Louis Theroux: "The Thing That Makes Me Great At Work, Makes Me Bad At Life!"

[0] What makes me good at my job is also what makes me bad at life.

[1] This is maybe more than you bargained for.

[2] Our next guest has interviewed everyone.

[3] My money doesn't jiggle, jiggle.

[4] It's a cathedral of porn.

[5] That's a little offensive.

[6] You're a very fascinating person.

[7] How do you connect with people?

[8] I'm just so curious about what takes someone to that place.

[9] Why people do the things that they do?

[10] The question I get asked most often is, How do you not get angry with some of these people, especially the ones who are sort of spewing hate?

[11] If people see, like, your attempt to wrestle intimacies from them, that's never going to go well.

[12] I think also there's some part of me thinks maybe the other person's got it figured out, and I haven't.

[13] Your former wife said, there's nothing real about you.

[14] Jimmy Saville, he also said something about insincerity being your speciality.

[15] This girl, I'm glad you brought that up.

[16] I remember it vividly.

[17] First of all, I neglected my personal life to focus on achieving professional success.

[18] The price was paid by those nearest and dearest to me. When did you get that feedback?

[19] I saw my relationships as a life support system for my kind of work self instead of the other way around, saying to my wife, well, this is what I do.

[20] I did a lot of great segments just by being available at a moment's notice.

[21] I just think, oh, this isn't going well.

[22] So it became a bit of an impasse.

[23] Is it something that comes with a cost and is it something you want to change?

[24] You're a very fascinating person.

[25] Thank you.

[26] And I've, you know, as I've read through your story, I read your autobiography as well, I was trying to understand what I needed to understand about your earliest experiences to really understand the man that you are today, the interesting personality you have, and the trajectory you went and took in your life.

[27] So please enlighten me. What are the most pertinent things that I need to know about your earliest years to understand you?

[28] Oh my goodness.

[29] I spend two hours answering that question on its own.

[30] I don't know how interesting it would be.

[31] I'll try and give you a brief answer.

[32] I like the long answers.

[33] Do you?

[34] Yeah.

[35] Well, first of all, my parents are, my mum's British, my dad's American.

[36] They are both, in different respects, sort of free thinkers.

[37] They grew up in the 60s and they embraced aspects of the counterculture.

[38] They regarded their own parents.

[39] as being in certain respects, sort of limited and cloistered.

[40] And so my mum joined VSO Volunteer Service overseas to get experience of life in Africa.

[41] My dad joined the Peace Corps.

[42] He would have been probably enlisted to serve in Vietnam, and he didn't want to do that.

[43] So he went to teach in Africa as well, and that's where they met.

[44] So I was raised, I was born in Singapore where they were teaching.

[45] My brother was born in Uganda, where they were teaching at that time, my older brother.

[46] But then they settled in London.

[47] And so growing up, I was conscious of them as people who really encouraged us to open our minds.

[48] And maybe, you know, it was a 99 % positive, like 1%.

[49] I think like a lot of people, you know, people use this term social justice warriors, right, as a taught form of judgment about overly do -gooding.

[50] Like there's an element of, I don't tend to use that term because it's been weaponized.

[51] But I suppose in a sense, my parents were kind of social justice.

[52] Justice Warriors.

[53] Like they were very much encouraging me to challenge, or us to challenge racism where we saw it, to challenge sexism, to be open to new experiences, not to fall into easy judgments about other cultures and other countries and other people.

[54] And I only say the 1%.

[55] Sometimes that could be inflected with a little bit of a sense of superiority.

[56] And I talk a bit about that in my book, a slight feeling that we weren't really quite like other people.

[57] You know, other people were maybe not quite as smart or not quite as literary, you know, and I don't, you know, I strive not to endorse.

[58] Whatever is in me remains in me of that, I try to unpack and eradicate.

[59] But nevertheless, that's the way, looking back on it, that's something that I see and pick up on.

[60] My dad's a writer, a novelist.

[61] My mom is a, you know, after teaching, my dad became a very successful literary novelist and travel writer.

[62] My mom went on to become a radio producer and worked for the BBC World Service.

[63] which is, for those who don't know, that's the service that broadcasts all over the world and it's a bit like Radio 4 but broadcast, you know, this tiny language, it's an extraordinary institution it sort of represents in some ways the best of the BBC.

[64] So I was growing up sort of aware that we were a family that loved books and loved reading and, you know, we watched TV and listen to pop music and did the normal things, but I think underneath it always a feeling that to really count in life, you should be a literary writer.

[65] That was without me fully maybe acknowledging it, that was underneath this thing that you should really...

[66] I think still my dad probably feels that.

[67] Like he's very supportive of me and my TV making, but he's like, Lou, have you thought about writing another book?

[68] Lou, you know, you've got time, you've got the talent, you can...

[69] I don't want to push you into this, but Lou, you know, you should think about writing a book.

[70] that's a great idea for a book you know that kind of thing anyway so that all of that was underlying my attitude to life then they sent me off to school primary school i'm gonna have to i mean you wanted a long answer this is maybe more than you bargained for i suppose alongside that is the influence of friends and and you know i can start the and so the countervailing impulses of growing up in the 70s and 80s in south london and being exposed to funny creative people And my friendship group, which, who, you know, some of them have gone on to work in sort of civilian, quote, unquote, lives as, you know, restaurateurs or, you know, music, other stuff.

[71] But saliently were Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish and another friend, Zach Sandler, who were super creative.

[72] Adam and Joe went on to have their own TV show.

[73] And I was conscious of falling in with a little group, Amelia, of light -minded kids who were very funny.

[74] really into movies, TV and that was where I suppose I began to feel that there was...

[75] Well, you know, I don't want to...

[76] In hindsight, it's tempting to sort of read back what I do now into that but I just know that that friendship group was very important to me and maybe counteracted some of the more because I was academic.

[77] I did really well at school.

[78] I feel like I could just go on and on.

[79] Should I keep going?

[80] I just listen here.

[81] Because the other part, Part of it was that I was quite an anxious child, so I would, I worried about everything.

[82] And I would think about things that were on the horizon.

[83] Like when I was five or six years old, I remember fixating, you know, there were various things that came and went that really worried me, but one was the idea of Maypole dancing, which was a big, I don't know if it's still like in state primaries at that time, every month.

[84] May holiday, like you would do May pole dancing.

[85] What is that, sorry?

[86] It's an old English or maybe British tradition where there's a big pole.

[87] I think it's like a fertility right.

[88] You know, it's a touch of a wicker man about it.

[89] You know, it's an enormous kind of mast, a pole, like maybe, like a totem pole, almost like, so 20 feet high.

[90] And then there's ribbons around it.

[91] And as children, you would skip around it and you would sort of braid the ribbons together to form nice patterns.

[92] And I remember seeing them doing it in primary school and thinking like, that looks really hard and I'm going to have to do that next year and I don't know how I'm going to do it and just I remember being preoccupied with how am I going to learn how to do that I only mention that as an example like there were other things like just reading before I could read I remember seeing my older brother reading and think like I don't know how you do that and just getting very worried about it so in general my I'm someone who is I know everyone worries but I just feel as though that feeling of worry and anxiety was quite a strong background note and sometimes I would control my anxiety not conscious but again looking back by working hard like by by sort of just sort of becoming almost like super focused on academic work and and as a result I did very well in school and um you know like those people who look back and say like well I was a fuck up in school I was the opposite like I didn't always you know I would get in trouble like and sometimes I was regarded as especially when I was younger 12 13 as a disruptive because I was also quite cheeky and sometimes tried to communicate and connect with people via teasing, right?

[93] Which is, I don't know if that's a common, it's quite a British thing in a way.

[94] It's certainly a big thing in my family was what's now called bans, right?

[95] And sometimes I'd try and do bans with my teacher and then it wouldn't go well.

[96] And so, but in general, which is confusing, like being regarded as a black sheep in class or a disruptive person in class, but then also getting, in trouble.

[97] They said, like, it's fine for you to mess about and get in trouble.

[98] And then you do the homework and you're fine.

[99] But you're a bad influence on the other kids.

[100] I used to get told that you're a bad influence on your, I was like, that's not true at all.

[101] Like, if anything, my friends were just as naughty and were leading me astray.

[102] But nevertheless, because I could go home and then become sort of organized and focus on my work, I got for a brief period, I got labeled as the troublemaker.

[103] Going through school, I sort of, the load stars for my, sort of sense of who I was and how I would progress in life, such as it is.

[104] I mean, I was never that tactical.

[105] But as I went, as I went through school, I thought, well, I'm pretty good academically.

[106] I guess I'll just do well in exams and stuff and then see what happens.

[107] And meanwhile, with my friends, we'd be seeing movies.

[108] I got into rap music in the late 80s.

[109] and so we're dressed like a sort of hip -hop nerd.

[110] I was smoking quite a lot of weed, but still studying.

[111] This was sort of, again, age 16, 17, but it never really interfered with my work.

[112] I went on to Oxford.

[113] And then having done well at Oxford, left university.

[114] And at that point, it was like, well, what happens now?

[115] That was when it felt like, okay, now I've no longer really got a clear path.

[116] Does that make sense?

[117] Yeah.

[118] You know, I think if you are, if you're academic, if you find academic work, not easy, but you find that you do well at it, because it's not easy, but you apply yourself and you do well at, then sometimes life can be a weird bump in the road, like real life.

[119] It's something like, well, where are the exams?

[120] Because I know I can do those.

[121] You know, what do I do now?

[122] So for a while I thought maybe I would be like a professor or an academic or something, but then something in me told me that wasn't quite right so then the rest of life is another story but i hope that sort of answers your questions about those different um those different uh sources of of how i sort of you know my whatever it's personality and interests one of the things that really stood out to me in that answer was your your early relationship with work you said you used to work hard to kind of suppress or kind of distract yourself from the anger anxiety of life.

[123] Is that accurate?

[124] Well, what it is is, well, I worried about things in general.

[125] And, you know, one of those worries was homework or doing well in school.

[126] Another worry was getting on with my peer group.

[127] But insofar as I can, I could control those sources of anxiety, like, you know, work is actually relatively straightforward.

[128] Like, in terms of like, how do I get more, you know, how do I attempt to relate to people better?

[129] Well, that's kind of hard.

[130] It's like mysterious.

[131] But how do I do well?

[132] These assignments are being given.

[133] Then you just sit down and do them until you get it right.

[134] And a lot of things are subconscious.

[135] I'm not thinking like, oh, how can I control my anxiety?

[136] But I would just find that if exams are coming up, I'd get super anxious.

[137] And I don't mean to pathologize it.

[138] Like, I've never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

[139] I've just slightly worry prone.

[140] And as it happens, I've become less worry prone as I've grown up.

[141] And it may be that there were other things going on, you know, in my family life.

[142] Who knows?

[143] Um, you know, my parents' marriage wasn't always happy.

[144] They subsequently divorced.

[145] There are other things that probably were going on that were stressful.

[146] But for whatever reason, I found that almost without meaning to, I, I would, I took my studies, uh, very seriously.

[147] I have to sort of slightly check myself when I say this, because I do, I'm also aware that I've looked back at some of my reports, having kind of got quite attached to this narrative of myself.

[148] a sort of super swats, right, super studious.

[149] And I've looked at some of my old report cards, and some of them are, especially when I'm six or seven, sort of say, you know, Louie's a pleasure to have in class, but sometimes it would be nice if he would let other pupils speak.

[150] He enjoys the sound of his own voice, kind of thing, which is very apropos for this podcast, probably.

[151] You know, and like, so I had a sort of rambunctious side, and almost in social settings my mum tells a story it's actually in my book but of how when I was about five or six I would come home and I'd be really sad I'd be like, I don't know I don't think I don't like school anymore and she'd sort of think well Louis's obviously not getting on well at school I need to talk to his teacher and she went into class and talked to the teachers and said you understand Louis's very sensitive he's a very sensitive young man as I said I would have been maybe five or six seven years old and the teachers were like really yes he's a very sensitive like you just be mindful that you know things you can say might hurt his feeling something like that and they were like struggling to recognize her description of me and then in the way out of class she passed the classroom we could see through one of the glass windows in the door and i was running along the desktops or doing a dance on top of a desk in other words like it was almost like in the setting itself i was a wild child and and she was running amok but all the Also, I had like it's doubling.

[152] Like then I go home and be kind of be worrying about small, which I think is probably still true of me in some ways, that I have a, I have that sort of disruptive trickster impulse alongside a certain, a certain sensitivity.

[153] Is that a defense mechanism or a way to, I don't know, survive in a social setting?

[154] Or is that the true nature of you are?

[155] I think it's who I am.

[156] And I think, you know, I could say, oh, well, I was a younger child.

[157] and my parents found me funny and I wanted to perform and I wanted my dad to, you know, I wanted to get the approval of my parents by being silly.

[158] But the fact is, who knows?

[159] Like, I just know that, you know, things like your sense of humor or your inclination to be cheeky, that's just always been in me, you know?

[160] I'm slightly wary of attempting to sort of unpick where that comes from, because I just know that's, that's, that's always been in me. The relationship with work, I think even for myself, I learned my relationship with work at a very young age, and I, I think I developed quite an unhealthy relationship with work at the expense of other things that matter in life.

[161] Yeah, me too.

[162] I think I can relate to that.

[163] And that's what I was trying to understand is like, when did you, where did your relationship with work come from?

[164] On one hand, I was guessing, maybe it's from his father who was very, you know, insistent on being an intellectual is a, is success, Louis?

[165] Or is it from the, distraction from anxiety and from the social thing where you could be successful at exams because you were good at that, so you double down.

[166] I think it was all of the above.

[167] Like my dad's got, both my parents have work ethics that border on the sort of being over the top.

[168] My dad would, you know, he's a, as I said, he's a writer and the weekends, like he didn't really take weekends off.

[169] Like certainly Saturdays, he would often be writing and Sunday mornings.

[170] He was often writing and he he's an extraordinary i want to give both my parents a shout out see i'm my parents were um were basically first generation university educated came from very much not at the high table of life and and so for my dad to sort of become a wealthy literary writer it's kind of an amazing thing that he did you know in the world of it's one thing to be a popular novelist that's hard anyway to be a a novelist or travel writer who's extremely successful had you know sold hundreds of thousands of millions of books just without any leg up in life is an amazing thing and um i wonder if i've ever told him that i hope i have anyway he'll listen to this probably because he follows my he follows my career with interest so to some of that I would have taken on board just through osmosis of seeing that.

[171] Likewise, my mum being super studious going to Oxford, she grew up in Tooting, and her sense of self -belief or her sense of her own destiny, whatever it was, and in her small peer group of kids who were educated at a state school and then through her own hard work and the support of her teachers going to Oxford, You know, in the 60s as a woman, that was extremely unusual.

[172] So that was in the air.

[173] But in the end, and my older brother, who was very studious.

[174] And the other thing just to reflect on is that I saw my brother as the more brilliant child.

[175] Like he was, the way I saw it at the time was more effortlessly brilliant, like sort of child prodigy material, you know.

[176] And I thought I was just kind of an sort of irrelevant bit of afterbirth.

[177] you know, trailed around after him.

[178] And so when I noticed that I was getting fairly good results, when I was sort of 11, 12, it didn't feel particularly impressive.

[179] Like, it felt like, well, I guess I can do well if I work hard.

[180] It's not like I'm kind of brilliant, like my older brother.

[181] But I think when I, you know, again, in hindsight, I think mainly what I see is a sense that, I just felt like this was something I had to do.

[182] It wasn't a choice.

[183] And I even later on when I was at university, I sometimes used to worry that, I wonder if I'm missing out.

[184] You know, people say, it's the best years of your life and you should be, you should be just going wild, having fun.

[185] I did, you know, some of that, but I was also conscious of, like maybe I'm missing out by working, by studying too hard.

[186] That's what I read into your story of university was that I wrote, I actually wrote in my notes, worked his ass off at Oxford.

[187] On the point of affection, this is also something I probably didn't learn from my parents, if I'm honest.

[188] I still call my parents by their first names.

[189] Did they encourage you to do that?

[190] Yes.

[191] Yeah.

[192] I just didn't, I didn't learn affection.

[193] And actually, you know, even growing up at 10 years old, when one of my friends turned to me and went, you're my best friend, my body like, l. Because the idea that I was someone's best friend made me cringe.

[194] And I had this, I think I had this, like, emotional intimacy, affection issue growing up.

[195] Although, I think being a best friend is something you show but don't say.

[196] It's a bit creepy.

[197] You're my best friend.

[198] I remember feeling stressed when a friend said that to me and thinking, because then you feel like if you say, oh, you're my best friend, and then it feels a bit inauthentic.

[199] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[200] Yes, you're like, do it, don't say it.

[201] Do you what I mean?

[202] Yeah, yeah.

[203] I love you.

[204] It didn't feel necessary to say.

[205] Yeah, exactly.

[206] But what is, what did you learn about affection at a young age?

[207] I feel really lucky that my parents, I feel as though they were, you know, they worked hard.

[208] Like I had a working mum.

[209] My dad was, as I say, had a huge drive to be successful.

[210] But I always felt like the love that they had for me was just taken as red.

[211] Like I never questioned it.

[212] Do you know what I mean?

[213] In a way that felt positive.

[214] And even though, you know, I think.

[215] there's a tendency or a temptation nowadays to look back and be thinking about things that could have been otherwise.

[216] And I think, you know, parts of that therapy culture are really valid.

[217] But there's also a sense in which you can focus on negative stuff.

[218] And I'm not sure at a certain point how healthy or helpful it is.

[219] And so for me, I never kind of questioned, like, the love, the love that they had for me. And it was never the case that I felt I was kind of seeking their approval.

[220] Like I remember friends at school saying, well, my parents say, if I do well in common entrance, they're going to get me a watch.

[221] And I remember thinking, that's quite weird, you know.

[222] Or my parents never, I never felt like they needed to be, that I was in any sense doing, like working hard, them.

[223] And if they took an interest, that was kind of a bonus, but I didn't rush to show them.

[224] Like, I got all A's or, you know, I was, I came first in all the exams or whatever.

[225] I wouldn't really talk to them about it.

[226] Like, that was just something that I did for me. What about emotional expression?

[227] I think that's something that we learn how to say, like, I love you and to hug and to be, to touch and, uh, because you said bans.

[228] Yeah, like, I've, my, my, my, humor is really important I say such a kind of what they're because that's so dead it's cringe I mean I don't have my kids voices in my head but you know humor is a very important way of communicating you know humor is really I often think you know in terms of how I see life that's why I'm worrying I sound a bit humorless but anyway how I see life is like humor is like the missing dimension in terms of it's almost it can't really be expressed but we shared a sense of humour as a family and so we would make each other laugh and so teasing was important.

[229] It'll just not taking yourself too seriously.

[230] My parents, I would say, like I respected them.

[231] I see how my kids behave towards me and I'm that classic thing of like, God, if I did that to my parents, that would not have gone well.

[232] It's not that I think of them being especially strict.

[233] I didn't feel they were at the time, but I wouldn't have dared to, I don't know, like, there was a sense of them having boundaries that I would respect and observe.

[234] Also, they slightly cheated because we went to boarding school, me and my brother, age 13.

[235] So those difficult teenage years of sort of 13 to 18 or 13 to 17, they were part -timing it.

[236] And if mum and dad, if you're listening, I'm sorry, but that's what it is, right?

[237] I mean, it was a weekly boarding, and they got me in the holidays, but other than that, they were getting me half of Saturday and Sunday.

[238] So I've got kids who are teenagers, and, you know, that's where, like, a lot of the conflict kicks in.

[239] So when I look back at how I related to my parents, there were times when it felt they didn't, get me or they were being too hard on me or the mixed messages because they were sort of one hand being free spirited and saying like if you want to smoke some spliff lou like that's fine just be careful you don't get caught like kind of thing or other times you'd be like how dare you you're going out there you know what are you doing like it was like well which part of the are we being are you being countercultural kind of dudes or you're going to be like Victorian parents like which is it but in general um i kind of i kind of got it i kind of got i got i kind of got that um you know that it was about there was a foundation of love and approval that was you know it was unconditional and and and i think if i had anything to sort of and i just sort of reflect or reproach them for not reproach but sort of reflect on things that in hindsight could have been different it's the feeling that because they were work focused and also Because their relationship was complicated, sometimes it felt like that me and my brother and I were slightly a side effect.

[240] Like, we weren't, and again, I could spin that as a positive, actually.

[241] Like, there was a sort of a level of us being autonomous, you know, we had whatever the opposite of helicopter parents is, we slightly had that.

[242] Like, they were like, okay, cool, you know, you do you.

[243] and and I think again that can be I kind of quite grateful in some ways for that but you know they had their own thing going on it reminds me of something Tim Grover said which I've repeated a few times he says he used to train Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant and he was I spoke to him on this podcast when we did the LA run and he said that sometimes an event that happens in our life or something that happens can create our brilliance.

[244] It can be responsible in the case of that kind of void of independence.

[245] Your parents create someone that works and that goes and gets stuff and that's able to travel and be an island.

[246] But it also can create our dark side.

[247] Like the same event creates our brilliance, but also our dark side.

[248] So my question to you is, from that particular experience of having that independence and feeling a bit like you were a side thing in their lives, what was then the dark side?

[249] I can see the upside.

[250] What's the upside?

[251] For me, it felt like the upside you were saying is the independence you had.

[252] Yeah, yeah, I think that's right.

[253] Yeah, yeah, being the space to grow and become your own person and not feel that you're especially kicking against anything but licensed to follow your own interest.

[254] I think that's all positive.

[255] I think what is that, look, I think in general, you know, I've said this and probably someone else said it as well, that you know, what you think maybe your disability is also your superpower.

[256] Exactly.

[257] And I think, um, uh, I think that I in I think I've struggled with intimacy sometimes my, you know, and I think I, you know, in terms of relationship building in my private life, like it's a running joke between me and my wife, like that she's extremely sort of emotionally acute.

[258] And I'm slightly the opposite, which is kind of weird when you think about my job, which hinges on supposedly being sort of maybe emotionally or psychologically perceptive.

[259] But it's almost as though, but I see it in my mum as well.

[260] Like my mum, having worked at the BBC, went into therapy and became a relationship counsellor.

[261] And it's funny because my mum also finds it difficult sometimes to fully inhabit her, her emotions, if it doesn't sound an odd thing to say.

[262] And I don't know.

[263] I'm going to probably regret saying that, but let's make it about me. And I think with me, I think, yeah, I don't always find intimacy easy.

[264] Like, it's, so I sort of, I experience, like, a lot of the times my work is a license to be intimate without consequences, like to get to a bit like what you're doing now.

[265] Like you talk to people, someone in a prison, you know, he's been sentenced to 10 life sentences.

[266] He's like, okay, how does that feel?

[267] So what's life like?

[268] And then kind of getting, whatever happens to be, all the work I've done in some sense is about attempting to peel layers back and see inside someone's psyche.

[269] And then get on a plane and fly off and go home and live my normal life, almost at a less intimate plane of existence.

[270] And so clearly, you know, and the other joke I've made over the years is like, what makes me good at my job is also what makes me bad at life.

[271] So for me, it's, and I think if you ask my friends, they might say, you know, be like, oh yeah, you know, Louie's a good guy.

[272] I hope they would say that.

[273] But they also might say like he's a little bit absent.

[274] Like he's a little bit, I don't feel I'm an especially attentive.

[275] or present friend and and you know I'm not you know some people are really gifted at friendship like they like really they're there and they think about and they make arrangements and I don't make really I'm not very good at social arrangements all these sort of boring things that are the qualities that are really the stuff of life like um just getting together reaching out are you okay how it's been a while since I saw you wanted to let's meet up let's which in general this is a crest generalisation, but I think women are slightly better at than men.

[276] And I think that's been one of the many gifts my wife has given me is actually involving me in life, like in just a normal, sort of neurotypical way.

[277] Whereas my tendency would be to sort of disappear into my slightly in -cell -like shell, you know, of kind of in a metaphorical shed of kind of counting.

[278] the joke in making my book is like you know separating my collection of screws and nails into their different jars you know what I mean like that for me is like that you know a lot of guys be like yeah that sounds like heaven to have two hours to organize my shed you know and not realize that you're missing out on the tapestry of life so I plead guilty to whatever that is maybe that's just being a man I can I can relate to it's funny I was having this conversation yesterday with my friends where they're all saying yeah Steve doesn't like to socialize you know, I would rather sit upstairs for seven days on my own working than like, someone said to me, you meet all these wonderful people on this podcast.

[279] And it's such a wasted opportunity that you don't text me, hey, let's go for a coffee.

[280] And it's just outside of my nature.

[281] My nature is to sit alone on my laptop and work.

[282] Yeah.

[283] And so, again, my girlfriend, my partner is the opposite.

[284] Yeah.

[285] So she's dragging me in.

[286] I think it's quite a common dynamic.

[287] You know, not bragging two nights ago, I was a GQ man of the year.

[288] I thank you.

[289] applause thank you I was one of the honorees and so there was a like there was a banquet like a bit a posh dinner catered by Heston Blumenthal and you know Stormsy was going to be there Mo Sala Leah Williamson the footballer I think it's not just men now it turns out extraordinary list of like Andrew Garfield an extraordinary list of incredible people and it wasn't even an awards bank it wasn't even like the BAFTA's like where you sit and sit through the speeches and then at half past 10 when you're starving hungry and quite tired you sit down eat your food this was like a banquet banquet where you just sit around and have a delicious meal and then a few people pop up and say a few words between starter and the main course so it was like and it wasn't even that it was like maybe a couple hundred people like quite small as these things go but the point is is before on the evening of I was like, I don't want to go.

[290] And I said, I knew I had to go, but I said to Nancy, my wife, I was like, I am not feeling this.

[291] She's like, what is it?

[292] I said, I just, I can't, you know, I don't know, I just feel really anxious.

[293] And she's like, but you're not even giving a speech, are you?

[294] Because sometimes it's that, like, what if we win and I have to give a speech or you're worrying about whether you're going to win?

[295] I knew I was an honoree and I knew I wasn't going to say any, I wasn't going to have to give a speech.

[296] and it was just the idea of having to talk to people in a relatively high wattage setting so you think like I don't want to be wandering around like a blithering idiot so there's a sort of little stress that sits alongside that but there was no real reason on paper why I shouldn't have been thinking well this is going to be amazing this is going to be a night I'll remember my whole life and I attempted to adjust my mindset using kind of Paul McKenna -like or Uri Geller like, you know, just visual, like, think about what this is.

[297] This is going to be, no one's expecting anything of you.

[298] This is a chance to sit down with some amazing people and have fun.

[299] But nevertheless, for the first kind of hour, I was there just thinking, I kept just sighing.

[300] And Nancy was like, what's the matter?

[301] So I think that's just for whatever, I think that's in me. It's probably in a lot of people and you just deal with it.

[302] But, you know, why should that be the case?

[303] I don't really know why.

[304] Is it something that comes with a cost and is it something you want to change?

[305] If you're being really honest.

[306] If I could dial down, I think sometimes, I think I have changed it, actually, is the first thing to say.

[307] Because there were times in my life where I said no to things just because I thought that's going to be.

[308] A bit like, you know, I did the Maypole dancing in the end and it went fine.

[309] I did learn, this will surprise you.

[310] you, but I did learn how to read.

[311] And, you know, despite all the anxiety I had about doing that.

[312] And so, and then as life went on, I think there were times when I said no to things, opportunities, which probably, just because the idea, I was asked to go on David Letterman's chat show when it was on CBS.

[313] This would have been in around 2001.

[314] And I said no, because I thought that's just going to make me anxious.

[315] And looking back on it, I probably.

[316] I wish I'd done that.

[317] Why would that make you anxious?

[318] I find the chat show experience, not especially.

[319] I mean, I've done it a few times, and as life goes on, it seems, you know, the idea of public speaking or, you know, when I first got into TV, it was like, why am I doing this?

[320] This is not me. Like, this is not what I was cut out for.

[321] This is not something that I aspired to do.

[322] And it sounds really, you know, the whole notion of it.

[323] feels intimidating and just a bad fit.

[324] And nevertheless, I knew that, you know, just briefly, like I was working in magazines as a journalist in New York.

[325] And that's, I aspired to be a TV writer, partly as a way of sort of avoiding comparison with my dad.

[326] Not directly, but I suppose that was in my mind.

[327] It was like, I want to write and be creative, but I know I'll never write books.

[328] You know, I didn't feel like I wrote, when I wrote, it didn't feel especially as though it came as easily as it should.

[329] You know, it's hard.

[330] When your dad, like I relate to people with famous parents, like, you know, people like, you know, Jacob Dylan, who's Bob Dylan's son.

[331] I don't know why I reach for that comparison, but Jacob Dylan, that track won Headlight.

[332] Do you remember that one?

[333] No. For people who know they know.

[334] You know, it's a great track.

[335] was a huge international hit, but his dad's Bob Dylan, that's a painful, maybe not painful, but that's an extraordinary legacy to be born into.

[336] And in a related way, like I was conscious of my dad, his name as a writer really meant something.

[337] And that it was that if I was to attempt to write something, it was going to be a case of very likely kind of falling short, at least in my own mind.

[338] But the idea of writing in television was less, I felt, wouldn't invite the same comparisons.

[339] Plus, I used to watch TV and I like TV and there was something about the democratic kind of nature of television.

[340] The fact that everyone watches TV, I thought, well, that's a way of working in a medium that will connect with people.

[341] And so it was in the mid -90s, TV was in a kind of a mini golden age.

[342] The Simpsons was on.

[343] Seinfeld was on.

[344] Friends was just about to come on.

[345] There were all these amazing TV shows.

[346] Larry Sanders was another one.

[347] Did you want to connect with people?

[348] You studied history at Oxford and as someone that appears to be a bit of an introvert by nature from what you said about your experience.

[349] I have a duality where I'm partly shy and introverted and then partly outgoing and an extrovert.

[350] So with your writing and with the TV writing, And with the magazine writing, I know you did a stint at, um, spy and was it Metro in Boston?

[351] Metro in San Jose, in San Jose, California.

[352] Was your, was your objective and the thing that you found fulfillment in your work from, was that connecting with people?

[353] Or was it just, you know?

[354] I don't, I think I connected with people not to sound, um, you know, oxymoronic or whatever it is, no tortologists by connecting with people.

[355] Like, in other words, like, I always find I do my best connecting.

[356] Sounds a bit weird.

[357] Face to face.

[358] I mean, maybe at one level, but in the end, I think I was just trying to do good work and get approval, like maybe more than connection, like just trying to sort of get an A at work.

[359] Do you know what I mean?

[360] Like, so I would feel good and think like, oh, I got 10 out of 10 on my article or on my piece of writing, my film review.

[361] And then if people said to me, that was really good.

[362] That was like getting, you know, like you've got a good review or whatever.

[363] You know, people say like, you did a good job.

[364] then it was maybe a way of, um, it's just a little, it's just a little, uh, spurt of whatever that is like just kind of pleasure, you know, you're just, worthiness, a feeling worth.

[365] You know, I don't want to, I, I think I've got a healthy, relatively healthy sense of self -esteem, but nevertheless, I think I, I, I, I, whether I require it, I enjoy, you know, getting, I got, I got a series out at the moment.

[366] this isn't my attempt to segue into the promotional portion of this interview, but nevertheless, here we are.

[367] I've got a series out at the moment on IPlayer called Louis Thru Interviews, and we had one that went out a few days ago where I interviewed Bear Grills, an alumnus of this very podcast.

[368] I listened to your interview with him, by the way, in preparation.

[369] And when it went out, for whatever reason, I think because I thought it was a good show and I hoped it would, I hoped it would.

[370] to get a good reception, I was on, I thought, I'm going to go on Twitter and see what people were saying.

[371] And it was surprisingly quiet.

[372] And then I felt a bit like, okay, now I'm going to, I'll try at Louis Theroo.

[373] I'll try hashtag bear grill.

[374] I tried a few different search terms.

[375] And then I suddenly had a vision of my, you know, you get a vision of yourself like, oh, wow, I've become that grubby guy.

[376] Kind of like, it's sort of sad.

[377] It's like, like, trying to fish for approval in the vast swamp of the Twitterverse, right, casting my line and nothing much is coming back.

[378] And I thought, well, and then one that came back, I looked at it in, it said, just watched Louis Thru's interview with Bear Grills.

[379] Wow, it was hella boring.

[380] And I was like, I just caught a boot.

[381] And then I was like, well, that's what you get.

[382] And by the way, it isn't boring.

[383] No, it's not boring.

[384] But the point I was trying to get, to was um then a couple days later i got a review great review in the times just sort of pointing at all the things about it that i knew to be really really good it was sort of the perfect review you know rave saying like this is fresh it's new it's different it's fun it's entertaining it's revealing and i felt really good and then one of was like because before that the first three episodes i hadn't really checked twitter i thought i don't i'm not that guy anymore i don't really know they're good.

[385] And the ones that aren't so good, I know, none of these is a clunker.

[386] They're all solid.

[387] And then here, and then I suddenly thought, oh, I went back to, I regressed into being the needy sort of, the needy insecure person, which is, you know, and that guy is always there, by the way.

[388] I think a lot of people could probably relate to that, which doesn't, it doesn't mean, you know, which is, which is fine, by the way.

[389] But I suppose to, to your point, you know, in all the kind of work, in the work I do, it's not like, is it an urge to connect?

[390] Like, it's an urge to do good work.

[391] And then it's nice for that to be recognised.

[392] And as much as I, I could, I'd like to pretend that I don't really care whether people like it or not.

[393] I do care, actually.

[394] Do you know what's funny is my team are very honest with me and we're in the car the other day.

[395] And I believe it was Holly, Holly in my team, who might be upstairs now.

[396] And I said, we were talking about your, Louie's coming on the podcast.

[397] I said, oh, he's got the new series out where I interview.

[398] people.

[399] I turned to, I think it was Holly, it might be someone else.

[400] Sorry if it's someone else.

[401] I turned to them and said, how is it?

[402] Because they'd seen it before me. And they went, it's actually really good.

[403] Oh, nice.

[404] That's what they said to me. And they would be, and they would be so honest with me, they went, it's actually really good.

[405] And then they explained why it was good.

[406] Because of me, here's my thing, like, that actually, like, isn't it, it's actually, like when I, it's actually really good.

[407] But see, when I, because I'm a very glass, half empty kind of guy, it's with respect to praise.

[408] Yeah.

[409] So what I'm here, hearing there is it actually.

[410] Surprising.

[411] Yeah, I'm here like, because I'm hearing, is that as surprisingly in which case, why would that be surprising?

[412] I can, I think I can assert why it would be surprising.

[413] I think that the generation Holly's in, they don't watch shows like that on BBC one typically.

[414] And so, BBC two, but on the BBC, should I say, yeah.

[415] But that's what I got from it, is her generation who are like 22, 23, who spend a lot of time on like TikTok and Instagram and these other platforms.

[416] I think it was, I was actually quite surprised.

[417] And I think that's probably true.

[418] And also I think in my world, if I'm going to talk about stuff, you know, there's a troll in all of us, right?

[419] And in general, it's more enjoyable to talk about stuff and dunk on stuff because it's shit, right?

[420] Like, I know that sounds horrible and I'm slightly oversimplifying.

[421] I think you're right.

[422] There's a little part of it, especially in the journalistic, or in the media village, it's like, did you see it?

[423] Yeah, yeah, that was rubbish, wasn't it?

[424] And there's a sort of reassuring feeling of like, yeah.

[425] Let's all give it a kicking.

[426] So when you acknowledge that something's good, you're sort of saying like, I'm going to grudgingly acknowledge that that was good.

[427] I think you're correct.

[428] You know, that's a bit of that.

[429] Yeah.

[430] I think pretty much everything, especially when, because we probably consider ourselves working in the media industry.

[431] Sure.

[432] So for the team to go, it's actually really good.

[433] Yeah.

[434] And then she went on to explain to me. aren't that good.

[435] They're not.

[436] I mean, most things are fine, but most things are like only about as good as they need to be.

[437] And especially in the interview format, like how many other ways can you can create an interview format that is original and inspiring?

[438] And that's also what I got from her was like, she was talking to me about the way the format was constructed.

[439] Yeah, I think we pushed things forward a little bit.

[440] Like, it's not a paradigm shift.

[441] Like, we haven't completely flipped the script, as they used to say, in hip -hop.

[442] circles.

[443] But it is, you know, we worked on the grammar.

[444] We tried to do things a little differently.

[445] So we created a, for one of a better term, format, you know, that allowed for elements of actuality, just being silly, having fun, or being in life settings where the unexpected could happen, but also bits of conversation that would be going to places that were quite deep.

[446] So yeah, thank you for that.

[447] And that's, thank you for passing that on.

[448] TV.

[449] I read when you were 18, I think maybe 16, if someone had said to you that you would end up in TV, you would have, you would have been sort of perplexed at how that would have, the steps that it would have taken to get you there.

[450] That's definitely true.

[451] You're in San Jose, I believe, at the time.

[452] Is that where Spy was, the magazine?

[453] No. Was that Boston?

[454] Just to rewind.

[455] And I also want to mention one other thing, which is, because we talked a little bit about studying and, and I feel as though, whatever that is, that work ethic has stood me in good stead.

[456] But I don't feel that that's, I often think there's, you know, a very understandable misconception about the level of importance of academic work.

[457] You know, that whole stay in school kids.

[458] And, you know, we were talking, I think, off, off mic about Mr. Beast, the YouTuber.

[459] And, you know, the media landscape we're in now, it would just, it's just simply not correct to say that.

[460] the path lies through academic work, right?

[461] And I was talking to my cousin, Justin Thoreau.

[462] Oddly enough, he says Thoreau, who's an actor, he's a director, a writer.

[463] He wrote Tropic Thunder, Iron Man 2.

[464] He's also like high profile Hollywood actor.

[465] I interviewed him for my podcast.

[466] I'm not trying to plug.

[467] That would be weird to plug one podcast on another podcast.

[468] And he was like someone who struggled in the academic setting.

[469] Like he had ADHD.

[470] He flunked out of a school.

[471] You went to another school where they recognized his special needs.

[472] But the point is that I sort of think so many, I think there's a tendency to undervalue those parts of life that lead to success that exists.

[473] I mean, maybe I'm sort of out of line here because it sounds like you are all over this.

[474] But those parts of, like the parts of life that helped me become whoever I am, part of its academic, part of it was almost inimical to academic success.

[475] It was the part that was free -spirited and naughty and that was bunking off school and seeing movies and and um or get getting me in trouble and and and and whatever that is and it's hard to really bottle it and know quite what it is you know there's something that I struggle sometimes with over discipline right and and or a sense of like doing well in controlled settings but actually it's that you need the yin and the yang of both and when I went out and did stuff that was successful on TV, like working, doing my first segments at a show called TV Nation, having been hired by Michael Moore when I was 23, partly at like a work ethic, you know, doing preparation and being, you know, turning up on time, as they say, is like 90 % of the battle.

[476] But actually then being, just sort of allowing those creative juices sort of to, you know, whatever that mysterious quality of, humor and connectivity, just being silly and disruptive, like those are really valuable.

[477] They say, don't they?

[478] They say conformity is great to succeed in school, but it's not great to succeed in life.

[479] Maybe that's what it is.

[480] You kind of need to be, to unconform once you get out.

[481] You sort of do.

[482] And I think, and I want to come back to your question, but I do think that that's also, you know, three, four years ago I started a company.

[483] And there's a part of me that's overly overly conventional, you know, and as a result seeks out unconvention in my work.

[484] And that's positive.

[485] It means I love spending time with people who feel like they give free reign to the darkest and weirdest impulses that I think to an extent we all share but keep repressed.

[486] You know, whatever those happen to be, people involved in sex work or people involved in religious cults or hate groups.

[487] And that's all my stock in trade is talking to those people because I feel as though I kind of get it I understand that that's part of the full compliment as horrible as it might sound to say like we all have like unacknowledged and secret impulses that you know we have sort of civilized in you know and kept and repressed into you know we've inhibited them into our souls so that we can function and not go to be sent to prison or whatever I'll be cancelled but for me like I sort of I do it to a fault to the point where I worked at the BBC in -house in BBC studios, just because I sort of liked the idea of the structure, like, I'm a company man going to the factory and, you know, building my TV programs but not owning them.

[488] And because I just thought, you know, and I like going to the can.

[489] I used to love working at TV Centre because it felt like going to the factory and then eating at the TV Centre canteen, you know, it just felt like comfortable.

[490] You know, my granddad worked at the London Waterboard his whole life.

[491] He had one job that he's started when he was 18 and finished when he was whatever, 65, you know, to some extent, those were the times.

[492] But that temperament is slightly in me. The whole time, when he left, they gave him some box of cutlery.

[493] You know, that was the, you know, he worked here for 47 years.

[494] Here's your silverware in a walnut case.

[495] It was in a pride of place, like not pride of place.

[496] It wasn't on the mantel piece.

[497] But we used to look at it.

[498] That's what grandpa got when he worked at the Metropolitan Water Board for 47 years.

[499] You know, you sort of reverence it, and it was only used for special occasions.

[500] And there's a little bit of that in me. And so when I finally went outside the BBC and set up a company three or four years ago, I'm sure most of your listeners probably have their own.

[501] Many of them, not most, but many of them will have their own companies or will be fully cognizant of what it takes to make it in the sort of the world of free market and entrepreneurship.

[502] But for me, that was just absolutely not my life.

[503] Lane.

[504] And it was my wife who pushed me to do it.

[505] And so that was a case of me needing to break out of whatever I was doing and say, do you know what, whatever you think that is risky or mysterious or, you know, a bit, a spivy, you know, like just a little judgment.

[506] Like, oh, I don't want to be one of the yuppie guys.

[507] Like, we just had an IPO.

[508] I've just got my first Maserati.

[509] Like that, because I'm antagonist, you know, I'm complete that, that whole mindset.

[510] I feel like I'm alienating maybe some of your list.

[511] It's like, it's not my mindset.

[512] Like, I'm just like, I almost valorize the opposite of that, you know, to probably an extent that's sort of faintly unhealthy.

[513] Like, like, I don't want to be the guy.

[514] I don't want a flash car.

[515] I don't want to flash clothes.

[516] I don't want anything.

[517] I want to be anti -flash, right?

[518] Like, my watch, you can see this.

[519] My wife was saying to me last night, you know, maybe time for a new watch.

[520] This is a Casio, whatever that one is.

[521] It's a F91W.

[522] These costs like 10 pounds, 15 pounds.

[523] You can get them at Argos.

[524] Have you ever seen that watch before?

[525] I have.

[526] I was listening to a promo about Andrew Tate on the way here, a podcast.

[527] You know who Andrew Tate is.

[528] Anyway, Andrew Tate feels like he's that guy reduced to its quintessence where he's like, one of his catchphrases was people say, why have you got a green Bugardi?

[529] Do you know this meme?

[530] And what does he say to them?

[531] He says, well, he says, I say to them, what colours your Bugatti?

[532] Right?

[533] That's him in a nutshell, is like unapologetically troll -like, ostentatious displays of wealth and arrogance, right?

[534] So I'm the antitate.

[535] You can put that on my, you put that on my gravestone, the anti -tate.

[536] So I'm like, I don't give a fuck about your Bugatti.

[537] I think it's embarrassing that you have one.

[538] No offense.

[539] No, I don't.

[540] I don't have a car.

[541] But, you know, fine, you know, and that's kind of a joke.

[542] Like, that's, my point really is that that's something I need to keep an eye on, you know, because actually ostentatious, almost like, ostentatious humility is its own poison.

[543] Like, like, why are you so wedded to the idea of having a shit watch?

[544] By the way, it's not a shit watch.

[545] It's completely reliable.

[546] And I've never had it.

[547] The only thing that goes on it is the strap.

[548] So I've got one that's got to, you can replace the strap.

[549] After about five years, the strap goes.

[550] I've got two of these.

[551] I'm not bragging.

[552] I've got one.

[553] I've got my spare one in case I can't find this one.

[554] Anyway, last time my wife said, it might be time for a new watch.

[555] I've got to embrace.

[556] I'm trying to lean into being the guy that isn't showing off about what a lack of, what a not show off he is.

[557] You think I've lost the thread.

[558] I haven't.

[559] The point I'm getting to is that, so I needed to start a company and not, because it's oddly infantilizing after a while.

[560] Like, there's nothing cool about making like hundreds of hours of TV and not owning any of it, right?

[561] That's just me being a little bit of a chump.

[562] And partly that's, you know, there's a quid pro quo, I suppose, like, well, you don't get stressed, you turn up, you're making things for a public broadcaster, you're getting a decent salary for sure.

[563] But people would say, like, why, you know, everyone else?

[564] So who do you work for?

[565] It's like, well, I'm BBC.

[566] I'm on contract.

[567] I work from contract to contract three years at a time.

[568] Like, really, you don't have your own company?

[569] Like, no. Why not?

[570] Like, you know, because everyone else does, like, Jamie Oliver or Hugh Fernley Whittingstall or, you know, whoever you care to mention, any presenter, Bear Grills.

[571] Bear Grills of any longevity would be making their own shows.

[572] You know, it's a no -brainer.

[573] And I was like, I guess I just, I'm fine doing my, I'm a creature of habit.

[574] You know, that was sort of what I've just sort of find I don't want to mess around with it.

[575] And then having done it three or four years ago, like, yeah, I probably should do.

[576] should have done it a bit earlier.

[577] But it's so, so it's that thing of the point, which now landing on the point sounds a bit vinal, was that you can sort of get in, being a creature of habit, being sort of embracing whatever that, you know, your own sense of self as risk averse and conventional.

[578] Sometimes, you know, I needed to challenge myself in order to discover that there was a, you know, a world out there that was sort of more creative, more lucrative, more fun, more adventure.

[579] that's happened a few times in your life where you've kind of taken a leap into the unknown which is actually quite surprising having you know described yourself as a creature of comfort even habit have habits sorry yeah um what you don't mean to habit like I'm like tell you off I did say habit maybe of comfort as well although but habit is really what I meant yeah creature of habit because I because I was reading about when you made that transition from being a writer to a TV presenter and I I remember writing some quotes about how um how how much there was one about feeling like an imposter a little bit to some degree and getting on that plane to go and interview these Christians once Michael Moore had sort of put you front and central in the documentary and thinking, what the fuck am I doing here?

[580] Yeah, that was, I remember it vividly.

[581] It's extraordinary as you go through life, so much disappears, but there are times when you realize you're at this momentous momentous moment.

[582] I suppose often it's high stress moments, which is really revealing, isn't it?

[583] because actually risk avoidance, you know, that almost like, God, my mind's whizzing now, but that benthamite idea, like the greatest happiness, you know, in philosophy, there's a utilitarian ideal that's supposed to be the metric for how you judge whether an action is good or not.

[584] And it's like the greatest, will it cause the greatest happiness of the greatest number of people?

[585] But then if you unpack that, like, well, what is happiness?

[586] Like, actually, how do you measure it and how do you measure, is it happiness in the moment?

[587] Is it happiness as it's recollected over time?

[588] Is it a happiness that, you know, you can, that will spread to other people or, you know, it will exist for 100 years?

[589] And so actually, there's a sense of fear and discomfort that will subsequently lead to a sense of triumph or self -satisfaction.

[590] You know, is it happiness?

[591] I don't know.

[592] Like that feels such a blunt instrument for attempting to measure reality and and in general fear which you would equate with unhappiness can very often be what ends up creating the conditions for real achievement and i i remember sitting on this plane having been given a job by michael more as a presenter on tv nation it was a network tv show on nbc one of the what there were then three networks in america i was 23 i was as i say awkward in every apparent way disqualified for being a correspondent on a network TV show.

[593] I was in the union.

[594] Like, you know, probably still the case, but definitely then these TV shows were unionized to an extent in America further than they would be in the UK.

[595] So I was in the Writers Guild of America as a result of being hired.

[596] And so they were required to fly me business class.

[597] Like, I don't think I'd ever been in business class.

[598] And somehow that contributed to my imposter syndrome, my sense, like, I shouldn't really be here.

[599] I remember sitting there thinking like, this is all kinds of wrong.

[600] Like, I don't know what I'm doing here.

[601] I don't know why they think I'm qualified to do this.

[602] And nevertheless, this is what's happening.

[603] And it was a segment that was about, you know, TV Nation was a kind of satirical, fact -based comedy show where you went out and slightly made fun of people.

[604] with to prove a political point or to sort of make some sort of social point so I was interviewing religious cults about when the end of the world was going to happen so it was so like slightly cheeky um irreverent take on religious fanaticism or religious weirdness so you guys like I wanted to know so when will the world end is it on a Tuesday how can I get prepared and I was sort of in a wide -eyed way oh no like will there be you know and are the spaceships going to to land and what will the aliens look like but i was just incredibly conscious of of thinking like why have i been given this huge um it felt like a big slab of pressure and and sort of license to fail very publicly and very embarrassingly and and i also knew i wasn't you know but i'm also wasn't so disconnected from reality that i didn't think like well it's a huge opportunity like my my my girlfriend at the time was very supportive and it's like you know you you should you you can do this louis like you're you're really good with people and and um and and you know don't don't don't worry like you can you've you've got this you can handle it.

[605] Were you trying to talk yourself out of it?

[606] I was um it wasn't like I ever thought I um I won't do it like I it's no question of it like I'm going to do it like I have to do it but I sort didn't want to do it.

[607] Does that make sense?

[608] Has that been typical of your life where you know you've got to do it but it feels kind of painful and anxious as you approach the challenge, even like with starting your own company?

[609] Yeah, I think so.

[610] Like there's times when, you know, I suppose that's where the work ethic part fits in or whatever, like that part of, if you commit to doing something, like I'm very, I hate to let people down.

[611] Like if I commit to doing something or turning up on time or I still struggle with that part, like especially as you're in the, when you're in the public eye or you're in demand and people write and ask for things.

[612] I still, you know, will you come to our school and give a talk or I do, I'm very agreeable in that sort of technical sense.

[613] I'm very inclined to agree to do things and that can get you in trouble because you find you're over, I find I overagree and make unrealistic commitments.

[614] Like, oh, that'll be fine.

[615] And then I'll do that and then I'll do that.

[616] And then you look at it and you're like, there's just no way on earth I can do all of these things.

[617] So I try and ring fence my.

[618] commitment levels but that's not easy so but in a positive way um that sense of like feeling like I need to show up having agreed to do it having been offered an opportunity even though it might sound enormously stressful like I would never I think there's maybe a world in which I never got into TV I don't know quite what I did end up doing the thing that it makes me reflect on is the extent to which we're conditioned and groomed into behaviours that can be healthy or unhealthy or positive or not positive.

[619] And I think that's the part of the libertarian ethos that I have a huge, well, among others, that have a huge issue with.

[620] It's like, oh, just let people be themselves.

[621] People need help to fulfill their potential, right?

[622] That idea that, oh, you know, you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

[623] Like, I, with all the advantages I had of like a first -rate private education, supportive parents, even I, like, didn't see myself as someone who would have various kinds of success.

[624] I didn't feel that that was in me for whatever reason.

[625] But other, along the way, people, Michael Moore, people at the BBC who then commissioned me to do my own series off the back of TV Nation when I got commissioned to Weird Weekends, my wife, Nancy, other people along the way, have sort of seen things in me that I didn't see in myself.

[626] Even this interview series going out at the moment, I never, it sounds awful, I never aspired to have like a TV interview series.

[627] Like, it was something that would be mentioned from time to time.

[628] And I would say, like, that's not really me. You know, I like going out, like my comfort, like my happy plays really is, in terms of TV, like, oh, go and be in a prison for two weeks and film the inmates or go to a mental hospital or go to a brothel like I made a film about a brothel and just hang out there for two or three weeks and just be a that that to me is it sounds awful but that's that's like pure bliss like work wise but the idea of oh we'll have a formal sit down an interview and you'll talk to someone famous who probably only has a couple of hours for you and then we'll piece it all together and do you I never thought like that's really something I want to do but Patrick Holland who was then in charge of BBC 2 had listened to my podcast and said like I really think this would work some not this exactly but there's a there's a TV show that takes aspects of this that could exist that would you know involve you talking to people and I remember you would think like oh that would that must have been exciting like someone saying like I wanted to do it this TV format involves us partly chat show, partly documentary.

[629] I just thought, I didn't think like that's something I'll never do.

[630] I did think like, I just felt very blank about it.

[631] I know that's horrible.

[632] People are going to listen to this and throw up in their cars.

[633] But I just thought, that sounds sort of stressful.

[634] I'm not sure if I really want to do that.

[635] What?

[636] But I made myself.

[637] The point is I made myself do it because I had a team around me who I knew expected me to do it.

[638] And at some level, I had enough sense to recognize that it was an opportunity.

[639] these people that have seen things in you that you maybe couldn't at the time have seen in yourself or seen roles for you that you maybe at the time couldn't have seen for yourself Michael Moore, Nancy, and then people at the BBC that you mentioned are you aware of what they're seeing in you now in hindsight what they saw in you?

[640] Yeah, I think so and I think with a bit of time I've been able to appreciate that I know it sounds sort of glib and maybe even false modest but to appreciate that I have something to offer.

[641] What is that?

[642] Well, it makes people feel uncomfortable when you ask them these questions.

[643] No, no, I'm fine with it.

[644] Because I feel as I can analyze it with the benefit of 25 years of doing it.

[645] I think it's something to do with, like, a little bit of intelligence, a little bit of humor, a little bit of sort of unsought awkwardness, like I think that's part of it, like just being a little bit awkward, a little bit of, um, sort of authenticity or whatever that is, like just sort of feeling like, I think maybe that that same thing of not really fully chasing it or fully sort of needing it, oddly enough is almost the, you know, it's like to go through the door, you have to not want to go through the door too much.

[646] I don't know if that's even, that's definitely not a saying and it doesn't actually make any sense but whatever sense you can make of that contradictory statement if you want it too much I think that then you need to step back and think about quite it's always like then you're not ready grasshopper is that the grasshopper is that what these are saying karate kid?

[647] I think if I can if I can call you a grasshopper Steve no you know it's that feeling of you know at the end of the day that's more important things in life and I don't want to overdo I got lost in my metaphor a bit but I think in the end it's like those different qualities of of, it's that complement of qualities and then just luck but I don't think luck really is a quality but alongside I'm now at the position where having done my job for long enough it's put me in a slight I think there's loads of people who could be whoever I am like occupy that cultural place that I'm in but you know and partly I've earned my plays here and partly I've been really lucky but I think you know when you said something earlier it also made me think of another quality which is to do with which is a negative thing which is that you know that when you were told you know when I was told that oh you know Patrick you know he's quite keen to do some sort of talk format or some interview thing where you're on TV and I just think like well I'm not really sure I think one of my because it goes back to what you were asking earlier about what is the downside of these various qualities like I do think there's a term and hedonic have you ever heard that term it just means I think it's a clinical term but it sort of means averse to pleasure or lacking in pleasure like there's a part of me again that I think my wife has helped me with is that I kind of sense that I'm not always connected to pleasure Does that sound weird?

[648] Like I, you know, sometimes I sort of drift through life and I have to sort of stop and remind myself.

[649] I think because I sort of, I tend to see downsides.

[650] And I'm working on that.

[651] And I really do like, I sort of need to, it's really odd.

[652] Like, I've won three BAFTA's not bragging.

[653] It just came up.

[654] And I mentioned it.

[655] It's a fact.

[656] And when you win a BAFTA, you've got a lot of awards.

[657] up there.

[658] I'm not seeing a BAFTA.

[659] Maybe those are just...

[660] I presented a BAFTA to someone else.

[661] Some of them won's a camera.

[662] I'm not sure that camera is an award or you can do a cutaway of that later.

[663] You know, it's odd like my main thing on winning each time I won a BAFTA my first thought has been oh shit, now I have to give an acceptance speech, right?

[664] You have to get up there.

[665] And, you know, in hindsight, like the pleasure, you get a little pleasure over the subsequent years when you can bring it up again.

[666] and again, as I like to do.

[667] But actually, it's really odd, like, most of the time when I get good news, sometimes I don't even, I can't notice the good news.

[668] Does that sound really weird?

[669] No, that makes sense.

[670] I don't have that.

[671] Thank you for saying that.

[672] I think you're being polite.

[673] Yeah.

[674] I'm not someone who, I'm not someone who, who automatically feels connected to the good things that happen to them.

[675] How does one remain happy if they have that kind of default oh my god where am I going to put this third BAFTA that I've won or now I have to do a speech.

[676] Well it sounds awful but you just sort of follow your routine, you know, and actually I am a happy person and I, um, I, um, I, you know, I take pleasure in the simple things in life.

[677] You know, I like, um, doing stuff with, you know, stuff with the family or, you know, really, I really am, it going to sound terrible.

[678] I've met a simple place.

[679] I like watching match of the day at the weekend.

[680] Like, you're saying, yeah, okay, lots of people like doing that.

[681] What's like?

[682] But, you know, like that, that for me is one of the small things in the week where I'm like, I know I'm going to be happy for the next 45 minutes or hour.

[683] You know what I mean?

[684] Or on a Saturday night, I listen to Lucentz on Radio 4.

[685] And often I'll be cooking and that's a small thing.

[686] and I get a little, a little tiny little boost out of, I know I'm going to enjoy it, usually I enjoy listening to it.

[687] There's little thing, I mean, I'm not, if someone says like you're going to go on holiday to the Bahamas, you know, I'm trying to imagine what a really big happy thing would be.

[688] I would normally experience that as stress and anxiety.

[689] I think that's quite normal, though holidays are stressful, aren't they?

[690] Maybe you've got your priorities in order, in fact, because you don't seem to be compelled or derive your happiness from like the big wanky stuff from like the Lamborghini, the Bugatti, the BAFTA.

[691] Yeah, what colours your baguetti?

[692] The GQ Man of the Year stuff.

[693] You seem to derive it from the simple, intrinsically fulfilling things like, you know, cooking, listening to a thing that's intellectually stimulating.

[694] So maybe we're all like, maybe everyone else is a weirdo and you're actually incredibly normal.

[695] I don't know.

[696] I think there's more of us out there than you might think, but maybe not.

[697] we're all trapped in our own brains there's no way of measuring i do think that um you know i mentioned that when i saw that i got a nice review in the times that gave me like as i said i gave me a buzz you cared about your work there yeah really cared about well that wasn't even about i mean i do care about the work i mean work is a big source of pleasure like in the sense of either being on location and um being aware of it going well and getting into an almost like a mindset in an interview of feeling like, yeah, this is all good.

[698] Like, I feel connected.

[699] I feel, because it's a high stretch, in a way, I'm sure you have a little bit, if you have an interview with someone, you feel like you've been trying to book it for a while, the moment comes, you're like, the next two hours are really important.

[700] You want it to go smoothly.

[701] You want it to feel like a revealing encounter.

[702] You want to be probing and insightful and attentive and immersed and not distracted, but also thinking ahead.

[703] And all of that's going on.

[704] And then it starts.

[705] And then you feel like, oh, it's going okay.

[706] And then after you're like, that was a good one.

[707] And then in the edit, you're putting it together and you're piecing things in like that.

[708] All of those, the simple pleasures of craft, you know, like it's really, and it is simple.

[709] Like, it's no great mystery.

[710] But that's, that's a big part of, um, of how I connect with, uh, well, my own happiness.

[711] How do you connect with people?

[712] So actually, I wanted to ask you this for my own sort of learning.

[713] You've done this for multiple decades.

[714] You've sat with people from, every corner of the world, you have all of these different experiences, and some of them are a little bit, you know, in the nicer sense, a little bit out there.

[715] I'm glad I landed with a PC word, a little bit out there.

[716] Wonder what the non -PC word is.

[717] But you have, it was funny, when I asked you about the qualities you have, I think you absolutely nailed it.

[718] And all of those make you incredibly disarming.

[719] That almost like lack of intense seriousness makes you a really disarming individual.

[720] How do you connect with people?

[721] How intentional is your approach to connecting with them in your new interview series, but also just generally?

[722] Some of it is stuff that, you know, I didn't, I just sort of came by by accident, probably most of it, which is a thing, you know, natural curiosity, which I think you have, a feeling of, um, of just, just wanting to know what, why people do the things that they do, right?

[723] and sort of getting out of your own way a bit, you know, in the sense, because the question I get asked most often is, like, how do you not get angry with some of these people, especially the ones who are sort of spewing hate or coming out with stuff that's really objectionable on, I find a slightly confusing question because I think that's so far from what's in my head most of the time.

[724] I'm genuinely thinking like, why, if it is someone like, say, a neonist, Nazi or someone involved in religious intolerance, I'm just so curious about what takes someone to that place, what's in their mind, but to actually berate them, to give them a hard time, or even be particularly journalistically confrontational, that's not my default mode.

[725] That's so interesting.

[726] Because I just think in life generally, those who like seek to, even on our personal relationships and romantic relationships, those that seek to understand tend to build bridges but if you seek to like as you say berate I get told off on this podcast a lot on like Twitter and in the press like because I don't berate people like when I had Matt Hancock here I asked him the questions I really wanted to know but I didn't come to berate him no he would have gone the wall would have gone up had I done that there's other ways of and some people use a confrontational approach and that's fine and then I think in general you know there's many ways of doing interviews and I think probably you know I haven't interviewed many politicians and it's probably related to that the feeling that they they have their they tend to have their guard up they tend to be a strategy of attempting to be as risk averse headline averse as possible and it's like those aren't the people I'm interested in people who are genuinely attempt who feel that they've got something figured out or are involved in a world or a lifestyle or just some situation that is either self -sabotaging or filled with angst.

[727] So in the end, I see it as not, I'm not trying to get one over on people.

[728] I'm not trying to, honestly, most interviews I see as a potential win -win.

[729] You know what I mean?

[730] Like, I should think like, well, there's no reason why you shouldn't Tell me the truth.

[731] And you're involved in something that you're relatively open about.

[732] And I'll just assume that that's probably the case.

[733] Now, obviously you're briefed.

[734] You've done as much research as you can.

[735] But I think if you feel as though you're coming from a position of shared inquiry, then that's contagious.

[736] I think also I sort of tend to think, I think there's some part of me thinks maybe the other person's got it figured out and I haven't, right?

[737] A level of humility.

[738] So that when they say stuff, I'm genuinely thinking like, well, I guess maybe or may or they say something bonkers.

[739] I'm like, well, that isn't right.

[740] But I enjoy bumping up against that.

[741] And I don't go in there thinking I'm going to, I'm going to get this person.

[742] Like I'm going to get one over on them.

[743] I sort of feel as though, you know, you come in and you just sort of try and just see what's going on, you know.

[744] If people see like your, you're attempting to wrestle intimacies from them, that's never going to go well.

[745] You just create the space and the sense of understanding and allow them to sort of walk through that.

[746] Everything you've just described there, that creating the space to like understand them, the humility, which is ultimately creates that safety, which allows them to open up, are the exact things that I know my partner wants from me in all of our interactions.

[747] So because you've got that skill in your work, I'm here assuming that you also have that at home.

[748] Is that correct?

[749] I think I could work better on it.

[750] I'm very aware that the skill set, I often think about the skillset I have in my work of being supposedly a good listener and an empathetic and present person I slightly fail at.

[751] You know, kind of think a very probably normal way in my relationship.

[752] I have a very happy marriage and probably you should check that with Nancy because I'm aware I'm slightly reviewing my own restaurant if I can use that metaphor but yeah on good reads I gave my book a five out of five and I'm giving my marriage five out of five so I think I think I could do I think I could improve In your autobiography on page 157.

[753] Are you serious?

[754] Yes.

[755] Got to get through this.

[756] My Life in Strange Times in television.

[757] Do you know what I'm going to say?

[758] Get it on audiobook for an extra chapter about Jimmy Saville.

[759] That's true.

[760] Speaking of page 157 and Jimmy Saville, on that page, your former wife, seeing as we're talking about relationships from reviewing them, et cetera, she said, there's nothing real about you.

[761] and to the point of Jimmy Saville he also said something which was to the same vein about insincerity being your speciality Yeah That's good I'm glad you brought that up It's quite Telling it's a ringing piece of self -exposure where Yeah I My wife and Jimmy Saville Both make the same critique Of my interpersonal qualities finding me lacking in basically authenticity lacking in sincerity there's nothing real about well the first thing is when a relationship is ending you seize whatever you can to hurt the other person I think it's I think when someone you really love and you think really loves you I mean it was my girlfriend at the time although we were married and that's a whole other complicated but but yeah when that relationship relationship was ending, I think there's a feeling of betrayal, isn't there?

[762] It's like I thought we were together forever and I trusted that that would be the case and here we are, clearly you don't feel the same way.

[763] And so I'm in the position of, in her eyes, being a kind of traitor and inauthentic, somebody who didn't deliver on what was promised, although it wasn't promised but what was what seemed to be implicit um i think uh yeah in sincere i mean i remember where we were like when the jimmy savel the first documentary i made about jimmy seville when he was alive when louis met jimmy not available on the eye player um but it's on the internet you can find it and um i remember when we promoted it um before i think it was when we promoted it and he He agreed to do an interview to promote it.

[764] And part of that was a profile interview in The Guardian.

[765] And he was interviewed at Kings Cross in one of the hotel there, in one of the hotel rooms.

[766] And the guy from The Guardian came down.

[767] I don't even know why.

[768] I don't even know why it came up.

[769] But I made a joke and he said, ah, in sincerity, your speciality.

[770] Gosh, you're asking me to get inside the mind of Jimmy Saville, to think about what he meant when he criticized me. I think he thought that I think that journalistic role where, well, I think, you know what it is?

[771] It's like the best, there's two constructions I can put on that.

[772] One is just that in journalism, you sort of required to inhabit this place of intimacy, like actually like, hey, let's do this and let's do that.

[773] And then afterwards, you sort of discontrously.

[774] connect, and sometimes that can feel jarring.

[775] I don't think actually that's what he meant, though.

[776] Like, I think maybe in some cases, there's a part of journalism that can feel slightly instructional way, like, let's bro down on location and have fun.

[777] And yet, if you looked at it dispassionately, it's slightly cynical and calculating.

[778] It's like, well, you're doing this for a TV program.

[779] And so there's a part of that slightly feel a little bit.

[780] uncomfortable.

[781] I think really what he was talking about there was a sense of humor.

[782] He was calling out my sense of humor, which is an aspect of it, which sometimes involves almost self -parody, like an element of where you say something almost as a way of parodying or satirizing your own, this isn't going to make any sense, Steve, but you satirize your own worst.

[783] impulses.

[784] The best example I can give is when I said to, when I was with Neil and Christine Hamilton, right, I did a program and they were accused of sexual assault and while I filmed with them and then I, and then it would become a media circus and I carried on filming and then they did a deal with the mail on Sunday to sell their story and I was interviewing them during all of this and I said to Christine, how much did the mail on Sunday pay for you for the interview?

[785] I was just curious because I knew probably they got 10 or 15 or 20 ,000 pounds and I was just curious.

[786] And Christine said, I'm not going to tell you.

[787] And I said to Christine, Christine, this is me. I'm not a journalist.

[788] I'm a friend.

[789] Like you can tell me. And a lot of people gave me shit for it, right?

[790] Like that, what I said.

[791] But in my mind, like that was a funny thing to say because quite obviously I am a journalist.

[792] And whether I'm a friend on is actually not established.

[793] I'm not clearly not a friend, but I'm not also clearly a friend, right?

[794] So that was kind of a funny remark because I was being nakedly insincere, which is fun.

[795] Like sometimes to me, what's funny is saying, like not like sort of saying the wrong thing, saying the thing that's sort of brazen as a way of just sort of identifying the hypocrisy and having fun with it.

[796] So I tend to think that, I think that's what Jimmy Saville meant was that sometimes I would say things that would kind of definitively either untrue or quite clearly being said because they were not clearly true.

[797] Anyway, that's the way you asked that question.

[798] And when you ask a question about Jimmy Saville, I'm going to give you a long answer because it's easy to be misconstrued.

[799] But I think that's what he meant.

[800] I think I'm in general, like a fairly straight up person.

[801] But I also think that the tendency to believe your own bullshit, to drink your own Kool -Aid is almost universal, almost a precondition of life, right?

[802] You know, Nietzsche, the German philosopher, who I try not to quote too much because it makes me sound pretentious, but he has a couple of really good quotes on this where one is for the true deceiver, you know, for the most effective deceiver, first he must believe his own deception.

[803] That's a mangling that quotation, but the idea that in order to con someone, you sort of have to believe, the most effective con artist is the one who believes their own con, you know, and, you know, like a seducer, like, they say that about Casanova, you know, one of the most notorious womanizers in human history.

[804] And they say that he actually, for each time he seduced someone, he fell in love with them.

[805] You know, maybe it's true for sales in general.

[806] Like, you really got to, but if you believe in that, and so I'm fully aware that for me to say, like, I'm an authentic human being and that my journalism relies on a kind of true connection, I'm, I, you know, there's a little part of me things like, I think I believe that.

[807] I'm pretty, I, I know I do believe that, but I'm not my own best reference on whether or not that's really the case.

[808] I neglected my personal life to focus on achieving some sort of professional success.

[809] The price of my lack of emotional mouse was paid by those nearest and dearest to me. When did you get that feedback?

[810] Because I remember the times in my life where I've got that feedback from friends, family, romantic partners.

[811] And at first, sometimes we sometimes argue against it.

[812] We go, oh, fuck off.

[813] And then we walk away and we go, this is true.

[814] I think I've had that feedback in my relationship.

[815] more or less consistently until maybe four or five, six years ago.

[816] Again, I feel like I'm reviewing my own book.

[817] And now, folks, I am happy and healthy and well -adjusted.

[818] And I've arrived at a spiritual place of tranquility.

[819] but I do I am conscious that I um all through my 20s and 30s I saw my relationships as a um I think I think the other phrase I use is like I saw my relationships as a life support system for my kind of work self do you know what I mean amen I can relate instead of the other way around you know and so I would say like well I would take off when I went to work for Michael Moore it was Even back in the 90s, it was a source of friction in the relationship that, like, without much warning.

[820] Because I became the fill -in guy who, when other people couldn't do segments or because they were, they found, weren't available, weren't stressed about it.

[821] I'd be like, let's get Louis to do it.

[822] I did a lot of great segments just by being available at a moment's notice to fly somewhere and never thought really, which I don't know that it was the wrong thing to do at that time.

[823] We didn't have kids.

[824] And so I'd be like, okay, I'm off for three or four days.

[825] But as it went on and then as I had kids and I was still doing the same thing, sort of saying to my wife, well, this is what I do.

[826] There's a chapter in my book called This Is What I Do.

[827] You know, you knew when we married that we would be, that I was a sort of globetrotting TV documentary maker.

[828] And she said, yeah, what did I?

[829] do when we met.

[830] I was a TV director as well, and I've changed what I do, and you need to change what you do.

[831] Like, I don't mean to sound like she was being horrible about it, but her attitude was like, people make a, you need to make an adjustment to accommodate the fact that we now have two small children.

[832] And how did you receive that?

[833] At first.

[834] I think I received that as, well, not, not well.

[835] Like, it didn't make me angry, but I was somewhat inflexible because my attitude was look I was because I went you know my parents had my dad traveled a lot for work my mom was a full time TV producer and we had people at home opairs who who made sure that when we got home someone was there and would make us a meal and so I was like well we just need to get help she said I don't want us to get help I said she said what I said you can do whatever you want to do You can carry on working five days a week, six days.

[836] You can travel as well if you want.

[837] We just need to get help.

[838] And she's like, I don't want one of us to be here.

[839] And I want, for some of that, I want it to be you.

[840] I don't know.

[841] Does that sound?

[842] So you sound like me. Really?

[843] Yeah.

[844] Yeah.

[845] And I was like, well, I said, I guess I don't see it that way.

[846] So it became a bit of an impasse for a while.

[847] And then?

[848] And then, well, then we had another child.

[849] and she said, well, now we've got a baby and two small children and you've agreed to make sure you only work in the UK.

[850] And I was like, did I agree to that?

[851] She said, yes, and I couldn't remember it, but I was like, well, she's probably right.

[852] Did you make rules?

[853] I read that you made some rules.

[854] We had a rule that I wouldn't go away for more than two weeks.

[855] And actually, for most of the time, it was between sort of a week.

[856] in 10 or 12 days.

[857] Are you flexible now?

[858] I don't want to make my wife sound like.

[859] I know there's some people like hear that and go like, well, you know, Louis was obviously bringing back the bigger wage and so he should have been, I honestly think my wife was right about most of that.

[860] I feel the same way about my partner.

[861] And it's almost identical that it took me to find the right person to compromise my inflexibility where they made the case to me that quality time and this relationship was actually an equal priority, let's say, to the work.

[862] And with the right person, I was finally willing to bend.

[863] And I was finally willing to, you know.

[864] So, but I think it takes the right person.

[865] Yeah.

[866] For me, it does anyway.

[867] Yeah, the right person, the right relationship, the right life stage.

[868] Yeah.

[869] I also say that these interviews, I'm doing, part of that is an agreement that we made.

[870] Well, even an agreement, a kind of agreement I made with myself in lockdown and being around, my kids are now 16, 14 and 8.

[871] You know, it turns out older children in many respects.

[872] you need more management, need more sort of parental presence in their lives than younger children.

[873] And so I said, well, maybe a way for me to travel less and not be taking off for, you know, two or three months a year.

[874] Because you aggregate those two -week trips and they add up to maybe a quarter or a third of the year.

[875] And now I can, I can, my schedule is much more, I said, if I do these interviews and we make TV shows in the UK and there's a more controllable schedule.

[876] and I can be around more.

[877] Nancy helped me set up the company.

[878] She's working more.

[879] I'm home more.

[880] And so it's actually, like it turns out conforming to those expectations of family involvement is really positive.

[881] Like it can actually be a creative boon, you know?

[882] It's not the enemy necessarily.

[883] It can make you a more rounded person that ends up being beneficial.

[884] That's exactly what I used to think it was.

[885] I used to think it was the enemy of my professional success.

[886] but I've come to learn that it's a friend it's the yeah it serves it um you mentioned anxiety throughout this conversation now sometimes when people talk about anxiety they talk about it as in um like like an emotion they kind of it's a flippant word to describe a situation where you're thinking a little bit much but then there's what people would describe as sort of real anxiety that kind of crippling like oh you know that we've all felt that it's like insane and shakeable sort of deep nervousness about a situation and worry which one are you referring to uh I think the first one, I don't think I've ever had a panic attack, for example.

[887] I don't think I've ever had a feeling of kind of being incapacitated.

[888] I mean, I've had moments where I've had stage fright or, you know, that thing where due to, you just get, even recently like there's been moments where you just get this sort of tremulous feeling of nerves and your voice starts to shake.

[889] Have you ever had that?

[890] Where you've been in a situation where...

[891] Or sometimes it's just...

[892] Sometimes it's to do with your...

[893] You get into an argument with someone and you get really upset and your voice goes a bit like this.

[894] Like it doesn't...

[895] You know, and it was just kind of horrible.

[896] Or sometimes it's just where you feel like you're...

[897] Like, I've been once or twice in situations where...

[898] I just think...

[899] oh, this isn't going well, and then your confidence goes.

[900] I mean, I don't know if that's kind of nerves, which is slightly different from anxiety.

[901] Anxiety, like, where, but the anxiety I mainly mean is just a kind of sense of foreboding, a pervasive feeling of worry about something that's going to happen.

[902] Because one of the things we talk a lot about on this podcast is about mental health and about how that affects people that are in high profile, high stress positions.

[903] What's your, you know, mental health is a topic that kind of emerged in cultural relevance about maybe a decade ago now.

[904] But when I was a kid, I didn't understand it.

[905] I didn't know what that was.

[906] And I'd be honest, I think the stigma was very much my belief.

[907] It was kind of like people are, some people are crazy.

[908] What's your journey been like with your own mental health?

[909] I feel really lucky to have, broadly speaking, good mental health.

[910] I also think what you're saying is exactly right.

[911] And I think that there's a kind of, there's a continuity, a blurring that exists so that, But I think mental health, as opposed to mental illness, is a good way of thinking about it.

[912] Because actually, we should all be striving towards being our best selves.

[913] We should all be managing our anxiety.

[914] I think a lot of men especially fail even to recognize when their mental health may not be as good as it could be.

[915] And at the extreme end, you've got incapacitating mental illness that requires a set of interventions, possibly medication, even sort of residential rehab settings but for the rest of us it's just it's keeping an eye on on how you're doing and you know sometimes I notice my emotions from the outside like I notice that my voice is raised I'm like wow I'm angry you know like or or and even when I'm sad or grumpy or whatever it is I'm not the first really to see it or my wife will say like Are you in a bad place?

[916] I think we've been guilty of failing to see mental health as a holistic condition.

[917] Like, in other words, that your support network needs to be in place.

[918] You need social, these are really basic, but you need social interaction.

[919] You need exposure to things outside of work.

[920] You also need endorsement and approval in work.

[921] And all of these things need to be sort of pulling in the same direction.

[922] And there may be people in your life who are undermining you.

[923] and you may need support from people to nudge you in the right direction but, you know, not to sound really bland about it, I feel as though I've, you know, through my wife's perceptiveness and her ability to sort of see how, just to involve me in life a bit more, that that's kept me in a good place.

[924] We have a closing tradition on this podcast, which, is the previous guest writes a question for the next guest.

[925] Oh, wow, okay.

[926] And the previous guest, you don't get to know who the previous guest was, but the previous guest has written a question for you, not knowing it was for you.

[927] And they said, what is your opinion on hallucinogens?

[928] Hallucinogens.

[929] Um, I, my opinion is, I think, um, you know, if you're, if you feel like you're, if you're of age, like 18 plus, I don't, how your younger listeners are, you know, maybe, even maybe slightly older.

[930] And you feel like you've got solid mental health.

[931] I think it's a, it's not a bad avenue to go down.

[932] It's not something I've massively dabbled in.

[933] I've noticed, I don't know about you, in my social settings, it seems to be mushroom oil.

[934] It's something that's increasingly being used.

[935] And I think actually, you know, and I think we're all aware of the slight, there's a dissonance between our levels of acceptance of alcohol and then the sort of relative unacceptance of things like whether it's marijuana or mushrooms and mushroom oil.

[936] Like I'd like to see that leveled out.

[937] Like I'd like to see, as it is in California and elsewhere, I'd like to see cannabis legalized and I think mushroom oil without giving too much away.

[938] could be really positive from what I understand Louis, thank you so much for your time today I love so much from you for so many reasons and your new documentary on the BBC BBC 2 and on I player Louis through interviews is incredible the people you're into six out there right now they're incredible and you're interviewing some incredible people that are being very vulnerable and open with you but thank you for the inspiration as well you're someone that I've watched for decades Steve.

[939] And that's giving me a life full of enjoyments.

[940] And thank you for coming and doing this.

[941] Pleasure.