MFM Minisode 184

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minishe.

[3] It's cute.

[4] It's short.

[5] It's little.

[6] Don't worry about it.

[7] And we rejure your stuff.

[8] Ready?

[9] Okay.

[10] Do you want me to go first?

[11] Sure.

[12] Is that the most concise, tightest intro we've ever done for ourselves?

[13] Ever, ever done.

[14] Let's talk about it for a little bit.

[15] This is unbelievable.

[16] What we just did now is the opposite of what we usually do, which is what I'm doing now.

[17] We usually just talk and talk and like we talk about, you know, what's up with our week and everything.

[18] Not this time.

[19] and down.

[20] Your boyfriend gets upset.

[21] But not this time.

[22] We're right to the, because really?

[23] At the end of the day.

[24] What do you think about it?

[25] Okay.

[26] This title here is spooky life -saving ESP toothaches.

[27] Okay.

[28] Hello.

[29] I'm an Aussie emergency nurse and my stories take place at work.

[30] It's a long, long story, sorry.

[31] But it is about the sort of unexplained intuition we are all here for.

[32] So let's begin.

[33] That's right.

[34] If it's interesting, it can be long.

[35] Right.

[36] Justify your own.

[37] length with your quality width.

[38] Okay.

[39] A doctor friend of mine was working one night and the emergency department was absolutely slammed.

[40] He had already worked a few hours overtime when the doctor in charge asked him to see just one more patient before he went home.

[41] He scanned the list of people in the waiting room and for no particular reason a name jumped out to him.

[42] He read the triage notes quote, presents after dental surgery with an ongoing toothache.

[43] The man was probably hours from being scene, but my friend, thinking this would be a quick case, brought him in.

[44] The patient was obviously in pain, sweaty and gray, but when the doctor poked at the gap where his tooth had been removed, he didn't complain or even flinch.

[45] Immediately alarm bells were ringing, and sure enough, a few tests later, it was clear that this man was actually having a very severe heart attack.

[46] He was rushed for emergency surgery and survived, but may not have if he stayed in the waiting room another two hours.

[47] Jump forward a few months, and I was working in the fast track area of the ED, sort of like the patch and fixed spot, we were once again slammed and I was trying to bring in anyone with a problem that could be dealt with quickly.

[48] Again, I can't really explain why, but a woman's name stood out to me and I brought her in for assessment.

[49] She had a rash on her leg and had woken up feeling under the weather and had read in the paper about some exotic virus she was now sure she had.

[50] The rash looked harmless, but during our conversation, she kept grabbing at her jaw.

[51] Oh, that's nothing, she said, just a toothache.

[52] I asked her to humor me and let me run a couple of tests and you guessed it, she was having a heart attack.

[53] Whoa.

[54] She was whisked away for surgery and I know for sure she survived because a few weeks later she sent in a complaint because she had, quote, only wanted her rashes checks.

[55] What?

[56] What?

[57] My boss kindly pointed out that she probably wouldn't have been able to write an email at all if not for my care, but old ladies be old ladying.

[58] this sort of thing happens all the time in hospitals whether it's some secret force guiding our eyes to a particular name or we are just better at our jobs than we like to give ourselves credit for who can say but I know there's one old lady who's there's one old lady out there still writing strongly worded emails because of me SSTGM and thanks for the good times Claire oh my god that's fucking hilarious she lived to complain another day, that old lady.

[59] Wow.

[60] I bet it's just intuition at that point.

[61] Like, you just, you know, you see someone, you see these little signs that don't even cross your mind, but you can, you know, hopefully.

[62] I mean, it actually makes me feel a lot better this whole, except for the fact that they're trying to find quick patients.

[63] I don't love that, but.

[64] Well, you got to fit him into your schedule.

[65] It's not always about health.

[66] But, I mean, they're going to be seen at some point.

[67] But, look, eventually.

[68] like two hours eight hours um but it does i do i agree i like that vibe that there's something else going on that that your instincts kick in when you work that job right and almost like it's a pheromone you can smell where this person's actually in danger there's something else going on you're not conscious of it did you ever watch nurse jackie yes i really liked it i just didn't like the personal stuff that much the personal stuff yeah Like, I like, you wanted just wounds, cauterizing wounds.

[69] I wanted, like, her drug addiction and, I don't know, I just didn't like her so much.

[70] Yeah, she was the real asshole.

[71] And I just hated the, like, the weird doctor who would grab women's breasts.

[72] That's one of the fucking storylines.

[73] When he got nervous around women, he would uncontrollably, quote, grab a woman's breast.

[74] And it was just like, well, who the, what year was this made?

[75] Is this made in the 60s?

[76] That did stop me in my tracks, but the rest, you know, it's E .D. Falco, who's like supreme being.

[77] And I just loved that vibe because it really is like that that's a function, it's like a functioning addict, which is a fascinating thing that they got really right.

[78] I also thought her husband was way too hot for TV.

[79] Oh, I love that fucking guy's face.

[80] He's too hot.

[81] And he was too nice.

[82] I didn't like her.

[83] She was so...

[84] Wait, this is not a regular episode.

[85] We will not talk for two hours and 45 minutes about fucking Nurse Jackie.

[86] I refuse.

[87] Okay.

[88] What is wrong?

[89] Sorry.

[90] All right.

[91] No, you're...

[92] We'll put a pin in that for later anyway.

[93] If you want to hear part two, the Nurse Jackie debate, come back.

[94] Do you want to hear everything that's wrong with Nurse Jackie?

[95] We're going to start a fan cult forum.

[96] We were being positive about her husband.

[97] That guy is fucking hot.

[98] Yeah.

[99] He was hot and blank as fuck.

[100] I loved it.

[101] No, I...

[102] Yes.

[103] Okay.

[104] That time my professor testified in a murder trial.

[105] Greetings, murderino cult leaders and companions.

[106] I like it.

[107] I'm a student into my second year of veterinary school in Colorado and wanted to send in a story one of my professors shared with the class this semester.

[108] My pathology professor was giving us a lecture on necropsies and examining postmortem for signs of animal abuse.

[109] Mid -lector, he went off on a tangent about how we could be asked to testify with our findings in court and proceeded to tell us.

[110] this story.

[111] One day my professor was asked to perform a necropsy on a cat.

[112] I think I got that right.

[113] And was asked specifically to run tests for cyanide poisoning as cause of death.

[114] After finding that cyanide was indeed in the cat system, he was asked by the police to present his findings to a judge and jury during a murder trial.

[115] Turns out, the man had killed his mother by poisoning her with cyanide and then proceeded to cut up her body and hide it in, to quote my professor, those cheap rubber made Tupperware containers, which he kept in the back, huh?

[116] So just so depressing.

[117] I know.

[118] Which he kept in the back of his truck until he was caught by police.

[119] My professor's testimony was used to prove that the man had committed premeditated murder, practicing first by poisoning his cat.

[120] Are you crazy?

[121] My professor, matter of fact, he ended his story by saying, so yeah, he was guilty and went to jail and I think he's dead now.

[122] Anyway, I thought you'd appreciate this story more than most.

[123] my classmates did.

[124] I'm working as a veterinary technician this summer and your podcast gets me through my drive home after standing for 11 hours and wrestling unhappy dogs all day.

[125] Aw.

[126] Friendly reminder to all new COVID -inspired pet owners out there that your local veterinarians are swamped with a massive increase in new pet adoptions during quarantine.

[127] So please be patient with us while we help your animals.

[128] Also, please try to spend at least an hour away from your animal each day or they will develop massive separation anxiety after quarantine.

[129] I love the advice from bets.

[130] That's so good.

[131] Thank you both for brightening my days and making me laugh, stay sexy, and don't trust Tupperware contents, McKenzie.

[132] Wow.

[133] Yeah.

[134] A lot to digest in that story.

[135] There is.

[136] And it is funny to think about people who have never had pets before who are like, why are the vets taking so long?

[137] And like, you and me know that it's always like that.

[138] It's there.

[139] You know what?

[140] The second you'll buy a pet, it's the vets world, and you just live in it.

[141] They're going to hand you a piece of paper.

[142] It says, randomly, that costs $660.

[143] And you're going to go, thank you, sir, may have another.

[144] Totally.

[145] Because I need to keep this motherfucker alive that needs to eat my shoes all the time.

[146] Let me see him.

[147] Look at those assholes.

[148] Oh, Frankie.

[149] Just asleep like they have paper routes at five minutes morning.

[150] And now they're so exhausted.

[151] They do nothing.

[152] Angels.

[153] That actually, that's very true about the overbonding with the pets.

[154] except for I have it the other day George and Frank got up and left the room at the same time and I was like what guys it legit hurt my feelings it is sometimes annoying when I'm like I have three cats and there's not a single one in the room right now like why do I have three cats if I'm not going to I'm paying for I never I should never be alone when I'm sitting somewhere I made it so that I didn't have to and you're not playing your part correctly that's right okay my next story subject line CIA grandpa story yay yes now they're all coming out of the woodwork.

[155] That's right.

[156] Hi, y 'all.

[157] I was just listening to the July 6th Minnesota where Georgia read the story about the CIA grandpa and I thought I'd share my own CIA grandpa story.

[158] Keep him coming.

[159] Right.

[160] It's been a longtime family joke that my grandpa was in the CIA and that we would find out for sure when he died.

[161] He was a quote, international lawyer in Paris his entire career.

[162] Yeah.

[163] A hundred percent and spent most of my mom and aunt's childhood traveling all over the place, but especially to Northern Africa for work.

[164] Growing up, I would always ask him if he was in the CIA, and he would always respond by saying, if I was, I wouldn't tell you.

[165] Dad, that's a dad thing.

[166] I read that incorrectly.

[167] If I was, I couldn't tell you, could I?

[168] That's a more polite version of how they'd say it in my family.

[169] I'm not telling you.

[170] Why your business?

[171] Child.

[172] M .I .O .B. Two years ago, my girlfriend did Christmas with us, and being a good journalist, she is, made sure to sit at the dining table with my grandpa for hours.

[173] Asking him questions about his life and his career and his stories did not disappoint.

[174] One of my favorites was how he used to travel to Algeria all the time for work.

[175] Wow.

[176] He flew there so frequently that the airport security agents knew who he was and would always let him through without the customary bribe.

[177] One day my grandpa in Paris got a call from a friend saying that his son was in Algeria and for whatever reason he couldn't get out of the country.

[178] My grandpa immediately got on a plane to Algeria because he'd been there so much for business.

[179] He told the kid to meet him at the consulate building where he picked up the kid and two one -way plane tickets that were waiting for them.

[180] At the airport, he just slipped the airport security some money, and so he and this kid could get on the plane back to Paris and all was well.

[181] My grandpa died in February, and while we still don't know for sure whether he was in the CIA, a bunch of men I've never seen before who said they were in the American Foreign Legion with him showed up to the funeral.

[182] my grandpa was always the person people would call if they needed help and unless you met him you can't really describe the impact he had on everyone he met not to mention he welcomed my girlfriend we're a couple of gays we're a couple of gays oh my god that's so sweet he welcomed my girlfriend into the family with open arms that's lovely he and my grandma met while they were in law school and my grandma was one of the three women in her class to actually sit and pass the bar only to then to never practice law and become a painter and model in Europe instead.

[183] Wow.

[184] This family is so sexy.

[185] Fascinating.

[186] One of the other three women was none other than Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who my grandpa has always been secretly jealous of.

[187] Oh, I thought he was secretly married, too.

[188] I know.

[189] I'd say I hit, it says grandpa, but I would think it would be, grandma would be secretly jealous of.

[190] The grandpa's in Algeria doing his thing, but it says, maybe that he got, she got so famous.

[191] Oh, yeah, maybe.

[192] I'd say I hit the grandparent lottery.

[193] You're right about that.

[194] Stay sexy and ask your grandparents questions, Ivy.

[195] Ivy, the first thing I think of is you need to marry that girl, your girlfriend.

[196] Because what a rad girlfriend.

[197] If you can bring a partner to a family party and they can like do their thing and talk to your grandparents and that's a cool person to hang out to.

[198] Yes.

[199] They know how to be.

[200] They know how to hang.

[201] Yeah.

[202] You all need more of those people in our lives.

[203] Amen.

[204] hallelujah that was a great one uh this might be one of my favorite stories it's shit it reminds me of the town on fire story really no matter what you say now i'm gonna say i don't like it okay thank you i didn't really like i didn't really like that i didn't like that one okay this is called poisonous jello rain oh shit um hey y 'all my grandpa is currently in the process of moving so we've all been doing a lot of house hunting one point place we found was in Oakville, Washington, south of Puget Sound.

[205] We didn't know much about Oakville, so we researched the town a bit to see what it's like.

[206] What we got was a very exciting and honestly perplexing surprise.

[207] Turns out Oakville is famous for the most bizarre weather anomaly I've ever heard of, gelatinous blob rain.

[208] What?

[209] And I just want to say for the fucking record, aliens.

[210] I'm 100 % behind aliens that this is the cause.

[211] Ready?

[212] I'd say local, local chemical company.

[213] Yeah, but let me, maybe there's, you got to hear the weird fucking things.

[214] No, no, I'm deciding already.

[215] Too late.

[216] Okay.

[217] On August 7th, 1994 at about 3 a .m., the first bout of jello rain began to fall.

[218] It was clear like normal rain, but much unlike normal rain, it was gooey to the touch.

[219] Oh, my God.

[220] It smeared in windshield wipers and looked vaguely like mushy hailstones on the ground.

[221] This unsettling precipitation fell six times over a three -week period and covered 20 square miles.

[222] Oh, but that's not the weirdest part.

[223] Not only was this rain texturally fucked, but also those who came in contact with it fell very ill. They experienced shortness of breath, vision lost vertigo.

[224] Jesus, I think I have it.

[225] You have it now.

[226] They experienced shortness of breath, vision loss, vertigo, and nausea, which lasted from months for some several pets also died after being exposed to the goop samples of the rain goo were tested and found to contain human white blood cells two kinds of bacteria and eukarotic cells that suggest it was part of something alive but to this day no one knows what the fuck fell from the sky theories include jellyfish bits blown into the air by bomb tests.

[227] Why would there be human DNA in it?

[228] Great question.

[229] Bio -warfare experiments and waste from airplanes.

[230] But none of these fit perfectly.

[231] I'm calling aliens, they said.

[232] They said it.

[233] And I agree.

[234] Needless to say, we were pretty unenthused about buying a house there after reading all that, but I was naturally fascinated and immediately thought to tell you folks about it.

[235] Smart.

[236] I got my info from the Unsolved Mysteries Wiki, and there are plenty of articles about it if you want to check it out for yourselves, you can't make this shit up.

[237] Stay sexy and don't move to Oakville, Lila from Seattle.

[238] Human fucking blood cells.

[239] Oh, humid blood cells.

[240] That's right.

[241] Not human DNA.

[242] That is so unnerving.

[243] The consistency element of it is very upsetting.

[244] I want to know about the bacteria has to be in.

[245] Like, I wonder where the bacteria has been seen before.

[246] I wonder what the hell you carotic cells means and if I'm saying it right so many questions kind of sounds like the eucharist like little there's bodies of Christ amen in there yeah Lila Lila great great job amazing great what's it called instinct on sending it into us guys we want more like that you know what you're doing Lila you know it Karen you know I'm all about vintage shopping absolutely And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

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[262] today.

[263] That's shopify .com slash murder.

[264] Goodbye.

[265] Okay, my last one here.

[266] The subject line is Little Hands Mystery Solved.

[267] Oh, yeah.

[268] Hey, MFFM fam.

[269] When I listened to this week's minisode and Karen read the letter about the girl on spring break who woke up with the mysterious handprints on her legs that got darker over a few days and eventually revealed tiny hands, I was cracking up.

[270] I'm no doctor, but I think I may have solved her unsalt mystery.

[271] Yay!

[272] I love this.

[273] I've been back and forth with my son's pediatrician all week about a mysterious rash on his hands and arms, I have a feeling this girl would have received the same diagnosis as my son.

[274] It turns out that my son has phytophotodermatitis, which is a skin reaction to citrus juice and oil on the skin, which is then exposed to sunlight and creates a bad burn.

[275] This makes sense because he was making lemonade outside with his grandma before the rash appeared.

[276] Some of the marks appear like splatters on his arm.

[277] Some look like spills and others like fingerprints.

[278] Our doctor told me that this condition is also commonly called margarita dermatitis because people often get this while they're mixing margaritas outside in the sunshine.

[279] I would be willing to bet that these girls were probably spending their spring break sunbathing poolside, squeezing limes into their beers and margs without a care in the world.

[280] The fact that her college brain went straight to must be a ghost is kind of hilarious because because it's kind of hilarious and very murderin -minded of her.

[281] I'm sure telling her ghost story is probably way more fun at parties so she can take it or leave it.

[282] Happy summer and remember, stay sexy and wash her hands, especially after making lemonade and margaritas.

[283] Anika.

[284] Or Annika, I'm not sure.

[285] That is so simple.

[286] And I would like to tell the handprint girl that she has our permission to not have listened to that story just now to put her fingers in her ears.

[287] say la la la la la i keep telling your ghost story in 10 years when you go to parties again it is a better story it's so creepy it really stays with you the idea that it's just from your drinking and you probably didn't even remember touching your thighs that much is a whole different kind of spooky yeah so pick it you know pick it's like a different party different story yeah and it turned out that could be a good one too like you guys i thought i had and then it turns out that's good too okay you that way you get to talk extra long at the party Okay.

[288] This is just the hometown story.

[289] Hello, friends.

[290] My grandfather on my mom's side died when I was around nine years old.

[291] It hit me hard because he was the one good male role model in my life.

[292] We were devastated because he was a grumpy but wonderful old man who could barbecue a mean rack of ribs, but also because my mom was pregnant with my younger brother at this time and they never got to meet.

[293] About a year or two later, my brother was starting to walk and do all sorts of toddler things.

[294] We were just leaving a Mexican restaurant.

[295] We went too often and we grabbed peppermints from the front like usual.

[296] We got in the car, each of us unwrapping our mints and sucking on them.

[297] Then my baby brother, who barely knew how the world worked, said, Want cigarette?

[298] Want cigarette?

[299] Uh -huh.

[300] And pointed his fat baby finger at a peppermint in my mom's hand.

[301] What cigarette?

[302] This made her freeze.

[303] This was because my grandpa and grandma had a problem.

[304] problem with smoking for years.

[305] When I was born, they decided to kick the habit for good because they didn't want me growing up around cigarette smoke.

[306] My grandpa had a lot of trouble, so every time he wanted a cigarette, he'd eat a peppermint.

[307] Thus, he came to call them his cigarettes.

[308] My brother was a sweet baby angel who had no idea what a cigarette was.

[309] This convinced my mom that ghosts were real and that the ghost of my grandfather stuck around so he could see my baby brother.

[310] Isn't that crazy?

[311] You want cigarette?

[312] Yes.

[313] I'm not sure if I'm sold on ghost yet, but the idea that my grandparents are still around in some capacity brings a special warmness to my heart.

[314] So maybe I'd like it.

[315] I'd like to believe it just for that.

[316] That's insane.

[317] I know.

[318] So before I finish writing this, I just want to say thank you for all you do.

[319] I have ADHD and it's very hard for me to focus.

[320] So I'm usually listening to your podcasts to help me focus.

[321] I've become more confident in my abilities as a badass young woman.

[322] And I'm glad that you've created a space where people who are interested in true crime can feel so empowered and included.

[323] Yay.

[324] Stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[325] But if you do, maybe haunt your loved ones for a while and teach a toddler what a cigarette is.

[326] Definitely.

[327] And then it's just a little heart.

[328] No name.

[329] Oh.

[330] Yeah.

[331] That was great.

[332] Was that sweet?

[333] Yeah.

[334] But want cigarette.

[335] One.

[336] And the mom's like, gl chokes on the peppermint in her mouth.

[337] And then hands the baby a cigarette.

[338] It's like I need one too That was trippy Oh my God, what a good batch This was a real grandpa Happy week, I love it Love a grandpa story I have I had some good ones this week That I haven't used I'm excited to use next week Guys, this is what a show And you're the ones that make it possible Keep sending your hometowns to us At my favorite murder .com It's dot at gmail Backmash Backslash Backslash promo code That's murder 30.

[339] That's murder 30.

[340] Murder 30 to get 15 % off your own story that we take and read to you.

[341] That's right.

[342] Great job.

[343] And don't get murdered.

[344] Go bye.

[345] Elvis, do you want a cookie?