Colin Hanks

[0] Hello, my name is Colin Hanks.

[1] And I feel excited about being Conan O 'Brien's friend?

[2] Is someone got a gun to your head?

[3] What is that?

[4] I'm asking myself out loud.

[5] You know what you're doing?

[6] You're trying it on.

[7] And it turns out, these pants fit.

[8] You look fantastic in those.

[9] I like Conan pants.

[10] I got a lot of room where I need it.

[11] It's good.

[12] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[13] I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[14] Hey there.

[15] I was going to three, two, one you.

[16] And three, two, hey there.

[17] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[18] We had a little bit of a mishap just now.

[19] Gourley tried to count me in.

[20] I didn't know you were going to count me in.

[21] I never count you in.

[22] You never do.

[23] And so I just on my own started to say, hey there, and welcome to, as you were counting me in, and it was awkward.

[24] Yeah.

[25] You know, you were actually sitting quiet waiting for us to shut up, which I don't think I've ever seen you do.

[26] Well, Sona is, she jabbers.

[27] She's quite the jabberer.

[28] You're a talker.

[29] You know that.

[30] I mean, I like talking to.

[31] Matt, a lot about things.

[32] No, no, and so you were gibbering away, and you were babbling over here, Matt.

[33] And I was just waiting for there to be a moment for me to start the podcast.

[34] I don't even know what you were talking about.

[35] So you're complaining that Sona and I have a cordial, conversational, and amicable work relations.

[36] On the nose.

[37] Yeah, and you don't like that.

[38] Well, I think when it's time to get down to bidness.

[39] Bidness.

[40] Bidness.

[41] Then, you know, it's time for me to crack the whip.

[42] But you weren't doing anything.

[43] You were just sitting there.

[44] So we just thought, okay, it's open season for chatting.

[45] And I've seen you shoot remotes and sometimes you need an action.

[46] Like you need somebody to say, okay, you can start.

[47] So I think that that's probably what you were waiting for.

[48] Oh, yeah.

[49] It sounds like you know me better than I do, Sona.

[50] I mean, good for you.

[51] You've observed me in the field.

[52] You've probably observed me over the years, practicing my craft.

[53] And you may know the real.

[54] me. I don't think I do.

[55] Well, we've, I think, so far, failed to find a good start.

[56] This is, I don't know.

[57] But we haven't even mentioned the show who we are and what we do.

[58] So if that's what you mean by not off to a great start, I begged it different.

[59] And that's on you.

[60] That's on you.

[61] I'm going to maintain that I'm not good at this.

[62] I should have started right away by saying, hey, it's Conan O 'Brien.

[63] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[64] I didn't do any of that.

[65] And I think we're 40 minutes in at this point.

[66] I have a very, I don't judge time very well.

[67] You know what I do have?

[68] I have an excellent sense of time.

[69] Do you?

[70] I do.

[71] Yeah, meaning I can wake up in the middle of the night, and if you ask me to guesstimate what time it is, I'll say, I'm going to say it's like 220, and then I'll look at the clock, and it's 2 .18.

[72] Oh, my God.

[73] Is that because some part of your subconscious is always, like, one eye open?

[74] It might be, but I do have that.

[75] I'm able to guess the time, and sometimes, many things.

[76] times it's within five, ten minutes.

[77] What time is it right now?

[78] Well, I've been podcasting for a while, so I can't say.

[79] But let's see.

[80] Let's see.

[81] We started, you see now.

[82] Don't look.

[83] Jesus Christ, I shouldn't have looked.

[84] I looked right at the huge red digital clock, and he followed my eyes.

[85] I don't know.

[86] If you put a gun in my head, it'd say 203.

[87] And how many seconds?

[88] Probably 35, 36, 37.

[89] Wow, spot on.

[90] Incredible.

[91] Yeah.

[92] It's this, you know, there's a giant digital clock in the room.

[93] know you were trying to test me, but...

[94] Just trying to keep you sharp, boss?

[95] Yeah.

[96] I like it.

[97] I'm a cato.

[98] I got to come at you, you know, keep you sharp.

[99] I like it.

[100] I'm opposite with time.

[101] I'll be like, I wake up in the middle of the night.

[102] I know.

[103] I know you are.

[104] Well, Sona, what time is it right now?

[105] Oh, do you know me better than me?

[106] It's four o 'clock.

[107] I, uh, I wake up in the middle of the night.

[108] I'm like, oh, that was a nice night of sleep and then it's midnight.

[109] Oh, that's the worst.

[110] Yeah.

[111] But I'm way off.

[112] I think you might be way off, though, because you got some pharmaceutical help at night.

[113] Yeah.

[114] Do you just, you do the, the edibles at night?

[115] Not every night, but yeah, a lot.

[116] Did you, because it used to be de rigour, you always did it.

[117] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[118] You always took edibles every night.

[119] Then, Mikey and Charlie entered your life.

[120] Yeah.

[121] And to be a good mom, you probably can't have edibles, right?

[122] Because you just gave it straight to them.

[123] Well, no, I, yeah, I know.

[124] Well, when I was breastfeeding, I could it.

[125] They slept really, they slept great.

[126] And then, yeah.

[127] Yeah, I think that there's a point where you're just kind of like, fuck it.

[128] I'll just go back to what I did before.

[129] But now, you know, they wake up sometimes.

[130] You're listening to advice for new mothers with Sonam Obsessian.

[131] Take a few gummies and fuck it.

[132] So no, I am.

[133] So when did you, when did you decide to get back on the sweet, sweet ganja?

[134] I think immediately when I was done breastfeeding, I was like, okay, now it's time for, for the sweet gunge to get back into my life.

[135] It's my, it's my thing.

[136] It's my advice.

[137] You drink wine.

[138] I take edibles.

[139] Would we ever do a segment where the three of us get high and record it feels irresponsible.

[140] It feels like we're putting a message out there that, you know, we think, because it's a gateway drug.

[141] Oh, you dork.

[142] To fun.

[143] Gateway to fun, you nerd.

[144] I'm sorry, I can't have it.

[145] I can't.

[146] I am the Jack Webb.

[147] I don't think it affects you.

[148] Nice reference.

[149] I am.

[150] Is it?

[151] Yeah, it is.

[152] I didn't get it.

[153] That's why I just went right through it.

[154] I was being ironic.

[155] Watched.

[156] You're a fan of the old dragnets, right?

[157] They're hilarious.

[158] It was a show.

[159] Yes, sorry.

[160] Check it out.

[161] Anti -drug.

[162] Yeah, that's what I'll do with my free time.

[163] They're really funny.

[164] They're, and not intentionally, but they're really funny.

[165] And they're constantly, they're constantly yelling at hippies.

[166] It's the squarest thing mankind has ever produced.

[167] Yeah.

[168] And they will always rattle off.

[169] My favorite thing, it was trying to be educational.

[170] but the hippies were always over the top comical and one of my favorite Jack Webb he did Drag Nip I think he also did Adam 12 and once the Adam 12 police I'll never forget this exchange they pull over what's supposed to be a hippie on a motorcycle and the representation by these really square 1960s comedy writers who were probably in their 50s of a hippie was he's wearing like a World War I German helmet and he's got a he's got a monocle and he's incredibly disrespectful to the police and and and and Reed and Maloy the two cops are patiently trying to tell him you know he broke the law and he's like yeah you know pigs I smell bacon all this kind of ridiculous nonsense and then at one point they say well we're going to have to fill out an FI report on you and the hippie says FI what does that stand for foolish idiot and Maloy or Reed says to him In this case, yes.

[171] And the hippie goes, huh?

[172] And he's like, Monocle falls out.

[173] Like, sick burn on the hippie.

[174] I love the depictions of hippies by square comedy writers in late 60s and early 70s TV.

[175] It's absolutely hilarious.

[176] Did you just watch that episode?

[177] No, no. That's burned into my brain.

[178] There was a Jackie Gleason variety show where they were making fun of hippies.

[179] And a hippie runs out.

[180] and he's carrying a sign that says down with everything.

[181] And, you know, everyone's tolerating and rolling their eyes at the unruly hippie.

[182] And then I think they scare him by saying, look out, here comes someone with a bar of soap, and the hippie gets scared and runs away.

[183] I mean, I swear to God.

[184] Come on.

[185] All this anti -hippie stuff.

[186] It just cracked me up as a kid, and it still cracks me up.

[187] I'm sitting between the biggest hippie, someone of always high, head in the clouds, And then the biggest square, Conan O 'Brien.

[188] That's true.

[189] That's actually very true.

[190] You're not a square, though, but you're a straight lace.

[191] What's cool about me?

[192] You know what?

[193] I think you're a cool guy.

[194] Seriously?

[195] Name something it's cool about me. Yeah, so, no. Seriously.

[196] Name some one thing, one thing that's cool.

[197] One, two, three, go.

[198] Don't think.

[199] Just go.

[200] Try and buy time.

[201] You said you're a cool guy.

[202] What's the kind of cool about me?

[203] Can I tell you what I think is cool?

[204] That cool comedians think that your comedy is cool.

[205] So you yourself, I don't know, but like the people you have inspired are cool.

[206] Uh -huh.

[207] And that's cool.

[208] Right.

[209] But you, you yourself, this is the assignment.

[210] Assignment, it shouldn't be an assignment.

[211] You should just be just running off at the mouth about all the cool things about Conan O 'Brien right now.

[212] You know?

[213] You just said a whole thing about Dragnet.

[214] You make it very hard for me to think about this stuff.

[215] I'm quite the ladies' man. The whole time I've worked for you, you've been in a lovely, healthy relationship of one person.

[216] What about this?

[217] True.

[218] Guilty.

[219] Yeah.

[220] Which is cool.

[221] That's cool.

[222] I throw down with anyone.

[223] You've seen me getting a few tussles in my day.

[224] I think that we always talk about the one fight you've been in.

[225] Which didn't go well.

[226] But that's also cool that you...

[227] Got beat up really quickly?

[228] You don't get into fights and stuff.

[229] You're not like...

[230] It's not to be square, man. Yeah.

[231] All right.

[232] I'm in a stable relationship and I've managed to avoid any kind of turbulence or violence.

[233] You're so square.

[234] There's no cooler guy in the whole wide world than Conan.

[235] When troubles around, he's home at sleep.

[236] His wife made vegetables.

[237] He's so appreciative.

[238] Conan O 'Brien.

[239] Hey, did you hear about the big trouble that happened downtown?

[240] Yeah, where was Conan?

[241] He was at home checking his cholesterol.

[242] Apparently, it's 185.

[243] Not bad for a man his age.

[244] Hey, did you hear what?

[245] Conan's up to it.

[246] What's he up to?

[247] He just read a book alongside his wife who was also reading a different book.

[248] Then what happened?

[249] They turned in early.

[250] Conan and Brian, you better watch out.

[251] If you're in his house, in his bedroom, you might run into him.

[252] That does sound pretty cool.

[253] You are cool.

[254] You are.

[255] Commissioner Gordon just put out the Conan signal.

[256] Did Conan show up?

[257] No. He was at home with the windows closed and the shades pulled down.

[258] don't like a breeze and interrupts my sleep patterns.

[259] You have a thousand leather jackets.

[260] That's cool.

[261] I do have a lot of leather coats.

[262] That's just because he cosplays as the Fonz.

[263] Yeah.

[264] I go to birthday parties for kids who don't even know who the Fons is and I cosplay as someone they don't know.

[265] I go, you watch Barry?

[266] You watch the acting teacher on Barry?

[267] Imagine him much younger in a leather jacket.

[268] And I'm the Fond.

[269] And then they escort me out of the birthday party.

[270] Which you weren't invited to in the first place.

[271] anyway.

[272] Sir, if you show up in another birthday party, you're in serious trouble.

[273] What are you talking to?

[274] Conan of the Fonz, hey.

[275] Okay, well, it's decided.

[276] I'm the coolest guy that ever was.

[277] Hey, my guest today has appeared in such TV.

[278] What's the opposite of second?

[279] There's never been a better time than now to change the subject.

[280] My guest today has appeared in such TV series as Fargo, Dexter, and Mad Men.

[281] Now you can see him in the new Peacock series, a friend of the family.

[282] He also produced a new documentary, Say Hey, Willie Mays, which is available on HBO Max on November 8th.

[283] Very excited.

[284] He's here today.

[285] Colin Hanks, welcome.

[286] You and I, and I'm not special because of this, but you and I've always gotten along very well.

[287] The first time I met you, I said to myself, I like the cut of this man's jib.

[288] A phrase you don't hear all the time.

[289] No. But then I realized, oh, you probably just get that a lot.

[290] You're a very lovely guy, your talented fellow.

[291] So I'm not in some special club for liking me some Colin Hanks.

[292] No, but I will say that you were always very kind to me because when we actually first met, I was just a super fan of your show and had gone to tapings.

[293] And I mean, I remember seeing you at the old late night show when you came out to L .A. Oh, you came to one of those when we traveled the show.

[294] When you traveled to L .A. I remember meeting you then.

[295] And you were incredibly kind and gracious and nice when you really truly did not have to be.

[296] I didn't want to be.

[297] I know.

[298] It was everything I could do.

[299] Because that's my gig.

[300] That's not yours.

[301] And then when I was in college, I really sort of took it as like, I felt like I had made it because I had been on your program before Andy left for the first time.

[302] He's left seven times.

[303] He's left seven times.

[304] Yeah, he always says, I'm out, and we always have a giant salute to him.

[305] And then he comes back.

[306] But it was such like a point of pride.

[307] Like I really did feel like, oh, wow, I'm officially like part of this thing, show business, whatever you want to call it.

[308] And so I think it's always just been a little bit of a mutual admiration society.

[309] Yeah, we get along real, real fine.

[310] But it's a really weird way to say that.

[311] I don't think so.

[312] I think what I'm talking to Colin, I slip into a certain vernacular that he and I understand.

[313] He's saying a cut of his jib and it's fine, like a knife.

[314] It's all, yeah.

[315] You get along, really, really fine.

[316] Yeah.

[317] It's just weird.

[318] Are you sure you guys aren't just close and he's not just a translator for you?

[319] I think that's probably it.

[320] Could be.

[321] Could be.

[322] I remember, and we were bringing this up, I was walking along the beach one day, as I do.

[323] It sounds like the beginning of a song.

[324] I was walking along the beach one day.

[325] And I saw you, and I was so excited because you had just been in the show Fargo.

[326] Yes.

[327] And I loved it.

[328] I was wary because I thought, this is one of my favorite movies.

[329] How is this going to be a TV show?

[330] And so I went on for about 15 minutes about how thrilled I was that you were in Fargo, how great you were, I loved your character, and I was looking forward to more, and you broke the news to me on the beach that, no, it all changes up after every year.

[331] And I swear to God, I was devastated.

[332] Because I really got, I don't know if other people have had this with Fargo, I'm sure they have.

[333] I've really liked different seasons, but I really liked that season and thought, oh, great, I'm on this journey, and I'm going to see Colin and these other terrific actors go forward.

[334] forward, and then they reshuffled the deck, and I was, I was frankly enraged.

[335] There was a, well, that was a brilliant lesson in show business is that I had waited, I think, seven years to, like, try and find, like, a program that was, like, as good as my hopes were.

[336] Yeah.

[337] And in that time, they created shows that only exist for one season.

[338] I know.

[339] But, you know, there was that era of showbush.

[340] business, which you and I know, Colin, I'm sure much older than you, but we both remember that era of show business where you get on a show and it clicks and everyone likes it.

[341] You're all set for seven years.

[342] Yeah.

[343] And then just at some point in the not too long ago, they changed it up.

[344] So it's like, did you like that?

[345] I really liked it.

[346] Good.

[347] It's gone.

[348] Because the streaming model and you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

[349] What are you talking?

[350] about.

[351] Can't we have more of those?

[352] And yet the the argument can easily be made that that's what makes those, you know, those seasons so good because there's a definite beginning, middle, and an end.

[353] Right.

[354] That's how I like my storytelling.

[355] That's not how I like my jobs.

[356] But that's how I like my storytelling.

[357] No, I like my jobs.

[358] It goes and goes and goes.

[359] You're all middle, man. I'm all middle.

[360] I don't like it.

[361] beginning.

[362] I just like, my career pretty much has been I got started in 1985, went right to the middle, and have stayed there.

[363] Yeah.

[364] And just found different parts of the middle to go to?

[365] Yeah.

[366] And people keep suggesting, you could probably move on now.

[367] You're over 80 to the, to the later part, like to the part where the bears find Goldilocks.

[368] And I'm like, no, no, no, I like the part where I'm still trying out the beds.

[369] Well, I mean, I think that's actually really one of the cool things about, like, your journey for lack of a better phrase.

[370] is that you've always seemed to be the one that goes towards the area that that tickles you the most.

[371] Yes.

[372] That keeps you as engaged as possible.

[373] I am very selfish.

[374] I just like to be happy.

[375] Well, but to be honest, like that actually makes everything else.

[376] It makes all the other components of show business worthwhile.

[377] You know, if you're not, trust me, if you're not digging it, it is a drag to, you you know, for everybody else.

[378] And that is, I think, one of the reasons why I think it's so fantastic that you've, like, created this space.

[379] Yeah.

[380] Because I thought, like, oh, man, I'm coming and I'm going to see Conan and it's going to be goarly and, like, four other people, and that's it.

[381] And it's going to, I don't know what the space is going to be like.

[382] This is a happening, I mean, you created a funhouse here.

[383] Yeah.

[384] The model was Hugh Hefner's Chicago home, his townhouse.

[385] Which explains your outfit.

[386] in 1965.

[387] It explains your outfit.

[388] I am wearing a beautiful robe right now.

[389] You know, people tell me that it was, it's not the right era anymore, and I don't see any evidence of that.

[390] No, not in the style and your misogyny.

[391] It's all, it's all still there.

[392] No, we found this space, which we talk about from time to time, but we found this space in Larchmont, which is this really nice, cool, happening area of L .A., and we built our little, I, I, I, wanted a peewee's playhouse.

[393] I wanted a bat cave.

[394] I wanted a place where now...

[395] I think of this more as your little like subterranean silence of the lambs well.

[396] Well, you just go through a dark place.

[397] Well, it's a dark room.

[398] You have been outside of this room, right?

[399] No, no. And also, to be fair, I haven't seen you in so long.

[400] To be fair to Gorley, there are fingernails embedded in the wall.

[401] Yeah, mine.

[402] You keep putting lotion on.

[403] Nobody knows why.

[404] I'm waiting for the basket to come down.

[405] I never asked you to put on lotion.

[406] That was your idea.

[407] Just give me a basket.

[408] This is a version of Salon to the Lamp where Gorley's at the bottom of the well and he keeps asking for more lotion.

[409] And the serial killer's like, what?

[410] Wait, wait, what?

[411] I put the lotion in the basket.

[412] You've never looked better in a kimono, though.

[413] I think it's very important to say.

[414] You should see me out of it.

[415] You're in the kimono.

[416] Oh, you will.

[417] I guess up in a robe.

[418] I'm curious because I do feel like there are ways in which we, overlap.

[419] You walked in today and I saw what you were wearing and that is the way, that is my default way of dressing.

[420] It is.

[421] It's the way that I like to dress.

[422] I remember seeing you on your show going like, he's biting my style.

[423] No, no, I, I, I, I, you know, you're wearing this very nice Levi's jean jacket and you've got the cool dark jeans and you got a nice shirt and you've got the cool boots and I'm like, yes, yes.

[424] This is the way I'm most comfortable.

[425] And then I'm remembering that, wait a minute, I think we both are freaks about certain things like typewriters.

[426] Yeah.

[427] Guitars.

[428] Yeah, yeah.

[429] We have similar sicknesses.

[430] Correct.

[431] Yes.

[432] That is correct.

[433] How many, do you collect guitars?

[434] I call, yeah.

[435] Well, no, I don't necessarily collect them, but I have collected them.

[436] Me too.

[437] So next thing I know I'm counting and it's like, oh, that's 10 guitars.

[438] That's more than just, you know, yeah.

[439] When you have more guitars than chords, you know, it's a problem.

[440] It took me a while and then I figured out that's the definition of when you have a problem.

[441] Like, you know, in AA, they have all these different ways of deciding, wait a minute, if you've consistently missed work because of drinking, then you are an alcoholic.

[442] They have these rules.

[443] That's my rule for guitars.

[444] Yeah.

[445] And that's true because I know about, yeah, nine courts.

[446] You only need nine.

[447] That's all you need.

[448] You only need three.

[449] You need three guitars in the truth, man. That's all you need.

[450] He's fighting fascism with that.

[451] Exactly.

[452] Yeah.

[453] No, I'm just, and I know that I fetishize typewriters to the point where Gourley recently I acquired, when I say a new typewriter, I mean a new old typewriter.

[454] And I dragged Matt upstairs in our offices here.

[455] I'm like, you got to see this.

[456] And I was sure he'd be into it and he wasn't.

[457] What are you talking about?

[458] You weren't because you're like, oh, I don't really type.

[459] Oh, that's nice.

[460] You're being nice.

[461] No, no, no. Hold on.

[462] No, no, no. That was a strange no. No, no. I'm furious.

[463] Oh, oh, oh, my Lord.

[464] That's furious?

[465] Quick, back up, back up, back up.

[466] He's about to blow.

[467] Look out.

[468] I was just trying to like show my kind of what a novice I was.

[469] I see.

[470] And I really thought that was a beautiful typewriter, which is to say also that you, you always get on me for that kind of thing and you are the king of those.

[471] Yes.

[472] Well, I always attack you.

[473] Yeah.

[474] For, and it's called, I've learned, projection.

[475] Right.

[476] I attack gorely for things which are my own flaws.

[477] Things maybe I loathe about myself.

[478] Maybe.

[479] And I just want to say for the record, it's not that I don't type, it's that I can't type.

[480] I don't know how to do the, I hunt and peck.

[481] So I was like admiring and going, wow, I wish I could type.

[482] I don't type.

[483] You know what I mean?

[484] You can still hunt and peck on a typewriter, though.

[485] There are plenty of people that just go one finger per hand and do it like that.

[486] In fact, more often than not, that's how I do it.

[487] Really?

[488] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[489] Okay.

[490] So it's really just more about getting into that rhythm.

[491] And then also, not caring if you mess up.

[492] So then you just sort of go, all right, backspace a little bit, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X. Or use whiteout.

[493] They have a whiteout pen.

[494] Anyway, I say the same thing I do with guitar, just one finger on each hand.

[495] There you go.

[496] Hey, listen, if you got the right tuning, that's all you need.

[497] Do you write letters to people?

[498] I do from time to time not as much as I would care to I do that I write letters to people I got a very nice letter from you type written about Fargo yeah and then I forget that I've done it and so sometimes people come up to me and go you slide dog and I don't remember that I sent them a letter and they'll go and that joke at the end about the Kaiser's helmet and I think I don't know what you're talking about I don't know what you're talking about the Kaiser's helmet that sounds like me though that sounds like something that I would say and you're just you're you're just a backward sleuth in that in that regard let's talk about your Twitter bio how you describe yourself possibly that guy from that one thing you think is way underrated that is such a great description I don't think it's justified but it's very funny I appreciate that well there there look there was a period where I derived a lot of joy from from social media.

[499] Not so much these days.

[500] But there was just something about that idea of like, how on earth would I like describe myself?

[501] Like, I don't know.

[502] And there's just, there's so many people that would tell me, like, pick the thing.

[503] It doesn't matter where they just go like, man, that's so underrated.

[504] So I just went, yeah, probably like, you know, the one guy that they remember from that thing that's way underrated.

[505] Like that just struck me as like, that's not too bad.

[506] Like, that's a good thing to aim for.

[507] It's so funny, because there was a time in my life in the 90s when people would come up to me and they'd say, I really like your show.

[508] And, you know, people get mad at me. People are like, what are you talking about?

[509] You know, the guy you replaced Letterman?

[510] What?

[511] And I, like, hold my crown.

[512] And I go, look, I'll give you that he's, you know, he's not easy on the eyes.

[513] And I'll give you.

[514] And I'm sitting there thinking, Please stop talking.

[515] Just stop, please.

[516] This is not going the way that you think that this is going.

[517] But for me, like, there's something to be said about, I never assume that anyone is going to actually know who the hell I am.

[518] And quite frankly, if they do, they probably don't even remember my name.

[519] I'm just someone else's, like, attachment, like, oh, you're so -and -so's son.

[520] Right.

[521] Okay.

[522] So that's fine.

[523] That's a whole other can of worms.

[524] But, like, the idea that someone could say, I saw you in something, I don't remember exactly what it is, but I remember it being good.

[525] That is like on, on like the meter of like, you never want someone to go, how do I know you?

[526] What's the, oh, it's the worst.

[527] Tell me what you've been in.

[528] Yeah.

[529] And you go, well, I was in this thing.

[530] No, not that.

[531] Well, I was in this other thing.

[532] No, definitely not that.

[533] Ooh, I saw that.

[534] Oh, you're not in that, are you?

[535] Oh, you're in fact.

[536] I take it all back.

[537] I got to go.

[538] I got to go.

[539] The idea that someone could say, I remember you from something I liked and you made an impression.

[540] That to me struck me as like, that's a good place.

[541] That's a good place to aim for.

[542] Right.

[543] Where they go, I believed you.

[544] Truly.

[545] Like, I believed you enough to go, oh, yeah, he was great in that one thing that I saw and I remember liking, but I don't remember what the name is.

[546] That to me struck me as like, that's the sweet spot that you want to be in.

[547] Yeah.

[548] No, I've, and I've been on the other end of it too where I've been talking to people that I idolize and I realized, cut it off.

[549] I mean, not in a professional interview setting, but I run into them.

[550] And I start to realize, I step outside myself and say, you're talking too much.

[551] You know, it doesn't get better than, oh, my God, you're one of my favorite.

[552] I was in New York recently when I was in a restaurant and I'm leaving and I said, see, oh my God, Al Pacino is in a corner sitting at a table.

[553] I mean, that's Al Pacino.

[554] Well, he was in the Godfather.

[555] I'm just assuming that you don't remember what it was that you saw.

[556] I had no idea.

[557] He was in the Godfather.

[558] He was also in a thing called sin of a woman, which a lot of people, a lot of, a lot.

[559] That's what I know him, bro.

[560] Yeah, there you go.

[561] But I saw him, and he like, suddenly, he sees me, he's motioning me over, and I'm like, wow.

[562] So I go over and he's like, carabins, good to see him.

[563] I'm like, wow, Mr. Pacino, this is fantastic.

[564] And then I'm talking and all I said like, look, you're this one of my favorite.

[565] And I've met him before casually, but I just want, I just have to say you're one of my favorite actors of all time.

[566] Appreciate it, appreciate it very much.

[567] And then I kept talking.

[568] And then I had just seen Serpico like two nights before.

[569] And there's a scene in Serpico where he's chasing someone from a robbery and he tackles him near a stairway and they both fall all the way down the stairs.

[570] And it's clearly it's, it's, it's Al Pacino falling all the way down the stairs.

[571] And I went, and then Serpico, Serpico and he's going, Oh, that's how yeah.

[572] And I went, and you fell down those stairs.

[573] Oh, no. And he's going, he's looking at me and kind of smiling and nodding.

[574] He fell down these stairs in 1974.

[575] And also, it is not a critical part of the movie.

[576] It's not important to the movie at all.

[577] It's just what I remember.

[578] And I'm like, you fell down those stairs.

[579] And he went, well, yeah, and I went, then I realized, get out, get out fast.

[580] you've ruined everything and I went well I've got to go and I kind of ran away and then weeks later I meet this person who was sitting at the table with him who's a film producer who said we saw you in New York and I went oh yeah yeah yeah and then you just you were talking in like mid -sentence you said got to go and ran away and Al Pacino was like what do you run away for?

[581] I wanted to tell you I was enjoying talking to him and I was like oh no and so I think I'm the first person maybe in 50 years who Al Pacino was talking to and I'm like, yeah, I'm out and ran away.

[582] You got in your head.

[583] I got in my head.

[584] I got in my head.

[585] One way I talked too much, you fell down those stairs.

[586] Yeah.

[587] What stairs is you fucked?

[588] What's you talking about?

[589] And then I got my head the other way and ran away.

[590] He's self -cock block, rudely.

[591] It's self -cock block.

[592] So when do you decide?

[593] You're clearly like, I'm of the belief that I meet someone I talked to them for a well and I think I know, they've always been this person.

[594] You've always been Colin.

[595] You're this funny, charismatic guy.

[596] When do you realize as a young man, as a kid, that, yeah, acting.

[597] I want to do that.

[598] I have a facility for that.

[599] That's what I'd like to do.

[600] And was there another option?

[601] Not a real legit other option.

[602] You know, maybe if I had learned that 10th guitar chord, then maybe the bands I had been in in high school and college would have worked out a little bit more.

[603] To be honest, it really just came down to, it was the most fun.

[604] Acting was the thing that I was drawn to the most.

[605] And when there was the least amount of pressure on me to enjoy it, that was when I enjoyed it the most.

[606] And, you know, there was a period there where it seemed like everyone was like, well, of course that's what you're going to do.

[607] And so, of course, there was that sort of like young man version of like, well, no, I'm not going to do that.

[608] I'm going to smoke hot all day and watch television instead.

[609] And that'll show you.

[610] Like there was no other like real option.

[611] But it really, and you know, this is the one thing I will sort of credit the old man with is he said like, look, you have to want to do this.

[612] If you don't really want this, then come up with something else.

[613] Like, because you will be miserable.

[614] And the truth of the matter is, is I enjoy.

[615] I enjoy what I do so much that when it's great, I don't want to do anything else.

[616] I've been on jobs where it's less than ideal.

[617] You know, it is way too hot.

[618] I am way too tired.

[619] It is physically exhausting.

[620] You're talking about pornography?

[621] Well, but I really enjoy that in the moment.

[622] Yeah, but this is what people don't know to stand up a pornography.

[623] There's a lot of standing and waiting around.

[624] There is.

[625] There's a lot.

[626] I'm sorry.

[627] There is.

[628] There are not stand -in.

[629] which the love actually movie really pushed a false narrative there.

[630] There are no stand -ins in pornography, so I'm told.

[631] Yeah.

[632] But it can be a very, very challenging job, like in the moment.

[633] Well, the reason, the space I was headed to was John Candy because I know that you are working with Ryan Reynolds.

[634] I'm working, yeah.

[635] So Ryan approached me about directing a John Candy documentary.

[636] Right.

[637] And I wanted to talk about this because John Candy was one of my comedy heroes.

[638] Yes.

[639] I grew up watching SCTV.

[640] But, you know, I really saw him on SCTV and was just enchanted with this guy.

[641] And I had the opportunity to spend some time with him when I was in college.

[642] Oh, wow.

[643] He taught me a lesson.

[644] He was everything I wanted John Candy to be in person.

[645] And, you know, sometimes that's not the case.

[646] You know, you meet people.

[647] A majority of times.

[648] A majority of times.

[649] You idolize someone.

[650] you think they're great and you meet them and they're not that person and it's not their fault.

[651] They're projecting something that we all like and then we want them to be that.

[652] He was that times 10.

[653] He was the John Candy that I was hoping he would be times 10 and he was great and I remembered talking to him pretty late at night having a chat with him and he asked me what I was thinking of doing and I said I might like to try comedy and he looked like through me into my eyes and he said he said kid a lot like Johnny LaRue like hey kid and he said kid you don't try comedy you do it because you have to and I walked away from that thinking he's right I mean if I'm in I'm all in there's no trying it and huh this isn't going this isn't working out I think I'll will take the LSAT instead you're like actually I will take this LSD and just make jokes instead Right, exactly.

[654] My God.

[655] What?

[656] The Alsatts?

[657] Were you going to be a lawyer?

[658] Lawyer?

[659] My fault, and it still is my fallback.

[660] Oh, okay.

[661] What kind of lawyer?

[662] Just whatever lawyer Kim Kardashian is, that's what I'm going to do.

[663] She's a lawyer, and I'm a lawyer.

[664] Don't give up on your secondary dream.

[665] Yeah.

[666] That's the most inspirational thing.

[667] Never give up on your fallback.

[668] You don't try to be a Kim Kardashian lawyer.

[669] You never stop checking that safety net.

[670] That's what Kim Kardashian would probably.

[671] to say to me. I said, you know, sometimes I think I might try being a lawyer.

[672] You don't try being a lawyer slash owner of the Spanx Empire.

[673] Or skims, skimms.

[674] Sorry, sorry, did I say?

[675] Yeah, it's skims.

[676] Are they different?

[677] Of course they're different.

[678] They're two completely different brand.

[679] But I mean, that's like Pepsi and Coke?

[680] Okay, okay.

[681] Everyone's on me. No, I'm asking.

[682] I made a mistake.

[683] I made a mistake.

[684] Is that like Pepsi and Coke?

[685] It is.

[686] It's two different brands of like, you know, getting it in.

[687] Is there Is there, hey, can I ask a quick question?

[688] Also, wow, did we just come up with a different term for pornography as well?

[689] Getting it in?

[690] What is the?

[691] Getting it in.

[692] Getting it right, getting it tight.

[693] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[694] Is there a. That's trademark that.

[695] Well, Erica Brown is always saying that.

[696] She works here and she pretty much runs everything here at the Conan Empire.

[697] And Erica Brown, who is the queen, she says get it right, get it tight.

[698] Yeah.

[699] My question is, is there a skims slash spanks?

[700] For men.

[701] I think there is.

[702] Yeah.

[703] There is.

[704] Because I would like that.

[705] It's just spanks.

[706] Oh, it's just me wearing.

[707] There's just male spanks.

[708] There's male spank.

[709] There's male skims.

[710] I'm sure there are.

[711] Yeah, I guess.

[712] I don't know.

[713] Gotta have those.

[714] Well, it's a little late now.

[715] It's a podcast.

[716] You don't need them now.

[717] I do.

[718] I know.

[719] There's some video here.

[720] I hate to break it to you, but there's some video.

[721] Oh, there is?

[722] Why do you say it so conspiratorily or kind of sexually?

[723] Well, because you know, I have those weighted blankets?

[724] Yeah.

[725] And it makes people feel the idea of me being held closely all day.

[726] Oh, you're just your posture right now.

[727] In my various areas.

[728] Oh, stop.

[729] Various areas.

[730] I'm not going to buy them for you.

[731] What's that?

[732] You have to go and do that yourself.

[733] I can't go.

[734] You have to go.

[735] You're my assistant.

[736] I'm not going to do that.

[737] You have to go and say, I'm here to buy some skim slash spanks for Conan O 'Brien.

[738] Hold on.

[739] We've got verification.

[740] No male skims yet.

[741] Oh.

[742] Hey, let's get this out to the Kardashians.

[743] No, no, no, no. Don't give it to the Kardashians.

[744] You create a brand.

[745] Oh, my God.

[746] You do lawyering and you do spanking.

[747] I have to mention this.

[748] I think we may have mentioned this before, but it just cracks me up.

[749] You know, there's a lot of celebrities out there.

[750] Ryan Reynolds won.

[751] He's got like an aviator gin, I believe.

[752] I've got a company called Hank's Kirchow.

[753] Okay.

[754] I'm a patron of your company.

[755] Yes.

[756] Not only that.

[757] My jacket is literally lined with a Hank's Kirchurcher.

[758] Oh, that's cool.

[759] That is a wonderful lining.

[760] See, there's got the little logo and everything.

[761] Hey, wait a minute.

[762] You know what I love?

[763] Did you want to sell handkerchiefs or did you have to because of the name hangs?

[764] I wanted to sell.

[765] And what were the other options?

[766] I wanted to sell, I wanted to sell kerchiefs.

[767] And then as I was sitting there about four minutes after I thought of the idea, I burst out laughing because I thought of the name.

[768] And so many people, there was one group of people that were like, no, you really shouldn't do that.

[769] that that's hard to pronounce.

[770] And I said, it's easy.

[771] Hank's kerchiefs.

[772] And they're like, no, people are going to think it's Hank's kerchiefs.

[773] And I'm like, you just said it.

[774] Not a problem.

[775] Yeah, that's not a problem.

[776] So, because I did know that you were saying, and I thought that you didn't want to, but because it fits your name.

[777] I just had to.

[778] I'd be like you're going, you have to do O 'Brien's potatoes.

[779] I do.

[780] Yeah, whatever, you know, yeah.

[781] You want to know what?

[782] O 'Brien's potatoes.

[783] Do you like potatoes?

[784] Cornon, no, I can't have them.

[785] They make me that of you.

[786] So, no. You eat so many potatoes and then you need your special Conan O 'Brien Spanx.

[787] Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[788] Well, anyway.

[789] Market demand.

[790] Why don't you do Spanx, but just call them straight up Hanks?

[791] Yes!

[792] Mm, there you go.

[793] Listen, I will invest in the company.

[794] Okay.

[795] I think that you are the frontman for the, we call them Hanks.

[796] and it is male Spanx They can't sue you because that's your name You've got that your entire life That is true And I will be an investor I also want to be in on the design Great I have a lot of ideas about where it should hug and hold Okay All the areas I have people getting bummed out Because you say it in such a creepy way And you hear you Yeah I'm empowering myself to talk about my body Yeah I don't like the way you see it You don't understand When you say it We are then forced to think about it.

[797] You know what I mean?

[798] And visualize it.

[799] Mm -hmm.

[800] You can just see.

[801] I'm visualizing it and I'm telling you, we're doing this.

[802] No. We're doing it.

[803] Thanks.

[804] We're doing it.

[805] We can't release this podcast until we've, you know.

[806] Oh, press me. This was never going to be released.

[807] Okay, good.

[808] Yeah, yeah.

[809] I mean, we got off to such a bad start and you made these weird, crazy political statements early on.

[810] Yeah.

[811] And then you said some religious stuff.

[812] So this can't go out.

[813] No. Excited?

[814] That that is the case?

[815] Excited?

[816] That that is.

[817] the case.

[818] But anyway, back to what we were saying, I'm so glad that you're doing this documentary on John Kennedy because he was important to me. And you should, I mean, I'm sure you're going to, but people like Marty Short, they have great stories.

[819] Oh, all.

[820] I mean, all of them.

[821] I'm actually most excited about the ability to be able to talk to as many people that John worked with and was close with because everybody sort of feels the same.

[822] Yeah.

[823] There's not, there's not really anybody who goes, that son of a bitch.

[824] And he was just so great in everything.

[825] And what makes it so tragic is that, well, I mean, there's a lot of things that make it tragic.

[826] But like, he really was on the cusp, I think, of becoming like a really beloved dramatic actor.

[827] And I think he was like one role away from that actually really becoming the case.

[828] Because the blueprint is all there.

[829] He did a sketch, he was in a sketch, an SCTV sketch.

[830] It's one of, it seared my brain.

[831] It seared my brain.

[832] There was a sketch, it was a promo for a television show, a Western called Yellowbelly.

[833] And John Candy plays Yellow Belly.

[834] And the whole song is, he's such a coward.

[835] It's like Yellow Belly, the coward.

[836] And he's, so he's dressed as this sort of cavalry soldier.

[837] And he's shaking and quaking and he's afraid.

[838] And he's walking down the street.

[839] And a woman and her daughter, like wearing bonnets walk by.

[840] The daughter, I think, I'm getting this wrong, I'm sure, but what I remember is the daughter sort of whispering to the mom like, mom, who is that man?

[841] And she goes, shunny, it's yellow belly.

[842] And John Candy turns and shoots them both in the back.

[843] Oh, my God.

[844] It's, I was watching that.

[845] I was watching that with my brothers in, I don't know, 1977 in Rhode Island, in Miss Quamacut, Rhode Island at my grandfather's huddled around a black and white TV and my mind exploded through my skull that you could do that.

[846] And then the song goes, Yellow Belly!

[847] I was like, your Hulk and the Gamera's origin story.

[848] Seriously, no, I mean, that, the idea was so wrong and so funny and he was so good in it.

[849] And so when I finally got to meet him, I just said, I'm sorry, yellow bell.

[850] And he was like, chuckled about Yellow Bell.

[851] Oh, that's amazing.

[852] Well, I'd love to talk with you for the doc.

[853] I make no promises that you'll make the cut.

[854] As long as you meet my fee.

[855] Yes, I'll meet your fee.

[856] I will, all the brown M &Ms, I've read the contract.

[857] I've read the contract.

[858] Well, I'm excited because honestly, like the majority, the documentaries that I've directed have all been sort of music focused.

[859] What are the bands that just blow your mind that?

[860] What's your go -to these days?

[861] Go -to these, well, Queens of the Stone Age is always sort of like the primary one for me just because there's so, there's no one else like them.

[862] I didn't realize, I mean, I realized it at the time.

[863] I didn't take it for granted, but for, you know, almost 30 years, I had this steady stream of bands being, you know, I'd show up to work and I'd be like, who are these guys?

[864] Their name's Green Day.

[865] Well, we'll see if I make it, you know.

[866] And they would perform eight feet from me, and then I'd walk over and thank them.

[867] and I get to see them at rehearsal, but so many bands would come in and they were brought in every day that I didn't have to go out looking for music.

[868] Yeah.

[869] And then in the last year or so, I noticed what's going on?

[870] Something's missing.

[871] Like something primal and important is missing from my life.

[872] And my wife said, well, you really don't talk to the children.

[873] I said, that's not it.

[874] They don't want to talk to your room.

[875] They don't want to talk to you.

[876] They're old enough.

[877] They don't want anything.

[878] They just want my money.

[879] So, anyway, marriage isn't going well.

[880] You do you spit it out.

[881] I don't get an actual spit tape.

[882] That's good.

[883] God, I hate to give you that.

[884] But no, I totally understand what you're saying because you were in a position where your job, right, You were in an environment that was actually nurturing of musicians, and you were able to soak that up as much as they were able to soak it up.

[885] Oh, I was just in heaven, but what I did do, my daughter is, who's just turned 19, but when she was 18, she loves music, and she's a musician, and she said, she really wanted to go to Coachella.

[886] She said, you want to come along?

[887] And I said, yes, I'll go to Coachella.

[888] and it was such an eye -opening experience for me because I didn't know a bunch of the bands and she educated me. She said, okay, here are all the bands we could listen to.

[889] Oh, that's great.

[890] And so she played for me all this different music and I'd be like, wait, who are these people?

[891] She said, well, that's, you know, Japanese breakfast.

[892] And I was like, wow, they're really great.

[893] Well, we're going to go see them then.

[894] And then she'd play another band and another band.

[895] And so it was, I saw some people that I knew of course or people that I had heard of but I saw a lot of music you're standing there with a lot of other people most of them barely clothed were you also wearing like a Native American headdress and skimpy clothing because that's what I understand this is the one time I didn't do that I was wearing a spanks yeah I was no it was it was the amount of near nudity that I saw was and you do start to feel like a librarian like Oh, maybe they should try clothing.

[896] You know, like, take it easy, old man. So I didn't want to be that guy.

[897] You know what I mean?

[898] I wanted to, so I was like, oh, look, you know, there's someone's ass.

[899] But that's cool.

[900] Why would you say that even?

[901] Did you say that?

[902] I did.

[903] Oh, geez.

[904] Hey, there's an ass.

[905] No. Wait, that's not what I do?

[906] Don't do those things either.

[907] No, don't say that.

[908] You're not supposed to do that.

[909] Have you gone to Coachella?

[910] I have.

[911] I haven't gone to Coachella in a very long time, though.

[912] I hate to admit it.

[913] I mean, I remember going, there was a good stretch there when I went pretty much every year.

[914] I think you and I are going together.

[915] Ooh.

[916] What if we went together?

[917] Let's.

[918] Let's.

[919] I'm in.

[920] Great.

[921] Are you coming to, Blay?

[922] No, he's just going to film it.

[923] I mean, he'll be there, but he's just going to film it.

[924] Can you monetize it?

[925] No, my phone's totally charged, guys.

[926] I'm definitely filming you doing all of this stuff.

[927] Yeah, we're saying there's selfies, but they're taken from 60 feet away.

[928] Yeah, exactly.

[929] And then we have to fake that I have really long arms.

[930] But like, I mean, concerts in general and festivals, like I love going to shows.

[931] Like, that was one of the things that I really, that really did me in with the pandemic is like taking like live music and concerts away.

[932] And like that was soul crushing for me for those two, two years, three, how many years?

[933] I don't even remember.

[934] 18 years.

[935] Nobody knows.

[936] 18 years.

[937] I don't even knows anymore, but I will say this.

[938] And it made me sad, but...

[939] I really wanted to bring it down.

[940] Yeah, being...

[941] Well, I was going to mention the crash of the Hindenburg, so we each have...

[942] But you beat me to it with...

[943] That's my...

[944] That's my go -to for, you know.

[945] It was about to dock successfully in Leichurst.

[946] With an explode in flames!

[947] Come on, man!

[948] Wait, what are we talking about?

[949] No. But I...

[950] I didn't know it was about to dock.

[951] Yeah.

[952] Oh, yeah.

[953] Oh, man. It was just about to dock.

[954] Yeah.

[955] It was so close.

[956] Yeah.

[957] That's the tragedy of it.

[958] That's it.

[959] It made it all the way.

[960] Yeah, it made it all the way and it was just docking when all of a sudden, you know, maybe static electricity.

[961] I didn't know that.

[962] Yeah, oh yeah.

[963] That sucks.

[964] You're so close.

[965] Wait a minute.

[966] You think it sucks now.

[967] Sonomovsessian on the crash of the Hindenburg.

[968] That sucks.

[969] They were so close.

[970] Prior to this, were you like, yeah, no big deal.

[971] They had it coming?

[972] I don't know.

[973] I thought it was just like, we're on their way and then oh man but no it's like titanic was like halfway they were on their way and oh man yeah you know most accidents happen within five blocks of the home yeah that is that makes it worse you're just so close yeah most it's statistically most accidents happen within several feet of the dirigible landing spot that's statistically true no we'll uh we'll go together we'll go together and watch and, you know, but it's one of the things I was going to mention that made me sad is that during the pandemic, young people that I'd be talking to would say, oh, I guess I'll never see a concert again.

[974] And they would mean it.

[975] Oh, yeah.

[976] Now, because.

[977] Maybe they're not comfortable, like, you know, going in a mosh pit anymore.

[978] Like, you know.

[979] I think we're going to go right back to what we were doing.

[980] Okay.

[981] Exactly.

[982] Yeah.

[983] I mean, adults had a similar thing.

[984] It was just like, well, I guess we'll never use the valet again.

[985] just bitter that they had to find parking.

[986] Now it's my turn to say that sucks.

[987] No, I got to park this car.

[988] The Hindenberg sucks.

[989] And no one else is parking my tricked out Bugatti.

[990] It's the same.

[991] Yeah, that's what I drive around.

[992] I got to park three blocks away now.

[993] Great.

[994] I got a Bugatti and I had seven different hood ornaments put on the front, one on top of the other, all Hindenburgs.

[995] and a Kaiser's helmet I want to make sure I ask you about this role first of all I mean there's a bunch of things to me I'm so glad that you're doing this project about Willie Mays because that blows my mind and I can't wait when is that going to be available?

[996] That's going to be out on HBO the beginning of November okay yeah okay so it's coming yeah it'll be out next week you're also you're playing a very dark role in friend of the family.

[997] Well, yeah, a dark show, yeah, for sure.

[998] Absolutely.

[999] Yeah, that's not an easy one.

[1000] I've heard of this story, and I just wanted to mention it quickly, because it's a story that I found absolutely insane and impossible, and it's true.

[1001] Yeah, it's completely insane, and it is 100 % true.

[1002] But yeah, there was a documentary about this family that was on Netflix a few years ago called Abducted in Plainside, but the show is about Broberg family, whose daughter was kidnapped twice by a very close family friend.

[1003] By a friend of the family who's hung out with him and spent a lot of time with them.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] And he was a master manipulator, blackmailer, and pedophile.

[1006] And he groomed not only the daughter, but both of the parents separately.

[1007] Yes.

[1008] And blackmailed them.

[1009] It's an unbelievable story.

[1010] And you're...

[1011] The father.

[1012] I play the father of, of, I play Bob Roberg, the father of Jan Broberg, who was abducted.

[1013] And who is playing?

[1014] Jake Lacey.

[1015] Jake Lacey, okay.

[1016] Who is.

[1017] That is a dark role.

[1018] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1019] It's really heavy stuff.

[1020] It's really, really dark stuff.

[1021] There are so many times, it happens 15 times a day where I say, that's why I'm not an actor.

[1022] Seriously, I'm just always blown away by people that can, that can inhabit a role like that and explore that kind of darkness or just you could play a serial killer yeah yeah I mean you've got the look because that I know you've got the look yeah got the BD eyes you've got it no I look I've killed and I'll kill again so that's something I know but but there's so many times where I see I I'm not one of those people who thinks acting now looks easy I've I'm totally in awe of actors because I think I don't have that.

[1023] I don't have that thing.

[1024] I don't know how people do that.

[1025] Well, it's hard because, I mean, this actually sort of goes into what we were talking about earlier.

[1026] Like, I would much rather keep things light and easy and fun.

[1027] And so, like, if there's a comedy to be had, like, all in, can't wait, like, sign me up because I just want to be able to laugh as much as humanly possible throughout the course of the day.

[1028] But, like, this thing was so dark.

[1029] I mean, it's hands down the most like challenging thing that I've ever been a part of.

[1030] Sure.

[1031] And like, I mean, my head is shaved.

[1032] I'm wearing glad.

[1033] Like I did everything I could to not look like myself.

[1034] Right.

[1035] Just because I was so intimidated by what it was that we were trying to do.

[1036] But I really took it as like a mission to go like, okay, this is going to be hard.

[1037] This is going to be challenging and difficult.

[1038] And there are going to be a lot of days where you're not going to want to go to work, and there's going to be a lot of days where you go, get me the fuck home as soon as possible.

[1039] But I really tried to do everything I could to go, that's make -believe, because I always say, look, my job is to wear make -believe and pretend to be other people.

[1040] So I'm going to wear make -believe.

[1041] I'm going to pretend to be Bob Roberg for the day.

[1042] And then when that camera is not on, we are trying to keep things light and accessible and easy so that this is not a miserable place to work every single day.

[1043] It helped that we had kids around so that we actually had to do that in order to sort of shelter them.

[1044] But, like, I mean, we had this, like, actors holding area where it's just the, you know, when they're setting up shots, they've got to put the actors somewhere.

[1045] So they can't just throw us into a room and lock us in it.

[1046] So they call it actors holding, you know, although there's not a fence.

[1047] They could lock you in something.

[1048] Actors can't pick a lock to save them.

[1049] You're a lot.

[1050] And some of us should be locked up.

[1051] But like we, all of a sudden, I just felt the urge to just have something else to do on set that was just silly and creative.

[1052] So we just started designing like a fake tiki bar within our actors holding.

[1053] And so I got mirror balls and Christmas lights and I was telling the kids like, bring whatever you want.

[1054] Like everything goes up on the wall, like anything we can do.

[1055] So that when we are on the stages, it's a fun environment, a fun place to be.

[1056] I had an 11 -hour playlist of tiki music and Hawaiian music.

[1057] Wow.

[1058] I can forward it to you if you want.

[1059] I'm good.

[1060] Okay.

[1061] All right.

[1062] Sorry.

[1063] It turns out.

[1064] I'm sorry.

[1065] Teaky music.

[1066] Turns out very, very picky when it comes to his music.

[1067] Noted.

[1068] Excited?

[1069] No. So.

[1070] But we had like, I just put everything.

[1071] I could to make it look like a cheesy, fun environment.

[1072] And so that when we were on the stages, that was where we were hanging.

[1073] And then when we went actually onto the set, that was where we would do our work.

[1074] And then we would get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

[1075] And that ended up, thankfully, being kind of the way everyone, like, wanted to work as well.

[1076] Good.

[1077] And it made that experience so much better.

[1078] and I think it made it possible for me to do all the really dark stuff that I had to do.

[1079] So it was, yeah, blast to make.

[1080] I don't know what it's going to be like to watch.

[1081] Enjoy nine hours.

[1082] Nine hours of how the hell did this happen?

[1083] Why?

[1084] Why?

[1085] Well, we'll show you for the next 50 minutes.

[1086] Well, it has been a delight.

[1087] Speaking with you, I always enjoy.

[1088] my time with you.

[1089] You're a fine gentleman.

[1090] Thank you, sir.

[1091] You are.

[1092] I appreciate it.

[1093] And I may have to write you another letter now.

[1094] Okay.

[1095] Thank you for.

[1096] Okay.

[1097] Do I don't know if I have your current address.

[1098] I'll give it to you.

[1099] You will constantly move as if you're up to no good.

[1100] I will.

[1101] Or just avoiding my letters.

[1102] That's, there is.

[1103] Got another letter.

[1104] We got a move again.

[1105] There is.

[1106] He knows where we live.

[1107] There's that new, I don't know if it's Netflix or what it's, it's called The Watcher about the house and they get these letters I think that's the effect that people have when they get a letter from me but my letter is just you know hey Colin and Colin goes back and says we've got to move Conan knows where we are Honey we got another letter from Conan quick but bring out the boxes this is my Olivetti from 1971 and anyway I just thought that I'm so cool talking to you get out get out of the house where's my gun The letter is coming from inside the house.

[1108] Hey, thanks a lot for being here, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

[1109] Hey, this is an incredible treat.

[1110] I am sitting here with one of my all -time heroes and good friend.

[1111] Lucky me, Mr. Dana Carvey.

[1112] Dana Carvey is here.

[1113] Colonel, O 'Brien, my favorite.

[1114] Very good friend.

[1115] You didn't say favorite what?

[1116] Hero.

[1117] Favorite.

[1118] If you have a tough steak at a restaurant and you can't cut through it, and you need it in little pieces, you are hell on wheels with a steak knife.

[1119] I am very good with a steak knife.

[1120] You put it in nice, tasty pieces.

[1121] Not favorite comedian, not favorite humorist, favorite steak cutter.

[1122] Favorite human across a desk.

[1123] Conan, the all -time great.

[1124] I'm excited because you have a new venture.

[1125] Yes.

[1126] And I'm thrilled to be part of it because you have created a podcast for the Team Coco, network.

[1127] I have partnered with Team Coco.

[1128] Yes.

[1129] And, uh, for business partners.

[1130] I love this idea.

[1131] You pitched me this idea once.

[1132] I think not even thinking necessarily this would be a show.

[1133] This was something you were, you were, you and your sons were screwing around and having fun, making kind of a very weird funny Twilight Zone, a scripted podcast, and you were telling it to me and I couldn't stop laughing.

[1134] I really loved it.

[1135] It's really funny.

[1136] And it's called the weird place.

[1137] The weird place.

[1138] Yes.

[1139] We just love the Twilight Zone.

[1140] And we had an idea that we took the Netflix called The Creepy Box, but just it was, you know, it's either the weird place.

[1141] But we wanted to bring back to Twilight Zone.

[1142] We loved it.

[1143] And we'd seen different incarnations, you know, I think it's called the Black Mirror, which is kind of a work of genius.

[1144] But it's so dark.

[1145] And we wanted, we really, romantically wanted to bring it back and have it be kind of retro.

[1146] It has a darkness to it, but there's sort of a positivity about it.

[1147] So we decided to do a, a twilight.

[1148] Twilight Zone type show.

[1149] Right, narrated by, of course, Twilight Zone was narrated by Rod Serling.

[1150] You are the Rod Serling, the great Rod Serling.

[1151] And it'd be like, you know, I don't do a Rod Serling, but imagine a, you know.

[1152] Yeah, picture, if you will.

[1153] Yeah, picture.

[1154] A man alone on a pirate ship in the middle of the Atlantic.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] You know, and then we put effects on it.

[1157] Basically, it's storytelling.

[1158] I think in a way, because scripted podcast makes everyone go, what?

[1159] You know, they don't get it.

[1160] So I think it's kind of like an audio, audio short films or short television episodes.

[1161] But Rod is back in this.

[1162] And the voice is back.

[1163] The gravitas is back.

[1164] He's a perfect straight line for comedy.

[1165] Well, also, this is a great use of your talents because you have such a great visual mind as a comedian.

[1166] And you can do all these voices.

[1167] So you create these stories, these bizarre stories.

[1168] And, you know, just the ones I've heard.

[1169] have been a joy.

[1170] It's out right now, by the way.

[1171] Let me point out to you can get the weird place.

[1172] Yeah, wherever you get your podcast, get the weird place because they're available and they're really funny.

[1173] But what are some of your favorite episodes so far?

[1174] My son came up with an idea of a man touches globe and it affects the natural world.

[1175] Meaning if a guy has a globe and if he touches it, a giant finger comes out of the sky in that part of the world and crushes thing.

[1176] Yes.

[1177] Or if he flicked the ocean, there'd be a tidal wave, that kind of power.

[1178] I started thinking about the character for that and for some reason, because the person who gets it becomes power mad.

[1179] Yes.

[1180] So I thought of the Invisible Man, which I love the 1933 version, where Claude Raines actually got nominated for Academy Award and he's mostly invisible.

[1181] But I love his voice.

[1182] And then it's the power, the power to rule, the power to rule the world.

[1183] You must see.

[1184] And then And he has an ingenue who's very innocent Dolores who loves him.

[1185] No, Claude, no, you can't.

[1186] And it's a two -parter.

[1187] And we have just, I'm having so much fun.

[1188] Love doing it so much and riffing these characters out.

[1189] And working with my sons closely like that.

[1190] As you know, writing a lot of time is just in the moment at the table.

[1191] Yep.

[1192] It's not always at a typewriter.

[1193] And then he went here and there.

[1194] It's just the guy in the room and Conan would be one of the best ever at that.

[1195] It's just like, oh, let's go that way or let's do this.

[1196] Or in this one called Mario is my dad, my son goes, hey, you should go on the game, you know.

[1197] So it's you going into the game.

[1198] Yeah, well, a son's dad, talks like this.

[1199] It makes sounds like Mario Brothers.

[1200] Bring, bring.

[1201] I like to get a Coca -Cola.

[1202] It's very silly.

[1203] But he comes up with notions like that.

[1204] So it's really satisfying to work with him.

[1205] I sing in one as a character called Mr. Willoughby, which is sort of an architect.

[1206] Well, tell me about Mr. Willoughby.

[1207] Mr. Willoughby is someone who's kind of created for magic.

[1208] He's a mystical character in the weird place and in the episode, Man Touches Club.

[1209] And he has people come into this fantasy store that can appear or not appear.

[1210] It's a knick -knack and oddity store.

[1211] And he sings a little song when you come in.

[1212] And he makes dreams come true.

[1213] So he's got like almost a Willy Wonka quality.

[1214] I did sort of an Ed Wynn kind of guy, knockoff.

[1215] Right.

[1216] Welcome to the Audit.

[1217] a knick -knack store.

[1218] Would you like an oddity or a knick -knack?

[1219] And he's the one who has the band Get the Globe who goes through this supernatural journey like it's a wonderful life.

[1220] But this is what I like.

[1221] Like, say, it's like a twisted comedy version of Black Mirror because what you, and Twilight Zone, this allows you to riff.

[1222] You know, what comedians and comedy writers and performers all talk about is when we get in a room, we riff.

[1223] There's no idea that can't fit in this world.

[1224] I love about it and there's unlimited characters for me to do or anyone else to do so yeah I get to do a lot of very fun characters in the pirate episode I play a genius from 1738 whose name is Smarty Wiggins Of course you do based on a friend of my mother -in -law's from Ireland and he taught of talks like this and I have ideas about this I've invented a new thing what is it I call it radar So when I get lost...

[1225] Does anyone know what he's talking about?

[1226] They do.

[1227] I mean, he's kind of a genius.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] You know, so he figures out that the...

[1230] It's a submarine that goes back in time, a nuclear submarine meets up with these pirates.

[1231] And they're trying to figure out what the hell is going on and Smarty figures out that the...

[1232] The craft they're seeing is a nuclear submarine.

[1233] He puts it together.

[1234] But they call it an iron whale.

[1235] They don't get it.

[1236] He came in an iron whale from beneath the sea.

[1237] He figures it out by the zippers.

[1238] Because I look all this stuff.

[1239] up.

[1240] Zippers were not invented until after 1738.

[1241] It's obvious they are from the future.

[1242] Instead of buttons, they fasten their trousers with interlocking metal teeth.

[1243] So the guy from the 1960 submarine cap, you think we're from the future because our pants have zippers?

[1244] So that kind of stuff.

[1245] Not that we have a nuclear submarine.

[1246] Yeah.

[1247] But when they meet, they meet the pirates.

[1248] They assume they're hippies on dope pretending to be pirates.

[1249] You know, they're hippies.

[1250] his own dope.

[1251] You know what I love is when you were first messing around with this, just for fun.

[1252] Yeah.

[1253] I think the best thing has come out of just joy and fun.

[1254] You were doing these just for fun with your sons, and you were sending them to me. Yeah, little segments.

[1255] Yeah, and I would be, I don't know, I'd be driving around somewhere, I'd be doing something, I'd be making a smoothie, and then bang, and I'd look down, and you would send me a new short, 10 -minute episode of the weird place that you guys had just made for fun and I would listen to it and just have a blast.

[1256] That's the whole idea.

[1257] And the joy of it and the positivity of it, I feel like if anybody's laying around in their room or driving their car or going to the gym, this is something that I'm hoping that they'll listen to more than once because every moment is thought out very, very carefully, every single second of it we want to be satisfied.

[1258] And it is one of those things for me to get clarity.

[1259] Like, if I had $12 billion, I would be doing the weird place.

[1260] I know, I know.

[1261] It's the most satisfying creative thing I think I've ever done.

[1262] Wow.

[1263] That's fantastic.

[1264] Yeah, because I'm able to put empathy and pathos in it at given moments.

[1265] Not too heavy -handed, but I want it to have an innocence to it.

[1266] And this is pre -Ted Lasso, you know.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] I felt starved for the old Twilight Zone.

[1269] Sure.

[1270] Starved for it.

[1271] And my sons as well, so we're just, we just love it.

[1272] Just love doing it.

[1273] It's very hard work.

[1274] I have to say.

[1275] Well, it shows.

[1276] It's a joy to listen to.

[1277] The Weird Place is out now.

[1278] Listen wherever you get your podcast.

[1279] Dana Carvey, thank you.

[1280] Thank you.

[1281] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[1282] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.

[1283] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1284] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1285] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1286] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1287] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1288] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1289] Engineering by Will Bechtin, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[1290] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1291] Got a question for Conan?

[1292] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821, and leave a message It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1293] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1294] This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.