Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Rideshare

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

[4] Nope.

[5] Armchair Anonymous.

[6] Yeah.

[7] This edition of Armchair Anonymous on Armchair Expert.

[8] I'm Dax Randall Shepard.

[9] I'm joined by Monica Lilly Padman, the tiniest torso this side of Toulosa.

[10] Listen, I want to say something So we recorded this And then the very next day We went to Hawaii And I did a dumb thing Kind of That really shook me So we took different flights Because just the way The cookie crumbled Hour apart But my flight I think got in a little early As did ours We were like a half hour early Right Okay The plan was I was gonna wait for you Guys to land Because you rented a car We were just all going to ride together.

[11] Hour drive up to the North Shore.

[12] Exactly.

[13] Late at night.

[14] Yep.

[15] So I land, my bag comes right out.

[16] Boom.

[17] Pops out.

[18] I'm looking at the clock.

[19] I'm like, hmm, you know, all right.

[20] It's going to be like an hour before they come.

[21] Great.

[22] I'll wait.

[23] I'm about to cross over to the rental car section.

[24] Okay.

[25] And I'm crossing the taxi line.

[26] And the taxi just pulls right up.

[27] Serendipitous.

[28] I was like, you know what?

[29] Why would I wait?

[30] I'll just get in this taxi and go.

[31] Could be a me, cute.

[32] Could be a me cute.

[33] Could be.

[34] So then I get in and immediately I regret it.

[35] Yeah.

[36] Because I flash back to the day before when we were talking about these horrifying ride share stories.

[37] And I was like, what have I done?

[38] It was so dark.

[39] This man did not speak good English and was like kind of trying to communicate.

[40] And at one point, he's like, oh, it's far.

[41] And I was like, oh, no. Oh, boy.

[42] Yeah.

[43] And he was like.

[44] He's just learning his way around the island.

[45] Well, and he didn't put anything in the maps.

[46] And I was like, I said, I said, oh, you don't need to put it in the map.

[47] I'm going to add, too, you're in Honolulu for about seven minutes.

[48] And then you're in very rural, tropical wilderness, curvy 30 -mile -hour roads.

[49] It's dark.

[50] And it was raining.

[51] And it was just very ominous when he put.

[52] put my luggage in the trunk.

[53] There was all kinds of weird stuff in the trunk.

[54] Shovel, axe, rope.

[55] It made me wonder if just a lot of his belongings were in there.

[56] Maybe he was also cohabitating.

[57] I wasn't sure.

[58] Okay.

[59] The window was open.

[60] The back was like flapping.

[61] Oh, wow.

[62] The window wasn't really that secure.

[63] Anyway, and I kept thinking, oh, my God.

[64] I was warned by the universe yesterday.

[65] Yeah.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And here you are.

[68] Here I am.

[69] On the road to nowhere in the middle of the night, pitch black, rainy.

[70] I had my share my location up.

[71] I was going to share with you.

[72] Okay.

[73] Then you remembered I wouldn't know how to even follow that.

[74] Well, I figured you would figure it out.

[75] Yeah, if you were missing.

[76] I'd do a YouTube tutorial.

[77] Yeah, anyway.

[78] I'd call Neil Patrick Harris, have him do a YouTube.

[79] That's right.

[80] He knows how to use it.

[81] Yeah, he's up and down that thing.

[82] So I got there safely, but it was scary.

[83] I was absolutely shocked because I thought, oh, this is great.

[84] We're in a half hour early.

[85] This was nothing for Monica.

[86] And I texted her, we landed in you right.

[87] I'm in a cab.

[88] Yeah.

[89] I was like, whoa.

[90] To be fair, when you texted that, I was 10 minutes out from the hotel.

[91] So I was like.

[92] They don't worry ahead of me. Yeah.

[93] Because we were both probably half hour earlier or whatever.

[94] Yeah.

[95] So it was fine, but it was scary.

[96] It was hubris.

[97] And I got pulled over, you know, on the.

[98] And you did get pulled over.

[99] The 50 -minute ride.

[100] There was a lot going on with my rental car.

[101] I'm sure this will interest everyone.

[102] Transfer case was definitely busted.

[103] So under acceleration, there was tons of shuttering coming from the front end of the vehicle.

[104] And I was delighted.

[105] A lot of these escalades, you can't take them out of auto four -wheel drive, right?

[106] It determines.

[107] You can put it into four -wheel, make it four -wheel.

[108] But this one, luckily, I could put in a two -wheel drive.

[109] That fixed it for the rest of the trip.

[110] Oh, good.

[111] But it also seemed to be accelerating on its own And not erratic In the time I got pulled over I was like I was going 50 Coming into a 35 Okay take my foot off the gas And my foot's off the gas for a mile and a half And it just stays at Like I'd have to be riding the brake I was very curious No the cruise was off I'd hit I'd even poke the brake Chop chop chop chop Yeah and then I just It was coasting at like 50 So it was crazy Anyways everything worked out And then also just another Just evidence.

[112] Kristen called and said, where are you?

[113] I said, oh, I took a cab.

[114] I'm in a cam.

[115] So she was still at the airport, and I was at the hotel.

[116] Oh, great.

[117] And then it was a bad decision, but the right decision.

[118] It was a good decision because you're here.

[119] Yeah, I mean.

[120] Yeah.

[121] You got a story.

[122] Another one of your son tells stories.

[123] It was a ding, ding, ding.

[124] Although it needs a couple more twists and turns.

[125] It was twisty and turny.

[126] Literal, yeah.

[127] He was talking to me and I didn't know what he was.

[128] And it was so loud.

[129] It was so much wind.

[130] He had the windows down, huh?

[131] Yeah, and it was raining.

[132] He was like, oh, my God.

[133] Okay.

[134] Anyways, crazy ride share experiences.

[135] Please enjoy.

[136] All times.

[137] Come and go.

[138] Take them slow.

[139] You got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.

[140] Hello.

[141] Can you hear us?

[142] I can.

[143] Can you hear me?

[144] Yes, we can.

[145] Beautiful closet.

[146] Look at this.

[147] Do you have a wallpaper in your closet?

[148] No, this is.

[149] actually my husband's closet, but it's also used for, you know, the ironing board, the iron, all the cleaning stuff too.

[150] And did your husband install these basket shelf drawers?

[151] He did.

[152] He's so proud.

[153] I like that.

[154] When he invited you in to look at them upon their completion, how long did you stare?

[155] I know you stared longer than you wanted to.

[156] I mean, he is the least handy person you will ever meet.

[157] And so this took him probably a year.

[158] It was great when it was finished.

[159] That's a big accomplishment.

[160] Lest anyone think there's something incredibly complicated going on, there's just, you know, seven rails bolted to an already perforated board.

[161] Anyways, where are you at in the country?

[162] I'm in Tampa, Florida.

[163] Yeah, you are.

[164] You ever see TB12 roaming the streets?

[165] We've actually seen him on a boat.

[166] Oh.

[167] But I obviously didn't want to be one of those super annoying fans.

[168] So stayed in our own little area.

[169] What distance were you from him?

[170] I'd say 10 feet.

[171] It was super close.

[172] And isn't he enormous in real life?

[173] Yes, but I've heard the same things about you.

[174] I feel like people are like, oh, Dax is huge.

[175] It's enormous.

[176] Well, you might have heard the story on the podcast before, but we were in line for this event, and I was staring at this man in front of me that was so big.

[177] I didn't know it was Tom Brady.

[178] It was just a guy humongous.

[179] and I tapped him on the shoulder and I said in his ear, sir, I'm usually the tallest person here.

[180] I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

[181] And then he turned around.

[182] He was laughing.

[183] And it was him.

[184] I didn't think he was that enormous.

[185] Well, it was the Metball.

[186] Yeah, I didn't want to say that.

[187] But it makes more sense.

[188] All right.

[189] Thank you, Monica.

[190] They weren't at like Publix or something.

[191] Oh, good.

[192] I was just to say Ralph.

[193] We went to the same spot.

[194] Okay.

[195] You had a crazy ride share experience.

[196] I did.

[197] And this does not take place in Tampa.

[198] It's actually where I'm from.

[199] I'm from Colorado.

[200] I was a freshman in college, and I went to CSU.

[201] Go Rams.

[202] What noise am I supposed to make?

[203] You can say roll, Todd.

[204] What's a ram make?

[205] Oh, God.

[206] Yeah, what do you guys do?

[207] Go, Rams.

[208] If everyone's like, oh!

[209] Honestly, that is a great question.

[210] Our mascot was Cam the Ram, and he was like this 100 -year -old ram.

[211] Oh, it's a real ram.

[212] Yes.

[213] Yeah, you have to have the real animal.

[214] We have a real bulldog, Uga.

[215] Sure, but you don't have a real tiger when you're the tigers or the lions.

[216] Maybe.

[217] I don't know.

[218] Although those quacks in Nebraska, they have that fucking buffalo they bring out.

[219] Yeah, that's fun.

[220] Controversial.

[221] So sorry.

[222] Okay.

[223] Go Rams.

[224] Go Rams.

[225] I had a hard time making friends my first year of college.

[226] And so I liked to go home on the weekends just to be with my family.

[227] I did not have my car on this particular weekend.

[228] And I wanted to go home.

[229] I'm not going to say the transportation app, but I'm sure.

[230] where you can guess it.

[231] They have a shared services where you can share a ride.

[232] Meaning with another customer.

[233] Stranger.

[234] Yes.

[235] They should have labeled that feature Ride Roulette.

[236] Honestly.

[237] That would have been a great title for it.

[238] Ride roulette.

[239] Let's see what we get.

[240] So scary.

[241] Buckle up.

[242] Okay.

[243] Here we go.

[244] So I get in the car and I try to make a little small talk and I notice that he does not speak a lick of English.

[245] The driver of the fellow passenger.

[246] The driver.

[247] I'm the first one.

[248] Okay, great.

[249] Your first one in.

[250] Yes.

[251] So we pull up to the next destination and there was one other rider that was coming along with us.

[252] And as soon as we pull up, I just get this sinking feeling.

[253] I'm like, this is not right.

[254] This is not the person that's supposed to be coming in this car.

[255] He looks homeless.

[256] He's really dirty.

[257] Oh.

[258] Ripped clothes.

[259] Oh, backpack.

[260] And I'm this 18, 19 year old college girl and I'm just like, oh, F me. This is how it happens.

[261] This is how you die.

[262] Right away, I send all my friends my location.

[263] Good, smart.

[264] This memory will stay with me for the rest of my life.

[265] We drive away and there's this man that looks like a normal human that's waving.

[266] No. And I'm like trying to think all these positive things.

[267] I'm like, oh, maybe it's like his friend waving a bite.

[268] No, it's him trying to wait.

[269] down the driver because he's the one that called the service.

[270] Oh, this is a case of mistaken identity.

[271] Okay.

[272] We've got a bogey in the car.

[273] Oh, my God.

[274] So I'm sort of freaking out.

[275] Just get me home.

[276] Oh, my God.

[277] You're going home.

[278] Add to the equation, this gentleman between residences is now going to know where you live.

[279] Yes.

[280] By the way, this is the middle of winter.

[281] And in Colorado, it can get wild.

[282] So we get on the highway.

[283] And it is bumper -to -bumper traffic.

[284] No one is moving.

[285] I'm nervous, but I'm just trying to think good thoughts.

[286] I'm going to be home soon.

[287] I'm not even kidding.

[288] An hour goes by.

[289] We have still not moved an inch.

[290] Oh, my goodness.

[291] Oh, my God.

[292] And does it stink in there?

[293] Sorry, but I have to ask.

[294] Oh, Monica.

[295] I'm so glad you just said that.

[296] Just wait.

[297] Oh, so it starts to stink a little bit.

[298] Okay.

[299] I'm like, okay.

[300] I mean, it's probably him because it smells like he hasn't showered for.

[301] a year, he starts looking around super frantically, stressed out, looking in his backpack, and I'm looking at him, and I'm starting to freak out.

[302] I'm like, are you okay?

[303] Like, is there anything I can help you with?

[304] And he's just looking at me, like, not saying anything.

[305] And then he points to his butt.

[306] Nope.

[307] I can't handle this.

[308] Maybe he's just super tight.

[309] Like, yeah, it sucks to be sitting for an hour.

[310] Oh.

[311] He drops his pants.

[312] No. No, no. And poops on the seat.

[313] I start screaming and crying.

[314] The driver looks back and starts freaking out.

[315] Yelling in some other.

[316] Yeah.

[317] I have no idea what he's saying.

[318] He's freaking out.

[319] I'm crying.

[320] This guy jumps out of the car.

[321] Let me tell you, Dax, I know you love to know the details.

[322] It was not solid.

[323] Ew.

[324] Okay.

[325] I'm just going to give you some items to compare to you.

[326] So soft serve at Dairy Queen or bucket of slush.

[327] The latter.

[328] Oh, my God.

[329] So this, four gentlemen, new to this country, working hard.

[330] The backseat's ruined.

[331] Oh, my God.

[332] And I'm shocked.

[333] Literally, tears are streaming down my face.

[334] I'm freaking the F out.

[335] I want to get home.

[336] So he's out of the car.

[337] And there's this pile of lovely feces next to me. And the driver then gets out of the car.

[338] Oh.

[339] So now I'm the only one in the damn car.

[340] On the highway.

[341] Other cars are starting to move.

[342] I'm the only one sitting there.

[343] I'm still crying.

[344] I'm so upset.

[345] I don't know why I didn't get out, but I mean, there's moving cars on a highway.

[346] Oh, shit.

[347] Oh, my God.

[348] Oh, this is as bad as it could go.

[349] Yes.

[350] Do you call 911?

[351] I don't know what, like, I call 911.

[352] You can't call 911.

[353] Of course.

[354] Bring toilet paper.

[355] Bring a mop.

[356] I mean, I definitely would have.

[357] I should have.

[358] I don't know why I didn't think to call 911.

[359] There's nothing anyone can do.

[360] Come, come get me because I'm stuck in danger.

[361] Finally, I'm like, all right, I got to get out of here.

[362] So I get out of the car.

[363] Now no one's in the car, just the pile of...

[364] Oh.

[365] So I'm trying to wave down cars.

[366] Finally, this heaven -sent freaking angel of a human, pulled over the sweetest little lady.

[367] She asked where I was going.

[368] I told her, my driver just left.

[369] I just need to get home.

[370] You didn't say that someone defecated.

[371] Exactly.

[372] No, that wasn't going to come out of my house yet.

[373] There's been an emergency.

[374] Wow.

[375] So I get in her car.

[376] And all of a sudden, I'm like, it kind of stinks in here.

[377] And I'm like, maybe it's the car.

[378] And then I'm like, oh, my effing gosh, his feces in my moment of panic somehow got on my clothes.

[379] No, I, no. She looks at me, I kid you not.

[380] And it's literally on my pants.

[381] She says, sweetie, it's okay.

[382] Sometimes you poop your pants.

[383] Oh, my, she started comforting you for pooping your pants in her car.

[384] This woman is an angel.

[385] This is an angel.

[386] Then I start crying more.

[387] Did you tell her?

[388] Did you then tell her this is actually another person?

[389] no i never said anything to her oh my lord i think i would have asked to take my pants off also there's so many levels of this i would rather be screamed at for it first off to be shown kindness hurt so much more and then on top of it it's not yours yeah i mean the depths of this misunderstanding oh it was terrible she's comforting you oh honey it's okay i ate something bad last week too well she obviously was like this person's in a bad state so it's It probably made sense to her that there was poop on your pants.

[390] Yeah, that you got so scared.

[391] Like, literally, you got the shit scared out of you.

[392] How long was she driving you at this point?

[393] Did you guys crack the windows?

[394] It's the middle winter.

[395] It's freezing.

[396] Oh, my God.

[397] You guys just dealt with it.

[398] They were driving for, like, 45 minutes.

[399] Oh, my.

[400] She then, so where was she going?

[401] She totally just derailed her whole day to take you home.

[402] Such a nice human.

[403] And I wish I would have gotten her info, but maybe she'll listen to the story and be like, Oh my God, that was me. You know, they give up these Carnegie Hero Awards.

[404] I've just seen this on 60 Minutes or like someone saves someone's life from the ocean.

[405] They get a medal and stuff.

[406] This person deserves a medal for that.

[407] Yeah, like the one that the president gives.

[408] Yeah, Medal of freedom and bravery.

[409] The presidential medal of bravery and freedom.

[410] And I mean, I've told this story a few times.

[411] I have never told the part about the poop on your pants.

[412] Yeah, exactly.

[413] That's so scarring.

[414] Were you also like, is there hepatitis on me?

[415] I would go.

[416] Well, there is.

[417] There is.

[418] Right.

[419] Yeah, yeah, there's hepatitis in that stool.

[420] Yeah.

[421] Listen, you have to be realistic.

[422] I do want to just extend a moment of empathy for the gentleman.

[423] As horrific as that was for you, for sure.

[424] Which gentleman?

[425] Who evacuated in the car.

[426] He entered the car at a negative zero probably.

[427] He's living outdoors in Colorado.

[428] I hope this gentleman.

[429] found his way to some AA meeting or something.

[430] And I can imagine hearing this gentleman's story, like on his one year anniversary, his bottom, and thinking like, oh, my man, I'm so sorry you had to walk that path before you got here.

[431] That's really optimistic of you to think that he's doing okay.

[432] How many of those could you handle before you either kill yourself or find sobriety?

[433] No, what about all these people on the street?

[434] they're not finding sobriety and they're not killing like they're just on the street it's very upsetting i guess that's also optimistic in a weird way of view because it suggests maybe it's not that bad it's like yeah it is horrible maybe he was around like a barrel on fire there a barbecue and a pigeon and he was like oh man i let it go in this brand new toyota camry listen you should have seen this old blonde girl she was like what is it like i know maybe it was no listen you know more about drugs than me, so you can weigh in.

[435] But my sense is that he was so out of his mind on probably drugs and mental illness that he has no memory.

[436] There's not like he was telling this story later.

[437] You know mine about shitting on the PCH.

[438] I know, but I don't think you are a good metric.

[439] You were someone working and doing well.

[440] You weren't on house.

[441] I'm up for three days on meth.

[442] It's the same as anyone else up for three days.

[443] I mean, you have a house and stuff.

[444] And you I got a girlfriend.

[445] You had a different situation.

[446] Well, I definitely wasn't homeless.

[447] But I do think there is some notion that addiction is different for other people.

[448] I guess that's what I'm pushing back on.

[449] Like, your doctor who's sober?

[450] Your doctor shit himself somewhere.

[451] Like the most professional person was completely out of control in their life.

[452] You know what I'm saying?

[453] Like, I'm trying to find my mother on the beach.

[454] I can't see.

[455] I literally can't see.

[456] I'm going up to people's face.

[457] Are you my mom?

[458] I'm supposed to meet my mom.

[459] And then, oh, I can't do this.

[460] I got to get out of here.

[461] And then, oh, my God, I'm shitting right the second.

[462] I'm standing on PC.

[463] I mean, all that stuff, you're looking from the outside.

[464] You're not like, he's a graduate of UCLA.

[465] You don't think that.

[466] No, no, I know that.

[467] But I'm saying your circumstances were different.

[468] You weren't unhoused.

[469] You were looking for your mom.

[470] You had a mom.

[471] And I think you probably had showered within the last two weeks.

[472] Oh, yeah, some of those details are the same.

[473] But the losing control of one's body as a result of drugs is pretty universal.

[474] It's all I'm saying.

[475] Okay.

[476] So you're saying he probably remembers it.

[477] I think he remembers this.

[478] And if he's an armed cherry, I hope he's listening to this.

[479] Me too.

[480] I just like I just have one follow -up question.

[481] Was there any feedback you gave on the Rideshare app?

[482] Yes, I opened up a case.

[483] Obviously, they should give me a full refund.

[484] I mean, I should have gotten more than just a $20 ride credit.

[485] All they said was, we're so sorry.

[486] We'll look into it.

[487] When was this?

[488] What year?

[489] I'm 28 now, so come on, Dax.

[490] Fast math.

[491] 13.

[492] No. You were 18.

[493] No, no, 2013.

[494] Oh, oh, oh, I was like, no, I was not 13.

[495] No, no, no. You're a Wunderkid.

[496] You left that part out that you were at college at 12 years old.

[497] I do think they've changed policies a little bit, because now they have to say your name when you get in.

[498] He would have definitely been like, yeah, Michael.

[499] I know.

[500] I said Nathan.

[501] Yeah, Michael Nathan.

[502] Oh.

[503] Do you have toilet paper in here?

[504] I couldn't communicate with either of them.

[505] It was a nightmare.

[506] Wow.

[507] Well, made you better.

[508] Made you stronger.

[509] Made you stronger.

[510] You found a husband who can install shelves.

[511] You're doing great.

[512] Within a year, yes.

[513] Well, I can tell you that it's something I'll never forget.

[514] That's for sure.

[515] Exactly.

[516] That's all you can ask for in life.

[517] Is something you won't forget.

[518] All right, nice to meet you.

[519] You as well.

[520] Have a great rest of your day.

[521] Okay, you too.

[522] Bye.

[523] Bye.

[524] Wow, that was wild.

[525] That was great.

[526] Wow.

[527] Didn't see that coming.

[528] for Canaan?

[529] Uh -huh.

[530] Oh, my gosh.

[531] Were you waiting on me?

[532] No. Were you waiting on us?

[533] Well, only slightly.

[534] I thought it was a Zoom gaff.

[535] I was terrified that I was ruining this.

[536] No. No, you were perfect.

[537] There's so much to unpack immediately.

[538] Let's take a couple seconds.

[539] Do we pronounce it Canaan?

[540] Yes.

[541] Okay, we've got a very popular road out here in California.

[542] Canaan Dune, spelled differently.

[543] A lot of people think it's biblical.

[544] C -A -A -A -N.

[545] It's actually from an episode of Star Trek next generation.

[546] Oh, wow.

[547] Was there a dax on that?

[548] I believe there was.

[549] There was a female dax on one of those iterations of Star Trek people used to ask me about.

[550] Also, yeah, they think biblical because they're thinking Cain and Abel, as if you put Cain and together.

[551] Is that why they think that?

[552] Yeah.

[553] Well, there's also the land of Canaan, which is the promised land that Moses led the Israelites to.

[554] And then also, yes, Canaan Abel.

[555] And funnily enough, one of my best friends growing up was named a. No. So convenient.

[556] That's so simple.

[557] Oh, that's convenient.

[558] Oh, wow.

[559] You guys need to start a business together.

[560] I know.

[561] He does photography for motocross now.

[562] So he's doing very well.

[563] Good for Abel.

[564] Does he live in Corona, California?

[565] He is out in California.

[566] I'm not sure if it's Corona, though.

[567] Okay.

[568] And you are in a closet and you have a lot of warm Earth tones.

[569] You're attracted to Earth tones.

[570] Yes.

[571] Yeah, this is a shared closet at the moment because we're in the process of moving at the end of the week, actually.

[572] Who's we?

[573] My wife and I. So the left side is being.

[574] I just got crestfallen.

[575] Oh, no. Because you're so cute.

[576] It's crazy.

[577] I wanted you to be single.

[578] Dax.

[579] I'm clipping that and I'm setting it as my alarm to wake up to you in the morning.

[580] Thank you.

[581] He's so cute.

[582] This full body playful puff of hair you've got, it's just so exciting.

[583] Thank you.

[584] It's kind of been a moniker for some time, surprisingly.

[585] That's Canaan with that.

[586] hair.

[587] I don't know why.

[588] I'm going to take three guesses of what part of the country are based on the palette of colors behind you in your wardrobe.

[589] Okay.

[590] Vermont.

[591] No. Colorado.

[592] It's unfair because I'm from Colorado, but I'm not in Colorado.

[593] You're not in Colorado.

[594] I have one.

[595] Please.

[596] Portland.

[597] Nope.

[598] No. So I'm in Philadelphia right now and I'm moving back to where my story takes place at the end of the week, Asheville, North Carolina.

[599] Oh, is she, if you ever heard me speak of Asheville?

[600] Yes, I have.

[601] Love it.

[602] That wardrobe's going to be outstanding there, by the way.

[603] Thank you.

[604] Some of it was curated there, so that's perfect.

[605] And are you a poet or something?

[606] What do you do?

[607] What do you do?

[608] The way you just said it was curated there.

[609] I don't know.

[610] He feels so artistic.

[611] I'm falling so in love.

[612] I'm so gassed up right now.

[613] Thank you.

[614] I'm just a project man. at a creative consultancy.

[615] Creative was in the time.

[616] Okay, so this took place in Asheville, North Carolina.

[617] It did, yeah.

[618] Tell us what happened.

[619] This was actually just about four years ago, and it was late January, 2019.

[620] And it was a big night because I was going to be meeting up with my two best friends in the whole world, who for the purposes of this story, I'll be calling Dan and Dustin.

[621] It was a meaningful thing for us to be meeting up because two years prior to this night, we had all been living together in D .C. And we all ended up moving away over time for a variety of different reasons.

[622] And we had all found ourselves back in the Asheville area.

[623] And we went to the mainstay dive bar that many of us had been going to well before we could even legally drink.

[624] And it was just one of those nights where the energy was like the gangs back together.

[625] After that first sip, it was like, it's going to be a big night.

[626] Dan and Dustin and I are really leading the pack with this effort of, turning up.

[627] So it's around like midnight when everyone else basically decides to call it a night.

[628] And my then -girlfriend, now wife, recognized that I wasn't done and neither was Dan or Dustin.

[629] So she recommended that she dropped the three of us off at Dustin's house, which was actually nearby.

[630] And she was D -Ding, so we were very grateful.

[631] She dropped us off, and now it's like midnight something.

[632] We proceed to have a boys romp around where wrestling and chief and cigs and drinking and crying and laughing and just really getting into it and it was a lot of fun.

[633] My friend Dan, who at the time had just secured what was essentially the first well -paying job of our entire friend group, he gets a wild hair up his ass and he's like, we have to go to a casino.

[634] That is what this night needs to end with.

[635] Sure.

[636] He's got some new money burning a hole in his wallet.

[637] Let's throw some of this around.

[638] Of course.

[639] The issue, is, though, there's no casinos in Asheville.

[640] The closest casino is in Cherokee, North Carolina, which from Dustin's house was about an hour 45.

[641] Oh, my God.

[642] And it's already like 1 a .m. at this point.

[643] It is obscenely late.

[644] Can I ask a non -incriminating question?

[645] Are any stimulants involved at all?

[646] Foreshadowing.

[647] Okay.

[648] Okay.

[649] Okay.

[650] Here we go.

[651] The other complicating factor here is that there's actually kind of a rare snowstorm happening, which isn't super common for the Asheville area.

[652] And so that elongates the time needed to travel to around like two hours.

[653] So we pull out our phones, open up the various rideshare apps, and we're searching for a lone soul who is willing to make such a journey with us on this faded Saturday evening.

[654] And lo and behold, there is one person.

[655] Were we in a better state of mind?

[656] Were we more sober, perhaps?

[657] We would have known or been able to, like, think through maybe the person who is the singular, singular person who is out here willing to take this journey right now isn't going to be your average stand -up ride -chair driver.

[658] Yeah, it's someone else who's also on a journey themselves, maybe.

[659] Exactly.

[660] A fellow voyager.

[661] And it was a voyage.

[662] So the app dings, and it's like your driver's on the way.

[663] and we are stoked.

[664] So we grabbed some road sodies just in case.

[665] If he had told us that it wouldn't be okay, then we would have left them there in the mailbox.

[666] We walked to the bottom of Dustin's driveway.

[667] And it's a driveway that's shared with a couple other houses, so we didn't want the guy to, like, come to the top and potentially headlights into lights or anything.

[668] You guys are being incredibly conscientious for three shit -faced dudes, I got to add.

[669] We're trying to.

[670] Okay, so you're down at the bottom of the driveway.

[671] And a 95 Chevy Tahoe pulls up.

[672] It's a little beaten up.

[673] We're stoked.

[674] You know, it's a nice spacious SUV, and we crawl in there, and the driver introduces himself as Curtis, and he's a large man, large ponytail, and just kind of actually trash everywhere.

[675] So not really caring about his rates on the app or anything like that.

[676] But we don't care at all.

[677] And the first thing that he says when we get in the car is, you boys partying?

[678] And we were like, hell yeah, brother.

[679] We're absolutely partying.

[680] We're so pumped.

[681] Can I ask his age roughly?

[682] Is he in his 40s?

[683] I think he's in his early 40s, something like that.

[684] But a kind of like road hard, put away wet type of guy for sure.

[685] So we like pull out our drinks and we're like, may we?

[686] And he's like, hell yeah.

[687] We're like, awesome.

[688] This is going to be a very good trip.

[689] This is going to be awesome.

[690] Thus starts the journey.

[691] And for the next like hour and a halfish, we're just having a good time.

[692] We're drinking.

[693] We're smoking.

[694] We're telling him about our time in D .C. And he's, like, regaling us with what was then kind of lesser -known conspiracy theories that have now hit the mainstream.

[695] And everything's going well.

[696] He's telling us about his gun collection.

[697] He's pointing out his guns in the car.

[698] Right.

[699] Right.

[700] Yeah.

[701] You're safe.

[702] We're feeling great.

[703] Any lizard people or mole children pop up.

[704] He's ready to blast.

[705] Yeah, he's ready.

[706] He's absolutely ready.

[707] As we're driving, the snowstorm is getting a little bit.

[708] worse.

[709] And we're trying to not pay mine to that.

[710] Don't want to harsh the vibe or anything.

[711] Yeah.

[712] We get to this gas station.

[713] We're probably 30 minutes away from the casino at this point.

[714] So we've almost made it.

[715] And I didn't mention this before, but our plan was to gamble until we were sober and then rent a car and drive home.

[716] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[717] Just ill -conceived and convoluted from the very beginning.

[718] But we get to this gas station.

[719] And in my memory, I thought that we were being generous and we were like, hey man, you're doing this journey with us.

[720] Let us get you some provisions.

[721] Let us pay for your gas.

[722] But when I was talking with my friends about this before I came on, we all kind of remembered, no, I think Curtis basically told us that that needed to happen.

[723] Oh, okay.

[724] Yeah.

[725] Yeah.

[726] No, this tracks.

[727] This tracks, especially with what I'm about to detail.

[728] So we're in the gas station and we're getting everything that we need to continue the journey and to set Curtis off back home and have him feeling good.

[729] He's at the pump filling up and we're inside and I look out and I see him pulling away and I'm like, oh, what the fuck?

[730] And we kind of like drop everything and run out there.

[731] And it's really snowy.

[732] So he's actually having issues getting out of the parking lot.

[733] And I like open the door and hop in.

[734] He's like grumbling and stuff and he kind of says some like nonsensical excuse about like keeping the tires warm.

[735] Oh my God.

[736] Okay, you're scrambling.

[737] And we were just like, no, sir, that is not the case.

[738] And so now having had the sobering experience of the fluorescent LEDs in this gas station combined with this basically attempt to abandon us in the middle of nowhere, the mood has slightly soured.

[739] And also, I will say, it's setting in what we have committed ourselves to and enthusiasm is waning.

[740] During a bit of a nosedive, morale is crashing.

[741] Curtis is a bit of an impact.

[742] And I think he picks up on this.

[743] Really quick.

[744] So once you catch him trying to bolt on you, he then like scraps that idea.

[745] Oh, I was just keeping the tires warm.

[746] Everyone hop in.

[747] Yeah.

[748] And we can tell that he's not happy about having been caught.

[749] And he has launched into this kind of like under the breath tirade that kind of sounds like Boonehauer from King of the Hill.

[750] And he's just like, dangled fucking kids, man. I shouldn't have ever even got out here, man. I don't even know what I'm doing, man. my God.

[751] He was doing it loud enough for us to obviously hear on purpose.

[752] Sounds like maybe he's coming down a little bit.

[753] Yes.

[754] So he is starting to kind of transition the speech into I'm not getting enough for this.

[755] I'm not being paid enough.

[756] I shouldn't have done this.

[757] Kind of starts to even transition into a little bit of, I wonder if the ride should end now.

[758] And we're a little concerned at the moment because given where we were in the journey and where the snowstorm was, if we were forced out of his vehicle, it kind of would have quickly transitioned into a survival situation.

[759] And so we're like, we have to stay in this car.

[760] We need Curtis to get us to civilization.

[761] We're like, yeah, man, no, this was more than you signed up for.

[762] You got a big tip coming your way.

[763] Thank you so much.

[764] We're really appreciative.

[765] And that kind of picks up his spirits a little bit.

[766] He's like, all right, then, well, we got an hour and a half left in the ride here.

[767] Left.

[768] Of course, yeah, I forgot to say he has basically stated, we're not going all the way to the casino.

[769] And so we had, like, scrapped that idea.

[770] Oh, so you're like, okay, we'll just go back with you and we'll pay you.

[771] Yeah, he was like, we're done.

[772] You can either be with me on the right back or not.

[773] And if you're coming back, there needs to be more to this.

[774] And we're like, okay, yeah, we're going to make this work.

[775] And now that his spirits are lifted, that he's going to be receiving more money.

[776] He then launches into a little bit of, well, we got to keep this party going, gentlemen.

[777] We're having a good time.

[778] We have an hour and a half left here and stuff.

[779] And essentially caps that speech by letting us know that he has lots of drugs for sale and that we need to participate in a sale in order to keep the ride moving.

[780] No. What's up, guys?

[781] It's your girl Kiki.

[782] And my podcast is back.

[783] with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[784] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[785] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[786] And I don't mean just friends.

[787] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[788] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[789] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[790] We've all been there.

[791] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden feet, fevers and strange rashes.

[792] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[793] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[794] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you.

[795] you about my podcast.

[796] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[797] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[798] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[799] Prime members can listen early and ad free on Amazon Music.

[800] So I was like at the point of drunkenness where I was like, this could be okay depending on what is about to be presented to me. But then my friend, Dan, who's in the front seat, he's like, yeah, let's work something out.

[801] You can drop us off.

[802] And he's like, no, no, no, we need it for the ride to get us going through the rest of the ride.

[803] Yeah, he's right.

[804] My friend Dan is not really paying attention.

[805] He pulls out his wallet.

[806] He has like $120.

[807] And Curtis is like, that's the amount that I need.

[808] And we're like, okay, yep, of course, give it to him.

[809] He reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a little baggy.

[810] And it's like an off white, yellowy, almost powder.

[811] It's kind of like rocky.

[812] Dan and I are like pretty convinced.

[813] Definitely not Coke.

[814] maybe like a pre -crushed pill of some form.

[815] The way that he's talking about it, the way that he is kind of ready to do it, we're like, I think this is some type of amphetamine, maybe a low -quality meth or something like that.

[816] Not excited to do that at all.

[817] And we're like, thank you for the sale.

[818] Would you like some?

[819] We're good right now.

[820] And he's like, oh, no, now that you've bought it, you have to do it or else obviously you're not cool and I can't trust you for the rest of the ride.

[821] Oh, my God.

[822] Okay, great.

[823] I'm still in.

[824] Monica's out.

[825] I'm in.

[826] Let's see what this mystery substance is.

[827] Yeah, I was out at that point.

[828] Yeah.

[829] So my friend Dan, he is tasked with racking up some lines on the CD case.

[830] No, I hate that this is all.

[831] Oh, my God.

[832] He lines it up, and he's like, Curtis, would you care to have the first couple, whatever, as much as you want, we're not really trying to do a lot.

[833] and Curtis is very happy to oblige and he blows a couple lines down and then it's now my friend Dan's turn and we've been exchanging terrified non -verbal glances in the rear view mirror.

[834] Yes.

[835] How are we going to get out of not doing these drugs?

[836] I see Dan, he has the CD case in his left hand, the rolled up dollar bill in his right hand and he puts the tip of the dollar bill to the end of the line And when he goes to snort it, he uses his pinky to just push the line off of the CD case as he does it.

[837] And when he does that, he kind of looks in the rear view mirror back at me. This is how we're doing it.

[838] And I was like, yep, yep, I've got it.

[839] So he hands it back to me. And I'm elbowing my friend Dustin like, take notes, man, or else you're going to do some amphetamines.

[840] Yeah, yeah.

[841] Oh, fuck.

[842] I like to think that we didn't actually inhale any of it and that it It was just adrenaline, but who's to actually say?

[843] Things started to spice up a little bit.

[844] I hand the CD case to my buddy Dustin, and it becomes immediately apparent that he didn't pick up on how we were doing this.

[845] Good, good, good, good, good, good.

[846] It's not good.

[847] Let's let it rip.

[848] He is about to do his first ever true line of drug that he's ever done before before, for sure.

[849] Can't think of a more romantic setting than a crazy man, well -armed talking about QAnon.

[850] Yeah, the pistols were loose in the car.

[851] Sure, sure, sure.

[852] I'm panicked.

[853] I'm like, I really don't want my buddy to have to do drugs like this for the first time.

[854] So I'm trying to think of anything that I can do.

[855] And just like straight out of the movies and TV, I'm like, I'm going to sneeze those drugs off of that CD case.

[856] We're in a Tahoe, like I said, so he's not close to me. And so I turned to him and I try to sneeze so hard and it does not work.

[857] at all.

[858] He's kind of just like looking at me like, what are you doing?

[859] This drug's making you act weird already.

[860] And so I sneeze again.

[861] And this time I just like reach across and just hit the CD case as I sneeze, trying to like cover it with a commotion.

[862] And he's kind of like, oh.

[863] And then he picks it up and Curtis was like, what the hell is that?

[864] And I was just like, this drip, man, that's just got me. Then we had to continue to fake through the entire bag because he, He was like, I actually can't let you leave with it.

[865] I'm safe in my vehicle, so we're going to do it all here.

[866] And then the last 30 minutes of the drive are really just Curtis turned up.

[867] And it is not a fun thing.

[868] I love being in cars that are being driven fast, and I love to drive cars fast.

[869] But he is like not paying attention.

[870] Yeah.

[871] He's pinned.

[872] He's like looking at my buddy, Dan, just like having a conversation driving, like 75 in snow, and we're all just white -knuckling everything.

[873] Were you texting anyone?

[874] Yeah, I was texting my girlfriend, and she was already asleep.

[875] You'll come to find, like, later in the story that when she wakes up and receives all of these and reads all the messages, she's like, my boyfriend's dead.

[876] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[877] So last 30 minutes, we're really just white -knuckling it all the way back to Dustin's house.

[878] And we're all very sober at this point.

[879] Maybe it's a mix of potentially having slightly inhaled some of the drugs slash just raw adrenaline.

[880] But I start to realize, damn, Curtis is going to want to keep partying when we get to Dustin's house because we're like, we're on when we're locked in now.

[881] And I was just like, we have to figure out how to head this off at the pass.

[882] So we are approaching Dustin's house and there's that shared driveway.

[883] And so I was like, hey, this driveway, it got really fucked up from the snow.

[884] We couldn't even drive up it earlier.

[885] And that's why we met you down at the bottom.

[886] Just drop us off here and we'll call it a night.

[887] And again, my buddy Dustin is not really picking up on this.

[888] And he's like, I drove my Prius up there earlier.

[889] We're fine.

[890] Oh, my God.

[891] And it would have had the added benefit of Curtis not knowing exactly which house Dustin lived at, which was something that we were starting to get scared about.

[892] Yeah.

[893] And so as we're going up the driveway, I noticed that Dustin's keys are on the bench seat.

[894] We had both had a bunch of stuff there.

[895] And so I just quietly swiped them and put them in my pocket.

[896] And then we get to the top, we all pile out of the car.

[897] And Curtis is like, hey, does anyone have more cash?

[898] We're going to keep the party going, but I need to be compensated for this new baggie that we're going to be doing.

[899] And we were like, oh, God, yeah, but I only have like $50 now.

[900] And he's like, that's fine.

[901] It's the same amount, same baggy.

[902] So it was like $120, $50, whatever it was.

[903] It was going to keep going.

[904] And we walked to the door and it's locked.

[905] Thank God.

[906] Windows are locked.

[907] And I was like, Dustin, you idiot.

[908] You left your keys at that gas station, dude.

[909] We're locked out of here.

[910] It's kind of like a little bit of a blur.

[911] But I think somehow we ended up giving Curtis a little bit more money than the $50.

[912] He left the baggie with us, the new baggie.

[913] And he left.

[914] Thank God.

[915] The relief you felt.

[916] Oh, it washed over me, like genuinely washed over me. And his headlights dwindle into the distance, and I pull out the keys.

[917] And I was like, that was the stupidest thing that we've ever done.

[918] Let's go inside.

[919] We've now participated in multiple felonies.

[920] Here is this baggie of an illicit drug.

[921] Let's flush that down the toilet.

[922] And it is now like 8 .30 in the morning.

[923] Oh.

[924] Wow.

[925] And then everyone crawled.

[926] into bed.

[927] We crashed so hard, but only for like an hour before my sweet girlfriend called me, like, are you alive?

[928] What is happening?

[929] And I was like, I am.

[930] Please come get me. I'm very sad right now.

[931] Everything feels bad.

[932] The ride itself ended up being close to like $260 on top of the $120 that we gave in cash and then the other like 60 plus that we had.

[933] It was like a $500 night.

[934] It was $500 for just a drug -fueled snowstorm drive that led to nowhere.

[935] Could have been a net win.

[936] You don't know how much you would have lost at the casino.

[937] You know, you always have that.

[938] You wanted to gamble, and you did gamble your life away.

[939] Yeah.

[940] Good point, Monica.

[941] You played roulette.

[942] I haven't thought about it like that before yet.

[943] So we kind of got what we were asking for in a way.

[944] I dreamed of those kind of drivers showing up in my life.

[945] I would have gone all day with that guy, probably.

[946] He would have been so thrilled to have.

[947] of a partner in crime.

[948] I'm sure we would have ended up shooting guns or something.

[949] Yes.

[950] You would have been smoking something eventually.

[951] Canaan, that was an incredible story.

[952] That's a short story that needs to be written by you.

[953] Well, you are a poet.

[954] Don't put it in poem form.

[955] Put it just prose.

[956] Go normal essay on it.

[957] We'll do.

[958] Okay.

[959] Canaan, such a pleasure meeting you.

[960] Yes.

[961] Yes.

[962] It was great meeting you both.

[963] Thank you so much.

[964] Yes.

[965] God, dog it.

[966] I'm very excited for my mom to hear this story for the first time.

[967] on this podcast she has no idea so love you mom love you both thank you so much i love you kane and take care all right see all these are giving me these are giving me some major anxiety i already had some anxiety this morning from my tea and this is really amping it out swearing it that felt so familiar that story hi bethany bethany yes nice to meet you so sorry for being A story we just heard went very, very long.

[968] I hope it was a good one.

[969] It was a ride, ding, ding, ding.

[970] Monica's heart rate is above 140 currently.

[971] That's really intense.

[972] So where are you at, Bethany?

[973] I'm in Chicago.

[974] Yes, Sister City to Detroit, we're going to say.

[975] We're going to start that.

[976] Yes, yes.

[977] Okay, so you had a wild ride share experience.

[978] In Chicago?

[979] Yes, it was in Chicago.

[980] I listened to you guys all the time, so I was so excited when I had something to submit.

[981] So when I was in my early 20s, I was in grad school.

[982] And this was the time in my grad school where I was trying to go to as many conferences and presentations as possible.

[983] And so Saturday morning comes and I have a conference downtown Chicago.

[984] And so I'm an early professional broke.

[985] And so I decided to do a ride share.

[986] The ride comes.

[987] I get into it.

[988] It's a minivan.

[989] There are two 20 -something -year -old women in there as well.

[990] I don't think they know each other.

[991] They're not really talking or anything.

[992] And I just move my way to the very back of this van.

[993] And so we proceed to pick up one more 20 -something.

[994] So four of us all in the car.

[995] Everyone's probably a little hungover.

[996] We're all staring at our phones, not really communicating and silent in the car.

[997] I'm tracking on my phone the route to get there.

[998] So I know the ETA.

[999] And I look on the app and it's gone.

[1000] I have no trace of my ride being there.

[1001] And I kind of panicked, right?

[1002] I've never had the experience of my driver canceling a ride while I'm in it.

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] Right.

[1005] I was trying to reload the app.

[1006] I'm not assuming anything nefarious at this point.

[1007] I'm just assuming, you know, there was a glitch or something.

[1008] But it's not coming back.

[1009] And so I'm panicking a little bit.

[1010] And from my far back seat, I'm asking the driver, hey, I think my ride's been canceled.

[1011] I don't really know what to do.

[1012] No response.

[1013] Not, you know, even an acknowledgement of it.

[1014] The driver's a man?

[1015] Yes.

[1016] He says, not my problem.

[1017] I don't know how this happened, but you have to wait for everybody else to be dropped off, and then I'll drop you off last.

[1018] Oh.

[1019] My stomach sank.

[1020] I felt so nervous because, of course, I'm in an untraceable ride chair.

[1021] Everyone's going to be gone.

[1022] I'm in the backseat of a van, and it just seems like a perfect scenario.

[1023] Oh, my God.

[1024] And are the other gals they're fine?

[1025] Their rides were canceled, too, or not?

[1026] Just mine.

[1027] Everybody else is just sitting on their phones pretty quiet.

[1028] And so I'm assuming they hear this interaction, right?

[1029] I'm for this from the driver.

[1030] But, yeah, they weren't really responding or anything.

[1031] So I really felt like I was alone in the struggle to get to where I needed to be.

[1032] And I was going to be late for my conference, which I was so nervous.

[1033] nervous about.

[1034] Yeah.

[1035] This is stressful.

[1036] Very stressful.

[1037] So I'm pleading with him.

[1038] You know, we're not that far.

[1039] If you drop off this girl, which I know she's going to a place close by, I can go to this one, and trying to just get whatever I can to just get out of the car as soon as possible.

[1040] And he was not caring, not responding anymore.

[1041] Nothing was really happening.

[1042] And so the middle row, one of the girls, I gestured to her, I said, can you just open the door at a stop light?

[1043] You know, I'll just get out.

[1044] my own thing.

[1045] And so that happens.

[1046] She goes to open the door.

[1047] It's child locked.

[1048] Oh, my God.

[1049] And so we exchanged looks and then she's fully aware of what's going on.

[1050] And I think everybody else was at that point.

[1051] The girl in the front seat then said to the driver, just drop her off, right?

[1052] It doesn't matter.

[1053] We're fine.

[1054] We're all good with where we're going.

[1055] Just drop her off.

[1056] And he said, no, not doing it.

[1057] Oh, my God.

[1058] They're slowly starting to speak.

[1059] up and get a little bit louder about it and starting to really say, just drop her off.

[1060] Who cares?

[1061] It doesn't matter.

[1062] Just get her out of the car.

[1063] And nothing, nothing.

[1064] And then all of a sudden, this just rage came from all three of these girls.

[1065] The front seat girl was putting her fingers in his face, drop her off, drop her off.

[1066] Backseat girl is grabbing his seat and shaking it.

[1067] Oh, wow.

[1068] Oh, I love this.

[1069] And then the two in front of me kind of stand up and like poke their heads into the front and are getting in his face while it's happening.

[1070] And from being a completely silent ride two minutes ago to now, it's just so loud.

[1071] By the way, this really speaks to Chicago.

[1072] Like if I was predicting what city this would happen in, I'd say Detroit and Chicago, the gales are going to get physical.

[1073] Thank God.

[1074] They're basically standing in the front, all shouting at him.

[1075] And then my favorite one of all of them, don't know.

[1076] them at all.

[1077] She grabs her handbag and smacks him in the shoulder.

[1078] Oh.

[1079] Assaults him.

[1080] This is great.

[1081] And what is he doing?

[1082] Is he like stop?

[1083] So he's getting irritated, but he doesn't seem concerned at all.

[1084] More like he was just kind of dismissive of, okay, these girls are like really getting out of hand and this is ridiculous.

[1085] He's acting like a dad maybe with four kids going ape shit in the back seat.

[1086] Like I'm just going to fucking block all this out.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] And that makes me think Maybe he wasn't.

[1089] He had no ill intent with what he was doing.

[1090] No. Because why would he child lock?

[1091] You were just trying to get out.

[1092] Yeah, it was bizarre.

[1093] But then, handbag girl has her keys.

[1094] On her keys is pepper spray.

[1095] And she holds it up and threatens to pepper spray him in the face.

[1096] If he does not drop me off right now.

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] Oh, and this is so nice because they're not like we all want to get out.

[1099] They're still just looking after you.

[1100] They can all track their own ride.

[1101] They're safe as can be for the most part, right?

[1102] So it was great.

[1103] Wow.

[1104] So she threatens them with pepper spray.

[1105] Does that get his attention?

[1106] Yes, it did.

[1107] And that's what drove our point home was he turned right around, dropped me off, and everything was okay.

[1108] I felt like I had three guardian angels.

[1109] Oh.

[1110] I wish I knew what the rest of that ride was like.

[1111] Well, I can't believe they stayed in the car with them.

[1112] Same.

[1113] Those are tough gals.

[1114] Yeah, like, I feel like this guy's moments away from just driving 100 miles an hour into a brick wall at this point.

[1115] Like, fuck it.

[1116] This was the final straw.

[1117] Wow.

[1118] Whoa.

[1119] I wonder if they became best friends.

[1120] I wonder if they all just returned to looking at their phone.

[1121] I have no idea what that would have looked like.

[1122] Also, you know, one of those girls was in the car alone with him at one point, though.

[1123] So that's scary.

[1124] Oh, the last person to be dropped off.

[1125] Yeah, let's hope it was the gal with the pepper spray.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] Because she would have liked to have gotten down.

[1128] Ooh.

[1129] This reminds me of a cab story gone bad.

[1130] You've heard it before.

[1131] All of us coming home from a concert and they wouldn't let carry out of the car my girlfriend.

[1132] My then ex -girlfriend.

[1133] Bree was there.

[1134] Yeah, this is the story where Dean and I fought the four cab drivers and I got hit with a crowbar.

[1135] Oh.

[1136] Like it escalated to this.

[1137] Oh, my God.

[1138] Because at first I'm like, these gals got wild, but we did too.

[1139] The same thing happened with us.

[1140] We immediately were ready to rumble.

[1141] and that's what happened.

[1142] They wouldn't let her out?

[1143] Yeah, they wouldn't let her out.

[1144] She was kicking with her feet at the back of the glass.

[1145] She eventually got out, and then we chased the dudes, and then they drove on an alley, and then we went down the alley, and then they parked at the end of the alley by the mobile gas station.

[1146] Then they came out.

[1147] One guy had a crowbar.

[1148] He hit Dean in the arm, and then he hit me in the back.

[1149] I had an egg, but we dropped a couple of them.

[1150] Anyways, that's neither here nor there.

[1151] But that's an old -fashioned ride shirt.

[1152] Yeah, true.

[1153] I always think, what if you're in the car with people who don't recognize the situation, right?

[1154] Like someone who's not a woman who is like, that sounds fine.

[1155] Who cares?

[1156] Or just someone who's not paying attention at all, got lucky.

[1157] Did you give them a little write up on the reviews?

[1158] Did you say, held me against my will?

[1159] You could also just call 911 because I've even heard of people being held on a tarmac too long.

[1160] This happened in Detroit.

[1161] Wait, n 'uh.

[1162] Oh, yeah, there's a famous story in Detroit.

[1163] They were in this terrible pattern.

[1164] It was then Northwest, which is now Delta.

[1165] But people were sitting sometimes two hours waiting for a gate.

[1166] someone eventually called Wayne County Sheriff and said, I'm being held against my will.

[1167] They brought police cars to.

[1168] They did?

[1169] Yes, they have to.

[1170] Oh.

[1171] You cannot, like, if you ever call and say, I'm being held against my will, they respond immediately.

[1172] That's a no -no.

[1173] That's crazy.

[1174] I mean, I definitely was about to say 911 for sure.

[1175] Or also threatened him by saying, hey, I've shared my location with people just so you know.

[1176] Starting to put feelers out there to him.

[1177] You guys probably won't like this, but I don't think the guy was up to anything.

[1178] I assumed nothing of the sort initially, but I feel like as a driver, that's your responsibility to be kind of aware of how your riders are feeling in the situation.

[1179] Oh, I think he was an idiot.

[1180] He seems like a grumpy Chicago guy.

[1181] A grumpy Chicago idiot.

[1182] And the fucking ride dropped off somehow, and he's already pissed at this app and he's, I hate this job and I hate this thing.

[1183] But whatever, doesn't matter.

[1184] When you say let me out, time to let her out, period.

[1185] End the story.

[1186] It was definitely something that I'm glad other people were there for.

[1187] And now that I can afford my own rides, you know, I think, do I actually want that by myself now?

[1188] Right.

[1189] Sometimes better in a pack.

[1190] Exactly.

[1191] Self -assured theory.

[1192] Oh, Bethany, I'm glad you made it.

[1193] Were you so frazzled or did you crush that panel you were on?

[1194] I think it went really well.

[1195] I remember being, you know, extra built up by all the support I knew I had from random people I didn't know.

[1196] You probably were already an adrenal failure by the time you got there.

[1197] So you couldn't have gotten nerved up for the actual thing.

[1198] You'd already spend it all.

[1199] Yeah, that's a really good point.

[1200] Well, Bethany, thanks for being along with us on the ride.

[1201] Thanks for not getting out of the van and sticking with the armchair ride.

[1202] Absolutely.

[1203] Thanks for having me. Nice meeting you.

[1204] Take care.

[1205] Take care.

[1206] Bye.

[1207] Bye.

[1208] Hi.

[1209] Hello.

[1210] Oh, let me start recording.

[1211] I got to follow instructions.

[1212] Yeah, don't piss Wabiwob off.

[1213] Wabi has a very bad temper we don't normally talk about, but he'll trash this place.

[1214] You know what?

[1215] I knew there was something about that guy.

[1216] Yeah.

[1217] Too nice, too cute.

[1218] Don't ever trust it.

[1219] Where are you at?

[1220] I'm also in Los Angeles.

[1221] I live in West Hollywood.

[1222] Oh, do you want to just come over and do this live?

[1223] I would love to.

[1224] If you'll ever have me back, I'm there.

[1225] Wonderful.

[1226] And so this ride share fiasco, it happened here in Los Angeles, or were you traveling?

[1227] It happened in my college town.

[1228] I do think I'll use fake name.

[1229] Great.

[1230] I'm proud of all my actions in this story, but might not want it to be something that's, you know, Googlable with my name for future employers.

[1231] So I think I'll use Olivia.

[1232] Okay, so Olivia, what happened?

[1233] What part of the country were you in when this happened?

[1234] I was in Northern California.

[1235] Okay, great.

[1236] My senior year of college, it's the beginning of the year.

[1237] I've just broken up with my long -term boyfriend.

[1238] And so I'm having what we like to call affectionately a hoe phase.

[1239] Oh, okay, good for you.

[1240] Nice.

[1241] Thank you.

[1242] I'm having a great time.

[1243] I'm like, uber confident.

[1244] I'm just shooting my shot all the time.

[1245] I'm in a really good summer and start of the year.

[1246] It's a weekend night, and I am going on a first date with a guy and met on a dating app.

[1247] So we go to this bowling alley arcade bar that's near my college.

[1248] So I Uber there, I meet him, I get all dressed up.

[1249] And the date is just pretty mediocre.

[1250] Even in my, like, tipsy, overconfident state, I just go up to an employee and ask if I can have this giant inflatable volleyball that's hanging on the wall as a prize for like thousands of tickets.

[1251] I was like, can I just have that?

[1252] And he just handed it to me. My day and I walk out of this place with this giant inflatable volleyball and we go back to his house.

[1253] We end up hooking up.

[1254] After all this, it's pretty clear, I should head out.

[1255] Oh my God.

[1256] I should head out.

[1257] Yeah, no, this is not a cuddle and sleepover.

[1258] All of a sudden, it's looking at the watch.

[1259] Long day tomorrow.

[1260] Yeah, yeah.

[1261] I don't always expect this, but in this case, I was a 21 -year -old college student.

[1262] He was like 25, worked in tech, and I have to, like, call my own ride chair.

[1263] And on my way out, I grab my volleyball.

[1264] I say to him just kind of a general, this has been rather disappointing.

[1265] And I leave.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] Good for you.

[1268] I call a ride share, and I'm young and broke, so I call like a shared ride where there might be other passengers on your route.

[1269] It might take a little longer, but it's cheaper.

[1270] So the driver takes me up.

[1271] I jump in.

[1272] We're chatting.

[1273] You know, I'm talking about my night a bit.

[1274] And then we pull up to pick up our next rider.

[1275] I'm in the back passenger seat, and he is getting into the passenger seat.

[1276] And through the window, I see it's a young guy, and he's pretty cute.

[1277] Oh, there we go.

[1278] All right.

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] So I was like, oh, there's maybe some hope for this night.

[1281] Yes.

[1282] Your needs have not been mad.

[1283] Your lust is not slaked.

[1284] What time is it at this point?

[1285] Probably the 11 p .m. rain.

[1286] Okay.

[1287] Okay.

[1288] Still early.

[1289] It kind of.

[1290] Now I wouldn't do this.

[1291] Give a first date a weekend night.

[1292] I was young.

[1293] I didn't know.

[1294] I gave him a weekend night.

[1295] So I'm dressed up.

[1296] I'm drunk.

[1297] I've paid for Uber.

[1298] I'm ready to dance still.

[1299] And so this new guy gets in the ride.

[1300] I open.

[1301] in the app, and it says, picking up Matthew.

[1302] So from the backseat, I just go, hey, Matt, how's your night going?

[1303] He's like, oh, hi.

[1304] And so we start chatting.

[1305] And it's me and him and the driver.

[1306] We're all talking.

[1307] I tell them, oh, I just came from this really disappointing date.

[1308] We're discussing the woes of modern dating, you know, commiserating.

[1309] And I learned that he's just been at a party, like a birthday party for a friend that was at a bar.

[1310] And then everybody had left a little bit ahead of him to, go back to the birthday boy's place.

[1311] And so then he was going to meet them.

[1312] And I'm like, all right, this is of interest to me. And so I just decided to shoot my shot.

[1313] I asked him, could I just get out at your stop and come with you to this party?

[1314] And he's like, sure.

[1315] Wow.

[1316] Yeah.

[1317] So adventurous.

[1318] The driver is actively rooting for us.

[1319] Like he says to our faces there in the car, you guys should hook up.

[1320] Oh, my God.

[1321] So I'm like, thanks.

[1322] She's a wing woman in me. And then she mentioned, too, during this time, another passenger has gotten in the ride and is sitting silently next to me in the backseat as I just hold this giant neon volleyball and shamelessly hit on a stranger.

[1323] But he says, yes, yeah, feel free.

[1324] Come with me, that would be great.

[1325] So we have to pull up to my stop because the rides program.

[1326] And I just tell the driver, like, keep on going.

[1327] She drives on, and we go to his stop.

[1328] I get out with him, you know, we wave by, thank the driver.

[1329] She's pumped.

[1330] But when we get there, the parties totally died down.

[1331] The host is getting ready for bed.

[1332] I lived just a few blocks away.

[1333] We were in my college neighborhood even closer.

[1334] I was like, do you want to come have a drink at my place?

[1335] And he says, sure, I'd love to.

[1336] So we walked to my place and we have a drink out on the deck.

[1337] I lived with eight other girls, and it's going really well.

[1338] And so he asked if I want to go back to his place.

[1339] And I was like, sure.

[1340] Yeah, let's do it.

[1341] Yeah, so we went back to his place, and we ended up hooking up, and it was great.

[1342] My night was completely redeemed.

[1343] Wonderful.

[1344] Wow.

[1345] And he was a gracious, thoughtful lover.

[1346] He was.

[1347] He was pretty drunk, so he lasted a while.

[1348] Yeah, he did well.

[1349] I stayed over.

[1350] Oh, nice.

[1351] It was everything first day.

[1352] It was not.

[1353] He was, like, nice and cuddly after.

[1354] It was wonderful.

[1355] This is a meat cute.

[1356] Oh, great.

[1357] So this is a love connection ride share story.

[1358] So this isn't bad.

[1359] We love that.

[1360] It was one of my favorite stories of things that happened to me that year, or ever.

[1361] Did you ever see him again?

[1362] I did.

[1363] He became, like, a wonderful, reliable booty call.

[1364] Wonder.

[1365] Oh, that is great.

[1366] This is great.

[1367] Yeah, it was the perfect amount of, we get along, we like to chit chat a little, but there's clearly not a huge romance.

[1368] connection.

[1369] Right.

[1370] So it was great on a weeknight, hang out, catch up a little, maybe watch something.

[1371] Roll around.

[1372] Yeah.

[1373] Wow.

[1374] Well, this was great because we had some intense stories, so we needed a little palette cleanser.

[1375] This reignited my optimism for life.

[1376] This was life affirming.

[1377] Agreed.

[1378] I'm so glad.

[1379] Oh, what a fun period you had.

[1380] Yeah.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] No, I have a lot of stories from that time.

[1383] And actually, when you guys started doing Armchair Anonymous, I always was hoping for this one prompt, and you haven't done it yet.

[1384] The prompt is something along the lines of taught for teacher or, like, romance with a professor.

[1385] I mean, we've tossed that around.

[1386] There's a lot we want to do, but they're really tricky.

[1387] Yeah.

[1388] I guess you're telling us you have a story.

[1389] I have a good one.

[1390] Everybody is of legal, consenting age.

[1391] There's no laws broken.

[1392] I think more It's all above board.

[1393] The implication, and by the way, it's really complicated because to me it feels kind of dismissive and actually anti -feminist, which is like any time a man would be older in a position of power, the female even of consenting somehow has been duped or has been rendered powerless in the situation, which I think is kind of a weird blanket assumption or takeaway from those.

[1394] What do you think, Monica?

[1395] There is a power imbalance.

[1396] I mean, I don't think it's across -the -board bad at all.

[1397] Obviously, I was dying to do that with a professor.

[1398] But I think more often than not, it leans towards being not great.

[1399] Hit us with yours really quick, just because I'm curious.

[1400] So freshman year of college, first semester, Anthropology 101.

[1401] Here we go.

[1402] I have this super cool TA.

[1403] He's a head TA.

[1404] He only does one discussion section, and I'm in it with two of my friends.

[1405] He's like lumberjack meets Aquaman.

[1406] Cool guy.

[1407] Thigh tattoos in a band.

[1408] You know, we're all obsessed with him.

[1409] Spearfish is.

[1410] He's so cool.

[1411] Cut to my senior year.

[1412] I'm not longer 18.

[1413] I'm 21.

[1414] I'm not in his class.

[1415] And it's the same period of time as the ride share stories.

[1416] Okay.

[1417] And I'm out with friends at a bar and all of a sudden we're like, oh, my God, our TA is here.

[1418] And I'm floored.

[1419] I like, I have to hit on him.

[1420] I cannot leave here without hitting on this guy.

[1421] I approach him.

[1422] I tell him up front.

[1423] I was in your class years ago.

[1424] so he knows, but it's a long time past and we chat, and at the end, I'm like, well, can I get your number?

[1425] I'd love to see you.

[1426] He's like, yeah.

[1427] And so I go to pull out my phone to get his number, and he goes to plow his business card, like his anthropology department.

[1428] And as soon as he sees my phone, he's like, oh, yeah, and goes to take it.

[1429] I was like, no, you give me that card.

[1430] That is so funny.

[1431] So I get his card.

[1432] We text a little bit, and he asked me out for a date the next day.

[1433] Ooh.

[1434] And I'm like, yeah, I would love to.

[1435] So he picks me up.

[1436] We go to this beautiful park.

[1437] We're sitting overlooking a lake on a tree.

[1438] I'm trying to play it cool.

[1439] I'm so nervous just sitting five feet off the ground, but he's really cool.

[1440] I'm trying to play it cool.

[1441] But nothing ends up happening.

[1442] We don't kiss.

[1443] We don't hook up because I'm like, you know what?

[1444] He does feel like, is this out of my league, sort of.

[1445] How old is he, do we think?

[1446] He's probably 30.

[1447] I'm telling my friends later about it.

[1448] And I was like, yeah, I just don't know.

[1449] and my friend is like do what you're comfortable with but also I think maybe you should definitely have sex with him yes I agree yeah yeah yeah I was like you know what you're right you are right I think I have to so I text him a few times over the next few weeks you know we try to meet up he's out of town and one night it works he's house sitting in San Francisco I'm going to be there same night for the Jonas brothers concert oh wow the nostalgic one for me but also So potentially the most juvenile musical artist I could be seeing.

[1450] When I first tell him, I just say, I'm going to be in San Francisco for a concert.

[1451] So post -concert, I Uber to meet him, we get a drink, we go back to where he's house -sitting, we end up.

[1452] Making love.

[1453] That really feels like the better word for it with this guy.

[1454] Oh, yeah.

[1455] Older.

[1456] Oh, yeah.

[1457] Incredibly impressed.

[1458] I remember the moment, like, I was sitting on a couch and he was going down on me and I had like my arms out.

[1459] And I was like, I've never felt.

[1460] more powerful.

[1461] Wow.

[1462] We love professors.

[1463] They do the work.

[1464] You know, that's why they got there.

[1465] Very educated.

[1466] Maticulous.

[1467] Good for you.

[1468] Thank you.

[1469] I had a really good time.

[1470] I eventually told him what concert I had been at when I was with him in person.

[1471] He said to me, wow, you really went to a Jonas Brothers concert and fucked your teacher in the same night.

[1472] Oh, my God.

[1473] He sounds hot.

[1474] Monica might want to.

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] Send me that.

[1477] Number.

[1478] I got it.

[1479] I'll text it.

[1480] I immediately text all my friends about it, obviously.

[1481] And then my friend who had been like, I think got asleep with him, sent me a little PDF certificate he made online with the date and my name.

[1482] And it said, for outstanding coital achievements with a professor.

[1483] Oh, that's great.

[1484] You're living a real charmed life.

[1485] I'm just going to say, yeah, yeah.

[1486] That's for sure.

[1487] Well, Olivia, that was incredible.

[1488] Thank you for both of those stories.

[1489] And, yeah, I just feel kind of effervescent after just knowing, you know.

[1490] Well, now that we've also dipped our toe in the water, maybe we will do that prompt and we'll say it needs to be like that.

[1491] That felt safe.

[1492] You like that.

[1493] Yeah.

[1494] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1495] Thank you.

[1496] But yes, but thank you.

[1497] And you got a stamp of approval.

[1498] This one's fine.

[1499] This one's, we're going with this one.

[1500] Love it.

[1501] I love him.

[1502] I'm glad.

[1503] You know, he would be about your age.

[1504] And he lives in California.

[1505] Last I heard.

[1506] And he was in anthropology.

[1507] Oh, that would be it.

[1508] How interesting.

[1509] You'd have it at work and at home.

[1510] You couldn't escape it.

[1511] Oh, my gosh.

[1512] Thank you.

[1513] Thank you.

[1514] And thank you so much for the story.

[1515] Yeah.

[1516] Thank you so much for having me. I'm a good one.

[1517] Bye.

[1518] I loved all of those stories.

[1519] Me too.

[1520] And they were very different.

[1521] They're very different.

[1522] It spanned the whole spectrum of what can happen.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] Some lows.

[1526] I will say one funny thing is you know that Kristen had no idea how those worked.

[1527] Do you remember this story?

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] Kristen, like, had never used it.

[1530] She didn't know the difference of any of the different services.

[1531] And she hit pool.

[1532] And she was just driving in the back seat and they pulled over and someone got in.

[1533] And she was really, really confused.

[1534] Sure.

[1535] She didn't even know that was something that happened.

[1536] It got to be fun for that person.

[1537] I'm sure it was.

[1538] If they knew her, that would be fun.

[1539] I'm sure.

[1540] Yeah.

[1541] That'd be a great day.

[1542] Oh, all right.

[1543] Well, of course, you get a new.

[1544] technology, people are doing new things.

[1545] And you're going to get some stories out of them.

[1546] We got them here today.

[1547] And I'm grateful for it.

[1548] I will say, and I've said this before, but I can't help but say it again.

[1549] Ride share is a fascinating concept because we've been told all our lives to never get in a car with a stranger.

[1550] And now all we're doing is getting in cars with strangers.

[1551] And it's interesting.

[1552] But do you think it's that different from the 100 year history of taxis?

[1553] That's not as ubiquitous.

[1554] Unless you were in New York.

[1555] If you lived in L .A., you were getting taxis every day to take you to a bar, which wasn't happening.

[1556] But now it is.

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] It's pretty interesting.

[1559] I like it.

[1560] Me too.

[1561] And come live in a stranger's house and have a stranger live in your house too.

[1562] It's all on the table.

[1563] It is.

[1564] All right.

[1565] Love you.

[1566] Love you.

[1567] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1568] We don't have a song for this new show.

[1569] So here I go, go, go.

[1570] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armcherry's book it's and suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rindish enjoy follow armchair expert on the wondery app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.