MFM Minisode 158

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Minisode.

[2] We're bringing it at you.

[3] Your letters, your stories, your urban myths passed down to us and read back to you.

[4] In your face.

[5] Into your face for the year 2020.

[6] That's right.

[7] Go.

[8] First one.

[9] No subject line because apparently the website doesn't take it anymore.

[10] That's right.

[11] Hi for your friends and also the host of the show.

[12] When I was in 10th grade, we had a sex ed class once a week during our gym period.

[13] and during our discussions, sorry, I just lost my place immediately.

[14] And during our discussions, we got into the topic of consent and rape.

[15] This is when our gym teacher shared the following story with us that still gives me chills to this day.

[16] She had a close friend during university who worked at a local bar.

[17] She had big red curly hair and a personality to match, so she made friends with the patrons really easily.

[18] She had one guy that came in somewhat regularly, who she would talk to often and tell him how her classes were going and just other small talk.

[19] He was handsome and charming and always tipped well, so of course she never turned down a chat.

[20] Just by chance, in all their talks, she never happened to mention to this man that she was planning on quitting her bar job and moving into her boyfriend's place across the city.

[21] And this is what saved her life.

[22] Because it turns out that man was Paul Bernardo.

[23] Shut your mouth face.

[24] He had found out where her parents' house was that she was living in at the time and would watch her for weeks from the window and videotape her in her room.

[25] Holy fuck.

[26] He wrote in his journals about her, referring to her as, quote, Big Red, and this is eventually how she found out she was one of his potential victims, because this is how he would often greet her when he would come in.

[27] Oh, my God.

[28] We're talking the Scarborough Rapists.

[29] We're talking the Ken and Barbie killer, Paul Bernardo, the worst thing to come out of Canada, since some band that could be a funny reference right here, that's Canadian.

[30] The night he planned to attack her happened to be the day after she moved out, so she never.

[31] came home to her parents that night, therefore saving her life.

[32] Bernardo was caught pretty soon after, I believe, and that's when she went to the police after recognizing him on the news, and they put the pieces together.

[33] She even had to watch some of the videos he took of her, just to confirm it was, in fact, her.

[34] God.

[35] How unnerving would that be?

[36] Yeah, you'll never feel safe again.

[37] I learned about your podcast from a popular influencer and fan.

[38] Shout out, Dr. Pepper Princess.

[39] Who's that?

[40] I'm going to follow them right now.

[41] Oh, wait.

[42] Someone's calling me. Why is someone calling me. Is it the Dr. Pepper Princess?

[43] Oh my God, what if it was the doctor?

[44] Ask her if she heats up her Dr. Pepper around the holidays and makes hot toddies out of Dr. Pepper.

[45] Let me see.

[46] Dr. Pepper Princess.

[47] All right.

[48] Here she is.

[49] Oh, yeah.

[50] She's a murderina.

[51] And an influencer?

[52] Probably, too.

[53] Sure.

[54] Yeah.

[55] Thanks, Dr. Pepper Princess.

[56] And I have been hooked ever since.

[57] Thanks for helping me get through my workday and make my boyfriend occasionally think I'm plotting his murder.

[58] So, yeah, stay sexy and don't make friends with serial killers just because they tip you well, amethus.

[59] That was excellent.

[60] That was incredible.

[61] Excellent, Amethyst.

[62] Good job.

[63] Good job.

[64] This is what we like.

[65] This is the stuff.

[66] All of my stories today are written really well.

[67] Beautiful.

[68] And I love, I mean, every single one I've written, not even the ones I'm doing.

[69] So good job, you guys.

[70] Keep it up.

[71] Everybody's, everybody's doing their, it's peak performance time.

[72] Everyone's writing, like, in their actual voice, which I like.

[73] Yes, totally.

[74] We love that.

[75] Okay.

[76] Ready?

[77] Yes.

[78] Okay.

[79] This is called Lighthearted, but it creeped out Alex Trebek.

[80] Yo, in episode 204, you mentioned working in Alaska canneries as a way to get quick dollars and or get away from the messes you have made.

[81] My brother and I and many of our friends paid for college by working at a cannery on the Alaska Peninsula in the late 80s and early 90s.

[82] There are no towns, just 120 people on the edge of the Bering Sea.

[83] And so many stories, but this is the murderiest one.

[84] One of the years I was up there, there was a storm and a fishing boats couldn't go out to fish so they were in port, doing good.

[85] drugs, being horny, and starting fights.

[86] Sure.

[87] Cannery workers and fishermen did not socialize.

[88] We preferred Crown Royal to meth and not being assaulted to being assaulted.

[89] Sure.

[90] But one of the meth -tup fishermen somehow got into one of our parties and proceeded to aggressively hit on all the women and used a modified lighter to try to light up the walls on fire.

[91] Okay.

[92] That's not how you party.

[93] Nope.

[94] The scariest of the cannery dudes, he was rumored to be an actual crypt from L .A., hiding out in the wilds of Alaska, and I can totally believe that, started to escort this ass hat back to his boat.

[95] It would be our son.

[96] I'm sorry, just really quick.

[97] Whoever is going to write the movie about the Crip that goes up to the Alaska Canary, and I guess that's me. That's what I'm volunteering for right now.

[98] You just found your life's goal, your life's vision.

[99] Damn, I'm going to have to pull some other people in so somebody can write accurately to the Cripp's lifestyle.

[100] Sure, sure.

[101] Oh, my God, that would be the funniest fucking movie of all time.

[102] That's right.

[103] And then he turns into this hero.

[104] Because people are just like, uh...

[105] Well, wait.

[106] Oh.

[107] Oh, no. There's more.

[108] No, no, no. Well, kind of made.

[109] The would -be arsonist body was found at low time.

[110] He had been squished between two boats that were rafted up to each other.

[111] Was he pushed?

[112] Did he fall?

[113] The Alaska State Police sent an officer out to investigate, but the weather delayed his arrival for several days.

[114] The plant managers didn't want to put the dead guy in the blast freezer because that might contaminate any eventual autopsy.

[115] So they put him in our general cold.

[116] storage warehouse that was not quite as cold.

[117] It was also where our basketball hoop and pinged pong tables were.

[118] Oh, no. So there was this body bag.

[119] We kept them on for eventualities.

[120] Sure.

[121] Amazing.

[122] Yeah.

[123] What if your job just kept body bags for just in case?

[124] It's just part of it?

[125] For eventual things that eventually happened.

[126] That should go into the initial want ad.

[127] It's 100 % right.

[128] It's one of those body bag jobs.

[129] It was against a wall and the ping pong balls kept ending up between him and the wall and no one wanted to go get them.

[130] So after a day or so, we had to switch to basketball when we ran out of ping pong balls.

[131] The basketball would bounce off the guy and roll back to us.

[132] I will never forget the sound a basketball makes when it bounces off a partially frozen person.

[133] Eventually, the state police officer arrived and interviewed lots of us and basically came to the conclusion that whatever it happened, the guy probably had it coming.

[134] Huh.

[135] Wow.

[136] It says.

[137] Huh.

[138] I was on Jeopardy in 2005.

[139] And this was the, quote, cute story.

[140] I told Alex Trebek when they do the introductions.

[141] He was appalled.

[142] Also, during the game, the prompt was a nickname for a private detective, and I got to buzz in and proudly say, what is a dick, Alex?

[143] I've had a great...

[144] But isn't that the answer?

[145] Yeah.

[146] They weren't wrong.

[147] Yeah.

[148] Okay.

[149] I've had a, just the fact that you get to say those words.

[150] I've got it.

[151] I've had a great and interesting life, but that's probably the high point.

[152] Stay sexy and don't let death interfere with your basketball.

[153] And if you get a chance to say dick on national TV, you should definitely do it.

[154] You should definitely do it.

[155] Stephanie.

[156] Wow, that is a rich, a rich story.

[157] A menagerie.

[158] But I really could see that person falling between boats and, like, being a...

[159] That's such a weird way to die.

[160] That's a weird way to kill someone else.

[161] Right.

[162] If that person...

[163] And I bet you if they thought he was a crib, that they're putting that on him because they're like, oh, he's a gangster.

[164] It's also like, would the guy have walked him back to his boat or just out of the party?

[165] Right.

[166] He just would have been like...

[167] get out of here.

[168] This isn't, he's not a total gentleman.

[169] He's not about, he's not making sure he gets home safe.

[170] He's not trying to court him.

[171] He's just like, get the fuck out of here all the way out.

[172] And then the guy fell on the hill the water.

[173] That's what I'm going with.

[174] Presumably.

[175] Because because I don't want to the cribs to be mad at us.

[176] Who does?

[177] In this day and age, you got to not piss off the crypts.

[178] It's important to, okay, how about this one?

[179] Oh, this has a subject line.

[180] Hmm.

[181] My landlord from college was a convicted murderer.

[182] Fun.

[183] Hi, Karen, George's Stephen and furry friends.

[184] Okay.

[185] My hometown is from San Francisco at Karen.

[186] However, the actual murder takes place in Rattlesnake Canyon, New Mexico.

[187] But let me backtrack a bit.

[188] I went to school at the University of San Francisco, and for three of my four years, I lived in a second -story apartment with two, sorry, three other girls, a few blocks from campus.

[189] We had two landlords, one of whom constantly raised our rent, got to love Bay Area real estate.

[190] This story's about him.

[191] Eventually, we all graduated, moved out in one our separate ways.

[192] forward to a couple years later, and I'm working my boring desk job listening to another true crime podcast when they suddenly mention a case of a, quote, mercy killing and mention the name of my mean college apartment landlord.

[193] This dude has a very specific name.

[194] Humperding, Cowanacky.

[195] Bob Jones.

[196] He's a very specific name, and it took half a second and one Google search to find out that my ex -landlord killed his best friend while they were stranded in the desert.

[197] Oh, I almost did the story.

[198] For real?

[199] This is not so...

[200] I mean, you should still do it.

[201] Should I?

[202] Well, I'm about to tell you some things.

[203] I know.

[204] Apparently, you got to get on it.

[205] I'm fucking no...

[206] Oh, this one's bananas.

[207] Apparently, the two were road tripping from Boston to California in 1999 when they decided to camp out.

[208] The problem, they only brought three pints of water, one pint of gatorade, and a topographical map that they both didn't know how to read.

[209] They used one pint of water to boil hot dogs and a meal.

[210] immediately got lost hiking in the desert for a few days.

[211] Both were dehydrated and went to great measures.

[212] I'm talking drinking your own pee folks.

[213] Of course you are.

[214] In parentheses.

[215] Folks, pull it a tie.

[216] Wipe your brow.

[217] They also made a terrible mistake of eating cactus fruit, which is extremely dehydrating when unripe and can make you violently ill. So by day three, after both puking their guts out and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel, My landlord's best friend asks him to stab him through the chest.

[218] My landlord does it, stabbing him twice through a sleeping bag, only there were no sleeping bag fibers found on the knife.

[219] Interesting.

[220] This is where it gets fishy.

[221] It's already fishy.

[222] Landlord then covers his friend's body with a 70 -plus pounds of rocks, then tries to slit his wrist, but is, quote, too physically weak to do so.

[223] He's eventually found to be only moderately dehydrated by a park ranger, goes on trial, and pleads guilty to second -degree murder.

[224] The judge sentenced him to 15 years of prison with all but two years suspended, followed by five years of probation.

[225] After serving a mere two years in prison, he eventually moved to San Francisco to be a landlord and had keys to my apartment for three years, which is a bit unsettling, considering we unknowingly were throwing way too many house parties in a convicted murderer's apartment building.

[226] But honestly, the most malicious thing he ever did was keep part of our security debable.

[227] That's not malicious.

[228] That's actually the rule.

[229] You can easily find the case online by searching out the details, but for anonymity and safety reasons I felt best to leave out his full name.

[230] Very smart.

[231] That's why I didn't do it now you're reminding me. He had a really, I fucking told you about this.

[232] He had a really specific name, and he's out, and he served his time, and I don't really think, I think he, I don't think he maliciously murdered his friend.

[233] It's better to err on the side if he paid his debt to society because us all talking about this, all so much and naming people's names and stuff.

[234] It's like...

[235] Especially when I don't think it was like a cold -blooded murder.

[236] No, there's...

[237] Well, there's...

[238] The possibility it wasn't.

[239] Who knows?

[240] I mean, if I got a snack for two hours, I'm fucking deleterious.

[241] Okay.

[242] Oh, stay sexy and always Google your landlord before signing the lease.

[243] Sarah.

[244] Sarah.

[245] Sarah, thank you.

[246] Good one.

[247] God, that's intent.

[248] But, yeah, there's so many questionable details.

[249] Yeah.

[250] But, yeah.

[251] I think he eventually kept...

[252] It ended up they were like two miles from...

[253] Or really close to, yeah, the ranger station.

[254] You can see the shell station right over the hill.

[255] Oh, that's horrible.

[256] Georgia, what if I told you we could be transported to the 1920s to solve a murder?

[257] I'd say, my entire life and wardrobe have led me to this point.

[258] If you want to escape to a bygone age of mystery, danger, and romance, then check out June's Journey, the Hidden Object mystery game that tests your detective skills.

[259] June's Journey is a mobile mystery game that follows June Parker and New York Socialite living in London.

[260] As June Parker, you'll investigate beautifully detailed scenes of the 1920s while uncovering the mystery of her sister's murder.

[261] There are twists, turns, and catchy tunes, all leading you deeper into the thrilling storyline.

[262] And if you play well enough, you could make it to the detective club where you can chat with other players and either team up with them or compete against them.

[263] June needs your help, but watch out, you never know which character might be a villain.

[264] Find out, as you escape this world and dive into June's world of mystery, murder, and romance.

[265] Can you crack the case, download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[266] Discover your inner detective when you download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[267] That's June's Journey, download the game for free on iOS and Android.

[268] Goodbye.

[269] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[270] Absolutely.

[271] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[272] Exactly.

[273] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[274] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[275] That's right.

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[283] Connect with customers in line and online.

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[285] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[286] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[287] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[288] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[289] Goodbye.

[290] This one says, Dear Vince Plus.

[291] Well, that is a first.

[292] Bold.

[293] Wow.

[294] Loving it.

[295] I have two siblings, and we were all grade school age at the same time.

[296] My uncle worked the night shift at UPS, so he would watch us during the day after school.

[297] One day he picked us up like normal and took us back to our house.

[298] The weather was nice, so he left the front door open for a draft, I guess, IDK.

[299] He was making us grilled cheeses, and when he makes them, he uses a knife to flip the sandwich.

[300] This is important, I swear.

[301] In the middle of flipping the sandwiches, there's a knock at the door.

[302] When he goes to answer, it's a cop.

[303] My uncle answers the door with a knife in his hand.

[304] The cop came into the house because he thought it was suspicious for the front door to be left open during the day.

[305] So he inspected and found a six -foot -tall husky former Marine at the door with a knife in his hand and three children in the family room fighting over the TV.

[306] My uncle tried really hard to explain that he was allowed to be there, but the cop was obviously skeptical still.

[307] So my uncle called my sister out to help.

[308] I kind of love this highly proactive policing.

[309] Yeah.

[310] Just like, I'm not getting a good vibe from this family situation.

[311] Right.

[312] I will refuse to walk away.

[313] She walks out and sees a cop standing in her door with a gun and handcuffs and she just stares out of fear.

[314] My uncle tried to get her to defend him, but she just stood there silently.

[315] And now he was beginning to look like he was feeding her lines.

[316] Yes.

[317] The cop got more agitated and my uncle made me come out and try it again.

[318] I skipped out all nonchalant and told the cop everything was cool.

[319] He didn't believe it all until we called my mom and had her give the okay.

[320] Stay sexy and just use a spatula to flip your grilled cheese.

[321] No name.

[322] That is so hilarious Like this sister Was it his sister That flipped out or the oldest kid Who's the person that froze?

[323] I don't know It's someone's sister Wait Da da da da da Called out my sister Okay so the older kid The oldest girl like hate coming to And she's just Oh and she's a little girl Okay I was thinking of her And staring like Help me Her eyes are screaming help me What did I bet she had just been doing something bad She like punched her brother And he was like nothing And immediately the cops come Oh that's so good Okay get a little of this one Edmund Kemper's bullshit causes child possession Okay Question mark Oh Hi everybody I was born and raised in Santa Cruz California And while I was doing Some murderino sleuthing on Reddit last year Ignoring school work I discovered that I'd been Living one street down from Edmund Kemper's mother's house For the better part of five months So all the bad things happened Well To his mother Didn't he bury some of the bodies On that property?

[324] I believe just the mother's head Looking at the house I think the other women were It was out in the forest From what I remember God there's so many stories like this We can't remember all of them I've been low -key obsessed with campers Since watching Mind Hunter Yes Our friend Cameron Our friend Cameron Britain That's right Who is now on He was the therapist Did you remember that Cameo on the outsider He's the therapist that the cop goes to Oh I haven't seen it yet And you wouldn't recognize he's so low key it doesn't look like him at all you know because he doesn't look so tall they have him kind of tipped back and he's so low key and he doesn't look like yeah and he's not doing the voice it's a totally different character he's such a good actor i didn't even know Cameron vitton from sebastopol you make us proud in sonoma county oh my god i've had a lot of coffee okay good here we go so when i found out that his mom's house was so close i immediately drove over to stare at the house and probably creep out the current tenants like a true 20 something i posted a video of me freaking out about it on my Instagram for all my friends to enjoy or find tasteless and macabre, respectively.

[325] After seeing the video, my friend Alina messaged me with a simple, my uncle used to live in that house.

[326] It was so deeply haunted.

[327] To which I promptly replied, all caps, bitch what?

[328] It turns out that Alina's uncle and his family had lived in the house for several years and that while they were living there, their three -year -old daughter started acting really strange.

[329] Oh, no. when three -year -olds get creepy.

[330] Why is your nightgown all wet and your hair all wet?

[331] And why did you crawl out from the sewer grate?

[332] I want to wear your skin.

[333] Mommy.

[334] Stephen, don't put that mommy at the end.

[335] Remember that Halloween prank?

[336] The little girl would get up in the middle of the night.

[337] Find a all -caps knife.

[338] How did she reach kitchen counters and stand silently in doorways staring at her family?

[339] It's just a face.

[340] She became super fascinated with the kitchen and would talk about cooking people up and one time tried to smother her mother with a pillow so she could, quote, have her around forever.

[341] Oh, dear.

[342] On top of this creepy child shit, Alina always got uncomfortable feeling, an uncomfortable feeling being in the house and wasn't told what Kemper had done to his mother there until she asked her uncle why the house always felt so strange.

[343] The little girl did that shit for six years.

[344] No. The family had come to the decision that she was just.

[345] a straight -up psychopath and they until they moved out of the house and the daughter immediately went back to normal.

[346] Never mentioning her desire to kill and cook her mother ever again.

[347] She's now 17 and is well adjusted as a 17 -year -old can be.

[348] Alina admits that it could have just been some creepy child shit.

[349] They do weird stuff but her family is 300 % sure that she was possessed by something attracted to the violence that took place in that house.

[350] Anyway, love your podcast.

[351] My friend Kira got me hooked on it and I'll use y 'all as an example and i use y 'all as an example for when i try to get her to consider therapy it's useful kira that's on the page it's useful kira in all caps thanks for all your hard work kena that's so creepy i feel unsettled by that i trust the family if they're saying she was normal before and then she was that way at the house and normal after just like an evil energy he was so evil and bad things happen And, like, it's such a long accumulation of bad vibes in that house.

[352] Bad stuff happening.

[353] Oh, all right.

[354] Let's do it.

[355] Let's wrap it down.

[356] This one's actually a positive.

[357] What's it called?

[358] What do we call them?

[359] Uplifting, lighthearted.

[360] Okay.

[361] High assorted mammals.

[362] Another burger chef murder.

[363] This is not.

[364] But it is super weird.

[365] It's 1982.

[366] I'm 16 years old and working at the burger chef in New Hope, Minnesota.

[367] And yes, I'm wearing a brown and orange polyester uniform.

[368] And yes, I smell like an unholy blend of fry.

[369] that grease, sweat, and polo.

[370] It's past nine on a weekday night, and it's been raining torrents for hours.

[371] We haven't had a customer in ages.

[372] Imagine being a 19 -year -old named Norman.

[373] Oh my God, he was young.

[374] A young Norman.

[375] That has sent everyone but me home for the night.

[376] We're sitting reclining on the counter talking about ACDC and killing time until closing.

[377] When a car pulls up and parks next to the door, not in a parking space, but right by the door.

[378] For a while, nothing happens, but then someone gets out of the car, dashes across the side, and enters the store.

[379] It's a maybe five -year -old kid, gender unknown, dressed head to toe in a yellow rain suit and looking for all the world like the Morton Salt Girl.

[380] Oh.

[381] Before Norman and I can even hop off the counter and think about taking an order, this rain -slickered apparation walks full speed to the condiment and napkin counter, grabs the wooden straw dispenser, the cool old kind with the round glass window showing the straws and the wooden knob you turn so that two arms would emerge cradling a striped straw in their slots.

[382] remember this.

[383] It's good writing.

[384] Uh -huh.

[385] Tux the straw dispenser under his slash her arm like a football and runs full speed out the door across the sidewalk and into the car which immediately hits the gas and peels out of the parking lot.

[386] Holy shit, it's a family straw dispenser hit.

[387] That's right.

[388] Norman and I watched him slash her leave the store, then turn to each other and stunned disbelief, then just start laughing.

[389] It was one of those things in life that is so bizarre and surreal that I would have thought I dreamed or imagined it if Norman hadn't seen the whole thing.

[390] so weird no big crime no murder just weird yes but i have to say i can only assume that in the course of time that rain slicker little shit probably grew up to be a mass murderer stay sexy and don't steal straw dispensers christian can you imagine though if they if this family went into burger chef and the five -year -old uses the straw dispenser and goes berserk about how much they love it he won't stop talking about he just obsessed can i have one can i get one whatever and then maybe Big brother's like, will you stop talking?

[391] I'll drive you down there, but you have to get it yourself.

[392] Yeah.

[393] That sounds like absolutely something like my cousin Stevie would involve us in.

[394] Totally.

[395] Hey, here's your thing.

[396] Steal it.

[397] They won't care, but I'm not doing it.

[398] Just go do it so you shut up.

[399] That's so right.

[400] Or just some young parents.

[401] Yeah, yeah, really young, cool parents.

[402] We're like, listen, it's a hard world.

[403] You better start learning how to get what you want.

[404] Mommy and Daddy's room smell like smoke sometimes.

[405] I just love it's a five -year -old.

[406] That's out of control.

[407] The best.

[408] Send us your weird stories like that The weird things that have happened to you That you can't explain Love it We'll believe it Sure It's my favorite murder at Gmail And stay sexy And don't get murdered Goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie