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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Hello.
[17] Hello.
[18] And welcome to my favorite murder.
[19] Minyasode.
[20] It's from Menyasset.
[21] You know.
[22] Manhasset.
[23] Your favorite place where we tell you your own stories about, maybe about murder.
[24] Maybe about razors.
[25] Maybe about stuff in walls.
[26] Maybe about sinkholes.
[27] Maybe about something you found out about your grandpa when he died.
[28] Maybe it's that your grandpa was an alien.
[29] Maybe your grandpa was a sinkhole.
[30] Maybe your grandpa is the center of the earth.
[31] Uh -huh.
[32] Made of hot magma.
[33] where the Loch Ness monster is passing through on his way from one lake to the other.
[34] That's right.
[35] That's how they travel.
[36] Listen.
[37] Look and listen to our fucking rambling bullshit on your way to work Monday morning.
[38] This is an organized podcast of single topic true crime.
[39] If you can't handle it, we take you, we take you very seriously.
[40] We take it very seriously.
[41] And we take every topic that exists seriously.
[42] Let's do this thing.
[43] No bullshit.
[44] Okay, you go first.
[45] No bullshit.
[46] That's our guarantee to you.
[47] This one says, mom had a banger hometown.
[48] Oh.
[49] Georgia, Karen, Stephen.
[50] So my mom had a banger for me tonight.
[51] That's British, right?
[52] Yeah.
[53] Like a party.
[54] Yep.
[55] It's like a party sausage.
[56] It's one of those really long party sausages that you cut up into 30 pieces.
[57] That's what I was going to say.
[58] Did you mean the many ones with toothpicks?
[59] Like the little ones that you make into, um, pigs in a blanket.
[60] Oh, how good are those?
[61] Little Smokies.
[62] Little Smokies.
[63] You can also take them camping.
[64] Guys, focus, please.
[65] So my mom had a banger for me tonight, kept insisting she's told me, but no fucking way I would have forgotten this horrifying gem.
[66] My mother grew up in Humboldt, South Dakota.
[67] Oh, there's not British at all.
[68] In a small trailer house with her parents, raging alcoholic father, younger brother Barry and little sister Becky.
[69] One night, my mom says she was out with friends, smoking dope, as she recalls.
[70] Yep.
[71] Brenda is the bees' needs.
[72] Oh, my God.
[73] Mother's name's Brenda.
[74] There's no children named Brenda.
[75] No, that's done.
[76] The Brenda's and the Carlas and the Denise's and the Sheryls are not, you know what?
[77] Can you imagine, okay, picture a little baby, little sweet baby, and now picture it's named Barbara.
[78] That has always been to me like that.
[79] Like when I meet a person named Barbara, I'm like you were a baby named Barbara.
[80] Although Barbara Gray, who is our, all of our mutual friends.
[81] I love her name on her.
[82] I think it suits her perfectly.
[83] It's so perfect.
[84] It's almost like an 80s sitcom named her perfectly.
[85] Yeah.
[86] And now we're bullshit.
[87] That's the height of bullshit.
[88] But also, if you haven't listened to Lady to Lady Podcast, that's how you're going to get to know Barbara Gray and her friends.
[89] That's why we told you this.
[90] Yeah, that's, we planned it.
[91] We rehearsed it twice, and now we're executing it.
[92] And we did a great job.
[93] Okay.
[94] Here's the thing about this email.
[95] That's ready.
[96] Okay.
[97] So she's the bees knees, smoke and pot with their friends, comes home late.
[98] She had thought that her brother Barry was still out with his friends while her younger sister was in the front yard, having a, quote, camp out sleepover in a tent.
[99] She had gotten ready for bed and climbed in.
[100] The way her bed was placed, she could see directly down her hallway.
[101] And after she got in bed, that night, she remembers looking down the hallway and seeing a man crawling down the hallway towards her.
[102] crawling not walking on but on his fucking hands and knees that's the most menacing way to move towards someone it's it's straight out of like the ring yes it's very because then the next thing that happens is their elbows turn in it all goes backwards and then they go up a wall like a crab oh my god okay she tried to scream but it was of course the reaction of i'm too fucking terrified to find my own goddamn voice the worst but the intruder heard her squeak and froze, which is even scarier.
[103] She finally found her voice and screamed for her dad.
[104] From there, her dad, mother, and brother, brother holding a rifle.
[105] I thought it was going to be her brother in the hallway.
[106] No, it was not her brother in the hallway.
[107] Okay, go on.
[108] Went running down the hall after this guy.
[109] He decided to fucking hide behind the tent.
[110] Oh my God, where the little girl is in?
[111] Where my young aunt and her friend were sleeping.
[112] My uncle Barry lines up a shot as my mom's dad leaps and says don't she's the girl the guy ended up running off they still have no idea who the man was oh no i thought i was going to be whimsical and funny because her brother was really drunk and crawling to his bed no that's what i thought was going to happen no if her brother was drunk he got a shit right back together grabbed the rifle in his room no no it wasn't him i thought that's how it would go i mean he came for the rescue yeah he was there for that part but no there was a full on fucking crawling intruder in their house no horrifying i hate it if this ever gets on your cast i may shit a brick so i hope to hear my mom's fucked up story told by one of your angelic voices stay fucking sexy and don't get goddamn murdered nicole well done nicole Nicole go shit a brick please go tell a fucking deborah close barbara brenda tell brenda we say hi hey hey banger that was a banger okay oh she meant it in the Miley Cyrus way.
[113] Banger.
[114] There's a Miley Cyrus way to say banger?
[115] Yeah.
[116] I didn't know that.
[117] And an album to back it up.
[118] Really?
[119] I don't know anything about pop culture.
[120] That might be bangers plural.
[121] Anyway.
[122] Huh.
[123] Oh, kids these days they're going around being political and smart.
[124] With their tongues out?
[125] With their tongues out.
[126] Okay.
[127] This is called Thrifted murder dress.
[128] Oh.
[129] Hello, everybody.
[130] Perfect.
[131] Perfect.
[132] When I was with a but a wee lass, my mom was an avid thrifter.
[133] With no college degree and a small child to raise, she started selling thrifted goods on eBay.
[134] Think those teenagers on D -Pop, but circa 1999.
[135] I don't know what any of that means.
[136] Was that some kind of Korean reference?
[137] I think D -P -O -P -O -P is like a vintage clothing selling app.
[138] Oh.
[139] Someone in line, I was like, where did you get your dress at the meet and greet?
[140] And they said that, and I forgot about it.
[141] Okay, so it might be an online store or app.
[142] But I remember being obsessed with eBay.
[143] and it was just like this new it was nothing like it yes at the time it was so exciting okay the countdown part was the best part oh my god they didn't have uh buy it now shit no like you had to in the ridge you had to hang in like you had to find your thing of this is the lamp from my childhood and then fight against others fucking asshole and wherever the fuck would buy it from right out under you for like a penny more and that's the reason that you thought you wanted that thing so bad that you actually didn't need or want it all oh my god now we just okay One day, she found a beautiful 1940s dress.
[144] The problem, it had bloodstains and what appeared to be a hole from where someone got stabbed.
[145] What?
[146] Funny enough, she bought the dress despite its obvious flaws.
[147] At the time, she thought she could cut the zipper and sell it since there was a market for them, but she eventually got creeped out and threw the dress away.
[148] Well, we have found some cool stuff at the Goodwill since then, like $10 ,000 cash.
[149] I'm not joking what tell us that story did you new hometown requests yes random shit you found in like crazy places found things found things found thrift store things is awesome found thrift store things maybe like anything found especially money oh big piles of money that you just kind of found $10 ,000 cash you would shit that's a that's a drug blazer the I thought you meant now we can buy that drug blazer we are always wanting.
[150] No, I'm talking about that fucking smart, uh, tweed blazer with the elbow pockets.
[151] That smells a little bit like cigars.
[152] But secretly the person's a Coke dealer?
[153] Exactly.
[154] Yeah, got it.
[155] Um, okay.
[156] We have unfortunately not found another murder dress.
[157] As a kid, I didn't think much of the incident, but now murderingo me wonders if this dress was part of some old -timey, unsolved murder.
[158] Anyway, see you all in March.
[159] Uh, Judy.
[160] God, I can't read today.
[161] Judy.
[162] we'll see you in March Judy see in March Judy just are we just gonna wear that dress do we have dinner plans with Judy can March no for the live Los Angeles show you know March is March is the month where Karen and I leave our apartments and houses and venture out into the world we go and then we'll just kind of dine with whoever emails us that's right happens all the time that was a good story I mean that is the idea that that just could be a floating piece of evidence that they's no one got yeah like some like small town jurisdiction was like emptying out the evidence room and they're like this vintage dress is pretty i'm just going to be it out goodwill and then they're like this pile of cash that someone's robbed from a bank we'll just put it in the goodwill okay this is an i survived plus a sinkhole story say what oh karen's like trifecta but with two things i'm trifecta minus one what do they call that sleek and It's a bifecta.
[163] A bifecta.
[164] Hello, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and all associated animals.
[165] I love that.
[166] That sounds like it's civic -based.
[167] I live near the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore, which is located on the southern tip of Lake Michigan.
[168] A very common pastime when spending a day at the beach is to run up and down the dunes.
[169] I'm not entirely sure why that is, as the sand is always hot as fuck, and have you ever tried to climb a sand mountain?
[170] It sucks.
[171] These dunes are known as living dunes, because, they move anywhere from a few to upwards of 20 feet per year.
[172] One of the more famous dunes is called Mount Baldi and is over 120 feet tall.
[173] In July of 2013, six -year -old Nathan Wassner was visiting the dunes with his family and went to climb Mount Baldy with his father when all of a sudden he fell into a St. Cole, all caps.
[174] The dune literally swallowed him.
[175] Oh, my God.
[176] Nightmare.
[177] Nightmare.
[178] Apparently, all the years of shifting had compromised.
[179] the integrity of the surface and allowed for a giant -ass -boy swallowing sinkhole.
[180] His father and other beachgoers immediately tried to dig him out, but they could not see or hear him, and the sand was difficult to displace.
[181] First responders arrived and tried to use shovels to dig Nathan out, to no avail.
[182] After a few hours, they were able to drive an excavator up the dune, start using that to dig, but they had to be extremely careful so as not to hurt Nathan with a giant metal claw -dicking thing, so progress was slow, as they, would have the excavator move a foot forward, dig around with their arms and shovels, then repeat the process for what I'm sure seemed like an eternity.
[183] After what I'm sure seemed like an eternity, one of this first responders felt the top of Nathan's head and was able to pull him out.
[184] He was found in a standing position as if he had fallen down a narrow pipe.
[185] When he was pulled out, he was cold, limp, and didn't have a pulse.
[186] Oh my God, Nathan.
[187] Which wasn't terribly surprising since he had spent four hours buried in a sand sinkle.
[188] That's fucking.
[189] fine but then as he was in the back of a lifeguard truck on the way to the ambulance he first responder noticed that a cut on the top of his head had started to bleed his heart started beating again he was rushed to a local hospital and then later airlifted to chicago where it was determined that he had suffered no brain damage and in fact his only injuries appeared to be that cut on his head where someone nicked it with a shovel while they were digging i knew it and a scratch on on his cheek he has no memory of the incident so he's not even traumatized just the parents no one knows how he was able to survive that long buried in the sand Mount Baldy was closed for a few years afterwards good no shit but they reopened it last summer the big fence and warning signs around it saying that if you went inside the fence you'd be fined pretty sure the threat of getting buried alive inside of sand dune is more of a deterrent than a fine but okay stay sexy and away from sand dunes Kim that scares me so much that's nuts but this the sand dung got angels saved him yes they did also can you imagine being this parent of like the longer they search you're just like this we're looking for my kid's body that is bananas that I have to admit I read the first page of that I did not read the second page and I was like Stephen you've got the whole world in your hands right now I'm like what is because you know better than to lead us down the stony path of then the child just died in the sand.
[190] Right.
[191] Right.
[192] Right, Stephen.
[193] Well, sometimes we like that.
[194] He knows it.
[195] Well, true.
[196] Sometimes it's just like...
[197] It printed out that way, too, so that made it probably worse.
[198] More dramatic.
[199] Because it was like you had to turn the page.
[200] I was not expecting my kid to Renathan to live.
[201] I really wanted him to be in a hidden cave with Egyptian treasure.
[202] It's crazy that he doesn't remember it because, like, I wonder if he was just like, off one another, in another plane of existence.
[203] His whole interior was like, we're shutting off.
[204] all of us down for we're going to hold for six hours and we're going to be right back online do you need us knock us give us a knock on the head with a shovel just go ahead and dig into my head with a shovel hey this is exciting an all new season of only murders in the building is coming to hulu on august 27th steve martin martin short and selina gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives but there's a mystery hanging over everyone who killed saz and were they really after charles why would someone want to kill charles this season murder Hurtor hits close to home.
[205] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[206] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[207] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[208] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[209] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[210] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[211] Goodbye.
[212] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[213] Absolutely.
[214] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[215] Exactly.
[216] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[217] But did you know that they also power in person sales?
[218] That's right.
[219] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[220] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[221] From accepting payments to make.
[222] managing inventory.
[223] They have everything you need to sell in person.
[224] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[225] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[226] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[227] Connect with customers inline and online.
[228] Do retail right with Shopify.
[229] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[230] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[231] Go to Shopify.
[232] dot com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[233] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[234] Goodbye.
[235] Instead of reading the last one, I have a recorded one for my friend.
[236] So today's Monday.
[237] So tomorrow is the 6th of March, Tuesday.
[238] And so the episode of drunk history in this new season that I'm on is going to play.
[239] And it's tomorrow night?
[240] Yeah.
[241] At what time?
[242] I don't know.
[243] 9 p .m.?
[244] Sure.
[245] Comedy Central?
[246] Comedy Central.
[247] Yeah.
[248] And so it's a special episode called, drunk mysteries.
[249] And I got to do a murder.
[250] So I'm doing that.
[251] Check it out.
[252] And it just so happens that a friend of mine, a good friend of mine is the editor of my episode, which is really cool.
[253] And he has a hometown.
[254] He's always wanted to tell me. So he has, so his name is John Kaysen.
[255] He has a podcast called Ghosting Around and it's ghost story, like true gross stories.
[256] It's really his hometown murder.
[257] So thanks for not making me look like a fucking idiot on drunk history, John.
[258] I hope.
[259] We'll see.
[260] We'll see.
[261] Okay, here it is.
[262] Hey, everybody.
[263] This is my hometown murder slash I was a preteen person of interest story.
[264] So it's Orlando around 1990.
[265] I was 12 and a half or so.
[266] And I used to babysit for the two kids across the street.
[267] So one day I'm riding my bike home from school and I noticed there's a big crowd of well, people and news vans and believe.
[268] these cars outside of my friend's house, which is just outside the neighborhood, my street.
[269] And so I find out that between my friend's bedroom window and the brick wall that surrounded the house, someone had parked a white truck in the grass and left it there.
[270] And it turns out that the truck belonged to the mom of the kids across the street that I babysat for, and then in the back of the truck, wrapped in a bed sheet was her dead body.
[271] She had been killed by blunt force trauma in her bedroom while the kid first sleep upstairs wrapped up in her bed sheet put in the back of her truck and then driven out of the neighborhood and parked in from my friend's house changed husband obviously who lived on a houseboat three years or three hours away and because they were going through a big messy divorce and she was asking for the house the kids and the business that they owned together so after all this happens no arrests were made still no arrest were made still insult and everyone and then to make it worse he asked my parents one day if I am available to babysit again.
[272] And without asking me, they say yes because they don't want him to suspect that they suspect him.
[273] I'm over there babysitting at night and there are still blood splatters on the floor circled by Sharpie.
[274] And I didn't even look in the bedroom because I did not even want to even mess with that.
[275] But as I'm putting the kids to bed that night, one of the kids stops me and says, Hey, John, and I say yes.
[276] And he says, I missed my mom.
[277] The unequipped self, I think, just said, I know, like I'm Han Solo, and then when sat downstairs, I turned out, my mom tells me that when the murder first happened, the detectives came over to our house and asked for a pair of my shoes to compare to the bloody footprint scene, which, of course, she let them have my shoes.
[278] I never found out which pair of shoes they were that exonerated me, but that is the story of how I became a preteen person of interest.
[279] Holy shit.
[280] John is one of the sweetest people you've ever met in your life, so like add that like him as a 12 year old must have been like an angel baby also I love the answer I know I know just like I bet that helped that little kid instead of like go to bed or whatever weird adults would say right that's just kind of like a kid going yeah you're right it's an acknowledgement of your pain instead of being like don't be sad which is like it feels like we're going to have to change a very very long ago like a declaration that we made on this podcast which is no male babysitters.
[281] That's what I was thinking too because that's what I wanted to say is like John is a sweetheart.
[282] He's okay.
[283] I promise everyone.
[284] He didn't do it at 12 years old.
[285] Can you imagine suspecting a 12 year old?
[286] Like he's one of your suspects?
[287] They have to clear everybody.
[288] It's not like it hasn't happened.
[289] Well, he said that we text about it and he said it's been, the case has been opened a couple times, but they haven't found any, you know, found anything.
[290] But the father, the kids stayed in the house where their mother was murdered.
[291] With the blood on the wall and the father moves.
[292] Like that's so unhealthy for those children.
[293] Horrible.
[294] I guess, yeah.
[295] I don't know how they turned out, but it's super sad.
[296] Yeah.
[297] I like it, though.
[298] I like a first person told is always fun.
[299] I mean, just like exciting.
[300] You know and you're like, like he's been trying to tell me that story forever.
[301] I mean, there's, there's truly nothing better.
[302] Also, that's how it happens.
[303] for so many people where it's like he's just an innocent 12 year old and all of a sudden he knows that people murder each other like all these things become real and he also gets shoved into a weird adult position and his parents send him back over to a murderer's house because they don't want to be rude because they don't want to be rude to the murderer it's fucking nuts it's crazy I mean they don't even have the like oh he's going to go to camp that week they don't even lie Yes, sure.
[304] He's available.
[305] Of course we're not suspicious of you.
[306] And it's like even if it wasn't the dad, you're sending him back to the murder house at night alone as a 12 -year -old with kids.
[307] Yes.
[308] Like the killer's still on the loose, even if it's the dad or not.
[309] Can't those kids leave that house and come to a different house?
[310] Yeah.
[311] Why don't they come to John's house to take care, to get babysat and stay there forever?
[312] I'll call his mom when this show's over.
[313] We're going to have some words with this mom.
[314] We really have to get on the horn with her.
[315] Mrs. Kaysen?
[316] Casein point.
[317] But here's the thing.
[318] It's that exact thing that made him the great television editor that he is today.
[319] That's true.
[320] These are the things that build us.
[321] That's true.
[322] Yeah, I think that's it.
[323] Send us your shit.
[324] My favorite murder at Gmail, y 'all.
[325] Yeah, keep it up.
[326] We love all these stories.
[327] We do.
[328] You guys are the best.
[329] Stay sexy.
[330] And don't get murdered.
[331] Goodbye.
[332] Elvis, you want a cookie?
[333] Good boy.