Race to 35: Post Retrieval

[0] You guys, this is a big day.

[1] We're post -op.

[2] We're literally post -op.

[3] We both had our retrievals this morning.

[4] Monica got into a car.

[5] Well, I got picked up.

[6] I'm not supposed to drive, and so I didn't.

[7] But I got picked up.

[8] And we're in the attic, recovering.

[9] You know how many people have told me who work at the clinic or in this field where, like, I'm sorry, you had your retrieval on the same morning?

[10] It's so weird.

[11] I know.

[12] We've been in the exact same state for two weeks and counting.

[13] It's really special.

[14] I know.

[15] She was like, to just do it with a friend is such a great idea.

[16] So it's hard.

[17] Your cycles have to be synced slash if you tell them you want to do it with your friend.

[18] Tell them you're doing a podcast.

[19] Tell them you're doing a podcast.

[20] Even if it's a lie, they'll give you a little pill.

[21] It just kind of sinks you up even more.

[22] Yeah.

[23] How is it?

[24] Oh, man. Okay.

[25] Well, how do you feel right now?

[26] I feel pain.

[27] Yeah.

[28] Do you do too?

[29] Yeah.

[30] Oh, yeah.

[31] I don't feel great.

[32] Yeah.

[33] I mean, we had a needle up in our bodies.

[34] Yeah.

[35] I don't know if I said this already.

[36] I don't think I did.

[37] But a couple days ago, I asked my nurse, how does it actually work?

[38] Yeah.

[39] And she said, when we were doing the ultrasound, she's like, it's kind of like this.

[40] Like, we put the dildo up you.

[41] It has like a scope attached so I think they can see.

[42] Right.

[43] And then that has a tiny needle on it.

[44] so that they can drain the follicles and get the eggs.

[45] They drain the follicles.

[46] Yes.

[47] I guess that's why some of the eggs don't make it.

[48] Because it's not just you're going in and scooping the mop.

[49] You have to put them through a needle.

[50] Because I guess it's not like a baby.

[51] Your vagina won't open up for the eggs.

[52] No. So it's like, I just got a little bit of sad news.

[53] It's okay because it's so stupid, but only 13 are mature.

[54] Yeah, I'm going to find out tomorrow.

[55] I almost wish they hadn't told me because So I got 19 and then they were like, you got 19?

[56] And I was like, woohoo.

[57] And then literally a few minutes before I came, they were like, just so you know that 13 of them, they don't know if they're mature or not.

[58] They have to look through a microscope.

[59] Exactly.

[60] My note is don't give us a number until they know how many are mature.

[61] Yeah, that would be helpful.

[62] It's like it doesn't mean any.

[63] I mean, it doesn't not mean anything.

[64] It's still good.

[65] Your team still performed really, really well.

[66] Yes.

[67] 19 out of 20, right?

[68] A lot of them were pulled out.

[69] That's really good.

[70] But didn't you have nine?

[71] I had eight.

[72] No, no, they didn't.

[73] I got six.

[74] You have six out of nine.

[75] That's really good, too.

[76] Only three little ones.

[77] Yes.

[78] And I don't know how many are mature.

[79] I'll find out tomorrow.

[80] It's a little dicey.

[81] And the thing I think I didn't even know is that six sounds great.

[82] Do you want six babies?

[83] Basically, there's a calculator thing based on your.

[84] your age and how many eggs, what your chance of it leading to one baby or two babies.

[85] Did you look this up on Google?

[86] No, but she sent it to me. No, I was allowed.

[87] I was given permission.

[88] I was encouraged.

[89] So my probability is 59 % for one child and 21 for two.

[90] So there's a lot of things in the process like defrosting can cause one of them to have a meltdown.

[91] You don't know if they'll take, which means they might not take the sperm.

[92] So it's wild.

[93] How many you need?

[94] need.

[95] It's tricky, though, because to get pregnant, you don't.

[96] You need one.

[97] For this phrasing process, it's how many you can have so that you have an option in the bank.

[98] It has nothing to do with pregnancy.

[99] That's right.

[100] But 13 is really good.

[101] My doctor, I was like, okay, so how many ideally do we need if and when I do this again?

[102] And she was like, the goal is between 15 and 20.

[103] That's what they told me. That's still a lot.

[104] It's a lot.

[105] No, I'm saying, 13 is a lot to get on a first round.

[106] 13 mature, 19 retreat.

[107] That's a lot.

[108] And I think that's more than most.

[109] I just didn't realize there would be a different number or that it would be vastly different.

[110] And it's not.

[111] I'm fine.

[112] No, you're allowed to feel that.

[113] There's so many pieces to this that make it hard.

[114] Yeah.

[115] How do you feel?

[116] I feel like I had expectations of this.

[117] So I don't feel that surprised, I guess.

[118] Like I don't feel happy, but I don't feel surprised.

[119] Yes.

[120] I might feel surprised tomorrow if they say two are mature.

[121] I won't like that.

[122] But also, you know, I'm going to do it again and we'll see.

[123] It's not uncommon.

[124] So many people do it multiple times.

[125] And also decide circling back to episode one.

[126] They decide, okay, I've done it.

[127] And I don't need to do it again.

[128] And 50 % is not nothing.

[129] I also think it's like how soon you use them.

[130] Because the freezing thing, sometimes over time, They die out off.

[131] Okay.

[132] There's still a lot of factors.

[133] Yes.

[134] It's not like putting a frozen turkey in the freezer and then you pull it out and it's still there.

[135] Everything's the same.

[136] They're eggs.

[137] It's supposed to live inside your body.

[138] So it's a lot to keep them the way that they are.

[139] Yeah.

[140] And a lot of steps in the process.

[141] Definitely.

[142] So who picked you up?

[143] Kate, our mutual friend, the reason why we're here and got me Tylenol and Gatorade.

[144] Nice.

[145] And I had a big cramp afterwards.

[146] I was like, oh, I hope this doesn't feel like this all day.

[147] But it kind of went away.

[148] They give you Tylenol.

[149] When the anesthesiologist, I'm not going to try and say it.

[150] We don't have to say it to it.

[151] Anesthesiologist.

[152] Anesthesiologist.

[153] I just feel, and again, I don't want to whine about this.

[154] I really don't because it's a privilege.

[155] No, but don't do that.

[156] Now you're trying to affect your experience.

[157] Yeah.

[158] Well, I just think that there are little things that along the way.

[159] and big things along the way, that I just feel like they really rely on you.

[160] I almost feel like it's baked into the process that if you're freezing your eggs, you're this independent woman.

[161] This is a small thing, but I went in.

[162] Well, it didn't feel small.

[163] So first you go in and the nurse is asking you questions.

[164] Then she'll pass you on to the anesthesiologist.

[165] And then the doctor will come in.

[166] And then you all go basically in a room together.

[167] And it kind of happens.

[168] So the nurse was like, oh, you have.

[169] a factor five, it's a blood cloth vulnerability gene mutation.

[170] It means I'm vulnerable to blood cloth.

[171] So she goes like, oh, you're factor five.

[172] Don't forget to tell the doctor that.

[173] And I was like, why don't they already know that?

[174] Yeah, I was like, I was just a little confused about even, she was like, okay, you're allergic to penicillin and you have factor five.

[175] Remember to tell the anesthesiologist.

[176] And I was kind of like, okay.

[177] And then I immediately was like, wait, isn't that your job?

[178] Right.

[179] Isn't that literally your job?

[180] Isn't that why I talk to you?

[181] Yeah.

[182] And you're here anyway.

[183] I love.

[184] I love nurses.

[185] I love healthcare providers, but that was annoying.

[186] And then the anesthesiologist asked me all these questions.

[187] And then I say, by the way, I have factor five.

[188] And by the way, I have a allergy.

[189] And then we get into the room where first they give you an IV, I guess with gatorade in it.

[190] And then that's where also they're going to put in the medicine.

[191] And as I'm lying down, he's like, you didn't tell me you were on Love Knox.

[192] And I was like, that's the blood thinner that your people put me on.

[193] isn't that in my chart?

[194] Was that on me?

[195] I was like, I assumed you knew you know what I'm doing, right?

[196] Do you know I'm here to freeze my eggs?

[197] Do I have to tell you everything?

[198] Yeah, that's frustrating.

[199] Again, it's not a big deal.

[200] But it could have been, I guess, because maybe it would have changed something in the way that he would have administered something.

[201] And so there's that element where I still feel I understand that this probably makes it cheaper that we're doing injections ourselves.

[202] Even today, the antibiotic, I have to go to CVS and I have to figure that out.

[203] It's just you need a person.

[204] or you just need to be like really self -assured or have money to get it delivered and you know all these additional medications too like I have an additional 200 bucks today so there's that but then I had this really emotional feeling that I didn't expect I wasn't nervous I was like be the independent lady like was reading the news being like this is nothing and then I lie down they did the IV and then you know that the anesthesia is coming and it's going to put you to sleep and it's so it can be a little unsettling.

[205] And as soon as they put it in, I started thinking about her or thinking about the child that was going to come out of this.

[206] And it was just this really, I don't know, I was just like, I'm obviously overcome my emotion, even talking about it.

[207] But I like started to weep.

[208] And then I immediately felt like, I don't remember falling asleep, obviously.

[209] It like locks you out.

[210] it was this white light like it was really beautiful oh my god i'm doing this for you and how exciting that i get to do this sorry my throat it's like oh that's so beautiful that's lovely my friend elissa was like sometimes there are difficult parts to this you know and yesterday just drove monica fucking crazy all my pregnancy tests were negative you're supposed to have a positive so then i just thought oh my god this whole thing won't be for nothing i made a mistake somewhere and she was like you know, when it's hard, remember who you're doing it for.

[211] But for some reason, like, I wasn't thinking about it when it happened.

[212] But it felt just more meaningful.

[213] Okay, the needles suck and this fucking anesthesiologist doesn't look at my chart.

[214] But at the end of the day, this is so exciting that I get to do this.

[215] And I get to start that.

[216] So.

[217] It is.

[218] That's a beautiful takeaway.

[219] I think that's hormones.

[220] Or maybe it's just hormone.

[221] I also, like, at some point, you can't blame the hormones.

[222] It's like, these are your feelings.

[223] Yeah.

[224] They're real feelings.

[225] Well, that's awesome.

[226] I'm so happy you had that.

[227] Thanks.

[228] How about you?

[229] Yeah, so I went in.

[230] Mine was early.

[231] So I got there at 6 .15.

[232] And then they took me into a little room.

[233] And then the nurse had me fill out a bunch of paperwork and talked to me. And then I put my clothes on, like the hairnets.

[234] Yes.

[235] There's bonnets and hairnets.

[236] The cute little hairnet.

[237] Do, do.

[238] Okay, we're in the future now.

[239] Oh, okay.

[240] Something horrible has happened.

[241] Really bad.

[242] Well, it's on brand.

[243] It's so on brand that this happened on this day when our hormones were all over the place.

[244] We're seconds from crying at any minute.

[245] We couldn't even stand up straight.

[246] We couldn't.

[247] We were still bent physically.

[248] And we had gone under.

[249] We went through surgery.

[250] An hour before.

[251] And let's remind everyone that Rob had COVID.

[252] So I was in charge.

[253] charge this whole time while my brain was on fire of recording.

[254] And something happened in the middle of this episode and it stopped working.

[255] We lost half of this episode.

[256] It's the worst possible thing that could happen in life to anyone ever.

[257] That includes diseases.

[258] Natural disasters.

[259] Tax is here.

[260] Well, just really quick, you know what I'm bummed about?

[261] What?

[262] I think at the beginning this you were trying to make a sound effect that let us know that we had traveled in time and here i am i was positioned the whole time to do it try it now okay not sure do you want to try one of the others okay yeah absolutely what i'm i think what i'm doing oh i like that yeah i think it's the combination of yeah okay and then it's got to come closer and then and then go away okay oh that's that did something that's appropriate wow your follicles i bet just triple both of you.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Thank God.

[265] Better than the hormones.

[266] But loss has been a theme throughout this experience as well.

[267] Wow.

[268] Liz.

[269] It's full circle.

[270] Great ding, ding, ding.

[271] Even though we had a great loss, here we are.

[272] And we're having fun and we're going to make something even better out of it.

[273] So what we've heard so far is that I had six eggs retrieved.

[274] You had just found out moments before that 13 were mature.

[275] I was really happy because the moment that was the most important moment of the whole episode that was in there where you told us that you saw like a bright light and you knew who you were doing it for.

[276] It was so sweet listening back.

[277] But one thing you said after, so this is kind of a fun thing we get to do, as we were walking out, you said, uh -oh, no. We don't need a transition for that?

[278] No. Okay.

[279] No. This is serious stuff.

[280] I know.

[281] You weren't traveling in time again.

[282] This is a post.

[283] Oh, oh, you're right.

[284] Oh, my God.

[285] Okay, go ahead.

[286] Wait, just hit me with that sentence really?

[287] So, after we recorded this episode, we were walking out.

[288] Oh, my God.

[289] That one felt like farty.

[290] Sounds, yeah, like we had bodily.

[291] Sorry, I got more option.

[292] I do have one more option.

[293] We had gas.

[294] Okay, so tell me you're walking out.

[295] Okay, so back in August when this was happening, we've wrapped this episode and we were walking out.

[296] It'll do.

[297] That'll do.

[298] And do you remember this?

[299] No, I don't remember.

[300] You actually felt like who you were seeing was you as a kid.

[301] Oh.

[302] You don't remember that?

[303] It was profound.

[304] Oh, I don't remember saying that.

[305] I was really out of it.

[306] I may have taken her too deep on that transition.

[307] Yeah.

[308] I'm before the retrieval now.

[309] We had the retrieval.

[310] It happened.

[311] You said that the child that you were feeling in that moment was actually you.

[312] You.

[313] It was so sweet.

[314] You, like, loved your own inner child in that moment.

[315] It makes sense, though, because isn't parenting kind of either you're going to repeat some of the mistakes or you're going to repair and actually help process the mistakes that were made on you and hopefully do something different?

[316] Is it an embodiment of healing in a way because you're the parent now?

[317] And you have a little more control, I guess we'll ask Dax.

[318] I got to acknowledge first that this is definitely ego.

[319] maniacal.

[320] This is a self -centered aspect of it, but it exists nonetheless, which is I think the reason you may have saw your baby self is that when you have a kid, you think I'm going to give this little baby what I needed.

[321] And it's very exciting.

[322] And it is healing.

[323] It's slightly narcissistic.

[324] That's because you're a cynic, remember?

[325] And you think it's all selfish, selfless.

[326] I think I'm a skeptic, but at any rate, I went into it with that notion.

[327] It's a weird do -over.

[328] And then while it's happening while you're watching the little person, it's regularly taking you back to that age, and you re -examine your own life, and you end up having a lot of compassion for yourself.

[329] I told the story on the other show, which was Lincoln had had a nightmare that Chris and I had gotten divorced, and we're going through that.

[330] And as I'm talking to her, I'm looking at her, I'm realizing Oh, I'm on my third dad at her age.

[331] I've already been molested at her age.

[332] And now I see how defenseless this little person is at eight years old.

[333] Because you think of yourself as maybe older than you were in your memory your whole life, or at least I did.

[334] I thought I was always in charge.

[335] But looking at your own kids.

[336] And then again, forgiveness.

[337] The other thing was, oh, my God, I wasn't the victim.

[338] My dad was the victim.

[339] This is the experience one shouldn't miss. You know, all those things, of course it's connected to little Liz.

[340] Because in a weird way, that's what it's about.

[341] And for Marni, if you have a baby, you're going to set her up for all the things that you hoped.

[342] You want her to be a her so bad because you want it to be her in the picture.

[343] If I used to be an uncle to that fucking baby, good luck having any time with her.

[344] Because I'm going to fucking kidnap that little baby.

[345] What if the coyote gets her?

[346] In fact, I'm going to start growing grass that long in our yard just so I can recreate this photo.

[347] You'll put her in a school where it's multicultural.

[348] She doesn't feel other.

[349] You'll do all these little things.

[350] And I'll do also all the things I thought were a problem that really weren't a problem that I can also see now.

[351] And they'll have a whole new set of problems.

[352] My dad has his work, his sim work cut out for him when there's a grandchild.

[353] Can you imagine?

[354] He needs more tokens.

[355] He really does.

[356] Stay tuned for more.

[357] If you dare.

[358] Race to 35 is sponsored by Vagamore.

[359] When you look at your hair, are you 100 % happy, Liz?

[360] Not all the time, but since I've been using Vagamore, I am.

[361] I've tried a lot of different products to improve my hair health, and they're all not great.

[362] They either are natural and they don't really work, or there's a lot of chemicals, and they work, but then you're like, what am I putting in my hair?

[363] And that's what I love about Vagamore.

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[365] You just massage the shampoo into your scalp for 60 seconds and then you follow it up with conditioner.

[366] It's so simple.

[367] It made such a noticeable difference in my hair.

[368] Hormones affect everything.

[369] They affect your skin, your nails, your hair.

[370] I have noticed my hair has thinned since we started messing with our hormones.

[371] And so once I started doing Vagamore, it was like, okay, I can feel getting a little bit better.

[372] to normal.

[373] So if anyone's doing this process, I really would recommend starting with this shampoo and conditioner.

[374] Go to vagamore .com slash fertility and use code fertility to save 20 % on your first order.

[375] That's V -E -G -A -M -O -U -R .com slash fertility code fertility to save 20 % off at vagamore .com slash fertility.

[376] We are supported by Zoc Doc.

[377] It's hard to find the right doctor.

[378] We found great doctors through this process.

[379] Obviously, Your's got a lot of random texts from us.

[380] A lot of texts and answered so many of them.

[381] Yes.

[382] It's really important to find the right one for you in your network and in your neighborhood.

[383] All these pieces can make it feel impossible.

[384] But with Zoc Doc, it's a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance, and are available when you need them.

[385] So you go there, find what works best for you.

[386] Yeah.

[387] And as a Canadian, I can tell you, I get overwhelmed by your health care system and I find that Zoc Doc.

[388] again, because it's free.

[389] It helps you save money, right?

[390] It helps you make sure that you're seeing the right doctor that's, you know, covered by your insurance.

[391] Yeah, you don't have to go to two because the first one was bad.

[392] Or again, pay fees and have these surprise bills in the mail.

[393] So on Zoc Doc, you can find every specialist under the sun, whether you're trying to straighten those teeth, fix an achy back, get that weird mole checked or anything else.

[394] Doc Doc has you covered.

[395] Yeah, and it's a super easy app.

[396] Very user -friendly.

[397] We love that.

[398] You can go to Zocdoc .com slash race and download the ZockDoc app for free.

[399] Then start your search for a top -rated doctor today.

[400] Many are available within 24 hours.

[401] That's Z -O -C -D -O -C .com slash race.

[402] Zock -D -C -com slash race.

[403] Anyway, that first little chunk, I'm sorry it was way shorter than it should have been, but it still encapsulated our experience that day in, I think, a very accurate way.

[404] The only thing I want to touch on is a little backstory to the day before our trigger all of the trigger shot stuff.

[405] Yeah.

[406] So the day that we had to do our trigger shot, mine was at 7 .13.

[407] They gave us the most specific times.

[408] Yours was at 1134, something like that.

[409] Yeah.

[410] Because it had to be, I think it was 12 hours before the retrieval.

[411] It was very specific timing.

[412] You can.

[413] came over.

[414] We were hanging out.

[415] The trigger shot is a big old needle, but did it.

[416] Yay.

[417] So excited.

[418] It was weird because it was the first one we weren't doing at the same time.

[419] But you were there and it was exciting.

[420] And then we sat down to chat.

[421] And then I was going to drive you home.

[422] Where was I think you had no more pills left.

[423] I was out of seizure pills and we had to go to the pharmacy to get them.

[424] This says seven.

[425] The pharmacy says it's open till 10.

[426] Plenty of time.

[427] We get in the car and I was like, I feel horrible.

[428] I feel woozy.

[429] I feel like I'm going to throw up.

[430] And you were driving.

[431] Yeah.

[432] At that point.

[433] And Liz doesn't know how to drive.

[434] I don't.

[435] So she couldn't take the wheel.

[436] And Jesus wasn't around to take the wheel either, unfortunately.

[437] He's never there.

[438] When we didn't.

[439] Oh, my God.

[440] I mean, it is almost Christmas.

[441] Happy birthday.

[442] Anyway, I could tell you were trying not to freak out, but also like, be supportive, but not know what to do.

[443] So I was like, I feel like I should go back inside.

[444] So I circled back.

[445] We parked.

[446] I was so wobbly and nauseous.

[447] And I felt crazy.

[448] And I don't get nauseous very much.

[449] So it was very weird.

[450] We went in and then I like immediately just like laid on the floor.

[451] On the floor.

[452] Yeah.

[453] Not even on the couch.

[454] It's like, I need to be horizontal immediately.

[455] And you were so sweet.

[456] You were like, I need to get you juice because people think that that's the cure.

[457] My first thought was, did you have any orange juice?

[458] Yes, there you go.

[459] Because everything gets funneled into the diabetes.

[460] Yeah, exactly.

[461] She got low blood sugar.

[462] Yeah, yeah.

[463] I need to get juice.

[464] But also, we had this looming, like, the medication.

[465] Yes.

[466] And then my medication was at Dax and Christens, and I don't know how to drive.

[467] And so there was a lot of different.

[468] transportation that needed to happen and no person who knows how to drive to do it and you were not well and i felt even bad about leaving you in that state this sounds like the scene out of wolf of wall street when they're on a ton of quailudes yeah i know actually yeah they're like laying outside they think they're doing it one way exactly so liz sweetly got in an uber went to the horrible scary ride aid The worst.

[469] The guy I got punched.

[470] No, the woman got punched.

[471] A woman got punched at that right.

[472] And someone got shot.

[473] And you called me and you were like, is this the right one?

[474] And I said, yeah.

[475] Did she write, is this the Ritee one?

[476] Oh.

[477] That was a great opportunity for you to make a pun.

[478] A lot of mistakes were made.

[479] Our brains are still not.

[480] They aren't all the way back.

[481] Yeah.

[482] But you said, is this the RITE one?

[483] And I said yes.

[484] And then you were like, it's close.

[485] And I was like, oh, my fuck.

[486] It was closed at six on Saturdays.

[487] And so then there was a new panic.

[488] I have all these insane hormones now on blast because of the trigger shot.

[489] And I don't have seizure pills to take tonight.

[490] Obviously, I'm having a seizure tonight.

[491] I'm setting myself up for the worst failure.

[492] Do you think about wearing a diaper to bed?

[493] No, I didn't.

[494] But I did think, like, look, if I have one, I have one, if I die, die.

[495] That's it.

[496] But I was like, I can sleep over.

[497] Yeah, of course.

[498] She was, and I was like, you can't sleep over because my appointment was at seven.

[499] I was like, I have to wake up at five.

[500] You then have to go do your own retrieval.

[501] Like, it was too much.

[502] But also, yeah, so then you Uber to Dax and Christens.

[503] You picked up your medication.

[504] You picked up some juice.

[505] Some juice and some random snacks, like a banana.

[506] She put you on the brat diet.

[507] A kid's juicy pack.

[508] It was so sweet.

[509] By this time I was in.

[510] bed.

[511] I was feeling a little better slightly.

[512] I came in and there was a garbage can next to her on her night table and she's lying there and I was like, oh, God, she's not well.

[513] This is really bad.

[514] It was not a trash can.

[515] It was a really fucking expensive candle and it's really large and it kind of looks like a trash can, I guess, like the most expensive trash can you'll ever buy.

[516] I hope you keep it after it's all burnt out for an emergency boot bucket.

[517] It's true.

[518] It doubles up.

[519] But it's so heavy.

[520] It's to be hard.

[521] Well, you wouldn't knock it over.

[522] That's really true.

[523] Anyway, that came out months later.

[524] She thought that was a trash can the whole time.

[525] You were really disturbed by the whole scene.

[526] But you were in high spirits?

[527] Yeah.

[528] But then we had another entire issue with yours.

[529] So yours was coming up and we were preparing and yours was different than mine.

[530] That was the first time in this whole process that our medications were for some reason different.

[531] We couldn't get the lid off of one or something.

[532] Yeah, off the needle.

[533] Yeah.

[534] And then I was like, it'll bend.

[535] We started to freak out.

[536] We were calling all these doctors to try to fix 1130 p .m. It's just like 2 .30 on the East Coast.

[537] The doctor's like, first things first, drink some orange juice.

[538] Both of you, I can tell.

[539] You need it.

[540] But we made it work.

[541] And then I gave you yours.

[542] You Uber at home.

[543] And then how did you feel?

[544] I was more worried about you.

[545] I was like, if I'm sick, then I can't even help.

[546] her if she gets sick and so I was like yeah I didn't let myself feel so selfless see no no it was like stressful it was stressful and you guys weren't here like no one was kind of no one was here yeah I'm learning a lot in this I really am because I now know what you want here's what happens you tell me like oh my god I'm on the floor and I feel crazy right and then I would immediately go to well there's no solution to that right that's what I would think Liz is like let me get a bunch of shit that's not going to do anything like Let's grab this.

[547] I got some peanut butter.

[548] Here's some flour, right?

[549] There's all this juice you didn't want.

[550] But you feel so love when she shows up.

[551] I get hung up on the, is this, there any point to this?

[552] I should just grab random shit and show up.

[553] You're interested in practicality.

[554] And it's not always necessary.

[555] What's necessary is feeling like someone cares about you in that moment.

[556] I'm really recognizing that because I'm like, okay, I know what I would feel like if I was Liz.

[557] And then I would come back and I'm like, is nothing.

[558] Like, what am I going to get in there, readjust her hormones?

[559] And then I would just, I wouldn't think to bring you like a drawing tablet, you know, or something.

[560] But it's just about someone scattered around and they made a care package.

[561] It doesn't matter what's in the care package.

[562] And, of course, then when that's happening, and you were like, I really should spend the night.

[563] Like, predatorily.

[564] Yeah, I was like, stay out of my business, please.

[565] Someone needs to watch you while you sleep.

[566] No, but when someone is.

[567] is giving in that way, then of course it brings me back down to earth.

[568] Right.

[569] And I'm able to say, no, what's that going to do?

[570] You don't need to do that.

[571] Then I can be rational.

[572] It's almost McAvellian because she starts acting so irrational with this random grouping of products that you're like, well, shit, I think I got to be the one here.

[573] You know what I think it does too?

[574] I came in with authority.

[575] I was like, you should drink juice.

[576] You should drink these little packets for kids.

[577] Just that, I feel like someone being, even though you don't know what's going on.

[578] I mean, that's what mom is.

[579] Yeah, I was a lifeguard for a lot of years.

[580] And it's so basic.

[581] And obviously, giving CPR is not simple.

[582] But what gets like 80 % of people better when they have a drowning accident, like something like really bad happened is just the little blanket and like making sure they don't face the pool and that they're facing you.

[583] It's a lot about bringing down shock, basically.

[584] Yeah.

[585] Which you are not in shock.

[586] And again, I was probably also managing myself so that I wouldn't feel stressed because I was stressed.

[587] Yeah.

[588] Yeah, you were.

[589] Oh, God.

[590] And we have to back up even further.

[591] Yes.

[592] So all this happens, I don't have a seizure.

[593] And I'm already wrong about something.

[594] The trigger shot is 36 hours before.

[595] Like a random number.

[596] Because what happens is you do the trigger shot.

[597] The next morning, I had to go at 5 a .m. on Sunday.

[598] I went to the clinic.

[599] I got my blood drawn.

[600] They're testing to see if people.

[601] your body took the trigger shot, basically, if it absorbed in their testing for HCG levels, which is fascinating because that's pregnancy levels.

[602] So that's what happened with me. But you had a different program.

[603] They didn't have me come in with the blood test.

[604] They gave me a pregnancy test in a little paper bag the day before.

[605] And they were like, do this pregnancy test.

[606] And it'll probably be positive.

[607] And then that's great.

[608] And so I did my pregnancy test in the morning.

[609] We had manicure planned.

[610] My pregnancy test is negative.

[611] so hard at the manicure plan.

[612] Well, because we're both guys.

[613] Like, if Rob and I were building a barn project and it was like, and then we got, we both got haircuts and shaved.

[614] It was like, whoa, weren't you guys building the barn?

[615] You know, for us, we're too practical.

[616] What?

[617] No. It's like the day before the big event and you have to like look good and feel good.

[618] It's like big competition was coming up that we had been gearing up for for a long time.

[619] My whole lives.

[620] Okay.

[621] So, also, but remember when we learned that you can't have nail polish.

[622] Oh, my God.

[623] And we had to text our doctor again.

[624] Your guys is poor doctor.

[625] So we got pedicures instead.

[626] They press on your fingernails to see if it will fill with blood.

[627] Yeah.

[628] It's like your extremities are working during the surgery.

[629] I think.

[630] Anyway, so.

[631] We had manicures plan with Kristen and the girls.

[632] And at this point was back in town.

[633] They got in the night before.

[634] We go and your pregnancy test.

[635] Yes, it's negative.

[636] And then I text my doctor, not about the nails, but about the pregnancy test.

[637] And then she's like, okay, just go buy one at the drugstore.

[638] Sometimes pregnancy tests can be off.

[639] We decided to wait to get the pregnancy test after the manicure because we're like, whatever.

[640] Let's just go ahead and get to the manicure.

[641] We don't really have time.

[642] Yeah.

[643] We don't really have time.

[644] And it's fine.

[645] Maybe we'll go to lunch.

[646] We'll get it on the way.

[647] Yes.

[648] And then we forgot.

[649] We were getting our pedicures.

[650] Kristen and the girls were getting pedicures.

[651] And Delta decided in the middle of she did not want to get one.

[652] We beat them there.

[653] So we started early.

[654] So we were done early.

[655] And we were like, let's go to Houston's.

[656] Yay.

[657] And we'll get a pregnancy test on the way.

[658] It'll be great.

[659] Just keep kicking it down the road.

[660] And then Delta comes up and she says, where are you guys going?

[661] And I said, oh, we're going to go to lunch.

[662] And she said, can I come?

[663] And I was like, yeah.

[664] I don't know how long our day is going to be.

[665] Are you okay with that?

[666] And she said, yeah.

[667] So we told Kristen, we're bringing Delta with us.

[668] Because she was with us for some reason, I was like, should we just wait to get the pregnancy?

[669] Yes, exactly.

[670] I feel guilty about this.

[671] Don't.

[672] There was a lot going on.

[673] And also remember Liz Camp Drive.

[674] Yeah.

[675] So she can't go on her own.

[676] Yeah.

[677] You had two dependents with you.

[678] A tall one and a short one.

[679] Yeah.

[680] And one of them needs a pregnancy test.

[681] But then we did stop and get one.

[682] We stopped and got one.

[683] And then we ordered lunch.

[684] And then I was like, okay, I'm going to.

[685] to go do the pregnancy test in the bathroom at Houston.

[686] And then I do the test and it is negative again.

[687] The retrieval is the next morning.

[688] Yes, exactly.

[689] I'm a little nervous now, but again, I'll walk.

[690] I'll get my hair done.

[691] I'll get exfoliated.

[692] I'll get a deep tissue 90 -minute shiatsu.

[693] And then I will go back to CVS.

[694] But also, she's in the bathroom for so long.

[695] And I'm like, oh, God, Delta's hungry.

[696] So we're going to go ahead and order.

[697] I'm texting her.

[698] What's happening?

[699] You're like, I'm still waiting.

[700] And then it's negative.

[701] You had one more.

[702] So you came back out.

[703] You drank a bunch of water.

[704] Oh, right.

[705] Oh, God.

[706] I'm surprised you didn't have juice.

[707] You drank a ton of water.

[708] And we were like, it's fine.

[709] It's going to be fine.

[710] Like this third one for sure.

[711] And she goes back into the bathroom.

[712] Negative.

[713] So now I'm freaking out.

[714] Then I'm like, okay, there's a CVS that's a 15 -minute walk.

[715] I'll just walk over.

[716] You guys eat.

[717] And so I walk to CVS and my flip -lops from the, the pedicure.

[718] And then I'm texting my doctor.

[719] I'm like, it's negative again.

[720] And so she says, get the ovulation test.

[721] Because at this point, that is all we need to know.

[722] Like the pregnancy test might not be reading it, but as long as the ovulation test is positive, you're great.

[723] And so I go to the CVS.

[724] I get a pack of eight ovulation test.

[725] I walk my ass back.

[726] And then I go straight to use his bathroom.

[727] Wow.

[728] And then I do maybe seven of them.

[729] And I'm not ovulating.

[730] But now you're like, I got to go back to CVS.

[731] And I'm like, for what?

[732] At this point, these are not working.

[733] But then you do go to CBS.

[734] Yes, I go back.

[735] Yeah.

[736] And then I pick you up on the side of the street.

[737] And then I got more tests.

[738] You guys, this sounds so identical to a story about two addicts.

[739] This story could only make sense.

[740] Like, I've left lunch to go to the Chevron to meet the guy like six times.

[741] And you're just like, I can't, I'm not doing anything until I get this thing.

[742] Oh, 100.

[743] 100 % 100%.

[744] And I still have Delta.

[745] She's like, I'm ready to go, man. It's like, people wonder how they end up with like, what do you mean you left your child in the car out of crack house?

[746] Yeah.

[747] No, you took great care of Delta.

[748] Thank God.

[749] Well, she's my child.

[750] Yeah.

[751] And then my doctor was like, okay, well, have you come in for blood tests?

[752] Oh, no, they just closed.

[753] And then I went back to Jackson Christen's place.

[754] I did a bunch of other tests.

[755] And then for some reason, those were good.

[756] There was like kind of a barely there line.

[757] And then I sent a bunch of photos to the doctor.

[758] And she was like, we're good.

[759] We're back on track.

[760] It was so weird.

[761] It was just a lot.

[762] And they wanted a very specific brand.

[763] Yes.

[764] The first CVS run was the wrong brand.

[765] Like, I don't know.

[766] Have either of you ever seen this show absolutely fabulous?

[767] I haven't.

[768] No, I've heard of it, though.

[769] Huge, huge hit in England for years.

[770] And it's about two women who are luscious.

[771] Oh.

[772] And it's tremendous.

[773] It's so funny.

[774] Every aspect of this from the you on the floor and the trash can and the whole thing, sounds like an episode of absolutely that's how this whole show was and the irony that we were sober during it yes it's true I was trying to be calm but I was really yeah vicariously stressed out I was like what the fuck he's in and out of Houston she's been to CBS three times she's been in the bathroom there's sticks the whole trip someone's emptying the trash cans because it's full of sticks I'm feeling also like really codependent about it like she's stressed out and And there's something I can do about this.

[775] But also, like, is she going to be able to get her retrieval?

[776] And then what about the podcast?

[777] And then, you know, like, of course, like, it just starts spiraling.

[778] And then Delta's like, give me your phone so I can play games.

[779] I'm like, ah.

[780] I'm so proud of us for getting through it.

[781] That day was not.

[782] Also, we've been friends for, like, 14 days.

[783] Real friends.

[784] I remember I was like, oh, this is my mean list when I'm really stressed.

[785] And I was like, Monica's not going to want to be my friend anymore.

[786] I, like, apologize, like, 10 times over text over that.

[787] And I was like, she's still mad at me. No, I wasn't mad.

[788] Stay tuned for more, if you dare.

[789] Race to 35 is supported by Parallel.

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[796] Whether you're egg freezing or it's just regular multivitamin or they even have a PCOS package, which is so awesome.

[797] Those things all require very different vitamins.

[798] And so it's hard to know what you need at any given moment and having it all packaged together for you is awesome.

[799] Yeah.

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[811] Anyway, it all worked out.

[812] It all worked out.

[813] And we got our retrieval.

[814] And that's when time changes.

[815] We're at present day.

[816] Well, we're at the present day of what you just heard.

[817] And what ended up being interesting is, let's call it luck, which is not what it is, but it's a nice spin on it.

[818] We ended up having to record again anyway.

[819] And you'll hear why.

[820] And that's the second part of this episode.

[821] And let's get into that.

[822] So we thought we were done with this podcast, but we have a little bonus update for everyone.

[823] I felt like it was not fair for me to not share this info.

[824] Because I know I'm not the only one out there who's experienced this.

[825] So I think it's important to share.

[826] On our finale, we talked about our retrieval.

[827] We talked about how many eggs we got.

[828] Reminder, Liz got 19 and 13 were mature.

[829] And I got six.

[830] But I didn't know at that point how many were mature.

[831] I figured all six would be mature based on their size and their growth and everything.

[832] But I got a call the next day from my doctor and she said, bad news.

[833] And it's like, ugh, okay.

[834] And she said two of your eggs were mature.

[835] And one is not mature, but we think there's a small percentage that it could mature.

[836] So we're freezing that too.

[837] But really two mature eggs, which since you guys have been following those whole time, I think you know by now is percentage wise zero.

[838] It was a blow.

[839] Ironically, We were at lunch, at the place that we started this whole process.

[840] We went to Beachwood Canyon Cafe.

[841] Rob's back.

[842] So now he's doing Googling, which we like.

[843] Beachwood Cafe, which is where we took our cover art pictures.

[844] That was before we knew we were so innocent.

[845] We hadn't started our shots.

[846] It was before it all began.

[847] We had returned there, and I got the call.

[848] there eating burritos.

[849] Yeah, it was a big bummer.

[850] There's just no getting around it.

[851] It was a big bummer and it felt really disappointing.

[852] It felt like a huge waste of time, money, energy.

[853] I don't feel that way anymore, I will say.

[854] I don't feel like it was a waste.

[855] I feel like it was an experience.

[856] Wow.

[857] I don't regret doing it at all.

[858] I learned a lot about my body, learned a lot about myself.

[859] I learned a lot about my strength.

[860] I'm still grateful.

[861] I'm also, though, in a position unlike so many women where it was very annoying to think, oh, wow, $10 ,000 for nothing.

[862] But I'm really lucky in that I can do it again and I will do it again.

[863] And I don't have to really, really super sweat about the financial element of it.

[864] But I feel for so many people who are like, can't do that.

[865] Can't do that.

[866] And hear this information.

[867] And that money really is gone.

[868] And it could have gone towards rent, mortgage, whatever.

[869] A lot of burritos.

[870] Necessary burritos.

[871] Anyway, so I did feel like it was important for me to share that because it was a big update and it was a big part of the process.

[872] And it wouldn't have been fair for me to sort of keep that to myself.

[873] It's a big deal.

[874] And the fact that you're talking about it and sharing it.

[875] This is 48 hours ago.

[876] It just as your friend seeing you go through this and your resilience going through this also was the day before your fucking birthday.

[877] When the doctor called mid burrito, it felt like you did regret.

[878] You were like, that's just all this money down the drain.

[879] And, you know, I wouldn't have known that there's maybe something wrong.

[880] And there is nothing wrong, right?

[881] It's so different from fertility.

[882] You were like, it's embarrassing.

[883] And you didn't even know if you wanted to share this.

[884] And it's so amazing that you're here and you're saying this and you've come so far in so little time and that you're willing to share it with people.

[885] And that's just like a really big gift.

[886] And, you know, I think there are so many people who will be listening to this who will be in exact same position.

[887] How did you process all of this and get to a place where you can be thankful for the experience?

[888] Well, the other thing is I kind of like blacked out.

[889] Like as soon as she said too, I was like, oh my God.

[890] And then she said, you know, it's surprising, even for her, because those six felt like they should have yielded mature eggs.

[891] And so they didn't, which could be indicative of X, Y, and Z words I blacked out and don't know what she said.

[892] But she kind of gave potential reasons.

[893] Then I was like, oh, my God, something's actually wrong with my reproductive system.

[894] Oh, no. I just remember I did say, okay, so when you say that sometimes this process reveals information, what does that mean?

[895] Right.

[896] And then she, again, kind of said something I don't understand.

[897] I mean, she basically said sometimes your ovaries, the way they act, don't necessarily represent your age.

[898] And I was like, so are my ovaries 90?

[899] Like, I'm a grandma ovary.

[900] What does that mean?

[901] But circling back to the very beginning of this, the birth control potentially had a impact.

[902] And so we'll see.

[903] And I am going to do it again.

[904] I'm going to do it after having been off birth control for four or five months.

[905] And she has a new plan of how she wants to go about it next time, having had this experience, which is a little bit longer of a process and a little bit different of a process.

[906] So anyway, I came back into the restaurant.

[907] But like, of course I was with you.

[908] when they called.

[909] Of course.

[910] Because my dad's running the sim and he at least wanted the podcast to be good if I had to go through this.

[911] So he arranged it so that I was with you.

[912] So sick.

[913] Yeah.

[914] I told you and you were so supportive.

[915] My first instinct was just I don't want to talk about this anymore.

[916] And I don't want to think about it.

[917] It's like moving on.

[918] Okay, I want to look at the menu.

[919] This is over.

[920] Moving on.

[921] I wanted to talk about dating, which is a topic you don't ever want to talk about.

[922] You were like, let's talk about who you want to match, make me with.

[923] That's how I knew something was wrong.

[924] I was like, oh, she wants to talk about this.

[925] There's nothing to say.

[926] I was like, there's a list.

[927] No, I mean, I have my 13.

[928] I can't.

[929] You're allowed to be disappointed about two or feel whatever feelings you have.

[930] I mean, not even.

[931] I almost felt, and I have 13 and she only has to, like, she has to be around a 13 now.

[932] It must be so annoying that I was there actually, you know.

[933] And there's just nothing you can say.

[934] I talked to my mom about it afterwards, and my mom was like, oh, it's like a miscarriage, which my mom has had too, and the reason why I'm here is that she had a miscarriage, right?

[935] It's a horrible, horrible thing.

[936] But it is a grief.

[937] And she said, you know, because you've been talking about this for two weeks, but imagining what's going to happen after this process.

[938] So, of course, it's a loss.

[939] So I think just acknowledging, you know, you don't have to see the silver lining.

[940] You wanted something different, and that's hard.

[941] Yeah.

[942] I had had a little tinge of.

[943] that feeling of this feels like stupid.

[944] The way I feel didn't seem like it matched what was happening.

[945] I feel like I really lost something big, but I didn't.

[946] I didn't have anything.

[947] There wasn't anything I lost, but then that sort of gave me some validation.

[948] It is we just like future surfed for two weeks.

[949] We really did.

[950] And not only that, but our bodies were wrecked.

[951] Yes, you were getting off hormones.

[952] So after the retrievals emotionally, when you can have the most difficult.

[953] We were walking like pregnant.

[954] Cars were slowing down when we came out of the diner because we walked like we were pregnant.

[955] Your body was in pain, which again is what happens in a miscarriage.

[956] You're not only getting this really terrible news, but then your body is still reeling from it.

[957] And you're like, wait, I have this horrible thing and my body's wrecked from it from something I don't even get to have.

[958] Yeah, it was hard.

[959] You got through it.

[960] I've had people reach out today, but like, how's Monica doing it?

[961] I'm like, oh, she's fine.

[962] And I'm like, oh, right.

[963] Two days ago, I was like, oh, my God.

[964] Like, I was like crying.

[965] You know, talk to my friends.

[966] It is incredible, Monica.

[967] I think it's so amazing that you can talk about it today so that, again, if someone's listening to this, going through this or have gone through this and they haven't been able to get at the point of processing the grief of it, it's amazing that you've been able to do that in such a short amount of time.

[968] Thank you.

[969] Yeah.

[970] I mean, onward and upward.

[971] You know, everything's going to happen the way it's going to happen.

[972] And I have no control.

[973] And it's yet another reminder that I have no control.

[974] But we get reminders in life, right?

[975] Like, we don't have control over anything.

[976] And we walk around with this illusion that we have it.

[977] And then you have these little peaks where it's like, oh, yeah, no, I don't.

[978] Yeah.

[979] And resisting the urge to turn it into a story.

[980] We make our lives more difficult by taking one interaction or one life event or one thing and being like, well, this is why.

[981] And I think one of them really impressive things you did was separating it from fertility.

[982] Well, that took a minute.

[983] I know it did.

[984] How did you do that?

[985] Well, definitely, like, that's where my mind was starting to go.

[986] Of course.

[987] Oh, my God.

[988] Now I'm infertile, which my doctor was clear to say is not true.

[989] She was just like, doesn't mean you're infertile.

[990] You made mature eggs.

[991] All it takes is one.

[992] It's just these numbers matter for this.

[993] They matter for freezing.

[994] They matter for IVF.

[995] But you can still get pregnant.

[996] from what we can tell.

[997] And I heard that, but when something didn't go the way it should have gone, it means, okay, so maybe things won't go the way they are supposed to go next time or any time after that for the rest of my life.

[998] Yeah.

[999] So Kristen, I came and saw her and she was very helpful and she was really hammering that it doesn't mean anything about my future.

[1000] She was like, if a scientist was looking at this, they would say, well, this is one result.

[1001] For one time, you need many results in order to even make a conclusion.

[1002] And so don't make a conclusion about something that you don't have a lot of information about.

[1003] That is important for, again, people to hear.

[1004] One retrieval is one retrieval.

[1005] It's from one moment in time, one cycle.

[1006] It's not something you can generalize about your body.

[1007] And I think that is important.

[1008] Also, you mentioned it a second ago, but it's really true, and this is so me. But the first instinct was pure embarrassment.

[1009] I was so embarrassed.

[1010] It's like when you really give something you're all in front of everybody, like a boss, you just were on stage.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] And then you fall on your way out.

[1013] It's embarrassing.

[1014] And it's not.

[1015] If somebody else was telling me this, of course, I can try to remove myself and try to hear it as if it was my friend.

[1016] And oh my God, of course it's not embarrassing.

[1017] Of course it's not embarrassing.

[1018] It's amazing.

[1019] It's the opposite, I think.

[1020] Yeah.

[1021] It's so strong.

[1022] It's the kind of thing you don't want to have to be that strong, right?

[1023] And that's the last thing you want to hear when you're like going through something.

[1024] But it's the opposite falling.

[1025] It's, I just did a tap dance.

[1026] You did a whole somersault and a half.

[1027] It's more impressive that you're doing this, given the results and given that you're going to keep going on this journey and you're willing to do it.

[1028] Yeah.

[1029] It goes to the overachiever.

[1030] The SATs.

[1031] I'm like, oh my God, here we go again.

[1032] You know, I didn't get the score I wanted on.

[1033] the SATs is so embarrassing.

[1034] It means I'm not smart.

[1035] I'm walking around with this persona that I am.

[1036] Now it's revealed.

[1037] Now everyone knows.

[1038] It's so obvious that I'm not.

[1039] I'm going to have to take this again.

[1040] I'm going to take it again and again.

[1041] I took the SATs three times.

[1042] And it feels like that.

[1043] You know, it's like, oh, now everyone knows I'm broken or failure.

[1044] So those are the feelings that wash over you.

[1045] And I'm sure wash over everyone who's doing this.

[1046] But I am able to see it a little differently a few days out.

[1047] I'm really grateful and I'm part of it is I think because we've been doing this show and we've learned so much and I just have so much hope that it's going to help people and it's going to teach people and everything.

[1048] So, you know, I get a lot of self -esteem from this show and that and I'm grateful.

[1049] Do you think that it's helped you rethink that SAT mindset of like you didn't get the result you wanted but like it's not a marker of any intrinsic.

[1050] or even extrinsic, you couldn't have put the needles further down or, like, did the shots in a better way.

[1051] You crushed it, by the way.

[1052] You had trays.

[1053] You had the whole thing.

[1054] So do you think that it kind of forces you to question that story?

[1055] That the mark is a result of your inherent value and that your inherent value really is always there regardless of the result?

[1056] Yeah.

[1057] I want to believe that.

[1058] No, I do.

[1059] Obviously now, 19 years later, I can look back on the SATs and be like, that didn't matter.

[1060] I mean, look, I did ultimately end up with a good score.

[1061] But that's because I took it three times.

[1062] I also think that's okay to be a person who doesn't necessarily get everything on the first try.

[1063] You have to work hard for things that you want.

[1064] Yeah.

[1065] I have to work hard for things that I want.

[1066] And those are the best people to be around, people who have to hustle.

[1067] And in 19 years, when you look back on this moment, you might have that same perspective.

[1068] You'll know what happens.

[1069] We'll check back in in 19 years.

[1070] But I'm still, I'm grateful to you.

[1071] So grateful.

[1072] Well, because even right after I found out, and I had like sort of bottled it.

[1073] And then I went to Christens and then I had a little bit of a breakdown.

[1074] And then you were there.

[1075] And then we decided that the best thing to do was to get cake.

[1076] And potatoes.

[1077] Chocolate cake and potatoes.

[1078] Highly recommend.

[1079] I didn't know if that was going to be the best thing for our bodies in the moment.

[1080] But it was definitely the best thing for our.

[1081] my mind.

[1082] So we went to all time, shout out all time.

[1083] And we had delicious potatoes and delicious cake.

[1084] And we talked to some people there.

[1085] Some people stopped us.

[1086] And they were like, I'm so happy you guys are doing this journey.

[1087] And, you know, I'm thinking about doing it myself.

[1088] It's going to be really helpful.

[1089] And I was like, it's all I needed.

[1090] Yeah.

[1091] I got worried when she started talking.

[1092] I was like, oh, God, oh God.

[1093] And I was like, no, it's so amazing.

[1094] It is.

[1095] And I think as a woman, and a mom to the world.

[1096] Yeah.

[1097] We can all be moms to the world.

[1098] And so this is like a little bit of what I've birthed.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] And women seeing women really being women.

[1101] Again, my mom was like, she doesn't have to talk about it on the podcast.

[1102] She shouldn't be thinking about that right now.

[1103] Fuck the podcast.

[1104] Like, not fuck the podcast, but like she was just like she should be focusing on what is helpful to her.

[1105] She doesn't have to share anything.

[1106] And obviously, I know that that was an option for you.

[1107] And you're choosing to really reveal all of it.

[1108] And I just feel so thankful when women do that.

[1109] And people in general, I think we're all living in this weird meta world where we're turning into robots and sort of anime versions of ourselves.

[1110] But I think that it's healing to me. It's been healing to me to do this with you.

[1111] We see very sanitized stories about women and particularly very sanitized stories about our reproductive health.

[1112] And that's part of the reason why we live in this weird world where we don't know anything.

[1113] We don't know anything.

[1114] And people think they can take away things from us and make decisions.

[1115] for us.

[1116] This is real.

[1117] This is it.

[1118] And I think it's so powerful and you're so amazing.

[1119] What you did in 48 or even honestly 24 hours, because on your birthday you were the best and charming and enchanting and having the best time of your life.

[1120] What you did in 24 hours is something I know.

[1121] It would have just taken me so long.

[1122] I don't know.

[1123] It might come back next week.

[1124] Who knows.

[1125] That's okay too.

[1126] But we ended the last episode saying we can do hard things.

[1127] We can do hard things.

[1128] And I'm going to end.

[1129] And this one with the same sentiment because it still applies and it's still true.

[1130] We can do her things.

[1131] Okay.

[1132] That's that.

[1133] So because of the way everything ended, we felt that it was maybe a good idea for us to chat with someone some months out and see how we're feeling after and how we are thinking back on the experience and reflecting on it.

[1134] We have a very special guest who joins us for that.

[1135] So we have a bonus episode for you next week.

[1136] with a very special guest months later.