MFM Minisode 308

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome.

[2] To my favorite murder.

[3] That's Georgia Hartstark.

[4] Oh, that's Karen Kilgariff.

[5] This is a minisode.

[6] No, we don't do that on this one.

[7] No, this is a minisote.

[8] Why?

[9] Because we're professional.

[10] We've only been doing it for six years.

[11] Line?

[12] Line.

[13] Okay.

[14] It's simple.

[15] The mini -sode.

[16] The mini -sode edition.

[17] I don't know.

[18] Where are we reaching your shit.

[19] Whatever.

[20] You go first this time.

[21] Okay.

[22] This one's called Almost Murdered Probably by our Airbnb host.

[23] Ooh.

[24] And it just starts, my mom, sister, and I are all big fans.

[25] My sister lives in Denver and my mom and I planned our visit around your live show so we could all see you guys together.

[26] This was back in 2019.

[27] At the time, my sister had three roommates, so my mom and I got an Airbnb a couple streets away.

[28] It should be noticed that we rented the whole house, not a private room or anything.

[29] This is also my mom's first experience with Airbnb and my urging, and it's safe to say that she hasn't used it since.

[30] The homeowner, Gary, told us to call him when we were close to give us a tour.

[31] We text him 10 minutes out, but no response from Gary.

[32] We arrive at the house and contact him again.

[33] Still no response from Gary.

[34] We were waiting around there for about 5 to 10 minutes before my mom decides to go around back to see if she can find him.

[35] She comes back and says the backyard is filled with crap lying around the yard, including an axe.

[36] And there's a little guest house, presumably the one Gary would be staying in.

[37] Gary finally comes out front to give us a tour.

[38] He says that this is the last time we're going to see or hear from him, so ask any questions during the tour.

[39] He takes us inside.

[40] It's a nice house overall.

[41] It's very old with heavy -duty doorknobs that you can hear click when you turn and antiquated decorations.

[42] You're shaking your head.

[43] This is a bad setup.

[44] Yeah.

[45] There's one bedroom and right off the kitchen are locked double doors that Gary says are closed to guests.

[46] He says a couple more times that we won't see or hear from him again and ask if we need anything.

[47] We say we don't and he leaves.

[48] Later that night, my sister had left and my mom and I are alone in the house.

[49] My mom decides to snoop and she opens those locked doors in the kitchen.

[50] Why would you do that?

[51] Don't touch it.

[52] She's snooping.

[53] She wants to know.

[54] I don't ever want to know.

[55] I know.

[56] Would you?

[57] It depends.

[58] It depends on what like what brought my suspicion or like What?

[59] Is it just purely because they're locked doors?

[60] No. Because, you know, we, like, we stayed in Airbnb in Nashville, right?

[61] Like, there's, it's that kind of thing where I assume there's, like, an owner's closet oftentimes if you rent a place for, like, vacation, where you're not allowed to do that because it's like the owner's booze or their good stuff that they don't want people touching.

[62] Yeah.

[63] I would just assume it's that.

[64] But if she was getting, like, a different vibe, moms, moms are nosy.

[65] Yeah.

[66] On the other side is a huge.

[67] room filled with junk, and on the far side of the room is another set of double doors that lead outside.

[68] Around 11 p .m. we go to bed.

[69] There's only one bedroom, and we're sharing a queen -sized bed.

[70] My mom is basically asleep, and I'm watching, this is a weird detail, and I'm watching Nate Bergotsie's Netflix special while I dose.

[71] He's a great comic.

[72] He's very funny.

[73] If you're bored and you're looking for a stand -up comedy special, Nate Bergotsie is one of the best modern comedians that should have tons of heat and doesn't have it.

[74] Yes, very funny.

[75] He's hilarious.

[76] All of a sudden, I hear the loud click of an old doorknob turning.

[77] I whisper, Mom, did you hear that?

[78] She sleepfully grumbles that she didn't hear anything and then goes immediately back to sleep, as only moms can.

[79] I keep listening for a while and then hear nothing else, so I turn Nate back on.

[80] About 10 minutes later, I again hear the slow turning of a doorknob.

[81] I say, Mom and she, wide awake, whispers, I heard at that time.

[82] I've told this story many, many times, and her response gives me chills every time.

[83] We get out of bed and sneak into the living room to listen.

[84] As we're sitting there, we can hear someone wrestling around in the room behind the double doors.

[85] My mom calls Gary, and we hear his phone ring on loud right behind the doors.

[86] Oh, fuck.

[87] They caught Gary.

[88] They caught Gary.

[89] They caught every red -handed.

[90] He ignores the call, and we hear him move away from the doors.

[91] A couple seconds later, he calls my mom back.

[92] We can still hear his voice, but he has clearly moved outside the room.

[93] He asked what's wrong, and my mom says someone is in the room.

[94] And he says, yeah, that's me. Honestly, not really sure what the rest of the conversation was, but I know nothing was resolved.

[95] Regardless, we are creep the fuck out, and we call my sister to come pick us up.

[96] While we're waiting, we swiftly and silently repack our bag so we can sneak out as soon as she gets there.

[97] It was around midnight when she showed up and we snuck out in the night.

[98] We stayed at a hotel for the rest of the trip.

[99] I'm not sure whether Gary had malicious intentions or not, but it was scary as fuck, and I'm glad we got out of there.

[100] My mom really fucked beliteness the next day when she complained, more like screamed, both Gary and Airbnb, until we got a full refund.

[101] Good.

[102] Anyway, sorry this is so long.

[103] I swear I tell it better in person, but this will have to do.

[104] By the way, my mom's name is Barbara Sue.

[105] Stay sexy, Gail.

[106] Oh, Gail and Barbara Sue having an adventure.

[107] Okay, can I just say this, though?

[108] Gail, I don't want to yell at you.

[109] But the idea that you would say, you don't know if Gary had malicious intentions, I do.

[110] Yeah.

[111] Why would he need to be in that room while women are sleeping on the other side of the door?

[112] Two women, alone in the house.

[113] He rented to them where the agreement is, he's not in the fucking house.

[114] Or that would be, you would know that.

[115] Yeah.

[116] He snuck into that house and was sneaking around, That's malicious in and of itself.

[117] That is.

[118] It's scary.

[119] It's aggressive.

[120] It's creepy.

[121] There's no other reason.

[122] Because if he had to go fucking find something in the junk room, he should have called and said, hey, I don't want to freak you guys out.

[123] I need to go find something.

[124] That's what normal people do.

[125] Or wait until morning.

[126] Something like that.

[127] Yes.

[128] Like, what are you talking about?

[129] You were free to communicate when you were giving him a fucking tour.

[130] And suddenly you're getting all sneaky.

[131] And I think this is what happens to people, though, when stuff like this happens.

[132] It's so creepy that you're just like, I don't know if it could have been.

[133] And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

[134] No, normal people don't do shit like that.

[135] That's a very good point.

[136] Also, I stumbled upon, as you know, I'm obsessed with TikTok now, and I stumbled upon a thing of people looking for cameras and finding them in Airbnb's because you can buy things that, like, tell you when a camera is inside.

[137] Like, there was one, this guy showed it.

[138] It looked like he had a pen.

[139] and when he held it up to this what looked just like a normal plug plugged into the wall connected to something there was a fucking video camera inside the plug oh my god I'm so creeped out by that I want one that's Airbnb to me yeah and hotels though you never know when a hotel has one in there too people can just sneak in there and put fucking video cameras in hotels that's true although they would have to be nearby I think it's way less way less likely for a hotel than you're Gary based Airbnb If there's some that are wonderful, but you're rolling the dice.

[140] Yeah.

[141] Oh, cool.

[142] Just stay home.

[143] That's my solution.

[144] Stay home.

[145] Okay, here's mine.

[146] It just says the veil is thin.

[147] That's the subject line.

[148] And it just starts so.

[149] On a recent minisode, you guys talked about kids who hint at their reincarnation, and I thought, this is it.

[150] I finally have something interesting to send to Georgia and Karen.

[151] The year was 2008.

[152] We were on a road trip through Zion National Park, with our then three -year -old, for anyone who hasn't been to Zion, when you enter the park through the Mount Carmel Tunnel, you emerge from a dark tube with the whole majesty of Zion's Valley beneath you.

[153] It, period, is period, breathtaking, period.

[154] We were so excited to have this experience with our little toddler because, let's be honest, everything is cooler when you see it through the eyes of a kid.

[155] What we didn't expect when we came out of the tunnel was for him to say, totally deadpan, that was just like being born.

[156] So we're not the kind of parents to, like, keep bodily things a secret.

[157] We call vaginas, vaginas, and penises, penises.

[158] But the concept of birth has never come up before.

[159] So we were a bit side -eye.

[160] I decided to press him a bit more about his statement, which is when he unleashed all the details of his past life.

[161] Oh, okay.

[162] Stop right now.

[163] I'm going to let me just get my chills out of the way.

[164] Okay.

[165] He told us that he remembered being born, and it wasn't his first time.

[166] He remembered his previous mommy, and he missed her sometimes.

[167] But he quickly added that he was so happy that I was chosen to be his mommy, quote -unquote, this time.

[168] Oh, my God.

[169] Y 'all, I think reincarnation is fascinating, but it's not like a common conversation around our house.

[170] And unless we miss the reincarnation episode of Peppa Pig, we have no idea.

[171] where he could have come up with this.

[172] That mystical little three -year -old is now a beefy gym rat of a 16 -year -old and he doesn't remember anything about this conversation, let alone his past lives.

[173] I just hope he thinks as fondly of me on his next round as he did his mom before me. Oh, my God.

[174] Stay sexy and believe your kids when they tell you outland a shit cameo.

[175] And then in parentheses it says, like the jewelry.

[176] She her.

[177] Oh, my God.

[178] I love stories.

[179] Like that.

[180] That is amazing.

[181] I got to ask my nephew if he remembers being born.

[182] So good.

[183] Yeah.

[184] Because I love that idea that like there's things we know that then we lose just from like, because we're around.

[185] Yeah.

[186] Other people.

[187] Totally.

[188] Oh, that's creepy.

[189] I love it.

[190] Yeah.

[191] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[192] Absolutely.

[193] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[194] Exactly.

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[209] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[210] Goodbye.

[211] Okay, this one's called Finally, My Time to Shine, Big Sister Prank.

[212] And it just starts, third time's the charm.

[213] I am the baby of my family, even now at 30 years old.

[214] Why does it never go away?

[215] Which of course means that as a child on vacations with limited bunking, I was relegated to sleeping on random cushions on the floor.

[216] I remember that.

[217] Remember you take this part of the couch off and you'd have to sleep on it?

[218] And then you'd get too big so that two together.

[219] you needed them, but it didn't work because they wouldn't stay together.

[220] Yep.

[221] And that's why we have bad backs.

[222] Mom.

[223] I was reaching my breaking point at around age six on a week -long trip to Ocean City with all our aunts and uncles and cousins.

[224] I was losing at cards every single night because I was six.

[225] I never got dibs on the remote and I was sleeping on the floor.

[226] I decided to turn in early from the beach one afternoon and decompressed.

[227] But as I retired to my corner, I noticed something.

[228] sitting directly on my pillow.

[229] It was a turd.

[230] Naturally, I had a meltdown.

[231] The indignity of the situation was too much.

[232] My cousins came running to see what was wrong to find me shrieking and pointing at the perfectly poised piece of shit on my pillow.

[233] I'm sorry, this is not normal at all for us, but I just had to read it.

[234] My sister, nine years older than me, coolly brushed past me, leaned down to inspect it, and then popped it in her mouth and ate it.

[235] I honestly don't remember anything after that, So I think it's safe to say I effectively blacked out the moment.

[236] My sister, a diabolical genius since the ripe old age of probably three, had spent the morning making chocolate cookie dough, carefully crafting it to take on the shape of a tiny churd and left it on my pillow.

[237] Her patience is the most impressive part.

[238] She never made any attempt to get me to go into the room.

[239] She never let on anything was amiss.

[240] She just continued living her life until she heard my scream in the distance.

[241] My sister and her relentless jokes on me, almost all of which were long plays.

[242] Like when she convinced me in the fifth grade that the worst curse word, the E word, was epidermis.

[243] And then I spread that around my class, very hush, hush.

[244] And then we all were quietly using epidermis, the way other kids quietly start first using fuck.

[245] Have made me the person I am today.

[246] Hard to offend, quick to catch on.

[247] And thankfully, now generally, in on the joke.

[248] Love you, Case.

[249] Also, love you, Karen and Georgia, always giving me big sister vibes, even though I know technically you're not.

[250] Stay sexy and sleep with one eye open.

[251] Erin.

[252] Oh, Erin.

[253] I had to read a gross story.

[254] I'm sorry.

[255] No, no, I think it's funny.

[256] That's basically a celebration of her sister because it really is true.

[257] The idea that she was a kid pulling a prank, but she didn't mess her own prank up by being excited and trying to, like, rush her in.

[258] Erin, go in the room.

[259] Aaron, why don't you go see what's on your pillow?

[260] Nope.

[261] Patience.

[262] Diabolical is the word.

[263] And also, it is good practice.

[264] Get that out of your system while you're a kid and it's your sister doing it to you.

[265] Yeah.

[266] So that it's not such a, that's why I feel bad for, like, kids who are the oldest that start going to school and they don't get what's happening.

[267] Because they haven't been pre -bullied by their own family.

[268] Right.

[269] They're not suspicious about everyone's intentions because they didn't, yeah, they weren't pre -bullied.

[270] They weren't pre -bullied.

[271] And they're like, I like horses.

[272] I think people are going to give a shit.

[273] And you're just like, no, no, this is school, friend.

[274] That's now your Achilles heel.

[275] It'll be used against you forever.

[276] Okay.

[277] Let's see.

[278] Okay.

[279] This is really good.

[280] I really like this one.

[281] But I won't read you the subject line because it gives it away.

[282] And it just starts.

[283] My mom has been on Ambien ever since I can remember.

[284] Cool.

[285] Just no. It's like if you were to party and someone just walked up and started saying that.

[286] Hey.

[287] It was a bad habit of hers to take her Ambien way too early in the evening and then continue to hang out with the family until she fell asleep in the middle of whatever task she was doing.

[288] I've been there.

[289] This was fun for us kids because we never knew when she took it, so we never knew when Loopy Angie would show up.

[290] One night when I was really young, everyone was in bed for the night, and my mom was passed out in her sweet, sweet, ambient level deep sleep.

[291] Oh, God, I miss those days so much.

[292] Nothing seemed to wry until the next morning when my dad walked out into the kitchen and saw a stack of about eight brand new Rated R movies on the counter.

[293] I grew up Mormon, so having rated R movies in the house was a worse sin than drinking coffee.

[294] My dad was so confused and he didn't know what to do.

[295] He certainly didn't want to touch them and get the devil all over his hands.

[296] My mom walks out to find my dad staring at the DVDs and immediately freaks out asking why the hell he bought all of these horrible movies and demanding to know what he was planning on doing with them.

[297] After a few more minutes of yelling, my mom decides to go for a drive, only to find a receipt from our local drug store with the current date, time stamped around 2 a .m. Oh, no. The card number matched my mom's credit card, but she had no recollection of going to the store and purchasing movies that she would certainly never watch.

[298] After a very intense conversation with my dad, they decided her keys needed to be hidden or locked up at night.

[299] Yes, my mom sleep drove to the store and bought a bunch of R -rated movies.

[300] Oh, my God.

[301] And drove home, somehow making it back unscathed.

[302] Looking back, she's really lucky she didn't get a DUI or end up hurting anyone.

[303] Yeah, it's so true.

[304] I wish I could see how she interacted with the person working at the overnight shift and I wonder what they were thinking about this middle -aged woman buying some raunchy DVDs in the middle of the night on a weeknight.

[305] Oh, I want to know what movies.

[306] bad.

[307] Oh, my God.

[308] Like rated art, probably 90s, wouldn't you think?

[309] Yeah.

[310] Yeah.

[311] It's like basic instinct to shit.

[312] Yes, exactly.

[313] Exactly.

[314] National lampoon or whatever.

[315] A Mormon woman that's like, hey, it's, I got American Pie.

[316] I've got...

[317] It's two in the morning.

[318] What's up?

[319] Yep.

[320] I got the girl next door.

[321] It turns out she's a porn star.

[322] Thanks for the podcast and all of the incredible book recommendations you've given me over the years.

[323] I love you too, and Stephen and Vince.

[324] Thank you for all you do.

[325] I can't wait to see you on tour soon.

[326] Please come to Utah.

[327] We have lots of weird shit that happens here and all of the ex -Morman millennials like me would love to come and hang out with you for a night.

[328] Love, call.

[329] Aw, yeah, we had a great time in Utah when we were there.

[330] It was awesome.

[331] This is called Service Dog and Training Save My Life.

[332] Heartwarming.

[333] It's my last one.

[334] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Pets, and Stephen.

[335] In episode 300, you read a story about Captain, the Hero Puppie.

[336] So we're submitting stories about the goodest girls and boys now, right?

[337] Right.

[338] I volunteer as a puppy raiser for an organization that trains and provides veterans and first responders with service dogs.

[339] Oh my God, can you come over and train cookie, please?

[340] Working with inmates at local prisons, we co -train and raise lab puppies from nine weeks to 15 months old so they can help people who've experienced.

[341] trauma, or need physical assistance based on their time in the military or as an EMT to carry out their everyday lives.

[342] It's super rewarding and it makes a huge difference in the lives of everyone involved, including the inmates.

[343] This past March, it was 4 a .m., and I was asleep with my two dogs, plus my service dog in training, her name is Amalfi, in my third floor bedroom.

[344] All of a sudden, Amalfi starts nudging me aggressively to wake me up, grogly stumbling downstairs to the kitchen to let Amalfi out to do her business, I hear my carbon monoxide detector going off.

[345] The other two detectors in my house had failed, and Amalfi had heard the alarm in the kitchen that I couldn't and awoken me. I called 911 and they told me to evacuate the house immediately until the fire department arrived to check.

[346] It turns out that if Amalfi hadn't woken me up, the amount of carbon monoxide filling up in the house from a failed fan on my furnace would have killed me and the dogs in about half an hour once it reached the third floor.

[347] The fire department lectured me on the battery -operated carbon monoxide detectors, and then it says as a granddaughter of a deputy fire chief, the shame, and told Amalfi what a good girl she was before leaving.

[348] Amalfi has moved on to become a hearing assistance dog and just completed her full training to help someone in need.

[349] But in my opinion, she's been doing the job since she saved my life and the life of my two dogs that night.

[350] I wouldn't be here writing this email if it weren't for her, and it's renewed my dedication to help raise these wonderful dogs to help others.

[351] Stay sexy, and please check your carbon monoxide and smoke detector batteries every six months.

[352] Meg, she, her.

[353] I mean, that was like a beautiful story.

[354] It was a plug for, what do they call?

[355] Assistance dogs.

[356] Is that what they're called?

[357] Service dogs.

[358] We knew that.

[359] We did.

[360] I don't know.

[361] Hmm.

[362] My brain.

[363] Check your carbon monoxide.

[364] detector, Karen.

[365] I took a ton of Ambien before this record.

[366] Okay, here's my last one.

[367] I just really like this.

[368] And it just starts high.

[369] My husband, Mike's life, is a stream of awkward misunderstandings, which has led to my favorite saying, classic Mike, which he also hates, but it's apt.

[370] I present you with one.

[371] When we first met about 15 years ago, he was working for a tobacco shop that through fancy events at the Union League Club in downtown Chicago, a member -only fancy club for rich people.

[372] During these events, the guys who worked at the tobacco shop would walk around and talk to cigar aficionados about cigars and generally help out where needed.

[373] My husband was standing near the bar, and an older woman walked up and ordered a martini from the bartender.

[374] When it was handed to her, she looked at my husband and said, wow, that martini is huge.

[375] Can you help me with it?

[376] Seeing that the glass was filled to the actual bar, brim.

[377] Without skipping a beat, my husband picks up the glass and takes a huge gulp, to which she immediately replies, I meant help me carry it to my seat.

[378] Yes, classic Mike.

[379] Our life is filled with these later hilarious and in the moment typically infuriating gaffs, including when he once tried to flush a multi -layered cake down the toilet with a plunger.

[380] The way that she signs it is, I think of Karen's ghost story often.

[381] Jill M. from Chicago.

[382] What, that was the most rando email we've ever gotten.

[383] Congratulations.

[384] Let's see if anyone can top that.

[385] Classic Mike.

[386] The idea that he's like working this thing with these fancy ass people and she's like, can you help me with my drink?

[387] And he thinks she needs to like.

[388] I get it.

[389] I'm into it.

[390] Hell yeah.

[391] I'm into that.

[392] That sounds like, yeah, that's something I would say at a club, not in a fucking exclusive event.

[393] Yeah.

[394] Say hi to Mike for us.

[395] Jill, please.

[396] Jill M. Please do.

[397] And send us.

[398] your classic stories, please, at My Favorite Murder at Gmail.

[399] And stay sexy.

[400] And don't get murdered.

[401] Goodbye.

[402] Yeah.

[403] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[404] This has been an exactly right production.

[405] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[406] Our producer is Alejandro Keck.

[407] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[408] Our researchers are Marin McClashon and Gemma Harris.

[409] Email your hometowns and fucking hooray to my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[410] Followed the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[411] Goodbye.

[412] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[413] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[414] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.