Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hi, my name is Sharon Hogan, and I feel exhausted about being Conan O 'Brien's back.
[1] Oh, for Christ's sake.
[2] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens.
[3] I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[4] I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[5] Hey there, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend joined.
[6] I'm going to switch it up now by Matt Goorley.
[7] Oh, I go first.
[8] You go first.
[9] Oh, I'm nervous.
[10] Yeah, don't worry.
[11] That's all there is.
[12] And Sonomov Sassian.
[13] Hi.
[14] And I'm back.
[15] You're going to try again?
[16] You're going to try again?
[17] No. I've been mentioning a couple times on the podcast recently that I did a bunch of recordings when I was in New York City.
[18] That includes the guest today was recorded in New York City.
[19] And what happens when you record in New York City is when we're here in L .A., we get together at this cool clubhouse that we have here in the Larchmont area of kind of Central Hollywood.
[20] This is our lair.
[21] This is like if, you know, that place the Joker hangs out in that's got lots of, you know, jokery things in the background, or if the Riddler hangs out there, there's lots of question marks.
[22] You don't want to go with like the Spector volcano from James Bond, that blowfelt?
[23] No, I'm going to stick with this.
[24] All right.
[25] I know, you're using a lot of villains.
[26] Well, I do think of myself as a villain, a comedic villain.
[27] Or penguins in like an ice cave with lots of penguins.
[28] This is a Conan lair that we're in right now.
[29] It's very comfortable and cozy.
[30] When I'm in New York, I go to the Sirius XM offices, which are in Midtown, to do the recordings.
[31] And when you walk in, you can back me up on this, Adam.
[32] Adam Sacks is here, who's the evil genius behind everything we do.
[33] He's the one pulling the puppet strings.
[34] Adam, you're aware that you walk in and there's this big kind of eight.
[35] and there's a giant screen and a big wraparound couch and it's a very large kind of festive area and it's packed it's packed with people who are coming to do recordings on for serious it's like a combination lobby so people who are just there for meetings or for work uh and also for people who are for talent who's coming in to go guest on podcasts three times radio three times three times I walked into the building and there's just a whole bunch of, you know, I don't know, I don't know who they are, but just packed with entourages and I'm being introduced to people.
[36] And it's like, this is little boogie.
[37] Oh.
[38] And, uh, you met little boogie?
[39] I met a little boogie.
[40] You made me have a little boogie.
[41] Yeah, yeah.
[42] You know, or I'll walk in and it's always like nine bodyguards.
[43] everyone's all decked out in various kinds of costumes and then lots of rappers I think lots of rappers and everyone seems happy to see me which is nice and they'll come up and they'll say mad respect and so I would just say right back at you and then they'll say you know you know Admiral Chaz and he used to You meant Admiral Chaz and Lil Borky?
[44] No, former Formerly little buggy.
[45] Formerly little buggy.
[46] Yeah, he's now Admiral Chaz.
[47] Oh, my God.
[48] Okay.
[49] Yeah.
[50] But anyway, I just feel kind of overwhelmed because I think I have to get my, I need to catch up.
[51] I want to be able to walk into a room and know instantly who everybody is.
[52] But don't you see that you could have had an entourage if you brought us with you?
[53] And yet again, another reason.
[54] This was, these were entourages.
[55] We could be entourages.
[56] No. No. No. These are, you know, like.
[57] We'll put on sunglasses.
[58] No. Well.
[59] But you really get in there, though, with these entourages, though.
[60] Oh, I did it.
[61] I walked out of the bathroom at one point.
[62] You were surrounded by one of the entourages, and you were making everybody laugh.
[63] Did you know who it was?
[64] I didn't know who it was.
[65] And I'm getting lots of hugs and being told mad respect.
[66] So I started saying mad respect.
[67] Oh.
[68] And at one point, I think I was talking to someone who was just there to fix the air conditioning.
[69] And I was telling them mad respect.
[70] But I just need to, I need to know what's happening.
[71] I mean, I got a big boost because my daughter took me to, Coachella last summer, and it gave me a good, you know, like, I saw a lot of bands.
[72] But it's, you've got to really, I mean, at my age, you've got to really work at it.
[73] You have to take out some 70s, like, cop show info to make room for that stuff.
[74] Or, okay.
[75] That's a, that's valuable.
[76] Knowledge of which presidents in the 60s and 50s made which Supreme Court appointment.
[77] There you go.
[78] That has to come out.
[79] That maybe comes out and then new people come in.
[80] Oh, no. No, you have to make room because...
[81] You have to make room.
[82] You know, it would just be fantastic.
[83] Entrages are fleeting, though.
[84] I need, you know what I need from now on, Adam?
[85] I need prep when I'm going to work at Sirius.
[86] I need someone to prep me because I'm walking in and it's just not going to...
[87] Edwardo.
[88] Come on.
[89] No, seriously.
[90] Would you know who everyone was?
[91] Probably not everyone, but I guess I'd probably know more than the table.
[92] I just also...
[93] I probably know all of them.
[94] I probably know all of them.
[95] You know, it's just one of those things where I, of course, yeah, you would.
[96] Oh, I know, I knew.
[97] No, no, no, they weren't.
[98] No, they weren't no. No, they weren't.
[99] No one had a luredos.
[100] No one had a loot.
[101] Lute scoop, boogie was there?
[102] I think we can prep hopping and he can be, he can be whispering.
[103] Oh, no, it's going to be whispering.
[104] Who's from this tiny town in southern Illinois.
[105] He's not going to know.
[106] No, Eduardo will prep.
[107] No, no, I just need Eduardo by my side.
[108] Yeah, we just bring him up.
[109] Probably all the time.
[110] Yeah, I agree.
[111] Like Tony Hale and Veep, just whispering who...
[112] That's what I was picturing.
[113] Yeah, right?
[114] I will say this.
[115] I will say this.
[116] This is just completely random, but just file this under, you never know where you're going to meet talented people.
[117] I was going to take a walk up through Central Park and meet a friend of mine and I'm walking up the west side and I realized, oh, I don't have any sunblock on and it's really sunny out today.
[118] And you know that doesn't go well for me, Sonia.
[119] You've been with me when I...
[120] You start to smell bacon cooking.
[121] So when I'm in the sun for more than five minutes.
[122] Yeah.
[123] So one of those places, blue mercury, I see one of those when I go in, this young woman says, can I help you?
[124] And I go, I'm just looking for some sunscreen.
[125] And she really quickly found me this great sunscreen.
[126] And she talked me out of getting tinted.
[127] She went, no, you don't want tinted.
[128] You just get this.
[129] She was great.
[130] And so I started chatting with her.
[131] And she didn't know who I. She's very young.
[132] She didn't know who I am.
[133] She noticed that other people in the store knew who I, you know, who I am.
[134] So she said, oh, do you?
[135] And I said, yeah, I know.
[136] I work in television.
[137] And she said, well, I'm, I work on, I'm a recording artist, but I'm, I'm really working on it.
[138] And then I said, well, let me see what you've got.
[139] And she starts showing me her videos.
[140] And she's great.
[141] Oh.
[142] And she's doing all these synchronized dances on these very professional.
[143] And her name is T .K. And she was great.
[144] And I thought, you know, I just want to give a shout out to TK.
[145] Oh, that's nice.
[146] Who put, I mean, she sold me so.
[147] I just was so inspired by her because she showed me a bunch of her videos.
[148] And then I mentioned her to my daughter, who's, started looking up more of her videos and she said she's really good and uh maybe you discovered her she gets all these uh her friends to help her out who were dancers and she has these very professional looking uh you know dance synchronized dance moves and you should introduce her to a little boogie yeah an admiral chaz yeah yeah did you make her sign a contract that if she becomes big then you get a piece of whatever i made her i asked i made her sign a contract that if she gets big she has to buy me uh one tube of sunscreen one tube conan you can ask for more than sunscreen.
[149] Trust me, you know, life's been good to me, but I'll never have enough sunscreen.
[150] No, it's just TK is, she was, I don't know, I was very impressed with her and I thought, if I remember, you know, my brain is failing rapidly, but if I remember, I'll give a shout out to my friend who works at Blue Mercury, kind of midtown, just Central Park South, who helped out a struggling, rapidly burning Conan O 'Brien.
[151] Did you find TK?
[152] Found it.
[153] It's TK.
[154] T -K -A -Y.
[155] Think this is her?
[156] Yes, yes, that's her.
[157] That's T -K.
[158] Shout out to T -K.
[159] Well, I'm glad you got sunscreen.
[160] Yeah.
[161] You need it.
[162] Yeah, thanks.
[163] You really, really, really need it.
[164] Well, we don't need to do that.
[165] Or you'll die.
[166] Well, yeah.
[167] It's the slowest moving cancer, skin cancer.
[168] Here we go.
[169] Oh, God.
[170] Oh, man. Sorry to bum everyone out.
[171] It just means it's easy.
[172] Just get checked out, everybody.
[173] I get checked out every 30 minutes.
[174] I go to a drive -through dermatologist.
[175] I go.
[176] Hey, my guest today is a hilarious writer, actor and comedian behind such shows as Catastrophe and Pulling.
[177] Her latest show is absolutely amazing.
[178] Bad Sisters just won a Peabody Award and is available to stream on Apple TV Plus.
[179] Also, they just won the BAFTA, which is a huge deal.
[180] So I'm very excited she's here today.
[181] Sharon Horgan, welcome.
[182] I was on my way in here apprehensive because I was like, she's Irish.
[183] I know that you, you know, were born, I think, in London, but I think of you as Irish.
[184] And the Irish are going to claim you.
[185] Yeah.
[186] Whether you want to be claimed or not because of all your success.
[187] The Irish are tougher on me than anybody.
[188] Are they?
[189] They are.
[190] Well, I suppose, for the most part, we are tough on our own.
[191] We are tough on our own.
[192] And then occasionally not.
[193] Like, I was there last weekend at the, do you know the Iftas?
[194] I don't know the Iftas.
[195] Well, they're like the Irish.
[196] The Irish Film and Television Academy Awards.
[197] And the Irish really like Bad Sisters.
[198] I don't think they've ever really liked anything I've done before.
[199] Not so much.
[200] Really?
[201] Yeah, well, not in a way where it was like, it just felt like they really liked it.
[202] So they're really happy with me. I think that's fantastic.
[203] And it's deserved.
[204] Thank you.
[205] First of all, I loved catastrophe.
[206] Thank you.
[207] But I think maybe there wasn't enough Irish people in catastrophe.
[208] for the Irish.
[209] Right.
[210] I mean, it was me. But you're living in that, you're living in London in that show.
[211] So maybe I could see the Irish going, what's going on here?
[212] What's she over in London?
[213] What's London got that we don't got?
[214] And then, but Bad Sisters, I watched this show, absolutely loved it.
[215] I think you're brilliant.
[216] You're such a good writer.
[217] This cast you put together.
[218] And then you, the key, and I don't want to give away too much.
[219] I want people to watch this show.
[220] What I will tell you, is it's a group of sisters and their common enemy as someone they would like to get rid of and for something like this to work in my opinion you really have to hate that person the villain has to be because otherwise you're terrible terrible people and good God did you do a good job I've never hated anybody more than I hated this brother -in -law of yours the actor is absolutely fantastic yeah he is but every episode that went by it ended with me saying we have to kill him we have to get him he's fantastic absolutely odious man and also you kind of had to you had to make sure that you didn't like show all his his terableness in that first or second episode you can't like first of all he's just you know you just think I wouldn't want to sit beside him at a dinner party you know right he's just like an all like uncle or I don't know why I chose uncles but you know they are the worst of all the relatives I suppose yeah so he's a you know part of this family but they they don't really like him they just have to put up with them and then it's slowly over the course of this season he he you know becomes more and more of a monster and so it's it's it's it's criminal and it's um yeah he's he's one of the worst people I've ever encountered he is um I'm glad he's fictitious Because if he really existed, I wouldn't want to live in that world.
[221] But they, I mean, he probably does.
[222] I mean, they probably exist all over the place.
[223] I work in television.
[224] Of course, yes, they do.
[225] American television.
[226] We've met them.
[227] We've worked with them.
[228] We've worked for them.
[229] Lo depe.
[230] I've been that guy for periods of my life.
[231] I hope not.
[232] Oh, no, I'm him right now, actually.
[233] But no, I would like to think I'm not.
[234] But a lot of people got in touch and said, you know, my sister is married to someone like that.
[235] or I had someone like that in my life for a long time.
[236] And so I know, I know they're out there.
[237] So, so much to talk about.
[238] We start with, you know, we brought up this Irish connection.
[239] I'm 100 % Irish.
[240] I got a genetic test.
[241] Oh, yeah.
[242] And I might be more Irish than you.
[243] I bet you are.
[244] And there's a lot in the culture, even though I've moved, you know, not lived in Ireland.
[245] I've visited certainly.
[246] But there's a lot of it that I understand.
[247] It's just in your blood, in your bones.
[248] And I was telling you, just before I went, there's the first time I went to Ireland to shoot some comedy, the first guy I ran into said, ah, you're here to take the piss out of Patty, are you?
[249] Like, you're here to fuck with us, are you?
[250] And I thought, no, I'm here to just get some good content and the joke is going to be, I mean, we'll see.
[251] We'll see.
[252] And they're just on you right away.
[253] Oh, yeah.
[254] What are you up to?
[255] Yeah.
[256] How are you making fun of us, are you?
[257] Yeah.
[258] It's a big, big part of the personality just to be a sneer just to be a sneer just to take the piss out of everyone right which is good because it means you can't you know get any uh delusions about yourself no you not even for a second not for a second but also i know i'm one of six i'm a kind of a one of five and you're uh one of five and so my brothers and sisters even though i've had this measure of success in my business they are they and I know they love me and I know they're proud of me but um it's just constant put down jokes and I know and when I come home it's it's you know they give me shit that I didn't empty the dishwasher back in 1978 you know what I mean and it's all that and I'll say you know I just had this success this nice thing happened for me and they you know they gave me a metal and they're like uh -huh yeah you didn't empty the dishwasher in 1978 you So that's what it's like.
[259] You must get that from your siblings a little bit.
[260] My siblings are honestly my best friends and the best people I know.
[261] And they are incredibly supportive and lovely about everything.
[262] But also they don't give a shit.
[263] Why should they?
[264] My brother played rugby for Ireland.
[265] So nothing I did would ever reach that in any way.
[266] You know, he's stood on a pitch and sung the National Anthem while, you know, 30 ,000 other people sang it.
[267] He's, you know, held their hopes and dreams in his hand on home turf.
[268] He's got two hands, actually.
[269] They're in his hands.
[270] Really?
[271] That's so impressive.
[272] Yes.
[273] I've read about him.
[274] It's incredible what he can do.
[275] The two -handed rugby player.
[276] By the way, I'd be impressed if I understood rugby.
[277] I guess it's like American football, but just much about.
[278] better and no one no one wears those sitting costumes I'm looking forward to it I want to see it I want to explain to me it's very it's it's a you know it's a beautiful sport yeah but you all so yes you're getting the support but also it keeps human check because I mean I'll bring it up how can you you just want a BAFTA which is a huge deal and I'm telling you for the first time yeah thank you it just came in over the wire.
[279] You want a Nobel Peace Prize.
[280] No. You want a BAFTA.
[281] You want a P -Buddy.
[282] I mean, this is credible, heady stuff.
[283] Were you, were you there for the BAFTA ceremonies?
[284] I was.
[285] So you just flew in.
[286] I just flew in.
[287] Okay.
[288] Can I just say that that is why I said I'm exhausted to meet you.
[289] I mean, of course, I mean, I'd be thrilled to be your friend.
[290] If we ended up not buying it.
[291] Not buying it.
[292] No, I'm only exhausted because I am actually exhausted.
[293] I know.
[294] You flew in from...
[295] Just really stupid.
[296] I didn't think it through.
[297] I hadn't looked at the dates properly.
[298] And then it was done.
[299] And I just thought, no, that'll be fine because I write quite well on a plane.
[300] Like I, you know, because you don't have Wi -Fi unless you buy it.
[301] And even then it's...
[302] I can't figure out how to buy it.
[303] I have never figured out how to buy it.
[304] And I think once I successfully did it, it was an accident.
[305] Did you just get really delirious and start laughing?
[306] I started throwing, I started just trying all kinds of different things, and then I got the Wi -Fi, and I was so excited the captain had to come out and calm me down.
[307] And no one was flying the plane for a bit.
[308] Yeah, I just worry.
[309] I worry about it still, you know, that something will, if I've got the Wi -Fi on, something else will turn off, you know.
[310] Yeah, that's exactly how it works.
[311] Are you one of those people that think if you accidentally leave your phone, if it's not on airplane mode, the plane will crash?
[312] Yeah, of course.
[313] Yeah.
[314] When I find my kids, I'm like, turn.
[315] you're air flight mode on because it's really dangerous this this plane might go down yeah so so I can write really well on a plane because I don't have Wi -Fi and I'm just you know nothing else to do so I thought I'll write and it'll be okay but it's I swear to God when I saw there's a big story sharing that you would won the BAFTA and it's this picture of you and all the cast and you're in London I told my plebless as well I won't be interviewing her She's now way too big, too big for us.
[316] I won't be seeing her.
[317] So I was pleasantly surprised that you showed up, but then did the math in my head and realized.
[318] I'd been accurate.
[319] Yeah.
[320] Well, I was at the Webby's last night.
[321] I came over to do that as well.
[322] I preferred if you had said I flew here to just to see you Conan.
[323] But now we have to bring up this Webby's shit.
[324] I'm also going to the Irish Arts Center later today.
[325] I did tell you that it was the embassy and then I remembered that it's not actually.
[326] Oh, you lied?
[327] I did.
[328] Well, I didn't lie.
[329] I mean, I'm jet lag, so I think I just said that word instead of Irish Art Center.
[330] But, yeah, so, oh, did you know that the Webby's, you just do a five -word speech?
[331] Yes.
[332] Well, there was getting an award there who had invented emojis.
[333] Can you believe that?
[334] And he did a five -em emoji speech.
[335] Oh, really?
[336] And everyone went, everyone went, oh, when they saw the five emojis.
[337] It just popped up on screen.
[338] It was really, it was really, I felt I was in the future.
[339] Did you feel at all that, okay, writing as we know it is over?
[340] You will be replaced by emojis.
[341] That's where my mind goes.
[342] Really?
[343] Yeah.
[344] I try not to think like that.
[345] I mean, I think emojis are great, but, you know, they have limits.
[346] I don't.
[347] You can misinterpret an emoji going on.
[348] I have many times.
[349] It's been quite embarrassing for me. I thought I was having an affair.
[350] And it turned out no. Someone's just really angry with you.
[351] Someone wanted me to pick up eggplant at the store.
[352] Someone wanted you to go to the farmer's market.
[353] And I misunderstood.
[354] It's not my fault.
[355] That can happen with words though, right?
[356] That's a terrible thing if you misinterpret.
[357] Or if you're like, you're not sure.
[358] That's the worst.
[359] If you're kind of on the fence.
[360] Yeah.
[361] Like, are they trying to say that they feel a certain way about me?
[362] Or are they just really funny?
[363] I don't know.
[364] So is email.
[365] Email is very strange.
[366] But I had a waiter.
[367] yesterday here in New York, I did an interview and then we went out to lunch and I was talking to her.
[368] You went out to lunch with the waitress after did your interview.
[369] Did I say that incorrectly?
[370] I want to get it out there that, and I don't want my wife to know that I'm dating a waitress here in New York while she's in Los Angeles.
[371] That's what I'm trying to say.
[372] And no, I went to a restaurant with some of the people I work with here and the waitress made some quip and she said, I need to tell you that my, I cannot register sarcasm.
[373] And she told me that.
[374] And I don't even think I was trying to be sarcastic.
[375] I think I was just said something silly, not sarcastic.
[376] Yeah.
[377] But she said, I do need to tell you, I cannot register sarcasm on people's faces.
[378] And I never have.
[379] But what's the worst that could happen in that case?
[380] She's just not enjoying your joke, your sarcoy jokes.
[381] To me, that's the lowest level of hell is someone not enjoying what I'm doing.
[382] at any given moment, especially a woman for some reason.
[383] That's some edipole craziness that's going on with me that you don't need to solve.
[384] It is strange for me because I did have an Irish therapist for a number of years.
[385] Oh, really?
[386] She was terrific, and she was here in New York, and she was great.
[387] But the one thing I learned from her is that the Irish don't say, um.
[388] Americans go, she would go M -E -M.
[389] Oh, I say, oh.
[390] I think you say M. I say, I say, um, I know that for a fact.
[391] Okay.
[392] Because I had the piss taken out of me in school, relentlessly.
[393] Because you didn't say M. I guess.
[394] Yeah.
[395] But then maybe that's my, you know, spent the first three years of my life in London thing.
[396] Oh.
[397] Maybe I learned the um there.
[398] Not the eh.
[399] Tell me about yourself.
[400] Young girl.
[401] Did you know that this was what you're interested in?
[402] You're interested in writing.
[403] you're just didn't creating.
[404] Did you know at a young age this is for you?
[405] Or is it something you've figured out later on?
[406] I think I knew at a young age.
[407] I knew that I liked to make people laugh because, and that would be, I guess, the big family thing, wouldn't it?
[408] Yes.
[409] So I did very bad impressions and, you know, would do them for my mom and dad.
[410] And, you know, I like to write, but I think I thought my path was actually.
[411] acting and, you know, comedy acting specifically, that was what I was kind of drawn to.
[412] And gosh, it just took so long and nothing was happening at all.
[413] I know this about you and it doesn't make sense to me that it took so long.
[414] Because the concept of you waiting around for any period of time and nobody seeing it seems kind of crazy.
[415] Yeah, I think I was like 36 or something when I got pulling which is our first thing that Dennis Kelly and I wrote but yeah previous to that but then I have to say I think it was also my fault I think I was just you know I'm not very good at putting myself out there or or you know I've kind of done a bit of headwork on it I thought well maybe I was sort of worried about failing or something you know so that if I put myself out there And if I tried and I failed, then that's it.
[416] And at least if I kept putting it off and just like getting stoned or whatever, then maybe I could say, well, I haven't given it a proper go yet, you know.
[417] So possibly that.
[418] Have you done therapy?
[419] Have you explored therapy?
[420] I do it more now, not so much.
[421] Because Freud famously said the only people that are immune to therapy are the Irish.
[422] Really?
[423] Yeah.
[424] And I'd like to think he was wrong because I've had a ton of.
[425] of it, but he just thinks that we're, I think he just thought, yeah, those Irish, I can't crack him.
[426] Do you know where that, like, well, did it just come from him get a few bad gigs?
[427] I don't know what it was.
[428] I don't know where it comes from.
[429] I may even be miscloding him, but I've often heard this quote that he said that, yeah, the Irish, you know, like therapy will work on anyone, not be Irish.
[430] And it kind of makes sense to me because all my friends who went and saw banshees of Inashir and came away and said, oh my God, what madness, what madness, you know, the throwing fingers at the door and the donkey dying and just madness and this ridiculous spat over nothing.
[431] And I watched the movie and said, yeah, that adds up.
[432] I think my relatives are about one click away from throwing severing fingers and throwing them at each other.
[433] so um but yeah it is we had confession i suppose right you know just go into a little box and say everything you did wrong i mean i think that's how i do therapy really i mean i i i always assume i'm doing it wrong yeah anyway isn't it really just someone making you feel okay about your bad choices yes it is you're paying someone to say you know i would so plenty of people abandon their family and go on a nine -day cocaine binge in Las Vegas and then kill a prostitute yeah exactly kill a prostitute but then in honor and they'd say are you sorry you'd say yes and then you get some six hell marries say and then you're you're all like you got a clean slate yeah do you worms last I mean I went to confess I haven't been to confession in a long time but I remembered thinking what metric are they using to figure out how many Hail Marys, how many.
[434] I don't know.
[435] And it was so specific.
[436] Like, well, I, you know, I got this rental car and I scraped it up a bit, but then I covered it with white out.
[437] And they're like, oh, yeah, that would be four our fathers and six Hail Marys.
[438] And then you'd say, oh, and on the way back, I ran into a whole bunch of people at a crosswalk and fled the scene.
[439] Okay, seven him.
[440] Yeah.
[441] At what point do they just call the police?
[442] I don't know.
[443] I mean, I haven't been to, I stopped confession quite young actually because it did freak me out.
[444] It's scary.
[445] I found it very scary and I remember telling my mum that I found it scary and she's very sweet about it because she's a pretty religious lady and so I said, look, I'll keep going to mass but I don't want to do the confession thing.
[446] I went to convent school, the Sacred Heart, and they would do big confession like gala's where in our espion Sports Hall, like all priests from all around the area, and I don't know, maybe there was a couple of Cardinals, or they would fill the hall, and we would all, they'd be all, like, situated at different spots, and you'd get into these big queues, all the, all the students would be in the middle, and you'd get into these cues, and you'd be like, oh, which priest have I got to get?
[447] And you'd make your way up, and then you would confess to them?
[448] And then you would confess, and it was kind of felt a bit out in the open, because, you know, you're not in a box like you normally are.
[449] It's so insane.
[450] Take it, I mean, in this country, what you were describing is a pep rally.
[451] It's an event where people get together and go, go team and maybe do some punch or a prom.
[452] And you guys turned it into a, you queue up to talk to a priest about something terrible.
[453] About your sins.
[454] Yeah.
[455] Yeah.
[456] But drinks are served, I'm hoping.
[457] Well, you know, when you're little and you do it, you kind of, you end up making them up.
[458] Like I would...
[459] That's what I did.
[460] I would lie about my sins.
[461] Yeah.
[462] Because you're just a...
[463] I mean, you don't really do any bad shit when you're...
[464] I mean, apart from...
[465] I mean, obviously there's some evil children out there.
[466] Yeah.
[467] But...
[468] No, but there's...
[469] It's funny you say that because I distinctly remember making things out.
[470] And sometimes I got too creative.
[471] And I'd say, you know, I forged a bank note and they'd be like, well, I'm eight, you know.
[472] I committed wire fraud.
[473] I would say things just to try and...
[474] You know, that I had heard about that I didn't know.
[475] Or you'd use things you'd read, like I, there was a pie cooling on the, oh, by the open window.
[476] The year was 1932, and I stole a pie from a cooling window and then lived down by the train tracks and ate beans out of a can.
[477] You know, I think people don't, it would be inspiring for people to know a lot of artists, actors, writers, struggle.
[478] But you were really living on the edge for a way.
[479] while when you were starting out, meaning more or less squatting in places to kind of, because you didn't necessarily, couldn't make rent.
[480] Yeah, I mean, I was squatted for about, I was about three and a half years.
[481] Good God.
[482] But, you know, it might have been longer.
[483] I think I was in one place three and a half years and then I sort of squatted in a few other areas around London, so it's probably a bit longer than that.
[484] But it was a bit of a lifestyle thing as well, you know.
[485] I mean, I had a job and, you know, I just wasn't, you know, clearly, I wasn't, I wasn't in, in the industry at that point.
[486] I was working in Kilbrid, actually, the most Irish place in London that I could possibly find and was working in a job centre.
[487] So I didn't earn very much, but I definitely aren't enough for rent.
[488] It was, it was kind of a, you know.
[489] Bohemian choice, maybe?
[490] I think it was a bit of a bohemian choice.
[491] Like, I arrived in London with, like, 90 quince.
[492] weird.
[493] So I couldn't afford rent when I came over first, but then, you know, I got a job and but at that point I was, you know, just part of this, this sort of, yeah, lifestyle, I guess, loads of Irish people and you would sort of, there was a lot of, we lived in a high -rise flat and we occupied an apartment on the, on the 18th floor that was furnished with stuff that we found on the street and, you know, it was just.
[494] It was kind of fun.
[495] I mean, when I stopped doing it, I squatted this sort of disused shop in Camden, and we got like, you know, the heavies came round.
[496] Because really, it was legal at the time.
[497] As long as you got into the building and you didn't cause any damage or if you did, you know, if you broke in.
[498] It wasn't a big deal necessarily.
[499] You had like squatters' rights.
[500] But then if you squatted a property that was private and, you know, the landlord knew a few lads with baseball bats, then it wasn't great.
[501] So that's what happened.
[502] They kind of like rushed us.
[503] Please tell me you're staying at a hotel here in New York.
[504] I love the idea that you would win the BAFTA, give a speech, leave the theater or the auditorium with all the flash bulbs and the cheers and then go out to an alley and lie down.
[505] old habits die hard i have a home now and yeah oh i just wanted to determine that that's good i just was worried about you okay i do worry um so uh you're such a i'll use the word impeccable i think your writing is impeccable you're such a great terrific writer and uh i know i started as a writer and struggled with this transition into performing it's i knew it's what i wanted to do but had trouble figuring out what's my path.
[506] You said that initially you thought of yourself as someone who would be in front on the camera but at what point do you realize I'm I can write.
[507] I'm a this is, I have a superpower here.
[508] God, I don't know like really really recently because I think I really do think if you start out as a performer you sort of you continue to see yourself as that and you feel a bit cheeky calling yourself a writer so you'd be like I'm an actor and I do a bit of writing and you know because it was something I sort of learned on the job, you know, and I had a lot of great people along the way who, you know, taught me how to be better.
[509] I felt like I was kind of, you know, I kind of felt it was down to them and I kind of felt like if I was sort of just cast away on my own, I wouldn't be able to do it.
[510] Like I just sort of built this thing in my head and so I really just had to start, I really just had to start doing it on my own before I even remotely considered myself to be a writer and and then I just had to build up confidence with that and you know you just convinced yourself it was a fluke we said your initial show you have the success and then it's not followed up right away is that right oh yeah with pulling it's just it was it was which maybe rattles the confidence a little bit was that was that just a one -off was that just all I had in the tank I absolutely thought that was that was a one -off and and I got really really lucky with pulling because, I mean, I started in sketch comedy and, you know, there was kind of a team of us and I really enjoyed that.
[511] But then once I started writing sitcom, once I started writing characters and narrative, I thought, well, no, this is everything, this is all I want to do now.
[512] So, you know, I wrote loads of pilots and just got on this conveyor belt of making a pilot.
[513] Over here, like in L .A., like thought, oh, well, I'll make my fortune over here.
[514] and there was this thing that I'd never experienced in the UK of it being like a success to get to get a pilot, to make a pilot.
[515] And, you know, that whole thing of, you know, everyone gets on the phone and they tell you they're going to pick up your pilot.
[516] Excitement.
[517] Everyone loves it.
[518] Yeah.
[519] And then, you know, it doesn't get made into anything, but that's not considered failing, really.
[520] Like, you come over the next year and you have another go and you got another pilot and everyone's like, hey.
[521] Whereas I just felt like I was kind of going around in circles for, I mean, five years at least, just, and also I had this thing where I was kind of making pilots that were ending up as something that I didn't, even if they got picked up, I would, like, I don't want to make that.
[522] Yeah.
[523] You know, because it changes.
[524] You get your notes.
[525] You get your notes.
[526] You get your notes.
[527] You change things a little bit.
[528] Especially if you're new, if you're a bit of a rookie, you're kind of going, you know, they do that thing where they say, well, if you make this change, it's.
[529] just it's just for the sales tool it's just you know we'll make this change we'll add the voiceover it won't be like that in the series we'll just add a voice over across the whole thing right and um and then in series we you know and so you kind of get caught up in that a bit and you make all these changes and you end up with something that isn't remotely like you know the thing you sort of hoped it would be and so for the most part most of the time i was just kind of praying that things wouldn't get picked up i don't know if you've had this but one of my favorite times is I'm done with the performance and I'm meeting with everybody in the, you know, in the dressing room afterwards and we're going through the show and talking about everything.
[530] And then I know we're going out to dinner and I get to have some wine.
[531] That moment when I'm wiping the makeup off, but I know I'm going off to dinner and we're all going to be wise asses, but the show was a success.
[532] Yeah.
[533] That's a moment that I absolutely adore.
[534] And I know it's never going to be quite that good again, you know, until I get to the next one.
[535] Yeah, because it can change on a dime, can't it?
[536] Yeah.
[537] Like, I've had, you know, I've been pretty happy with something and someone's gone in and sort of fiddled with it and I've watched it and gone, oh, well, it's a load of old shit.
[538] I mean, this is clearly a terrible piece of work.
[539] And so it doesn't take much for me to sort of lose my confidence.
[540] And because I do think there's not a huge amount of difference in, you know, when something's good and great, right?
[541] it's just like detail and you know trusting yourself and your taste and all that you've done a great job of finding these other people because i know you met rob delaney through twitter and you guys of course worked together on catastrophe and that's how i met you you came on promoting that and remember that grabbing my attention and thinking okay this person's really special but you you know finding voices that you know i can work with this person this person finding a good creative partner is not unlike going on a good date.
[542] It's just finding that we've got that freeze on.
[543] We've got something that connects.
[544] I've been really lucky.
[545] I don't know how it's worked out for me really.
[546] I mean, because I make a show in the UK called Motherland, and that is with, you know, co -writers as well.
[547] And I don't know.
[548] I've just gotten really lucky, I think, because I do, it's a scary thing, isn't it?
[549] It's a really scary thing.
[550] And, you know, any of my writing partners I've gone through, like, you know, I've lost confidence with myself, you know, where I've found it too hard to sort of say something that I think is funny just because of, you know, just losing my confidence.
[551] But it's getting to that place where you feel like an old married couple where you really don't give a shit, you know, where you will fart in front of them and not, and not be worried, you know, if it smells.
[552] I mean, that's a metaphor.
[553] I'm not, I don't fart in friend of Rob Delaney or Dennis Kelly or...
[554] Well, I think you just said you did, and we've got that now.
[555] I'd like to say we've got it on tape, but I know it's all digital.
[556] Where do I come from a different time?
[557] But you know that thing of like not being scared?
[558] Of course.
[559] Say something's cheap, or do you say something not funny?
[560] You know, all the people that I love working with, I love my exercise is, what's the worst thing I could do in this situation?
[561] What's the, what's the...
[562] And I spin out these wild scenarios of work.
[563] here in a restaurant, what's the worst thing I could do that would end my, end me. And it's just something where I make a complete total ass of myself.
[564] And I spin it out in great detail and I can always see it perfectly, clearly.
[565] And people will be laughing at that.
[566] And I don't know what it is, but it's, it's this comfort that I can say these horrible things to my friends about what I'm going to do in this restaurant that will finish me forever.
[567] And we talk about it.
[568] And it's just a joy.
[569] It's a joy to have people like that in your life.
[570] Yeah.
[571] You know?
[572] One of the things that I was most, blew me away, I was thinking about this, from a writing standpoint with bad sisters is you're one of, is it, how many sisters is it?
[573] I'm trying to count up.
[574] You're one of how many sisters in bad sisters?
[575] In my real life?
[576] No, no. In bad sisters, it's one of five.
[577] That's right.
[578] So it's, yeah, it's same number of siblings in real life.
[579] But you're one of five.
[580] And I was watching the show and each sister.
[581] is so distinct each one has a different voice each one is a very complete character I believe totally that they're sisters but also they're completely separate from each other and they have very different voices and I thought that's incredible writing because I don't know how you do that it's a you know what I mean it feels like a magic trick to me oh do you know I do think that well I have to say that there is you know the the original series clan the Belgian series right right was great and you really like the thing that made me fall in love with it and want to adapt it was was the sisters and their and their relationship but i think i think it is the hardest thing to do because whenever whenever i write anything all you have is like you know you you write down a name and you decide someone's called you know bob or whatever and that it's just i always go with i always start with bob whether it's a woman a man a dog it's bob i used to call all my characters either I think it was Harry if it was a man and Louise if it was a female and I finished a script once and realized there was two characters in the script called Harry that's how bad I was in names but I'm gonna take back all my compliments about your writing you're a terrible writer no but you know you start you start out with I think the character comes over time I think you do like a lot of character work leading up to sitting down and actually starting.
[582] But still, they're not defined, you know.
[583] And I think it's just something that, you know, you have to, you just have to give a lot of time to.
[584] And you choose people in your life that it's based on, but even that's not enough.
[585] You know, you kind of, as you write it, you kind of realize that there's just certain idiosyncrasies there.
[586] And you just keep leaning into it.
[587] And it risks, at a certain point, it risks becoming a sort of a caricature, you know, becoming, you know, if you decide, like with Ursula, we just decided that she should just really shit her pants more than any of the others.
[588] She's such, you know, she's got so much responsibility in her life and she has a disabled son and she's a nurse.
[589] Right, right.
[590] She's the kind of character who you think would have it all together.
[591] Yeah, but the very thought of getting caught doing this thing It's just, you know, the panic in her.
[592] It's surprising that she's the one that's transgressing.
[593] That's a nice word.
[594] Yeah, lovely.
[595] I want to, let's write a series together called transgressing.
[596] Oh, I think, yeah.
[597] You seem really thrilled about this idea.
[598] I've managed to get...
[599] Titles are hard, though.
[600] Sharon Horgan to agree to doing a project with me called transgressing, and it's at this, you know, you've never been more powerful.
[601] Maybe just transgression because I think titles with, ing have sort of, they've done the rounds, haven't they?
[602] They've kind of, you know, there's enough, there's enough inges.
[603] See, we're already fighting.
[604] But anyway, you know, you kind of, you lean into it and then you hope it doesn't become a cartoon.
[605] And then, like, with the sisters, I kind of thought, I've been all of those ages, you know.
[606] I've been Becca, you know, and even though I haven't lost an eye ever, you know, I've, I've, you know, I've been angry.
[607] You know, at a point in my life, I've been a very angry woman.
[608] You know, I've not been the oldest child, but I'm, you know, I was able to draw my own sister for that.
[609] And you just try and give as much truth, I think.
[610] I think that's the thing.
[611] When people dig your show, it's normally because they really believe it, right?
[612] And because I know that's what I love watching.
[613] It doesn't matter if the characters are, you know, really great people or monsters.
[614] long as I believe them that I'm fully in.
[615] I am in awe of a lot of this because I don't do it, meaning I started in sketch, stayed in sketch.
[616] The only writing I did at length was for the Simpsons, so literally cartoon.
[617] But what a great family.
[618] Oh, it's such a great gig, and I loved it, and it's some of my favorite stuff that I've done.
[619] But I never, even though I've had a great career as a writer never delved into storytelling and on the level that, you know, someone like yourself doing where you figure out these people and you figure out who they are and you breathe life into them.
[620] And so that's why I find it endlessly fascinating.
[621] And when someone's so good at it, I'm just, I just want to keep asking them, how do you do that?
[622] And the end of the day is you can just do it.
[623] I think, well, I don't know.
[624] It's definitely something that you're continuously, you know um learning all the time you have to be or you're screwed anyway but i think what i try and do is take um the characters out of the you know the situation of the sitcom or whatever it is or the drama and think would they work outside of that particular situation and if they're still funny or yeah interesting away from you know the office or that family or you know whatever it is then then you think oh well i've got good characters well i will say this they're great characters and also really funny.
[625] I mean, that's the great trick about Bad Sisters is that it is drama and it is suspense in moments, real suspense in moments, and really funny.
[626] Oh, thank you.
[627] And you've got such a great touch.
[628] I imagine, I don't know, but I just would have to imagine that there were times in your life where you're saying I'm a writer and I know how to do this and there might have, I'm guessing people say, well, in a sexist way, no. I'm just, I'm going to make that assumption and then you fill in the blank.
[629] Yeah.
[630] Of course that happened.
[631] I mean, it kind of, when I was starting out, it happened in quite a big way.
[632] I was part of a little sort of sketch troop and one of the chaps in the troop just told me that I wasn't a writer.
[633] You know, he was like, you are a good producer.
[634] You're a great producer.
[635] And he was going, you and you are invaluable to me as a what is he talking what is he saying he meant that i was able to bring the best out of him but you couldn't you couldn't possibly do it yourself but i couldn't be right for myself but like it's weird that that kind of thing stays with you and it for for a good while i thought no i am a good producer i do know how to you know i i know even when i would write with with rob i would sort of feel like no i'm really i'm really good at getting the best out Rob, I'm good at, you know, pointing writers in the direction they should be going or helping sort of see the bigger picture like the overview.
[636] But that's just, you know, makes me really angry to think of, you know, that's where my head was at because that, you know, when people sort of put limits on you, you kind of end up sort of limiting yourself.
[637] Yeah, you can buy you very easily buy into it.
[638] Really easily buy into it.
[639] So that's, I just decided I was, you know, a producer for years but um but no i i i love writing and i think you know that's how you become better at something isn't it when you kind of love it and then you you put the hours in yeah i think for me it was of all about i wanted to be in front of the camera but i wanted control so i always liked being able to i would i could find great writers but i also knew what my voice sounded like and i wanted to be able to write for myself yeah and control that and so um you know i'm just all i ask is that you at some point cast me you know what would you like to what would I'll be a waiter in the back I mean I'm really will take any shit part but I would just love to say I would love to say oh yeah no I'm working with uh working with Sharon Horgan now she's cast me you're in a you know really yes and then even if it's just I walk by in the background I won't change my hair that has to be as ridiculous it is in real life yeah but um But it will, so you're happy to be a big destruction within whatever scene it is.
[640] I will walk in in the background.
[641] It'll be basically a guy carrying a tray, but I will stop and I will shoot the lens with my eyes.
[642] For just a moment and slightly smile, break the wall and then keep moving.
[643] Well, you know, you have got that level of charisma.
[644] You're the meanest person I'm going to talk to today.
[645] I love it.
[646] You could shut down my show just for the look.
[647] Just I want to stop the scene.
[648] Oh, yeah.
[649] People would say we love that part.
[650] That part tested through the ceiling where that American idiot in the background ruined everything.
[651] You are incredibly busy.
[652] You're a massive star and you are on to bigger and better things today.
[653] But I want to congratulate you.
[654] I love bad sisters.
[655] Anyone who's listening right now hasn't seen it do yourself.
[656] a major treat and watch it.
[657] It's absolutely delightful and you're going to just fall in love with it.
[658] And sincere, sincere congratulations.
[659] I'm so, I've got a major crush on you in all the ways, in all the good ways.
[660] Thank you.
[661] And maybe some of the creepy ways, but we'll leave that for another day.
[662] And I'll see that you're escorted out of the building safely.
[663] Oh, bless you.
[664] Yeah, seriously.
[665] Thank you so please.
[666] Yeah, I will not.
[667] be that Irish person who's taking the piss out of you.
[668] I'm delighted for you.
[669] I would be, I would be delighted to be sneered by you.
[670] That would be, that would be glorious.
[671] I'll get the fuck out of here then.
[672] Okay.
[673] Well, fuck you.
[674] Apparently, you met someone who has since reached out to us.
[675] This is Jay Elmore, and he's the executive chef of E .J.'s luncheonette in New York City.
[676] And he says that he would like to name some specials after the hosts of the podcast.
[677] goarly burger, I'm obsession salad, a Conan sandwich.
[678] Any ingredient, I'll make it happen.
[679] Someone was silly enough to put me in charge of a restaurant, and I'm desperate for new ideas for specials.
[680] This is nice.
[681] I love this.
[682] I think I remembered meeting this gentleman.
[683] I love it.
[684] Right outside E .J.'s luncheonette.
[685] And I would love, I always say, it's a slippery slope, this sandwich thing.
[686] Yeah.
[687] Because I remembered getting a sandwich named after me once at a deli in New York City.
[688] And I was thrilled.
[689] Thrill.
[690] Thrill.
[691] And it was the Conan.
[692] And it was.
[693] You know, corn beef and, you know, Russian dressing and all this great stuff.
[694] And I was so thrilled.
[695] It was at a midtown diner.
[696] And what happens is you're excited and you go in and you look up and you see your name up there.
[697] And it's up there with, you know, get the Liza Manelli hot dog.
[698] Yeah.
[699] You know, get the Ed Shearin chilled broth.
[700] And then there's the Conan.
[701] And I was so excited and proud.
[702] And then I think I wandered by like a year later, gone.
[703] Oh, no. And so here's the thing about show business.
[704] You're so excited when you start on the way up and then the inevitable fall.
[705] Come on.
[706] The sandwich disappears.
[707] This is the default of the sandwich, not you.
[708] No, I'm just saying that I'm excited for us to create these sandwiches and they're going to be at EJ's, right, luncheonette.
[709] And I'm very excited about this.
[710] And we should each think right now about what we want.
[711] But also, I'm just telling you.
[712] kids as the old veteran that one day you're going to go by EJs and you're going to see oh you know there's the there's the Sonom Obsessian hummus rap or whatever why oh no like with lamb and why because you love your native land my native what lamb or land either one's fine but anyway oh come on no it's true and you know the goarly mayonnaise sandwich it's just mayonnaise It's just mayonnaise.
[713] That sounds pretty good.
[714] But anyway, I'm telling you there's going to be the thrill.
[715] But then you're going to wander by and then inevitably it's gone.
[716] And then you feel the crushing blow.
[717] That's you.
[718] Because you had a sandwich named after you.
[719] That's exciting.
[720] It's not going to be there forever.
[721] But you're like, oh, is it still there?
[722] It's not.
[723] Well, I must be irrelevant then.
[724] I should just go die.
[725] That's what I said.
[726] That's not normal.
[727] That's what I exactly said.
[728] when I saw that they had taken my sandwich away from this Midtown establishment.
[729] Yeah, but it was there once.
[730] Who cares if it's not there anymore?
[731] What's wrong with you?
[732] It's an honor just to be nom nom nom nominated.
[733] Yeah, I mean, don't be sad.
[734] It's not there.
[735] Be happy it ever happened.
[736] I don't know what the saying.
[737] What did you just?
[738] Nom, nom nom nom.
[739] I'm sorry.
[740] He's been, I can tell when you've been crafting an arrow, Sona and I are jabbering away and you're in the background crafting it.
[741] That one I did sit on for about 10 seconds.
[742] Let's see.
[743] Okay.
[744] And then you're already.
[745] I was just upset.
[746] Oh, trust me, no. The horribleness of it came through.
[747] No, I think that needed to be run over.
[748] No, but I think you're so dwelling on why it's not there anymore.
[749] Let's talk about the positive.
[750] What are your sandwich is going to be?
[751] What do you want, Garley?
[752] Mine's a hummus wrap.
[753] No, no, seriously, what is it?
[754] I don't mean to.
[755] What do you want it to be?
[756] Yeah.
[757] What's your like, when you first said that, I was like, well, obviously, a year.
[758] I know, because I see you eating that food all the time.
[759] It's not.
[760] I know.
[761] Because I see you eating that food all the time.
[762] I know.
[763] Because I love it.
[764] I'm not profiling you.
[765] I'm saying that that's what you really like.
[766] No, when you say it, you are being like, well, Sona's ethnic.
[767] So let's put some hummus in there.
[768] I say it because I actually do love Euros.
[769] They're my favorite thing.
[770] I've been watching you eat them for 15 years.
[771] I've been watching you eat them for 15 years.
[772] And then I'm the one that's bad because I'm pointing out what you already like.
[773] I can say it.
[774] Yes.
[775] Thank you.
[776] Oh, I have to wait until you say the sandwich you eat every day.
[777] Yes.
[778] And then you said lamb.
[779] Yeah.
[780] So what do you want?
[781] What do you want to call it?
[782] The sona is going to be.
[783] what specifically?
[784] Oh, specifically.
[785] I'm not that.
[786] Can you guys come back to me, girls?
[787] You just said it was a...
[788] It's sona euro.
[789] Yeah, that's fine.
[790] But don't call it the Mofcessian Euro, because it's, that's hard to pronounce.
[791] They just call it the Sona Euro.
[792] It's the Sona Euro.
[793] Do you want any special ingredients in there besides what's normally in a Euro?
[794] I don't want any fucking tomatoes in there.
[795] Okay.
[796] Yeah, I don't want any tomatoes.
[797] Maybe it says underneath.
[798] The Sona Euro, no fucking tomato.
[799] I think that's the key.
[800] We got it.
[801] And what about you, Garley?
[802] I think I'm going to be, uh, because he said Burger, but I really love a patty melt, but we'll call it the Maddie Pelt.
[803] okay that sandwich will I mean it just sounds appetizing that will disappear immediately the same day Pelt Pelt calls to mind a scalps I'm going to put scopes in a pelt I want the beef to have grown a week's amount of mold that just looks like a pelt okay why not just the Maddie Milt it's the same thing just call it Maddie Melt get the Maddie Melt okay get the Mettie Melt And so what is it?
[804] What is on it?
[805] Well, it's a sourd, no, let's go raw.
[806] No, sourd dough bread with a beef, a thin beef patty.
[807] Yep.
[808] Like a smash burger patty.
[809] American cheese.
[810] And then there's a thousand, maybe a little, Thousand Island.
[811] Right.
[812] Right.
[813] Oh, and then there's, these are the most boring ingredients.
[814] And you're saying them, you're saying them as if you've, come up with the magical way to turn lead into gold.
[815] Behold, a thin patty, and then no one saw this coming, some cheese.
[816] And just a tiny bit of grilled onions.
[817] Grilled onions.
[818] Oh, and here's something I'm going to put in there.
[819] The house in Ireland.
[820] And also it should have a little toothpick with an American flag that doesn't include Hawaii in honor of it being like it's the 50s.
[821] Yeah, yeah, pre -Alaska and pre -Hawai.
[822] Yes, 48 states, flag.
[823] Little.
[824] I just thought, what if EJ's is a Chinese food restaurant?
[825] They're going to get some very confused customers.
[826] Okay, I know what I want, and it's very simple, and it's not a bit.
[827] I love a corned beef sandwich with Kohl -Slaw, Russian dressing.
[828] I know.
[829] We're going out again.
[830] Oh, my God.
[831] You know what I want?
[832] I want it on a bulky roll.
[833] This is the exact same sandwich that I tried before.
[834] I think that one also had some turkey.
[835] This time I'm just going hardcore.
[836] It's corn beef.
[837] It's all corn beef, Russian dressing.
[838] I love Russian dressing.
[839] Yeah, me too.
[840] Oh, I want to change something.
[841] I don't want sour dough bread.
[842] I want Hawaiian bread for mine because that's what makes it different and that's what makes it delicious.
[843] EJ's can't stalk Hawaiian bread.
[844] For the one in 100 ,000 times, someone wants your cookie sandwich?
[845] And it's going to have the flag with no Hawaii on the flag.
[846] Okay.
[847] Oh, I see.
[848] So I love Hawaiian bread It's so good I don't know what Hawaiian bread It is like that was it different Yeah It's all stuck together It comes in that pack And it's laying flat It all stuck together And you pull them apart And they're like little rules Yeah Okay Well EJ's Good luck With your final year In business as a restaurant If you want to enjoy any of these tasty treats Go quickly Before this guy Wises up and learn.
[849] You've probably only got hours to get to E .J.'s luncheonette and try and buy these sandwiches.
[850] But, sir, it was nice meeting you on the street.
[851] Yeah.
[852] And please never try and you.
[853] Many businesses have tried to ride the Conan O 'Brien train to big riches, and it never works out.
[854] All right.
[855] Good luck to you, E .J.'s.
[856] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[857] with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[858] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[859] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[860] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[861] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[862] Take it away, Jimmy.
[863] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[864] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[865] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.
[866] Talent booking by Paula Davis.
[867] Gina Batista and Brick Kahn.
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