The Lost Hans and Franz Movie Episode 3

[0] Universal Pictures, R -rated comedy, Strays, is the presenting sponsor of The Lost Hans and Franz movie, a special Conan O 'Brien Needs a friend miniseries.

[1] Stick around later in the episode to hear more about what we thought of the movie.

[2] Check out Strays in theaters, August 18th.

[3] All right, Conan O 'Brien here.

[4] Welcome to episode three of the reading of the Lost Hans and Franz script here with Dana Carvey, Kevin Neillan, Robert Smigel, myself.

[5] No, no reason to say hi, really, not at all.

[6] No, I'm courteous and I'm friendly.

[7] Yeah, and you're also chewing something, which I think fine.

[8] That's cudd.

[9] Okay, like a cow in the corner, could.

[10] It's just a...

[11] We find ourselves in this episode.

[12] We're in Beverly Hills, and I think there's an evil plot that's at work here.

[13] Some girly man abductions are going to take place.

[14] So, what's set the scene?

[15] Exterior Beverly Hills Day.

[16] Muscle men goons walking purposely down in Beverly Hills Street.

[17] They kicked down a door, rush in, emerge with Gavin McLeod in mid -eating of a sandwich.

[18] The actor who played the captain on the love boat.

[19] A goon spray paints one less girly man on the wall.

[20] Oh, Bob Sagitt was in this.

[21] Oh, it's too bad.

[22] God rest your soul, Bob.

[23] Our thoughts go out to you.

[24] What about Gavin?

[25] What about his soul?

[26] Oh, right.

[27] What about Ebert?

[28] Nah.

[29] I'm sorry.

[30] It's like Saggit's got the only soul around here.

[31] What the hell?

[32] I knew Gavin McLeod.

[33] That man had no soul.

[34] Bob Sagitt on the set of his show.

[35] Annette is thrown over him in Musselman Goons drag him off.

[36] Insert TV screen.

[37] A newscast in progress.

[38] A picture of John Ritter.

[39] Oh, my God.

[40] Is there anyone alive in this?

[41] Anyone?

[42] What's your take on his soul?

[43] Would you like God to rest it?

[44] My take is, my take it is that this script is like the ring.

[45] Oh, yeah.

[46] Anybody who's in it died.

[47] Oh, it's been 30 years.

[48] Let's do it just a blanket.

[49] God rest.

[50] Everyone on this movie sold.

[51] Who's no longer here?

[52] Who's other down?

[53] Insert TV screen.

[54] A newscast in progress, a picture of a very much alive, John Ritter, over the anchorwoman's shoulder subtitled girly nap.

[55] Once again, a message was left, this time reading, what a complete girly man. The total is now at 16 girly nappings as...

[56] Insert another report.

[57] A possible breakthrough in the girly nap mystery.

[58] The term girly man has been traced to an obscure bodybuilding program.

[59] A clip of pumping up with Hans and Franz is played.

[60] That was canceled not long ago before the first girly nap occurred.

[61] Interior, Arnold's living room later.

[62] Hans and Franz and Arnold are lounging in their later hosin.

[63] Each drinking a blender full of protein shake.

[64] What do they mean obscure?

[65] Yeah.

[66] Felles, this is not good.

[67] Why?

[68] Jealous, we're on TV.

[69] We got big problems.

[70] Someone is jealous.

[71] Yes, jealous.

[72] Arnold's size and frustration.

[73] Exterior Arnold's house, night.

[74] Smoots and grass.

[75] Exterior Arnold's house night, a slew of police cars descend upon the house.

[76] Interior, Arnold's living room later.

[77] Several investigators are questioning Hans and Franz as Arnold watches.

[78] Have you ever used the term, girly man?

[79] Yeah.

[80] When was the last time you used it?

[81] About a minute ago.

[82] As the investigators take notes, Arnold interrupts.

[83] Excuse me, Sergeant, but this is so ridiculous.

[84] I've known these guys a long time.

[85] Plus, I'm a huge saw.

[86] Doesn't that count for some favoritism?

[87] You're right, Mr. Schwarzenegger.

[88] We're sorry to take up your time.

[89] Everyone gets up just then.

[90] It's just that easy.

[91] It actually is.

[92] Just then a few cops emerged from the basement.

[93] Sir, we've located a breakdown in the security systems downstairs.

[94] Well, Arnold runs to the open wall where the box of crackers is missing.

[95] My crackers!

[96] Who could have taken them?

[97] Only we knew about them.

[98] I mean, but we didn't.

[99] I'm afraid we're going to have to bring your cousins in for more questioning.

[100] Arnold, please.

[101] Let it wait until tomorrow.

[102] For God's sake.

[103] I'm bigger than Clark Gable.

[104] Fair enough.

[105] Also dead.

[106] The investigator and cops leave.

[107] We're innocent, Arnold.

[108] Believe us now.

[109] Put your hand on your bicep.

[110] Do you swear on your cardiovascular system so help you buttock muscle?

[111] Yeah.

[112] Of course.

[113] All right.

[114] So now what do we do?

[115] You've got the cops after you and I've got no crackers.

[116] I know.

[117] It's really good and exciting.

[118] Yeah, yeah.

[119] I wonder what he thinks.

[120] What who thinks?

[121] follow -out.

[122] Hans and Franz run through another secret door with Arnold following them.

[123] Interior screening room moments later, Hans and Franz walked behind the aisle towards Ebert's seat.

[124] Again, movie critic.

[125] Arnold trails behind.

[126] What's the deal, fellas?

[127] Pretty damn good, huh?

[128] Ibert.

[129] The seat is empty, except for some popcorn and candy.

[130] Yeah.

[131] I bet.

[132] They noticed the empty seat and looked at the camera.

[133] They got Ebert.

[134] They got Ebert.

[135] They got Ebert.

[136] Interior layer, same.

[137] Roger Ebert is struggling on a cross -country skiing.

[138] machine.

[139] Wearing shorts in a tank top, a muscle man goon cracks it up behind him as he huffs and puffs.

[140] Rolf walks by.

[141] Spare no discipline.

[142] This one's a project.

[143] Good one, Lieutenant.

[144] With these mass building crackers, our plan cannot fail.

[145] I'll commence feeding immediately.

[146] Soon the garrie men, will be ready to enter the Mr. Little Austria contest where I will display them to the world.

[147] Yes.

[148] Good.

[149] And what about the environment?

[150] Oh, it's smarting.

[151] Looks right to camera.

[152] It's smarting.

[153] Insert movie screen.

[154] The same scene is continuing on the screen.

[155] Rolf and Mr. X laughing.

[156] Interior screening room.

[157] Hans and Franz are watching intently sitting and eating Ebert's popcorn.

[158] Unbelievable.

[159] It was out for long.

[160] What a cod.

[161] He's got my crackers.

[162] And how about the other guy?

[163] Yeah, with the voice.

[164] Yeah, he's terrible too.

[165] It's a great movie, though.

[166] Yeah, but the crackers, they're not ready to be eaten.

[167] They're going to have side effects.

[168] Terrible side effects.

[169] You've got to get back to little Austria and stop them.

[170] The entire town is in great danger.

[171] Oh, no. How much time into the Side effects.

[172] They will take effect.

[173] Turning right into camera.

[174] In T minus 72 hours.

[175] Music, dramatic sting.

[176] As Arnold speaks at digital clock readout, marked time until side effects.

[177] 72 hours appears in the lower left corner and immediately starts ticking down.

[178] Oh no, what do we do?

[179] You've got to get the antidote to the girly man. Here it is.

[180] Arnold produces and hands them a can of cheese whiz.

[181] It comes in the form of cheese whiz.

[182] Now go.

[183] All right, well, clearly, we keep inserting words we just want Arnold to say, like, cheese whiz and crackers.

[184] Cheese whiz and crack up.

[185] This is one of my favorite things in the movie.

[186] This is one of my favorite things I ever.

[187] The Siskel and Ebert thing, or it was originally Siskel and Ebert, but Ebert, that was funny to me to just put, have Arnold and, I mean, have these guys walk and watch a critic in the middle of the movie, like, several times.

[188] But then it got to this stage in the movie.

[189] and all of these bad comedies back then had like, there were two things that I really wanted to do in this movie was like have the bad guy be funny which just what didn't exist like all these 80s movies were funny in a lot of ways but they would always have that serious bad guy like Max Von Cito that you'd have to take.

[190] Unlike the Marvel movies now.

[191] Right.

[192] They're all like at that little kind of a comedic twist.

[193] Everything's a wink.

[194] Austin Powers.

[195] Austin Powell.

[196] Well, he's like, he cracked the code.

[197] He came up with a character as funny as the main guy.

[198] But the whole Rolf thing, for one thing, like, I love that because it was like, it was sort of a final solution joke.

[199] I mean, it's from my dark Jewish sensibility.

[200] I was looking at this morning.

[201] I thought it was a little.

[202] Yeah, no, it's the bad guy who wants to take, who wants to take what you guys do way too far.

[203] Right.

[204] And then the other thing in these movies was there would be like these messages about things, like the environment in these bad 80s comedies.

[205] Like they'd try to have a morality play going on at the same time.

[206] A lot of the got into the save the world mentality.

[207] Yep.

[208] So I love the idea that WALF.

[209] Is this a catty shack or what do you, which ones?

[210] No, not caddyshack, but like spies like us kind of movies or Dragnet.

[211] There were a lot of serious bad guys in these movies and that would sort of stop the film cold.

[212] So then here, I love the idea.

[213] of, like, Rolf, he had his, he had his first plan about, you know, just eliminating girly men, but then just tacked on gratuitously, and I'm going to hurt the environment.

[214] Yeah.

[215] What's also that it's just a button.

[216] Yeah.

[217] He just pushes a button that hurts the environment.

[218] The environment hurt her.

[219] Yeah, yeah.

[220] So we get to this point in the movie.

[221] And another device that's always in these kinds of movies is like, you have to figure out a way for the hero to find out what the bad.

[222] bad guys up to.

[223] And it's always some lame device overhearing.

[224] Yep.

[225] It's a button.

[226] Over here.

[227] Yeah, the over here button.

[228] And here, like, just accidentally, we'd set up this thing where Ebert's watching the movie.

[229] So they walk in.

[230] And instead of it just being the third version of this joke, they actually get to watch what's happening.

[231] They find out about the bad guy by watching the movie.

[232] I think it's it meta.

[233] Is that?

[234] Yes, that was the first meta joke ever.

[235] That's right.

[236] Not the Facebook pattern company.

[237] I also love that when you read a script, a normal script, oftentimes, if someone's introduced, it says someone like a Kurt Cameron or someone like.

[238] But we, you know, I'm just throwing out random names or someone, you know, someone like a Roblo.

[239] But because we were starting with the assumption that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be more than half the movie, once you, once you've swallowed that pill, we go hog water.

[240] And it's, and suddenly we're just throwing people in the movie left and right.

[241] Without a doubt.

[242] Who, hey, we don't do it.

[243] If Arnold will do it.

[244] If Arno will do it.

[245] Yeah, Arnold's just, Arnold can just call people up and say, you're doing it.

[246] And he was, you know, he could do it.

[247] Yeah.

[248] So I think, I love that.

[249] I love the, we were so sure that everyone.

[250] We dreamed big.

[251] Sure.

[252] We swung for the fences.

[253] Hmm.

[254] And ultimately, no one did it.

[255] Is that right?

[256] Yeah, no one did it.

[257] Didn't come to fruition, as they said.

[258] Well, no, you're ruining.

[259] the ending because I think a lot of people listening don't know if this movie was ever made or not.

[260] So let's keep that as a possibility.

[261] Maybe it did come out.

[262] Maybe they, maybe they read the Ebert book.

[263] Maybe it was a massive 1992 hit.

[264] Could have been, man. A lot of hits from 92 have been forgotten.

[265] So why, why not just?

[266] Yeah, let's just tell people it was made and it actually did pretty well.

[267] And this is a big reunion.

[268] Yeah, exactly.

[269] The real Arnold's on his way.

[270] Based on a true story.

[271] Well, let's not say it's never been made yet.

[272] What can say that?

[273] Yeah.

[274] Yeah.

[275] Never say never.

[276] No pain, no gain.

[277] We mentioned earlier, this special mini -series is sponsored by the new Universal Pictures movie Strays.

[278] Very excited to have Strays as our sponsor, Sona.

[279] You and Blay went to an early screening, and you told me you really liked it.

[280] I loved it.

[281] And actually, I'm really glad they're sponsoring because I don't have to lie and say I like that.

[282] I actually really, really liked it a lot.

[283] It made me laugh.

[284] Blay, what did you think?

[285] I loved it.

[286] It's about Reggie, a naive and eternally optimistic dog who's trying to find his way back home when he meets Bug, a street smart stray that teaches Reggie how fucking great life can be when you're off the leash.

[287] It was fantastic.

[288] It's like a classic raunchy comedy.

[289] And what are some of the jokes that you liked in it?

[290] Well, there's one where they go to like a carnival and then the fireworks go off and they think they're at war.

[291] And then there's just like a really funny take on it.

[292] One is like also they want to be friends with each other so they just all pee on each other.

[293] Yeah, if you pee on something, you own it.

[294] And my favorite part was they do shrooms at one point.

[295] It gets, like, really trippy.

[296] It was super, super funny.

[297] It's really funny.

[298] I mean, we're not doing it justice.

[299] It's definitely, if you just want to laugh in a movie, it's awesome.

[300] Well, it's not a kid's movie.

[301] We want to point out it's rated R. Definitely.

[302] All right.

[303] So there's no confusion there.

[304] Don't pack up all the kids and bring them.

[305] Yeah.

[306] But I have heard this is quite a funny movie.

[307] It is from the humans who brought you cocaine bear and 21 Jump Street.

[308] Yes.

[309] It's important.

[310] It's great.

[311] These people know what they're doing.

[312] And it stars Will Ferrell.

[313] Jamie Fox, Ila Fisher, and Randall Park, the best.

[314] It's a very good cast.

[315] So check out Stray's only in theaters, August 18th.

[316] You got to go to the theater.

[317] It's time to go back, people.

[318] These dogs don't give a sit.

[319] See what I did there?

[320] All right, should we get back to it?

[321] Arnold, too concerned with his Hollywood career to leave, sends Hans and Franz back to Little Austria to infiltrate Rolf's Evil Lair and save the girly men from becoming out -of -control muscle -bound monsters.

[322] Exterior Highway Night, Hans and Franz ride their tandem bike done at Dark Highway.

[323] They're almost there, Hansi.

[324] Yeah, soon will be heroes.

[325] But how do we get into the evil lair to save the girly man?

[326] Well, I'm afraid there's only one way.

[327] Exterior urban landscape, day, Hans and Franz approach, interior little Austria entrance, same.

[328] They have gone undercover as girly men.

[329] And wear exaggerated disguises.

[330] Hans excessively effeminate, Franz excessively nerdy.

[331] Clock reads 21 hours, six minutes, 28 seconds.

[332] That's good to be back, isn't you, Hans?

[333] Shh.

[334] Remember, we're girly men.

[335] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[336] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[337] Yeah, yeah.

[338] Interior, little Austria, town square, same.

[339] They mill about trying to get noticed.

[340] My, look at all the pretty flowers.

[341] Yeah.

[342] I would look at them, but I'm too busy, not exercising.

[343] A few musselman goons see them and whispered each other.

[344] Hans addresses a woman.

[345] Oh, you simply must tell me where you got a talk.

[346] I can't believe my squinty loz or eyes.

[347] The goons approached them.

[348] Would you two gentlemen like to come with us?

[349] For whatever for?

[350] Hans and Franz share a wink as they are taken away.

[351] Interior, Rolf's Lair, moments later.

[352] Rolf is examining Hans and Franz who continue playing up their disguises.

[353] Clock, 21 hours, one minute, 48 seconds.

[354] So glad you could join me. I have special plans for the both of you.

[355] Hans and Franz!

[356] Hans and Franz, surprise, dropped their attitudes.

[357] Take them away!

[358] Hans and Franz are grabbed and hauled away.

[359] We should have known it would be impossible to hide our considerable bulk.

[360] Yeah, yeah, but I think you did have them fooled for a minute there.

[361] I think you are quite mistaken, my friend, if you thought anyone was a curly man. Interior Lear later.

[362] Ebert is inside a machine marked Flavos.

[363] what was he going to think when he read this it is connected what time and where listen i just want to make sure i'm saying it right is it flabo suction yes yes the flabbo suction machine is connected through a network of tubes to hans and frange who are tied down to another machine ralph stents triumphantly on a perch above them the clock now reads zero zero hours 11 minutes 16 seconds oh my god how fortuitous of you to arrive at this moment.

[364] You see, I was just about to suck the flab from this shumongous critic.

[365] Still reading, Ibert?

[366] But now that you're here, the flab won't go to waste.

[367] Our bodies will reject the Ebert flab.

[368] Yeah.

[369] It's like oil and water.

[370] Shut up!

[371] Ah!

[372] We'll see who can't accept.

[373] Ebert Flab!

[374] And then Ebert says, could you stop calling it Ebert Flab?

[375] Please don't give us a bad review.

[376] Commence.

[377] Flab or suction.

[378] A musselman goon hits a switch.

[379] Slowly, we see chunks of flab going through the tubing towards Hans and Franz.

[380] Oh, no. No, too you have to be a loser.

[381] It can't be happening.

[382] This is not us.

[383] Stoppy.

[384] What the hell's going to happen?

[385] I don't know.

[386] It's a cliffhanger, guys.

[387] It was quite a cliff hang.

[388] We're going to drop off right there for this episode.

[389] I mean, that's incredible.

[390] Hans and Franz are tied down while chunks of fat are being taken out of revered critic, Roger Ebert.

[391] Thanks to the evil Ralph, who, by the way, Ralph was the idea to play Ralph was Dolph Lundgren.

[392] Yeah, that's right.

[393] Yeah, yeah.

[394] I look at the part where Dana doesn't want me to think you really was effeminate or a girly man. Yeah, they're still bickering about they've been caught.

[395] and probably know they're about to be killed, but they're bickering about...

[396] We weren't convincing.

[397] Yeah, that was...

[398] We were convincing.

[399] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[400] We were not.

[401] That's the reason.

[402] We are too muscular.

[403] How could we possibly do this?

[404] You didn't want anybody to think you were convincing enough to be a girly man. It's so laughable that anyone could think we weren't properly pumped up.

[405] Is there funny how I thought we were feminine?

[406] I knew it never worked.

[407] There's no disguising with these things.

[408] I'm trying to figure out.

[409] Guys, had we...

[410] Let's say it had gone ahead and it had come time to send the script to Ebert.

[411] I just picture I know that it would have been Robert and I on the phone or in person saying hey we want to talk to you and then how would we sell that that it's all about your your flap yeah what would be in it for him I got to experience this years later doing triumph and I would get people to do stuff in advance and it was always hilarious right you know and I think Ebert I mean I think in this case Hans and Franz were already hit characters.

[412] If Arnold had really done the movie, I honestly think a lot of these people...

[413] Do you think Ebert would have done it?

[414] Yes, I do.

[415] I don't think Ciskel would, though.

[416] Ebert was the good one of the two.

[417] You know what?

[418] Originally, you brought up Thriamph, and I think it's worth remembering.

[419] I remember when Triumph got really big and huge, people would contact us and say, oh, I want Triumph to get me, and I remembered it was Spon Jovi.

[420] Yes, that was Richie Sambora's completely.

[421] Yeah, Richie Sambora wanted it.

[422] And so, and the guys were all excited and they put Triumph's picture on the backstage passes.

[423] On their backstage pass.

[424] And it was a big thing.

[425] And then I remember you went there and all the jokes were so mean about John Bon Jovi and you thought at the end, is there some part of him?

[426] I remember there was like...

[427] He was not, he was the only one.

[428] He's very nice to me more in later years.

[429] But I could tell that he was not as into it as the rest of the band.

[430] getting his acting career going.

[431] And you said, Oh, I understand in this movie you play a vampire.

[432] Finally, a role that requires you to suck.

[433] Yes.

[434] And I saw the - Ryan Stacks joke.

[435] I saw the light go out of his eyes a little bit.

[436] And I thought, oh, shit.

[437] Yeah.

[438] I think with Ebert on the set, getting the thing hooked up, I think you would have.

[439] Oh, yeah.

[440] There's a lot heavier than two.

[441] No. No, he wouldn't have.

[442] He couldn't have.

[443] He's attached to a hose.

[444] That was the trick.

[445] That's, I see.

[446] Get your cameios.

[447] tied up to an object.

[448] From which it's harder to...

[449] Yeah, that was my trick back to triumph.

[450] No, people like Joey Fetone, they're dying of get out there and be shat on.

[451] Right, right.

[452] I mean, they are.

[453] It's 11.

[454] It became a high honor, like having rickles shit on you.

[455] It became...

[456] I remember once, we did a triumph on late night where...

[457] And Simon Cowell was sitting right next to me and you tore into Simon Cowell and I'm sitting right next to him.

[458] And you really go at him.

[459] And after it was over, he looked at me and he was covered and sweat, and he went, that was rough.

[460] Really?

[461] That's so funny, because, like, I remember afterward him telling me, no, this will be good for me. No, no, no, but he, while he was going through it, he said it was rough.

[462] That's so funny.

[463] What would be your opening line to Ebert to try to get him to do this?

[464] I would say, Roger, how are you?

[465] Hey, congratulations.

[466] Arnold Schwarzenegger, biggest star in the world, because it's 1991, wants you to be in his next film.

[467] Okay, and he doesn't want Siskel.

[468] And he doesn't want Siskel.

[469] That would have gotten him.

[470] Yeah.

[471] Oh, I see.

[472] How about you, Smigel.

[473] What would you say to him?

[474] To Ebert?

[475] Yeah.

[476] I would have said, this is, read the script and see what you think.

[477] I would have tried to be very complimentary that we love your show.

[478] So you would let him discover what the thing was alone.

[479] I would have said it's, you know, no, I would have set up the story.

[480] I would have said you're going to be, there's going to be a whole bunch of celebrities that this evil guy wants to convert into muscle men.

[481] Okay.

[482] I wouldn't have mentioned, I wouldn't have said that they're all flabby.

[483] Can I say one thing, what I would have done?

[484] Yeah.

[485] I would have gone back, re -read it, and taken out the line that Rolf has.

[486] You see, I'm just about to suck the flab from this humongous credit.

[487] I would have just deleted the line humongous.

[488] For now.

[489] And then added it on the day of the shooting.

[490] Dolph improvises.

[491] You know, Dolph.

[492] You know, once you get Dolph, Lundgrengoe.

[493] We're just going to try one take where he calls you humongous.

[494] We won't even use it.

[495] I didn't see the flabble suction thing in here before.

[496] Did you add that, the flammable suction?

[497] Dana, what would you say?

[498] Seriously, I would, I'd be, I would compliment him.

[499] You would be, you are so averse to conflict.

[500] You would be nowhere around.

[501] I would tell him, well, I would tell him you don't really have to do this.

[502] You don't need it.

[503] You don't need it, but we think it's a lot of good fun.

[504] It's ridiculous, you would have said it's ridiculous.

[505] It's silly.

[506] The characters are silly.

[507] The whole thing is in good fun.

[508] Everyone is having fun in this movie and having fun with their image.

[509] So I think it would be really funny, Roger or R, whatever, E, B. Yeah, I just would have tried to butter them up, smooth them over.

[510] Think about this, like, for the triumph and what I did, but like you, every, everybody you impersonated, well, like, for example, Arnold was dying to do the sketch on the show and John McLaughlin and Regis.

[511] President Bush.

[512] President Bush.

[513] Yeah, all of these people were thrilled.

[514] Because I said the same thing to them.

[515] Oh, but, you know, it was still pretty.

[516] Here's what I would say, and this is why I'm not a good negotiator, I would open up like this.

[517] Roger, you're not going to like this.

[518] How about this, Roger, you're not going to like this, but first let's concede.

[519] You could lose some.

[520] Lose a few pounds.

[521] Well, also, besides a competition with Siskel, was there another reviewer that he would maybe hate?

[522] And we go, we rejected him.

[523] Yeah, we rejected this other.

[524] Pauline Kale or whatever.

[525] If it's not you, we're going to get Pauline Kale and then he has to do it.

[526] Oh, right, then he has to do.

[527] He wants to deny Gail the privilege of being on.

[528] This has been inside baseball, how to manipulate people to do your project with Conan O 'Brien.

[529] It actually is next week, Al Roker.

[530] All right, this is the end of episode three.

[531] Join us for episode four, where we read more of the Lost Hans and Franz movie to a nation that just can't get enough.

[532] We'll see you then.

[533] The Lost Hans and Franz movie Written and performed by Dana Carvey, Kevin Neelan, Robert Smigel, and Conan O 'Brien.

[534] Additional voice work by Matt Goorley, Sonam of Sessian, David Hopping, and Matt Powers.

[535] Produced and edited by me, Matt Goorley.

[536] Directed by Matt Powers.

[537] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[538] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate, talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[539] Engineering by Eduardo Perez and talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista.

[540] Subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[541] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.