#126 - Freddy Lockhart (Part 2)

[0] recording and we're back you know can't get annoyed really it's amazing that this can even happen at all it's amazing that a fucking kitchen table in my office connected to time warner cable or whatever the fuck i've got can do that that's amazing anyway so it's amazing in the first place that this is even possible so if every 128th episode an audio input fries on the laptop.

[1] I should be fucking amazed that that stupid thing put out 127 episodes.

[2] Yeah, you don't have to have a 200 -foot antenna on your roof to show up somewhere.

[3] It's like, we're like Christian Slater and pump up the volume, son.

[4] Yeah, you don't have to be like fucking...

[5] Art Bell living out there in Pahrump, Nevada.

[6] You ever seen that guy's house?

[7] Dude, it's the coolest shit ever.

[8] Art Bell is right out of a goddamn movie.

[9] If you don't know who he is, Art Bell was the dude who, he had this late night radio show.

[10] He still does it, I think, on the weekends, right?

[11] But he did it every night for a while, called Coast to Coast AM.

[12] And you could not shake Art Bell.

[13] You could call him up, Art, I'm a werewolf.

[14] Really?

[15] How long have you been a werewolf?

[16] He'll go along with everything.

[17] He will never, I mean, come on, of course he has questions, but he will never question you.

[18] He will, I mean, he will question you, he'll ask you questions, but he'll never ridicule you or cast judgment on your craziness.

[19] And so because of that, he would just get one nutty motherfucker after another calling him up with crazy predictions and all kinds of nutty shit about the Mayans and 2012 and mind control and UFOs.

[20] Clearinghouse for all things.

[21] All things crazy.

[22] It's great, though.

[23] It's the perfect time to listen to that shit is when it was on.

[24] It was on from, like, I think 10 p .m. at night until, like, 2 in the morning or something like that.

[25] Oh, yeah, you'd listen to it in bed, listen to it in bed as a kid, and just listen to it and be like, ooh, yeah.

[26] Like, guys like that and then Dr. Demento, like, guys who just carve out little niches for themselves.

[27] Well, for me, there's no comparison.

[28] Art Bell was the king.

[29] Yeah, he is.

[30] Because Art Bell, I always knew that I would get some sort of juicy, crazy talk, you know, that I could be listening to.

[31] On the way home.

[32] All the sexy stuff.

[33] UFOs, Bigfoot, anything sexy.

[34] Didn't you fall in love with that shit, though?

[35] And I remember as a kid, you listen to the radio, and it's like a real intimate thing when you're just listening to something.

[36] Because you just go off, because all your other senses just chill out, and you go off to another place, and you're part of it.

[37] You're in the discussion.

[38] You're almost saying shit, and like, why aren't they answering me?

[39] I think this podcast is just like that, too.

[40] It's better in audio form, I think.

[41] And it's a beeline to the people.

[42] There's an intimacy area I'm finding with, you know, even my podcast, like the intimacy.

[43] Nice plug, by the way.

[44] Freddie Lockhart has a podcast on DeathSquad .tv, and it's called What's Good.

[45] What's Good with Freddie Lockhart, and you've done three of them so far, right?

[46] Three of them.

[47] What's good, son?

[48] It's like the loyalty of your listeners.

[49] I'm talking people from Finland, Australia.

[50] It's like I never even thought I would even reach those people.

[51] They're feeling what we're saying, and they're sharing things, and it's just like it's so cool that we have the ability to do this now.

[52] Yeah, and it's cool that what we're doing, the way we're doing it too, is that we're all doing it together.

[53] Brian runs this Death Squad podcast network, and it's all our friends.

[54] It's Freddy.

[55] It's Tom Segura.

[56] It's Ari Shafir.

[57] It's Sam Tripoli.

[58] It's funny people, and it's all funny fucking, and it's free, and it's on all the time, and it connects everybody with everybody else, and everybody gets to know about a guy like Sam Tripoli or know about a guy like Freddy Lockhart.

[59] And we get to...

[60] introduce our fans to each other in a way that you would never be able to do on morning radio or anything, man. And that's what it's cool.

[61] It's like I would love to get to where you're at to not ever have to do radio again because it's like you have your own.

[62] This is the most amazing thing ever.

[63] There's never been a time in my career ever where I could sell a theater or a club or just with people that I communicate with online.

[64] And it's fun.

[65] It's fun as fuck, and it's free, and they like it, and you're giving them something.

[66] For me, it feels like a real honest exchange.

[67] I like the fact that it doesn't cost anything.

[68] I want you to just, we're having fun.

[69] Enjoy this shit.

[70] And I think it does good.

[71] It sets out a good mindset.

[72] When I was a kid, I always imitated the way other people behaved on TV if I thought it was cool.

[73] I always wanted to be like that guy.

[74] I wanted to be like this guy in a movie.

[75] It's absolutely normal.

[76] If you have a podcast where you can get out there to people, a way of thinking that's not necessarily mainstream, a way of thinking that's...

[77] you know, thought out by a bunch of really honest, smart people who have stepped back and have really analyzed this and compared notes.

[78] Right.

[79] You know, we've all, all of us have our different ways about life, but we all, you know, one of the cool things about having a group of smart friends is, you know, say if I want to talk to you about some shit that you experienced, some shit that I have no knowledge of, no, I know I can sit down and go, Freddy.

[80] Tell me about fishing off this pier.

[81] Tell me. And you'll just give me the straight dope and it'd be like I knew it myself.

[82] Right.

[83] Because that's the thing in our group.

[84] I think we all are mindful of, you know, I won't speak about something unless I can speak intelligently about it.

[85] We all know that there's actual, you get benefit from admitting that you don't know something and being honest.

[86] Like people respect that and like that way more than you pretending you know what you don't know.

[87] Right.

[88] Oh, absolutely.

[89] There's no benefit to it.

[90] It's a trick.

[91] It's something that you...

[92] got stuck doing when you were a little kid and you stayed with it but none of us do any of that yeah you don't the only time i still lie though is when somebody starts telling me about a movie and they're like did you ever see that one oh yeah i saw it just so they'll stop so they'll stop because if you don't because then they'll tell you they'll give you the backstory on it whoops is that me yeah that's me it works does it sound good yeah nobody's complaining That's crazy.

[93] It was a laptop the whole time.

[94] We had a buzzing noise at one episode.

[95] We should be amazed at that fucking piece of shit, that little 13 -inch wonky one.

[96] There's got to be some bad karma to the fact that these people that are making these laptops and computers are all working in these factories where they have dormitories and fucking suicide nets all over the place.

[97] Have you seen that shit, man?

[98] Does that freak you out, man?

[99] It freaks me out.

[100] I mean, I know that they say, well, these have the best.

[101] work conditions and you know we've provided them with counseling look they have a billiards hall to play in they still seem like slaves yeah it still seems something crazy you got a bunch of people living in a warehouse and then they're working x amount of hours a day for 25 cents an hour or something Crazy like that?

[102] What are they getting paid?

[103] Their lives are devoted to turning a product.

[104] Yeah, it's weird.

[105] Whether you're paid or not, if your life is devoted to making a product, if you're now an industrialized part of machinery, you know what I mean?

[106] You're a slave.

[107] You're enslaved.

[108] Willing workers where there's no work.

[109] See, in America, we have a lot of really fucking shit jobs that nobody wants.

[110] But in China, I think the difference is when you get to around a billion people, there's places where there's no options.

[111] And these people are willing workers, but they really...

[112] Really, their environment sucks so bad.

[113] There's no options but to work for these factories.

[114] And so they're forced into that situation.

[115] It's not sort of like America.

[116] There's more opportunity to move around.

[117] There's more different shit, more variety, at least as far as China has been explained to me. There's like terribly poor places that are just frightening.

[118] Have you been over there?

[119] No, I've never been there.

[120] But there's also an incredible amount of rich people too.

[121] Someone said that in Shanghai there's over 100 ,000 millionaires.

[122] I believe it.

[123] There's 28 million people living there.

[124] So it's like per capita, that's what we have.

[125] 100 ,000 millionaires.

[126] And the thing about China, too, is the big point is they are not trying to take over the world.

[127] They're trying to sell you shit.

[128] They're trying to make money.

[129] They're trying to do business.

[130] That's what they're trying to do.

[131] The Chinese aren't trying to take over the world.

[132] They've had their issues with Thailand, and they've had their issues with...

[133] Where's the Dalai Lama from?

[134] Well, Tibet.

[135] Tibet.

[136] And then all of Southeast Asia they like to fight with.

[137] Yeah, there's a lot of shit with Tibet, right?

[138] There's always a free Tibet bumper sticker.

[139] So China's not innocent abroad.

[140] But when you look at how much we're involved in shit in other parts of the world.

[141] The economic impact of all this fucking military action, it's staggering.

[142] We don't consider it, and we say, oh, look at China blowing up.

[143] China doesn't have to worry about fucking taking over the world.

[144] China doesn't have to worry about that.

[145] They're not invested in, I mean, a little bit, I'm sure they are, but they're not invested nearly as much as we are in this shit.

[146] Well, I think the old school way of thinking was, it's like even in the 40s, it's like he with the nukes is the winner, but what they've realized is this is the new era.

[147] We all got nukes.

[148] You know what I mean?

[149] You pull the trigger, we're all going down.

[150] So the way to get ahead is to be an economical superpower.

[151] It's fucking truly amazing that that's how it's still run in 2011.

[152] It really is like a weapon that can kill you thing.

[153] The end -all weapon?

[154] Well, it's not just that.

[155] I mean, it always was a weapon that I could kill you.

[156] It used to be I had a sword.

[157] Then it was I have a spear.

[158] Then it was I have a cannon.

[159] And it's still, I have some shit that'll kill you.

[160] It's still.

[161] I mean, basically, it's the same dynamic.

[162] It all comes down to that one carnal instinct.

[163] I'll kill you.

[164] Amazing.

[165] Control of resources.

[166] I'll kill you.

[167] Give me the resources.

[168] I'll fucking kill you.

[169] Give me the shit.

[170] It's amazing though.

[171] 2011, I wonder if it's going to be able to continue this way.

[172] Because it seems like the tolerance that people have for it today is very short.

[173] It's very different than it was a few decades ago.

[174] Very different than it was before the internet.

[175] To me, I think people think of war as much more distasteful.

[176] If anyone is likely to buy into any wacky conspiracy theory, the big one would be that the military -industrial complex has their fingers in all parts.

[177] of the world for making money, and they force wars.

[178] It sounds crazy, but if you look at Eisenhower's speech, and if you look at all the evidence, that's exactly what they do.

[179] That's a conspiracy that more people would be willing to buy than almost any other wacky conspiracy.

[180] What, that war is big business, and of course we force them.

[181] That's a fringe idea, man. I mean, that's not something you can bring up on CBS News, and they'll just let you slide with that.

[182] People will challenge you.

[183] It's a fringe idea, but it's one of these things where, is it so much fringe or just unpopular to say on TV?

[184] It's unpopular to look at reality.

[185] It's unpopular to look that we are living inside the balls of the dick that's fucking the world.

[186] Right.

[187] And that's what's going down.

[188] Well, people don't want to know that, though.

[189] People don't want to think about it.

[190] They want to think USA, USA.

[191] They don't want to think, what does that mean?

[192] Yeah, you?

[193] Yes.

[194] You in USA and me in USA?

[195] You're talking about dudes who write badass books and dudes who sing great songs and people who make badass houses and real American ingenuity and craftsmanship and construction.

[196] Yes.

[197] Yes.

[198] Go USA.

[199] Yeah, go all the comics that have ever come out of America.

[200] Go all the movie makers.

[201] I mean, you want to talk creativity.

[202] There's brilliant artists all over the world, but what a fucking pool of them there are here.

[203] What an amazing fucking country this is.

[204] Yes, this, but not the military that fucking runs our shit.

[205] Not them.

[206] They're not us.

[207] That's money.

[208] What that is is a virus.

[209] It's a virus that runs on money, and that virus is killing people left and right, and it might as well be a fucking disease.

[210] It might as well be the plague or super AIDS or gonorrhea, but it's a fucking virus.

[211] And that virus is, it needs money.

[212] It's a virus fueled by money and it's willing to kill people.

[213] Which how much of our budget do we allot to...

[214] Huge amounts of money.

[215] An absurd amount.

[216] Staggering amounts of money.

[217] To the point where if we cut a quarter of it, like we'd be doing completely fine in a lot of arenas.

[218] Dude, a lot.

[219] It doesn't make any sense.

[220] And it's like we are addicted to it.

[221] We're addicted to be in these conflicts.

[222] It really is like Eisenhower said.

[223] Eisenhower predicted this shit in whatever the fuck it was, 1950.

[224] Well, FDR people always said, too, that he was trying to keep us out of World War II, but that wasn't the case at all.

[225] He made one real poignant speech even before the Japs attacked Pearl Harbor, and he said something like, if we can't rest on our laurels, and this is a summation, but we can't rest on our laurels and relax here in our own country.

[226] We have to go find opposing foes overseas if we want to feel safe here.

[227] which was basically like hey prepare america this is big business this fucking war and it was it was big business it made us it gave us money and invented the suburbs it was huge fucking business that war war bonds and all that shit but it's like now it's not a lucrative business like it used to be what's lucrative is the contracts they get to build the shit they get to justify the money they're going to spend next year so it's like we keep giving all this fucking money to this thing for that sky is falling thing when the sky isn't falling there was that movie gung -ho with michael keaton remember that 1996 yeah And there was a quote in there, and he said, the American spirit is alive and well.

[228] It's just in Hong Kong right now.

[229] And it's like that was very prophetic because it is.

[230] Because over in China, they're just like, you know what?

[231] Let's build shit.

[232] Let's just make shit.

[233] Let's keep fucking making it like we used to do.

[234] You know, and the most disappointing part about it is that a lot of these guys, a lot of the troops, a lot of the people that are working for what they believe is a good cause.

[235] These are real heroes, man. I mean, there are some real fucking heroes in this country willing to go to other parts of the world to protect the people that are back here.

[236] That's legit.

[237] They're legit heroes.

[238] They're just getting used by people with...

[239] bad intentions.

[240] That's as clear as it is to me. People are doing their bidding with their lives.

[241] Yeah, there's no doubt the American military is fucking amazing.

[242] If they were just used for defense and just used for good, it would be the most incredible force ever.

[243] I think our biggest asset is we can bring war to any corner of the globe in less than 24 hours.

[244] You're done, son.

[245] We don't have the biggest.

[246] We just got the biggest weapons.

[247] We got everything, dude.

[248] We got military in over 100 countries.

[249] Yeah, our installments.

[250] We're like France used to be, nigga.

[251] We everywhere.

[252] It's more than ridiculous.

[253] No one's ever been like this.

[254] No one's ever had this kind of presence in the world.

[255] I mean, this is the United States of the world.

[256] That's what it is.

[257] Everybody else is like our little buddy, our neighbor who yells at us, but he knows that we'll burn his fucking house down.

[258] Yeah, but you know what it is?

[259] We're a compilation of all of them.

[260] You can act like we're these elitist separatists and all that, but we're the all -star lineup of the world.

[261] Well, we're the end of the line as far as people that wanted to take shit to the next level.

[262] That's what happened.

[263] They were in Europe, and they're like, this ain't working for me. I'm going to get in a fucking boat and fly to some unknown land.

[264] So that genetics, those are the freaks.

[265] Those are the crazy assholes.

[266] It's like, I mean, Australia is a badass country.

[267] One of the reasons why it's a badass country is it started out a goddamn prison colony.

[268] Because a lot of those people were like the grandparents or the grandchildren, great -great -great -great -grandchildren of fucking crazy criminals from England that they got rid of.

[269] Get the fuck out of here, you crazy ass.

[270] So we're going to send you to an island that's so far away you can never get back to us.

[271] Okay?

[272] We don't want to kill you.

[273] Just get the fuck out of here.

[274] You'll have a skewed accent and everything.

[275] But meanwhile, they're awesome.

[276] Australia is amazing.

[277] The most well -traveled people in the world, Aussies.

[278] I think because they have to travel to go anywhere.

[279] But it's like everywhere they go.

[280] And it's like, I'm going to stay in your couch, mate, and be here for six weeks.

[281] We were in Hawaii, and there was a couple from Australia.

[282] They were from Melbourne.

[283] Melbourne.

[284] And they took the kids out.

[285] It was a long flight.

[286] They had to fly like 11 hours and then two hours.

[287] But they're happy to do it.

[288] They'll fucking just do it, man. They're the friendliest people in the world.

[289] They really are.

[290] Well -traveled.

[291] Australians are amazing.

[292] Friendly.

[293] And I think something like 80 % of Australia is uninhabited.

[294] Yeah.

[295] Unhabitable.

[296] Unhabitable, yeah.

[297] But the places that you can, Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, the places you can live are fucking phenomenal.

[298] But I also heard it's the most deadly place on Earth.

[299] You can get killed by more insects and indigenous creatures there than you can live.

[300] in the world.

[301] Jellyfish.

[302] Jellyfish, stingrays.

[303] They have a certain jellyfish.

[304] I want to say man of war, but I think I'm wrong.

[305] I don't think that's the name of it.

[306] There's a name for it.

[307] I'm not sure what the jellyfish is.

[308] But a really super toxic one where almost 90 % of the people that get hit by this thing die.

[309] You've got to get treatment within seconds.

[310] And they have these giant jugs of vinegar that they keep in little boxes all around the beach in case people get hit by a jellyfish to pour this vinegar on.

[311] Somehow or another it lessens the impact.

[312] But jellyfish are fucking ferocious.

[313] Their toxins are so ruthless.

[314] Whatever this jellyfish is, it just jacks people.

[315] This one lady was scarred the fuck up.

[316] A box jellyfish.

[317] Yeah, I think that is it.

[318] This one lady, her legs, she made it through, but her legs were just mangled.

[319] Do you swim in the sea?

[320] Do you get in that one?

[321] Fuck that shit, son.

[322] I get close to the shore and I'll boogie board if I'm feeling frisky.

[323] How pimp would it be?

[324] to have a jellyfish though in one of those black light aquariums in the middle of your living room.

[325] That's like nature's joke on a lava lamp.

[326] I get real, my eyes are very sensitive when I get salt water in them.

[327] It burns like fuck.

[328] I think it's because when I did Fear Factor a lot, I had a lot of sunscreen go in my eyes.

[329] It happened many times.

[330] I remember that.

[331] Yeah, a bunch of times where I was like on stage and my sweat from my forehead while I'd be on stage, the sunscreen would leak into my eyes and it's like...

[332] I fried my retinas or something.

[333] It's like my eyes are much more sensitive now to salt water.

[334] Yeah, I think I fucked them up.

[335] I can see good, but I think they're much more sensitive now.

[336] I can tear up real easy.

[337] So I had to wear goggles and shit like that.

[338] But the idea that there's some shit out there that can kill you, and it does every now and then.

[339] Every year someone gets bit somewhere.

[340] And you don't want to get got by a fish.

[341] Somebody got got a year ago right out here, Santa Barbara.

[342] By a jellyfish?

[343] No, a fucking shark.

[344] Bit him in half.

[345] Oh, wow.

[346] Yeah, and they found a great white really recently around Malibu.

[347] They spotted it from a plane.

[348] There's a great white tooling around Malibu.

[349] Gee, Brody, you can't close these beaches down.

[350] Listen, man, they're out there.

[351] They're there.

[352] They're really there.

[353] Just a big muscle swimming.

[354] And in fucking Australia, there's everything.

[355] There's crocodiles.

[356] Crocodiles are easily the scariest fucking thing on the planet for me. Even more scary than sharks.

[357] You know why?

[358] Yeah, because I don't fucking go in the water that much, man. So sharks are scary and shit, but I know they're out there, so I'm going to.

[359] I'm cool.

[360] I'll take less chances over here.

[361] You know, the idea that you jump into their world.

[362] Yeah.

[363] You know?

[364] They're just subject to their rules and their laws.

[365] Crocodiles live in our world, man. Yeah.

[366] And they're giants.

[367] Yeah.

[368] Like they exist.

[369] You ever see the one picture of the crocodile hunter holding his baby and feeding a crocodile a chicken?

[370] Yeah.

[371] That is the most irresponsible thing ever.

[372] I didn't have children when I first saw that photo.

[373] I didn't have...

[374] And you were disgusted.

[375] It had never reproduced.

[376] Right.

[377] So, to me, it was just a normal...

[378] It was...

[379] Just a logical thing.

[380] Like, well, that's ridiculous.

[381] Why is he doing that?

[382] That's crazy.

[383] What if his kid got hurt?

[384] But when you have children and you think about the idea that just for a goof, you will stand in front of this fucking unpredictable monster and take some, maybe it's one out of a thousand chance.

[385] You're willing to do that?

[386] What if your kid got eaten by a fucking crocodile right in front of you?

[387] Yeah, and you're the crocodile hunter.

[388] That would make you sound very bad at your job.

[389] What if something happened and it stumbled as you were giving it the chicken and the chicken bounced?

[390] out of its mouth and it looked at the baby and said, I'll go for this next.

[391] And it pulls your arms off with the fucking baby.

[392] And it does the roll.

[393] It does a death roll.

[394] Yeah.

[395] And just snap, snap, snap and your elbows fucking pop off and start shooting like a sprinkler.

[396] Do you watch the swamp people?

[397] You've seen them out there?

[398] Yeah, with the allergies.

[399] You want to check their traps and stuff and then they just point blank and shoot them in the face with a gun.

[400] Those are monsters, bro.

[401] And then they bring them back in and they're looking for like 12 footers.

[402] You can eat them.

[403] Yeah.

[404] They're delicious.

[405] And make nice boots and all that stuff too.

[406] But those guys hunting for them are crazy.

[407] Dude, that's a wild monster that you're out there shooting.

[408] And alligators are pussies.

[409] They're like poodles compared to pit bulls.

[410] When you compare an alligator to a crocodile, crocodiles are way more ferocious, way crazier, way meaner, way more dangerous, way quicker.

[411] It's just one of those things where you let your mind absorb.

[412] It's like, wow, that exists.

[413] Yeah, 28 -footers, man. How about they can hold their breath for a couple hours?

[414] It's just killers.

[415] They can get into a pond and go underwater and just sit there and not move for a couple hours.

[416] couple hours.

[417] And they look mean as fuck.

[418] They don't look like well -wishers.

[419] They look like they're here to fuck shit up.

[420] Anything looks meaner than a fucking crocodile.

[421] Yeah, it looks meaner.

[422] Her teeth are all up and down.

[423] They look fake.

[424] It's like you sit here and tell kids there's no such thing as monsters.

[425] What if you live in Florida?

[426] Yeah, there is.

[427] What if you were in Florida and that was under your bed?

[428] What are those deep water fish that have like the fangs and the eye and has that thing that like an antenna thing?

[429] Like sturgeon or something?

[430] It's almost like a...

[431] Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[432] It almost...

[433] I think it's called the anglerfish.

[434] Yeah.

[435] It has like its own fake swimming fishing rod.

[436] Sure, I know what you mean.

[437] Yeah.

[438] And it looks like it.

[439] It looks like a lure in front of him.

[440] And the fish come near and he jacks him.

[441] It's amazing.

[442] Yeah, he fishes for fish.

[443] That's fucking dope.

[444] That's a monster, son.

[445] Yeah.

[446] You're lucky you don't live in his world.

[447] Dude, killers of the sea.

[448] And that's like those sharks.

[449] I watched Jaws the other night for the 700 ,000th time.

[450] Because my girlfriend hadn't seen it.

[451] Greatest movie.

[452] And she's like, I don't like these kind of movies.

[453] I was like, oh, great movies?

[454] Where'd she get her?

[455] When I hear her shit on movies, that's how she talks.

[456] And she was like, I don't want to watch it.

[457] I don't want to watch it.

[458] I'm like, it's not what you think it is.

[459] I go, it's a movie that plays on your fears.

[460] It's not something that's going to show you a bunch of gore the whole time.

[461] You're going to see Quint get got at the end, but that's it, right?

[462] That's a goriest thing.

[463] But it's like that whole amazing thing of it playing on your fears.

[464] And so we watched Jaws again.

[465] It was just like, yeah, dude, that thing's just a swimming fucking garbage disposal looking to destroy.

[466] No reason, no sympathy, no empathy, just muscles and teeth and eating.

[467] And that's fucking badass that that exists.

[468] You just stay away from it.

[469] Yeah.

[470] You know?

[471] But she ended up liking the movie.

[472] She's like, I like that movie.

[473] I was like, it's a tale of the sea.

[474] How could you not like it?

[475] We have completely separated ourselves from the food chain.

[476] We're just like, listen, listen, listen, listen, stop.

[477] No one's eating us.

[478] Back the fuck up.

[479] Nope, we're out of the game.

[480] We're out of the game.

[481] Here's the deal.

[482] We got tanks.

[483] I got nuclear weapons, all right?

[484] You want to get crazy?

[485] You want to get crazy?

[486] We'll kill you all.

[487] But for right now, we're out of the game.

[488] So you go eat your gazelles.

[489] We're not going to stop any of that.

[490] We're not going to protect the monkeys from the chimps.

[491] We're not protecting anybody from anybody else.

[492] We let it all go down.

[493] Except people.

[494] As soon as you start eating people.

[495] Yeah, you ain't hunting me. That's for fucking shit.

[496] Some lady got killed in Africa last week.

[497] A lion made it into her yard and killed her.

[498] Apparently this lion had escaped.

[499] There was a hole in one of the fences.

[500] They have game parks where they have lions.

[501] Wild reserves.

[502] Yeah, there's wild.

[503] And apparently they're fucking.

[504] actually fenced in which is amazing to try to wrap your head around but something like a rhino or a fucking elephant damaged the fence and the lion snuck through and started eating people Yeah, and they found her, like, remains in the bushes.

[505] Just nothing left.

[506] What's that?

[507] Ate all her skin, ate her body.

[508] What's the movie with Willem Dafoe and the lions?

[509] The Ghost in the Darkness.

[510] Not Willem Dafoe.

[511] It's Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer.

[512] Oh, that's right, that's right.

[513] That movie is the shit.

[514] That's a true story.

[515] Fuck yeah, that's a true story.

[516] Yeah, dude.

[517] That's a good movie.

[518] It's a great horror movie about a real animal.

[519] And about shit that can happen.

[520] Fuck yeah, that can happen, dude.

[521] That's an amazing film.

[522] And really about a group of lions.

[523] I think it was two lions.

[524] What was it in the 30s or the 20s or something?

[525] Yeah, I think what was interesting about it was that they didn't know that male lions would hunt.

[526] Right, it was always said that males don't hunt.

[527] They stay home.

[528] But these males just decided to start hunting people.

[529] Because they got bored.

[530] They're like, nigga, let's go hunt, huh?

[531] Yeah.

[532] I think they just realize how easy it is.

[533] I think once one of them just eats a person and goes, Jesus Christ, why am I chasing after gazelles?

[534] A person is 100 % catch.

[535] You ever watch gazelles almost get away?

[536] They have seven gears.

[537] Because sometimes they take a left when it was a good thing to take a left.

[538] They're gone.

[539] When you watch a tiger chasing down a fucking gazelle or anything, a lion chasing down a gazelle, anything chasing down a fast thing.

[540] Think about how fucking fast that thing is running to stay alive.

[541] And then think of how slow you are.

[542] Oh, my God.

[543] We're so slow.

[544] The fastest guy in the world.

[545] Have you ever seen them attack a hippo?

[546] I saw this one where there was like six of them on top of a hippo trying to get this hippo.

[547] A hippo?

[548] Yeah, and hippos are like one of the most dangerous animals in the world.

[549] Lions eat hippos?

[550] Oh, yeah.

[551] And this one hippo was just like slowly walking while there was like all these tigers or lions on it and like just trying to eat it.

[552] I've seen that.

[553] Wow.

[554] a lot of times that are a little out of their range.

[555] There's YouTube videos of lions attacking hippos.

[556] Yeah, and it's just a slow walk while there's hippos just being eaten alive.

[557] Oh, my God.

[558] This is crazy.

[559] I'm watching it right now.

[560] Oh, my God.

[561] This lion is riding on the back of the hippo while he's eating it.

[562] Just eating it.

[563] He's just hanging on to that.

[564] Is that fucking crazy?

[565] And look, there's the next day.

[566] You see it with the spine is hanging out?

[567] Literally took a hunk out of the spine of this thing.

[568] Where are you going, homie?

[569] Let me get a bite.

[570] Yeah.

[571] Have you ever watched that?

[572] Oh, my God.

[573] This is hard to watch, man. It really is.

[574] Because they can't kill it.

[575] Yeah.

[576] It's almost impossible.

[577] It's when you see the eyes of what the animal is happening to.

[578] Like, why are you doing this to me?

[579] I know.

[580] Why are you eating me?

[581] I just want to go.

[582] Oh, he's just dealing with it.

[583] Yeah.

[584] I'm kidding.

[585] There's a good show called Big Cat's Diary, I think it is.

[586] I'm a big fan of that show.

[587] But they always have shit like this.

[588] There was one recently.

[589] There was a – what was it?

[590] A jaguar or a cheetah attack?

[591] Listen, for folks who want to watch this, it's called Lion Attack Hippo.

[592] This is fucking gnarly.

[593] Wow.

[594] Holy shit.

[595] Something completely off subject.

[596] That is freaking me out.

[597] That video just freaked me out.

[598] How amazing is it that that's a real everyday occurrence out there in the world somewhere?

[599] There's a spot of the world where there's giant monsters taking down 3 ,000 pound animals.

[600] slowly biting their spine.

[601] You know the day that we're going to get excited where I think we're all going to call each other and I really feel like this day is going to happen is that breaking news is going to come in and we found Bigfoot.

[602] We got him.

[603] We found him.

[604] We found him.

[605] We really think there's a Bigfoot?

[606] Yeah.

[607] I don't know.

[608] I don't think it.

[609] I think I'm open to the possibility.

[610] It's just, you know what?

[611] It's the year 2011.

[612] Lots of cameras.

[613] Bring me his head and nothing lies.

[614] He's sexy.

[615] You know what I mean?

[616] Bigfoot is very sexy.

[617] Remember that joke you used to have that you used to talk about in search of Loch Ness or whatever it was?

[618] Yeah.

[619] Like it'd be like in search of Snuffleupagus.

[620] Well, now they have the in search of Bigfoot, right?

[621] Yeah.

[622] And it's like somebody gave money to this.

[623] Yeah.

[624] And it's like that's one of those things we talked about.

[625] Like we were talking about somebody earlier like not believing things or checking facts.

[626] Things are very simple to understand.

[627] Like I've said this before.

[628] Like if somebody in this world is levitating.

[629] he'd be the most famous person in the history of time ever.

[630] Right.

[631] He would have done the most impressive thing ever, ever.

[632] He would have made, you know, Da Vinci and everybody look like poop butt hats.

[633] Looks like Professor X from the X -Men.

[634] Yeah.

[635] It's just like, what the fuck?

[636] So people would be like, you know, if you really could levitate, yeah.

[637] Yeah.

[638] It's like, no, you would be amazing if you could, you know?

[639] If you really could.

[640] But so the Bigfoot thing, the logic tells you this.

[641] It's like, look, they would preempt the president's State of the Union address to tell you they found Bigfoot.

[642] They would preempt.

[643] anything it would be the most important story ever yeah so allotting resources to going to look for it now the only way it could exist is because here here's why here's the side i'll take is we have this arrogance as as men basically that we've conquered all of the earth we know every nook and cranny you know there's places that you can go down you can go sideways into the earth there's just so many nooks and crannies now if there's some you know seven foot ape walking around and hasn't been seen maybe in the himalayas somewhere maybe where a man can't get to maybe the abominable abominable Snowman.

[644] Whatever.

[645] The white Bigfoot.

[646] You're more inclined to believe that, like the Tibet, than the Bigfoot Sasquatch?

[647] I'm more inclined to believe the Yeti version than the Pacific Northwestern version.

[648] I think it was probably a real animal.

[649] That's what I think.

[650] I think it probably went extinct a long time ago.

[651] Gigantopithecus.

[652] Gigantopithecus is the actual animal.

[653] In the Chicago Museum, they have a nice mock -up of his skeleton.

[654] Yeah, and it's like this giant eight -foot fucking gorilla.

[655] It totally looks like what you would think of as Bigfoot.

[656] I guess it was...

[657] It wasn't bipedal, though.

[658] It would sometimes walk on its hind legs.

[659] But enough so that if you saw one walking on its hind legs, who the fuck knows?

[660] I mean, it's all completely speculation.

[661] Do you know the story of Oliver, the champ?

[662] If you're playing the...

[663] Joe Rogan Experience Drinking Game.

[664] I think that's one shot.

[665] What is the Joe Rogan Experience Drinking Game?

[666] Who the fuck knows?

[667] Because I say that all the time.

[668] Who the fuck knows?

[669] Who the fuck knows?

[670] I think that's one shot.

[671] Did you hear that story of Oliver, the purported man chimp, ever?

[672] Did I tell you about that last time?

[673] Yes, I watched that.

[674] I watched the whole documentary on him.

[675] He was a chimpanzee that just had a really weird...

[676] Amazing, weird anomaly.

[677] A bunch of them.

[678] Walked straight up.

[679] Didn't want to crouch over and walk on all fours.

[680] And wanted to fuck women.

[681] Wanted to fuck women.

[682] Smoked.

[683] Yeah, was like hanging around with people and really despised chimps.

[684] But he started getting really creepy with the woman.

[685] And inappropriate shit.

[686] And then they had to lock him up.

[687] Well, he's still ready to rape.

[688] All over the chimp.

[689] Chimps don't have any morals, man. When their dick gets hard, they're ready to rape.

[690] Because that's how it works in the chimp world.

[691] They don't have the...

[692] So he was doing his best to listen.

[693] Right.

[694] But he's fighting against some crazy instincts and he's not getting any sexual satisfaction.

[695] And he's going to find it somewhere.

[696] They were showing him...

[697] Because in the 70s, they actually...

[698] concluded that he was half man half ape because DNA testing was so crude that they couldn't narrow it down now they're like oh no he's just a fucked up ape and every once in a while I think a gorilla came out last year who walks on he was bipedal walks around just looking around at shit and just as humans it's like you know so many people conclude it's like I've never seen that it's new it's obviously half man it's like Part of me would like to think there's somebody out there tinkering with something like that, but that's a really fucked up thing to do.

[699] Well, it's definitely happened.

[700] There was a recent article in, I know it's not the best source, the UK in the Daily Mail, was talking about scientists have created, I believe it was over 100 different embryos that were hybrids of babies and human and some other animal.

[701] They actually created embryos.

[702] When I read about the liger and all the different shit they did, I thought it was just Napoleon Dynamite fucking around.

[703] I think we talked about this last time.

[704] No, ligers are legit.

[705] real deal they don't i don't think there's ever a time in the wild where they're they're in the same habitat but you know what they said is it only has happens in captivity i think it happens in captivity but they were saying this and this has happened recently they're like they can't reproduce so they're all born sterile or they're all right you know that that's it that's one generation they're hybrids just like there's hybrid fish that are of the same situation some had reproduce really so that's telling you that genetically now they're adapting and this liger thing would get killed out in the wild because it's fucking enormous and slow it's giant and slow It's a sitting target.

[706] Like, I thought it was a joke.

[707] Why are they slow?

[708] They're slow because they're twice the size of a normal lion or tiger.

[709] They're the size of a lion and a tiger put together.

[710] But wouldn't animals be more scared of it, though?

[711] So they might actually be pretty decent.

[712] Yeah, but they're inert.

[713] And animals, just as you saw that lion jumping on a hippo's back, don't give a fuck.

[714] This is how brilliant Napoleon Dynamite was.

[715] To this day, it's ridiculous to talk about a liger.

[716] Yeah.

[717] I just was avoiding talking about this animal.

[718] I was avoiding talking about this because, you know what?

[719] Dude, Napoleon Dynamite already covered this.

[720] Exactly.

[721] But you know what?

[722] I thought he was joking.

[723] No, man. I thought it was a joke.

[724] Yeah, I thought it was a joke, too.

[725] Most people think it's a joke.

[726] They're so ridiculous looking.

[727] They're cartoonish.

[728] There's the one that you'll see online.

[729] I always look for the video and the one in motion.

[730] It's just this amazingly, absurdly huge thing.

[731] But it's like, you know, they keep miniaturizing things.

[732] I want to see them make things bigger.

[733] Apparently what it is is that the gene for ceasing growth or the gene that limits growth is removed when the two mate with each other.

[734] When it's like a male tiger, a female lion.

[735] I think I got it right.

[736] When that happens, the gene for growth, like the gene for regulating growth gets all fucked up.

[737] So they just grow huge.

[738] There's one on the other side, too.

[739] There's the liger, but the tie.

[740] I don't know what they're calling it.

[741] They're mixing the words together.

[742] So now you're talking about, you know, like a tiger with a mane.

[743] What?

[744] Like a bangled tiger with a mane.

[745] Oh, dude.

[746] That's great.

[747] What's that called?

[748] Look up a tigre maybe.

[749] A tigre?

[750] Really?

[751] I don't remember.

[752] It was a...

[753] It's when I was looking at those ligers that time and I started seeing all these fucked up animals they've been messing with.

[754] It's amazing.

[755] Well, did they...

[756] I wonder if anybody...

[757] I would like to find out if that happened naturally, the liger thing, or if that was something that people fucked around with.

[758] I assume it probably had to...

[759] I always look for videos in motion.

[760] I won't accept a picture.

[761] You know what I mean?

[762] Well, I don't think...

[763] Fred scratches the surface, Joe Rogan.

[764] I understand.

[765] You know what I mean?

[766] It's a good move.

[767] I dig deep.

[768] When I go to Wikipedia, I check your sources.

[769] And then I check your sources' sources.

[770] Has anybody ever been killed by one of these things?

[771] I don't think so.

[772] A Tygon, this guy says.

[773] Tygon, yeah.

[774] Let me check out a Tygon.

[775] And they're funny looking.

[776] But the Bengal tiger is the biggest cat.

[777] These are cool as fuck.

[778] Aren't they?

[779] Wow.

[780] That's all we need.

[781] More giant shit that can kill us.

[782] There's a photo of this lady lying on a Tygon.

[783] And it's enormous.

[784] It's so big.

[785] Oh my god, it's big.

[786] It's fucking beautiful.

[787] Dude, I would be scared of a fucking cat that weighs 10 pounds.

[788] If a cat weighs 10 pounds, if a rat weighed 5 pounds, I'm terrified of a rat.

[789] A 5 -pound rat that's coming to try to fuck you up, you know?

[790] Can't you just imagine how goddamn helpless you would feel if a tiger decided to jack you?

[791] Yeah, they have nothing but bad intentions and there's no reasoning with it.

[792] Are they nice, the ligers?

[793] Are they, like, calmed down?

[794] I think they're pretty docile as a result of being man -made and sitting around with only zookeepers and zoologists.

[795] So no one's ever been jacked by a liger?

[796] You'd have to be a cryptozoologist to even look after one.

[797] Has anyone been killed by a liger?

[798] I can't believe I'm doing this.

[799] Maybe there's a liger up at Folsom.

[800] I'll kill folks.

[801] Well, that's the problem, man. This fucking Napoleon Dynamite has ruined his liger thing.

[802] He's made people think it's fictional to the point when I tell people, they're like, yeah, right.

[803] I'm like...

[804] Has anyone?

[805] Liger attack kills animal handler.

[806] First fucking page, People Magazine.

[807] Yep.

[808] Nice.

[809] Against protocol, handler entered lion -tigered hybrid space during feeding.

[810] Oopsies.

[811] Wow.

[812] An animal handler with thousands of hours of experience has died after being mauled by a 1 ,000 -pound lion -tiger hybrid he was feeding.

[813] 1 ,000 pounds.

[814] Oh, gosh.

[815] 1 ,000 pounds.

[816] Half a ton.

[817] It says you're talking about an animal that's 20 times more powerful than the human being that was feeding it.

[818] One of the most important protocols with these powerful cats in captivity is never enter their enclosure with the animal present, especially when it involves food.

[819] Yeah.

[820] Jesus.

[821] All animal instincts.

[822] It's even like even your domestic house cat goes straight for those instincts, those wild instincts.

[823] It's like even if you drag a little mouse in front of it, they go right into hunt mode.

[824] It's not playtime.

[825] It's like, oh, my God, that thing's moving.

[826] You've got to kill it.

[827] What an amazing animal that nature has created.

[828] Gorgeous.

[829] It's basically this super killer that just keeps all the weak things dead and keeps the population in check.

[830] And rests.

[831] Yeah.

[832] Rests and just chills, rests.

[833] And if you look at the spot, look at the spot of the world where the most cattle, the most...

[834] you know, undulate animals, the most hooved animals are running around.

[835] That spot is Africa, right?

[836] That's where you get these great hordes of wildebeests and water buffaloes and all these amazing fucking animals.

[837] And that's where the big monsters live.

[838] They're the cleanup crew, man. They're the genetic cleanup crew.

[839] They're there to make sure that only the super...

[840] Healthy ones survive.

[841] You make sure you keep your genetics strong because everything is little and weak and slow.

[842] We're going to get that motherfucker.

[843] We're going to eat it and kill it.

[844] Nature always works.

[845] And nature even works in our society, I think, a lot more than people know, too.

[846] It does, unfortunately.

[847] Even as domestic we consider ourselves, don't you think we weed out the weak, chew them up, spit them out and keep moving on?

[848] Yeah, we do.

[849] I think there's a balance.

[850] I think there's a balance in doing that.

[851] I think the weak definitely need to be chewed up.

[852] We need to fucking set a standard.

[853] We need to kick people in the balls.

[854] There's a lot of weak bitches in this world.

[855] But we also need to have compassion at the same time.

[856] There needs to be like a protocol.

[857] There needs to be like a level of compassion and understanding where you don't want people to suffer.

[858] You don't want people to starve.

[859] You don't want people who are in bad straits to get.

[860] People who just got fucked by life and tornadoes or some horrible thing.

[861] You don't want them to be out in the cold.

[862] But you don't want people being weak either.

[863] You don't want people being lazy fucks that rely on the government to take care of their bills.

[864] They want to sit around and be a welfare douche.

[865] There's that too.

[866] That's real.

[867] So it becomes a weird fine line.

[868] Where do you draw it?

[869] How do you make the distinction between being a humanitarian person, being a kind person, being a person who wants to help their neighbor, and being someone who supports laziness, being someone who enables some broken fuck with no discipline to skate through this life?

[870] That whole idea of Buddhism and his whole theory about it is you can't end their suffering.

[871] You can just end you feeling sorry for them.

[872] You know what I mean?

[873] You really can.

[874] And not in a bad way.

[875] Yeah, you're right.

[876] It's like I feel for him, but he's not going to affect me in that way.

[877] Well, you can do that with anything.

[878] You can do that with the fucking news, man. You can decide that the world is ending every day of the week.

[879] Because every day of the week you can go online and there's some horrible story about some woman who was killed by her boyfriend and chopped up and put in a fucking meat locker.

[880] There's a hundred of those.

[881] This guy's falling.

[882] They're coming every day.

[883] This guy's falling everywhere.

[884] This guy's falling with riots and that crazy guy in Oslo that killed all those.

[885] kids and there's horrible horrible shit going on somewhere all over the place all the time.

[886] But if you decide to take all that in, man, I don't, at a certain point, there's a balance between being informed and it benefiting you psychologically.

[887] There's information and then there's an inundation of information to where now you don't have a clearinghouse.

[888] You're not processing it.

[889] And now you're starting, you're leasing out your opinion to those who are giving you all this information.

[890] And now you're seeking out particular information that adheres to it.

[891] And it's like isolation and lack of challenge of friends.

[892] And people just say, no, well, look at this.

[893] I have a buddy who gets real political, and thankfully he doesn't live near here, so I don't talk to him very much, but he'll just start yelling and getting angry and angry when I talk to him about, like, politicians.

[894] You know, he'll just go fucking crazy.

[895] You see that shit on the Senate floor with fucking Bonner and the bullshit that he said?

[896] Or Boner, is that what the guy's name is?

[897] And he'll, like...

[898] argue with you and yell with you and be like, yo, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

[899] Yeah.

[900] Get your own shit together.

[901] Yeah.

[902] Okay, you're picking a fight and so you're paying attention to this crazy stuff.

[903] You've got your whole life invested in it and it's clearly a distraction from your own fucked up life.

[904] Which is the theme of what we've been talking about.

[905] It's like, like I was saying, like the Buddha says, it's like end suffering in yourself and you won't be a suffering prick anymore because then you won't care about what other people are doing if you just end it in yourself.

[906] But then people will say, well, that's ridiculous because then you're saying, you know, don't pay attention to.

[907] politics don't which is not what I'm saying at all what I'm saying is you've got to regulate how you're you're what what impacts you you got to regulate what you take in regulate the amount of negativity and positivity you actually can do that and you can have a realistic politics are political they're politicking I'm not mad well it's also if you like really take it seriously you kind of endorse it and if you endorse it even though you know like My friend Jamie Kilstein is like super political and he was on the podcast and Brian and I were talking to him about this.

[908] And one of the things that we were saying, we're like, do you think that even by, I know that you think it's bullshit and I know you think there's special interest groups and all these things, different things that are affecting the government and affecting, but do you think that by like really being into it and critiquing it, like you almost like legitimize it because you almost like, you almost like say like, well, this is a real thing that's going on here, but it's clearly not a real thing and not anyone.

[909] anyone can get to the position where they can be president.

[910] It's super fucking difficult, man. Every time Ron Paul makes a run, even though his message resonates with so many fucking people, so many people are excited by that guy, so many people love his new radical approach, every single, whether it's NBC, CBS, any news coverage, all makes him look like a joke.

[911] They are on purpose.

[912] Forcing him into the joke position.

[913] It's like it's so obvious that their news departments are in some way like they have an agenda to mock him because there's no corporation that wants that motherfucker to be in control.

[914] There's no one who's in a position of power now that would want that crazy fucking non -evolution believing brilliant man who has so many important things that make sense to say.

[915] Yeah, they wouldn't let him.

[916] Fuck, they wouldn't let him.

[917] If they wouldn't let him.

[918] then there is no real running for president.

[919] It's fake.

[920] Oh, it's fake.

[921] We have to admit that.

[922] We have to.

[923] And if you have this conversation, you know, like, well, the Democrats need to do what the Republicans need to do.

[924] They're not real.

[925] They're not real.

[926] This is a corporation.

[927] This corporation's running shit, and there's a goddamn opera going on.

[928] That's what it's like.

[929] It's so antiquated, this form of communication and this play that's playing back between the liberals and the Republicans.

[930] Talk radio.

[931] It's so polite.

[932] It almost seems real.

[933] It's one of those things where it's like, and as you step back and look at all the dynamics of it, it's like, you know, the Democrats do it.

[934] The Republicans do it.

[935] It's like we get you to not focus on the task at hand.

[936] We'll create an enemy.

[937] We'll create a fear.

[938] We'll create something.

[939] And while all of them are running around, you know enough about politics.

[940] I do too.

[941] But at the end of the day, whether it's George Bush or Barack Obama, I ain't going to stop smoking dope.

[942] I ain't going to stop having fun and being curious about shit.

[943] You know what I mean?

[944] It's like they can run their corporation.

[945] Just don't fuck with me and I'm fine.

[946] Well, that's how it should be, but they don't think that.

[947] The government doesn't think that they should give people very much freedom because the more freedom you give more people, the more freedom they want.

[948] And the more thinking you do.

[949] If you keep them suppressed to a certain point but give them a healthy standard, not too bad, not too crazy, just keep them down a little bit but not too crazy, you're way better off in the government's eyes than just giving them free reign.

[950] Here, have legalized prostitution.

[951] Here, have drugs decriminalized.

[952] Here, make your own.

[953] choice when it comes to acid and mushrooms and mescaline.

[954] It's like you said about Ron Paul.

[955] It's like, you know, people were surprised Obama got elected.

[956] I'm not.

[957] He's of the ilk.

[958] He's a Harvard man. Finished top of his class.

[959] It's all the things we ask of our president he was.

[960] He just looked different.

[961] But it's all the things we ask of him.

[962] And he didn't come and, you know, like Clinton, he was kind of a self -made guy.

[963] But it's like he belonged there.

[964] You know, and even if you don't like to hear this, George W. Bush came from the ilk.

[965] He was, you know, maybe not the intelligence, but he came from the ilk.

[966] You know, his intelligence is a questionable thing.

[967] And this is why.

[968] Have you ever seen some of the videos when he was running for governor of Texas?

[969] No, sure.

[970] He misspoke occasionally.

[971] He occasionally misspoke about certain things.

[972] But you've got to realize, first of all, these guys are working some insane amount of hours a day.

[973] When George Bush was campaigning for president and when he became president, the hours that these fucking guys are accountable a day.

[974] It must be staggering.

[975] The pressure of being the president must be unbelievable.

[976] So, of course, the guy's tired all the time.

[977] and occasionally he'll say something really stupid because he's only using fucking half his brain.

[978] Half his brain's not working right now.

[979] Well, that's why it's like I never question, I just don't look, I think...

[980] Did you ever see the videos of him when he was running for governor?

[981] A lot more fluid and he would speak Spanish a lot too, remember that?

[982] Did he really?

[983] Yeah, he speaks Spanish pretty fluently.

[984] He took Ann Richards' job, right, from her.

[985] I think so.

[986] Who was very beloved, but she was a Democrat, very rare, but she was still like, I'll pull that electric chair and I'll put you in it.

[987] She was kind of badass.

[988] She got an Annie Oakley vibe to her.

[989] I would love if we had...

[990] a governor like that.

[991] Yeah.

[992] There was something about that chick.

[993] I mean, I don't know what her policies were, if I would have agreed with everything, but I love the character.

[994] Yeah.

[995] It's tough Texas broad.

[996] It's big, tough Texas politics.

[997] Yeah.

[998] But she was pretty badass, but he took her over, so it's like...

[999] He was good in the beginning, man. Yeah.

[1000] You know, if you listen to him talk, you know, people say, oh, well, you know, he fucking owned part of the Houston, was it the Astros?

[1001] Who'd he own?

[1002] Yeah, he owned the Houston Astros.

[1003] And they all fucking, it all fell apart.

[1004] Everything he touched fell apart.

[1005] Yeah.

[1006] Like, hey.

[1007] It's hard out there, bro.

[1008] It's hard out there.

[1009] Hard out there for an heir.

[1010] I think George Bush provided us with a very unique insight into what being the president is really all about.

[1011] I think George Bush was the first guy where I got to look at the president in office and go, okay, it's...

[1012] Clearly they're not letting this guy run this.

[1013] It's as clear as fucking possible.

[1014] You couldn't make it any more clear.

[1015] Every time there would be some shit that would go down, you would talk about Dick Cheney being in the bunker.

[1016] Dick Cheney is out in the bunker somewhere.

[1017] Dick Cheney's in the bunker.

[1018] Where's Bush?

[1019] Bush is on the roof, standing in the middle of a red circle and white circles around it.

[1020] They didn't give a fuck about him.

[1021] They were worried about protecting Cheney.

[1022] It's all that gangster politics.

[1023] There's that documentary on it right now about Atwater.

[1024] Who's that campaign?

[1025] The biggest, most famous.

[1026] campaign manager at Water.

[1027] What's his first name?

[1028] He's a Republican strategist.

[1029] I don't know.

[1030] He taught Karl Rove how to be a gangster.

[1031] Really?

[1032] He was a real architect of it, but he was the one.

[1033] On a scale of 1 to 10, how gay is Karl Rove?

[1034] Oh, he's 15, 16.

[1035] Is he like Marcus Bachman gay?

[1036] He's handjobs behind Kinko's gay at 1 p .m. Do you think so?

[1037] You don't think he's got some dude just locked in a basement somewhere sucking his dick every Tuesday?

[1038] Oh, I forgot the gimp.

[1039] Yeah, he's got some fucking guy that...

[1040] Sit on my face, Ramon.

[1041] Yeah, he's...

[1042] He takes care of this guy in some locked apartment with assassins outside of every door.

[1043] Dude, they're some evil people.

[1044] This guy just screams for him.

[1045] You fucking bitch.

[1046] When are you going to come over here so I can suck your cock and get my weekly job done?

[1047] This poor guy's just living in a basement, waiting for Karl Rove to come over and fuck his mouth and then leave.

[1048] God.

[1049] Those guys, they know what to show you.

[1050] Show them this and just show them something else and they'll believe you.

[1051] He's a monster, that guy.

[1052] He is a monster.

[1053] You watch the...

[1054] The documentaries talking about him and how he fucking figured out how to pull the strings behind the Bush administration.

[1055] He's a master of it all.

[1056] Think about making a guy like John Kerry look like a pussy for having volunteered for Vietnam.

[1057] They made him look like a pussy.

[1058] They're genius in how they can dissect humans.

[1059] The whole Bush administration was so twisted because they had that guy, Jeff Gannon, that prostitute, the gay prostitute who was the embedded White House reporter.

[1060] Oh, going after him.

[1061] Before, these guys didn't understand the Internet.

[1062] They didn't get it, which is amazing to think that just in the Bush's administration, they didn't get the Internet.

[1063] Just back then.

[1064] Well, there was a guy who would lob out these softball questions.

[1065] You remember?

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] Yeah, absolutely.

[1068] He would go, Mr. President, when are the Democrats just going to come to their senses and realize that they live in a fantasy land?

[1069] Like, that was a question he would ask.

[1070] And then the real reporters would be like, who is this motherfucker?

[1071] Like, what's going on here?

[1072] They were, like, looking at this guy, trying to study him.

[1073] And so then they started doing an investigation on him, and they found out that he had some gay military escort service, where it was, like, him with...

[1074] dog tags on with a towel over his cock and he's laying back.

[1075] This was the embedded White House reporter.

[1076] This fucking website was on God's internet.

[1077] Anyone can get on it.

[1078] Just www .hornyarmycocks .com.

[1079] These guys are just completely aloof.

[1080] It was a gay escort.

[1081] He was a gay escort and he was living like, I mean, he was an embedded White House reporter.

[1082] He actually stayed overnight once at the White House.

[1083] He slept at the White House.

[1084] In the Lincoln bedroom.

[1085] Who's, is that Carl Rose boy?

[1086] I mean, what's going on?

[1087] There's somebody.

[1088] That guy's sucking somebody's dick.

[1089] What's going on there?

[1090] That whole presidency was so kinky.

[1091] Handjobs and reacharounds galore.

[1092] Don't go down that hall.

[1093] It was so kinky because it was all suppressive.

[1094] They didn't want gay marriage.

[1095] They didn't want this.

[1096] They didn't want that.

[1097] But to be so creepy and so suppressive, most of the people that are really suppressive and creepy like that, they're afraid of it in themselves.

[1098] They're fighting it in themselves.

[1099] So if you look at...

[1100] An administration that was marked by this kind of like creepy, overly conservative, overly Christian, overly invasive.

[1101] No butt sex.

[1102] What was going on with that?

[1103] What was that?

[1104] You know what that was?

[1105] They were just fucking and they just wanted to keep all the heat off of them.

[1106] We need to stop this butt fucking.

[1107] No, they just can't stop butt fucking.

[1108] They can't.

[1109] You know who they're going to find?

[1110] They're going to find bloody underoos in his fucking closet is Joel Osteen, dude.

[1111] They're going to find Joel Osteen.

[1112] Joel Osteen.

[1113] Who's that?

[1114] He's like the mega church guy.

[1115] that real creepy smile locks talk about lord and has like 18 000 parishioners at his mega church in fucking texas and they go out there and think about if they're all paying him just a buck to be there he's doing a nice improv gig headlining no they're all paying him a hundred bucks each to be there and he's cleaning up dude that's why it's like guys it's like rush limbaugh and you'll see guys they're slowly glenn beck perfect example he's slowly moving his way into the religious sect to the point where in the religious sect you're protected by the religion you can say anything you want and the money.

[1116] You don't have to adhere to all that PC bullshit because Fox, he can't, Fox is way too, you know, he needs to let go back.

[1117] He wants to go talk about fags and niggers and spics and all the shit he wants to say, all the horrible things that even Fox won't let him say.

[1118] So now it's like if he's a religious guy, if he's a religious nut, he can have his cult, his followers, and it's all under the guise of the Lord, you know, as people always do.

[1119] Have you been skinny Santa Claus?

[1120] But you don't even have to pay taxes.

[1121] That's the craziest thing about a giant religion.

[1122] You don't got to pay tax.

[1123] That's insane.

[1124] Have you been following the White House's Twitter?

[1125] Have you seen this?

[1126] They Rickrolled somebody the other day.

[1127] I saw your retweet about that.

[1128] Wait a minute.

[1129] The White House Rickrolled somebody?

[1130] Yes.

[1131] The White House Rickrolled somebody.

[1132] Is the White House verified?

[1133] Yes.

[1134] It's totally Rickrolled.

[1135] What is the Twitter name?

[1136] White House.

[1137] And then they retweeted somebody that said, like, what the fuck and stuff.

[1138] I'm like thinking, wow, they're out of control at the White House Twitter.

[1139] They should not be like, you know.

[1140] What the fuck on the White House?

[1141] Did they say WTF?

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] They retweeted somebody that said, what the fuck on it?

[1144] That's pretty dope.

[1145] Oh, yeah.

[1146] I mean, when you think about it, man, look, this guy, Obama, is only like a few years older than I am.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] I'm 43.

[1149] I think he's 49 or something like that.

[1150] He follows me and you.

[1151] Yeah, he follows us.

[1152] Oh, you guys got Obama following?

[1153] I'm following.

[1154] He's still not following.

[1155] I don't know what that means, though.

[1156] It means I'm on some FBI watch list.

[1157] Yeah, I think we said something about president.

[1158] Christina Aguilera has way more hits than the White House does.

[1159] Really?

[1160] Yeah, way more followers.

[1161] My buddy from Ohio called me. I don't know.

[1162] And he was talking about this guy that used to live with him.

[1163] And this guy was like one of those guys that always bring home crazy bitches, like the chicks that are, you know, like getting wasted in domestic violence type, like psycho crazy girls.

[1164] Anyways, he got married.

[1165] And they went to a wedding and his wife got completely hammered and fucked up and started hitting him and doing all this crazy shit at somebody else's wedding.

[1166] Went into her car and wouldn't like get out of the car.

[1167] So they called the cops and the cops came and wouldn't get out of the car.

[1168] And suddenly like.

[1169] They had to pull her out, and she pulls out her boob and starts squirting breast milk on the cop.

[1170] And now she's, like, hit with five charges, including assault on an officer.

[1171] And, like, Ohio has this law against bodily fluids as a weapon and stuff like that.

[1172] Yeah, you could be diseased.

[1173] Yeah, so now she's got, like, a fifth -degree felony.

[1174] She might have, like, a sour tootie milk from her crippled nipple.

[1175] Get it in the eye.

[1176] I'm really disappointed through Christina Aguilera's Twitter numbers.

[1177] Why?

[1178] They're only 536 ,000.

[1179] Oh, really?

[1180] She should be in a million.

[1181] Have you seen her lately?

[1182] I saw her last night on Jay Leno or something.

[1183] What happened?

[1184] She's big.

[1185] She's gotten big.

[1186] Listen, bro, she's not feeling good about life right now.

[1187] She needs a man to slow kiss her and go down on her and make her feel better and hug her and go to movies with her.

[1188] She's not getting that right now.

[1189] No. A little bit lonely.

[1190] She needs to get that gorilla fucking sun.

[1191] Yeah.

[1192] She needs to get some straight Congo action.

[1193] Yeah, just give me a call.

[1194] Freddie Lockhart, you got so much fucking facial hair going on right now.

[1195] Girls, you must just reek of man. Yeah.

[1196] You're just a furry beast.

[1197] You're a furry animal with your fucking crazy face.

[1198] I grow the beard for the men who can't.

[1199] And when I see those who can't, I laugh at them.

[1200] Yeah, right now where I'm filming Fairfactor, I can't have a beard.

[1201] I should shave.

[1202] Isn't it the best way, don't you think?

[1203] They're so gay about it.

[1204] To have a beard is the easiest way because if they call you and say, we need you with this or that, you can shave it down.

[1205] But a beard's the natural easiest way for me. Well, it's comfortable.

[1206] It makes me feel like I'm a man. I'm starting to hate my face when I shave it.

[1207] Now I'm like, wow, I like the beard more than I like my face.

[1208] I have too much real estate between my nose and my lip here.

[1209] This is a gay conversation.

[1210] This is proof that we're queer.

[1211] I have a boner and tight jeans record.

[1212] What?

[1213] That's what's gay.

[1214] Hey, buddy.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Hey, you guys like boners?

[1217] I brought one.

[1218] What was this thing that you were telling me about that you were reading?

[1219] We were in the kitchen.

[1220] I said, save this for the podcast.

[1221] Some mind control fucking book.

[1222] Some book about people fucking with your mind.

[1223] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1224] We were talking about enemies.

[1225] People don't know they have enemies.

[1226] Where was this?

[1227] Is it a book?

[1228] The book Mind Control.

[1229] It's called Mind Control.

[1230] Who wrote it?

[1231] You know what Kim Young, I believe it is?

[1232] Mind Control by Kim Young.

[1233] Mind Control by Kim Young.

[1234] I put it out on Twitter before.

[1235] But it's not one of these where it's like, hey, here's how you can get the edge.

[1236] It's just one of these where it's like, here's how people see things.

[1237] And you can see it like this way if you want to, but you don't have to.

[1238] But you do have enemies.

[1239] Let's call them detractors.

[1240] Let's call them whatever.

[1241] where you need to call them.

[1242] But you do have people, like we were talking about people earlier, who wish you ill will.

[1243] And because I'm aloof to that because I don't wish them ill will, I'm not aware of that.

[1244] But these people can be out there and trying to plant things, and I don't want to get paranoid about it.

[1245] But they will work to better themselves by sullying your progress.

[1246] But all you can do, the best weapon, is to be better than them, infinitely, knowing that you're better than them.

[1247] And they fucking hate that.

[1248] Well, it's just not even, man. I think the best weapon is just to be positive.

[1249] Living well.

[1250] Yeah, and you know what?

[1251] Every now and then you're going to have to point it out.

[1252] Every now and then if it gets annoying and it gets in the way, you're going to have to expose it.

[1253] And people can say that that's a negative thing, and it definitely is.

[1254] It's definitely much less energy is transferred that's negative if you just turn the other cheek and walk away from it.

[1255] But at a certain point in time, you have an obligation as a human being involved in a community to establish a certain level of behavior, a friendly level.

[1256] Knowing human nature and knowing that people, if allowed to, can get very fucking self -centered and be really shitty to each other.

[1257] And the only reason why they're doing it is because no one's checking them.

[1258] Either they don't have good friends or they don't have people that are rational around them.

[1259] Or they don't have people that have just had the balls to step up and go, dude, you're being a cunt.

[1260] It's that simple.

[1261] You need peers in life.

[1262] Social network peers, and I mean physical ones, not on the computer.

[1263] I mean physical peers, that's where your checks and balances come from.

[1264] That's why you stop believing.

[1265] in santa and shit like that right because of your fucking peers you know they wise you up or they can bring you down but they can bring you know if you're hanging around i'll bounce if you're negative i got no fucking time you will yeah we got we got one go around at this life i'm not a religious dude so i'm like this is it and i'm gonna make the most of it and i'm gonna learn as much as i can do and i will levitate someday and i will find big we all agree we all of us that roll together really have that same uh sort of sensibility when it comes to things you know and i think there's there's only one way to go through this life.

[1266] You can choose to be happy.

[1267] Yeah, it's a choice.

[1268] You can choose to have fun.

[1269] I mean, unless you've got some serious brain issue that you don't need to go to a doctor for.

[1270] You can choose to it.

[1271] You can choose to set your sails in a positive direction.

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] And a lot of people just aren't fucking doing that because they're around some idiots that are eating up their time.

[1274] Right.

[1275] And you know what happens is most people, they feel like, whether it's after high school or college, they're no longer a student.

[1276] I think if you're a student and you keep learning and you keep your mind open, you're going to evolve and you're going to remain socially.

[1277] relevant well you know i at a certain point in time i've thought that Once I started doing stand -up comedy, there was going to be a certain point in time where I really felt like a professional.

[1278] In the beginning, I really felt like I was running on ice skates and slipping all over the place, and I didn't have any solid ground, and I would fall down and get back up.

[1279] I wasn't convinced I would keep doing it or could keep doing it, that I would get to a point of expertise where I felt so comfortable that I could just relax and let go.

[1280] That was always the goal.

[1281] There's always the goal where you would see a guy like whoever.

[1282] name your really good comic on television, you know, Jerry Seinfeld, whoever, you know, Eddie Murphy, you'd see them on TV and you'd be like, there's no fucking way I'll ever hit that level.

[1283] That guy is at this level of perfection where he could never not be funny.

[1284] He's just in this super powerful groove.

[1285] And I'm like, man, what must that feel like to be like totally done?

[1286] Like you're as good as you can ever get and you never have to worry about comedy again.

[1287] You never get nervous before you go on stage because you're fucking Eddie Murphy.

[1288] But then you realize as you get older that that's not real it never really happens you you always don't know what the fuck you're doing you always are constantly evolving and working on it and if you don't you're gonna suck right if you if you're not always in the hunt and always in the struggle and always writing and always thinking and always performing you're gonna eat some dick up there dude if you're not really can if you're not constantly improving you're gonna you're gonna it's so you never feel comfortable you've got to be comfortable and not being comfortable absolutely and that's what it goes for all walks not even just your career but it's like you got to put For everything.

[1289] You've got to find things.

[1290] For everything.

[1291] That's the only way you evolve.

[1292] You know, my girlfriend, sometimes I'm guilty of being too mean to her sometimes because I have a low threshold for whining and complaining.

[1293] I'm just like, wait, you're not retarded.

[1294] You're not four.

[1295] Figure it out.

[1296] And I'll get like that.

[1297] That's called the pimp hand.

[1298] Give me some knuckles for that.

[1299] You know what I'm saying?

[1300] Not enough of us are rocking it like that.

[1301] There's a lot of bitches out there that are quitting racquetball because the wife wants that extra hour with you.

[1302] Yeah.

[1303] And it's like, here's the thing.

[1304] And my whole thing.

[1305] Racquetball?

[1306] Racquetball?

[1307] I don't know where that came from.

[1308] So what is she doing?

[1309] But the thing is, she's great, and she knows this, but it's like, you know me, it's like, if you're an adult and you're whining or complaining to me, I'll go off on you.

[1310] If you're a kid, I'll get it.

[1311] It's like you're a kid.

[1312] You're new.

[1313] You're learning shit.

[1314] Dude, that's how my three -year -old stopped whining.

[1315] Yeah, it's just my dad would never let me whine.

[1316] He wouldn't let me whine.

[1317] I go, this is ridiculous.

[1318] I'm going to keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

[1319] Just be nice.

[1320] Yeah, it's just like you can get some perspective and love everything.

[1321] But my girlfriend's super cool because she's got to put up with a dick like me. I'm like the comic book guy of hip -hop.

[1322] I'm a dick.

[1323] Yeah, but you're not a dick.

[1324] You're a nice guy.

[1325] What you are is you're not tolerant of stupid shit.

[1326] And that's not being a dick.

[1327] I'm not tolerant of stupid shit from intelligent people.

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] Where people will fall back into that mode, that really negative, windy mode.

[1330] Yeah, that's not good.

[1331] That shit's unhealthy as fuck.

[1332] Yeah, and anybody does that, and she doesn't do that often.

[1333] When I do, it's just like I turn into such a dick if somebody does.

[1334] It's a mode, man. We have all these different modes.

[1335] All of us, we sort of imitate our environment, we imitate our atmosphere, and we lock into some sort of predetermined pattern that we continue to follow through our life with little minimal changes here and there because of horrible.

[1336] fuck -ups where you really get humiliated and then you have to rebuild.

[1337] But don't you always see the forest through the trees and don't you always say, look, I'm not special.

[1338] People get broken up with all the time.

[1339] Marriages end all the time.

[1340] Deaths happen untimely all the time.

[1341] And so people who let one of these situations dictate their entire life like they're the first fucking person it ever happened to.

[1342] It's like, look, grieve.

[1343] Feel bad.

[1344] Feel bad for years if you have to.

[1345] But eventually, no, this too shall fucking pass.

[1346] It always does.

[1347] Yeah, you can say that, but...

[1348] Actually, intellectualizing that while you're in emotional pain is almost impossible, and that's the problem.

[1349] The problem is we're engineered to love each other.

[1350] We're engineered to get things done by being in tribes and being close to each other.

[1351] Communal.

[1352] Yeah, being communal and sharing with each other.

[1353] We're engineered to love each other's company.

[1354] So when someone dumps you.

[1355] No matter what, you could rationalize through the fucking roof.

[1356] Oh, it's going to be fine.

[1357] Every dark crowd has a silver lining.

[1358] Listen, you've got to get through the hard times to get to the good times.

[1359] Rationalize all you want, but you're going to howl like a baby when that girl leaves you.

[1360] I would if my girl left me. I can get you slinging that dick.

[1361] I can get you some toxoplasmosis that really calms me. But you know what the thing is?

[1362] I would cry, but you know what?

[1363] I've lived long enough to know that it passes.

[1364] Yes, it does pass.

[1365] But you've got to experience it, man. You can tell people that all you want.

[1366] And I will experience it, so I don't shoo it away either.

[1367] It's like, you know, even in 32, Joe Rogan, I'll cry if a good movie comes out.

[1368] I'm not ashamed.

[1369] I'm not ashamed.

[1370] I'll cry in little girls' movies.

[1371] Dude, I believe that.

[1372] I cried during Tangled.

[1373] I was watching Good Will Hunting the other day.

[1374] It's not your fault.

[1375] Yeah, but Tangled isn't even real people.

[1376] Their eyes are too big.

[1377] They're animated.

[1378] Hey, hey.

[1379] Despicable Me made me cry a little bit.

[1380] Which was Despicable Me?

[1381] Pixar movies, Steve Carell.

[1382] That wasn't a...

[1383] Pixar movie.

[1384] It wasn't?

[1385] No. I just think they all are.

[1386] Steve Carell and there's all those little yellow guys everywhere.

[1387] I have no idea what that one is.

[1388] What were we saying before that, though?

[1389] I think we were talking about people whining.

[1390] Oh, it's not my girlfriend.

[1391] I was using her as a poor example, but I was using her to tell you how big of a dick I become.

[1392] And she doesn't do it often, but it's like I become very intolerant of people who it's like you have the intellect.

[1393] You're capable of doing it.

[1394] Figure it out.

[1395] Every answer you need to know is in that computer right there.

[1396] Every fucking answer.

[1397] You need to know anything.

[1398] It's like some friends will ask me, I can't hook my PlayStation up.

[1399] There's a tutorial.

[1400] Some 12 -year -old kid on YouTube will show you how to fucking do it.

[1401] Everything you need to know is out there.

[1402] If you're having some shitty times in your life, the best thing to have is good friends.

[1403] There's nothing that's even close to it.

[1404] When you're in a shit mood and you just feel like, God damn, man, my life is just not where I want it to be.

[1405] And you go and hang out with Joey Diaz and Eddie Bravo and Ari, and we all get high and go and eat together or something like that.

[1406] You'll be laughing so much by the end of that.

[1407] If you have good friends, good friends can get you through any fucking creepy weird shit.

[1408] And there's a lot of people out there.

[1409] that don't have good friends.

[1410] There's a lot of people out there that really have never sort of fostered any really deep connection with people, really honest connection with people for years and years and years and years to the point where you really, really, really know each other.

[1411] It's suspicious to me a dude, say, who comes from his hometown and doesn't have any buddies back home or something like that.

[1412] Somebody who can't vouch for his character from way back.

[1413] It's like, who are you, Bill Bixby?

[1414] I only kept a few.

[1415] I have a few friends.

[1416] I have like four or five friends from back home that I still keep in touch with.

[1417] But that's it.

[1418] There was a bunch that I couldn't after a certain point in time.

[1419] It whittles down.

[1420] It's like, you know, some of your friends, it's like you're out with them.

[1421] It's like, you got my back if shit jumps off?

[1422] It's like going to a wedding, bro.

[1423] What the fuck's going to happen?

[1424] What is wrong with you?

[1425] We're 30s.

[1426] I went out with my two buddies, Jimmy DiTilio and Jimmy Lawless, two good friends of mine from back in my high school days.

[1427] You know, those are my two closest friends back then, and I'm still very, you know, always in contact with them.

[1428] Jimmy Lawless is a moderator on my message board.

[1429] Oh, wow.

[1430] Yeah, he's a great guy.

[1431] And we all went out to dinner last time the UFC was in town.

[1432] I got them tickets for the UFC.

[1433] And then we all went out to dinner.

[1434] We had some Chinese food.

[1435] And while we're eating, we're sitting around with Jimmy's kid.

[1436] It wasn't Jimmy's kid.

[1437] It was, yeah, Jimmy Lawless's kid.

[1438] His son was there.

[1439] His cousin was there.

[1440] And we're all sitting around together.

[1441] We're like, look at us.

[1442] We're like fucking grownups now.

[1443] How bizarre is this?

[1444] You have kids.

[1445] Here's your kid.

[1446] Your kid's like a polite young teenager.

[1447] Yeah.

[1448] But when you say separately, from your friends you all evolved together what do you mean are these the type of friends like I you know I've got friends back home that you know we shared an experience as children but my life and obviously yours especially is so much different than it used to be you know what I mean like a lot of them look at you like you live on the moon or something nah they don't they know me pretty well we go and we hang out but I guess what I'm saying is like there's guys it's like I've moved away and some of them Just win a different way and have a different set of beliefs.

[1449] And that's totally understandable.

[1450] But there's some, even though we grew up apart, evolved together.

[1451] Like, you know, I have a buddy, Scotty G, who took me to the ditch one time in high school.

[1452] My junior year in high school, yeah, my junior year, his senior year, I was, you know, I was a jock.

[1453] I was into lifting weights and kicking ass.

[1454] At least that was, you know, what I wanted to be about.

[1455] But there was part of me that just was so curious about what these dudes are, you know, with the weed getting high.

[1456] And Scotty G one time pulls up in his orange bug.

[1457] He's like, hey, let's ditch and go play pool.

[1458] I was like, all right.

[1459] That changed my life.

[1460] It made me pretty much half of who I am today that day.

[1461] The one day you ditched school and played cool.

[1462] The one day I ditched school with Scotty G is because he turned me on in that day to cool, to dope, and to 70s rock and roll music.

[1463] All in one day?

[1464] In one day.

[1465] That's glorious.

[1466] To this day, me and that guy talk all the time.

[1467] We lost touch, but we got back in touch.

[1468] But we talk all the time because even though it was years apart, we evolved together.

[1469] What songs were playing?

[1470] The Joker.

[1471] I got into Steve Miller.

[1472] You know what I mean?

[1473] The basic pool hall songs.

[1474] Steve Miller is the most famous guy that no one can recognize.

[1475] Oh, yeah.

[1476] You would have no idea who the fuck Steve Miller is.

[1477] That's not Lady Gaga.

[1478] He could be at the grocery store.

[1479] You'd have no idea.

[1480] You're standing next to the guy that sang a million great fucking songs.

[1481] He could probably say his name and I'd still be like, all right, a generic name.

[1482] Some people call me the space cowboy.

[1483] Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker.

[1484] He had a bunch of jungle love.

[1485] That's a great jam.

[1486] He had a bunch of great fucking songs and nobody knows what he looks like.

[1487] Would you say that was him?

[1488] That's ridiculous.

[1489] That guy works for Microsoft.

[1490] Yeah, exactly.

[1491] That's one of Balmer's executives.

[1492] But there's like guys in your life.

[1493] It's like you keep buddies that just kind of turn you on to one thing or turn you on to another.

[1494] And it's like he was one of those guys.

[1495] And I have other buddies that you just get along with.

[1496] But for the most part, some can be real weirdos.

[1497] My two buddies.

[1498] Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless.

[1499] One of the things that I learned from those guys when I was in high school, they're both Jimmy Dottilio.

[1500] Yeah, they're both a year older than me. One of the things I learned from both of them was work ethic.

[1501] These guys both busted their ass.

[1502] You know, there's that East Coast work ethic.

[1503] Oh, right.

[1504] One of them is Jimmy Dottilio is an electrician.

[1505] He had his own company like right out of high school, man. Right.

[1506] You know, he started working for an electrician for like a year and then branched out, got his own business, had people working for him, had vans and shit all over time.

[1507] always working hard, never complains.

[1508] He helped me deliver newspapers, man, when my fucking car broke down.

[1509] The Boston Globe?

[1510] Yeah, on a Sunday, dude.

[1511] It was like fucking, I had to pick him up at like 3 o 'clock in the morning.

[1512] I don't even think, I think we stayed up all night.

[1513] I think what it is, we went out, we went out drinking, we went out to a club.

[1514] And then he came with me and we fucking drove around and tossed newspapers.

[1515] Like at four in the morning.

[1516] That's when they're hot off the press, right?

[1517] Yeah, we had to do it from four in the morning to like nine.

[1518] And he was like, I can't believe you do this every week, you fucking idiot.

[1519] He was laughing.

[1520] But he still was down to do it.

[1521] That's that East Coast work ethic, man. And he's a guy who was already working 50 fucking 60 hours a week in his own business.

[1522] And it can help instill things in you sometimes, too.

[1523] It's like, OK, cool.

[1524] I thought I was a lazy cunt, you know, and I was not lazy and working out.

[1525] That was the only thing.

[1526] was not lazy and i was not lazy and going to taekwondo class and getting in my work and sparring and training all that that was the only thing my whole life i wasn't lazy at but then i went when i would do something i didn't want to do like a job i was like oh fuck all this jobs for the birds and for both of those guys i realized like how hard some people work like jimmy lawless went on to be a successful contractor and he got me a job working one summer with his uh his boss i didn't work i didn't last very long i think i lasted i think i did two weeks We were building a wheelchair ramp for a Knights of Columbus hall.

[1527] So for two weeks, all I was doing was carrying cement and pressure treated lumber.

[1528] Man work.

[1529] Dude, so my hands, you know, pressure treated lumber, they treat it with chemicals.

[1530] So you get these gnarly ass fucking splinters in your hand.

[1531] And where you working as a laborer, man, they're not paying you to buy gloves, dude.

[1532] You just show up, bitch.

[1533] You don't get a glove.

[1534] Just pick it up with your fucking hand.

[1535] You know, in that East Coast, you know, Boston, it's fucking freezing out.

[1536] Pick that fucking thing.

[1537] up the hammer, the big hammer.

[1538] You show up, you do your work.

[1539] You show up, you do your work.

[1540] You don't complain.

[1541] Yeah, and so, you know, I lasted two weeks, man. We were carrying bags of cement all day.

[1542] Well, he was, you know, he was actually like a carpenter's apprentice.

[1543] He wasn't doing as much grunt work.

[1544] But everybody, if you want to become a carpenter, you have to, you know, you've got to become an apprentice.

[1545] You've got to work hard.

[1546] You've got to learn every single aspect of the fucking business.

[1547] It's a long, you realize how much hard work is involved.

[1548] And what is he?

[1549] He's huge now?

[1550] You know, he does really well.

[1551] He's got his own construction company.

[1552] That's awesome.

[1553] I mean, everybody got hit by the economy, especially in that business.

[1554] Because that business is people doing renovations and doing things they not necessarily need, but they might want.

[1555] Right.

[1556] They're elective things.

[1557] Sure.

[1558] Let's build a new house.

[1559] So those businesses get hit hard when it comes to when the economy gets shitty, which I don't understand at all.

[1560] Yeah, it's funny because my buddy, Scotty G, he owns a carpet cleaning business.

[1561] And he builds it up.

[1562] But he showed me. You could be a pothead and driven.

[1563] That's what it was.

[1564] It was like he smokes dope on the constant like I do, but the guy owned a super successful carpet business to the point where he had to have somebody.

[1565] He cleans iced tea in Coco's carpet.

[1566] That's hilarious.

[1567] Yeah, and they got a spot out in Chandler, Arizona or something like that.

[1568] But it's one of those things.

[1569] You think Coco hangs around the house with her ass hanging out?

[1570] Apparently so.

[1571] She does.

[1572] All the time.

[1573] And he's just out there cleaning those carpets while her ass is just sticking out.

[1574] He has minions who can clean it for him, but I think he takes that job himself.

[1575] Jesus Christ, man. Yeah.

[1576] Wow.

[1577] That's a big ass.

[1578] If you're in the big asses, that's the ass.

[1579] That's a big one.

[1580] You think it's real?

[1581] No. I think it's real big, but I think it's not real.

[1582] I've never seen a white girl with an ass that big with no cellulite.

[1583] Something happened there, son.

[1584] They did some work.

[1585] Yo, man, it's real because I see it, Joe Rogan.

[1586] Oh, the iced tea impression returns.

[1587] You know what's here, man. I heard Ice -T said some shitty thing about me. Really?

[1588] Yeah, someone was saying that he was happy to go to the fights because he didn't have to sit here and he said, Joe Rogan, run his mouth.

[1589] Maybe he was just joking around.

[1590] But me, as an old -school Ice -T fan, I was like, damn, Ice -T thinks I talk too much?

[1591] I run my mouth?

[1592] Yo, man, I ain't got to hear Joe Rogan run his mouth.

[1593] Just talking expert shit.

[1594] Thin intelligent shit.

[1595] Have you been watching his show at all?

[1596] No. I can't.

[1597] I have enough room.

[1598] There's not enough room on the hard drive for another crazy, wacky fucking show.

[1599] I saw it once.

[1600] That I get addicted to.

[1601] It's pretty interesting.

[1602] He's got his dog and everything.

[1603] I got a dope pit bull named Felony.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] And he plays video games like a motherfucker.

[1606] So what you're telling me?

[1607] I'd like to be buddies with him.

[1608] I hope that works out someday.

[1609] I would love to tell him, look, Ice -T, I'm sorry I annoy you when I do my commentary.

[1610] Can we just hang out for a little bit?

[1611] Is he following you?

[1612] See if he's following him on Twitter.

[1613] Is he following you?

[1614] I don't think so.

[1615] His name is like Next Level or something.

[1616] Yeah, Final Level.

[1617] Because he's a video game guy.

[1618] He's a freak.

[1619] Oh, that's right.

[1620] The Final Level is like the baddest boss of the video game.

[1621] But I think he should follow you before you him.

[1622] I think he needs to yield on that shit.

[1623] Why?

[1624] I don't care.

[1625] He's Ice -T, man. Next UFC, you should say something.

[1626] I would love to.

[1627] I love the guy.

[1628] I was a huge Ice -T fan when I was delivering newspapers.

[1629] I used to listen to fucking Colors.

[1630] Colors.

[1631] Colors.

[1632] Colors.

[1633] Colors.

[1634] Colors.

[1635] Colors.

[1636] I've heard it.

[1637] For real.

[1638] I listen to a lot of Ice -T shit.

[1639] You don't know me. Original gangster.

[1640] Let's get butt naked and fuck tonight.

[1641] Yeah, I used to have all those on cassette, son.

[1642] I'd be driving around in my fucking, I had a GMC van that I bought for 500 bucks.

[1643] Nice.

[1644] Brown with no windows.

[1645] One of those cargo vans.

[1646] And I drove that around and delivered newspapers while I was listening to Ice -T.

[1647] Yeah.

[1648] Colors.

[1649] Colors.

[1650] And then Syndicate.

[1651] What was it?

[1652] The Biohazard years, too.

[1653] You know what?

[1654] It's weird to be around those guys now.

[1655] He's amazingly relevant.

[1656] Isn't that amazing how relevant he's remained?

[1657] His best work, in my opinion, is in Pimp's Up, Hoes Down.

[1658] Pimp's Up, Hoes Down.

[1659] Where he's telling everybody that he's a pimp.

[1660] Yeah.

[1661] You know, that he might go back into the pimp game.

[1662] Right.

[1663] It's like, I didn't know if he was bullshitting or if he was hustling or...

[1664] But I'm like, if you...

[1665] talk to Ice -T, Ice -T's always talking about how he's a hustler.

[1666] So whether or not he ever did any pimping at all is irrelevant.

[1667] What's relevant in, he talks so much about his pimping that he wind up in a pimp movie.

[1668] That's what pimping's all about.

[1669] His pimp hand is strong.

[1670] The thing is, he gives lectures.

[1671] If you've seen his show, he goes to colleges, like Ivy League schools and gives lectures.

[1672] I'm like, that's pretty badass.

[1673] On what?

[1674] What does he give lectures on?

[1675] Just on whatever.

[1676] On life, man. I would love to get Ice -T on the podcast.

[1677] When life gives you lemons, tell it to suck your dick, Joe Rogan.

[1678] The only thing that I thought was pretty ridiculous, though, was when he got mad at Soulja Boy for ruling in hip -hop.

[1679] Did you hear that Soulja Boy's going to buy that jet?

[1680] Yeah, $55 million.

[1681] $55 million.

[1682] Is that true?

[1683] $55 million.

[1684] Does he really have that much money?

[1685] Probably not.

[1686] When Fear Factor gets back on it, let's get a jet.

[1687] I say let's.

[1688] He's going to MC Hammer shit.

[1689] No, I don't think I ever want a jet.

[1690] Let's get a helicopter.

[1691] I'm going to wait for the next thing after the jet.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] I feel like as soon as the Large Hadron Collider kicks in, we learn some shit, there'll be some things better than a jet.

[1694] Industrial jetpacks are available.

[1695] I want to fly an saucer, is what I'm saying.

[1696] Made out of some titanium -type shit that doesn't break.

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] You know, some gravitational, you know, with a solar backup.

[1699] Holla at your boy.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] Then I'll fly through the sky.

[1702] Some dubs on that shit?

[1703] Yeah, then I'll fly through the sky.

[1704] I don't want to be driving around in a Model T. You know what I'm saying?

[1705] That's stupid.

[1706] I'll wait for the cars to become good to drive.

[1707] Dude, I want to get myself a mosquito helicopter.

[1708] A little personal helicopter.

[1709] What is that?

[1710] It's a tiny little helicopter.

[1711] A one -seater.

[1712] What?

[1713] They've been selling them since the 70s.

[1714] How big is it?

[1715] Tiny.

[1716] Type in mosquito helicopter.

[1717] It looks like a tiny Apache War helicopter.

[1718] Fucking dope.

[1719] It's like a model helicopter you can fly.

[1720] You can make one for like 100 grand.

[1721] Do you remember those army jeeps you could buy and you could put it together?

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] I remember before I got my first car, I was thinking about buying one of those.

[1724] Yo, this is crazy.

[1725] This mosquito helicopter is tiny, man. Watch the dude fly it around, man. Fucking dope.

[1726] It needs me one.

[1727] Wow.

[1728] How much do these cost?

[1729] $100 ,000?

[1730] This is pretty badass.

[1731] Space price.

[1732] I think up to a quarter mil.

[1733] But I'm talking about, like, think about that.

[1734] You know, you can land on the roof up a club.

[1735] How good must it feel to fly one of those things high as fuck?

[1736] Yeah, dude.

[1737] Let's be honest.

[1738] It'd be the shit.

[1739] And those are the baddest.

[1740] I mean, you don't want to crash when you're high as fuck and ruin the cause.

[1741] He crashed because he was high as fuck.

[1742] You got to really know what you're doing before you do that.

[1743] It's like I wouldn't ever recommend someone who just started smoking weed to drive when you're high.

[1744] You've got to be a goddamn Jedi Knight on the Wii to just think about getting in your car and not worrying about it.

[1745] I'll negotiate some crazy maneuvers.

[1746] You've got to be a goddamn Jedi Knight as a driver already, too.

[1747] You've got to know your shit as both.

[1748] Do you know that helicopter pilots have real sophisticated minds in that?

[1749] Because you have the rotor and the rudder, and you're basically negotiating two completely separate things at once.

[1750] And these guys can invert, and they can go upside down.

[1751] It's very complicated, it looks like.

[1752] It looks like a real sensitivity thing.

[1753] It is.

[1754] And you know who the most badass motherfuckers are?

[1755] Vietnam helicopter pilots, because you've got to be able to fly, extract men in and out, and take fire.

[1756] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[1757] That's why they're all fucking cool and chill, Vietnam helicopter pilots.

[1758] This is an amazing fucking video.

[1759] Dude, let's get one.

[1760] This is incredible.

[1761] I know this guy that owns a helicopter company here in Los Angeles, and during the Carmageddon, for $80, he would pick you up over...

[1762] here and take you to LAX.

[1763] But the Carmageddon turned out to be nothing.

[1764] The traffic was really light.

[1765] Everybody was smart and stayed home.

[1766] The real Carmageddon is going to be an earthquake when we find out how fucking trapped we really are.

[1767] You ever see the movie Earthquake?

[1768] No. Which one was that?

[1769] I think Geraldton Heston's in it.

[1770] Give me your hand.

[1771] Really?

[1772] It's so bad.

[1773] Like, the camera's just shaking.

[1774] They're like, earthquake.

[1775] And I was like, this is like a 30 -minute earthquake.

[1776] I mean, this is going on for a long fucking time.

[1777] Earthquake lasts about two minutes.

[1778] I was like, Jesus.

[1779] I think the one in Japan lasted a long time.

[1780] Oh, yeah, that was like forever.

[1781] It was just like...

[1782] I think that might have been like 30 minutes.

[1783] Jesus.

[1784] I'd be like, let me off this, motherfucker.

[1785] I would like to find out how many minutes that is.

[1786] I don't know if it was 30 minutes, but it was on and off for...

[1787] for hours.

[1788] Wasn't it like, uh, like it was aftershocks and shit.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] The aftershocks are ruthless, man. You know, aftershocks can be like an eight.

[1791] When you have a, an earthquake, that's a nine, you know, 8 .9 magnitude, you know, the, the aftershocks would, must be incredible.

[1792] When I was living in, sorry, when I was living in Hollywood in 95, I got it.

[1793] I didn't, wasn't here for the 94 earthquake, but I was here right afterwards.

[1794] Or was it, was it the Northridge 94?

[1795] 94.

[1796] I moved here literally two months later.

[1797] parts of the highway were still fucking falling over.

[1798] And I wasn't here for the big one, but I was here for a 5 .5, 5 .5 to 5 .7, something like that.

[1799] I was sitting in my apartment, and all of a sudden, the walls of the apartment went back and forth like I was in a refrigerator box.

[1800] Isn't that crazy?

[1801] It didn't even seem real, man. And didn't you feel about that big?

[1802] Yeah, I felt like I was hallucinating.

[1803] The walls just started moving.

[1804] There wasn't even any noise.

[1805] And then you hear, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

[1806] Like this crazy thump, thump, thump.

[1807] Like you could hear the earth literally.

[1808] Moving and making noise like rocks sliding next to each other.

[1809] That's fucking – What?

[1810] And don't you feel like – like I felt when – and why I remember so well, it was Monday, September 10th, 2001.

[1811] There was an earthquake.

[1812] It was about a 4 .5.

[1813] Wow.

[1814] And it shook me up and I was reeling from it.

[1815] And obviously the next day something bigger happened.

[1816] Right.

[1817] I mean maybe it was like that weekend or something.

[1818] But I remember it was my first like – You know, moderate earthquake.

[1819] Now I won't get up unless it's like, you know, shit's really moving.

[1820] But I was in an apartment at the time.

[1821] It was swaying.

[1822] And then it was eerily quiet.

[1823] And then all of a sudden, yeah, you heard that shifting and shit.

[1824] But I felt so helpless.

[1825] I was like, there's nobody you could call.

[1826] This is one big bad beast.

[1827] There's nobody who could kick this earthquake's ass.

[1828] And you feel about that small because you realize, man. And you thank God you don't live in some third world where we're all made of dirt.

[1829] Do you know what I mean?

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] Because it's like we have pretty good infrastructure here and it still will go down.

[1832] Well, we have to accept the fact that.

[1833] The top...

[1834] the topographical surface of the earth, the surface of the earth changes.

[1835] It changes the topography constantly.

[1836] We know that there's like fish bones and shit that you can find in Montana.

[1837] Oh, through tectonics?

[1838] Because everything moves.

[1839] Everything's constantly moving.

[1840] They know that megalodons, they found megalodon teeth in Montana.

[1841] So Montana at one point in time was like under the ocean.

[1842] We know that this whole thing used to be Pangea.

[1843] It used to be one giant continent and something happened.

[1844] or supposedly the most widely accepted theory, until someone comes up with a better one.

[1845] Well, I mean, you put all those countries together, they fit.

[1846] Yeah, and shit changes and moves, man, and we just got to accept that.

[1847] And sometimes the spot you're at sucks now.

[1848] It changes.

[1849] Yeah, the bearing straight, things come along, you seal things up.

[1850] Or we fucked up, like Japan.

[1851] Human beings fucked up and created some spot where you can't hang out anymore.

[1852] We've got to put a fence up around this and put some...

[1853] Big skull and crossbone shit.

[1854] Yeah.

[1855] But don't go near.

[1856] Or Chernobyl.

[1857] This is it.

[1858] We broke one of the spots.

[1859] Yeah.

[1860] We fucked it up.

[1861] We broke it for good permanently.

[1862] Yeah.

[1863] You know, and that's the, the earth is constantly going to shift.

[1864] There's, you know, we know that for a fact that the North Pole is moving towards Russia at some sort of a crazy pace of like 35 miles a year to the point where the pole is shifting and they apparently had to, they had to reroute some planes in Florida.

[1865] They had to do something to the runway to adjust.

[1866] for the fact that it's moving, the pole is moving in a certain direction.

[1867] If you could see it visually, like within even 100 years, that's scary.

[1868] It's crazy.

[1869] Well, I mean, apparently, though, that's inevitable.

[1870] That's just how it always goes.

[1871] We're confused into thinking that the state that this country is in right now is a state that it stays in forever.

[1872] Well, that's what we do.

[1873] We plant our flag here and nothing will change.

[1874] But it's like in Venice, Italy, all of it, they're going under.

[1875] And there's nothing they can do in Venice.

[1876] And it's just like what happened with Venice here in California.

[1877] They tried it.

[1878] It just didn't work out.

[1879] But it's like eventually...

[1880] Earth is constantly changing.

[1881] Venice is going to be gone in 100 years.

[1882] Gone.

[1883] That's amazing.

[1884] Completely submerged.

[1885] Yeah, well, unless they can come up with some engineering.

[1886] They could, but you're really fighting things off like in New Orleans.

[1887] Yeah, well, you are, but that's still a possibility.

[1888] Yeah.

[1889] I don't think that's the right way to do it, but try to convince everybody to get out of there.

[1890] Yeah.

[1891] And then everybody wants to go, oh, but the history.

[1892] Yeah, that's cool.

[1893] You know, there's some awesome real estate.

[1894] It's called Atlantis.

[1895] It's off the coast of Spain.

[1896] You know, go out there too.

[1897] They didn't want to abandon that shit either.

[1898] They loved it there too.

[1899] They loved it.

[1900] It was the best civilization ever.

[1901] Yeah.

[1902] You know, and still, things change.

[1903] Things shift.

[1904] You got to keep moving.

[1905] You know, an idea I heard recently that I kind of, I thought it was the most incredible one about, not Easter Island, but the, what do you call it?

[1906] The Stonehenge.

[1907] Wintertime on ice.

[1908] Ever hear of that one?

[1909] Wintertime when they moved them on ice?

[1910] Yeah, they just did it on ice.

[1911] You ever heard of that thing?

[1912] I guess that would work if you had enough ice.

[1913] Do they get ice up there?

[1914] Yeah.

[1915] Because I think the weather...

[1916] Damn, that feels like you would have to have, like, a...

[1917] You would have to, like, really lay it down nice and thick.

[1918] And then even then, it would support that kind of weight.

[1919] But they were saying, like, the idea that there was no tracks, there was no evidence of it.

[1920] But it's like, you know, when you don't have TV, your mind can come up with creative shit to move things.

[1921] It's like, I don't...

[1922] What do you...

[1923] Do you think they were put there by aliens?

[1924] I don't know.

[1925] I think a man put them there and it's just...

[1926] Dude, we had the guy from Ancient Aliens on...

[1927] the last podcast, the last episode.

[1928] I got to listen to that one.

[1929] I didn't listen to that one.

[1930] Interesting one.

[1931] You know, he's really a big proponent of what's called the...

[1932] the ancient alien or alien astronaut theory that Earth was seeded, or at least we were given some information or some technology at one point in the past by aliens.

[1933] And he's 100 % convinced.

[1934] I'm not 100 % convinced, but I think it's a fascinating topic.

[1935] It's very sexy, just like Bigfoot.

[1936] Sure.

[1937] It's very sexy.

[1938] It's an interesting topic.

[1939] I think it's certainly possible.

[1940] I mean, look, we know that if we can send something to Mars, even if there's not a person in it, just to extrapolate the fact that as technology grows, at an exponential rate you go a thousand years from now just this society will be able to do something crazy like visit some other planet so we know that it's within the grasp of potential.

[1941] It's within the grasp of reality.

[1942] I just feel like the way we are and with the internet and everything now, I think we're doing something monumental in our lifetime.

[1943] And I mean monumental.

[1944] I use the Bigfoot thing as an example or Loch Ness, whatever it is.

[1945] Just something really amazingly monumental that will galvanize the world too, at least for a day or two and go, holy fucking shit.

[1946] You know what I mean?

[1947] We have this weird desire to uncover hidden secrets.

[1948] That's why we love mysteries, man. I got sucked into watching one of those four The eight -hour mystery shows, you know, those real live shows last night.

[1949] Wow, that was a good one, too, man. They got me. It was a preacher that killed his wife and the wife and the mother of his children because he was having an affair with his younger, hotter chick.

[1950] Oh, the 48ers News magazine.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] When the guy, he's got a great voice.

[1953] Two -hour special on it, man. I watched the shit out of that show.

[1954] God.

[1955] It was creepy as fuck.

[1956] This dude, I mean, man, he was such an idiot.

[1957] Like, he left his tracks everywhere.

[1958] I mean, he did everything wrong, this guy.

[1959] You know, from talking to 911.

[1960] I mean, he was talking to 911 and supposedly putting clothes on her while he was talking to her.

[1961] She's dead weight, completely unconscious.

[1962] And he supposedly has the phone up to his ear.

[1963] And he's like, he didn't even think it through at all.

[1964] Some folks just can't be criminals.

[1965] He's a fucking idiot.

[1966] He was banging this hottie.

[1967] She's pretty hot, though.

[1968] She's kind of chubby, but hot as fuck.

[1969] She's really pretty.

[1970] And he killed her for her.

[1971] And he even told her.

[1972] He told her he killed her to be with her.

[1973] And then she left him.

[1974] And he was like, hey, man, I fucking killed my wife to be with you, and you leave me?

[1975] And then she was like, oh, my God, he's going to kill me, too.

[1976] So then she started talking to the cops.

[1977] But before then, apparently, she was trying to tell the cops, no, no, never fucked them.

[1978] We're not having an affair.

[1979] She denied the affair.

[1980] And then he threatened her that he would kill her if she told anybody.

[1981] And so then she goes and testifies on the witness stand.

[1982] But it's so crazy, man, the emotions, the real raw emotions of seeing that woman who he was living with.

[1983] He said he loved her.

[1984] They were fucked.

[1985] They were having sex.

[1986] And she's on the witness stand.

[1987] telling everyone that he killed his wife and that he explained how he did it, how he smothered her with a pillow and how she was gasping for air.

[1988] And then he thought she was already dead from the pills, but she started gasping for air.

[1989] So then he smothered her mouth with a pillow.

[1990] Like it is some dark, dark, dark shit.

[1991] And all the while they're looking over at the, you know, focused in on the preacher and his eyes are shifting back and forth and left and right.

[1992] You're like, whoa, this is so creepy.

[1993] Dark dude.

[1994] Why didn't you just break up with her?

[1995] You fuckhead.

[1996] Meanwhile, it's the wife of his, the mother of his children, too.

[1997] He has two cute little girls.

[1998] You've got to wonder where somebody's mind is when it's like, oh, I'll murder them.

[1999] That's what I'll do.

[2000] They're figuring, look, they're bullshitting people all day long with this religion, with this nonsense that they're not living.

[2001] They're not living this way at all.

[2002] They're not real Christians.

[2003] So many of them, they get a taste of that power and the girls are smiling and next thing you know, they're getting their dick sucked in the back room.

[2004] Well, it's like it works as a perfect disguise for them because not only are you not going to suspect them, they're going to be able to get away with anything.

[2005] they went to all day until it's like, but you know what?

[2006] Irony always tells you.

[2007] It's like a guy that's against gay people getting married is a guy getting dry handjobs on the side from little boys.

[2008] It's a guy that's butt -fucking dudes.

[2009] You know what I mean?

[2010] He's packing poop.

[2011] That's exactly what it is, man. They're trying to throw you off course.

[2012] They're trying to let you know, I'm on your side, these goddamn queers.

[2013] What are they doing?

[2014] It's like they've never done anything to anybody to hurt anybody, and apparently they're staying married a lot more than heterosexuals are.

[2015] Yeah, they're keeping it together, those queers.

[2016] What do you got there, Brian?

[2017] What are you holding up?

[2018] this is a video on YouTube that's got like almost 6 million hits.

[2019] This guy built Stonehenge by himself.

[2020] Built his own version of it?

[2021] Yeah, using only like ropes and wood.

[2022] Oh, really?

[2023] Pulleys, lippers.

[2024] Yeah, so it's on YouTube.

[2025] It's called Building Stonehenge, the man who can move anything.

[2026] Oh, wow.

[2027] That's pretty cool.

[2028] Yeah, I mean, the idea that people always say that it's impossible for people to move those today.

[2029] I always go, man...

[2030] How can you say impossible?

[2031] You can't say impossible.

[2032] You can't because levers and fulcrums are fucking amazing.

[2033] They allow men to move massive things.

[2034] There's a photo online, I guess there's a video of it too, of this gigantic earth -crushing machine that they have in Russia.

[2035] It's like it digs tunnels.

[2036] And it's so goddamn big and monstrous.

[2037] I wouldn't even know this thing existed.

[2038] Like a thousand feet a day it can tear you through or something like that.

[2039] If it wasn't for the internet, I would never know this existed.

[2040] I would think this is just like something.

[2041] like a fake machine in a John Carpenter movie about space.

[2042] But meanwhile, it is real.

[2043] And these things can just do insane things to move Earth.

[2044] Can you stop and think about it, man?

[2045] Look, human beings are capable of ingenious feats.

[2046] And whether it's building some giant machine to move things or figuring out some crazy series of levers and wedges and dedicating all this time to doing it, it's very possible that they had some insane...

[2047] technological capabilities that we don't credit them for because it's just too many thousands of years ago.

[2048] We don't know.

[2049] During the fire at the Library of Alexandria, we lost everything.

[2050] We lost all their written work, their history.

[2051] There's a lot of it.

[2052] They're trying to piece together what the Egyptians could and couldn't do.

[2053] I've seen a lot of the ideas of how they got each of the things together, but what surprises me is the geometric and all the accuracy behind it.

[2054] It's amazing.

[2055] It's not the lifting that impresses me. It's the geometry to the point more so than any other man -made device can.

[2056] pinpoint things in the world.

[2057] They did it amazing.

[2058] They did it so that it's very close to pointing at perfect north, south, east, and west.

[2059] And they reconciled the lack of perfection with the procession of the equinoxes.

[2060] Every 26 ,000 years there's a cycle and the earth wobbles on its axis.

[2061] So it changes.

[2062] The night sky changes.

[2063] So the way it points to certain constellations and stuff is off or on depending on the procession of the equinoxes.

[2064] So it's amazing.

[2065] It's amazing what they did mathematically, but it seems to be that it can be done, yeah.

[2066] And it can be done with animals and slave labor, for the love of God.

[2067] Well, they say, though, that they don't believe it was slave labor.

[2068] They believe that they were paid well and that they were considered working craftsmen.

[2069] Maybe it was like the idea of during the Great Depression when they erected the Empire State Building and the...

[2070] the Chrysler building.

[2071] It's like, okay, let's provide jobs, and these are great jobs for guys in need of work.

[2072] It makes sense, right?

[2073] Come all, come one, come all, we're building this fucking amazing thing in downtown.

[2074] But I think they respected people's ability to construct them.

[2075] I think one of the reasons for this conclusion is that they found some sites, home sites of the workers, and the food that they had, like the bones and stuff, was like...

[2076] you know, high -end food and that their clothing was, like, fairly high -end.

[2077] And so what they were looking at was, like, saying, like, well, these people aren't slaves eating slop.

[2078] These people seem to be getting good food and good clothing.

[2079] Oh, wow.

[2080] Their nutrition showed that.

[2081] Well, I think they found bones and certain things that indicated that they were, you know, eating expensive stuff.

[2082] Sure.

[2083] So it was like, oh, they're paid workers.

[2084] These guys are interested.

[2085] They're rather, you know, skilled workers rather than just thinking of them as slaves.

[2086] And possibly brought from all over the world if you're thinking about that because it was a big hub of.

[2087] trade back then too wasn't it i just would love i if i would be willing to just how much would you be willing to pay just to go back in time just for let me watch them build it for 20 minutes just let me watch them probably gonna be one of those like oh yeah oh duh pterodactyl well that's the thing it's like just because people this is the arrogance people have in modern times it's like look You know, we knew flat screen TVs were coming in the 70s.

[2088] We just didn't have the fucking technology, but we wanted them really bad.

[2089] So that's kind of the same mentality they have.

[2090] Like, look, we don't have cranes, so we got to make something, you know, in the meanwhile.

[2091] God, I would love to have seen it, though.

[2092] I believe that.

[2093] I don't, you know, I at one point in time subscribed to the alien theory, but I did it with very little consideration.

[2094] I did it because it was like fucking aliens made that.

[2095] I didn't like sit down and really work it through.

[2096] Right.

[2097] Well, people forget to give man credit.

[2098] We're fucking smart.

[2099] Well, it's that we're smart, but it's also that we forget shit sometimes.

[2100] Yeah.

[2101] And then the people learn some pretty deep and impressive stuff.

[2102] And then, you know, the small group of people that were concentrating on that died off and other people didn't take up the discipline.

[2103] And, you know, we lose touch with that.

[2104] It's just amazing to think that they lost touch with a city.

[2105] The entire structure was completely abandoned when people found it.

[2106] The Sphinx was covered in sand.

[2107] Even when Napoleon found the Sphinx, it was covered to its neck in sand.

[2108] The place was abandoned.

[2109] But it's amazing how basically, like you're saying, ignorance can sweep the world to the point where they stop using that psychic eye, that outside thinking.

[2110] But how bizarre is it that you can actually abandon a whole area?

[2111] Oh, yeah.

[2112] An area that was literally the peak of civilization at one point.

[2113] Everybody moved out and then moved into far inferior shitholes that were right down the street.

[2114] Yeah.

[2115] And then they set up shacks and started building shitty houses.

[2116] Who knows, man?

[2117] Who knows?

[2118] I mean, there was a bunch of things that happened.

[2119] There was political unrest.

[2120] They were conquered by the Nubians.

[2121] A lot of things happened to ancient Egypt.

[2122] The fact that they kept it together as long as they did, all those pharaohs one after the other, all building pyramids, all building giant.

[2123] Fucking monoliths.

[2124] Meanwhile, the Holy Roman Empire comes together on the other side, too.

[2125] And it's like you're talking epic wars with animals and shit that you can't even begin to imagine.

[2126] Must have been amazing back then.

[2127] What a fascinating time it must have been.

[2128] Traveling all over, bringing spices and shit to trade with.

[2129] Bringing dope, son.

[2130] I got the money in dope.

[2131] If you had to go back and live in that world, you would fucking hate it.

[2132] You would want to kill yourself.

[2133] You wouldn't even want to live.

[2134] But back then, they didn't know any better, and they just kept on trucking.

[2135] They did, man. They just did.

[2136] It's like the people who set out Discover America.

[2137] It's like, it sucks.

[2138] Let's go see what's over there.

[2139] And if it sucks, we're fucked.

[2140] But we'll stay.

[2141] God damn.

[2142] And we're going to have to probably do that sometime, too.

[2143] Some shit's going to go down.

[2144] Some tsunami is going to hit the West Coast, peel Malibu out into the middle of the ocean.

[2145] Just giant fucking Johnny Carson -sized estates floating out in the middle of the ocean.

[2146] The death squad will be up there like Red Dawn in the mountains.

[2147] Dude, we'll be up there, bro.

[2148] We'll be up there with fucking canned food.

[2149] Yeah, we'll be stuck in Burbank.

[2150] We'll be eating Hormel out of the hot can.

[2151] Brian will be hiking his way over here.

[2152] Yeah.

[2153] I'll bring fishing poles.

[2154] So we're going to go fishing for sure?

[2155] Fuck yeah.

[2156] We're going to go to Lake Caste and catch some largemouth baths, son.

[2157] Let's do it.

[2158] Perhaps we'll use rubber worms.

[2159] We don't give a fuck.

[2160] Why don't you just use your hands?

[2161] You ever see that shit where they just grab their hands?

[2162] Catfish.

[2163] Catfish.

[2164] They call it noodling for some reason.

[2165] I can't get with that.

[2166] That sounds freaky.

[2167] The South is one of the least appreciated forms of entertainment.

[2168] The shit that the people are doing in the South.

[2169] And they're fishing for these.

[2170] If you don't know what noodling is, they catch giant ass catfish.

[2171] Like 100 pounds.

[2172] They're monsters.

[2173] They stick their hand inside the catfish's mouth, and they gill them.

[2174] They grab them, and they pull them out.

[2175] That's insane, man. You're letting that giant -ass fucking fish bite your arm, and you're trying to kill it with your bare hands.

[2176] They literally have a life -or -death Mortal Kombat battle with a giant fish in the water.

[2177] Probably other than a sturgeon and a couple other fish, one of the biggest fresh -water fishes there is.

[2178] They get up to 40 -something pounds.

[2179] You figure what the biggest...

[2180] His bass was, what, 22 and a half pounds?

[2181] Largemouth.

[2182] I think it was like 23, maybe.

[2183] Other than a sea bass or something like that, you're talking catfish get to be the size of medium -sized dogs.

[2184] Yeah, they get even bigger than that, man. In China, you ever seen some of the ones they have in Thailand and Vietnam?

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] Dude, they're giant.

[2187] They're basically like sea monsters.

[2188] They're lionfish.

[2189] They're probably responsible for a lot of depictions of sea monsters from ancient tradition.

[2190] They've even said that they'll eat fucking little dogs and shit.

[2191] They'll eat babies.

[2192] That's awesome.

[2193] You've got a baby floating around the water, a fucking...

[2194] 150 -pound catfish comes along.

[2195] It'll just eat your baby, man. You don't think a baby's been eaten by a catfish sometime in history?

[2196] Fuck yeah, they have.

[2197] Dude, I thought there's a video of that shit.

[2198] It probably is.

[2199] I don't even want to see it.

[2200] That would make me feel bad.

[2201] Yeah.

[2202] Yeah, so let's go.

[2203] I want to go.

[2204] We're going to do it.

[2205] Are you in town a while, or are we going to go?

[2206] Yeah, well, I'm filming Fear Factor right now.

[2207] I'm back to work.

[2208] How is it?

[2209] How's it going?

[2210] Very strange.

[2211] Feels bizarre.

[2212] Can I come right back and watch?

[2213] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[2214] I want to come out and watch you.

[2215] It feels like...

[2216] Matt Kunitz, one of the producers, said it best.

[2217] He said, it feels like we all went into a coma and woke up and just started doing Fear Factor again.

[2218] How many times in history has this ever happened where they took a hit show and brought it back and it's a hit show again?

[2219] Family guy.

[2220] We don't know if it's a hit show.

[2221] It could be a total flop.

[2222] No, you guys are going to be syndicated the globe over.

[2223] You know that shit.

[2224] Who knows?

[2225] Did most of your staff return?

[2226] Almost everyone.

[2227] Well, the beauty of Fear Factor.

[2228] is that the people behind the scenes are the nicest fucking people in the world.

[2229] Everyone is so nice.

[2230] And Rupert, the director, is a great guy.

[2231] And he has all these cameramen who follow him wherever he goes because he's a great guy to work for.

[2232] Super supportive, super nice, and very competent and excellent.

[2233] director for those kind of action reality shows.

[2234] He's a genius for that shit.

[2235] And so he has this grand crew.

[2236] And then Matt Kunitz is the nicest guy ever.

[2237] He's one of the executive producers.

[2238] And he brings his crew.

[2239] And then David Hurwitz is another one of the nicest fucking people I've ever met.

[2240] And he brings his crew.

[2241] So it's like this giant group of really nice people.

[2242] And almost 80 % of them are still working for these same guys.

[2243] Oh, that's awesome.

[2244] So they brought everybody back together again.

[2245] The same sound guys, a lot of the same camera guys.

[2246] I mean, it seems bizarre as fuck.

[2247] But that's how people get shit done.

[2248] Especially in this town, like I was saying, they don't do that.

[2249] They don't just bring a show back.

[2250] It's so weird, like the first day, and I'm like, you know, stare, fear in the eye, and you're on your way to winning $100 ,000.

[2251] While I'm saying it, and they're cheering, I'm going, whoa, this doesn't even seem real.

[2252] I never thought I'd say it.

[2253] All of a sudden, helicopters are flying overhead, and people are fucking diving off these helicopters, and it's fucking craziness, man. The other one is still globally syndicated, right?

[2254] It's still on everywhere.

[2255] That's what happened.

[2256] What happened was, Fear Factor was on this thing called Chiller.

[2257] Chiller is one of...

[2258] NBC's little satellite networks, a small network that they have, and they played the replays on Chiller all the time.

[2259] They got killer ratings, like way better than any of the other shows on Chiller.

[2260] So they were like, well, what are we going to do?

[2261] They never expected it was going to, like even other NBC, the other affiliates were fighting to get the Fear Factor reruns on their network.

[2262] Oh, wow.

[2263] Because it does so good on Chiller.

[2264] So then someone, I guess Matt Kunitz, goes to NBC and says, listen, let's fucking bring this.

[2265] bitch back.

[2266] Come on, son.

[2267] You know what it was?

[2268] It's because back when you guys were on the air, before it was before the shit was real viral on the internet, and you thrived.

[2269] But think about now with the internet, because that kind of shit is all great for just a clip.

[2270] Good scenes, yeah.

[2271] Good, like, you know, like any crazy stunt, any crazy wild shit that goes down.

[2272] Yeah, that's definitely going to be good fodder for the internet.

[2273] But it's also that reality shows were sort of the red -headed stepchild of television back then.

[2274] There's so many of them now.

[2275] Right.

[2276] So many different game shows.

[2277] I think Fear Factor and really Survivor first sort of paved the way for this sort of kind of a crazy extreme game show on television.

[2278] Survivor, of course, being much more about the people and getting to know them and then living together forever and working together and then the fucking psychological aspect of voting each other off and all that shit.

[2279] Any of the stunts just...

[2280] Insane.

[2281] Oh, dude, they're so nuts.

[2282] I wish I could fucking tell you them.

[2283] Yeah.

[2284] Some of them are so ridiculous that they had to tell me donkey semen.

[2285] They had to tell me, and I went, what?

[2286] I just made that up.

[2287] They had to tell me the things twice because I was like, what are you talking about?

[2288] You tell me this again.

[2289] They're going to do what?

[2290] Some of them are so ridiculous.

[2291] I can't wait.

[2292] That's why I was like, how are you guys going to top yourself?

[2293] I saw people.

[2294] It's in HD, too.

[2295] That's going to be even grosser.

[2296] You know, when I did used to watch Fear Factor, I'd watch like this all the time.

[2297] I just, for some reason, I thought I'd smell.

[2298] Like, my gag would hit if I thought I'd smell whatever.

[2299] I didn't think about the HD factor.

[2300] They're going deep.

[2301] Well, that's one of the things they thought about.

[2302] They've got like 100 fucking cameras on everything now.

[2303] Nice.

[2304] They're going to get every angle.

[2305] Little bugs bursting right in the face.

[2306] I remember the one episode where you almost beat a dude up.

[2307] That was pretty funny.

[2308] Because he came up and hit somebody.

[2309] His wife did.

[2310] His wife hit somebody.

[2311] That was very sad.

[2312] But it's funny to watch the little doggie roll out.

[2313] No, no, no. You listen.

[2314] When I grabbed him?

[2315] Yeah, he rolled over.

[2316] I thought he was going to hit me, man. Yeah, it looked like he thought he was going to too.

[2317] And then he realized how out of line he was.

[2318] Well, when someone grabs you in a Thai clinch, if you don't know what that feeling is like to get caught in what's called the plum, the Muay Thai plum, and you grab the back of someone's neck, you can control the fuck out of someone with that position.

[2319] Guide them anywhere you want.

[2320] Yeah, that's my go -to shit.

[2321] If I think a guy's trying to hit me, I just grab the back of his head.

[2322] I mean, I shouldn't say my go -to shit because it's never really happened before.

[2323] But automatically in that spot, no one ever on the show.

[2324] had ever gotten in my face or screaming in my face before.

[2325] And this guy, we had been told before that he was dangerous.

[2326] He threw his wife down on television and assaulted a guy on another show.

[2327] So I was like, this guy, I'm not going to let this dude hit me. But that's the best way to control somebody, man. Grab a hold of their neck like that.

[2328] Where is that dude now?

[2329] Do you remember years ago, there was some special ops guy who was trying to sniff you out one night?

[2330] You're at the comedy store.

[2331] I had a special ops guy.

[2332] Special ops, like Army Ranger or something.

[2333] He's a big dude.

[2334] He's about 6 '5".

[2335] And you could tell he was trying to challenge you.

[2336] you a little bit.

[2337] Like you were talking.

[2338] Oh, that idiot that's friends with, what's his face?

[2339] Yeah, Mike or somebody.

[2340] No, no, no, no. Friends with Nick Yusuf.

[2341] Was he friends with Nick Yusuf?

[2342] Yeah, yeah.

[2343] Real talk.

[2344] He was really mean to Brian.

[2345] Yeah, he was a big ass.

[2346] Yeah, and then he was trying to sniff around you for a second, but then like you did this thing like where you stare at him and then like there was a stare off of like two dudes sniffing each other.

[2347] I was like, oh, this is, and then all of a sudden like he almost like, it's like you sent out some mental message.

[2348] He's like, I got it.

[2349] And just stood down.

[2350] I was like, I got it.

[2351] I understand.

[2352] Well, he was drunk and I was trying to tell him that he was drunk.

[2353] And I was trying to tell him, you know, there's no need for you to be aggressive to me. I'm not doing anything to you.

[2354] Right.

[2355] And then, you know, he was talking about the Mencia thing.

[2356] He was giving me a hard time because it was the night of Mencia, you know.

[2357] And he was saying that he grew up in Boston.

[2358] We don't play that way.

[2359] If you want to kick somebody, if you fucking don't like somebody, you don't just talk about it on stage.

[2360] You kick the fucking ass.

[2361] And I go, really?

[2362] I go, you're not allowed to work things out?

[2363] You can't talk?

[2364] You have to beat each other up?

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] He said, yeah.

[2367] I go, dude, anybody thinks like that?

[2368] For sure you haven't been in a lot of fights.

[2369] I go, yeah, I've been in a lot of fights.

[2370] You don't know how to fight.

[2371] And then he got angry at me. He's like, who the fuck do you think you are?

[2372] He told me I don't know how to fight.

[2373] I go, if you knew how to fight, if you've been in a lot of fights, you'd know that you'd get hurt in fights.

[2374] You'd break your hands and shit punch people.

[2375] You're weakened.

[2376] Yeah.

[2377] And you go to jail, you get arrested.

[2378] I go, it ain't that easy, dude.

[2379] It's illegal.

[2380] And by the way, you kick someone's ass, they don't like that.

[2381] So what do they do?

[2382] They come back with a bat or they shoot you when you're not looking or they cut your tires every day for the rest of your life.

[2383] People don't just like getting their ass kicked, man. You're living in some crazy boondock saints fake world where you just get away with shit and move on to the next scene.

[2384] Exactly.

[2385] And so I said that to him.

[2386] I was like, just fucking chill out, man. Leave me alone.

[2387] I'm not fucking with you.

[2388] Don't fuck with me. And then he backed away.

[2389] But then he came again.

[2390] And then he gave Brian a hard time.

[2391] I remember when he came again, but that second time he came again, you gave him this look, like that look you get when two dudes are about to throw down, even in the way off.

[2392] You know, like that, yeah.

[2393] You gave him this look that was almost like Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf, and he's like, a keg of beer.

[2394] And his eyes turned red.

[2395] I was like, well, because the guy picked up on it.

[2396] It was like, oh.

[2397] I get it.

[2398] Well, he was just drunk and stupid and foolish.

[2399] And poor Nick Yusuf, you know, he's a good dude.

[2400] Yeah, he's a good guy.

[2401] But any of those I'm from Boston guys, you know, I'm from Chicago.

[2402] We don't fucking play that way.

[2403] Badasses come from everywhere.

[2404] But what a ridiculous thing to say is if, you know, you're held to a higher standard.

[2405] Oh, Boston.

[2406] You're threatening me with your geographic location.

[2407] I've met badasses from Des Moines.

[2408] I don't care where the fuck you're from.

[2409] A lot of them, by the way.

[2410] Yeah, wrestlers.

[2411] There's shit to do out there, but pick each other up and throw each other on their heads.

[2412] Yeah, badass motherfucker.

[2413] The last thing you want.

[2414] to do is wrestle some dude who lives in the middle of nowhere.

[2415] Yeah.

[2416] You know, that's why the Iowa Hawkeyes are insane.

[2417] Especially if they have brothers.

[2418] Yeah.

[2419] Like those Matt Hughes type characters.

[2420] You don't want a dude with a brother who lives in the middle of nowhere where they're both athletically like superior DNA.

[2421] Yeah.

[2422] And they're beating the shit out of each other all day.

[2423] And your dad's scheduling fights.

[2424] Time to go fight your brother.

[2425] Yeah.

[2426] Jesus Christ.

[2427] You boys need to work it out together.

[2428] Work it on your own.

[2429] You ever see that movie with Stephen Dorff?

[2430] See that movie with Stephen Dorff where he goes to prison for shooting a guy or something like that who broke into his house?

[2431] Like, it shows how he has to adapt to the prison lifestyle because they make you fight every day.

[2432] Come on.

[2433] Stephen Dorff fights in prison?

[2434] What movie is this?

[2435] He gets beat up.

[2436] You'd like it.

[2437] Is this some straight -to -DVD type shit?

[2438] Nah, homeboy.

[2439] This was a hit movie.

[2440] Come on, son.

[2441] Do I ever come incorrect with movies?

[2442] What happened to Cuba Gooding Jr.?

[2443] He should have never happened.

[2444] That's what happened.

[2445] Some dudes just disappear, man. Steven Dorff, I would say that's one of them, too.

[2446] He was in goddamn Blade.

[2447] He's still around.

[2448] He's still around.

[2449] But he's not still around.

[2450] He's about to release that new movie with Christina Ricci.

[2451] He's right.

[2452] Oh, he is?

[2453] Bad Attitude.

[2454] It's a big movie.

[2455] I heard one of those guys.

[2456] I heard something about him and Piven mixing it up before in the bathroom.

[2457] Him and Jeremy Piven.

[2458] Yeah.

[2459] That's beautiful.

[2460] Playing Who's Bigger Time?

[2461] I would like to sit down and watch that.

[2462] Oh, yeah.

[2463] I'd be like, well, he's got a point, man. He's got a point.

[2464] No, no, no. He's right, too.

[2465] Yeah, yeah.

[2466] You would.

[2467] Because you'd be like, you'd like to see them both kick the shit out of each other.

[2468] You know how Max Kellerman sits down on HBO and he has two boxers sit down next to each other and he interviews them and he has them talking, facing each other about what they're going to do?

[2469] I would like to do that with them.

[2470] Oh, that'd be fun.

[2471] Dude, take me to Fear Factor and take me to a UFC match, will you?

[2472] Anytime, dude.

[2473] Anytime.

[2474] Because I want to get into that because people, a lot of my listeners are now asking me why I don't want to ever talk about it.

[2475] It's like I said earlier, I won't talk about something I can't talk about intelligently.

[2476] And it's like I'm just now new to it.

[2477] I can talk about boxing intelligently.

[2478] It'll eat up a lot of your time, man. There's a lot of fights to watch.

[2479] And a lot of things to learn.

[2480] Do you know who Fedor Emelianenko is?

[2481] I don't know who anybody is.

[2482] You know who he is, right?

[2483] Dan Henderson knocked him out last night.

[2484] Well, I was hearing about this, and I saw what you were tweeting, and my buddy Scottie G was saying something about a bad call.

[2485] Well, it looked like from one angle it looked like.

[2486] like it could have been a little premature, but then from the final angle they showed it, I completely agreed with it.

[2487] He flatlined.

[2488] He went out.

[2489] He got back up.

[2490] He even got woken up maybe.

[2491] He was out for a split second, it looked like.

[2492] Sometimes people say that a punch can wake you up, but I don't think that that makes a lot of logical sense.

[2493] But people do swear by it.

[2494] But I think it's just that you get hit as your body's kind of rebooting itself.

[2495] It probably all happens at the same time.

[2496] So it probably looks like this is my amateur neurology point of view.

[2497] But point is, he got blasted.

[2498] Dan Henderson fucking put a whooping on him.

[2499] That's just no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

[2500] It was a wild, like, minute and a half, I think, throwdown.

[2501] They were just swinging leather.

[2502] And they went to the ground, and Dan Henderson hit this sweet wrestling reversal on him where he was underneath him in half guard.

[2503] Reaches up, grabs a leg, and ducks under and comes out the back door and just blasts him with an uppercut right in the jaw.

[2504] And Fedor face plants, bonk, flat lines, arms out.

[2505] And then Henderson blasts him twice in the back of the head, like in the side.

[2506] I don't know if it was illegal.

[2507] It looked legal to me. It was borderline, though.

[2508] Anyway, whatever it is.

[2509] It was done anyway.

[2510] Henderson's winning this fight.

[2511] He's blasting him.

[2512] And then they stop the fight.

[2513] And then Fedor rolls over.

[2514] And everybody was like, premature stoppage.

[2515] And from one angle, I agreed with it.

[2516] I said, hmm, that might be premature.

[2517] But then from the last angle, I looked at it from where Herb Dean could see it, the referee, and he's out.

[2518] He's out.

[2519] He got nailed.

[2520] And then you see him faceplant, and he's out.

[2521] And then he hits him again, and he hits him again.

[2522] And Herb Dean steps in, and then he rolls over.

[2523] So it looks like you should have let him recover, but he wasn't recovering.

[2524] I think it was ultimately probably a good call.

[2525] But he's got to err on the side of caution.

[2526] When he sees a guy flatline like that, he has to assume that guy's not going to recover.

[2527] Especially when a guy like Dan fucking Henderson.

[2528] is dropping hammers on your head.

[2529] You know?

[2530] Dude, I say when you get hit, especially on the side of the head, then you're...

[2531] Your brain just bounces against your brain pan.

[2532] It's not good to get hit anywhere in the head.

[2533] There's not, like, one spot that's awesome.

[2534] Like, ooh, hit me here.

[2535] Yeah, please, please hit me here.

[2536] I mean, if you wanted to get hit anywhere, I would say the forehead.

[2537] But the forehead can really fuck with your equilibrium.

[2538] Oh, yeah, it makes you all sick and shit.

[2539] No, it makes your balance go.

[2540] So does your temple.

[2541] Temple fucks with the equilibrium, whereas, like, a shot to the jaw just, like, shuts everything off.

[2542] Just shuts the machinery off and the legs go.

[2543] Yeah, it shuts to the mouth, not jaw.

[2544] I got knocked.

[2545] I got hit one time.

[2546] Hit in the head.

[2547] And then I got hit.

[2548] I hit a bumper of a car.

[2549] Damn.

[2550] And then I hit the street.

[2551] Damn.

[2552] And then my mans and them scooped me up after they all came to because some badass Marine came out and challenged all of us.

[2553] We just kicked ass.

[2554] We thought we did.

[2555] And some older dude, we were just a bunch of high school kids.

[2556] We kicked this dude's ass and that dude's ass.

[2557] Some older dude, Marine, came out and systematically kicked all of our asses.

[2558] And that's what happened?

[2559] You got hit by a car?

[2560] No, he hit me in the head, and I hit the bumper of a car.

[2561] Oh, wow.

[2562] Hit the bumper of a car and hit the pavement, and that guy scooped me up.

[2563] I never felt it.

[2564] I just went out, lights out.

[2565] Wow.

[2566] Cheap shot at me, but I'm almost glad he did because if I would have saw that thing coming, I still couldn't have done anything.

[2567] I thought I was going to get my ass kicked the other day with you.

[2568] There was some guy screaming in Pasadena after a comedy show, after Joe's show.

[2569] He was screaming for a taxi or doing something.

[2570] So I went around the corner and I started recording him with my camera.

[2571] And he goes right in my face, goes, yo, yo, yo.

[2572] And I thought he was going to hit me. And I'm like, hey, I'll see you later.

[2573] And then suddenly he's like, no, no, no, you come here, you come here.

[2574] And then he looks up and there's like everybody from the comedy club is watching.

[2575] watching.

[2576] So there was like 30 people in his alley all staring at him.

[2577] And he looks up like he was going to do something to me. And then he looks up and sees like 30 people staring, watching the whole thing.

[2578] We weren't just staring.

[2579] We were walking towards you.

[2580] We were walking towards you.

[2581] Because you got ahead of us because we heard the screams.

[2582] So we were all hanging out after the show.

[2583] And we hear the screaming at the ice house.

[2584] We hear the screaming on the street.

[2585] Like we think maybe there's a fight going on or something.

[2586] So we start walking.

[2587] And Brian starts running.

[2588] And he runs with the camera.

[2589] But we're all walking behind him.

[2590] And then this guy got like super douchey with Brian.

[2591] like out of nowhere like it's like no no you're not going anywhere and then he turns and saw all of us walking towards him there's like 20 or 30 people it was the greatest like i like uh what's like the warriors yeah you don't want to you know see you have 30 people walking your way going oh really dick yeah right joe's clanking bottles together he quickly he was one of those guys that was super eager to meet me before the show started too there's certain guys that just have this weird maniacal need to shake your hand it's not even oh he came to the show he was like oh Yeah, he was nutty before the show even started.

[2592] He was nutty.

[2593] There's certain dudes that just, you know, some people, most people, they just want to friendly shake your hand.

[2594] Hey, nice to meet you.

[2595] Some people shake your hand.

[2596] They're like, I just want to touch your soul.

[2597] I want to take some of you.

[2598] I want to be right next to you.

[2599] And then now you're like the DJ on talk radio.

[2600] Hey, I got this script I'd love you to read.

[2601] Read my script.

[2602] Read it.

[2603] There's a lot of people that just think they need to meet you, and then once they meet you, they're going to get the script through, and then all of a sudden they're going to be boondock saint now.

[2604] Yeah, because it's on, because it's like I'm the only guy who knows about you, Joe.

[2605] Do you have guys, especially when you were on Frank Caliendo's show, did you have guys that were coming to you with sitcom ideas and all kinds of shit like that?

[2606] Well, the worst is when people who aren't even in the business would submit you ideas.

[2607] Hey, I've got an idea.

[2608] You don't work in the shop.

[2609] Why are you trying to talk shop to me?

[2610] Hey, I'll run this by you.

[2611] Hey, you should use this in your act.

[2612] You should shut the fuck up.

[2613] I had a friend that goes, I would like to have you listen to my ideas, but I'm going to need you to sign some paperwork first.

[2614] He actually said this because his fucking idea, I'm telling you, it's not that I don't trust you.

[2615] These ideas are so good.

[2616] Oh, my God.

[2617] I go, dude, you can't pay me enough to listen to your crazy fucking idea.

[2618] What are you talking about?

[2619] I'm going to go sign paperwork with you, you crackpot.

[2620] Go do your thing, man. Go do your thing.

[2621] Go get patent work done.

[2622] Sign that shit.

[2623] Have your new soap fix the world.

[2624] Fucking idiot.

[2625] Crazy assholes.

[2626] But that's this part of the world.

[2627] It's like people think that they're going to hit this one thing and boom, that's going to change everything.

[2628] I'll be happy when.

[2629] Instead of grinding.

[2630] No one out here knows how to get that grind on.

[2631] What happened to the jab?

[2632] What happened to the stick and move?

[2633] Everybody wants the haymaker.

[2634] The haymaker.

[2635] The fucking lands from kicking off the fence and the one punch knockout.

[2636] No. The grind is where the beauty is, ladies and gentlemen.

[2637] That's where the fucking human spirit is shown.

[2638] Slowly piece together a motherfucking empire.

[2639] Dun, dun, dun.

[2640] Freddie Lockhart, speaking of Empire, where can all these fine folks see the great Freddie Lockhart perform?

[2641] Thanks to you, Joe Rogan, that can listen to my podcast.

[2642] Shazam!

[2643] That's a podcast brought to you by TuckAndTokeTNT .com.

[2644] That's my new website.

[2645] That's my new product.

[2646] What is it?

[2647] Say it again?

[2648] My TuckAndToke, and he forgot to fucking bring you one.

[2649] Okay, explain this.

[2650] It's my new sponsor on my show, Scotty G, my good guy who got me turned on to weed and good music and good times, invented the TuckAndToke, and it's great for anybody who wants to get high.

[2651] It's a sponsor of my show.

[2652] I won't talk about it too much since you've got your own sponsors.

[2653] No, you can talk about it.

[2654] Go ahead, man. Go to tuckandtoke .com.

[2655] And what it is, it's like a hookah hose.

[2656] And at the bottom of it, it's a bowl.

[2657] And you can put it in your mouth while you're driving, smoke it.

[2658] It kicks ass against wind, the elements if you're skiing up in Colorado, if you're at the beach.

[2659] So it's just a long tube?

[2660] Is that what it is?

[2661] It's a long hookah hose with a wooden handle.

[2662] Are you endorsing this?

[2663] Did you say while you're driving?

[2664] Did you really just say that?

[2665] Yeah, I absolutely did.

[2666] Why would you ever want to get behind a product that you're trying to sell and you're saying use this and drive?

[2667] No, I'm not saying use this and drive.

[2668] I'm saying.

[2669] drive while your girlfriend likes it.

[2670] Yeah.

[2671] That's what I'm doing, Joe.

[2672] Come on.

[2673] What, do you think I'm new?

[2674] You think I was born yesterday?

[2675] How crazy are you to be saying this on the radio internet podcast thingy?

[2676] So anyway, I didn't say you put pot in there.

[2677] It's for cigarettes.

[2678] Not everybody should be doing that.

[2679] Yeah, not everybody should do that.

[2680] It's like everything else.

[2681] Don't listen to your Uncle Fred.

[2682] Some people can't even handle jerking off.

[2683] How about that?

[2684] They can break things.

[2685] Some people lose their jobs because they can't stop jerking off at work.

[2686] How about that?

[2687] Right.

[2688] And then come see me at the Comedy Store.

[2689] Yes, when?

[2690] If you ever come back, that'd be great.

[2691] Impossible.

[2692] I know you won't.

[2693] Can't happen.

[2694] You're a man of your word.

[2695] Every weekend at the Comedy Store, listen to the podcast.

[2696] Go to freddielockhart .com.

[2697] So the Freddie Lockhart podcast on Death Squad is called What's Good.

[2698] What's Good.

[2699] What's Good.

[2700] What's Good.

[2701] How many days a week are you doing this?

[2702] We're doing it once a week now.

[2703] Once a week.

[2704] Powerful.

[2705] Yeah.

[2706] This Wednesday, we have one more podcast rocking with...

[2707] My friend Chris, who changed his fucking name.

[2708] Chris used to be the guy from the Fleshlight.

[2709] And he quit working for the Fleshlight and started Onnit Labs.

[2710] And Onnit is Onnit .com.

[2711] O -N -N -I -T .com.

[2712] And that's the company that we're working with.

[2713] And we're putting together this alpha brain package.

[2714] It works.

[2715] It fucking works for real.

[2716] It's not snake oil.

[2717] Yeah, I just got a couple new bottles.

[2718] It's not snake oil.

[2719] I know people are like, you know, what?

[2720] What are you selling?

[2721] Yeah.

[2722] Look.

[2723] I have a very small stake in this, and I really, really believe in it.

[2724] What it is is nutrients for your brain.

[2725] It's really that simple.

[2726] It's all scientist -based chemicals and fucking...

[2727] testing tests has been done and pretty much of paper bars in your thing.

[2728] That's known to work, you know, into one pill.

[2729] So you're not having 5 ,000 pills to take.

[2730] There's plenty of evidence on the internet about there's various supplements that you can take that increase mental function.

[2731] You know, I know, um, the football player, uh, Romanowski, Bill Rowanowski, is that his name?

[2732] Oh yeah.

[2733] Yeah.

[2734] Yeah.

[2735] Romanowski had a, um, uh, a company called neuro one and I took their shit and it's, it really works.

[2736] And it's like it gives you this heightened sense of awareness.

[2737] And I found that I could access information easier.

[2738] I found that my memory worked clear.

[2739] I found that I felt like I was a little bit more creative, like my thoughts were flowing.

[2740] And I don't know what these substances do exactly other than I know that they're all herbal and that they're all, you know, they've basically been proven throughout the years to have a subjective effect on people's consciousness.

[2741] Yeah.

[2742] You know, I told you I just took a couple the other night, but I was able to get into that laying still in medicine.

[2743] that I normally find very hard to get into.

[2744] It's amazing for dreams.

[2745] It gives me the most incredible dreams.

[2746] I don't take it at night because I don't want to have these nutty fucking impossible dreams.

[2747] You're supposed to take it in the morning because of that.

[2748] I took it at night, but I fall asleep awake, so I took that and it was fucking awesome.

[2749] It's great for jet lag when you fly into some new place.

[2750] That's when it clears the cobwebs out.

[2751] I pop three of those bad boys.

[2752] Consciousness, bro.

[2753] It's called Alpha Brain.

[2754] It's on it, O -N -N -I -T .com.

[2755] You can only pre -order right now, and we'll have Chris on.

[2756] Aubrey.

[2757] I'm not calling him Aubrey.

[2758] Oh, come on.

[2759] We're having him.

[2760] He changed his name.

[2761] This is Homeboy went to.

[2762] You're going to love this podcast.

[2763] It's going to be a lot of fun because he's a brilliant guy.

[2764] I love him to death.

[2765] He went to Peru and drank from the vine.

[2766] He went and had a shamanic experience, several of them, drinking ayahuasca.

[2767] And he had some sort of an.

[2768] revelation that he needed to restart his life by changing his name.

[2769] Or he murdered somebody.

[2770] He's going by a different name.

[2771] His middle name.

[2772] Did he do Ibogaine or something?

[2773] No, he did ayahuasca, which is, you know, literally.

[2774] That's the spirit shit.

[2775] It's basically DMT in an oral form.

[2776] It's the most intense experience you can have, supposedly.

[2777] You've told me about that.

[2778] I'm scared to try it.

[2779] You should be.

[2780] But he's going to come out on Wednesday and explain to us why he took on a girl's name.

[2781] And he's going to tell us that Wednesday will be when this shit will be for sale.

[2782] If you don't like it, don't buy it.

[2783] If you can't afford it, don't buy it.

[2784] I don't want anybody spending any money that they don't want to spend.

[2785] I don't want you to ever think that advertising should ever really be.

[2786] work on you with any shit like this.

[2787] But what I am telling you is as a product, I think there's some merit to this.

[2788] I think it's a strange combination of nutrients and together in conjunction and when they work together synergistically, I think it has an effect on your mind.

[2789] I feel it.

[2790] And I think you feel it too.

[2791] It gives your brain all full bars is what it does.

[2792] I think it's legit.

[2793] And I think it's probably also one of those things that in time as you continue to do it, it's like when you take vitamins, like I notice for me at least, if I stop taking vitamins for like a week or so I take them I start taking them again I'll feel good for one day and then I'll feel better the next day and then I'll feel a little bit better and I'll feel a little more even and I'll feel a little more energy I feel a little more I feel better more with time.

[2794] So if I'm consistent with vitamins, if I, you know, I get lazy sometimes and I'll take a couple days off.

[2795] But if I'm real consistent, after five or six days, that's when I really start to feel, subjectively, I really start to feel the effects.

[2796] Like I feel energetic.

[2797] I feel really healthy right now.

[2798] I think a lot of it has to do with a really balanced diet and getting all my nutrients in order.

[2799] I think that's the same with this shit.

[2800] Because as I've taken it, the more I've taken it more days in a row, the more I start feeling like really tuned in, man. Because it's like you get your mind, body, and soul.

[2801] And once you get all those three things hit, it's so seldom we have it.

[2802] Like that, that, that.

[2803] But if you can find that balance, man. Soul is a silly word.

[2804] Soul is a funny one.

[2805] It's like, what are we even talking about here?

[2806] No one can agree.

[2807] Soul food, homie.

[2808] I like that.

[2809] I like collard greens, son.

[2810] I'm down with waffles and chicken together.

[2811] They're a delicious combination.

[2812] Brisket, nigga, what?

[2813] I just thought a fake fuga de chow at the mall.

[2814] I like that place.

[2815] It's good.

[2816] The fake one at the mall is not bad.

[2817] The chujascaria, my friend.

[2818] My friend.

[2819] August 13th, I'm in Milwaukee at the Paps Theater.

[2820] There's still some tickets available for that.

[2821] It's going to be a lot of fun.

[2822] I'll be bringing Joey Diaz with me to Milwaukee.

[2823] I haven't been back to Milwaukee in a long time, but I'm looking forward to going there.

[2824] They're having a UFC there, too, and that's the home of the Rufus Camp, one of the best Muay Thai camps in America is out of Milwaukee, and they also have a lot of guys that fight in the UFC.

[2825] Pat Barry fights for them.

[2826] Anthony Pettis fights for them.

[2827] So Milwaukee's a badass town to have a UFC.

[2828] UFC and to do comedy there.

[2829] Oh, you're doing both things?

[2830] Yeah.

[2831] I love doing that.

[2832] There's nothing more fun for me than when I do like a weekend where I do stand -up one night and then the UFC's the next night.

[2833] That's so fun.

[2834] My girlfriend's dad lives in Milwaukee.

[2835] Can you see the show?

[2836] Fuck yeah.

[2837] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2838] I'll hook him up.

[2839] Thanks.

[2840] So that's August 13th in Milwaukee at the Pabst Theater.

[2841] Can't fucking wait for that.

[2842] Joey Diaz is coming with me. If you have never seen Joey Diaz before, he's bringing the thunder.

[2843] September 23rd, Joey Diaz and I are at the Paramount Theater.

[2844] in Denver, Colorado.

[2845] And tickets are selling fast for that, so hop on that shit.

[2846] The Paramount Theater, we tried to bring him to the Comedy Works, but Joey's banned from the Comedy Works.

[2847] It was something naughty he did back in his open mic days when he was struggling and clawing and scratching.

[2848] And so he's banned from the franchise.

[2849] He can't work the Comedy Works.

[2850] So we've circumvented the system and brought him into the Paramount Theater.

[2851] Denver, Colorado.

[2852] I bring you Joey Diaz.

[2853] What the fuck?

[2854] What the fuck, cocksuckers?

[2855] You got to see Joey Diaz at one time in your life.

[2856] It's like I got to see Kinison live when I was a kid.

[2857] You know, you need to see Joey Diaz live.

[2858] That's September 23rd, Denver, Colorado.

[2859] Holla at your boy.

[2860] So we will be back next, this Wednesday, this upcoming Wednesday with my friend Chris Marcus who wants me to call him Aubrey.

[2861] But that shit ain't happening.

[2862] And he's going to tell us all about how he went into the jungle and took on a girl's name.

[2863] And I think what we need to do is I think Ayahuasca gave him a girl's name.

[2864] Jack Daniels gave him a fucking man's name.

[2865] We're going to take him.

[2866] We're going to take him out.

[2867] We're going to give him some shots.

[2868] We're going to get him to ban that girly name and come up with something better like Bolt.

[2869] This is your new name.

[2870] Clutch.

[2871] My name's Clutch.

[2872] Your new name is Rod.

[2873] Yeah.

[2874] Granite.

[2875] Yeah.

[2876] All right, folks.

[2877] You know we love you bitches.

[2878] Big kiss.

[2879] See everybody soon.

[2880] Oh, and thanks to The Fleshlight.

[2881] If you go to JoeRogan .net, click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN.

[2882] You will get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men and you will shoot your loads and have a good jolly old time at a discount.

[2883] Yeah.

[2884] How the fuck does it get any better out there?

[2885] Keep on rocking in the free world.

[2886] Godspeed.

[2887] Big kisses to all.