Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard XX
[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
[1] I'm Dan Rather, I'm joined by Dian's...
[2] Anonymous Padman.
[3] But you're going to call me Diane Sawyer?
[4] I was.
[5] Wow.
[6] Top of mine, because my Mike Nichols book, he's courting her right now in the book.
[7] Romance for the ages.
[8] Oh, God.
[9] A couple of fucking powerhouses.
[10] That's not a prompt powerhouses.
[11] Although...
[12] One day.
[13] Earmark that.
[14] Powerhouses.
[15] Tell us about a time that you are a powerhouse couple.
[16] No, we're not going to do that.
[17] Listen, this one is about worst trips to the U .S. of A, which was really fun because we got to talk to people from another country.
[18] International listeners.
[19] And these were so fun.
[20] One of them was so funny.
[21] Oh, my God.
[22] Yes.
[23] Yes, yes, yes.
[24] One of them's got some twists and turns.
[25] So funny.
[26] Great storyteller.
[27] This is a good batch.
[28] Everyone can listen.
[29] Yeah, I'm trying to think if there's any of the four that you can't listen to.
[30] No, you can listen to all of them.
[31] Okay.
[32] Right.
[33] There's no talks of first class lounge buffets gone sideways or anything like that.
[34] We should have said you can't listen to the fact check from a couple weeks ago or last week or whatever.
[35] The one we just did?
[36] Yeah.
[37] From next weekend last week.
[38] Yeah.
[39] Please enjoy this episode of Armchair Anonymous bad trips to the U .S. of A. All times.
[40] Come and go.
[41] Take them slow.
[42] I had a mo. Hello.
[43] Hi.
[44] You can hear us.
[45] I can hear you.
[46] Yes, can you hear me. Yes, I can.
[47] Maritz, where are you calling us from?
[48] Very close to Stuttgart, Germany.
[49] Oh.
[50] Okay.
[51] And are you German?
[52] I'm German, yes.
[53] Well, it's so nice to have you on the show.
[54] Yeah.
[55] We've never heard terrible trips to the U .S. Not hard to imagine how that could happen.
[56] We're excited and we're going to try not to be defensive.
[57] Yeah, we're going to try not to be defensive.
[58] that's good yeah thank you it's so surreal to see you because i hear you all the time but i'll start oh please we had twins in the beginning of 2018 and we're planning a parental leave to do a vacation in the u .s because my wife has family in georgia ding ding ding yes and we were planning on fly into miami and then a trip with a motor home on the west coast of florida to georgia and stay there with the family for a few days and then fly back.
[59] So we have the luxury in Germany to have parental leave.
[60] My wife had this month off.
[61] I had the month of it was November of 2018.
[62] So, Maritz, really quick, I love this plan that you're going to do some motorhoming in the U .S. Is that something that seems bizarrely American, this whole motorhome culture?
[63] Not at all.
[64] Actually, we own a motorhome.
[65] Oh, you do.
[66] Okay, in Germany you do.
[67] Yeah, we do.
[68] We just came back on.
[69] Saturday night from three weeks in France.
[70] So we are motorhome people.
[71] Oh, wonderful.
[72] But the great country of the U .S., which is vastly bigger than anything we have here, that was a kick for us.
[73] And so we thought, okay, let's try this.
[74] Should be good fun with the kids.
[75] So we had to book an hotel or an Airbnb before we can step on the motorhome just for two or three days.
[76] I think it's for the authorities so they can have an address to look for you.
[77] And so we went there from the airport and the flight was actually fine.
[78] We were a little nervous about the flight because the girls were then 10 months old.
[79] Oh, yeah.
[80] And two of them.
[81] Double the threat.
[82] But it was fine.
[83] We went to the Airbnb.
[84] We had our first day there just do a little shopping, settling in.
[85] And the plan was to go on the third day to go to the rental company, get the motor home, and then take off.
[86] So we were there the second night and the first daughter started vomiting all over the place.
[87] Oh, boy.
[88] It was really bad, actually.
[89] Then it kept happening.
[90] And then we were kind of concerned what to do.
[91] So we went to an urgent care center, which was nearby the place we stayed.
[92] They said, we don't really know, but with small kids, they could dehydrate.
[93] So it's better to get to the ER.
[94] So we said, okay, it was late at night, but what else would you do?
[95] So we went to the ER, classical ER stuff.
[96] We waited and waited and waited and then we got into a doctor's room and they were very nice, very patient.
[97] They said to us, she has very low vitals.
[98] So we have to do a few tests.
[99] We have to give her an IV.
[100] We have to monitor her overnight.
[101] So we said, okay, my wife stays with her.
[102] I'm going back to the Airbnb with the other one.
[103] That was the first day.
[104] So far, so good.
[105] Oh, God.
[106] Somewhere in between that, I called our insurance company because in Germany we have general health insurance.
[107] But if you go somewhere outside the EU, it's better if you have an extra health insurance, especially for the U .S., because the U .S. system is so different than the European systems.
[108] So we did that.
[109] We booked an insurance policy for this exact month beforehand.
[110] So I called them.
[111] They said, hmm, can't find your name.
[112] Oh, no. And I said, yes.
[113] I know we booked this because my wife is a very good planner.
[114] So I know we have that.
[115] She sent me a photo of the letter.
[116] This is the policy.
[117] This is the number.
[118] And they said, we can't find that.
[119] What?
[120] It was late at night in Germany then.
[121] So we said, okay, let's try something tomorrow.
[122] Me and the other kid, we went back to the hospital.
[123] The next day to visit, they said, yeah, they have to do some more tests because the vitals were going up and down.
[124] They were kind of concerned.
[125] And we were too, of course.
[126] And they said you have to test for diabetes because she can't keep the glucose level.
[127] That's going to take two or three days.
[128] And we said, okay, yeah, that's our first week canceled, I guess.
[129] But okay, maybe it works.
[130] This is awful.
[131] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[132] In another country in the hospital.
[133] And I'm so stressed about the insurance situation.
[134] Me too, me too.
[135] I think that's going to.
[136] Because it's not cheap to spend the night at the hospital, yeah.
[137] While we were visiting someone from the accounting from the hospital came up to a room very politely took me to the side and said, did you figure something out with your insurance company?
[138] I said, I'm trying to.
[139] We really have this.
[140] I showed her the letter, but it's in German, so she understandably didn't give a fuck.
[141] She told me, okay, if you want your wife and your daughter to stay, you have to do a down payment or something.
[142] I say, okay, I understand.
[143] Maybe I can get that back later with my insurance companies.
[144] I think it was the first thousand dollars.
[145] So this goes on for two or three days.
[146] They do a lot more tests.
[147] They have a lot more doctors.
[148] coming.
[149] Then they said with an insurance company, it doesn't really work, so you have to do another down payment.
[150] I said, okay, how high?
[151] What are we talking about?
[152] They said, we would like to see 5 ,000.
[153] Oh, God.
[154] Boy.
[155] Because of all the tests, and they were very nice.
[156] I'm not blaming them, and it was a great hospital we felt cared for, but it was kind of weird.
[157] Because in Germany, you have a card for your insurance, and that's all you know.
[158] That's all you give a hospital, and that's it.
[159] Right.
[160] They do all the rest.
[161] negotiating fees per day, yeah.
[162] And then paid $5 ,000.
[163] And then they said, okay, she's stable now.
[164] If you want to, you can take her home.
[165] All the while, I had to book another Airbnb because the one we stayed before had another renter.
[166] I picked the place somewhere I really didn't know where, but it was big enough.
[167] It was very expensive because it was last minute.
[168] That piled up as well.
[169] Oh, my God.
[170] As we now know, it wasn't the in the best neighborhood of Miami.
[171] We went there for the last time to pick them up.
[172] My daughter was feeling very much better and my wife was feeling okay.
[173] And we didn't really know what it was.
[174] It wasn't diabetes.
[175] It wasn't the regular kind of stuff.
[176] So they said it has to be a virus.
[177] Oh, my God.
[178] Turns out it was just a $90 ,000 virus.
[179] When we picked them up, the very nice and polite accountant came and said, okay, you're leaving.
[180] We didn't figure this out with your insurance company, which I tried all the time.
[181] tried and it didn't work.
[182] They said, if you want to leave, you have to pay another $3 ,000.
[183] Oh, yeah, yay.
[184] Of course, we want to leave.
[185] So, of course, credit card, $3 ,000.
[186] So you're at $9 ,000 so far.
[187] Yeah, about $9 ,000, yes.
[188] And then as we went to leave, I felt like, hmm, my stomach hurts now.
[189] Oh.
[190] This is not real.
[191] I go to the bathroom.
[192] Of course, I brought jacktile vomit all over the place.
[193] Oh, my God.
[194] I come out, my wife looks at me and says, no. I say yes.
[195] We won't stay there.
[196] A, it's a children's hospital.
[197] B, it's pretty expensive to be in the hospital.
[198] We're going back to the Airbnb place.
[199] We had to stop two times so I can puke on the shoulder of the highway.
[200] Oh, boy.
[201] It's kind of a blur, but my wife said it was four to five days as well.
[202] In the bad neighborhood?
[203] Yeah.
[204] I kind of felt better on day four of four.
[205] So I helped my wife put the kids down.
[206] I gave the second twin the formula and, of course, everything went out again.
[207] And this goes on for three or four days.
[208] No one's really healing.
[209] At this time, it was our plan to have another rental car and then just drive to her family and that's it.
[210] But then, of course, it was my wife's turn after that.
[211] So we were there three weeks.
[212] Oh, my God.
[213] No. Doing nothing but being in the hospital and being in the hospital and being in the.
[214] the Airbnb.
[215] Oh, my God.
[216] Oh, man. We were lucky because we have some friends in Miami, so they brought us food.
[217] They helped us where they could help without being too close to us.
[218] Yeah, you're using the word lucky loosely, but yes, that was nice of your friends.
[219] I don't know if you're lucky.
[220] And then we drove up to my wife's family, stayed there for a couple of days because we had our flight back to Germany.
[221] And then when we landed in Germany, a few weeks later, a big letter came from the hospital with the bill.
[222] So it was about $32 ,000 on top of the already...
[223] No. The nine.
[224] The nine that we already paid.
[225] Our insurance company told us in the end, they filed our form wrong.
[226] They should have done the month of November, but they filed the month of December.
[227] Oh, boy.
[228] They said it was our fault.
[229] There's no fault in their system whatsoever.
[230] So we didn't pay anything more than what we paid in the hospital directly.
[231] Yeah.
[232] And it went to our lawyer to a court somewhere.
[233] We don't know what they negotiated in the end.
[234] But that was our glorious paradigm to leave in the U .S. Oh, my Lord.
[235] That is such a nightmare.
[236] Terrible.
[237] Also, so stressful because for the first five days you think something's really wrong with your baby.
[238] And just when that passes, you go to a scary neighborhood.
[239] And then you stay there for another two weeks.
[240] And then you look at your credit card bill and then you get a real pop -out fright.
[241] Oh, that's real scary.
[242] Have you been back?
[243] Yeah, of course, many times.
[244] Oh, good.
[245] I feel like you need a redo of that vacation.
[246] Just think if you would have gone into it saying, I'm going to blow $9 ,000 on this trip.
[247] I'm going to get myself a big Class A motorhome.
[248] You could have gotten like a provost or a new home.
[249] I was too scared to add up all the things we paid because the motorhome I had to cancel, of course.
[250] It was last minute, so they didn't refund us.
[251] Very pricey.
[252] Yeah, you could have gone to the Maldives or something.
[253] thing probably for a couple weeks.
[254] Oh, wow.
[255] It's great meeting you, and we're very flattered that you're listening in Germany.
[256] This is delightful.
[257] Yeah, yeah, of course.
[258] It's eye -opening, and it's very entertaining.
[259] Thank you.
[260] Thank you.
[261] I really hope all your remaining trips here are much different.
[262] Whenever you're in Germany, let me know.
[263] Okay, lovely.
[264] We have great hospitals, and they're not depressed.
[265] And you got Porsche right down the road.
[266] Yes.
[267] Yes, that's worth the trip.
[268] All right, great meeting you.
[269] Oh, Peter Zane.
[270] Oh, yeah, I got snuck that in there.
[271] You must have been impressive that I didn't do any German before that.
[272] Yeah, I am.
[273] It took all my self -restraigned.
[274] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[275] I was tempted to ask him how much his pullover was.
[276] His pull -y.
[277] Oh, my God.
[278] Holy smokes.
[279] That is the nightmare of all nightmares.
[280] So it was just a stomach bug.
[281] Yes.
[282] And what shitty timing that they didn't all just get it at once, that they went one after another.
[283] I hope he was, is a drinker.
[284] Like, I hope he was able to drink his way through a lot of that.
[285] I didn't get that vibe.
[286] I didn't either.
[287] Hello?
[288] Oh, my God, is this real?
[289] Is this Nicolette?
[290] That's right.
[291] That's my name.
[292] Oh, welcome to the show.
[293] Thank you so much.
[294] I'm so excited.
[295] Where are you at?
[296] I'm from Melbourne, Australia.
[297] Oh, fine.
[298] This is so fun, because normally at the beginning of each of these, we ask, where are you at?
[299] And it's always like, Idaho.
[300] Yeah, boring.
[301] places.
[302] So this is so fun.
[303] Are you in Melbourne?
[304] I sure am.
[305] So it's currently 3 a .m. Oh, shit.
[306] Oh, my God.
[307] We didn't even think about that.
[308] Do you love Daniel Ricardo?
[309] Look, I'm not the biggest F1 fan, but I can appreciate him.
[310] He's awesome.
[311] He's gorgeous, right?
[312] He's so charming.
[313] Totally.
[314] Well, already meeting you and seeing how wonderfully cheerful you are, it breaks my heart already that you would have had a bad trip here, but I can't wait to hear how it went awry.
[315] Okay.
[316] So this happened in 2010, so quite a few years ago.
[317] And it was our first ever family overseas holiday.
[318] So I was with my parents and my two younger brothers.
[319] So I was 18 at the time.
[320] My brother, Dean, was 16.
[321] And my little brother, Jason, was about to turn 14.
[322] So we were so excited.
[323] And the main reason we were going was to visit family we had in Florida.
[324] Really quick.
[325] We've only talked to one other person for this prompt.
[326] And they two went to Florida.
[327] So already I'm a little, I'm already a little.
[328] I'm already a little.
[329] nervous about people making that their destination.
[330] Were you guys going to go to Orlando to Disney World?
[331] Funnily enough, they lived close to Orlando, but we went to Disneyland in L .A. instead.
[332] Oh.
[333] They go to Disney World all the time.
[334] They were a bit sick of it, to be honest.
[335] Sure.
[336] That's not where the story is set, actually.
[337] So the story happened in San Francisco.
[338] You traveled all over.
[339] You went to Florida, but then you went all over.
[340] Exactly right.
[341] So Florida was just one of the locations.
[342] We went to L .A. and then San Fran.
[343] When we arrived in and Fran, we were quite shocked by all the homeless people around.
[344] It was really sad and we'd never experienced anything like that before.
[345] And one of the nights actually, mum and I were followed back to our hotel by a homeless man. So we were really scared.
[346] On one of the days, my parents had decided that we'd do a bus to us throughout the city to get our bearings and see all the main sites.
[347] This bus was like this big double -decker bus.
[348] So we didn't really have many of them where I'm from.
[349] So we were so excited.
[350] run, of course, to the very top, to the very front.
[351] We wanted the best seats in the house.
[352] On this particular day, it was quite overcast, a bit rainy, so we were the only ones at the top.
[353] Awesome.
[354] I was at the front with my brother, Dean, and then Jason was next to my mom.
[355] My dad was somewhere downstairs with the bus driver.
[356] Let's just call him Greg, just for the story.
[357] Really quick, are we calling your dad Greg or the bus driver, Greg?
[358] No, the bus driver.
[359] Okay, okay, Greg, the bus driver.
[360] Just want to be clear.
[361] Greg was like this 60 to 7 year old man. So lovely, super knowledgeable, knew all his stuff.
[362] He was doing a really good job of talking us through the sites.
[363] So as we're driving around, we're like coming across this bridge.
[364] So it looks like we're going to drive under this bridge, right?
[365] And I thought to myself, it looks a bit low.
[366] Oh, no. Clearly Greg knows what he's doing, right?
[367] Absolutely.
[368] You would imagine he does the same.
[369] route nonstop.
[370] Exactly right.
[371] Then we're getting closer and it's definitely too low.
[372] I duck.
[373] So does Dean.
[374] Jason ducks.
[375] My mom doesn't move.
[376] Oh.
[377] Mom stays still.
[378] Because she's an optimist or because she's not paying attention?
[379] Both.
[380] Let's just say.
[381] So Jason's turned and realized she's not moving.
[382] So he pulls her down.
[383] Unfortunately, it was a tad late.
[384] So on her way down, her head clips the side of the concrete bridge.
[385] Oh, my God.
[386] At the same time, there were these like side rails on the top of the bridge.
[387] They also collide with the bridge.
[388] And they snap backwards and snap off and cause like a jolt on the bus.
[389] So obviously Gregs realized that because he felt that jolt.
[390] And he stops and then reverses the bus.
[391] bus immediately.
[392] So we all get off.
[393] Mom's okay.
[394] She's a bit confused and days like what the heck just happened.
[395] It's more like a shot.
[396] Greg is catatonic.
[397] He's like, well, what did I just do?
[398] And he thinks he's going to end up in debtor's prison at this point, right?
[399] He's going to get sued.
[400] Yeah, yeah.
[401] He then says he normally only drives single story buses and they just so happen to give him a double story one today.
[402] Oh my God.
[403] I know.
[404] Oh, my God.
[405] Greg.
[406] I felt so bad for him.
[407] Like, He was so nice and it was awful.
[408] You could tell how horrible he felt.
[409] Oh my God, but also you all could have got decapitated.
[410] If we were facing the other way, yeah, it's not good.
[411] Oh my God.
[412] My dad takes mum to the hospital and my brothers and I go back to the hotel.
[413] So our hotel was in Union Square, so right in the center of everything.
[414] And we had no communication with my parents because my dad, of course, had the only phone.
[415] We hadn't heard from them all day.
[416] We didn't know what was happening with mom.
[417] And for some reason, we decided to watch a prison documentary as if we weren't stressed enough.
[418] Okay.
[419] And then we hear like a bit of a ruckus going on outside.
[420] So we take a look at the window and there's a SWAT team entering the hotel directly opposite out.
[421] Oh, exciting.
[422] My God.
[423] Okay, opposite yours, though, not your hotel, luckily.
[424] Not our hotel, just directly opposite us.
[425] So we literally closed the blinds.
[426] We ran to the bed.
[427] Like, we were too scared to move from then on.
[428] Yes.
[429] At this point were you thinking, like, wow, these shows that they send to Australia don't really represent what this country is all about.
[430] Pretty much.
[431] Yeah.
[432] Were you having, like, cognitive dissonance?
[433] Like, wait, this place is a war zone.
[434] Yeah, exactly.
[435] Mom and dad come back.
[436] She's fine.
[437] They've done all the relevant scans and stuff.
[438] She's got some questionable memory these days, though.
[439] Don't know if that's related.
[440] Oh, my God.
[441] Greg.
[442] Greg, I know.
[443] I hope Greg doesn't know.
[444] I hope he doesn't know.
[445] No, he already feels bad enough.
[446] He doesn't even know about the like residual yet.
[447] I know.
[448] And the tour company covered mom's medical expenses.
[449] So that was nice.
[450] And then they also gave her a $300 Macy's voucher.
[451] So they did something.
[452] Did you say a Macy's facial?
[453] Voucher.
[454] Voucher.
[455] Voucher.
[456] I thought you said Macy's facial.
[457] It's just like, because of the injury.
[458] Like, let's go get your skin back together.
[459] That's so random, Macy's gift card.
[460] Oh, that is.
[461] It makes me think someone in the office just had it.
[462] Yeah, for sure.
[463] Oh, true.
[464] Oh, no. Oh, God.
[465] I'm so glad you guys are okay because you hear those stories about someone putting their hand out.
[466] Ruthie's whole foot was ripped off, you know that?
[467] Right, but at least it wasn't.
[468] Yeah.
[469] But sometimes.
[470] It was, and they reattached it.
[471] Yeah.
[472] Sorry you had to hear that, Nicolette.
[473] No, that's okay.
[474] Just glad you're okay.
[475] Have you been back?
[476] Have you had a trip that redeemed all this?
[477] So I haven't been back to San Francisco.
[478] I don't think I'm king to go back there.
[479] That's a wrap on San Francisco.
[480] But I've been back twice now.
[481] Love the States.
[482] Awesome place.
[483] Okay.
[484] Because we almost lost you.
[485] Yeah.
[486] And I would not blame you for not wanting to come back here.
[487] I would think like this place is run by circus performers.
[488] It's also crazy because we're so.
[489] obsessed with suing.
[490] I know.
[491] It is weird that that happened.
[492] Totally agree.
[493] I guess you would presume that in such a litigious society, things would be safest here because people would be afraid.
[494] But I don't think that's the case.
[495] I think our incident rate of accidents is as high as anyone, maybe worse.
[496] Nicolette, I'm glad mom made it.
[497] She's good.
[498] Yeah.
[499] Do you like I said, mom?
[500] Yeah, I heard it.
[501] Yes.
[502] Erasing the progress I had made with the German guest.
[503] Can I just say, Dax, without a paddle, is literally one of our favorite movies ever.
[504] We watch it all the time.
[505] Oh, that makes me so happy.
[506] You know it was shot right next door to you in New Zealand.
[507] Have you toured New Zealand?
[508] I have.
[509] Yes, do any of those places look familiar, like Rotorua and the rivers?
[510] We went to Rotorua, and we were told that you guys filmed parts there, so it was so cool.
[511] Oh, that makes me so happy.
[512] And I love you both so much.
[513] Like, I listen to you guys almost every day.
[514] Thank you for doing this, and thank you for letting me have this opportunity.
[515] as well.
[516] Oh, so nice to meet you.
[517] Wonderful meeting you.
[518] Take care.
[519] Go back to sleep.
[520] I don't know.
[521] Thank you.
[522] Wow, 3 a .m. We did not even think about that.
[523] I didn't.
[524] They're all over the world.
[525] Yeah.
[526] There's no way we were been able to plan.
[527] We're such American exceptionalists.
[528] Well, we did this one slightly earlier to accommodate some people.
[529] Yeah.
[530] I did notice.
[531] I was like, that's early.
[532] Yeah, we were mad with our exceptionalism.
[533] We were exceptionally mad about the start time.
[534] Oh, my God.
[535] Her mom definitely.
[536] could have been decapitated.
[537] To be totally honest with you, this might be controversial.
[538] I actually feel worse for Greg in this whole scenario, more than the mom.
[539] Like, if I get clunked in the head by a bridge, and then I don't have any brain damage, I go to the hospital, everything's groovy, versus I drove a vehicle into a bridge and injured a woman.
[540] I would be thinking about that for years.
[541] I guess I'm more sad about poor Greg.
[542] You don't think I should feel for Greg.
[543] Yeah, no. It's fine.
[544] You can.
[545] You can.
[546] You can.
[547] You can.
[548] Okay.
[549] We'll have space for all of it.
[550] Hello.
[551] Do I pronounce your name Koshik?
[552] Close enough, it's Kauschik.
[553] I was actually curious on how you guys are going to do that.
[554] Yeah, Kauschik.
[555] I like that.
[556] Where are you from?
[557] Originally, India from the southern part called Chennai.
[558] How close to that is Kerala?
[559] So we are basically Florida and Georgia.
[560] Nice.
[561] The southern east side is Laminado, which is a state.
[562] And the southern west is Kerala, which is another state.
[563] A lot of Padman's running around there?
[564] Yeah, shock wants to.
[565] Where are you at currently?
[566] Right now, living in Lone Star State in Dallas.
[567] Oh, no kidding.
[568] Just moved here a couple of months ago.
[569] From New York City.
[570] From New York City, okay.
[571] It's such a change.
[572] Oh, yeah, that's the culture shock for sure.
[573] It is.
[574] Pros and cons.
[575] More space.
[576] Yeah, have my own laundry unit.
[577] Okay.
[578] Boom.
[579] Have my own huge walk -in closet.
[580] Yes, that's good.
[581] A garage for car parking, too.
[582] Oh, my God.
[583] These are big, big improvements from New York.
[584] They're all house -related.
[585] But the food, far less options.
[586] Yeah.
[587] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[588] And the public transportation sucks, too.
[589] And easier to be brown in New York City than Dallas, or do you not feel the difference?
[590] There's a huge South Asian population in Dallas.
[591] Wonderful.
[592] Monica, maybe you should get a vacation home there.
[593] Okay, sure.
[594] To the point where wherever you go, I would say five or ten people are brown.
[595] Oh, no, that's wonderful.
[596] Was that a surprise to you, or did you expect that?
[597] Yeah, it was.
[598] I was expecting, like, a cowboy state.
[599] Like, oh, I'm going to come in here.
[600] All I'm going to see is people with hats, cowboy boots.
[601] Yeah, all the women would look like Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, blonde hair, big boobs.
[602] I was excited for that, but not going to.
[603] Okay, tell us about your terrible trip to the U .S. Obviously, your concurrent trip isn't the one we're going to talk about.
[604] This was my first trip.
[605] So just to give you guys a background.
[606] This was my first trip to the U .S. and first trip by myself, too.
[607] I just turned 21.
[608] And this trip was not like a vacation.
[609] This was my trip that I am uprooting from India to come to the U .S. to do my master's degree.
[610] So basically, this was me moving to another country completely.
[611] Oh, boy.
[612] Okay.
[613] I got very lonely moving just from Michigan to California.
[614] I can't imagine what it's like to move around the world.
[615] It was a shock, but I'm here.
[616] And another thing is I'm a big dude.
[617] I am like, six foot five inches tall.
[618] Wow.
[619] You're seated so I can't really tell.
[620] That's very tall for an Indian person.
[621] I know.
[622] I've got that a lot.
[623] Yeah.
[624] It's not.
[625] I'm a lot.
[626] You were racist earlier and I'm not.
[627] Why that you would be so at home that half the people would be brown?
[628] Yeah.
[629] You didn't like that.
[630] Sorry.
[631] No, it's not good.
[632] Yeah, I've got that a lot.
[633] They would be like, oh, did you play basketball?
[634] I'm like, no, I grew up in India.
[635] We don't play basketball.
[636] We play cricket.
[637] Yeah, exactly.
[638] Right.
[639] My itinerary was to land at JFK and then take another flight from JFK to Daytona Beach, Florida.
[640] That's where I was going to go to school for.
[641] We're three for three on Florida.
[642] Yes.
[643] You're the third person we've talked to about worst U .S. trips and all three now have started in Florida.
[644] They have to do with Florida.
[645] Yeah, yeah.
[646] What school were you going to attend down there?
[647] It's called Embry Riddell Aronautical University.
[648] So I did my master's in aeronautical science.
[649] Aerospace.
[650] Yeah, baby.
[651] Yeah, that's what my bachelor's was.
[652] I was an aerospace engineer.
[653] Oh, wow.
[654] Cool.
[655] I had a a four -hour connection.
[656] I was excited that I was going to be in JFK in New York City, even though I knew I wasn't going to step out of the airport.
[657] It just felt good to be in New York.
[658] We landed and the captain announced saying there was some sort of security issue at JFK and we weren't going to go to the gate until we get the clearance.
[659] So we were just sat down on the tarmac.
[660] And then this was me traveling for 24 hours, tired, jet lagged and all of that.
[661] So I decided to take a nap.
[662] And I was woken up by people cheering and clapping.
[663] So I was like, okay, so we started moving.
[664] And with the captain announced, where are your seatballs, we're moving.
[665] We got to the gate.
[666] We got down.
[667] Again, all my excitement is back on now.
[668] Like, I'm going to JFK.
[669] As I stepped out of the aircraft onto the jet bridge, I saw a lot of security guards.
[670] This is not like just your regular cops.
[671] These were people with huge weapons with bulletproof vests on, helmets on.
[672] You can't even see their face.
[673] They were like fully suited.
[674] it up.
[675] SWAT team.
[676] Pretty much.
[677] But they had nothing written on it or anything.
[678] It was just completely black.
[679] Wow.
[680] So being so naive, I was like, okay, maybe this is how people are welcomed in the U .S. on an international flag.
[681] By special forces.
[682] Exactly.
[683] I'm like, oh, they want to make sure all of them who are coming down are intimidated.
[684] No, who's boss.
[685] Welcome, but we're boss.
[686] That's pretty much what I thought.
[687] One of the security guards, I don't even know what to call them.
[688] Let's just say guards.
[689] One of those guards asked us, there's an active gunman at the airport.
[690] Oh, my God.
[691] All of you guys kneel down.
[692] Oh, why did they let you guys off the plane?
[693] Being in aviation, I'm assuming the flight crews cannot be in the aircraft for certain number of hours.
[694] So they might have timed out that they should go to the gate.
[695] Yeah.
[696] That's what I'm assuming, knowing what I know now, but I don't know what happened there.
[697] Also perhaps just flights are continuing to land and they can't have airplanes not at the gates.
[698] Yeah, it's probably overcrowded.
[699] So we got there.
[700] Again, growing up in India, we have our own problems, but gun violence isn't one of those.
[701] So we weren't trained on what to do.
[702] So I had no clue whatsoever on what to do.
[703] I was so flustered.
[704] All my excitement freaking turned into fear.
[705] Okay, okay.
[706] The guard, again, goes, you guys have to lay down completely flat.
[707] I'm playing a lot of scenarios in my head.
[708] I kneel down and then hear somebody scream close to me. Oh.
[709] And my heart went out of the roof.
[710] I was like, okay, I'm going to die.
[711] I just moved out of my family and I'm going to die before even seeing New York.
[712] This is what I get for having ambitious dreams.
[713] Are you starting to feel guilty?
[714] Like, oh, this is my punishment for wanting something.
[715] Pretty much.
[716] I'm not even kidding.
[717] At one point, I thought all my family is going to have to take care of my student loans now because I'm dead now.
[718] Oh, my God.
[719] Yeah, my immigrant guilty consciousness went out of the room.
[720] And again, all of this was playing in my head.
[721] And then I turned around, this poor old woman had.
[722] blood gushing out of her face.
[723] What?
[724] What?
[725] So what had happened was when I laid down flat, I had kicked her right behind me. And I had no idea I did that.
[726] Oh no, no. You went from the victim to the assailant.
[727] Imagine being a brown man with a beard at the airport with people with weapons right in front of you.
[728] Yes.
[729] Oh my gosh.
[730] Oh, no. This is awful.
[731] This is so dark to ask this.
[732] But do you think just because she was old, there was no resistance when your foot hit her face?
[733] It just kind of, yeah, that you didn't even notice.
[734] For all, it's what?
[735] She could be like a 40 -year -old looking like a 70 -year -old.
[736] I don't know.
[737] All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[738] Yeah, white people age a little differently than brown people.
[739] Racist, okay.
[740] I can't say that.
[741] I said it.
[742] I said it.
[743] I said it.
[744] I only have one infraction.
[745] You have two.
[746] Yours is times four.
[747] I didn't know what to do.
[748] And then I was super scared.
[749] that I was not even just dead.
[750] Now I'm scared that they are not going to let me inside the U .S. They're going to detain me or send me back home because I accidentally broke somebody's face.
[751] You know, assaulted an elderly woman.
[752] Oh my God.
[753] And then I raved at the guard.
[754] I told them I accidentally hit this woman and they literally took that lady from where we were.
[755] And then that God asked me to lay down flat.
[756] Okay.
[757] That's nice.
[758] And again, we were still laying down flat for like 30 minutes.
[759] At that point, I'm assuming that God had other things to worry about than me actually.
[760] accidentally hitting somebody.
[761] Yeah, yeah.
[762] And that was the last time I saw that lady.
[763] And again, if she's listening now, I am extremely sorry.
[764] This was an intentional.
[765] Yeah.
[766] If you're listening and you were a part of an active shooter airport situation where you were then kicked in the nose and escorted off by special forces, this abolish is for you.
[767] Yeah, 100%.
[768] Oh, my God.
[769] And she, too, obviously, was returning from India.
[770] So she had been on a plane for 24 hours.
[771] It's not India.
[772] So the connection is from India to Abu Dhabi and Abu Dhabi to the U .S. So she could just be in Abu Dhabi or she might be taking another flight from another country.
[773] So I don't know.
[774] But I know she was white.
[775] Okay.
[776] That's helpful.
[777] Yeah.
[778] That limits, I guess it's down to 200 of the 300 million.
[779] The guard comes back and then says all of you guys are good to go.
[780] That said, no other communication.
[781] This was again 30, 40 minutes after.
[782] No communication on what happened with the gunman, what the scenario was, nothing.
[783] And I was also in a sense of shock that I was looking at him.
[784] He wasn't looking at me. But I was like, even me, after what I just did, I can go, walk away.
[785] I was shocked.
[786] You're like, this is a loosey -goosey country.
[787] You can come into the airport, active shooter.
[788] You can pick some people on the face.
[789] Coming from India, people usually scared that when you go through immigration, that immigration officer has all the rights to send you back home.
[790] So again, with my anxiety, I was like, okay, the guard had told that immigration officer that I did something.
[791] so I'm going to go through immigration and that immigration officer is going to catch me and then send me back home.
[792] Yeah, when you stepped up to the immigration and you were probably sweating bullets, they thought you probably keystered like a brick of heroin or something.
[793] Wow, but they let you in fine.
[794] They let me in fine.
[795] And did you feel like you really wanted to tell them like, just so you know I did kick a lady.
[796] Well, what if they said, what's your purpose on this visit?
[797] And you're like, I just wanted to break an old lady's nose so I guess I can go home.
[798] I'm ready to go.
[799] They have a mission accomplished.
[800] Wow.
[801] Oh my God.
[802] What an incredible story.
[803] And also, while all of this was happening, my family back in India, this is my first trip outside.
[804] So they're tracking my flight.
[805] They're trying to see where I was.
[806] If I made the connection or not, my parents are pretty tech savvy.
[807] So they tracked my flight on Google.
[808] It said my flight landed five hours ago, but I haven't communicated to them.
[809] So they are freaking the fuck out that I am lost.
[810] I am dead or something.
[811] And then they try to see what's going on in New York.
[812] And then they see that there's an active gunman there before I did all their worst nightmares letting their baby boy go.
[813] I know.
[814] And then they're texting all these family friends who are in the U .S. Like, oh, what's going on?
[815] What's going to happen?
[816] I put out that fire once I crossed immigration.
[817] I started Googling and then just talking to people around.
[818] I am not even kidding.
[819] There was no gunmen.
[820] I know this story, by the way.
[821] This was kind of a famous them shutting down JFK and there wasn't a gunman.
[822] Wait, then what they just thought?
[823] On that day, it was Olympics.
[824] And Usain Bolt was running his 100 meters, and he broke this 9 .81 world record.
[825] And then people are watching that at a bar, I'm assuming.
[826] And people were cheering and clapping.
[827] I don't know how or who heard it as a gunshot.
[828] And then one led to the other.
[829] Somebody mentioned they actually saw a gunman.
[830] And then this rumor, false news just spread out.
[831] And they shut down the whole airport.
[832] and there was stampede at different terminals and I was involved in that and I broke a poor lady's face.
[833] Oh, my God.
[834] Maybe they heard the starter pistol of Yusain Bolt taking off from the blocks.
[835] Or like a big clap.
[836] Some people clap really loud.
[837] Maybe someone broke their glass.
[838] They were such a big fan of him.
[839] Wow.
[840] You're so cute.
[841] Oh, thank you.
[842] And this whole 6 '5 thing, are you finding that the American gals love you here?
[843] The Dallas gals?
[844] I am madded now, but I had my fair.
[845] Okay, great.
[846] You had a fun time.
[847] Yeah, I lived in New York, too.
[848] Yeah.
[849] Sure, it's easy pickings over there.
[850] 12 million to pick from.
[851] Yeah, and there's a lot of sim moments in this story too.
[852] So my dad texted me on August 15th of this year, saying it's been seven years since you moved to the U .S. And then I was revisiting this moment.
[853] And then my wife sends me this prompt saying, worst trip to the U .S. You should put in on that day.
[854] Wow.
[855] And I put in that day.
[856] That is crazy.
[857] Very sim.
[858] Now, does just your wife listen to the show, or do you listen to the show as well?
[859] She was the one who introduced me to the show.
[860] I'm a big fan of Formula One, so she sent me the Daniel Ricardo episode.
[861] And then from that day, I have just been a big, huge fan.
[862] We listen to every episode together.
[863] Oh.
[864] And she's right here, if you guys want to say hi.
[865] Yes.
[866] She's my technical support.
[867] Hi.
[868] Hi.
[869] I am such a huge fan.
[870] I don't know if y 'all can hear me. Yes.
[871] And are you from Georgia or somewhere?
[872] Where are you from?
[873] I was born and raised in Texas.
[874] Texas.
[875] The great state of Texas.
[876] I'm from Austin, so I know you all love Austin.
[877] We sure do.
[878] Where'd you meet this babe?
[879] He's such a babe.
[880] I know, right?
[881] Yes.
[882] I told him that Dax would probably comment on how good looks at me is.
[883] Yes, and the whole six, five of it all?
[884] I had no idea.
[885] Thanks, I'm boosting my ego, Dax.
[886] It's so funny because Indian people are known to be short.
[887] Exactly.
[888] And I'm 5 '7, which is pretty tall for an Indian woman.
[889] And so my family has always.
[890] he's been like, you're never going to find a husband that's taller than you.
[891] And I brought him home.
[892] So it was great.
[893] If you procreate, you might have the first Indian power forward in the NBA.
[894] Or WNBA.
[895] Yes.
[896] Great, great.
[897] Either or would work.
[898] But yes, this could be a real.
[899] Or just a giant.
[900] First Indian giant.
[901] First Indian giant.
[902] That could be.
[903] I'm sure there's been.
[904] Nope.
[905] I mean, we're going back, the Indus Valley.
[906] We're talking 6 ,000 years ago.
[907] They had to have produced a giant.
[908] Nope.
[909] No?
[910] Okay.
[911] I know there was one who was participating in the WWE, who was like seven foot five or something.
[912] Oh, and there's also a very famous Indian bodybuilder.
[913] He was in one of my bodybuilding documentaries.
[914] And he was not eating beef, which is most of these bodybuilders are eating six, seven pounds of beef a day.
[915] So it was harder for him.
[916] And I'm a vegetarian, too.
[917] It's not slowed down your growth at all.
[918] Yeah.
[919] Well, it's so nice meeting both of you.
[920] Thanks so much for that incredible story.
[921] Same here.
[922] Thank you so much.
[923] Take care of you guys.
[924] Bye.
[925] Okay.
[926] Be well.
[927] Oh, my God, I love them.
[928] Oh, my God.
[929] Those are some cute Indian people.
[930] Third time.
[931] That was a third time.
[932] They're just people, Monica.
[933] I'm allowed, Dax.
[934] This is the thing you don't understand.
[935] You have to play by the exact rules I do or you're a racist.
[936] You feel like you can do what I do.
[937] Oh, that was so funny.
[938] He was a great storyteller.
[939] Absolutely.
[940] What a left turn.
[941] You already have an A -plus story in that there's an active shooter at JFC.
[942] And then you fucking karate kick.
[943] He heard a scream, and it was because he kicked the old lady.
[944] And it scared him.
[945] He was the victim of his own assault.
[946] God.
[947] Thinking about my dad coming here, and it's like exciting.
[948] The only thing you and I and Robbie have to compare it to is coming to California, but that's got to be like one tenth of the fantasy.
[949] You know what American culture is.
[950] It's just so different.
[951] Here's Jessica.
[952] The parents.
[953] I cannot imagine.
[954] Can you even imagine them at home.
[955] Your parents.
[956] Yeah.
[957] And they're one step removed.
[958] Exactly.
[959] Hello.
[960] We don't see you.
[961] Hang on.
[962] I'm just going to see that one little recording part.
[963] Are you New Zealandy?
[964] I'm in New Zealand.
[965] Yeah.
[966] Kiwi Nation.
[967] Oh, hello.
[968] Now we can see you.
[969] What time is it there, Jessica?
[970] Oh, my gosh.
[971] It's 607 a .m. Oh, that's dreadful.
[972] Thank you for waking up.
[973] so early.
[974] It's fine.
[975] I'm an early bird.
[976] Oh, okay.
[977] Great.
[978] Okay.
[979] Do you know David?
[980] We have to ask.
[981] Do you know David Ferrier?
[982] Listen, I actually used to work where he worked.
[983] No. I'm in Auckland and I used to work at the same network that he used to work at.
[984] I was in sales.
[985] He's obviously, was a cool guy, a journalist, so I didn't really have anything to do with him.
[986] And he's also got face blindness.
[987] Yeah.
[988] I'm going to be honest with you, because I asked him, he does not have female body blindness.
[989] Oh, okay.
[990] Uh -huh.
[991] So I I think he can remember people's figures.
[992] Okay, good.
[993] I was 25, so I was kind of a little bit more top -notch than maybe he recognized.
[994] So, Jessica, you had an ill -fated trip to the U .S.?
[995] I was nervous this week because I was thinking, well, it's not a really terrible story, but it was a crazy story for our first experience in arriving in the States.
[996] Just to set the scene, this is in 2014, my husband and I were on our honeymoon.
[997] We hadn't left the country really, apart from Australia and Fiji, which is three hours away from us.
[998] the culture is pretty similar.
[999] So we went in a little bit naive about, I guess, the bigness.
[1000] That is the USA.
[1001] Yeah, yeah.
[1002] So we were flying into L .A. We arrived at 6 a .m., and it was dead quiet.
[1003] Okay.
[1004] We went really fast through customs.
[1005] We came out through the other side, and I thought, okay, there's going to be taxis lined up.
[1006] There's going to be everything waiting for us.
[1007] And then literally, there was nothing.
[1008] Is that normal?
[1009] None of that's normal.
[1010] Normally, it's quite busy.
[1011] Normally it takes forever to get.
[1012] L .A.'s border is the worst of all the airports I've landed in.
[1013] This is all weird.
[1014] We were just looking around being like, okay, well, how do we get to our hotel here?
[1015] Keep in mind, Uber was relatively new, I think, and especially in New Zealand.
[1016] We're a little bit of a late adopters.
[1017] We're walking around looking for how we could get out of this airport.
[1018] We just go find a phone book and literally, I don't know where this man appears.
[1019] He's in a nice soap.
[1020] Uh -oh.
[1021] And he says, are you guys looking for a ride?
[1022] Oh, no. And we said, oh, my gosh, we are.
[1023] and he says, oh, I'm a driver.
[1024] I have my car in the car park.
[1025] Would you like a ride?
[1026] We had been traveling for about 17 hours, I think, by this point, and we just thought, that sounds great.
[1027] Trusting Kiwis, you know, when I'm at home, if someone said they were a taxi driver and offered me right, I wouldn't question it, right?
[1028] I would just go, yeah, there's no real need to query the intention.
[1029] Oh, God, America.
[1030] He has a big escalade.
[1031] So I think the truth is he is a driver in some capacity.
[1032] Yes, this is what they do sometimes.
[1033] They're there on a run.
[1034] they dropped someone off.
[1035] They're like, hey, I could probably pick up another $60 bucks before I get my next call.
[1036] Yeah, $60 would have been lovely.
[1037] Uh -oh.
[1038] We jump in the car, get all our stuff in.
[1039] He says, where are you guys going?
[1040] We say, West Hollywood was staying at the standard.
[1041] We start driving out of the airport, and he says, by the way, you're really lucky.
[1042] This used to be Michael Jackson's personal car that I drove him around in.
[1043] Wait, what?
[1044] And my husband's a big MJ fan, and he was like, what?
[1045] And we were like, wow, that's so cool.
[1046] It's already happening.
[1047] You're coming to Hollywood.
[1048] You're already sitting where Michael Jackson sat.
[1049] This is perfect.
[1050] We're thinking, whoa, we've scored, right?
[1051] Yes, yes.
[1052] And he's saying, yeah, yeah, I drove him for years and years.
[1053] And here, take a look at this video.
[1054] Oh, oh.
[1055] So we think, oh, you see, this is when we got swarmed by the paparazzi and we were stuck in a car park.
[1056] Now, I thought we'd be seeing a video from the inside of a car, right?
[1057] Right.
[1058] That would make sense.
[1059] Yeah.
[1060] He, however, passes us a phone.
[1061] It's a TMZ video of a car being.
[1062] warmed.
[1063] Michael Jackson is in the car, but he is definitely not the driver.
[1064] Oh, okay.
[1065] And you can tell.
[1066] You could tell.
[1067] It was a completely different person.
[1068] So he says, you know, look at me there.
[1069] I'm stuck in the car.
[1070] We can't get out.
[1071] We were there for an hour, like, tells us a elaborate story.
[1072] And my husband and I look and he took in each other like, he's not right.
[1073] Or he's had massive facial reconstructive surgery.
[1074] Everything was different.
[1075] Okay.
[1076] Change his skin color, maybe.
[1077] Ethnicity.
[1078] Everything was different.
[1079] Right, right.
[1080] A full reboot.
[1081] Page one rewrite.
[1082] Okay.
[1083] But Michael Jackson did change the color of skin.
[1084] That's right.
[1085] He already had a reboot.
[1086] We decide, just sort of like telepathically, we're going to go along with this because we're now locked in this car.
[1087] So we just nod and say, okay, great.
[1088] We've got all our bags in the boot or trunk.
[1089] We don't want to risk losing everything for our six -week trip.
[1090] I then asked, how far is it to Hollywood?
[1091] And he says, oh, we're not going to Hollywood.
[1092] It's far too early for you to check in.
[1093] And I said, we can just drop our bags and go for breakfast.
[1094] And he says, no, no, no, no. We're only only one Malibu now.
[1095] I'm going to take you on a big tour.
[1096] No. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God.
[1097] We say, oh, we don't need that.
[1098] We're really tired.
[1099] We just want to go to the hotel.
[1100] He said, oh, this is the perfect time.
[1101] There's no traffic.
[1102] You're not going to get out to Malibu any other way.
[1103] And my husband goes, how much more is this going to cost us?
[1104] Because we hadn't even really talked about price.
[1105] And he goes, don't even worry about it.
[1106] You're new to the country.
[1107] We're going to drive around.
[1108] Oh, my God.
[1109] I have so much anxiety.
[1110] We head to Malibu, and on the way there, he says, listen, let me pass you my personal photographs of my time with Michael.
[1111] Also, my time was Slash.
[1112] I was his driver from Guns and Roses.
[1113] I used to babysit his kids.
[1114] You can look through that album.
[1115] And then we think, maybe he just looks different, because if he's got a personal album, he passes us a clear file.
[1116] And within that, a magazine cutouts of Michael Jackson, magazine cutouts of Slash.
[1117] This is very scary.
[1118] Yes.
[1119] This is a crazy person.
[1120] My husband and I are just staring at each other like, oh, my God, what have we done?
[1121] Like, what is going to happen here?
[1122] And I start getting quite panic.
[1123] I'm a bit of an overthinker.
[1124] I jump to the worst.
[1125] I think, we're going to be killed.
[1126] Yeah.
[1127] We're going to be a headline.
[1128] First time travelers killed an hour within arriving in L .A. Murdered by Michael Jackson's maybe driver.
[1129] Oh.
[1130] Did you know about 911?
[1131] Yes.
[1132] Okay.
[1133] But I didn't want to escalate anything prematurely.
[1134] I was just writing about this.
[1135] So when you're in these situations where, well, especially like, violent ones, you would think you'd be like, oh my God, this is terrible.
[1136] I'm getting shoved around.
[1137] But really, your brain goes, thank God I'm not getting hit.
[1138] So I just got to prevent this from escalating to getting hit.
[1139] And if you're getting hit, you go, we just can't get choked to death.
[1140] You would just immediately.
[1141] You level it.
[1142] Yes.
[1143] It was so weird how my husband and I were communicating in a way without words of just sort of looking at each other and going, we are just appeasing this situation.
[1144] We're just going to nod along because really I felt like my life depended on it.
[1145] He felt like we're going to get robbed, right?
[1146] So he didn't really ever feel physically threatened where I thought we did.
[1147] You know, we play along with the photos, which are literally magazine cutouts.
[1148] Oh, jeez.
[1149] It may be a signed headshot from Slash, but I feel like you don't have to have worked for Slash to get assigned headshot.
[1150] No. And we pull up in this, I guess it's a driveway.
[1151] It's sandy.
[1152] It's a bit dusty.
[1153] And he says, look, there's a walkway straight down there.
[1154] Walk down there.
[1155] And you'll be at Suzanne Somers.
[1156] house.
[1157] And it's kind of apparent to me he's got quite an obsession in the 90s.
[1158] I was just going to say he is stuck in the 90s.
[1159] By the way, you're in Malibu.
[1160] Like Leonardo DiCaprio's there, but he's taking you to Suzanne Summers.
[1161] I was like, oh, step by step.
[1162] Okay, I remember that show.
[1163] It's like one of those things where, if I was watching someone do this, I would be saying, why are you going to walk down that track?
[1164] Also, then now you can get out.
[1165] Yeah.
[1166] So we think, we can get out, because we can't open it from the inside.
[1167] So he lets us out, and we just start walking.
[1168] I catch up to my husband, I'm like, what are we doing?
[1169] How do we get out of this situation?
[1170] And he says, all our stuff's in the back.
[1171] I don't know.
[1172] Like, do we just cut our losses?
[1173] And we're having this little back and forth.
[1174] And then I hear him in the background say, easy money, easy money.
[1175] And he's spoken to someone that he can see, but we can't see.
[1176] And that is a moment where I go, I'm going to get shot in the head.
[1177] I just panic.
[1178] And I stop.
[1179] And I say, I don't care about Suzanne Summers.
[1180] And the guy says, okay.
[1181] I don't care about Susan.
[1182] disrespect to Suzanne, but just in that moment, that's not what you care about.
[1183] She's lovely.
[1184] I just said, I have to get to the car.
[1185] So I turn around and start going back, and my husband catches something.
[1186] He's like, what are you doing?
[1187] He's going to kill us.
[1188] He just said, easy money.
[1189] And he says, he's not going to kill us.
[1190] Calm down.
[1191] The man is waiting back by the car at this point.
[1192] And I said, I just want to get to the hotel.
[1193] This is really far out of where we're meant to be.
[1194] This feels strange.
[1195] And he's like, okay, okay, calmed out.
[1196] Like, you're lame.
[1197] Yeah, it's you.
[1198] Yeah, like now I'm the crazy weird girl.
[1199] Yeah.
[1200] We get back in the car because really there's not much.
[1201] other choice, right?
[1202] I guess there is, but at the time, there's not much other choice.
[1203] Yeah, I've had my little irrational moment of like, I'm going to die and then I've calmed down that I haven't died.
[1204] So we get back in the car, we start driving.
[1205] And he says, but you know what?
[1206] We're so close to Mel Gibson's house.
[1207] And my husband goes, no, mate, take us to the hotel.
[1208] And he says, but you can see the big cross from the passion of the Christ.
[1209] Apparently on his front lawn, there was a big giant cross.
[1210] Yeah, I think he even has his own church up there somewhere.
[1211] Yeah.
[1212] Something like that.
[1213] and he doesn't listen, he drives us all the way up there and then he says, okay, now we'll go to Hollywood.
[1214] I'm like, oh my God, thank God.
[1215] So we drive into Hollywood and then he fakes a phone call.
[1216] And no, it's fake.
[1217] The phone does not ring, it does not light up.
[1218] He just picks it up and he goes, hey, Michael.
[1219] And I think, oh my God, he thinks Michael's alive.
[1220] Oh, my God.
[1221] Oh, my God.
[1222] He goes, no problem, no problem.
[1223] I can drop that off.
[1224] Just one side of conversation we can hear.
[1225] There's no other voice coming through.
[1226] He hangs out and I go, So, was that Michael Jackson?
[1227] Just like testing the lunacy.
[1228] He goes, no, Michael Bolton.
[1229] So he's pulled in another 90s preference.
[1230] He and Kenny G are having breakfast and he needs his attache case.
[1231] He says, Michael Bolton, I drive for him sometimes.
[1232] He's left his passport in the car.
[1233] And he says, and you know what, I've just had a good idea.
[1234] We're not going to go to the hotel yet.
[1235] We're going to go to the Hollywood Cemetery where all the, stars are buried.
[1236] And you will be buried there too.
[1237] And I thought, this is maybe where we actually die.
[1238] At this point, my husband's getting quite agitated and he's like, just take us to the hotel.
[1239] He might have said a few other things as well, but he was just getting quite agitated.
[1240] I was so anxious.
[1241] And he says, but this is your only opportunity.
[1242] You're in Michael Jackson's car.
[1243] Only celebrity plates are allowed in that cemetery.
[1244] Oh, my God.
[1245] It's an invisible gate.
[1246] Invisible gate.
[1247] Yeah.
[1248] As you drive in, only if you have number plates, that a celebrity, you're allowed access.
[1249] We get to the cemetery.
[1250] We were just so over this, so tired, so hungry, so airplane, yucky, you know, just wanted to get out of the car.
[1251] I remember this.
[1252] My husband doesn't remember, but I remember him going, beep, beep.
[1253] Like, making a beep with his mouth, as if he was getting this special access.
[1254] No, no, no. It had scanned the plates and access was granted.
[1255] However, at this point, people are up and on their morning walks and stuff like that.
[1256] And there are other people around that cemetery.
[1257] And he's driving through.
[1258] And then he gets a bit disheartened because we're not amazed.
[1259] And we feel his mood shift.
[1260] And that's when I get a lot more anxious.
[1261] And so I flip into people pleaser.
[1262] Wow.
[1263] Oh, my gosh.
[1264] Is that Marilyn Monroe's feeling that I need to pick his spirits up in order for us to kind of get out of the situation.
[1265] Look, I know I'm one.
[1266] tracked mind.
[1267] Everything goes through my filter and I always think this, but I have to say, my guess is this guy was high when he got you and his high is starting to fade and he's turning agitated.
[1268] Because the whole thing feels very fucking druggy right up to this point.
[1269] And the fact that now he's turning feels right.
[1270] It feels more than druggy because of the like cutouts.
[1271] I feel like this more than just drugs.
[1272] Yes, agreed.
[1273] But the idea in his mind and he was able to sell it is so positive that we're going to Malibu, that we're going to Malibu.
[1274] That part is what feels very druggie.
[1275] Like, yeah, who gives us?
[1276] Let's go to Malibu.
[1277] Like, we're in this car.
[1278] Let's do this.
[1279] Maybe to your point, he's coming down or something.
[1280] And he says, fine.
[1281] Let's go to your hotel.
[1282] He pulls up by the standard.
[1283] He doesn't go all the way out.
[1284] And he just says, okay, guys, that's going to be $500.
[1285] Oh, my God.
[1286] That's pretty much all the cash that we have gotten out to have the first part of our trap.
[1287] My husband goes, for what?
[1288] And he says, I just gave you an exclusive tour.
[1289] You went to Malibu.
[1290] You went to Mel Gibson's.
[1291] You had the chance to see Suzanne Summers' house.
[1292] You went to have exclusive access to the Hollywood Cemetery.
[1293] And you're a Michael Jackson's car.
[1294] I've shown you my personal photographs of Michael Jackson.
[1295] This is a tour that not everyone can get.
[1296] And we pay him the money.
[1297] Yeah.
[1298] At that point, you're like, I'd pay a million dollars to be out of this situation.
[1299] Just to get out of the situation.
[1300] And he pulls out closer to the hotel at this point.
[1301] He unloads us all.
[1302] He like peels off.
[1303] We're left standing there with our bags.
[1304] Just sort of like, what happened?
[1305] This bell boy comes over like a real L .A. long hair.
[1306] Like, hey, wow, you came.
[1307] I think he called it a town car.
[1308] Are you in a town car?
[1309] Something like that.
[1310] And we tell him the story.
[1311] And he just goes, oh, dude, you should have got an Uber.
[1312] Oh, my God.
[1313] Thanks, bro.
[1314] I just was like, is this what America is now the whole trip.
[1315] We were so on guard.
[1316] We didn't really trust anyone.
[1317] We ubered everywhere.
[1318] We didn't get taxis.
[1319] We had to have it on the app.
[1320] In my hindsight, I wonder if he just really saw us coming.
[1321] He maybe does this hustle.
[1322] He believes that people will believe these are his personal photos.
[1323] He gets you a little bit scared enough that you're not going to really like fight up against him and then he gets a really good payday.
[1324] Or to your point, he was a bit high and thought this could be quite fun and he could make some money.
[1325] Well, I mean, the fact that he was kind of Hanging around the international terminal is a little telling that it's probably a scam.
[1326] I think it's a hustle that he does.
[1327] I mean, he has an escalate.
[1328] We lost Jessica.
[1329] Oh, no. I think I've lost you.
[1330] You get to say goodbye.
[1331] Boy, sad we lost Jessica right at the moment we were concluding, but we did get the entire story.
[1332] Oh, my God.
[1333] She started off by saying this isn't that bad, but just crazy.
[1334] But that is bad.
[1335] Yes, yes, yes.
[1336] Full -blown scammed.
[1337] Oh, man. I've been in many of those.
[1338] You have?
[1339] Yes, when you go downtown to buy drugs, you end up with people on weird trips and you're like, what is happening?
[1340] Why are we going to this house?
[1341] When is the person going to show up with this or that?
[1342] Yeah, I mean, that's a tricky thing because you know you're entering a situation where people don't have all their wits.
[1343] Yes.
[1344] But in general, if you ask anyone downtown at 3 a .m. for drugs, odds are they two are a drug addict.
[1345] So they're like, yeah, this is going to be my way of getting for.
[1346] free drugs.
[1347] And they're saying, yes, I know a guy, but they might really need to check four or five different places.
[1348] They're just as lost as you are.
[1349] Yeah.
[1350] I guess I mean, if you know you're in the drug game, I guess you know, you're expecting some, uh, craziness.
[1351] Yes, true, true.
[1352] But wow, but not her.
[1353] No, no. She's landed bright and early at LAX.
[1354] The hustle's one thing.
[1355] That feels kind of standard, to be honest, like getting this car, it's off the books.
[1356] It's the Michael Jackson.
[1357] Exactly.
[1358] It's the photo.
[1359] in the car, it's Suzanne Summer.
[1360] Well, it's one thing if they just drive you to the place and then say it's $500.
[1361] Because that's the normal scam.
[1362] But to take you all over the fucking city, say, beep, beep, you have special access to this invisible gate.
[1363] Yes, and then the cutouts.
[1364] There's almost like a weird, like, stalkery piece.
[1365] Like, maybe he does believe that he was friends with them.
[1366] Yeah.
[1367] Oh, boy.
[1368] I hope he's not operating a town car anymore.
[1369] Me too.
[1370] In L .A. Those were really good stories.
[1371] They really were.
[1372] On behalf of everyone here in this wonderful country, I love, the United States, we do apologize for these visits you four had.
[1373] But keep coming.
[1374] Keep on coming.
[1375] All right.
[1376] Love you.
[1377] Do you want to sing a tune or something?
[1378] I want to sing a tune or something?
[1379] Oh.
[1380] Okay, great.
[1381] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
[1382] We're going to ask some random questions.
[1383] Getting with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions.
[1384] On the flyer rhymed dish, on the flyer rhymed dish, enjoy.