Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm joined by Mr. Batman.

[5] Oh, that's my dad.

[6] Yeah, he's a sweet, sweet guy.

[7] He is.

[8] People were grateful I told them not to listen to the stuff.

[9] episode just so you know because if people just saw the clip sure by doodle boy yeah incredible incredible they're so good shout out doodle boy yes and they said oh my god just seen the clip and then hearing the warrant thank you thanks for warning me so they didn't listen drove people away yeah that's the goal this is a horrible no we're going to be the first broadcasters in history that try to get people to not consume their content unfortunately i can't make that prediction today Or rather, I cannot advise people to skip this one because this one isn't panic.

[10] And also, guys, just go back and listen to Stuck.

[11] It's good.

[12] Don't do it, guys.

[13] They're terrible.

[14] They're bad for you.

[15] Listen, the prompt for this episode was tell us about the craziest thing that happened at Thanksgiving dinner.

[16] Wow.

[17] We got some whoppers.

[18] We sure did.

[19] An impersonator.

[20] That's incredible.

[21] I would love that.

[22] I'd love to be duped in that way.

[23] No, you would love to be duped.

[24] For the story, Monica.

[25] It's all about the story.

[26] story oh my gosh do for the gram is that a saying yeah is it still saying i don't know do for the tic -tok do it for the talk to do for the talk please enjoy this episode of armchair anonymous you can listen to this one thanksgiving disasters craziest things that happen on thanksgiving please enjoy You gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining Hello Hi Hi How are you?

[27] I'm good You guys look so cozy Well specifically Monica does Yeah Is that a lion's jersey You bet it is Oh sure Sure sure Are you in Michigan?

[28] We are now in Washington We moved from Michigan I'm not shocked that you have a crazy Thanksgiving story If you're from Michigan Because that's certainly where my crazy ones took place.

[29] Well, the crazy thing.

[30] So it wasn't in Michigan.

[31] It was in Florida, where crazier things happen.

[32] Even crazy.

[33] Yes, you're right.

[34] On the spectrum of crazy, that might be the far end.

[35] I think so.

[36] Was it like a family reunion situation?

[37] What were you doing in Florida?

[38] My cousin, their wedding was the Saturday before Thanksgiving in Florida.

[39] So we were all kind of just down there.

[40] And I have like a few aunts.

[41] My parents have a house.

[42] There's a contingency of Florida relatives what part of florida if you know my may asking because that does change things thanksgiving was in boker atone the start of this story was in west palm beach okay so you're down in boca as people from boca would say and tell us what happens three days before Thanksgiving my aunt runs into the sky while she's getting takeout named mark messier n -h -l star so she's in line meets this guy, he says it's the first time in however many years that he can't be with family for Thanksgiving.

[43] And my aunt is generous and chatty and all the things.

[44] So she's like, well, you should come to my families.

[45] And she just texts my dad his Wikipedia page and is like, look who I met.

[46] So stoked.

[47] We're all excited.

[48] Kind of skeptical.

[49] Like, why would this guy really be wanting to come to our Thanksgiving?

[50] So we go to Thanksgiving.

[51] And there's like 15, 20 of us there.

[52] And we're all kind of does.

[53] Do we think he's going to show?

[54] Do we not?

[55] Background also is that my aunt's husband is a pilot and thought he wouldn't be able to come.

[56] So she thought she was going to be solo and probably told Mark Nessy that she was going to be solo.

[57] So we were like, is he coming for some action?

[58] Yeah.

[59] While the cat's away, the two little mice will play.

[60] Ring on the doorbell.

[61] Mark shows up, has a case of wine, seems very gracious.

[62] We're sitting down outside, and he just, introduce himself to everyone, like Mark, call me mess, Mark, it's mess, hi, a mess.

[63] Oh, wow.

[64] Chaddy starts telling stories about Wayne Kretzky, Gordy Howe.

[65] I don't know these players, but these are hockey players.

[66] Locker room stuff, the whole thing.

[67] Oh, wow.

[68] Like penis stories?

[69] Yeah, like who had a big penis?

[70] I don't remember any penis stories.

[71] Okay.

[72] All right.

[73] He's keeping it clean.

[74] Okay.

[75] Yeah, keeping it pretty clean.

[76] There are kids around.

[77] And he's like lifting up the kids.

[78] He's life of the party.

[79] Wow.

[80] Got really comfortable.

[81] He later calls his family, but my sputty senses are tingling that this guy is like 5 -8 -5 -9 kind of pudgy.

[82] He's in this ratty NHL polo shirt, big -ass ring on his hand.

[83] So I go to the other room, just Google search Mark Massier.

[84] Dude is 6 -2 trim, has a wife and kids.

[85] This is not that guy.

[86] A place to be on Thanksgiving.

[87] It has a home.

[88] So this is an imposter.

[89] Oh, my Lord.

[90] Now just start thinking, who is this guy?

[91] What's his angle?

[92] By the way, it's shocking to me knowing it familiarized with his image before you arrive.

[93] But whatever, I get it.

[94] I know the name.

[95] Once you find out, do you start whispering to people like, hey, P .S. This isn't Mark Messier.

[96] Yeah, I like pull my dad over and I was like, this is Mark Messier.

[97] That's not Mark Messier.

[98] And he's like, oh.

[99] So we, like, tell my cousin, no one's really big in the shell, but we're big sports.

[100] And so he's like, this isn't him.

[101] He's like, oh, no, no doubt.

[102] This is not him.

[103] But he told his mom, yeah, we don't think this is him.

[104] And his mom's like, no, I googled him.

[105] Mark Nasty is real.

[106] Like, this is him.

[107] Yeah.

[108] You believe what you want to believe, right?

[109] Now it's dinner time.

[110] We're sitting down for dinner.

[111] And I'd say it's 50 -50 of who's in the loop.

[112] Not in the loop is my granddad who's giving him a signed copy of books.

[113] Like, he's just, like, so beaming with pride.

[114] Gives a toast, says, friends who become family, like, we're so lucky to have you.

[115] Yeah, what an honor.

[116] Total honor.

[117] Mess then gives a speech and says, like, how blessed he is to be a part of us, how welcoming we are.

[118] You can't wait for Christmas.

[119] No. Oh, are the 10 people of the 20 who are in on it.

[120] You guys are, what, just stealing glances as he's making the speech?

[121] Like, how's no one laughing, I guess?

[122] I think just maybe food in the face, just kind of disbelief.

[123] Yeah.

[124] And then he sort of like loses the persona a little bit as night goes on because then he asked my cousin who manages a bar, he's asking him for a job.

[125] Sure.

[126] Which probably Mark Nassier doesn't need a retirement job.

[127] Offers my brother some joints, like tries to sell him some weed.

[128] Beautiful.

[129] I mean, I don't know what the real Mark Nassier likes.

[130] That's great if he does.

[131] And then, yeah, he just, like, waves goodbye, says, yeah, next time Christmas.

[132] And then end of scene.

[133] I think the next day, one of my cousins told my aunt, but she's never addressed it with us.

[134] For her, Mark Messier still was a guest on that fateful Thanksgiving and Boka.

[135] Happy Thanksgiving.

[136] He was part of her story.

[137] Wow.

[138] Man alive.

[139] I would love to interview him, obviously.

[140] I know.

[141] Was that his first attempt at this?

[142] Does he do it all the time?

[143] Does he pick other?

[144] I'm Pete Rose.

[145] He, like, assesses whether you know a lot about baseball.

[146] Anyone who's bald, shares the name Mark, was his angle sex?

[147] Was he going to try to, like, trick us into money?

[148] Was he just lonely?

[149] And then I feel sad.

[150] Or does he, like, actually think that he is this man?

[151] Oh.

[152] Well, the ring.

[153] That part's strange.

[154] I'm sure they make little cheap, fake ones.

[155] you can get online, right?

[156] Well, I know, but was he wearing it at the grocery store, and that's what prompted the conference?

[157] Like, does he wear that around in life?

[158] Good question.

[159] Is this his whole identity?

[160] I tried Googling after Mark Messier, Florida imposter.

[161] Mark Messier look alike.

[162] Does the real Mark Messier know that he has this happening?

[163] Wow.

[164] The only part of your analysis in detective work, which I just want to flag you might want to consider not being so hard -fast about, if that were me and I were at, the store and I was by myself and I met your aunt and I said yeah I don't have any plans my families couldn't get a flight blah blah I'm dach shepherd right if I came to your house and one of your cousins ran a 7 -11 I would ask to work there so that part can be confusing because I want to be where the action is so like yeah that might be an obvious thing like why would dachs want to get a job at 7 -11 but actually would so that's the only part mark messy may in fact want to work at a dive bar for the experience to continue on his life story yes that's right to add flavor i don't blame him i hope he is lily what a great story a mark messy imposter i can tell from the tenor of your voice that ultimately a positive experience right like memorable funny yeah lives in infamy there's a lot of drama in the family offense this was like a comical relief oh how many years ago 2019.

[165] Pre -pandem.

[166] We're not out of the woods entirely.

[167] Like, he could have cased the house.

[168] He probably still has my aunt's number.

[169] There could be something going on.

[170] What if she's dating Mark Messier?

[171] By the way, that is a very funny thing.

[172] I do think someone would be eight times as likely to carry on an affair with someone they thought was a famous.

[173] Oh, yes.

[174] For no reason other than that.

[175] Yeah.

[176] Who knows what their relationship is?

[177] I can follow up.

[178] I would love it.

[179] What a great story.

[180] Thank you so much for sharing that.

[181] That is hysterical.

[182] Mark Messier.

[183] Thanks, guys.

[184] All right.

[185] Bye, Lily.

[186] Nice meeting you.

[187] Bye.

[188] Good to meet you.

[189] While she was talking, it occurred to me. I have a fun Thanksgiving story.

[190] Oh, cool.

[191] I used to go all the time to Sebring, Florida, which is in the middle of nowhere.

[192] No disrespect to Sebron, but it's like mid -state south of Orlando a couple hours.

[193] And Dave Barton's parents lived in Sebring.

[194] And so it was a grandparent's, you know, retired affair.

[195] And I would get kind of bored.

[196] I was 16.

[197] My mom would rent a car, so I'd ask if I could go to the store to get cigarettes or whatever.

[198] And then I would just go exploring Seabring.

[199] Okay.

[200] So I was in this rental car, and I want to do a little off -roading in it because it's a rental.

[201] So I find myself turning into orange groves, which are pretty sandy.

[202] And I'm kind of just like flying down these sandy dirt roads in the orange grove, and I'm using the emergency break.

[203] And I'm really just entertaining myself.

[204] And I'm kind of hot rotting the rental car all by my own.

[205] myself and you weren't worried there was a kid in there like picking oranges god no these were enormous orange grows yeah did not look like i'd see anyone so this is on thanksgiving day this like later in the day we'd already had our meal and i was fucking around in an orange grove in this rented chevalet corsica and i got stuck i buried it in sand because they're real sandy those orange grows and i'm out of the car and i'm like oh my god now what there's no cell phones i'm very far into this Orange Grove.

[206] I'm going to have to walk out, find a pay phone, the whole nine yards.

[207] Now admit to my mom, I've been driving the rental car in the sand.

[208] Right, right, right.

[209] All this is happening.

[210] I start walking away from the car to go to the road.

[211] And a little geo -tracker, like a little four -wheel drive thing, is coming through the Orange Grove.

[212] Person stops.

[213] What are you doing out here?

[214] I got trying to have fun.

[215] I was driving around.

[216] On your property, I'm sorry, but I got the car stuck.

[217] And the guy was nice enough and he had a name for it i wish i remembered what the name was but he's like oh we could probably get that out with the shark or something he gave it a name and i go oh you have something that could pull me out he's like yeah yeah and so he's like i'll hop in so i hop in with the guy and he takes me to the house of the people on the orange grove i'm getting a little like nervous children at the corn it just feels a little bit like what am i going to run into pull up and there is a lovely family having their Thanksgiving dinner.

[218] They've got their extended family there.

[219] He tells them, this idiot, you know, I'm a teenager.

[220] He got stuck out in the thing.

[221] They're, oh, come in, grab a roll, grab a thing.

[222] They're so hospitable.

[223] Have a couple snacks before they ready up the shark.

[224] Go outside.

[225] They have this insane, it's almost a monster truck.

[226] It's a huge four -wheel drive contraption with three rows of seating and no roof.

[227] Okay.

[228] It's what this family cruises through their Orange Grove Inn.

[229] Cool.

[230] And the engine's hanging out.

[231] It looks like something for Mad Max.

[232] They drove out.

[233] We hooked up my Corsica to this big contraption.

[234] And then they pulled me out of the sand.

[235] And then I drove off.

[236] I waved and thank you so much.

[237] But I spent probably an hour and a half with this family on their Thanksgiving.

[238] And then got to riding this crazy contraption.

[239] And this is why you should go fuck around.

[240] Can I be honest?

[241] Yeah.

[242] I thought you were making this whole thing up to try to say roll tide.

[243] And then you did say roll.

[244] I did.

[245] Yeah, because you said they served you role.

[246] Oh, dinner roll.

[247] And I was like, here it is.

[248] Oh, you did have a queer look on your face.

[249] I couldn't quite pinpoint.

[250] I'm like, what does she think?

[251] But you were disinterested in the way you would be a disinterest in a fake story or a dream or a pretend friend.

[252] Like, just get to the funny part where you say roll tie.

[253] No, now you got to go replay that entire thing I just told you.

[254] No, that's a dead, sincere, serious story.

[255] And it was very unique.

[256] And maybe it was my most unique Thanksgiving experience.

[257] Yeah, that is unique.

[258] They were very great.

[259] gracious.

[260] I picture most people who own a farm and some knuckleheads fucking out there hot rodding around and get stuck.

[261] They're mad.

[262] Yeah, you'd be mad.

[263] They were super cool.

[264] Maybe it was the spirit of the day.

[265] Maybe it was that I was 16.

[266] All right.

[267] Here comes Emily.

[268] Hi.

[269] Hello.

[270] Where are you at, Emily?

[271] I live in Michigan.

[272] Wow.

[273] Ding, ding, ding.

[274] So this Thanksgiving story you have for us, Emily, did it take place in Michigan?

[275] It did.

[276] It did.

[277] Please tell us.

[278] Walk us through.

[279] Okay.

[280] I was 16 or 17 and my brother was 12 or 13.

[281] And something that's important to know is that my brother is disabled and legally blind.

[282] He has limited sight, but he has very limited peripheral vision and then no depth perception.

[283] So that's kind of important to the story.

[284] And then the other important information to the story is that my aunt and uncle live on a lake.

[285] And they have the house that all the people go to for family gatherings.

[286] So Thanksgiving morning, fresh snow had just fallen overnight.

[287] We had about four to six inches.

[288] And my aunt and uncle had just gotten a brand new.

[289] snowmobile.

[290] And so we were so excited to use it for the first time.

[291] So we had finished eating dinner and we were taking turns using the snowmobile.

[292] And I was actually waiting to use my turn.

[293] I was getting ready.

[294] My brother and my uncle were out on the snowmobile up and down the shoreline, up and down the hills, around the lake basin.

[295] And we had noticed that my uncle was letting my brother drive.

[296] Your brother who has limited eyesight.

[297] Correct.

[298] They're out in the open area.

[299] It was good thing that they weren't around trees because he would run into the trees because he runs in the stuff.

[300] It's a family joke.

[301] It's not funny, but you know.

[302] When you're in the inside, you're love to joke as much as you want.

[303] Yeah, you laugh or you cry, right?

[304] So they're going down the hill and my brother's driving and my uncle's on the back.

[305] And my brother goes straight at the lake and he just guns it.

[306] Uh -oh.

[307] And he goes straight out into the lake about 20, 30 feet.

[308] And then this snowball just started steadily sinks to the bottom of the lake.

[309] Yeah.

[310] So we're all inside watching this happen.

[311] Oh, my God.

[312] Oh, boy.

[313] So everybody runs outside.

[314] We're all yelling.

[315] My aunt calls 911.

[316] my dad and my cousin and her husband riced into the water to try to rescue everybody.

[317] My brother and my uncle are trying as best they can stay afloat.

[318] There are swimmobile suits and helmets are just like soaking with water and it's like making them sink.

[319] And my dad got my brother pretty easily because he's young and like lightweight so he kind of floated to the top and my dad was able to pull him.

[320] But my uncle who was in his late 50s, early 60s, he was having a really hard time staying above the water and they were having to underwife dive and push him up to keep him afloat.

[321] So by the time of the fire department gets there.

[322] Everyone's out of the water and they're warming up.

[323] No one has to go to the hospital.

[324] Everyone's safe and okay.

[325] And that's our family crazy Thanksgiving story.

[326] Oh no. Oh my God.

[327] Okay.

[328] Just seeing it just drive into the lake.

[329] Well, not even drive.

[330] Rocket.

[331] My grandma was older and she was like, they just drove that in the lake.

[332] And we're like, no, they didn't.

[333] And she's like, yeah, they did.

[334] And we like, look.

[335] And you can see that they're going out into the water, kind of slowly sinking.

[336] Oh, my.

[337] Was there any ice cover or was it still just water?

[338] Totally open, modern, no ice.

[339] Okay, now this is something that might shock people about snowmobiles, but I urge everyone to go online and type this in.

[340] You can drive a snowmobile across the water.

[341] If you keep it pinned because of the skis up front and the tread in back, guys regularly do these contests where they'll cross a hole, like, crazily enough.

[342] They're almost lucky they sank as quickly as they did.

[343] I mean, he could have really got them out into the center of the lake.

[344] Oh.

[345] We said that, too.

[346] We were like, wow, we're really glad that it went down so fast because it could have been way worse.

[347] Is your brother's disabilities limited to his eyesight?

[348] He has some, like, cerebral palsy, muscle control things.

[349] When you started asking him, like, walk us through what, what's his name?

[350] Tyler.

[351] Tyler.

[352] When you were like, Tyler, what happened?

[353] What went down?

[354] What was his take on the whole event?

[355] He was like, I don't know.

[356] I thought we were stopping.

[357] I don't know.

[358] And I wonder if, like, maybe he grabbed the brake and he thought he hit the gas or something.

[359] Especially if he skyrocketed.

[360] He was probably trying to slam on the brakes.

[361] Yeah, because the lake was approaching.

[362] He panicked.

[363] And it's what we call whiskey throttle.

[364] Oh, it is.

[365] I mean, most disappointingly, you didn't get your turn.

[366] No. I didn't.

[367] True.

[368] And your sweet uncle, here's a guy, you're a sweet uncle.

[369] He's like, you know what?

[370] We're not going to let any of these disabilities keep him.

[371] from experiencing all the things every you go ahead and drive he's a sweetheart and he loses his brand and almost dies yeah and that was when we learned we don't let tyler drive motorized vehicles yeah yeah it's just one of the few things we're not going to let tyler do oh my god there was a neighbor on the lake that worked for the fire department and they pulled the snowmobile out of 20 feet of water and muck and my uncle restored it and resold it get out of here he salvaged it yep oh that's incredible.

[372] Thanksgiving miracle.

[373] Now, second question, and I doubt you are privy to this, but when the rescue arrives, someone's got to report to them what happened.

[374] And your uncle's got to go, well, I put Tyler up here.

[375] I let him drive.

[376] It was a neighbor, so I mean, they knew the family.

[377] I have a weird question, because I don't know about vehicles.

[378] Is a snowmobile, there's no top, right?

[379] It's like a motorcycle and that you're sitting on a long seat, but it's a long, wide seat.

[380] Okay.

[381] You sit on a like you sit on a chair more than you're straddling it you are straddling it you know a wave runner how you would ride a wave runner no okay it's similar to that but it's long and you can get a couple people on it i guess my question is there's a little windshield there's handlebars and then there's skis out front and then below you is this long 30 inch track of rubber that's spinning around then i guess my question is would this have been bad or good if your uncle was like ah fuck and jumped off Okay.

[382] Is that good or bad?

[383] It's one of two bad choices that could have been made.

[384] Go down with the ship or ditch the 12 -year -old.

[385] Right.

[386] Right.

[387] The 12 -year -old disabled person.

[388] Yeah.

[389] But then I guess it's like if it's the 12 -year -old disabled person, but then you know immediately to go rescue.

[390] Yeah.

[391] I think you're going to go like, I got to stay with him first and foremost so that I can help.

[392] Not registering, you're probably the one that he's going to have to help.

[393] Yeah, exactly.

[394] This is a Sam Harris hypothetical.

[395] This is, if you're a man and someone comes in and takes your whole family hostage, you're actually supposed to run immediately away from the house.

[396] It sounds like it's the least protective thing to do, but it gives your family the best chance of survival because the invader knows, wow, someone's about to go get police.

[397] So it puts a time clock on as opposed to you stay there and join them and being handcuffed.

[398] But it feels cowardly.

[399] Right.

[400] But actually, it's smart.

[401] And I wouldn't do it.

[402] I'd rather die than run away.

[403] for my family.

[404] You'd rather everyone die.

[405] Everyone die and protect my fragile ego.

[406] Wow.

[407] All right.

[408] Emily, incredible.

[409] Has there been a Thanksgiving at that house since?

[410] Oh, yeah.

[411] It's still the family gathering place.

[412] By the way, I want to hang with your uncle.

[413] He's got the sweet lake house with a fucking snowmobile.

[414] Yeah, he's a cool dude.

[415] And so it didn't ruin future snowmobiling, did it?

[416] Yeah, we don't have a snowmobile anymore.

[417] We have a golf cart now.

[418] Equally dangerous under the wrong.

[419] Yeah, but we don't let Tyler drive it.

[420] Okay, okay, okay.

[421] Emily, great story.

[422] Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

[423] Nice meeting you.

[424] Thank you so much.

[425] All right.

[426] Take care.

[427] Yeah, you too.

[428] Short and sweet that one.

[429] I would have.

[430] You would have?

[431] No. I don't know.

[432] Well, if he's just going to fall off, he could have grabbed the little kid and just like barrel off.

[433] Just like kind of grab and jump.

[434] But he wanted to jerk and jump.

[435] He didn't want to fuck up that snowmobile either.

[436] I thought the story was going to go that he was trying to provide.

[437] vent the snowmobile from sinking because that's something guys do all the time you all of a sudden you're like oh my machine and you totally stop thinking about that's scary and all that weighted gear every single motorcyclist who gets an accident almost across the board the first thing they do is look to see how fucked up the motorcyclist before they even survey what's happened to them oh shit what happened to my motorcycle wow wow wow wow it's a weird compulsion we've all been there turning to the internet to self -diagnose are inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[438] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[439] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[440] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[441] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[442] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[443] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[444] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[445] What's up, guys?

[446] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[447] and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[448] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[449] And I don't mean just friends.

[450] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[451] The list goes on.

[452] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[453] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[454] Hello?

[455] Hi.

[456] What's this cute little piece of driftwood behind you?

[457] Oh, it's just a shelf.

[458] Oh, okay.

[459] Is there's a little photo on top?

[460] There's a little framed photo of my sister.

[461] Wonderful.

[462] Older or younger?

[463] She's seven years younger than I am.

[464] But she's the one who sent me this prompt and said, you have to call him.

[465] Oh, really?

[466] Oh, great.

[467] Ding, ding, ding.

[468] Ruth, please tell us what happened during your crazy Thanksgiving dinner.

[469] All right.

[470] I was 18.

[471] I was a senior in high school.

[472] Not to expose your age, but how long are we talking ago?

[473] I'm 39 now.

[474] So 21 years ago.

[475] I've had some time to mull it over, yeah.

[476] Okay, great.

[477] So this is 2001.

[478] Thanksgiving.

[479] Yes.

[480] We started dating in October and it was my first boyfriend, so I was jazzed.

[481] You had to get invited at Thanksgiving dinner.

[482] That's huge.

[483] I know a month later.

[484] So I was super excited, but super nervous.

[485] We ended up leaving for Thanksgiving around like noon.

[486] I am not a big breakfast eater, so I didn't eat before we left.

[487] Also, tactically, a good idea to save your appetite for the big event.

[488] Yes.

[489] I never eat breakfast on Thanksgiving.

[490] No. Right.

[491] Can I just what state this happened in really quick.

[492] Wisconsin.

[493] Perfect.

[494] Wonderful place to have Thanksgiving.

[495] Yes.

[496] So at our Thanksgiving, the Midwestern Norwegian Thanksgivings, we have food out all day.

[497] We're just kind of grazing.

[498] We eat one meal.

[499] We take a nap.

[500] We eat another meal.

[501] Yes.

[502] So we get there.

[503] We're sitting around.

[504] There's no snacks out.

[505] I was very, very shy.

[506] So I was too scared to ask for food.

[507] Oh.

[508] And I was getting very, very hungry.

[509] Blood sugar is dropping.

[510] Yes.

[511] So we're just kind of sitting there a couple hours into it.

[512] I started to feel sick.

[513] I get up.

[514] I go into the bathroom and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm doing that back and forth sway when you're about to pass out.

[515] And I started to like lose my vision.

[516] So the next thing I know, I'm back out in the living room, laying down on the carpet, face up, and there's like blood coming into my eyes.

[517] Oh, oh.

[518] And not only that, his uncle, I believe it was, is coming in hot for CPR.

[519] Oh my God.

[520] to get in there, assist you breathe.

[521] Yeah, it's never an aunt, is it?

[522] I know.

[523] The uncle that's like a little too old.

[524] Yes.

[525] Did he have a mustache?

[526] I don't even remember what he looks like.

[527] His picture of a big old male mustache coming towards your face.

[528] Is you also seeing blood come in your eyes?

[529] Yeah, right.

[530] So I caught him right before he made contact.

[531] Mike, Mike, we don't know that she needs that yet, Mike.

[532] She needs it.

[533] She needs it.

[534] She got to get some air into her quick.

[535] Well, not only that, they had already dialed 9 -1 -1.

[536] Let's get her shirt off.

[537] She's overeating.

[538] Let's get a head start.

[539] I know they're going to take her shirt off anyway.

[540] Better cut the pants off while you're out.

[541] Oh, my God.

[542] So apparently, I had walked out there and fainted, obviously, and landed on my face.

[543] So I cut the bridge of my nose.

[544] That's where the blood was coming from.

[545] Yeah, I still have a little red mark up there.

[546] So they had called 911 already.

[547] And I'm begging them, like, no, I just need some crackers, some orange juice.

[548] Just please feed me something.

[549] But they were just like, no, we've got to get you the hospital.

[550] My family was out of town, so I had no lifeline here.

[551] So we get to the ER.

[552] My ex -Anna's dad come, and they do all these tests, like an EKG.

[553] They're like making sure I'm not dying.

[554] And I'm just the whole time like, no, just give me some carbs.

[555] You still haven't eaten.

[556] No. So they did.

[557] They gave me a couple snacks, some orange juice.

[558] And then they also gave me a shot for nausea.

[559] They send me on my merry way.

[560] and since my family was out of town they didn't want to send me home alone so I had to go back to the house where I had just fainted and this was probably at like 8 p .m. or sometime that's way too late to be eating Thanksgiving dinner but they had waited.

[561] Oh, they waited.

[562] Married to that guy?

[563] No. No. Turns out he was like his uncle Mike a lot.

[564] Cut your pants off?

[565] Yeah, pants are choking her.

[566] I think your fans are caught their throat.

[567] Oh, weird.

[568] So, yeah, all the foods in the oven with pinfoil on it, just waiting, you know.

[569] We get back, and it's this long table, and I sit right in the middle against a wall, so I have, like, this little space to be in between.

[570] And I start, like, garfielding my food.

[571] I mean, I'm just throwing it in my mouth, like, I've never eaten before, just loving life.

[572] And then, like, five minutes into it, I started to get dizzy.

[573] again.

[574] Oh, my, maybe Mike was right.

[575] You know, and I'm just like, okay, this is okay.

[576] Oh, this is making me sweat.

[577] Wait, can I ask one quick question before we proceed?

[578] Do you at that point have any history of diabetes or hypoglycemia or any previous?

[579] No. I actually later got diagnosed with severe dehydration.

[580] Oh, my God.

[581] Oh my God.

[582] Oh, my God.

[583] So anyway, I started to go in and out again.

[584] And my ex -boyfriend's mom is kind of looking at me and she's like, you're okay, you're okay.

[585] You know.

[586] She's so scared.

[587] The next thing I know, I'm on the carpet again.

[588] No. I, like, shimmied my way out and fainted again at the head of the table.

[589] This time, instead of mouth, one of the big gentleman in the room came to pick me up and essentially probably put me to bed or something, you know, like, you're done.

[590] And as he picked me up, he, like, picked me up around my stomach.

[591] Oh, gosh.

[592] And all the food I had just put into my gullet came.

[593] out all over.

[594] Two faintings and a fucking public vomit.

[595] Not only was it a public vomit, it got on people's plates.

[596] Oh.

[597] Oh, my other Thanksgiving dinner.

[598] That they waited nine hours to eat.

[599] You fucking ruined.

[600] You did.

[601] You ruined it.

[602] So he like drags me to the bathroom.

[603] So there's this trail of vomit from the table to the bathroom.

[604] Just like by the time I get to the total.

[605] there's no vomit left.

[606] So at that point, they put me to bed.

[607] They just put you to bed.

[608] They put me to bed with a bucket and waited for my parents to get home.

[609] But here's the real fun kicker is I was still dating him next year and they invited me back.

[610] Oh, they did.

[611] What forgiving people.

[612] And I respectfully declined.

[613] But wait, why'd you faint again?

[614] Just because your body had nothing and then all of a sudden had so much.

[615] You know, it kind of started this few month long thing of fainting.

[616] I was fainting a bit after that, and I got all sorts of tests down and then they were just like, oh, you're really dehydrated, here's an IV, and it fixed it.

[617] Wow.

[618] No kidding.

[619] I don't know why that wasn't the first route.

[620] Yeah.

[621] Maybe you're like Monica and you were not drinking water that you couldn't stand water.

[622] But at the hospital, they should have given her an IV.

[623] That is kind of the first thing they should do.

[624] Uncle Mike was probably like, her fluids are good.

[625] I checked her.

[626] She needs to get those pants off.

[627] Now, it sounds like the A family across the board was super nice and gracious, but guaranteed on the second fainting, people are like, this bitch is on drugs.

[628] Like, why are we all acting like Peter isn't dating a drug addict?

[629] Oh, I wouldn't have thought that.

[630] I was pretty innocent, so I don't think that ever crossed anyone's minds.

[631] Oh, this is so sad.

[632] Oh, you think all of us addicts look like monsters, gargoyles.

[633] We can look nice.

[634] We can show up to Thanksgiving.

[635] Yeah, but you were never innocent.

[636] Maybe when you're one year old.

[637] I've met a lot of innocent -looking addicts.

[638] Some of them are adorable.

[639] That's true.

[640] My brother was an addict and he was the most precious human in the world.

[641] Yeah.

[642] It doesn't, what do you call that?

[643] Discriminates the word.

[644] Well, Ruth, what an eventful tale.

[645] Thanks for sharing that.

[646] When did you break up with this boy?

[647] I feel like he earned a good long run.

[648] He did and then I was a year older than him and went to college.

[649] There are other options.

[650] It happens.

[651] I mean, it got a good like two years out of me. Hospital run.

[652] best two years falling on the floor eating all the food then throwing it all up no regard for the amount of labor that had been put into it how long everyone waited every member of the family got to get their paws on you though you had one uncle mouth -to -mouthing you another uncle's slinging you around with pukes shooting out of your mouth and anyone not get a chance the man handle ruth oh my god yeah well i never thought of the story that way but thank you for putting that lens on it.

[653] There was a silver lining for everyone.

[654] Oh, boy.

[655] Oh, Ruth, what a great story.

[656] I'm so glad that your kid's sister urged you to call us.

[657] Yep.

[658] I just started listening as well, and we die at the poop stories.

[659] Oh, good.

[660] Wonderful.

[661] I, to be honest, I 56 % thought.

[662] It was a poop story.

[663] That you were going to end this whole terrible showing.

[664] It might as well, though, at that point.

[665] There was a lot of fluids.

[666] It hadn't gotten down yet.

[667] Yeah.

[668] Yeah.

[669] But it would have, either way, it would have come out one way.

[670] Get these fucking pants off her.

[671] She's ruined them.

[672] Okay.

[673] Oh, my God.

[674] Ruud.

[675] What a pleasure.

[676] Great meeting you and thanks for that story.

[677] Yep, you too.

[678] Have a good one.

[679] All right.

[680] Oh, man. That was so far.

[681] That is.

[682] Also, my eyes are so bad.

[683] That picture looked like a dog.

[684] I thought it was a dog too.

[685] Right?

[686] Her sister might be a dog.

[687] I thought I was a dog.

[688] Her sister's a dog.

[689] Her sister's a dog.

[690] Her just can't talk because her is a dog.

[691] Just like that one guy dated a cat.

[692] Yeah.

[693] I can't believe the coming in for.

[694] mouth to mouth but I mean if they thought she needed CPR if he was a doctor or paramedic but A we don't even do mouth to mouth I mean granted this was 21 years ago but it's recommended now you don't use do chest compressions they ruled out the mouth to mouth thing now you still blow in air I learned it at soul cycle a few years I mean I guess it was 10 years ago he probably would have liked the chest as well are you supposed to give mouth to mouth varying CPR question mark as the evidence shows bystandard cardiopulmonary Culmonary resuscitation is most effective when only chest compressions are used, which is why mouth to mouth is no longer recommended.

[695] Really?

[696] If you aren't trained and you see someone collapse, check the area is safe, push hard and fast and call for emergency services.

[697] Push hard and fast.

[698] That doesn't seem real.

[699] That's a good recommendation for all this.

[700] This is not a dot org.

[701] Johns Hopkins, mouth to mouth not needed in some CPR cases.

[702] That's 2011.

[703] This is the Red Cross.

[704] 30 chest compressions, hand position, two hand centered on the chest, rate 100 to 120 per minute, allow chest to return to normal position after each compression.

[705] Give two breaths.

[706] Well, that's a description of how to do CPR with mouth -to -mouth.

[707] That's all that was.

[708] That wasn't whether you should.

[709] No, I typed in how to do CPR.

[710] So that was the conventional definition.

[711] This is the Red Cross.

[712] So this is Johns Hopkins, just to say, mouth -to -mouth, still is recommended in certain circumstances.

[713] It's very important to understand that the patients in the study were adults and that for most children who suffer cardiac arrests, such as near -drowning victims, we must do rescue breathing, says cardiologists.

[714] For people who are not well -trained or who are looking for a simple way to help save a life, chest compressions only, at least until the emergency care units can be life -saving even without rescue breathing.

[715] But it's saying sometimes you do have to, sometimes not.

[716] So if you do have to in some cases and the outcome is the same often for the other cases, you would just do.

[717] do it because you don't know in which case it's necessary and when it's not okay hello good afternoon hi Travis how are you I'm doing well how are you both good you might be happy to hear this maybe you'll be upset this is a popular headset you're wearing you're not our first caller to have this exact same headset it's nice so I work for Amazon so this is the headset that they give you day one no kidding where are you at in the world I'm in Omaha Nebraska okay right smack dab in the middle.

[718] Smack dab.

[719] Okay, tell us what happened.

[720] My wife and I are both from the Midwest.

[721] We do the Thanksgiving Christmas rotation.

[722] The story I'm telling you was Thanksgiving, 2021 in Kansas City.

[723] Last year.

[724] Yeah, last year.

[725] Everybody's excited.

[726] We're getting together.

[727] It's going to be myself, my wife, and our kids, her brother and his family, her sister, her family, her mom and dad, and then Gammy.

[728] Okay.

[729] And so Gammy is my mother -in -law's mom.

[730] Okay.

[731] God bless Gammy.

[732] She's still going strong.

[733] Yeah.

[734] So we've got nine adults and then we've got five kids.

[735] It's a little bit different this year because my sister -in -law and her husband had just bought their house.

[736] Our instructions are we're going to eat at 2 .30.

[737] There's a debate around that.

[738] I don't care.

[739] I just like to know.

[740] Sure.

[741] You got plans to make.

[742] Yeah.

[743] We get there at like 10 a .m. It's unseasonally warm.

[744] It's an awesome day.

[745] What I didn't mention is they're vegetarians.

[746] The menu is great.

[747] We show up.

[748] We're prepared.

[749] They're vegetarians.

[750] So everyone's going to be vegetarians.

[751] Or they're vegetarians.

[752] So if you want turkey, bring a turkey and make it.

[753] They are vegetarians, so everyone's going to be vegetarians, except at 1 o 'clock, a turkey and a ham are coming up the stairwell that my father -in -law is carrying.

[754] So I still don't know who made the executive decision that we're going to bring these in, but they show up.

[755] They're uncooked.

[756] It's 1 o 'clock.

[757] We're supposed to eat at 2 .30.

[758] Not going to work.

[759] At about three, we're all out on the sun porch.

[760] So we've got the folding table up, the long one.

[761] we've got the kids table as well.

[762] Tablecloth.

[763] My sister -in -law is sitting there cutting the fake plants to do the centerpiece.

[764] There's candles on the table.

[765] Candles are six inches tall.

[766] The piece that actually holds the candle is an inch.

[767] The candles themselves are about 10 to 12 inches.

[768] All of the kids are head high with that table.

[769] I say, hey, I know you want your picture.

[770] She's hosting for Thanksgiving.

[771] But like, let's not have those candles going while everybody's kind of in this room.

[772] A card table is made, again, the base is cardboard compressed.

[773] It's a tinderbox.

[774] Yeah, not only that, but there's carpet, and so you have folding chairs on that.

[775] So, like, it's functional, but with live fire, you're opening yourself up to some stuff.

[776] I was in the wrong for asking that question.

[777] We're going to have candles.

[778] Fast forward.

[779] We're now at about 4 .30.

[780] Everybody is served.

[781] I'm last to go, not because I'm nice.

[782] It just kind of logistically happen that way.

[783] I'm in the kitchen.

[784] I'm looking to my.

[785] left through the double doors out to the sunroom.

[786] I can see Gammie.

[787] I can see my father -in -law and I can see my wife.

[788] Gammie forgot something on her plate.

[789] She does the half stand.

[790] Remember, carpet, folding chairs.

[791] You don't scoot.

[792] You have to pick and move.

[793] She puts her perm into the candle and it goes, no. No. Three inches of flames off of her head.

[794] My wife says, gammy, gammy, your hair's on fire.

[795] Father -in -law starts.

[796] to one -two punch the fire out batting at her head right gammy goes to like move her right leg back to stable herself her femur like dissolves oh my god no she goes no all the way down leg is a spaghetti chaos no ensues yeah 9 -1 -1 -1 is called police firefighters and EMTs all in their respective vehicles pull up to the house neighbors are out come in moving furniture right my niece is two at the time she did not move the whole time during dinner she continued to eat her plate she actually got up and asked her mom for seconds like as they're loading gammy on to the stretcher i'm not sure what she's going to grow up to be but she's super calm and collected i hope an air traffic controller like someone who's very calm under fire exactly and then now my daughter anytime we see lights and sirens it is there goes gammy oh Oh, boy.

[797] Oh, my God.

[798] When the father -in -law was hitting...

[799] Batting around Gammy.

[800] Did it get the fire off of her?

[801] It worked.

[802] Okay.

[803] The problem is the smell from, like, smoldering hair.

[804] So nobody really ate dinner that night.

[805] The whole house stunk.

[806] My God.

[807] Right.

[808] But now, your father -in -law is batting gammy.

[809] That's his mother -in -law.

[810] Yes, correct.

[811] So you start off batting, you know, and put this fire out.

[812] You take a couple exits?

[813] Well, you maybe make sure it's really out because you got a few decades of pent -up, whatever.

[814] He put the fire up quickly, so I'll let you decide.

[815] He extinguaged it in seconds.

[816] Wait, oh, no, Gammie.

[817] Did she scream, or was it not even that painful?

[818] There were these weird moans, which is worse than screaming.

[819] She is fully recovered so we can laugh about it now.

[820] Okay, now the sister -in -law, did she take on?

[821] A lot of guilt about the candles.

[822] This kind of makes me come off not the nicest, but right after it happened, I said, I hate being right.

[823] She was graceful, but she wasn't happy.

[824] Like, it wasn't a good day.

[825] You can't redo number one hosting on Thanksgiving.

[826] Oh.

[827] Wow.

[828] I hate being right as pretty McAvellian.

[829] It's almost like a Trump thing where you'd go, like, I'd never say she's an ugly piece of shit, but some people would.

[830] I wish I could have it back, but I wanted to be honest with you in my response.

[831] Thank you.

[832] We appreciate that.

[833] No, Travis, I think it's admirable to out yourself for having to have that.

[834] Because you could have just looked at her once, and she would have known damn well what you meant.

[835] I think she knew it was coming, too.

[836] Yeah, of course, of course.

[837] Wow.

[838] I feel bad for her.

[839] Because, you know, I've had some lofty goals, and they've gone sideways on me, and other people, they pointed it out.

[840] It was probably an 80 % chance gammy.

[841] doesn't catch fire at this event, you know?

[842] Much higher percentage that Gammy doesn't go up in flames.

[843] Right, sure.

[844] It's not like above 50 % you like candles your grandma's going to catch on fire.

[845] I thought definitely was going to be a kid.

[846] You'd rather see Gammy.

[847] Well, I don't want to talk.

[848] I don't want to pick Gammy of kids, but she has lived a long life.

[849] Oh, Travis, you're a great storyteller.

[850] Thank you.

[851] This is really fun.

[852] Here, I don't know if you can see this.

[853] I went through the archives to grab the picture.

[854] Oh.

[855] Oh, those are quite high off the ground.

[856] You don't see the candle holders.

[857] They're elegant, though.

[858] I got to say, oh, there's candles everywhere.

[859] There's two many candles.

[860] Yeah, it looks like the menorah, maybe.

[861] You guys are celebrating a honica or something.

[862] Well, God bless her.

[863] She's trying to do the best by her family.

[864] She's got them on a vegetarian diet.

[865] She's trying to make the place looks pretty.

[866] You got to applaud the efforts.

[867] Oh, it was wonderful, except for that one small slip up.

[868] Just that one moment.

[869] Oh, well, Travis, thank you.

[870] you so much for that story.

[871] Please send Gammy our well wishes.

[872] I will.

[873] And I am going to implore Kristen when she reaches Grandma age to go by Gammy.

[874] It's so cute.

[875] The fact that you looked over and you saw Gammy was on fire.

[876] What you're picturing is spot on for Gammy.

[877] Right.

[878] Okay.

[879] Well, Travis, this has been an absolute pleasure.

[880] I hope you guys have a less eventful Thanksgiving this year.

[881] Yeah, absolutely.

[882] Thank you.

[883] All right.

[884] Thank you.

[885] Bye.

[886] Thank you.

[887] Right.

[888] Well, it's rare that I burst in with two stories, but again, just to remind people of the eventful peepie gets a carcass story.

[889] From your point of view, do you remember it?

[890] I guess I don't remember it with as much color as you do.

[891] We had a lot of dogs at that Thanksgiving.

[892] We always do.

[893] We went to the Richardson's.

[894] There was Pippi who goes by Peepee, who's a big shepherd.

[895] Gorgeous German shepherd, very bright, lets herself in and out of doors.

[896] Yes, really smart.

[897] Even crazier, used to open the door for Coco, the dog.

[898] who passed, if Coco would start barking, Eric and or Molly would be upstairs like, oh, fuck, I got to go downstairs and open the door for Coco, and all of a sudden they'd hear the door open.

[899] Yes.

[900] And Pee -P would let Coco out.

[901] She's very smart.

[902] And then there was Coco who was an old...

[903] She was passing at the feast.

[904] Currently, yeah.

[905] What kind of dog is it?

[906] Cavaliers.

[907] Is that what they're called?

[908] King Charles.

[909] King Charles.

[910] Yes.

[911] She just laid out on the floor most of the time.

[912] And then we had...

[913] Lola, also RIP, she died.

[914] She also died at the Richardson's, that's another story.

[915] Anyway, she was there, also extremely old and blind.

[916] Then there was Barb.

[917] And to be honest, hold on, that the, okay.

[918] Right?

[919] No, Barb was gone by then.

[920] Are you sure?

[921] Yeah.

[922] Okay.

[923] But the Lola aspect is relevant, because if you recall, what I was fearful of is, so there was all this yummy turkey smell in the air.

[924] They were, yeah.

[925] Understandably, it's too many good smells.

[926] Not unlike Travis.

[927] So Charlie's deep frying turkeys.

[928] They're coming out.

[929] They're hot.

[930] They're smelly.

[931] When I first saw peepee with the carcass in her mouth, she was crossing in the background.

[932] We were on the deck and she exited the house to go take the bird to her own little area.

[933] So she wouldn't be interrupted.

[934] And I thought for half a second she had Lola.

[935] Right.

[936] That was the whole joke.

[937] I thought she got so hungry that she snatched up Lola.

[938] Like, well, I got to have a meal of my own.

[939] I didn't know if we thought it was Lola or Coco or Barb.

[940] I thought it was lower because it was the size of a turkey.

[941] Right.

[942] Anyways, when we were all outside saying our thanks, which was a lovely affair, was that last year or the year before?

[943] It was two years ago.

[944] Last year was here.

[945] Lillie made us exchange names.

[946] Someone wrote a poem for somebody.

[947] Somebody did an origami.

[948] Right, right.

[949] There was a talent portion.

[950] Yeah.

[951] Anywho, in the middle of our heartfelt thanks, Pee -P just made her way out the day.

[952] sliding glass door with the entire turkey in her mouth and she absconded out into the woods that's right god bless her that was a memorable fun thing see i don't remember last year's thanksgiving all that much because no one got a carcass oh right yeah yeah it kind of ruins it when you don't have a carcass anyways i want to meet gammy i guess that's my takeaway from this whole episode is i'd love to meet gammy what a spirit she has i'm impressed she bounced back i mean good for her there's some terribly high a percentage of people who break a hip will be dead in a year.

[953] Oh, God, it's not up in a year yet.

[954] Well, that's my point is a femur is even more significant than a hip, I think.

[955] I mean, it's the biggest bone in your body.

[956] I wouldn't jinx her.

[957] Well, actually, she sounds like she's doing great.

[958] Let's not.

[959] Just knock on wood.

[960] Oh, good.

[961] That was you knocking?

[962] Yeah, yeah.

[963] Okay, I thought someone's at the door.

[964] You want any little bit knocking?

[965] Yeah, I do.

[966] This episode is dedicated to Gammy and her wonderful recovery.

[967] Happy Thanksgiving.

[968] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[969] We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[970] So here I go, go, go.

[971] We're going to ask some random questions.

[972] And with the help of armcherry's book and get some suggestions on the flyer rindish.

[973] On the flyer rindish, enjoy.

[974] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[975] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[976] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.