Will Arnett

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dax Shepard, and I'm joined by Eminie nominated.

[2] Eminie nominated.

[3] Eminie, Emineminated.

[4] Emine, Eminie, Eminie, Manicadman.

[5] We've got an old pal of mine today.

[6] Oh, you guys go way back to when you were just tiny buddies.

[7] Will Arnett, A .K. Bill Arnett, aka Barney, is here in the attic.

[8] What a fucking delight this has been.

[9] He was nominated for six primetime Emmys.

[10] You surely fell in love with him on Arrested Development.

[11] He's got a really hysterical show on Netflix called BoJack Horseman.

[12] Of course, he's Batman in the Lego movie and in the Batman movies.

[13] Flake, most importantly, Let's Go to Prison that most people think is called Let's Go to Jail.

[14] And the list goes on.

[15] Now, he has a new show that looks absolutely awesome called Lego Masters.

[16] It premieres Wednesday, February 5th on Fox.

[17] Check it out if you want to see Crazy Geniuses Assemble, Crazy.

[18] things with Legos.

[19] I'm in.

[20] I'm in.

[21] Oh my gosh.

[22] Your kids are going to love it.

[23] Absolutely.

[24] Absolutely.

[25] Now, just a reminder, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.

[26] Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

[27] Day of love.

[28] It's a day of love and it's the day that Monica and just loves boys.

[29] Debuts.

[30] That's right.

[31] We'll be in your inbox shortly, so please look for that.

[32] Check it out.

[33] Check it out.

[34] Monica and just love boys.

[35] I threw an S on there.

[36] I've been doing that too.

[37] So forgive me in these episodes, because I have been.

[38] and saying it wrong.

[39] It's just a grammar issue.

[40] Well, it's, you're coming out of Jess, which is an S, and then you're going to end with boys, and then you just pop it in the middle there.

[41] You know, that's one reason to listen is it makes you think.

[42] Yeah, it could be a drinking game.

[43] Every time you add an S, pound, pound, pound.

[44] All right, everybody, please enjoy Barney Arnett.

[45] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[46] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcast.

[47] or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts He's an object to I've heard my name has come up a couple of times And people ask me all the time what happened Daxson never asked you to be honest thing I said no he hasn't He refuses to ask I have a hard time asking like friends I thought that we were like falling out friends That's what I really thought Let's talk about let's say Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48] Let's say, this is good shit.

[49] This is juicy, juicy stuff.

[50] This is Hollywood Babylon right here.

[51] You know what I like about Rob?

[52] Can I just say this?

[53] Rob feels like, he's like the guy, he's not a pilot, but he's the guy off to the side behind the pilots.

[54] He's the co -pilot.

[55] No, but what do you call him?

[56] He's the maps guy.

[57] Really quick.

[58] I can listen to you think.

[59] That voice is so great.

[60] You go, he's the, um.

[61] Yeah, this is nice.

[62] And I'm like, take your time.

[63] Take your time.

[64] and think about the right answer because I could listen to you think with that voice.

[65] Do you remember that guy in that parking lot in Illinois?

[66] I know you do.

[67] And there was a guy he was a waiter at Bennington.

[68] Chili's or TGIF?

[69] TGIF.

[70] No, but what was the other place?

[71] Applebee's?

[72] Applebee's?

[73] Applebee's?

[74] No, it wasn't Applebee?

[75] It was Benegins.

[76] It was Benegins where we had that salad, like deep fried salad.

[77] It was the only healthy food.

[78] Deep fried salad.

[79] You and I thought we were killing it on our diet.

[80] Remember we would We would eat these deep fried chicken salads and we were like, it was terrible.

[81] But this guy came and he had a Camaro and he was telling us about his brother -in -law and we were like, we will listen to this guy talk about his brother -in -law for as long as he had like a ripped t -shirt.

[82] Well, he was, you've kind of elevated his station at that restaurant.

[83] He was really a, that's true.

[84] He was a bus boy.

[85] He was a bus boy.

[86] Yeah, and a bit of a barback too, like when necessary.

[87] And by the way, I don't think he recognized either of us I just think he was drawn to our night.

[88] We went there every single night.

[89] Every night.

[90] Yeah, and we're tall, I guess.

[91] That's part of it.

[92] And then I had a cool car.

[93] You had a cool car, and we were the only people in there who weren't overtly depressed.

[94] Yes, yes, yes.

[95] I think that that was a big part of it, too.

[96] It was, and he was drawn to us, and he would come over, and he, in all honesty, the first few times he would tell a story, we were not super interested.

[97] But once he started in with the brother -in -law stories, oh, you were in.

[98] And we decided that any story that, starts with my brother -in -law, you just know it's going to be a doozy.

[99] We're like, everybody else shut up.

[100] This guy's talking.

[101] You had that souped -up Cadillac.

[102] The CTSV, the first iteration of it.

[103] Yeah, that's right.

[104] Six -Speed.

[105] Dax drove this caddy from L .A. to Illinois to Chicago.

[106] Yeah.

[107] Because we were making this movie in this prison, which I was just talking about the other day with somebody.

[108] And I was just talking about how depressing it is to shoot in a prison.

[109] Yeah, I say that all the time, too.

[110] I go like, I am by no means think I know the prison experience but just simply filming in there 10 hours a day, even knowing you could leave, you're like, oh man, because you couldn't stretch your arms out, Monica, all the way.

[111] Like for Will and I, our arms were about this far stretch and we're touching both walls.

[112] They built it and they build those places, obviously, to be intimidating, especially then they were sort of draconian in the way that they were laid out and it was on purpose to make you feel small and shitty and like you were having your freedom taken away.

[113] Yeah.

[114] Juliet, state prison is what it was.

[115] And I would say the darkest moment for sure was we were filming in the communal showers there at the prison.

[116] And oh man, we were just, we were like, oh my God, do you know how much horror this room has seen?

[117] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[118] You could, you could feel it.

[119] Yeah, that was the worst.

[120] I was talking about this yesterday.

[121] Listen, nobody saw this movie.

[122] No. Let's go to prison.

[123] Yeah.

[124] And although the only people that I found that seemed to really enjoy that movie is it's always someone at valet they're like let's go to prison yeah and it's so exciting that for whatever reason it really calls to valets truck i get a lot of guys in trucks i get like like i'd be walking the street in new york and i thought you're about to say homeless guys i don't know if it's huge in that community but i do know that i got a bunch guys would yell out a prison also can i add and i think we share this is that 99 % of the time they say, oh, let's go to jail.

[125] It's always let's go to jail.

[126] I don't know why prison is...

[127] Because nobody wants to go to prison.

[128] Jail, you feel like you're getting...

[129] It's just a stop.

[130] It's like a 90 -minute stop in jail.

[131] You have some laughs and then you carry out.

[132] But prison, it does invoke a much darker vibe.

[133] Well, let's go to prison is a perfect place to start for you and I, because we met for that movie.

[134] That's where we became friends.

[135] We met as the movie was coming together.

[136] You were already doing it.

[137] And then I came on after you.

[138] Mm -hmm.

[139] I'll never forget when you came in.

[140] And we went outside after you read and we had a cigarette together.

[141] At Tom Warner's office.

[142] Yep.

[143] Which is weird.

[144] All these years later, I'm now still friends with Tom Warner.

[145] Oh, he's the sweetest man alive.

[146] And I ended up doing that brother Solomon with him, which she produced.

[147] And then I just did a show with him for the BBC that's coming out.

[148] Oh, really?

[149] Next year about soccer.

[150] About a fictitious Premier League soccer team.

[151] Who are you in that?

[152] I'm the American chairman of the team.

[153] Of course.

[154] This guy's a fool.

[155] Typecast.

[156] So that's where we met.

[157] Was it before or after Arrested Development?

[158] It was concurrent with...

[159] Oh, during.

[160] He was in the third season.

[161] You must have been excited.

[162] I had not seen that show yet.

[163] And in fact, I went and watched it because I became friends with Will.

[164] And I was like, oh my God, I was sleeping on the funniest show on TV.

[165] But what's interesting is when we met, and this is all my baggage.

[166] Sure.

[167] Let's unpack it.

[168] Let's do it.

[169] You know, I was from a modest background.

[170] Sure.

[171] And I was like, this dude, I can tell this dude's got money.

[172] And I was so triggered by you.

[173] When I first met you, I'm like, this guy is like, he's like blue blood.

[174] Again, it's a tighten industry.

[175] And I felt a little less than.

[176] It's all my shit.

[177] And I went to the movie going, I don't know if I like this guy.

[178] And then we got stuck in these apartments that you could call corporate housing, but it's not, it wasn't even that.

[179] I don't know what corporation would put their employees in that.

[180] You know, I mean...

[181] Well, I'll tell you which kind, like a cruise liner that's trying to house the below -deck employees until the thing leaves poor.

[182] Yes.

[183] That's kind of what corporation would happen.

[184] That's exactly right.

[185] So right when we got there, I, like, gave you a call, and you were like, there's a Starbucks on the corner.

[186] Let's go over there and get a brevet.

[187] Do you drink brevays?

[188] I'm like, what's a brevet?

[189] It's half and half.

[190] And you were fucking sucking down these brevies about nine ounces of half and half.

[191] Nine, it was 30 ounces of half and half.

[192] It was they called the arm tingling.

[193] You can feel your arteries clogging up.

[194] And it started right then.

[195] Your role in my life, in my narrative, is you introduced me to all this stuff.

[196] So one of them being this really kind of what I thought was quite a fancy drink over at Starbucks.

[197] I mean, you're going through $6, $7 worth of half, and a half just to get the caffeine.

[198] And we're banging back camel lights and sucking down these brevets.

[199] So I went in there just thinking like, oh, this guy's, this guy's too rich for me. He's going to spit on me from his limousine at one point.

[200] Lindsay was it the brevet that made you feel like he was rich I don't understand why you bought that no no no it was back at the audition months before but why what just his voice I you know me we just uncovered this recently that like I don't know anything about Celine Dion but she reads to me as not her yeah she reads to me as like rich a little and fancy she's not I mean she's now I think but she's got to be loaded but but beyond Can you imagine?

[201] No. But I think that there is something, and I think that, look, we haven't hung out a lot in the last couple of years, but we did, after that, spent a lot of time for years.

[202] I mean, we were thick as thieves.

[203] So much fun.

[204] So much fun.

[205] So many deep laughs.

[206] But I will say this, I think that back then, you, in a lot of ways, were coming alive to the world around you.

[207] And not that you had lived in a cocoon.

[208] I mean, you were very.

[209] Well, I've been famous for things.

[210] 36 minutes at the time we met.

[211] I remember your big joke was, listen, don't tell me, I've been in show business for the better part of nine and a half months, which is always hilarious.

[212] I had a lot of like, oh, do I fit in here?

[213] I got to catch up.

[214] You did a lot of thin slicing.

[215] Thin slicing, Malcolm Gladwell.

[216] Yeah, so there was a lot of things.

[217] I mean, I like to think that he took it from me, but I know he didn't, but it's just what I like to think.

[218] That's how I am.

[219] Sure, sure.

[220] But, you know, it's funny, you taught me. that I think about all the time.

[221] I remember years ago I was buying a new apartment and I was like oh man this is a lot of money and blah blah and you said to me I think Bruce Willis said it to you and you told me this to kind of like to kind of steal me to this notion of doing it you said you've always got a bet on yourself and I remember you saying that and I have and I've been doing it ever since that is so wild because you know when I think about the different things that were triggering to me about you which it was all just jealousy.

[222] A couple of aspects that you have in general, which are great characteristics.

[223] You have an optimism that I always been jealous of.

[224] It's a great quality.

[225] Like you'd go on vacation.

[226] And I go, how much did you spend on this vacation?

[227] Remember, be obsessed with whatever you were spending.

[228] I'm counting your money all day long.

[229] What a terrible quality.

[230] And you go, fuck, I don't know, man. And I was like, God, how's he so comfortable?

[231] There was just an optimism, which proved to be true.

[232] Like, I'll work.

[233] Everything will be fine.

[234] I had such a death grip on like any penny I may. Oh yeah You were always counting other people's money And you were always worried about rank And where everybody fit in That's right And so you was always like People's level of fame This guy is here, I'm here Well you're older than me I think you were able to be very gracious with me Yeah, maybe I mean I'm five years older That's another So back onto the optimism When we were doing When in Rome That was 12 years ago So you were I guess you were 37 or 38 And you were like Can you fucking bullet 38?

[235] Isn't this great?

[236] Look at this.

[237] And I was like, I'm panicking about getting older, and you're thrilled.

[238] Like, you were so excited.

[239] That's great.

[240] It is.

[241] Yeah.

[242] Yeah, because you would have had a birthday because we did that movie in the spring.

[243] That's right.

[244] We did the spring.

[245] That's exactly right.

[246] I turned 38.

[247] And you kept going, I'm knocking on the back door, 40.

[248] Can you believe that?

[249] And you were pumped.

[250] Thank you for saying that.

[251] I don't know if I'm optimistic.

[252] I do believe that everything works out.

[253] And I believe it now, even now, more than ever, if that's possible.

[254] There were a few years where I did not.

[255] Uh -huh.

[256] And what it taught me. was you just get what you put out there.

[257] If I'm thinking about the lack of something, I get more lack of.

[258] I know, I know.

[259] Well, by the way, this whole year for me, I just keep spiraling around this notion of the story you're telling yourself.

[260] I'm just obsessed with your story.

[261] It's all I talk about.

[262] Oh, really?

[263] So you naturally, your brain wants to confirm your theories.

[264] It wants to prove your right.

[265] So whatever fucking thing you think, your brain's gonna subconsciously prove that you're correct.

[266] And you are collecting the evidence and you're making a case for your own limitations.

[267] You are fighting for your limitations.

[268] And all you're going to get is more of that.

[269] And I heard a guy telling a story recently.

[270] This is an older gentleman deep into his 70s.

[271] You can't wait.

[272] Who had strike him?

[273] And I thought, I thought, that's how you're doing that?

[274] Oh, buddy, just wait.

[275] Because I know, as you know, I know that I'm going to live to be 120.

[276] I know it.

[277] It's why I smoked all my life.

[278] Yeah, you can do.

[279] You know why?

[280] It's because I thought, listen, I'm never going to die.

[281] I need to do something to curtail this because I can't keep this going forever.

[282] Look at this fucking chassis.

[283] But I remember hearing this guy telling this story.

[284] This was very recently, and he was talking about the fact that he was, and he kept using the word orphan.

[285] I'm an orphan, but it turned out his mom was still alive and very much in his life, but he was telling him, and he had struggled his old life in and out of all sorts of stuff, and I thought, this poor son of a bitch, he's holding on a story that's 65 years old.

[286] Yeah, yeah.

[287] And he keeps, and that is the thing that keeps holding him back and like, why bother?

[288] I know.

[289] If I'm younger and I'm somewhere and I'm hearing this, I have to say, I'm going to be like, bullshit, but I'm telling you it is so fucking true.

[290] It's so true because what happens is, look, it's really popular to roll out how shitty things are and how shitty you feel, and you're going to get a ton of people to co -sign on it.

[291] I would argue, especially where you and I are from as well, people trade and that's the currency.

[292] I mean, even though you're from Detroit, I'm from Toronto, they're only a couple hours apart from each other.

[293] It's very sort of similar part of the world, similar sensibility.

[294] Both hockey towns.

[295] Both hockey teams.

[296] I know.

[297] We'll get into that in a minute.

[298] Detroit is not hockey tale.

[299] You gave themselves that name.

[300] But earmark that.

[301] Just earmark it.

[302] Earmark it.

[303] You can't give yourself your own nickname.

[304] Everybody knows you can't give yourself your own nickname.

[305] Yeah, that's a good rule.

[306] So anyway, but, you know, the idea that negativity and all that stuff, look, you do it because you're going to elicit sympathy or people are going to sign off on it and people are going to go, yeah, yeah.

[307] It's also just like a way to connect.

[308] It seems like an easy way to connect.

[309] But then if you try to come on and you're like, well, you know, things are good, I'm looking for this.

[310] This is happy, blah, blah, but people go, well, that's not sincere.

[311] Well, why is that less valid than the other?

[312] Yes, yes, yes.

[313] And you find that in life, you're kind of gathering in your satchel some bad stories you can't wait to share.

[314] And by the way, the specific Detroit chip on the shoulder is almost every story is about a boss who's a fucking asshole.

[315] Who got its comeuppance or this cocksucker at the gas station.

[316] It's always like, there's some villain.

[317] They all end with me. And I told this motherfucker, you can suck this ass.

[318] you know it's like okay well good for you yeah and i just and i was like oh i get it that's where i came from and that was totally normal and that's i got to break that habit but the problem is everybody thinks and i have all these bad experiences and i talk about it a lot and i'm working through and i'm going back and i'm like if you've got a time machine and you can go back and fix it let me know where the time machine is but you can't go into the past and fix that shit so why are you spending time giving it air a let it die on the vine and be now all it is is you're dragging it up into your experience and people talk they give pay lip service to the idea of that it's all about the journey blah blah blah blah well the journey is now you're talking about it right now what are you waiting to get to it's now that's it yeah what are you going to spend your time talking about well interesting because my new year's resolution was I'm going to start telling people I'm a great sleeper yeah I love that it's just the simplest thing because you know what once a week I tell someone I'm a bad sleeper and then I have insomnia and guess what I go confirm that seven nights a week.

[319] If you say things are going to be hard for me, guess what?

[320] Things are going to be hard for you.

[321] Yeah.

[322] Always.

[323] And it has really helped me turn the corner with my kids on this subject as well.

[324] I went to a thing at my kids' school where they were talking about, there was a math thing last year.

[325] They were telling the parents walking them through this new way that they're teaching the kids math.

[326] Oh, right.

[327] It's really cool.

[328] And they go, who here, there's all these parents, who here is bad at math?

[329] And I, amongst half the other parents, put my hand, up, your bad at math.

[330] Why?

[331] Well, I was told I was bad at math.

[332] Okay, well, and then they broke down how they used to teach math, and it was a very sort of finite thing.

[333] The answer was either right or wrong.

[334] Right.

[335] Now what they do is they take them through and they look at your work and they say, well, actually, we looked at kids in the way they did stuff.

[336] And maybe in the process, they missed one component, which made their answer wrong, but actually most of it was right.

[337] But their whole point was, we're trying to encourage kids to look at where those mistakes were made, actually we're finding a lot more success.

[338] These kids are turning out to be, they are pretty good at math.

[339] They made one little mistake.

[340] And their whole life, I mean, my whole life, I made that mistake.

[341] I was wrong.

[342] So I had shitty math scores.

[343] And that's into the next thing, which is it doesn't have to be hard.

[344] We have this notion that things have to be hard in order for something to be of value.

[345] And that's just not true.

[346] Anytime I'm doing anything that like workout related or anything, anything that's miserable, I'm like, oh, I'm going to get some major results.

[347] I have that so linked I thinked in my head, and I've got to suffer.

[348] No pain, no gain.

[349] That's right.

[350] Bullshit.

[351] That's right.

[352] You've probably figured out a way.

[353] I know you will.

[354] Just get horizontal.

[355] Hook up the machine and wake up ripped.

[356] If anyone could do it.

[357] I wish.

[358] Yeah, I've been mixing it up more in getting outside.

[359] I've been doing that L .A. hiking thing.

[360] What's that?

[361] Which is hiking.

[362] Oh.

[363] Oh, I thought it was like an actual club.

[364] It did seem like a real thing.

[365] I know.

[366] It's not.

[367] Like hashtag L .A. hiking.

[368] No. People call it hiking.

[369] I mean, it's really just going for a walk.

[370] It's a walk uphill.

[371] Generally, it's uphill, though.

[372] It is a difference.

[373] It's a lot of uphill.

[374] Yeah.

[375] Okay, so I just want to go quit through the chronology.

[376] So we meet on that movie, and boy, I went into that going like, I don't think I'm going to like this guy because he's rich and I'm poor.

[377] We still haven't totally deciphered why, other than just his appearance.

[378] It was a spidey sense thing that I felt.

[379] Did you come from money?

[380] No, I mean, I came from a good family, sure.

[381] Upper middle class.

[382] Yeah, yes.

[383] Okay.

[384] That's fair.

[385] Yes.

[386] So his father was the president of Molson and the CEO.

[387] Yes, that's right.

[388] And he was a Harvard -educated lawyer.

[389] And the prime minister sometimes ate at their house.

[390] Okay, all right.

[391] But anyway, that's vaguely accurate.

[392] Okay, vaguely accurate.

[393] So I wasn't completely off.

[394] The point is, by the way, 100 % my shit.

[395] Yeah.

[396] Okay.

[397] We go there within five minutes of that trip to Starbucks.

[398] Yeah.

[399] I am head over heels in love.

[400] It was a full -on love affair.

[401] And I remember at the time, my ex -wife saying, like, how's it going with that guy, Dax?

[402] I go, it's unbelievable.

[403] Wait, he's moving in with us.

[404] I wanted to.

[405] I know.

[406] I got that huge privilege, huge honor of being Babers 3, which I just think, because they were Babers.

[407] Babers 1 and 2.

[408] Babers was a term that we used quite openly.

[409] Yeah.

[410] And I gently campaigned to maybe become Babers 3.

[411] That's totally true.

[412] opened their arms and they took me in.

[413] I felt so lucky.

[414] That feels good.

[415] It was very sweet.

[416] I felt very lucky.

[417] But we had so much of it.

[418] And then I'd be remiss to not bring up the key component, which is Dave Kekner of this movie.

[419] Dave Kekner, what a delight he is.

[420] He's a national treasure.

[421] He is that baby face.

[422] And he gave us nicknames immediately.

[423] And you became Barney.

[424] So whenever I talk about you, still to this day, some 15 years later, I only call you Barney.

[425] And it's all from Dave Kackner.

[426] And so Barney stemmed from, it was Bill Arnett, then Barnett or something, Barnett, then and then Barney.

[427] And then, and so Barney, or just straight up, Barnes.

[428] Yep.

[429] There was a man on the movie, and his name was Miguel, but Miguel went by Mike.

[430] And so on a call sheet for folks that don't know, you get a little sheet the day before, the next day of filming, and it says, like, what time you got to come into work.

[431] And then they put your name and what time you got to arrive.

[432] Well, we started noticing that they were writing Miguel, the Mike.

[433] Oh, wow.

[434] They were writing The Mike, which was, we found so fascinating.

[435] And his name was Niño, which is The Baby in Spanish.

[436] So we started saying the Mike the Baby.

[437] We were obsessed with the Mike the Baby.

[438] And then we had this whole thing where, oh, my God, Miguel Nino, by the way, did a great job in the movie.

[439] Super nice guy.

[440] Super nice.

[441] Anyways, that's neither here or no, there.

[442] One part that's really relevant for me is that the best part of doing that movie with you is that I was six months sober.

[443] I got sober in September of 2004, and we went in like maybe February or something of 2005.

[444] And I was like, I'm going to be out of town.

[445] There's all these red flags for me, newly sober.

[446] And then you were sober, and I was like, what a fucking gift from the guys.

[447] I was four and a half year sober at the time, yeah.

[448] What a blessing for me. Yeah, that was right on time.

[449] Uh -huh.

[450] For both of us, really.

[451] They were in that place and that thing and that we had the bulk of the scenes were together and all this stuff and we spent all day and night together we're both sober.

[452] Made a big difference.

[453] Okay, so what's interesting, I think for most people that know you is that you're a comedian as you are, but you started as a serious actor.

[454] You went to the Strasbourg, right?

[455] Yeah, I did that.

[456] I was in New York and I was trying to do like indie films and I was trying to...

[457] The short answer is I made that mistake in youth of thinking that I wanted people to take me seriously, you know, which I've completely let go of.

[458] I could not have let go of it anymore.

[459] Why do you think you wanted people to, like, look at, you know, serious or?

[460] Sometimes when you're young, like, you think that there's a sort of a romantic notion to that.

[461] Yeah, like a gravity.

[462] Well, we're both romantics, right?

[463] That's why we became drunks.

[464] Yes, I think that's true.

[465] Yeah.

[466] I don't consider myself a comedian per se.

[467] It's weird.

[468] When people say, like, what do you do?

[469] Like, you know, I'm like, I don't know.

[470] I know.

[471] It's very curious.

[472] A, I can say this with full conviction.

[473] I've been on a lot of sets over the last 17 years.

[474] There's no human being funnier than Will Arnett on a set.

[475] There's no, I've been with all the comedians, there's nobody more fun and funny on a set than Arnette.

[476] Wow.

[477] So the notion that you would think you're not a comedian, but anyways, yeah, because what you didn't do, UCB or Second City or something.

[478] Yeah, and like, yeah, whatever.

[479] I mean, I'm not a stand -up.

[480] Right.

[481] Yet.

[482] Yeah, that's right.

[483] But, well, I guess Chevy Chase is a little bit.

[484] I don't know.

[485] You and I both loved, that was our guy, right, growing up?

[486] Love Chevy Chase.

[487] He was really charming and he was so confident.

[488] And he was confident, but he was okay with making himself the butt of the joke, too, and kind of looking foolish.

[489] You know what movie I just rewatched a few times in the last month is Midnight Run and it really holds up.

[490] It does.

[491] And it is a perfect movie.

[492] And, you know, tone in a movie is so hard.

[493] It's totally perfect all the way through.

[494] Charles Groton and De Niro, to me, it's peaked in ear on people would be like, oh, what are you talking about?

[495] Raging Bull.

[496] I'm like, fuck off.

[497] Yeah, yeah.

[498] That sounds like that kind of argument that would happen only in New York City, but continue.

[499] Yeah, for sure.

[500] No, no, as you know, with Twitter and everything, everybody's an expert now.

[501] Yeah, yeah.

[502] Everybody, especially me. Everybody's an expert.

[503] Yes.

[504] It used to be that you just didn't have to hear everybody's opinion.

[505] Now you have to hear everybody's opinion.

[506] Ricky Jervis has this joke, which is like the whole idea of, like, Twitter or social media or whatever outrage culture is the equivalent of going down to the, middle of town and taking one of those, you know, somebody's put up like a leaflet for guitar lessons, I think it is, with a bunch, you know, you take the phone number off and grabbing the number and then screaming out, I don't want guitar lessons.

[507] I'm bludgeoning the joke, but the notion is right.

[508] Still pretty great.

[509] Which is like, you know, the other one that I like that is the sort of the idea of self -centeredness or self -importance, which applies to me too, that I recognize and makes me laugh, is the old story of the analogy of the guy who's at a baseball game and he's watching the baseball game and he hears, hey, Phil.

[510] And he kind of turns around.

[511] Kind of mad and then he's going, hey, Phil.

[512] He's like, oh, turns around.

[513] And he hears, hey, Phil.

[514] And he finally turns around and goes, hey, my name's not Phil.

[515] And that's the world we live in, yeah, I mean.

[516] But also, we can laugh about it.

[517] I'm not, like, hung up on like, oh, man, I really need to fix myself.

[518] No, I'm not here to fix myself.

[519] Yeah, oh, you're not.

[520] No, we don't need to fix ourselves.

[521] We don't, tell me. Well, if we're going to get into A .A. speak.

[522] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[523] I saw, well, it's all up to you.

[524] I talk about A .A. all the time.

[525] You do.

[526] If you take somebody through the steps and they're like, well, me, might not be an alcoholic.

[527] Well, yeah, but this could also just help anybody.

[528] But here, so fourth step, fourth and fifth step, super, super important.

[529] Couldn't it be better for anybody.

[530] Six step, seven step.

[531] humbly ask God to remove these shortcomings, right?

[532] Nowhere in there does it say, and go back and fix it.

[533] Nowhere.

[534] It doesn't say that.

[535] Yeah.

[536] That's really what has stuck out to me in the last couple of years.

[537] I don't need to double back and drill down on shit that doesn't work.

[538] There's no point.

[539] I can recognize it and let it go.

[540] I've been mulling this over a lot lately, which is like I'm aware of it.

[541] I recognize where it all stems from, it comes from, and yeah, when do I put that to bad?

[542] I guess I'm getting to the age and you're a few years ahead of me where I'm like okay I understand it I've got to guess I've dealt with it I've explored it and maybe now it's time to move on I'm confused exactly how I do that but I have been thinking again it's the story thing it's like oh I'm a dyslexic and I'm a this and I'm a that well that's your whole card that you're holding on to and the question is do you want that to be the thing that defines you do you want to be defined as a dyslexic kind of but not Just for better parking?

[543] Yes, I want much better parking.

[544] But I mean, you know what I mean?

[545] Like, what is it?

[546] No, you want to be, your identity is that you're someone who's overcome dyslexia.

[547] Yeah, that's great, that's great.

[548] You're right.

[549] That seems like a virtue.

[550] And it's not because I'm probably bragging a little bit.

[551] And by the way, okay.

[552] Well, I saw, you know what?

[553] I learned this by being in a lot of press with another actor.

[554] You can learn so much from watching other people about yourself.

[555] And so this story that the person was telling, which was dead true, which is like, came from nothing, nothing.

[556] And then now is this.

[557] And I was just watching it over and over again.

[558] And I was like, oh, yeah.

[559] And so what?

[560] That's my story, too.

[561] And I lean into that all the time.

[562] And, like, who really cares?

[563] The impressive thing is you're doing what you're doing today.

[564] Yeah.

[565] And the truth is, you're a really smart, you know, and I'm not just saying, you're a really smart, charismatic, funny, loving, great friend.

[566] Our joke used to always be like, you want somebody to describe you as like, a great friend.

[567] He's so generous.

[568] Such a great listener.

[569] What did they say about me?

[570] But it's true.

[571] And you are all those things.

[572] And super funny guy, super creative, all those things.

[573] So whatever else you're telling, you're the only one who's telling that story.

[574] Oh, I know.

[575] And then also the things that I've evaluated that are attractive about me. I'm so wrong about so many times.

[576] I had the most profound moment doing chips, right?

[577] I'm in a car and I'm going to drift the car through this intersection in downtown Long Beach.

[578] there's going to be three cars coming opposite ways and then I'm just going to miss this guy who's going to jump into a van and I'm following the camera car about four feet off the lens and I didn't want to practice because I didn't want to lay down rubber marks in the intersection and you were doing this stuff and I'm directing it and it's not even my character it's Michael Payne's character but you're driving I'm driving right and so I had been telling myself up to that point well well I love doing this stuff that's why I'm even doing it but I was sitting in the car seconds before action and I thought I've put myself in a really silly situation like I'm directing them if I fuck this up like the movie shuts down and then I was like why did I do this why why and I'm like oh my god I think if I asked everyone I know to list the top three things they like about me good driver would be number one and the absurdity hit me nobody would list that about me nobody cares well nobody does care and I will say this two two thoughts on that One is there are very few people that I don't mind being in the passenger seat for.

[579] And those two people are, you and Bateman.

[580] Many times we've been in the car together, and I just let Dax drive.

[581] And I remember last year, Bateman and I went to a Rams playoff game, and I picked him up.

[582] And I got there, and he came out, and I was like, yeah, yeah, you just, you drive.

[583] Which is so funny, because in every other respect in our relationship, I'm in the driver's seat.

[584] But no, that's not true.

[585] But what I was going to say was, I got that poor.

[586] So years ago, Bateman had a 9 -11.

[587] And I remember he's driving me to the airport.

[588] Weirdly, he's driving in the airport one day.

[589] And he goes, do I look like an asshole driving this car?

[590] And I said, yeah, they do.

[591] And I said, do you do?

[592] And then I ordered that car.

[593] You know, this is years later, I ordered that car, 10 years later.

[594] And he goes, oh, you, you're, I go, you asked if you did.

[595] I look fine.

[596] But, but, you know, and so, yes, I know you're a good driver.

[597] But if somebody said to me, what do you like about Dax?

[598] It wouldn't even occur to me to say that.

[599] My wife, she helped me with a breakthrough, which is like, I think she likes that if shit goes down, I'm going to protect her physically.

[600] Right.

[601] And she told me, you know, that makes me feel more danger.

[602] Like, I feel more in danger that you're willing to engage in a fistfight all the time.

[603] Sure.

[604] I'm like, oh, my God, that's the opposite of what I thought.

[605] Yeah.

[606] Well, think about all those things, though.

[607] They're very sort of primal, like, fistfight and good driver.

[608] It's kind of like, it's all...

[609] Oh, it's like masculinity 101.

[610] Yeah, it's stuff that you bring into junior high school.

[611] Yeah, oh, yeah.

[612] The first day of junior high school.

[613] Oh, yeah.

[614] Right?

[615] I feel like we could...

[616] We really related on that.

[617] I still will remember you telling the story of being on the street in Toronto.

[618] Oh, yeah.

[619] And that, that to me, really defining moment in my life when I was about, I forget, I was 15 or 16 years old, and I was standing waiting for some buddies in Toronto.

[620] I remember it as if it was yesterday, even though it was 1986.

[621] and I was leaning against a potted tree and I was smoking a cigarette and I was looking cool.

[622] I was wearing like high top Chuck Taylor's.

[623] I was wearing like green sort of Dickies -type pants but they were tapered.

[624] Oh, yeah.

[625] And then I was wearing like some kind of jackass t -shirt, I forget, and I was wearing a bandana.

[626] Yes.

[627] Like full head.

[628] Full head bandanna.

[629] Almost like a du -rag.

[630] Like a du -raggy type, right?

[631] Which is a big swing.

[632] Big swing.

[633] And I was 16 and I probably looked about 11.

[634] And so, because I'm cursed with this young looks.

[635] Oh, so sorry.

[636] So I'm sitting there and I'm focusing on looking all cool and probably, as Bateman would say, got the smoke eyes like, you know, all squinty, like looking off, trying to look cool.

[637] And these three people come towards me, two guys and a girl's were to college age and they're engaged in conversation.

[638] And as they get close and I'm just looking, smoking all.

[639] And the guy closest to me on the outside just turns out of his conversation, never breaks stride, and he looks at me and he goes, it's up, cool guy, and kept walking.

[640] And I felt my spine come out of my body.

[641] I shit my spine out.

[642] And I thought, the guy, he just cut me down to size in that moment, and everything that I didn't want to hear, I heard in that, right?

[643] And ever since I've thought about it so many times, this guy doesn't know.

[644] Oh, the impact.

[645] The impact.

[646] Probably an hour later, he forgot.

[647] Oh, if that, a minute.

[648] He had such a huge impact.

[649] And it's always stayed with me, which is just like, get over yourself.

[650] You know, it's funny, like, even hearing you say, like, when we first started hanging out, the first time we met, we're going to do the movie and you were worried about, like, this guy and blah, blah, blah, blah.

[651] Sometimes I think people have this impression of me that I'm this guy who thinks that I'm so cool, you know, or better than.

[652] And I'm just, as you know, I'm not.

[653] No, a thousand percent.

[654] A thousand percent.

[655] Totally my error.

[656] in my baggage.

[657] No, no, I'm not saying that.

[658] No, but it's true.

[659] Yeah.

[660] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[661] We've all been there.

[662] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[663] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[664] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[665] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[666] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[667] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[668] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[669] Members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[670] What's up, guys?

[671] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[672] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[673] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[674] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[675] And I don't mean just friends.

[676] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[677] The list goes on.

[678] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[679] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[680] Can I out your ritual while we were doing Let's go to prison?

[681] Let's go.

[682] It was fucking awesome.

[683] So we're in this, as I said, but you couldn't call it corporate housing.

[684] It was worse than that.

[685] Sure.

[686] It was in Bolingbrook, which was a fine place, but not too exciting.

[687] On the weekends, Barney would go into Chicago and he would get himself a room at the peninsula, was it?

[688] Yep.

[689] And he would take a long bath and watch golf because there was a TV in front of the bathtub.

[690] Oh.

[691] And he'd lay in the tub and watch golf and smoke six.

[692] but the bathtub was also against the window that looked out over the city.

[693] I love a bathtub.

[694] You have to treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

[695] I know, but I had a hard time doing that.

[696] Dax always had a lot of plans.

[697] Dax had it all very planned up.

[698] Well, what's going to happen is, then I'm going to do this movie.

[699] I'm going to get $20 million for this.

[700] Then I'm going to get $20 million for that.

[701] He also had a backup plan.

[702] If that didn't go, he knew exactly how he could live for the rest of his life on X, Y, and Z. You're right.

[703] I always had two functioning plans.

[704] One is I'm never making a dollar again, but I'm also going to be making $20 million a movie quite soon.

[705] Yeah.

[706] And then that plan was really well thought out.

[707] Like I knew exactly what cars I'd be mine, where I'd live, all that.

[708] So I had two plans working at the same time.

[709] But again, the story of - How did either of those plans work out?

[710] Well, as you know, I've only made $19 million a movie, so I never got.

[711] You maxed out at 19, remember?

[712] You know what?

[713] This year, all hindsight is 2020, by the way.

[714] Boom.

[715] Right, boom.

[716] First joke of the decade.

[717] Here we go.

[718] So when we did Let's Go to Prison, you and I both were getting opportunities that I had never, I had never had and you hadn't had either.

[719] How hard it is to manage that and make the right decisions.

[720] Weirdly Bateman, who had already been through that thing that you and I hadn't been through, was so smart about how we navigated that.

[721] I just always think back on that and go like, wow, Bateman was so smart.

[722] Well, you know, don't forget, Bateman had those opportunities.

[723] when he was young.

[724] Yeah, yeah.

[725] And he was really smart about it this time.

[726] You know, there were times where he just decided like he wasn't going to do stuff even if you remember he was going to do Heartbreak Kid when we were doing prison.

[727] He and Amy were going to do it and they were about to start and he bailed.

[728] Yeah.

[729] I think the only fight Bateman and I ever had was over that.

[730] And it was a greenlit movie they were ready to go.

[731] And at the last minute, it just wasn't right for him.

[732] And at the time, I was like, you know, because he just kind of bailed and I was like, hey man, Like, what the, you know, we were tight, all of us.

[733] And I felt like he had kind of bailed.

[734] You probably just got protective of aiming.

[735] For sure.

[736] Yeah, yeah.

[737] For sure, I did.

[738] It was the only time we've ever had a fight.

[739] In retrospect, of course.

[740] Yeah.

[741] He was doing what he had to do.

[742] And it is a very difficult thing to manage.

[743] And I used to get kind of bummed out about it or down about it.

[744] It's a really tricky thing.

[745] You know, it's weird.

[746] I don't know if it's because I knew I was coming here to do this, but I was thinking about Bob, Oden Kirk.

[747] And Bob and I, you know, we did the movie, the three of us, and Bob Odenkirk directed it.

[748] And Bob was a guy, sort of comedically, as a performer, and especially as a writer and creator, was a guy who we looked up to.

[749] He looked up to.

[750] It was incredible, Mr. Show.

[751] Oh, God, yeah.

[752] Not long after that, I went and did Brother Solomon that Will had written...

[753] Will Forte.

[754] Will Forte had written for us to do.

[755] Yeah.

[756] It was a brilliant script, and it just didn't work for a bunch of different reasons.

[757] And Bob and I created a rift between Bob and I for a few years.

[758] Oh, really?

[759] Yeah.

[760] And I think he felt kind of guilty and I was kind of mad about sort of certain decisions or all that kind of stuff that now years later, I'm like, what?

[761] Yeah.

[762] But years later, I ran into him.

[763] He was at a wedding in like, oh high, and he was on the back of a golf cart.

[764] And he jumped off.

[765] And he came over and he was like, hey, man, I just want to say, I'm so sorry about how all that went down.

[766] He was so big about it.

[767] And he was such a great man. I go, me too.

[768] But what's so funny, too, is that.

[769] made me think was Bob came off that of Brother Solomon.

[770] I remember him telling me like he was really down and he was like in that conversation he's like I don't think anybody will ever let me direct again and I don't know what I'm going to do and he was really kind of down yeah and he ended up doing breaking bad and then better call Saul and his life has gone a totally different way that he I bet you he would tell you that he didn't imagine 10 years ago I ran into him at the grocery store you did a very similar experience yeah and here he was just about to start Saul his own show and he was very much like, yeah, I can't believe this is where I'm at, which, by the way, I'm in the now exact same position where I directed chips, it didn't work.

[771] I had a total, what am I now?

[772] My identity was I'm a writer -director.

[773] That's what I'm doing for the next 20 years.

[774] Guess what?

[775] You're not.

[776] Now what?

[777] And now I'm doing this, and I'm so much happier.

[778] Again, that's, you know, young people who are listening.

[779] Even the fact that I'm saying young people, they're like, turn the doubt.

[780] But in the last couple of years, first of all, I don't pank my happiness on what I'm doing.

[781] I'm just happy no matter what and then everything else just rolls out and for me it's the lowest hanging fruit are my kids happy or my kid's healthy I'm alive today and I'm sober I'm whatever all those kind of great things and everything else is gravy and I've never been happier than I am right now in my life it's been a weird road but phenomenal and had to go this way and when it comes to work and all that kind of stuff getting back to what you were saying about having all these opportunities both of us had a lot of opportunities at that time to do a lot of things and I went the way I went because this was the way I was supposed to go.

[782] Bojack was a hilarious script and we made this short pilot presentation and it got passed on by everybody and I thought, I don't know, it's really funny but I don't know, it was just kind of this thing that became this other thing.

[783] But which by the way, I just watched for the first time like six months ago and I was astounded.

[784] with how funny it is.

[785] It's so fucking funny.

[786] It's really, he's, he's brilliant.

[787] All those writers and Raphael, who created is brilliant.

[788] Oh my God.

[789] He's, do you, have you ever seen it?

[790] No, but he was a horse.

[791] I've heard, yes, I know the premise.

[792] It sounds so funny.

[793] I love this setup.

[794] Here's the setup.

[795] Barney's a horse and he's an X star.

[796] There's a lot of, like, trust me, when I was going through some, some dark times, I'm like, oh my God, I actually said to Raphael one point, I'm like, are you just, are you Minding my life.

[797] Are you just money what's going on with me right now?

[798] Because I'm having a tough time.

[799] And then he ended up getting sober again when I, you know, and I was like, wow, this is like so crazy.

[800] But again, like those things, like things just happen.

[801] And now I'm so much more sort of, I just go with the flow, which kind of leads to, you know, I'm doing this thing for Lego, which is I'd make all these Lego movies, do Lego Batman and do all that stuff and it becomes just weirdly, if you told me 10 years ago, hey, you know what's going to be a really important part of your life, if I had to make the list and I had to write a thousand things down, Lego wouldn't have been in the top one thousand.

[802] No, no, no. Yeah, we probably wouldn't have hit a million.

[803] So they come to me and they're like, hey, we want you to host this show, this Lego Builders show.

[804] I'm like, I don't know how to host.

[805] And they're like, that's okay.

[806] You can play on the fact as much as you want that you don't know what you're doing.

[807] I was like, great.

[808] So it's become this like meta thing.

[809] The whole time I'm like, all right, so I'm sitting here talking to you and this is very strange that you're 10 feet away from me. But anyway, we're doing a reality show, you know.

[810] Uh -huh.

[811] And I had a really great time doing it.

[812] It was very enjoyable.

[813] Uh -huh.

[814] By the way, they're awesome, huh?

[815] Incredible.

[816] Mind -blood.

[817] We had, these people, we had two teams in this competition show where we had, everybody had to build bridges that were a six -foot span.

[818] I love that.

[819] They had a post, like a big huge post from here and here, and they would wheeled back to their station, and they had eight or nine hours to build a six -foot span bridge out of Lego pieces.

[820] And then we were going to test them to see which one could hold the most weight.

[821] Two of them did not break at a thousand pounds.

[822] No!

[823] Come on.

[824] Out of Lego.

[825] Are they using glue?

[826] No. No. Holy shit.

[827] I could have been insane.

[828] The engineering was so, like, that kind of, and it's been like, I ended up having a super fun time doing it.

[829] It looks fucking awesome.

[830] Incredible.

[831] Lego's been so great because it's something that my kids are super into, and it's been such a great thing to be able to do and share a work thing that they're legitimately into.

[832] Okay, now back to our stuff.

[833] Okay, let's go.

[834] Okay, there's so many things like now in retrospect can own, which is, so I was definitely jealous that you were invited into a lot of comedy circles that I, in my mind, in my story I was telling myself, was excluded from, even though I wasn't.

[835] These people weren't even thinking about me. They didn't make a decision we don't like Dax.

[836] No. You were in the Red Hour world with Stewart and Ben.

[837] Because we'd done Blades of Glory.

[838] Blades of Glory, right.

[839] And I knew Ben a little bit.

[840] And you knew Will Ferrell.

[841] And I was just like, oh, my God, you worked with Will Ferrell.

[842] I wanted you to tell me every single thing he did, every moment you were with him.

[843] You told me some good ones.

[844] Like, he had a bit going where he kept saying he had eaten some tainted shrimp the night before.

[845] It was one of our, actually, I just ran into him recently.

[846] And we were going over that bit.

[847] And he was saying, I think it's my favorite, one of my favorite bits of all the time was that he was addicted to day old seafood.

[848] So I was envious of that.

[849] I was like, why aren't I in this club?

[850] What was funny was, again, I never considered myself a comedian.

[851] So I started doing a rest of development.

[852] And Amy and I were dating, and then six months into us dating, she got S &L.

[853] And I was kind of living out here, and she's like, I'm going to do S &L.

[854] And I said, yeah, so we just moved back to New York.

[855] We just moved in together.

[856] And so that's when I first got to know Will, and then all those people.

[857] And so I was like hanging around SNL for like the first year and a half.

[858] And then I go do a rest of development.

[859] And then it was like, oh, wait, yeah.

[860] Your husband's an actor?

[861] I didn't even know he was a boyfriend at the time.

[862] Yeah.

[863] And he's also the funniest guy on primetime television now?

[864] Well, I don't know about that.

[865] I was the beneficiary of a lot of great writing and, you know, a character where they could kind of let a lot of stuff out.

[866] Well, yeah, that's gracious of you to give them that credit.

[867] But again, it's one of those roles, we've talked about this on here a bunch.

[868] It's like, it's why I love Will Forte.

[869] It's like, when you watch Will Forte, anything he makes, you're like, well, I can't plug anyone else into that.

[870] Sure, the writing's great on The Last Man on Earth.

[871] It's a funny show ever.

[872] But also, no one can do that role but him.

[873] God, he's a delight.

[874] That's what makes it so wonderful.

[875] And I can't see anyone else doing Job, to be honest, in it being and working like that.

[876] I mean, it's really uniquely you as well.

[877] Boy, it was, and it was such a like a weird, you know, it totally happened on accident, really.

[878] So I had done a pilot the year before, and it went to air in between making the pilot and the series I got fired, basically.

[879] They wrote my character out.

[880] Okay.

[881] And I was devastated.

[882] And I was like the fifth wheel on the show.

[883] And I remember Brian Callan at the time.

[884] I was totally bummed out.

[885] And he called me and he goes, hey, man, what's going?

[886] He goes, you're still bummed out about that?

[887] But I go, yeah.

[888] And he goes, what, you're bummed out that you're not the guy who comes?

[889] in every other episode, walks into the scene and goes, hey, what the hell happened in my couch?

[890] And he really put it in perspective for me. Yeah.

[891] And I went, yeah, you're right.

[892] And then I said, you know what, fuck it.

[893] And Amy's doing Asinnell, and I decided, I'm just going to stay in New York.

[894] I was doing a lot of voiceover.

[895] I'm just going to do this.

[896] And I started working on this play.

[897] And I was in rehearsal for this play.

[898] And I just thought, I'm not going to do TV again.

[899] Screw everybody.

[900] And a few months later, my manager, old Peter Principato.

[901] Oh, sweet Pete.

[902] Sweet Pete, still my guy.

[903] Yeah.

[904] Oh, I know.

[905] love that about you i love peter yeah i mean he was one of my first agents in 93 so i've known him for ever 17 years oh no no no 27 years sweet pete and so he called me up and he goes look they're looking for this this this they got this show and they got this role and he goes oh this script is great it's so funny you should you should and i said now and peter said the woman who cast the show you did last year casting this pilot.

[906] And she called me, Deb Rilski.

[907] One of the nicest things that's ever happened in me in show business, and I got fired from that show.

[908] She sent me a written letter.

[909] I got in the mail in my apartment from Deb.

[910] And she wrote, and she said, hey, listen, I know it was really hard that your character got written out, you got fired, but I want you to know, I think you're a talented guy, and I think you're a really funny guy, and just know that there are so many better things out there for you that you're going to do great things.

[911] And when I was really low, nobody's ever there was such a kindness she did not need to do and I've never you know sort of forgotten that of course it was huge to me at the time it really did heal a lot of wounds yeah so she calls me now six months later and says you've got to come in and read for this even though I've already said no a couple of times because like whatever because they couldn't find this character of Job and so I was in New York so I was in New York so they faxed me the sides and uh you know and I took the subway uptown I was like I'll just go and put myself on tape at this place and went up, read, took a swing just based on the, I didn't even read the script, just based on these scenes.

[912] Yeah, this faxed.

[913] Yeah, this faxed barely legible, you know.

[914] And I just went fucking, I just did whatever I wanted.

[915] I just kind of threw it out there and had this big thing.

[916] And then ultimately, they called the next day and they're like, they want you to come out to California and blah, blah, blah.

[917] And it was like, really?

[918] Oh, all right.

[919] And I went out and I just, I read and I tested.

[920] I remember I saw Tony.

[921] I knew Tony Hale a little bit because his wife, Martel, was doing makeup sometimes on S &L.

[922] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[923] Yeah, and so he and I were at this hotel over by Fox, over in Pico there, and we walked over to test together on Monday morning.

[924] Oh, really?

[925] Yeah.

[926] And just wide -eyed.

[927] And we rolled in there, and then it tested and ended up doing the thing.

[928] And then they're like, you've got to stay.

[929] You're going to do the pilot.

[930] It's like, okay.

[931] And my life just changed in that moment.

[932] And what was great was, years later, I was doing this show, The Millers, with Greg Garcia.

[933] And Greg Garcia says to me one day, were you really bummed when you got fired from that pilot?

[934] And I go, oh, no, no, no, no. It actually ended up great.

[935] If I'd done that show, then I wouldn't have done...

[936] Arrested Development.

[937] Everything worked out exactly.

[938] I mean, by the way, that was more evidence that everything works out.

[939] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[940] And my sort of optimism, as you call it, That was, I've always kind of believed that.

[941] And it was more evidence that everything works out.

[942] I said, no, I was so happy that I got fired because I wouldn't have been able to do a rest of the development.

[943] He goes, good.

[944] Because I worked on that pilot with those guys, and I told them you need to cut that character.

[945] Oh, no way.

[946] And years later, he and I ended up doing a show together.

[947] Oh, my goodness.

[948] How crazy is that?

[949] That is crazy.

[950] And people say to me, like, oh, you're always playing the asshole.

[951] And I'm like, I don't really look at it that way.

[952] I've always loved characters who are super, confident, super dumb.

[953] Uh -huh, yeah.

[954] That, that...

[955] It's a great combo.

[956] The combo, yeah.

[957] For me, it's just magical.

[958] Oh, yeah.

[959] It's a perfect elixir.

[960] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[961] So what people, most people will know, but some people won't know is that you have this whole other career, which is voiceover.

[962] Like, you've been the voice of GMC trucks for how many years now?

[963] I'm in my 22nd year.

[964] 22nd year.

[965] So it's been a total of 21 years in going, I'm now...

[966] Maybe this is unknowable, but is that a record for the longest spokesperson ever?

[967] I feel like it has to be.

[968] I don't know.

[969] I haven't really investigated it.

[970] I interviewed Sam Elliott, and we talked about you.

[971] No way.

[972] Oh, yeah.

[973] Does he know who I am?

[974] Yeah.

[975] Oh, God, yeah.

[976] Come on.

[977] You two are like the fucking best voices in the biz.

[978] Well, because he does the RAM.

[979] He's done them all.

[980] He's done every truck brand.

[981] He's done multiple beer campaigns.

[982] He's, yeah.

[983] I love the way he does that.

[984] I was working with Sam.

[985] for a whole year last year, doing the sitcom on Netflix.

[986] The ranch, I didn't know you were on The Ranch.

[987] I didn't watch anything.

[988] You know that.

[989] Oh, we used to fight about this all the time.

[990] I would always go to you.

[991] You know, Will, you're in film and television.

[992] You might want to start liking some of it.

[993] You liked one movie with Nell and I. With Nell and I. It's the only movie you've ever seen that you like.

[994] And Midnight Run.

[995] And then Toronto Maple Leafs hockey.

[996] Yes.

[997] Yeah.

[998] You've met Shannie with me before, Brendan Channing.

[999] I haven't.

[1000] Brendan runs the Toronto Maple Leafs.

[1001] He's the greatest guy.

[1002] And he tells a story when he was.

[1003] worked for the league.

[1004] He was a Hall of Fame hockey player, incredible career as a player.

[1005] Then he worked for the league.

[1006] So he's working for the league.

[1007] We're in New York.

[1008] And he calls me one day.

[1009] I was out here and he goes, I had to call somebody.

[1010] I had to tell somebody, but I can't tell anybody yet because it's not official.

[1011] And I can't tell my mom because I'm worried that she'll tell people when she's, and his wife, Catherine, said, just, you've got to call and tell the only person who will care, which is Will.

[1012] He goes, they just, I'm going to be the president of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

[1013] And I pause it.

[1014] I go, shanny, this is huge for us.

[1015] And he always talks about he's like, what do you mean us?

[1016] You know?

[1017] And we go to events, I like see somebody and I remember we were at the Olympics in Vancouver years ago, like 10 years ago.

[1018] And then I see like Matt Sundeen, you used to play for the least.

[1019] I go, Shannie, go talk to Matt Sundeen.

[1020] Get him going.

[1021] Get him going in conversation so that you can introduce me. And he's like, Jesus.

[1022] Hey, Matt, oh, this is my buddy Will.

[1023] Oh, I didn't see you there.

[1024] Oh my God.

[1025] Anyway, sorry, I digress.

[1026] One of my hobbies is watching television.

[1027] and just being on high alert for you.

[1028] Because you really can't watch two hours of television and not hear you.

[1029] That's for real.

[1030] So right now it's Reese's peanut butter cups.

[1031] You're all over those.

[1032] And they're blasting those.

[1033] Not sorry.

[1034] Oh, he's not sorry.

[1035] You can probably buy these everywhere.

[1036] You can probably get them at a bank.

[1037] Like a new one that I do in the last year, last six months, I guess, or almost a year, which is a Detroit company's Rocket Mortgage.

[1038] Oh, yes.

[1039] So I do the Rocket Mortgage now, which is a push button, get.

[1040] mortgage.

[1041] Oh, man. You can make, you know, the copywriters must love you because they're like, oh, this is pretty good.

[1042] And then they run it through the Barney filter.

[1043] And it's just fucking Shakespeare.

[1044] I have a few guys that I love, like old school VO guys.

[1045] The guy that it used to be my idol was this guy, Hal Riney.

[1046] He actually owned an ad agency out of San Francisco, and he put himself on tape.

[1047] I think what happened was he was like the temp guy, and then he was so good at it.

[1048] and he became a big voiceover guy in addition to having this big ad agency long since past.

[1049] Double tip, double tip.

[1050] He used to do these ads.

[1051] You'll recognize the cadence because he did for Perrier.

[1052] Remember, it's like, there is a town in France where the water comes out of the ground.

[1053] It does very familiar.

[1054] Right?

[1055] So he does that.

[1056] Right?

[1057] And then you have this guy, Doug Jeffers, he used to do all these Miller High Life ads.

[1058] There's a really famous one.

[1059] It was like an empty can of mayonnaise and you see like a spoon in it and it goes.

[1060] We had to bail them out of two world wars, but you have to hand it to them on mayonnaise.

[1061] Nice going, Pierre.

[1062] So like in the 90s in New York, I did a lot of voiceover, you know, all day, every day.

[1063] I'd have seven, eight auditions a day, and, you know, you'd go from place to place and you'd see the same guys.

[1064] Right.

[1065] And these guys are incredible what they do.

[1066] They're so good.

[1067] And I was just trying to draft off.

[1068] Them.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] Did I ever tell you my Ratatoui story?

[1071] No. I don't think I've ever said this publicly, so we'll see how it goes.

[1072] Okay.

[1073] So I'm doing arrested development, and I get a call, and they said that they offered me to do a role on Ratatoui.

[1074] Great, Bradbury.

[1075] It was my second one.

[1076] I had done a voice of a bird in Ice Age 2.

[1077] Oh, right, right, right.

[1078] So they go, you're going over to Disney to record this thing, Pixar movie, and great.

[1079] So I was, you know, I was busy.

[1080] I was doing stuff.

[1081] I was working who knows what the hell I was doing my bullshit in the tall watching yes stuff that I thought was important at the time and so I go over there and there'd been a few emails and stuff have been sent and I just didn't pay time I just was like tell me where to be so I show up and I get in there and he's there of course I don't know what I was thinking there he is right behind holy shit and he's like so you got all the stuff we sent to all the art and stuff that we sent over your character and I go yeah well the art yeah yeah I got the art I just are just looking at it in the car.

[1082] He goes, okay, so we walk in the booth and he's like, here's your, and this is Horstier guy, and obviously he's German.

[1083] I'm like, obviously, he's German.

[1084] And I'm thinking, motherfucker.

[1085] Yeah, you need to watch like a YouTube video here on my German stuff.

[1086] Do I do a German?

[1087] I mean, maybe I do like a bar trick version.

[1088] I could do like a word.

[1089] What the fuck am I going to do?

[1090] And I start panicking, flop sweating, and he's in the booth with me as he is.

[1091] He's like, let's get going.

[1092] I'm like, okay.

[1093] Let's get going.

[1094] And under the fucking gun, non -rehearsed, my name is Haust and here I am.

[1095] And we just start doing it.

[1096] And I did the whole fucking movie over a couple of days.

[1097] We ended up becoming sort of friends.

[1098] And he was really sweet with me and great.

[1099] But I never told them that I didn't prep it at all.

[1100] Wow.

[1101] And had not seen the artwork.

[1102] I had not seen the artwork.

[1103] And I knew nothing about the movie or Germany or Germany or anything.

[1104] Oh, my God.

[1105] Wow.

[1106] Yeah.

[1107] Oh, my God.

[1108] But see, but you really, you have.

[1109] have a real genius for it.

[1110] Well, you really do.

[1111] My wife does as well.

[1112] I mean, she's an incredible.

[1113] Incredible.

[1114] I didn't have a singing background like she does in that sense, but years of doing voiceover, like I can look at a sentence, and if you tell me, like, we need this in six seconds, I can tell you whether or not we, I can do it in six seconds, five seconds, four seconds, three, based on how it looks.

[1115] And what you have to do also is, like, you know, certainly when I did Lego Batman for you.

[1116] Not just Lego movies, but Lego Batman, where I had to do a lot of stuff, really a lot of stuff on my own.

[1117] And what you're always doing is going, okay, wait, what's going on?

[1118] Okay, so you're coming in, you're going to walk in, you know, Batman's walking in here, he's going to go over, he's going to make dinner, now he's going to grab the thing, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1119] And so truly it sounds so stupid.

[1120] You've got to use your imagination.

[1121] You've got to think about distance from me to the other character.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] What that all the...

[1124] Yeah, how loud you'd be talking.

[1125] How loud.

[1126] And so all, you got a lot of, things playing at once as you're doing stuff and it's weirdly exhausting in such a specific way I'd leave those sessions I'm like man I'm cooked yeah yeah really really cooked I did a show for two seasons on Netflix called flaked I watched a good deal of it you did yeah yeah and it ended up becoming in that time a very confusing time for me and for my sobriety and all that kind of stuff well in the show is about a guy who's sober and going to meetings and then he's drinking at night yeah yeah and when I was watching I was like and I hadn't been talking to you much at that point.

[1127] I think maybe I had invited you several times to my meeting and you didn't want to go.

[1128] And I was like, making no conclusion just like, oh, I wonder if this is somehow like he's kind of expressing what's going on in his head right now.

[1129] Yeah, it definitely was.

[1130] It was one of the hardest things was there was, you know, especially like, you know, I remember at the time being frustrated with reviews.

[1131] And people are like, this is not a real depation of, you know, what sobriety is like and blah, blah.

[1132] And I was like, hey, motherfucker, this is happening in real time you have no idea.

[1133] This is my.

[1134] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1135] Like, what are you talking about?

[1136] Yeah.

[1137] And I think it actually, weirdly enough, I sort of stand by the show, and now years later, it really holds up in ways that I don't think people, we weren't trying to make a overt comedy or a drama.

[1138] It was just about, because I always felt like you wake up in the morning, you don't go, today's going to be a comedy day, or today's going to be, shit just happens at different speeds at different times of the day all the time.

[1139] I fantasize, as I would.

[1140] I haven't drank in 15 years, a little over.

[1141] I imagine I could get a sweet spot for a little while before I resumed into no control.

[1142] Was there a sweet spot?

[1143] You know what?

[1144] Honestly, for me, it's never about sort of burn it down.

[1145] It was just much more about how I feel spiritually and it's just not for me. Yeah.

[1146] You know, it's just not who I am.

[1147] It's not how I want to live on this planet.

[1148] remember you and you and letterman had a really great exchange yeah right yeah you said something and then he repeated what you said yeah when I think it was it's just he goes you don't drink I go no I get drinking just doesn't agree with everybody else in my life you know something like that yeah and he got that's great he was one of the guys for me one of my all time oh yeah yeah just it yeah and one of the great drills was we went to commercial and he turned in and he said you know i just started watching a rest of development it was a few years after it had been off the air and he said uh i just really couldn't love it anymore so brilliant and you do such a great job and i thought like this is it yeah yeah yeah this is the validation i've been looking for my whole life was from dada letterman one of the um funnier moments i've told this a million times is you and i were uh we're going into the spotted pig in new york which we went to a lot yeah it's about noon on a wednesday let's say And on the first floor, we see Jake Jillenhall having lunch with some friend, somebody, and he's wearing aviator of sunglasses, and we're inside.

[1149] And we walk by, and we're going to go upstairs as we usually do.

[1150] And just, we're just out of sight, we're not upstairs yet, but we're at the stairs, but Dax, who's got, I don't know if you know that Dax's voice can carry.

[1151] Okay, news to me. I don't know if you've noticed.

[1152] Dax goes, fucking sunglasses inside.

[1153] I did.

[1154] I don't even remember that.

[1155] We start laughing.

[1156] We go upstairs.

[1157] We kill our burgers.

[1158] We eat in like 12 minutes.

[1159] And now we're going back down and we come down and stairs.

[1160] And there he is.

[1161] We passed Jake Dillon and his glasses are off.

[1162] Oh.

[1163] I don't like that story.

[1164] And we immediately felt so shitty.

[1165] Well, I, yeah.

[1166] You didn't need to feel shit.

[1167] No. We felt so shitty.

[1168] And Daxie were like, God damn, I want to go and say something to that guy.

[1169] I really was.

[1170] That guy.

[1171] Yeah, no. And I didn't know what, I don't think either of us knew him.

[1172] No, I sense have met him in Toronto.

[1173] Me too.

[1174] He's super nice.

[1175] Yeah, he's a super nice guy.

[1176] Well, the other weird thing that this all came about, I was back, I was doing baby mama by some weird course of things I start hanging out a little bit with Josh Hartnett.

[1177] Oh, yeah.

[1178] We're up in the cat skills.

[1179] We're laying on the grass looking up at the sky.

[1180] We're just chatting about acting and God knows what.

[1181] I'm course and triggered by him because he's a fancy actor and I feel less than all these things and he says to me do you remember seeing me at Spotted Pig it was you and Will Arnett and you guys walked in by the way same exact story almost I didn't see him and I don't doubt you did either but we were laughing and he said were you guys laughing at me like oh these fucking serious actors take themselves so serious.

[1182] Were you guys having like a chuckle about me?

[1183] No way.

[1184] And I go, no, I never saw you there.

[1185] And then I just, it was like Matrix where I was like, oh Jesus, we're all, here's us comedians.

[1186] We're threatened by Josh Hartnett.

[1187] Josh Hartnett's afraid the comedians are laughing at the fucking, this is all, it's all high school.

[1188] Everyone's insecure.

[1189] And what a breakthrough.

[1190] But you were laughing at Jake Gillittle.

[1191] Oh no. Well, sunglasses inside.

[1192] It's a big swing.

[1193] I wouldn't do it today.

[1194] And here I will say in Dax's defense.

[1195] Again, it turns out, neither us know the guy at all, and he's a very nice guy, sweet guy.

[1196] So it's based on zero, right?

[1197] And we're the idiots here.

[1198] And really, Sam, I didn't say anything.

[1199] But, but, but I remember one time I put sunglasses on because we live in California and Dax goes, oh what, we wear sunglasses now?

[1200] Do you remember this?

[1201] No, no, no, no. Because you never used to wear sunglasses.

[1202] No, I just discovered him like five years ago.

[1203] Dax never wore sunglasses.

[1204] And so I remember, like, being, and being like him shaming me for wearing sunglasses.

[1205] Sure, sure.

[1206] You had a real sunglass thing.

[1207] Yeah, he did.

[1208] that when we were friends, oh, if Barney's laughing.

[1209] Oh, my God.

[1210] I'm like, oh, we're good.

[1211] The one thing I do think is really interesting that we both have is that the weight of being a shared identity in a couple, which I have currently.

[1212] And it's so dicey for me at times because I'm like, oh, I have this shared identity.

[1213] And I'm pretty certain if something went sideways, which could happen at any moment.

[1214] I think America's going to sidewheres.

[1215] Like, I think I'm probably out in that scenario, America's sweetheart.

[1216] I'll say this.

[1217] Somebody actually tagged me on Twitter.

[1218] This woman, she was like a beat reporter for like a Minnesota TV station saying like, I don't know about you guys, but I'm team Amy.

[1219] And I wanted to respond and go, we're human beings in a relationship and our relationship fell apart.

[1220] It's heartbreaking.

[1221] It's heartbreaking.

[1222] We have two kids.

[1223] And this is not some fucking game.

[1224] Yeah, yeah.

[1225] And what are you talking about?

[1226] And you have no fucking clue of what our experience is.

[1227] It doesn't matter now.

[1228] I see that all these years later.

[1229] But it is fascinating.

[1230] It is like another element to have to juggle.

[1231] Relationship's already hard, and then you've got to juggle this other thing where it's like we have this shared persona.

[1232] It took me a long time to get over it.

[1233] It was really tough early on, really, really tough.

[1234] And I actually thought, to be honest, I thought that you guys were like edging me out.

[1235] Oh, Bell and I?

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] No. No, now I don't.

[1238] But at the time, I felt really isolated.

[1239] From my side of the street, I would say, one is most of the times I saw you was with you in Thoreau Who I love Thoreau But I can't compete The level of closeness you guys have I think when I was around that I was like oh I used to have that connection with Will I don't Thoreau has it And I'm kind of like trying to get involved And I'm not doing a good job And I'm self -conscious So just my own enjoyment was like These two are speaking a language I don't speak I used to be in that slot I'm not now I'm not resentful I just don't know where I play into this But as you know I have a lot of close guy friends, and so do you, but I'm also like, it's never at the expense of other people.

[1240] So I don't, like, because I'm friends with him, that the love I have that I'm spending on him is now reserved for him and there's not enough of it.

[1241] There's not a finite amount.

[1242] Right.

[1243] Like, I love you because I love you.

[1244] Yeah.

[1245] And you guys hang nonstop and you have about a thousand inside bits, which are hysterical.

[1246] Yeah.

[1247] But I was just on the outside.

[1248] of it i felt like i was on the outside of it and then also just compounded with six years ago i had a kid my whole life is fucking kids and the only people i see are people with the same age kids and that's my circle and there's nothing personal yeah your life gets busy and you have and your kids are i think that one of the reasons the bateman's and bateman and i stayed together was also they live really close to me and our kids are similar ages and our kids play together right that's everything it's everything yes i don't know what your experience is but i do know what your experience is but i do know when I ran into you recently, I could tell that you and I had both let go of our careers in a very healthy way, that our identities were no longer that thing.

[1249] And I know for certain mine comes from having kids.

[1250] Yeah.

[1251] And I just wonder if your kids were a breakthrough in that way.

[1252] Certainly my kids were.

[1253] And I think that I kind of came to it a little bit earlier.

[1254] To be honest, because we've talked about it before, even back in the day, that you did hold on tightly to that because it was very important to you.

[1255] Oh, God, yeah.

[1256] And I think that we had conversations around it where, like, I felt bad for you sometimes at how much you lived and breathed by every moment of ups and downs and career.

[1257] Yeah, yeah.

[1258] Not that I didn't, but because I could see it in you, it weirdly helped me a lot, strangely.

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] And then you start to recalibrate what success means to you.

[1261] And success to me now, and for the last few years, has meant happiness.

[1262] And so my starting point is I'm happy no matter what to create my own weather.

[1263] So as long as I'm happy no matter what, everything else is just kind of noise.

[1264] And happiness, like I said before, for me, is just, I always just reach for the lowest hanging fruit to get me there.

[1265] And I build momentum on that.

[1266] My kids are happy.

[1267] My kids are safe.

[1268] And then everything else, it doesn't really kind of matter.

[1269] And then I end up doing what I want.

[1270] And I also am, I go and I do stuff.

[1271] and I let it go, and I don't think about it.

[1272] Yeah, that's what I've learned to do.

[1273] It's an AA thing.

[1274] I'm in the show -up and work business, not in the results business.

[1275] Not in the results business.

[1276] And I really have now taken that in on a cellular level, in a way that was also very liberating.

[1277] I had a great, my buddy Clay, who's like one of my best buddies, and just love him so much, and he's taught me so much on this planet, and on other planets.

[1278] But he, I remember I was going through a tough time a couple years ago, and he said to me, don't talk about it.

[1279] about for 24 hours.

[1280] Hmm.

[1281] And I just didn't do it.

[1282] And I just found that if I just let shit go, it's as easy as letting it go.

[1283] Yeah.

[1284] Do you listen to Sam Harris at all?

[1285] No. He's super into meditation.

[1286] He talks about how you actively have to fuel anger.

[1287] Yeah.

[1288] It's like you get angry and then you decide to keep building the case of why you're angry.

[1289] And it's an active choice, even though you might not be aware that you're making it.

[1290] But you have to keep pouring fuel onto it.

[1291] Well, how you feel is a direct result of what you're, you think about.

[1292] The only thing you can control is what you think about.

[1293] Sometimes.

[1294] Sometimes, but really most of the time.

[1295] And maybe it takes meditation, and maybe it takes sort of moments of quiet where you can kind of quiet your mind and do that.

[1296] And meditation helps for me in that way.

[1297] But to actively sort of turn it around and then you're able to let all that kind of shit go.

[1298] Because a belief is just a thought you keep thinking.

[1299] I'm not the first person to say that.

[1300] But it's true.

[1301] You know, put it this way.

[1302] I like to think, like, my buddy Clay always talks about this, too.

[1303] But, like, this is something that he and I spend hours every day talking about, which is, I'm not into anger management.

[1304] I'm trying to get on the other side of the equation now.

[1305] Don't get angry in the first place.

[1306] And by changing the way that I live my life and changing the way I think, I don't want to be managing feeling bad.

[1307] I don't want to feel bad in the first place.

[1308] That has been such a huge thing for me. Yeah.

[1309] And so just getting into that other side of the equation.

[1310] And that's acceptance, don't you think?

[1311] Sure.

[1312] Part of it.

[1313] That's like the greatest part of our thing is just like, I accept this.

[1314] Yeah.

[1315] I'm not going to fight against this.

[1316] I'm not going to focus on the shit that's not working.

[1317] I focus on this shit that does work.

[1318] That's it.

[1319] Well, Monica is a great change.

[1320] Love who loves you back.

[1321] Love the thing that loves you back.

[1322] That's sort of what we were talking about earlier with falling what's in front of you, same thing.

[1323] Falling what's in front of you, love the thing.

[1324] Whatever it is, it's like, I always say this too, which is like, you know, think about what you want and then talk yourself into it.

[1325] That's it, man. But earlier you said that you don't need to work on yourself, but it sounds like you work on yourself all the time.

[1326] It sounds like you're thinking about evolving all the time and working on bettering yourself.

[1327] I don't think you'd be here if you weren't.

[1328] Well, I mean, sometimes if you get off into the cut and you have to kind of do some extra, you know, spiritual calisthenics to kind of get yourself back, sure.

[1329] But I'm not looking back and hammering and drilling back on the things that aren't working in my life or the things about myself that I don't like or whatever traumatic events that I've had, the shit that I used to beat myself up, the story that I'm holding on to, whatever, all that kind of stuff.

[1330] It doesn't work.

[1331] You're not wallowing.

[1332] No, it doesn't work.

[1333] And people say, well, you know, but I want to because I know it's popular.

[1334] I know it.

[1335] I get it.

[1336] And I get it makes a great story.

[1337] And you're going to get a lot of people leaning in.

[1338] And that's what we're taught to do.

[1339] look if beating yourself up worked man I'd be cured but it just doesn't work yeah yeah well Barney I love you and I just want to publicly state you're not being here simply I just didn't want to inconvenience you because it's a fucking beating to do a podcast as Kevin Pollock someone you worked with says podcasts are the new jury duty it's the perfect summation it's true it is but I was really excited to be here and I love you too man I mean you're a delight of a person.

[1340] One last thing I wanted to say is, because you gave me a compliment that you let me drive.

[1341] You're the only person in my life.

[1342] Remember we in Illinois?

[1343] I let you navigate and I turn to my brain because I've never met anyone with a sense of direction that Arnett has.

[1344] It's world class.

[1345] There was a kickoff party for this movie at a fucking bowling alley in the middle of a cornfield.

[1346] We didn't have directions.

[1347] I don't know how Will thought he knew where it was at.

[1348] Maybe you looked at the flyer two days beforehand or something.

[1349] You just kept going, I think you're going to go another couple miles up here.

[1350] We're just driving my cornfields.

[1351] And also we pull into a bowling alley parking line.

[1352] And I go, you know what?

[1353] I'm never going to think about where we're going when I'm with Will.

[1354] How liberating.

[1355] I loved it.

[1356] It's one of the most freeing experiences to just be present in the car.

[1357] Think about what an incredible, like, you know, invincible team we were.

[1358] Oh, I'm going to drive like nobody's business.

[1359] And I'm going to get us there.

[1360] And I'm going to direct us to it.

[1361] It's unbelievable.

[1362] Oh my God.

[1363] We should enter some kind of one of these greatest race type Forget it.

[1364] Forget it.

[1365] Oh my God, we would.

[1366] We'd be the Ken Jennings of amazing race.

[1367] We would.

[1368] All right.

[1369] Well, I adore you.

[1370] And you're always welcome and never take my lack of reaching out for, you know, I love you.

[1371] Same.

[1372] All right.

[1373] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1374] Hi.

[1375] Wow.

[1376] Deep breath.

[1377] I wanted to settle into this one.

[1378] Oh, you did?

[1379] Well, our last fact check was such a wonderful exploration of many topics.

[1380] Oh, too many, some would say.

[1381] Yeah, too many good topics.

[1382] What did you think of Barney?

[1383] That was the first time you met Barney?

[1384] It was.

[1385] Yeah.

[1386] Could you see how he and I were old pals?

[1387] Oh, yeah.

[1388] Oh, yeah.

[1389] Was it annoying, like, two best friends when they get together?

[1390] You're like, ugh.

[1391] It was not annoying.

[1392] It was endearing.

[1393] It was also your birthday.

[1394] No, it was really sweet.

[1395] It was really sweet.

[1396] You could tell that you guys were just really good friends.

[1397] Just really good friends.

[1398] Two good old buddies knocking around.

[1399] But I thought it was funny.

[1400] I'm sorry.

[1401] I dropped my fingernail.

[1402] Oh, Jesus.

[1403] It's somewhere in this couch now.

[1404] We're going to have to get a new couch soon.

[1405] I hope that some really fancy guest finds it.

[1406] You know, minimally, we should put the middle cushion where you're sitting right now because no one's ever sat on the middle cushion.

[1407] So it probably has some more life in it.

[1408] Oh, but there's so much respect and love and history and wisdom and stuff.

[1409] Presidential hairs.

[1410] And farts have happened in here.

[1411] I wonder how many guests are sneaking some out.

[1412] There's no way that we've done 400 hours of interviewing and someone hasn't accidentally cracked a little.

[1413] I wouldn't even say on accident, probably on purpose.

[1414] Oh, I felt like I was going to talk about male grooming.

[1415] This is not an ad.

[1416] Kristen gave me one of those masks.

[1417] like a week ago.

[1418] For your penis?

[1419] No. Did they make penis masks?

[1420] Not that I know of.

[1421] I mean, tips.

[1422] I'm talking about grooming.

[1423] Oh, I got why you said, because I said male grooming, you immediately thought of pubic hair.

[1424] And that's, they're in lies part of the problem with mal grooming, right?

[1425] Is that you don't even think of like, or am I using the wrong term.

[1426] I mean, to me, grooming means taking care of some pubic hair, some masks for your penis.

[1427] Okay, but it's not just general grooming, like keeping yourself.

[1428] Put together.

[1429] I think you're right.

[1430] I think it has to do with like shaving and stuff.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] Anyways, she gave me a mask.

[1433] Face mask.

[1434] Yeah, face mask.

[1435] She forced me to wear it.

[1436] Let's be honest.

[1437] And I had to admit the next day, my skin looked incredible.

[1438] I love a face mask.

[1439] You do love a face mask.

[1440] Of course.

[1441] I've totally come around to it.

[1442] And I'm like, yeah, I get it.

[1443] And I'm sure guys would be so embarrassed to go by masks because we're all stupid.

[1444] Yeah.

[1445] Also, the masks are clearly made for ladies because they don't fit on my face at all.

[1446] Really?

[1447] No. The mouth hole is where am I. nostrils are and I can barely see it out of the eyes.

[1448] Oh, yeah, it's like, it's made for a woman's face.

[1449] Oh, that's interesting because I always feel like they're too big for me. Oh, really?

[1450] A little bit.

[1451] Like, there's always like some extra folds on your lips or whatnot.

[1452] Yeah, yeah.

[1453] Yeah, well, I was thinking I should, I want to make a big guy face mask.

[1454] I love, you should.

[1455] Actually, I don't know you should talk about it here.

[1456] I think you really maybe should do that.

[1457] All right, I'll do it.

[1458] But anyways, I really liked it.

[1459] And then I wore a second one.

[1460] I've already worn two.

[1461] And I want to, I think I'm going to join.

[1462] Are you in her club?

[1463] Wednesday mask day or whatever?

[1464] No, I wasn't invited.

[1465] Oh no. Why not?

[1466] I don't know.

[1467] Did she think Who's in it?

[1468] I have no idea.

[1469] She said you want to join my Wednesday mask club or something.

[1470] I assume everyone was invited, but me. Oh, sorry.

[1471] She's such a bad mom.

[1472] He doesn't even invite her daughter into the mask club.

[1473] Well, maybe she thinks you're like all daughters and like, ugh, that's not cool, mom.

[1474] She knows I like a product.

[1475] Okay.

[1476] You're going on vacation with your mother.

[1477] So fucking deserting me. I'm not going anymore.

[1478] You're not?

[1479] Because of the faceband.

[1480] Oh, geez.

[1481] Because it'll be a Wednesday and I won't be invited.

[1482] No, you'll just have to leave that day at the hotel.

[1483] Now, you're going to Austria with mom.

[1484] Does it bother you that you get to take a vacation with her and I don't?

[1485] Get to take a vacation with her?

[1486] I've never taken a vacation with her since we had kids.

[1487] Okay, well, that doesn't bother me. It sounds like it bothers you.

[1488] Of course it does.

[1489] You're getting to take a vacation to Austria or Australia.

[1490] you this is just the reality of being married and having kids so she can take a trip because i'll stay and watch the kids you know what i'm saying so she either she's got to go with her friends or then i'll get to go with my friends right you know what i'm saying i'm sorry you don't care no i care i mean you could plan it and let the kids stay at grandmas or something that's the problem is grandma's live in another state but have them come okay i mean people do that I think you should then make it a priority so you don't get resentful.

[1491] Oh, I'm not resentful.

[1492] Okay.

[1493] Yeah.

[1494] I'm jealous, which is not the same as resentful.

[1495] Not the same, I agree.

[1496] Anywho.

[1497] So, yeah, your buddy was here, and it's fun to be around buddies.

[1498] Yeah, sure is.

[1499] And you guys touch on it a little bit, but you were sort of attached at the hip, and now you're not.

[1500] Right, yes, for a myriad of reason.

[1501] But number one being he formed a family and I formed a family.

[1502] That's really when it stopped.

[1503] Like he had kids first.

[1504] Yeah.

[1505] And then shortly thereafter, I had kids.

[1506] Yeah.

[1507] And then that's what happens as a grown -up.

[1508] I know.

[1509] It's funny because it's just an interesting topic that I've been thinking about a lot lately.

[1510] Well, first started with the conversation of Eric and the are you valuable, basically, as a single person.

[1511] That's what started the thinking process.

[1512] But I have been thinking a lot about single people versus families and, you know, you say in this, this part's cut of the episode.

[1513] Oh, okay.

[1514] So I'll just say that you were talking about another friend of yours who you hadn't seen in a really, really, really long time.

[1515] And then this person had a child.

[1516] And now you want to see them all the time is how you phrased it.

[1517] That's right.

[1518] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1519] And, I mean, I'll just be on it like, it hurts my feelings when I hear those things.

[1520] Even though.

[1521] Despite the facts.

[1522] Despite the facts that I myself am included in all of your life.

[1523] But it's more of like a on principle.

[1524] My feelings are hurt.

[1525] Not in actuality.

[1526] Uh -huh.

[1527] Because it sounds like you're saying they become more valuable to you or more interesting to you.

[1528] Nope.

[1529] here's exactly what happened that person came over with their kid and we sat in this yard for three and a half hours while our kids just walked in circles he's not doing that without a kid i'm not saying hey why don't you come over and watch my kid walk in a circle in the yard for three hours no single person's doing that besides me naturally like meet me at a restaurant meet me at the movies blah blah and likewise i'm not joining him at what would be a really fun party i'm sure there's lots of people I would love to meet.

[1530] That's fun, but I can't do it.

[1531] I don't have time to go to someone's party.

[1532] Whatever free time I have is kid time.

[1533] Totally.

[1534] So that's just the facts.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] So I'm not going to any places without my kids.

[1537] I think that makes total sense and doesn't really need even any an explanation.

[1538] I mean, none of it needs an explanation.

[1539] It's just how you feel.

[1540] But I think, and maybe, I don't know, maybe this is just me. But I feel like it's not giving the single person.

[1541] people enough credit to say like I wouldn't invite them because they wouldn't want to come hang out with me while my kids were road bikes like why wouldn't they I do that all day long well this friend would never have done that that's just a fact okay sure you know what I'm saying like you find pleasure in hanging out as a big family which is great and I used to find immense pleasure and hanging out with Favro and his family and there was just kids playing yeah many people are not like that that's true yeah that's totally true I don't I'm not judgmental of them i get it you know yeah yeah maybe it's just person to person it's probably i mean it's all my own stuff obviously i just hear that and it makes me feel like oh people are more or less priorities to you based on whether they have kids but that's not true at all right it was literally now this person and i have an activity again yeah it used to be that he and i were both single right and we went to parties and we went dancing and we were the life of the play and we dated girls together, and it was a big party, and we would watch football all day on Sundays, and we'd go to restaurants.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] That's just, that's my fault.

[1544] It's all off the table.

[1545] Well, it's not your fault.

[1546] That's just life changed.

[1547] That's why I need to go to Vienna and cut loose.

[1548] Eat some of them sausages.

[1549] Okay.

[1550] So brevetes came up multiple times.

[1551] Oh, brevet latte.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] And you said it's like nine ounces of half and half, and he said like third.

[1554] But I guess it depends on what size you get because a brevet is two ounces of espresso, a shot of espresso, and then half and half steamed it and fro.

[1555] Which is the remaining.

[1556] It's the remaining.

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] So of a venty, which is 20 ounces.

[1559] Yeah.

[1560] I mean, you can't say there's 18 ounces of half and half because when they froth it, it gains volume.

[1561] Sure.

[1562] But let's say over 10 ounces.

[1563] Yeah, exactly.

[1564] Like a Coke can full of half and a half.

[1565] They're delicious, by the way.

[1566] Oh, I bet.

[1567] I'm going to get one.

[1568] I don't think they have them anymore.

[1569] At Starbucks.

[1570] You could make one.

[1571] No, I want to do it at Starbucks.

[1572] I don't think they have it.

[1573] Let's ask.

[1574] Ask Google.

[1575] Hey, Google, does Starbucks still sell the brevet latte?

[1576] On the website reference .com, they say, Starbucks coffee stores and stands, as with many other coffee shops, offer a cafe brevet version of the company's lattes in which half and half more light cream is substituted for milk.

[1577] Oh my God, I just got hony.

[1578] Now, listen, kind of like the rectangle sandwich.

[1579] You know, once we started talking about them, we had to get our mouths on them.

[1580] I'm going to get a brevet.

[1581] Oh, do it.

[1582] This week, so I'm shooting Top Gear.

[1583] And it's like I'm out about, you know, normally I'm up in the ranch.

[1584] Sure, sure, sure.

[1585] Nothing to buy there.

[1586] Sure.

[1587] But Top Gear's around town.

[1588] Oh, you could swing by a Starby's?

[1589] I could be ducking in the Starbys.

[1590] And I'm going to get me a brevy.

[1591] I wish I could have a cigarette with it.

[1592] No. I'm not going to.

[1593] I'm not going to.

[1594] I know I can't have a cigarette ever.

[1595] I'll be a smoker again.

[1596] But I was pounded in the Macamal lights when I used to have those brevés.

[1597] Isn't that funny what the brain does?

[1598] The thought of having a brevet made you want to have a cigarette because it's all connected memory -wise.

[1599] Yes.

[1600] It's crazy.

[1601] Yeah.

[1602] Okay.

[1603] So is there a record for longest spokesperson ever?

[1604] It was kind of hard to find.

[1605] William Shatner did it a long time for Priceline.

[1606] The Shat?

[1607] Uh -huh.

[1608] He doesn't go by that, does he?

[1609] I doubt it.

[1610] William the Shatt, Shatner.

[1611] I would guess not.

[1612] There's a bakery in Mammoth, California, called Shats Bakery.

[1613] S -C -H -A -T -T -A -T -A -P -R -P -E -A -H -A -T -A -A -P -A -H -A -H -A -H -A -H -A -H -A -R -A -H -A -R -A -R -A -R -A -R -A -R -A -R -A -B -R -E.

[1614] I think there's a of Bishop as well.

[1615] But Kenny and I were up there, Ken Kennedy.

[1616] And we got obsessed with the fact that it looked like someone was pulling a giant dump out of the oven.

[1617] Shats.

[1618] Wow.

[1619] A giant log.

[1620] Like shats and then just this big mound on it.

[1621] Oh my goodness.

[1622] Wow.

[1623] People sometimes don't think things all the way through.

[1624] You know, I wonder how it works because I'm guilty of this.

[1625] I don't know if it's some outgrowth of like buyer's remorse.

[1626] But if I make my bed, I'll lie in it.

[1627] Right.

[1628] So I kind of like, I can commit to something that's flawed.

[1629] I know this about myself.

[1630] I'd say it's a bit of a character defect.

[1631] No, I don't think it's a defect.

[1632] Okay, I'll be like, well, it's not right.

[1633] It's not perfect, but fine.

[1634] Like what?

[1635] Give an example.

[1636] You know, I could order something like, I don't know, a pair of shoes and they come and I'm like, well, they're not what I thought they were, but I just, I can deal with it.

[1637] You know what I'm saying?

[1638] Sure.

[1639] I won't, like, send them back or I won't.

[1640] I just have this, I don't know what it is.

[1641] Okay.

[1642] So I could see myself, like, working with some artists, I'm Ted Schatt or whatever the proprietor's name is, the patriarch of Shats Bakery.

[1643] Mr. Shat.

[1644] I'm Mr. and or Mrs. Shat.

[1645] And I'm working with this lovely person.

[1646] I'm like, so what I'm thinking is like, you really want to get a sense of a piping hot loaf of bread coming out of the oven.

[1647] And again, I'll say Shats Bakery, right?

[1648] And I've been hearing my name for so long.

[1649] I don't even recognize it's related to shit.

[1650] Past tense of shit.

[1651] And I might see it and be like, it's not great.

[1652] It's not what I was imagining, but maybe it's still good.

[1653] And this gal or guy loves it that worked on it hard, and I know they're talented.

[1654] Yeah.

[1655] And I might find myself just with this huge billboard in front of my bakery that looks like a hot steam and love.

[1656] You can't do that.

[1657] You got to strive for excellence.

[1658] That's where I'm not like Steve Jobs.

[1659] You know, I'm not, I don't, that's a character defect.

[1660] What happened is what I can see happened is the person who was given that information.

[1661] They thought that Mr. Shat was wanting it to look like poop because he said piping hot log.

[1662] Well, no, loaf, loaf.

[1663] I'm sorry.

[1664] Piping hot loaf coming out of the, straight out of the oven.

[1665] Out of the heat box.

[1666] He's like, okay, I hear you.

[1667] I know what you want.

[1668] Okay, okay.

[1669] thought he wanted some innuend.

[1670] Correct.

[1671] Okay.

[1672] Correct.

[1673] Most things in life are miscommunications.

[1674] Yeah, but I can see myself like hanging that sign and every time I pull into my bakery, just going like, hmm, well, whatever.

[1675] See, one of the things I like about being in business with you is you're more of a stickler than me. Like, we have the same opinion and aesthetic, and I love that you're a teammate and that you'll flag stuff that I run out of fuel, energy.

[1676] Yeah.

[1677] Yeah.

[1678] Or I'm too cold.

[1679] Dependent or whatever it is I value that about you I'm sure you've witnessed now that we're discussing At times where I'm like yeah it's fine I guess yeah sure And I definitely don't have that I'm grateful as hell It's good and bad on both ends I would say I think that mine comes from cheer Probably you can only do it right Or it collapses Literally collapses And there's no room for mistakes And there's no room for helmets So okay I will say this just to give everyone the feedback.

[1680] They would have seen it themselves, so I don't need to update them.

[1681] But it was pretty split.

[1682] It was?

[1683] Yeah, it was really split.

[1684] There were like a lot of people that agreed with you and there were a lot of people that agreed with me. Oh.

[1685] So I'd say it was a push.

[1686] And the people that agreed with me probably were cheerleaders.

[1687] A lot of them were, yeah, yeah.

[1688] And the ones that agreed with you know nothing about cheerleading.

[1689] So, okay, I feel good where I stand.

[1690] You made your community proud.

[1691] In that show, people are weeding and posting about that show.

[1692] It is getting so much love.

[1693] And I'm, I feel like I made it.

[1694] I feel like it's my show.

[1695] You feel very validated, don't you?

[1696] I really do.

[1697] The world finally knows what you went through.

[1698] I feel like that.

[1699] Yeah, I bet.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] Wow, wow, wow.

[1702] Hey, Google.

[1703] How many cheerleaders are there in high schools?

[1704] Bad question.

[1705] There's no way to go.

[1706] According to Wikipedia, they estimated that the number of high school cheerleaders from public high school is around 394 ,700.

[1707] Do you want a little more context?

[1708] No, but thank you.

[1709] She gave me a great answer to a bad question.

[1710] Yeah, she did.

[1711] Well, so that's a lot of 400 ,000 people.

[1712] You have a big posse.

[1713] I know.

[1714] A big squad, literally and figured it.

[1715] Oh, you're right.

[1716] That's a lot of you.

[1717] Yeah.

[1718] That's too many, too many of you.

[1719] I personally called it a team, but people call it a squad.

[1720] Okay.

[1721] I thought you called it a movement.

[1722] Well, that too.

[1723] Shats.

[1724] What if it was called Shats?

[1725] Get it moving.

[1726] Get things moving?

[1727] Yeah, like they were intending to say start your day here, but it sounded like get your bowels moving.

[1728] Shats has so many.

[1729] Good for them for not changing their name and just going, no, we will have a food restaurant.

[1730] That's right.

[1731] We don't care that our last name is Shat.

[1732] And it tastes good, right?

[1733] Oh my God.

[1734] The place is fucking awesome.

[1735] I really can't recommend it enough.

[1736] Shats Bakery up in Mammoth.

[1737] So William Shatner, that's how they start.

[1738] And then Jennifer O 'Neill, who was the face of Cover Girl, I guess, did that for 30 years.

[1739] As the face of it.

[1740] That's what it says.

[1741] No kidding.

[1742] Yeah.

[1743] Good for them.

[1744] And then Cosby was with Jello for 25 years.

[1745] Oh, and how long has Barney been with GMC?

[1746] I think he said around 20.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] So Cosby.

[1749] 25 years with Gell.

[1750] And has he lost that contract?

[1751] Yeah, but he had already.

[1752] Oh.

[1753] I mean, he had already not been with them for a while before all of his allegations came to serve.

[1754] I mean, they are indelibly tied for life.

[1755] It's true.

[1756] I mean, I'm still eating yellow.

[1757] Here, I'm going to cover my face and see if I can do it.

[1758] Eat your yellow pudding pops.

[1759] Not very good.

[1760] If ever there was a great impersonation to not be good at, that's that one, because it's pretty much retired.

[1761] So true.

[1762] Okay.

[1763] And then Jared.

[1764] Oh.

[1765] He was with Subway for 15 years.

[1766] Here's the problem.

[1767] Okay.

[1768] So you bring up Cosby and you bring up Jared.

[1769] It's dicey business.

[1770] Picking a spokesperson.

[1771] I know.

[1772] I know.

[1773] It is.

[1774] Which is why people should do what these people did.

[1775] The actual longest running spokesperson is the Michelin man who's a cartoon.

[1776] Okay.

[1777] And then you can create.

[1778] He's from 1894.

[1779] 1894?

[1780] Isn't that crazy?

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] Because then you're not married to...

[1783] His private life.

[1784] Yeah.

[1785] That's all...

[1786] That's all the fun facts?

[1787] Yeah, there were a few facts in this Will Arnette episode.

[1788] Well, it was mostly just a lot of regaling.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] Shared history.

[1791] Yeah, some memory lane.

[1792] That's true.

[1793] What if you tried to get on the phone with, like, cast members of Sessarient Live and we're like, were you nice to Dax and the whole?

[1794] He said that Will introduced you to him and that you were nice.

[1795] Do you remember that?

[1796] And what if they go, now they think about it, yeah, it was really nice to him.

[1797] Because I don't even like that guy.

[1798] I was like, what is he doing here?

[1799] Isn't he on a reality show?

[1800] Even in this joke.

[1801] He's a piece of shit.

[1802] Isn't he a piece of shit?

[1803] But I was nice to him.

[1804] Even in your joke, you do that.

[1805] Well, they say good jokes are rooted in truth, right?

[1806] But not in this case, because that's just your silly narrative.

[1807] Yeah, yeah.

[1808] But it's not.

[1809] I got a good narrative this year.

[1810] It is working.

[1811] You're so young.

[1812] I'm so young.

[1813] Yeah.

[1814] And I love everywhere I'm at.

[1815] I know.

[1816] I told you about driving in the car.

[1817] I already said it on here, right?

[1818] You did, yeah.

[1819] I love it.

[1820] I was trying to explain it to Kristen on the ride to the Richardson's.

[1821] Uh -huh.

[1822] I said, you know, if you just think about how comfortable this car is, and the fact that there's a DVD plane in the back seat for the kid.

[1823] And she's like, yeah, I don't need to do that.

[1824] I'm not upset we're in traffic.

[1825] I'm like, oh, yeah, if you're like that, you don't even need these tricks.

[1826] True.

[1827] She didn't even care.

[1828] Yeah, about that.

[1829] Yeah, about that.

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] About that.

[1832] About that.

[1833] About that.

[1834] She cares about other stuff.

[1835] We can all implement it.

[1836] Yeah, yeah.

[1837] It's a great resolution.

[1838] Tool.

[1839] Trick of the trade.

[1840] It is.

[1841] All right.

[1842] Well, I love you.

[1843] I love you.

[1844] All right.

[1845] Bye.

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