[221] I always say this I always say this everybody who goes through mass shootings don't go to the side of the mass shooting every single day and see the building where it happened in every single day we do apart of me like kind of wants to go in I want to go in so bad I still do I think we all agree to go we all have seen that closure we want to go I don't want to see that I don't want to see that like I just I just want to see how they left it.

[222] Yeah, that's what I want.

[223] I want to grab my English by news.

[224] There's just something so curious about, like, how, like, it's like we went there every single day.

[225] I was in that building every single day for, like, for, like, four classes in there.

[226] It's, it's so weird to be, like.

[227] Uh -huh.

[228] Like, what do you think you would do if you could go in?

[229] Oh, I'd go on.

[230] Just walk.

[231] Just, like, walk.

[232] I would just, like, together.

[233] I would just, like, together.

[234] I've had dreams about, about, about, like, I don't want to see, like, the blood stains.

[235] I, like, have it, like, kind of engraved of, like, like, like, a thought.

[236] like with just like Valentine's stuff like everywhere.

[237] Yeah, I have like our backpack.

[238] Well, I guess we're going to see it.

[239] Like we're going to see it when the trial happens.

[240] You'll be able to go in?

[241] No, we're not going to be able to go in.

[242] You'll see photos.

[243] I still want to see it for myself.

[244] I know.

[245] We don't have like in her time.

[246] We sound like literal psychopaths right now.

[247] We sound like a psychopath.

[248] Time travel, dream?

[249] Yeah.

[250] Because I owe, like, it's just like recurring like nightmare you may have.

[251] Like I don't really have like anything about like, like going forward but like i always have this dream where like i'm able to go back to that date and i like try to warn people and i oh my god i and i try to warn elena because she was like my oh my god oh my god i and she won't listen to me no one will listen to me i have that too and i i remember in a dream and i showed a list of my tattoo because i have a tattoo what's your tattoo is it has the room number on it yeah do i all have them and i remember i'm i remember i was in my dream i was showing her, wait, I was showing her in my dream and she was like, not believing me. And I was like, look, like, I'm telling you, there was a shooting, like, don't go to class.

[252] And she went anyways.

[253] I would have just, like, cannot turn at the point.

[254] They were like, you're coming with me. I didn't know you got a tattoo.

[255] Can you tell me what they both are?

[256] Yeah.

[257] I love that.

[258] So mine is, the top is the date in Roman numerals 214, 18.

[259] The second layer is like the three hearts for, Alex, Alyssa, and Elena, and the third layer is 1216, which is our classroom number.

[260] And what's yours?

[261] And then mine is, like, a flower, which is kind of like, it's like, if you see there's, like, leaves on it.

[262] And that represents, like, the growth from what happened.

[263] And then there's the room number 1216.

[264] And then there's three little, like, flower petals things for Elena, Alex, and all this stuff.

[265] Like that makes me feel close to them.

[266] I like it, but some days, I'm like, I love that.

[267] wish i didn't have to get this tattoo yeah like i hate how it's like part of it's permanent it's so is yeah it's like i'm always gonna think of it and like i want like that there yeah yeah i think the significance of getting something permanent on you is like that just like the tattoo the shooting's gonna be with you like for the rest of your life for the rest of your life for like three months after the shooting i would always be searching up videos of the shooting and watching them over and I would do that.

[268] Why?

[269] I like, because I needed, like, I needed that closure.

[270] I needed to, like, actually see, like, I think that's why a lot of us want in the room.

[271] You just want closure.

[272] You want to see it.

[273] I have no closure on anything.

[274] All we have is our memory.

[275] And, like, that's not as reliable.

[276] That's not good.

[277] That's not going to fade.

[278] Do you think you'll ever have closure?

[279] No, probably not.

[280] Maybe.

[281] How could you have?

[282] Hopefully.

[283] The building, the videos.

[284] Like, I want to have closure, but I don't know if it's a time.

[285] I think after the, like, actual videos of it happening, like, I would love to see that.

[286] I started, like, challenge.

[287] And that exists in some?

[288] I think it will.

[289] They have videos.

[290] I've seen a picture.

[291] Hallway.

[292] Well, I watch everything that comes out.

[293] Everything that comes out, I watch.

[294] Every article that comes out about it, I watch because I like to know everything that happened.

[295] Because, like, even though I know, I just don't.

[296] I just like to, like.

[297] But you don't have the proof.

[298] Yeah, because then I don't look like an idiot telling my story, like, oh, yeah.

[299] It's validating.

[300] Yeah.

[301] What are you planning on doing this Thursday?

[302] Cemetery.

[303] More cemeteries.

[304] Really?

[305] I'm going to two cemeteries.

[306] Are you going to tell the Elizabeth?

[307] I'm going to.

[308] Is Alex Perry there?

[309] Yeah, they're right next.

[310] They're literally so close to each other.

[311] I know.

[312] I went to Alyssa's and, like, I saw a max there.

[313] And, like, I went to her C and it was literally.

[314] Is his headstone up?

[315] Yeah.

[316] I want to visit Elena's.

[317] Wait, where's a leave him?

[318] I don't know where Elena's is.

[319] I'm going to Martins and I'm going to Luke's, which are both in the same.

[320] And you don't have school on Thursday.

[321] Friday is optional?

[322] Yeah.

[323] Optional.

[324] I mean, both of them is optional.

[325] Yeah.

[326] They're both going to be there.

[327] You're able to go and do service projects, is that, is that right?

[328] Are any of you going to go into school on Thursday?

[329] No, I can't.

[330] Yeah.

[331] Like, I couldn't even stay for the rest of today.

[332] Yeah.

[333] I had to leave after.

[334] I left early.

[335] Are you going tomorrow?

[336] No, I can't.

[337] I basically, like, started on Monday, I walked in school and I couldn't.

[338] I feel like if I don't, like, I don't want to be, like, at home, like, thinking about it.

[339] Yeah.

[340] I don't want to be home by myself.

[341] Oh, yeah, I know.

[342] Like, I don't like, I don't ever be home for me. The thing is, like, I've already, like, I feel, like, I have so much makeup work.

[343] I have to go to school.

[344] I have so much makeup work because I've, like, gone early for so many days because of, like, like everything just being too much.

[345] And I feel like I can't miss any more school because the amount of things I have to make up is insane.

[346] Tomorrow is not going to be an academic day at all.

[347] It is.

[348] They're learning less than that.

[349] I've got things planned in bio.

[350] And I have work over the weekend.

[351] And it has a test next weekend.

[352] Same.

[353] What do you think that people get wrong about you?

[354] What do you think people should understand about you who are in the classroom?

[355] Something that I've always wished that the media knew is that what we would.

[356] went through other than the politics not everything's about march for our lives and whereas march for our lives is great and the fact that they can make a change is amazing but we have stories that are worth being told and i think that the media yeah and i think that the media is just so quick to politicize everything because that's what makes everything a story yeah a story but it's not not everything's political and we're actually going through something that's like real and really bad yeah and it happened to us and we're all like it happened when we were like 14 yeah or 15 I know like that's this that's what's so amazing about what the March for our lives kids did like but now like over time it's obviously getting less like less of a national discussion like less less in our less like important in our conversations right now That's wild.

[357] Which is upsetting.

[358] Yeah.

[359] I feel like another thing too is especially with like a bunch of news stations and stuff like that is I feel like a lot of people forget and like I wish people knew that just because the cameras went away and like people aren't like writing about it as much does not mean that like the issue went away.

[360] Like people are still depressed.

[361] People are still having panic attacks and anxiety attacks.

[362] And there are still people that like can't go throughout the.

[363] day without breaking down because of this and it didn't just like poof when like the camera stopped like reporting them or like their interview ended yeah nothing stopped what what do you hope comes out of someone knowing that of fully understanding your story of being in the room for me it's more about like memorializing them and like remembering them because that's what matters to me that's what matters is to keep to make sure their names are in body like them alive because they didn't deserve to die yeah and they they're not here to show their stories but we can do that for them and i think that's like the only reason that like in a non -political way exactly is that we just want their name to like be there forever they didn't go away like they're going to be there with us and our memories as long as we live and like we as like we as like the people who like survived it can like bring their memory to life to other people and to show them how amazing they were they didn't meet them but we hope that like by telling you how smart elena was by telling you how kind Alex was by telling you how funny Alyssa was that you can understand I think you guys have done a wonderful job honoring them thank you all for talking I want to take a picture of all like I'm here and something right now Yeah, it's okay.

[364] I can take one of you guys if you want.

[365] No, it's okay.

[366] It's better like a mirror.

[367] Okay, so there's like two options for the case.

[368] Okay.

[369] It doesn't happen.

[370] Okay.

[371] Here's my bow.

[372] Go right now.

[373] I'll be right back.

[374] Here's what else you need to another day.

[375] I don't want to see a shutdown.

[376] Shutdown would be a terrible thing.

[377] A border security compromise designed to avoid another government shutdown appeared to be heading toward passage on Wednesday after President Trump signaled an openness to signing the legislation by tomorrow night, despite the fact that it does not come close to funding his border wall.

[378] We're going to look at the legislation when it comes and I'll make a determination then.

[379] The president has not formally committed to backing the legislation, which includes almost $1 .4 billion for border fencing, rather than the more than $5 billion, Trump has requested for a solid wall.

[380] But congressional leaders from both parties say they will pass it starting today.

[381] As a win for the American people, it's a compromise, and that's what appropriators do.

[382] As with all compromises, I say to people, support the bill for what is in it, don't judge it for what is not in it.

[383] We have other days to pass other legislation.

[384] And we need to reacquire a signal to have positive confirmation of a safe landing.

[385] As the spacecraft is bouncing on the surface of Mars and rolling around, the antenna is pointed in many different orientations.

[386] We're seeing it on the LCP.

[387] On Wednesday, NASA said that Opportunity, a spacecraft designed to roam the surface of Mars for three months, but that stayed there for 14 years, has died.

[388] Opportunity, the longest -lasting robot ever sent to another planet, took thousands of photographs that offered.

[389] For humans, a close -up view of Mars, and provided scientists the clearest evidence to date that billions of years ago, Mars once contained water, a prerequisite for life.

[390] I will never forget the amazing work that happened.

[391] Everything we do and think about in our planetary neighborhood with Mars and elsewhere relates to the research that came from that.

[392] NASA said that opportunity, which was powered by solar panels, succumbed to a violent violent Martian dust storm, which left those panels, unable to capture enough energy to survive.

[393] I remember the emotions.

[394] I saw that Cornell professor jumping up and down like my four -year -old at his birthday when entry to sand and landing was complete.

[395] And the rower said, I'm here.

[396] That's it for the Daily.

[397] I'm Michael Barbaro.

[398] See you tomorrow.