MFM Minisode 192

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome.

[2] To my favorite murder?

[3] The minisode.

[4] That's right.

[5] The minisode was your line.

[6] Shit.

[7] You were looking over like off to the side.

[8] So I thought maybe you were holding your breath before you.

[9] That was my way of queuing you by looking away.

[10] I wasn't trying to mad dog you and saying the line.

[11] I was trying to give you space.

[12] Thank you.

[13] To say your line.

[14] Thank you.

[15] And I did it.

[16] You're welcome.

[17] That's Karen Kilgariff.

[18] That's Georgia Hard Start.

[19] Hi.

[20] Our entire state is burning to the ground, but we're here for you.

[21] Yeah.

[22] So, but we're podcasting through it.

[23] That's right.

[24] That's what we do.

[25] Just like any, in any good disaster movie, we're the people that are getting the exposition out as it melts down.

[26] That's right.

[27] You want to go first?

[28] Sure.

[29] This one is a postal worker hero story.

[30] Cool.

[31] Hi, all.

[32] I was listening to the latest MFM minisode 190 this morning.

[33] The story from the postal worker remote.

[34] reminded me that I had an amazing story about a postal worker hero.

[35] Way back in 2005, I was going to the University of Arizona.

[36] Go fill in the blank.

[37] I was in my last year of school and of course keeping college student hours and burning the candle of both ends.

[38] This meant that I was taking a nice nap on my couch in the early afternoon when I was awoken to a frantic knocking on my door.

[39] I looked at the peephole and saw it was my mail carrier so I opened the door.

[40] He asked me, are you okay?

[41] I heard and let him know that everything was okay here.

[42] And we both heard a scream again.

[43] The postal worker said, close and lock your door and then took off.

[44] Oh, my God.

[45] It turned out the scream was coming from next door.

[46] The girls who were living in the house next to ours had someone new moving in.

[47] No one else was home and the girl was moving boxes from her car into the house.

[48] And of course, keeping the front door open while she was going back and forth.

[49] Well, a man had apparently been watching her and assessed that she was alone.

[50] So during one of her trips from her car to the house, he followed her inside and tried to assault her.

[51] Thankfully, the asshole left the door open.

[52] The mail carrier ran in and scared the guy off.

[53] Oh, my God.

[54] He called the police and stayed with her until her roommates were able to get there.

[55] Unfortunately, I don't know if the asshole assaulter was ever caught, but our mail carrier was forever our hero.

[56] Stay sexy and thank a mail carrier by posted and send someone a letter, Bree.

[57] Wow.

[58] We don't need another hero.

[59] nice that's so good he could have saved her life i just you know so many people are just like that's not my problem not my problem but i feel like mail carriers though there are everyone is their problem totally because they have to go to every single house they deal with like my poor mail carrier at my old house my dogs would jump at the front window and bark like she was trying to do something terrible for years single day every day um it i mean they really deal with so much bullshit.

[60] You know who else does?

[61] Oh, you know what we need is stories from parking, parking ticket people.

[62] Oh, like meter maids.

[63] I guess they probably don't call them that anymore.

[64] Parking attendance?

[65] Parking attendance stories.

[66] Or is that a valet?

[67] No, I don't know.

[68] It's not a tent ticket.

[69] You know what we need is someone to tell us what that is and then write us stories.

[70] Tater waiter?

[71] It's like, hold on.

[72] We can figure this out.

[73] We'll figure it out.

[74] Okay.

[75] This one's called Family Curse.

[76] and grandparent stuff.

[77] Hello and welcome to my email.

[78] Yeah.

[79] Love it.

[80] Top 10.

[81] I've been meaning to send this bad boy in for a very long time.

[82] So now, so let's cut the shit and get right to it.

[83] Please.

[84] Ever since, is she a kill Gareth?

[85] It's from my sister.

[86] Ever since I was little, my grandmother has been telling me the story of our family curse and the number 21.

[87] In fact, she would often tell me the story right before bedtime when I would sleep over as a child.

[88] Thank you for the nightmares.

[89] So here's the basic premise.

[90] Every first born female in each family branch dies an untimely death and it always correlates with the number 21.

[91] But is this that Jim Carrey movie?

[92] He writes it all over the wall.

[93] Is this from Jim Carrey?

[94] He writes in the plot of his own movie from 2005.

[95] This isn't a hometown, but it is the plot of a movie that I was in.

[96] But it's a pretty good movie.

[97] If I do say something.

[98] myself.

[99] Here is liar, liar.

[100] It starts with my great -grandmother who had a daughter named Shirley.

[101] Shirley passed away when she was just 21 days old from the measles.

[102] Luckily, my great -grandmother went on to have two other daughters that, after that, both who are alive and well to this day.

[103] One daughter being my great Aunt Pat and the other being my very own grandmother, Joan, including names in here because I know you love it.

[104] Yes.

[105] My Aunt Pat went on to have her first -born child, a daughter to be named Tiffany.

[106] Tiffany sadly died exactly 21 days before her due date.

[107] My aunt Pat never had any other children after that.

[108] I know.

[109] Heartbreaking.

[110] That brings us to my grandmother who went on to have three children and you guessed it.

[111] The first one was a girl.

[112] Her name was Beverly.

[113] Beverly goes on to pass away and a freak car accident on her 21st birthday.

[114] What?

[115] Tragic, weird, spooky, all of the above.

[116] And hey, guess what?

[117] It gets worse.

[118] all caps.

[119] I am the first born girl for the following generation.

[120] Also, my name is Beverly, which is such a good name.

[121] Bring it back.

[122] I fucking love it.

[123] That is a great name, especially for like a three -year -old girl named Beverly.

[124] Are you joking?

[125] Can you get my Virginia lights?

[126] Bev.

[127] Bev, darling.

[128] Bev, can you take off those cat -eye sunglasses for one second?

[129] I'm trying to talk to you.

[130] I am named after my late Aunt Beverly mentioned above.

[131] Hopefully this means I will pass away when I am still kicking ass at 121 years old or something.

[132] But let me tell you one thing.

[133] I am always hella cautious on the 21st of every month.

[134] Few, it gives me the willies, she says.

[135] Thanks for reading my email and thanks for doing the cool shit you do.

[136] I will not miss your live show when you come back to Philly again.

[137] Also, my grandparents' names are Joan and Ed and they are amazing and badass.

[138] If I do die on timely death involving the number 21, I will try to haunt everyone and give you guys an update on how it all went down.

[139] T -T -Y -L, Beverly, and then it says, my friends call me beef.

[140] Oh, Beverly.

[141] That was a full journey of an email.

[142] I mean, really great entertaining, great information.

[143] A family fucking curse is a first, I think.

[144] I think so.

[145] And incredible.

[146] and horrifying.

[147] Like horrifying, awful, but then like light, funny parts.

[148] So you're not like, it's just everything we want.

[149] It's really, you know what?

[150] Beverly and I hope, I hope you do live to 121.

[151] But if you go early, at least you wrote that email.

[152] A perfect email.

[153] Just kidding.

[154] Your life's goal is now complete.

[155] Georgia just did the classic comedy take of nodding along with me until I got to the end and then her eyes went wide.

[156] I don't agree.

[157] I don't agree.

[158] What are you saying?

[159] Okay.

[160] This just starts, hey, ladies, this isn't really a murder story, but I do have some stories about Action Park.

[161] Yes.

[162] Right?

[163] A firsthand or Action Park.

[164] Sorry, I got this one because it was your story.

[165] No, I got an Action Park one too, but I didn't pick it for some reason.

[166] We haven't done the full.

[167] Has anyone?

[168] You might do the full.

[169] No, but has anyone, okay, just for anyone who doesn't know, Action Park, is this incredible, well, read your letter, whatever.

[170] Yeah, they might.

[171] Here.

[172] Okay.

[173] I live in northern New Jersey.

[174] I'm only 22, but my dad was a frequent guest of Action Park as a teenager.

[175] Whenever he talks about Action Park, he says, you didn't have fun if you didn't get hurt.

[176] That's the 80s saying.

[177] You're not having fun unless you got to hurt.

[178] It's like a dude with his hair parted down the middle and wearing a jean jacket.

[179] And he says that and he smiles and then his front tooth falls out.

[180] And his arms in his slings.

[181] But he's doing a thumbs up in traction.

[182] He didn't have fun if you didn't get hurt.

[183] Big hole.

[184] I love it.

[185] Okay.

[186] So, oh, then they say, which is not really my definition of fun, but it was the 80s, I guess.

[187] There you go.

[188] That's right.

[189] He was one of those people who got to go on the cannonball loop slide before it shut down.

[190] He busted his nose pretty badly.

[191] But he did say it was worth it.

[192] not sure if he got scraped up by the teeth embedded in the slide.

[193] Did you hear about the, is that in the documentary?

[194] Teeth embedded in the slide that other kids get scraped up.

[195] Yeah.

[196] That is like, that is beyond.

[197] But I'm assuming he did get, he did because he mentioned it right before got brought up in the documentary.

[198] Oh, nice.

[199] Aside from the various other minor injuries, he came out relatively unscathed.

[200] So he did have a friend ride the Alpine slide.

[201] sure.

[202] Oh, shit.

[203] Read it, right, right, right, right.

[204] I'm sorry, this is just such a weird throwback.

[205] It's like, it's so, I did have a friend ride the Alpine slide shirtless and have his entire back completely covered in road rash.

[206] Oh my God.

[207] Like, the 80s was the last era of shirtless dudes in public just chilling out.

[208] Yeah.

[209] That was a thing.

[210] And tiny shorts where tiny shorts.

[211] They had to put up signs at McDonald's saying you're not allowed to do that in here.

[212] It was very calm.

[213] yeah yes and tiny corduroy op short yeah bring it back one thing i thought was wild that they didn't mention in the documentary was the fact that the park had actually bought the town of vernon new ambulances because their first aid squad was called out to the park so often stay sexy and don't go to poorly designed water parks tory oh that was great tori everyone asked your mom or dad what happened to them why the children of new jersey Jersey.

[214] Yeah.

[215] Love it.

[216] Amazing.

[217] Uh, this one's called CIA grandfather.

[218] It's short and sweet, but I like it.

[219] Karen and Georgia.

[220] A few minisodes ago, you read a story about someone's CIA grandfather.

[221] My family similarly believes that my grandfather was in the CIA.

[222] He traveled a lot for work, often narrowly missing significant historical events, most notably leaving Tehran just hours before the Iran hostage crisis.

[223] He knew.

[224] He knew.

[225] Get out of here.

[226] When my sister and I graduated high school, we were both targeted by the CIA for recruitment.

[227] How come that didn't happen to me?

[228] Is it because I didn't go to college?

[229] Because your grandfather wasn't in the CIA.

[230] Right.

[231] And I barely graduated high school.

[232] Okay.

[233] Yeah.

[234] Were you there to be recruited?

[235] You have to be present to be recruited.

[236] Probably not.

[237] And I would have been like, fuck the government.

[238] Not like, that's awesome.

[239] Yes.

[240] Our theory is that as grandchildren of one of their best, we seem like the perfect candidates, although other high schoolers in our neighborhood were targeted, including a childhood friend of mine who mysteriously gained the ability to speak perfect Russian in the past few years after having her college seemingly entirely paid for by a nameless prospective employer.

[241] Oh, you are just gossiping now, and that's rude.

[242] Oh, my God, wait for that.

[243] Wait, for this.

[244] Although my grandfather died when I was young, one thing I learned from him.

[245] him was to always take a different route home every day.

[246] 15 extra minutes won't kill you, but the people tailing you might.

[247] XOXO