42 - Abject Failure

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Are you going to belch?

[17] This belch is brought to you by Chipotle.

[18] Chipotle.

[19] When life is empty and you need beans.

[20] When your heart is empty and you need to fill your gut.

[21] Go to Chipotle.

[22] This isn't an ad.

[23] And farted out.

[24] I know.

[25] These ads are getting so casual.

[26] Oh, no. I just feel a little broken today.

[27] Uh -huh.

[28] Why?

[29] Oh, didn't I tell you?

[30] No, no. I've been away.

[31] I was in New Zealand.

[32] The world's crashing down around our head.

[33] Oh, I didn't realize.

[34] Oh, yeah.

[35] it's true.

[36] Well, this is the day after, you guys, which is one of the great nuclear war scare films from the 80s.

[37] Oh, really?

[38] If you haven't seen it and you want a different kind of scare entertainment, the day after is one of the most upsetting things I was left alone to watch when I was 11 years old.

[39] I feel like that is the exact opposite of what I need to be watching right now, considering the circumstances.

[40] Do not watch it.

[41] Which is that.

[42] Not only did Hillary lose.

[43] Trump won the presidency.

[44] I'm scared for our country.

[45] Jill Stein didn't come in as that third party candidate to tear it away.

[46] Not only.

[47] I would have been fine.

[48] It would have been fine.

[49] Yeah.

[50] You know what's funny is there is a nothing at all.

[51] So let's get this done.

[52] We just start fighting.

[53] What's funny?

[54] That it seems like, first of all, it's 100 degrees in Los Angeles today.

[55] so there's a hellscape feel to all of life right now that's very surreal and it's really quiet it doesn't I mean like because this is California it's very quiet people are like I feel like people are looking inside themselves right now are devastated and I just want to like hold everyone's hand that I see not that I left the house much today but when I did it was like I wanted to apologize to everyone who is going to be fucked you know yeah Including us.

[56] I mean, who know, in all different ways.

[57] But here's what I was trying to do.

[58] This is what I did, which I never do.

[59] I was just letting everybody merge in front of me today.

[60] Anybody that came anywhere near me with a blanker on, I was like, go ahead.

[61] Yeah.

[62] I had my arm out the window.

[63] Go ahead, everybody.

[64] Go.

[65] Maybe we'll all be friends now.

[66] Yeah, it's, I mean, I don't know.

[67] I was so cocky yesterday.

[68] You know what I mean?

[69] Yeah.

[70] The conversation I had with the dude I ordered lunch from was so, like, He was like, I'm scared.

[71] I'm like, we're going to be fine.

[72] We got this.

[73] Jokey joke.

[74] Yeah.

[75] And I want to go back there and be like, I'm sorry.

[76] I took your fucking worry not seriously.

[77] But that's what, it wasn't that you weren't taking it seriously.

[78] That's what everybody was doing.

[79] Yeah.

[80] I mean, I feel like that's what everyone down to political, polar pundits were doing.

[81] Yeah.

[82] The faces on Ann, uh, Matt Owl, Maddox.

[83] When her, when she kind of realized what was going on.

[84] was when I was like, goodbye, going to the wine bar.

[85] Yeah.

[86] What bothers me like, okay, so, and sorry, this is becoming a political party.

[87] Like, this is just so new and we need if I'm just like, I don't know how we're going to do this.

[88] But like, it's, it's, when Bush won, I was like, oh, well, everyone's going to see what a mistake that was because it's going to affect them.

[89] But the people that this is going to affect aren't the people who voted for him.

[90] It's the people who aren't minorities.

[91] It's not going to affect anyone who voted for him.

[92] And also what's weird is there were some minorities that voted for him.

[93] That's true.

[94] I mean, there is a, it was a con. It's a long con. And, you know, who knows?

[95] Who knows?

[96] Hillary said, we have to give him a chance and see what happens.

[97] Who knows?

[98] But if you're stoked, if you're stoked today, you know, we envy that position that you think that you have solved a problem by putting Donald Trump into the presidency.

[99] It must feel great.

[100] Yeah.

[101] I personally was so thrilled.

[102] the idea of a woman became my president.

[103] It was so exciting.

[104] Enjoy your naivity.

[105] And what's been great, though, is that, like, for all the posts I've put up and on my favorite murder boards and stuff, not a single person has responded and been like, fuck you.

[106] You know, like, I think everyone who follows us for my favorite murder reasons.

[107] Nope.

[108] No. No. You saw this shit.

[109] Yes.

[110] Come to Twitter.

[111] That's.

[112] Really?

[113] Come to the bus stop that is.

[114] Twitter and see what people are really saying.

[115] I mean, it's a nice idea, but no. Okay.

[116] Which is why I don't think we should talk about politics, because that's basically just telling people don't be interested in this.

[117] Okay.

[118] Let's start then.

[119] Unless you don't want to start.

[120] No, let's start the podcast.

[121] Any anything?

[122] Any housekeeping?

[123] Do you have no housekeeping?

[124] I thought I probably did yesterday.

[125] I guess I can talk about the thing I loved, which I saw on the Facebook page, which was there was a murderino meetup in Colorado that was so awesome.

[126] Like I kept looking at the picture this morning.

[127] It really gave me a lot of good feeling this morning.

[128] I went straight to that Facebook page like the second I woke up and just looked at all these people communicating with each other.

[129] And the thing that they wrote about about this meetup of all these people talking about this thing that they're interested in, but then also talking about getting a self -defense class started.

[130] They were just, and they, like, all look like they're just kind of hanging with friends.

[131] They all looked, they looked like people who all went to high school together.

[132] Like, they already looked like a group of people.

[133] Yeah.

[134] And that's, I find that incredibly touching that people, to me, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

[135] It's like, people are actually connecting with the other human beings.

[136] Totally.

[137] I'm so happy for them.

[138] Yeah.

[139] Did I tell you, speaking of making friends.

[140] Oh, I have to tell you about my acupunctrist and how I went, I've been seeing her for like a few, a couple of months.

[141] now for my the sciatica issue and she's been really fucking helping me and she's this wonderful like soft spoken sweet person she reminds me of like a kindergarten teacher and wait is it where is it's in silver lake oh at the doubt it's not at the dow of no okay shout out to holly um she i came into to get my acupuncture this week last week and she was like so one of my clients knows i'm into true crime and said to me you need to listen to this podcast and she's like I listen to three episodes of it before I was like I wonder who these girls are and then she was like and then I looked at it and it was you she didn't even know it was me while she was listening but she's like I like it a lot and then of course told me her hometown murder where she from?

[142] She's fucking awesome San Diego and about like a girl who got killed from high school and her mom got killed and it turned out that they were into dealing drugs and shit and the cops initially thought that it was like the serial killer that was going around at the time.

[143] And they're like, it doesn't fit the MO, but maybe it is.

[144] And then they found out that they were dealing drugs.

[145] Wow.

[146] I know.

[147] Wait, that just reminded me. I had a similar experience at the rap party for my job.

[148] I'm not going to be able to remember her name now.

[149] It might be Cassie.

[150] It might be something with a no. But anyway, it was kind of...

[151] Cassio.

[152] It's Cassio.

[153] Okay.

[154] I met a Cassio keyboard from the 80s.

[155] And I put it on Bosanova and danced by myself at a rap party.

[156] yelling murderino.

[157] That it was basically, oh, I'm going to get to get the murdering.

[158] No. Karen, stop it.

[159] You're sober.

[160] Karen, this is why this is a rap party is because we all wanted to get.

[161] It's actually still going on.

[162] We were just trying to convince you that it's over.

[163] We're trying to wrap you personally out of this job.

[164] We're trying to be nice, so making it hard.

[165] I wouldn't be surprised.

[166] But anyway, she works, I can't remember where she works somehow on the show.

[167] Sorry.

[168] Her name is something and she works.

[169] Her name is something.

[170] She means the world to me. She works somewhere.

[171] And she's blonde.

[172] She was so sweet.

[173] She works for the show somehow, but like in a like for the network or for publicity or something where it's not in our office or whatever.

[174] So it's okay that you're like, you didn't work with her for four months and then none or anything.

[175] Never seen her, never met her.

[176] Also there's a chance she doesn't work on the show and it was her roommate that works on the show now that I'm thinking about it.

[177] But end of the day, the fun part is she she listened to the podcast and wanted to know what show I was working on when I would talk about it and then she so she goes and then I saw you here now I know what show you've been working it was it was very fun and exciting I have I just remember now that I'm this fog of depression is lifting over me a little bit because I'm laughing for the first time yes since yesterday it's it's key it's crucial it really is so two one the Americana in Glendale I go into who made well, who makes great jeans, great expensive jeans.

[178] This is like my first time my life not buying $10 jeans.

[179] And I get a pay, I buy a, I go to put one on, I go to grab a pair.

[180] And then of course, the ones that are on top fall to the ground as they do.

[181] Right as this like sweet girl comes up to me to like, can I help?

[182] And I thought, I was like, I'm so sorry.

[183] I was like, I'm sorry, making a mess.

[184] And she's like, I'm scared because these jeans are expensive.

[185] Right.

[186] And I just toppled a bunch of them.

[187] She's like, are you Georgia?

[188] And I was like, yes.

[189] And she's like, we listened to, we heard that the J. Crew shout out that you had done.

[190] And like, we do that too.

[191] No. They were so sweet.

[192] We've spread to the Americana.

[193] So the Americana made well, ladies.

[194] What's up?

[195] Shout out.

[196] Hi, girls and guys.

[197] And then yesterday, I think I just met girls.

[198] So it's.

[199] Okay.

[200] Yesterday I went to this French restaurant in Echo Park to try to watch the end of the world.

[201] And it was too crowded for me. But as I walk in, this table.

[202] like, hi at me, and I just hide back because I don't ever recognize anyone, you know, and they're like, murdering.

[203] And I was like, oh, good, I don't know.

[204] And they were just random fucking.

[205] Wow.

[206] Jesus.

[207] So that's three.

[208] I feel like this part of the podcast might, to an outsider, seem self -indulgent.

[209] But as we have had to answer in, even that is, what I'm trying to say is that this is very new to us.

[210] Yes.

[211] And so when these things happen, it's still hilarious and fun for us.

[212] It's exciting for us.

[213] And exciting.

[214] And it's its own, you know, it's like greetings corner or whatever.

[215] It's like, it's like meeting friends you didn't know you had.

[216] And it's so exciting just to be like to meet these like cool people who are, no one's been crazy to me yet.

[217] They're all like.

[218] There are very few crazy ones.

[219] And then when it stretches out to like my fucking acupuncturist who by all accounts is like a nice normal human being and she's like I like it.

[220] What are the chances?

[221] to be like mind body and then she's like mind body murder totally is yeah holly she's so great what up if anyone needs in silver lake an recommendation of her a great acupuncturist hit me up on twitter because clearly i never go there and don't know how awful people are you do know the password right yeah i go i go there okay you do know that you can take some of the reins and updated ones no no no no i didn't mean that way i know uh no i'm i'm all about the Instagram right now.

[222] My favorite murder Instagram.

[223] Real nice people.

[224] I mean, what we're saying is there's fucking nice people everywhere and it's nice to know and it's nice to remind each other and keep saying hi and we'll try to do the same and maybe remember your name or where you worked.

[225] No. She was the nicest person.

[226] She seems nice.

[227] The one I can't remember.

[228] Cassie, Callie.

[229] Someone, she looked like she was from the Midwest.

[230] She was so happy.

[231] Cassio.

[232] I feel like, you know, let's talk about something else.

[233] Let's call it.

[234] awful.

[235] Let's talk about another, like, let's get our minds off an awful life.

[236] Okay.

[237] Here's a transitional awful topic.

[238] Okay.

[239] The woman who was found chained like a dog inside the metal container right in North Carolina.

[240] Um, they have found four bodies on the property.

[241] Four bodies buried.

[242] And so far.

[243] That fucking Amazon shit.

[244] Oh, yes.

[245] That's so many people sent me that.

[246] Did you look at it?

[247] Yes.

[248] I didn't look at it.

[249] So this guy who's like, by all the cats, counts a serial killer, who already had a record for a child molestation.

[250] Rape at gunpoint.

[251] Rape at gunpoint.

[252] Somehow, that's just, again, let's just make everything awful.

[253] Yeah.

[254] He has been commenting on the tools he's used to kill people and chain them up on Amazon, reviewing them, and saying shit like, this, if I haven't killed anyone with this yet, but when I do, this will be a great tool.

[255] like straight up admitting like this this chain this padlock is great for chaining people like oh dude i think it's still up there too i think the cops are looking into it so they haven't taken them down yet maybe that's i feel like that's second only to my favorite internet comments which are on those sugar -free gumming hairs oh my god which is now let's just turn this around here here's we're gonna we're just we're mining for positivity today should i find a couple um Yeah, yes, if you want to.

[256] Okay.

[257] So, and I'll just, I'm sure everybody knows this.

[258] It's kind of legendary, but if you don't.

[259] I don't think a lot of people know this.

[260] So they, these, this gummy bear company made their own version of sugar -free gummy bears.

[261] Yeah.

[262] And they were for sale on Amazon.

[263] And the reviews for these sugar -free gummy bears that have, that contain some chemical.

[264] It's called, um, sugar alcohol.

[265] Okay.

[266] So sugar alcohol apparently makes you shit your pants.

[267] It does.

[268] So, there are a review.

[269] views where people were like, oh my God, I was shitting all day.

[270] Like people just talking about these gummy bears just wreaking havoc on their intestinal system and they just get more ridiculous and poetic as they go.

[271] People are really like being, there's a lot.

[272] There's a few different places of like products that people will pick up on and cover.

[273] Like there's like a single big pen.

[274] And it's just like people are talking about like time travel and what the Big pen is done for them?

[275] This makes me happy.

[276] Yes.

[277] It's kind of gross.

[278] Do it.

[279] Well, here's one.

[280] Be sure to also buy a tub of oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stands out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved one, stealing fans.

[281] Let's see.

[282] Oh, my God.

[283] Everything previously written is true.

[284] It's all true.

[285] Don't eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you were trying to power wash your intestines.

[286] the cramping started about an hour later and soon enough I was in a I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade when the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the four horsemen of the apocalypse to stampede from my backside laying waste to my home septic system and my will to live after three hours of a pelvis shaking gummy bear salt I was spongy and weak surprised that I had any bones left I cursed how herobo harribo Parabot.

[287] Thank you.

[288] With the little strength I could muster.

[289] But here's the clothing about them is that people, and it's in the reviews, people with, like, really bad illnesses who get constipated.

[290] I think can't, I think a lot of chemo makes you unable to shit.

[291] You are now, like, recommending them.

[292] Take two, like, posts.

[293] Yes.

[294] Like, it's relieving constipation.

[295] We, I sat in, my friend Stephanie and I sat in her car one day.

[296] and I just read them and we were both crying.

[297] You're just crying laughing.

[298] There's a banana slicer.

[299] That's a good one too if you ever get sad and bored tonight.

[300] Banana slicer reviews?

[301] There's banana slicer reviews that are just hilarious.

[302] What was I going to say?

[303] Yeah, don't eat sugar alcohol.

[304] Be careful.

[305] It's in a lot of stuff and I've eaten it before and it makes you so bloated.

[306] You're in so much pain.

[307] Wow.

[308] I've never even heard of that.

[309] Yeah.

[310] It'll say it's in a lot of stuff and you think, oh, it's just sugar because it says sugar alcohol.

[311] It's fucking terrible.

[312] Wow.

[313] Yep.

[314] It's like a sugar substitute?

[315] Yeah.

[316] It's like a, but I think it's an app, an extraction of sugar that they take and they're like, it's sugar free.

[317] Oh, right.

[318] Yeah, it's, no, don't eat that.

[319] Just use sugar.

[320] Um, guys, just use sugar ultimately at the end of the day, except for those of you who have quit sugar.

[321] Karen.

[322] I'm named Karen.

[323] I'm proud.

[324] I'm so impressed with you.

[325] Thank you.

[326] As a sugar addict, I'm impressed.

[327] Well, once it's out of your system, you don't crave it anymore.

[328] That's the shocking part.

[329] But what if I still crave cake?

[330] Like, I don't want sugar but I want cake.

[331] You know what I mean?

[332] It's like a different...

[333] You're making up what's going to happen to you?

[334] Is that what you're saying?

[335] Well, like, I know you don't crave sugar.

[336] Like, you're not like, I want something sweet, but I want cake.

[337] It's a different thing.

[338] No, but it's like, I want a piece of cake, yeah.

[339] Well, that's just an idea.

[340] That's true.

[341] That may need to go psychological for not just...

[342] Yeah.

[343] I mean, I think all of it's kind of psychological.

[344] Yeah.

[345] Hey, this is exciting.

[346] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[347] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[348] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[349] Who killed Saz?

[350] And were they really after Charles?

[351] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[352] This season, murder hits close to home.

[353] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[354] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[355] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists.

[356] rise.

[357] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[358] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[359] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[360] Goodbye.

[361] Should we just not talk about murder this?

[362] I don't know.

[363] I feel like it's like, yeah, that sucks.

[364] We've touched upon it.

[365] I know.

[366] I mean, we really have, we've danced around it a lot.

[367] Let's have this one be all about, let's just read funny reviews this whole episode.

[368] I mean, I wouldn't mind it.

[369] We kind of could.

[370] Um, do I want to look with the banana slicer?

[371] Yes.

[372] Let me see if I can find any.

[373] Do you want me to read you another?

[374] Yes.

[375] Okay.

[376] I have a good one, but it's also like, is it better than what's happening right now?

[377] I want to read a good one.

[378] Okay.

[379] After a few hours, I had an extreme buildup of gas with no relief.

[380] All I could was laid down and pray for a fart.

[381] That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Lily Wonka, you're pleading with your life.

[382] Violet Borgerd is her name.

[383] There's like, okay, I want to find the Bick pen one.

[384] Let's see.

[385] I just found banana slicer.

[386] And this is a BuzzFeed article so you can actually find it.

[387] Okay.

[388] It's the article called Amazon reviews of this plastic banana slicer are just the best.

[389] So here's the one.

[390] For decades, I've been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana.

[391] Use a knife, they say.

[392] Well, my parole officer won't allow me to be on the knives.

[393] Shoot it with a gun.

[394] Background check.

[395] Hello.

[396] I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands.

[397] 99 .9 % of the time, I would just get so frustrated that I just end up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger.

[398] Then after a fit of banana -induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen.

[399] Marvel and my life was changed.

[400] What can I say about this 571B banana slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone?

[401] This is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

[402] My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices.

[403] It's one of those chores no one wants to do.

[404] You know, the old, I spend the entire day rearing our children.

[405] Maybe you can pitch in and cut these bananas.

[406] And of course, you think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas.

[407] I worked a 12 -hour shift just to come on to these, to this.

[408] I mean, this fucking thing goes on for like seven more paragraphs.

[409] I love it.

[410] All right.

[411] Let me find one.

[412] Banana slicer.

[413] It's like a play.

[414] It's like people getting their creativity out on Amazon.

[415] Okay, the 10 best, here's the thought catalog has the 10 best reviews for a big pens for her.

[416] Someone has answered my gentle prayers and finally designed a pen that I can use all month long.

[417] I use it when I'm swimming, writing a horror.

[418] walking on the beach and doing yoga.

[419] It's comfortable, leak -proof, non -slip, and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty.

[420] Since I've been using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approachable.

[421] It has given me soft skin and manageable hair, and it was really given me the self -esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bait.

[422] The bag boy at my local market.

[423] My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I'm writing my last name, hyphenated with Robert Patterson's last name, I really believe he may someday marry me. I'm positively giddy.

[424] Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen.

[425] that my lady parts can really identify with where has this pen been all my life?

[426] That's the big pen for her.

[427] For her.

[428] And it's like pink and purple.

[429] Probably a piece of shit pink pen with oh my God.

[430] So stupid.

[431] I do think we should do murderers.

[432] I mean, just because there's some Trump lovers who are like, hey, can't I have my favorite show?

[433] Hey, why can't I have what I want?

[434] Oh, right.

[435] In 2016 America.

[436] Wait a second.

[437] I want something.

[438] Give it to me now.

[439] Cut that.

[440] Hard out, Stephen.

[441] No, don't.

[442] I want something.

[443] Give it to me now.

[444] I'll go first this week.

[445] Instead of asking, I'll volunteer.

[446] Please.

[447] I'll throw myself in front of the train.

[448] Please.

[449] And here's why it's that.

[450] Is it a train murder?

[451] It's a train.

[452] Did someone get...

[453] That actually happened recently.

[454] Did you see that?

[455] Yes, that they thought she was...

[456] They said it was a suicide, and then when they checked the tape, the girl was clearly unconscious and the guy put her on the tracks.

[457] That one, yes.

[458] But also in New York.

[459] a woman pushed a girl under the tracks.

[460] And it's happened a couple.

[461] Then it was like going on to tell you all the times it's happened in the past like few years.

[462] Why did, do they know why?

[463] I think this woman just was like, uh, crazy cuckoo.

[464] Yeah.

[465] I was trying to put it delicately, but that sounds better than like mentally ill because someone would be like, we don't call it mentally ill anymore.

[466] She's crazy cuckoo.

[467] Yeah.

[468] Today, could you please give us a pass today?

[469] Can you give us a break?

[470] Would I have five minutes to myself?

[471] Can I have one thing I want in life?

[472] can I have one fucking win today in just once no the answer is no you can't it's a hundred and three pretty soon I'm going to be in a constant Is that a fire?

[473] What?

[474] Oh, fucking neighbors they like Yes, it's a fire in their barbecue that they light next to their fucking house Oh my God scared me too That was like a movie where in the corner of my eye I saw pink and red flickering And you're like huh Where it's that's that was like something from the omen.

[475] No, it's going to be, these motherfuckers, they like put, they put, it's the people with the screaming children.

[476] They put fucking like lighter fluid on their barbecue.

[477] Literally, tell them how far they're, it's, it's an alleyway.

[478] Yes.

[479] And it's next to the house.

[480] We're not close and I saw the fire.

[481] Flames.

[482] Yeah.

[483] Shooting up.

[484] Jesus Christ.

[485] They do it all the time.

[486] And then they're going to be out there for fucking hours.

[487] It's, I need to move so bad.

[488] I need to, I'm I'm just, can I please have a break?

[489] I'm having a breakdown.

[490] I'm just not having a good...

[491] I mean, none of us are...

[492] Good life right now.

[493] It's, uh, yeah.

[494] All right, so, um, then this week, we're just going to read your hometown murders.

[495] Yeah.

[496] As our main thing.

[497] Yeah.

[498] Oh, this starts off with a very professional note.

[499] And it says in the, note, colon.

[500] unlikely event you refer to this story on air or publicly.

[501] Please do not share my name or email address.

[502] Anonymous is good enough.

[503] I love your podcast and look forward to each one every week.

[504] Thanks for being awesome.

[505] Let's give out that email address.

[506] I love that it's so reasonable.

[507] It's exactly what I needed that first time.

[508] I gave that woman's full information.

[509] There's a second piece of information there that I'll tell you after the podcast.

[510] That's really good.

[511] But I don't think I should read it since I think it would indicate who this person is.

[512] Is it a famous person?

[513] They have a, they have a connection to a famous serial killing team.

[514] And their email address is Justin at Timberlake .com.

[515] His publicist is a real bee.

[516] So we give out his, all right.

[517] So here's what Anonymous has to say.

[518] My parents moved us to the Santa Santa Clarita Valley near Magic Mountain and the site of the San Frans, San Francisco, damn disaster in 1988.

[519] Santa Claritor was then an underdeveloped and had a lot of wooded hills and was more of a small town.

[520] People noticed new people moving in and local shops would call you by your first name.

[521] We didn't even have to lock our car doors.

[522] That's what my town was like.

[523] In 1989, a little girl named Sarah Hodges disappeared in Newhall.

[524] She was only seven years old and her parents assumed that she had maybe wandered off and gotten hurt or was at a friend's house and hadn't told them.

[525] A citywide search was immediately put into place, including house -to -house searches, dogs, mounted police helicopter's neighborhood volunteers searching the brush and woods.

[526] One of the volunteers was her 14 -year -old neighbor named Curtis Cooper.

[527] Curtis had been living with his father in Florida until a few months before and now lived with his mom, Crystal, in a room she rented from Mrs. Casmar.

[528] It was rumored that Curtis and Crystal both slept in the same large water bed in a single room.

[529] Mrs. Casmar's house was five doors away from Sarah's house.

[530] Curtis used to play with Sarah and sometimes went horseback riding with her and was one of the first to volunteer for her when she disappeared.

[531] Red flag.

[532] This sounds familiar.

[533] It does.

[534] I think you've done this one.

[535] Did I do the one where he...

[536] Because it's waterbed.

[537] Oh, no, because he lived in a house.

[538] Oh, he did?

[539] No, yeah.

[540] But it's very familiar, very similar to the murder I did once.

[541] Yeah.

[542] It's slightly older boy and little girl.

[543] And waterbed.

[544] And water...

[545] Holy shit.

[546] Totally same thing.

[547] Okay.

[548] The dogs, the Mount of Police, the neighbors and the house -to -house search including Mrs. Casmar's house turned up nothing.

[549] Sarah's face was everywhere and she was the talk of the schools.

[550] She was the lead news story every night and in all the papers.

[551] How could a seven -year -old just disappear in this small, sleepy shit -kickery town?

[552] Shortly after Sarah disappeared, the Cooper's had a fan blowing out their window running day and night.

[553] Mrs. Casmar thought it was odd that the fan was blowing out instead of in.

[554] And that it was going all the time.

[555] She also began to smell something foul from the Cooper's room and finally went to investigate while they were both out.

[556] Hell yeah, Mrs. Casmar.

[557] Rock the Casmar.

[558] See, you still got it.

[559] You still got it.

[560] Just always.

[561] Rock the Casmar.

[562] Four days after she had disappeared, Mrs. Casmar, some reports say it was Crystal, found the fully clothed decomposing body of Sarah Hodges.

[563] She was wedged between the wall and the headboard of the waterbed.

[564] She was in there with both of them?

[565] Yeah, Curtis and Crystal had slept with Sarah beneath their heads with the fan blowing for three days.

[566] What the fuck?

[567] At first, the news reported that maybe Sarah had been playing hide and go seek and had wedged herself into tightly and snapped her neck.

[568] That was the story the Coopers were selling anyway.

[569] However, an examination revealed Sarah had been strangled and sexually assaulted.

[570] It was thought that she was murdered in Curtis's room and hid in there only a few hours before the deputies searched the house.

[571] Oh, my God.

[572] It turns out that Curtis had been in trouble in Florida and had been arrested for committing several petty thefts and burglaries and basically had to leave.

[573] Curtis claimed he had been looking for help for years for his, quote, severe emotional problems.

[574] But in Florida, he was, quote, shifted from agency to agency without ever receiving proper treatment.

[575] Apparently, whatever Curtis had done, it was bad enough for Florida not to want him.

[576] That's what he wrote.

[577] The person wrote that.

[578] And I guess it was, according to the Deputy District Attorney, who, prosecuted him, Curtis had planned the murder about a week before it occurred.

[579] Planned it?

[580] Planned it.

[581] And also planned, but never carried out a similar murder two years earlier while in Florida, when he would have been around 12 or 13.

[582] Holy shit.

[583] Rosenbe...

[584] Oh, that Deputy District Attorney had claimed that Curtis had a belief that he had to kill to have sexual relations.

[585] Although he was found by the court experts to have some brain damage, it was not enough for an insanity defense.

[586] Curtis was convicted of a murder with a special allegation of sexual assault and received 25 years to life, although California Youth Authority could only actually hold him until he's 25, which would have been in the year 2000.

[587] Oh, my God.

[588] Four months after Sarah was found, her father, went to her grave site, sat vigil all night, then shot and killed himself over her grave.

[589] He was only 36 years old.

[590] Oh, honey.

[591] All of them.

[592] Oh, anonymous.

[593] That was a really good email.

[594] Who was molesting that kid?

[595] then, you know, like, you don't just become a sexual predator at 12.

[596] I mean, he lived in Florida, any fucking thing.

[597] It could have been like a clown in his closet.

[598] The worst things happen there.

[599] Well, this will just go to show you how important it is to fund mental health facilities and get people that, mental health for the government to not defund and all the...

[600] Goodbye.

[601] It's already been defunded.

[602] We haven't had that so long.

[603] That's fair, but it's going to get work.

[604] Presidency, it's going to come back.

[605] Yeah.

[606] No, for sure.

[607] I feel like that empathetic, you know, hold up your brother, care for others.

[608] Positive works.

[609] It's going to be happening.

[610] Yeah, it's going to be beautiful.

[611] It's a brand new day.

[612] Mm -hmm.

[613] All right.

[614] This is from Jacqueline.

[615] And of course I've read this because all cap subject line is Adirondack Nightmare.

[616] Full on fucked up.

[617] Ladies, hello, love the podcast, obviously.

[618] I'll get to right to the point here.

[619] My brother told me the story yesterday that is fiancé's cousin.

[620] Fasten your seatbelts, motherfuckers.

[621] She wrote motherfuckers.

[622] My soon -to -be sister -in -law's cousin was going through some shit, so her dad suggested she go up to their house in the Adirondacks for a few days to clear her head.

[623] God, that sounds nice, doesn't it?

[624] I would love to be there right this second.

[625] Let's go.

[626] Because also it wouldn't be 105.

[627] It also wouldn't be 105.

[628] She, and then also, that would mean someone had money in your family because having a house in the Adirondacks, that's got to be like fancy.

[629] I mean, don't they have their own.

[630] chair?

[631] The Adonics have their even have their own chair.

[632] It's an area of the country that has its own chair.

[633] And it's a comfy chair.

[634] It's like a rich you have to be.

[635] Like it's a chair that's supposed to, you're supposed to have a mojito in one hand.

[636] Yes.

[637] You know what I mean?

[638] It's a relaxing in the summertime chair.

[639] Absolutely.

[640] She went up for a long weekend, had been hearing some noises in the vents and just around the house, but she knew her dad had been having issues with squirrels in the house recently.

[641] I bet it's not squirrels.

[642] It's not squirrel.

[643] So she didn't think anything of it and just wrote it off for a few days.

[644] Bad idea.

[645] That's what that, yeah.

[646] Finally, after a few days, she calls her dad and tells him about the noises she's been hearing, and he tells her just to call the police to sort it out, as you do.

[647] She's reluctant at first because she doesn't want to bother the police if it's nothing, and then she wrote, fuck politeness, but her dad, I don't want to bother the police.

[648] I don't want to bother the police his job it is to check things out.

[649] Yeah.

[650] So I'm just going to get murdered.

[651] I mean, I don't know if that's true.

[652] But her dad convinces her to call, so she does.

[653] Listen to a man when he tells you what to do.

[654] Oh, man. She tells the police, we're just like, we're just attacking anyone that comes into the line of sight.

[655] His sweet dad is like, honey, I'm worried about you.

[656] Fuck that dad.

[657] Fuck him.

[658] Fuck the Adirondack chair.

[659] Fuck it all.

[660] She tells the police the deal and they say, sure, we'll come check it out.

[661] Are you alone in the house?

[662] To which she replies, yes.

[663] And they say, okay, no problem.

[664] We'll come check it out.

[665] Just give us a few hours.

[666] Now where than five minutes later, squad of police cars roll up to her house, lights and sirens ablaze and tell her to get out of the house now, come and.

[667] outside.

[668] Turns out there was a fucking man in her basement the entire time building a fucking cage to fucking keep her in.

[669] No. What?

[670] He was building the cage in her house?

[671] She had gone on a day with this man a few weeks prior and he had been stalking her ever since he followed her upstate and casually fucking began building a goddamn cage to keep her in.

[672] This is her writing.

[673] This is all her.

[674] In the basement of her own house.

[675] I wish I'd say this for last because how were we going to beat this.

[676] No, I know.

[677] This is the one to beat.

[678] The cops were able to figure it out because when she told them she was alone in the house, they saw or her and I'm not sure that someone else was on the phone line in the house.

[679] When I'm yelling, it's all her all caps, but also me freaking the fuck out.

[680] They saw that someone else was on the phone line in the house.

[681] That's some straight out of a scary story you tell it, a slumber party shit.

[682] She says.

[683] That is.

[684] It's like, that's an urban legend.

[685] For sure.

[686] Yeah.

[687] She probably made it up.

[688] Easy, easy.

[689] Sorry.

[690] I don't be Jackie.

[691] I mean, the sister, no, I'm sure she's fine.

[692] The craziest thing to me is that this dickweed had plenty of time to do whatever he wanted with this girl, but he was keeping her like a pet until the very right moment to do God knows what.

[693] Thank God nothing happened to her and she was able to stay sexy and not get cage murdered.

[694] Keep up the good work, ladies.

[695] Bye.

[696] Oh, my God.

[697] Thank you, Jackie.

[698] Jackie, that was fucking nuts so.

[699] Epic.

[700] That, want to know what that reminded me of?

[701] I just had a recovered memory.

[702] Something happened to you?

[703] Yes.

[704] But it doesn't, it clearly it's not going to end.

[705] It's not.

[706] It's not.

[707] Similar.

[708] But this was, I came home from being, so after I lived in Sacramento, I moved back home.

[709] Right.

[710] To live with my parents for a year because I had failed college and I failed life.

[711] Right.

[712] And so I had to go back home and live with my parents to just be a failure.

[713] That's always fun.

[714] I did that too.

[715] But I would drive up to Sacramento to hang out with.

[716] my friends because my whole social circles was like an hour and a half away really sucked a lot yeah so this one time i came home and uh i was going to go downtown to meet somebody i can't remember it was like a bar or whatever and i was blow drawing my hair and also we had this cat that was acting crazy just being super weird and flinching and doing weird shit and i kept going like what is why are you doing that and so i heard a loud noise while i was blow drying my hair so i turn the blowdra off and I just stand there and then I'm hearing like very faint noises so like a tick here almost like house settling yeah like someone moving slowly through the house yeah or just the house settling like I can't tell yeah so I go into my parents room and they had a their closet had its own door on it and I go to open the door no don't open it and they're it's it won't open it's like someone's pushing back on the door Karen and so I run out of the house get into my car I'm gonna cry and drive to my old house because we this was the house we moved into and I was a in the city exactly I move I drive out to and this is also um you know what maybe I wasn't going out because it was like late at night it was like 11 o 'clock at night I go out to my old neighbor Andy Withingtons and I wake him up him and his roommate Craig were like sleeping in this weird part their house and I'm like you there's someone in my house you have to come with me I get them to come back to the house with me they're all like boyed up yeah let's check this shit out we go in we're looking around everywhere and then Andy goes to open that door the bath um the closet door and he opens it and it was like kind of stuck yeah so I was like oh that's probably what it was and then as we're both standing he's like it was stuck you're so stupid and I'm like oh yeah and then I look up no and there's one of those attic holes yeah and the attic hole thing is turned to the side and I was just like look I just pointed up at him and he's like holy fuck and we ran out and called 911 oh my god and the pedal of police because it's a tiny town were there like literally like in two minutes there was a cop walking in my backyard holy shit like sneaking around it was crazy And then I had to give this whole thing and there was no one there and it was no one and it was nothing and I don't know why they looked up in the attic like they looked everywhere and it was nothing.

[717] It was something.

[718] It was so crazy and scary.

[719] Also because what in between the time where I thought someone was pushing back on my parents closet door, jumping into the car and driving out to the country to get Andy Wittington was like one of the scariest things I've ever done.

[720] Oh, because you're like someone's following me or in my backseat or just what is happening.

[721] But that doesn't make it, okay, that doesn't make any sense that both those things happened together, especially the second part.

[722] The only thing is the second part, it could have already been like that and I just never knew.

[723] It was like one of those things you don't notice.

[724] So what did your parents say?

[725] My dad's like, you need to take it easy.

[726] Of course.

[727] Thanks, dad.

[728] My dad's like, oh, drama.

[729] Oh, yeah.

[730] Men fucking belittling women and they're fucking fear.

[731] This was the one that Georgia just got.

[732] Militant.

[733] Are you ready for everything you could ever want in a murder story?

[734] Yeah.

[735] Because that's what I got right here from Lauren.

[736] Cool.

[737] She said, okay, this may end up a little long, but it's totally worth it.

[738] I grew up in a small northwest suburb of Chicago.

[739] My whole life, I've been hearing about the Colombo murders.

[740] It happened around the corner from the house I grew up in, but I wasn't born until 10 years later.

[741] Here goes.

[742] In 1976, Patty Colombo and her loser boyfriend, DeLuca, broke into the home she grew up in and murdered her mother, father and 13 -year -old brother.

[743] The father, Frank, was shot by DeLuca and then bludgeoned with a bowling trophy by Patty.

[744] Oh, that's symbolic.

[745] That's not good.

[746] Patty's mom, Mary, was found cowering in the bathroom.

[747] She was shot between the eyes, which medical examiners said killed her before she even hit the floor, and then her throat was slit.

[748] Oh, honey.

[749] You know, just to be sure.

[750] Here's the most fucked up part, and this is bad because it's her 13 -year -old brother.

[751] Yeah.

[752] Her brother, Michael 13, had slept through the initial.

[753] attack, so Patty and her boyfriend, Deluca, woke him up by shooting at him.

[754] Then Patty stabbed her brother 87 times with sewing scissors.

[755] Oh, my God.

[756] When he was found, officers thought he had a case of the measles.

[757] But then they realized his measles were little gashes all over his body.

[758] Holy shit.

[759] Patty and Deluca then set the thermostat to 97, left the house.

[760] The bodies weren't found until three days later.

[761] when Patty was informed of the murders instead of rushing to their side she started pointing fingers to potential leads and even tried to tie the mob Chicago what up tie in the mob sorry at the funeral she was openly flirting with detectives who with a detective who was playing the role to make Patty crack after more digging they found a bunch of fucked up shit like a film of Patty having sex with DeLuca's German Shepard Oh no!

[762] Oh no!

[763] Oh, oh, no. And then in all cap, she wrote, like, how does that even work?

[764] Oh, no. Oh, no, Lauren.

[765] This is terrible.

[766] This is terrible.

[767] Well, oh, so her boyfriend, Patty's boyfriend, was 36 and she was 16.

[768] Shut up.

[769] Yep.

[770] Ew.

[771] And he was married with five kids.

[772] What the fuck?

[773] What, you're, oh, man, fuck everything.

[774] Oh, they got indeterminate life sentences, which really means 200 to 300 years.

[775] Holy shit.

[776] So, good.

[777] A little justice got served there.

[778] Good God that had, I mean, Lauren, when you said this is, it had everything you could ever want in a murder story, it had a lot of things I did not want.

[779] Yeah.

[780] Did not want.

[781] That's true.

[782] I have never wanted.

[783] Totally.

[784] Oh.

[785] This one is from Mary, and it's called.

[786] my husband's murder house.

[787] Hey, George and Karen, I've been binging on your podcast over the past two months on my drive to and from work.

[788] Since I tote my puppy with me so that I can drop him off at dokey daycare, he's been binge listening too.

[789] And his cute puppy face makes it easy to get through the more depressing parts of your podcast.

[790] A picture, please.

[791] You two are hilarious, though, and I feel much better trained to avoid ever getting murdered.

[792] Thanks.

[793] Okay.

[794] So she has two murders.

[795] Let's just try this one and see if it's good enough to get to the second one.

[796] The first took place to my husband's previous house, and he, my husband, met the murderer.

[797] My husband sold his home near Columbus, South Carolina, to Shedric and Kia Miller, the sound made up, in 2012, about a year before we met.

[798] The couple appeared to be very happy and moved into the house with their two small children.

[799] Skip ahead a year or so, in January 2014, Shetterick's mother hadn't heard from him in several days and went to his house to his house.

[800] check on him.

[801] She found the two children aged three and one, so sad, dead in their beds, and the couple dead in their bed just down the hall.

[802] According to the police investigation, the mother and two children had been shot in the head by the father -husband, and then Shutterick turned the gun on himself.

[803] A little crazy to believe, especially since no one suspected anything was wrong with the family.

[804] They held Bible studies in their home, and church members said they didn't show any signs of having problems.

[805] Same from the neighbors.

[806] What about holding Bible studies in your home.

[807] I'm not inviting people into your home.

[808] Like, fucking psychopaths.

[809] Get out of my home.

[810] I mean, I'm getting my carpet clean tomorrow and I want to charge everyone who's ever been in my apartment to get my carpet clean.

[811] Oh, that's a good idea.

[812] Isn't it?

[813] Yeah.

[814] I'll give you like $7.

[815] Perfect.

[816] Thank you.

[817] Steven, you in for a couple bucks?

[818] I'll give you five.

[819] Thank you.

[820] Oh, yeah.

[821] Okay, let's see.

[822] Kia's sister came forward shortly after, though, and stated that Kea had talked to her about Shutterick's overbearing control of her, but that since you he wasn't violent towards her, Kia thought she'd be okay.

[823] One positive of the story is that Kea's sister is now sharing her sister's abuse story and her own experiences in an abusive relationship with others in an effort to help women in the same situation.

[824] The other story is a little more unnerving for me and a warning to single ladies to be very careful about who you get involved with.

[825] I'm sorry.

[826] I have to read it.

[827] The other story is more unnerving than the story you just read?

[828] I think, should I?

[829] You might as well.

[830] I mean, this is a, this is a fucking shit show.

[831] This is that everything is going wrong.

[832] Episode 42 is an abject failure.

[833] Yep.

[834] This episode's going to be called abject failure.

[835] Right?

[836] Yes.

[837] The victim, Jennifer Wilson, was my professor for a graduate course.

[838] And I want to express that she was an intelligent, compassionate, caring, and beautiful woman who I had the greatest respect for.

[839] I'm going to guess she's dead now, probably.

[840] I mean.

[841] Anyways, and she just talks about something totally different.

[842] Yeah.

[843] And the loss of her life impacted a lot of people.

[844] She was brutally killed by Hank Hayes in 2011.

[845] She had met Hank Hayes through a dating site, and they dated on and off for a little while.

[846] Hayes, H -A -W -E -S is Hayes.

[847] Or is that Haase, right?

[848] How, Hay.

[849] H -J -W -E -S?

[850] Haas.

[851] Haas.

[852] Was a little obsessed with Jennifer, though, and not in a good way.

[853] I mean, one's a good way.

[854] I mean, she picked up on his, she picked up on this and made an effort to end the relationship, but he refused to let her move on.

[855] He would constantly text her and wouldn't leave her alone.

[856] He showed up to her home in the middle of the night one evening and attacked her.

[857] One of her neighbors heard her pleading for her life and called the police.

[858] When they arrived, Jennifer had been stabbed 12 times in her neck and upper body and had defensive wounds on her arms.

[859] Her body and hair had been clean.

[860] She was unclothed, wrapped in a duvet cover and placed on her couch.

[861] Haas was still in the home.

[862] His clothes soaked in blood and he had slid his wrist.

[863] He was tried for Jennifer's murder and it only took the jury 30 minutes to determine he was guilty.

[864] He is currently serving a life sentence without parole.

[865] Ugh, what a wretched man. Ladies, watch out for yourselves.

[866] Hug your puppies and cats and don't get murdered.

[867] Thanks again for the awesome podcast, Mary.

[868] I feel like I saw that story where the guys, like on an ID channel, like some kind of stalking show.

[869] Yeah.

[870] Because...

[871] Oh, yeah.

[872] There's those stocked awful stock shows.

[873] I mean, they have every version of every horrible thing that's happened to people as a series.

[874] A bleep did I marry?

[875] That's a show.

[876] What about Swampkin or something like that?

[877] Or Swamp killers.

[878] Swamp killers.

[879] Just only murders in swamps.

[880] Then they have just ones of siblings only.

[881] What else is there.

[882] People who have used mason jars only to kill people.

[883] Oh, you mean Martha, Martha Stewart murders?

[884] It's called the Shabby Sheik murders.

[885] She thought she was classy, but she was just cheap.

[886] Turns out.

[887] She wanted a light stain on her old bookcase.

[888] And that would be the end of her.

[889] But instead, this stain was of blood on her carpet.

[890] It would be fun to be one of those in those, uh, voiceover people for the ID channel.

[891] Yeah.

[892] Because you kind of talk like this and then you talk like this.

[893] And the reality is.

[894] And then it's scary down here.

[895] Everything's fine and you're wonderful.

[896] But then...

[897] But then you go into the basement.

[898] And something happens.

[899] Do you want to do one more?

[900] Or you've done he done.

[901] I mean, let's see.

[902] I think I marked one more.

[903] Okay.

[904] I want you...

[905] Let's see.

[906] Why don't you...

[907] Why don't...

[908] Oh wait.

[909] I've just found another and okay you go ready oh this is um this is one that i got excited when i saw because uh it we already talked about this but it's first hand says from stephan and the subject line is the story is everything my favorite murder dreams slash nightmares are made of hello ladies first and foremost i love your podcast and i can't get enough i recently started listening and got my mom hooked to yay i'm pretty sure hi i'm pretty sure my husband is deeply unsettled by this and doesn't understand my true crime fascination.

[910] I think those three, that's a trifecta.

[911] Someone finds it.

[912] They tell their mom, their husband is freaked out by them.

[913] That keeps happening.

[914] I love it.

[915] I think that's how great marriages are built.

[916] So my hometown murder is probably something you've seen in the news recently, and it takes place mainly in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

[917] I said North, but it's South.

[918] Yes.

[919] Todd Colhep has been charged with kidnapping Cala Brown or Kayla Brown, Kala.

[920] and keeping her chained by the neck and ankles for two months inside a metal storage container on his property.

[921] Did I mention Kayla lived down the street from me in Anderson, South Carolina?

[922] As if it wasn't horrifying enough.

[923] Turns out he's a full -fledged serial killer and a bunch of bodies, and they found a bunch of bodies buried on his property.

[924] In 1987, Todd Colhup was convicted in Arizona for kidnapping and sexually assaulting a 14 -year -old girl.

[925] He was only 15 at the time of the crime.

[926] Oh, I didn't see that.

[927] It's really nice when we talk vaguely about something and then someone comes in with the facts and fills them in for us.

[928] It's great.

[929] We don't even have to do any research.

[930] I love this.

[931] Colup served 14 years in prison for this crime and registered as a sex offender when he got out.

[932] He decided to resettle in South Carolina where he purchased 100 secluded acres of land.

[933] Oh, that's always a good sign.

[934] Red flag.

[935] Red flag.

[936] Add that to the red flag list.

[937] It's long.

[938] Secluded acres of land.

[939] Over 10 secluded acres.

[940] You don't need it.

[941] You don't need that many.

[942] I don't even know what that looks like.

[943] It's really big.

[944] And it's only for cows.

[945] And storage containers.

[946] She said, can he be any more murdery?

[947] How was he allowed to do this?

[948] I mean, I guess it wasn't near a school or park, but just furthers the case for staying out of the damn woods.

[949] He became a real estate agent.

[950] Oh, why does that, for some reason, that really bothers me?

[951] Because he's around people all the time, families.

[952] And this, I remember, yes, and houses.

[953] She was working for him.

[954] Oh.

[955] Eventually starting his own company and employing as many as 10 other agents.

[956] Do you have to disclose your sex offender status to your employees?

[957] If you're the boss, you probably don't, right?

[958] I don't know.

[959] So how do you feel about working for, she's like writing a play?

[960] So how do you feel about working for a violent sex offender?

[961] Yeah, that's crazy.

[962] Yeah.

[963] You can just go on and live your normal life.

[964] I would think that you do have to notify he just didn't.

[965] I bet he I bet it was on the record somewhere so if you searched sex offenders in your area he would come up but I bet he doesn't have to tell them if he's the boss Right Maybe kids But then if kids Like your kid comes to the office Fuck man I mean clearly this guy wasn't fucking following the rules To begin with Yeah and here's the thing If you're if you're If you just got a new job You want to check LinkedIn You want to check Sex Offenders The Sex Offenders Registry Yeah Just do it Just do it Anyways, on August 31st, Carla Brown and Charlie Carver, who live right up the street from me, went missing when they answered an ad for Colette to do some work, help cleaning up the property.

[966] When they arrived, he pulled a gun and took them hostage.

[967] He immediately shot and killed Charlie and buried him in a shallow grave next to where the shipping container.

[968] So she knew.

[969] Yeah, she did.

[970] Where Cala was chained up for over two months.

[971] Two days after the couple went missing, Anderson County police started pinging Carla's cell phone, which eventually led police to Colise.

[972] property.

[973] It took them two weeks to get a search warrant.

[974] They started with flyovers of the property before taking their search to the ground.

[975] Police eventually heard Kala pounding on the storage container and they found her unharmed.

[976] Shortly after Kala was rescued, police realized they were dealing with serial killer.

[977] They have since found three other bodies.

[978] On the property, he also confessed to a 13 -year -old case where four employees at a Spartansburg motorcycle shop were shot in the back, in broad daylight, with no witnesses.

[979] I mean, what in the actual fuck.

[980] Google it.

[981] There is a weird, there is weird shit coming out daily on this guy.

[982] I am a transplant from Chicago and am seen often as the northern aggressor who won't say hi to anyone, but this further proves your argument of fuck politeness, apologize later.

[983] I do not need help with my groceries.

[984] I don't want to start small talk over my accent.

[985] And thank you Todd Kolup for ruining nature.

[986] Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

[987] Stay out of the woods.

[988] Stay sexy.

[989] Don't get murdered.

[990] Stephanie.

[991] What the fuck.

[992] I wonder who the other bodies are.

[993] And I want to look up that fucking shooting.

[994] I love when like, okay, like the murder I know I'm going to do in Chicago, like, there's one of two, but these like huge crimes that people don't, like a mass shooting and people are like how, like the yogurt shop murder.

[995] Yeah.

[996] It's like how the fuck do we still not know who did these?

[997] And then just some guy confesses.

[998] And it's like, okay.

[999] Yeah.

[1000] We would have never found this person.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] He has no links, no ties.

[1003] It's just some random person that's living to escape.

[1004] these evil things they've done.

[1005] Totally.

[1006] And moving away, like moving to South Carolina, moving to the countryside so that they, so that...

[1007] I mean, at first when I, when this story broke and they were like, we found this kidnapped girl.

[1008] Then it was like, I was so happy for her.

[1009] You know, like, her life's going to suck and be awful and hard to get through, but she can get through it.

[1010] And I was, when there's a survivor story, I'm so fucking relieved and unhappy, but it's just not, it's not, I mean, her boyfriend was killed next to her, you know, probably, and as an intimidation thing for her and bury, oh, what a fucking...

[1011] I mean, who knows?

[1012] Who knows?

[1013] No, it's hugely, huge trauma and insane, but she did live.

[1014] And that's, that's, that is amazing.

[1015] Because those are the stories, I mean, there's four other bodies on his property or three other bodies on his property.

[1016] And four people he killed in a motorcycle shop, she's so lucky.

[1017] I know.

[1018] So lucky to be alive.

[1019] God bless her.

[1020] as Karen would say.

[1021] Good bless her.

[1022] Good bless her.

[1023] How long?

[1024] Should we do one short one more and then have charity corner?

[1025] Sure.

[1026] Okay.

[1027] All right.

[1028] This is called my hometown horror.

[1029] Horroar.

[1030] Hey, I'm new to your podcast.

[1031] Nice work, by the way.

[1032] And I don't know if you're still wanting stories about hometown murders.

[1033] Oh, we are.

[1034] But here's mine if you want it or not.

[1035] Casey, I want you to be more confident.

[1036] Casey, I feel like you feel very vulnerable sending in this murder and we got you maybe.

[1037] You don't need to make yourself small.

[1038] No. We're here with you.

[1039] Celebrate good times.

[1040] Come on.

[1041] Come on.

[1042] Come on.

[1043] So Casey says back when I was about six or seven, something happened that shook our town to this day.

[1044] A 17 year old girl went out for a run on endless country roads in this area.

[1045] Well, not surprisingly, she went missing.

[1046] Years and years went by.

[1047] Flash forward to 2010, another jogger finds this trash bag on the side of the road.

[1048] For whatever reason, this weird.

[1049] decides to look into the bag.

[1050] Inside were some of the remains of the woman, dismembered and shepherded the bag.

[1051] Upon further investigation, four more bags were found scattered around the country, county, not country, county all containing the same woman's pieces.

[1052] Fucking hell.

[1053] It was that girl that had gone missing in the 90s, grown up and fucking dismembered.

[1054] Grown up.

[1055] Wait.

[1056] The girl who was a teenager and went missing in the fucking 90s.

[1057] Oh, this wasn't her teenage body.

[1058] This was her corona.

[1059] This is what it looks like.

[1060] Some fucked up fuck kidnapped that girl, held her for almost 20 years, murdered her.

[1061] This is a sad ending, your last story.

[1062] Then fucking dismembered her and threw her in the side ditch.

[1063] Yep, that's what happened here.

[1064] Nothing had happened before that and nothing has happened since.

[1065] The fucker was never caught and the poor family never got any answers.

[1066] He lives in town, clearly, right?

[1067] You wouldn't bring her all the way back.

[1068] to town, 20, you look so sad.

[1069] Well, I just don't, I mean, I don't, I don't have a theory except for it's so dark.

[1070] It's just like.

[1071] So dark.

[1072] The 20 years part.

[1073] Horrible.

[1074] But what really screws up my mind is that this rando kept this innocent girl alive somewhere close to this town for almost 20 years and no one was able to find and save her.

[1075] How terrible must have felt to be her and not be able to get help for that long.

[1076] Also, how sad for her family to realize that is so awful.

[1077] And then said also, also, What possesses someone to hold someone hostage for that long and then all of a sudden kill them?

[1078] What could have happened to make him snap and murder her after so long?

[1079] Okay, I'll stop thinking about it and let you guys mull this over.

[1080] Thanks.

[1081] Well, I mean, aren't these always the questions that come up that cannot be answered?

[1082] It's the reason that everybody's interested in this stuff.

[1083] And, yeah, I mean, what kind of monster?

[1084] What does he look like?

[1085] Does he look like?

[1086] Have you seen pictures of Todd Kohlup, the other guy?

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] he's really big.

[1089] Like, he's a very, very large man. I just wonder, like, after 20 years, like, don't you get attached some to your victim at some point?

[1090] Not if you're a psychopath or a sociopath.

[1091] Right.

[1092] Right.

[1093] No way.

[1094] Which you would have to be to do that.

[1095] I mean, no, it's...

[1096] They found her adult body.

[1097] I was not expecting that.

[1098] I thought maybe they would find her needed to like she had been kept somewhere as a dead teen body.

[1099] It's just a new low.

[1100] Poor sweet angel.

[1101] Poor sweet little.

[1102] Oh, man. Well, we went up for a little while and then we just went right back down.

[1103] What do we expect?

[1104] I don't know.

[1105] Well, I feel just as awful.

[1106] How about you?

[1107] Yeah, I feel pretty bad.

[1108] Well, at the end of the show now, we're doing one good thing, saying one good thing that happened to us this week.

[1109] Oh, yeah.

[1110] What good thing happened to you this week?

[1111] Nothing.

[1112] But I want to say that I, Karen, we donated some money as my favorite murder today.

[1113] So Brian Safi and Aaron Gibson from the Throwing a Shade podcast started posting on Instagram, just screen grabs of the charities they were just donating to.

[1114] And it was just like, just do this.

[1115] Like they kept posting places that they were donating to.

[1116] And I was like, all right, you know what?

[1117] I feel like shit.

[1118] I'm going to try that.

[1119] So I did a couple, and I did one as my favorite murder, to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

[1120] Great.

[1121] So we did that.

[1122] That's a good thing.

[1123] That's perfect.

[1124] Right?

[1125] That's a great thing.

[1126] Money counts.

[1127] Spend your money wisely.

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] And if you don't have money to give, just give blood or become a don marrow transplant.

[1130] I'm on the don marrow transfer.

[1131] Are you a don marrow?

[1132] I'm a donner.

[1133] What did I say?

[1134] Wow.

[1135] I didn't even catch that.

[1136] Don marrow?

[1137] Shit, man. And can I point out I've been drinking water this whole time?

[1138] Yeah, it's so cold.

[1139] I mean, I'm shit -based, but I'm just having been drinking.

[1140] But you're just drinking water.

[1141] Yeah.

[1142] Bone marrow transplant donor list and blood.

[1143] Try to give money.

[1144] You're just like, give every possible thing.

[1145] Give it all away.

[1146] You know what it is?

[1147] Just try to do things for other people.

[1148] That's actually, it really is something that makes people feel better is when you make human connection and you help out.

[1149] Yep.

[1150] Be a helper.

[1151] I think that's a great idea.

[1152] It's also something that I have to say, like, I'm not that good at because I'm always like time and, oh, and it's pain or my comfort or whatever.

[1153] I feel like that's something I would like to do better at, which is like, that's the whole idea of like volunteering is sacrifice and you're supposed to be kind of giving of yourself.

[1154] It's supposed to be time off of your couch where you're not comfortable.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] That's the whole idea.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] Yeah.

[1159] All right.

[1160] So the thing I was going to mention is our friend Glenys McCarthy, who is Matt McCarthy's wife.

[1161] Of the We Watch Wrestling Podcast.

[1162] Of the We Watch Wrestling podcast.

[1163] Of Georgia's husband's podcast.

[1164] Yay.

[1165] And Glenys's grandpa had Alzheimer's, and it's the Alzheimer's organization, which is it's ac t .alz .org.

[1166] You can go there, and Glenys' walk donation page, you can donate to her, because there's going to be the walk on November 12th, and you can donate to support her walk.

[1167] Her name is spelled Glenys, G -L -E -N -N -I -S, Postery -S, walk donation page.

[1168] I'm sure if you search it on the Alzheimer's Association website, you will find it.

[1169] and my mom has a page on there as well.

[1170] My mom died of Alzheimer's in January and I had a lot of very lovely people when she died donate to that page.

[1171] It's just, it's a disease that has to get cured because so many people are getting it and they're right on the verge of a cure.

[1172] They say there's a cure coming that they're working on right now and they're trying to get into the final stages that doesn't just stop.

[1173] the Alzheimer's, it reverses it.

[1174] It gets rid of the plaque or the thing that they think causes it in the brain.

[1175] Yeah, it kind of flushes it out.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] So that's amazing.

[1178] That would be, if that, if that's something we could do, it's as big to me as like cancer, obviously, because for personal reasons, but also because it's the kind of thing that like the way people live in this country and, you know, it's, it's becoming the, the hugest problem.

[1179] Yeah.

[1180] And so.

[1181] And it's a long, it's a long haul when someone you love gets it it's not.

[1182] It's awful.

[1183] It goes on for years and it's terrible.

[1184] So yeah, a lot of people need support giving money to the Alzheimer's organization.

[1185] You know, they have a lot of great support groups and stuff.

[1186] You know, there's outreach and they help people a lot.

[1187] There's a lot of good help.

[1188] So if your family's going through that, you probably already have, I mean, Jesus, all you do is look stuff up on the internet, but Alzheimer's organization is a really good one.

[1189] And so there's, I guess their walk, I think their walk is every year on November 12th or like every year in November.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] But please donate to that.

[1192] Definitely.

[1193] That's amazing.

[1194] Yeah.

[1195] I'm glad.

[1196] I like that.

[1197] Maybe we should just do that at the end.

[1198] We each have a charity that we're, or some charitable organization that we shout out.

[1199] Oh, not every week.

[1200] I know.

[1201] That's just fake.

[1202] Then it's like, oh, save the Starfish.

[1203] Like, come on.

[1204] I don't care about that many things.

[1205] Okay, fair enough.

[1206] You do it.

[1207] You can.

[1208] I'm good one.

[1209] Look at my friend Mimi.

[1210] Mimi came to see you.

[1211] Mimi's my friend and she's not everybody's friend.

[1212] No, Mimi don't like everyone.

[1213] She gets a little freaked out.

[1214] You guys, she digs you too.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Well, go, go, you guys, go do something good for someone.

[1217] Yeah.

[1218] And it'll make you feel better about how fucked up.

[1219] everything is.

[1220] Right?

[1221] Is that how it happens?

[1222] Right?

[1223] Let us know if it works.

[1224] Yeah.

[1225] Hey, Elvis, come in here.

[1226] Um, thanks for listening, you guys.

[1227] We hope, uh, we hope, you know, we have hope.

[1228] Stay sexy.

[1229] And don't get murdered.

[1230] Elvis?

[1231] Do you want a cookie?

[1232] Come on, man. Oh, man. Oh, Mimi, you want a cookie?

[1233] Mimi.

[1234] No. Mom, Mimi, you might be my friend.

[1235] Elvis.

[1236] Cookie.

[1237] Hi.

[1238] Cookie.

[1239] Cookie All right I think I heard him Cookie I mean See we go Yeah there Here it comes Elvis want a cookie You want kindly Want cookie Take your time Well now you're going to have to wait for a cookie Yeah Just kidding Cookie Cookie He's like yeah All right bye Bye Bye