77 - Live At The Keswick Theatre

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Cereal Audio Whenever's good for you.

[17] up there.

[18] There's nobody up there.

[19] Hey.

[20] What's up you guys?

[21] Wow.

[22] I was like, I think this is much bigger than it is.

[23] No. I'm still pretty big.

[24] Wow.

[25] What?

[26] That was a good scream.

[27] It hits me, you know, when you walk on and people are all screaming at you at one time.

[28] It's great.

[29] I started screaming, too, and it felt really good.

[30] You just heard.

[31] I started screaming, and nobody heard me. And it was like, great.

[32] And I was doing a fucking weird scream.

[33] Yeah.

[34] Do kind of a primal thing?

[35] right at the top of the show.

[36] I'm not nervous now.

[37] Yeah.

[38] This is the last show of this fucking tour.

[39] You guys.

[40] For one second, I almost went, is it really?

[41] So we're going to sacrifice one of you tonight.

[42] We decided it would be fun to end the tour with an actual murder.

[43] Yeah.

[44] Chosen at random, just like Shirley Jackson's lottery.

[45] So don't worry.

[46] Everyone has a stone.

[47] If you don't have a stone in your own hand, you're the person we're killing.

[48] We all throw the rocks at the person without a rock.

[49] It's such a good plan.

[50] It is.

[51] It's like you're kind of like a Shirley Jackson's lottery director in a way.

[52] Can we get, yeah, like for children?

[53] Do they ever have that in elementary schools?

[54] Killing children?

[55] That's what you'd like to do?

[56] Always.

[57] Did you?

[58] What kind of?

[59] What kind of shoes did you bring?

[60] Well, I brought these in more than the first night and then said, fuck that and wore, like, aerosol slip -ons the next night.

[61] And then I was like, this is the last show, I should probably dress up.

[62] And so I put fancy shoes on and fake eyelashes on.

[63] Yeah.

[64] Thank you, Georgia, for carrying the weight.

[65] And your dress.

[66] Oh, yeah.

[67] We checked this the other night.

[68] What is it called?

[69] Missy, miss. Sophisticated miss. Walk in that outfit.

[70] Isn't she a sophisticated miss?

[71] Get on up here, Karen Kilgariff, and show them your outfit.

[72] Flats.

[73] Thank you.

[74] Thank you so much.

[75] I brought high heels.

[76] I think I wore them the first night on Friday night.

[77] Then I was just like, I don't know.

[78] I like the slippers feel.

[79] Yeah.

[80] I don't, you know what I mean?

[81] Well, this sucks.

[82] No, I totally get it.

[83] Should I take, I'm taking these off now.

[84] Yeah.

[85] Whatever.

[86] You guys saw them.

[87] We're just like Alanis Morissette, all barefoot and fucking, we don't get it, jean.

[88] I'm here.

[89] Do it.

[90] Also, these shoes are my fanciest shoes, but they have, the bottoms, like, there's just a nail.

[91] It's just a nail.

[92] Like, the thing fell off years, probably decades ago.

[93] Probably.

[94] And I'm just like, well, they're tap shoes now.

[95] Clickety, click, click, click, click.

[96] You should have done a little something.

[97] Shouldn't...

[98] Oh, shit.

[99] That's the next tour.

[100] There's going to be a very large choreographed dance component on the next door.

[101] You think we're kidding.

[102] We're not kidding.

[103] We're going to do tear -away outfits, and I would personally like to do some sort of a...

[104] We are a part of the rhythm nation.

[105] Absolutely.

[106] Well, technically, any outfit is a tear -away outfit if you really put your heart into it.

[107] Yeah.

[108] So, yeah.

[109] End of the show.

[110] That's right.

[111] Tear all this shit away.

[112] Tear this shit off.

[113] I never want to.

[114] wear this dress again, by the way.

[115] It smells like three hotels.

[116] And, yeah, it's not working for me. What are your favorite memories from this tour again?

[117] Thank you for asking, Georgia.

[118] Could I get a spotlight over here, please?

[119] Just from this weekend, or the whole thing?

[120] No, no, no, the whole thing.

[121] You guys, it's been going on for a really long time.

[122] We started.

[123] February?

[124] We started in February.

[125] In Portland.

[126] No. Oakland.

[127] Oakland.

[128] Yes, Oakland.

[129] The Fox Theater in Oakland.

[130] Oh, we were so young and innocent then.

[131] I forgot my passport to go to Vancouver the next day.

[132] That's right.

[133] It started with some drama.

[134] Yeah.

[135] And it's been fucking rock and roll ever since.

[136] It really has.

[137] We have a short video of our highlights to show you.

[138] It's a montage, right?

[139] Directed by Wes Anderson.

[140] Everything's all centered up.

[141] I think I...

[142] Steven, play it!

[143] He's not here.

[144] But I would say this.

[145] My favorite memory probably would be, and you're going to have to tell me where it happened.

[146] Yeah, right.

[147] I'll remember.

[148] Indianapolis, I think.

[149] Okay.

[150] Maybe Milwaukee.

[151] The girl, there was a girl who, in the audience, threw up.

[152] Oh!

[153] And then crawled up the aisle out of the theater that is you're fucking giving them an idea that's how Karen will love me I mean yeah you gotta earn it if you want it I was like that is a girl who's doing an impression of me when I was 24 I fucking miss her last night we had a girl who ended up doing the hometown murder but she tweeted at us and was like I got I dated a murderer and we were like oh my gosh and she's like in fact I want to tell it so bad I'm going to wait to get blackout drunk until after the show.

[154] We're like, well, maybe we shouldn't pick her.

[155] Okay, she changes her mind.

[156] But then Karen fucking voodoo, just random picked a girl in the audience and it was her.

[157] It turned out to be her.

[158] Do you understand what that felt like to me?

[159] Yeah.

[160] The power that I now know I wield.

[161] It was super weird because I have to say I do, I like to do that kind of when you do the picking where you're just like, hmm, we'll see, we'll see, we'll see.

[162] But then there was just something where I was like, it's got to be this girl over here.

[163] But we already had somebody who had written something out that was amazing.

[164] So she came up and did it.

[165] And then we were like, we have time for one more.

[166] And then I was like, it's got to be you.

[167] And Georgia had already written that girl's name down off of Twitter, written it on a piece of paper in case we forgot.

[168] So the girl walks up.

[169] And I said, what's your name?

[170] And she was Amanda.

[171] And then Georgia just holds the paper up with her name on it.

[172] Like some fucking old -fashioned magic trick.

[173] Is this you?

[174] And she's like, what the fuck?

[175] What the fuck?

[176] Yeah.

[177] We were all creeped out.

[178] It was the best night.

[179] Let's do it again tonight, you guys.

[180] Oh, we will.

[181] Oh, we will.

[182] Don't you hate it when you do something insane and wonderful like that?

[183] Like when you turn to the right page, like the exact right page or like something crazy happens and coincidental, and your friend is like, that's cool.

[184] And you're like, no, you don't understand.

[185] I begged her from the audience.

[186] No, no, it's cool.

[187] Yeah.

[188] So I gave you your, what?

[189] I did the, because I was fucking new, man. You did it last night.

[190] You did it tonight.

[191] Yep.

[192] I thought you were going to say your favorite thing was when the girl fucking ran on stage.

[193] I don't like that.

[194] This is our domain.

[195] Let's not repeat that.

[196] It was kind of triggering.

[197] We've talked so much shit about her.

[198] I don't think anyone would want to.

[199] I know.

[200] I just like, ooh.

[201] No, we loved her.

[202] What are other things?

[203] I guess we went to Cracker Barrel.

[204] Mine's are always food.

[205] Is it?

[206] What did we eat?

[207] Backstage, we just had some great Chinese food.

[208] Crab Rangoon?

[209] It's always my favorite part.

[210] What kind of snacks do they have backstage?

[211] Crab Rangoon, we demand it.

[212] It's on our writer.

[213] That's on our writer.

[214] Vince knows.

[215] If you don't have that, we're not going on stage.

[216] That's why we're 10 minutes late, 20 minutes late.

[217] They had to go to Shrewsbury to get Crab Rangoon.

[218] Local jokes don't get local work?

[219] Okay.

[220] Fine.

[221] I guess this is our last show.

[222] This is why.

[223] Yep.

[224] We went antiquing.

[225] Is it not?

[226] called Shrewsbury?

[227] Am I doing saying it wrong?

[228] Yeah, that was right.

[229] I'm saying, yeah, that was right.

[230] That's what you said earlier.

[231] Yeah.

[232] I'm saying the same thing twice.

[233] Everyone here's like, we don't know what you're talking about.

[234] Uh, we did go antiquing.

[235] Yeah.

[236] Lost our minds.

[237] Georgia, this is my favorite.

[238] Georgia's like, I have to get these books.

[239] I want to get that mirror.

[240] And it's like all stuff you do not want to travel with.

[241] She's just like, what about this old anvil?

[242] Let's buy that.

[243] was like, I don't know.

[244] And I'm like, I'll make it fit.

[245] I will get it in there.

[246] I'll get it.

[247] And I did.

[248] I packed it today.

[249] I have a fucking shopping problem, like, for real.

[250] But it was so cheap.

[251] Like, four bucks for this, like, okay.

[252] I have a problem.

[253] You had to get it.

[254] But it's a fun problem.

[255] You had no choice.

[256] And then I do that like, this is so cute, but I don't need it.

[257] Who can I get this for?

[258] Oh, I have a friend who has it.

[259] Okay, I don't get it.

[260] Then you're antique shopping for a friend who doesn't probably want it.

[261] Yeah?

[262] Yeah.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Yeah, because the thing that made me laugh was she was buying it was a really beautiful antique baby dress, but also that's haunted, so why would you?

[265] Why would you?

[266] That's a very good point.

[267] Lauren's going to be like, thank you.

[268] My daughter is haunted now.

[269] Thanks for the possession, Georgia.

[270] She was never the same again after that.

[271] She just keep her head just keeps spinning around.

[272] Her voice got really deep.

[273] Yeah.

[274] So thanks for the $9 child's dress.

[275] Oh my God, it's so cute.

[276] Yeah.

[277] What else?

[278] You know, so many memories.

[279] So many great times.

[280] White Castle.

[281] We did.

[282] No, no more food.

[283] Not White Castle.

[284] Oh, fuck, we didn't find a White Castle.

[285] We never got to White Castle.

[286] Shit, I met Cracker Barrel.

[287] Yeah.

[288] I don't know.

[289] Which is amazing.

[290] It's just as good as you all said it would be.

[291] And then yesterday, Vince was like, I don't, I guess I don't want to go to the barbecue place that Georgia wants to go to.

[292] How about we go to Arby's?

[293] He's standing right over there.

[294] No, I'm like...

[295] Sorry.

[296] Oh, he's like, he's walking away?

[297] Where's it going?

[298] He's driving the rental car away?

[299] Now we have to take a train home.

[300] Fuck.

[301] I liked Arby's only because there was a picture and Vince actually, I think, put it on Instagram.

[302] Arby's now has a thing called the Meat Mountain.

[303] You guys know about this?

[304] This is real.

[305] People are wooing like they've had it.

[306] I know.

[307] I hope you have.

[308] The Meat Mountain is every Arby sandwich in just two pieces of bread.

[309] So it's just like turkey, roast beef, brisket, a fried chicken patty, this, this, ham, whatever.

[310] Pork belly.

[311] This, was it?

[312] Yeah.

[313] So there was a little, like, like a cardboard poster on.

[314] standing on the counter and as I was standing there looking to see what I was going to get I looked down I was like oh my god and there was a guy doing the exact same thing and he goes oh my god that scared me which is my favorite thing just a stranger and I just start laughed our asses off at Arby's insane like they're trying to kill us yeah they're trying to kill us heart attack mountain for real hey what happy mother's day to all the mothers day that's nice we've got a couple Oh, mommy.

[315] Oh, man, a pregnant chick let us touch her belly.

[316] That sounds creepy.

[317] What I'm trying to say is we were, after the show, we were taking some photos with people and, like, you know, you don't, I didn't say anything, but I was like, there's her, I'm going to let her mention that she's pregnant because I don't say that.

[318] She could have had just a small tumor.

[319] Yeah.

[320] And then she goes, well, can I pose with you guys touching my belly?

[321] And, like, all I ever want is to touch pregnant.

[322] Like, when I see something pregnant, I can't be like, sometimes like, can I touch your belly?

[323] I don't know why.

[324] It's, like, so sweet to me. And, like, finally, someone asked me to do it instead of me going, can I ask this weird?

[325] It's one of the benefits of fame.

[326] That and really great Coke.

[327] And when you combine them, oh, my God.

[328] Next level high.

[329] Have you guys ever tried getting high when you're pregnant?

[330] It is next level.

[331] All the mothers in the audience right now are like, I don't like this show.

[332] I don't like what they're saying, and I don't like what they stand for.

[333] No, they, they, I don't like what they stand for.

[334] They agree.

[335] You know, they're high as balls.

[336] My mom told me she was...

[337] She had a glass of whiskey and a Tylenol every night when she was pregnant with me. There I am now.

[338] Janet!

[339] I know.

[340] She's like, I was stressed.

[341] I had two other children.

[342] And then she dropped my brother.

[343] Yeah.

[344] It's as if that's such a great combination.

[345] Like in the 70s, everyone did Tylenol.

[346] I like the sound of that so much.

[347] My mom used to always be like, people make such a big deal about pregnant women smoking.

[348] I smoked with both of you.

[349] And I was like, yeah, I had really bad asthma and Laura's stupid.

[350] So, like, how about it's not a good idea?

[351] We love our moms.

[352] They did a great job.

[353] Wonderful families that we're both from.

[354] What?

[355] Wonderful family.

[356] Do we have to stand right next to each other?

[357] Sometimes we're in theater so big that we literally cannot hear each other speaking.

[358] on stage.

[359] It's super it's great for comedy.

[360] Do you think in Franklin, what's it called?

[361] It flunged everything in high school.

[362] You just called it Franklin?

[363] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[364] That was not for laughs.

[365] That's actually the rap opera about the one black kid from Peanats.

[366] Which is so good.

[367] You have to see it.

[368] This is why she's the stand -up.

[369] You ran with that one.

[370] I've been waiting to say that for nine years.

[371] You just file things away You take them and you file them away You wait That's great Yeah It's a waiting game I was gonna say Do you think that they say what To each other But that's not That was funnier So now I'm ending it on like a lower note Sometimes we call that a tag Oh a tag Okay So moms Thanks moms for shit But I bet they actually In Hamilton they do say what Did I just pull out A huge clump of my own hair?

[372] Yeah Oh my God I'm so stressed out How did that happen?

[373] She's shedding.

[374] Jesus Christ, I need to take vitamins.

[375] No more Arby's for me. She was on stage when the first symptom appeared.

[376] What if that happened?

[377] Everyone remembers it was ominous.

[378] Oh, my God.

[379] Oh, well.

[380] Yep.

[381] Back in.

[382] I'll bring you soup for whatever happens.

[383] Thank you.

[384] Thank you.

[385] much.

[386] Oh, we got wished Happy Mother's Day too many times today in like a, your mothering age.

[387] Yes.

[388] So congratulations and we're both like, fuck, no. This is me looking at my phone all day long, people saying that.

[389] Oh, like when they tweet things and stuff?

[390] Like, happy Mother's Day to my mom.

[391] To my mom.

[392] I'm not your fucking mom.

[393] Oh, about us?

[394] Wait, what?

[395] What are we talking about?

[396] I meant like strangers like at the hotel.

[397] Oh, that's right.

[398] And I was just like, we're not, thank you.

[399] I just said thank you, but you too.

[400] Yeah.

[401] I'm like, can't you see from my really thick black eyeliner that I'm no one's mother?

[402] Yeah.

[403] Maybe they thought Vince was our kid.

[404] Hair just falling.

[405] Hair falling out.

[406] I only called you mother because your hair is falling out in clumps.

[407] Good point.

[408] Good point.

[409] I posted a photo of my mom today.

[410] My friend texted me and was like, can I just fucking say I hate people who are like post photos of their mom and like, love you so much.

[411] for everything you've done to me, blah, blah.

[412] And she's like, they're not, their moms are never going to see it.

[413] They're doing it for everyone else.

[414] Yeah.

[415] And I literally just said, I posted mine so everyone could see how hot my mom was when she was young.

[416] And I just wrote, if it's not one thing, it's your mother, which my sister had done.

[417] And I was like, how fucking hot my mom is.

[418] And so am I. And then so am I, because she was hot.

[419] Yeah.

[420] So that's why I did it.

[421] But then later, you posted a picture of Ted Bundy and his mother, which I liked a lot.

[422] Happy Mother's Day.

[423] I was looking for an Ed Gein mom.

[424] There's no, they don't pose with each other.

[425] There was no Edgene.

[426] No, they weren't allowed to touch Ed and his mom.

[427] There's a lot of rules in that household.

[428] Yeah.

[429] About mother touching.

[430] The skin bodies, there's a photo of.

[431] What's that?

[432] There's a skin body's photo of that, but there's no mother and son.

[433] Right.

[434] Anyhow.

[435] Fire exits are on either side of the theater.

[436] Of course, straight back where you entered.

[437] Drink in this part.

[438] It's the last time we're going to do it for a while.

[439] I've had a lot of coffee, I just realized.

[440] And I'm talking like it.

[441] Yes.

[442] This is so sad.

[443] I know, but great.

[444] It's going to be super fun.

[445] Let's not be sad yet since they paid money to come to a show.

[446] You came to see us happy.

[447] Showface.

[448] Show face.

[449] Yeah, we're going to shine.

[450] Should we sit down?

[451] Yeah, let's have to sit down.

[452] Oh, look at these haunted seats.

[453] Haunted.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Ugh.

[456] Like a lady.

[457] Um, here's your, sweat towel.

[458] Oh, thank you.

[459] I'm like dabbing sweat and then just like, pulling hair.

[460] It's not hot in here, Karen.

[461] Are you okay?

[462] Nope.

[463] I just, I went on vacation to chair, So.

[464] Do you know I would totally go, I like want to go there?

[465] No. You can't.

[466] Yes, you can for like a limited amount of time.

[467] They like time it.

[468] I'm not fucking getting.

[469] They say time it.

[470] Like they give you a tour, but it's like, we're going to dip in for seven minutes, then we're going to run away.

[471] Yeah.

[472] And they're like, here's where it's at right now.

[473] Here's how many, like you can go get a tour, but they're like, you're literally taking five years off your life.

[474] Yeah.

[475] And I'm like, who wants to live to be 85?

[476] Fuck it.

[477] I don't care.

[478] I'd rather see Chernobyl.

[479] Cut it right down.

[480] Tell everyone in the rest home, you went to Chernoble.

[481] I do hear there's interesting animals there.

[482] Right?

[483] I have, yes.

[484] The soil's all fucked up, so these things are like growing at?

[485] I mean, like a rabbit with a face on the back of its head.

[486] I'm down for that.

[487] I'm crab rangoon in my teeth.

[488] Crab rangoon.

[489] That's the word of the night.

[490] Should I go first?

[491] Oh, this is my favorite murder.

[492] Oh, hi.

[493] buddy to our live podcast thank you for being here thank you for coming this we fucking love doing this yeah it's so fun you went first no i went first last time last night so i go first right yeah i believe so you guys wouldn't know all right well i uh i picked a man who i've been reading about for several days there's a lot of things to read about him and none of them are good and his name is Gary Hydenick.

[494] Do you know Gary Hydenner?

[495] Yeah.

[496] They love him.

[497] We always say it this barn, like, this is where the ushers are like, holy fuck.

[498] What's going on?

[499] What is happening in there?

[500] They were cheering for a serial killer.

[501] Jesus.

[502] We've got to get that acapella group back.

[503] This shit is weird.

[504] All right.

[505] Let me tell you a little something.

[506] about Gary.

[507] He was born in November of 1943.

[508] His parents divorced two years later, and then he and his brother went to live with their father and their new stepmother.

[509] Of course the father is a bum -out, alcoholic, abusive.

[510] I don't think he physically abused them, but he did the classic thing.

[511] Gary was a bedwetter.

[512] And so to teach Gary to stop wetting the bed, he took his sheets and put them out the window so the whole neighborhood could see.

[513] Which also Michael Landers' father did him.

[514] I know.

[515] I thought I heard that recently.

[516] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[517] Absolutely.

[518] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[519] Exactly.

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[536] Goodbye.

[537] Hey, this is exciting.

[538] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[539] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[540] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone, who killed Saz?

[541] And were they really after Charles?

[542] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[543] This season, murder hits close to home.

[544] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[545] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[546] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[547] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[548] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[549] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[550] Goodbye.

[551] Little House on the Perry, anyone?

[552] No. Okay.

[553] I'm the oldest person in the room.

[554] Fine.

[555] Fine.

[556] Oh, I told Georgia the other day we were telling childhood stories.

[557] I also wed the bed when I was a child.

[558] Oh, yeah, we both did.

[559] It was lazy.

[560] No. It wasn't that.

[561] It wasn't that.

[562] But I did it up until my mother, who was a psychiatric nurse, tricked me by one day handing me as I went to bed.

[563] She was, oh, come here.

[564] The doctor gave me something to give you.

[565] And she poured cranberry juice, like that much cranberry juice, into a little glass.

[566] And then she goes, drink this.

[567] It'll stop you from wetting the bed.

[568] And it fucking did.

[569] Wow.

[570] Trick your fucking kids.

[571] All up here.

[572] She was a mind game mom, for sure.

[573] She had also, very, very early on, like when I was four, she'd go, I can always tell when you're lying.

[574] And then I believed her, so I stopped lying to her because I was like, well, she's going to know because she can tell when I'm lying.

[575] She was good.

[576] Well done, Pat.

[577] All right.

[578] Pat.

[579] Yeah.

[580] But also don't forget the smoking.

[581] Okay.

[582] No one's perfect.

[583] Okay.

[584] So, this is a bit of information about Gary Heidnick that I really enjoy in the way that makes me a terrible person.

[585] When he was a child, he fell out of a tree and hit his head, of course, classically.

[586] But it also deformed his head this injury.

[587] So then he was made fun of at school all the time, because he was made fun of at school all the time, because he had a misshapen head.

[588] It seems sad now, but then when I tell you, shit he did, you're not going to be sad anymore for Gary.

[589] I always try to stop my sympathy because I'm like, but then he's going to kill a ton of people, and I'm going to be bummed.

[590] I felt bad for him.

[591] But also it's that thing of like, I mean, it was the 50s.

[592] How come you fall out of a tree and then your head just stays that way?

[593] No doctors or anybody to help out.

[594] Just be like, Okay.

[595] There you go, Gare.

[596] Stay low to the ground from now on.

[597] Okay.

[598] So he ended up dropping out of school and joining the Army, where he trained as a medic, and he actually did very well in the Army, until he was transferred to West Germany, and he didn't like that assignment.

[599] So there he began to develop odd behavior, and he was eventually diagnosed as having a schizoid personality disorder, and he was honorably discharged with full disability pension.

[600] So this is like a thing that goes through his life where no one's actually sure if he was working the system or if he actually had schizophrenia of some kind or some kind of mental illness.

[601] Point to that head fucking shape, and you know your answer.

[602] Yeah, that's true.

[603] That could have been part of it.

[604] Yeah.

[605] And he's like, they're like, we don't know if you're crazy.

[606] And he's like, but...

[607] Did you see?

[608] It sticks out.

[609] I'm sorry, let me take my hat off.

[610] There you go.

[611] Ah, yes.

[612] Okay.

[613] So he comes back to Philly and he decides to be a nurse.

[614] Oh, no. Does he do bad things, Karen?

[615] Well, yeah, but not in the hospital.

[616] Okay.

[617] It seems like in the beginning he actually really wanted to be a nurse and help people.

[618] He interned at Philadelphia General Hospital for two years.

[619] That was in 1965.

[620] Give it up for Philadelphia General Hospital.

[621] What a great place.

[622] In 1967, he saved up enough money from that disability pension payout to buy his own house, and he rented out the bottom two floors.

[623] So he was, you know, a bit of a businessman.

[624] He also started hanging out at the Elwyn Institute for the Retarded.

[625] Now, this is a theme that goes through Gary Hydenick's life, and it's very disturbing because he goes into the medical profession.

[626] He is a nurse.

[627] He actually later tried to study to be a psychiatric nurse, but he behaved so oddly and had such a bad attitude, he got kicked out of the program.

[628] But he started to spend a lot of time at places that housed the mentally challenged.

[629] So he was a predator from day one.

[630] Can we also clarify that she didn't make that name up of the institution.

[631] We don't use that word, and you wouldn't.

[632] And you guys all went, like she made it up.

[633] No. No. It was called that.

[634] If I ever use the word institute, I'm not doing any writing in that line whatsoever.

[635] That's just a cut and paste.

[636] Elwyn Institute for the Retarded.

[637] Okay.

[638] So, but he was starting to, he was starting to, I guess his behavior was affecting his work, whether it was a put on or not.

[639] So he ended up getting, also getting fired from the University Hospital where he had gotten a job.

[640] In 1970, his mother Ellen committed suicide.

[641] And from there, his behavior got even stranger and worse.

[642] He, in 1971, he took a trip to California where he decided he needed to start his own church.

[643] Oh, you know, the natural path, nurse.

[644] minister yeah it's very clear so when he came back to Philly he started the United Church of the Ministries of God nice long name he was the ordained minister he had about 50 parishioners and most of them were patients that he had met at the Elwyn Institute for the returner oh man fill that room however you can yeah what I mean Was that bad?

[645] It wasn't great, but...

[646] I didn't mean that in a...

[647] I believe you.

[648] I know what your intentions were.

[649] Okay, you know what I mean.

[650] And now I feel really self -conscious about having bare feet.

[651] It's the whole...

[652] It's like, I feel weird.

[653] Like, look at that barefooted bitch.

[654] Yeah.

[655] Saying all the wrong words.

[656] All right.

[657] Okay.

[658] Yeah, quick reminder, we didn't do any of these things.

[659] Fucking Gary did them.

[660] Okay.

[661] In 1975, he opened a Merrill Lynch account in the church's name, and he started investing in stocks.

[662] Oh, no, now I feel really weird.

[663] Sox?

[664] Stocks, yeah.

[665] Oh, socks, I thought you said.

[666] Make that good sock money, baby.

[667] Crazy.

[668] And how fitting, because I was just, nope.

[669] He's the guy that invest.

[670] invented gold toe socks?

[671] Oh my God.

[672] Tube socks?

[673] That's Gary.

[674] The ones with a little ball on the back?

[675] No. He took $1 ,500, and he eventually parlayed into a half a million dollars.

[676] With good investments and, I don't know.

[677] Moxie.

[678] Okay, so he ends up buying himself a used Rolls -Royce.

[679] He bought a Cadillac.

[680] he got a customized van because he's a creepy old perv and then he bought himself a new house so during that same time he also was in and out of mental hospitals and he was because he would get in trouble with the police he would pull guns on people he's super aggressive a lot of weapons charges and when they would interact with him they'd just be like 5150 you're out of your mind okay so in 1978 he began, this is going to get problematic, everybody.

[681] In 1978, he begins dating a mentally challenged woman named Angelene, and they have a daughter together.

[682] So one day he decides that they should go, oh, sorry, her name is Angelique, and they decide they need to go visit Angelique's sister, Alberta, who is also mentally challenged, and she lives in a home.

[683] So they go, they visit her, they sign her out on a day pass, and she never comes back.

[684] And so the staff, it goes to investigate, and eventually they find Alberta chained up in Gary's basement.

[685] Whoa.

[686] So she'd been raped, and she had contracted gonorrhea from that.

[687] So he's charged and he's sentenced to three to seven years in prison.

[688] That's it.

[689] Yeah.

[690] Aww.

[691] It's 1978.

[692] This was back when rape was not that big of a deal.

[693] So in 1983, he's released from prison after serving four years and four months.

[694] And he immediately signs up for a mail order bride service.

[695] Yeah.

[696] He's a romantic.

[697] So he starts corresponding with a 22 -year -old Filipino woman named Betty Disto.

[698] And he tells her, of course, I'm a minister, and I have my own church here in Philadelphia, and eventually through these letters he proposes to her, and he convinces her to fly to Philadelphia and marry him.

[699] And she does, and everything's great for a week.

[700] Oh, my God.

[701] Oh, not long enough to sustain a relationship.

[702] No, I feel like you need to build in more time more than seven days.

[703] Yeah.

[704] but um so it's what happens is betty leaves the house one day and when she comes back she finds gary in bed with three women uh and she freaks out and it's like what the fuck is going on and then he's like get in here you old nut get in here betty you old stick in the mud and she's horrified of course and baffled and um so then that's when the mask comes off and he starts to beat her.

[705] He becomes incredibly violent at all turns, and he basically just starts constantly bringing home sex workers and mentally challenged women to have sex with.

[706] And she's just like, I'm in the fucking nightmare world and a different country, and she doesn't know anybody but him and his friends.

[707] So she eventually turns to the Filipino community in Philadelphia, and is just like, can someone please help me?

[708] because I'm basically abandoned here with this lunatic.

[709] And so the people that she meets there say, you have to leave, and you just have to leave and don't come back.

[710] And they kind of set up a plan for her.

[711] And so she one day tells Gary, well, she tries to confront him to say that she's had enough.

[712] This is not the life that he had promised her.

[713] And he beats the shit out of her and raves her.

[714] So four days after that, she says, I'm going to go out shopping super quick.

[715] I'll be right back.

[716] And she fucking bails and doesn't come back.

[717] Good for her.

[718] Yeah.

[719] And then she went into some Philadelphia, Filipino -American underground, and they fucking took care of her.

[720] And he never saw her again.

[721] Fuck, yeah.

[722] Pretty cool.

[723] Good job.

[724] That's right.

[725] So remember that if you're ever in trouble.

[726] Okay, two weeks later, the cops come and pick up Gary for spousal rape, for domestic abuse, for indecent.

[727] assault and for involuntary deviant sexual intercourse.

[728] Unfortunately, the parole period for the last sexual offenses that he had been in jail for had ended the day before.

[729] Yes.

[730] So Betty doesn't show up in court to testify against him, and so all the charges are dropped.

[731] Which is so insane that you're like, you're a victim, and it's not going to happen unless you come and fucking reopen all the wounds you're working to get past.

[732] Right.

[733] Like, can't they just use hearsay?

[734] No, I was always saying that.

[735] I was like, it doesn't work.

[736] That's not going to work.

[737] No. Yeah, but it makes it so hard.

[738] Okay, so this is basically a turning point in Gary Hydenin's life where he, her leaving him and the lack of control.

[739] that he had over her for doing that kind of set him off in a major way.

[740] So this is 1986, it's Thanksgiving, and he goes out to find a sex worker.

[741] And that same night, Josephina Rivera had gone out to try to make some money so she could get, so she could buy her family Thanksgiving dinner.

[742] And so she's out, it's raining, it's cold night, and a Cadillac pulls up and makes her an offer, she gets in.

[743] And it's Gary, and he drives her at 3520 North Marshall Street.

[744] And when they pull into the driveway, she sees the Rolls Royces, and she sees fancy cars.

[745] And she's like, this is probably, I'm going to get everything done and get out.

[746] So she feels hopeful, you know, she's like, okay, this is going to be good.

[747] And I'm going to get my money and be able to get out of here.

[748] So when they go up to his front door, he pulls out this really weird -looking key.

[749] And what it is is half a key, and she asks him what the deal is.

[750] And he said, the other half of the key is already in the lock, so I am the only person that can open this door.

[751] Because he's the only person that has the other half of the key.

[752] You're standing there, and you're just like, okay, well, okay, we'll see what happens.

[753] So, yeah.

[754] So they go into his house, they go upstairs, they have sex.

[755] and when she is getting dressed again and she thinks she's about to leave, he comes up from behind, starts choking her, almost chokes her out, she's begging him to stop, and he says, fine, get down on her knees, put your hands behind your back.

[756] So he handcuffs her wrists behind her back, and then he walks her down into his basement.

[757] Yeah, I wish we had a picture.

[758] Sometimes we have visuals dying to see what he looks like.

[759] Give me your arm so I can pinch it.

[760] There's a picture of, there's a picture of this basement.

[761] And it's, it's not good.

[762] It's, it's not finished.

[763] It doesn't have any shelving.

[764] It's not swept.

[765] It's the creepiest fucking looking basement in the world.

[766] There's a dirty mattress on the ground.

[767] And there's some plywood, the concrete on one side of the basement has been pulled up and there's plywood on the ground.

[768] chill, right?

[769] So he, and there's a bunch of exposed pipes and stuff, he takes her and chains her to these exposed pipes.

[770] He sits her on the mattress, so she's chained to these pipes behind her.

[771] Then he puts his head in her lap and goes to sleep.

[772] What?

[773] Yeah.

[774] Can you imagine?

[775] This is not how I expected this to go, and it's almost creepier.

[776] Yes, yeah, because he's just chilling out.

[777] So she then, of course, eventually, also kind of nods off.

[778] When she wakes up, he's gone.

[779] She's still chained to the wall, and she looks around, and she sees that the plywood has been moved, and there is a small pit in the center of the room.

[780] So Gary comes back with some crackers and water, and he explains he's got a plan, and his plan is that he's going to get 10 women pregnant so he can start his own family.

[781] Oh my God.

[782] Uh -huh.

[783] You know how you do, down in a basement.

[784] They say it's the most romantic room of the house.

[785] Don't they?

[786] Yep, those unfinished basements?

[787] The ladies love them.

[788] Okay.

[789] He leaves again.

[790] Josephina realizes she's fucked.

[791] This is crazy.

[792] This is bad.

[793] And she has to get out of there.

[794] So she starts working on her handcuffs.

[795] And she somehow is able to, loosen some kind of a tie that she has, I'm not exactly sure how, but she basically is able to reach up and push open the basement window and lift herself up and she starts screaming out of it.

[796] And she screams and screams and screams and nobody hears her except Gary.

[797] So Gary comes down and he unchains her from the wall and he says, you're not ever going to get out of here, so stop trying.

[798] and then he puts her in the pit.

[799] And it's barely big enough to hold a person.

[800] Like, she's all super smashed up in there, and he puts the plywood on top of her, and then he puts, like, bags of soil on top of the plywood, so she's totally weighted down, and she's totally stuck in there.

[801] And then as he leaves the basement, he turns it on, like, the hard rock station and turns the radio all the way up.

[802] So even if she screams, no one's going to be able to hear her over the music.

[803] Fuck.

[804] Yes.

[805] all right so she's down in there and then when she wakes up she wakes up to the sound of a woman speaking and the sound of chains and what's happened is Gary Gary lets her out and she stands up and she's all cramped up from being down that fucking pit and she sees that Gary has a half -naked mentally challenged woman with him and he's basically brought another woman down into this basement and he introduces them because he is nothing if not a manored person her name's Sandy and he leaves and so Sandy tells Josephina her name is Sandra Lindsay and that she met Gary at the Elwyn Institute for the retarded so when he was going there he was basically going there and meeting patients and making them believe that he was their friend and grooming them to basically eventually be molested by him and convince them that he was their boyfriend so he could have complete control over them.

[806] So they are chained to the wall together, and the next morning they're eating breakfast, which is crackers, and they hear another, knock at the front door of the house.

[807] And it turns out that Sandy's sister and her cousins are looking for her.

[808] Because when she didn't come home the night before, they knew it was bad.

[809] And so they're out on the street.

[810] They had found a friend of Sandy's named Tony that they knew she hung out with a lot.

[811] And they went to Tony and they were like, who else do you know that Sandy knows?

[812] And they were like, we know this guy named Gary.

[813] She's the first girl?

[814] Sorry.

[815] Sandy was the second girl.

[816] Okay.

[817] Josephina is the first girl.

[818] Got it.

[819] And Josephina is, well, you'll see.

[820] She's in it the whole time.

[821] It's pretty amazing.

[822] So, Sandy, so Tony gives Sandy's cousins and sister Gary's address, and they come and knock on the door.

[823] But Gary just doesn't answer it.

[824] And then when they leave, he comes downstairs, and he has Sandy write two letters to her mother saying, I'm fine, I ran away.

[825] Don't worry about me. I'll get a hold of you later.

[826] So then he tells the girls that his plan is he's going to drive into New York and send the letters from New York so they see that the post mark is from New York and they believe that she ran away.

[827] Well, of course, when Sandy's mother gets these letters, she's like, no, she's never written a letter like this in her life.

[828] This is not, this is, there's something even more wrong here.

[829] But they take it to the police and the police will not listen.

[830] They are like, this is a runaway.

[831] She's an adult.

[832] It's fine.

[833] don't want, you know, this is just somebody that didn't want to live with you anymore.

[834] She's a runaway.

[835] They can't get the police to help.

[836] These are all also, I guess I should say, all these people are black, except for Gary Heidnick.

[837] So I think that also probably had a big part of it was this outhanded dismissal of like, oh, well, don't worry about them.

[838] You know, they're doing what they want.

[839] A lot of people accused of being prostitutes when they're not, or sex workers when they're not.

[840] really, really shitty treatment.

[841] Okay, so, so, all right, that was that whole page.

[842] I hand wrote this.

[843] She does that.

[844] Thanks.

[845] Yeah, that's all I wanted.

[846] A little bit of credit for my handwriting.

[847] Okay, so now it's three days before Christmas, and Gary picks up a girl named Lisa Thomas as she's walking to her friend's house.

[848] She's 19 years old, she is not a sex worker.

[849] Um, she's not mentally challenged, but she is impressed by his car and his generosity.

[850] He, uh, offers to take her to dinner.

[851] He's very sweet to her once she's in the car.

[852] She found, she finds that he's very charming.

[853] And, um, he tries to get her to go to Atlantic City with him.

[854] And she said, I can.

[855] I don't even have good clothes on.

[856] He pulls out a $50 bill and says you can go buy some new clothes right now.

[857] And so, uh, she gets caught up and, you know, this guy, you know, treating her so well.

[858] And at one point, he says, come back to my house, we'll drink some wine and watch movies.

[859] So they do that, and while there, she drinks a bunch of wine and falls asleep on his couch.

[860] When she wakes up, he's raping her.

[861] When he finishes, she gets up and is putting her clothes on and he does the thing where he strangles her from behind and gets her on her knees and then handcuffs her.

[862] So then he brings her down into the basement.

[863] And he takes the plywood and Lisa, he pulls the plywood off the pit and Lisa sees that Josephina and Sandy are down in the pit which I can't when I was reading that part I'm just like can you fucking imagine that like there's people this basement's creepy enough and then it's like oh yeah you guys move there's already done this yeah there's a bunch of people down here and they haven't been able to get out oh no all right 10 days later he comes home with Deborah Dudley Now, Deborah Dudley, I believe, is mentally challenged, but she fights him the entire time she's there.

[864] So she starts, yeah.

[865] So here's the thing, though.

[866] He has it so, and he eventually starts manipulating all of them.

[867] So if Deborah Dudley is fighting with him, he beats her, and then he'll beat the other girls for her having fought him.

[868] So then they start trying to fight her to get her to stop fighting him.

[869] because everybody's getting beaten he takes a big like two by four and beats the shit out of all of them and they have to watch it then he starts he makes them have sex with each other and he just stands there and watches so it's just this degradation and this beating and mind fuck and mind fucking so that they are all basically trying to get him to treat them better and so it's that thing of he'll pick one to not beat and he'll be like I'll leave you with the stick I'm leaving your in charge If anyone misbehaves, you beat them.

[870] Then when he would come back, if nobody had been beaten, they'd all get beaten because somebody should have been beaten while he was...

[871] It's all that kind of shit.

[872] It's fucked up happening stuff down there.

[873] Some fucked up happening stuff is what it's called in the textbooks.

[874] All right.

[875] So, um, so on, uh, two weeks later after that, he brings 18 -year -old sex worker Jacqueline Haskins into the basement.

[876] And then on January 18th, Sandra gets caught, the second girl, she gets caught trying to move the plywood off the pit because they're down.

[877] He puts them in the pit altogether.

[878] So he's dug it out a little bit.

[879] It's getting bigger and bigger.

[880] He comes down and digs it, makes them watch him dig it while they, you know, eat crackers or whatever.

[881] Sometimes he'll bring them really nice food.

[882] like he one day brings them just a huge Chinese food meal and champagne so it's just like or it's just or nothing you know totally mind -fucking them so Sandra gets caught trying to move the plywood off and so Gary hangs her by the wrist and like one handcuff from the ceiling pipe and he he leaves her there for a couple days so the other girls are like she's getting sick there's something wrong with her You have to take her down.

[883] And he's like, no, she's faking.

[884] I'm not going to fall for it.

[885] He's, of course, getting increasingly paranoid.

[886] He believes they're all plotting against him at all times.

[887] He's constantly ready for them to try to attack him.

[888] And he did, this is super, super fucked up.

[889] He would do this thing where he would, when he thought that there was a chance that they were plotting against him, he would chain them up, and then he would try to shove a screwdriver in their ears.

[890] Because he thought if they were deaf that they couldn't plan anything against them.

[891] Oh, no. Should we take a quick break?

[892] I can sing some songs from Oliver if you want me to.

[893] I was in it when I was 10.

[894] Do you know the words to the Franklin musical?

[895] I bet you don't.

[896] I do.

[897] Yeah, sing a little Franklin for us.

[898] I know.

[899] I'm Franklin.

[900] the only black boy in this whole damn town what the fuck is going on is this Northern California Okay Gary believes that Sandra is pregnant and that's why he is I don't know she gets sickly she's lethargic She is a fever she starts throwing up He says the only reason she's throwing is because she's pregnant.

[901] Eventually, she loses consciousness.

[902] When he comes back, the girls are like, you have to let her down, and he lets her down, and she just drops to the ground, and he kicks her into the pit.

[903] And so when she gets, when he kicks her into the pit, all the other girls realize, now she's dead.

[904] No. Yeah.

[905] This is so horrifying.

[906] It's really bad, right?

[907] Yeah.

[908] Now, that's the point, right?

[909] Yeah.

[910] No, no. Nobody's surprised, except for the one person who was like, my friend can't come.

[911] Do you want to come?

[912] I've never heard of the podcast.

[913] I'll come.

[914] Oh, also, my, like, little cousin is here.

[915] Yeah.

[916] And the rest of my family is, like, really nice, normal people, and she's never heard the podcast, and she's going to be like, Mom, Georgia's cousin, I think there's something wrong with Georgia.

[917] Do you think she's going to tell on you?

[918] She can rat you out?

[919] Yeah.

[920] Yeah.

[921] My friend Molly's here, and she brought her mom.

[922] Oh, my God.

[923] She had no idea what was going on.

[924] Oh, poor baby.

[925] Sorry.

[926] Oh, you know what?

[927] I once did call Jillian's mom when she was in high school, and I was like, she's got some slutty pictures up on Facebook.

[928] You should say something.

[929] So to get back at me. That's right.

[930] She's going to fucking...

[931] Sorry, Julian, that was me. But you're too young.

[932] Yeah.

[933] Her cleavage.

[934] I like that you narct her out for that.

[935] Oh, fuck yeah.

[936] Yeah.

[937] Okay.

[938] Save it for college.

[939] Yeah.

[940] Turn the page.

[941] Sorry.

[942] No, no. I'm interrupting.

[943] Please don't be.

[944] I think we needed it so basically he takes the body upstairs and I mean can we just can it get worse?

[945] Yes it can the girls are all down in the pit together and then they hear a power saw she didn't do it so in the next couple days they start to smell a terrible smell of course not just them down in the basement but the whole fucking neighborhood and so the neighbors end up calling the police and when a patrolman goes by the house he says oh I just burned a roast and the patrolman's like well high five buddy I'll talk to you later and he leaves yeah so the paranoia is getting worse Deborah Dudley is continuing to defy him so now he goes into a whole new level where he's starting to, because they're all wearing chains, and the chains are connected to each other.

[946] So he strips an extension cord, he strips off the insulation, and starts electrocuting the chains.

[947] Yeah, it gets really bad.

[948] And when the next time Deborah Dudley defies him, he takes her upstairs, and when she comes back down, she's scared out of her mind.

[949] And the girls finally get her to say, what is going on and he took her up into the kitchen and then he took a lid off the pot and she looked inside and Sandra's head was inside the pot.

[950] No, no, no, no. Yes.

[951] We're doing this.

[952] Stay with me. Do not fucking leave me at this point.

[953] We all agreed that we were doing this.

[954] God, damn it.

[955] So eventually basically, Deborah Dudley loses her shit and is like, what the fuck, you know, whatever.

[956] And so he gets so mad at her because she's fighting him so hard.

[957] He puts her in the pit and he puts water in it.

[958] And then he electrocutes her and he ends up killing her in that pit.

[959] Okay.

[960] So now Josephina, who this whole time has been trying to make a plan, she keeps, the whole time she's like, okay, I'm going to stay on this guy's good side.

[961] So when it would be the thing of like, you get the stick and you have to beat the girls, she would play along with him just enough so that he would believe her because she was like, I have to win his trust.

[962] That's the only way I'm going to get out.

[963] of here and anyone's going to get out of here because this guy's fucking out of his mind.

[964] So she's trying to play him like the entire time that way.

[965] So once he kills the second girl, Deborah, she's like, okay, like I have to, you know, I have to really do something.

[966] So she, um, she's really trying to like pretend that, you know, like play the wife part, really kiss his ass, really like, really act like she hates the girls and wants to do anything against them for him.

[967] So, finally, once Debbie dies, he makes just a fina sign of paper that says, I killed Debbie, I'm responsible for her death, and makes her sign it.

[968] And then once she signs that, he believes that he has her completely under control because if she goes to the police, she's the one that's going to get arrested for that crime.

[969] Come on.

[970] So, she's like, sounds good to me. What a great plan, Gary.

[971] Super smart I bet that's what's going to happen So she signs that paper And then on March 24th She convinces him to let her leave And visit her family And in return for doing that She promises that she'll bring him back a new girl Wow Yeah And so he's like, that sounds great Plus I have the paper you sign So this is a lock Everything's awesome He drops her off at her apartment and says, I'll wait for you at the gas station.

[972] She runs up into her apartment.

[973] Her boyfriend's sitting there.

[974] She's been missing for four fucking months.

[975] Months.

[976] She runs in.

[977] She's screaming.

[978] She's like, I've been chained up in a basement at this fucking lunatic or whatever.

[979] And the boyfriend's like, you're crazy.

[980] Are you on drugs?

[981] Shut up.

[982] Swear to God.

[983] Swear to God.

[984] She couldn't look like herself.

[985] No, she probably didn't look great.

[986] But she ends up showing him all of her.

[987] scars and her where the huge wounds where the chains have been and he's like oh shit I hope she broke up with him after what the fuck or maybe their love got even deeper and stronger and he was like I'll never doubt you again baby we don't know what we do know is that he called the cops when the cops show up they're like you're crazy and yelling and then she's like how about you take a look at these huge gouge marks everywhere on my body and they were like Holy shit.

[988] And so they go to the gas station.

[989] Gary's just chilling out in his Cadillac, waiting for his lady to come back, and they arrest him.

[990] And then two officers go to the house.

[991] Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[992] Yeah.

[993] So, of course, they can't get into the magical front door.

[994] That did work.

[995] He was right about that.

[996] Oh, my God.

[997] I mean, it's kind of a great idea that I never thought about before.

[998] Fuck.

[999] Although, I mean, someone could just take the half key.

[1000] Yeah, but they'd have to get it off of him first.

[1001] Yeah, I mean, just punch him in the face.

[1002] We'll talk about that later.

[1003] So just before 5 a .m. on March 27th, 1987, the police arrive at Gary's house.

[1004] They break down that front door, and they go down into the basement, just like Josephina said they needed to.

[1005] And down in the basement, they find Jacqueline Askins, they find Lisa Thomas, Um, they're both naked and chained to the ceiling pipe.

[1006] They free them.

[1007] And then Lisa points to the plywood and, oh, sorry, there was an, I skipped apart.

[1008] They, they, he had gotten another girl, another sex worker named Agnes.

[1009] Agnes was in the pit.

[1010] So they pulled the plywood off and she was down in the water in the pit.

[1011] Then they go into the kitchen.

[1012] Uh -uh.

[1013] Stay out of the kitchen.

[1014] I mean, no, they got to go.

[1015] That's the thing.

[1016] You've got to go in the kitchen.

[1017] I know.

[1018] In the kitchen, they find what looks like human ribs in the oven.

[1019] And when they open the freezer, they find a human forearm.

[1020] What?

[1021] Yes.

[1022] So, basically, he's arrested.

[1023] He is tried and convicted on 18 charges, two counts of first -degree murder, five counts of rape, six counts of kidnapping, four counts of aggravated assault.

[1024] he tried to claim that Josephina was his accomplice and this amazing judge I believe her name was Judge Abraham when he tried to argue that you have to read about this story his defense lawyer is such a scumbag like everything he says is the grossest thing you've ever read and so one of his his attempts of the defense was that it was Josephina's idea and that he had had josephina was his accomplice And the judge was like, because he was trying to plead insanity, not guilty by the reason of insanity.

[1025] And the judge was like, well, then if you were smart enough to get an accomplice, you're not insane.

[1026] And then they're like, oh, no, no, then she's not.

[1027] Oh, my God.

[1028] Forget that.

[1029] Cancel that.

[1030] Cancel that.

[1031] Cancel that order.

[1032] Cancel, cancel.

[1033] So, yeah, it's so insane.

[1034] Oh, and then this, so the, the, the final blow against the, uh, against the, defense and by the prosecution.

[1035] It's just so amazing, is they call Robert Kirkpatrick to the stand, and that's Gary Hydenick's broker at Merrill Lynch.

[1036] What?

[1037] Uh -huh.

[1038] His sock broker?

[1039] Yep.

[1040] And they were, they get that sock broker on the stand.

[1041] And that guy says, uh, he testifies that Gary was an astute investor who knew exactly what he was doing.

[1042] Oh, shit.

[1043] So there goes the insanity defense.

[1044] Fuck yeah.

[1045] That's right.

[1046] He, he gets convicted, he's sentenced to death, and on July 6th, 1999, he's executed by lethal injection, and, I mean, I kind of like this, no one came to claim the body.

[1047] They're like, no thanks.

[1048] And if any of that sounded familiar to you, Gary Hydenick's crimes and the basement scene was the inspiration for Buffalo Bill in silence of the land.

[1049] Shit.

[1050] That's where that came from.

[1051] Ew, I just gave myself chills.

[1052] That was weird.

[1053] Isn't that crazy?

[1054] As soon as you were like...

[1055] Basement pit, loud music, fucking...

[1056] Mr. I got your dog.

[1057] I'd fuck me. The whole nine yards.

[1058] Catherine Martin, you're safe.

[1059] Let's work.

[1060] Are we...

[1061] This isn't proper.

[1062] It's not right.

[1063] Anything we're doing.

[1064] No. No. So that's the story of Gary Hydenick, Philadelphia.

[1065] Yes.

[1066] That's your guy.

[1067] Excellent.

[1068] So awful.

[1069] So awful.

[1070] So bad.

[1071] Horrible.

[1072] Disgusting.

[1073] Well, now that's my turn.

[1074] I'm going to put my shoes back on first because I just feel creepy.

[1075] Oh, you need some shoes?

[1076] Feel creepy.

[1077] Do you feel like your feet feel hot with the eyes on your feet?

[1078] Well, just knowing that these could easily go on wiki feet, these photos, where there already are photos of my feet.

[1079] No. Yep.

[1080] What?

[1081] Yep.

[1082] Do you guys know about wiki feet?

[1083] You know how if you put, you put like an actor or an actress, usually just an actress, an actress's name into Google.

[1084] If you put the name in, like one of the things that will come up underneath it is that person's name.

[1085] So it's like, Deborah Messing, one of the first things that will come up underneath is the suggestion is Debra Messing Feet.

[1086] Oh, no, I didn't know that.

[1087] There's so many foot fetishists out there.

[1088] Well, there's a Wikipedia for Feet and like any, if like, Debra Messing was at the beach, it'll just be like a close -up of the photo of her feet.

[1089] And then they grade them and, like, they comment on them and, like, great toes.

[1090] Like, or she needs a manicure, but otherwise I like her arch.

[1091] Oh, my.

[1092] I'm fucking kidding you.

[1093] Wow.

[1094] So, check that out when you get home.

[1095] I better stay covered up for the rest of my life because I have Fred Flintstone feet like you would not believe.

[1096] I'm dying to look you up on that right now.

[1097] Let's get it up on the...

[1098] It simply cannot be.

[1099] All right, well, my murder, there's only one.

[1100] person to get murdered, so it's a little more light -hearted.

[1101] Okay.

[1102] Nice.

[1103] We'll end on an up note.

[1104] I'm glad we're ending on this one.

[1105] All right.

[1106] This is the story of the only known case of homicide committed by an Amish man. Edward Jindrich.

[1107] Wait, say the second part again?

[1108] Edward Jindrich.

[1109] Oh.

[1110] Edward Jewish?

[1111] Jindrich.

[1112] Got it.

[1113] Jindrich.

[1114] And he's.

[1115] He's not Jewish.

[1116] Okay.

[1117] He's Amish.

[1118] Amish.

[1119] Um, Amish.

[1120] He's an Amish man. So picture an Amish guy.

[1121] Okay.

[1122] Kind of hot.

[1123] Just saying.

[1124] Kind of a Vigo Mortensen and witness situation?

[1125] Did you see me pause up here?

[1126] Because I was like, you shouldn't say that.

[1127] Just said it anyways.

[1128] Got to.

[1129] Okay.

[1130] He is born on August 18, 1963, and an Amish family from Rockdale Township, Crawford County, Pennsylvania.

[1131] he was said to have been somewhat of a rebel in the Amish way of life from an early age which he chewed gum I don't know what's a rebel he kicked his rock one time he didn't work for three hours one day he put brown sugar on his oatmeal Edward is rock and roll God I'm so into Edward he wears his hat at his skew his family reason that And he was, so he was a rebel, he was kind of crazy, like, you know, wild.

[1132] And his family was like, well, if we get an unwaveringly faithful woman to marry him, she'll be a good influence, and so they married him off.

[1133] On December 2nd, 1986, he's married to an Amish woman named Katie, and people in their community are like, Katie, don't do that.

[1134] They were like, a bunch of people were like, I don't fucking believe in this.

[1135] Huh.

[1136] Which is like, you have to get married.

[1137] And they were still like...

[1138] Because they thought he was a creep?

[1139] I think that they were worried, yes.

[1140] Okay.

[1141] They were apprehensive.

[1142] That's not my word.

[1143] I don't say that.

[1144] They had three kids, Danny, Enos, and Mary.

[1145] And he was starting to show signs of behavioral changes after the marriage.

[1146] And they became more and more noticeable by July of 88.

[1147] He lost a ton of weight, became super depressed.

[1148] And he spent a lot of time in the wood shop.

[1149] And he got more and more...

[1150] interested in the machinery of the Amish people, but also with interacting with non -Amish people.

[1151] Everyone's known as the English.

[1152] Did you know that?

[1153] No. Like, everyone here is the English, unless you're Amish.

[1154] Oh, my God, is there someone Amish here?

[1155] They're like, my first day of Rumspringer, I'm going to go to a murder podcast.

[1156] Someone, there's like a group of kids that are having the most awesome Rumspriga right now.

[1157] They're just fucking like, we're going to go from a bar.

[1158] to a murder podcast.

[1159] And they were like, shit, she's really our only hometown murder.

[1160] I was going to do.

[1161] Okay.

[1162] So while he was working in the wood shop, meeting English people, he befriended a non -Omish man named David Lindsay, who told him that unless he renounced his Amish faith and became a born -again Christian, which he was, he would go to hell.

[1163] I dated one of those.

[1164] I swear to God that he was like In college the first guy dated tricked me we called him the secret born again Christian because he was in the theater department and he never talked about religion at all until he and I started dating and he was like Karen I just need you to say these seven words I was like I'm already Catholic like I think Jesus has got his eye on me I don't need your bullshit wow yeah did you dump him No, he don't me. Man, I would have made it my mission to corrupt him and then be like, okay, but bye.

[1165] Wish I could have.

[1166] I was like, huh, what?

[1167] The Lord who?

[1168] Okay, Christian.

[1169] Then, oh, and also that he would go to hell and that led him to believe he was being confined and held captive by his wife, Katie.

[1170] So Edwards' mental state, It continues to deteriorate.

[1171] He begins hallucinating and has a psychotic break that scared his entire community.

[1172] I bet.

[1173] Seriously.

[1174] Starts ripping his hair out, claiming that it's on fire.

[1175] His hair?

[1176] His hair.

[1177] Maybe that's what's happening with my hair.

[1178] Oh, we all forgot to mention your hair's on fire.

[1179] Why wouldn't you tell me?

[1180] Just a very small, smoldering fire.

[1181] It doesn't look that bad.

[1182] We let it...

[1183] It's kind of cute.

[1184] We thought it was your look.

[1185] That's the new look.

[1186] Moldering.

[1187] Hot fire.

[1188] Sorry.

[1189] Hair fires.

[1190] Okay, so Katie found her husband in their bedroom, spitting at the ceiling and mumbling to himself.

[1191] And she was like...

[1192] Sorry, isn't spitting at the ceiling spitting at yourself?

[1193] Yes.

[1194] That is a good point, unless he was really good at spitting.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] Unless you go thing out the side.

[1197] No. No. Still wouldn't work.

[1198] Okay.

[1199] And at that point, she was like, that's it, can't, she couldn't.

[1200] That was the limit?

[1201] That was the limit?

[1202] She's like, pull your hair, that's on fire.

[1203] You're the devil, yes.

[1204] Spinning on the fucking seal.

[1205] Get out.

[1206] And then they do this thing that Amish people don't fucking do.

[1207] She's like, call 911.

[1208] This is, yeah.

[1209] She's like, I can't with this anymore.

[1210] How do they do that?

[1211] They send a cow out into the street or something.

[1212] Says call 911 on it.

[1213] They light a candle, put it on a cow's back.

[1214] Push it into the road.

[1215] Send the 911, This is fucked.

[1216] We are screwed.

[1217] I would say that we're going to get a lot of mean emails, but no one's listening to us.

[1218] I can't say shit to us.

[1219] Oh, wow.

[1220] I feel free.

[1221] Like, for the first time on this podcast.

[1222] Oh, I feel so free.

[1223] I can talk shit on whoever I want.

[1224] Stephen, don't cut this.

[1225] Stephen, leave it in and turn it up louder.

[1226] D -da -da -9 -1 -A -Mish people.

[1227] It was a big deal.

[1228] So he's also...

[1229] Eventually, so Edward gets treated at a psychiatric hospital in Jamestown, New York, where he's diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.

[1230] And he's given medication, of course, and it started to help his hallucinations.

[1231] But when he got home, he was like, Like, this is putting me in a zombie state, and he didn't like it.

[1232] So he did what everyone does at some point in their medication therapy.

[1233] Is he, like, I'm good.

[1234] Quit.

[1235] Yeah.

[1236] You know?

[1237] Yep.

[1238] Don't do that.

[1239] I mean, if you want to get off, like, just don't quit.

[1240] We're both doctors.

[1241] We should have said that at the beginning of this run.

[1242] Oh, my God.

[1243] Podcast.

[1244] We should have said it.

[1245] Medical doctors.

[1246] But his wife was encouraging him to stop as well because she was a traditional Amish person and she, you know, wanted...

[1247] She just wanted things to be better.

[1248] Yeah, she...

[1249] Okay.

[1250] But his state of mind continued to decrease.

[1251] He started saying he was the devil.

[1252] And then a March 1833, Katie and Edward...

[1253] What did I say?

[1254] 33?

[1255] Nope.

[1256] That is that right.

[1257] He went back in time in the Amish time machine, which is a pile of hay.

[1258] And isn't it?

[1259] Die head first.

[1260] Um, that isn't right, and that's not what I wrote.

[1261] Oh.

[1262] It's 1993.

[1263] Okay.

[1264] So Edward and Katie are having an argument, and, uh, she starts getting worried about it and his temper, and she sends her six -year -old son to run and get help.

[1265] But the two younger kids stay behind.

[1266] Um, at that point, uh, he runs and gets his uncle, his uncle goes back to the house and by then Katie was long dead.

[1267] It started that he punched Katie in the face, knocking her to the ground.

[1268] Then he beat her to death.

[1269] Oh, my God.

[1270] Sorry.

[1271] He had, with his boots, he stomped on her skull until it was left unrecognizable.

[1272] And then it gets worse.

[1273] Oh.

[1274] So she's dead.

[1275] he removes all her internal organs.

[1276] Oh, shit.

[1277] Places them in a neat pile.

[1278] How?

[1279] Parents call them bullshit on this.

[1280] No fucking way.

[1281] Show me a neat pile of large intestines.

[1282] I'll give you $25.

[1283] That's bullshit.

[1284] I'm sorry.

[1285] No, I fucking love it.

[1286] No. I'm glad that you said that.

[1287] Because I hadn't thought of it.

[1288] And as soon as you said, it was like, oh, yeah.

[1289] Oh, no. Someone just say that to make it seem even worse?

[1290] Do, do, do, do.

[1291] Okay, so, and he did all this well, his two young children were in the house.

[1292] And then he said for some reason later that for some reason, he thought they could save her, so he was, like, trying to keep her organs to, like, in a clean pile to, like, save her later.

[1293] So he was just totally psychotic break, not in the real world in any way.

[1294] So they run and call 911, and the EMTs arrived and found a scene so horrific that one of the EMTs immediately left to vomit.

[1295] Oh, yeah.

[1296] And Edward was gone, and so were the kids.

[1297] But don't worry.

[1298] They found him later that day walking on country road with his kids, and the kids were fine.

[1299] Okay.

[1300] Edward's arrested, pleads insanity.

[1301] The defense argues that Edward was affected.

[1302] by the fumes he inhaled accidentally in the workroom of the wood place, the woodhouse, the workroom.

[1303] I don't, what do you call it?

[1304] The woodroom.

[1305] It doesn't sound right.

[1306] The workwood.

[1307] The wood, oh, the woodwork room.

[1308] The woodworking room.

[1309] The woodworking room.

[1310] There it is.

[1311] Stephen, speed that whole part up.

[1312] Play the whole thing backwards, Stephen.

[1313] So they're saying like he, was in an unventilated room where they were using solvents all the time and he went out of his mind because of that but it sounded like a lot of stuff was saying that before that he was you know it was almost like the perfect storm the perfect storm yeah there was already stuff happening right okay so the omish community shuns him at this point which is like the severest sin is straying from the omish ways without repenting so he's punished with excommunication which is like fucking huge.

[1314] While in prison, Edward says, he starts following a new religion and signs a document saying he's an evangelical Christian.

[1315] So maybe he met your ex -boyfriend.

[1316] Yeah, he's probably good friends with him.

[1317] So, okay.

[1318] My dumb, one -week, college boyfriend pops up from the sign.

[1319] I just need you to say seven words, Edward.

[1320] I don't know where...

[1321] Oh, he's tried.

[1322] He sound guilty of involuntary...

[1323] manslaughter, but mentally ill, quote.

[1324] And he's sentenced to a term of two to five and a half years.

[1325] Was the Amish court?

[1326] Which means he was eligible for parole by 1995.

[1327] He's denied his first bid, but he is granted his second.

[1328] So sorry, because it was not guilty by reason of insanity, then he only has to pick him.

[1329] But they don't put him in a mental hospital.

[1330] They put him in a state correction.

[1331] Institute.

[1332] Okay.

[1333] So I don't know.

[1334] It doesn't sound like it.

[1335] Maybe there's a mentally ill ward.

[1336] Let's say.

[1337] Let's pretend.

[1338] Okay.

[1339] So after five years in 98, he gets released.

[1340] He's 34.

[1341] He's released and after that force, yeah, I mean, mental health, okay, he moves into a mental health facility in Michigan and he also lived in Indiana before returning to the Brown Hill Amish community in February 2007.

[1342] And then they put him in like an thing for until he ill Amish people.

[1343] I guess there's like a one room somewhere with all the that's probably kind of fun.

[1344] No, no, no, no, no. They killed people.

[1345] Sorry, he killed people.

[1346] It's hard not to just try to imagine things about Amish people.

[1347] It's mysterious and there's lots of barns.

[1348] Yeah.

[1349] Interesting.

[1350] And it's hard on a podcast not to say the first thing that pops into your mind and then regret it.

[1351] Right.

[1352] It's kind of what we do.

[1353] It's kind of our jam.

[1354] You just roll the dice and help you don't say anything stupid.

[1355] But it doesn't work.

[1356] It's quiet like when people are like, oh, I don't want to tell her she's saying exactly what she does.

[1357] Oh, no. Like, I just don't want to say anything stupid.

[1358] Everyone's like, uh, do you listen to the podcast?

[1359] You don't know where Delaware is.

[1360] We all know.

[1361] Oh, they're right over there.

[1362] You don't know, but 25 % and a quarter are the same thing.

[1363] We live, we learn, just like Alanis Morissette said one time.

[1364] Okay, so he'd been out of prison for 18 years, and he's living on his attorney's property in Cambridge Springs, Pennsylvania, which is like, oh, it's so, like, sweet, kind of, you know?

[1365] Even though, like, the attorney was like, oh, I know.

[1366] killed her but he's nowhere to go he's mentally ill so he's living there for about a year when at 44 years old he goes out to the to the horse barn and in the morning and his the husband and wife attorney are like where is he and the wife goes finds him he hung himself yeah yeah um i know it's uh wow he had written the only suicide note he left was a message on top of a dust, in dust, on top of a bucket, that read, forgive me, please.

[1367] That's so Amish.

[1368] He's like, I can't use a pencil and paper.

[1369] I have to write on a bucket.

[1370] That's part of the rules.

[1371] Fuck.

[1372] Yeah.

[1373] So the attorney said his community completely deserted him.

[1374] They shunned him.

[1375] They kept him from rejoining his family, which I guess the family, his immediate family did want to take care of him and take him back.

[1376] And they wouldn't let him.

[1377] They wouldn't let him take him back.

[1378] He was an awfully good person, and he could have helped his community a lot.

[1379] I don't know about that one.

[1380] Hey, I mean, here's the thing.

[1381] Listen.

[1382] It's a lot to learn.

[1383] Listen.

[1384] Look and listen.

[1385] Despite all that, he was allowed to be buried in an Amish cemetery with an Amish headstone?

[1386] Cemetery.

[1387] No. Celebration?

[1388] Funeral?

[1389] Yeah, but like the organ, you know what I mean.

[1390] No, I don't.

[1391] Okay.

[1392] Like an Amish burial, like they said the prayers.

[1393] Are there prayers?

[1394] I think so.

[1395] Okay.

[1396] It's not what they're guessing.

[1397] Oh, it's called a blah, blah, blah.

[1398] Butter churned.

[1399] And the journey said that that's all he would have wanted.

[1400] So it was the only, as far as, far as, I could tell, at least at the time.

[1401] It was the only known case of a homicide committed by an Amish man. I bet there's other ones, and they just won't tell us about it.

[1402] Fair enough.

[1403] Right?

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] That was amazing.

[1406] I was Edward Gingrich.

[1407] You got it.

[1408] The lights come up, and there's just a row of hats in the back.

[1409] Oh, my God.

[1410] We heard what you said about us.

[1411] I don't know.

[1412] What's the accent?

[1413] That was weird.

[1414] That's not the accent.

[1415] And it's called a ceremony, Georgia.

[1416] Oh, someone did yell ceremony.

[1417] Okay, that's what I meant.

[1418] Ceremony, celebration.

[1419] You had C .E. right?

[1420] I did.

[1421] I shouldn't keep drinking this coffee.

[1422] Do it.

[1423] Chug it.

[1424] Chug it.

[1425] Cold.

[1426] Do we have time for a...

[1427] I think we do.

[1428] Do you think we can...

[1429] To the one mom out here, this is when we ask one of your fellow audience members to come up and tell us their hometown murder.

[1430] No. I let parents If you're Amish, we'd love to see you That's for sure I think Wow, it goes back so far There's so many empty seats Let's get that arm in the back on the right Where?

[1431] Yeah, and there's somebody holding up two arms Wait Oh, that lady with the shoes in my hands?

[1432] Okay Do you ever, when you see two empty seats Do you ever think, oh, what did they fight about it?

[1433] on their way here and turn around.

[1434] Do the dishes.

[1435] We're going home.

[1436] Man, they had a big fight.

[1437] Yep.

[1438] That's so, like, intense.

[1439] Dear Karen and Georgia, we broke up on the way.

[1440] I hope you're happy.

[1441] Okay, Vince is going to come get you.

[1442] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1443] I didn't even tell you anything about it.

[1444] I don't know.

[1445] There's two people.

[1446] Uh -oh.

[1447] I think you can both...

[1448] Oh, my God.

[1449] What if you both fist fight right now?

[1450] Last man standing.

[1451] or a woman.

[1452] I bet.

[1453] You look crazy.

[1454] So come on, you go to this one.

[1455] Go over to this young lady.

[1456] Yeah, you have to walk down that way.

[1457] And you have to slide your butt across people's laps.

[1458] Do it.

[1459] This was a case of random gesturing into the audience gone wrong.

[1460] That's right.

[1461] Not right.

[1462] It's very hard to be accurate in this situation.

[1463] Can we get the lights down or they're going to freak out when they're going to look at you?

[1464] It's real scary to see all of you.

[1465] Especially you up there.

[1466] You guys are the scariest of all.

[1467] Hi, guys.

[1468] What the fuck?

[1469] Hi.

[1470] What's your name?

[1471] Andrew.

[1472] Hi, Andrew.

[1473] What are you doing on stage?

[1474] Hi.

[1475] There's just some dude wandering around back there.

[1476] What's your name?

[1477] Do you stand back there?

[1478] Oh, it is really bright up here.

[1479] I know.

[1480] What's your name?

[1481] My name is Alana.

[1482] I'm here with my friend Elena.

[1483] And we actually became friends because of this show.

[1484] We like, probably the second time we talked to each other.

[1485] We told each other that we like the show and bought tickets.

[1486] so.

[1487] Oh, my God.

[1488] Very nice to be up here.

[1489] I'm shaking a little bit.

[1490] Sorry, I actually took my shoes off to, like, wave, so they're kind of wonky right now.

[1491] We're twins.

[1492] Yeah, just slide them back on real fast.

[1493] Just seeing that, you don't seem nervous, so don't worry about it.

[1494] I see the shake.

[1495] You got to seem, well.

[1496] Look, me too, though.

[1497] So, my hometown murder is all, it's like a mixture between a, I survived.

[1498] Yeah.

[1499] And a murder.

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] It's good.

[1502] It's good.

[1503] It's one of the faves.

[1504] Those are opposites, though.

[1505] Well, I'll trust you.

[1506] So, I'm from Delaware.

[1507] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1508] Born and raised.

[1509] I grew up in Newark, live in Wilmington now, so...

[1510] All right, thank you.

[1511] Thank you very much.

[1512] You're not nervous.

[1513] Fake handshake.

[1514] No, I'm just kidding.

[1515] No. I work in politics, so I'm so good.

[1516] So do we?

[1517] Yeah.

[1518] Murder.

[1519] politics.

[1520] So I grew up in a very suburban neighborhood in Newark, Delaware.

[1521] Um, home of University of Delaware.

[1522] Um, stop naming cities and tell the story.

[1523] I like it.

[1524] I like it.

[1525] It's good.

[1526] So, um, we've got another story to hear.

[1527] Sorry, pal.

[1528] It's not that long.

[1529] So, um, there was, so the neighborhood that I grew up in, very nice neighborhood, like, nothing happened.

[1530] Kind of just like a sleepy neighborhood.

[1531] We like, played all the time outside and all that kind of shit.

[1532] So one day there was this woman in like the front of the neighborhood.

[1533] So like you could see the house from the main road that would go by.

[1534] So she was like out tending to her rose garden.

[1535] That's important.

[1536] And so she's like sitting there and I guess somebody drove by and he worked at the local Chrysler plant which went out of business, which was a big deal for Newark.

[1537] And he saw what he liked.

[1538] And he was like, oh, okay.

[1539] I'm going to go check that out.

[1540] Roses?

[1541] Yes, he liked the roses.

[1542] I mean, who doesn't, right?

[1543] So he, I wish I could show you a picture, but it's fine.

[1544] Use your words.

[1545] Use your words.

[1546] So he drove to the front of the house, which was kind of like the side of the house because of the way that the neighborhood was, set up and he like nobody noticed there was like a bus stop right there like it was a beautiful day everybody was out nobody saw him and he went into the house because nobody locked their doors it was the 90s it was probably 98 I think I was 4 so he went into the house and he waited for her to come in but she didn't come in first, her husband came in, and he shot him.

[1547] Who shot who?

[1548] Wait, who shot who?

[1549] Oh, the bad guy shot the husband.

[1550] Yeah.

[1551] Why would the husband shoot the bad guy?

[1552] Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

[1553] Because he saw a bad guy in his house.

[1554] That's like not even murder.

[1555] That's like defense.

[1556] Don't fucking miss him.

[1557] You know?

[1558] Just saying.

[1559] So, um.

[1560] Alana.

[1561] Alana.

[1562] So, I guess the woman's name is Debbie.

[1563] So Debbie didn't hear the gunshot.

[1564] I guess.

[1565] So after she was done tending to her roses, she came in the house and there was this man standing there and he fucking kidnapped her, put her in the back of his car and drove her to his house like five miles away and tied her up and just like repeatedly raped her over the course of several days.

[1566] And she was it, I think it was your story?

[1567] Yeah, yeah.

[1568] She like befriended him and like made her trust him and was like he would like go to work for the day while this woman is just like tied up in his house because he's fucking horrible and then he would just come home and rape her so one day before he went to work she was like you know what these ropes are like really hurting my wrists do you think you could loosen them or something so he loosened them because he trusted her and she managed to like get out of the room that she was in because he was not as smart as Gary he did not keep her in the basement with chains So, she managed to call 911 and, like, I mean, they came and got her and everything was fine.

[1569] She lived, so there was the I survived.

[1570] Yes.

[1571] But the best part of the story is that, well, actually, there are two really good parts.

[1572] My parents were in New Orleans at the time, and this was, like, national news.

[1573] Like, people were talking about it.

[1574] The neighborhood I grew up in was called Academy Hill.

[1575] And so they were calling it Academy Kill or Murder Hill.

[1576] and in New Orleans and my parents were like holy fucking shit I'd fucking live there so my grandparents had come to take care of us and I distinctly remember riding my tricycle like towards the house and my grandmother chasing after me because like at that point they still hadn't found the woman and like there are fucking cops everywhere so that was one good part another good part is like probably six years ago I was watching I survived It was the first time I ever watched it.

[1577] And they, like, in that show, they kind of show you, like, a nice little clip rather than...

[1578] And it's, like, it's nice.

[1579] It's like a breeze flowing, right?

[1580] So it's not cheesy or anything.

[1581] And so they show this clip of these rose bushes in front of the house.

[1582] And I was like, why does that look so fucking familiar?

[1583] And, like, the neighborhood I lived in, there were only, like, three different houses, and they just, like, made a billion of them.

[1584] So, like, it ended up being Debbie, and it was really fucking creepy.

[1585] And she actually has an episode of I survived?

[1586] She has an episode of I survived.

[1587] And it's really good.

[1588] I don't remember which one it has been forever since I've watched it.

[1589] That's amazing.

[1590] Probably should have watched it before I did this, but I did not think this was going to happen.

[1591] You did good.

[1592] Yeah.

[1593] Thanks for being here.

[1594] Go ahead and take that mic from her.

[1595] All right, you come over.

[1596] Thank you, I don't take it.

[1597] I have to give it to ball.

[1598] Should I go down or can you get in here?

[1599] Yeah, you can get in here.

[1600] Whatever you want.

[1601] It was Andrew?

[1602] Hi, Andrew.

[1603] How's it doing?

[1604] Hi, thanks for being here.

[1605] It's so surreal right now.

[1606] You have to know, isn't it?

[1607] Why?

[1608] You guys are real people.

[1609] I know.

[1610] It's not weird.

[1611] Antimatronic.

[1612] Hi, guys.

[1613] They're all watching us.

[1614] Oh, man. So, whichever...

[1615] Do you know any songs from Franklin?

[1616] You know what's funny?

[1617] I had never heard of Hamilton and like, I'm a teacher, so all the other teachers, like, you never heard of Hamilton?

[1618] But you know now, right?

[1619] Yeah, okay.

[1620] Before we start.

[1621] I just want to know that the audience is going to vote on the best story and that the person is going to get the person who gets murdered.

[1622] Oh, good idea.

[1623] That's right.

[1624] My story's horrible.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] Oh, good.

[1627] Okay.

[1628] My story is actually about a coworker that I had at one of my first jobs.

[1629] So, of course, a lot of you guys know in here, the most wonderful place in the world, Christmas tree shop.

[1630] What is it?

[1631] I'm from Connecticut, and they have a store called Christmas tree.

[1632] Yeah.

[1633] They have a store called Christmas tree shop, and it just sells, like, all the bullshit that you can't find anywhere else.

[1634] Year round?

[1635] If you want, like, a flamingo made out of old tin cans, it's, like, painted all nice by, like, Chinese sleeves.

[1636] Oh, my God, that's exactly what I want!

[1637] Yeah, exactly, yeah, totally, yeah.

[1638] It's right next to the dog food, and right next to the gummy bears, and right next to all those, like, crazy shit.

[1639] Wow.

[1640] What?

[1641] Wait, why do they call a Christmas tree shop?

[1642] Because it's, like, a bunch of just random stuff.

[1643] They don't sell Christmas trees.

[1644] They don't sell anything Christmasy.

[1645] They need to get their story straight.

[1646] Exactly.

[1647] Exactly.

[1648] It's really weird.

[1649] So, there was a guy in the stock room named Zachary La Palooza.

[1650] I've been to his music festival.

[1651] Sorry, sorry.

[1652] I'm very sorry about that.

[1653] You grabbed it.

[1654] It was there, and you grabbed it.

[1655] It was when I was like 13 or 14.

[1656] Actually, I had to be like 16 because there was no way I was working in.

[1657] So I was like, I was around 16, and he used to do stock room, and he was like 26, 28.

[1658] He had like a bowl cut that made his head look exactly.

[1659] exactly like a penis.

[1660] How, how?

[1661] Like, it was just like, if he had, if he had, like, his hair coat was just like, like, oh, no. You have to be, like, perfectly, like, as though he had a penis bowl that they cut in his hair.

[1662] You know what I mean?

[1663] Yep.

[1664] I want to look like a...

[1665] It was bad, it was bad.

[1666] Yeah.

[1667] But he was a really quiet guy, really, like, mild man or whatever.

[1668] Every time I used to come in, he used to be the one to open the door in the back.

[1669] So I used to walk in.

[1670] Hey, what's up, Zach?

[1671] and, like, go to work, whatever.

[1672] But we had another manager named, I think her name was Sean Trice or something like that.

[1673] Really bitchy kind of lady, sorry.

[1674] It happens.

[1675] Yeah, really kind of bitchy lady.

[1676] But apparently they had had some kind of problem where he fell off a ladder or did something or other.

[1677] She said that it was his fault, so he didn't get workman's cop and he got fired.

[1678] He flipped a shit.

[1679] Came in the next day.

[1680] Was like, where the fucking shit about?

[1681] A guy that I had never known to be like angry, he was really quiet.

[1682] He just came and freaking out You were there No, no, I was not there Okay, okay Yeah, no, no By this time I had gotten fired For coming back late on my brain For what?

[1683] Christmas tree store is intense Exactly So, so I had found out later on That he freaked out, whatever, whatever, they had sent Sean Trees to work at the Christmas tree shop in Rhode Island So like all the way I'd cross state lines He found out that she was there Yeah, got a big fucking kitchen knife or something Buh Drove all the way from Connecticut to Rhode Island, across state lines.

[1684] How far is that?

[1685] At this, like, pretty far.

[1686] How many, like an hour?

[1687] I'm horrible with maps and stuff.

[1688] We're the round of people to be on.

[1689] You guys were talking about where Delaware was, and I was like, yeah.

[1690] I see two, I see two, two hours.

[1691] Yeah, I mean, pretty far.

[1692] Okay, okay.

[1693] And so he drove across state lines, found out that she was working at this Christmas tree shop, sat out front, waited for her to leave for the night, drove back to her house, and then killed her in the house, stabbed her some like 78 times at first it was like 45 times and he was like put her in the car drove away with her yeah so he drove away with her in the car then apparently he was like 45 was not enough he got out of the car stabbed her under like 30 times yeah and then took her body threw it in like a ravine somewhere and threw a toilet on top of her yeah Zach right like fucking Zach yeah you know and so So, yeah, that was, he stabbed her 70 times, threw her in or whatever.

[1694] They found her like a week and a half later.

[1695] Shit.

[1696] Yeah, and he had no idea who it was, but then they had blood evidence, like, trying to fight him or something.

[1697] They found blood evidence underneath her nails, yeah.

[1698] And realized that he was when it got fired in Connecticut, tied it all back together and when he found him.

[1699] So now he's doing life in Rhode Island.

[1700] Wow.

[1701] Oh, dang.

[1702] Amazing.

[1703] Wow.

[1704] That was a good one.

[1705] you think you kind of know someone good old Christmas tree shop you know what you see that bull cut you just walk the other way every time am I right thank you thank you Andrew that was awesome thank you so much thank you very thank you so much thanks for being here thanks you guys thank you that was so cool fuck yeah yeah leave that for that was our last hometown of this tour best friends best friends brand new best friends They'll be signing autographs in the lobby after this.

[1706] You guys, okay, we've had the best time on this tour.

[1707] It has been so cool to be here with you in real life and see that the bullshit we do in George's apartment actually matters to seemingly a shit ton of people.

[1708] It's such a huge compliment.

[1709] The fucking person we've met on this tour has been cool and someone we would be friends with and hang out with It's so fucking nice and awesome, and we feel so lucky.

[1710] Yeah, we talk about it all the time.

[1711] Yeah, you're crying.

[1712] We talk about it all the time, though, they're just like, we keep saying that to events.

[1713] We're like, can we just keep doing this?

[1714] We want to do this for a living.

[1715] How could you not want to do this for fucking a living?

[1716] So thank you for you guys being here, buying tickets, supporting us, is the reason we can even do it.

[1717] Yeah.

[1718] Thank you so much, Philadelphia.

[1719] Thank you so much.

[1720] You are an amazing crowd.

[1721] Stay sexy.