LIVE: Monica Potter

[0] I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always going to be gold.

[1] I'll be fine once I get it, yeah.

[2] I want to fuck you like an animal.

[3] I want to feel you from the inside.

[4] I want to fuck you like an animal.

[5] my whole existence is gone such an innuendo like what are you really trying to say he's an arm chair do what you want to do yeah I can't tell you who to sock it to yeah down and bogey and play that funk in he's an old chap my wish for you is that this life contains all that you wanted to your dream stay big your worry stay small You never have to carry more than you can hold When you're out there getting where you're getting to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my goddamn wish It's my goddamn wish He's an on -chair expert He's an archer expert He's an archer expert marriage have a deep connection to Cleveland because both my mother -in -law and my father -in -law were raised here in Cleveland.

[6] So Cleveland gave rise to Lori and Tom.

[7] They gave rise to Kristen, and then Kristen produced the greatest things in my life, Lincoln and Delta.

[8] So Cleveland, thank you.

[9] It was very hard for me to drive here today from Detroit and not just hang a left -a -sand -sand -usky to go to Cedar Point.

[10] Dare say nearly impossible.

[11] I'm going to admit another thing.

[12] I have not eaten White Castle in 15 years.

[13] I was explaining to the woodland creature how delicious they are on the ride.

[14] And I went through the drive -thru, and number nine is 20 White Castle's four fries.

[15] And I said, we'll go with the number nine.

[16] And she was like, who is going to eat 20 hamburgers?

[17] I'm like, you and I are eating 20 hamburgers, and by God, we did on the ride down.

[18] And so things are.

[19] There could be a mid -show accident.

[20] Just prepare for it.

[21] Speaking of my soulmate, the beautiful, the incredibly maximum mouse, Monica Pard.

[22] In a very tiny space normally about the size of this rug.

[23] And when we come out into the real world and meet armcherrys, it's always overwhelming to us.

[24] And we just want to say thank you so much for...

[25] Thank you.

[26] Now I would try to tease you into who our guess is, but I will tell you she, too.

[27] was a Cleveland native.

[28] She is She's my sister -in -law and she and I shared the same stupid Midwestern sense of humor the whole time on parenthood.

[29] One in three conversations was about farting.

[30] Please, Monica.

[31] Potter!

[32] Monica's going to stay I think for a long time.

[33] She brought luggage.

[34] All night.

[35] Is this milk?

[36] It's water.

[37] We serve warm milk here at Armchair Expert.

[38] Like my great school.

[39] We find that it neutralizes the white castles.

[40] Now it's box water.

[41] I feel like I'm at Geago Lake.

[42] Getting on the old double loop.

[43] How dare you bring up Geago Lakes in the shadow of Cedar Point?

[44] I love Cedar Point.

[45] How frequently did you go to Cedar Point as a kid because us, Michiganers, minimally two trips a summer, or a summer was a failure?

[46] Mom.

[47] Mom is here.

[48] By the way, I've never interviewed someone where their whole family was in the audience.

[49] My whole family's here.

[50] Or not my whole family.

[51] My two sisters, Jessica and Carrie, the oldest youngest, they didn't want to come.

[52] 70 % of your family is here?

[53] Yeah.

[54] And my dad's here, too.

[55] He's here.

[56] He is, and my dad actually died on your birth.

[57] Not on your actual.

[58] He tried to ruin my birthday.

[59] No, not on your actual birthday.

[60] Okay.

[61] The date of your birthday.

[62] So I always remember that.

[63] The day...

[64] Not the day you were born.

[65] No, correct.

[66] Did he die in 2002?

[67] 2004.

[68] Okay.

[69] So for my 29th birthday, he was like...

[70] He said bye.

[71] I'm going to ruin this birthday for you.

[72] And he went up there to watch over you.

[73] How am I doing?

[74] Great.

[75] Okay, good, good, good.

[76] Your birthday is in seven days.

[77] Next Sunday, yeah.

[78] My dad would return the favor, but we already lost him.

[79] So...

[80] Cedar point.

[81] How frequently would you go there?

[82] Like once a day.

[83] every six years.

[84] My dad was an inventor and we didn't have a lot of money, so...

[85] But mom, you can answer that.

[86] You didn't?

[87] You didn't?

[88] We saw jog a dog once a year at the St. Jerome School Parish Picnic.

[89] Oh, okay.

[90] Oh.

[91] Go gladiators!

[92] Wow.

[93] Monica's father was an inventor who had infomercials, right?

[94] Do I remember that correct?

[95] He invented the first flame retardant parwax for the many, many people in America who are regularly driving through flames on their way to work.

[96] Oh, my gosh.

[97] You know what, though?

[98] He had figured out that there was an epidemic of people not showing up for work because of the walls of fire standing between them and their occupation, and he solved it in the Cleveland way.

[99] It is correct.

[100] And he made it for, I'm not sure why, actually.

[101] I'm not sure why, but he made it for a company, I thought.

[102] I think they went under, though.

[103] I bet their factory caught on fire and the wax was not flame retardant.

[104] But he really did invent a car wax.

[105] My theory isn't that he was actually fearful of the cars catching on fire, but it just made for such a great commercial.

[106] Because you'd put the wax on, and you'd dump lighter fluid all over it.

[107] They'd throw a match on there, and everybody would be like, oh, no, that car's ruined.

[108] And it was really high stakes and scary.

[109] If I'm right, when you invent a product, like the sham wow or whatever, as you guys know, I've invented a few things, the birth control toothbrush.

[110] No, no, no, no. And then the chess expressor?

[111] Yeah, sure.

[112] But I am curious, your mother, who's here tonight, she worked at the hospital?

[113] She actually started, well, she worked a lot of jobs because she had to help pay for stuff because we went to Catholic school, but she actually started at Euclid Square Mall, cleaning the mall after it closed, and it's actually where I started to learn how to act.

[114] How so?

[115] She would clean, and we would do our homework after school after St. Drums.

[116] And my sister Jessica, who's brilliant, just insanely brilliant.

[117] It's so funny.

[118] They would dare me to get up and walk behind people and imitate them.

[119] Oh, okay.

[120] And I was like nine or eight or whatever.

[121] What order?

[122] You're the oldest?

[123] No, no, it's Jessica, Monica, Bridget Carrey.

[124] Okay, so second oldest.

[125] Yeah.

[126] Or third youngest?

[127] Yeah.

[128] Fast math on the fly.

[129] Fast math.

[130] Yeah, second oldest.

[131] But as the second child were you, like myself, I would have lit myself on fire to make my brother smile.

[132] Are you kidding?

[133] I didn't know you're the second oldest.

[134] Oh, yes, yes.

[135] It's great.

[136] Yeah.

[137] I loved being a middle child.

[138] I wasn't starved for attention at all, nor did I search it passionately in the public eye.

[139] And so that's why I, right?

[140] You like me a lot, right?

[141] Right, and fearful a lot, you know, and anxious and stuff like that.

[142] When I texted you today, I didn't text you from my bathtub, but I had just gotten out.

[143] And I had a full -blown panic attack.

[144] Just to bring everyone up to speed.

[145] So she hits me about two hours for the show.

[146] Hey, just had a panic attack in the bathtub.

[147] And I started going, oh boy, okay.

[148] No. I knew you were going to do this, so I almost didn't.

[149] I just, I want you to know that.

[150] I was like, who the hell lives in Cleveland?

[151] Baseball players.

[152] There are everywhere.

[153] We saw a game let out recently.

[154] I got to go find a baseball player that I know nothing about.

[155] Me too.

[156] That was so Rue McClanahan.

[157] I'm...

[158] Golden girls.

[159] Oh, no, anyway, so go ahead.

[160] So anyways, I just thought, oh, God, I'm going to have to get a baseball player and then I'm going to have to ask that person to wear their outfits.

[161] I don't imagine Armcherry's know much about baseball because I don't know much about baseball.

[162] Anyways, it was a whole thing I was trying to, like...

[163] Ruminating.

[164] And then you showed up, And I was very grateful for that.

[165] But walk me through the panic attack.

[166] I was sitting in bubbles and mineral salts.

[167] No, I, you know, I bought back our childhood home and we renovated it.

[168] Right.

[169] You did a show about that, right?

[170] Yeah, yeah.

[171] Welcome back, Potter.

[172] Welcome back, Potter.

[173] Yeah.

[174] So remember when I was little, I would look out the window or right on the lid.

[175] If I say my address.

[176] So you're sitting in your tub and you got your bath salt.

[177] You got your whole thing.

[178] I have my bath salts.

[179] That sounds good, yeah.

[180] You're snorting bath salts and relaxing.

[181] That's what gave me the panic attack.

[182] Well, then we've got no mystery to uncover.

[183] Bass salts get everyone a panic attack.

[184] They get a bad rap.

[185] I know.

[186] A few people turned to cannibalism on bath salts and all of a sudden no one should do it?

[187] Come on, man. Padman, you remember that people got high on bath salts and ate other people?

[188] I didn't know that they ate people.

[189] No, that's news to me. They didn't fully consume them, but they attempted to.

[190] And it gave bath salts a real bad rap.

[191] Oh, wow.

[192] And the United States?

[193] Multiple different situations around the country.

[194] Really?

[195] Really?

[196] Trying to eat other folks.

[197] Makes you hungry for flesh?

[198] I wasn't in their state of mind, so I'm not sure if they thought the people were flesh.

[199] I'll fact check it.

[200] I'll do it myself.

[201] Okay, okay.

[202] I'll find out.

[203] So you're in the tub.

[204] I'm looking up the window that I used to look at when I was a little kid.

[205] And I used to think that Lake Erie is.

[206] would go straight to California somehow.

[207] So I thought at age like six, between six and ten, I would be on a raft.

[208] And I was just like, my dreams are all going to come true one day.

[209] I was very Jan Brady.

[210] You were.

[211] Still I am.

[212] Now I'm Cindy.

[213] Since I've seen you?

[214] Yes.

[215] A lot's changed.

[216] Yes.

[217] Very much so.

[218] So I'm very raw.

[219] Yeah.

[220] And I think it's very brave of you.

[221] And I want you to know that if there was any place in the world to be brave in front of strangers, it's in front of armcherrys because they're beautiful.

[222] And the thing that they like the most is vulnerability.

[223] All in like, I mean, the past three years have been chaotic.

[224] Or you're just wiped.

[225] And I hate one actress or whatever, like, my life's terrible.

[226] Like a bad counting pros song.

[227] But like, and I love them, by the way.

[228] Well, yeah, that's coming up.

[229] They wrote a song about her.

[230] So just be tread lightly on counting crows.

[231] Well, let me bring everyone up to speed.

[232] So what you're referencing is that when we, left parenthood in 2013, 14, something like that?

[233] 15.

[234] You were married.

[235] Two boys from a previous marriage, Liam and Danny.

[236] And then a little girl, Molly, with your then husband.

[237] We'll call him Pete.

[238] So Pete, yeah, we don't want anything to get sticky.

[239] Pete was an orthopedic surgeon, right?

[240] And you were happily married.

[241] And then I haven't seen you.

[242] And then you're like, well, a lot's changed.

[243] And that's what you're referencing.

[244] Right.

[245] Right.

[246] So sitting in the tub, I used to think going to California was going to be, and it was great, very blessed.

[247] Yeah.

[248] Very, very blessed.

[249] But did you think it was going to cure some emotional thing that it did not cure?

[250] Sure.

[251] Yeah.

[252] And the fact that I bought back to the house that I grew up in was kind of masochistic, but also a way for us to dig deep and turn ourselves inside out so we're forced to heal.

[253] Does that make sense?

[254] Yes.

[255] And I think now everything is kind of happening at the same time where I'm forced to do that.

[256] It's a ton, and then you also have to support your kids, and you have to work, and you have to do all the things any other person would have to do, and it's probably a lot to juggle at once, I would imagine.

[257] Yeah, and I never had, like, a lot of, I mean, I was always nervous, but not, like, anxious or didn't ruminate a lot.

[258] I was just go, go, go.

[259] And I still am in a sense, but I've always been, like, Kind of weird, but like...

[260] In a great way, though.

[261] Thank you.

[262] I did, oh.

[263] You and I were really drawn to each other on that show.

[264] We both were very immature and a lot of fart jokes and poop -a -jokes.

[265] I was going to say spiritual.

[266] That too.

[267] Otherworldly.

[268] Indigo children.

[269] Right, right.

[270] Self -actualized, all those things.

[271] All of it.

[272] But sitting in the tub.

[273] I just looked out the window and I was like, and I just started bawling and I was like, where's my raft?

[274] Oh, no. I lost everything.

[275] Like I lost my store this year.

[276] That's incredibly painful because in 2015 when we were working together, you started Monica Potter home.

[277] And I witnessed you put a ton of energy into that in passion.

[278] You were flying back here nonstop.

[279] And you were doing it with your family, right?

[280] Which is very ill -advised.

[281] I say that with love and as someone, as a child from a family business, it's very dicey to be in business.

[282] I know now.

[283] You had the intrepersonal.

[284] issues into a business.

[285] It's very hard.

[286] I mean, it was, it now makes a whole lot of sense, but I love people.

[287] I love being around people, so I wanted to have a store front.

[288] But can I ask you a question?

[289] Again, you haven't filled me in on any of this, and it's kind of fun and exhilarating to do this in front of people.

[290] But so these shoes, these are Air Jordan Fours.

[291] When I was a kid, they were too expensive for me to afford.

[292] And all the kids in my high school had them and I wanted them and I couldn't have them.

[293] So now I'm buying them every couple hours.

[294] I buy a pair.

[295] In hopes that somehow I will time travel and 14 -year -old Dax will feel wonderful and whole and all these things.

[296] Now, I've bought and, that's not a word, bought, regular buy.

[297] I say it all the time.

[298] I love to pass tense things that already pass it.

[299] I have purchased bought in 18 pairs of these.

[300] It's not working, but I'm going to keep going.

[301] I'm going to keep buying these shoes in hopes of healing the first.

[302] 14 -year -old.

[303] So I'm just, I want to throw a theory out there that you wanted life to be one way.

[304] It wasn't.

[305] And then somehow you're like, if I go back to where I'm from and I have that house and I have a store and I'm supporting the family, I'm going to heal all these things.

[306] A little different.

[307] Little different.

[308] Okay.

[309] Yeah, it wasn't about, hit me. Yeah, you're wrong.

[310] You're dead wrong.

[311] And that's called hoarding.

[312] Okay, thank you.

[313] I do that as well.

[314] I do purchases on Amazon and it's getting bad.

[315] I buy two twos at like three in the morning and I wear them but it wasn't about stuff.

[316] It was about my father told me when I was three that I was going to go to California and it's on tape and become a movie star so that's what I knew I was going to do and I thought a movie star was someone that wore like a sandwich board you know front and back said like eat at Joe's but like just put the big star on it and that passed out money.

[317] which is kind of true no just no sandwich board so dad is that's clearly a dreamer right he's an inventor and that's not the most stable source of income or was it no it wasn't no he would make inventions for other people and other companies because of his self -esteem he would always be in the basement which is partly why I bought the house back when we moved in there were all of his invention tables still there which I now use you know pretty fun but when you share it that, so I'm assuming dad recognized in you that you were a dreamer, like he was a dreamer, and then you have that bond.

[318] Did you have a special bond with him and the family that you two were the dreamer?

[319] When dad says you're going to grow up and become a movie star, and then I imagine you build kind of a whole idea of what that's then going to feel like, and then the impossible happens and you do that, did you get that sense of completion or closure or healing?

[320] Fuck now.

[321] Right, right?

[322] I know.

[323] Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way, doesn't it?

[324] No, but I also, it was funny because the people, I got to work with a lot of really good people, but most of them, for some reason, maybe God just pulled all of us to get, like Robin Williams and like Phil Hoffman and all like yourself.

[325] All of these people that were different on the outside that when I would sit with them or talk with you at length about certain things.

[326] Sobriety.

[327] I'm very honest about that.

[328] You don't have to worry about blowing my cover.

[329] And I'm working on mine.

[330] Okay.

[331] My spiritual.

[332] yeah it's a up there i don't like i don't really i don't drink a little bit i don't like it you don't like i don't why not i used to drink a shit ton after my dad died you did i did yeah like again think that's gonna help no you just kind of delay at least me i'll speak for myself i thought oh if i can numb this feeling or this compulsion or this anxiety it'll be gone i didn't realize it was just like dumping your trash can in your backyard you know eventually you're going to go out in the backyard it's just all sitting there.

[333] Unless the raccoons get it.

[334] Well, you pray that the raccoons eat some of it.

[335] They don't eat any of it.

[336] No, they're not in the market for our emotional trash.

[337] They are not.

[338] They are not.

[339] Or like having a stack.

[340] Someone said this to me in Alon, an A, with a big stack of like a shit ton of shit, like all of your problems and putting a big glass of wine on it.

[341] How's that going?

[342] The wine's going to spill.

[343] Everything's going to stick together, ball up, and you're fuck.

[344] Are you allowed to spare?

[345] And then you're going to, you got to go at it with a chain saw at some point.

[346] Can I ask why you, I knew, I've always known this about you that you sometimes went to Alon and you don't have to tell me who.

[347] I don't want you to out anyone, but it was, did you, you, you went to Alonon because obviously someone in your life was an alcoholic.

[348] Or did, or did you just go there because you, I love the coffee.

[349] Yeah.

[350] It is darn good coffee.

[351] I'm from Cleveland.

[352] I'm Irish Catholic.

[353] I got pregnant at 18.

[354] Everybody I know is a contributor, but also for myself.

[355] It's okay.

[356] Like, I feel like with my story, whatever's going on in my life, it's good to talk about it, whether it's like depression, anxiety.

[357] Everybody thinks that your life is one way and it's not.

[358] Well, and then I'll go a step further, which is the saying we have in both of our programs, which is like, and this is probably just a human saying, but you're only as sick as your secret.

[359] So it's, you're moving through life, looking around, especially now on Instagram, you're like, everyone has got it together.

[360] Nobody is wrestling out.

[361] hour with eating this bad food or drinking this bad thing or, you know, there is great comfort in finding out.

[362] I remember when I first, you know, and A, A, you got to do a four step and then you list all these things that you've done wrong and then eventually you've got to say it to another human being.

[363] And when you are about to say it to that person, you're like, well, this person's going to stand up and go, you're disgusting and a sociopath and you should be killed.

[364] And that's that.

[365] And then you start saying it to a fellow alcoholic and the look on their face is like, Yeah, I did that.

[366] Yeah, I did that.

[367] I did that about eight times.

[368] Uh -huh.

[369] Yeah, you're welcome.

[370] You're a human being.

[371] That's right.

[372] You know, you're a messy, gross human being, and we all are.

[373] And there's a great comfort in that, isn't it?

[374] I think so.

[375] It's scary, though.

[376] It's really scary.

[377] But let me, can I walk you through your story a little bit?

[378] Because there's an element of it.

[379] Yeah, can you finish it and tell me how great it's going to end?

[380] Psychic Dax.

[381] Welcome back to the show.

[382] This was a part of your story.

[383] I did not learn until I was researching you.

[384] for this, which is, it's interesting to know people for 10 years and then learn things about them.

[385] What I didn't realize is that you had left here, Cleveland, you had gone to Los Angeles, and you got hired on the young and the restless.

[386] I'm sweating, yeah?

[387] Yeah.

[388] There is a theme that will, I want to explore throughout this about your career and the era in which you entered it and then the transition to you playing Christina Braverman, because unfortunately, the vast majority of...

[389] of media has been women who, their sole goal is to further the storyline of a man in the movie, right?

[390] So you're a love interest, you're a wife, you're a girlfriend, and you're just there to show up and go like, you know, don't do it, Harry, think about the kids, and then Harry does whatever the hell he wants.

[391] Terrible.

[392] And if you're not playing that role, then you're expected to be in a bathing suit dancing around, which was the case in the young and the restlessy, right?

[393] That was one scene, and I didn't want to do it.

[394] It was Eddie Cyprian, and it was, did they air that?

[395] I thought the O .J. Trial preempted that.

[396] Did you see it?

[397] I saw you on Craig Ferguson telling the story.

[398] Oh, yes.

[399] But they had you slathered and self -tanner, right?

[400] This is pre -Jurzy Shore, too, so.

[401] I just looked great.

[402] Everything I was trying to be, like you said, the girl in the swimsuit.

[403] Yeah.

[404] It was, like, so bad.

[405] That's just not you.

[406] not what do you mean that's your i mean certainly you wear bathing suits in your real life but i do not i will never you weren't the girl that's on spring break in the wet t -shirt contest that's not your personality i was never that person my parents didn't raise us like that we were like boys all four of us i still don't know what sexy is you know like since i'm going through the divorce you know a lot of my friends are right if right when they file they leave their lawyer's office and they're like on tumblers or tindrills or humbles or whatever.

[407] Right, right.

[408] After this terrible experience, you move back home.

[409] You're like, that's it.

[410] I hate this, as you should have after that experience.

[411] Well, no, I had done some movies between right after that.

[412] I started working.

[413] I met Luke Pusson, who's a French film director.

[414] And then he did the professional, one of my favorite movies.

[415] Went to the CIA and then started to do film.

[416] And then Tommy and I, my first husband, who were great friends.

[417] Humes, just let me say, one of my favorite thing about you is that your real name is Monica Greg Brokaw.

[418] Greg, guys.

[419] Pretty cool.

[420] It's very cool.

[421] Do you have a middle name Greg?

[422] Is that after your aunt Greg or Grandma Gregg?

[423] Yes.

[424] All of my sisters have like these really cool middle names like Jessica Fitzgerald and Bridget Trezare, Carrie O 'Neill.

[425] Oh.

[426] Monica Gregg.

[427] Not even Greg, they didn't even give you the whole Greg, but they didn't even give you the whole They did throw two Gs at the end, right?

[428] Is it spelled with double G at the?

[429] Triple G, yeah, one G and then egg.

[430] But I love it because it's my grandmother's maiden name, Dorothy Greig.

[431] Okay, that kind of makes a little more sense.

[432] It does, and I'm a lot like hers.

[433] But did you not move back to Cleveland before the con air?

[434] I saw you looking at your notes.

[435] You're like, who gave me these notes?

[436] No, you're absolutely right.

[437] Well, I gave me these notes.

[438] How dare you insinuate I'm farming this out to anybody?

[439] No, I know.

[440] I packed the T -shirt.

[441] Can you.

[442] Don't get mad at yourself.

[443] Okay.

[444] But no, I moved back to Cleveland because Tommy and I went through a divorce and I was trying to do film and we said, you know what, let's go back to Cleveland.

[445] Danny and Liam will be in school.

[446] I bought a house in the same kind of area I'm in now.

[447] I was able to go off and work.

[448] We decided that I wanted to go back to California because I had to make money.

[449] And you were getting crazy opportunities, right?

[450] Conair, that's the kind of first huge movie that you're part of.

[451] Yeah.

[452] And you gotta say yes to Conair, right?

[453] Yes.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Any cool Nick Cage story by chance?

[456] Yes.

[457] He's my favorite.

[458] Yes.

[459] So we would go and just all of us would hang out but he was so polite, so kind, so protective and not like that weird way.

[460] Trying to get with you way?

[461] No. I was I give off the vibe immediately with boys.

[462] Wait, is that to say that you've never hooked up with a co -start?

[463] Wait, hold on.

[464] My mom's out here.

[465] Okay.

[466] You've never hooked up with anyone but your two husbands.

[467] Great.

[468] For the record.

[469] All right.

[470] I had sex with a couple people.

[471] Yeah.

[472] Sorry, Mom.

[473] There we go.

[474] There we go.

[475] There it is.

[476] They were more like grips.

[477] Oh, cool.

[478] Cool.

[479] Cool.

[480] Well, what's interesting about that?

[481] Sure, sure.

[482] Transpo.

[483] Food.

[484] You know.

[485] You want a man that's well -stocked, food wise.

[486] Because yeah, I don't like, I'm not a big actor person.

[487] Right.

[488] Yes.

[489] No, that's, I would say that was true with you on Parenthood is that you got along very well with the crew and that was much more your speed.

[490] Yeah.

[491] Did you think I was crew when you met me?

[492] Yeah.

[493] Like lighting guy or something.

[494] Yeah.

[495] That would make sense.

[496] Those are your people too.

[497] Absolutely.

[498] Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break.

[499] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to armchair expert early and add free.

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[501] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[502] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[503] You do Conair and then you do Patch Adams, right?

[504] Yeah.

[505] And you and I both worked with Robin.

[506] You much longer than me, me just for like six days or something.

[507] And I, I don't know how you phoned him to me, but I was immediately, you know, I grew up watching Morgan.

[508] Mindy, I saw him on I had a nanu -nano lunch bag.

[509] You had a nanu -nanu lunch bag?

[510] Yeah.

[511] So kind of an intimidating figure for me as a comedian.

[512] He was like the youngest comedian to ever break out at the San Francisco.

[513] There's so many things I kind of looked up to him.

[514] And then within 25 seconds of meeting this guy, I'm like, oh, no, he's just like me. He's like a suffering human being and he's real as hell and he's sincere and kind.

[515] He's all of that.

[516] I was really protective of him on like a soul.

[517] level.

[518] Well, I have to imagine you as someone who have already said you were in Al -Anon, you're probably like addicts.

[519] Do you like addicts?

[520] My mom said she's never met an addict, she didn't marry.

[521] Yeah, actually, well, yeah, I would much rather hang out with a guy, you know, Euclid Avenue downtown that needs help than going to the Beverly Hills Hotel.

[522] Because I learn something.

[523] You know what I mean?

[524] Because I feel like, I feel like I'm that.

[525] Does that make sense?

[526] But not because it's just, I'm co -dependent, which I am, not just that, but because, like, we can hold hands and we can get through this life together.

[527] And we're going to care for each other.

[528] So, but the altruistic and the most euphemistic way to say is like, I just want to help somebody.

[529] But then deep under that often is, you would learn in Alonon is like, no, I want someone who's basically a dumpster fire, so I don't have to think about my shit because his shit, It is so loud that it needs addressing immediately.

[530] Mine was, like, it is, that's a good way to put it, but I also, like, I journal all of my stuff, too, and I would share it with that person.

[531] Like, I need help, too, but what was the question?

[532] Oh, the dumpster.

[533] On fire.

[534] My dad could have fixed that.

[535] Oh, yeah.

[536] But, I feel like.

[537] No, like I just felt like I'm them too.

[538] What we're saying, though, is that you could feel when you met Rob and you're like, and then when I had met him, he had just very publicly relapsed.

[539] He had like 18 years or something.

[540] And he very much was day at a time.

[541] And at that point, I had like three years of sobriety.

[542] So I was weirdly in this position where on that movie, he was like, what are you doing?

[543] Where are you going?

[544] I kind of need to stay close to you, which again was a very weird dynamic for me because this is someone I idolized.

[545] And I was like, wow, that is the gift of this crazy program that, me this dipshit could be of service to this guy I've worshipped and what an incredible honored to be able to do that for someone.

[546] And I miss going to meetings because of that, you know, but when I, when I would go to the meetings, like, I would want to help everybody there.

[547] Yeah.

[548] But then I would get, like, I would get a little depressed because I wanted to fix it and take care of them and then, you know, got to be.

[549] Well, that's the part, though, that's codependency, right?

[550] Where you get on board of a sinking ship and you just go down with it.

[551] Great.

[552] And you don't go, you know what?

[553] No, you've got to sink on your own.

[554] To have you down or, yeah.

[555] You know, I will say I don't personally have the Al -Anon thing.

[556] I don't.

[557] Like, when I've met people who are clearly, they're on fire as a dumpster, I'm like, cool, give me a ring when you found the fire extinguisher, and I'd love to be friends with you, but I can't join this.

[558] I don't know.

[559] I think you're a little, you're selling yourself short.

[560] Well, that was my dad.

[561] My dad was that.

[562] And I was like, no, no. I already got dealt that hand once.

[563] I'm never getting dealt that hand again.

[564] So, yeah, I don't, I have other things I'm super susceptible to codependency -wise, but not really that.

[565] I won't join the hurricane.

[566] But you want to help people.

[567] Maybe you don't.

[568] I don't.

[569] I'll be dead honest.

[570] You're an asshole.

[571] If you ask me for help, I will help you.

[572] But I will not go try to help somebody who's not asking for help.

[573] Okay, that's what I meant.

[574] Yeah.

[575] Right.

[576] There are people, though, that find other people and they're like, oh, I want to fix this person.

[577] That person's not asking to be fixed.

[578] That, to me, is a little pathological.

[579] I don't know.

[580] I think you do.

[581] You do it here.

[582] That's the whole point of this thing.

[583] But, well, but I think, again, I don't know.

[584] I think only through saying, hey, this is my story.

[585] If that appeals to you, great.

[586] If not.

[587] But my wife and I will get in arguments all the time.

[588] She'll be like, you need to call so -and -so and tell them they need to get their shit together and go to a meeting or stop cheating on their group, whatever.

[589] I'm like, if they call me, I'll be the first guy there.

[590] But I'm not trying to tell.

[591] Well, you're not trying to tell people what to do, but you are helping people.

[592] You shut up.

[593] Can't say that to me. Anyway, you help a lot of people.

[594] You're just going to have to take it.

[595] Okay.

[596] But here's the thing that I get so scared about.

[597] Like, what if there's a person that might need to be cold called?

[598] They're going to hurt themselves.

[599] and you just save their life.

[600] And you're someone like that, and I'm grateful there's folks like you.

[601] But see, I also know that that also is great, but it's also bad for me. Right.

[602] Yeah, look, luckily, we come in every shade under the sun, us humans, and we need someone like you, we need someone like me. I'm more the person that's like, which I've done, go over with a baseball bat, get that person out of the drug dealer's house, and I'm like, sign me up.

[603] I'm in.

[604] That's my kind of party.

[605] You do.

[606] But I'm not like, hey, I haven't heard.

[607] from you in three weeks.

[608] Oh, see, I don't do that.

[609] I don't, I don't know.

[610] I have become much more.

[611] Protective?

[612] Just, yes, there are walls up right now.

[613] Yeah.

[614] You know, and my friends are here tonight too, and I guess.

[615] You know, I don't, we pick up right where we left off, but I've, like, lost friends just because I don't, I have time for bullshit.

[616] Right.

[617] I want, I've been friends with these girls for 30 years.

[618] Well, and so I don't want to have.

[619] it speaks to your character and who you are that you've always had those people around since I've known you, you've never really turned your back on anyone or left anyone out.

[620] They've never turned back on me. I will just say, potentially to your own self -harm in that my assumption is that you decided when dad died in 2002, I'm up, I'm going to be dad, I'm going to fix everything, I'm going to be dad, and that's a big job to try to, take um you did i did yeah i but i also started to do that a little bit earlier in life right just because i was i was like like lady gaga i was born that way but i also so much like lady gaga but i um tell me something good oh boy are you happy in this modern world don't look at it Do you sell I'm good.

[621] I like that movie.

[622] Yeah, it's really good.

[623] That made me so sick at the end.

[624] You know, we could do the remake like a year later.

[625] I think America's dying for it.

[626] They are.

[627] Well, he died at the end, so that does open the door up for me. Hard to have a sequel.

[628] He's gone.

[629] In a dream sequence.

[630] The whole movie's a dream sequence.

[631] the tree's great it's a prequel right yeah where both actors are older this is going to work this is definitely going to work there's any financiers in the audience please see us after the show before lady gaga knew she could sing because i cannot sing so let me just say patch adams is humongous con air is humongous i want to ask because for me deciding like oh i'm going to go do television fucked with my ego i'm like oh no no i got invited to the big party and now i'm not really seeming to it called too much and now I'm going to go to the littler party and that was we we both signed up for parenthood just upon the cusp of TV becoming the new great format which how about listening to your agent saying trust us TV's words had and then they're saying you know if you're just like Hulu and I'm like oh yeah no I was in a meeting there and anything like you got to make a show for Facebook and I'm like I'm not even on Facebook how now I got to make a show for Facebook yeah You got to be on a show on Yelp.

[632] When people open Yelp to find a restaurant nearby, they need to see you on that app.

[633] That's actually a good idea.

[634] It's one step away from like, you've got to just got to call strangers in America and entertain them.

[635] You start picking up the phone, dialing random fucking 10 -digit numbers, see who you get and put on a show.

[636] We'll figure out how to monetize it later.

[637] Through my store, I actually do that.

[638] Oh, you do?

[639] You cold call.

[640] People write in and I feel bad.

[641] I'm like, how you do it?

[642] Hi, Sandy.

[643] How are you doing?

[644] They're like, who is this?

[645] And I'm like, Monica, I saw it.

[646] You know, I got your message.

[647] How's it going?

[648] They're like, good.

[649] And then I got overwhelmed and sort of cried.

[650] Yeah.

[651] But I have made really good friends that way that I've never met.

[652] It is one way to make friends, yeah.

[653] Yeah, I have to re -examine my life.

[654] Crystal's cats and cold calling.

[655] But did you have the fear that I have, which is, oh, if I, go through that door, the TV door, I've got to shut the movie door, and that'll be that.

[656] Because this was kind of before people did really both.

[657] You kind of were one or the other.

[658] It was hard, right?

[659] Yes.

[660] And then it turned out.

[661] And I wonder if you had this experience in life, which I've had.

[662] I keep learning over and over again that when I get the things I want to get, the result is never what I wanted.

[663] And then these things I didn't want or was talked into or did as a favor end up being the greatest things that have ever happened to me. And I barely wanted to do parenthoods.

[664] By far the best thing I've ever been a part of.

[665] I said no four times.

[666] Four times.

[667] I said no, four times.

[668] I go, I can't play a mom.

[669] Right.

[670] Not out of like I think I'm too good, but I don't know how to play a mom.

[671] Right.

[672] But I don't know how to do that.

[673] Yeah.

[674] And Christina was, she's a little different than me. Well, she was perfect, basically.

[675] That's not what I meant, but.

[676] She was, yeah, she was Wonder Woman.

[677] But did you find that it was the opposite experience, as you were expecting?

[678] And is it something that you have deep gratitude for like I do?

[679] Beyond, right?

[680] Yeah, beyond.

[681] Because, and this is what I was talking about, you had the rare role for a female where you drove the story.

[682] We had whole seasons where the true A story of the season was you.

[683] You had cancer for one season.

[684] That was the A storyline.

[685] Okay.

[686] And you ran for some elected office.

[687] Mayor or something?

[688] She goes, I forgot about that.

[689] Yeah, so you made a run for mayor.

[690] These are not challenges women are taking on in TV at that time, or if so, certainly in a much smaller percentage than men.

[691] And the school.

[692] Yeah, we started at school.

[693] Here's what I did.

[694] I want to be Christina Braverman.

[695] You did all that, and I just tried to get back with the same woman for six years.

[696] So, yeah.

[697] Spoiler alert, I got it.

[698] her.

[699] And to build that bitch a house and sell my motorcycle, leave my houseboat.

[700] Didn't you cheat on her?

[701] Oh, with Minka Kelly.

[702] Wait, but she was Max's tutor.

[703] Behavioral aid.

[704] Therapist, you fucker.

[705] She quit because of you.

[706] I know, because I was...

[707] I'll never forgive you.

[708] Yeah, nor should you.

[709] No one was happy for me for sleeping with that year's sexiest woman alive.

[710] No one was stoked, except for this guy.

[711] Except you, yeah, let's be honest.

[712] Can I tell you one funny thing?

[713] Can I tell you one funny thing about that Minka Kelly thing?

[714] So Kristen and I, for better or worse, we have zero jealousy over each other when we're watching each other on TV, hooking up with people.

[715] In fact, there have been moments where I have actually even had the thought watching Veronica Camars or, oh, the good place.

[716] I'm like, when her and Cheaty are together, I'm like, kiss them, kiss them.

[717] Like, I'm sucked into the story.

[718] I want her and Cheaty to be together, and I love it.

[719] And I don't care.

[720] And I know who she comes home to at night, and I'm not worried.

[721] And she feels the same way about me. Except.

[722] Oh, here we go.

[723] Monica Potter.

[724] Does she know you're here?

[725] If they have a storyline where you hook up with your brother's wife, I am out of here.

[726] No, but we're watching that episode where I hook up with Minka Kelly, and we're watching the scene and what becomes really.

[727] really clear from the scene is we enter it and it's on Minka's back and clearly she has no shirt on nor does she have a bazaar on.

[728] And so, of course, in real life, they didn't take that out digitally.

[729] She didn't have a breser on.

[730] Like watching that scene and we're super into the show and she just goes, oh.

[731] So Minka was topless in the scene, you guys.

[732] Okay.

[733] I could have used a heads up on that.

[734] And I was like, should I am?

[735] Should I have come home and been like, Hey, pretty good day at work.

[736] I think it's good you did not phrase it like that.

[737] I just didn't know how to roll that out.

[738] Sure, sure.

[739] I'm getting angry.

[740] You're breaking out in hives?

[741] I am.

[742] That was the one person that it broke through, and she was like, yeah, next time you're wing.

[743] Wait, did you?

[744] You're going to ask.

[745] I know what you're going to ask.

[746] No, I always wonder.

[747] If I got aroused?

[748] Is your wiener?

[749] Yeah.

[750] Okay, so.

[751] The famous Jack Nix.

[752] Nicholson quote, which is great, is that before love scenes with his co -stars, he says, sorry if I get hard and sorry if I don't.

[753] Oh, that's great.

[754] Because you really can't win.

[755] You're like, how many times have I told you if I had a brother?

[756] It would have been me. Yeah.

[757] Yeah, I agree with that.

[758] I thought we were the most brother and sister and like, but we weren't even blood related.

[759] Maybe in the reboot.

[760] Should we tell them now?

[761] I'm just kidding.

[762] Oh my God.

[763] Can you imagine?

[764] I do want to say, I do think it was pretty much agreed upon because you were the only person in our whole cast that ever got any nominations.

[765] And you got several that you brought the thunder more than any of us.

[766] I mean, you won a Critics Choice Award.

[767] You were nominated for a Golden Globe.

[768] I got a Razzie, I think, for my first movie I directed.

[769] So, you know, you were incredible on the show And it was so helpful as a scene partner To be with you in a scene Because some of my favorite scenes were with you Like we remember I came over to do laundry And we got on that huge fight Yep That was just like a very exciting I felt like I was having an experience acting That I don't have very often When I had to do them with you Because I never said what was written I didn't either Why were you nervous?

[770] I was excited I'm like she doesn't know the lines and I don't let's party no no I did I knew I'm teasing I knew them the suggestions I called them right can I get the suggestions that's what makes me nervous about going into this next show like going back to work I'm like having you know I tell people up front when I meet for stuff I'm like look if you want a guy to read it the way it's written there's a lot better actors than me out there's what I said I give everyone else jobs yeah me too I am not your girl really as good as Zach Reff.

[771] Hire that guy.

[772] He'll say exactly what's written.

[773] You know who's great is Julia Roberts.

[774] Yeah.

[775] Yeah.

[776] She might cost a little more.

[777] But she'll give it to you verbatim.

[778] She will.

[779] I don't know why I was nervous working with you.

[780] Because he talks too much.

[781] Maybe because I did feel like you're my brother and I didn't want to disappoint you.

[782] You directed my favorite thing I've ever done.

[783] In any movie, anything ever and probably will ever, was that episode.

[784] It was unbelievable.

[785] This kid is the most talented director.

[786] I agree.

[787] And your heart, every part of you just went into that and you made me feel completely safe and awesome.

[788] Thank you.

[789] Yay.

[790] Of that episode, it's the episode where Christina shaves her head for the first time.

[791] She has cancer and her hair is falling out and she decides to shave her head.

[792] And that's the most unique experience I've ever had directing as well where you and I were like, okay, we got to do this and we don't want to be saccharine, but we want to be truthful and we want to have it to be lighthearted when it can be, and we want it to be real as hell when it can be.

[793] It was just a lot.

[794] But you were so relaxed.

[795] A lot of it was unspoken, which was cool.

[796] You would just hold my hand and go, okay, go ahead.

[797] I'm like, I know I have one take with this thing, because we only had one.

[798] They built this preposterous bald head for her.

[799] She looked like she was on Saturday Night Live.

[800] That old sketch, the Martians, what was it?

[801] The big head, the cone heads.

[802] We can't have you in this whole episode be a cone head.

[803] We got to throw a baseball cap on here.

[804] I mean, if you had been walking around with this humongous cone on your head, it just wasn't a work.

[805] Yeah, you switched to points.

[806] Yeah, you did.

[807] We got you in a baseball cap real quick.

[808] Except at the end.

[809] And then also shaving the head, we only had like two wigs, right?

[810] We had one.

[811] You're like, action.

[812] You didn't say it like, yeah.

[813] And action.

[814] And I was just like, okay.

[815] Oh, it's so beautiful.

[816] It's weird when you're directing something and you're behind the monitors and it's very rare that you actually get sucked into the scene as if you're just watching it done.

[817] I was so touched to be a part of that whole thing.

[818] That was like the most pivotal moment.

[819] Don't ever tell Peter that you are my favorite.

[820] I will never.

[821] Hold on.

[822] I'm just texting though.

[823] No. No, he was really great too.

[824] But you were absolutely brilliant on that show, and everyone agreed.

[825] And again, you sucked me into your retractor beam, and you made me better.

[826] You made those kids better.

[827] You made everyone better around you.

[828] And you were the star athlete.

[829] They made you cry and have cancer and all this stuff.

[830] I mean, you had to do all the heavy lifting.

[831] You really had to do it all, and you did a great job.

[832] And just feel flattered that I was a part of that.

[833] Okay.

[834] Wait, I have a real quick question.

[835] Please ask us.

[836] About that show.

[837] Yeah, because Monica's a legitimate.

[838] fan of the show.

[839] Yeah, this monica.

[840] Oh, I was like, I am.

[841] No, no, no, I'm a huge fan.

[842] There were so many dancing scenes that were awesome.

[843] But, you know, calling back to what you said earlier, that most dancing scenes are without music, were those without music?

[844] No. Some were, some weren't.

[845] Like, Larry Trailing was really good at making sure we knew what song we were going to have the rights to before we shot the episode.

[846] Because so often you shoot one thing, and then they find out, oh, P .S, that song is 750 grand.

[847] And you're like, okay, we're not going to use that.

[848] No, thank you.

[849] Let's put in average white.

[850] band something like that brick house was always familiar what was another one yeah there's a lot of affordable songs remember he would hand out a sheet of paper and he'd go you guys do you like any of these cheap -ass songs we can get oh that's terrible that's a hair oh well this song's not horrendous and that would be the one we would dance to it so you knew and they would play it sometimes like when larry directed yeah or sometimes we just have kind of a generic beat that show was better it seems like you guys knew it well fever fever yeah fever really knew it he knew it inside out.

[851] But we did get lucky because it was a cast of 14 people and at least seven of us like to dance, which is rare.

[852] I always hid.

[853] I always hid.

[854] You hated the dancing.

[855] Because everyone's like, why, is she okay?

[856] Have you seen me dance?

[857] Yeah, I've enjoyed it.

[858] Oh?

[859] Okay.

[860] Did you have a favorite dancer, Padman?

[861] I'm going to call you by your last name now.

[862] I liked fever.

[863] Fever is really good.

[864] Yeah, fever was great.

[865] Everyone was so good on that show all the time.

[866] It was the best show.

[867] Such a good show.

[868] I don't know whether, I want to know if there's a comedic way for me to spin this.

[869] Oh, God.

[870] It's the last question I'm going to ask you tonight.

[871] Okay.

[872] I don't want to get too deep into this, what you're going through right now.

[873] Oh, you're going to ask about that.

[874] One thing I know about your current situation is that your husband, seemingly out of nowhere, at 50 years old, join the Navy.

[875] Oh, I thought you were going to say something else.

[876] Which one is he going to pick?

[877] Which topic is he going to pick?

[878] I'm just imagining myself coming home and Kristen goes, Hun, I've just signed up for the Marines.

[879] And I'm like, no, hon, you can't sign up for the Marines.

[880] You got a couple of kids, and you're just too darn old to sign up for the Marines.

[881] But your husband, he signed up for the Navy?

[882] The Navy Reserve.

[883] At age 39, because the cutoff's 40.

[884] He got in there just in the nick of time.

[885] Yeah.

[886] Did he see a commercial that was like, God darn, that looks fun.

[887] Like watching a football.

[888] football game and he got really swept up in the...

[889] That's exactly how it happened.

[890] No. That's exactly.

[891] We were actually at the mall and the guys were there and they handed it.

[892] You want to join?

[893] Hello, young man. Like, I will.

[894] Hello America's best and brightest.

[895] No, and that's the thing.

[896] He's so accomplished.

[897] He's so smart.

[898] He's a surgeon.

[899] He's an orthopedic oncology surgeon.

[900] He's got his MBA and like, I barely graduated Euclid High School.

[901] And that was that.

[902] But so we were so opposite.

[903] He's an overachiever.

[904] Very cerebral.

[905] If I were to recommend a surgeon, it would be him.

[906] Because he's that good.

[907] Right.

[908] He is so good.

[909] And then he's like, got to join the Navy.

[910] Why not?

[911] But he wanted to be an astronaut also.

[912] Was he 12?

[913] He wants to join the Navy and be an astronaut.

[914] What else?

[915] A firefighter?

[916] crossing guard right did he just like the outfits or he likes boats i'm still really i just need to if you can give me a tight explanation of why he needed to join the navy at 39 can i tell you something oh definitely when he came i'm like the other thing you forgot oh he always wanted to be an actor that was the number one thing you wanted to be of course he did a firefighter a navy man a seaman no he always did in his defense you know you're getting attention and then you go to an environment where these people have this skill set and that's not his skill set and he's a god where he goes to work but when he comes to ours we're like i don't know do you have got a good joke oh yeah that's true especially if he wanted to be in our circle yes growing up i think that's hard and was told not to i do just want to know you must have said hon walked in the house saw some sign -up paperwork i see you've joined you've enlisted and what was his answer he actually came to me and said yeah so I'm gonna think if the paperwork's going through he'd already done it like and I'm like that's so awesome I went to the swearing in down in el secundo I think it is and I was proud of him oh you were you were supportive of it yeah I was yeah but no I mean he um he really takes pride in it and we're just different people are just different yeah two weeks before my dad died and this is also why I'm in such a space in the past two years or three years yeah it was December 12th 2003 and I was at a this was a total setup my friends met this guy and you know USC and said we just met your future husband and I just moved back to California got our house in the valley with Danny and Liam and I and I hung up the phone on her I'm like nope just because I didn't want to be in a relationship so um that was December 12 and then we we met that night and then we were together for two weeks and my dad suddenly died at age 64 So I think if you're really going to like Freudian kind of thing, which is what I've discovered through therapy and psychotherapy and psychiatry and spiritual, all of these things that you search for that you have to learn why you're doing the things you're doing or why you did the things you did.

[917] So not only to not repeat them in the future, but also to be a better person.

[918] And so I met him and then my dad died.

[919] And I clung on immediately.

[920] Absolutely.

[921] And so I never dealt with my dad's death, which is why I'm now just dealing with it.

[922] You just kind of took the love for him and, like, you'll be the vessel of that.

[923] You'll carry this torch.

[924] Oh, and I was also, you know, like, oh my gosh, she's so much like my dad because he wears a white t -shirt.

[925] Right.

[926] Oh, my God.

[927] You pee standing up?

[928] Oh, my God.

[929] My dad used to pee standing up.

[930] He doesn't.

[931] No. Well, that's why he joined the Navy.

[932] So, all right.

[933] You guys, Monica Potter.

[934] One of the loves of my life.

[935] I thank all of you guys for coming out tonight.

[936] It's been a humongous pleasure to come here to Cleveland.

[937] And we hope you'll have us again soon.

[938] Thank you so much.

[939] We've all been there.

[940] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[941] Though our minds tend to spiral.

[942] to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[943] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[944] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[945] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[946] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[947] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[948] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[949] What's up, guys?

[950] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[951] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[952] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[953] And I don't mean just friends.

[954] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kill me. Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[955] The list goes on.

[956] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[957] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[958] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[959] Welcome to the fact check.

[960] What's happening?

[961] Well, you and I were listening to Anderson Pack on the way over yada yada.

[962] Yeah.

[963] And it's so good and it's stuck in my head.

[964] Oh, and you think this is going to help get it out of your head?

[965] No, I think it's going to going to firmly cement it for the rest of the day.

[966] So, too.

[967] I really love that song because this guy, Kiefer Daddy, who I follow on Instagram, I discovered he's a piano player.

[968] Uh -huh.

[969] And he does, like, kind of traditional piano jazz scores, but with all kinds of electronic underpinnings.

[970] I love it.

[971] That's great.

[972] And I went saw him all by myself last year in concert.

[973] And you enjoyed that?

[974] I enjoyed it so much.

[975] And then he's on an Anderson Pack song.

[976] That's so fun.

[977] So happy for everyone involved.

[978] Yeah.

[979] yada yada is the song if you want to hear it and they did not pay us to do that no in fact they might sue us for having done it yeah probably Cleveland yeah we took a trip to Cleveland well let's tell everyone about our jaunt down to Cleveland yes Cassies Cassie trip do you remember the Cassie's of course how could I forget we got the number I don't know what was it seven or something and it was 20 Cassie's maybe it was number nine you maybe it was number nine.

[980] It was 20 White Castle cheeseburgers and four fries.

[981] And I was shocked when you ordered.

[982] I said, no, that's crazy.

[983] Yeah, you thought it was absurd.

[984] I thought it was absurd, but we did eat most of them.

[985] Yeah, I think we only threw one hamburger out when we got to Cleveland.

[986] So I think I ate 11 and you ate 7.

[987] I think we threw out a few.

[988] I think we threw out like three or four.

[989] Yeah.

[990] Because remember I went back into them though right before the trash can.

[991] Like as I was walking to the trash can, I was like, I'm just going to grab the soggy bottom bread.

[992] They're so good.

[993] They're so wet.

[994] I know.

[995] They're soaking wet.

[996] I think that's really what we love.

[997] Because if you look at the Emily's burger, what you're dealing with is like mass saturation of the fluid.

[998] Burger grease and God knows what.

[999] Oh, and the sauce.

[1000] And Emily's, there's a sauce.

[1001] And Cassie's not so much.

[1002] Just a grease sauce.

[1003] I call it a goo.

[1004] A goo.

[1005] Yeah, well, it takes those soft little miniature buns and it saturates them with fat.

[1006] And onion.

[1007] an onion and they become a goo.

[1008] I want that right now.

[1009] I'm starving.

[1010] Me too.

[1011] It's almost a paste that they scored on.

[1012] Oh, you were hating that I was saying that wasn't.

[1013] Yeah, I preferred goo.

[1014] Goo over paste.

[1015] Should we open a restaurant where we serve the hamburger in a bowl?

[1016] And you eat it with a spoon.

[1017] It's like everything is so, damn.

[1018] It's just barely staying together.

[1019] And just a lot of goo.

[1020] Mm -hmm.

[1021] I've been avoiding saying the word, M -O -I -S -T a bunch, because I know it's very triggering for people.

[1022] Yeah, people don't like that word.

[1023] They don't.

[1024] I used to not like it, and now I'm fine with it.

[1025] Now you're back to it.

[1026] Yeah, I'm like, I'm not going to let words control me. You know, I like to drop the T and call it moyes.

[1027] Yeah.

[1028] Is that worse or better, I wonder?

[1029] I think it's worse.

[1030] I think it's a double down on it.

[1031] Oh, it's worse.

[1032] It's gross, so let's just go all the way.

[1033] Well, there's a moose brisket.

[1034] Oh, yeah.

[1035] It sounds gross.

[1036] Moise.

[1037] Ew.

[1038] Although I want to say that, you know, we had a, the equivalent of a Benihana in Michigan.

[1039] Yeah, Japanese.

[1040] It was a Japanese steakhouse, but it was called Moise Stake up, but M -O -Y -O -S - Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[1041] Moise.

[1042] Isn't that funny?

[1043] When you read it as M -O -Y, that's fine.

[1044] It's great, like soy.

[1045] That's not going to cause anyone to feel gross, but if you know it's M -O -I -S and missing the T, there's no E. Well, in mind, Moise.

[1046] Would you have a E to get Moise?

[1047] I think it would still just be M -O -I.

[1048] I guess I'm thinking of noise.

[1049] Actually, it would be M -O -I -Z, the way you're saying it.

[1050] It would.

[1051] Moise.

[1052] But think about noise, N -O -I -S -E.

[1053] Sure.

[1054] And popping an M in front of that.

[1055] Right.

[1056] But I'm spelling the word just without the last letter.

[1057] Uh -huh.

[1058] And it should also make moise.

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] Moise.

[1061] Yeah.

[1062] So it's just a trick, our brain.

[1063] Like, if we know it's spelled M -O -Y, we don't care.

[1064] You're absolutely right.

[1065] Right.

[1066] Aren't all the things the triggers?

[1067] They're all imaginary.

[1068] It's all like a cultural layer.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] Nothing's objective at all.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] I mean, I think it's just some words trigger the thing.

[1073] Some one's almost an anatopoeia.

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] It's moist and automata.

[1076] I'm glad you use that word so much because I've known it over the years at different times, but not enough to use it confidently.

[1077] Oh, really?

[1078] Really.

[1079] Oh, I feel very good about saying it.

[1080] Yeah, you bring it up quite often, and I always enjoy it.

[1081] So Monica.

[1082] Monica Potter.

[1083] Yeah, your old sister.

[1084] Two monicas on the stage.

[1085] It was confusing.

[1086] And remember she came out early?

[1087] That part you don't really hear in the episode, but she comes out early.

[1088] And then you say, you said something about it that's left in.

[1089] So I think I wanted to clarify that with people.

[1090] Like, you said, I would try to tease you into guessing who the guest is.

[1091] But that's a joke because everyone already saw her because she came out.

[1092] Oh, right, right.

[1093] So I was introducing you, Monica Padman.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] That's the other thing is you guys both have peas.

[1096] Potter, Padman, two syllable P words.

[1097] It was a mess.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] And so when I was introducing you, Monica Potter just strolled out on stage a little early.

[1100] She did.

[1101] And she had a lot of accoutremaal with her.

[1102] She brought her purse out.

[1103] She had her purse and a coat.

[1104] Yeah, because she wanted to feel safe.

[1105] So kind of looked like she was leaving.

[1106] So I think some people just thought she might be blowing through.

[1107] Like, oh, she's on her way.

[1108] out but that's cool she thought she must have stopped by to say hi to dach since she lives in cleveland all right right she wanted her bag because she wanted to feel safe and have her things nearby right but i don't think she actually ended up using anything out of that purse i don't recall i don't recall her digging in it at any point yeah but yes she's my tv sister and i got along so well with her on that show we both had a very stupid midwestern sense of humor that often involved duty sharts and sex jokes Great.

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] Those are your favorite things.

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] Safe zones.

[1114] She's so good on that show.

[1115] Incredible.

[1116] So you were talking about bath salts and cannibals.

[1117] Mm -hmm.

[1118] So that's a myth.

[1119] No. Yeah, it is.

[1120] On May 26th, Miami police shot and killed a homeless man who was allegedly feasting on the face of another homeless man in a daylight attack on a busy highway.

[1121] Before now, infamous, quote, face -eating cannibal.

[1122] Randi Eugene was stopped by four police bullets, say authorities.

[1123] He had nod the face of victim Ronald Popo down to his goate.

[1124] The forehead was just bone, said a witness.

[1125] No nose, no mouth.

[1126] Police said that Eugene 31, oh, that's young.

[1127] Who had ripped off his clothes and refused police officers to stop eating Popo's flesh, showed behavior consistent with ingesting the synthetic cocaine substitute known as bath salts.

[1128] Bath salts have been connected to a range of violent incidents and spike in emergency room visits since they became popular several years ago.

[1129] Last fall, the Drug Enforcement Administration banned three chemicals used in bath salts, and 38 states have enacted their own bans.

[1130] But incidents continue.

[1131] This was in 2012.

[1132] Examinations of rodents on these next generation basalt suggests that they are potentially just as potent and addictive as the original.

[1133] They still won't make you crave human flesh with the nice Kianti.

[1134] That's from...

[1135] Silence of the Lange.

[1136] Yeah, that's right.

[1137] They couldn't resist.

[1138] No, they had to.

[1139] When they first appeared in gas stations and in the street drug market in late 2010, Bass salts quickly became the freaky drug of the month that began making headlines.

[1140] Famously, 2012, Man tried to eat another man's face.

[1141] And police thought bath salts might be the culprit.

[1142] However, the hungry gentleman in question did not have any evidence of bath salts in his system.

[1143] So the cannibal instinct was likely driven by something else, such as an adverse reaction to another drug or a psychological issue.

[1144] Nevertheless, Bass salts are still often associated.

[1145] with cannibalism and the zombie apocalypse.

[1146] Okay, so he was a cannibal.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] He just wasn't on bath salts.

[1149] Okay.

[1150] And then they said he was, so then it got associated.

[1151] But actually...

[1152] I thought there was more cases than just that one.

[1153] No, there's a lot of violence and emergency room visits, but not cannibalism.

[1154] Not cannibalism.

[1155] Okay.

[1156] Well, I'm glad we cleared that up because we probably get sued by bath salts, you know?

[1157] Makers of bath salts.

[1158] Yeah.

[1159] We might.

[1160] And I love baths, as everyone knows.

[1161] It's so funny because when you were reading the story, I'm like, how is she going to turn this to that's not true?

[1162] Because what a claim that someone ate someone's face.

[1163] How are they going to find out, oh, in retrospect, the face was fully intact.

[1164] That's when I was waiting to find out.

[1165] I had ruled out that, oh, it turns out he wasn't even on bath salts.

[1166] Oh, you did.

[1167] Oh, okay.

[1168] So I was just thinking like, how do you mistake someone eating someone's face?

[1169] That seems like I know we're poor eyewitnesses, humans in general.

[1170] But that's a big one.

[1171] Well, unless he was, like, kissing someone's face really intensely.

[1172] Oh, and they both had bloody lips.

[1173] Yeah, everyone was kind of bloody, and then he was kissing the face, and someone's just kind of looking around the corner.

[1174] You might mistake that as cannibalism, and actually it's affection.

[1175] I just thought of one.

[1176] Okay.

[1177] The guy crashes his motorcycle, open face helmet.

[1178] He scuffed some of his face off in the fall.

[1179] Uh -huh.

[1180] This guy shows up, starts administering CPR.

[1181] CPR, and then it looks like he's consuming his face.

[1182] Yeah.

[1183] I bet that happens awesome.

[1184] I bet that happens once a day.

[1185] Yeah.

[1186] Motorcycle accidents are horrifying.

[1187] Yeah, they're scary as hell.

[1188] Yeah.

[1189] Uh -oh.

[1190] I'm in trouble.

[1191] You're not in trouble, but it scares me. You're not, but it scares me. Yeah.

[1192] It is, if it goes bad, it's dangerous, yeah.

[1193] You're not in a car.

[1194] No. It's just your body on the street.

[1195] Oh, Wabi, while, will you add to our list, our year -end fact check?

[1196] I want to see per capita if it's any more life -threatening to ride a motorcycle than a car, though.

[1197] That's interesting.

[1198] I mean, since like 50 ,000 people die a year in car accidents.

[1199] Right.

[1200] It's so high.

[1201] That's not the number, but it's in the tens of thousands.

[1202] Sure.

[1203] I do wonder if it's even proportionally.

[1204] Yeah, we'd have to see the amount of people who own a car.

[1205] When someone does die in a, like, anytime someone dies in a motorcycle accident, in L .A., I hear about it.

[1206] But people die in car accidents all the time.

[1207] They just don't think of me immediately and say, Sure.

[1208] You got to.

[1209] Actually, I do.

[1210] You do?

[1211] Yeah, because you drive fast cars too.

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] I just get worried about you, you know?

[1214] Totally get it.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] It's a dangerous hobby.

[1217] Although, yeah, it's a little sensational.

[1218] I mean, I think there are other hobbies that people go down from, but you don't really, I mean, marathon runners and shit, they have heart attacks from it and do you see that basketball play.

[1219] players.

[1220] There's like anything really where you're not sitting in a chair, while those sitting in a chair, you get blood clots.

[1221] People travel a lot as dangerous.

[1222] I want to, Rob, add on there, do more people die of blood clots than riding motorcycles.

[1223] But then, no, no, you can't do that because, yeah, you can't do that.

[1224] Well, there is an activity that promotes blood clots sitting too long.

[1225] Yeah, but that's not no one, that's no one's hobby.

[1226] Someone's like, I don't give a fuck how dangerous this is.

[1227] I live to sit in this chair for 12 hours straight.

[1228] But I was thinking about it, and interestingly enough, I was zipping home from work on a motorcycle to interview the psychologist who wrote, you should talk to somebody, Lori Gottlieb.

[1229] I was going to ask her this, but I forgot, which is, I don't think I have clinical depression.

[1230] But I do wonder if I regulate my emotions a little bit with adrenaline.

[1231] Because when I'm racing home from work, I'm like hyper -focused.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] I'm going fast.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] I love it.

[1236] And I do get my adrenaline up.

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] And then I feel calm and good.

[1239] Like I do wonder if it's become some pattern I'm unaware of that I like, I need some dose of it.

[1240] Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.

[1241] It's like I went out Saturday with the girls.

[1242] I went off -roading.

[1243] Yeah.

[1244] And I just need like a five -minute rip where I'm like driving as fast as I think the thing can go without it being catastrophic.

[1245] Yeah.

[1246] And then I just feel great the rest of the thing.

[1247] the day.

[1248] But I don't know if that's because of depression.

[1249] Like you probably feel really powerful doing that.

[1250] Yeah, in control, capable, control.

[1251] Mainly control.

[1252] It's a big doubt.

[1253] Yeah, it's probably a big dose of control, which I desire a lot.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] I got a radar detector.

[1256] Do you see that?

[1257] Mm -mm.

[1258] Yeah, I bought one.

[1259] Because I'm driving so much to work back and forth.

[1260] Yeah.

[1261] It's just now it's hundreds of miles a week.

[1262] And I just think I probably need to be preventative in my getting speeding tickets.

[1263] So what does this mean exactly?

[1264] Well, a radar detector is like, the one I got scans 360 degrees so it can detect if a cop's shooting a radar gun at you from behind or on the front.

[1265] It alerts you to any officer running radar or laser.

[1266] Got it.

[1267] How about the top of the line one?

[1268] So instead of just like going a little over the speed limit and not going crazy over the speed limit, you've decided to just figure out where the cops are and avoid them.

[1269] Yes, and here's the equation in my head.

[1270] Mind you, I'm an entitled piece of shit.

[1271] I think I deserve to not have to wait.

[1272] So I'm aware of this.

[1273] Okay.

[1274] But to me, the equation is what I don't have in life is extra time.

[1275] So if I can shave 10 minutes off that drive both ways a day, I could really use the 20 minutes.

[1276] I'd rather have the 20 minutes to see my family, see, you could say, well, then you're, but you're putting yourself at risk I've never seen them again.

[1277] I get it.

[1278] But I just, once I've formulated this equation where it's like, I'm on a dead open highway, the 14, there's no cars on it, I'm going to go fast because it's time.

[1279] Sure.

[1280] And I feel the clock ticking.

[1281] Ethically, we're still in murky water here, huh?

[1282] For me, yes.

[1283] Although, okay, you go to Germany.

[1284] They drive 190 miles an hour.

[1285] I ran at a Porsche one time in Germany to go to the Nureberg ring.

[1286] Uh -huh.

[1287] And Kristen and I were going, as fast as that car would go, six gear.

[1288] I guess it's like 189, I think, in that car.

[1289] Guys in station wagons were flying by me with their whole family.

[1290] So what I see right there is, well, this whole thing that it's unsafe to drive over 65 is just horseshit.

[1291] It's absolute horseshit.

[1292] They have less accidents and all that.

[1293] Rob, you're going to have to check that.

[1294] How many accidents on the Audubon?

[1295] Now, when they have them, they're pretty catastrophic.

[1296] I'll admit that.

[1297] But they do have less per capita fatalities.

[1298] They also train people to drive better.

[1299] that's not the point.

[1300] I'm just saying I don't buy the premise.

[1301] The premise is it's unsafe to drive fast.

[1302] I don't buy that premise.

[1303] That's horseshit.

[1304] I think it's safe for knuckleheads who are half asleep and are terrible drivers.

[1305] Yeah, they probably shouldn't drive over 70.

[1306] But me on a dead open 14, five lanes, there's no reason I can't go 100 in a car that's designed to go 190.

[1307] So once I start really breaking it down, I'm like, oh, this is on a foundation of bullshit.

[1308] So now it's just do I want to follow the rule.

[1309] Is it ethically, should I follow the rules?

[1310] Well, everyone else is following the rules.

[1311] That's where it starts to feel like, well, why do you personally get to be the...

[1312] That's the entitled part.

[1313] Yeah, that's the part I don't love.

[1314] Yeah, I feel like I don't have to go along with rules I don't agree with.

[1315] Yeah.

[1316] Which is arrogant and entitled.

[1317] And not fair to everyone else.

[1318] Like, if you ever pulled up to a stop sign, like a four -way stop in the dead middle of nowhere, and there's cornfields everywhere, you can just see, right?

[1319] You can see the three other lanes for a mile out.

[1320] I'm not stopping at that stop sign.

[1321] Okay.

[1322] The stop sign was designed to regulate the traffic so no one gets hurt.

[1323] Yeah.

[1324] But there's zero traffic.

[1325] That proposition no longer holds any water.

[1326] I'm waiting for you to blow a hole.

[1327] I know.

[1328] I'm thinking.

[1329] It's very thin.

[1330] Well, look, it's actually not that thin because what you're saying makes sense.

[1331] But it is assuming that you are extra capable than other people.

[1332] and you're going to say you are, and you are.

[1333] But you also don't know what you doing that, how that impacts other people when you're on the road.

[1334] Well, that's a good argument.

[1335] That's the argument Kristen makes, which is like, sure, you can drive safely at 85, but when you go by somebody who's going 60, it scares them.

[1336] And I don't feel great about that.

[1337] I don't want to scare anyone.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] The main issue I have with everything you've said, The only thing that I really don't like that you said is that you don't have enough time.

[1340] Mm -hmm.

[1341] Because nobody has enough time.

[1342] This is the same as me not saying I'm busy because everyone's busy.

[1343] And when you start thinking that, like, you're extra busy or you don't have enough time, it's...

[1344] Narcissistic.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] And it's just not taking into account that everyone's in that exact same position.

[1347] You're right.

[1348] I do feel like I have a unique lack of time.

[1349] Yeah, it is not true.

[1350] Yeah, that needs addressing.

[1351] Yeah.

[1352] So that's for me. Everyone wants to see their family.

[1353] Yeah.

[1354] And.

[1355] But some people do have more jobs than other people.

[1356] That's a fact, right?

[1357] Sure.

[1358] That's true.

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] Most people have a life that causes them to feel like they don't have enough time.

[1361] Yeah.

[1362] So shouldn't we then figure out, oh, there was a really fascinating thing.

[1363] Oh, it was on Husson's show, Patriot Act.

[1364] Uh -huh.

[1365] that I watched last night.

[1366] It was all about public transportation.

[1367] And it was drawing this correlation between people's commute time.

[1368] Uh -huh.

[1369] Having more to do with their overall health and crime ray, all these other things.

[1370] That it's like one of the key components to happiness.

[1371] And I believe that.

[1372] So if we were willing to give it that level of importance.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] But if we had transportation, you did spend a third less time in the car.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] That should just be the goal for everyone.

[1377] I like that.

[1378] Yeah.

[1379] Although I was just having this conversation with some friends at the Hansen's house.

[1380] We were talking about commute and car and stuff.

[1381] And one of our friends, Ben said he likes having a little bit of a drive.

[1382] Mm -hmm.

[1383] Like a 20 -minute drive.

[1384] Because that's his time.

[1385] Yeah.

[1386] And it's a transition from like where your head is at work to home.

[1387] Yeah.

[1388] The decompression chamber.

[1389] Yeah.

[1390] Yeah, but when it gets to be an hour, then it's a problem.

[1391] I think mine's a compression, Jennifer, because I am always trying to get to where I'm going as fast as humanly possible.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] It is a neuroses, I think.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] I think so, too.

[1396] Occasionally, on the occasional Sunday, I'll find myself just meandering somewhere.

[1397] And I go, oh, this is nice.

[1398] Yeah.

[1399] I should do this.

[1400] Less stressful.

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] Okay, so you said that the year you had the storyline with Minka where you cheated on Jasmine, she was the sexiest woman alive.

[1403] And she was the sexiest woman alive in 2010, Esquire, 2010.

[1404] And that episode was 2011.

[1405] But you maybe shot it.

[1406] But we shot it probably in fall.

[1407] Sure.

[1408] And it always aired midseason.

[1409] Yeah.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] I like that episode.

[1412] You did.

[1413] Mm -hmm.

[1414] And were you really mad at Crosby?

[1415] Because you didn't know me yet.

[1416] People were really mad at Crosby.

[1417] And I thought that they would understand because we were broken up.

[1418] Right.

[1419] No, you weren't broken up.

[1420] Yeah, yeah.

[1421] No, you were in a fight.

[1422] We were, okay, we were in a fight that I interpreted it as broken up.

[1423] No, you are not broken up, but you were in a fight and you were in a rough patch.

[1424] Yeah, we were in a rough patch.

[1425] You know why it was a little confusing to me?

[1426] I get it.

[1427] Duh, I get it.

[1428] But when I watch a show and I, I like many of the characters on the show.

[1429] I want all the characters to hook up just because I like them all.

[1430] So my assumption is like, oh, you like Gabby, the behavioral aid.

[1431] Right.

[1432] And maybe you like Crosby.

[1433] So you're like, oh, I like both these people.

[1434] It's cool that they kiss.

[1435] No, that's not what normal people feel at all.

[1436] They don't.

[1437] No, they're invested in the relationships.

[1438] Right.

[1439] And most people don't feel like, oh, just because you like another person, you can cheat on your partner.

[1440] I know.

[1441] Geez, Louise.

[1442] I'm really coming up, Bubkiss here on the morals today.

[1443] Yeah, this is rough for you.

[1444] This is a real rough.

[1445] This will be Exhibit B in the court case.

[1446] Sue, that's getting sued.

[1447] It's hard for a character to come back from that.

[1448] It is hard.

[1449] Yeah, people were real mad at me. They really yelled at me on Twitter.

[1450] They yelled at me. Yeah, sure.

[1451] Not Crosby.

[1452] They yelled at me. Yeah.

[1453] You're a piece of shit.

[1454] Yeah.

[1455] Well, I mean, it's interesting in TV because, Well, first of all, you're invested in the original relationship.

[1456] If that relationship is bad or unhealthy or something, then maybe you're a little more on board with someone cheating.

[1457] But in this case, no. No. It was a very sweet relationship.

[1458] So that is just sad to think like, oh, now that's going to get ruined.

[1459] Yeah.

[1460] And in TV, you see scenes of her.

[1461] while that's happening.

[1462] I mean, not necessarily in that moment.

[1463] But yeah, you feel, you're like, oh, she's doing that.

[1464] You can see it with your eyes, and then he doesn't care.

[1465] You're really right.

[1466] It's just very hard for me to plug back into that mindset.

[1467] Having lived a certain way for a decade, I just have a hard time plugging back into.

[1468] But that wasn't cheating.

[1469] There was a difference.

[1470] Right, right.

[1471] Like, open relationships aren't cheating.

[1472] True.

[1473] I mean, to some people, they probably think it is, but I don't.

[1474] True.

[1475] Very true.

[1476] I don't know.

[1477] I just like, okay, I want Cheedy and Eleanor.

[1478] Eleanor to be together.

[1479] Yeah.

[1480] But if Eleanor has a roll around with Kirby, I'm like, oh, cool.

[1481] That's cool for them.

[1482] They had a fun time.

[1483] Yeah, I mean, that implies some different things happening.

[1484] Shunant.

[1485] That's an interesting topic.

[1486] Yeah, I can see.

[1487] see that argument being mounted like well a bisexual person should be entitled to be with both people because they're bisexual male and female but not at the same time but that's just as crazy as saying so a unisexual person no no no it would still be cheating like you can maybe get away with it a little more if you were just discovering this yeah and then it was like oh I'm also in love with Kirby.

[1488] Uh -huh.

[1489] Why don't they have to be in love?

[1490] What if they're just...

[1491] Okay, I'm also attracted to Kirby.

[1492] She's in love with Cheety.

[1493] She wants to, like, live with Cheedy forever.

[1494] But then she was looking at Kirby one time, and she was like, boy, those are beautiful lips and take a quick taste to those.

[1495] Uh -huh.

[1496] And then she still loves cheating.

[1497] It seems to me like it's worse if you're just having fun with the person, if you're cheating on.

[1498] Like, if Eleanor would cheated on cheating.

[1499] Cheaty.

[1500] That's a hard sentence, but Eleanor cheated on Cheaty with Kirby because she liked Kirby.

[1501] Right.

[1502] And they had a few pops at dinner and got a little tipsy.

[1503] Well, no, like she liked her.

[1504] She like won.

[1505] She's fun.

[1506] Yeah.

[1507] She likes hanging out with her and being around her.

[1508] And then she's attracted to her.

[1509] I can like swallow that more than her cheating on Cheaty.

[1510] with, like, manny because he took his shirt off.

[1511] Right, right, right.

[1512] And then she's like, oh, he's hot, and then she cheats.

[1513] What if she hooked up with Janet?

[1514] Because Jan's not even a person.

[1515] Is hooking up with a robot cheating?

[1516] You have to ask cheating what he thinks.

[1517] He might not care if it's a robot.

[1518] Right.

[1519] But Janet's such a nice, yeah, she's such a human -like robot.

[1520] And they built her to cheat with, you know.

[1521] She's like volumptuous.

[1522] They didn't make like a, you know, they didn't make a, you know, a, just a stick.

[1523] No. Yeah, they made like...

[1524] They made a beautiful woman.

[1525] Beautiful woman built like a brick shit house.

[1526] Yeah.

[1527] So I have to imagine the architects of her designed her for some cheating.

[1528] Well, no. What?

[1529] No. Oh, my God.

[1530] Hmm.

[1531] Okay.

[1532] All right.

[1533] That's all.

[1534] That was it.

[1535] Yeah, there weren't very many facts.

[1536] There weren't many facts.

[1537] No. Do you think that picture I sent you of Bernie Sanders is real?

[1538] Because on that same tour, we had just watched the debates.

[1539] Yep.

[1540] And I launched a whole theory that Bernie Sanders has an enormous penis.

[1541] Yes, that was your theory.

[1542] Because his hands are fucking gigantic.

[1543] They're inordinately large.

[1544] Yep.

[1545] And then someone sent me a photo of a group shot with Bernie and he's in dress slacks.

[1546] And there appears to be 10 plus inches of flaccid dong.

[1547] Yeah.

[1548] Yeah, you can see it through his pants.

[1549] I don't know that it's real.

[1550] It seems too good to be true.

[1551] Yeah, yeah.

[1552] But, wow, what if it's real?

[1553] Wow, wow, wow, wow.

[1554] If it's real, you were right.

[1555] Should we post that on our Instagram account just so people can weigh in on whether or not it's fake?

[1556] I don't know if I feel comfortable.

[1557] That'd be a weird thing to sue someone over, like, They said I had a big penis.

[1558] Well, that is more...

[1559] I don't want anyone to think I have a big penis.

[1560] Okay, that's more reason to sue someone because we're just totally making this up out of our own, out of your own.

[1561] Well, and I don't know.

[1562] I don't know if he does.

[1563] think he does.

[1564] Allegedly he has a big penis.

[1565] Yeah.

[1566] That would just be a funny thing to sue about, like, they said I was a good kisser.

[1567] It would be.

[1568] Well, no. No, that's in you.

[1569] For guys.

[1570] No guy is going to be bummed if people were spreading around town that he had a big penis.

[1571] Probably not, no. Right.

[1572] Or a good kisser.

[1573] I'm not thoughtful.

[1574] Okay, that's all.

[1575] I love you.

[1576] I love you.

[1577] Bye.

[1578] Bye.

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