MFM Minisode 107

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Hello.

[17] Hi, and welcome.

[18] This is my favorite murder.

[19] This is the mini episode.

[20] That's right.

[21] You can tell by the time.

[22] is shorter and the day and what we talk about also we just said it so you can tell by that god what did to explain everything look we said it listen at least one time this is the minisode we read yours do you want me to start they'll be a test at the end you're forced to say yes because it's a leading question what are you going to do fight me on it yes oh is today the day Tank guy drove through my neighborhood Dear Karen George and Friends I was recently listening to your live show in San Diego and Karen mentioned that she had covered the tank dude that drove through Claremont in the previous night's show I have a hometown letter saved on my computer about that very incident and I knew then I should have sent it in months ago instead of sitting on it thinking it just wasn't good enough Don't sit on your stories Look don't judge your own story How would you know?

[23] We'll judge it for you.

[24] You're the giver not the receiver you don't know.

[25] Anyway, my best friend and I, it literally says that.

[26] Anyway, my best friend and I were 14 at the time and apparently totally clueless as to how much meth was in our neighborhood.

[27] Looking back on it, now, the guy who would cut his grass using a pair of scissors totally make sense to me. It was a day after school and like always my best friend Kim called me. But this time, it wasn't a talk shit about the kids we went to school with.

[28] This time it was because a motherfucking tank had just driven down her cross street and was headed towards my house.

[29] Oh, my.

[30] Of course, I didn't believe a gun.

[31] Nadia Mord, she was telling me, so she told me to turn on the news.

[32] We both saw it, that it was headed towards my house, and we begged and pleaded our parents to let us go watch it, destroy our neighborhood.

[33] Yeah.

[34] Our parents were, of course, totally against the idea.

[35] One of the few times my parents were actual parents.

[36] So we had to watch the whole thing together on the phone while watching the news.

[37] As you know, eventually the cops did get the tank to stop on the freeway, and they shot and killed him right there inside the tank.

[38] I remember the city of San Diego was collectively sad and angry about his demise, and that night on the radio, the DJ at 91X, dedicated the song I Fought the Law and Law One by the Clash to the Tankman.

[39] Our neighborhood wasn't terribly destroyed, but he did run up onto some people's yards, so for months afterwards, you could see tank tracks in the front lawns and crushed fences that he had run into.

[40] Anyway, love your podcast.

[41] I live in Portland, Oregon now, and I work from home as an illustrator, so I spend 99 .5 % of my time alone, but you kind of make it feel like I have some of the coolest co -workers love Claire.

[42] Claire from Claremont.

[43] Claire from Claremont.

[44] I feel like if it was a car chase, yeah, don't go out and watch it.

[45] But it's a tank.

[46] You can jump out of its way 10 minutes before it hits you.

[47] Georgia, you'd like to think that.

[48] You would like to think that.

[49] Do I not know tanks?

[50] You don't know tank hypnosis, which is what happens to you when you jump out into the street.

[51] It lasts a half an hour before the tank runs you over.

[52] You just keep staring at it going, no, like away.

[53] It's a tank.

[54] It's just so cool.

[55] We'll have to post that episode or that live show on the fan cult because your story is incredible.

[56] That's a good, well, it's that story, any, like, you could get a computer, you know, on YouTube, you can make a video of a computer talking.

[57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[58] You could just have a computer tell you that story, and it would be the best story you'd ever heard.

[59] Give yourself more credit than that.

[60] You are better than a talking computer.

[61] I can't.

[62] The damage is so deep and so permanent.

[63] So deep.

[64] Okay, let's see.

[65] Let's go, let's start heavy.

[66] I'm going to do, okay, this one's called hometown and a half.

[67] Great.

[68] And it addresses us, dude.

[69] Nice.

[70] I love it.

[71] I want to tell you about a strange death in my hometown of Knoxville, Illinois.

[72] It was far before my time, but I'd always heard about it growing up.

[73] This is the mummy house.

[74] Carl Stevens was diagnosed with diabetes at age 10.

[75] He married Carol in 1966.

[76] I'm guessing after he was 10.

[77] I would hope.

[78] Yeah.

[79] They had two kids, Cindy and Craig.

[80] They obviously fucking love the letter C. In the 70s, they...

[81] Cindy's spelled with an ass.

[82] What did I say?

[83] Cindy.

[84] Oh, oh, okay.

[85] I'm not pronouncing it.

[86] In the 70s, they joined a holistic society, or a cult, call your dad, and he attempted to treat his diabetes with diets and supplements.

[87] In 1979, he died of diabetic shock, face down on his bedroom floor.

[88] Surprise, surprise, his wife didn't believe he was dead, but that he was in a coma.

[89] His body turned black and swelled up as you do, and after keeping his body on the floor for two months, she propped him up on a chair in the basement.

[90] Well, it gets worse.

[91] I mean, that's some serious denial.

[92] That's like I am brainwashed.

[93] Yeah.

[94] The family moved him to another bed and regularly changed his clothes and bedding.

[95] They also chatted with him as if he were still alive.

[96] Hey, how's the rotting going?

[97] Stuff like that, a small talk with a corpse.

[98] And I mean, did he answer?

[99] That's the question I want to know.

[100] Like, do they think?

[101] Yeah.

[102] yeah like how you talk to your cat you know and they respond to you okay they told people he was sick so that's why he hadn't been seen in a while but then a family member finally got into the house and found him they said his bright red hair made him easily recognizable because otherwise he wasn't fucking recognizable his body was kept in the house altogether for almost nine years what and a fellow cult member richard coons moved in and cared for the body as well during that whole time oh okay Cindy and Richard were both arrested and kids placed into foster care.

[103] I'm sure they were significantly fucked up at this point.

[104] Only Carl's mother attended his burial in Wattaga, Illinois, another small -ass town.

[105] I posted about this case on Facebook, and someone told me that the opposing teams used to chant Knoxville mummies at sporting events.

[106] That's rude.

[107] That's mean.

[108] Teenagers know exactly what to say.

[109] No bullying.

[110] We have a no bullying policy.

[111] The fighting mummies.

[112] That would actually be the best.

[113] The fighting mummies.

[114] The best mascot.

[115] That's right.

[116] Then she writes, yikes.

[117] My brother's aunt also used to cut the Stevens family's hair and mine.

[118] S -S -D -G -M, Jamie.

[119] That's insanity.

[120] Nine years.

[121] The smell alone.

[122] When does a smell stop, I wonder?

[123] Can what are they called?

[124] You know, people in forensics and shit let us know when a body stops smelling.

[125] Scientists.

[126] Yeah, you know.

[127] Or just a fucking someone who's hanging out.

[128] There's just so many aspects of it where it, It's like also, you know, months later moving it.

[129] Yeah.

[130] Getting other people.

[131] I mean, the one thing, and maybe this is just weird of me, but when you started talking about other people that were kind of came in on it, at least that whoever was doing it wasn't alone.

[132] Yeah.

[133] There's something, at least there's like a kind of group.

[134] Like we all were in the same.

[135] We all thought it was normal.

[136] I mean, it sucks for the kids, you know?

[137] For the kids is unspeakably horrible.

[138] I don't know if it was like more of the people from the holistic cult were in on it and acted like that.

[139] too and she just told people outside of it that he was sick but at least one other adult yeah it was like yeah let's talk to fucking carl over yes he's he's he's still here with us because I believe in vitamins let's change his outfit he's been wearing that outfit I mean the funerals that I've been to and that it's been a lot in our family like even if it's right after the death the body looks weird yeah it's not it's disturbing from the get go yeah that so the idea that you're just going to put somebody in a chair and ignore it all.

[140] And that's with makeup on that you see them.

[141] That's right.

[142] That's highly treated.

[143] Not even, I mean, this was a body that still had all of its parts inside.

[144] Yeah.

[145] Oh, guys.

[146] What's not?

[147] Why do we talk about this stuff?

[148] Wait, I lost my knowledge.

[149] What is wrong with us?

[150] What's wrong with people who send this stuff to us?

[151] I feel like I would love to hear from a coroner or some type of person you would know about what the experience of that would be.

[152] That'd be right.

[153] All right.

[154] This one, the subject line is almost home intrusion.

[155] Always call the cops.

[156] Hey y 'all.

[157] About a month ago, my best friend calls me at around 1 a .m. and tells me someone's knocking on her door.

[158] She says it was a weird type of knock as if they were tapping the door knocker very light.

[159] No. That is...

[160] Please bang on the door.

[161] The worst thing of all time.

[162] Sidebar.

[163] Did we already talk about the guy that licked the doorbell for three hours?

[164] We did not.

[165] Was it three hours?

[166] I just saw a screen grabbing a caption and I was just like, mm -mm, no. Yeah, I believe it was in LA, right?

[167] Same door ringer.

[168] It was like a doorbell or a door yeah, something.

[169] Stephen's going to get and he's going to film the crucial details, but from when I remember it was a doorbell and he licked it for like three hours.

[170] And they because they have it on one of those those front door cameras and it's just a guy licking a thing.

[171] If I ever get a video camera security system, I'm going to make some events watch it because I don't want to fucking see whatever and then really comes on it just nightmares so this is in the Sacramento B a security video shows a stranger approach the front door of a Salinas California home early Friday then look directly into the camera before proceeding to lick the doorbell for hours he made eye contact he did it on purpose oh it was a ring doorbell camera yeah not a sponsor simply safe simply save that wouldn't happen with it simply safe yeah they don't say specific hours but they just say four hours for hours yeah I read that it was three but who knows okay so anyway let's just put that in our back pocket while we listen to this story so we're now to the weird light tapping front door horrifying she said she heard it first at 1245 a .m. and immediately turned off her living room TV and went to the kitchen where you couldn't see her from the front door because her door has windows at the top she heard the knocking again at 1 a .m. So fucking 15 minutes later She was scared because she wasn't expecting company And whoever it was Had stayed for 15 minutes Outside her door She tried to call her mom But she wouldn't answer So she called me She wouldn't answer She refused My immediate reaction was All caps What the fuck bitch Call the fucking cops She thought I was overreacting I tell her no You live alone And someone could easily figure that out Call the motherfucking cops Still refusing I texted our other best friend And started a conference call then I put them on hold while I called the cops.

[172] She was insistent that it wasn't necessary, but my favorite murder didn't raise no fool.

[173] I love it.

[174] I called the Huntsville police and asked them to run a welfare check on my friend.

[175] Wow, that's genius.

[176] Yeah.

[177] She had been hearing weird knocks on her front door, and I wanted to make sure she was okay.

[178] Within five minutes, the police were there, and she felt more comfortable.

[179] We mostly forgot about the incident.

[180] What?

[181] Well, it turns out I wasn't overreacting.

[182] Oh, my God.

[183] Oh, my God.

[184] There has been a guy breaking into women's homes and watching them while they sleep.

[185] He had broken into some other girls' apartment eight days after the knocking at my friend's door, three doors down from her apartment.

[186] My guess is that his fucking creep was probably knocking lightly to see if anyone was awake.

[187] And after this incident, I subscribed her to the show.

[188] And now she can stay sexy and call the motherfucking cops herself.

[189] Love y 'all, Mel.

[190] Mel, good work.

[191] Oh, no. Oh.

[192] Mel gets, you're a, what's it called when little kids get police badges, honorary?

[193] You're an honorary member.

[194] You're the sheriff's assistant.

[195] Hold, also, if you live in not a huge metropolitan city.

[196] Yeah.

[197] I would imagine, especially if you're young, young, free single women in your town, call those cops.

[198] Yeah, they'll come in immediate.

[199] Because there's going to be some young men with the, with these dedication to service.

[200] And bright skin, clean shave every day.

[201] And kind of like a fire.

[202] in their eyes like i'll fucking get that guy and they're young enough to like they joined for a reason and they're not old and like i hate this now no they're like hot and young with a purpose they're still in the like hold your flashlight up by your ear kind of mode they still call cars vehicles they're into it let them do their job they like it do it do it hey this is exciting an all new season of only murders in the building is coming to hulu on august 27th steve martin martin short and selina gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[203] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[204] Who killed Saz?

[205] And were they really after Charles?

[206] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[207] This season, murder hits close to home.

[208] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[209] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[210] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[211] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[212] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenack.

[213] Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[214] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[215] Goodbye.

[216] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[217] Absolutely.

[218] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

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[233] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

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[235] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[236] Goodbye.

[237] Let's do this one.

[238] I was almost killed by a door.

[239] Oh shit.

[240] The worst kind.

[241] Yeah.

[242] Dear murder crew and furry friends.

[243] My Dad and I like to swap crazy stories to see if we can outdo each other.

[244] He usually wins since he has been stabbed twice and chased by a lion.

[245] Shit!

[246] One night we were doing this.

[247] That is awesome.

[248] Is he that like that cartoon commander that's like, when in my day?

[249] He got chased by two lions and stabbed twice.

[250] Nothing.

[251] It was from Rocky and Bullwinkle?

[252] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[253] One night we were doing this and I was talking about the time a door fell on me. My dad got quiet and told me not to joke.

[254] about it and I asked why.

[255] I was seven at the time so I didn't remember every detail, but basically my parents worked in an open office type place and they were splitting up the hallway by installing a door.

[256] The specific instructions were do not run through the hallway since the door frame, since the frame and door was there, but the hinges weren't on yet.

[257] Well, I ran through the hallway chasing my dogs and they were both able to slip through the door.

[258] I wasn't and the door fell on me. I was crying because it ended with a broken leg.

[259] Oh shit.

[260] But my dad was screaming frantically not to move.

[261] I wanted to turn and look at him, but he was actually yelling at the top of his lungs not to move and I didn't know why until about a year ago when I was 18.

[262] The door had a coat hook on it that had just barely pierced my neck.

[263] If I had turned to look at my dad, I would have effectively impaled myself and severed one of the major arteries in my neck.

[264] My dad confessed when he first started yelling, it was in hope because he thought I was already dead.

[265] Fuck off universe because I'm still alive.

[266] Anyway, stay sexy.

[267] and don't run through uninstalled doors, Levi.

[268] That's perfect advice.

[269] Oh my God.

[270] I love that story so much.

[271] The shit we did as kids that almost got us killed constantly.

[272] Also, the shit where when you're hurt, if you just don't know what's happening, it doesn't hurt as bad.

[273] I know I've told you the story, but when my mom worked in Santa Rosa, which was north of Petaluma, and she was going down the freeway and she saw a guy flip his truck.

[274] Right.

[275] And walked up.

[276] And the truck was upright when she got to.

[277] to it, but the windshield was broken.

[278] And when she got up to the guy, it was like a PG -N -type truck.

[279] And the guy was sitting facing forward, and he had a little bit of blood on his, like, head, whatever.

[280] And my mom said, I'm a nurse.

[281] Is there anything?

[282] Do you hurt anywhere?

[283] Do you need to tell me, like, whatever, what's going on?

[284] And he went, I think I'm fine.

[285] I mean, my head hurts a little bit.

[286] And then as he was saying that, he turned to her, and he had a huge piece of glass embedded in his forehead.

[287] But he just didn't know it.

[288] Did he die?

[289] Because he was in shock.

[290] No, no, no. He was fine.

[291] He was fine.

[292] It was, yeah.

[293] It was, it's a skull.

[294] So it was just like a thing that, like, was sticking there.

[295] But it all happened so fast.

[296] That sounds like a nightmare.

[297] Uh -huh.

[298] And then this is, it's the craziest story, but it's one of those family ones.

[299] My mom was in her nurse's whites when she was talking to the guy.

[300] So when she turned away to walk back to her car, she had blood on the front of, because it was on his door.

[301] And then our family friend, Anne Lily, was driving up the freeway sees my mom walking down freeway with blood on her and thinks that she was in the accident and she's going crazy now yeah it was crazy oh um small town fun oh is it me it's you now last one okay i'm not going to read you this one because it gives the whole it gives it all away okay okay and there's no greeting which i respect the most in 1968 there was a hit and run in the city of fulton new york not to be confused with fulton montgomery county i was never thank god because i was right on the verge This person had been driving down the main road in the city on Halloween night and had hit and killed a four -year -old girl named Carolee Ashby who was crossing the street with her older sister.

[302] Yeah, I mean...

[303] Heartbreaking.

[304] Her body was thrown 133 feet and the driver took off and was never caught.

[305] Monster.

[306] Horrifying.

[307] 44 years later in 2013, a man named Douglas Parkhurst confessed to the murder but was not charged as the statute of limitations had expired.

[308] It said that he must.

[309] might have been drunk and thought he hid a dog.

[310] Apparently, he had never apologized to the family directly.

[311] Here's where it gets wild.

[312] Oh, my God, oh my God.

[313] Douglas Parkhurst had since moved to Portland, Maine, where he lived with his family.

[314] In 2018, he was at his grandchildren's little league game when all of a sudden a woman named Carol Sherro drunkenly drove through the field gate and was driving recklessly on the field with children on it.

[315] What?

[316] The fuck.

[317] There are a couple different accounts of what happened next, but Parkhurst, was either in the midst of pushing children out of the way or closing the gate to the field when Shero struck him and killed him.

[318] He was the only person that died.

[319] Shero has since been charged with manslaughter and previously charged with two DUIs.

[320] If you didn't notice, the little girl Parkhurst killed was named Carol Lee and he was killed by a woman named Carol.

[321] Oh my God, oh my God.

[322] I'm fucking chill.

[323] And they think he was drunk and she was drunk.

[324] I'm still in awe of this story.

[325] It might actually be aired on ESPN as they did an excerpt surrounding Parkhurst's heroic sacrifice, quote -unquote, at the Little League game.

[326] Thank you for reading my story, stay sexy, and don't drink and drive autumn.

[327] It's so crazy how, like, the tainting of a thing you do will always taint.

[328] There's just taints everywhere.

[329] It's really true.

[330] It's like your life is covered in taints.

[331] That's, I mean, but that's why I'm so.

[332] careful when I'm taking a left and look I always check that fucking crosswalk the last thing you want to do like I've said this before but if a bunch of cars are stopped and you go around them to speed past yeah you might want to consider their stop for a reason right and before you gun it through check the crosswalk and make sure people aren't stopping for people crossing because that's how people have killed like children crossing the street and it is a nightmare that's it's horrifying that's really good advice thanks no I mean I mean it.

[333] I mean it.

[334] That's really good advice, Karen, but it's actually like the best advice.

[335] And I just say, I'm just a kind.

[336] Okay.

[337] This last one I have is called I almost got my dad arrested on suspicion of murder.

[338] Oh.

[339] Hi, Karen.

[340] Nope.

[341] Hi, Georgia.

[342] Karen, Stephen and various furry friends.

[343] I was a particularly precocious toddler, aka very easily bored and very hard work.

[344] And one time when I was about two or three, my uncle was meant to keeping an eye on me, but probably wasn't giving me his full attention.

[345] Somehow, I got a hold of the house phone and rang 9 -99.

[346] Are you in Australia?

[347] And spoke to the emergency services.

[348] When the operator asked where my mummy and daddy were, I said that my mummy had been gone for ages and my daddy was in the garden digging a very big hole.

[349] Oh, my God.

[350] Being quite rightly suspicious of this, they sent round a police officer to my house to see what the hell was going on and to question my dad.

[351] Turns out that my dad was simply digging a pond in the garden while my mom was just at work.

[352] They also had a ring The nursing home where my mom worked To make sure that my dad was legit They, the police didn't seem to see the funny side of it And I got a very stern telling off from my mom and dad Although now it's one of their favorite stories to tell Stay sexy and don't let toddlers ring the emergency services Lucy It's true Thank God it turned out that way Because the real version of what they thought Was possibly happening is so bone -chillingly horrifying And actually is like the teacher's pet podcast is like the story of it yeah that's right you know it's like that is digging the pool digging in the pool right mom's been gone for a long time oh yeah um send us your emails my favorite murder at gmail we just like good stories it doesn't matter what it's about we just love to podcast your minis we do truly um yeah and stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye goodbye love us you want a cookie