Melissa McCarthy

[0] My name is Melissa McCarthy, and I feel just delightful about being Conan O 'Brien's best friend.

[1] Best friend?

[2] Yeah, I'm assuming.

[3] Yes, yes, of course.

[4] I have to make a few calls very quickly.

[5] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[6] Hello there and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[7] I am Conan O 'Brien.

[8] I think that's pretty clear.

[9] And yes, I'm always in need of a friend.

[10] This podcast is a search to connect with people.

[11] I'm having an absolute blast.

[12] I've been doing this for a while now, and I just keep having more and more fun.

[13] So it's been kind of a revelation.

[14] And I am assisted, as always, by my...

[15] my right hand, our sort of producer extraordinaire, Matt Gourley.

[16] You're right withered hand.

[17] Yeah, exactly.

[18] No, you're, you do a terrific job, Matt.

[19] And you are, you know, I didn't realize this.

[20] When I first met you, I thought, you know, who is this clown?

[21] And I think I behaved terribly towards you.

[22] And over time, I found that you are the podcast whisper.

[23] You're very well respected in regard in the podcast space.

[24] I still don't take anything back, I said.

[25] Because I think it helped you.

[26] I think it built your character.

[27] Can you believe it?

[28] We're coming up on three years.

[29] Is it really?

[30] Almost three years?

[31] Yeah.

[32] Wow.

[33] It's been fun.

[34] It's been just sailing by.

[35] And of course, Sonam of Sessian been with us for a long time.

[36] She is out right now on maternity leave, rearing her twin babies, Mikey and Charlie.

[37] And I saw them recently on a Zoom.

[38] And they are adorable.

[39] And filling in for Sona is her assistant.

[40] I can't believe.

[41] Sona had an assistant because apparently Sona never did anything.

[42] But what little she did do, you were doing, David Hopping.

[43] Thanks for being here, David.

[44] Thank you.

[45] You know what's funny?

[46] I was recently, just yesterday someone said that they had one criticism of the podcast.

[47] And of course, I was intrigued.

[48] And I said, what's that?

[49] And the person said, it's not long enough.

[50] Oh.

[51] And I thought, well, that's good.

[52] like that because we're and I said well we you always want to leave them in show business wanting more.

[53] The person didn't seem to like that I said that.

[54] They're like no no no it really isn't long enough.

[55] The the interviews need to be um longer.

[56] I enjoy them but they stop too soon and I was trying to explain that I don't want to you know I didn't want to do like a two hour extravagance.

[57] I've been editing these down to four minutes though.

[58] Oh okay well that's my B. That explains what the problem is, but I'm always afraid of going too long, but this person was quite adamant that these should be longer.

[59] And I'm just going to say no. I'm just going to say I like the, what's our average running time, Matt?

[60] It comes in around 60 minutes without ads, so it can go anywhere from like an hour five to hour 10.

[61] But then if it's someone like, you know, you're Michael Keaton or something, it might go a little longer or something.

[62] Your Barack Obama.

[63] Who?

[64] Yeah.

[65] We actually did a shockingly, I only did, I think, he was prepared to talk to me for an hour.

[66] And after, I don't know if you remember, after 11 minutes, I said, I think we got it.

[67] Remember that?

[68] Yeah.

[69] And he went, but I have a lot to say that I haven't said to anybody before.

[70] And I'd like to tell you now, Conan, things about my personal life.

[71] And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[72] We got it.

[73] I think we're all good.

[74] Gotta go.

[75] And I probably could have gone a little longer with him.

[76] Yeah, well, next time.

[77] He keeps asking to come back, but...

[78] He won't leave us alone.

[79] He won't.

[80] Was he the person that said that?

[81] He was the one...

[82] And then he called me back.

[83] The podcast is not long enough.

[84] I listened.

[85] And it's exactly seven minutes.

[86] You cut me off.

[87] That's not really...

[88] I don't even think that's a Barack Obama impression, but it gives you the idea.

[89] It's that staccato.

[90] He punches his sentences.

[91] But anyway, I think we're going to keep it.

[92] What do you think, Matt?

[93] What could be better about the podcast?

[94] I'm always trying to get better and grow in every way.

[95] Oh, God.

[96] Oh, man. I'm not prepared for this.

[97] No, that just means there's nothing else we can do.

[98] It's pretty much perfect.

[99] I tried to think of something.

[100] There's not a single thing.

[101] Yeah.

[102] Well, that's why I always ask for criticism very quickly on the spot and then move on.

[103] Yeah, that's smart.

[104] Never give anyone time to think about all the things that we could do to make this so much better.

[105] Because who needs that?

[106] David, how are you enjoying the experience of being on the podcast?

[107] It's been fun.

[108] Yeah, you're getting recognized a lot now?

[109] No. No, of course not.

[110] It's a podcast.

[111] It's a podcast.

[112] I love to text Sona how much fun it is to be her.

[113] Oh, my God.

[114] Sona has so much FOMO.

[115] And for you kids listening, that's fear of missing out.

[116] She can't stand that we're having all this fun.

[117] And that she's missing her old life, as happy as she is, having created two human beings.

[118] And then we torment her.

[119] So we do, David and I keep doing all of Sona's favorite things that she would do with me. Like she loves sushi from this place, Sugarfish.

[120] And there's one right next to our podcast studio.

[121] And I keep taking David there.

[122] And that's one of her favorite things in the world is eating on my dime.

[123] And David and I will gorge ourselves on really good sugarfish sushi.

[124] And then we take selfies where I'm just laughing maniacally and you're in the background with some Toro hanging out of your mouth.

[125] And then we sent to Sona and she flips out.

[126] And then at the end, he'll, he could just give me the receipt, but he'll take a picture of the receipt and text it to Sona too.

[127] Yeah, I text it to Sona to say like, oh, by the way, make sure this receipt gets accounted for.

[128] And she's like, David's right there.

[129] He could do that.

[130] I can't believe I'm saying this, but we should do a segment where we eat s'm spores and watch friends just to make a job.

[131] Oh, my God.

[132] Yeah.

[133] We should do everything Sona would like to do.

[134] Uh -huh.

[135] And just to torment her.

[136] That would mean alcohol.

[137] She likes her white wine.

[138] And we should watch...

[139] What's that movie about the strippers, the male strippers?

[140] Oh, Magic Mike.

[141] Yeah, we should do a Magic Mike binge watch while we drink white wine.

[142] I love this idea.

[143] And get high.

[144] Yes.

[145] And eat tons of in -and -out burger.

[146] Oh, my God.

[147] And then just be laughing maniacly.

[148] and videotaping the whole thing and then we should send it to Sona.

[149] I love this.

[150] I think that's a great plan.

[151] Just as a night sounds good.

[152] Yeah, let's not even shoot it.

[153] Also, I just say, let's skip all the other stuff and let's just all go and watch some male strippers.

[154] Let's the three of us go to Vegas, drink wine at the Thunderdown Under Strip Club, and get high.

[155] Yeah, and they just hang out for weeks and weeks with the guys from, what am I revealing?

[156] It looks very strange.

[157] I just keep coming back to you.

[158] How do we hang out with the guys from Thunder Down Under?

[159] It's the first question when you interviewed us.

[160] Do you have any connections to Thunder Down Under?

[161] That is the question.

[162] That is the question.

[163] Again, I know that I've known you for three years, Matt Gourley, but any connections with the fellas in Thunder from Down Under?

[164] I'll ask Barack Obama if he's got on me. I don't know those gentlemen.

[165] I've never met those gentlemen.

[166] I myself have reached out to try and inquire.

[167] All right, well, I'm very excited.

[168] My guest today is an Emmy award -winning actress who has starred in such movies as bridesmaids, Ghostbusters, and Can You Ever Forgive Me?

[169] Now you can see her in the new film The Starling and in the Hulu series Nine Perfect Strangers.

[170] She also co -produced the new Netflix documentary, Bob Ross, Happy Accidents, Betrayal, and Greed.

[171] That is a terrific documentary.

[172] You've got to check that out.

[173] I'm thrilled she's with us today.

[174] She is so incredibly talented and nice.

[175] Melissa McCarthy, welcome.

[176] I was headed out the door today, and my wife said, what are you up to today?

[177] And she said it in that way that after nearly 20 years of marriage, what are you up to you that kind of loathing?

[178] Like you were like shaking dice in your hand ready to go in an alley.

[179] I got a craps game over on 3rd Street.

[180] It would be great if I was known as the guy that's got a rolling craps game that's just moving throughout Los Angeles and lots of sort of scummy celebrities with me. All on straw hats and like Cuban shirts, I'd be like, yeah.

[181] And you were regularly part of it, and whenever we saw police coming, we would just grab our dice and run.

[182] It would not be a hard sell to be like, will you spend time in an alley doing that?

[183] I'd be like, yeah.

[184] Yes, I would.

[185] You just hear Alley, I'm there.

[186] I'm always in an alley.

[187] I want to be in an alley.

[188] No, I mentioned to anybody, including my wife, that I'm going to be talking to you today, and I immediately get, oh, my God, I love for her.

[189] And I'm like, well, what am I?

[190] I immediately made it about me. Way to go.

[191] Which is what I do.

[192] I wonder why she looks at you with scorn.

[193] During our wedding vows, she had to say, will you always make it about him?

[194] I wrote that part.

[195] Oh, God.

[196] She said it.

[197] Wow.

[198] Yeah.

[199] That's wonderful.

[200] She really wanted in on that.

[201] Yeah.

[202] That's what we all dream of, hearing those.

[203] words no uh you are i mean just i was thrilled that i'd get a chance to talk to i've talked to you a couple of times on the tv show but that's a very different experience because it's seven -minute segment and turn around and music and this is really nice because um we do have there are some things i'd love to talk to you about and some points of uh sort of commonality as sort of i think when it comes to comedy that I wanted to talk to you about, for example, the groundlings.

[204] And that's how I met Lisa Kudrow.

[205] We were both in a class where we were literally put money in a jar.

[206] And we were both just out of college and thinking, what are we doing?

[207] We went to college and now we're in a tiny room on La Sienega, pretending to hold a disc that isn't there.

[208] Oh, lift a disc, guys.

[209] It's just, if you're ever around anyone that does or did improvise, if you just throw out anybody want to lift a disc, they'll all get it.

[210] it's, you're just pretending to lift a huge disc together.

[211] Yes.

[212] I remember even at the time I was like, I don't really think there's a disc.

[213] I mean, are they seeing a disc?

[214] Like, is everybody else like, I see the disc?

[215] And I was like, I'm just kind of holding my hand.

[216] Like, I was like, how thick is the, like, I asked too many questions.

[217] So, like, just lift, just lift the disc.

[218] I was like, how, like, is it cast iron?

[219] Is it balsa wood?

[220] Like, these are, they're like, just crouch down and put your hands out and come up at the same time as everyone else.

[221] I'm like, you got it.

[222] I ruptured a muscle in my back, lifting a disc that wasn't there.

[223] Because in the world of improv, the first thing they start teaching you, and you think it's going to be all about being funny and back and forth and creating really funny scenes.

[224] And they really drill down on space work, which is they don't have actual props because it's all being improvised.

[225] You have to pretend it's there like a mime.

[226] No matter what my go -to, and I didn't even realize I was doing it, somebody's like, what are you doing?

[227] because almost like you're on a sea captain out on you know out in the night no matter what it was I would always do kind of the same thing and they're like what like folding something I was always wrapping a present because I thought it's scattered enough that it keeps me really active and I really am doing it and then you're doing the corners but it's confusing enough where people and then ripping the tape you're busy enough where some they buy you're doing something but I love that you're a doctor they say a doctor emergency room and you have to save the patient.

[228] First, just let me walk this present.

[229] The guy is flatlining and you're in the corner wrapping a present.

[230] It's my anniversary, guys.

[231] I've got to get this vase raped up for my husband.

[232] Hold out.

[233] Yeah.

[234] But you did stand up first, right?

[235] I did.

[236] It was the first thing I ever did performance -wise, really.

[237] And, you know, I was 20 in New York.

[238] I think it was the second day I was in New York City and my best friends.

[239] Like, you're going to do stand -up tonight.

[240] I'm like, I'm right.

[241] I think you're just...

[242] Then you're going to fly a fighter plane.

[243] Okay.

[244] Can't be that hard.

[245] Other people do it.

[246] I think I was just, I think, my process was not, okay, what do I do to have to get rid of it?

[247] What does it really take?

[248] It was just at 20, you're like, well, how hard can it be?

[249] You know, I wasn't, I don't know why I suddenly sound like that.

[250] I didn't sound like a grizzled old, I'll go back to sea captain.

[251] Yeah.

[252] But I just didn't, I was like, sure.

[253] I guess you just get up there and talk.

[254] So I just went in and, like, went up on stage, and I was like, I guess I'm just so weird.

[255] I'll tell weird, hopefully funny stories.

[256] And I didn't do, especially this was like 1990, maybe 91.

[257] I didn't have jokes, which I still always say when people are like, oh, what are your jokes?

[258] I'm like, I can't deliver jokes.

[259] I don't know how to do that.

[260] It's like such a great skill set, but I can't.

[261] It's not how my brain works.

[262] So I would just tell these long stories.

[263] And then it went okay, to which I was shocked.

[264] And I kept doing it.

[265] And people were like, what's your set?

[266] Like, I don't, what set are you working on?

[267] I was like, I don't, I just kind of get up and say stuff.

[268] They're like, are you not writing?

[269] Like, you don't, you're not writing it.

[270] And then I was like, oh, shit, am I supposed to be writing it?

[271] Like, I had no idea of like any of the prep.

[272] And then I didn't like the combativeness in those stand -up clubs.

[273] It seems like it's the same guy.

[274] So I'm always like, you've got to have a really busy schedule because every single club I worked.

[275] I was like, are you the same guy?

[276] Audience member Heckling?

[277] There's always one dude in the audience that, like, no matter what, mid -sentence, he's like, take you top off.

[278] And I was like, what?

[279] Yeah.

[280] I'm like, one, has that ever work where I'm like, I'm compelled?

[281] Like, that was like, has that ever?

[282] Have you ever seen flesh when you yell, take your top off to a woman ever?

[283] I'm like, buddy.

[284] But then the, but what I didn't like was that he was going to keep talking and you had to win.

[285] So now instead of talking about my stupid, telling my stupid story, I have to go at this guy.

[286] And I can't, it would have been fun if it was just back and forth.

[287] That's not what he was there to do.

[288] He was there to disrupt.

[289] So the only way to get him, and, you know, I was just starting out.

[290] So we had like, you've got four and a half minutes.

[291] Like, there's not a lot of time.

[292] You had to go at this person hard enough that you embarrass them, truly.

[293] And they shut up.

[294] And they shut up.

[295] And then I went home being like, well, that guy that was sitting.

[296] there either alone or with his other friend that also looks miserable.

[297] I made him feel even worse.

[298] Like they went in to kind of hopefully be funny to people and instead I was like, I think I really had a nerve with that guy who already seems a little lost anyway since he's yelling, take your top off in a crowded room.

[299] And I just, I couldn't get away from that.

[300] Like every room I work, except if like I love like the duplex in New York because it was a, they had stand up there.

[301] It was a, it was a gay club and I loved it because no one, not a single, there wanted me to take my top off.

[302] And it was just a very welcoming...

[303] I true, I've always done better in gay clubs.

[304] They don't want to see me take my top off, though.

[305] They're like, put on another sweater.

[306] More layers, Conan.

[307] What you need are layers.

[308] Yeah, it's interesting because famously in stand -up, and especially you're talking about New York.

[309] And I think in New York and Boston, the sense I always got, and I have so much respect for a stand -up comedian that come from that world because I think it's just, it's evolution, and you've got to fight your way through it.

[310] But I think it is so difficult to come through that environment and not be changed by it.

[311] Because it is all exterior.

[312] Like what you're talking about, you don't get, I mean, my favorite thing when I work is you get what's on the page.

[313] And then once we have that, you know, somebody's like, okay, there you go.

[314] And it's those spontaneous moments that you didn't know you're going to say it.

[315] The person that you're working with didn't know you were going to say it.

[316] Now the respond you're actually getting a real spontaneous moment right and that to me is like if you can get the camera in the right place and your mouth works like to me in in movies or in whatever like those are the moments that you're like because i think you i think you can kind of tell none of that was kind of pre -planned and it's so fun too just selfishly this is you're saying my theory i have often found i don't know why it is but i've had a long career where i've done both.

[317] I've done prepared comedy and then there's been ad -libbing.

[318] And the prepared comedy can go great.

[319] But if you ad -lib or find something in the moment that wasn't there, the audience knows it.

[320] And what you get is exponentially greater than the thing that was crafted by some of the funniest writers I've ever met.

[321] Why?

[322] They just know.

[323] Audiences know when it was made in the moment.

[324] They know that that's a brand new cookie out of the oven.

[325] I do too.

[326] And I think there's a tight rope to it.

[327] they're like, they also know that like, holy God, like that just actually worked and like he doesn't know it's I think there's, it's when it becomes more of like a sporting event or something where you really are like, none of this was planned.

[328] I remember the first time I went to see the groundlings.

[329] I just kept looking around and I was like, what part's going to be improvised?

[330] Because this isn't, like it's too, it's all making sense.

[331] It's super crazy, funny.

[332] But it was, there was this weird excitement to it.

[333] And then, I mean, it's like I almost didn't believe it at first because I came from I did stand up for a very short amount of time, very short, like six months.

[334] And I was like, and then I immediately went into acting school because I said the words all new performers are like, I probably really should do a one woman's show, which is like just nails on a chalkboard to anyone who's probably been doing it.

[335] So I went, I started acting class and then I just did drama for the next seven years.

[336] Like I didn't do any like tortured play I did.

[337] And I was like, I guess I'm done with comedy.

[338] And it wasn't until.

[339] That's fascinating to me. I didn't know that.

[340] And I can't imagine you.

[341] I know that you do both beautifully, but the idea that you decided, I'm going to, you know, I might be leaving comedy is fascinating to me. I didn't think about doing funny plays.

[342] For some reason, I was like, well, now I've switched to acting.

[343] Like it's in either or.

[344] Like it's in either or.

[345] And, I mean, I didn't get more serious in my life.

[346] I was still, you know, like all my friends were weird and we were funny together, I think, or at least we found her.

[347] ourselves to me. But I even remember my teacher once, when someone said that I used to do stand -up, he's like, I just, I don't see that at all.

[348] I can't imagine you doing that.

[349] And I was like, well, I don't do it anymore.

[350] And then getting to groundlings really, like, I mean, to me, that was my college.

[351] What I loved was, and as we both know, there's a lot of generosity in stand -up in improv.

[352] There's a lot of generosity and working well together.

[353] And then there are, you know, improv can sometimes be less generous when they know there's an agent in the audience.

[354] There's that.

[355] Also, some people are amazing at, I don't, can I swear on this show?

[356] Yeah.

[357] Oh, yeah.

[358] We actually, we encourage it.

[359] We add swears later if you don't say them.

[360] Wonderful.

[361] We were always like certain, we've always said like certain people are really good fuck you and provisers, like Michael McDonald, super funny guy.

[362] He would, and it was so good, but it was still, it wasn't being selfish.

[363] But when you'd walk in, he was like, oh, you're pronouncing.

[364] limp seems marginally better and he would keep adding stuff to you so it was actually super fun yeah he was laying it out there and then you had to make it happen oh my god or it's like he's like right before you know if he thought it if every once while one person runs backstage to make an entrance while it's you know before the lights come up and whoever was coming in he's like any moment now my Dutch cousin is coming up he would just my Dutch cousin would don't mention her limp and her lazy eye yeah and you have to make all that happen of a bitch.

[365] How do I do a Dutch accent?

[366] You know, I was like, I don't even know.

[367] It's just like, you know, then you're going to make an ass out of yourself.

[368] But it was also so fun.

[369] And I don't know why I would never, I never thought of it.

[370] But there's certain people who are so good at that.

[371] Like he would always just set someone up.

[372] And like you had a list to fulfill before you, like coming through the door.

[373] It was like, you know, it was just, there's something so fun to it.

[374] And to just being like, there's something to the yes and world of it where no matter what someone says you have to go you can't say like this book is heavy and no it's not yeah it's like okay the scene's over it's so funny because i've in my long years i've done sometimes found myself in situations where i'm kind of performing with a stand -up someone who's really good at stand -up like a very famous stand -up and then we'll get into an improvisational thing and i'll notice they keep saying wait stop stop okay now listen to me and i think what the fuck you can't do that and But they come from a different world, which is, I've got the microphone.

[375] I'm in complete control.

[376] And you have to fight for you.

[377] Their whole thing is a fist fight.

[378] Like stand -ups to me, I work with Billy Gardell for years and years who somehow has stayed an absolute sweetheart, even though.

[379] He's a lovely guy.

[380] He's heaven.

[381] Billy operates on a totally, and he's so good at stand -up.

[382] He has this thing of, he can push, but it never seems like he's trying to tell the audience they don't.

[383] It's not that there's different.

[384] types of stand -ups, there's some that are like, if you don't get it, it's because you're stupid.

[385] Yes.

[386] I think, which I'm always like, and then there's Billy who can say, aren't these things stupid, but it's not, I'm better than it.

[387] Like, he's somehow in on, he's the butt of the joke as much as anybody else is, and there's a beautiful balance to that.

[388] Yes, there is a type of comedy, and again, I'm not into naming names, but if you go to the website, I'll put it out there.

[389] There's a type of comedian and their whole thing is, I am the knower of the truth and I'm going to tell you what the truth is.

[390] Yeah, I was always like, I think I'm the one that's supposed to fall down the stairs and like rip their pants.

[391] Like, I don't, it's never, I've never been like, what I want to do is highbrow.

[392] Like, I don't, and I know some people can.

[393] It's not my thing.

[394] I always was like, I'd rather, I feel like if I'm the, like, if I'm the, if I'm the butt in the joke, then I'm doing it, then at least him in the right area.

[395] I don't know how to do the other.

[396] I I start to feel like, well, then I just feel like I'm pretending to be someone, but I'm, intrinsically, I'm not cool enough to be snarky.

[397] Yeah.

[398] I would be so bad at it.

[399] I don't think it's like a great thing for somebody who's kind of a nerd.

[400] You had success.

[401] You had, you know, you had proven yourself.

[402] Then Bridesmaids comes along.

[403] And it's this sea change for you, which I thought was really lovely because it was deserved.

[404] But, you know, that's a movie I've probably.

[405] seen 15 times and I think my wife has seen it 45 times.

[406] And whenever we encounter that movie, wherever we find it and whatever we're doing, we stop and we watch until the movie's over.

[407] But your character is absurd, but also, and I don't know if I should credit this to your acting training because you, you know, I now know that you spent many years, but it's commitment.

[408] I would say almost all parts I've played, for the most part.

[409] really have like I love them like I fall in love with with who they are and so I just tried to do the best job of like they are funny but they're funny because I mean I always I think we fall in love with people in the world because of our ticks and weirdnesses and eccentricities I don't somebody who's like I love them because they're perfect yeah they never say the wrong thing they never I'd be like oh it'd be so I think of Ben and I'm like we're so weird we're so incredibly weird that when I play people I think sometimes they're like oh you're making for fun of that hype of woman and I was like, no, that's the woman that's the woman I can't take my eyes off of because eccentric people to me are the ones that, like, if you're in a store and there's just somebody that's like, yeah, I'm in all purple.

[410] Wait, do you see me in the parking?

[411] Like, my car's purple.

[412] That's the one that I'm literally like, I get love goggles.

[413] And I'm not making fun of them.

[414] I'm literally like, yeah, you are living right because you don't give a shit what anybody else thinks about you.

[415] You're not hurting anyone.

[416] You are just decked out in grape and that's like I used to go there was a huge big lots on Western that when that went away I literally was like well I don't know what's going to happen now I would go two or three times a week I go to another big lots but it's not the same it's not as big it's not the same as that other big lots it really isn't it's not when the one on Western when it was really the end of an era and Ben always knew he's like because I'd come home with like extension cords and like a socket wrench or things that we didn't need but I was like well I don't know it's kind of cool.

[417] But I would go there because something about that store, because it had so many weird.

[418] The Big Lots is, I think it's most places, but it's almost like an old dime store.

[419] There's like two rows of food, I want to say.

[420] Then there's like weird specialties.

[421] Then they could be like a recliner and Tupper.

[422] It's like every weird, it's just a weird mishmash of things at a good price.

[423] So I would go in there and just push a cart around and watch people because there were such characters in there.

[424] And then, you know, it got trickier when I started to get recognized.

[425] I was like, oh, no. And I did think about - You can't spy on people anymore.

[426] No. And I did think I was like, I'm going to go to Big Lots in a wig.

[427] And Ben's like, that's the picture that they'll get for sure.

[428] Like, that's the one where - McCarthy has total breakdown.

[429] Totally, which I would love.

[430] They did get me, they got me coming out of a 99 -cent store ones.

[431] And the cat, which I really should have saved this one, the caption said, It said something like, Melissa's frugalness is tearing her family apart.

[432] So you had like two big bags of, I think I was getting containers when the kids were going through.

[433] Like everything was, they were making slime.

[434] Sure, yeah.

[435] But yeah, I love that.

[436] But I used to go there and just, and I love because there is a commitment.

[437] Those people are like, yeah, this is what it is.

[438] This is, I live like this because I want to.

[439] So it's like if I can ever get that into a, it's really a, it's a love letter to people that don't give a shit what other people think of them in a good way.

[440] I loved, because you're bringing up Ben.

[441] Ben is your husband.

[442] I met at the groundlings.

[443] And you met at the groundlings.

[444] And it was so funny because the first time I saw bridesmaids, you two have that amazing scene where he's an undercover TSA agent.

[445] And you're guessing he's an undercover TSA agent and questioning him and wanted to know where his gun is and saying it is in your butt.

[446] And he's like, what?

[447] And I was watching it.

[448] And just as a fan of great improv, I could tell, yeah, I think some of this is scripted.

[449] but also some of this really feels like you two know each other and you two are in a pocket where you're really comfortable and you're both going for it.

[450] You're just both going for it and having a good time.

[451] And that's, I mean, that's one of my favorite scenes in it.

[452] And then I love the reveal that, yes, he does have a gone.

[453] And you knew it all along when we think your character is just completely on the wrong track.

[454] I know.

[455] I was like, oh, that's a great button to that weird.

[456] And we did.

[457] You know, Kristen Annie wrote.

[458] such an amazing script, but it's like what was great is them and Paul Feig like when we do it once or like, well, we've got that like say whatever, like now go.

[459] And especially all of those like Kristen, Annie, like we were all, the only exception was Ellie Kemper and Rose.

[460] Otherwise we were all from the groundlings.

[461] Like we didn't think anybody was going to think that was funny.

[462] We're like, well, we're doing this weird thing that we do for free.

[463] Well, actually we pay for it because you have to buy your own wigs and stuff.

[464] And we had no idea.

[465] It was like, it was funny to us.

[466] but we kind of figured, oh, my God, we're getting to make this movie, which seemed crazy, but we didn't really know if it was going to connect with anyone.

[467] Right.

[468] Because it's just what we were, we'd been doing in this little tiny theater on Melrose Avenue.

[469] And it was so fun because they would, we were so used to each other that they would.

[470] Yeah.

[471] And there's so many weird things said.

[472] That's where comedy and music are really the same.

[473] There are different forms of the same thing.

[474] And I can't, I can't describe what that thing is, but they're both.

[475] You do have to be on the beat with someone.

[476] Yeah, you're on the beat and you know your craft and you know your instrument and then there's complete trust.

[477] And those are all a lot of ifs.

[478] That's a lot of ifs.

[479] But if you can get all those things together and I think the greatest gift in this life next to, you know, partner and kids, the greatest gift is if you can do something that you would do anyway with your friends for fun.

[480] And then someone says, great job.

[481] here's your check.

[482] You go, what?

[483] Why would you pay me?

[484] And also, so many of the things that I've done in my life that I have given, that I hear about the most are things that I never thought anybody would like.

[485] Ben and I've talked about that before.

[486] We're like, we would still be making weird.

[487] I mean, we still do make weird videos.

[488] It's like we, the fact that it's now our job and when we're doing something, like, especially if it's, like, if I'm in the midst of doing something very strange, I always look at Ben.

[489] And I'm like, I am being my most professional at this moment.

[490] Yeah.

[491] And he's like, yes, this is what you're assigned profession is.

[492] And then, you know, I'm in like waiters and like in a gravy river or something.

[493] It's super weird.

[494] I just, I love when it's like the odds of it.

[495] But yeah, I would have done it.

[496] I don't think I ever would have stopped doing it, even if I would have gone a different way with my career and it hadn't worked out.

[497] It's just to me because, and I honestly don't know the answer to this.

[498] And so I'm just very curious that you've been on SNL so many times.

[499] I've been so great at it and seem like you'd be a natural cast member on SNL.

[500] Is that something that you pursued or did that just seem like it wasn't a possibility?

[501] No, that was like the Holy Grail.

[502] I mean, that's the thing.

[503] I mean, there's a funny thing going into improv because and the amount of work that goes in, it's, you know, you were doing, especially when you're a Sunday company at least at Ground Lakes, you're doing a new show every week.

[504] I mean, that's just crazy when you're still working.

[505] two other full -time jobs.

[506] You're not getting paid for it.

[507] This is all on the side.

[508] And really, you're like, you've got two shots.

[509] You have, I'm like, one, you've already picked some type of performance.

[510] So you've already narrowed your slice of the pie down pretty small.

[511] Then you're like, wait a minute, I don't want all acting.

[512] I just want this sketch comedy improvising.

[513] So then you're looking at SNL or Mad TV.

[514] You've literally, like, all these people come together and we've, you know, it's a, it's a very bad plan.

[515] But I think if you love it, you can't.

[516] help it.

[517] Did you audition?

[518] No, I did almost every, I rarely, rarely ever took a show off from Groundlings, or like a whole run.

[519] I did almost every run.

[520] I'm like, I'm here.

[521] I love it.

[522] I'll do everyone.

[523] They come, usually SNL would always come once a year every single time.

[524] I was at Groundlings 11 years.

[525] Every single time where I'm like, I'm going to miss one show I have to work or I'm going to go see my folks and I'm going to miss this one show.

[526] They're like, SNL game.

[527] Yeah.

[528] Not saying I would have, but I just never, oh, I would have.

[529] It would have been amazing.

[530] Like, it's the whole...

[531] Yeah, but it's interesting how somehow the universe saw to it that you've hosted S &L how many times, five?

[532] I think six.

[533] Six.

[534] Okay.

[535] That's including the 40th.

[536] I think it's six with that.

[537] Which is like...

[538] That's insane.

[539] First time I walk through there, you know, the stage is so tiny.

[540] You can't believe how tiny that stage is.

[541] And they just move things in and out.

[542] And you are literally elbow to elbow.

[543] is almost giving it too much space.

[544] And the first time, we were just passing through it, someone was going to show me something else.

[545] And I realized that's the stage, and that's where the band plays.

[546] And I just stood there and burst out crying.

[547] And they were like, sorry, we're pretty used to it.

[548] So we just fling people by here.

[549] And I was like, I just, I like locked up and I just, I couldn't believe I was standing there.

[550] It was like, it was a really weird.

[551] I used to sneak down and watch SNL when I was a kid.

[552] Were you not allowed to?

[553] I think if it was like past bedtime.

[554] Like when I was really little, I wasn't, and then we would watch it.

[555] But it was up, it was like late for us.

[556] So I would watch them one way or the other.

[557] Yeah, I grew up.

[558] I think I would have been just starting to be able to stay up like on a Saturday night.

[559] Oh, of course.

[560] Yeah, I watched it.

[561] And I was, I knew that my dad really liked comedy and had kind of a discerning eye for comedy.

[562] Is your sense of humor like your dad's?

[563] I think so.

[564] I like a lot of the same things.

[565] And my mom also has a good sense of humor, but I like the absurd.

[566] And I think my father always, I mean, he used to take me to Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers.

[567] And again, back to that same theme, Peter Sellers as Clousseau, completely committed and completely unaware.

[568] It never enters his mind that he's a fool.

[569] And I think that's one of my favorite comedy archetypes is the very serious committed idiot, you know?

[570] Totally.

[571] To me, it's a home.

[572] If you get in the right pocket, it's a home run.

[573] If you're not, I think it's a big thing if you're not making.

[574] If you're making fun of the character you're playing, I think there's a meanness in that that bumps.

[575] It bumps me as an audience member, and I think it bumps not everybody, but I think it bumps a lot of people.

[576] And even if they laugh, like, you know, when we, Ben and I make our movies and you do these screenings and, you know, you want to see what works because so often, like, the joke that always happens, one that I'm like, yes, it's too long.

[577] I didn't pull it together, but I swear it's like, this is the one.

[578] and then the audience just kind of sit there and then it's like the different ones really hit so you've got to kind of there's an alchemy to finding out not just what you like but what works with the audience and you know even if something is more mean -spirited like you see people laugh but I swear I can tell that they're like ha like it's that I'm going to laugh too even though that made me kind of the getting a laugh because you've made people uncomfortable not to laugh is never the laugh I want I'll take any laugh I can get well who am I kidding me too I don't care.

[579] That joke, Conan, that joke, it just killed seven people.

[580] I don't care.

[581] I don't care.

[582] It did very well.

[583] My name is Cahoon.

[584] My name's Cunin.

[585] Cunin.

[586] How much of this, you think, comes from the fact that you raised on a farm in Illinois.

[587] I mean, it's such a cliche, but, and I'm not saying that you were out there driving a tractor around, but there's a good -heartedness that I associate with.

[588] I don't know if that's fair or just is that a terrible cliche, a goodheartedness that comes with Midwest, Midwest values, don't be too mean.

[589] Is that a real thing?

[590] I think that's fair.

[591] At least I can say it's fair in the sense that that's who my parents are.

[592] My parents are like, I mean, to me it seems like when you look up like if you had to get a standard like, you know, stock footage picture and image of Midwestern parents like Mike and Sandy are sitting there going like, good for you.

[593] you.

[594] You know, they're just, they're like both kind of carved out of marzipan and sweet and really hardworking.

[595] I don't know if it's the Midwest, but it's certainly I get whatever that is from them.

[596] Have you had this because in your comedy and in your work, you're occasionally going to do stuff that you would never do in front of your parents in a million years.

[597] This is what I've had.

[598] There's my parents, like my mom is never like, I remember maybe twice in my life, my mom really like the, it just, just, I don't know what I was doing, but I'm sure it was, like, I was a jerk.

[599] But I remember her once, her big swear, she goes, Jesus, Marion Joseph.

[600] And I was like, holy shit, she's through the roof.

[601] Like, that was her.

[602] So we don't swear.

[603] There's no body to, I mean, I probably say more stuff now, but it's still not.

[604] Like, I never really work blue.

[605] I think people think because I've sworn a lot in movies, but that was really the character.

[606] Right, right.

[607] You're able to separate.

[608] Yeah.

[609] You have the protection.

[610] Like, I don't walk around like that.

[611] Right.

[612] But it's interesting to me that you can have the level of success that you've had and consistent success.

[613] And then...

[614] Until today.

[615] This is where it all ends.

[616] Well, trust me. This podcast.

[617] The second title we almost went with is the Career Stopper.

[618] Welcome to Career Stoppers.

[619] Holt, you're here.

[620] Back to the farm for you.

[621] No. No, it's interesting that I just, it doesn't matter what you achieve.

[622] In the back of your mind, your parents are there somewhere.

[623] They're like those two Muppets, old Muppets sitting in the balcony.

[624] They're watching and that's kind of your North Star a little bit.

[625] Always.

[626] Did I betray them somehow?

[627] Did I. And I'm always like, there's just certain things.

[628] I'm like, you don't have to watch that.

[629] Ben, the first time they met Ben was at the Groundlings and he was doing a scene with Jill Madsen and they were sitting on the edge of the stage in wetsuits with their feet over and supposedly, you know, looking out at the audience, but that was the ocean.

[630] And the whole thing was, and Ben's like, I cannot.

[631] I think he even tried to like talk to the director and being like, I think we should maybe pull that scene tonight or not.

[632] And they're like, no, it's killing.

[633] And the whole thing was just them, they were a couple.

[634] I think they were a couple and just somehow nicely talking back and forth, but the gist of it was that like they definitely loved fucking porpoises.

[635] And they loved it.

[636] And they talked about it.

[637] In a very sweet way.

[638] In a very sweet way.

[639] And so Ben was like, this just isn't kind of what I thought I was going to be.

[640] This is your parents' first look at me ever.

[641] That's fantastic.

[642] And he was just horrified.

[643] And they laugh.

[644] I mean, they laugh, but it's like, would they ever to repeat that in front of them?

[645] Or, I mean, but he was just dying and like things I did there.

[646] I was like, can you just kind of go to the lobby after this scene?

[647] And they're like, no, It's fine.

[648] Oh, my, you know, like, you certainly said some things.

[649] You certainly did that.

[650] I was like, oh, mom, I'm sorry.

[651] Oh, mom.

[652] Yeah, I did a show years ago in Chicago, a state show, and one of the parts of the state show, and I did it with Robert Smiling, Bob Odenkirk, and a bunch of other performers.

[653] And we did this sketch that we weren't able to get on Serenet Live.

[654] It later got on Serenet Live, and it was about a nude camp, a nudist camp.

[655] And the whole idea was it starts with.

[656] I think it started with two people out there and I think it was Robert Smigel and another performer.

[657] Everything strategically covered.

[658] They look naked, but because it's a live show, they're holding things that are covering their genitalia.

[659] And then the one guy is saying, don't worry about it.

[660] He's like, well, it's my first time.

[661] You quickly forget that you're naked.

[662] It's not a big thing.

[663] You get over it.

[664] And it's the most natural thing in the world.

[665] And then you're just talking about all kinds of stuff.

[666] And he was like, really?

[667] and he's like, yeah, trust me, it's going to be fine.

[668] And then I would enter, and I'd go, hey, Jack, hey Bill.

[669] This is my friend Steve.

[670] Oh, hey, Steve.

[671] Hey, Jack, nice penis.

[672] And then, hey, Bill, good penis.

[673] And then Bill's like, hey, I like your penis too.

[674] And the guy is freaking out the whole time.

[675] And then people keep entering, and it's all like, hey, you've done some work on your penis.

[676] Yeah, yeah, I got a little work done on it.

[677] Hey, penis is looking good.

[678] How's your penis?

[679] Penis is all right.

[680] Penis is a little tired today, and that's all they did.

[681] That was a sketch that always killed, and we did it at the Victory Garden theater in Chicago on the north side, and then I'll never forget the day I get a phone call.

[682] My parents said, we want to support you in what you're doing.

[683] So we're all coming out.

[684] And I'm, so it's my mother, my father, and my five brothers and sisters are all coming out to see your show.

[685] And then I'm begging Robert Smigel, can we not do the penis catch?

[686] Can we not do the penis catch?

[687] And he said, what are you talking about?

[688] Yeah, we have to do it.

[689] It's like the big gets, you know.

[690] And whatever a reviewer comes, that night.

[691] I was begging him and we did it and I'm dying the whole time.

[692] No one ever said a word about it.

[693] Really?

[694] They just were like, oh, great show, great show.

[695] Could you see them in the audience?

[696] No. I think I willed my eyes.

[697] All the blood went out of my eyes just through sheer force of will because, I mean, I don't know if you were raised Catholic.

[698] I was raised very Catholic.

[699] Yes, very.

[700] I just, one thing that my people can do is that if something unpleasant is happening, we can will it not to have happened.

[701] Yeah.

[702] And if something unpleasant comes on the television and you're watching it with your parents or something sexy or whatever, you can will it not to have happened.

[703] Yes.

[704] And just, you know what I was thinking for tomorrow, I just thought you, and just the perfect timing of just suddenly you're going to just talk over this part.

[705] Yep, yeah.

[706] And then right when it's done without looking, my mom would just be like, so just so you don't remember.

[707] And then we'd continue to see.

[708] And I was like, I knew she was due because I was like, oh, also the thought of like watching a sexy scene with your parents.

[709] Like I would, yeah, I would die to this day.

[710] I would.

[711] I'm picturing your mom in the theater with you when suddenly someone naked walks on screen.

[712] And she's like, I'm thinking corn tonight.

[713] Maybe corn.

[714] You know what your Aunt Marlene said the other day?

[715] Oh, God.

[716] I did, I brought my parents to an ADR session, which is.

[717] You know, if you have to go and, like, kind of fix some of the, if the audio gets messed up in a movie.

[718] You have to go in and, yeah, talking to a microphone and fix those lines for the movie.

[719] That was for the listener.

[720] Conan, by ADR, I mean.

[721] Trust me, you're also helping me because I don't know what ADR is.

[722] And I brought them in because whenever they're in town, they just kind of, we pal around together.

[723] And I'm like, I'm going to work.

[724] Do you want to come with me?

[725] And they're like, sure.

[726] So I thought, well, it's ADR.

[727] It's fine.

[728] We get in there, and it was for, oh, God, I always say it wrong.

[729] It's either ID thief or identity theft.

[730] We went through 7 ,200 names, and I, to this day, never said it.

[731] I think it was identity theft.

[732] I don't think I've ever said it, even when I was doing press for it.

[733] They're like, great job, you keep saying the name wrong.

[734] I'm like, okay.

[735] But we really did.

[736] We went through like 75 versions of it, so it's like they were all swimming in my head to this day.

[737] And I brought them in, and the director was like, Um, so he got through most of it.

[738] And then he got kind of weird.

[739] And he's like looking at my parents that are sitting in there watching the big recording studio.

[740] And he's like, um, we've kind of kind of get wild lines on, um, I need sex sounds.

[741] And I was like, my God.

[742] Which also I had never done.

[743] And I was like, um, and he's like not so much sounds, but I think you said, I said something like break my pelvis.

[744] And he's like, we need, there's a rustling on break my pelvis.

[745] Helvis, so we need you to yell that.

[746] And I just was like, Mom, Dad, you want to scram?

[747] They're like, yep, you bet.

[748] And they just got, they both popped right up and just went right in the hallway.

[749] Oh, yeah.

[750] Wow.

[751] I don't make sex sounds during actual sex.

[752] I'm the silent assassin.

[753] Will you keep your mask on?

[754] To make sure.

[755] It's a Nixon mask.

[756] Real treat.

[757] for the wife.

[758] You know, I want to make sure that I mentioned, I got to see the Starling last night, and I was very happy that you get to play all these different notes now.

[759] Not that you were banned from doing that before, but you have created the space where you can do that.

[760] I felt the same thing about the Bob Ross documentary, which really, I think, is remarkable.

[761] And I've been telling everybody watch the Bob Ross documentary.

[762] But I think people were, they're like, I think beforehand, And they were like, please don't room Bob Ross for us.

[763] I was like, no, no, no, it's not a hit piece.

[764] It's not.

[765] No, no, it's not.

[766] It's a, it's a really lovely documentary.

[767] And I, thank you.

[768] What I came away from in this between, because you've got all this work out there right now, the Bob Ross documentary, and you've got the Starling, you know, nine perfect strangers.

[769] Is it nine or seven?

[770] Nine.

[771] I always like to shave two off of anything.

[772] There were 12, but I can't talk about it.

[773] But you've gotten to the point where I can't put you in a pigeonhole.

[774] And I think that's a fantastic place to be in.

[775] Oh, thank you for that.

[776] And I have no influence.

[777] Don't be too grateful for my compliment.

[778] Hey, Conan says I'm really going places.

[779] Hey, guys.

[780] Hey, Hollywood Boulevard.

[781] Have you heard the news?

[782] Q Nonen says.

[783] Cuenot.

[784] I'll see.

[785] I still can't say it right.

[786] I mean, I'm still pretty shocked that I work regularly.

[787] I mean, Ben and I often look at each other and we're like, like, the fact that we're always waiting for like the knock on the door where it's like, oh, okay, we just figure this out, get out.

[788] Like, we're at movie being like, cool, cool, cool.

[789] Can we grab a bag?

[790] Yeah.

[791] No, we can't.

[792] Cool.

[793] That makes sense.

[794] Like, literally, I think if that happened, we'd be like, we were waiting for this.

[795] So the fact that now it's like, I don't, because I really loved, I love.

[796] doing plays and I love both I just love all the storytelling and I don't think it all has to be one or the other.

[797] It's like it's odd when you do a comedy and there's pathos in it and sometimes it really throws people like I've had people just be like I don't know why you have to have like a dramatic moment I was like well the characters in order to be funny you've got to fall down then you get to watch them get up you have to fall to get up and if you want to watch them to get up they fall pretty hard so you have to show that and they're like but not in a but it's a comedy, but I'm like, yeah, but planes, trains, and automobiles is like a perfect movie.

[798] Yes.

[799] That, in terms of endearment, my God, it's, it's, I cry, it's such a heartbreaking thing.

[800] There's such funny moments in there.

[801] I'm like, I feel so lucky that I get to do both.

[802] Like in the Starling, you've got these people, you, Chris O'Dowd, you know, Tim Mollifent.

[803] Kevin Klein, just to work where I was like.

[804] Yeah, Kevin Klein, who are all, have all the comedy chops in the world, okay?

[805] And then they can use that.

[806] They can also not use that because you're dealing with some heavy stuff, but you're also, it's not an either -or.

[807] It's not an either -or.

[808] And I thought that was true of the Bob Ross documentary.

[809] I really encourage people to check it out because I came away from it still loving Bob Ross more than ever because I re -appreciate him.

[810] And there's nothing in the documentary that was revealed that made me think of him any less.

[811] He's just was a beautiful man, but seeing some of the darkness around how he was treated by the business side of things was absolutely, it's such a compelling story.

[812] I know.

[813] That started.

[814] It's funny.

[815] Ben, we both separately and together have always really loved, as I think, a strange grouping of people.

[816] They love Bob Ross.

[817] If it's ironically, if it's as a soothing thing, as just, it's great to just watch him paint.

[818] And I remember since I was a kid, my dad would always get into a panic every time by the, right before the show ends, before he would do, like, his big finale was always like, now I'm going to put a big tree.

[819] My dad would always be like, don't do it.

[820] He's going to ruin the pain.

[821] He's going to ruin it.

[822] He's got a beautiful pain and what is he doing?

[823] And, you know, I'm like.

[824] It is chilling when you watch it, when you watch him do it.

[825] And it's always right in the foreground.

[826] It's cutting the picture in two.

[827] And then he does it and you go, oh.

[828] Oh, what a wonderful tree.

[829] And then my dad would be like, my God, it's a wonderful trait.

[830] Every time, but every time.

[831] It was the consistency of, he was so compelled by this gentle man. And Ben, Ben was looking to write, was thinking about writing a biopic and possibly wanting to play him because he's, he was kind of so fascinated.

[832] So he started kind of started doing like, you know, the basic research was, you know, just getting online.

[833] And God knows every bit of information on every human is available with pictures and slides.

[834] and everything else.

[835] And when he started trying to figure stuff out, he was like, there's nothing on him.

[836] Yeah.

[837] Like anywhere.

[838] There's two kind of like lines that have been presented.

[839] He goes, I can't.

[840] There's no photos from other people.

[841] And he's like, do I have to go to Muncie?

[842] And like, he was thinking about taking a road trip with a friend in Muncie, Indiana and just like starting it.

[843] And that's when, you know, these great documentary, Josh came in and Stephen and they had just on the Rana.

[844] And they were like, you know, is any.

[845] Are you kind of thinking of any topics?

[846] And someone Divia D'Souza that works with us was like, well, they're pretty down a wormhole with Bob Ross, but the wormhole is proving nothing.

[847] And just by that, we were so fascinated as why don't we know someone that we all know so well?

[848] And these guys, I literally think it was like two weeks later.

[849] They were like, we're in Florida.

[850] We're knocking on doors.

[851] Like the investigative route that I never, I mean, when you play it backwards, of course, it takes all this research.

[852] But, you know, we start, we know the blueprint going into when we make movies.

[853] Like even if it changes somewhat, you know the basic map.

[854] And they went in and they're like, you know, we have no story to tell.

[855] We can just tell what's there.

[856] So we absolutely don't know where this is going.

[857] And watching them kind of do that process and then just truly seeing it take shape was so fascinating.

[858] And I really enjoyed watching them do what they do so well.

[859] With the Bob Ross documentary, it's like you got it.

[860] You got lighting in a bottle.

[861] It's really terrific.

[862] Oh, thanks.

[863] And I have used up so much of your time.

[864] That's what I was thinking.

[865] That was a real.

[866] Wow.

[867] This is...

[868] Well, I'm sorry.

[869] You know, went on and on about how, you know, amazed you were to be Conan O 'Brien's best friend.

[870] And then suddenly...

[871] I'm so long -winded.

[872] Yeah.

[873] I don't give snippets.

[874] I'm terrible at it.

[875] I don't know.

[876] It's also me. I think I stopped the show a couple of times to tell you my entire life story.

[877] But congratulations on everything, including being one of the voices of Alexa now, which, if that is not a sign that you've made it in 2021, what is?

[878] I don't know.

[879] I mean, to be like, you know, you know what people want to hear in their house?

[880] A real nasal, nasal Chicago gal.

[881] And like my kids don't like it.

[882] And they're like, hey, Melissa, they're like, aw.

[883] Like, they do, my girls are like, it's just so weird.

[884] Well, they're certainly not coming from me. So I think you should take that gig and run with it Because no one is knocking on my door.

[885] Melissa, an absolute joy.

[886] My favorite kind of person is a very, very talented, nice person who's grateful for what they have, and you are all of those things.

[887] So thank you very much for doing this.

[888] Thanks.

[889] I wish I could say the same.

[890] Damn it.

[891] Yes.

[892] That's your club instinct moving in.

[893] You just shut me down like a heckler.

[894] That's because you showed me to take my top off and then put it back on.

[895] It's true.

[896] I did keep holding a sign up throughout the interview, take your top off, which I thought was funny, but I'd been drinking a lot of beer.

[897] So much beer.

[898] A few weeks ago on the sort of sister podcast to this, Conan O 'Brien needs a fan, we talked to a lovely young woman who is a tattoo artist.

[899] Do you remember this?

[900] Yes, I do.

[901] Her name was Christina, and she asked you, what you would like to have if you had to get a tattoo.

[902] And we also inquired about the tattoo that she did on her husband, which was a full -sized bearhead across the chest.

[903] Yeah.

[904] She got back to us with actual wonderful illustrations and a picture of her husband.

[905] Now, I don't know if you remember this, but we suggested that the husband shave his chest except for the area of the bear and the snout of the bear, so it looked like a fuzzy bear on his chest.

[906] Do you remember that?

[907] Yes, I do.

[908] This is a nice tattoo she did a view, embedded in a rose and in a heart.

[909] And we'll put these pictures up on the Team Coco podcast's Instagram.

[910] Oh, look at that.

[911] That is fantastic.

[912] Isn't that something?

[913] Wow.

[914] Now, is that a tattoo I could get?

[915] Yes, I think that's the point.

[916] It says future tattoos.

[917] Well, wait a minute.

[918] What does it say about you if you have a tattoo of yourself on your chest?

[919] It says a lot.

[920] I don't know.

[921] Wow, I would, you know what I'd love to do is get that on my back, huge, really giant, a tattoo of myself.

[922] And what I'd like to do is then, like, jog on the beach someplace where I think there might be paparazzi around.

[923] I would love it if it got out that I had a giant tattoo of myself on my back.

[924] And you could do what her husband did and shave everything but the hair.

[925] Just the hair?

[926] Just like your back hair be the hair.

[927] Yes, just, yeah, exactly, the pompadour.

[928] so that my orange back hair and there's not a lot but there's some would match would correspond with the hair on the tattoo that's fantastic and you know what I could do I don't have to really get the tattoo but I'd love for someone to get that photo and for that to show up somewhere like has Conan O 'Brien lost his mind Oh that would be great that would be terrific that's what I'm going to do that I was going to raise money for a charity this weekend a very important charity but I'm going to cancel that and instead do this practical joke that benefits no one.

[929] Now, here's the second one.

[930] I don't know if you remember this.

[931] And what you arrived at is a heart with you in it and pushing Sona and me out of the heart.

[932] I love that.

[933] So let's see.

[934] You're just hanging on there?

[935] That's great.

[936] I'm in, I'm nestled in the heart.

[937] And I'm not even making eye contact with either one of you.

[938] No, and I somehow look like Larry King here.

[939] He was going to say you look really oldy?

[940] No. you don't look as good as Larry King.

[941] Did you have body odor there, or is that just a breeze that's blowing on you?

[942] I'm not entirely sure, to be honest.

[943] Not only am I pushing you both out of the heart, but I won't even make eye contact with you.

[944] I'm looking away and smiling like a true sociopath.

[945] Still pose with your hand on your chin too.

[946] I know.

[947] You're looking to the future and you're getting rid of your past.

[948] Yes, like cruddy past and looking towards a better tomorrow.

[949] I'm also, I've got my hand on someone.

[950] his face, which I would never do in real life because she's a biter, you know, she's like a feral rabbit.

[951] She would chomp down, especially now that she's got those twins, she is a ferocious, ferocious mom.

[952] Yeah, I don't know.

[953] So I would not, I wouldn't go anywhere near, like any frightened animal, I'd try and get her in a sack first, you know, some kind of burlap bag that her claws couldn't penetrate.

[954] And Sona, I really do miss you.

[955] I love you, and I'm so glad that you're a new mom.

[956] I'm sorry, I said that it likened you to a feral, feral rodent.

[957] That was probably not my kindest moment, but it's honestly how I would try and subdue you.

[958] All right, and then up next here is, of course, her husband.

[959] It's a little hard to make out, but that tawny color on there is his chest hair.

[960] Oh, my God, he did it.

[961] Isn't that incredible?

[962] Yeah.

[963] That's amazing.

[964] And like everything but the mouth and tongue of the bear are shaved.

[965] And then, of course, the outside of the bear, the negative space is shaved.

[966] And he's just got like a full Muppet bear on his chest.

[967] Okay.

[968] Here's my question about tattoos.

[969] No one thinks about this.

[970] But we age.

[971] And skin starts to grow slack.

[972] What happens to those tattoos?

[973] Do they become, I mean, that bear is going to, you know, turn into, what's he going to turn into?

[974] Walter Mathau.

[975] Yes, exactly, Walter Mathau around, you know, grumpy old men three, you know, that's what's going to happen.

[976] He's going to turn into a Walter Mathau.

[977] He's not going to be a bear anymore, and I think that happens a lot.

[978] I think people get these tattoos and then, you know, inevitably, I mean, that's a young man. She was a very young woman.

[979] That's a young man. He's got plenty of years of having a bear on his chest, but it's all going to collapse in on itself.

[980] And it's just going to be this melted brown marshmallow.

[981] you know what I mean What's true I'm just going by the way my own body is collapsing I'm judging I'm not being ages here This is I look at my own Naked chest every morning It should be condemned The whole area should be roped off And condemned as a hazard It should be It's just collapsing Have you ever seen me without my shirt on I have yeah When did you do that Yeah tell us more What's going on David What do you need to do that I got my shirt on.

[982] Last week, we were in a trailer.

[983] Oh, right.

[984] That's true.

[985] That's true, actually.

[986] I thought you were doing a bit.

[987] Did you guys just two of you rented a trailer in Barstowe?

[988] We did not rent a trailer.

[989] I did a little something with my good friend, Mr. Will Arnett, and I did a little project, and they gave me a trailer.

[990] And yeah, you and I were trapped in the trailer.

[991] Two straight days of...

[992] It was, yes, two straight days of...

[993] It was about 110 degrees.

[994] outside.

[995] We were in this trailer huddled because it had air conditioning.

[996] And in between, it's one of those shoots where, you know, you wait two hours in between shoots before they knock on your door again and say, we're ready from you and Mr. O 'Brien.

[997] And so it would be David and I, chin to chin, cheek to jowl, and then I'd have to get changed, and you would not leave the trailer.

[998] And you saw the crime that is my upper torso.

[999] Wasn't that?

[1000] It was kind of strange.

[1001] At one point, David was, there's no room in this trailer, hardly any.

[1002] I fell asleep on this little half couch and I woke up and you were just sitting there opposite me, not even looking at your phone or anything, just sitting there like a robot whose battery had been turned off.

[1003] I have my laptop for the record.

[1004] I was on my laptop.

[1005] You were staring at me. I was not.

[1006] I was not.

[1007] David, you do seem like a changed man after that.

[1008] There were hours where we were complaining about being hot, thinking that the AC was broken.

[1009] We didn't know that it was off the whole time.

[1010] Somehow it had gotten turned off.

[1011] And so we were sitting in this trailer in 100 degree heat and baking and just sweat pouring off of me. And I'm wearing a suit because I was playing a detective in this role, sweat pumping off of me. And we thought, man, I guess we should go tell someone this thing doesn't work.

[1012] And then you said, oh, look, there's a button here that says off on.

[1013] and it's in the off position.

[1014] Then we waited another two hours to try turning it on.

[1015] I'm kidding about that.

[1016] No, we turned it on right away.

[1017] I would love it if we were like, not yet.

[1018] Give it two more hours.

[1019] Well, listeners can easily go to Team Coco podcasts on Instagram and check out these pictures.

[1020] And you can also listen to the Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend episode, which is actually the title of it, is called Down to the Cockeroo, if you want to hear the exact episode.

[1021] So check it out.

[1022] I have to say, I kind of remember what happens on this podcast, but on the fan ones, I forget what was said.

[1023] And then I'll be walking along and people come up to me and they'll say, someone came up to me the other day and said, tongue to anus, eh?

[1024] And I didn't know what they were talking about.

[1025] Yeah, that's right.

[1026] I know, but I forget, and that was from when we talked to, it's a great episode, I thought, it was really fascinating, but we talked to a coroner, a pathologist.

[1027] He talked about how they, I don't want to get into it too much, but he used the term tongue to anus, which means everything from the back of your tongue to that other part of your body is all connected.

[1028] And I think I heard that in that moment, but then forgot about it.

[1029] And so a couple of weeks go by, and I'm coming out of a coffee shop holding my iced latte, mocha, this guy's passing me, and he goes like, hey, tongue to anus.

[1030] Now, in any other culture, that's either the nicest thing you can say to someone.

[1031] or a terrible threat.

[1032] And I didn't know what he was talking about.

[1033] So that happens more and more now because of the Kona fan episodes.

[1034] I don't know what to say.

[1035] This is the future you've writ for yourself.

[1036] I think this is going to happen more and more.

[1037] What if someone came up to me and said, Hey, Conan, tongue to anus.

[1038] And I said, oh, fan of the podcast day.

[1039] And they went, you have a podcast?

[1040] And I'd be like, oh.

[1041] Conan O 'Brien needs to.

[1042] a friend.

[1043] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam O 'Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[1044] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1045] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coe, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1046] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1047] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1048] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1049] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1050] Engineering by Will Bechton.

[1051] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[1052] rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1053] Got a question for Conan?

[1054] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1055] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1056] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1057] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.