MFM Minisode 202

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The miniselle.

[3] It's tiny.

[4] This is the big.

[5] You can't see it.

[6] You can barely sense it.

[7] It's a mini.

[8] It's a miniature.

[9] It has its own dollhouse.

[10] Oh, so cute.

[11] You should see the baked goods in the oven.

[12] What if that's my new thing, dollhouses?

[13] Victorian, fucking, or mid -century modern.

[14] Yeah.

[15] To the T, fucking doll housing.

[16] It's got to exist.

[17] It must do.

[18] That would be real.

[19] How about a mid -century modern dollhouse instead of this usual Victorian bullshit we have to deal with?

[20] I don't want a weird clawfoot bathtub for my doll?

[21] Wow.

[22] I'm doing it.

[23] Goodbye.

[24] That's my new thing.

[25] If you, okay.

[26] George, you do it.

[27] But if you're out there and you make mid -century modern dollhouses, let's fucking see it.

[28] Let me know.

[29] Is there a hashtag on Instagram and it's like a whole world I don't even know about?

[30] I have.

[31] I'm going to find it.

[32] That's amazing.

[33] That's the beautiful thing about this world that we're all discovering through social media is every there's a there's a fanship for every literal thing on the planet.

[34] Do you know what?

[35] I was just looking up the other night when I couldn't sleep, black mold.

[36] Just there is and there's a thing for it.

[37] You're a huge, huge fan of black mold.

[38] I am.

[39] I am.

[40] What, like how to how to spot it?

[41] Uh, just no, like invasive, how crazy invasive it gets into like the photos of like, well, look.

[42] at how crazy invasive this guy.

[43] And you're like, wow, that got crazy invasive.

[44] That's fascinating.

[45] Now, what is it the kind of thing where people have to like burn their house down it's so bad?

[46] Yeah.

[47] And there's a lot of abandoned houses, which is like, so it's like a crossover of two of my favorite things that people had to leave, abandon their entire, you know, almost like Chernobyl style because it was so infested with black mold that they couldn't fucking take anything with them.

[48] Oh.

[49] This isn't the regular episode where we talk about whatever the fuck we want.

[50] It's not because I want to.

[51] Okay.

[52] Do you have any?

[53] What's your new hobby?

[54] Green mold.

[55] Perfect.

[56] All right.

[57] This is the episode where we read you the emails you've sent to us at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[58] Yeah.

[59] You want to be businesslike?

[60] I'll be fucking business like.

[61] You want me to go first?

[62] I'll fucking go first.

[63] Okay.

[64] I won't read.

[65] of the title hey y 'all you guys are great i love what you do let's get into it while i was listening to talk about this shooting in huntsville it reminded me of a shooting that happened in my hometown that same year clay allen duke whose wife was a teacher and had recently been fired attended a school board meeting in panama city florida in december of 2010 he stood up pulled out a can of red spray paint is very that's so disturbing painted the v for vendetta symbol on the wall.

[66] He then pulled out a gun and let the other attendees of the meeting leave as well as the two female board members.

[67] So he basically kept the male board members.

[68] Horrifying.

[69] As one of the board members was leaving, she tried to attack Duke with her purse, but he knocked her to the floor, but still thankfully didn't shoot her and let her leave.

[70] The superintendent of schools, Bill Hughes felt tried to negotiate with him to let the rest of the board leave, but Duke would not listen.

[71] Duke ended up firing four shots at point -blank range, which miraculously all missed.

[72] Oh, my God.

[73] Yeah.

[74] By this time, the security guard began firing upon Duke, hitting him several times.

[75] Wow.

[76] Once he went down, Duke took his own life.

[77] The craziest thing about this to me was that the entire thing was streaming.

[78] No. Yep.

[79] And it says, I had teachers watching all of this happen in real time.

[80] the story blew up and got national attention and the female board member sold the purse she tried to disarm him with for charity oh ginger that went from you to oh real fast oh i forgot about the name ginger oh ginger you badass she's a she's a tall redhead with a big ass purse and a serious attitude who's like how dare you try to fucking shoot my fellow board member Good for her.

[81] And then it just says, Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my tail.

[82] S -S -D -T -M, Bryn.

[83] I definitely enjoyed your tail, Bryn.

[84] Isn't that?

[85] It reminds me of a member of the shooting in front of the, the courthouse with the guy in the tree and he just kept dodging the bullets.

[86] Oh, my God.

[87] Yes.

[88] A person with a gun in a room trying to kill people.

[89] It's like, oh, what a traumatic nightmare.

[90] Amazing.

[91] Good job, Bryn.

[92] Thank you.

[93] Okay.

[94] This one's called an early 1990s abduction with some solutions.

[95] Hello to my murderino fam.

[96] I was born and raised in Rochester, New York.

[97] My parents raised my brother and I by watching the news, unsolved mysteries, and rescue 911, leaving us obsessed with all things horrendous.

[98] Anyway, I happen to remember an incredibly sad hometown murder that I wanted to share.

[99] On November 13, 1993, 18 -year -old college student Jennifer Coon was abducted from a suburban mall parking lot after using the ATM in an affluent.

[100] town near Rochester, New York.

[101] Jennifer desperately called 911 with her cell phone while the abductors were driving.

[102] She pleaded with the 911 operator to help her, but since it was the early 90s, the technology to pinpoint a caller wasn't accessible.

[103] Oh, that's horrible.

[104] Jennifer Coon was raped, then shot, and killed all while on the line with 911.

[105] She was found dead two hours after the initial call, and the cell phone was locked on 911.

[106] One of Jennifer's killers, Willis Knight, was arrested six months later.

[107] There's a brief mention of others involved, but no conviction or follow -up as to what happened to them, what -the -fuck Rochester police.

[108] And I looked it up and I guess there's like people talking to each other on the 911 recording, but they said it was only one person.

[109] The gut -wrenching 911 recording was played in court and the 911 operator whom Jennifer spoke with took the stand to convict Knight.

[110] He was sentenced to 37 .5 years to life in prison and I'm happy to report is still in jail.

[111] Following his daughter's murder, her father, David Kuhn, asked local officials to install security cameras in such parking lots but received no response.

[112] This led Mr. Kuhn to political activism.

[113] He successfully ran for the 135th Assembly District seat in a special election held in February 1996 and won that shit.

[114] Hell yeah.

[115] One of Coon's legislative priorities was for full funding of E -911, a system used in North America to automatically provide the callers location to 911 dispatchers.

[116] Coon and his wife, Suzanne, were also instrumental in creating and managing the Jennifer Patterson Coon Peacemaking Foundation at their daughter's college, St. John Fisher.

[117] The Foundation recognizes and honors people who have made a significant contribution to peacemaking and who foster and stimulate a commitment.

[118] to peacemaking in our society.

[119] The end, love you all.

[120] And then I, so I looked him up to see where he is now, and I couldn't really find out what's exactly happening.

[121] I guess he lost to, he lost his next, what's a collection?

[122] Yes, but I did see his Wikipedia, and it says, Koon is in favor of increased penalties for violent crime, including the elimination of the statute of limitations for criminal sex case.

[123] So I'm wondering where he is now If anyone has any info I mean it's just Wow, I mean Yeah That's a horrible story And again like when you're like Then he ran for assembly It's just it gets me because those people are in such pain Yeah Suffering such a horrible loss And then it's like and now I'm going to go take action I mean it's like it's the beautiful part You know through the grief you can actually use grief To help you Through his grief he's trying to keep other people's children safe.

[124] That's what he's doing.

[125] It's like he is trying.

[126] His whole point is to make the world safer because he can't do anything about what happened to his daughter.

[127] He wants to do something that happens for someone else's daughter, which is just incredible.

[128] And the idea of peacekeeping.

[129] Yeah.

[130] It's so nice.

[131] That idea of like what if what if we in this utopian concept, none of us had to deal with this shit in any way, in any part of me. I mean, or if you like, just try to do better things for the world, even though it won't affect you.

[132] You know, it's like try to do better for everyone else.

[133] Right.

[134] What a great concept.

[135] Yeah, to kind of like, I don't know, the more we do the show, the more of these stories we read and we read things like this, parents that then take up this unbelievable, charitable, charitable action for other people.

[136] It's like the solution is not revenge.

[137] The solution is not.

[138] hurting more people, it's like to then go out and try to lessen the hurting and the, I don't know, it's very beautiful and inspiring.

[139] Yeah, yeah.

[140] Okay.

[141] Wow.

[142] Are you ready for this one?

[143] Sure.

[144] We're going to be now going over to our friends over in Ireland.

[145] Ireland.

[146] Ireland, the island.

[147] Let's do it.

[148] Hi, care to Georgia, and then parentheses, and Stephen.

[149] My girlfriend is a long time murderino.

[150] She told me about your minisodes and encouraged me to send in this story about the craziest shit that ever happened to me. And hey, why not listen?

[151] Whatever.

[152] You do what you want.

[153] You do what you want, you headstrong.

[154] Now, why would he do that?

[155] I went to college in Dublin, Ireland.

[156] One week, a classmate asked if I played soccer and invited me along to his once a week kick around with some friends.

[157] There was a core group of about 15 or so guys.

[158] and I became a regular playing with them.

[159] Among the group was a short -bearded Sicilian, Sicilian guy called Severio.

[160] He was good at soccer, quiet, never yelled or got too angry, never lost his temper when he got fouled.

[161] You get the impression.

[162] He was a little bottled up, but on the whole seemed like a nice, polite guy.

[163] The weekly games were organized via a big email chain with everyone CCed.

[164] One week, there were a lot of emails in the chain, and a little bit of emails in the chain, link to a news article.

[165] Most of the time, these emails were meaningless, so I just skimmed through and marked them as red.

[166] Later that day, though, I ran into my classmate and he said, did you read the article?

[167] I hadn't.

[168] He walked over to the nearest computer in the lab and opened it up for me. The headline read, Italian lodger charged with murdering Dublin landlord right next to a photo of Savario.

[169] Fuck.

[170] Severeo lived with this guy who was a member of a notorious organization and Ireland.

[171] They were a right -wing Catholic activist group who campaigned on the wrong side of history on issues such as abortion rights, gay rights, same -sex marriage, and they even dabbled in some climate change denying.

[172] So the night before, Severio and this guy were playing a game of chess at two in the morning, why play chess so late?

[173] No one really knows, but this whole story is so fucking crazy that that's not even the weirdest thing.

[174] An argument broke out between the two of them about whether a move was legal and Severio lost it stabbing his landlord four or five times with a kitchen knife and eating what he believed to be his heart but it turned out to be his lungs yeah Severio called the police on himself and confessed to the murder the cops that came to the house first were so traumatized they were put on indefinite paid leave afterward oh my God Ireland's a small country about five million people and murders are rare a modern case of cannibalism has never been seen here before local police had no experience with it so investigators with some expertise were brought in from a neighboring county it turned out severio had schizophrenia and had been taken off his medication two days earlier he had thought his landlord had come to embody evil and that by killing him and eating his heart that he could end the evil in the world the weirdest thing though was how well our soccer little soccer group adjusted to finding out one of our ranks was a cannibal.

[175] It was like it was so preposterous, so outrageous that our brains couldn't register it.

[176] It was surprisingly easy to be quote unquote lighthearted about it.

[177] Weirdly, I think if he'd just and just as in quotes, just murdered someone, we would have been way more shocked.

[178] But with all these bizarre details, it passed into the surreal and it was easier to come to terms with.

[179] Or, yeah, you did not come to terms with.

[180] anything friend go into full straight up irish denials don't even kid yourself it's called trauma you you are pushing it down it's gonna come back up last i'd heard sevario had been found not guilty by reason of insanity and was in a mental hospital stay sexy and don't play chess with a cannibal patrick wow oh it's just sad all around yeah that's so heavy and also it's that thing it makes me think of you know we've all seen like say a beautiful mind movies where you can see the inside of the experience of like a mental illness a delusion like that yeah where actually in it he's he actually thinks he's helping yeah yeah as soon as it i had all these comments in my head and then when it came to the fact that he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia it's like oh okay this is yes not this is a completely different thing yeah and i think it's completely inaccurate to call that person, I mean, he technically cannibalized the victim, yet it's not, it wasn't a practice.

[181] You know what I mean?

[182] It was like, it was an explosion.

[183] Yes, and it was extension of his mental illness.

[184] Right.

[185] It was almost like this story.

[186] Wow.

[187] It's just, yeah, wild.

[188] Okay, I promised you this one last week.

[189] So here is abandoned underwater locales, accidental deaths, and bonus sinkhole horror.

[190] There you go.

[191] Hello, ladies.

[192] Hope this bullshit year hasn't been too stressful on you.

[193] Thank you.

[194] I'm from Twin Falls, Idaho, which is built right on the Snake River Canyon.

[195] While the river is beautiful, there are a series of lakes in the canyon system that are less well known, one of which is Dirkies Lake.

[196] And they spelled out how to say Dirkies for me, which I really appreciate.

[197] Very nice.

[198] Which legend says was not always a lake, but used to be an old dairy farm.

[199] At some point, the area was flooded and is now a popular swimming.

[200] fishing and cliff jumping location.

[201] Some of the other lakes in the area are a bit harder to get to and are colloquially, just known as I'm going for it, as the hidden lakes and are also popular for cliff jumping.

[202] Unfortunately, because these legs are harder to get to, anyone who is injured cliff jumping at these lakes is less likely to receive medical care in time.

[203] One of my high school friends was at these lakes and warned a boy that he was on one of the more dangerous jumps.

[204] he scoffed at her.

[205] Several minutes later, after my friend had left and was back to the road, an ambulance went past her.

[206] The boy had hit a rock on the way down and died.

[207] Another boy from my parents' church hit his head jumping last year at a different lake and drowned.

[208] Several years ago, the city finally installed a road all the way to the most popular lake in order to reach it quicker.

[209] Finally, a family in a different Idaho city had a sinkhole occur near their house, which caused a partial collapse.

[210] in the basement.

[211] This revealed that their house had been built over a snake den.

[212] No, what?

[213] The family later said that they had heard slithering in the walls over time and that their water, are you ready for this, had tasted like the snakes smelled.

[214] No. Can I tell you that if I had read this to Vince, he would have divorced me immediately.

[215] That is that is a so there's a sinkhole and then it's just fucking Indiana Jones straight into Indiana Jones snake pit and it tasted their water and you've been drinking snake water which I would think is like probably good for you like they could probably bottle and sell that shit I mean what do you think it's good but like viral skin or virility virility colloquially colloquially good for your skin this is the most fucked up thing how is this possible I hate its guts SSDGM and shout out to my sister who introduced me to your podcast and hates me for seeing you live in Manchester last year Leah Leah's sister Ha ha ha ha ha Sorry you were there first Okay also snakes and walls Like you would think you were going insane Yeah slithering You just like Do you hear that?

[216] Because it almost probably smells like sounds like like bugs or water or something or the devil I mean I don't like this at all Should I take that one out?

[217] No no no it's amazing I mean like fucking eight because also When you buy a house it gets inspected like There's guys that come and look at every single goddamn inch of your house but it wasn't their sinkhole It was like a sinkhole nearby that caused it So like But the pit was under and among their house.

[218] Every house is built on top of something, right?

[219] But snakes?

[220] Like, come on!

[221] No house in their room, no top of snakes!

[222] I know.

[223] It's terrible.

[224] Someone do something.

[225] Someone make that illegal.

[226] Please.

[227] All right.

[228] I know.

[229] Blech.

[230] That's not even your last one.

[231] No. Send your stuff found in Wall's story.

[232] or snake pit stories, everyone.

[233] What was your house built over that made you have a nervous breakdown?

[234] Black mold?

[235] Would you rather?

[236] Would you rather have your house be built on a snake pit or a black mold pit?

[237] W -Y -R.

[238] I would pick black mold all day long.

[239] A black mold pit, though.

[240] That's different.

[241] Ew.

[242] You fall into it, it's all soft.

[243] And you're like, wait, this isn't so bad.

[244] And then the spores begin to take over.

[245] My water tastes it like this.

[246] my water tasted like snakes i'm so thirsty hold on let me just stand here the the and why is my hair so shiny lately i love that you think snakes would have this great effect on you know how like they use snail uh like snail slime yeah for facial it's the same concept to me and like sometimes they'll put you have to eat the rattle of the rattlesnake and it'll get make you all you know like in and some some like mescales or shit tequila?

[247] Oh sure yeah.

[248] Like and it's supposed to make you like get a boner or whatever right?

[249] You're making that.

[250] I'm not I swear.

[251] If you're out there and you're an esthetician or a urologist, well you let us know like how good snakes are for your face or genital yeah.

[252] God damn it.

[253] Sorry.

[254] I'll never stop thinking about snake water.

[255] I know.

[256] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[257] Absolutely.

[258] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[259] Exactly.

[260] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[261] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[262] That's right.

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[264] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[265] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[266] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[267] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[268] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[269] Connect with customers in line and online.

[270] Do retail right with Shopify.

[271] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[272] important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[273] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[274] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[275] Goodbye.

[276] The subject line gives us away, so I'll just read it to you.

[277] Hi, friends.

[278] I didn't know my dad's father very well.

[279] He passed away when I was still quite young, and I remember him only as a quietly imposing figure who sat in his leather armchair in the corner of his hoarder's paradise of a house.

[280] A chronic shopaholic, his home was all.

[281] always filled with ridiculous treasures from the department store floor sale.

[282] And his grandchildren always received many impersonal but weird and wonderful gifts for Christmas and birthdays.

[283] Love it.

[284] Love it.

[285] I had this same.

[286] My aunt Dorothy, who was not an actual relative, but she was friend of the family.

[287] Had a gift room at her house.

[288] She couldn't not buy anything that wasn't on sale.

[289] And when we were building the house that my family lives in now in Petalum, we had to live with my Aunt Jean.

[290] and Aunt Dorothy would be there all the time and so on holidays we would come out of our rooms and go to the front room and Aunt Dorothy would have like a gift for me and a gift for Laura and so one time I watched Laura open up this it was a necklace that was easily from like 1978 it was like that really thick gold and it came down into like a V diamond shape and then a matching yeah and a matching caseless no no no it was not nice it was it was very corny and cheesy looking and then i just had twenty dollars nice can i that would be i could easily become that person especially with vintage stuff because i'll go find like a set of incredible 60s like drinking glasses that i don't fucking need but i hate to leave them behind it's only 10 dollar you know i have to stop myself from doing that i mean that is the that is the thing of thrifting is i can't this is a true treasure i can't just leave it here and it's only $10.

[291] Like, yes.

[292] Yes, I have, I have a garage filled with like fire king bowls and dishes and plates.

[293] Oh my God.

[294] This is the cutest coffee cup or whatever.

[295] Can I come shopping at your house?

[296] I miss store shopping so much.

[297] Can I just go to your house and do it?

[298] Oh, yeah.

[299] Set up a little store down there for you.

[300] Right now it's all still in boxes from when I moved.

[301] I'm lurking on it, working on.

[302] Nah, fuck it.

[303] Oh, okay.

[304] Sorry, I'm in the middle of an email.

[305] Right.

[306] I knew vaguely that in his youth, he had been a navigator in the Royal Australian Air Force during World War II.

[307] Shortly after that, he had graduated from Sydney University and became a well -respected doctor in Sydney.

[308] That was the sum total of my knowledge until a recent Google of my uncommon family name turned up a surprising newspaper article from 1946.

[309] Google your name, everyone.

[310] Yeah, get in there.

[311] On December 15th of that year, the Sunday Mail reported that three medical students were, about to spend their university vacation in a pretty unique way, attempting to cross the 600 -mile stony desert in central Australia on foot.

[312] Oh, no. Among them was my grandfather, then age 22, who was putting his skills as a navigator to use, plotting the course across the desert.

[313] This desert is notorious for having beaten Captain Charles Sturt, who had attempted to cross it a hundred years earlier.

[314] Unfortunately, I've been entirely unable to find any other articles from their, from the end of their trip.

[315] In fact, the only other article I found mentioning my grandfather was from a few years later when at the age of 30, he apparently got extremely drunk and decided to drive home anyway.

[316] According to the paper, the car quote unquote got out of control.

[317] It's the passive voice.

[318] Clearly, he's not responsible.

[319] Overturned three times and plunged 40 feet off an embankment.

[320] The car was wrecked.

[321] My grandfather, on the other hand, came away uninjured.

[322] and was fined 15 pounds.

[323] Guys, don't.

[324] Even when it's all -timey.

[325] Don't drink and drive.

[326] Don't in the past drink and drive.

[327] And also, he drove over a 40 -foot cliff and walked away unharmed.

[328] Insane.

[329] I can't.

[330] This guy.

[331] While I don't have any evidence that the desert crossing was actually completed, I like to imagine that only such an experience would allow a man to drive his car off a 40 -foot cliff and live to deal with the resulting fine.

[332] Stay sexy and don't drive drunk.

[333] Beck.

[334] Good one, Beck.

[335] Wow.

[336] Love it.

[337] Grandpas.

[338] All right.

[339] My final one.

[340] What will they do next?

[341] Oh, my God.

[342] Tell us by sending us an email about it.

[343] All right.

[344] Okay.

[345] The last one's called hometown story.

[346] Hi, MFFM fam.

[347] I'd like to tell you the story of my aunt's seemingly haunted house.

[348] When I was in elementary school, my aunt lived in Minnesota.

[349] If there's snakes in this house, I'm going to get so mad at you.

[350] There's no snakes in the story.

[351] I promise.

[352] Next.

[353] Next.

[354] there's snakes in a story.

[355] Let's do trigger warning, right?

[356] Snake trigger warning, where you just go, are you ready for this story?

[357] Yeah, exactly.

[358] When I was in elementary school, my aunt lived in Minnesota in a town of about 17 ,000 people.

[359] Her house was on a nice corner lot near a park and my younger sister and I loved to visit and spend weekends with her.

[360] As I got into my early teens, I started to become more in tune with my sixth sense and felt uncomfortable going anywhere in the house other than the new edition of the Sunday.

[361] room.

[362] I even slept in there instead of the spare room when I visited.

[363] I had just, I just had this weird feeling when I spent too much time in any other room like someone was watching me. Well, it turns out I wasn't completely wrong about that feeling.

[364] My aunt moved into a new house right before I started high school, which didn't seem too weird.

[365] Everybody moves until I heard why.

[366] While hanging out with her at her new house, I asked why she decided to leave and she proceeded to tell me that while she loved the supernatural, the house was just too haunted for her.

[367] And then it says, excuse me, what?

[368] Lights would turn on and off.

[369] She would see hair whipping around a corner as if someone was running and hear footsteps in the attic.

[370] Okay, so cool, my creepy feeling was right.

[371] Great.

[372] I had always assumed this was the whole story.

[373] But then, a few years later, I was left stunned when I learned the truth.

[374] When I was in high school, circa 2010 -ish, we were having Thanksgiving with aunts and uncles and someone cracked a joke towards my aunt about someone living in an attic.

[375] I didn't get it so I didn't laugh.

[376] Feeling dumb, I asked what was so funny about that.

[377] Well, it turns out my aunt's ex -husband was unknowingly living in the attic of her old house.

[378] No. What's worse, he had installed cameras all over her house and was essentially watching her and hour every move while stowing away.

[379] So yes, my feeling of being watched in every room of that house, minus the sun room where there were no cameras found was valid.

[380] Genius.

[381] More valid than I could have ever imagined.

[382] Obviously, the adults decided to keep this story from my sister and I until we were older.

[383] And honestly, probably would have preferred to keep it from us forever.

[384] As far as I know, my aunt's ex -husband is still in prison and my aunt still swears that the old house was haunted by ghosts, not just her ex -husband.

[385] Lady.

[386] She is now enjoying life with her cats in a non -haunted house and has neighbors that always keep an eye out.

[387] Thank you for bearing with me during this long story, S .S .DGM, Taylor.

[388] Taylor, that was a great story and a horrifying story.

[389] And you do have a sixth sense.

[390] Like, had to be somewhat not satisfying, obviously.

[391] You now have proof that your instincts are razor sharp, that you are very smart in almost a ESP style way.

[392] Totally.

[393] I would have so much more self -confidence after learning that, even as a disturbing is that story is.

[394] This story is about how you are a badass.

[395] I would insist that everyone around you start calling you Vanguard if I were you.

[396] Just based on this alone.

[397] I don't know.

[398] I think you're the true Vanguard.

[399] Turns out.

[400] How could it be?

[401] That's unbelievable.

[402] That's my worst nightmare because I've had those feelings before that is someone, what if someone this video like has a secret hidden camera?

[403] Because you can put those in a fucking pen now.

[404] it's like they're so tiny yes they're everywhere and then you admonish yourself for being so paranoid but wait now would you would you rather w y r mold snakes or or some fucking creep in the oh obviously snakes with cameras no snakes below total creep above camera snakes they're there's snake i still think I think no yeah I still don't want those snakes though I still don't want a snake though I still don't want a snake pit and snake water.

[405] You want them more than mold, I promise.

[406] Yeah, the water is the problem here, unless it's like an esthetician is going to tell us.

[407] Incredibly good for your kidneys.

[408] That's right.

[409] Snake venom.

[410] Drink it.

[411] Drink it and become young again.

[412] Good luck.

[413] Oh, my God.

[414] Here come the lawsuits.

[415] Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.

[416] We are not doctors.

[417] We are not doctors.

[418] We are not.

[419] Ech Theologist That's right What?

[420] Send us the craziest thing That's ever happened to you Story Please Because if it's anything like Taylor's story Or any of these stories I mean great batch People are really honing in on What we love to hear And writing it really well too I feel like so good Yeah Good job guys Thank you Thanks for listening too You don't have to write If you just want to listen And don't want to write anything in Don't feel pressure That's fine You can but please definitely Don't be like Patrick and don't listen and still write in I'm still mad at Patrick his typical Irishman just does whatever the fuck you want That's our only rule But it rambles right up and tells us a story that everybody loves so much None walks away I have a salary for you Oh also stay sexy And don't get murdered Goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie