Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard XX
[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
[1] I'm Doug Fairbanks, and I'm joined by May West.
[2] Hello.
[3] Hi, May. Before we kick off this episode, I want to tell the listeners, the cherries, the prompts for next month.
[4] Let's do it.
[5] The prompts are as follows.
[6] This is by popular demand.
[7] It arose from the episode on Great Hospitality, and that is, tell us your meat cute.
[8] And people were downright offended that I didn't think that was.
[9] a ubiquitous term.
[10] Yeah.
[11] Yeah.
[12] They were.
[13] And it was your idea.
[14] No one wanted to do it.
[15] People shut down, people meaning you, shut down the idea of doing me cute.
[16] And then the cherries spoke.
[17] Yes.
[18] So I hope this will be one example that I do listen.
[19] To the cherries.
[20] Yes.
[21] And it is a democracy.
[22] I listen to you quite a bit as well.
[23] So it is still democratic in nature.
[24] And so I've been overpowered, vetoed by the cherry.
[25] So tell us about your meat queue.
[26] Tell us about a crazy gym story, something that happened at the gym.
[27] Love gym stories.
[28] Everyone's pretty vulnerable at the gym.
[29] They're in very thin clothes and they're doing weird stuff in front of each other.
[30] Injuries, right for a crazy story.
[31] Third, tell us about a wild holiday vacation.
[32] Wild holiday vacation.
[33] It'd be great if it was Christmasy as we are knocking on the door.
[34] If it was a cold story.
[35] And St. Nick was involved.
[36] Yeah, or a menorah.
[37] Manora on fire.
[38] Like, I don't know.
[39] There are things.
[40] That was Thanksgiving.
[41] Gammie.
[42] Gammie.
[43] Gammie was a fully engulfed in place.
[44] Yeah.
[45] Anyway, there's lots of options.
[46] I hate how many people we've heard fire stories.
[47] We've had an inordinate amount of people that have had been badly burned.
[48] I know.
[49] I know.
[50] I hate it.
[51] I hate it.
[52] Because that's really scary.
[53] So brutal.
[54] Okay, those are the prompts, but that is, alas, not today's episode.
[55] Today's episode is crazy babysitting experiences slash stories.
[56] You can listen to all these.
[57] Oh, okay.
[58] But one is.
[59] But the last, but.
[60] One is really great.
[61] Yeah.
[62] They're all great, but one really, If you're the boy in that story and you're all grows up and you want to tell us what happened, email us.
[63] He's an adult now.
[64] I don't know.
[65] That guy wasn't that old.
[66] I don't know how old that guy.
[67] Why in my mind it was 2009?
[68] Maybe.
[69] I don't remember.
[70] If you're an adult and you want to talk about this, we'd love to hear your side of it.
[71] Please enjoy crazy babysitting stories.
[72] Hello, hello, hi.
[73] Oh, wonderful.
[74] We can hear you.
[75] Can you hear us?
[76] I can hear you perfectly, and you guys look great in those chairs.
[77] It's so fun to see it live.
[78] Thank you.
[79] And is your name Curry?
[80] It is Curry.
[81] This is incredible.
[82] How did your parents come across Curry?
[83] It's a family last name.
[84] Okay.
[85] So my mom's mom's last name was Curry, and she unfortunately passed while she was pregnant with me. So she named me Curry as an honor to her.
[86] Steph Curry.
[87] That's a Curry last name.
[88] I think I'm older than Steph.
[89] So I like to say I'm the OG.
[90] Isn't that depressing?
[91] It's really depressing.
[92] I hate being older than these NBA players.
[93] I'm older than the coaches now, Curry.
[94] Like most of the coaches are younger.
[95] Oh.
[96] Well, you know who's older than you?
[97] Marie Curie.
[98] She's long dead.
[99] That's past and older than you.
[100] Long gone.
[101] Good job on another Curry.
[102] Thank you.
[103] So Curry, you have a wild babysitting experience.
[104] I do.
[105] Well, I'm so excited to talk to you guys today.
[106] And before I get started, I promised my fiancé, who helped me set up in the closet, but I would tell you, Jax, that he loved you as Frito in the criminally underrated film Idiocracy.
[107] Your husband sounds like a genius.
[108] Is he a bona fide genius?
[109] He really is.
[110] That's why I'm marrying him.
[111] Okay, wonderful.
[112] Oh, fiancé.
[113] I'm sorry, you said fiancé.
[114] Well, almost has been.
[115] Fun.
[116] When and where are you getting married?
[117] Next September, back in Maine.
[118] Oh, my God.
[119] Give us the address.
[120] We'll come.
[121] Yep, we'll be there.
[122] If you guys want to come to my wedding, I swear to God, you are invited.
[123] If we have to poop in the yard while everyone looks, that's a pre -negotiated fee, just so you know.
[124] That's fine.
[125] That's going to cost some dollars.
[126] Okay, where did this babysitting story happen in Maine?
[127] No, I took place in Boston.
[128] So I grew up just outside of Boston, actually in the town where you got some great hospitality in Wellesley, when you had the whole debacle with the airport.
[129] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[130] What a cute town.
[131] We walked the dogs in this insanely bucolic, beautiful park.
[132] It's really gorgeous.
[133] But this was back in 2002.
[134] I was about 15 years old, so born in 87, and have a dad that very much instilled hard work and financial saviveness from an early age.
[135] So if I wanted to get my first car by my 16th birthday, I had to earn half of it.
[136] So I was babysitting every weekend, weeknights.
[137] Dax, just so you know, that first car was a 1998 Silver Sob -9 -3 Turbo.
[138] hatchback.
[139] It was sweet.
[140] Great car, but a little high on the maintenance side.
[141] Did it break a lot?
[142] Yeah.
[143] It was a complete lemon.
[144] I ended up selling it for a CRV.
[145] I had a CRV.
[146] That was Monica, came to L .A. and a CRV.
[147] Perfect.
[148] Yeah, I had a white CRV.
[149] It was just too expensive to keep up with the sob, but had a lot of fun driving in and out of Boston way too fast for a 16 -year -old.
[150] So a new family moved in, a few streets over from us and got my name from one of my regulars and asked if I could babysit on a weeknight for their six -year -old daughter.
[151] And a year and a half old son.
[152] Oh.
[153] I of course said yes.
[154] Wanted a new family on my roster.
[155] So I showed up to their house the following week.
[156] And the mom and dad kind of walked me through the rules and guidelines of the house.
[157] No dessert.
[158] No TV on weeknights.
[159] Here's where the games are.
[160] Emergency numbers, the usual.
[161] I told them I had it covered.
[162] And they went off for their gala date night.
[163] And I feel like at this point, I need like that narrator to come in and be like, she did not have it covered.
[164] Were you at all anxious of?
[165] about having a one -and -a -half -year -old and a toddler or whatever.
[166] Six.
[167] Not really, because I was babysitting for a family that had, like, a one -year -old, a four -year -old, and a 10 -year -old at the time.
[168] So this kind of seemed like a piece of cake.
[169] Incredible that we just go, like, yeah, 14 -year -old.
[170] You'd never had any children, but you can definitely juggle three.
[171] I know.
[172] I had really good recommendations.
[173] I mean, I started, like, mothers helping when I was nine because I just thought babies were really cute.
[174] So by that time, I had had like six years of experience.
[175] Right.
[176] I guess you had more than the parents.
[177] Yeah, exactly.
[178] So quickly after leaving, the six -year -old daughter started telling me that all of her other babysitters would let her watch TV and have desserts.
[179] And so I also needed to.
[180] And her parents wouldn't be mad.
[181] And I nicely told her that her parents told me that she was in fact not allowed to have either of those things.
[182] But we could read or play games or do anything else she wanted to do.
[183] She was not having it and was getting more and more from.
[184] frustrated with me. So somehow I finally convinced her to go to the basement playroom, to play with some Barbies and some blocks with her brother.
[185] And I shot at this point that the year and a half year old was in a little bit of a no walking and crawling phase.
[186] So I had to carry him everywhere.
[187] Sounds like a boy.
[188] Yep.
[189] He was not skipping dessert and was a very healthy 30 pounds.
[190] So quite a big boy to carry around.
[191] Rotund child.
[192] Very beautifully chunky.
[193] Love him.
[194] The basement playroom was down a very narrow, very low staircase.
[195] And you can't tell from me sitting like this, but even at 15, I was already almost six feet tall.
[196] Wow.
[197] Oh my gosh.
[198] Congratulations.
[199] Thank you.
[200] But you know the struggle decks, it's like you're walking down a staircase and you have to duck.
[201] Yep.
[202] And I'm also finagling this little baby while ducking.
[203] Slash bowling ball.
[204] Yeah, squirmy little thing.
[205] So we got down to the basement.
[206] Everything's fine for the first 10 to 15 minutes.
[207] I'm patting myself on the back that I got this girl off the let's break the rules train or so i thought and then suddenly without warning i was just sitting on the floor playing with her and her brother she shot up and bolted up the stairs turning every single light off on her way up so i'm literally and figuratively in the dark as to what just happened sitting there next to a screaming you're and a half year old now because he's terrified and this was pre -cell phone flashlights and in a new house for me so i had no way to see where i was or where the lights were or where the stairs were.
[208] Not a good situation.
[209] So I finally find a little boy, pick him up, and just start kind of like shuffling towards what I think is the staircase.
[210] And I find it and I very slowly start making my way up with this screaming, writhing little boy in one arm, clutching the railing on the other and just like convincing myself not to fall backwards and kill a baby on my first time with this new family.
[211] This is so stressful.
[212] So I finally get to the top, feel a sense of relief.
[213] only to reach for the door, and a new wave of panic washes over me because the door is locked.
[214] This is good.
[215] I want to hire her.
[216] They're like, this is who you need.
[217] She's in jail now.
[218] She's probably running a Fortune 500.
[219] Or on the Olympic track team, because I swear to God, I've never seen someone run so fast, like, to this day, and she did up the stairs.
[220] She had athletic prowess.
[221] She really did.
[222] I hope she made the track team.
[223] So I think maybe at first, it's an old house.
[224] So I try to just kind of nudge into the door.
[225] Maybe the handle just doesn't turn, doesn't budge.
[226] It's at this point that I hear the little girl maniacally laughing on the other side of the door.
[227] I don't watch horror movies with children to this day.
[228] That's my thing too.
[229] That's your trigger.
[230] Yeah.
[231] I'm trying to remain calm and kind of telling her through the door, you know, you need to let us out now.
[232] She says, no, not unless you agree that I can watch TV and have my dessert.
[233] I'm like, okay, I got to try a different angle.
[234] So I tell her, her brother's really scared.
[235] She doesn't give a shit, as most older siblings don't.
[236] Yeah.
[237] And I don't negotiate.
[238] I just tell her that I'll do whatever she wants to just let me out of the basement.
[239] Yeah, sure.
[240] And you can go back on your word.
[241] This bitch already double crossed you.
[242] I'm 15.
[243] I'm not parent.
[244] Like, I've tried to enforce the rules at this point very well.
[245] So I tell her I'll do it.
[246] And she finally unlocks the door and lets me out, but not before telling me that if I go back on my word, that she's going to tell mommy and daddy that I hit her.
[247] And so I have to make sure that I let her do this.
[248] She's clever.
[249] I was like, all right.
[250] So I have to do this because I can't let other families in the neighborhood hear about this if she tells her parents and lose out on my business and my sob.
[251] So I'm like, okay, get her her orio.
[252] She runs over to the TV all belieffully, won that round, was so excited.
[253] Luckily after this, she goes to bed pretty easily because she got what she wanted.
[254] And I stood up waiting, mostly fuming for the parents to come home.
[255] Yeah.
[256] And obviously eat all the good snacks, like every single gushers in the house.
[257] Good.
[258] And when they come home, I'm really expecting them to be like, we're so sorry.
[259] Sorry.
[260] Here's an extra tip.
[261] They don't believe me. And they accuse me of lying.
[262] No. And say, there's no way that their daughter did this.
[263] And because of that lie, refused to pay me my full rate.
[264] No. 20 bucks for this six -hour nightmare.
[265] What?
[266] Oh, my Lord.
[267] It was crazy.
[268] Oh.
[269] What assholes?
[270] That makes me feel like I have PTSD.
[271] I hate this story so much.
[272] Because you've been a babysitter.
[273] I know.
[274] And that parents think their kids are so perfect.
[275] My parents certainly didn't I think I'm perfect.
[276] No, she was another breed.
[277] I've never had another one like it.
[278] If that whole thing had happened and my mom had come home and you told her that, she would go, yeah, yeah, of course.
[279] That's what they did.
[280] Sorry you to deal with that.
[281] Even if I had shown zero inclination to have ever done something like that, if someone told my parents, they'd be like, oh, she did.
[282] Like, they would never think that someone was lying to them.
[283] I know.
[284] It was so crazy.
[285] I never heard from them again, obviously, nor did I reach out.
[286] They did not make the roster for my baby.
[287] babysitting empire that I had going.
[288] It didn't taint your reputation in the neighborhood.
[289] Thankfully, no. But I did actually hear from one of the other families and kind of confirmed this story, obviously, before to make sure I wasn't being a dramatic 15 -year -old memory.
[290] This happened again to other babies that are after me. So hopefully they believed her.
[291] I mean, I'm sure it wasn't her first time.
[292] She was very savvy.
[293] What year did you say this was?
[294] I think like end of 2002, early 2003.
[295] I'm a Capricorn like you, Dach.
[296] So my birthday is towards the end of the year.
[297] Are you a control freak like me?
[298] Absolutely.
[299] Yes, good.
[300] We come by it honestly.
[301] I mean, do you see my, like, organization in the claws?
[302] Yeah.
[303] Not the shoes, that's kind of my fiancée's, but the color coordination and themselves and stuff.
[304] I figured Monica would like it too as a burgo.
[305] Well, this little gal is now a 24 -year -old woman, and I'm sincerely dying to know how she turned out.
[306] Because she might be amazing now.
[307] Sorry to say, but I don't know about what those parents.
[308] It's not her fault, but if they're that.
[309] Blindly.
[310] Yes.
[311] That's not great.
[312] For her.
[313] My guess is she continued to get in trouble growing up, and they were the type of parents that always blamed the friend.
[314] Well, you can't be with that friend.
[315] Then they're in trouble with another friend.
[316] Or the teacher that's been in June's school.
[317] Now I'm triggered, because I was the scapegoat kid a lot.
[318] A lot of parents didn't let their kids hang out with me. And their kids were worse than me. It's always the scapegoat it's not as bad.
[319] It's the ones that fly under the radar.
[320] That's right.
[321] They're the real sociopath.
[322] I hope this didn't taint gala's for you.
[323] No, no. I went to a couple that were really fun.
[324] And to be honest, this story is no longer bitter to me because I got to talk to you guys, which is better than any payment.
[325] I've been an arm cherry since day one.
[326] You have?
[327] Yeah.
[328] We're coming up on six years together.
[329] I know.
[330] It's the longest relationship I've ever had.
[331] Do you think one day I'll be 90, Monica will be 77, and you'll be 77, and we'll all be doing this still?
[332] I certainly hope so.
[333] I hope so, too.
[334] And the fact check will solely be about how recently I shit my pants and peeves and peas.
[335] my pants.
[336] It'll probably happen during the fact chat.
[337] It'll definitely happen during the fact check.
[338] You can just create a little thing next to your chair to handle that.
[339] True.
[340] I might, yeah, just have what I had in idiocry, which is a toilet lazy boy.
[341] I just hope you can remember me then.
[342] I will.
[343] I'm going to have a good memory until I'm dead.
[344] You think so.
[345] I do.
[346] I feel strongly about that.
[347] Well, Curry, it's so nice meeting you.
[348] It was so nice meeting you guys, too.
[349] I just want to say, thank you so much for always making us laugh and having the tough conversations.
[350] And Monica, specifically for you.
[351] Thank you so much for race to 35.
[352] I didn't meet my fiance until I was 34.
[353] And so spent a lot of my early 30s kind of waffling on if I wanted to have kids and what I wanted to do there and through your podcast and then also a lot of therapy did what I want versus what society tells us to want.
[354] And I'm very happy with a dink relationship, dual income, no kid, with my future husband.
[355] But I credit a lot of that to the honest convoes that you had.
[356] That's wonderful.
[357] Thank you.
[358] Take care.
[359] And good luck on your wedding.
[360] you guys so much.
[361] Have a great day.
[362] All right.
[363] Bye.
[364] Bye.
[365] There's a fly in here.
[366] Have you noticed it?
[367] Is that from you?
[368] No. I'm not on my flies right now.
[369] Are you sure?
[370] Yeah.
[371] Well, I guess I can't be positive.
[372] There's flies and they're not from me. They are from you.
[373] Hello!
[374] Is your name Tasma?
[375] My name is Tasma.
[376] Is it an abbreviated version of Tasmania?
[377] No, it's not.
[378] I need to.
[379] actually come up with a better reason for my name.
[380] My dad was a teacher.
[381] All of the normal names were probably ruled out by naughty children.
[382] Sure, sure.
[383] And are you in Australia?
[384] I'm in New Zealand.
[385] You're in New Zealand.
[386] Oh, fuck.
[387] I probably just offended you so much.
[388] I'm raining in the offense.
[389] It's so cute to us that Aussies and Kiwis can't stand being confused.
[390] I know.
[391] It's like Canadians and fucking Americans like no shit were the same thing.
[392] I guess it's kind of like a sibling rivalry.
[393] What city are you in?
[394] At the moment, I'm in Auckland.
[395] I've come here for a course.
[396] I've just told them, I just need to pop out for a few minutes.
[397] Oh, that's wonderful.
[398] Where do you live normally?
[399] Normally live in Faraday.
[400] That's David's town.
[401] He says that a lot, because I never know how to say it.
[402] Have you ever seen David Ferrier in real life, like strolling around?
[403] No. I do keep my eye out, but no. Okay, you have a crazy babysitting story, and you're playing hooky right now.
[404] so let's not take up too much of your time.
[405] This happened 20 years ago, actually.
[406] I was talking to the people involved just to make sure that I had the story straight.
[407] Sorry to interrupt you.
[408] What's insane is I was there because I was in New Zealand for three months exactly 20 years ago.
[409] I think I went in November.
[410] Wow.
[411] I couldn't tell you which month.
[412] I was living in a different city.
[413] I was moving to Auckland and I didn't have accommodation sorted.
[414] and my new boss said, well, you should come and stay with my family and I. There was her and a husband and two young children, ants was two turning three and Bella was turning five.
[415] What was going to be a sort of stay for a couple of weeks, I ended up staying for the year.
[416] I also still hang out with them in the summertime when they go camping.
[417] I've inserted myself into this family.
[418] One day a week, I would often help out by looking after their children while my boss, she was doing athletics training.
[419] She was doing hammer throw.
[420] And I got on really well with the kids, basically like a big sister.
[421] And on this particular day, the house that we were living in was three separate stories.
[422] And I was sort of in the kitchen, preparing dinner.
[423] And Bella called out and said, oh, Tazzie, there's a guinea pig on the stairs with a fat tail.
[424] I'm like, oh, wow.
[425] Okay, right?
[426] And I went down.
[427] Oh, no, it seems to have gone now.
[428] It must have gone home.
[429] And as we were coming back up the stairs, we heard this almighty thump and then screaming.
[430] And so her brother was somewhere in the house.
[431] So we had to go looking for him.
[432] I thought it was from the other stairwell going to the upstairs of the house.
[433] And I opened the door and I was hit with a wave of the smell of shit.
[434] Oh, wow.
[435] On the ground at the bottom of the stairs was this two -year -old.
[436] sort of the back half of him was covered in poop and the front half was covered in blood.
[437] He was screaming, holding his head.
[438] What?
[439] He had split his head open.
[440] Oh my God.
[441] Oh, my God.
[442] Really quick, you're like, what do I attend to first?
[443] The blood or the poop?
[444] That's right.
[445] I scooped up the stinking little boy who was really upset and we went in the bathroom and it was a bath over a shower so I'm standing there, washing him down, cleaning him up, and you know how head wounds are.
[446] They make a huge mess.
[447] It looked like some kind of nightmare.
[448] Dealt with the worst of it, and Bella comes in.
[449] She said, I'm going to jump in the shower to her.
[450] And then as she got in, she goes, oh, look, there's the guinea pig.
[451] And I felt something on my leg.
[452] And climbing up my leg was this big rat.
[453] Ew.
[454] What?
[455] Rat, shit, and blood.
[456] Whoa.
[457] I know.
[458] It was like the trifecter of fun in that house that day.
[459] I got a fright and did a big sort of karate.
[460] Haya kick off my legs and it had to bit me as it was going.
[461] What's happening in this house?
[462] It's like a poltergeist or something.
[463] So I had to scoop these children out, wet children out of the shower, run through the room that I just kicked this rat into, slam the door shut, get everyone sort of dried and try and staunch the bleeding of this headwork.
[464] And luckily the mother just come home.
[465] So I took the child once he had some clothes on out to her and was explaining what had happened.
[466] And we looked up to the window of the bathroom where we were.
[467] And along the window sill was this rat like just sitting, knowing we were talking about it.
[468] We were like, it was so revolting.
[469] Whoa.
[470] It wasn't the last time that I babysat for that family because I was living with them.
[471] I don't think it put them off me. But this story comes up every year when we go camping.
[472] Really quick, was the injured head, here's what I've immediately imagined.
[473] Little boy's playing, big spooky rat, he runs from it, he falls down some stairs, hits his head, shits his pants.
[474] What do we think was the order of events?
[475] And was the rat involved at all with the head injury?
[476] And then lastly, were there any stitches?
[477] Right.
[478] So, this little boy, I don't know if your children did this, Dax, but mine certainly did.
[479] When they got to that age where they knew that they could go to the toilet, but they often chose not to.
[480] He was one of those children.
[481] And he happened to be naked at the time.
[482] And his preferred spot was by the stairs.
[483] He would shit on the floor.
[484] On the floor.
[485] Well, I don't think it was on the floor.
[486] He'd usually have a nappy on.
[487] Oh.
[488] But just happened to be naked that day.
[489] And I think he must have heard us exclaiming and been coming down.
[490] And I imagined in my head it looked like he had slipped in the shit.
[491] Oh, sure.
[492] He's kind of the victim of his own filth, I guess.
[493] Yes, yes.
[494] Oh, wow.
[495] It was sort of above his eyebrow.
[496] They took him down to the after -hour's place and they glued it together.
[497] So there was no fracture of the frontal bone or anything.
[498] No. Because, okay, now back to the order of events, because I come upon this, part of me might think I got to get the poop away from him because he's got an open wound.
[499] I might even think priority number one's the poop.
[500] Oh, because you don't want the bacteria.
[501] You don't want the bacteria in that wound, but I don't know that that would be the right move.
[502] It just would be hard to, it's a hard call to make.
[503] That's why we went straight to the shower to exhort that shit out.
[504] Yes, yes.
[505] So if that was 20 years ago, he's now a 23 -year -old.
[506] He's actually at university in the States.
[507] Surely he'll be back camping with a girlfriend soon or a boyfriend, and I pray that you...
[508] Oh, every year.
[509] Absolutely.
[510] This comes out.
[511] When he was a teenager, it was always that, oh, here we go again.
[512] Your Tasma goes again with this fucking never going to let me live this down.
[513] It was three.
[514] What do you want me to do?
[515] It wasn't even three.
[516] It was just about turned three.
[517] Well, Tasma, what a great and terrible story.
[518] I so appreciate you.
[519] telling us that.
[520] Thanks for the opportunity.
[521] So great to meet you.
[522] Yeah, right back at you.
[523] I hope we bump into you in New Zealand.
[524] Come to Fangaday with David and, you know, you can come camping out at our farm.
[525] Yes.
[526] Sounds great.
[527] All right, take care.
[528] Bye.
[529] Bye.
[530] I hate rats.
[531] That's what your takeaway is.
[532] Rats.
[533] I mean, that was a big part of that.
[534] It is interesting.
[535] It was a big part of it, but at the same time, it was completely separate, which is so shocking.
[536] That's too many things going on at once like a rat in the house you're going to remember for life the national lampooned the shit you'd remember for the rest of your life and then the head wound all of it feels very unsafe here all the rattled this rat a whole building shaking i'm sure too if they accidentally back that thing up into the garage the whole thing could collapse don't say that i think that would be possible we'd be fine though we would just slide six feet down no we wouldn't we would die no and we'd catch up fire because it would just collapse this way and then we would slide down.
[537] Wee.
[538] I'm in this corner, I think.
[539] You're very safe.
[540] Yeah.
[541] Yeah.
[542] You might not even be involved.
[543] You and I are going to slide in the lazy ways.
[544] Wee.
[545] Oh, is it working?
[546] I'm the smartest girl alive.
[547] Yes, you are.
[548] Let me put my mic on that I stole from someone at work.
[549] Okay, great.
[550] Where do you work?
[551] I mean, you don't have to give us the name of the place, but what kind of job do you have?
[552] I think you'll appreciate where I work.
[553] I obviously am American, but I studied abroad while I was in uni and came to Perth and ended up in a sexology class.
[554] Wow.
[555] And on the first day of sexology class, got into a fight with the cute boy next to me about circumcision.
[556] And now I'm marrying him.
[557] Oh, me cute.
[558] And was he, he was pro circumcision, you are anti -circumcision?
[559] Opposite.
[560] Oh.
[561] I actually like that.
[562] I'm Jewish and that was just what I grew up knowing.
[563] Yes, yes.
[564] Throughout this sexology class, I learned a lot.
[565] But over here in Australia, everyone's just rocking the turtleneck.
[566] Fuck, yeah.
[567] I'm so jealous.
[568] I very much wish I had my four -scan.
[569] You do.
[570] Well, first of all, you're supposed to have it.
[571] You're not born with extra parts that need to get cut off.
[572] Yeah, exactly.
[573] That's really true.
[574] I mean, there's the whole humanitarian bodily right side of it.
[575] Very interesting.
[576] And thank God we had that fight because now I'm marrying my best friend in February.
[577] I was so excited.
[578] You could have submitted to me, cute.
[579] Since you were in a sexology class.
[580] No, I'm not going to tell you this.
[581] Monaco will be mad.
[582] Now you have to.
[583] Okay.
[584] I think what's the interest, if you have a foreskin, you basically can masturbate and you have lubrication.
[585] Like the whole thing slides, that's what seems really fascinating about having that.
[586] Does that make sense?
[587] That's why you want it.
[588] Yes.
[589] Okay, great.
[590] Not for anyone else.
[591] Oh, yeah, for sure.
[592] Okay.
[593] Thanks for bearing with that.
[594] Okay.
[595] This has to do with children.
[596] This has to do.
[597] with children and not penises.
[598] Switching gears.
[599] Thank you for being in a tent.
[600] And if you bump into Daniel Ricardo, say hi from us since you're in Perth.
[601] I promised my mom that I would invite you all to the wedding in February.
[602] We are getting married over here.
[603] There will be seats for the entire crew, Wabiwob included, and Emma, Moni, of course.
[604] Even Emma got out.
[605] That's nice.
[606] That's really nice.
[607] And Danny, of course.
[608] Oh, Daniel Ricardo.
[609] Yes, that's his hometown.
[610] Of course.
[611] Can't have a wedding in Perth without Danny there.
[612] No. But yes, so my story, I saw the prompt and was talking about it and trying to think, oh, you know, if I'm ever going to write in, it's going to be for this one.
[613] I started babysitting when I was really young.
[614] What state?
[615] I grew up in Arizona.
[616] Oh, okay, great.
[617] Started babysitting there, but the story takes place in New Orleans while I was a sophomore at Tulane.
[618] To backtrack a little bit, I met this family actually two years prior.
[619] This would have been 2012 in Costa Rica.
[620] The mom in dad were artists and we were there on a high school like exchange trip where you go to Costa Rica for a month and you do community service projects and you travel around a bit.
[621] They were there helping us paint murals and I'm learning from them.
[622] They have this beautiful one -year -old boy Vance cut to two years later.
[623] They lived down the street for me while I met Tulane and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, this is perfect.
[624] Easy money.
[625] They know me already.
[626] I can get in the door pretty quickly and start babysitting for them.
[627] And by then they've had another beautiful daughter, Vera.
[628] I am And called over one night.
[629] I've babysat for them a couple of times at this point.
[630] They're easy kids.
[631] Vance is, I think, three or four at this point.
[632] And Vera would have been maybe 10 months.
[633] Okay.
[634] Baby.
[635] Anyone that's babysat before knows that that age difference can either be really easy because the four -year -old is independent enough to take care of themselves.
[636] And the 10 -month -old isn't really enough independent to cause a problem.
[637] Right.
[638] Right.
[639] They're generally not walking yet.
[640] She was not.
[641] Or it can be an absolute terror.
[642] And I ended up getting the terror evening.
[643] So it starts out pretty easy.
[644] Vance is just so excited to show me all of his toys.
[645] You know, we're playing with blocks, we're painting, we're doing arts and crafts, we're going outside, we're playing.
[646] I've got very attached to my hip most of the night just because she's 10 months old.
[647] And eventually, we start to play dress -up, and Vance decides to put on his tuxedo.
[648] Cumberbun, pants, full suit jacket, like this boy is dressed to the nine.
[649] Wow, he already owns a tux.
[650] What a smart young man. And he is looking fly, and he knows it.
[651] So Vance is all dressed up.
[652] We keep on playing.
[653] It's getting closer to bedtime, so I'm thinking, all right, I'm going to start to put Vera in the bath.
[654] I'll chuck on a movie for Vance, and he'll be fine.
[655] Because four -year -olds can watch a movie on their own and be fine.
[656] Yeah.
[657] And as I'm bathing her, I'm realizing it's really quiet.
[658] Uh -oh.
[659] Like, this is so nice.
[660] It didn't feel eerie.
[661] You felt grateful.
[662] I was just like, oh, this is going really well.
[663] Yeah.
[664] So I grabbed Vera out of the bath.
[665] I'm dressing her, get her into her pajamas, and I can hear the movie in the background, but it's going from calm and quiet to, oh, I don't love the sound of this silence.
[666] With Vera all dressed, I wander into the living room, and my jaw hits the floor.
[667] When I see Vance standing in front of a wall, I don't know if it was.
[668] his mom's or his dad's painting, standing in front of the painting, tuxedo pants down around his ankles, diaper in his hand, like a paint palette.
[669] Oh.
[670] And he has taken his poop, taken his medium of choice, and has added embellishments to the painting on the wall.
[671] This is a nice painting.
[672] Oh, wow.
[673] Splattered, not just the painting.
[674] He's added embellishments to the television all over the television, all over the couch, all over the carpet.
[675] It is a shit tsunami.
[676] Oh.
[677] He's gone full chimpanzee.
[678] He has gone full chimp all over their living room.
[679] And I, you can't, what do you do?
[680] Where do you start?
[681] Oh, fuck.
[682] And I say, Vance, what's going on?
[683] What happened here?
[684] And his only words were, I wanted.
[685] to paint like daddy and mommy.
[686] No. I didn't get you.
[687] That did not get me at all.
[688] That sounds very manipulative.
[689] Oh, you think he was in on it?
[690] Like, oh, this will sound endearing.
[691] Yep.
[692] Is that how mommy and daddy are painting, I guess, is the follow -up question.
[693] My mind is going a mile in minute.
[694] They're due home in an hour.
[695] Their entire living room stinks to the high heavens.
[696] absolutely covered in call of duty, as you would say.
[697] And it is just absolutely horrific.
[698] So I have to prioritize, right?
[699] One, still need to get Vance cleaned up.
[700] I've got the baby.
[701] So I put her down first.
[702] She goes in her crib.
[703] She is not happy.
[704] I grab Vance literally up under the armpits and just travel him across to the bathtub where I'm stripping off the tuxedo, which is just absolutely ridiculous.
[705] Can you just imagine a four -year -old pantsless in a tuxedo suit?
[706] That's wonderful.
[707] Just like a really, really classy chimpanzee.
[708] It really makes sense, you know, sometimes they would dress those chimps up for people's amusement, put them on a bicycle or whatever.
[709] You can imagine them putting a suit coat on a chimp.
[710] I am scrubbing poop off of this boy because it's now it's like traveled down his legs.
[711] It's all over his arms.
[712] It's all over me. Which is part of, you know, the dangers of babysitting sometimes.
[713] But this is another level.
[714] How does a four -year -old produce so much excrement?
[715] It's one of the great mysteries of being a parent.
[716] I have that famous story about Delta where she took a dump.
[717] It was so enormous.
[718] I'm like, where on earth did that come from?
[719] Flush it, put her in bed, going to the living room.
[720] And I hear, Daddy, I thought it is diaries.
[721] She's like singing it, and I go and get her, and she's in a diaper, but it's fucking everywhere.
[722] I'm like, not possible.
[723] Where did all this come from?
[724] Well, when it's liquid, I think it's sad.
[725] It's like half their body came out.
[726] Yuck.
[727] Wild.
[728] So he's now cleaned off.
[729] I get him into bed, and by some miracle, both of them go to sleep.
[730] So I'm able to take the last 30 minutes to try to start tackling this living room.
[731] I mean, it's not my house.
[732] I have no idea where their stuff is, right?
[733] So I'm tearing this house apart, trying to find any cleaning supplies.
[734] How do you get paint off of a painting?
[735] I mean, sorry, not paint.
[736] Poop.
[737] How do you get poop off of a painting?
[738] Right.
[739] I have no idea what to do.
[740] I don't want to ruin their artwork.
[741] I would have maybe tackled the room.
[742] And then I would have said, I didn't want to touch.
[743] I don't know if you're going to need to take that to a place.
[744] But obviously, your painting is covered in feces.
[745] I'm in a state of panic.
[746] I'm not thinking straight.
[747] Right.
[748] So I'm thinking about the painting.
[749] I'm trying to figure out what to do.
[750] there.
[751] Eventually, I do decide to give up.
[752] I try to tackle the TV, but it's just like smearing in at this point.
[753] And, like, it's not going well.
[754] I try to start tackling the carpet, but that's also just smearing in deeper and deeper.
[755] You're making everything worse.
[756] It's getting worse.
[757] So eventually, I just say, you know what?
[758] I'm done.
[759] Yeah.
[760] Yeah.
[761] The parents come home, and it's just draws again on the floor.
[762] What the hell happened here?
[763] And I have to say, listen, I put Vance in front of the TV for 30 minutes while I gave Vera a bath, and I walked back to the Louvre, but shit, like just covered in poop.
[764] Vance's Picasso, poopcoso, if you will, I suppose.
[765] They were so generous and kind about it.
[766] We're still friends.
[767] Every time we're home in the States, I go to New Orleans, and I get to see them, and I remind Vance of this story.
[768] Yeah, that's your duty now.
[769] My call of duty has been fulfilled.
[770] He is my poopie vance.
[771] Did the parents say this is not new?
[772] Oh, no. This was a one -off.
[773] I think he saw his opportunity and he ran with it.
[774] I also think it sounds like he was trying to impress you.
[775] He was like, check out my shit.
[776] Here's all my toys.
[777] I'm pretty stacked.
[778] Let me throw on this tucks for you.
[779] I'm handsome as fuck.
[780] Then check me out.
[781] I'm artistic and I paint.
[782] I think that's what was happening.
[783] He was like, he was showing you all of his skills.
[784] I'm the man of your dreams.
[785] Yes.
[786] Look at this.
[787] You didn't know I was artistic, did you, girl?
[788] What were you doing, washing my sister?
[789] Cool, cool, cool.
[790] They're meat cute.
[791] That's kind of a meat cute.
[792] But yes, it was misadventures in babysitting.
[793] I've had so many of them.
[794] There was the time I babysat a family.
[795] The next day had to go to the ER for some hijinks with my flies.
[796] And the dad was the one that had to do.
[797] Oh, fuck.
[798] You never know what you're walking into.
[799] And I love it.
[800] Well, Mel, thank you for sharing that horrific story.
[801] So happy to share it.
[802] If anyone learns anything from my mistakes, you can never trust a four -year -old alone.
[803] So just don't take your eyes off.
[804] Oh, real.
[805] Half hours too long to turn your back on a four -year -old in a tux.
[806] Definitely learn my lesson.
[807] I love you guys so much.
[808] Thank you so much for the opportunity to do this.
[809] It is so cool.
[810] I told my mom I would try to grab her really.
[811] quick if that's okay.
[812] Sure, get her in here.
[813] Oh my God, is this for real?
[814] My mom is visiting from the States.
[815] Hello.
[816] Hi, Mom.
[817] I have to tell you, you're part of the fabric of our lives.
[818] I am not kidding.
[819] Part of the thread that weaves through the quilt of the Greenbergs.
[820] That's so sweet.
[821] Thank you.
[822] I just love you.
[823] Did she invite you to the wedding?
[824] Yeah, February, February.
[825] And we're free to bring Daniel Ricardo.
[826] We extend invitations to all of the people who are part of the quill.
[827] Oh, how kind.
[828] Seriously, you two have changed our lives significantly.
[829] We've been listening to you forever.
[830] You fill our hearts.
[831] You make us smarter and just give us giggles.
[832] Thank you so much.
[833] We love Mel's story.
[834] Isn't that hysterical?
[835] Yes, yes.
[836] And horrifying.
[837] All right, hang on.
[838] Thank you so much for being so generous with your time.
[839] Yes, thank you.
[840] Take care, you guys.
[841] You're lovely.
[842] Have a good one.
[843] Oh, wow.
[844] Wow.
[845] Oh, God, that was so cute.
[846] That was our first multi -generational.
[847] Yeah.
[848] No, I think it's happened before.
[849] Okay, babysitting is so hard.
[850] I was just remembering.
[851] I'm sure you have a lot of PTSD.
[852] As you recall, most of my babysitting was with a child my age, who I was pretending to be older then.
[853] So it wasn't that problematic.
[854] I just remember, I'm not just saying this to you because I'm happy to not try to placate you.
[855] I don't think anyone would accuse you of trying to placate me. Exactly.
[856] But your kids were the first ones that this didn't have.
[857] happened to me. And I loved a lot of the kids I babysat for, but time goes at a molasses pace when you're babysitting.
[858] It would only be like four hours and I would pick them up from school and then it was like, how do I get through this?
[859] Yes, okay, so we're going to go to the library and then we're going to, and I'm just like staring at the clock at the library.
[860] Can I get them to get more books here?
[861] Okay, I guess we'll go to the park.
[862] Only been 45 minutes since we left school.
[863] Like, it's crazy.
[864] But that didn't have one with my kids?
[865] It really didn't.
[866] I think part of the reason why is because Carly was there.
[867] There was an adult to talk to.
[868] Right, right.
[869] It helped so much.
[870] Yeah.
[871] Yeah, that makes sense.
[872] It's rough out there.
[873] Hello.
[874] Hello.
[875] Oh, Matt.
[876] You're one of very few people that have their audio set up correctly.
[877] This is such a gift.
[878] Oh, really?
[879] Yeah, normally we would go through seven or eight minutes of troubleshooting to get your mic to work.
[880] I'm in tech.
[881] So I'm used to this.
[882] I do it on a daily basis.
[883] Perfect.
[884] Where are you at?
[885] I'm in Henderson, Nevada, about 20, 30 minutes outside of Las Vegas.
[886] My father -in -law lives in Hendersonville.
[887] Very nice.
[888] I'm originally from Southern California.
[889] Where?
[890] Orange County.
[891] Okay.
[892] And Dax, you and I have actually met each other.
[893] I'm surprised you don't recognize me. I totally recognize you.
[894] Let me tell everyone how we met.
[895] On a horseback riding trail in Phoenix, we crossed.
[896] Wow.
[897] Yeah, you're on a little, beautiful little Palomino.
[898] Now, when did we mean?
[899] Well, you're very close, but it was at a Laker game in L .A. Oh.
[900] Wait, were you sitting in front of me?
[901] No, we were both going through security at the same time.
[902] You were with Tom Arnold, who I actually recognized first.
[903] Of course.
[904] And then I saw this tall, handsome actor -looking fellow standing right next to him.
[905] I was like, oh, my gosh, that's Jack Shepherd.
[906] So how long have you been in Nevada?
[907] Wife and I have lived here for two years.
[908] Before that, we were in California.
[909] And then before that, we actually, between 2015 and 2000.
[910] 2018, we're in Las Vegas as well.
[911] So we came back.
[912] Now we're in the process of moving to Arizona.
[913] Oh, wow.
[914] Okay.
[915] You guys love the desert lifestyle.
[916] We, uh, with my fair redheaded skin, we like to, uh, live life dangerously.
[917] Yes, yes.
[918] Okay, so you have a babysitting story that I presume takes place in Orange County.
[919] Exactly.
[920] In 2005, I was about 14 years old.
[921] I used to babysit a couple of my neighborhood families that were in our exact facility.
[922] This family that was directly next door to us had two young boys, a six -year -old named Anthony and a nine -year -old named Nick.
[923] And for this story's sake, I have changed their names.
[924] Nice.
[925] Nice.
[926] So Anthony and Nick.
[927] To give you some additional context on the family, they were really kind.
[928] Religious, church every Sunday type.
[929] They had super high Christian moral values to the point where they wouldn't allow Nick and Anthony to watch certain movies like Harry Potter.
[930] That branch, yeah.
[931] But really nice, super respectful kids, would never disobey, would go to bed on time with no fuss, really super easy to babysit, which is probably why they allowed a 14 -year -old kid to babysit because they probably just needed somebody that could call the police if necessary.
[932] Which might be a little foreshadowed.
[933] Okay, here we go, here we go.
[934] So this night in particular was kind of like any other Saturday night that I would have babysat for them.
[935] Their parents were only going to be gone for a couple of hours.
[936] We had pizza, watched a movie that wasn't Harry Potter.
[937] Got him in bed with no fuss.
[938] I was hanging out downstairs, half asleep, waiting for their parents to come home.
[939] When suddenly I heard just like a gut -wrenching scream come from upstairs from one of the boys.
[940] Of course, like my first reaction, I think is very similar to your face, Monica.
[941] It's just like one of the boys are dead or there goes my babysitting career.
[942] I run upstairs.
[943] Once I'm upstairs, I notice that the boys' lights in their bedroom are all.
[944] off, but the bathroom light underneath the door was on.
[945] So I go up to the bathroom.
[946] I knock and ask if, you know, everything is okay.
[947] I don't hear a response.
[948] I then put my ear up to the door and I can hear that one of the boys is crying inside of the bathroom.
[949] Once I hear that, of course, I try to open the door.
[950] Yeah.
[951] But it's lost.
[952] And then due to the commotion, the younger brother has now come out of his room so I start pounding harder on the door like Nick open up because you know I don't know if he's bleeding out I don't know if he's pooped his bed I really am unsure of like what's going I just want to make sure that he's okay and like most homes the bathroom key is usually kept like on the door frame I check and see if there is a key up on the door frame there isn't any really quick Matt I hate to interrupt or put a speed bump in your story but I don't think that's commonplace oh is it not I think in your eyes They have that?
[953] I have them.
[954] You did too.
[955] I still do.
[956] I stand corrected.
[957] Three out of four.
[958] It looked like a little wrench.
[959] My house, maybe it was a safe place to keep it.
[960] It was like up on the door for.
[961] It's very clever.
[962] I'm mad at myself.
[963] I've never thought of this.
[964] So at this point, I'm panicking.
[965] What does anybody do when they're panicking is they call their mom.
[966] So I immediately get out my flip phone, call my mom.
[967] Unfortunately, my mom doesn't answer.
[968] And then it dawns on me like, duh, I should probably call the parents of the kids that I'm babysitting.
[969] I call them that, you know, Nick let out this huge scream.
[970] He has barricated himself.
[971] into the bathroom.
[972] They tell me that they're almost home.
[973] They're right around the corner.
[974] They get home really quickly.
[975] They rush upstairs.
[976] Of course, the dad knows where the key to the bathroom is and is able to get inside.
[977] But because of the way that the parents like both rushed into the bathroom at the same time, I didn't really like get a good vantage point of Nick.
[978] All I could see was that Nick was in the fetal position on the ground on his side.
[979] His legs were facing the door and his pajama pants were like at his ankles.
[980] Okay.
[981] The mother immediately begins to console Nick, like, asking him questions while the father, like, immediately turns around and goes, okay, Matt, thanks for all your help.
[982] Let's get you on your way.
[983] Oh.
[984] So, of course, my initial response is, like, concern for Nick.
[985] Is he okay?
[986] Yeah.
[987] What has happened under my watch?
[988] Yeah.
[989] The dad was really adamant about ushering me downstairs, getting me paid and sending me on my way.
[990] So at this point, I think it's just like a family matter.
[991] I don't really necessarily think there's much wrong with me. It sounds like magic gone bad to me. Their worst fear.
[992] Dark magic.
[993] I go home and since I live next door, it's just a quick walk.
[994] No less than like 30, 45 minutes later, I hear ambulance sirens and I see like bright ambulance lights.
[995] So, of course, this like catches my family's attention to myself and we go outside and we can see that Nick is being carried by paramedics like in a blanket is put into the ambulance and is like swiftly taken away.
[996] Which is, like, super confusing.
[997] Yeah, if I were you, I would have interpreted Nick's dad's, like, oh, Nick does something weird.
[998] The family knows about it.
[999] He likes to put Tonka trucks up his ass or something that's happened before that's embarrassing to the family.
[1000] They just want you out of there, right?
[1001] So the next morning, we go to the house to check to see if Nick is okay.
[1002] And at this point, the entire neighborhood, like, thought something was up.
[1003] And the mother tells us verbatim that Nick was jumping on his bed and he fell on a drumstick.
[1004] and the drumstick was lodged up his butt.
[1005] No. How do you even, how does the drumstick get in a position to go up?
[1006] I called my mom before this and I confirmed those for the exact words that the mom told us.
[1007] Hold on.
[1008] Nick was jumping on his bed, fell, and a drumstick went up his butt.
[1009] Guys, guys, guys, guys.
[1010] Nick was just putting a drumstick.
[1011] Obviously.
[1012] Obviously.
[1013] Maybe it is magic that the drumsticks define the loss.
[1014] Harry's wand went up his ass.
[1015] Oh my God.
[1016] None of it makes sense because if it was jumping on the bed, I would have heard it.
[1017] It's not the rumbunctious type.
[1018] Wow.
[1019] He was just testing some stuff out.
[1020] Yeah, why not?
[1021] You've got a hole.
[1022] Here's a thing that would go in your hole.
[1023] We luckily were told that nothing seriously happened to Nick, but, you know, They rushed to the hospital to have the drumstick removed.
[1024] Really quick also.
[1025] There's so much wrong with this story.
[1026] Matt, I know you're telling me the truth, but pull the drumstick out of the ass.
[1027] No, but maybe they were afraid.
[1028] Maybe it was so far up, like maybe it was hitting organs and stuff.
[1029] I mean, unless it was a splintery drumstick, which is no way it was.
[1030] He wasn't a drummer.
[1031] He didn't turn this thing into.
[1032] Maybe they called the doctor and they said, take him to the emergency room.
[1033] The doctor said, no more jumping on the bed.
[1034] This is why.
[1035] I'm sorry, but if I go in there's a drum.
[1036] drumstick hanging out of my kids.
[1037] I said, pull the drumstick out.
[1038] I know you would, but I've heard things like that.
[1039] Like, if you pull it out, then all the organs.
[1040] Well, I think what we've heard is, we've heard these stories.
[1041] The one I know is someone, like, hit a golf club against a tree.
[1042] It broke.
[1043] It went into their neck.
[1044] And then they went into their neck.
[1045] And then they went into their neck.
[1046] And then it was that.
[1047] It was virtually that.
[1048] Oh, my God.
[1049] Yeah, very strange.
[1050] Did it just end with that?
[1051] Like, here's what happened.
[1052] He's jumping on the bed.
[1053] He fell.
[1054] Somehow, a drumstick was sitting vertical, and he unluckily landed perfectly on it.
[1055] His pants had fallen off as he was jumping.
[1056] I don't know if this was a story that was made up by Nick and that the parents bought or perhaps that the parents were just telling us this.
[1057] I think the headline, Matt, is that, thank God, you weren't implicated in any of this story.
[1058] The only thing I would think is like, I don't want anything to do with anything anal having new to a child while I'm babysatied.
[1059] Got to get me out of that situation.
[1060] Also, what would you have done if he had opened the, like, then you would have had to deal with it.
[1061] Yeah, the parents would have came in, you'd be sitting there with a drumstick up the son's ass.
[1062] My goodness.
[1063] I'd be like, what the fuck is going on here, Matt?
[1064] We leave for two hours to do Saturday night mass. Come on.
[1065] There's a fucking instrument, my son.
[1066] Of course, when it's retelling the story to, like, my wife and my friends, that's the immediate knee jerk reaction that they go to.
[1067] And it's so weird that the father's first reaction, if it was me, would have been turned around and be like, why is there a drumstick in my son's house?
[1068] And to kind of be like, oh, well, there goes Nick again.
[1069] Let's get your home, Matt.
[1070] We've been here before.
[1071] Well, he obviously trust.
[1072] You did all the right thing.
[1073] You called them and you said this is happening.
[1074] The door's locked.
[1075] Thank God you did all that.
[1076] Because if they had just come in, they probably would have been more.
[1077] But you're right.
[1078] It was a blessing that Nick locked the door behind him because then you're not involved at all.
[1079] Oh, poor kid.
[1080] Having a little fun with a drumstick.
[1081] next thing he hurts himself.
[1082] Yeah, he's crying.
[1083] We've all put a drumstick.
[1084] Can't say that's true, but wow.
[1085] Do you think it was a drumstick?
[1086] Like a turkey drumstick?
[1087] The chicken.
[1088] Oh.
[1089] We just misheard the mom.
[1090] Well, she just left out turkey drumstick or chicken drumstick.
[1091] You fell on a drumstick.
[1092] That actually makes somehow more sense.
[1093] There was like an errant, straight.
[1094] chicken leg oh lord wow that was unexpected did not see that coming no matt it was a pleasure meeting you truly what a great story thank you for telling us that more than happy to and i'm really glad to be able to meet you both you want us to meet your wife yeah yeah absolutely let's get her in here kit cat oh that can't be her birth name kit kit kit kit kit kit cat hi hi kitt kitt kett it's No nice meeting you.
[1095] We love Matt.
[1096] You really got a cutie part.
[1097] I do.
[1098] I know.
[1099] I do.
[1100] I have to be honest, I was giving him so much crap.
[1101] I told him like, they're never going to select that story.
[1102] I just thought there's going to be so many wild babysitting stories.
[1103] That's pretty wild.
[1104] Do you think there's ones wilder than a drumstick up a child's ass?
[1105] What could we have heard?
[1106] I mean, I thought, I don't know.
[1107] There'd be some, like, parents walking in on like someone and their boyfriend.
[1108] You never know.
[1109] Oh, we didn't get any of those.
[1110] So he had to shove the email in my face when it came through.
[1111] Well, we loved it.
[1112] We loved it.
[1113] We love Matt.
[1114] And it's so nice to meet you.
[1115] You too.
[1116] All right.
[1117] Take care.
[1118] Wow.
[1119] Well, those were fun.
[1120] Babysitting is.
[1121] Do you think, hold on, let's just wrap this up.
[1122] I could see this happening.
[1123] Nick's line in bed and his anus itches.
[1124] That's so common.
[1125] Your little butthole can hit when you're a little.
[1126] And then you see a drumstick and you're like, use that to itch.
[1127] That would help.
[1128] And then you're itching your asshole.
[1129] And then you're like, oh, it feels good kind of when I itch the inside of my...
[1130] You don't think it started as itching?
[1131] No. You're just thinking that because you used to use the ruler on your foot.
[1132] My cap gun with the metal trigger.
[1133] Yeah, I used to scratch it until my feet were bleeding.
[1134] Yeah, so you have that in your head.
[1135] But no, I don't think he was using it to itch his butt.
[1136] I think you'd use your fingers to it your butt like most kids do.
[1137] But he just wanted to know what that felt like.
[1138] Or maybe he had already done it once before.
[1139] and liked it.
[1140] He's done it.
[1141] Well, if the dad, that was the dad's reaction.
[1142] He had caught him.
[1143] Well, no, no, no. I think even, you're right.
[1144] Well, no. Because if the dad, if it was the first time the dad ever saw this, he would think that boy was weird.
[1145] Yeah.
[1146] You would have accused the babysitter.
[1147] I really, I don't think you would.
[1148] He had to go get the key.
[1149] And also the son would have said, like, he did this.
[1150] I bet he saw and was like, this is so embarrassing.
[1151] Well, he's like, this is so un -Christian.
[1152] Exactly.
[1153] Like, I don't want anyone to see it.
[1154] Yeah.
[1155] I knew this.
[1156] Black Magic would get through our house.
[1157] I think it was that.
[1158] He's trying to write a broomstick.
[1159] Maybe he thought it was Quidditch.
[1160] I said Nick was trying to pretend he was writing a broomstick.
[1161] He thought that's how you wrote it.
[1162] Yeah, that's fair.
[1163] Anywho.
[1164] All right.
[1165] Well, I love you.
[1166] Love you.
[1167] Do you want to sing a tune or something?
[1168] We don't have a thing song for this new show.
[1169] So here I go, go, go.
[1170] We're going to ask some random questions.
[1171] And with the help of.
[1172] Mom cherries will get some suggestion.
[1173] On the flyer rhymed dish.
[1174] On the flyer rhyme dish.
[1175] Enjoy.