The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz XX
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[25] Welcome to the Big Sui, presented by Draft Kings.
[26] Why are you listening to this show?
[27] The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Levitard podcast.
[28] I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that.
[29] In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.
[30] I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.
[31] That hasn't happened to you guys?
[32] I've done it.
[33] And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, that face, and the habitual liar.
[34] So wait, Mike, did you ever actually get to your point on Lincoln Park?
[35] I did want to...
[36] There's more Lincoln Park talk?
[37] But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
[38] Ah.
[39] I saw a crazy...
[40] Wait, Roy, do you understand that joke?
[41] Yeah, I actually do.
[42] I actually do know that song.
[43] I got him.
[44] I got them.
[45] You're a karaoke guy.
[46] You know that song.
[47] Come on, man. That song's great.
[48] It is.
[49] Stop doing the bad voice to go there.
[50] Those bands were good, and Lake at Park was as good as any of them.
[51] The one complaint that I would have about the way that they've come back together here is I would have loved, because Chester is so hard to replace, as you mentioned.
[52] I wish that if they were making a new album, they would have just used a different singer on every song that they did, and then toured some of the old songs or even used those vocals on hooks, like just through playing them live rather than having the artist.
[53] with them because just replacing a singer as iconic as Chester with a voice that was so specific is so difficult to do.
[54] Yeah, there was like, I think a few years ago, Chris Nova Selsic and Dave Grohl played a concert that wasn't as Nirvana, but they honored Nirvana and they kind of did that.
[55] They had different singers come in.
[56] I think the person that worked the best was actually Joan Jett.
[57] And she kind of replicated Kirk Cobain's voice quite well.
[58] Kirkobangs?
[59] drinking my cup Oh, two Americas I got that drinking my cup Thank you Yeah, two Americas I guess Rest of peace for Chomi Kwong by the way I think it's difficult to tour that way There's been This has been kind of long rumored On the internet That Lincoln Park Because of where they were In their careers They actually have They're gonna make more money Than they've ever seen before Now that they're back I think it's a little bit more difficult To tour There was a notion that the dude From Some 41 Was gonna join Because he and Mike Shinna The guy with the face played the guy that was married to Avril Levine.
[60] The face.
[61] And his voice kind of sounds like Chester's a little bit.
[62] I really hope I'm not botching the name of this band because it came up on a playlist.
[63] But I think the front person for falling in reverse might have also been a good fit for what Lincoln Park did.
[64] But I saw the videos and they're playing shows in like the next couple of weeks.
[65] They're playing Kia.
[66] They're playing Brooklyn.
[67] They're playing London.
[68] It's going to be electric.
[69] People are going to enjoy those shows.
[70] It's just I'm just being nitpicky about what I would have liked on an album rather than just replacing a singer.
[71] But that's like, you know, maybe asking for too much.
[72] You guys are talking in Cantonese right now.
[73] All right.
[74] We'll move on.
[75] It's fine.
[76] It doesn't matter.
[77] It's fine.
[78] We'll move on.
[79] Completely lost.
[80] You're saying a bunch of names.
[81] There's a segment of the internet and this show that's really going to, our audience is going to like this.
[82] Are they?
[83] You're sure about that.
[84] I mean, not me and Mike.
[85] We'll move on away from Lincoln Park.
[86] Chris Nova Seltzer.
[87] Sounds like a hockey player, right?
[88] Yeah.
[89] Move away from Lincoln Park.
[90] What are you?
[91] A family in Chicago with two kids going out to the suburbs?
[92] That's a H -Jelzer.
[93] Yeah, there you go.
[94] After the Trans -Siberian Orchestra joke, there's just no following that.
[95] I saw a stat last night in this football game that blew my mind.
[96] Yes.
[97] Was it the Harbaugh staff?
[98] Yes.
[99] That he's the second oldest coach in the league.
[100] John Harbaugh.
[101] Let's put a picture of him right now.
[102] John Harbaugh is the second oldest coach in the NFL.
[103] Belichick is one, I'm assuming.
[104] I want to play a game right here.
[105] I got to stop saying names.
[106] Everyone right now stop saying names.
[107] I want to play a game, and it's called, can you name the 10 oldest coaches in the NFL?
[108] We're going to play this, like, pitch clock style.
[109] Everyone gets two strikes.
[110] Okay.
[111] Just for his time, we're not going to do three.
[112] Everyone gets two strikes.
[113] We're going to start in that room with Mike.
[114] Okay.
[115] And I want Mike to take the first guest.
[116] Scott?
[117] This is Scott.
[118] First off, when I saw that stat, I was shocked to learn that not only was he the second oldest coach in the league, but he was the oldest harball.
[119] you could have like totally Jim has so much little brother energy Are you kidding me?
[120] Is this happy birthday?
[121] I mean, age by real big fish.
[122] Just say a name because this is not fair because you get to guess everyone and there's a very obvious choice that you're going to get.
[123] If it's the top 10 oldest coach in NFL, you do not get a strike.
[124] First one with two strikes, if you get two strikes, you're eliminated, last one standing wins.
[125] Mike, what's your guess?
[126] All right, well, I wasn't prepared for this game so let me think for just a brief moment.
[127] You can't think you got to go.
[128] All right, can I put, I just got to get one of the top ten?
[129] The top ten oldest coach is the NFL.
[130] But we're excluding the ones that we know that are.
[131] John Harbaugh, you can't guess, so there's only nine right answers here.
[132] Nine, nine answers.
[133] Come on, is Jim Harbaugh on the top ten?
[134] Jim Harbaugh is number five.
[135] He is 60.
[136] One year younger.
[137] 60.
[138] Wow, they look good for 1661.
[139] John looks great for 60.
[140] I'm going to go, okay.
[141] That's a long, right.
[142] I'm going to go with music, please.
[143] Hit me again.
[144] You can lose some music.
[145] I need, yeah.
[146] It's only 30 seconds, so this is doing a lot.
[147] Pete Kirill, Carol.
[148] Doesn't coach in the NFL anymore.
[149] He doesn't.
[150] He's a wrong answer.
[151] That's a strike.
[152] By one of the youngest now.
[153] Replaced by, there was a, I mean, there was a very obvious.
[154] Where the hell did he go?
[155] He's just not coaching.
[156] All right, let's go to Roy.
[157] Roy, what's your guess?
[158] Mike Tomlin.
[159] Mike Tomlin is number 10 on this list.
[160] 52 years old.
[161] If you're doing your math right, you're looking for 52 or older here.
[162] Let's go to Jeremy.
[163] By the way, no comment.
[164] You guys all got computers back here.
[165] Watch this people behind here.
[166] Andy Reed.
[167] Andy Reed is the oldest coach in the league at 66.
[168] Jess, and we're going to hit this music again.
[169] And Jess, what do you got?
[170] Mike McCarthy.
[171] Mike McCarthy is the third oldest coach in the league.
[172] Good answer, good answer.
[173] All right, we are to Tony.
[174] The shit and bricks down on.
[175] The only one with a strike is a mean.
[176] Ah, shit.
[177] I'm going to go Todd Bowles.
[178] Todd Bowles is the fourth oldest coach in the league.
[179] We're back with Mike.
[180] Peyton.
[181] Sean Payton is the sixth oldest coach in the league.
[182] You guys are going so fast.
[183] We only have three more, the 7th, 8th, and 9th.
[184] Doc Rivers.
[185] I mean, you are up.
[186] I'm up, huh?
[187] So the music is playing.
[188] Everyone's kind of guessed their names and everyone's wondering.
[189] Amin, what name are you going to say?
[190] And I'm wondering myself what name I'm going to say because I've run out of.
[191] Oh, Ron Rivera.
[192] Ron Rivera is not on this list.
[193] And I don't think he's coaching anymore.
[194] Yep, he was fired for sure.
[195] Did everyone get a fire?
[196] By the way, before we said that, you said Belichick first.
[197] Like, before we played the game.
[198] Yeah, you got three guesses.
[199] You said Belichick, Pete Carroll.
[200] You're playing last year's version.
[201] You got to play this year's version.
[202] You crushed this game last year.
[203] All right.
[204] Over to Roy.
[205] I got nothing for you, brother.
[206] He's just punning.
[207] So that's two strikes for a meeting.
[208] Hold on.
[209] First down.
[210] One strike for Roy.
[211] One strike for Roy.
[212] All right.
[213] Jeremy.
[214] Thinker.
[215] Hmm.
[216] Unique thinker.
[217] Trying to think of any NFL coaches that exist.
[218] Sean McDermott.
[219] One of the youngest coaches in the NFL is not on this list.
[220] And that's one strike for Jeremy.
[221] Good thing I did two strikes here because this game is lingering.
[222] Tony, go ahead.
[223] Yes, it is.
[224] Whoa.
[225] I'm going to go.
[226] Jess, sorry.
[227] I'm doing a lot.
[228] I'm going to guess because he's got white hair.
[229] Matt Eberflus.
[230] Matt Eberflus is number eight on this list.
[231] 54 years old.
[232] We are missing.
[233] I think it's Eberflu.
[234] We are missing.
[235] A 56 -year -old and a 53 -year -old.
[236] Here's one of them right here.
[237] You ready?
[238] Yep.
[239] Atlanta's new head coach, Rahim Morris.
[240] That is not on the list.
[241] That is a strike for Tony.
[242] So, Jess, the only one left without a strike, we are back to Mike.
[243] I don't have a strike.
[244] Mike doesn't have a strike.
[245] No, I know.
[246] Music.
[247] Do it a lot.
[248] Music, please.
[249] All right, someone said Ron Rivera, and there was an older coach that replaced him.
[250] Is it Dan Quinn?
[251] Dan Quinn is number nine on this list.
[252] So there's one more answer here.
[253] Mike doesn't have a strike.
[254] Jess doesn't have a strike.
[255] Roy, Tony, and Jeremy all have one.
[256] We go over to Roy.
[257] What?
[258] That means out.
[259] Oh, he's out.
[260] Oh, yeah, he has two strikes.
[261] You funded on the first down.
[262] Who's the coach in Vegas?
[263] I can't help you there, but I don't think that's right.
[264] The coach in Vegas.
[265] All right, strike two for Roy.
[266] Who is the good?
[267] Tony O 'Neill Pierce.
[268] That is not.
[269] Oh, that's definitely not.
[270] That's the one I knew.
[271] I didn't know.
[272] I'm going to hit the music again, and we're back to Jeremy.
[273] Maybe a longer bet next time.
[274] Yeah.
[275] Maybe not happy birthday.
[276] Is Doug Peterson a head coach?
[277] Jeremy wins.
[278] Yay!
[279] You got to win somehow with one strike.
[280] The game is over.
[281] Shout out the pitch clock.
[282] Thanks for that.
[283] I transitioned.
[284] I went to Dan's house the other day.
[285] And when I walked in...
[286] Quinn?
[287] Yeah, exactly.
[288] His dog assaulted me. You again with the dog.
[289] It's a big dog.
[290] Is he not allowed to have a dog at his house now?
[291] I mean, you have a rule about all this.
[292] It's not about having a dog or not having a dog.
[293] It's Dan's reaction.
[294] Dan yelled at the dog, we talked about this.
[295] He doesn't like you.
[296] It blew my mind that, like, in Dan's world, he could have a conversation with this dog, and the dog, like, you know you're right, man. I'll try and be better in the future.
[297] Now, was the conversation that they previous had about jumping on people in general, or this was like an mean conversation of like, hey, I want to talk to you about a mean before he comes over?
[298] don't know.
[299] I don't know.
[300] But as Jess picks up her dog.
[301] Lovely Willow.
[302] Why is there a dog in the studio?
[303] Hey, we thought you weren't going to be in today.
[304] We talked about this.
[305] We talked about this.
[306] I was told to bring her in today.
[307] It's a good point.
[308] There was an email that went out that said, Amin will not be in.
[309] But then also that you were going to be in.
[310] Then it said the talent that will be here, I mean.
[311] So I get why everyone's confused.
[312] But it reminded me. Calling you talent was very confusing.
[313] Oh, God damn.
[314] Okay.
[315] All right.
[316] Easy.
[317] I mean, that was on call for.
[318] Easy.
[319] 2004 with that goatee.
[320] We're jocular here.
[321] I was going for, I'm trying to date Lana Del Rey.
[322] That's what I'm going for right now.
[323] That's why I have this look.
[324] Wow, that's good.
[325] Let's throw that image up if we can get it, video team.
[326] Of Mike and Lana Del Rey.
[327] Yeah, Lana Del Rey's boyfriend because that goatee is similar.
[328] Oh, wow, that's not even a goatee.
[329] It's like a goatee.
[330] It's like a goatee with a chin strap thing.
[331] Has this been confirmed that this is indeed her boyfriend?
[332] Is it the guy in the front or in the back?
[333] The guy in the back.
[334] Yeah, he does.
[335] Yeah.
[336] Somewhere you won.
[337] Look at that.
[338] So I don't know, Mike.
[339] To answer your question, these photos went viral last week with people saying this is her new boyfriend.
[340] And a lot of jokes were made because he does look a lot like Stu Gatz.
[341] But Jeremy tells me this morning, unconfirmed.
[342] But I don't see.
[343] Where is he in this picture?
[344] He's standing with John Cena in the back somewhere.
[345] Oh, okay.
[346] Yeah, unfortunately, it seems as though this isn't true that her boyfriend is a gator hunter, which is what that guy's job is.
[347] He takes people on airboats and plays with alligators in Louisiana.
[348] But really, that was really good.
[349] But really, it was one of the great stories on the internet last week, the idea that Lana Del Rey was dating this middle -aged Gator Hunter.
[350] Unfortunately, that is not the case.
[351] His name is Jeremy, though.
[352] I'm happy that you called out the goatee.
[353] You clearly know, as someone that's wearing a hat right now, you know the importance of getting the facial hair right.
[354] So there was a behind the bit that aired earlier this week.
[355] And I couldn't look at it because I knew what happened that day, which was I was, I screwed up my shaving and I was clean shaving.
[356] A lot of face.
[357] I was walking outside.
[358] I was sweaty.
[359] And they did not afford me my makeup artist, the lovely Jesse, who was outside banging on a door softly to not interrupt the shooting, but knowing how vain I am and how badly I needed that.
[360] So I knew when I was like recording it, this is about as bad as I'm going to look.
[361] And I've seen like the Bobby Boucher's dad's memes out there.
[362] Or boy to.
[363] Oh, boy, boy, boy, boy, toe.
[364] Oh, shit.
[365] Yeah.
[366] I haven't seen it, though, Mike.
[367] Is there a place that I can look at it just to make sure that that's the case or no?
[368] No, it's, don't ever watch it.
[369] It was a great bit.
[370] It sounds great.
[371] Listen to the bit.
[372] But I just knew right then and there.
[373] I'm like, I sat down.
[374] This is the lighting.
[375] I'm this sweaty and I can't have makeup.
[376] And I'm clean shaven because I screwed up my shaving job.
[377] I am never going to watch this, ever.
[378] This is going to be, this is going to be a life -changing event.
[379] for me because when the images do show up on my timeline, I'm going to want to change everything about myself.
[380] So I screwed up shaving again this week, but I didn't want to be clean -shaven because I knew the boyto memes were going to be going on.
[381] So I was like, you know what, 20th anniversary.
[382] Let me just slap on something that I would have had 20 years ago.
[383] And I'm bringing the goatee back.
[384] And I've actually had like compliments on the goatee.
[385] They're like, it's not that, it's not that bad, which is for me when I did rock a goatee pretty damn good.
[386] Because it's also got a little bit of like fade to it.
[387] It's not, it's not sharp, right?
[388] 2004 would have been sharp, right?
[389] Sharp lines and everything.
[390] A little bit sharper.
[391] Yeah, like the John B. They don't know.
[392] That's to America.
[393] From other banks.
[394] Yeah.
[395] John B. Wow, what a voice.
[396] Voice of an angel.
[397] What a friggin hairstyle.
[398] But yeah, I screwed up my shaving again.
[399] So, like, my barber had recently done the thing where I get a thinner beard.
[400] And I'm like, man, I'm starting to look like Dan Lepitard a little bit.
[401] Like, I don't like this thin beard.
[402] I grow a big, thick beard.
[403] Let me get the line a little higher.
[404] And so I had grown it out.
[405] I trimmed it down over the weekend, long holiday weekend.
[406] I was ready to go.
[407] And I started just instinctually shaving it back in the way that I use that.
[408] Stop showing that, guys.
[409] Stop doing that.
[410] This is what the Kansas City Chiefs Groundskeeper should have just sent back to you.
[411] Stop doing that.
[412] That's a worst photo.
[413] So that's from the video that I'm supposed to listen to audio only, right?
[414] thank you guys that's unfair take that down man come on stop it does it does i'd look like bobby boucher's had it's irrefutable what a weird like obscure reference i mean it but it's bang on to the audience you've known me for 20 years i was but a boy when you first met when you first met me allow me to age with some level of grace my body is going to change more than danes and stews over our time together.
[415] I was a teenager when I started on this show.
[416] I am now approaching 39 years old.
[417] You're not father.
[418] You have to allow me this physical transformation without making me feel too bad about it because pushing 40, as not pushing 40s, is it so much drag in the 30s.
[419] That's hard enough.
[420] The only person that really hasn't changed is me. Yes.
[421] Yeah, you haven't changed whatsoever.
[422] Exactly the same.
[423] You haven't changed whatsoever, really.
[424] You've aged quite well, Roy.
[425] And you have the same, I outlined a bunch of excuses.
[426] You were like 20 when you started working on this show.
[427] Yeah, way to make me feel even worse about the situation.
[428] Mike, you should have really gone back 20 years and grown out your Bob that you had back then too.
[429] I had quite an emo look.
[430] Dude, the emo, my pictures make me laugh every single time.
[431] The more I'm pointing.
[432] Yeah, but it's also because like there's also that hint of sadness there behind every picture.
[433] There is actually not a hint There is legit sadness Bobby It's me Your daddy Roberto That really hurts This is Roy from literally Any moment in his life Yeah I feel like Roy Like when he was 12 He looked like that I was a grown man at 8 years old Yes you've just been The same age Your entire life He had a beard Man You look really good Roy Thank you brother So do you man No, I don't feel bad for yourself, dude.
[434] I do, and I don't.
[435] I'm wearing a Columbia shirt.
[436] That's how you know it's over.
[437] When you start wearing the Columbia...
[438] Oh, is it a PFG, though?
[439] Those are great shirts.
[440] They're so practical.
[441] And it's so hot down here.
[442] Like, they're great shirts, but also...
[443] It's all Lehman wears.
[444] Two Americas, I thought you meant another Columbia shirt.
[445] The one that I have.
[446] Oh, that's the one that you...
[447] Three Americas.
[448] Three Americas.
[449] Oh, it's school, dopey.
[450] Take the money.
[451] You and me could be partners.
[452] Just like that tiger was your head daddy.
[453] I'm glad we're having fun All right, I'm done All right, it is a pretty good reference Let's move on Let's move on Let's move on Chimp Crazy Has anyone watched Chimp Crazy?
[454] I haven't watched it But I read a little bit about it And it seems like something That would be up the show's alley So tell us about it Okay, so if you've seen Tiger King Same guy that made Tiger King for Netflix Has made Chimp Crazy Docu Series for Max For HBO, right?
[455] But here's the big thing.
[456] He said when he did Tiger King, like word got out around the like roadside zoo people that like this guy's a bad guy because he made all the people in Tiger King look bad.
[457] Did he make them look bad or did they make themselves look bad?
[458] Look, I'm telling you from the roadside zoo perspective.
[459] We don't like saying roadside zoo.
[460] What are they called?
[461] What would you prefer us call you?
[462] No, it's not a regular zoo.
[463] It's not a San Diego Zoo.
[464] It's not a San Diego Zoo.
[465] This is a roadside zoo.
[466] More like a home zoo.
[467] Home zoo, okay.
[468] We just have to be able to clarify that this is not like Ron McGill at the Miami Zoo.
[469] This is these people who are doing it basically.
[470] It's like when you have like a basketball court at like a gym, but then you have like a home court in the back of your house.
[471] It's kind of like that.
[472] Yes, but you let people come and play pickup basically.
[473] Well, is it anything like that Matt Damon movie, we bought a zoo or something like that?
[474] Those types of people, yes.
[475] That kind of people, right?
[476] Wow.
[477] So the guy has a bad reputation now among these.
[478] zoo folk, right?
[479] So they wouldn't give him access.
[480] So he had to hire basically a dude to be a stand -in, a stunt double for him that acted the director.
[481] Trojan horse hit.
[482] Oh, he trojan horse a hell out of it.
[483] And the guy is a guy who went to jail for like smuggling animals into the country.
[484] So he's got like the street cred that all these people open up to him.
[485] And they're just all batshit crazy.
[486] Once again, this is, you have to be insane.
[487] But the big thing, the reason I brought up Dan and his dog was the way these people treat these chimpanzees like they're just regular people and stuff.
[488] And I'm like, this is a wild animal.
[489] You can't just talk to it and expect it to be cool.
[490] Domesticated dog is a wild animal.
[491] What?
[492] No, no, it's domesticated.
[493] No, I'm saying what he just says.
[494] He got attacked by a wild animal.
[495] No, it's domesticated.
[496] Is there a chimp attack in this series?
[497] So there's a very famous chimp attack that happened.
[498] Like almost everyone remembers the story vaguely.
[499] I do remember it.
[500] who's face got ripped off by a chip.
[501] That's actually how our show started its relationship with Ron McGill.
[502] They asked me to book a guest to talk about the chimp attack.
[503] No way.
[504] Yeah, I listen to Paul and Young Ron locally, and Ron McGill would occasionally be there.
[505] And I watched Sabado Higante, and I remember Ron with the mustache.
[506] I'm like, ah, I got the perfect guy.
[507] And that's how it started.
[508] The chimp attack was Patient Zero.
[509] So watch this full circle.
[510] So first of all, almost every chimp that's been involved in a wild -ass attack that went national or whatever, they're all famous.
[511] Like, not for the attack.
[512] That chimp was actually, if you guys remember an old Navy ad from like 15 years ago with Morgan Fairchild and the chimp and they're on the beach or whatever, that's the chimp that ripped the face off.
[513] Really?
[514] I'm like, damn, this is a famous chimp that did this.
[515] And so the story goes, the woman's friend came over and the chimp had been aggressive before, but she didn't want to say anything because she thought that, like, they were going to take the chimp away.
[516] So her friend comes over and brings an Elmo doll because the chimp likes Elmo.
[517] and the chimp just goes berserk.
[518] Tears it apart?
[519] Tears her apart, right?
[520] So wait, the woman whose face got ripped off wasn't the chimp's owner.
[521] Not the owner.
[522] Her friend.
[523] Her friend was coming over.
[524] And this chimp is famous.
[525] His name is Travis?
[526] Travis, the chimp.
[527] She calls 911.
[528] The cops show up.
[529] The cops know the chimp because he walks around town and stuff and they even know, oh, hey, Travis, whatever.
[530] So the cop is in the car and he's like, I've never seen Travis like this.
[531] And so Travis comes up to the car.
[532] And he says, I swear to get the guy, he said, I got my gun out because I don't know what's going to happen.
[533] I'm thinking he's going to say Travis punches through the glass and then, like, he shoots him.
[534] He said, this chimp ripped the door off.
[535] Rip the door off.
[536] And so you hear the thing of like, she's still on the phone with 911 and hear the, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, shoots him four times.
[537] You know what the chimp did?
[538] He walks back in the house.
[539] He took four, looked at the guy, walked back in the house.
[540] Oh, my God.
[541] What is this?
[542] episode of The Boys?
[543] It was insane.
[544] I'm like, what the hell?
[545] Travis is the real one.
[546] Shout out to Travis.
[547] R .R .P. Travis.
[548] He hooked up, man. I assume he died after this?
[549] He died inside the house, yes.
[550] Ripping the door off, though.
[551] Dude, like, I know chimps are strong.
[552] When they said he ripped the car door off the hinges, like that's, I'm sorry, man. How could anyone want that as a pet?
[553] It's not familiar with your game.
[554] For real, man. I'm like, damn.
[555] Planet Aves did not show us this.
[556] I'm going to say that right now.
[557] Writing horses, but, you know, ripping off the door.
[558] Did you see that tweet about the Starliner, which is like, all right, guys, we have eight months to play the greatest joke in history on these two people returning back to Earth?
[559] Yes, yes.
[560] Everybody's got to buy a chip outfit.
[561] Did you see the latest development with the Boeing Starliner?
[562] I think we talked about it last week that they're staying, they're stuck up there until February.
[563] No, no, no. I'm talking about, there's a new development.
[564] There's audio of it.
[565] There is this weird sonar sound that is emanating from the ship that they're picking up from the ISS and there's audio of it.
[566] It's just pinging like actual sonar.
[567] No one knows what this noise is.
[568] It wasn't, this wasn't the noise?
[569] Jesus Christ.
[570] You're out there for six months.
[571] I mean, at some point, you gotta give it a shot, right?
[572] If you search the internet, everyone's wondered, has anyone banged in space at a certain point?
[573] Can you?
[574] What club is that?
[575] No one has ever documented this.
[576] How do you get it up?
[577] If you Google it, if you Google it, the word on the internet is no one's ever had sex in space.
[578] But it's like how, like, I, I wonder.
[579] Once you get it up, you can't get it down.
[580] That's the problem.
[581] Is it like, does it work the same way?
[582] Like, I don't know.
[583] Well, also, it's just like, cleanup's got to be.
[584] Oh, well, you got to bag it up.
[585] I can understand how that could be a very messy proposition.
[586] But then also, if you're up there, I don't think you would have packed condoms.
[587] Like, that would be a really, really ambitious move, right?
[588] It's like, all right, got my toothpaste, got my toothbrush, you never know.
[589] A couple sleeves of frozen space, baby.
[590] Throw those gold sleeves in there.
[591] All right, we get to go.
[592] So there's a pinging noise?
[593] Yeah.
[594] Yeah, there's a pinging noise.
[595] It's like an alien in the ship?
[596] No one knows where it's coming from.
[597] I'm sure the internet's running wild.
[598] I have a 40 second clip of an astronaut being asked if anyone's ever had sex in space.
[599] Do you think anyone has ever had sex in space?
[600] Good question.
[601] I think on the shuttle, I might be wrong here, but I think there may have been a married couple on the shuttle that have been in space, not to say that they had sex whilst they're in space, but I think that there has been the opportunity, shall we say.
[602] So do you think anyone's ever had sex?
[603] I mean, we can just stop it there.
[604] If a married couple's been in space, you know, they're looking at each other like, I mean, you got to.
[605] You got to.
[606] You're in space.
[607] What, like, what else you're going to do?
[608] Got to chase after that condom as it floats away.
[609] I mean, you almost have to do it for humanity.
[610] Like, this is a very important data point.
[611] Like, you could forget being married.
[612] You could look at anybody and say, we have to do this for our race.
[613] That's his point.
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[672] Don Lebertard.
[673] I went in the margins.
[674] I'm like, you're money ball of sex?
[675] I'm basically Scott Hatterber for fucking.
[676] Stugats.
[677] A lot of walks, but I'm on base.
[678] When it comes to sex, a lot of foul tips.
[679] Other dudes, they can be Giambi.
[680] You know your role you play well?
[681] I know my role.
[682] This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats.
[683] You guys, you hear me doing authentic Hollywood lingo?
[684] What Hollywood lingo did you do?
[685] I said, this is my level.
[686] Oh, okay.
[687] A level.
[688] Let me clap.
[689] Tony tried to level up with you a second ago because you're a very busy man and you're here for Hollywood stuff and you got like seven minutes and Tony immediately says to you he's got no time for dinner he's got no time for anything Bill Lawrence, creator of all your favorite television shows and Tony comes by him and says hey we got a game tomorrow night or tomorrow morning and Bill's like I'm in you did the Sopranos what where what?
[690] Yeah I created the Sopranos you didn't know that he did the wire he did the Sopranos and did Breaking Bad What if I just started saying shows I created?
[691] Yeah I created MASH T .J Hooker?
[692] Created the evening news.
[693] Hogan's heroes.
[694] He did Ted Lasso Scrubs, shrinking Spin City, and now he's got bad monkey, which is really a great tribute to Carl Hyacin.
[695] But Tony got him a game, and Lawrence will show up.
[696] He's not, he does not have time.
[697] Look, man, he's a big Hollywood hot shot, and he's got like seven minutes, but somehow I didn't get dinner, and you did get a basketball game.
[698] Dude, that's ball.
[699] By the way, this is the bottom line is people say things to you that stick with you for life.
[700] And I think Tony on the show said, I had a good dad game, like an old man game.
[701] Excellent.
[702] It's such an insult.
[703] It was not an insult.
[704] I meant it from the deepest part of my heart.
[705] He's 55.
[706] He thinks he's still a young man. All men that age do.
[707] Look at my bangs.
[708] I'm boyish.
[709] I mean, come on.
[710] So upsetting, man. And by the way, anytime I make a shot in my game back home, both my boys say, a solid dad game.
[711] And they just torture me with them.
[712] Now, Tony, if I may walk down this path with you, solid dad game.
[713] Let me guess.
[714] bank shots?
[715] A lot of bank shots from Mr. Lawrence?
[716] He's got the bank shot in the bag.
[717] He doesn't use it a ton.
[718] But he's, I've seen it.
[719] Up and unders?
[720] Up and unders, for sure.
[721] Up and unders all day, man. Kevin McAil, you know, when I was a kid, watching him constantly.
[722] Pump fakes, pump fakes.
[723] Got to be pump fakes.
[724] Pump fakes all day long, by the way.
[725] Especially from underneath the hoop.
[726] He can give you the up and under and kind of go around and use some English off the glass.
[727] He's got that in his bag, too.
[728] There we go.
[729] But not playing very much.
[730] Says he's out of shape because he's busy making hit TV shows.
[731] They all say, Dan.
[732] Still playing twice a week.
[733] What's up?
[734] Are you a competitive maniac?
[735] Are you competitive at basketball the way you are at making television shows?
[736] Yeah, I've lost my mind.
[737] I'm sitting weird because I was on a vacation with my family, and I was a huge tennis player as a young guy.
[738] And there was a pro playing with another family that I knew, who I thought was a little too cocky.
[739] And I became convinced that in doubles I could beat the president.
[740] pro with and uh he won four straight sets and the fifth set we won I threw out my back I've not told him I'm admitting it right now I'm pain killer it up right now with a with a drink it's gonna be perfect and I shook his hand and tried to walk to my car without limping and uh I went home and I was on my back for two days that was four days ago how did you win the how did you win the I got a monster serve dude I was a I was a for real tennis player yeah high school and then tried to play in college but could not because I sucked and so you're Isner you're you're somebody with a giant serve I still got a big serve I still got a big surf and you legitimately beat him but the victory you weren't able to conceal here's what happened is doubles and I can't serve like I did you know in high school and college anymore for more than like 20 minutes or bad things happened and I just went for it and I was serving bombs for a set and by the end my hand was asleep You're having a heart attack right?
[741] Right?
[742] When you're trying to shake the guy's hand and you're like moving your hand up.
[743] Yeah, no, great.
[744] But it was worth it for beating a guy that I only know is Doug.
[745] I don't even know his last name.
[746] It's the male pride right there.
[747] You'll be in bed for two days.
[748] Your back are heard, but you can tell the story.
[749] I beat Doug in that fifth one.
[750] He had nothing for my third.
[751] Suck it, Doug.
[752] And by the way, I will never play him again.
[753] I don't care if he's a regular listener.
[754] There's no rematch, Doug.
[755] Put it on the poll, Jujuat, Levitar show.
[756] Suck it, Doug, yes or no. Are you competitive about making television shows?
[757] No, man. You know, I didn't expect to have a career renaissance in my mid -50s, you know?
[758] I'm so lucky to get to do what you all get to do and be around people.
[759] I'd want to spend time with anyways and do this stuff.
[760] I'm not competitive about it.
[761] I get angry when other people are very good.
[762] I don't know if you guys have that.
[763] So I'll tell you, example, there's a Broadway musical years ago called A Book of Mormon, that Trey and Matt wrote, the guys that do South Park.
[764] And I remember going the first couple weeks was on, and it was really good, and everybody's having a good time.
[765] But, you know, two minutes in, I was like, fuck these guys.
[766] Just so annoyed that they could do something like that.
[767] So anytime somebody can do something, I can't, I find it very, very upsetting.
[768] That's funny that you should say that because the only time I had felt that in my life professionally was in college when I was reading Gary Smith in Sports Illustrated and I wanted to be a writer.
[769] And halfway through the article, I took the magazine and threw it across the room.
[770] Yeah, it's annoying.
[771] Because I'm like, I'll never be able to be this good.
[772] I can be creative, but I can't be this creative.
[773] No, the name drop coming in.
[774] If anybody wants to be ready for a name drop.
[775] So I was talking to Conan O 'Brien.
[776] What's up?
[777] because he's an old buddy.
[778] And we're actually talking about what he's doing in the podcasting world now and in his world and what you guys are doing.
[779] And for me to even peripherally get to cruise by and say, hey, I can at least tell myself in my head that I could have been involved in stuff like this.
[780] Because this is, you know, the pipe dream, man. It's, you know, my fantasy when I was a kid was to be a talk show host like Letterman.
[781] We used to stalk him at the vista market where he would stop on his way to work in the morning.
[782] I went to high school in the next town.
[783] And even to be around this craziness and this ridiculousness is it's worth the getting lost in the parking lot trying to find my way in here.
[784] Yes, it's not, it's a parking garage and a building.
[785] It's a strange place.
[786] Well, it's not as strange as the last place that we had.
[787] Look, we were telling Bill in the break room over there, people were getting shot, like all the way until we moved out.
[788] Some would argue that that made it more exciting.
[789] Some.
[790] We don't miss it.
[791] The show that you're doing now, Bad Monkey.
[792] Tua has the it factor, by the way.
[793] I'm just going to keep...
[794] Oh, yes, yes.
[795] This guy is a big Dolphins fan.
[796] Tainted jury, though.
[797] I know you.
[798] He's a dolphin fan, though.
[799] He's been a dolphin fan all his life.
[800] As a kid.
[801] This is the most exciting dolphin time that we've had this century.
[802] It's ridiculous.
[803] It's all happening for me right now.
[804] I don't know if you guys remember.
[805] So it's Sixers.
[806] Yeah, they're going to get out of the east with Paul George this year.
[807] Whatever.
[808] I'll come back and...
[809] How dare you laugh that hard?
[810] And the Phillies.
[811] Phillies are going the whole way this year.
[812] Sorry.
[813] No flyers, no?
[814] No. And the dolphins?
[815] Hockey is for weirdest.
[816] Dolphins.
[817] God damn.
[818] Where's right?
[819] Jamie Vance is a fan, I guess.
[820] Dolphins, I think it's a, I think it's an AFC championship year for the dolphins.
[821] I really do.
[822] I'm scared about the offensive line as everybody is, but that's always, that's the stuff that always seems to get put together.
[823] So we'll see.
[824] I'm scared of the jets, and I don't feel like very many people.
[825] are.
[826] I feel like everybody's looking at Buffalo and they're not paying attention to the jet.
[827] The Jets are the favorite to win the division right now.
[828] That's crazy.
[829] You want to hear, all right, I made a bet in our writer's room last week, a shrinking writer's room.
[830] Because I've been psychic this year.
[831] I'll tell you two different things I said.
[832] I want them both on the record.
[833] One was long before this election started with, you know, everybody looks to waste time in writers rooms.
[834] I bet the writers.
[835] I said, I would bet you money that neither Donald Trump nor Joe Biden are running for president when it comes time to vote.
[836] And so I'm 50 % of the way there.
[837] Wow.
[838] And so that's a bold -ass bet to me. Yeah, no, I said, by the way, not bad, right?
[839] They had to give me 20 to one odds, and I bet every writer 100 bucks in the writer's room, which I could lose or I could win.
[840] I forgot my train of thought.
[841] What was the thing we were just talking about?
[842] Because I was going to tell you another bad man. You've got two things that you've gotten dead right.
[843] What was the other one that we mentioned just now?
[844] Who cares?
[845] Too well.
[846] Was it any sports -related things?
[847] Was it team -related?
[848] You just said you've got them winning.
[849] Sixers, Phillies.
[850] Flyers.
[851] No, you lost it?
[852] It's okay.
[853] Hockey for weirdos?
[854] Hockey for weirdos.
[855] I don't have any of it.
[856] Okay.
[857] By the way, that's what happens when you're giving a tequila after no sleep.
[858] That's tequila?
[859] Yes, it's a margarita.
[860] Cuervote tequila.
[861] No. I thought it was just lemon juice.
[862] A little lemon juice.
[863] What are you drinking?
[864] The tequila that invented tequila.
[865] Bad Monkey.
[866] I suggest that you watch it on Apple TV for a lot of reasons.
[867] One, Bill Lawrence doesn't make bad things.
[868] Two, if you like me are a fan of Carl Hyacin and his books, he does a really amazing, meticulous job of the following.
[869] And it's three different things that Bill is doing.
[870] And I don't know if there are others that he's honoring him with.
[871] One of them is making South Florida and Key West authentic in a way I haven't seen a whole lot of on television.
[872] He took a lot of details to make that so.
[873] environmentally, he's using a lot of animals to honor the work that Carl Hyacin has done.
[874] And the characters, the least Carl Hyacin character on Bad Monkey, is Vince Vaughn.
[875] Vince Vaughn is just Vince Vaughn.
[876] Vince Vaughn.
[877] It works.
[878] It's Peeky, by the way.
[879] He's great.
[880] By the way.
[881] That's old Vince Vaughn, right?
[882] Come on.
[883] How does that work when you're like doing the show?
[884] Do you just say to him, hey, be Vince Vaughn?
[885] And then he does it?
[886] I don't think he'd take that as a compliment to say the same way I think you mean in this one.
[887] No, the Look, the best thing you can do when you write something for Vince is he'll say it the way you wrote it.
[888] And then you're like, hey, why don't you do your thing?
[889] And then when someone comes up and compliments you for something he made up himself, you just go, thank you.
[890] Like that.
[891] It is very authentic, but I do have a major gripe.
[892] I've watched a handful of episodes here.
[893] You try to convince the nation that someone driving up from the Keys.
[894] No, no, no, no. I'm obsessed over this.
[895] That was someone driving from Key Biscay.
[896] Not an hour and a half.
[897] He's trying.
[898] And it was offensive to anyone that's ever made that drive.
[899] It's like that.
[900] There were many times that we were in Coconut Grove and Coral Gables and not in Key West, but he was trying.
[901] By the way, no one, at first in the writer's room, we were trying to do the math and logic that shit out, you know?
[902] And, you know, like, it's like 4 o 'clock in the afternoon.
[903] You want to go to Key West for dinner?
[904] Good luck, right?
[905] I mean, in Miami Vice, they went to Cuba for mojitos.
[906] And it's not as bad as Dexter having a doc and Kendall, but, I mean, this was pretty bad.
[907] I will tell you, though, if you watch the show, there's always a time passage.
[908] We just don't ever say that you just spent four hours away from the story.
[909] No one in their right mind is going to and from Key Biscayne when they're going back to the Keys.
[910] It makes no sense.
[911] What's he going over there for?
[912] That's valid.
[913] He's going to see Tommy Biscayne.
[914] Vince was concussed in the last episode and drove from Key from the Keys to Miami.
[915] Very dangerous.
[916] By the way, outside is it that no one outside, like no one, people that don't have roots here, I have no idea.
[917] You know, there's going to be, my hope is that a bazillion people come to Miami for vacation and go.
[918] And then one afternoon, if we're bored, we can just go to Key West.
[919] I enjoy, I enjoy catching those things, Mike.
[920] When I say that he's meticulous about trying to feel authentically South Florida, I enjoy that he's, that Vince Vaughn is jumping through a plate glass window in Key West allegedly.
[921] And I'm like, that's the grove.
[922] That's not D. West.
[923] That's obviously coconut grove.
[924] Liar and a cheater, Bill Lawrence, Ted Lazo, Shrinking, Spin City, and Bad Monkey.
[925] Both of those are coming back, right?
[926] You've got, you have Ted Lassow coming back and Scrubs coming back.
[927] They're both coming back.
[928] Scrubs, yeah, I guess Scrubs is coming.
[929] Roy, Scrubs is coming back.
[930] What's up?
[931] Oh, I'm excited.
[932] I don't know if I'm allowed to say that.
[933] This is actually the first time I've said it that loud, but yeah, I think Scrubs is coming back.
[934] You can't tell Dan anything.
[935] I know.
[936] He hadn't told him.
[937] me that was reported somewhere he hasn't said it.
[938] I think there's rumors out there but I'm feeling pretty confident it's just yeah by the way Hollywood breaking news we'll see yeah right here on the Dan Levitart show there it is very hopeful be fun well how is it this is an interesting thing right because I have found Apple is generally we had a first look deal metal arc media did with Apple the first year and Apple has a lot of layers of bureaucracy that make it that John Stewart has to leave after doing good work there.
[939] How is it that you exist in this ecosystem when they're very careful about what they green light because Apple doesn't want to make anything that's too dangerous?
[940] Yeah, right.
[941] You know, Hollywood is about leverage, and I think Ted Lassow bought me leverage because it kind of established the brand there, and I'll tell you some funny things to watch.
[942] The only thing I've still had to stick with on Apple TV, you guys got to watch.
[943] for this is it's an Easter egg if you watch any shows.
[944] None of the bad guys or villains or bad girls are allowed to use Apple phones.
[945] I was going to ask that question.
[946] So you can spot the bad guy in any show right away if they've got some kind of Sam something because there's a character and badmunk ain't going to ruin it.
[947] And I'm like, but that character is a good person.
[948] But they're not using an Apple phone.
[949] Oh, that's weird.
[950] Now I've got to serve.
[951] I'm going to rewatch some shows where it's like a twist who the bad guy is and then see what kind of phone that they're sporting.
[952] What kind of phone do they have if they're an alien the entire time?
[953] The spoiler alert on the sugar that Mike Ryan ruined totally ruined for a whole bunch of people.
[954] By the way, for me, I hadn't watched it.
[955] Oh really?
[956] Well now, I'm sure you want to watch it.
[957] Yeah, he's an alien.
[958] All right, I'm back.
[959] It was a noir series.
[960] It was a who'd done it?
[961] It was, I was so enraptured by it.
[962] And then six episodes, the guy turns blue.
[963] Surprise.
[964] Before you get out of here, Bill, I am wondering, because I've told Mike Ryan this, that in sports, like conference commissioners are wildly unimpressive.
[965] Athletic directors are wildly unimpressive.
[966] Like executives in sports, these are people.
[967] I've just met a lot of them that aren't impressive.
[968] And isn't amazing, though, that we assign all these Machiavellian behaviors to them as if they're playing three -dimensional chess.
[969] and then you meet him in person and you're like, yeah, this guy's not playing tic -tac -toe.
[970] That's correct.
[971] But what I was going to say, the people I have met by industry that are even less impressive than them are TV executives.
[972] And what I wanted to ask.
[973] It feels like a minefield for me, you guys.
[974] Do you have a good story of people getting in the way or trying to get in the way of Ted Lassow?
[975] Do you have a good story of anybody just sort of saying?
[976] I got a good executive story.
[977] The only thing I could say about Ted Lassau is Apple was the only place that bought it.
[978] And so I have to, at least with a smile on my face, be super grateful because we went around town and tried to sell it to everybody there and no one got it.
[979] And Zach and Jamie actually got it.
[980] What was the feedback?
[981] That's a value.
[982] From the places that said no. I don't know if you guys remember.
[983] There used to be these cool Saturday Night Live sketch -like commercials for the Premier League.
[984] Yeah, on NBC.
[985] And they all thought it was going to be this loud, silly.
[986] You can't convince anybody once they watch something that you're going to do something different.
[987] Maybe it's our mistake.
[988] We showed those videos.
[989] And then I said, yo, if you saw my stuff before, it's going to be like scrubs and have a bunch of heart.
[990] And it's going to be an optimistic show about hope and a shitty time.
[991] And they're like, no, it's going to be this goofy sketch.
[992] And I think the guys at Apple were the only ones that believe me. I can tell you two real stories about TV executives for other shows we've mentioned.
[993] One was I have on my wall in my office.
[994] You used to only be able on network TV to say the word ass like twice.
[995] And I had it in the Spin City script four times and a high -level executive without knowing they were being funny.
[996] Wrote me a note that said you have the word ass on page seven and the word ass on page 19 and the word ass on page 28.
[997] and it said please pick your ass and so meticulous just trying to that's on my wall that person did not know they were being funny the worst thing is I pitched the show Scrubs to the president remember I worked for ABC back then for Disney fun company and I went in to pitch this passion project of mine about my best friend who was a doctor Scrubs and the dude was sitting as close to me as Dan is but there's a huge circular room and about 10 minutes into the pitch I just heard actual cartoon sawing wood snoring.
[998] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[999] And I said, I was like, yeah, I think this pitch is probably not going that well.
[1000] They woke him and we walked out.
[1001] That's why that's one of the only network television shows.
[1002] It was owned by ABC, but it was on NBC.
[1003] Yeah, and then they brought it back after the days in NBC were done.
[1004] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1005] And that gentleman or woman, I'll never say, was long gone.
[1006] Yeah, it went back, yeah.
[1007] New episodes every Wednesday on Apple TV, Bad Monkey.
[1008] He does a great job of honoring a hero of his since he was 15, one of the best columnists in the history of this country, and certainly one of the best columnists in the history of Miami, Carl Hyacin.
[1009] Bill, thank you, as always.
[1010] It's great seeing you.
[1011] No problem.
[1012] Tua has the it factor.
[1013] This guy.
[1014] No one's going to keep a skein from the keys.
[1015] It just doesn't make any sense.
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