My Favorite Murder Presents: Do You Need A Ride? - “S4 - Ep. 1 - Karen & Chris”

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hello.

[2] And welcome.

[3] We're here to introduce the season four premiere episode of Do You Need a Ride, Karen's mobile comedy podcast with Chris Fairbanks?

[4] Finally, after three years of being stuck at home, Chris and I are finally back in the car.

[5] I bet that makes a big difference for a mobile comedy podcast.

[6] Yeah, it really does.

[7] This season, Chris, Karen, and a bunch of comedians that you know and love will be driving around L .A., discussing life and hitting the drive -thru.

[8] That's right.

[9] And Chris and I had so much fun on.

[10] our way to pick up our first guest that we had to make it a two -parter.

[11] And that guest is none other than iconic comedian and friend of the exactly right family, Margaret Cho.

[12] So when you're done listening to this first episode, head over to the Do You Need a Ride podcast feed and listen to the second half of that drive with Margaret Cho.

[13] And while you're there, don't forget to follow, rate, review, and remember, you can listen early on Amazon music or early and ad free by subscribing to Wondery Plus in the Wondry app.

[14] Now, please enjoy our long -awaited return to the car in the season four premiere episode of Do You Need a Ride?

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Are you leaving?

[17] Are you on your way back home?

[18] Either way we want to be there.

[19] Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

[20] Give us a time and date, terminal, and we want to send you off in style.

[21] We want to welcome you back home.

[22] Tell us all about it.

[23] Were you scared or was it fine?

[24] Mouthorn With Karen and Chris Welcome to Do You Need a Ride This is Chris Fairbanks And this is Karen Gilgareth We're in a car right now It's happening, guys I've been so excited And it's so far lived up to the hype I've been excited But I'm the one that always has to warn and be like careful and be like the one that's like, we can't do it now because of this and that, but that has nothing to do with the level of wanting to be in the car.

[25] I'm happy to hear you say that because I wasn't sure if you wanted.

[26] I wanted and have since COVID began, since the first cough of COVID splattered all over California.

[27] I was like, get us back in that car.

[28] That's where our personal brand of common comedy magic happens and it and we're back i'm so much less liable to repeat myself because when i see it coming when i start thinking about my cat i that's right when a biker will cut in front of us i'll slap my hand against your chest out of safety safety is not repeating yourself it's so weird you don't realize you miss things until uh they're they're gone and you treating me like a book bed the book bag that might spill everywhere is such a heartwarming since the first time you did it.

[29] I mean, how long have we been doing this podcast?

[30] Do you have an idea?

[31] I'm just going to start saying a decade.

[32] Yeah.

[33] No, eight years.

[34] Eight or nine?

[35] It might be a decade.

[36] It might be, because it's been a while.

[37] And this is the very road we first started on.

[38] Is it Ventura?

[39] We were coming the other way.

[40] I was traumatized because of a story that I'm not going to tell again.

[41] A bit of a car happening.

[42] And we were in the same model.

[43] Yeah, the memories.

[44] They're all coming back.

[45] The Honda Fit days.

[46] And here we are in a much safer vehicle.

[47] And it's so quiet.

[48] It's studio quiet in here.

[49] I said when I was car shopping on the auto mall.

[50] You know your best studio on wheels.

[51] I said, I need.

[52] a soundproof vehicle.

[53] Can I have this same car that I can't think of anything that records in a car besides us and Yes, and John Daly and John, Tall John's podcast.

[54] There are many now, yes.

[55] Are there?

[56] It seems like, well, there's the famous Seinfeld one, but he's in like old, you know, steam powered engine cars and everything you know, from the 60s.

[57] There's no way.

[58] That's got to be like.

[59] That's got to be loved.

[60] That's one thing we have on that possibly more famous recording is quality of sound.

[61] Yes, and thanks to Annalise for providing that quality of sound.

[62] Annalise in the back seat.

[63] I'm so happy to be here.

[64] Thank you for being had.

[65] Listen, that sounded very facetious.

[66] I'm sorry.

[67] This truly is a dream come true, but that also sounds facetious.

[68] I'm just going to stop talking about.

[69] It's hard not to sound facetious.

[70] When we talk these days, we understand.

[71] Yeah, yeah.

[72] Anytime I say something genuine, it will be easily confused for sarcasm, but I'm very happy we're doing this.

[73] Me too.

[74] And also, you know, I was on vacation for basically a month last month.

[75] And so I haven't been in Los Angeles.

[76] And I think you understand that feeling of when you leave L .A., you don't appreciate L .A. when you're here.

[77] L .A. when you're here.

[78] Not you personally.

[79] Everybody kind of hates it all of them.

[80] time.

[81] Yeah.

[82] You go away and you go to other places and then you come back and you're like, no, I like it here.

[83] Yeah.

[84] Yeah.

[85] I mean, you were in Italy.

[86] I was in Italy, which is much more.

[87] It's a lot.

[88] It's a lot better than LA.

[89] Yeah.

[90] Yeah.

[91] I was in New York, but the same thing, it, it, I do appreciate here.

[92] I do like being able to just get in a car and not on a metro train.

[93] I appreciate it.

[94] I Yeah.

[95] We, I mean, there's just, there's positives.

[96] Here's the thing I'll tell you about Italy that was one of the funniest slash death -defying scariest things.

[97] When we were in cars, Italian drivers treat the road like it's a one -way street going their way until a car comes.

[98] And then they just move over about three -quarters of an inch.

[99] And it is truly one of the scariest, most insane things I've ever seen.

[100] They never crash.

[101] They tailgate each other, like on the highway right up against each other's bumpers.

[102] And that's just how it's their very aggressive drivers.

[103] And they're also very, they get, they know how much space is on the outside of their car.

[104] And they don't, the roads aren't wide enough to move over any further.

[105] And right.

[106] They're all narrow, right?

[107] That's a European thing.

[108] I mean, that was my experience in Spain and in England.

[109] Yes.

[110] Because it's all kind old and, you know, they're basically based on what the Roman soldiers built when they were coming through, unlike L .A. where it was all built about two months ago.

[111] Yeah, yeah, this road is about two months old.

[112] It's a very young road.

[113] It's young and it's wide.

[114] And I appreciate the space we have here in California.

[115] Anyway, it was just kind of funny.

[116] There was a couple of times where we truly thought we were going to die.

[117] But our drivers were so, they handled shit so well, they There was one guy that he was driving through the mountains, like truly very steep, mountainous roads, and he was, it was a stick shift van, and he was texting.

[118] So he was shifting with his left hand.

[119] He'd reach over and shift while he was texting with his right hand.

[120] You know I appreciate multitasking in a vehicle.

[121] He could really do it.

[122] He was a real argument for men multitasking.

[123] I'm just not.

[124] I don't think I'll ever be.

[125] I have to limit my experience.

[126] expectations of myself, because I'm a full -grown adult.

[127] I don't know that I'll ever get better at juggling different things while driving.

[128] Yeah, and I don't think you should.

[129] No, don't do any of that.

[130] Don't, just focus.

[131] I'd say.

[132] Just focus.

[133] Yeah, well, there must be a reason that all those race car drivers are from Italy.

[134] Yeah.

[135] They're all adept.

[136] They truly are.

[137] I mean, that's a blanket statement.

[138] I'm sorry if I think it's a bad driver from Italy.

[139] It's like, what about me?

[140] You've left me out.

[141] Oh, yeah, but you know what?

[142] Those people aren't stepping forward because they'd never admit it.

[143] No. Because they're a prideful people.

[144] It's one of the many things I loved about them.

[145] It's such a wonderful country.

[146] What about the food?

[147] Did you enjoy the food?

[148] You know, I didn't love the food.

[149] No, just kidding.

[150] It was unbelievable.

[151] Well, I heard that when you go get to, like, an Italian sausage, it's very related to a hot dog.

[152] Is that true?

[153] No. Well, no, I don't think.

[154] Like they've been Americanized and what we...

[155] No. Okay.

[156] You were talking to someone who went to a baseball game, stoned, I think.

[157] Right.

[158] And they thought they had misconstrued the situation.

[159] Just a Dodger game with their Italian friend.

[160] Yes.

[161] They didn't go to Italy.

[162] They just hung out with a guy from Brooklyn, probably.

[163] Well, in Italy, what was the thing that stands out the most?

[164] Well, I was...

[165] It was a thing that I was very surprised.

[166] happened because I'm just not this person, never have been.

[167] I got completely hit on in the street in a way that I couldn't stop laughing because I was like, I don't know the lines for this part.

[168] I'm never this person.

[169] And it was like this guy came out of nowhere and basically told me he wanted to get to know me. And it was one and he was beautiful in Italian.

[170] He looked like a soccer player.

[171] And it was so funny.

[172] You should have allowed him to get to know you.

[173] I know, but I did, first of all, didn't speak.

[174] Italian and he didn't really speak English.

[175] He knew these phrases like, I just want to know you and how long are you here.

[176] And I couldn't stop laughing because I was just like, I just didn't, I couldn't believe it was happening.

[177] Yeah, that's cartoonishly what you see in movies or TikTok videos.

[178] Exactly.

[179] You will be swept off your feet by someone on the street.

[180] Yes.

[181] And I was kind of like, I just wasn't prepared.

[182] If I could do it again, I would do it very differently.

[183] But, and it was also just, funny because it was he was very like you can tell it's something he does a lot it's like he's probably working that part of the street yeah that's a number's game it really is someone's eventually going to say yes right which i respect in a way um but yeah i was kind of thinking i would be seeing it happen to because there's a million americans there there's lots of like groups of young women with their friends having the time of their life And so I was like, yeah, sure, that's great.

[184] This is, I will love to witness it.

[185] And then I got some up close.

[186] And it was a real, you know, I got my groove back.

[187] It was a real huge compliment.

[188] And you kind of can't pay for an experience like that.

[189] Or you can, but I wouldn't.

[190] Is that just something that very rarely happens here?

[191] Because when I was in New York, that's my only comparison.

[192] My European trip to New York, I found that I was having a lot of open.

[193] and friendly interactions in a place where, you know, historically you're supposed to like, hey, fuck you, fuck nuts, stuff like that.

[194] And I made friends everywhere I went.

[195] I'm like, is it me?

[196] Am I acting different?

[197] I'm more approachable here?

[198] I feel like, and not that we just said we love it where we live.

[199] But I do feel like you're, this is the place where you're at least liable to get approached.

[200] Yes.

[201] in the street, lovingly.

[202] I think this, yes, there's no love in the streets here.

[203] I think this is a tough town to be open in or have like a big smile on your face in.

[204] Right, right.

[205] And eye contact.

[206] Yeah.

[207] But you know what's funny?

[208] I've always found New York to be like that where people, I think because people are smashed together, they get along better.

[209] And it's like here people think they're supposed to act stuck up so they do.

[210] whereas New York it's like people will start asking they'll be like hey should I buy this for my girlfriend in like the aisle at CVS and then you get into a conversation I love it I love it too and I think here especially in recent years I've gotten so used to not interacting that I it just felt great I love I'm going to change this city I'm going to start talking to people yeah that's my new year's resolution starting now.

[211] It's Hot Girl Summer for you and I. We're going to bring that open energy to one of the more closed areas of the nation.

[212] Clothed.

[213] Clothed.

[214] Yes, I'm not doing this at the beach.

[215] That's the hardest time to really be open and vulnerable.

[216] Yeah, but I'll start by doing it indoors, but eventually I'm going to take this openness to the streets.

[217] You should.

[218] And that's when I'll think about taking some clothes off.

[219] Yeah, because you see.

[220] Pace that out.

[221] Yeah, yeah.

[222] Don't do it all at once.

[223] No, no, no, no. You can't just start talking to people and get naked in the same day.

[224] They can't process all of me. You need to go in levels and steps.

[225] Yeah, yeah.

[226] But also, hey, Fiat, get the fuck over and go.

[227] Well, there's a car in front of them.

[228] Oh, thank you.

[229] Because I was going to honk.

[230] Also, why are you so small now I get mad?

[231] Do Fiat's have to be that small?

[232] Sir.

[233] Oh, there's a car in front of him.

[234] I thought you meant a car.

[235] coming toward it.

[236] Oh, you didn't see.

[237] It was totally.

[238] Totally blocked.

[239] Yeah, they are of the same shape.

[240] But now that they're next to each other, isn't it funny?

[241] Because the other car is much larger.

[242] So much larger.

[243] That's perspective for you.

[244] Guys, this is a perspective that podcast listeners cannot have or appreciate.

[245] I do think they appreciate it.

[246] Our listeners.

[247] Okay.

[248] Yeah.

[249] I used to worry about it.

[250] And then I've been told that specifically people like when we're talking about things happening in the street that they can't see.

[251] It's like a radio show and we're doing a, you know, fully work.

[252] I have shoes on my hands and I'm crunching on gravel.

[253] Hey, mug.

[254] And then I punch some meat.

[255] I've always you know, like a...

[256] I have shoes on my hands.

[257] I just, my point is when are we going to go the noir route with this?

[258] Uh, Nourneur.

[259] Yeah, film Nour.

[260] Oh, Nour.

[261] Noir.

[262] Am I pronouncing that wrong?

[263] A little bit at the first time.

[264] But you came around the second time and then I understood what you meant.

[265] Now, the fashion brand, is it, do you are?

[266] No. Doia.

[267] It's Doya.

[268] Doya.

[269] Oh, I love Doya.

[270] Who are you wearing tonight?

[271] Doia.

[272] No, Doya.

[273] See, I've made the classic L .A. error as if I haven't lived here for 39 fucking years.

[274] Getting in the left lane when you're going down Franklin.

[275] And under the overpass, by the extra space rent storage facility, you do not want to be in this left lane.

[276] You get stuck here because there's left turn people fucking it up.

[277] And here comes a school bus.

[278] You're also podcasting.

[279] If I was driving right now, and I'm not trying to put this in a position where you will always be the driver, I promise I will give it a go.

[280] I will always be the driver.

[281] I mean, I like it.

[282] Thank you.

[283] God, I don't want to drive, please.

[284] I would be on the curb.

[285] I would be disrupting that man's abode.

[286] There's a man's abode.

[287] There is an abode.

[288] We don't know if it's a man or a woman.

[289] Yeah, you know what?

[290] It's put together so haphazardly.

[291] I think it reminds me of my dad and I building a deck in under eight hours.

[292] Don't rush a deck.

[293] No, you can't.

[294] People stand on that.

[295] For so long after.

[296] Yeah.

[297] If it's a good barbecue, they'll stay.

[298] Here's what I was going to say about our hot girl summer that we're both agreeing to participate in this summer.

[299] Tanning.

[300] I'm going to be tanning.

[301] Oh, but we're going to get super tan.

[302] We're going to get lip injections.

[303] We're going to wear tube tops.

[304] We're going to go to every party we get invited to.

[305] I am definitely doing that.

[306] Okay.

[307] Well, I'm going to do it too, so don't leave me out.

[308] But here's a vibe that I picked up on in Italy that when people are, and it was the men, but when they are being appreciative of women in the street, the underlying energy of it was very loving and respectful.

[309] It wasn't creepy ever.

[310] Now, maybe that's because a lot of them are wildly beautiful to a degree that doesn't make sense.

[311] I was going to say, that's kind of the deciding factor.

[312] But you have definitely met and interacted with hot people with terrible vibes, that you're like, this person is dangerous.

[313] Yeah.

[314] So it's possible.

[315] But over there, it's, felt like they were like, everything was kind of like, oh, look at you, ladies.

[316] It was that kind of thing where you don't normally hear if someone was like saying something about my appearance, I'd be like, how about you don't talk about my parents?

[317] And instead, you respect my mind or some shit.

[318] Yeah, yeah.

[319] I never said that in my life.

[320] Do you think that was the trick of the accent?

[321] Yes.

[322] I think if Tolman the right tone in Italian, I would appreciate anything, anyone's.

[323] Because it has a little bit of a sing -song.

[324] They literally do have put an A at the end of every word because that's kind of more like their language, you know?

[325] So it's like, would you like a menu?

[326] Really?

[327] Uh -huh.

[328] Not that bad, but a general.

[329] A general vibe of...

[330] Driving now past what used to be the one -on -one diner.

[331] Some of our early tuna melancholy.

[332] Yes.

[333] The earlier tuna melts that we shared.

[334] And now, have you been to the Clark Street Diner?

[335] It's awesome.

[336] I have it.

[337] The food is really fucking good.

[338] Like, amazing.

[339] One of the early meanings you had with Georgia was there.

[340] That's right.

[341] I mean, so much history.

[342] A true, they used to have a comedy show there before it was even redone, back when it was still kind of shitty and there was weird curtains and stuff in there that we all would do.

[343] I don't know if you lived in LA.

[344] No, I didn't.

[345] I don't.

[346] I don't.

[347] only remember visiting and doing laundromats with you, a series of laundromats.

[348] A tradition that I'm glad has disappeared.

[349] That was, the laundromat show was so hard and so funny.

[350] Like, no one did well.

[351] Everyone just would get up and eat it while other people tried to ignore them while they did their laundry.

[352] I had decided to move here and was just visiting, and I felt like I was making a huge mistake.

[353] But I was also doing that show with you and C .J. Arabia and all.

[354] And I was nervous.

[355] I was I was nervous for 10 years here every time I got on stage.

[356] And now I'm nervous again because I've stopped drinking before every show.

[357] How's that going?

[358] It's been going great.

[359] I've been wanting to talk to you about it because I didn't go through any sort of program.

[360] I just kind of stopped.

[361] And my brain works better.

[362] I think.

[363] except that I find that during this recording so far, I have had to search for words.

[364] So I'm in a little bit of a lull.

[365] I feel bored lately.

[366] It used to be a reason to do things.

[367] Yeah.

[368] And, but I can tell that my productivity will be up and I feel better about myself.

[369] And I'm not getting angry.

[370] I'm not getting depressed.

[371] All those emotions that are depressants surging through your blood.

[372] Yeah.

[373] And when you're on stage, do you lose words or no?

[374] No, I don't.

[375] I feel like I remember all my jokes, but yes, I am nervous.

[376] I have that new feeling or that old feeling of being nervous every time I get on stage.

[377] I think that's good.

[378] It's a good, yeah.

[379] That's energy, right?

[380] Yeah, it's energy.

[381] That's like actually being in your own body.

[382] And there was a number of times we recorded this podcast.

[383] And I would, because I was nervous, I would have a drink or two.

[384] I'm going to admit that.

[385] Sure.

[386] We're just talking white claws or something.

[387] I wouldn't get hammered like the NASA episode.

[388] But that, in my defense, I was at a party and I, I suppose I knew we were podcasting that day, but it didn't stop my flip -bbing.

[389] Wait, did you say the NASA episode?

[390] We drove and people will remember in the mountains and just ended up at a NASA.

[391] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[392] Yeah.

[393] Yes, I picked you up from Al Madrigal's party.

[394] That's right.

[395] Yes, and then we both auditioned to be astronauts, auditioned.

[396] we sang and danced about the moon Do you want us here We'd be really good on your moon I'll do anything That doesn't involve math Anything Oh look Wait this roundabout is new We're discovering new things about the town What?

[397] You know what this means 80 % more accidents but zero fatalities That's the story of the roundabout Is that true?

[398] That's an in a roundabout way that is.

[399] Sorry.

[400] Oh, that was a setup.

[401] I'm sorry.

[402] That was a beautiful setup punch.

[403] Thank you.

[404] Thank you.

[405] Well, you're welcome from me to you.

[406] Thank you.

[407] I actually thought it would get quite the grown.

[408] I fear I've made a large error on my first in -car episode.

[409] Oh.

[410] I do not think we're in the right place.

[411] Oh, I think we are.

[412] I think, yeah.

[413] Wait a minute.

[414] You perhaps are correct.

[415] You know what I'm doing?

[416] Mm -hmm.

[417] I'm going to Laura Milligan's old house.

[418] Do you know Laura Milligan?

[419] She might be a pre -you moving hair person.

[420] Should we just break the news to Margaret and pick up Laura McGilligan?

[421] She doesn't live here anymore.

[422] Oh, no. She moved back to San Francisco.

[423] Should we break the news to each of them and just pick up whoever lives there?

[424] Hello?

[425] Oh.

[426] Oh, God.

[427] So I'll just jump on the freeway.

[428] I missed this chaos.

[429] We went the wrong way, and it feels.

[430] feels great.

[431] But Annalise, we're still recording, right?

[432] Oh, yeah.

[433] Golden.

[434] That's all we care about.

[435] I stop for nothing.

[436] Nice.

[437] Okay.

[438] I stopped for nothing.

[439] And then we run over someone.

[440] So we, bringing us back to this pre -mentioned, I mean, and it's true.

[441] They really, there's no fatalities here.

[442] But of course, people panic and they just run into each other.

[443] Yeah.

[444] But are you making that up?

[445] No, no. 80 %.

[446] more accidents.

[447] Where are you getting this data?

[448] From the roundabouts of my hometown of Missoula, there was a corner where many people were hit on bicycles if they had started to be called malfunctioned junction.

[449] And I got him quick.

[450] And the bikes were just kind of locked to a pole to remind you.

[451] They were painted white and it was very sad.

[452] And that's where they put Missoula's first roundabout, and there has since there has been no fatalities anymore, but people kept crashing because they weren't used to roundabouts.

[453] I think they are now.

[454] You know what?

[455] I don't think it's a bad thing that our first episode in the car and the inaugural episode of a fourth season, am I right?

[456] Or am I speaking out of school, out of turn?

[457] This is season four -wheel drive.

[458] I mean, that's great, too.

[459] Right.

[460] It's one of my favorite, not only in advertising, but with comedy.

[461] It just turns a phrase, and it's a fun surprise.

[462] Wait, sorry, what are these two people doing?

[463] Are they being filmed?

[464] There's two people just sitting at a table on the sidewalk.

[465] Yeah, they're looking around like, look at me, look at me. Yeah, that's a reality show.

[466] They're on an autistic date.

[467] They're on autistic dates.

[468] I love that show.

[469] I do too.

[470] It makes me nervous, but it makes me cry.

[471] It's so good.

[472] It can be most things.

[473] But I was going to say that it's a good thing that this will, no doubt, be a two -hour episode.

[474] Yes.

[475] I think that that's fine.

[476] Yes.

[477] Well, here's the thing.

[478] As a podcast fan myself, when I have a podcast that I've dug into and, like, say I do the dishes in the morning, then I have to stop and go do a meeting.

[479] And I get to go back to the same podcast to go, to do, ooh.

[480] Is that?

[481] There's foothills, sorry.

[482] My book bag fell everywhere.

[483] Where was your arm on that one?

[484] I could have used a nice chest caress.

[485] Oh, we aren't doing that windy serpentine.

[486] We're going up this blue snake?

[487] Here we go.

[488] Oh, boy.

[489] Ooh, this is like truly some sweet -ass backroad shit.

[490] We also made the decision of doing this during rush hour.

[491] Yeah.

[492] But that's because there's more fodder for conversation.

[493] Yeah, I think rush hour, L .A. is the pinnacle of Los Angeles living.

[494] Yeah, left.

[495] Really?

[496] Wow, we're doing this.

[497] Oh, I'm telling you, when I said blue snake, I met, look out.

[498] Out of my way.

[499] There's a blue snake in my lap.

[500] Okay, when I was home, so I flew home from Italy to Petaluma, I mean to San Francisco, but ultimately got to Petaluma.

[501] Mill Valley.

[502] And I was driving with my sister, and there was a guy jogging on the side of the road holding a stick with a big dead snake on it.

[503] That's something I saw as she was dropping me off to come home to L .A. How hilarious is that?

[504] Like, he found this snake or somebody ran over it and he was going to keep it.

[505] Maybe he was designing a flag for a society made all of snakes.

[506] Oh, keep going.

[507] We are doing this.

[508] I swear right now, we're in someone's driveway.

[509] Yeah.

[510] A rich person.

[511] Hello, ding dong.

[512] We're here.

[513] I thought you were calling him ding dong.

[514] Hello, ding on the car.

[515] I don't think I've ever called anyone a ding dong.

[516] How about this person that's on the wrong side of the road doing whatever they are?

[517] I'm in progress.

[518] Whatever, sir.

[519] Go right to the right.

[520] This is exciting.

[521] Yeah.

[522] I've never been up here.

[523] This, I'm, I really have to say again, how excited.

[524] Down?

[525] For us to be back in the car.

[526] This is, uh, at first I felt like I was nervous almost.

[527] Like when I was doing a new thing.

[528] This seems so, it's just great to be back.

[529] Yeah, it really is.

[530] And there's a lady helping her child.

[531] He's not in the stroller.

[532] He refuses to get in the stroller.

[533] He wanted to look at a rock, that thing babies love to do.

[534] Or a snake.

[535] They love picking them.

[536] up.

[537] Pulling them on a stick.

[538] What if that was a baby that was jogging with the snake on a stick?

[539] Look at that cool house.

[540] Hong Kong, I can see you.

[541] Yeah, doing karate in there.

[542] Your silhouette.

[543] Hey, Mr. Miyagi.

[544] Yeah, it's very Miyagi -like.

[545] That looks like a very, oh, there's a dojo up there.

[546] Wow, there's a lot of nice houses up here.

[547] Yeah, that's one thing about driving in the city.

[548] I want to scream, what the hell do you do for a living to everyone?

[549] Yeah.

[550] When you first move here, you think, oh, all these houses, it's rich people because they're movie stars.

[551] No, a lot of those movie stars just rent an apartment.

[552] Yep, they can't afford it.

[553] These people work on augmenting chins, or they get murderers off, or, you know, jobs like that.

[554] If the glove doesn't fit, you must have quit.

[555] Down blackout?

[556] Turn right, yes.

[557] I should be doing this.

[558] Yes, you should.

[559] And I will now forever.

[560] Okay, great.

[561] Be your navigator.

[562] Look at this.

[563] We're coming up on a park at which you will turn right.

[564] Okay.

[565] We're going to dump out of, oh, I see where we are.

[566] I see where we are, too.

[567] I see more.

[568] Oh.

[569] Look at this.

[570] Great.

[571] Oh, wow.

[572] We really did circumvent.

[573] This is the park, Griffith Park.

[574] Griffith Park.

[575] Yes, it is.

[576] It's a large park.

[577] There's about three Griffith parks in this city, and it took me a while to realize they were all one park.

[578] You can just approach it from so many different areas.

[579] There's a mountain in the middle, as far as I know.

[580] And it's a great place to picnic or just hang out in the bush and try and meet new people.

[581] Bring that open energy to any kind of a bush or shrubbery.

[582] I'm doing it.

[583] 2023, this is the year to leap out and surprise people with my...

[584] my presence in their life.

[585] How's your hike?

[586] You yell real loud all at once.

[587] That's the thing.

[588] I just bit my tongue.

[589] I'll try to ignore it.

[590] That's the thing in New York that I didn't expect.

[591] I was so sore every single day.

[592] Yeah.

[593] Because all you do is ride city bikes and walk and run to trains.

[594] And my watch was freaking out.

[595] Like, who is this new, who are you?

[596] Jim Fitz, it said, in case you need a reference that no one.

[597] Jim Fix.

[598] He wrote about being healthy and then died.

[599] Jim Fix.

[600] Jim Fix.

[601] Two X's.

[602] Really?

[603] He was the jogger guy that died of a heart attack while jogging.

[604] Yes, yes.

[605] There was a Bill Hicks joke about him dying around the same time as Yule Brenner and the contrast and their lifestyles and basically you should just live your life because they both died.

[606] Yeah.

[607] So true.

[608] But lost my train of thought.

[609] Beautiful Park is what I say.

[610] Same.

[611] If we're going to equate my New York City, Italy.

[612] trip.

[613] Yes.

[614] Same where Adrian had her Fitbit and we were walking 20 ,000 steps a day.

[615] Yes.

[616] Because we're just hauling ass all over every city we were in.

[617] That's what I heard from my friend who lied about the hot dogs is that they were and everywhere people who were actively eating hot dogs left and right.

[618] No, that didn't happen.

[619] So many just ballpark tranks and everyone was like fit.

[620] Yes.

[621] Because there's so much walking, and I realized not to keep bringing up New York, but I haven't been to Italy, and I like to steamroll your POSMA stories.

[622] I think they really kind of jigsaw puzzle piece very nicely together.

[623] Yeah, yeah, because they're both on a grid system.

[624] Also in Italy, I'm going to be the person that talks about Italy for five months after I want you to.

[625] after I'd come back.

[626] But they, and also I'm like, hey, was that person Italian that I just saw standing on the street?

[627] Yeah, yeah, you want them to be here.

[628] I'm like, oh, Giacomo, chow, chow.

[629] The food there is all so beautifully farm fresh and whole, whole food that you're walking a ton and then you're not eating preservatives and chemicals and shit.

[630] That is a huge thing.

[631] There's not a lot of processed food available.

[632] Like there was one store that was almost like a novelty shop of snacks it had some snack name and that's where all the chips were and other than that the only really like food you had to go to like a you know a stand or a restaurant or whatever wow there wasn't like it was like american themed welcome to this heavy breathing americana americana i'd like that my attempt at the accent to be stricken from the record please i'm sorry it has to go on the permanent record.

[633] That's just the rules.

[634] I wonder if all F .R conversions does is make a giant black metal billboard for a bumper.

[635] We'll see.

[636] Is that what that is?

[637] It's quite the conversion.

[638] Are they trying to keep mud off of their license plate?

[639] The back of this Toyota family wagon has basically a snowplow and that's the conversion.

[640] Oh, the license plate's up there.

[641] I see.

[642] I was about to say, you can't cover your license plate like that, but it's directly in front of my face.

[643] Yeah, yeah, it's bright and clearly in sight.

[644] F .R. conversions is so distracting that I couldn't spot the license plate in front of me. That's why they do it, so they can evade the coppers.

[645] That's the conversion.

[646] Yep.

[647] That's like, it's like James Bond style, where it's like, right, we fucked with your mind.

[648] Now you can't report us.

[649] Do you remember in Cannonball, or two, or perhaps it was three, whichever one had Dom de Louise, they would, they had a car, they were driving haphazardly, and they were getting pulled over, and they had a Lamborghini or something.

[650] It was yellow, and then they pulled over and washed the paint off, and then all of a sudden it was white.

[651] What?

[652] And then the cops didn't know what to do, and then I thought I was like, yellow Lamborghini.

[653] I want to do that in real life, except like with a hyper -color temperature -triggered just so you know my life of crime that's coming up oh yeah the one you're planning is that also for hot girl summer because i don't know if we can do all those things at once no more rules and that includes those of the law okay okay the ultimate rules not just societal okay but i am gonna be more open i'm gonna take my clothes off more and i'm gonna start doing home invasions thanks to frr conversions yeah thank you frr conversions which are so many free commercials i hope the people to pay for real ones don't get upset.

[654] But if if this basically what looks listener like a black piece of plastic someone shoved up under their back bumper that says FR conversions at the bottom, if that's the advertisement, what are they advertising?

[655] I think now that I'm looking at it and it's grippy nature that comes out at an angle, comes down and becomes a act.

[656] access ramp.

[657] Oh.

[658] Yeah.

[659] Oh.

[660] And we both learn something and I appreciate what everything F .R. conversions does.

[661] Now I understand F .R. conversions.

[662] And if you need a ramp on your car that also kind of looks like you could maybe kill people with it or evade the law.

[663] Right.

[664] Which I bet you, I bet you, people with disabilities or other abilities, they're sick of just something looking like kind of technical.

[665] Yeah.

[666] They want something a little sexier.

[667] Yeah.

[668] And that, even though it's out of our lives forever now, somehow got in some POB lane, where the hell of that family go?

[669] But you know what?

[670] They FR converted right the fuck over to the right, and now they're gone.

[671] And we don't remember their license plate.

[672] I think there was a two in it.

[673] Yeah, we could have read that out loud.

[674] I smell a lawsuit.

[675] We should have.

[676] We're in, as I mentioned before, that rush hour traffic.

[677] I don't think it's a bad thing.

[678] I just, it is something that's happening.

[679] It is.

[680] People work.

[681] I forget about nine to five jobs, traditional humans.

[682] We haven't had to deal with this level of traffic on the show in three and a half years.

[683] And we used to be really good at it.

[684] Need I remind you of the times we used to go to the airport and drop people out?

[685] I cannot believe we ever did that.

[686] It was so kind of us.

[687] It really was.

[688] That's why I say I can't believe it, because we've become so unkind.

[689] We've, the pandemic shrunk our hearts, like two grinches.

[690] And that's the other thing we're fighting against this summer is basically the smallness of the pandemic.

[691] Yeah.

[692] And I think we're going to get it solved in this traffic.

[693] Yeah.

[694] We're certainly by the end of the episode, we're going to have this.

[695] Yeah, because this episode's going to be four and a half hours long if this traffic gets any worse.

[696] Again, anything, and I'm speaking for myself, when I mention something, there's a lull or I make zero sense.

[697] We can just trim that out, right?

[698] Yeah, on the least.

[699] Yeah.

[700] That'll be fun.

[701] Editing's fun.

[702] It's fine.

[703] For some, it's a passion to find the lulls.

[704] take them out for some it's a patch so when you're in New York did you do shows I did and I loved every minute of it I did you kill I did I felt great and you know I'm not one to be braggadocious I asked so you had to answer I really felt like I was doing well and I felt comfortable and I was like Well, this joke will work.

[705] I'll do this one.

[706] And I realized it was just all my favorite jokes were working and all the ones I've done to be relatable on the road or to get a cheap laugh or involve my passion of genitalia.

[707] None of those needed or they weren't appreciated.

[708] People would celebrate the ones that I liked and it made me think, man, should I have moved here?

[709] Not that I'm living in the past or having regrets, but sometimes I feel like I could have been in.

[710] New York.

[711] Well, it's very human to entertain that idea when you're killing.

[712] Right.

[713] But the minute I have four roommates and we're all in bunk beds.

[714] And you're hanging your bike from the ceiling.

[715] Yeah.

[716] That was something I saw in a Brooklyn apartment one time and I was just like, guys, I don't know if this is worth it.

[717] You're hanging a bunch of shit from the ceiling.

[718] Yeah.

[719] Yeah.

[720] It's like you live on a submarine.

[721] Yeah.

[722] And I saw a friend that I was golfing with here and he had moved back to New York.

[723] And I said, oh, do you golf here?

[724] He's like, oh, no, I'm done doing that.

[725] Like, you can't.

[726] There are certain things that I would have to sacrifice.

[727] And I don't think I can do that.

[728] Yeah, you need to be outside.

[729] I do.

[730] I'm an outdoorsy guy.

[731] Yeah.

[732] The lion needs to get walked.

[733] That's right.

[734] Or if not, it gets frustrated, it needs to remind folks that he's king of the jungle.

[735] I hate to interrupt you, but is that Jim Eroquai?

[736] That's a virtual insanity.

[737] for you to have said that.

[738] That is the, I want that hat.

[739] I love that that person's wearing that hat.

[740] Oh, wait, there's another kicky hat.

[741] Look at her.

[742] Did you see the woman?

[743] Are we in that hat neighborhood?

[744] Oh, wow, yeah, that's more of a...

[745] Oh, we must be, we must have just crossed the line into Silver Lake.

[746] Here we are.

[747] Yeah, Silver Lake is the land of hat.

[748] Oh, a bunch of 75 -year -old women with very hip hats, if it were 1992.

[749] Awesome.

[750] I love that Jermere Cui.

[751] Am I saying that white?

[752] Am I saying that white?

[753] Dermere Cui.

[754] Anyway, the point is, not drinking makes you a sharp communicator.

[755] Dermere Cui, am I saying that white?

[756] Yes, you are.

[757] Yes, sir.

[758] You are indeed saying it in the whitest way possible.

[759] I love Jermera Quay.

[760] I love how he dances on that conveyor belt.

[761] What if that was?

[762] you actually channeling the woman who was wearing that hat, and that's what she says all the time.

[763] I love Jamira Quay.

[764] And people are like, ma 'am, just ring up your stuff at the self -checkout and go.

[765] She only goes because of the conveyor bill.

[766] But the time she tried to dance on it was not well received.

[767] We're going to have to call our guest and be like, hey, so do you actually want to do this two hours after we set the time for?

[768] Yeah, I'm a little nervous because I feel like today's guest is going to be Margaret Cho.

[769] I'm just going to go ahead and say it.

[770] Might as well.

[771] She has done so much that it's hard to believe she isn't someone that probably has something else to do today.

[772] She absolutely probably does.

[773] But, you know, like we were going to drive her to the market, I believe.

[774] Yes.

[775] But if we don't have enough time, we can just drive around with her and be like, hey, we can get a solid 30 minutes out of you.

[776] Chris and I just put in an hour ourselves.

[777] So whatever she can give us, we'll take.

[778] Right.

[779] And even if it's not recording, and I'm going to make this promise to her without her even being in the car, we will still take her to the market.

[780] Yeah.

[781] How about that?

[782] Sure.

[783] Absolutely.

[784] You've done it already?

[785] I mean, I've, in a non -podcast environment, said, okay, I will still, there's been times where the recording didn't work out, but we still did an airport drop off.

[786] Oh, right.

[787] I think that has happened.

[788] And I've personally, I have picked people up and they thought it was going to be the podcast.

[789] And you're like, no, this is just our friendship.

[790] I thought you just wanted a ride.

[791] Why is everyone wants something?

[792] Why are you, why do you want me to record you all the time?

[793] Yeah, all the time.

[794] Well, you're sleeping to figure out your sleep cycle.

[795] Okay.

[796] That's the reason to record someone's sleeping.

[797] Oh, right, just to see if they have sleep.

[798] apnea?

[799] Or have they blurred out good ideas in their dreams?

[800] That you can steal.

[801] That was going to be my invention is because I always think of funny, good ideas when I'm dreaming, and the minute I wake up, I'm back to my dull day brain.

[802] Yeah.

[803] So I wanted an apparatus that the minute I woke up, a pulley system would yank me out of bed, something else, like a Rube Goldberg machine, shoot a pen in my hand, immediate piece of paper, and I would write down jokes.

[804] This was an invention.

[805] Give me an example of one of these great ideas.

[806] Well, there are so many times that I've woken up and I'm like, that's such a funny idea or that's a great idea or I just dreamt a movie and then one minute later, I've forgotten all of it.

[807] I do not remember my dreams.

[808] I just don't.

[809] And so I thought maybe in that little window of time, if I immediately was able to write, cell phones have changed it.

[810] I got things in my notes.

[811] They never make sense.

[812] But I do immediately write them.

[813] I mean, because that was what I was going to say, I remember having, very specifically having a dream, because I do remember of my dreams, and it's all kind of nonsense.

[814] But I do remember one time when I very first started stand -up, I think, maybe it was younger.

[815] And I dreamed I was in the Mervins in our town, but I was up on stage in the center of Mervyn's, and I was, like, doing comedy.

[816] So this was a nightmare.

[817] It was, I didn't know yet that that kind of show would be horrible, and it was in the round, even worse.

[818] And I said this thing about penguins, and everybody, like, lost their minds.

[819] And when I woke up, I was like, should I write that down?

[820] I'm like, no, it's fucking blather.

[821] That's how dreams work, where you're in a different reality where people would think that was funny.

[822] Yeah, there's only been a handful of times where it actually was a good idea.

[823] Yeah.

[824] Usually, it's just your brain convincing you.

[825] It's a good idea.

[826] Yeah.

[827] And it's blather.

[828] But that's okay.

[829] Because then that enables you to go to New York and make it there and make it anywhere.

[830] You know what?

[831] People love penguins, Karen.

[832] They're funny as hell.

[833] They are.

[834] They are dressed up for formal events.

[835] They walk hilariously.

[836] They have their own books.

[837] Was that a sarcastic?

[838] No, I just, I went from what the fuck are you talking about to this?

[839] seeing that perfect little logo and and then and then I thought that the shirts and I'm like do they make those shirts too yeah penguins penguins are super fucking relatable yeah they uh it's a rich area they love once and uh they can't walk backwards and they only love once and never again they're loyal and they're not afraid to stand up for their friends oh really?

[840] Yeah oh if you push a little penguin over and you will want to because it's funny to see them fall their friends will all gang up I've seen it in videos I haven't experienced it.

[841] They will they will dive in for a friend that falls in the ice they're very loyal and you got all of this from your friend Mr. Popper.

[842] Yes.

[843] Dr. Pimple Popper, he is side interest as penguins.

[844] And yeah, I get most of my stories from the doctor.

[845] From that guy.

[846] A good doctor.

[847] When we pick up Margaret in the morning, do you think we should offer breakfast?

[848] We're just rolling along at this, as Merrill Streep said, a glacial pace here.

[849] Just, I mean, we're at the height of L .A. traffic, 4 .48 p .m. Everybody's out looking around.

[850] Everybody knows it's hot girl summer.

[851] Look, you can tell.

[852] The energy from these cars.

[853] Yeah.

[854] Everybody's got their eyes peeled.

[855] They are just so horny.

[856] Chau Bella, they all say.

[857] Is that Italian?

[858] It's Italian.

[859] And it means, what does it mean?

[860] Put it together.

[861] You know what chow means.

[862] Goodbye.

[863] Bella.

[864] I'm guessing your name is Bella.

[865] Goodbye.

[866] Really?

[867] I don't know.

[868] No, I don't know what Bella is.

[869] Chow is a little bit of a loha for Italy.

[870] It's hello and goodbye.

[871] Okay.

[872] Although I learned that they don't say it as much as Americans say it to them.

[873] Oh, of course.

[874] But Chaubella means hello beautiful.

[875] Oh, okay.

[876] Well, I should, you're right.

[877] I should know that because of, My niece, her name is Bella.

[878] Oh, really?

[879] Isabella, which means Isabel.

[880] Oh, God, you know, I've enjoyed myself on that loving self -snort rears its ugly, giant nostrils.

[881] I'm sorry, but thank you.

[882] So we're going to want to get in these right lanes.

[883] You already know that.

[884] I do.

[885] I feel like people obey this car.

[886] kind of it's a little bit like you have to fight your way in well you're doing a great job thank you oh my gosh your little map has other little cars yeah it's like frog or yeah no frogs it's like don't go over there oh they're gonna hit oh we're turning right or are we getting on the freeway we're getting on the entrance of the freeway yeah the i5 which is up ahead a little bit oh yeah so we don't we don't have to go over there we have to go five south yeah oh that's five more than there motherfucker so rolled on your window and put your arm out okay i will do that say i will do that i've never done that can we get over can we get in there hi they have tinted windows i don't know if they were open or receptive hi oh no no they are not open or receptive hi thank you thank you so much thank you good job i i find that if i just say hi over and over smiling like ridiculous that car didn't know what we wanted or needed at all there was they it was not within the confines of the law that that shade of tint no way too dark they couldn't see out yeah and God knows what they were doing in there and so I'm going to take a left after this light we're going to cross under Hyperion okay and then take an immediate left perfect to pick up our yes it's literally going to be dark when we get to our house it's okay it's it's it's it's we've we've had some time off we've had some time off and we we didn't uh it's okay we'll get better at hopefully our friend margaret who we've known for a very long time you've know you've known her very well i'm she's a new friend yes i hope i think so it's i'm i she is such a icon in comedy that I, she's someone I am nervous around, much like I am when I meet a pro -scapeboarder.

[887] I look up to her, but most comics, it isn't that way anymore, you know.

[888] But with Margaret, it is that way.

[889] And that, of course, it's a compliment.

[890] She is the kind of person that'll be like, you know, if she can't, if it doesn't work for her, she'll let us know.

[891] And she mostly probably doesn't care.

[892] Right.

[893] I would imagine.

[894] Yeah.

[895] Especially because she knows me and I'm the kind of person.

[896] And it's like, hey, I went to your old house.

[897] And she's like, uh -huh, because that's the kind of thing I do.

[898] And now we're just getting right on to the five south to complete gridlocked traffic.

[899] Oh, man. Oh, the big old jacked up trucks letting me in.

[900] That's interesting.

[901] Yeah, that's not Northern California bro behavior.

[902] Normally, those guys try to shoot at you.

[903] Yeah, it's a shame that I think that of trucks now, but I do.

[904] Like that is a jacked up truck There's a firearm And the guy's socks Are going to be pulled up to his knees Yeah Although socks to the knees That's also skateboard behavior, isn't it?

[905] I know, it's a fine line You know, it depends on the footline That's when I have to investigate the footwear And then what does the footwear tell you?

[906] Cowboy boots with tall socks Yes Then you know you're in danger No, that's someone that shouldn't be operating a motor vehicle If you have cowboy boots with socks Well, maybe that's just a cowboy on summer On summer Hot cowboy on summer I have been thinking about getting boots I was in Austin and I did look at some I'm glad I didn't pull the trigger on them But as a person with wide feet I can't consider that they're just not for me Yeah it's one of those shoes like a crock Where someone says oh they're so comfortable I'm like, in spite of them not being comfortable, they're surprisingly comfortable.

[907] They somehow are defying the laws of physics and being comfortable?

[908] It's not comfortable if the heels made of a block of wood.

[909] Also, it's like, I get, they're comfortable if you are a cowboy that does a certain job.

[910] Right.

[911] Ma 'am, what are you doing?

[912] She's just preparing for the inevitable merge.

[913] When?

[914] Go now.

[915] Go now.

[916] There she is.

[917] That is a 17 -year -old Kay's bug or an 80 -year -old.

[918] It helps when you're looking for your car in a parking lot.

[919] I used to write my name on my underwear.

[920] So you could find them in a parking lot?

[921] Yeah, yeah.

[922] A lot of times that's where I wake up.

[923] Chances are all evidence points.

[924] That's where my underpants are.

[925] Where am I?

[926] And then you check the underpants band.

[927] and you're like, Chris Fairbanks, doing fine.

[928] Yeah, it's like memento.

[929] Everything I need to know about myself is in my underpants.

[930] I've always said that since I was a child.

[931] In Italy, do they drive on the opposite side of the road?

[932] Is that a dumb question?

[933] No. It's not a dumb question.

[934] It was a smart question.

[935] Yeah, because I assume.

[936] We all had the same question.

[937] And then we were very grateful that it was the correct side of the road because we didn't think we could take the fear element of the style of driving combined with being on the other side of the road.

[938] Right.

[939] Yeah.

[940] It's a, I mean, I've talked about it a million times, but the time I had to drive in a commercial on the wrong side of the road and added to that were old men on bicycles and sheep and very narrow roads, like you said.

[941] And yes, it's a one -lane road.

[942] Yep.

[943] Everywhere.

[944] Yeah.

[945] In England.

[946] And in Italy, there's lots of bicyclists.

[947] So, like, say, we went to Lake Como, and it's real windy, windy, windy.

[948] Seems like it's a one -way street.

[949] Then there's, like, a pod of bicyclists on the side.

[950] So the driver gets over, and then a car's just coming straight on it.

[951] Also, they do a lot of passing on windy mountain roads.

[952] Just blind, like, curve passing.

[953] Oh, that scares me. It's scary.

[954] It's real scary.

[955] But then you've got this kind of Italian Statham -esque driver.

[956] Like the one I told you about, they could text and drive and stick shift at the same time.

[957] Did he look like Jason Statham?

[958] He had the vibe of Jason Statham.

[959] Oh, I want to be over there.

[960] And I don't want to be killed.

[961] But watch this.

[962] Oh, gosh, this car's got some get up and pep, doesn't it?

[963] Oh, look at these guys.

[964] Wow, they don't care.

[965] Totally not allowed.

[966] No, they're just in the gravel.

[967] This way, right?

[968] Yeah.

[969] Okay.

[970] I'm no help.

[971] I'm so sorry.

[972] No. No. You're doing the more.

[973] affirming after the fact.

[974] Yes, yes.

[975] I'm just, yes, anding.

[976] I, it's funny that Lake Cuomo, I did not, I do not think of Italy.

[977] I think of Perry Cuomo.

[978] So I just just doesn't, when you said Lake Cuomo, I just think of upstate New York or something.

[979] And is there another Lake Cuomo?

[980] Very.

[981] Am I saying that white?

[982] It's Perry Como.

[983] It's Andrew and his brother.

[984] or whatever, Cuomo.

[985] Yes, yes.

[986] You're right about the state of New York and Cuomo, but in Italy it's Como, or like the lake is Como.

[987] C -O -M -O.

[988] You had me with I'm right about the one in New York, because I know I pulled that state out of my ass hat.

[989] Good job.

[990] Okay, tell me the exit now.

[991] We stay on the Glendale Freeway for 4 .4 miles.

[992] Oh, great.

[993] I'm a haul ass up here.

[994] Yeah.

[995] Boy, this car's got some pep in its step.

[996] Yeah.

[997] your old car.

[998] Yeah, there it is.

[999] Yeah.

[1000] Chase your memories.

[1001] Look at this lunatic, like speeding and braking.

[1002] I mean, I...

[1003] Sir, what are you doing?

[1004] Yeah, that's like double footing.

[1005] You can't be double footing.

[1006] Don't double foot.

[1007] Not in front of me. Oh, you're good at driving.

[1008] Smooth transition into lanes.

[1009] Right?

[1010] You drive with purpose.

[1011] and I feel safe.

[1012] Okay, good.

[1013] And I'm not being sarcastic.

[1014] Okay, good.

[1015] Yes.

[1016] This is a real adventure.

[1017] This is a true kickoff episode one season four -wheel drive.

[1018] This is what I needed.

[1019] There's rarely times where I feel anxious or like I'm going to screw up when we're doing it over Zoom, which just makes for better storytelling.

[1020] And that's what we're here to do.

[1021] So we're here to tell a story.

[1022] We're the succession of podcasts.

[1023] Yeah, we really are.

[1024] And this is not our grand finale.

[1025] Quite the opposite.

[1026] The premiere of season four -wheel drive.

[1027] Four -wheel drive.

[1028] Oh, enjoyable.

[1029] Did you stay in the same place the whole time you were in Italy?

[1030] No, we went to, we were in four different places.

[1031] So we went to Tuscany.

[1032] We went to Florence.

[1033] We went to Chincateau on the place.

[1034] coast and then we went to Lake Como at the end.

[1035] Oh man, I bet it's beautiful.

[1036] I would like a slideshow on the projector.

[1037] Okay.

[1038] I know you own.

[1039] Not because of Mac and me. That was the old one.

[1040] But it's been replaced with a newer model.

[1041] I was sent one, but I don't have any white walls to screen my own Mac and Me. Oh, that's right.

[1042] That would be really funny if I invited people over to show them my vacation pictures.

[1043] I think you should.

[1044] It's something that people, it used to be a joke like oh no we have to see the slides like that was something as a child there would be fondue and my parents would actually show slides i don't know where all these photos have gone because i don't even know what i look like as a child anymore i think they probably donated them all to like very sought after my child photos especially the ones in later hosen god i was a cute kid there were there's a guy on TikTok that goes and finds people's old vacation slides and then puts the slides together on TikTok, which I think is awesome.

[1045] And because someone offered to find my crosswalking, I already searched, so I know they're very difficult to find, but someone did offer to research and find through microfiche, I guess, newspaper stuff, old photos.

[1046] Oh, that's good.

[1047] Is this starting rain a little?

[1048] Ooh, we're getting some weather.

[1049] Ooh, you've been driving so long, the weather changed.

[1050] Yeah, I did want this podcast.

[1051] The one thing that was missing was possibly Slippy Streets.

[1052] And by that, I mean, slippery.

[1053] Yeah.

[1054] Oh, we got a case of Slippy Streets.

[1055] Uh -oh.

[1056] Uh -oh.

[1057] Be careful.

[1058] He's going to say it a third time.

[1059] Slippy Streets.

[1060] My favorite.

[1061] Certain words just have a nice cadence.

[1062] Sinky Streets is one.

[1063] Jamira Quay is another.

[1064] Yes.

[1065] Oh, God, that was a beautiful hat.

[1066] What was that?

[1067] Cangle.

[1068] It looked like a furry cangle.

[1069] I wonder if I could get away with that.

[1070] A lavender furry cangle.

[1071] That woman was doing it, right?

[1072] You know that she loves that hat.

[1073] And I wish we had been on foot so we could go, great hat.

[1074] because she'd be like a woman in Arthur.

[1075] Oh, I know, I've heard.

[1076] Is that a line in Arthur?

[1077] Yeah, he's drunk and he's about to say he and Susan will not be getting married.

[1078] He was just beat up by Susan's father.

[1079] And he didn't know what to say he felt awkward.

[1080] Everyone's staring at Arthur and he's limping and bloodied.

[1081] And there's a lady with a floppy hat that she was already complimented by the Great Liza Minnelli.

[1082] Yep.

[1083] And so just back -to -back compliments on this floppy hat.

[1084] And she was just elated.

[1085] So my point is always compliment an older lady's hat because they're kind of going out on a limb.

[1086] It's like, I'm going to wear my fun hat.

[1087] Yep.

[1088] I hope someone reminds me I'm fun.

[1089] Do it.

[1090] Also, I think these days, you know, truns come big, bold, and you might find yourself wearing like a belary.

[1091] in the middle of the day.

[1092] It does feel pretty risky.

[1093] Like, you think it's a good idea because it's what everyone else in social media is doing.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] Then you're just out and about with like a big old wide -brim hat on.

[1096] Yeah.

[1097] And a lot of times, and I've done this myself, like someone will have a loud, complicated shirt.

[1098] And I'm like, great shirt.

[1099] When I really don't think so at all, I just know they went out on a limb.

[1100] They're like, I'm going to wear my shirt with purple and mustard.

[1101] Yeah.

[1102] You're saying, great idea to risk it.

[1103] Yes.

[1104] I'm supporting your...

[1105] Bad taste.

[1106] Your freedoms.

[1107] But, boy, you have bad taste.

[1108] I leave that part out.

[1109] I'm supporting your freedoms.

[1110] Your varied freedom.

[1111] Oh, we have a 387, a 142.

[1112] Oh, God, we got to turn on the scanner.

[1113] That would add to the chaos.

[1114] I'm going to drive by this guy real fast.

[1115] Oh, and this guy is...

[1116] He's evading.

[1117] I believe we're...

[1118] No, he's just pulling over in an orderly fashion.

[1119] But at first it looked like an evasion.

[1120] Oh, well, they don't have to pull over.

[1121] That's just a college campus cop.

[1122] Nope, community, yep.

[1123] Glendale Community College cop.

[1124] You don't even need to pull over for those guys.

[1125] What did that girl do?

[1126] Oh, this is the Glendale Community College.

[1127] It is.

[1128] She was doing Glendale Community College stuff, probably looking at her notes on her phone.

[1129] She's studying for a test while.

[1130] driving.

[1131] He's like, I know you.

[1132] You have some library books that are overdue.

[1133] Yeah, yeah.

[1134] Put your hands on the hood.

[1135] A lot of people forget that's a jailable offense.

[1136] Do you know that when I was little, I checked out like eight Encyclopedia Brown books, and then I didn't return them, and I knew they were overdue, and then they just put them in the back of my closet and never told anybody, and they stayed there for months.

[1137] And my mom's like, what was the plan here?

[1138] Like, why wouldn't you just tell me and we would go to the library.

[1139] Were you at an age where you didn't realize you were costing her money in fines?

[1140] Yes, young enough to not understand the fines, but also I think it's a good reflection of how my sister and I were often left to our own devices to fix things that were actually adult level problems.

[1141] Right, so then it was like, oh shit, I don't I can't get to the library and I don't have the money to pay for this, so I'm just going to hide the books.

[1142] Yeah, yeah, that's I had a roommate that if I If a pot or a pan got burnt or was uncleanable, he'd just put it in our clothes washer.

[1143] And then you'd find it later with Last of Us mold on it.

[1144] But when you said Encyclopedia Brown books, I thought Brown Encyclopedias.

[1145] But Encyclopedia Brown was a child sleuth.

[1146] Yes, a real smart boy that just, kind of new trivia stuff and that would help him solve mysteries around town.

[1147] Oh, really?

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] Really?

[1150] Oh, really?

[1151] Well, I was thinking trivia is now like, what's, where is Lake Pomo?

[1152] And then he's like, the murder weapon is here.

[1153] He's like, it's Lake Cuomo.

[1154] I should all these childhood books I never even read back then You didn't?

[1155] No Too cool?

[1156] Yeah, for school And there was a lot of reading at school Yeah I wanted to stay cool Yep And so I didn't You said fuck it Yeah Okay But still got ease A lot of people had Did you have ease?

[1157] E's for excellent E S and you for unsatisfactory No. That sounds like some Montessori bullshit.

[1158] Yeah, it does.

[1159] Yeah, yeah.

[1160] It really does.

[1161] We created our own lesson plans.

[1162] Lesson plans.

[1163] Yeah.

[1164] I hope that cop isn't going to pull me over.

[1165] Well, we're driving like community college kids.

[1166] Okay.

[1167] Now we just go all the straight down the street.

[1168] Now I know where I am.

[1169] Yeah, we used to drive in this neighborhood too.

[1170] Yeah.

[1171] It's the only way I see the city I live in is, is the city.

[1172] through this podcast.

[1173] And so it's great that we're back in the car.

[1174] Yeah, it is.

[1175] It's going to make me appreciate where I live.

[1176] It's right up that road.

[1177] Okay.

[1178] So should we tell her we're here somehow?

[1179] On Elisa's on it.

[1180] It would be so funny if Margaret came out with like old age makeup on.

[1181] That's just what she's doing with her time waiting.

[1182] Oh, look at her old -timey, mailbox.

[1183] So cool.

[1184] Well, should we practice our apologies on each other?

[1185] Yeah.

[1186] Okay.

[1187] Hey, I'm so sorry.

[1188] Chris and Annalise got to my house and I was blow -drying my hair, which is a classic move of mine.

[1189] So you're going to take ownership?

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] That doesn't, mine doesn't work because I was going to blame it on you.

[1192] I had, uh, I, um, I had, uh, I had a court, jury duty.

[1193] Yep.

[1194] That I'm going to use that.

[1195] You had it like this morning.

[1196] Oh, wow.

[1197] It's a nice house.

[1198] Oh, yeah.

[1199] She is a beautiful home.

[1200] It is beautiful.

[1201] And, well, there she's coming down the walk.

[1202] Yay.

[1203] Wearing a long gray wig.

[1204] This has been an exactly right production.

[1205] Mixed by Edson Choi.

[1206] Our talent booker is Patrick Kotner.

[1207] Theme song by Karen Kilgariff.

[1208] Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

[1209] Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Dynar Podcast.

[1210] That's D -Y -N -A -R podcast.

[1211] For more information, go to exactly rightmedia .com.

[1212] Thank you.

[1213] Oh, you're welcome.