Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card V

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm Dan Shepard.

[5] I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

[6] Hi.

[7] We have our favorite prompt, Wildcard.

[8] Okay, sorry, this is reminding me of something.

[9] Does this ever happen to you where you're listening?

[10] This has happened multiple times to me. I'm listening to a podcast.

[11] Yeah.

[12] I fall asleep to it.

[13] Okay.

[14] And then I wake up to this.

[15] Oh, because ours auto starts.

[16] Yeah.

[17] And it's our voices.

[18] And it's so jarring to be woken up by your own voice.

[19] Yeah.

[20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[21] I think I wouldn't like it.

[22] What?

[23] Oh, my God.

[24] Okay.

[25] I don't think I could fall asleep to.

[26] a podcast.

[27] I'm so interested in the podcast.

[28] As I told you, I got the full works of Dostoevsky on Audible, 264 hours.

[29] Yeah.

[30] And I'm listening to Brothers Karamazov right now.

[31] Oh.

[32] And it puts me to sleep.

[33] There are so many Russian names.

[34] I'm like, I'm just struggling to keep up with who they're talking about.

[35] Yeah.

[36] And it's so exhausting.

[37] I wouldn't be ever be able to do audio book on something like that.

[38] Yeah.

[39] Well, certainly I read crime and punishment and it was easier to follow than, um, brothers karmazov on audible okay anyway anyways that's not what this prompt is this is the wild card which we love wild cards because we don't know what's coming our way it is a gruesome gruesome injury in this one we got some gross stuff this is a lot of gore that's what i'll say about this one this one's got a lot of blood and gore i don't think so okay yeah it's best you next week if you could skip The second one and then no other ones else.

[40] But don't, it's too much.

[41] You're liable to land on the wrong one.

[42] So just, we'll see you next week.

[43] All right.

[44] Before we go, I want to announce the Armchair Anonymous prompts for August, hot month, hot month.

[45] Hot, hot month.

[46] So we're coming at you with hot prompts.

[47] Tell us about a cooking disaster you've had.

[48] Oh, yeah.

[49] Let's hope it's fiery.

[50] Yes, I got a hunch.

[51] Some will include fire.

[52] Tell us about your worst parenting moment.

[53] And we're going back to the well on this one because the first one was so fucking good.

[54] Airplane stories, God, to fly is to gather stories, isn't it?

[55] It sure is.

[56] You see something almost every flight that turns your head because you're with 300 people in a tube.

[57] Also, flights are getting knock on wood crazier and crazier.

[58] Yeah, I felt grateful just to get home the other day.

[59] Yeah.

[60] And then lastly, tell us a crazy grocery store story.

[61] Something that happened to you at the grocery store.

[62] Store story.

[63] It could be a meat cue.

[64] It could be a weird thing at the deli.

[65] A murder.

[66] Hopefully someone's witnessed a murder at the grocery store.

[67] But it has to be there getting murdered, so it's their story.

[68] So you're a ghost.

[69] We don't want to shame any murderers.

[70] Yeah.

[71] We're absolutely against shaming.

[72] Anybody.

[73] Okay.

[74] So that was worst parenting moments, crazy grocery store stories, cooking disasters, and airplane stories.

[75] All times.

[76] Come and go Take them slow I had a more You gotta know I'm gonna keep I'm shining Hi Hi Gabriela Yeah you can call me Gabby I would love to call you Gabby I have a niece who's Gabby And she's wonderful Oh well that's good to know Did you live up to the nickname Are you Gabby?

[77] Yeah, it was written on all of my report cards Everyone's always like Your parents had a good job naming you Oh wow Are you a younger sibling?

[78] I'm the youngest of three Oh yeah yeah They get real gabby.

[79] The more iterations, I feel like the gabbiness goes up.

[80] I think so, too.

[81] But just because you always have people surrounding you.

[82] You're never alone.

[83] Yes.

[84] Where are you in the world?

[85] Currently, I am in the Bay Area.

[86] I'm outside of Oakland.

[87] So I'm like in the suburbs and Concord.

[88] And how long have you lived there?

[89] Since 2015, I moved here.

[90] I'm originally from New York.

[91] I grew up on Long Island.

[92] And how do you like the culture shift?

[93] That feels pretty dramatic.

[94] It is pretty dramatic.

[95] But honestly, I like it.

[96] I miss New York.

[97] Don't get me wrong.

[98] Nothing will ever compare to.

[99] to living in New York, but I really love the California work -life balance of the fact that I'm able to sit in and record a podcast at noon and just block out my calendar, no questions asked.

[100] Like, I told my manager, and she was like, cool.

[101] Have fun.

[102] Okay, so you're a wildcard story, which is so fun for Monica and I because we never know what's coming.

[103] So please set us up, time and place.

[104] So my story takes place in 2011.

[105] I am a junior in college, and I decide to study abroad.

[106] There's a lot of programs to pick from.

[107] I choose a semester at sea.

[108] It's pretty much what it sounds like.

[109] You circumnavigate the globe by ship.

[110] You study while you're at sea, and when you pour into do do quite literally anything you want to do.

[111] Oh, my gosh.

[112] As long as you are safe and back on the boat by the time you move on to the next country.

[113] And is the boat a dedicated education vessel?

[114] Are you like on a cruise ship?

[115] Everyone on the ship are either students, faculty and staff, or something they call lifelong learners.

[116] So, like, if you're not in college, you could choose to be on the ship, take college classes.

[117] Ooh, that's how fun, yeah.

[118] Let's do that.

[119] It's really fun.

[120] There was a lot of lifelong learners, and they brought their kids and homeschooled their kids on the ship.

[121] Oh, wow.

[122] And was it a nice boat?

[123] Yeah, it was like a carnival cruise.

[124] Oh, wow.

[125] Are there classrooms on the boat?

[126] They're classrooms, but they're just basically what would normally be like a ballroom or a private dining room.

[127] Where you'd see the magician show at night.

[128] Right.

[129] It's really hard to study on a rock.

[130] Like in between classes, you can go to the top deck and lay out.

[131] Oh, my God.

[132] Is there a lot of bed hopping?

[133] I would pray that there's like a ton of hooking up in this scenario.

[134] Oh, yeah.

[135] That's what college is in general, really.

[136] They don't like to brand that, but for sure, there is hooking up going on.

[137] Okay, wonderful.

[138] Where did it leave from?

[139] So it left from the Bahamas.

[140] We went to 13 countries, Bahamas, Dominica, Brazil, Ghana, South Africa, Mauritius, Singapore, Vietnam, China.

[141] We were supposed to go to Tokyo that year, but it was the year of the tsunamis.

[142] And so we were rerouted to Taiwan.

[143] And then back to Hawaii.

[144] And then we ported back in mainland, United States, and San Diego.

[145] My goodness.

[146] My story takes place in China.

[147] So we port in China.

[148] I choose to do a third party over an excursion with the friends that I've made on this boat.

[149] So it's not a sponsored semester at sea trip.

[150] It's through a local touring company.

[151] The whole gimmick is they do a day tour of Beijing, and then they take us to the Great Wall.

[152] We sleep in a watchtower, watch the sunrise on the Great Wall, and then next day we hike the Great Wall.

[153] So we arrive to the Great Wall.

[154] It's around 8 p .m. It's pitch black because we're in a remote area of the wall.

[155] So I don't know if either of you have been to the Great Wall of China, but there are a lot of areas that are restored and unrestored.

[156] We were in an unrestored section.

[157] The hike up was super treacherous.

[158] It was not like taking stairs up, and I'm very ill prepared.

[159] I'm wearing knockoff converse.

[160] All of the layers of clothing that I have my backpack I'm wearing because it's 30 degrees.

[161] Ooh.

[162] They hand us a sleeping bag, a yoga mat, and a little manual wind -up flashlight because it's so dark and it's kind of useless.

[163] Whatever.

[164] Vibes are high.

[165] Hike up to the watchtower.

[166] We make camp.

[167] We're sitting there.

[168] We're laughing.

[169] And this is where it's my story, but this is the last thing I remember of the night.

[170] Oh, oh.

[171] Wow.

[172] Nice foreshadowing.

[173] So I'm told by my friends that at some point in the night, we decide to walk over to another watchtower.

[174] I had to use a bathroom.

[175] So I was hoping to find a bathroom on the way.

[176] And there was more kids there.

[177] And I'm walking in front of my friend, Gina.

[178] And she said that I had met a girl that I had a class with on the ship.

[179] We were like formally introducing ourselves because we didn't really know each other.

[180] We're walking a few paces ahead of her.

[181] One second she sees us and the next we like disappear off the horizon.

[182] Are you walking along the wall?

[183] On the wall.

[184] Uh -oh.

[185] Because it was an unrestored portion, there were sections where they were just random stairs or where the wall had collapsed where they had been stairs.

[186] So at nowhere, 12 steps down, a landing, and then 12 steps up.

[187] We had fallen down a set of stairs.

[188] When they get to the bottom, they find Lily.

[189] She's severely injured.

[190] She keeps saying both of my legs are broken.

[191] They can see her kneecap through two pairs of sweatpants.

[192] Oh, God.

[193] And she's like, Gabby fell too.

[194] I don't know where she is.

[195] Oh, my God.

[196] And it's pitch black.

[197] And it's pitch black.

[198] Oh, my gosh.

[199] My friend Greg finds me. He says that I'm face down.

[200] I have like a circle of blood.

[201] Expanding around my head on the pavement.

[202] And when he moves my hair back to see my face, he's not sure if he's looking at the inside of my head or the outside of my head.

[203] Oh, my God.

[204] You could have written into near -death experience.

[205] This is.

[206] Maybe she did.

[207] Oh, sorry, you did.

[208] You could have written into wall attacks.

[209] Yeah, you really should have done that.

[210] So they start calling for help.

[211] Of course, the tour guides are nowhere to be found.

[212] They don't know where anyone is.

[213] And they start asking students, does anyone have medical experience?

[214] By luck of all luck, there is one student named Eric on the trip.

[215] He had some medical experience.

[216] I don't know if he was studying medicine or if he was an EMT, but he took charge.

[217] He instructed everyone to find something that could be used as a stretcher, A group of guys pulled a door off the great wall and put it next to me, carefully put me on the wall, and then a group of guys carried me off the wall.

[218] The same hike that we just did up, it took them about an hour to get down.

[219] Oh, my God.

[220] When they got to the bottom, magically, the tour owner had appeared, and he had called a van for us to go seek medical help.

[221] It was like a passenger van, and they put all the seats down, and they wedged the door in there.

[222] and the door was so big that they had to hold the door closed the whole duration of the ride.

[223] They got to the first local hospital.

[224] It was a rural hospital, so the doctor comes out, takes one look at me, and is like, I can't help this girl.

[225] Basically, she's a goner.

[226] You have to go to a major hospital.

[227] Then they continue on to Beijing, so that's another two and a half hours.

[228] Oh, my God.

[229] And really quick, generally an injury where you're bleeding a tonne, they'd put a tourniquet around it.

[230] We can't tournicate your neck.

[231] Like, did they tie anything around your head?

[232] No, I know that Eric, he, like, turnicated Lily, the other girl's legs.

[233] I don't think they could do anything for me. My friend Alex, who was riding with me, she reported to the doctors that I was seizing in the van.

[234] I was moving at that point and making some, like, guttural noises, so she was like, she's alive, but I don't know what state she's in.

[235] Oh, this is horrific.

[236] They get to the hospital, and the doctors are like, we can't see them until we have a credit card on file.

[237] Well, it is a little comforting to know that there is one worse medical system in the world than ours.

[238] I felt some pride in that we would have treated you.

[239] You would have gotten a bill, but we would have started.

[240] Alex had the wear with all to grab my backpack on the way down.

[241] She grabs my wallet and she pulls out my Hello Kitty debit card.

[242] And this is just like proof of my age.

[243] Like I'm 20 years old.

[244] I don't even own a credit card.

[245] Gives it to them.

[246] And then while she's in my backpack, she finds the international cell phone that I had.

[247] It was an old brick like Nokia cell phone that I'd put minutes on.

[248] So she calls my dad in New York.

[249] Oh my God.

[250] Hey, Mr. Gonzalez.

[251] I'm with your daughter, Gabby.

[252] She got into a really bad accident.

[253] She's in critical condition.

[254] They're going to put her on a respirator.

[255] operator.

[256] I have to get back because the boat's going to leave without me. One of you has to come here because somebody has to make decisions.

[257] Oh my God.

[258] And if he leaves the second he gets the phone call, he's still 20 hours away.

[259] Also, you need a visa to get into China.

[260] They also received a phone call after this.

[261] And they're talking to the administration.

[262] They've received a phone call from the U .S. ambassador being like, hey, the university called us.

[263] We know your daughter's an American in the country.

[264] Please do me a favor.

[265] Don't try to come here without a visa because if you come here without a visa, I won't be able to help you.

[266] So they have to spend the night in New York and wait until the next day when they have an appointment at the embassy to get a visa.

[267] The next morning, they go to Manhattan.

[268] They get a visa.

[269] My mom's on a flight at 2 p .m. And at that point, my parents made a decision.

[270] My dad would stay and my mom would go.

[271] My mom's in the medical field, so she knows medical jargon.

[272] And my dad really didn't want to be out of communication in case somebody called needing permission of some sort.

[273] So my mom went on a 22 -hour flight.

[274] Luckily, Semester C had required all of us to get travel medical insurance.

[275] So the medical insurance had facilitated a translator, pick my mom up at the airport.

[276] They go to the hospital and she's not allowed to see me until 2 p .m. the next day.

[277] What?

[278] This is now 48 hours since you fell off?

[279] Yeah, maybe three days.

[280] I don't really even know.

[281] And my mom is losing it.

[282] And she's like, I'm not leaving until you let me see her throwing a fit, pulling her New Yorker, Latino.

[283] Triple Whammy, American, Latina.

[284] Medical professional.

[285] Yeah.

[286] Finally, they let her in to see me, and she describes it as atrocious conditions.

[287] It's not like a United States hospital.

[288] Nurses there are there to help work the machinery, not necessarily help the patient.

[289] The visiting hours are for the family to come in and clean up the patient, change the sheets.

[290] So she finds me, and I'm not even on a bed.

[291] I'm on, like, a metal table with a sheet.

[292] I'm butt -ass naked.

[293] And my hair is matted because I have all of these fluids and blood and vomit.

[294] And I'm so bruised that she says she can't even see like the tattoo on my body.

[295] And it's traumatic.

[296] Yes.

[297] Maybe more for her.

[298] Yeah.

[299] And that's kind of the interesting part of my story.

[300] As much as it's my story, because all of this is not my recollection, I feel kind of imposter syndrome sharing it.

[301] I understand that this affected a lot more people than just me. My story really begins at the recovery.

[302] In China?

[303] They get you out of there?

[304] So I actually don't have any memories until I got back to New York.

[305] Oh, wow.

[306] I was in a coma for seven days.

[307] They transferred me to Hong Kong because it was a more Western hospital.

[308] I was in Hong Kong for two weeks.

[309] And then they transferred me back to New York.

[310] They transferred me back on a commercial flight and it was delayed because I'm a tall girl.

[311] I'm like 5 '8.

[312] When you wake up from a coma, it's not like a lifetime movie where you just wake up and you're like, oh my God, I'm so happy to see you.

[313] I woke up and I was quite literally like an infant again.

[314] picture like a terrible two -year -old in a 20 -year -old's body.

[315] I'm thrashing.

[316] I'm kicking.

[317] I'm biting.

[318] I don't know how to read, write, talk, drink from an open cup.

[319] I can't use the bathroom.

[320] I'm in a diaper.

[321] They had to special fly in a doctor from Thailand because there was no doctors in China that were tall enough to handle me. They wanted to know that there was a doctor that was bigger in stature that could actually handle my aggressive thrashing.

[322] Wow.

[323] When you got back to New York, you then check in, I presume, to another hospital?

[324] Yeah, so my whole family, too, is like in the medical field.

[325] I'm kind of the black sheep of the family that's not.

[326] My aunt works at a hospital on Long Island that coincidentally has one of the best brain injury units in the state.

[327] So I check in there.

[328] I have the reading level of a first grader.

[329] Again, I can't walk.

[330] I can't do anything.

[331] So I was admitted on April 20th.

[332] And I was discharged on May 5th.

[333] So I wasn't there that long, but I was in outpatient therapies.

[334] So I was in occupational therapy.

[335] physical therapy, speech therapy, neuropsychology, and that's where they re -trained me to be me. That was for the whole summer.

[336] And by September, I was back at school.

[337] Oh, my God.

[338] What were your injuries?

[339] Cognitively, I have no injuries.

[340] I fractured my wrist in the fall.

[341] They describe it as a left hemorrhagic stroke, or maybe it was a right.

[342] I'm not sure.

[343] Essentially, my head hit the floor and my brain rupture on the opposite side of my head.

[344] So my head hit the left side and the right So I'd ruptured.

[345] Whoa.

[346] And I had internal bleeding in my head.

[347] Because of the suspected seizure that my friend reported, I was put on seizure medication.

[348] I was on Kepra, Monica.

[349] Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[350] When I went back to school, I felt almost like numb to the world.

[351] But also, you have to understand, I had no cognitive deficits.

[352] I could go back to college.

[353] But emotionally, I was like a teenager.

[354] I honestly attributed to my now husband and my roommate, Rachel, shout out to Rachel.

[355] She's the one that made me right in.

[356] Oh.

[357] Thank you, Rachel.

[358] They're the reason why I was able to stay in school because they held my hand through it.

[359] Rachel's like my mom, like, okay, Gabby, we're going to do laundry today.

[360] Let's take a shower tonight.

[361] It's been a few days since you washed your hair.

[362] Right.

[363] And that's because of the actual damage or just trauma.

[364] It's not like I wasn't capable of it.

[365] Emotionally, I was just immature.

[366] Yeah, maybe like the frontal lobe took a minute longer to come back fully online and think ahead and plan.

[367] And the Kepra really numbed.

[368] me out when I went off of the Kepra a year later is when I really started to see the deficits in my mental health.

[369] They leaned me off of it.

[370] And for the first time in like a year, all of these emotions came.

[371] I went through like the stages of grief.

[372] Like, holy shit, I just lost my semester abroad.

[373] I mean, I graduated on time, but I took a semester after I walked in graduation to like finish credits up.

[374] I thought that was a failure.

[375] That was just so hard on myself.

[376] I'm also a Virgo.

[377] We have a lot in common.

[378] Kepra and Virgo.

[379] Really, the hard part was after the fact.

[380] Oh, man, it's incredible that you're functioning and living on your own.

[381] It's like the craziest success.

[382] I mean, I cannot believe you were back at school.

[383] I can see it now in retrospect.

[384] I see the story through a different lens every year that I get past it.

[385] I celebrate the day of my accident.

[386] I call it my death day.

[387] Like, I didn't clinically die.

[388] My heart never stopped.

[389] But I do feel like a part of me died that day.

[390] When I came back, I wasn't 21.

[391] I couldn't even drink on my 21st birthday.

[392] I was just very much aged and almost jaded.

[393] So it definitely changed the outcome of my life.

[394] I'm also a mother now.

[395] As soon as I became a mother, I saw my mom's story through a completely different lens.

[396] And my dad, too.

[397] Wow, that is quite a story.

[398] If you're a Scientologist, I think they would implore you to go back to the wall of China right where you fell to undo whatever the enneagram or whatever it's called.

[399] Do you ever want to go there?

[400] I don't really have a desire to go there.

[401] My mom is very much like a tough love.

[402] She's the one that pushed me to travel.

[403] She was like, you have to get back on the horse.

[404] This isn't going to stop you.

[405] Like, think of what you had to go through.

[406] So I have been to Machu Picchu.

[407] I have been to Thailand.

[408] I've traveled.

[409] I just really don't have a desire to go back to the Great Wall.

[410] Yeah.

[411] In researching this, I like went back to the Tours website and just seeing pictures of the wall.

[412] Like, I have PTSD.

[413] Of course.

[414] My throat was closing up.

[415] So many times, I was like, I don't think I can talk to them about this because I don't think I can get through it.

[416] The body really does keep the score.

[417] I don't remember it.

[418] But it does.

[419] Yeah.

[420] Something in me knows.

[421] Well, you did an awesome job telling it.

[422] It was a harrowing and insane.

[423] Yeah.

[424] It's really impressive.

[425] You're just walking.

[426] You're excited.

[427] We're going to go up here.

[428] I'm going to use the bathroom in the next tower.

[429] And then literally the floor falls out.

[430] Thank you for telling us that story.

[431] That was wild.

[432] Thank you for having me. Monica, I have to say, your episode.

[433] Instinct, where you read what you wrote, the Seas the Day.

[434] You have to write a book.

[435] Oh, thank you.

[436] Monica can write.

[437] You can write.

[438] And also, I relate so much to you, feeling other, feeling everything.

[439] Even down to the Kepra and you never go.

[440] Exactly.

[441] Great hair.

[442] You have to deal with having great hair.

[443] So do you.

[444] Perfect smiles.

[445] I don't know.

[446] I don't know how you guys get through it.

[447] Well, I really appreciate that.

[448] Thank you.

[449] All right.

[450] Well, great meeting you, Gabby.

[451] Great meeting you.

[452] Thank you.

[453] Thank you.

[454] Take care.

[455] I'm so nervous.

[456] Don't be nervous.

[457] Be excited.

[458] Okay, I'm not going to use my real name.

[459] Okay.

[460] What fake name do you want?

[461] So I'm at my best friend Nicole's house.

[462] I think I'm just going to use Nicole.

[463] Oh, great.

[464] So we'll use Nicole.

[465] I have little kids, three, a toddler, a baby.

[466] So I spent most of my energy trying to get to a place where I could have this conversation and not be interrupted.

[467] I didn't have much time to practice my story.

[468] Every time I set my timer, somebody interrupts me. I'm sorry you would even have any anxiety that you would feel.

[469] I would never think anyone would feel like they need to practice.

[470] Yeah.

[471] I don't want this to be like a test for anyone.

[472] I mean, I do like tests.

[473] Well, it's the 15 minutes or less.

[474] Oh, is that a stipulation we say?

[475] Well, I usually blow by that.

[476] It is smart.

[477] Well, we have to because there's been some, you know.

[478] Exactly.

[479] It's funny.

[480] I'm just nervous because I listen to this podcast all the time.

[481] And Aren't Your Anonymous is my favorite.

[482] version of armchair.

[483] And so I feel like I already know the drill, but now I'm doing it.

[484] Nicole, do you have a favorite story you've heard?

[485] Oh my gosh.

[486] I have almost peed at the gym laughing so hard.

[487] Us too.

[488] Well, the waiter.

[489] With the pus?

[490] Yes.

[491] Oh, oh, oh, so memorable.

[492] The pile of posse.

[493] Oh, actually, I know.

[494] The one that I listened to while I was at the gym was the girl who gave herself an orgasm.

[495] I was like, oh my gosh, I know exactly what equipment she's talking about.

[496] I know exactly this situation.

[497] Oh, yeah.

[498] So since, I've been listening to Armchair Anonymous, I have always said, oh, I have a story.

[499] And third times a charm.

[500] I'm glad you keep at it.

[501] Me too.

[502] Because I think some people would think that their story wasn't good, but there's a lot of submissions.

[503] Well, this last time, Emma did contact me, but I was in the Dominican Republic and I wasn't checking my email enough and I read it like hours before recording and I missed my chance.

[504] Oh.

[505] I was so upset.

[506] But I also didn't have a computer with me in the Dominican and I don't know where I would have ever recorded.

[507] So it worked out fine.

[508] I'm currently in Phoenix, Arizona.

[509] My story, however, takes place on a little island known as Cuba.

[510] So, quick background.

[511] By the time I went to Cuba, I had already traveled Latin America by myself.

[512] I had already lived in Costa Rica for a time.

[513] I had a relationship when I was young and changed my whole life to be with this boy.

[514] Thank goodness I didn't marry him.

[515] Then I did a revenge, South America trip when we broke up, like all the places I could have gone if I weren't wasting my time in Costa Rica with you.

[516] So I have been all over Latin America.

[517] I speak Spanish and Portuguese.

[518] I stayed in Brazil for a while.

[519] So I was back in Arizona teaching.

[520] And right when Trump won, the election, my aunt also has traveled, but never to Latin America.

[521] And she's never roughed it like me. So her and I had said, like, we'd love to go to Cuba one day.

[522] If Trump just won, we might miss our chance.

[523] So we kind of got in our heads, like, we have to go.

[524] The time is now.

[525] So I had a week off for spring break.

[526] This is our first time traveling together.

[527] I love her.

[528] we get along, but we've never lived very close to each other.

[529] So, you know, we both know we love traveling.

[530] We get along, but we've never spent this much time together.

[531] I will say, I also have a bad habit of meeting boys.

[532] Every country I travel, I fall in love for a short or long term.

[533] I don't know why that's a bad habit.

[534] My dad doesn't love it.

[535] Wow.

[536] My dad told me, this is not eat, pray love.

[537] Learn the language, do your thing, but please don't come back with a husband, which I did.

[538] I did come back from Brazil with a husband, and now we're divorced.

[539] Okay, wow.

[540] So when the time I went to Cuba, I promised my aunt.

[541] We have one week.

[542] I told her, no shenanigans.

[543] We're just going to have fun.

[544] We're just going to dance.

[545] We had like an Airbnb apartment in Havana.

[546] And I promised her I will not bring anyone back to the apartment.

[547] I'll be very respectful.

[548] So we had a tour guide who will call Ernesto.

[549] He was recommended to us from one of her friends who had already gone to Cuba.

[550] And she had said he's the best.

[551] And he was the best.

[552] So he picked us up at the airport.

[553] He was immediately like a family member.

[554] We just loved him.

[555] We spent every day with him.

[556] We got to know him really well.

[557] So one of the days he picked us up in a different car.

[558] And it was this amazing.

[559] Amazing, 1960 convertible Buick, bright red, picture perfect in Havana.

[560] This old American car, it's shiny.

[561] The driver, who I'll call Raphael, he was younger.

[562] He was kind of like my age at the time.

[563] They let me sit in the front.

[564] And we're kind of flirting, but I was like, don't worry.

[565] Told Ernesto, I won't fall in love, I promise.

[566] But we spend the whole day.

[567] He drives us around this cool car.

[568] We do a tour.

[569] I love to dance.

[570] He's like, oh, I could take you dancing.

[571] That's easy.

[572] So that night he took us, but my aunt and I were determined like we're not going to separate.

[573] My aunt is very, very cautious.

[574] She was nervous about me even going on this podcast and telling this story.

[575] Sure.

[576] Because this is not a story I can tell many people.

[577] She was like, is someone going to see your face?

[578] Are they going to know your name?

[579] Are you sure you should do this?

[580] What about your future career?

[581] So we went out dancing together.

[582] We had fun.

[583] She doesn't speak Spanish, but I do.

[584] So I'm translating and we're getting to know, Raphael.

[585] We have a great week.

[586] Every day we do something different.

[587] We do fun stuff.

[588] We're always on adventures.

[589] We have had already some funny hiccups.

[590] Fell for a scam.

[591] I bought fake cohabas in somebody's living room.

[592] So our last day, We have to say goodbye to our tour guide Ernesto.

[593] We cried, like we cried saying goodbye.

[594] I told him, I just want to go out one more time.

[595] Like, it's our last night.

[596] He said, call Raphael.

[597] So he took us out, but my aunt was over it.

[598] She's like, okay, it's getting late.

[599] We have to get up really early for the airport.

[600] But I was like, no, I don't want to sleep.

[601] Like, this is my last night in Cuba.

[602] I have to just live it up.

[603] So we agreed.

[604] She said, just take me home.

[605] You guys can go dancing.

[606] What could possibly happen in the next few hours before we go to the airport?

[607] It's fine.

[608] We know Raphael.

[609] We trust him.

[610] So I'm drinking Cuba Libre.

[611] were dancing and I told him one thing I discovered on this trip was I love cigars.

[612] I've never smoked in my whole life.

[613] I told him I want one more cigar.

[614] He's like, oh, don't worry, I got you.

[615] We step out.

[616] I don't know if he already had a cigar.

[617] We bought one.

[618] I don't remember.

[619] But he was like, I know the perfect place to smoke the cigar.

[620] And I'm like, okay, perfect.

[621] So we get back in his car and he drives us to this little beach.

[622] It's almost like at the end of a neighborhood.

[623] No boardwalk.

[624] He clearly knew where he was going and he knew this part of the beach.

[625] We're far enough from the street that, like, no one could really be near us.

[626] So we're in this parked, beautiful convertible in Havana.

[627] You're hammered.

[628] I mean, maybe.

[629] Not too hammered.

[630] Like, I can remember everything.

[631] He left the keys in the ignition.

[632] And so we're just having the car running, the music playing.

[633] You put his cell phone up on the dashboard.

[634] But then, of course, we start kissing.

[635] Yes, of course.

[636] He puts the convertible up to give us some privacy.

[637] We climb into the back.

[638] Then everything comes off.

[639] Sure.

[640] He's sitting, and I'm straddling him.

[641] You have to have this visual.

[642] everything's going and then out of the corner of my eye I kind of like see something real quick and I saw this arm come out like it was in the car and he pulled it back out and I was like oh my god I think there's somebody right there yeah yeah and he's like what so we're both like that's weird so I kind of like look out the window a little bit and in the darkness you can barely see the shadow of someone that was hunched over running away and of course Raphael is like yeah weird okay let's keep going yeah let's get back and I'm like I don't know are we sure no one else is out there.

[643] Like, were they videoing us?

[644] So then I look around and I'm like, our clothes.

[645] Uh -oh.

[646] Our wheels are spinning.

[647] Start freaking out.

[648] I'm like, okay, hold on a second.

[649] We climb in the front.

[650] There's my little sweater.

[651] Thank God.

[652] There is my little hand purse with my passport.

[653] Oh, my God.

[654] Thank goodness.

[655] He has the key in the ignition.

[656] His phone is on the dashboard.

[657] But his wallet was in his pants.

[658] And he's freaking out about that because he's like my ID has my home address on it.

[659] We're butt naked.

[660] He gets out of the car and I told you we're kind of at the end of a neighborhood.

[661] So in the distance, he sees a cop car driving.

[662] So he whistles and waves them down.

[663] And he doesn't have pants.

[664] They've been taken.

[665] He asked me to borrow my little sweater.

[666] So he's wrapped it around to him like Tarzan.

[667] But his butt is still exposed because he had to choose to cover the front or the back.

[668] And you are fully nude as well.

[669] Totally naked.

[670] I'm in fetal position in the front seat.

[671] Just hovering over, just covering myself.

[672] So the police officers, there's two of them that come over.

[673] They're just laughing.

[674] Of course, yeah.

[675] They're like, what were you thinking?

[676] Like this beach at one, two in the morning?

[677] What were you expecting?

[678] You know, like, duh.

[679] And they're looking at me. and then they're like, who is she?

[680] And I was like, oh my God, my aunt's going to kill me if I go to Cuban jail hours before our flight home.

[681] It's obvious that they're thinking that maybe he has a wife at home and they're wondering like, who is this girl?

[682] Why are you sneaking at the beach?

[683] They decided to start looking for the clothes.

[684] So they're walking around the beach.

[685] And I'm really upset about my blouse.

[686] That blouse was really special.

[687] I got it on sale at Forever 21 for like $7.

[688] And I had saved it for this trip and it was beautiful.

[689] It looks so cute.

[690] It was covered in sequence.

[691] It was so pretty.

[692] So the cops can't do anything.

[693] Can't find anything.

[694] Sorry, go home.

[695] We just start driving back to my Airbnb.

[696] As we're driving, I can't stop laughing because I'm like, how could he have gotten all of our clothes without us noticing?

[697] And he's not laughing at all.

[698] He's so angry.

[699] Well, if he does have a wife, he's got to come home naked.

[700] That's going to be a real tough explanation to your wife.

[701] Like, I had diarrhea.

[702] It got everywhere.

[703] Forgot about my wallet.

[704] I don't know.

[705] threw it away.

[706] So we pulled up to my Airbnb, and it's one of those apartments.

[707] A lot of Latin America is like this where the stairwell is all windows.

[708] And of course, it's lit.

[709] There's this door man. Whose job is to be security to the building.

[710] And he's sitting outside, just hanging out.

[711] And I know him now because I've been there all week.

[712] So Raphael calls him over to the window.

[713] He comes the window and he's like, can she borrow your jacket?

[714] We had a situation.

[715] We lost everything.

[716] And he's like, what do you mean you lost everything?

[717] And this guy's like asking more questions.

[718] What happened?

[719] What's wrong?

[720] And Raphael's like, can you not fucking see?

[721] We're both butt fucking naked.

[722] Give him your jacket.

[723] So then he kind of looks in the window more and I'm covering myself.

[724] And he just starts laughing.

[725] So he lets me borrow his jacket.

[726] I wrap up in his jacket, run upstairs.

[727] My aunt must have been waiting up for me. She comes out of her bedroom, kind of half asleep, like, hey, how was it?

[728] And I said, stop, don't move, don't ask me any questions.

[729] Go back to your room.

[730] I promise I'll explain it in a minute.

[731] I realize all we have is women's clothing.

[732] So I find a towel.

[733] I run back down, give him a towel to cover himself.

[734] I tell him, come on up.

[735] He calls his dad on the phone and says, I need you to bring me some clothes.

[736] Long story.

[737] I'll explain it later.

[738] Oh, my gosh.

[739] Then he's in my bed.

[740] We're waiting for the clothes.

[741] And he's like, well, while we're waiting.

[742] Sure.

[743] Yeah.

[744] Switching my mind back into freak mode.

[745] Yeah.

[746] And I'm like, what?

[747] No, not even a chance.

[748] Like, that is so far in the past.

[749] We are so done with that.

[750] So then his dad comes and I'm so embarrassed.

[751] I go downstairs, probably three in the morning.

[752] And this guy looks very angry, very confused.

[753] Take the bag of clothes.

[754] I brought it to him.

[755] So he got dressed and, you know, he's like, when can I see you again?

[756] Can we stay in touch?

[757] I'm like, honestly, I don't know.

[758] You just go.

[759] So he goes.

[760] I go back to my aunt.

[761] I eventually, can get the story out.

[762] I sleep for one hour.

[763] We get up.

[764] We have to go to the airport.

[765] We call Ernesto.

[766] I tell him the story.

[767] And he is like, I cannot believe this happened to you.

[768] I'm so sorry.

[769] We said goodbye.

[770] And I was in a day.

[771] The whole morning, the whole day, the airport, I could not stop thinking about it.

[772] I'm like, that blouse.

[773] I loved that blouse.

[774] Yeah.

[775] It was a hard one.

[776] That's a sad one.

[777] Yeah.

[778] Well, you think they're going to sell it?

[779] Oh, my gosh.

[780] What are they going to do with my clothes?

[781] And my aunt finally said, enough.

[782] You have to shut up about the blouse.

[783] Listen, you're lucky that you're not dead or in jail.

[784] And that was it.

[785] We just split ways, said goodbye.

[786] I went back to my state.

[787] She went back to hers.

[788] Is she willing to travel with you again?

[789] Or did that put a bad taste in her mouth?

[790] Because you did break rule number one.

[791] You're not bringing a guy back.

[792] Yeah, you did indeed.

[793] Exactly.

[794] She turns out to be more forgiving than I realized.

[795] But no, we totally would do it again.

[796] Now I'm married with three kids and we left.

[797] It was like another lifetime ago.

[798] You aren't you glad you did it?

[799] Oh, yes.

[800] I have a crazy story from every country that I've been to.

[801] But I did come home and I was on the hunt.

[802] For the blouse?

[803] Yeah.

[804] Forever 21 didn't have the sale anymore.

[805] So I ended up finding it online and I paid four times the amount.

[806] Oh, there it is.

[807] It's very cute.

[808] Yeah, no wonder.

[809] And it's kind of see -through.

[810] Yeah.

[811] It's really cute.

[812] It's like just see -through enough.

[813] I get it.

[814] Nice little sequence.

[815] It like showed my little belly I had back then.

[816] It's so beautiful.

[817] Raphael reached out to me quite a bit and I was like, Raphael, I'm not going back to Cuba anytime soon.

[818] Yeah.

[819] Oh, he's love sick.

[820] He is.

[821] You're the one that got away.

[822] I mean, he never did finish.

[823] Oh, he has blue balls still.

[824] He still hasn't finished all these years later.

[825] That's kind of a cool trick.

[826] Getting people on the hook.

[827] That's the move, yeah.

[828] Well, Nicole, this was great.

[829] Yeah, I want to go to Cuba.

[830] Thank you guys so much.

[831] This is so exciting.

[832] We'll be well.

[833] We've all been there.

[834] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[835] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[836] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[837] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[838] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[839] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[840] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[841] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[842] What's up, guys?

[843] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[844] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[845] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[846] And I don't mean just friends.

[847] I mean the likes of Ames.

[848] me Polar, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[849] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[850] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[851] Wait, I do want to say, this is really important.

[852] I guess I'll say it later.

[853] Oh, fuck, you're going to forget.

[854] I know.

[855] I already forgot.

[856] Whisper it really quickly.

[857] Give me one word.

[858] Nope.

[859] Hi.

[860] Hi.

[861] Is this Jaden?

[862] This is Jaden.

[863] Have you met a lot of other Jadens in your travels?

[864] Not many, but they all spell it differently.

[865] Oh.

[866] Yeah, I've not seen it spelled the way you're spelling it.

[867] There's usually a Y in the mix, isn't there?

[868] Yeah, or J -Y -D -E -N or just J -A -D -E -N.

[869] My mom was ahead of the game, I guess.

[870] Yeah, very unique.

[871] I think it's a generational thing, right?

[872] Like, I think it's a semi -common name now, and I had never met a Jaden.

[873] Yeah, I've heard it for sure.

[874] Well, Jaden Smith, right?

[875] I've heard it other than that.

[876] Me too.

[877] It's so good to see you guys.

[878] Hey, too.

[879] You do.

[880] Where are you at, Jaden?

[881] I'm currently in Charlestown, Rhode Island.

[882] I'm not from around here.

[883] I'm just here for work.

[884] Oh, okay.

[885] Where are you from?

[886] I'm from St. George, Utah.

[887] Oh, my God.

[888] I was just there.

[889] I was driving from Idaho home.

[890] And I, in fact, camped in Cedar City, I don't know, 40 miles north of St. George a week ago.

[891] That's where my story takes place.

[892] Oh, my Lord.

[893] Right at that exact spot?

[894] This is a crazy dingles.

[895] At the Chipotle I ate at, that was very substandard?

[896] Or?

[897] Don't say that.

[898] You know, that would be exciting.

[899] But no, it happens.

[900] in the mountain of Cedar City.

[901] Oh my gosh.

[902] Okay, please.

[903] Tell us the year and everything that happened.

[904] Okay, so it was summer of 2022.

[905] So my family has a cabin up there on Cedar Mountain.

[906] And it's not like a cabin community.

[907] It's this very isolated.

[908] It's like 30 minutes up the mountain.

[909] My grandpa has a cabin up there and his siblings all have camas up there, but they're all very like spread out.

[910] So I plan a little trip with some friends to go up there.

[911] My friend Alexa and I drove up, and then we invited my friend Kimmy and Hunter to come.

[912] And Alex and I got up there first, so we were just kind of having a nice night to ourselves and singing some show tunes and having a good time.

[913] Kivie and Hunter came later that evening, and we decided to go play some games upstairs.

[914] So the way that my cabin is laid out, it's very symmetrical.

[915] You walk in straight into like a living room area, but my cabin sits on a hill.

[916] So as you walk in, there's huge windows that just kind of stack up that overlooks the entire side of the mountain.

[917] It's really, really beautiful.

[918] And then upstairs, we have like a little game room loft area that overlooks the living room below.

[919] So we're playing games upstairs.

[920] The game room table is like tucked up against the banister.

[921] We're playing Farkel.

[922] If he has ever played Farkel?

[923] Yeah, I have.

[924] Yeah, there's a like dome and some dice.

[925] The Hansons were super into Farkel, right?

[926] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[927] So we were playing Farkel, and it was kind of funny.

[928] Through this whole time, we were probably playing for like two hours.

[929] We kept saying, we should watch a scary movie tonight.

[930] Like, what scary movie should we watch tonight?

[931] Are we drinking or we're not drinking?

[932] This seems like a big question mark for me. We're not drinking.

[933] We're all pretty sober.

[934] Okay.

[935] So we're playing, and out of nowhere, we're just in the middle of a game, we hear just this knocking.

[936] At the back window, not all.

[937] On the front door or anything, we just are hearing like these knocks on the window downstairs.

[938] And we all just kind of like freeze and like are clocking in with each other.

[939] And then everyone starts asking me questions or just like, who's that?

[940] Who's coming up?

[941] Like, is anyone else coming?

[942] Like what's going on?

[943] And I was like, no. No one else is coming.

[944] It's also like midnight in the mountain, like in the middle of nowhere.

[945] And my grandparents' cabin is not occupied.

[946] My uncle has a cabin next to his that he may or may not have been at.

[947] But again, it's really, really late.

[948] We all just kind of try to calm down.

[949] and then we hear more knocks.

[950] And then Hunter and I were sitting closest to the banister.

[951] And Hunter peeks over and then just like jerks his head back really, really quick.

[952] And it's just like sheet white.

[953] Oh, boy.

[954] And he just says there's someone down there in a mask.

[955] Oh, my goodness.

[956] In a mask.

[957] In a mask.

[958] That's really bad and scary.

[959] Terrifying.

[960] I mean, my first thought is prank.

[961] There's a fifth person that feels like.

[962] Excluded and they decided this is legit we're talking about getting some knives out of the kitchen serious serious killers were masks yeah yeah yeah that was my thought and all of our hearts like dropped into our butt holes yeah my first thought was like I feel like I'm in the strangers have you seen that movie no I'm never seen um live Tyler yes yeah what happens I didn't see it and Scott Speedman it's like Charles Mansonie oh oh okay mansony hi Rob I love when he chimes in Yeah So in that movie There's like two people Who are like camping in a cabin They just get married And then people just start harassing them And they wear these like really scary doll masks And it's like terrifying And I think that movie feels so real Because it could be like a real scenario And so anyway That's where my first thought went And then I immediately was just like This is not how I go So he says that And we all just kind of collectively stand up And we shuffle over to the room that's like adjacent to where we are.

[963] So there's the game room.

[964] And then in the corner, there's like a movie room.

[965] And then next to that is a bedroom.

[966] So we just shuffle over to the bedroom in the bedroom.

[967] And on the opposite end of the cabin, the other bedroom, they have a walkout porch.

[968] And we just, the year before, extended them and connected the two.

[969] And then my dad had just installed a spiral staircase on the side of the cabin.

[970] So now my mind has gone from like, my life is over to like, okay, where are all the entry points.

[971] He just added this.

[972] So like basically the whole cabin is accessible.

[973] All the windows are open.

[974] All the lights are on.

[975] They can see everything.

[976] They have every advantage right now.

[977] And I'm just like, where do we go?

[978] What do we do?

[979] I have come from a family of Hunter.

[980] So I know my dad has guns downstairs with his bedroom's downstairs.

[981] I don't think I can get down there without being seen.

[982] I don't know what this person has.

[983] I don't know what I'm up against.

[984] I love how methodically you're thinking through all this, though.

[985] I feel like you're a good man for the job.

[986] So far.

[987] I guess so.

[988] At first I was like, I'm going to die.

[989] And then it was just like, okay, we got to like figure this out because this is not how I die.

[990] So upstairs as well, we had just built an additional loft.

[991] This is quite a cabin.

[992] I know.

[993] It's becoming like Snoopy's dog house where it's like as impossibly big inside.

[994] And then we also had a game bridge.

[995] There was a pool upstairs on the next level.

[996] And then the trampoline was next to the theater room.

[997] It's like 13 stories tall cabin.

[998] I wish it was that allowed.

[999] The loft is very small.

[1000] It's just big enough to fit a bed.

[1001] So we pull the ladder down.

[1002] I'm just like, okay, Alexa and Kimmy, like you guys get up there.

[1003] There, there's not as great of a vantage point for whoever this person is.

[1004] And we can just shut a few of us up there.

[1005] So then I climb up there.

[1006] Hunter's grabbing whatever he can find on hand.

[1007] He grabs like a piece of trim that's just like lying around.

[1008] And then I'm like, Hunter, do you want to come up here?

[1009] Or do you want me to shut you in?

[1010] And then you scale the banister.

[1011] Like, what do you want to do?

[1012] He's like, I'll come up there.

[1013] I was like, okay, I run.

[1014] back into the bedroom because there's a propane tank in there.

[1015] And I go and I haul this propane tank up there because this is the hardest and heaviest thing that we've got right now.

[1016] So if they try to climb up, then I'll just crack their skull.

[1017] I don't know.

[1018] Oh, I totally skip something that's really, really crucial.

[1019] I just skipped over all this.

[1020] And when we shuffled at the bedroom, I tried calling my dad first.

[1021] Okay.

[1022] He didn't answer because obviously it was late at night and he goes to bed early.

[1023] So we just called 911.

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] Yeah, great.

[1026] So I was on the phone with the dispatcher this whole time.

[1027] We're obviously in the middle of nowhere.

[1028] And so Hunter pulls up Google Maps and he's like feeding me like coordinates.

[1029] And I'm like, we're at, you know, 35 degrees west, you know, whatever.

[1030] Now you're like a naval person.

[1031] So this is all happening.

[1032] And then all the shuffling starts happening.

[1033] And I get the girls up there.

[1034] I get Hunter up there.

[1035] I shut the ladder.

[1036] And then the loft sits right above where the staircases.

[1037] And there's like a little banister.

[1038] and I was going to hop up onto that and then just scale up into the loft.

[1039] So we were all locked up there.

[1040] While doing all of that and still on the phone with the dispatcher, Alexa gets a phone call.

[1041] And then she starts screaming at me and she's like, is it Nate?

[1042] And I was like, I don't know.

[1043] I pulled the phone away from my ear and I opened my text messages and I put the dispatcher on speaker phone just ahead and see.

[1044] And our friend Nate had texted Alexa and I in a little group.

[1045] And all it says is, guys, I think I took it too far.

[1046] Oh, no. Nate didn't know that only serious killers wear masks.

[1047] He thought pranksters wore masks.

[1048] I guess.

[1049] I don't know.

[1050] So we're still streaming at each other, though, because we're trying to confirm that it's for sure.

[1051] Nate, we get brave enough to go downstairs and open the door.

[1052] And sure enough, Nate is there with his wife.

[1053] And a mask.

[1054] He's like, hon, stay in the car.

[1055] I just have this quick prank I want to.

[1056] Oh, my God.

[1057] Nate.

[1058] This is why I hate.

[1059] Franks.

[1060] Well, I'm going to go even darker.

[1061] So he's there this wide.

[1062] Exactly.

[1063] I'm remembering, I think I've already told on here before, but I joined this group of people out at Joshua Tree, a big group went hiking.

[1064] Then we're all hanging out on mushrooms.

[1065] And all of a sudden, they come running out of the desert.

[1066] And they are freaked the fuck out.

[1067] And they're saying we're being chased by a gorilla or a Sasquatch.

[1068] And we're like, what the fuck?

[1069] There's no such thing.

[1070] We all stay on this rock together.

[1071] And sure not, you see coming across the desert an enormous seven foot tall gorilla and i'm going this is impossible i know about animals holy shit no this is happening and what i was thinking after all this so obviously cut to someone in the group had brought a full on gorilla costume got out ahead of them on their hike just to do this whole thing and i was like they don't know me i could have had a gun with me i would have definitely started shooting at this thing everyone was scattered and ran to their tents at the last minute, and if you would have gotten downstairs in time and got a gun out, we don't know.

[1072] Like, these prank, people got to think these pranks through and there's guns in the mix.

[1073] Having talked to him, I think he had a Diet Coke in hand or Dr. Pepper, but Hunter doesn't know Nate.

[1074] Oh.

[1075] And he's the one that clocked him.

[1076] And when Hunter just, like, looked at us and was like, there's someone down there in a mask, I was not going to look.

[1077] Of course.

[1078] I don't want to see that.

[1079] So I didn't even like second guess.

[1080] So they drove up with his wife and then their two kids were in the back.

[1081] Oh, Nate.

[1082] This is a grown man with children.

[1083] If your dad died because of a prank, it would be so embarrassing.

[1084] He had a Dr. Pepper.

[1085] That was the big sight gag.

[1086] Oh, my God.

[1087] You guys, these two people are like the most angelic humans that you will ever meet.

[1088] Yeah, I probably would love both of them in their children.

[1089] It's like if Amy did this.

[1090] You could see Ryan doing this.

[1091] Yeah.

[1092] They are so sweet.

[1093] And so when we compared stories, they had driven up.

[1094] And we didn't hear the car, which we typically do.

[1095] They were like, the music was blasting.

[1096] The kids are asleep in the backseat.

[1097] Mallory standing on the porch with like veggie trays.

[1098] And we're upstairs just fighting for our lives.

[1099] Oh, this is hilarious.

[1100] Oh, Jaden.

[1101] I know.

[1102] Well, it's good to find out how you are in those situations, even if they're fake.

[1103] It sounds like you did pretty good.

[1104] You did do good.

[1105] Yeah, you got everyone safe -ish.

[1106] You talked to the dispatcher.

[1107] Were you so embarrassed when you had to tell 911, like...

[1108] Actually, don't worry.

[1109] It's just Nate and Dr. Pepper.

[1110] I don't think I was embarrassed.

[1111] We were just relieved because where your mind goes is just so dark.

[1112] Alexa, she's got a kid and she was like, my mind just went to like, I have to beg for my life because I have a child.

[1113] Oh.

[1114] Nate, poor Nate.

[1115] Nate really fucked up.

[1116] But if Nate really wanted it to be good, he would have bought like a burner phone and then called and then, you know, the calls.

[1117] is coming from inside the house.

[1118] Sure, sure.

[1119] They would have ended up just killing themselves and panic somehow.

[1120] They would have fallen, like, they would have been scampering to get higher in this crazy house, his doctor's house.

[1121] Oh, my God.

[1122] And people would have fallen from great heights.

[1123] It turns out he was wearing a Freddie Kruger mask on top of it.

[1124] Oh, that's a scary one.

[1125] It was pretty freaky.

[1126] So luckily we're all okay.

[1127] Everyone's good.

[1128] Good, good.

[1129] We're still friends.

[1130] Yeah, and everyone survived.

[1131] Well, Jaden, thank you.

[1132] Yeah, that was a cute story.

[1133] You guys sound so innocent up there playing frockle.

[1134] Farkel.

[1135] I just wanted to shout out my friends that put me on your podcast who have been listening from the beginning, Jenny and Chelsea.

[1136] They were beside themselves when I told them I was going to go on.

[1137] Oh, shout out.

[1138] Thank you, Jenny and Chelsea.

[1139] Oh, they're going to love that.

[1140] And then I have to shout out my friend, Ellie Mae, so I'm an actor.

[1141] I knew.

[1142] You didn't have to tell me. Show tunes.

[1143] There was a lot of context.

[1144] I was dropping some hints.

[1145] I had a show last night, and I randomly told one of the girls in the cast, and she's obsessed with you guys.

[1146] And she was pacing last night after I told her.

[1147] So shout out to Ellie Mae as well.

[1148] Thank you, Ellie Mae.

[1149] Thank you, Ellie Mae.

[1150] Thank you, Jenny and Chelsea.

[1151] Good job.

[1152] And fuck you, Nate.

[1153] And also, we forgive you.

[1154] And Mallory and the children.

[1155] I don't know why you signed off on this.

[1156] Oh, no, they're the best people.

[1157] And just from a personal standpoint, I just wanted to thank you guys.

[1158] I very recently got out of like a very toxic and unhealthy relationship with probably a narcissist.

[1159] I've gone back and I listened to a couple of your podcasts.

[1160] The one with Goldie Haan, there's something about her talking about it.

[1161] Did you hear our narcissist expert?

[1162] Yes.

[1163] I've also relistened to that one quite a few times.

[1164] Recovery for those is a bitch.

[1165] It's not a joke.

[1166] So whenever I'm really doubting, I honestly just go back.

[1167] can listen to those.

[1168] So thank you.

[1169] Oh, wonderful.

[1170] I'm so glad.

[1171] Yeah, I'm glad those are there for you to listen to.

[1172] All right.

[1173] Well, Jane, it's been a pleasure meeting you.

[1174] Yeah, good luck with everything.

[1175] Thank you so much.

[1176] You too.

[1177] Take care.

[1178] All right.

[1179] Bye.

[1180] Bye.

[1181] I loved that story.

[1182] Even during it.

[1183] That's something that could happen to you.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] And during it, I kind of thought, this is kind of fun.

[1186] Yeah, of course.

[1187] It's a sleepover at a cabin.

[1188] And then he's scary.

[1189] The cabin's its own story, though.

[1190] That was kind of, I'm so glad you two were like, How many, wait, how many floors is, how many lofts can there be in one structure?

[1191] Yeah, pretty fun.

[1192] I don't want to see the place now.

[1193] I was right there.

[1194] I was sleeping behind the best Western.

[1195] You could have worn a mask and broke in.

[1196] Shout out to Cedar City.

[1197] I went to a really fun place.

[1198] It looked like an old movie theater is converted into a brownie shop.

[1199] Brownie and ice cream.

[1200] We walked there and had brownies and ice cream.

[1201] They had a gluten -free brownie that was to die for.

[1202] Yum. I appreciated it.

[1203] I want it right now.

[1204] Let's talk to Jacob.

[1205] See if he's got it for you.

[1206] Hello, how's it going?

[1207] Good hi, Jacob.

[1208] So sorry, we're late.

[1209] Oh, that's okay.

[1210] But we're here.

[1211] Thanks for your patience.

[1212] Where are you at other than your closet?

[1213] I am in Anaheim, California.

[1214] Oh, my God.

[1215] Do you have any affiliation with Disney?

[1216] I did.

[1217] So I worked there for about five years, and then COVID happened.

[1218] I was placed on a leave.

[1219] And then when they offered me my role back, I just wasn't able to take it.

[1220] Is it because you left?

[1221] Because I imagine working there is kind of like my experience at the groundlings, where it's like it's your entire worldview and you're spending so much time there that you forget there's a world outside of it.

[1222] Is that kind of what happened?

[1223] Yeah, it's kind of like a niche group.

[1224] If you're in it, you're in it.

[1225] It's not a bad thing per se, but your view of the world is kind of shifted.

[1226] You think that's the only thing, but there's a whole big, beautiful world out there.

[1227] And what were you doing at the park?

[1228] Because I could see you as a guide for sure.

[1229] Yeah, so I worked in entertainment.

[1230] So I did shows and all sorts of entertainment.

[1231] I like to kind of keep it a secret to keep the magic still alive.

[1232] Okay, great.

[1233] You were Mickey Mouse.

[1234] I got it.

[1235] Maybe many.

[1236] Who knows?

[1237] Okay, great.

[1238] So this is a wild card story.

[1239] So, Jacob, we have no clue what's coming our way.

[1240] So give us some context in a year and walk us through it.

[1241] So it was Friday, December 9th, 2011.

[1242] And I was, so I'm 30 now.

[1243] What is that?

[1244] Uh -oh, fast math.

[1245] You were 19.

[1246] Super close.

[1247] I was 17.

[1248] Oh, shit.

[1249] I fucked up.

[1250] Rob, cut that out.

[1251] And then I say you're retake.

[1252] Retake.

[1253] How old?

[1254] 30, 30, I should receive 17.

[1255] Oh, super good, super good.

[1256] Yeah, so I was a senior in high school.

[1257] I'm working at a Christmas tree lot.

[1258] I throw trees around.

[1259] I give them fresh cuts.

[1260] People are happy to be there, and it's great.

[1261] This is my second year working there.

[1262] My brother worked there as well, and actually, this is the company, it's the tree kings.

[1263] They're super, super great.

[1264] They're also armed cherries, too, and they're up in Oregon.

[1265] So anyway, it's a busy Friday night.

[1266] It's the first big weekend.

[1267] I had just started swing dancing, and it was a true passion of mine, and it was just so much fun.

[1268] And I was going to go out dancing after my show.

[1269] shift.

[1270] And it was about 7 o 'clock and my boss was like, hey, would you mind staying 30 minutes?

[1271] And I'm like, no big deal.

[1272] I'm here.

[1273] I might as well make money.

[1274] Pretty much right after that, the boss says, hey, you know, could you go get a permanent stand?

[1275] And that's just a metal rebar stand.

[1276] You have to drill a hole into the tree and then you hammer that sucker in.

[1277] It's reinforced.

[1278] And so it's super strong.

[1279] And I say, yeah, absolutely.

[1280] And me being 17 years old and not spatially aware, I'm like running and dodging and missing the chainsaws and like dodging people.

[1281] And in the parking lot of the Sears, there's an island and a palm tree.

[1282] It's like a curbs.

[1283] That way cars will butt up against it.

[1284] That's an obstacle.

[1285] So what do I think?

[1286] I'm going to jump over it.

[1287] I'm in the zone.

[1288] Adrenaline's rushing.

[1289] And I go and I jump over it.

[1290] And I look where I'm about to land.

[1291] And there's a Christmas tree spike straight up.

[1292] No. And I land directly on it.

[1293] And it pierces the bottom of my foot.

[1294] Oh.

[1295] Oh, no. So it's just an errant stand sitting in this little island.

[1296] Oh.

[1297] Like a ponji pit for catching a tiger.

[1298] I become a human Christmas tree for a moment.

[1299] It happened so fast.

[1300] I didn't even feel it going.

[1301] So I stumble a little bit, and so I lift up my foot, and this Christmas tree spike is still attached to me. I grab it and I yank it out.

[1302] Oh, no. You pulled it out immediately.

[1303] And that's when the pain started.

[1304] It was so intense, and I pretty much just stumbled to the ground.

[1305] I ended up sitting on the curve.

[1306] I take off my shoe.

[1307] I'm just wearing, like, no -name skater shoes.

[1308] It just went through the bottom.

[1309] I look at my sock, and there's, like, a little hole in the sock, and I'm like, that's not normal.

[1310] And I peel off my sock, and I see this little line.

[1311] And I'm like, no, I'm okay.

[1312] But I'm going to squeeze it just to make sure.

[1313] And that's when blood just started flowing out.

[1314] It was just flowing and flowing.

[1315] My dad's taught me, if you get any sort of wound, raise it higher than your heart.

[1316] So I'm sitting there in the Christmas tree parking lot.

[1317] I clutch my foot.

[1318] I'm applying pressure, and I'm applying pressure, I have it close to my chest as high as I can get it.

[1319] Which is also really hard to do.

[1320] My pants got all bloody.

[1321] My shirt got all bloody.

[1322] And so thankfully, the boss, his name is Matt.

[1323] This guy was on it.

[1324] He came over.

[1325] He saw what happened.

[1326] He was in shock, but he was also in, like, action mode.

[1327] He's like, we got to call whoever.

[1328] Well, I have a brother and a sister and my two parents.

[1329] Nobody answered.

[1330] And so finally, I called my dad after the first round of calling.

[1331] And he picked up, there's been an emergency.

[1332] see, I got a tree spike in my foot, I need to go to the hospital.

[1333] He booked it.

[1334] He told me he blazed a trail, so, I mean, I can only imagine my father getting close to the three digits.

[1335] Pushing the Pacifica to its limits.

[1336] What was dad driving back then?

[1337] Chevy Cavalier.

[1338] Yeah, he's ringing its neck to get it there.

[1339] Yeah.

[1340] He finally gets there, and Matt was so good.

[1341] He was like, let me get you some water.

[1342] Let's just like remain calm and just controlling the situation.

[1343] And the irony here is that I'm bleeding out and people are there shopping for Christmas trees, right?

[1344] It's the happiest season, and here I am.

[1345] Young boy dying in the bargaining lot.

[1346] So thankfully, too, I was off to the side, so it wasn't like a big spectacle.

[1347] My dad gets there, and he comes over.

[1348] He's like, all right, we got to take you to the hospital.

[1349] Two guys lift me up, and they put me in the car.

[1350] The hospital was like a 30 -minute drive, and we got there in like 15 or 20 minutes.

[1351] So we get to the hospital, and he pulls up right by the emergency room.

[1352] And he says, hey, my son needs to be checked out.

[1353] He got a Christmas tree spike in his foot.

[1354] And they say, okay, we'll get to him.

[1355] We're in the car because I'm immobile.

[1356] I can't really move.

[1357] A couple minutes go by, which feels like forever.

[1358] He's frustrated.

[1359] He goes back and he says, dirty rebar Christmas tree spike in my son's foot.

[1360] So then they bring out a wheelchair.

[1361] They get me in and they put me in an emergency room.

[1362] What was interesting is that the supply closet was right next to me. We had lots of nurses coming in.

[1363] And each nurse every single time walked in and said, it smells like Christmas in here.

[1364] Oh, my God.

[1365] Really glass half full.

[1366] Spreading Christmas cheer.

[1367] Finally, the doc comes in and says, We have to clean out the wound.

[1368] We got to flush it out.

[1369] We got to make sure it's okay.

[1370] She opened up the wound, stuck some raw needles in there, and flushed it out, and it hurt so bad.

[1371] Did it go all the way through?

[1372] Are they putting water on the top and it's coming out the bottom or vice versa?

[1373] I sent pictures.

[1374] There's a Christmas tree spike.

[1375] You can see where the spike went in the foot.

[1376] And then it actually pressed on the top of my foot.

[1377] And you can see there's a little dark mark surrounded by red.

[1378] That's where it pushed on the bottom of the top layer of skin.

[1379] It really went on the top.

[1380] Just all the way through.

[1381] And kind of sideways, too, I'll add.

[1382] That's the thing.

[1383] Ew.

[1384] Oh, fuck.

[1385] Yeah.

[1386] People are like trying to imagine what the Christmas tree spike looks.

[1387] It's the most horrific medieval -looking metal.

[1388] I'm so sorry, Monica.

[1389] I'm so sorry.

[1390] Really coarsely fucking whittled.

[1391] Can we post a picture of the spike?

[1392] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[1393] Okay, great.

[1394] So, yeah, so then they stitch up the wound and they say, we'll see you in a couple days to take the stitches out.

[1395] And I go back home.

[1396] So that was Friday night.

[1397] Also, I was going to go dancing, and I was going to meet the girl that I fancied at the time.

[1398] And she's texting me like, where are you?

[1399] Why aren't you here?

[1400] And I'm like, I got a Christmas tree spiked in my foot.

[1401] Like, chill out.

[1402] So then Saturday comes and goes.

[1403] Family come and visit.

[1404] Everything's okay.

[1405] I'm high on pain meds because it's pretty intense.

[1406] Then Sunday comes.

[1407] And my dad, he's pretty medically inclined.

[1408] He's like, we're not going to church today.

[1409] We've got to take you back to the hospital.

[1410] I have no idea what's going on.

[1411] And he's like, I think it's infected.

[1412] Oh, no. And because it's stitched, it wasn't able to flush.

[1413] out all the way.

[1414] So there's redness going up my leg.

[1415] And so the big concern is how bad is this infection going to get?

[1416] So we drive back to the hospital.

[1417] They check me in.

[1418] And the nurse, sure enough, says, oh, yeah, we got to take those stitches out.

[1419] You're going to be in the hospital for a couple days.

[1420] So then I'm in the hospital Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

[1421] So I'm on their PEEDs unit.

[1422] The nurses are doing such a great job.

[1423] So huge shout out to nurses.

[1424] My girlfriend's a nurse.

[1425] And they just get everything thrown at them.

[1426] No, they're angels.

[1427] They deal with the most horrific stuff, the entire eight hours of their shift.

[1428] Except the ones in China we just learned, but that's a different thing.

[1429] That's a different prompt.

[1430] Yeah.

[1431] I don't remember exactly what day it was, but the doctor comes in and says, hey, so what we're going to have to do is we're going to have to open up the wound.

[1432] We're going to stick this sponge thing in.

[1433] It's about the size of a dime and about a centimeter in length.

[1434] And what that'll do is it'll keep the wound open so the fluids can like flush it out.

[1435] And I'm like, okay, that sounds fun.

[1436] But you're going to get some morphine, so that's exciting.

[1437] So they I just took some morphine in my IV, and I just remember so vividly, it just travels up my arm, and then as soon as it hits my shoulder, it just spreads so fast, and I'm high as a kite.

[1438] It works for a while, yeah.

[1439] So then my dad's right next to me, and he says, hey, like, squeeze my hand if you're feeling pain, and I'm like, okay, well, it didn't hit my foot in time.

[1440] The doctor rips open the wound and quickly sticks the sponge in there, and I squeezed my dad's hand so tight.

[1441] He was like, Jake, Jake, Jake!

[1442] Jake!

[1443] Like, he's screaming because I'm squeezing so hard, poor guy.

[1444] So that was pretty much the most painful part of staying in the hospital.

[1445] I got lots of visitors, lots of phone calls.

[1446] I got homework, too, which was a bummer.

[1447] I took a couple laps around the unit with crutches.

[1448] Did it put a damper on your 2011 Christmas?

[1449] I was out of the hospital by then.

[1450] But, yeah, I mean, I was definitely couch -ridden.

[1451] The following week, I go back to school.

[1452] I'm just crutching along.

[1453] I was in band.

[1454] I played drums, so I needed both my feet.

[1455] So that was kind of an interesting time.

[1456] But I was like, I still want to go.

[1457] go dancing, but not dance.

[1458] I'll just go and I'll socialize.

[1459] So I'm driving myself to and from a place in Irvine that I go dancing and then also Disneyland, because they used to do dancing on Saturdays.

[1460] Anyway, a month and a half goes by, I'm walking again.

[1461] In fact, the doctor had told me there's so many bones in your foot, there's two arteries, tendons, like everything.

[1462] It was an all soft tissue wound.

[1463] Wow, that's incredible.

[1464] It's the most amazing thing.

[1465] It's miracle.

[1466] It truly, truly is because it could have been catastrophically worse.

[1467] Yes.

[1468] Yeah.

[1469] This could definitely be an amputation situation.

[1470] Oh, 100%.

[1471] So then I'm at Disneyland, and the girl that I still fancy, she's like, hey, we're going to go ice skating.

[1472] I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll go.

[1473] We go to the local rink.

[1474] I'm a confident skater.

[1475] Like, I can skate forwards and backwards, and I can turn and stop.

[1476] Jacob, you're so active.

[1477] It's so adorable.

[1478] You're like, you're dancing, you're ice skating, you're drumming.

[1479] I'm all over the place.

[1480] Yeah.

[1481] It's freshly resurfaced ice.

[1482] So there's some puddles of water, no big deal.

[1483] I know it's going to be a little slippery.

[1484] So I'm out there.

[1485] and I turn around, and I'm skating backwards, trying to impress the girl, and the skate slips out from under me, and I just eat it.

[1486] And I land directly on my chin, and the last thing I remember is, I saw the side of the rink, and then lights out.

[1487] And so there I am, just unconscious on the ice.

[1488] Thankfully, the on -ice staff came over immediately.

[1489] Jesus, this girl is like, I can't date him.

[1490] He is very accident prom.

[1491] I don't like going to the hospital, and he seems to be there every other week.

[1492] I busted my chin so bad.

[1493] It split right open, and there's some blood on the ice.

[1494] Her parents called my parents.

[1495] They came and pick me up.

[1496] Your dad fires up the cavalier again, puts it in high gear.

[1497] Poor dad.

[1498] So then we go back to the hospital.

[1499] They stick me in the same room with the freaking...

[1500] Cabin.